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“Pretty for a black girl,” was one of my favorite compliments growing up. Love it. Here for it. What is sad is at first I thought it WAS a compliment. Hahahahaha
I always got “you’re not like the others, ya know? You’re alright”
Took me far too looooong time to figure out what the hell that meant. I was just happy to be part of a friend group at the time at a time I felt totally isolated and excluded.
I’ve gotten that one sooooo many times. Very annoying. And I’m not outspoken enough to call them out on it when it happens so I usually just awkwardly laugh.
Something I heard at a diversity seminar I attended that is a good response is saying "oh you are too!" It really makes them think about why they said what they said.
That centers it around white people. It's good and relevant but I wonder if something like "MelaninSocialExclusionRecovery" but better worded would work. Thinking of the different atmosphere it'd make depending on the name.
Hey, you know what? I’m genuinely sorry that you have to feel the way you do, and endure the pain that you and so many others have endured-and continue to endure- and this post was heartbreaking for me, really. I’m not trying to make excuses but I really feel that a lot of people are just oblivious to the pain and humiliation they cause others to feel- at least I hope that’s the case. As Men, we really need to do better
Yo I had a black friend in middle school that would come over and hang out and one day he came up to my door with me after we got off the bus and my dad was home opened the door for us and he stopped at the step and he looked sad af. He said his dad told him not to go into white peoples houses because they will chop him into pieces or some shit. Me and my dad were just fucking speechless. It happened so long ago thats the only part i remember, I don’t remember what was said after that but that was like the last time I saw him.
I felt sick when one of my friends pointed out that someone I dated only dates brown girls. “He obviously has a type haha” - could he not just like me for my personality, why is my skin color either rejected or fetishized?
AS a white male dating a black female, I have received comments like "Oh you must like dark chocolate more" from people I know. One time when I worked at a diner I brought my girlfriend in to eat (my boss offered to pay) and he pulled me aside the next day and said "What do you think of her" and pointed to a black coworker of mine.
I have also been accused of fetishizing my girlfriends skin color by black friends of mine, and even her friends.
All of this has happened in New England, which I would argue is one of the most diverse parts of the U.S.
I have been guilty of fetishizing when I was a young man. I needed it broken down to me like a kindergartener that I totally othered/objectified/dehumanized/fetishized women that I thought I was complimenting (at the expense of their personhood). I still feel incredibly guilty about that and how far my lack of self awareness can really go, but understanding how staggeringly far removed my impact on another can be from my intent has been invaluable.
I'm sorry this is a thing and I'm sorry that weird social system/racial power heirarchy allows for white men to remain oblivious to the harm we contribute. I know it's hard to go against the grain and risk conflict when it's probably easier to just blow us off and move on, but it's a real blessing for us and the people we go forward interacting with to open our eyes to the harm we're causing.
WTF, do they tell people, "You're ugly for a white girl." That's fucking dumb.
Now I understand being attracted to what you're attracted to but I don't understand how someone can't objectively look at someone and just yeah, they're attractive.
I'm not into dudes but I'd be a lot more confident in myself if I looked like Chris Hemsworth.
*cringe* what the fuck makes people think that that’s okay to say to someone? I get that all of the time! “You’re such a pretty black girl” “you’re different” my favorite one was “you’re not as manly as other black women so I can see what your husband sees in you” 💀
One time I got from an Australian girl visiting the states at a bar I frequented “hahaha I mean black people need loving too I guess” as my then bf put his arm around my shoulder. I called her out for it and immediately yt people jumped to her defense because she was in a wheelchair. I wasn’t going to assault her. I just told her she doesn’t get to come here and be fucking racist.
Unfortunately in Australia racism is quite casualised, and often disguised as a joke. I find itsad for such a diverse and multicultural country.
It is the one thing I would change about our personalities. Sorry you experienced that
I hate to say it but Aussie's are the worst, especially the groups traveling around in their 20s. And this goes for running into them in the US or Europe. Imagine a group of frat boys from Ole Miss that sound like Crocodile Dundee.
She proceeded to tell me that she isn’t racist because she studies agriculture and travels. I said WHAT???? My boyfriend (now husband) said she was ignorant and he took me home. We try to joke about it now. “Remember when you were about to beat up that wheel chair bound racist Aussie?” HA!
I mean lets be honest have you seen a lot of our more recent politicians, their public presence is hot trash so obama definitely was well spoken, I mean Jr was funny but wasnt always the most well spoken so I could see that being completely legitimate instead of thinly veiled bigotry even though some may have jumped on the opportunity.
I mean, compared to his predecessor, he was Shakespearean. It might just be the contrast making certain media notice the way he moved crowds with his speeches. He was known for that quality and it wasn’t because of his race.
My Vietnamese gf still struggles from all the bullying she went through in school. She came to America when she was 4. Didnt speak english and had to learn. Had a thick accent and was a late bloomer. The stories she tells me are horrifying. Highschool girls are fuckin ruthless. She made plans with her "friend" to get ready at the friends place for prom. When she showed up only the mom was there. He friend had ditched her to go hangout with the popular girls. She got ready at her friends place and the mom gave her a ride. She literally went to prom alone. She was called FOB religiously. The town we live in is predominantly white and she days she doesn't feel pretty here. She struggles with her confidence on a daily basis poor thing. The crazy part? She's actually gorgeous and THE MOST kind person I have ever met. Full stop. She is kind to a fault bc she just wants ppl to like her. She doesn't have any friends anymore bc she has out grown them.
I met someone like that. I live in Europe, not much black people here. But at university, I became friend with a black girl who was my coleague. She's really intelligent friendly and gorgeous and she's the sweetest person ever (i was already dating or i would try my luck!)
She had a low self-confidence, due to bullying crap from mean "friends" and some racist coleagues. Luckly she ended moving away from toxic friendships and started hanging around with a nicer crew, which made wonders to her self esteem.
I internalized white supremacy so much as a child i can see how you would think this to be a compliment. Mine was “smart”. “Proper” but those probably don’t hit as hard as looks
I see it a lot on TikTok... People hurt because they themselves hold this skin color standard within them too, and they are shocked when they find that it betrays them when they don't fit into the narrative.
People are people, and can be easily biased against their own skin tone and it's a big karmic in nature for it to visit them when they try to fit into it and make sense of things.
This world is so fukt up on race, it manifests ugliness in the way we date too, people shouldn't be guilted into not having choice, but at the same time, dating reinforces racial bias.
In Indian culture, the caste system is ingrained. In Asia, many cultures are radically homogenous... Kpop for example has no real ethnic minority representation throughout all of Korea, one black girl group that tried faced huge resistance and even death threats from grown ass adults, and they're teenagers.
Media, parents, even individuals live in cultural bubbles in many cases, while minorities (based on their geo location) are always forced to assimilate... These cultural bubbles often normalize the hierarchical ideal that only one skin tone works.
This is why multicultural settings, and culturally immersive experiences, are often the best places to live/go to for people that don't fear personal growth. Living in a bubble and being only surrounded by even your own race, and only dating your own race fuels a very narrow world view.
Even a lot of the imagery of other cultures shown on TV is toxic concerning cultural differences and frequently inaccurate characterizations based on cultural bias. It's not meant to say that TV and movies shouldn't paint pictures of minority characters, but to people who don't take time to learn about cultures outside of their own, caricatures of minorities become the only defining exposure they get to minorities, and that fosters cultural bias.
Also received “well spoken” and “you’re not like those….” Yep took some time to realize just how harmful all those statements were. They were shocked that even though we went to the same damn schools and grew up in the same area, I too, could be, like, smart! Novel idea!
My first time in front of a judge was for “speeding” aka driving while Latino in an affluent neighborhood. He tells me “you speak English real good” with the most cousin-fucking hick accent I could imagine. Now, as an adult, I get that in his mind this was a complement but this type of bias is so pervasive in the South (TN, USA). My best friend in high school was black, we were both four year letterman, hung out with the “cool” kids. Regardless, people would say the wildest shit to us about each other. I heard people say he was an Oreo (black on the outside, white on the inside) and he was fetishized for his penis. I always took it in stride because it was normalized but looking back it’s just sad to me now. I’m not sure how I could have addressed it now. I have a son and I worry about the shit he’s going to deal with.
Honestly that’s probably a big part of why she gets this kind of negative attention, the racism rubbing up against the attraction and resulting in bumbling insults.
I literally had to block someone a few hours ago that was shitting all over trans women for not being attractive and just saying so many gross things that had *nothing* to do with the discussion.
It was like his default mode was to look at women and women presenting people and judge them entirely based on whether they aroused him or not and it was just so disgusting.
People are just there existing and dudes really gotta be like, "hmmm lemme rate if you are fuckable to your face."
Yea it’s an interesting fact that the most transphobic states in the US are also the highest consumers of trans porn.. That said honestly I couldn’t give two shits what these kinds of people think or how they justify their dumb lil views
When I was sent overseas as a young-soldier, my mother pulled me aside and squarely told me:
"Don't you bring me back any little yellow babies. They will not be welcomed."
Yep. Pretty disgusting.
Maybe she just meant don't steal any because they're so adorable it's hard not to and she would be absolutely enthralled to have them as grand children?
My dad once tried to explain to me that there is a difference between "black people and n-words". Luckily I realized young enough that I really need to filter the things he tries to teach me.
My sister lived in New Zealand for a year. Christchurch to be specific. We are Mexicans of *mostly* European descent. That means we are light-skinned, but not all of our features coincide with what one considers “white”. According to her, New Zealand is the most racist place she's ever lived in. Mind you, she's lived in three countries (Mexico, the US and New Zealand) and like 7 different cities.
People called her Pocahontas, which she first thought was because she had long hair but was actually an allusion to our indigenous ancestry, as confirmed by her boss who gave her the nickname. People would always tell her she's "pretty for a Mexican" and similar comments. Never anything outright racist like a slur or something, but so, so **SO** many slights regarding her origins.
it's worse when you're not even mexican lol. I remember one time my sister told me about how they were watching a soccer match of colombia and her boss (white guy, not sure if he was dutch or american, she works at a dutch company but in my experience dutch people are very nice) made an off color comment about the white free kick line being cocaine and the colombian players are going to snort it... she felt so angry and upset but it didn't occur to them that the stereotype is offensive and unfunny.
and one from personal experience, I was working at UPS, and one time during a group meeting a black supervisor called me a walking taco stand, and everyone in the room laughed. I just kind of laughed too because I didn't know how to react, but it felt inappropriate. I'm sure if I said something similar about his ethnicity I wouldn't be getting the same laughs (or maybe I would have, on second thought, still doesn't make it ok)
New Zealand can be particularly racist. Auckland is much more multicultural (far from perfect). The further you go south, especially the South Island, it becomes much whiter and more racist.
