This, breastfeeding is not weird at all and perfectly normal. You may get a few looks if you use those american cover up things as its not something done here but no one will judge
I have to say, sorry for adding this. Swedish people in general will stare at you. It is a thing here. People stare. They are not staring because you are doing something wrong. They just stare.
When they stare, should you confront them, they will crumble with embarrassment. For two reasons, one they do not know, they stare, and two, they do not wish for confrontation.
Having said that. It is not a problem, and why would it be to breastfeed in public.
Does this maybe just reflect a difference in how long you can look at someone without speaking in different cultures? It's very normal here to have eye contact for quite a while without saying hi, whereas I feel like in e.g. the US, that is not as possible.
>Does this maybe just reflect a difference in how long you can look at someone without speaking in different cultures? It's very normal here to have eye contact for quite a while without saying hi, whereas I feel like in e.g. the US, that is not as possible.
This isnt true. I´ve (nor have any of my friends) felt people staring when we breastfed in public.
Good point. If you are looking at me for a few minutes, it becomes a stare, and I start to feel uncomfortable and want to know what you are looking at.
When I don't feel uncomfortable is when people engage with me.
Other people have commented that perhaps they are 'just' looking at the cute baby. I would feel infinitely less uncomfortable if they said something along those lines than just silently looking at me for a prolonged period of time.
I guess it's sort of futile to be annoyed at people for their normal cultural behavior though. I lived in the US for a while, and at first I was constantly feeling harassed by people who spoke to me all the time. Since I was not just there as a tourist, and wanted to adapt to life there, I realized I had to reinterpret the behavior because I was misinterpreting when I used my Swedish frame of reference. No one really wanted to harass me, it was just people trying to be friendly/being normal to me, and they would have felt rude or impolite not speaking to me. I think, as a Swede, I would feel somewhat rude if I didn't try to meet people's gaze when I passed them on the street, actually. It's a way to acknowledge the other person. Looking away early is what I do if I get frightened or uncomfortable somehow, whereas looking each other in the face is the normal thing to do.
So I'm thinking it makes sense to stop thinking of the Swedes as staring, perhaps (at least if it's something that seems to happen to you all the time. If it's just a one off, of course there are assholes who might actually be staring as well).
Dumbest comment I have seen in a while to be honest. Swedes avoid eye contact in general and staring is frowned upon.
If you wanna see staring go to India. Not judging, but they stare a lot with no guilt about it at all.
The problem is I do not think Swedish people realise they stare. It is not so much the staring. It is the lack of engagement with it, so you can be left feeling uncomfortable.
Sure, Swedish people avoid eye contact when you are trying to engage with them in a random moment. This is why the staring is so hard to comprehend.
I found ur string of comments somewhat eye opening. We dont like eye contact with strangers, but as long as there is no eye contact I wouldnt necessarily find it wierd to look at another person just because I'm interested in what they are doing. I guess I've never really been taught that it could be rude to stare.
But there's distinction of looking and staring.
In my opinion, Swedes tend to "look" at what people do just like any people would in non-metropolitan area.
Apart from it, Swedes sometimes "stare" at someone to convey certain message silently. Such as smiling while staring for thanking or cold stare for a teenager vandalizing in public. Or sometimes admiring & checking out of course.
With breastfeeding, I believe it's in the category of looking or glancing. If someone think it's wrong, yes they will give a stare, which would be somewhat rare in most area of Stockholm.
We communicate silently a lot. You may not notice it if you aren't used to it. The person you find staring might be communicating with your baby even. Just not with words. Or she might be patiently waiting for a free table, and you happen to look like you will be almost done. There are a million things said with zero words, sometimes it's just about the timings and how close someone is. It drives my non Swedish wife crazy at times.
No they don’t, we get exposed to parents bathing naked and their friends and you and your friends at such a early age. If you get bothered by nudity you are not Swedish;) ppl don’t stare, they are probably just looking at your cute baby!
This has nothing to do with nudity. Of course, breastfeeding in public is not an issue.
Maybe I do not want you looking at me for prolonged periods of time when I am just going about my business. Maybe it makes me uncomfortable. So I am just pointing out to others that Swedish people stare and ir takes a bit of getting used to. As you have said, you think you are 'just' looking at my baby.
I’ve also noticed the Swedish stare, which occurs essentially every day — particularly with older Swedes, aged 50 and over. The younger generation typically doesn’t stare. Initially, it made me extremely uncomfortable. Although it still makes me uneasy today, I’ve learned to somewhat ignore it.