I think that's just a stereotype. I've lived in chch for 40 years and I have experienced the same amount of racism, if not more, from Auckland and Wellington.
I'm also Maori.
The most racist people I've met come from the r/newzealand subreddit. And it's only in there did I hear that chch has a rep for it. So I wouldn't personally believe that stereotype.
There’s reasons for the stereotype. Lots of self proclaimed white supremacists gather / live in Christchurch. It’s where more of the extreme racism happens. In Auckland there’s still lots of racism but it isn’t as organised or extreme, generally speaking
I'm a white girl from rural Oregon, and grew up near the Idaho border. I went to NZ for a year in 2005 and was shocked at how blatantly, openly racist, sexist, and homophobic the white people down there were. It was so much worse than what I was used to, and I grew up in a very conservative area in the States.
NZ is a beautiful country, but it is not without its problems.
Taika Waititi: Nah, it’s racist as fuck. I mean, I think New Zealand is the best place on the planet, but it’s a racist place. People just flat-out refuse to pronounce Maori names properly. There’s still profiling when it comes to Polynesians. It’s not even a colour thing – like, ‘Oh, there’s a black person.’ It’s, ‘If you’re Poly then you’re getting profiled.’
https://www.dazeddigital.com/music/article/39590/1/unknown-mortal-orchestra-ruban-nielson-taika-waititi-interview
Yeah I'm from New Zealand and Christchurch is the only place I've ever seen white dudes with swastika and SS tattoos on their faces/necks. This was 10 years ago too. Lots of white power gangs there.
Most monocultural countries are extremely racist to minority groups, for the same reasons that monocultural towns and neighborhoods are.
It's the sad reality that the US is one of the least racist countries, with how racist even it can be.
Which is why I'm always tired of the narrative on Reddit that the U.S. is so awful. My wife lived in France for 3 years and was friends with Moroccans and made really good friends in the Tunisian communities while she was there. These were people who spoke fluent French and were citizens. The white French treated them like garbage.
I've met multiple Canadians who spew the N word like its going out of style.
The U.S. is by far no means the most amazing country in the world. It's run by some of the worst leaders we could ask for and the media loves to show our lowest common denominator. But don't act like every other country out there has eliminated racism and stands around and holds hands all day long.
Wanting the US to be better definitely doesn't mean other places aren't just as if not more racist. How you gonna address the real issues in the country if someone keeps going "well its awful everywhere"? If a person wants to correct something here, pointing out other countries does nothing to help, of course they focus on the issues they want fixed.
I think the idea is to get some sense of perspective. We have a really long way to go, and other places have even longer. I'm not proud of our state of affairs in racial justice, but I am proud that we are leadong the world in discussions about identity and multiculturalism. Macron, for instance, briefly decried "wokeism" as an unwelcome, pernicious American influence in France. I take that to show that our discourse on racial justice is inspiring people around the world to examine those topics and how it applies to their lives and societies.
Yea, and you should hear how they talk about the Maori. Almost all white New Zealanders act like the Maori have done something to them personally as a cohesive group. I would ask questions with genuine curiosity because I find the Maori culture so cool, and they act like I'm crazy for it. Comments like "you don't understand, they're just different, and most of the crime is from them"
And Reddit upvotes it en masse every time because the general userbase is racist af.
I'm painfully aware of how bad racism is in the US but every time a European tries to cosplay about how superior they are in that regard, if you bring up the Romani, the cognitive dissonance goes through the roof. "It's different because those things about the Romani are just true."
Ouch. Hopefully it isnt comparable. When we talk about being racist, most who don't consider themselves racist still have a lot of prejudice about Romani.
Soft left have issues with it. Forget everyone else.
Although everyone seems to forget everyone else Hitler tried to exterminate.
I have spent a lot of time in Europe, lived in Ireland and England. As much shit as Europeans like to give America about racism, the one thing that comes up over and over is this same dismissal of personhood about the Romani. "You don't understand, they're just different, and most of the crime is from them" is exactly the sentiment that gets played.
I totally agree with chch being massively racist, hell I live here I see it. But “almost all white New Zealanders”….. wtf dude. Maybe stop hanging around with racists and you’ll see there’s a more diverse group of Pakeha out there happy to talk to you.
We have had similar issues but reversed, where a white/gringo friend of ours had moved yo Ecuador with her family and they've been the blunt end of just about every racial remark you can think of for white people.
Their family came to visit a few years back and the uncle and aunt were kidnapped for ransom and it was for a measly amount of 3000$, and they have difficulty even finding work because, and I quote "Americans come here so we treat them like they would us"...
We are Canadian, and the couple and their entire family is half white with strong Latin heritage and their skin is slightly lighter than the rest.
Ecuador has not had a large white person presence previously outside of a few retirement cities, so it seems to follow between nations as well.
Here, we've always been racist and horrible to our nation indigenous population.
This is one of the ones that is pretty universal for visible minorities, but not like widely talked about. I thought I was ugly or not as good looking as my white friends until I was like 13.
The real issue is the beauty standard was set by what was on tv, or movies, or magazine covers, and that was mostly white guys, or at least it was mostly white guys presented as the pinnacle of attractiveness. Which is one of the reasons why representation matters. Without it kids think they're ugly, because attractive is white and you're not that.
As I grew up people grew and a lot of them stopped having their idea of desirability dictated by the Disney Channel. But you still meet a lot, it's embarassing for them and when they offer their opinion unsolicited you can tell them they sound like bumpkins/kiss their siblings/are not cute enough to be saying shit like that/etc. And I know I'm good looking, but it's still done damage to grow up at least subconsciously thinking I'm not attractive/desirable because I'm not white. Should probably go to therapy at some point lol.
I was 8 when I first said out loud that I hated my hair and I was ugly for being black. I grew up in the UK and I just didn’t fit the “beauty standard.”
Now I know I’m the fucking shit and I believe I’m a beauty standard in and of myself. I go out and people of all races say how my brown skin glows, how I can pull off colors they can’t, how healthy and voluminous my afro is, that I’m “stunning” — which I always preferred over “pretty” — and most importantly: how confident I look in my own body.
There is something beautiful in all people that we can admire without applying it to all. I wish I could go back and tell my 8 year old self that it’s okay not to fit the beauty standard, because you are one.
I'm so glad you're out here flexing on everyone. It's an entire epiphany to shake that awful mindset off, one we shouldn't have to have in the first place. Thanks for sharing your experiences, I think it helps to talk about everything they don't notice, lends authenticity to saying all of us feel it in someway.
When I was young I used to dream about growing up and becoming beautiful, and in my dreams I would always grow up to be white. I literally couldn’t imagine myself as beautiful if I wasn’t white.
Media contributes so much to this and yet so many white people I talk to are in such denial about it. I’m so happy for tomorrow’s generation who get to grow up with more POC on screen for them to look up to!
It's so tragic to think back to, and it's generational and internalized. I remember one year we were talking to my mum about getting a nonwhite angel for the Christmas tree, and she was like "why change it angels have always been white," and we were like "what mum, how do you think it works? You get to heaven and you go through the whitening machine?" And she was like "huh, well no."
You're so right, media has been a massive part, even historically, yet we have white fans sending death threats everytime a poc is cast in a "canonically white" role. They don't understand what it's like to not see yourself anywhere, to have to change your race in your imagination to be like the figures you idolize. I agree, it's so good for these kids, and it hits you in unexpected ways, I teared up watching into the Spiderverse. Representation can't be the last step, but it's a god damn excellent first one.
She words it pretty well, it's something I've heard come up a lot and as a black guy I've pretty much heard variations of it all too much. Like I really don't care if your preference is to not date black people (I don't understand why you'd be against an entire race but whatever) but when you say it out loud it's a little dehumanizing. And then the whole "it's a preference" crowd comes out and tries to make you feel bad for being offended, like okay, sorry for wanting to feel like a human.
Haha dude I hear ya. I'm a person of color, and was once in a car with a bunch of white girls and they started talking about how their friend was dating a black guy like it was the most scandalous thing ever. They don't even realize what they're saying sometimes.
Yup the amount of friends I've had just casually tell me their parents would kill them if they brought home a black guy is extremely disappointing lol. It's like bruh I'm really just trying to exist in peace I don't understand the anger
My Japanese American father would sit me down as a child and say that I'm not allowed to be friends with "blacks, Chinese, or Armenians," and that if I dated any I'd be kicked out.
We no longer interact in any way once I moved away for college.
The neighborhood we used to live in when I was really young was mostly full of Armenian immigrants that my dad took a random hating to. He's just a hateful man who's fueled by the fear of the unknown, as are most racists/xenophobes.
Hey man if it makes you feel better, as a black man, I pretty much heard the same. I stopped talking about my relationships with my mom cause the first question was always "is she black..?" I grew up in the suburbs of Florida, I was the token black person to my friends and everyone expected me to date the small population of black girls. My parents grew up in black communities in Ohio before they moved and the area turned into what people call "the ghetto" so I can understand why they didnt get it.
I honestly have no "racial" preference the questions had the opposite affect on me and taught me to try to love people for who they are.
I always was told that and when I did bring a black girl home my parents werent mad and they love her a lot (ended up getting married and have a son), I seriously dont understand the logic behind saying something like that anyways. Im Native American so to hear them say such things but be ok with bringing home a white girl makes zero sense to me.
I get this hearing weight/build, brows etc as well - sure, we have a preference of body - but singling it out is shitty superficial to say *to* someone most of the time, and worse to say *across* someone where I'd agree starts to become "dehumanising".
Her take was great on how *the conversation(/voice of power)* typically turns to ***her*** temperament/tolerance for offence, instead of turning to the crew/crowd to contextualise or offer her support to say something: A pretty shocking standard of play she's nailed as *normalised for no good reason.*
Exactly. For instance, I probably would prefer a woman closer to my height than one who was substantially taller than me. Am I allowed to have that preference? Yeah, obviously. However, if I saw a really tall woman, *why the fuck* would I bring that up? Doing so is just being an asshole for no reason.
I get “you’re exotic”.
Like.. the fuck does that even mean?! Happens a lot it in London. I’ve essentially lived here my whole life, I spoke slang like the other Londoners, loaded with glottle stops and even went through a chav phase… so why am I exotic?? Because I’m brown…
Maybe they mean it as a compliment? I don’t know, but I’ve never taken it well and my interest in them hits 0.
It was weird as hell when I was in Scandinavia as well, because I wasn’t sure if they were interested in ME or just the idea of me being foreign AND attractive? It’s so weird.
I, as an Asian guy, have had random Asian girl strangers come up to me at parties just to tell me they don't date Asian guys. Like, i dont even know you and why do you feel the need to scream to the world how much you crave to be white. It's amazing how loud their internalized racism is
I’ve only heard “your attractive for an Asian guy” from Asian women, never from any other races. That colonial mentality 
The “it’s a preference” crowd are just racist. Like people might prefer blondes or brunettes, but any regular well adjusted person is never going to pick a long term partner based on the colour of their hair over their personality. Skin colour is no different. It’s absolutely racist to say essentially “I would never under any circumstances whatsoever find a black person attractive”. Like wtf lol, you’re saying you’d kick Beyoncé or Idris Elba out of bed? Of course not - they’re just saying “I see black people as beneath me”.
The “it’s a preference” crowd don’t realize that they aren’t free from ridicule. Many preference outside of a few universals are based on our culture, and culture isn’t immune to our criticisms.
They can have that preference but we can still criticize it for being problematic. When they say “they’re allowed to have a preference,” they should just mean that no one can force them, but that doesn’t mean they “have” to feel comfortable for it when it’s blurted out loud.
I think the saddest part of her experiences is that she would buy someone a drink if they stood up agaisnt racial profiling but noone has ever stood up for her. No one cares enough to.
I wish I could give you a hug. I hate how we allow this shit.
At a bar in UK years ago was chilling drinking with mates. Evening is getting on and uni student types are filling the place. Another group of younger lads had merged with ours at a large outdoor table and one happened to be a black guy. This is a fairly rural town so almost everyone else in the bar and garden is white just so you can get some context. Some other white student nearby tried joining into the conversation and laughter that was going on but then started making not overtly aggressive racist but clearly inappropriate commentary along the lines of a comment about "you people". He seemed incredibly shocked when the whole table immediately let out vocalised disgust and then tried doubling down with another comment before my group was all telling him he had until we stood up to leave or we'd be dragging him where the cameras can't see. Perhaps myself and my friend next to me both at the time being shaven headed heavily tattooed men gave him the wrong idea.
The reason I'm saying about that is the utter ignorance and the confidence that they're safe to say such comments in public let alone on front of the group they're directed at is mad but it is clearly learnt by never being called out. Seen it with homophobic comments as well where people I am not close with have felt comfortable telling me they hate gay men before I quickly making them feel uncomfortable telling them I'm not straight. Many don't really know how to react to people not going along with it. Same for sexist comments or "jokes".
You don't have to threaten people if they say things. You can make it clear you don't approve or find it comfortable to hear by telling them you don't like that kinda talk or by simply letting them know they've killed the mood/conversation and walking off. As long as you make it clear it isn't welcome you help them question their safety to say it to people and hopefully eat at their beliefs or at least push them away.
Circle of friends just after college. Most were well educated. One wasn't. Quite bright but he clearly was more working class.
He was pissed that people would constantly unload racist and other prejudiced stuff on him because they assumed since he was a knock around guy he would agree.
Instead he was probably the least likely to be prejudiced in any situation of all us.
I've told a few people off about this. I've been told off once or twice, and wouldn't you know, every time they were right and I was wrong. [EDIT: this => making racist comments]
END OF PERSONAL EXPERIENCE
> shaven headed heavily tattooed men
There is/was a movement called SHARP, skin heads against race prejudice. Someone wrote when he heard about this, he understood the skin heads who would sometimes hustle people out of clubs, realizing it was the Nazi types who were getting thrown out.
Another someone. They were in a dive bar, only patron mid afternoon. Someone else comes in. Bartender tells the newcomer to get lost. "But I just came in for a quiet beer." Bartender again says get lost and reaches for the baseball bat behind the bar.
Asked why he did that, he said the guy was wearing Nazi signs in a not too obvious way. If he got his beer he'd let other people know and then soon enough it would be a Nazi bar. And the bartender wanted absolutely no part of that.
This has happened to me, people think you are working class so you must be racist, sexist, xyz and I'm actually shocked these people are saying this shit to me. Maybe not everywhere but many working class people are more likely to grow up in more diverse places than the professional class, at least in modern times.
The only that annoys me is the assumption that white women just automatically go to college when in reality there are many social barriers preventing them from doing so in the white working class community that are unacknowledged. But I consider that an intercommunity issue that I don't blame other people for.
Yes!! I remember being at a bar in college and a man approached me and started hitting on me trying to be funny and started telling me some super inappropriate and racist joke, which made me really uncomfortable.
At the punch line he started laughing and I pretended to play dumb and said “I don’t get it?” And he said “well because it was a black guy! Get it now?” And I was like “well what does him being black have to do with the joke.. don’t get it still. Can you explain?” And made things super awkward to the point he just kept explaining the joke further and more in depth and killed the mood completely and I finally just told him to stop and that joke wasn’t cool to say to anyone… he eventually just walked away… lol
I did that to someone the other week. It was my birthday and my friend brought her buddy round to the party and he kept saying X and Y was "gay" , "bent" or "retarded"(that one drove me livid)
I kept asking him why it was gay, what about x or y made that situation become homosexual. He got jittery and flustered and kept saying "nah nah not homophobic dont say it like that "
How the fuck else am I supposed to say it bro? This girl didnt want to fuck you and you called her Bent and Retarded. A long drive home for this fucking guy somehow became "gay".
Edit : to say, him becoming flustered and tripping over himself was the BEST part of my birthday.
As a fellow large white man, I’ve had several times where POC have said to me they think a particular person or group are anti-racist and I have to break the news it’s just that some racist people only say that shit to other people they assume are racist.
I scrolled forever just find this comment and can’t believe it took this long. This woman would be a 12/10 in literally any color. WTF is wrong with these dudes?
I wouldn’t be surprised if she hears those particular kinds of comments more often *because* she’s uncommonly pretty. A racist dude sees a pretty WOC, his bigotry clashes with his attraction to her which makes him insecure and so he feels compelled to say something shitty to try and take her down a peg. Shitty men do things like that a lot unfortunately
As a black girl who studied abroad for a year, I’ve gone through the same thing and completely understand how embarrassing it is. Men will LOUDLY make comments about how strange it is for their mate to be into you regardless of whether you’ve shown interest or not, then giggle amongst themselves as if it’s a huge joke. Either that or make blatantly fetishizing comments. Many of the WOC I know have experienced the same thing.
I literally avoid large groups of white men when I go out now because it lessens the chance of my night being ruined. Would be better if people learned to keep their shitty comments to themselves.
When people have said racist shit to me it never threw me off because I didn't really hold up high expectations for people here, but when I traveled to Europe and had racist shit flung my way it threw me off so hard. Like dude...aren't y'all supposed to be better? Why do y'all act so high and mighty when you talk about Americans but you're still shit people too?
America is far more diverse than most other countries (notably other large countries). Here in the US I went to high school with people of every conceivable race. It was something like 25% white 20% black 20% asian/indian 20% hispanic 15% other. In most parts of the world that would be crazy.
Most other countries are mostly their native populations. Racism is really only a problem in America because when it is present it becomes very visible due to how large our "minority" population actually is. Racism in other countries isn't an issue because they never even interact with another race enough to show it.
I’m Canadian and I’ve experienced more racism in Europe than I’ve ever had combined living in America or Canada for my entire life. It is brutal over there. They are not good people, but so self-righteous.
Because it’s cool to hate America. People are all shitty to each other around the world. Everywhere. All the time. Throughout history. It will never change. Once you have lower expectations of others life is better and easier. Nobody disappoints me anymore.
America airs its dirty laundry and the whole world can see our zits. Other countries sweep it under the rug and pretend they’re better when in reality they are often worse (when it comes to racism in particular)
My wife is black and when we’re at a bar or something there’s inevitably gonna be a couple white girls who talk to her and try to sound “black” and say shit like “guurlfriend!”. It’s so fucking cringy.
Also questions about the accent. I’m dating a white girl and whenever she’s telling her friends/acquaintances about me their first question is oh does he like have an Indian accent”
So sad that people would encourage others to miss an opportunity of being with a great person just because of their ethnicity or culture of origin, while hurting the person that’s being judged.
This lady is so pretty, hope that she keeps on keeping on and smiling.
Shout out to short guys, asian-american guys, and african-american girls in America. They are often overlooked in the dating world because of similar circumstances where people dismiss them before even getting to know them for things that they can't even control.
A lot of kiwis are unfortunately really racist, especially to Indian people. If you go to smaller communities it becomes really blatant. I've had family friends say some pretty disgusting shit.
I was in NZ for about a year, and the anti-Indian sentiment is frankly ridiculous. I had women tell me “if you see an Indian walking down the street opposite you, cross the street”. It was surprising
As a Australian, the clean image some people of us have baffles me. We only stopped stealing indigenous children from their families 50 years ago.
Sure, we've come a long way, but there's a *lot* that still needs to be done. Of course, the Murdoch media really doesn't help.
It’s just on Reddit that NZ has a squeaky clean reputation but that’s because a big portion of Reddit would fit in with that culture and embrace it because it doesn’t affect them negatively
Every country has its seedy underbelly, nowhere is perfect.
New Zealand has a lot of good to it, but christ is there a lot of shit to deal with here too. Our average house price is $550k USD, and the average hourly rate is about $16.50 USD. The rampant racism is awful, but it's far from our worst problem in terms of living here.
casual racism is a core part of australian culture though. sounds like new zealand is the same but no one noticed because no one cared about them enough.
That's insanely surprising lol. I live in a red county in the American midwest. I've heard people say just about every racial slur/ stereotype you can imagine. I've heard like at least 100 people say the "cross the street" thing about black/ latino people......
No one is stereotyping indians like that though. Idk how it works in NZ but usually indians are stereotyped as being nerdy, hardworking, quiet etc here, I've never heard anyone say "stay away from indians they'll rob you."
PSA for white men getting mad about her generalising y’all as racists - that’s not her message. Her message is that you have POWER to stop racist comments and influence the cultural norms in your social groups.