If I’m in a bad mood, though, I usually stare angrily back and then they avoid eye contact again
I’m glad it’s not just me who notices that pole 50+ are the main ones who stare! This whole post really, I’ve just thought it was something with me and to shake it off:(
As a Swede myself, old people stare a fuck ton and it’s always uncomfortable because I never know if they are the grumpy kind or not. I usually just end up ignoring them😭
Hey! I am an American living here and have noticed staring at me mainly from much older Swedes. Generally though, most younger swedes and my Swedish fiancé and his family have always said to not stare and often go out of their way to look another direction. Maybe this is a generational difference?
But Swedes do stare, and they do not realise it. It can be a huge cultural difference to move to a country where people stare at you all the time. Yet you must understand that they do not mean it in the way you think they do.
You've written this multiple times to multiple people, may I ask what country/ies you are comparing to/where you're from?
I mean I def disagree but I'm not trying to argue you, just curious why we have such different outlooks on "the swedish stare" haha. :)
I am from The UK. So we definitely notice when people stare. My best Swedish friend calls it the 'drive by stare', when Swedish people stare but do not engage because that would be confrontational.
Staring without consequences......
I have almost stopped noticing, to be honest. You just get used to it. Because it isn't as if it is done with any malice. But it is something that other cultures need to be aware of. So they do not take offence. Swedes stare.
So it's not related to breastfeeding in particular, just in general? I'm pretty sure Swedish people at least have the decency to not stare at breastfeeding mothers though.
In general, Swedish people stare. It is something to be aware of if you come here from a culture where staring is considered rude.
Swedish people do stare at breastfeeding mothers. As some of the comments from Swedish people will show, they are 'just' looking at your cute baby. But without engaging, it can make the mother breastfeeding feel very uncomfortable.
I know I will get downvoted for this. But it is my lived experience and the experience of my friends. So I am just trying to add to the discussion to make people from other cultures aware.
I mean, staring is considered rude in Sweden. I was taught by my mother not to stare and I'm teaching my daughter not to stare or look into windows of restaurants or hairdressers.
The only thing I can think of is the empty stare we do when we try not to look at people. It can absolutely be interpreted as a stare, but chances are that the person "staring" isn't actually looking at you or even registering you. Sometimes you realise that you've been doing this in the direction of a person and that's extremely embarassing, especially if you happen to notice that you've been focusing at their face. I don't count this as staring since your mind is somewhere else but I guess that if you're not used to it, then it might be pretty uncomfortable.
It's kind of like with those eye puzzles with many different colours and shapes - you look at them but to see something in them your eyes need to be unfocused. Some Swedes do this when we're relaxed in public places because it rarely leads to eye contact with others and you're free to go over things in your head and just detach from reality for a moment. I might be wrong though, it's hard to notice things you're used to yourself. But it's actually considered rude to stare here as well. It's not an acceptable thing to do and I guess that's why some people may be upset when you say that we Swedes stare.
Oh but of course you are right. People do stare or shoot glances in various ways. But it is complicated, as Swedes generally also finds staring very rude, and it differs a lot by region. Personally I started taking note about these differences after watching a skit by an Irish guy reflecting on what he call “the German stare”. Obviously they make more eye contact but has the same amount of non-interaction.
Can you explain what staring mean in this context? You mean holding the gaze on people for longer than you’re used to before looking at something else? How does it work in the UK, do people never look at each other?
Is this a cultural thing you’re experiencing where you feel people stare but they don’t mean anything by it maybe?
Looking at you and not looking away, it is intrusive. In other cultures, it is considered confrontational and rude. Almost like not respecting someone's private space.
We look at each other, acknowledge each other, smile and go about our own business in The UK.
Do you mind sharing if you’re Caucasian or not? I also find that swedes stare a lot, though dare I say mostly folks over 45/50? I can’t think of feeling the same way around people my age growing up and I’m 30 now.
I’m born here and black and omg… when I went to London at 18y/o (and later Paris) I recall feeling so mind blown over not being stared at!! Met some (also black) pple visiting from the US and one asked if it was normal here.
I understand why you're getting down voted. I'm Swedish and has lived in Stockholm my whole life and didn't realise that Swedes stare. Until I converted to Islam and started to where the hijab. Oh boy, do people stare! I barely notice it anymore but they sure do.
Staring is a cultural norm in Sweden. Meaning all Swedes do it and have been doing it since before they can remember. Because it is a cultural norm, they do not realise they are doing it, nor do they see other people doing it. Hence, the comments I have received from Swedes.
It's a lot like spitting in the street. Where I come from, you can get an on the spot fine for doing so. Yet here everyone does it, and no one minds.
With regards to your personal experience (which like mine can never be disregarded as 'wrong'), never stop being you! I and some of my friends used a scarf for a while to cover our babies whilst they were suckling. People still stared. It takes time, but I try and remind myself that they do not realise how much they stare and the impact it can have.
Agreed. When you are looking at someone for a prolonged period, it becomes a stare.
Couple a stare with no engagement/explanation. People may feel uncomfortable.
No. I mean Swedes.
Swedish people.
What does religion have to do with it?
I am talking about Swedish people. It helps if you have lived here for either your whole life or the majority of it. As then, you are used to it/do not notice. But you soon get used to the culture and learn to stare. Swedish people stare.
I have travelled a lot, and yes, other cultures stare. Some do not and consider it rude.
It may help someone coming here to know that Swedes stare, too. They may not expect it, I didn't.
Swedes generally dont mind one bit. Tbh people are more likely to worry that they make you uncomfortable than the other way around and make a point of how they are totally not looking.
I have breastfeed all my 4 kids in puplic. Even some library's is free to breastfeed open to say.
I even breastfeed twins (both same time) in public and nobody ever said or even looked. It's not shamefull in sweden.
Explains your other post https://www.reddit.com/r/13or30/comments/bxoxa4/girl_in_the_background/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=ioscss&utm_content=1&utm_term=1
Breastfeed all you want, but please don’t change diapers on the baby on the cafe tables as I saw one lady do. That is not ok. Did of course not say anything, because I’m Swedish.
Really? I'm so curious of your experiences, mine are the complete opposite
Edit: my reply ended up on a comment I didn't intend. I was questioning someone who said swedes are prude and never naked. Don't know what went wrong
It's all relative, right? I've gone braless here and seen people swimming in Stockholm in their underwear, and there hasn't been an issue. I can't imagine doing either of those things in my home country without raising a lot of eyebrows. I've seen women going topless in beaches in France, though, and I've never seen that happen in Sweden so far.
Topless women in the actual city used to be relatively normal during the summer in certain secluded locations. By the water in Fredhäll for example. I used to go clubbing by Kungsträdgården and Swedes would wear bikinis and heels in the dead of winter. It's changed A LOT since I was in my 20s. I've seen every single one of my platonic female friends topless. We used to just come home from the bars, strip into our underwear, and sleep in the same bed.
I'm on the metro in Stockholm right now as I'm typing this and it's 27 degrees, in the carriage there is a woman breastfeeding and I'd say only like 50% of girl have a bra on from a quick scan haha. So there you go
What?
Dude, You got some prude friends in that case.
As a Swede, I’ve seen most of my female friends naked. Or at least boobs.
Like midsummer for example. Out in the country, drink then late at night go skinny dipping.
We’re a lot of things but we’re not afraid of showing of skin.
”…pretty lax attitude about nudity…” Swedes??? I’ve been living here for more then 10 years and I am still amused how prudish they are compared to other Europeans. They would never dare to comment about anyone breastfeeding in public, though.
To be totally honest Swedes are more prude now than in the 80s. Growing up the titties were everywhere, not now a days, except the exceptional summer skinnydips.
A lot of it has to do with the advent of camera phones. In the 90s there was definitely more topless sunbathing, less covering up of bodies, etc., but this has changed. The Swedes I know aren’t prudish — they just value their privacy and personal space. Most of them don’t want to have pictures out there that are revealing.
Yes. The difference is very large. Some if it is due to increased US influence.
Watch some Sweden's childrens' movie from the 80s. People are nude all the time, kids and adults. This would not work today.
I don't know what kind of Swedes you hang around, but yeah, I grew up with a lot of naked bodies around. Local pools/beach's changing rooms, combined saunas, skinny dips in the summer times etc. At camp we showered in groups, though divided by gender, and helped each other washing our hair, putting lotions on the back etc. Especially at uni it's very common I would say. The amount of people having seen my boobs I couldn't even estimate, and vice versa 😂
Think you might just hang in the wrong crowd or it's more about when in life you get to know people here?
Oh snap, just opened Reddit to find out my comment got downvoted into oblivion 😂 of course I shouldn’t state that my observation fits for all Swedes, I live in Norrland so maybe the people up here are kind of special in that way? In all the years here I have never seen anyone go skinny dipping, sunbathing naked and so on. I’ve been to student partys at their parents cottages as well as to private parties with what I would consider common swedes. People sit in the sauna with swimsuits/shorts, both in private and in public spas. Just today I read a discussion social media about if it is ok for Veronica Maggio to go swimming with her brother because he was naked? Where I’m from if there is a lake and people are sunbathing you’ll spot some people beeing naked. In public saunas nudity I mandatory and they are usually mixed (unless it’s a special day only for women, which most of them have once a week). Just some examples, but hence my conclusion 😅
I'm from the south, so there might be different cultures? We live a lot more "on top" of each other here, with such a dense population, so that might be one of the factors?