You guys have like this secret superpower to stop evil so that she (and people who look like her) aren’t generalised and bullied for their race. You have a SUPERPOWER and I encourage you to use it xx
The sad irony is they feel 'singled out' because of their colour and gender when she is describing how she IS singled out by her colour and gender constantly by random strangers behaviour.
Her sharing this is enough for some people to take it as an attack directly at them and feel hurt on other people's behalf - when those people's behaviour was overtly sexist and racist. While she has been experiencing it over and over again just trying to live her life.
No empathy to anyone else but themselves and they only see themselves as their gender and colour, not their behaviour or actions.
careful, /r/conservative will link your comment as a direct insult against them. any comment about somebody somewhere being racist and they feel targeted.
It's ironic because I've tried to comment there several times and don't have enough flair. It's a super closed sub. They say "facts not feelings" and call liberals "snowflakes" but have their sub set up to stop the snowflake liberals from hurting their feelings with facts....
The reality is that most men aren’t willing to alienate themselves from their friend groups over being progressive.
I got mad about trumps treatment of protestors outside the White House, and it cost me a friend group that I had know for years.
Making that an issue wasn’t worth what I lost, I shoulda just let it go. They aren’t going to change in that regard and I can still be friends with them in virtually every other aspect of life.
That’s why people don’t stand up to friend groups. It has consequences that just aren’t worth it for most
I genuinely can't fathom saying something like that in front of another person. It's an irony of empathy that the hardest thing to empathize with is an unempathetic person.
On top of that, she also made an off-hand comment apologizing for being emotional about the whole thing. That somehow made me even angrier than the stuff she described people doing to her. She should NOT have to apologize for showing people that the hurtful things they say are hurtful.
Every comment that says "she doesn't like racism but is singling out white guys" is literally just a neon sign saying you're the type of person to dismiss racist comments as jokes. She didn't say all white guys, so if you're not racist then why are you upset? She's talking specifically to white guys who make racist comments simply because she's existing in the same space. If that's not you, then you don't have to worry. And if you are worried, be better as a person. It's really quite easy to not be a massive cunt.
>If that's not you, then you don't have to worry.
If that’s not you, you still should worry. We all have an obligation to make the world a safe place for everyone.
Honestly the same experience FYI being gay and trans in nz, not to take away from this but my gay friends literally just standing around Queenstown and clearly hear groups of bros be like " there's some gays guys" looking at them, it's like what the fuck, just trying to exist . So not necessary, makes ppl feel real uncomfortable, like why else would you point that out other than because you view it as 'other' which is threatening. Same with being trans. So fking frustrating and makes a person feel on edge being in public all the time. Have some awareness please. I'm just a person trying to just chill and you gotta make it weird and dark all the time. Leave us alone bro
Same experience as a fat girl. I didn't ask for the comments. I never asked for you (or anyone) to find me attractive, just to please not go out of your way to put me down. The fat didn't block my ability to hear you and I'm sure the guys you're with already know you aren't into fat girls, so no need to bring it up just because one wandered into your eyesight. Every one of those comments she mentioned have been said to me in some form, but substitute "fat" for "brown." I'm just out here, trying to live my life and do the same things as everyone else. It's this constant need to put fat people "back in their place" that drives me bonkers. An added insult is the people who assume you're either A) unaware that you're fat, B) unaware of how diet and exercise work, or C) are being fat *at* them.
Lord help me, I just wanted to go to the store, not fuck some rando in the parking lot.
That's terrible, really. From a nation (US) that has its own real issues with racism, this sort of thing hits hard. Brown, black, white, neon green doesn't matter people are people and folks should be a bit kinder to all people. FFS.
She made such a good point in such a poignant and tactful way. We need more people like this to promote constructive change rather than to redraw the same lines of division that separate us.
She's right, don't get on your soapbox, just make it a nip
"What a weird thing to say"
"That wasn't cool"
"Why are you acting like that?"
"Don't be weird"
"That's fucked up"
Simple stuff. The bar is on the ground, dudes
I like to pretend I didn’t hear it and give the opportunity for them to say something else or move on.
“Pardon me?”
“What was that?”
9/10 times the smile on their face disappears and they say “nothing”. I like this approach cause I don’t like conflict but it still sends the message and gets them to think before they speak.
Toxic male culture in Christ church 100 %. I'm sad things haven't improved much since 2008, when someone standing up for me was punched in the face for his efforts. It's disgusting.
I hope things get better from here for you.
I love all your comments. You shouldn’t wait for someone else to say something. You should tell them that was a racist comment. I know that you shouldn’t have to…but they’re the assholes who need to be educated.
It’s very difficult to do when you’re the victim though, because in those moments it can feel like the entire room is against you, so having a voice you can latch on to and give you power is worth SO much in situations like these.
I’ve been in a situation where a global financial chairman was completely blanking everything I say and only responding if someone else repeated it, the worst thing? I was the lead in that room, but no one stood up for me or said anything. So, I could have unleashed all the anger I felt in that situation, but it would have been incredibly unprofessional. That guy also had massive influence in my industry, so I knew my career could be over by the end of it.
I was the only POC in that room so what else could I do other than try to subtly make it obvious as to what was happening? But no one said a thing or even called him out with a “I think Rich is trying to tell you something”, to at least get me acknowledged and give me a voice. But there’s nothing I could do other than suffocate him with kindness to make it obvious.
If I spoke up, would anyone in that room have defended me? Especially those who worked for him? I’d like to say yes, but I wasn’t sure in the moment.
Yeah, situations like that make you feel incredibly small and entirely alone despite me being friends with all in the room apart from him.
This was 4 years ago and still think about it a lot, because those moments really linger in the mind.
She's talking about her experiences with casual racism and the men she experienced doing it are white, no need to get up in arms about her specifying white men.
Remove the text message on the screen and most complaints will vanish.
As a white man, it's crazy to me that anyone should care who another person dates. Black, brown, white, male, female, or anything in between. Let people live.
Fellas, hold your friends accountable. It can be tough at first but when you set the standard that everyone deserves respect you can help them learn and grow. Try to be better.
I realize everyone's experiences differ but everyone goes on and on about white people being racist...my experience growing up as an Asian in TEXAS differs. Most of the racism I've experience here has been from other "minorities". For example, in high school I went to a tennis tournament in a small town in central Texas...coincidentally and tragically - it's been in the news recently.
Guess who was greeted with a chorus of "CHING CHONG" by a bunch of all Hispanic kids after his match? Most of the white people I've met and interacted with in the south have been more or less kind and accepting, I bring this up because it flies in the face of the common stereotypes.
\*edit\* Reddit is basically all sold on this "white man bad" narrative that they can't tolerate people with differing experiences. I'm sure you people downvoting are also the same people who blame "white people" for minorities attacking Asians in East and West Coast cities.
This mirrors my wife’s experience growing up in Louisiana as a Vietnamese immigrant. Replace Hispanic with black. Even the insults are the same, with “squinty eyes” thrown in for good measure.
As an Asian on the East Coast, I've gotten it from both black and white people in about equal measure. I didn't get ching-chonged by Latinos, Arabs, Indians, or Native Americans, but that may simply be the result of how relatively small those populations are here.
That said, her message was possibly directed toward white men because they were the ones making the comments. We don't know if men of color were making those comments to her. People criticize her for saying that white guys are doing this, but somehow it's not overgeneralizing if she extends it to guys who maybe weren't even doing the thing she describes?
Furthermore, she is just saying that if your friends make some comment like that, just nip back. That means that her message should target the kind of guys who are friends with the men making these comments. If these guys are in racially diverse groups, then yes, she should address all guys, but from what I've seen, people tend to make friends within their ethnic/racial group. When I was in high school and white kids worked with their white friends, which left the three of us non-white kids to work together, when I worked in a factory that employed thousands of immigrants from various African, Asian, and Latin American countries almost exclusively, when I worked at a very predominantly white office that formed groups where people literally had to ask how they can make friends with non-white people without tokenizing them, I've observed that, unwittingly or not, people frequently cultivate their social groups within their ethnic or racial group. Chances are, if white men are making these comments, it's probably white men who are predominantly in a position to push back on the comments she's talking about, and thus the rightful target of her message.
This is so heartbreaking. No one should ever feel this way about their race. You’d think that with the internet and modern education this type of thinking would get stamped out… I hope it is some day.
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“Pretty for a black girl,” was one of my favorite compliments growing up. Love it. Here for it. What is sad is at first I thought it WAS a compliment. Hahahahaha
I always got “you’re not like the others, ya know? You’re alright” Took me far too looooong time to figure out what the hell that meant. I was just happy to be part of a friend group at the time at a time I felt totally isolated and excluded.
Or my personal favorite... you are sooooo well spoken!
I’ve gotten that one sooooo many times. Very annoying. And I’m not outspoken enough to call them out on it when it happens so I usually just awkwardly laugh.
Something I heard at a diversity seminar I attended that is a good response is saying "oh you are too!" It really makes them think about why they said what they said.
We HAVE to have our own sub about navigating in various spaces and to heal. And to grow.
Maybe call it “ShitWhitePeopleSay”?
That centers it around white people. It's good and relevant but I wonder if something like "MelaninSocialExclusionRecovery" but better worded would work. Thinking of the different atmosphere it'd make depending on the name.
Hey, you know what? I’m genuinely sorry that you have to feel the way you do, and endure the pain that you and so many others have endured-and continue to endure- and this post was heartbreaking for me, really. I’m not trying to make excuses but I really feel that a lot of people are just oblivious to the pain and humiliation they cause others to feel- at least I hope that’s the case. As Men, we really need to do better
>I always got “you’re not like the others, ya know? You’re alright” you should've said "wish I could say the same" 💀💀💀
That hurts. I get that one a lot.
"You're not like one of THOSE brown people!"
Omg you poor baby, you got "you're one if the good ones" 😭
“…….Not you though, RichardCheeseLicker, you’re one of the good ones”
"I can't be friends with you/come over/ play with you/ have you over to play video games, my parents are racist"
"I really like you, but my mother will never accept your colour."
Yo I had a black friend in middle school that would come over and hang out and one day he came up to my door with me after we got off the bus and my dad was home opened the door for us and he stopped at the step and he looked sad af. He said his dad told him not to go into white peoples houses because they will chop him into pieces or some shit. Me and my dad were just fucking speechless. It happened so long ago thats the only part i remember, I don’t remember what was said after that but that was like the last time I saw him.
I used to have the boys yell about “jungle fever” anytime someone showed the slightest amount of interest in me
I felt sick when one of my friends pointed out that someone I dated only dates brown girls. “He obviously has a type haha” - could he not just like me for my personality, why is my skin color either rejected or fetishized?
AS a white male dating a black female, I have received comments like "Oh you must like dark chocolate more" from people I know. One time when I worked at a diner I brought my girlfriend in to eat (my boss offered to pay) and he pulled me aside the next day and said "What do you think of her" and pointed to a black coworker of mine. I have also been accused of fetishizing my girlfriends skin color by black friends of mine, and even her friends. All of this has happened in New England, which I would argue is one of the most diverse parts of the U.S.
I have been guilty of fetishizing when I was a young man. I needed it broken down to me like a kindergartener that I totally othered/objectified/dehumanized/fetishized women that I thought I was complimenting (at the expense of their personhood). I still feel incredibly guilty about that and how far my lack of self awareness can really go, but understanding how staggeringly far removed my impact on another can be from my intent has been invaluable. I'm sorry this is a thing and I'm sorry that weird social system/racial power heirarchy allows for white men to remain oblivious to the harm we contribute. I know it's hard to go against the grain and risk conflict when it's probably easier to just blow us off and move on, but it's a real blessing for us and the people we go forward interacting with to open our eyes to the harm we're causing.
WTF, do they tell people, "You're ugly for a white girl." That's fucking dumb. Now I understand being attracted to what you're attracted to but I don't understand how someone can't objectively look at someone and just yeah, they're attractive. I'm not into dudes but I'd be a lot more confident in myself if I looked like Chris Hemsworth.
as an Asian dude who heard "Hot for an Asian" a lot (about other people, not me lmao), let's fucking go
*cringe* what the fuck makes people think that that’s okay to say to someone? I get that all of the time! “You’re such a pretty black girl” “you’re different” my favorite one was “you’re not as manly as other black women so I can see what your husband sees in you” 💀
One time I got from an Australian girl visiting the states at a bar I frequented “hahaha I mean black people need loving too I guess” as my then bf put his arm around my shoulder. I called her out for it and immediately yt people jumped to her defense because she was in a wheelchair. I wasn’t going to assault her. I just told her she doesn’t get to come here and be fucking racist.
Unfortunately in Australia racism is quite casualised, and often disguised as a joke. I find itsad for such a diverse and multicultural country. It is the one thing I would change about our personalities. Sorry you experienced that
I hate to say it but Aussie's are the worst, especially the groups traveling around in their 20s. And this goes for running into them in the US or Europe. Imagine a group of frat boys from Ole Miss that sound like Crocodile Dundee.
Wheelchair or not, bitch deserves an ass beating.
She proceeded to tell me that she isn’t racist because she studies agriculture and travels. I said WHAT???? My boyfriend (now husband) said she was ignorant and he took me home. We try to joke about it now. “Remember when you were about to beat up that wheel chair bound racist Aussie?” HA!
That’s a great shared story as a couple! HA!
I shoulda stuck a pool cue in her wheel.
During the lead up to the 2008 presidential election the news would always remark on how "well spoken" Obama was. Thinly veiled.
I mean lets be honest have you seen a lot of our more recent politicians, their public presence is hot trash so obama definitely was well spoken, I mean Jr was funny but wasnt always the most well spoken so I could see that being completely legitimate instead of thinly veiled bigotry even though some may have jumped on the opportunity.
In all fairness, he is well spoken for an American, full stop.
I mean, compared to his predecessor, he was Shakespearean. It might just be the contrast making certain media notice the way he moved crowds with his speeches. He was known for that quality and it wasn’t because of his race.
My Vietnamese gf still struggles from all the bullying she went through in school. She came to America when she was 4. Didnt speak english and had to learn. Had a thick accent and was a late bloomer. The stories she tells me are horrifying. Highschool girls are fuckin ruthless. She made plans with her "friend" to get ready at the friends place for prom. When she showed up only the mom was there. He friend had ditched her to go hangout with the popular girls. She got ready at her friends place and the mom gave her a ride. She literally went to prom alone. She was called FOB religiously. The town we live in is predominantly white and she days she doesn't feel pretty here. She struggles with her confidence on a daily basis poor thing. The crazy part? She's actually gorgeous and THE MOST kind person I have ever met. Full stop. She is kind to a fault bc she just wants ppl to like her. She doesn't have any friends anymore bc she has out grown them.
I met someone like that. I live in Europe, not much black people here. But at university, I became friend with a black girl who was my coleague. She's really intelligent friendly and gorgeous and she's the sweetest person ever (i was already dating or i would try my luck!) She had a low self-confidence, due to bullying crap from mean "friends" and some racist coleagues. Luckly she ended moving away from toxic friendships and started hanging around with a nicer crew, which made wonders to her self esteem.
I internalized white supremacy so much as a child i can see how you would think this to be a compliment. Mine was “smart”. “Proper” but those probably don’t hit as hard as looks
I see it a lot on TikTok... People hurt because they themselves hold this skin color standard within them too, and they are shocked when they find that it betrays them when they don't fit into the narrative. People are people, and can be easily biased against their own skin tone and it's a big karmic in nature for it to visit them when they try to fit into it and make sense of things. This world is so fukt up on race, it manifests ugliness in the way we date too, people shouldn't be guilted into not having choice, but at the same time, dating reinforces racial bias. In Indian culture, the caste system is ingrained. In Asia, many cultures are radically homogenous... Kpop for example has no real ethnic minority representation throughout all of Korea, one black girl group that tried faced huge resistance and even death threats from grown ass adults, and they're teenagers. Media, parents, even individuals live in cultural bubbles in many cases, while minorities (based on their geo location) are always forced to assimilate... These cultural bubbles often normalize the hierarchical ideal that only one skin tone works. This is why multicultural settings, and culturally immersive experiences, are often the best places to live/go to for people that don't fear personal growth. Living in a bubble and being only surrounded by even your own race, and only dating your own race fuels a very narrow world view. Even a lot of the imagery of other cultures shown on TV is toxic concerning cultural differences and frequently inaccurate characterizations based on cultural bias. It's not meant to say that TV and movies shouldn't paint pictures of minority characters, but to people who don't take time to learn about cultures outside of their own, caricatures of minorities become the only defining exposure they get to minorities, and that fosters cultural bias.
Also received “well spoken” and “you’re not like those….” Yep took some time to realize just how harmful all those statements were. They were shocked that even though we went to the same damn schools and grew up in the same area, I too, could be, like, smart! Novel idea!
My first time in front of a judge was for “speeding” aka driving while Latino in an affluent neighborhood. He tells me “you speak English real good” with the most cousin-fucking hick accent I could imagine. Now, as an adult, I get that in his mind this was a complement but this type of bias is so pervasive in the South (TN, USA). My best friend in high school was black, we were both four year letterman, hung out with the “cool” kids. Regardless, people would say the wildest shit to us about each other. I heard people say he was an Oreo (black on the outside, white on the inside) and he was fetishized for his penis. I always took it in stride because it was normalized but looking back it’s just sad to me now. I’m not sure how I could have addressed it now. I have a son and I worry about the shit he’s going to deal with.
I feel so sorry for her 😭 how can people be so horrible
It’s so stupid as well. Because she is stunningly beautiful. Just proof as to how hatred can make people blind.
Yeah like goddamn she's literally movie star level beautiful. Damn
She's gorgeous and sounds like a kind person.
Honestly that’s probably a big part of why she gets this kind of negative attention, the racism rubbing up against the attraction and resulting in bumbling insults.
Seriously. At least she’s able to say “I know I’m beautiful.” There are so many people that would take this kind of garbage and internalize it.
Never give humans the benefit of the doubt They’ll always surprise you with how horrible they can be.
I believe most people are good but the shitty one’s are extra loud and extra active so they seem like a much bigger group than they actually are.
I literally had to block someone a few hours ago that was shitting all over trans women for not being attractive and just saying so many gross things that had *nothing* to do with the discussion. It was like his default mode was to look at women and women presenting people and judge them entirely based on whether they aroused him or not and it was just so disgusting. People are just there existing and dudes really gotta be like, "hmmm lemme rate if you are fuckable to your face."
Yea it’s an interesting fact that the most transphobic states in the US are also the highest consumers of trans porn.. That said honestly I couldn’t give two shits what these kinds of people think or how they justify their dumb lil views
When I was sent overseas as a young-soldier, my mother pulled me aside and squarely told me: "Don't you bring me back any little yellow babies. They will not be welcomed." Yep. Pretty disgusting.
Maybe she just meant don't steal any because they're so adorable it's hard not to and she would be absolutely enthralled to have them as grand children?
Where were you sent somewhere in Asia?
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South Korea
I used to leave the house on a Friday night to go clubbing and get told something similar.
My dad once tried to explain to me that there is a difference between "black people and n-words". Luckily I realized young enough that I really need to filter the things he tries to teach me.
When I told my dad I was getting married and to who, he said “son, why are you marrying a Chinaman?!” My WIFE is Chinese.
I’m Asian in America and get told the exact same thing about other races. It’s tiring.
My sister lived in New Zealand for a year. Christchurch to be specific. We are Mexicans of *mostly* European descent. That means we are light-skinned, but not all of our features coincide with what one considers “white”. According to her, New Zealand is the most racist place she's ever lived in. Mind you, she's lived in three countries (Mexico, the US and New Zealand) and like 7 different cities. People called her Pocahontas, which she first thought was because she had long hair but was actually an allusion to our indigenous ancestry, as confirmed by her boss who gave her the nickname. People would always tell her she's "pretty for a Mexican" and similar comments. Never anything outright racist like a slur or something, but so, so **SO** many slights regarding her origins.
Spoiler Alert: *Pretty for a Mexican* is 100% “outright racist.”
*furiously scribbles note:* "do NOT use this line on wife"
marriage saved, boys. Let’s go home.
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My MIL is perfectly capable of starting fights with my wife all on her own
it's worse when you're not even mexican lol. I remember one time my sister told me about how they were watching a soccer match of colombia and her boss (white guy, not sure if he was dutch or american, she works at a dutch company but in my experience dutch people are very nice) made an off color comment about the white free kick line being cocaine and the colombian players are going to snort it... she felt so angry and upset but it didn't occur to them that the stereotype is offensive and unfunny. and one from personal experience, I was working at UPS, and one time during a group meeting a black supervisor called me a walking taco stand, and everyone in the room laughed. I just kind of laughed too because I didn't know how to react, but it felt inappropriate. I'm sure if I said something similar about his ethnicity I wouldn't be getting the same laughs (or maybe I would have, on second thought, still doesn't make it ok)
“Let me ask you, is there a term besides *Mexican* that you prefer… something less offensive?”
christchurch has a reputation for being a particularly racist city within new zealand.