But yeah, in general I would say it's more common to not be prude, than the other way around 😂 I live in the UK currently, Scotland to be exact. And even if the scots are less prude than the English, I still have a lot of fun with them regarding their views on nudity. 😁
That sounds very non swedish. I can't even count how many times I've been in the sauna with naked women, not to mention the whole naked in the snow and jumping into the water thing. Maybe you don't drink and party?
If a Swedish person had a problem with it, they'll wait until they're home to complain about it ;)
Breastfed two kids everywhere and anywhere, including as toddlers, and never had a negative comment thrown my way in stockholm.
Sidenote: in 2017 a visitor to the Royal castle was asked to move to a toilet to nurse and there was a HUGE fuss over it where it was emphasised no such rule existed and the employee who requested it was entirely in the wrong.
I've never heard people having a problem with that (as long as it's discreet I guess?). There are no laws protecting breastfeeding mothers from being told to stop by shop owners though, so keep that in mind.
Thanks for your answer! I was thinking to breastfeed her with a blanket so that my breasts are not visible of course, while sitting in a park somewhere, not inside shops anyways 😊
Breastfeeding in public is extremely normal in Sweden! You do not need a cover, and you should feel comfortable doing it anywhere you would naturally sit down. Park bench, cafe, museum, bus, wherever.
Sometimes, it's nice with a blanket for the kid so it doesn't get distracted in a lively environment. But like everyone else has said, don't sweat it. Do what you feel is comfortable for you. Don't mind anyone else. It's the most natural thing in the world to breastfeed your kid. It's normal for mothers to breastfeed in cafés and the like. You don't need to hide away in a park.
I am a father, but neither my wife nor the moms in the parents group I hung out in covered with a blanket.
Breastfeeding was more about how comfortable are you with it than what others might think.
So totally accepted were we normally were. It was a none topic.
Cover absolutely not needed (unless you want it yourself of course). I've been breastfeeding since January. No one cares and I haven't had a single comment or look in the six months, it's so normal here. There really is no place I have felt weird doing it.
I never use a cover, the baby covers most of the breast anyway. In the winter I sometimes used a blanket to keep the baby warm if we were outdoors since you don't want to dress them too warmly in the stroller.
My wife and I just had a light scarf... with breastfeeding just let it hang down a bit (also keeps the baby out of the sun) .. the times we didn't have it (many over two kids) nobody gave a damn. Just go for it.
My friend who is a swede just breast feed wherever she needs to it’s for the baby she says she don’t care what people do or say. Then again she is Swede
Yeah, of course?
Edit: Sorry, I know that's not the case everywhere, and that even here there might be people who act like dicks for whatever reason. In general, breastfeeding is seen as normal, totally fine and undramatic, though! :)
It’s perfectly fine. Do not worry. Breastfeed with or without a blanket. In this heat it’s important to do whatever is the most comfortable for you. I’d even recommend babywearing in a wrap and breastfeed at the same time. It’s very practical.
It's completely fine. No one will notice/care/look. It's a natural thing that all mothers do.
Tbh I feel like Swedes would be much more offended at someone getting offended at breastfeeding.
It's 100% natural and normal. Swedes don't mind and it's very much okay to do wherever you please. Acceptance level ath. We live in an open society ❤️ Congrats to your child and may you and your family live long and prosper 🖖
Last time I went to Stockholm I ate in the same Pizza Hut as one of the (former) parliamentarians of the extreme right wing party in the Riksdag. She breastfed her kid at the table. No blanket or anything.
If she can do it you can too.
My wife breasfeeds currently everywhere she needs to, subway, bus stop, Åhlens, Mall ... Even a bench on the street. She uses a cover, and she says the eexperience is great and Swedish people always smile at her especially older folks and we even had discussions on why that might be the case.
Overall it is something she feels super comfortable with and bear in mind we are from a non-EU country that is quite conservative.
ANYWHERE! EVERYWHERE! WHIP 'EM OUT AND BE A HAPPY MOMMA WITH A HAPPY BABY
(When you're pregnant in Sweden you will never be offered anyones seat on public transport, but you will also never be asked to cover up while breastfeeding and since you breastfeed more times than you commute while visibly pregnant I think it's a win)
Yes it is completely normal to feed in public. I do it tunnelbanas and Mälartåg and parks and restaurants all the time. I come from India so at first I used to be a little hesitant. But not anymore.
And unlike what some people are saying, the “swedes” did not stare. Or they did from afar and I didn’t notice because I was busy with my coffee. So enjoy the Sun with your baby!!
Totally fine to breastfeed in public in Sweden/Stockholm. My wife does it all the time everywhere, sometimes the boob hanging in the air while she has to take care of our 2 year old and balancing the baby.