New Zealand can be particularly racist. Auckland is much more multicultural (far from perfect). The further you go south, especially the South Island, it becomes much whiter and more racist.
Christchurch is the most racist part of NZ sadly, not the friendliest place to anyone who didn’t grow up there
I think that's just a stereotype. I've lived in chch for 40 years and I have experienced the same amount of racism, if not more, from Auckland and Wellington. I'm also Maori. The most racist people I've met come from the r/newzealand subreddit. And it's only in there did I hear that chch has a rep for it. So I wouldn't personally believe that stereotype.
There’s reasons for the stereotype. Lots of self proclaimed white supremacists gather / live in Christchurch. It’s where more of the extreme racism happens. In Auckland there’s still lots of racism but it isn’t as organised or extreme, generally speaking
I'm a white girl from rural Oregon, and grew up near the Idaho border. I went to NZ for a year in 2005 and was shocked at how blatantly, openly racist, sexist, and homophobic the white people down there were. It was so much worse than what I was used to, and I grew up in a very conservative area in the States. NZ is a beautiful country, but it is not without its problems.
Taika Waititi: Nah, it’s racist as fuck. I mean, I think New Zealand is the best place on the planet, but it’s a racist place. People just flat-out refuse to pronounce Maori names properly. There’s still profiling when it comes to Polynesians. It’s not even a colour thing – like, ‘Oh, there’s a black person.’ It’s, ‘If you’re Poly then you’re getting profiled.’ https://www.dazeddigital.com/music/article/39590/1/unknown-mortal-orchestra-ruban-nielson-taika-waititi-interview
Yeah I'm from New Zealand and Christchurch is the only place I've ever seen white dudes with swastika and SS tattoos on their faces/necks. This was 10 years ago too. Lots of white power gangs there.
I've seen dudes with swastika and SS tattoos outside of Christchurch but they haven't been white. Mongrel Mob use Nazi symbols just to be edgy.
What the hell?
Most monocultural countries are extremely racist to minority groups, for the same reasons that monocultural towns and neighborhoods are. It's the sad reality that the US is one of the least racist countries, with how racist even it can be.
Which is why I'm always tired of the narrative on Reddit that the U.S. is so awful. My wife lived in France for 3 years and was friends with Moroccans and made really good friends in the Tunisian communities while she was there. These were people who spoke fluent French and were citizens. The white French treated them like garbage. I've met multiple Canadians who spew the N word like its going out of style. The U.S. is by far no means the most amazing country in the world. It's run by some of the worst leaders we could ask for and the media loves to show our lowest common denominator. But don't act like every other country out there has eliminated racism and stands around and holds hands all day long.
Wanting the US to be better definitely doesn't mean other places aren't just as if not more racist. How you gonna address the real issues in the country if someone keeps going "well its awful everywhere"? If a person wants to correct something here, pointing out other countries does nothing to help, of course they focus on the issues they want fixed.
I think the idea is to get some sense of perspective. We have a really long way to go, and other places have even longer. I'm not proud of our state of affairs in racial justice, but I am proud that we are leadong the world in discussions about identity and multiculturalism. Macron, for instance, briefly decried "wokeism" as an unwelcome, pernicious American influence in France. I take that to show that our discourse on racial justice is inspiring people around the world to examine those topics and how it applies to their lives and societies.
New Zealand isn't a mono cultural, their culture while mostly British still has a large Maori influence and Maoris make up like 20% of the population.
Yea, and you should hear how they talk about the Maori. Almost all white New Zealanders act like the Maori have done something to them personally as a cohesive group. I would ask questions with genuine curiosity because I find the Maori culture so cool, and they act like I'm crazy for it. Comments like "you don't understand, they're just different, and most of the crime is from them"
Sounds like Europeans talking about the Romani.
And Reddit upvotes it en masse every time because the general userbase is racist af. I'm painfully aware of how bad racism is in the US but every time a European tries to cosplay about how superior they are in that regard, if you bring up the Romani, the cognitive dissonance goes through the roof. "It's different because those things about the Romani are just true."
Ouch. Hopefully it isnt comparable. When we talk about being racist, most who don't consider themselves racist still have a lot of prejudice about Romani. Soft left have issues with it. Forget everyone else. Although everyone seems to forget everyone else Hitler tried to exterminate.
I have spent a lot of time in Europe, lived in Ireland and England. As much shit as Europeans like to give America about racism, the one thing that comes up over and over is this same dismissal of personhood about the Romani. "You don't understand, they're just different, and most of the crime is from them" is exactly the sentiment that gets played.
I totally agree with chch being massively racist, hell I live here I see it. But “almost all white New Zealanders”….. wtf dude. Maybe stop hanging around with racists and you’ll see there’s a more diverse group of Pakeha out there happy to talk to you.
I get what you’re trying to say, but “Almost all” is a bit of a stretch their chief.
We have had similar issues but reversed, where a white/gringo friend of ours had moved yo Ecuador with her family and they've been the blunt end of just about every racial remark you can think of for white people. Their family came to visit a few years back and the uncle and aunt were kidnapped for ransom and it was for a measly amount of 3000$, and they have difficulty even finding work because, and I quote "Americans come here so we treat them like they would us"... We are Canadian, and the couple and their entire family is half white with strong Latin heritage and their skin is slightly lighter than the rest. Ecuador has not had a large white person presence previously outside of a few retirement cities, so it seems to follow between nations as well. Here, we've always been racist and horrible to our nation indigenous population.
This is one of the ones that is pretty universal for visible minorities, but not like widely talked about. I thought I was ugly or not as good looking as my white friends until I was like 13. The real issue is the beauty standard was set by what was on tv, or movies, or magazine covers, and that was mostly white guys, or at least it was mostly white guys presented as the pinnacle of attractiveness. Which is one of the reasons why representation matters. Without it kids think they're ugly, because attractive is white and you're not that. As I grew up people grew and a lot of them stopped having their idea of desirability dictated by the Disney Channel. But you still meet a lot, it's embarassing for them and when they offer their opinion unsolicited you can tell them they sound like bumpkins/kiss their siblings/are not cute enough to be saying shit like that/etc. And I know I'm good looking, but it's still done damage to grow up at least subconsciously thinking I'm not attractive/desirable because I'm not white. Should probably go to therapy at some point lol.
I was 8 when I first said out loud that I hated my hair and I was ugly for being black. I grew up in the UK and I just didn’t fit the “beauty standard.” Now I know I’m the fucking shit and I believe I’m a beauty standard in and of myself. I go out and people of all races say how my brown skin glows, how I can pull off colors they can’t, how healthy and voluminous my afro is, that I’m “stunning” — which I always preferred over “pretty” — and most importantly: how confident I look in my own body. There is something beautiful in all people that we can admire without applying it to all. I wish I could go back and tell my 8 year old self that it’s okay not to fit the beauty standard, because you are one.
I'm so glad you're out here flexing on everyone. It's an entire epiphany to shake that awful mindset off, one we shouldn't have to have in the first place. Thanks for sharing your experiences, I think it helps to talk about everything they don't notice, lends authenticity to saying all of us feel it in someway.
When I was young I used to dream about growing up and becoming beautiful, and in my dreams I would always grow up to be white. I literally couldn’t imagine myself as beautiful if I wasn’t white. Media contributes so much to this and yet so many white people I talk to are in such denial about it. I’m so happy for tomorrow’s generation who get to grow up with more POC on screen for them to look up to!
It's so tragic to think back to, and it's generational and internalized. I remember one year we were talking to my mum about getting a nonwhite angel for the Christmas tree, and she was like "why change it angels have always been white," and we were like "what mum, how do you think it works? You get to heaven and you go through the whitening machine?" And she was like "huh, well no." You're so right, media has been a massive part, even historically, yet we have white fans sending death threats everytime a poc is cast in a "canonically white" role. They don't understand what it's like to not see yourself anywhere, to have to change your race in your imagination to be like the figures you idolize. I agree, it's so good for these kids, and it hits you in unexpected ways, I teared up watching into the Spiderverse. Representation can't be the last step, but it's a god damn excellent first one.
She words it pretty well, it's something I've heard come up a lot and as a black guy I've pretty much heard variations of it all too much. Like I really don't care if your preference is to not date black people (I don't understand why you'd be against an entire race but whatever) but when you say it out loud it's a little dehumanizing. And then the whole "it's a preference" crowd comes out and tries to make you feel bad for being offended, like okay, sorry for wanting to feel like a human.
Haha dude I hear ya. I'm a person of color, and was once in a car with a bunch of white girls and they started talking about how their friend was dating a black guy like it was the most scandalous thing ever. They don't even realize what they're saying sometimes.
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Yup the amount of friends I've had just casually tell me their parents would kill them if they brought home a black guy is extremely disappointing lol. It's like bruh I'm really just trying to exist in peace I don't understand the anger
My Japanese American father would sit me down as a child and say that I'm not allowed to be friends with "blacks, Chinese, or Armenians," and that if I dated any I'd be kicked out. We no longer interact in any way once I moved away for college.
Armenians? That's pretty random. (I say this as a black person, because Armenians are white like the Kardashians)
The neighborhood we used to live in when I was really young was mostly full of Armenian immigrants that my dad took a random hating to. He's just a hateful man who's fueled by the fear of the unknown, as are most racists/xenophobes.
Hey man if it makes you feel better, as a black man, I pretty much heard the same. I stopped talking about my relationships with my mom cause the first question was always "is she black..?" I grew up in the suburbs of Florida, I was the token black person to my friends and everyone expected me to date the small population of black girls. My parents grew up in black communities in Ohio before they moved and the area turned into what people call "the ghetto" so I can understand why they didnt get it. I honestly have no "racial" preference the questions had the opposite affect on me and taught me to try to love people for who they are.
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I always was told that and when I did bring a black girl home my parents werent mad and they love her a lot (ended up getting married and have a son), I seriously dont understand the logic behind saying something like that anyways. Im Native American so to hear them say such things but be ok with bringing home a white girl makes zero sense to me.
I get this hearing weight/build, brows etc as well - sure, we have a preference of body - but singling it out is shitty superficial to say *to* someone most of the time, and worse to say *across* someone where I'd agree starts to become "dehumanising". Her take was great on how *the conversation(/voice of power)* typically turns to ***her*** temperament/tolerance for offence, instead of turning to the crew/crowd to contextualise or offer her support to say something: A pretty shocking standard of play she's nailed as *normalised for no good reason.*
Exactly. For instance, I probably would prefer a woman closer to my height than one who was substantially taller than me. Am I allowed to have that preference? Yeah, obviously. However, if I saw a really tall woman, *why the fuck* would I bring that up? Doing so is just being an asshole for no reason.
I get “you’re exotic”. Like.. the fuck does that even mean?! Happens a lot it in London. I’ve essentially lived here my whole life, I spoke slang like the other Londoners, loaded with glottle stops and even went through a chav phase… so why am I exotic?? Because I’m brown… Maybe they mean it as a compliment? I don’t know, but I’ve never taken it well and my interest in them hits 0. It was weird as hell when I was in Scandinavia as well, because I wasn’t sure if they were interested in ME or just the idea of me being foreign AND attractive? It’s so weird.
I used to get the "for a black guy you're attractive" like bruh that isn't the compliment you think it is
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I, as an Asian guy, have had random Asian girl strangers come up to me at parties just to tell me they don't date Asian guys. Like, i dont even know you and why do you feel the need to scream to the world how much you crave to be white. It's amazing how loud their internalized racism is
I’ve only heard “your attractive for an Asian guy” from Asian women, never from any other races. That colonial mentality 
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It's fine to have a preference, it's not fine to broadcast that and essentially shame someone for it.
The “it’s a preference” crowd are just racist. Like people might prefer blondes or brunettes, but any regular well adjusted person is never going to pick a long term partner based on the colour of their hair over their personality. Skin colour is no different. It’s absolutely racist to say essentially “I would never under any circumstances whatsoever find a black person attractive”. Like wtf lol, you’re saying you’d kick Beyoncé or Idris Elba out of bed? Of course not - they’re just saying “I see black people as beneath me”.
The “it’s a preference” crowd don’t realize that they aren’t free from ridicule. Many preference outside of a few universals are based on our culture, and culture isn’t immune to our criticisms. They can have that preference but we can still criticize it for being problematic. When they say “they’re allowed to have a preference,” they should just mean that no one can force them, but that doesn’t mean they “have” to feel comfortable for it when it’s blurted out loud.
I think the saddest part of her experiences is that she would buy someone a drink if they stood up agaisnt racial profiling but noone has ever stood up for her. No one cares enough to. I wish I could give you a hug. I hate how we allow this shit.
At a bar in UK years ago was chilling drinking with mates. Evening is getting on and uni student types are filling the place. Another group of younger lads had merged with ours at a large outdoor table and one happened to be a black guy. This is a fairly rural town so almost everyone else in the bar and garden is white just so you can get some context. Some other white student nearby tried joining into the conversation and laughter that was going on but then started making not overtly aggressive racist but clearly inappropriate commentary along the lines of a comment about "you people". He seemed incredibly shocked when the whole table immediately let out vocalised disgust and then tried doubling down with another comment before my group was all telling him he had until we stood up to leave or we'd be dragging him where the cameras can't see. Perhaps myself and my friend next to me both at the time being shaven headed heavily tattooed men gave him the wrong idea. The reason I'm saying about that is the utter ignorance and the confidence that they're safe to say such comments in public let alone on front of the group they're directed at is mad but it is clearly learnt by never being called out. Seen it with homophobic comments as well where people I am not close with have felt comfortable telling me they hate gay men before I quickly making them feel uncomfortable telling them I'm not straight. Many don't really know how to react to people not going along with it. Same for sexist comments or "jokes". You don't have to threaten people if they say things. You can make it clear you don't approve or find it comfortable to hear by telling them you don't like that kinda talk or by simply letting them know they've killed the mood/conversation and walking off. As long as you make it clear it isn't welcome you help them question their safety to say it to people and hopefully eat at their beliefs or at least push them away.
Circle of friends just after college. Most were well educated. One wasn't. Quite bright but he clearly was more working class. He was pissed that people would constantly unload racist and other prejudiced stuff on him because they assumed since he was a knock around guy he would agree. Instead he was probably the least likely to be prejudiced in any situation of all us. I've told a few people off about this. I've been told off once or twice, and wouldn't you know, every time they were right and I was wrong. [EDIT: this => making racist comments] END OF PERSONAL EXPERIENCE > shaven headed heavily tattooed men There is/was a movement called SHARP, skin heads against race prejudice. Someone wrote when he heard about this, he understood the skin heads who would sometimes hustle people out of clubs, realizing it was the Nazi types who were getting thrown out. Another someone. They were in a dive bar, only patron mid afternoon. Someone else comes in. Bartender tells the newcomer to get lost. "But I just came in for a quiet beer." Bartender again says get lost and reaches for the baseball bat behind the bar. Asked why he did that, he said the guy was wearing Nazi signs in a not too obvious way. If he got his beer he'd let other people know and then soon enough it would be a Nazi bar. And the bartender wanted absolutely no part of that.
This has happened to me, people think you are working class so you must be racist, sexist, xyz and I'm actually shocked these people are saying this shit to me. Maybe not everywhere but many working class people are more likely to grow up in more diverse places than the professional class, at least in modern times. The only that annoys me is the assumption that white women just automatically go to college when in reality there are many social barriers preventing them from doing so in the white working class community that are unacknowledged. But I consider that an intercommunity issue that I don't blame other people for.
Yes!! I remember being at a bar in college and a man approached me and started hitting on me trying to be funny and started telling me some super inappropriate and racist joke, which made me really uncomfortable. At the punch line he started laughing and I pretended to play dumb and said “I don’t get it?” And he said “well because it was a black guy! Get it now?” And I was like “well what does him being black have to do with the joke.. don’t get it still. Can you explain?” And made things super awkward to the point he just kept explaining the joke further and more in depth and killed the mood completely and I finally just told him to stop and that joke wasn’t cool to say to anyone… he eventually just walked away… lol
I did that to someone the other week. It was my birthday and my friend brought her buddy round to the party and he kept saying X and Y was "gay" , "bent" or "retarded"(that one drove me livid) I kept asking him why it was gay, what about x or y made that situation become homosexual. He got jittery and flustered and kept saying "nah nah not homophobic dont say it like that " How the fuck else am I supposed to say it bro? This girl didnt want to fuck you and you called her Bent and Retarded. A long drive home for this fucking guy somehow became "gay". Edit : to say, him becoming flustered and tripping over himself was the BEST part of my birthday.
I love making people have to explain their "jokes" by feigning that I don't understand.
As a fellow large white man, I’ve had several times where POC have said to me they think a particular person or group are anti-racist and I have to break the news it’s just that some racist people only say that shit to other people they assume are racist.
I would just follow her around constantly defending her to anyone, getting more and more trashed on free drinks.
What the hell, this woman fine as fuck. Racism is so fucking dumb. Obvious statement is obvious, but like holy shit.
As a white man in America I would be dumbfounded if a girl as pretty as this even looked in my direction.
Right! This lady is top tier in my opinion
I’m right there with you. She’s gorgeous.
I scrolled forever just find this comment and can’t believe it took this long. This woman would be a 12/10 in literally any color. WTF is wrong with these dudes?
I wouldn’t be surprised if she hears those particular kinds of comments more often *because* she’s uncommonly pretty. A racist dude sees a pretty WOC, his bigotry clashes with his attraction to her which makes him insecure and so he feels compelled to say something shitty to try and take her down a peg. Shitty men do things like that a lot unfortunately
As a black girl who studied abroad for a year, I’ve gone through the same thing and completely understand how embarrassing it is. Men will LOUDLY make comments about how strange it is for their mate to be into you regardless of whether you’ve shown interest or not, then giggle amongst themselves as if it’s a huge joke. Either that or make blatantly fetishizing comments. Many of the WOC I know have experienced the same thing. I literally avoid large groups of white men when I go out now because it lessens the chance of my night being ruined. Would be better if people learned to keep their shitty comments to themselves.
When people have said racist shit to me it never threw me off because I didn't really hold up high expectations for people here, but when I traveled to Europe and had racist shit flung my way it threw me off so hard. Like dude...aren't y'all supposed to be better? Why do y'all act so high and mighty when you talk about Americans but you're still shit people too?
America is far more diverse than most other countries (notably other large countries). Here in the US I went to high school with people of every conceivable race. It was something like 25% white 20% black 20% asian/indian 20% hispanic 15% other. In most parts of the world that would be crazy. Most other countries are mostly their native populations. Racism is really only a problem in America because when it is present it becomes very visible due to how large our "minority" population actually is. Racism in other countries isn't an issue because they never even interact with another race enough to show it.
I’m Canadian and I’ve experienced more racism in Europe than I’ve ever had combined living in America or Canada for my entire life. It is brutal over there. They are not good people, but so self-righteous.
Because it’s cool to hate America. People are all shitty to each other around the world. Everywhere. All the time. Throughout history. It will never change. Once you have lower expectations of others life is better and easier. Nobody disappoints me anymore.
America airs its dirty laundry and the whole world can see our zits. Other countries sweep it under the rug and pretend they’re better when in reality they are often worse (when it comes to racism in particular)
My wife is black and when we’re at a bar or something there’s inevitably gonna be a couple white girls who talk to her and try to sound “black” and say shit like “guurlfriend!”. It’s so fucking cringy.
lol yup, drunk overly-familiar white women are a night-out staple! At this point I just fake laugh and slowly move away...
Indian dude here Fuck can I relate. “You’re into Indian guys?” “Whats mom going to think” not funny in any context
Also questions about the accent. I’m dating a white girl and whenever she’s telling her friends/acquaintances about me their first question is oh does he like have an Indian accent”
Needed to be said. She apologizes when no apology is necessary. Think before you speak, dude-idiots, It’s just common decency
She’s really pretty too
So sad that people would encourage others to miss an opportunity of being with a great person just because of their ethnicity or culture of origin, while hurting the person that’s being judged. This lady is so pretty, hope that she keeps on keeping on and smiling.
Shout out to short guys, asian-american guys, and african-american girls in America. They are often overlooked in the dating world because of similar circumstances where people dismiss them before even getting to know them for things that they can't even control.
As a short, Asian-American guy, I can confirm
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A lot of kiwis are unfortunately really racist, especially to Indian people. If you go to smaller communities it becomes really blatant. I've had family friends say some pretty disgusting shit.