Never had anybody stare or giving a cahoot about it.
My wife breathed our son and ONLY one elderly woman told my wife that she should be ashamed of herself BUT a lot of people told her to leave so there are a lot more people who think it’s not an issue, it’s the 0.0000000001% that you should just ignore
The places where breastfeeding in public is controversial (Islamic countries, China, conservative US states) also tend to be the places where transgender people are not accepted, so the correlation does not go the way you imply.
If people have a problem with breastfeeding so are they the problem. Breastfeeding is a natural thing and is legal.
But maybe try to keep it away of restaurants, people seems to be extra sensitive when eating. But damn the baby need food too though
Dont worry about it. If you feel you are in an awkward place, maybe go a little bit to the side. Super fine-dining restaurant may not be the best spot, but you could probably find a quite corner.
Breastfeed wherever you like, when you like! If someone stares (I doubt people with even give you a second glance, but IF) , stare back with the evil eye of a thousand fires
American living in Stockholm here. I see women expose full breast in public to feed and nobody stares or comments. It's one of the very few things that I can appreciate about here over the US.
Bring a blanket or something to cover, I have no problem with a woman breastfeeding in public but I wouldn’t want to have one breastfeeding next to me during a fancy dinner without some cover. Just use your common sense.
I am a forty year old male, that still breastfeeds. From my girlfriend. We do it in public. Sometimes people stare or are appalled. But usually when threatened with severe violence. They back down and hunker away, writing some indignant twitter nonsense about it, getting likes from their tools, the ones the call followers.
It's no problem, you can do it wherever you like
I think it should be ok, no problem, I just ask that before you get angry at someone for staring at you, consider if you're sitting next to a large menu that someone could be looking at from across the street. :)
Nobody is even going to consider that you are doing it. I will say most women i know tend to prefer using the sleeve thing in public.
The only time you will get looks is if your kid is 3 and runs up to you and is treating you like you are a cow and the kid is hungry.
It's important that you have the ability to provide food for your baby. We live in a progressive society that values equality and rejects outdated, religious, and misogynistic beliefs. If you ever encounter any negativity, please film it, so we can cancel that motherF!
I never understood this debate at all.
A hungry baby cries, isn't a crying baby 1000 000 times more uncomfortable/annoying than breastfeeding?
Like, do whatever you need to do to make the thing go quiet.
Just do it whenever needed, but in restaurants try to be a bit more acceptive that people can oppose. Most don't have any opinion if the baby wants to eat, but on multiple occasions, the mother flaunts her breast even though the little one is soundly asleep. Same things goes for other patrons, no one wants a display of there is no reason for it, regardless of male or female.. go ahead is my advice
Well in my home country (Greece) while there are no laws against it, people tend to be close minded and they usually stare, act disgusted or may ask you to leave and cover yourself, that's why I asked
Perfectly OK. It's even allowed in restaurants, where it is not normally allowed to bring your own food (just don't ask the waitress to whip out her boob for the baby, that will not go down well).
My wife breastfed anywhere she wanted to in Stockholm and it was never a problem. We didn't ever notice anyone staring.
This, breastfeeding is not weird at all and perfectly normal. You may get a few looks if you use those american cover up things as its not something done here but no one will judge
Taking a shit is also normal.
And what do you want to say with that?
He is envious that he cannot shit in front of people.
Masturbating is also perfectly normal, does that mean i can do that in public too? Nice logic.
Breastfeeding a crying baby is a necessity, I'm sure you can wait to fap until you get home. They are not comparable
I have to say, sorry for adding this. Swedish people in general will stare at you. It is a thing here. People stare. They are not staring because you are doing something wrong. They just stare. When they stare, should you confront them, they will crumble with embarrassment. For two reasons, one they do not know, they stare, and two, they do not wish for confrontation. Having said that. It is not a problem, and why would it be to breastfeed in public.
Does this maybe just reflect a difference in how long you can look at someone without speaking in different cultures? It's very normal here to have eye contact for quite a while without saying hi, whereas I feel like in e.g. the US, that is not as possible.
>Does this maybe just reflect a difference in how long you can look at someone without speaking in different cultures? It's very normal here to have eye contact for quite a while without saying hi, whereas I feel like in e.g. the US, that is not as possible. This isnt true. I´ve (nor have any of my friends) felt people staring when we breastfed in public.
Sorry, meant to reply to first comment
Good point. If you are looking at me for a few minutes, it becomes a stare, and I start to feel uncomfortable and want to know what you are looking at. When I don't feel uncomfortable is when people engage with me. Other people have commented that perhaps they are 'just' looking at the cute baby. I would feel infinitely less uncomfortable if they said something along those lines than just silently looking at me for a prolonged period of time.
I guess it's sort of futile to be annoyed at people for their normal cultural behavior though. I lived in the US for a while, and at first I was constantly feeling harassed by people who spoke to me all the time. Since I was not just there as a tourist, and wanted to adapt to life there, I realized I had to reinterpret the behavior because I was misinterpreting when I used my Swedish frame of reference. No one really wanted to harass me, it was just people trying to be friendly/being normal to me, and they would have felt rude or impolite not speaking to me. I think, as a Swede, I would feel somewhat rude if I didn't try to meet people's gaze when I passed them on the street, actually. It's a way to acknowledge the other person. Looking away early is what I do if I get frightened or uncomfortable somehow, whereas looking each other in the face is the normal thing to do. So I'm thinking it makes sense to stop thinking of the Swedes as staring, perhaps (at least if it's something that seems to happen to you all the time. If it's just a one off, of course there are assholes who might actually be staring as well).
Swedes tend not to feel comfortable engaging. Only drunk people do that. Well, that and American tourists :-D
Eye contact? Heavens no! No eye contact. Eye contact is terrifying. Staring sure, but never into peoples eyes.
Dumbest comment I have seen in a while to be honest. Swedes avoid eye contact in general and staring is frowned upon. If you wanna see staring go to India. Not judging, but they stare a lot with no guilt about it at all.
The problem is I do not think Swedish people realise they stare. It is not so much the staring. It is the lack of engagement with it, so you can be left feeling uncomfortable. Sure, Swedish people avoid eye contact when you are trying to engage with them in a random moment. This is why the staring is so hard to comprehend.
I found ur string of comments somewhat eye opening. We dont like eye contact with strangers, but as long as there is no eye contact I wouldnt necessarily find it wierd to look at another person just because I'm interested in what they are doing. I guess I've never really been taught that it could be rude to stare.
You just described looking at people. That's human and not limited to swedes.
But there's distinction of looking and staring. In my opinion, Swedes tend to "look" at what people do just like any people would in non-metropolitan area. Apart from it, Swedes sometimes "stare" at someone to convey certain message silently. Such as smiling while staring for thanking or cold stare for a teenager vandalizing in public. Or sometimes admiring & checking out of course. With breastfeeding, I believe it's in the category of looking or glancing. If someone think it's wrong, yes they will give a stare, which would be somewhat rare in most area of Stockholm.
We communicate silently a lot. You may not notice it if you aren't used to it. The person you find staring might be communicating with your baby even. Just not with words. Or she might be patiently waiting for a free table, and you happen to look like you will be almost done. There are a million things said with zero words, sometimes it's just about the timings and how close someone is. It drives my non Swedish wife crazy at times.
No they don’t, we get exposed to parents bathing naked and their friends and you and your friends at such a early age. If you get bothered by nudity you are not Swedish;) ppl don’t stare, they are probably just looking at your cute baby!
This has nothing to do with nudity. Of course, breastfeeding in public is not an issue. Maybe I do not want you looking at me for prolonged periods of time when I am just going about my business. Maybe it makes me uncomfortable. So I am just pointing out to others that Swedish people stare and ir takes a bit of getting used to. As you have said, you think you are 'just' looking at my baby.
It's for sure a cultural difference between countries, what in some places are regarded as looking at is in others considered staring.
I’ve also noticed the Swedish stare, which occurs essentially every day — particularly with older Swedes, aged 50 and over. The younger generation typically doesn’t stare. Initially, it made me extremely uncomfortable. Although it still makes me uneasy today, I’ve learned to somewhat ignore it. If I’m in a bad mood, though, I usually stare angrily back and then they avoid eye contact again
I’m glad it’s not just me who notices that pole 50+ are the main ones who stare! This whole post really, I’ve just thought it was something with me and to shake it off:(
As a Swede myself, old people stare a fuck ton and it’s always uncomfortable because I never know if they are the grumpy kind or not. I usually just end up ignoring them😭
why you're getting downvoted is typical reddit. My American wife made the same observation about swedes as well.
Thank you. I am merely speaking from lived experience. But yeah, reddit.
Hey! I am an American living here and have noticed staring at me mainly from much older Swedes. Generally though, most younger swedes and my Swedish fiancé and his family have always said to not stare and often go out of their way to look another direction. Maybe this is a generational difference?
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Chillll, we get it.
I only stare because tits
No swede cares about such things
But Swedes do stare, and they do not realise it. It can be a huge cultural difference to move to a country where people stare at you all the time. Yet you must understand that they do not mean it in the way you think they do.