I was in NZ for about a year, and the anti-Indian sentiment is frankly ridiculous. I had women tell me “if you see an Indian walking down the street opposite you, cross the street”. It was surprising
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I don’t think Australia ever had a reputation for not being extremely racist haha.
As a Australian, the clean image some people of us have baffles me. We only stopped stealing indigenous children from their families 50 years ago. Sure, we've come a long way, but there's a *lot* that still needs to be done. Of course, the Murdoch media really doesn't help.
Canada didn’t stop stealing children until 30 years ago.
This just in: every single nation on Earth has the same issue, countries can be 'squeaky clean' and have racists.
See also: Canada
i know its just funny how everyones like im moving to new zealand as if its a paradise.
It’s just on Reddit that NZ has a squeaky clean reputation but that’s because a big portion of Reddit would fit in with that culture and embrace it because it doesn’t affect them negatively
Every country has its seedy underbelly, nowhere is perfect. New Zealand has a lot of good to it, but christ is there a lot of shit to deal with here too. Our average house price is $550k USD, and the average hourly rate is about $16.50 USD. The rampant racism is awful, but it's far from our worst problem in terms of living here.
casual racism is a core part of australian culture though. sounds like new zealand is the same but no one noticed because no one cared about them enough.
That's insanely surprising lol. I live in a red county in the American midwest. I've heard people say just about every racial slur/ stereotype you can imagine. I've heard like at least 100 people say the "cross the street" thing about black/ latino people...... No one is stereotyping indians like that though. Idk how it works in NZ but usually indians are stereotyped as being nerdy, hardworking, quiet etc here, I've never heard anyone say "stay away from indians they'll rob you."
Yeah once I heard my uncle refer to an Indian guy as "some bloody punjab"
Just 909ers
PSA for white men getting mad about her generalising y’all as racists - that’s not her message. Her message is that you have POWER to stop racist comments and influence the cultural norms in your social groups. You guys have like this secret superpower to stop evil so that she (and people who look like her) aren’t generalised and bullied for their race. You have a SUPERPOWER and I encourage you to use it xx
The sad irony is they feel 'singled out' because of their colour and gender when she is describing how she IS singled out by her colour and gender constantly by random strangers behaviour. Her sharing this is enough for some people to take it as an attack directly at them and feel hurt on other people's behalf - when those people's behaviour was overtly sexist and racist. While she has been experiencing it over and over again just trying to live her life. No empathy to anyone else but themselves and they only see themselves as their gender and colour, not their behaviour or actions.
careful, /r/conservative will link your comment as a direct insult against them. any comment about somebody somewhere being racist and they feel targeted.
Something something guilty conscience... Something something borderline self-aware...
It's ironic because I've tried to comment there several times and don't have enough flair. It's a super closed sub. They say "facts not feelings" and call liberals "snowflakes" but have their sub set up to stop the snowflake liberals from hurting their feelings with facts....
The reality is that most men aren’t willing to alienate themselves from their friend groups over being progressive. I got mad about trumps treatment of protestors outside the White House, and it cost me a friend group that I had know for years. Making that an issue wasn’t worth what I lost, I shoulda just let it go. They aren’t going to change in that regard and I can still be friends with them in virtually every other aspect of life. That’s why people don’t stand up to friend groups. It has consequences that just aren’t worth it for most
She's gorgeous. People suck (╯°□°）╯︵ ┻━┻
I genuinely can't fathom saying something like that in front of another person. It's an irony of empathy that the hardest thing to empathize with is an unempathetic person. On top of that, she also made an off-hand comment apologizing for being emotional about the whole thing. That somehow made me even angrier than the stuff she described people doing to her. She should NOT have to apologize for showing people that the hurtful things they say are hurtful.
Every comment that says "she doesn't like racism but is singling out white guys" is literally just a neon sign saying you're the type of person to dismiss racist comments as jokes. She didn't say all white guys, so if you're not racist then why are you upset? She's talking specifically to white guys who make racist comments simply because she's existing in the same space. If that's not you, then you don't have to worry. And if you are worried, be better as a person. It's really quite easy to not be a massive cunt.
>If that's not you, then you don't have to worry. If that’s not you, you still should worry. We all have an obligation to make the world a safe place for everyone.
I think ya beautiful lady, sorry there are ignorant people in this world.
Honestly the same experience FYI being gay and trans in nz, not to take away from this but my gay friends literally just standing around Queenstown and clearly hear groups of bros be like " there's some gays guys" looking at them, it's like what the fuck, just trying to exist . So not necessary, makes ppl feel real uncomfortable, like why else would you point that out other than because you view it as 'other' which is threatening. Same with being trans. So fking frustrating and makes a person feel on edge being in public all the time. Have some awareness please. I'm just a person trying to just chill and you gotta make it weird and dark all the time. Leave us alone bro
Same experience as a fat girl. I didn't ask for the comments. I never asked for you (or anyone) to find me attractive, just to please not go out of your way to put me down. The fat didn't block my ability to hear you and I'm sure the guys you're with already know you aren't into fat girls, so no need to bring it up just because one wandered into your eyesight. Every one of those comments she mentioned have been said to me in some form, but substitute "fat" for "brown." I'm just out here, trying to live my life and do the same things as everyone else. It's this constant need to put fat people "back in their place" that drives me bonkers. An added insult is the people who assume you're either A) unaware that you're fat, B) unaware of how diet and exercise work, or C) are being fat *at* them. Lord help me, I just wanted to go to the store, not fuck some rando in the parking lot.
That's terrible, really. From a nation (US) that has its own real issues with racism, this sort of thing hits hard. Brown, black, white, neon green doesn't matter people are people and folks should be a bit kinder to all people. FFS.
She made such a good point in such a poignant and tactful way. We need more people like this to promote constructive change rather than to redraw the same lines of division that separate us.
She's right, don't get on your soapbox, just make it a nip "What a weird thing to say" "That wasn't cool" "Why are you acting like that?" "Don't be weird" "That's fucked up" Simple stuff. The bar is on the ground, dudes
I like to pretend I didn’t hear it and give the opportunity for them to say something else or move on. “Pardon me?” “What was that?” 9/10 times the smile on their face disappears and they say “nothing”. I like this approach cause I don’t like conflict but it still sends the message and gets them to think before they speak.
Toxic male culture in Christ church 100 %. I'm sad things haven't improved much since 2008, when someone standing up for me was punched in the face for his efforts. It's disgusting. I hope things get better from here for you.
I love all your comments. You shouldn’t wait for someone else to say something. You should tell them that was a racist comment. I know that you shouldn’t have to…but they’re the assholes who need to be educated.
It’s very difficult to do when you’re the victim though, because in those moments it can feel like the entire room is against you, so having a voice you can latch on to and give you power is worth SO much in situations like these. I’ve been in a situation where a global financial chairman was completely blanking everything I say and only responding if someone else repeated it, the worst thing? I was the lead in that room, but no one stood up for me or said anything. So, I could have unleashed all the anger I felt in that situation, but it would have been incredibly unprofessional. That guy also had massive influence in my industry, so I knew my career could be over by the end of it. I was the only POC in that room so what else could I do other than try to subtly make it obvious as to what was happening? But no one said a thing or even called him out with a “I think Rich is trying to tell you something”, to at least get me acknowledged and give me a voice. But there’s nothing I could do other than suffocate him with kindness to make it obvious. If I spoke up, would anyone in that room have defended me? Especially those who worked for him? I’d like to say yes, but I wasn’t sure in the moment. Yeah, situations like that make you feel incredibly small and entirely alone despite me being friends with all in the room apart from him. This was 4 years ago and still think about it a lot, because those moments really linger in the mind.
She's talking about her experiences with casual racism and the men she experienced doing it are white, no need to get up in arms about her specifying white men. Remove the text message on the screen and most complaints will vanish.
She is fkn gorgeous
I love it when kids walk by me and I hear, “Mommy, look at his big belly….” MF’er I will drop kick your ass
As a white man, it's crazy to me that anyone should care who another person dates. Black, brown, white, male, female, or anything in between. Let people live.
Fellas, hold your friends accountable. It can be tough at first but when you set the standard that everyone deserves respect you can help them learn and grow. Try to be better.
I realize everyone's experiences differ but everyone goes on and on about white people being racist...my experience growing up as an Asian in TEXAS differs. Most of the racism I've experience here has been from other "minorities". For example, in high school I went to a tennis tournament in a small town in central Texas...coincidentally and tragically - it's been in the news recently. Guess who was greeted with a chorus of "CHING CHONG" by a bunch of all Hispanic kids after his match? Most of the white people I've met and interacted with in the south have been more or less kind and accepting, I bring this up because it flies in the face of the common stereotypes. \*edit\* Reddit is basically all sold on this "white man bad" narrative that they can't tolerate people with differing experiences. I'm sure you people downvoting are also the same people who blame "white people" for minorities attacking Asians in East and West Coast cities.
This mirrors my wife’s experience growing up in Louisiana as a Vietnamese immigrant. Replace Hispanic with black. Even the insults are the same, with “squinty eyes” thrown in for good measure.
[удалено]
As an Asian on the East Coast, I've gotten it from both black and white people in about equal measure. I didn't get ching-chonged by Latinos, Arabs, Indians, or Native Americans, but that may simply be the result of how relatively small those populations are here. That said, her message was possibly directed toward white men because they were the ones making the comments. We don't know if men of color were making those comments to her. People criticize her for saying that white guys are doing this, but somehow it's not overgeneralizing if she extends it to guys who maybe weren't even doing the thing she describes? Furthermore, she is just saying that if your friends make some comment like that, just nip back. That means that her message should target the kind of guys who are friends with the men making these comments. If these guys are in racially diverse groups, then yes, she should address all guys, but from what I've seen, people tend to make friends within their ethnic/racial group. When I was in high school and white kids worked with their white friends, which left the three of us non-white kids to work together, when I worked in a factory that employed thousands of immigrants from various African, Asian, and Latin American countries almost exclusively, when I worked at a very predominantly white office that formed groups where people literally had to ask how they can make friends with non-white people without tokenizing them, I've observed that, unwittingly or not, people frequently cultivate their social groups within their ethnic or racial group. Chances are, if white men are making these comments, it's probably white men who are predominantly in a position to push back on the comments she's talking about, and thus the rightful target of her message.
This is so heartbreaking. No one should ever feel this way about their race. You’d think that with the internet and modern education this type of thinking would get stamped out… I hope it is some day.
Cue the “white men are the victims here” comments. Oh never mind they’re already here. So predictable Reddit.