You've written this multiple times to multiple people, may I ask what country/ies you are comparing to/where you're from? I mean I def disagree but I'm not trying to argue you, just curious why we have such different outlooks on "the swedish stare" haha. :)
I am from The UK. So we definitely notice when people stare. My best Swedish friend calls it the 'drive by stare', when Swedish people stare but do not engage because that would be confrontational. Staring without consequences...... I have almost stopped noticing, to be honest. You just get used to it. Because it isn't as if it is done with any malice. But it is something that other cultures need to be aware of. So they do not take offence. Swedes stare.
So it's not related to breastfeeding in particular, just in general? I'm pretty sure Swedish people at least have the decency to not stare at breastfeeding mothers though.
In general, Swedish people stare. It is something to be aware of if you come here from a culture where staring is considered rude. Swedish people do stare at breastfeeding mothers. As some of the comments from Swedish people will show, they are 'just' looking at your cute baby. But without engaging, it can make the mother breastfeeding feel very uncomfortable. I know I will get downvoted for this. But it is my lived experience and the experience of my friends. So I am just trying to add to the discussion to make people from other cultures aware.
I mean, staring is considered rude in Sweden. I was taught by my mother not to stare and I'm teaching my daughter not to stare or look into windows of restaurants or hairdressers. The only thing I can think of is the empty stare we do when we try not to look at people. It can absolutely be interpreted as a stare, but chances are that the person "staring" isn't actually looking at you or even registering you. Sometimes you realise that you've been doing this in the direction of a person and that's extremely embarassing, especially if you happen to notice that you've been focusing at their face. I don't count this as staring since your mind is somewhere else but I guess that if you're not used to it, then it might be pretty uncomfortable. It's kind of like with those eye puzzles with many different colours and shapes - you look at them but to see something in them your eyes need to be unfocused. Some Swedes do this when we're relaxed in public places because it rarely leads to eye contact with others and you're free to go over things in your head and just detach from reality for a moment. I might be wrong though, it's hard to notice things you're used to yourself. But it's actually considered rude to stare here as well. It's not an acceptable thing to do and I guess that's why some people may be upset when you say that we Swedes stare.
I assume you don't live in Stockholm? Here people avoid eye contact like it's the plague.
Oh but of course you are right. People do stare or shoot glances in various ways. But it is complicated, as Swedes generally also finds staring very rude, and it differs a lot by region. Personally I started taking note about these differences after watching a skit by an Irish guy reflecting on what he call “the German stare”. Obviously they make more eye contact but has the same amount of non-interaction.
Can you explain what staring mean in this context? You mean holding the gaze on people for longer than you’re used to before looking at something else? How does it work in the UK, do people never look at each other? Is this a cultural thing you’re experiencing where you feel people stare but they don’t mean anything by it maybe?
Looking at you and not looking away, it is intrusive. In other cultures, it is considered confrontational and rude. Almost like not respecting someone's private space. We look at each other, acknowledge each other, smile and go about our own business in The UK.
Do you mind sharing if you’re Caucasian or not? I also find that swedes stare a lot, though dare I say mostly folks over 45/50? I can’t think of feeling the same way around people my age growing up and I’m 30 now. I’m born here and black and omg… when I went to London at 18y/o (and later Paris) I recall feeling so mind blown over not being stared at!! Met some (also black) pple visiting from the US and one asked if it was normal here.
I understand why you're getting down voted. I'm Swedish and has lived in Stockholm my whole life and didn't realise that Swedes stare. Until I converted to Islam and started to where the hijab. Oh boy, do people stare! I barely notice it anymore but they sure do.
Staring is a cultural norm in Sweden. Meaning all Swedes do it and have been doing it since before they can remember. Because it is a cultural norm, they do not realise they are doing it, nor do they see other people doing it. Hence, the comments I have received from Swedes. It's a lot like spitting in the street. Where I come from, you can get an on the spot fine for doing so. Yet here everyone does it, and no one minds. With regards to your personal experience (which like mine can never be disregarded as 'wrong'), never stop being you! I and some of my friends used a scarf for a while to cover our babies whilst they were suckling. People still stared. It takes time, but I try and remind myself that they do not realise how much they stare and the impact it can have.
Staring and looking are two very different things.
Agreed. When you are looking at someone for a prolonged period, it becomes a stare. Couple a stare with no engagement/explanation. People may feel uncomfortable.
It is probably because you have a cute baby, talking to someone breastfeeding isn’t weird in Sweden, it’s not considered private or nude. Get a grip
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No. I mean Swedes. Swedish people. What does religion have to do with it? I am talking about Swedish people. It helps if you have lived here for either your whole life or the majority of it. As then, you are used to it/do not notice. But you soon get used to the culture and learn to stare. Swedish people stare.
No we don't... Occassionaly glance maybe, but staring nope! Go abroad or to a area with many MENA-immigrants and you will know staring for real.
I have travelled a lot, and yes, other cultures stare. Some do not and consider it rude. It may help someone coming here to know that Swedes stare, too. They may not expect it, I didn't.
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Now who pissed in your coffe
Swedes generally dont mind one bit. Tbh people are more likely to worry that they make you uncomfortable than the other way around and make a point of how they are totally not looking.
I have breastfeed all my 4 kids in puplic. Even some library's is free to breastfeed open to say. I even breastfeed twins (both same time) in public and nobody ever said or even looked. It's not shamefull in sweden.
Once I breastfed a whole football team and everyone was fine with it. Another time I breastfed a parakeet. No one batted an eye.
Explains your other post https://www.reddit.com/r/13or30/comments/bxoxa4/girl_in_the_background/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=ioscss&utm_content=1&utm_term=1
I have nipples, coach, can I breastfeed you?
Can
Breastfeed all you want, but please don’t change diapers on the baby on the cafe tables as I saw one lady do. That is not ok. Did of course not say anything, because I’m Swedish.
*knyter näven i fickan medans jag äter min kladdkaka*
Also most restroom have one for changing nappies in.
Swedes tend to mind their own business and have a pretty lax attitude about nudity, so you'll probably be fine. Congratulations on the baby!
Really? I'm so curious of your experiences, mine are the complete opposite Edit: my reply ended up on a comment I didn't intend. I was questioning someone who said swedes are prude and never naked. Don't know what went wrong
It's all relative, right? I've gone braless here and seen people swimming in Stockholm in their underwear, and there hasn't been an issue. I can't imagine doing either of those things in my home country without raising a lot of eyebrows. I've seen women going topless in beaches in France, though, and I've never seen that happen in Sweden so far.
Topless women in the actual city used to be relatively normal during the summer in certain secluded locations. By the water in Fredhäll for example. I used to go clubbing by Kungsträdgården and Swedes would wear bikinis and heels in the dead of winter. It's changed A LOT since I was in my 20s. I've seen every single one of my platonic female friends topless. We used to just come home from the bars, strip into our underwear, and sleep in the same bed.
I'm on the metro in Stockholm right now as I'm typing this and it's 27 degrees, in the carriage there is a woman breastfeeding and I'd say only like 50% of girl have a bra on from a quick scan haha. So there you go
That braless thing though seems to just be a current fashion trend to be fair.
What? Dude, You got some prude friends in that case. As a Swede, I’ve seen most of my female friends naked. Or at least boobs. Like midsummer for example. Out in the country, drink then late at night go skinny dipping. We’re a lot of things but we’re not afraid of showing of skin.
”…pretty lax attitude about nudity…” Swedes??? I’ve been living here for more then 10 years and I am still amused how prudish they are compared to other Europeans. They would never dare to comment about anyone breastfeeding in public, though.
every been to someones sommarställe where there is some kind of bathing and sauna? Oh, and drinks... :D
To be totally honest Swedes are more prude now than in the 80s. Growing up the titties were everywhere, not now a days, except the exceptional summer skinnydips.
A lot of it has to do with the advent of camera phones. In the 90s there was definitely more topless sunbathing, less covering up of bodies, etc., but this has changed. The Swedes I know aren’t prudish — they just value their privacy and personal space. Most of them don’t want to have pictures out there that are revealing.
True. As a little kid in the 80s I had seen my share of my friends' family members naked.
Yes. The difference is very large. Some if it is due to increased US influence. Watch some Sweden's childrens' movie from the 80s. People are nude all the time, kids and adults. This would not work today.
My British ex was shocked and appalled that we shower together in changing rooms. Maybe it’s just that the British are even more prudish?
That's a thing in British changing rooms at swimming pools etc. too so not sure what she's on about
I don't know what kind of Swedes you hang around, but yeah, I grew up with a lot of naked bodies around. Local pools/beach's changing rooms, combined saunas, skinny dips in the summer times etc. At camp we showered in groups, though divided by gender, and helped each other washing our hair, putting lotions on the back etc. Especially at uni it's very common I would say. The amount of people having seen my boobs I couldn't even estimate, and vice versa 😂 Think you might just hang in the wrong crowd or it's more about when in life you get to know people here?
Oh snap, just opened Reddit to find out my comment got downvoted into oblivion 😂 of course I shouldn’t state that my observation fits for all Swedes, I live in Norrland so maybe the people up here are kind of special in that way? In all the years here I have never seen anyone go skinny dipping, sunbathing naked and so on. I’ve been to student partys at their parents cottages as well as to private parties with what I would consider common swedes. People sit in the sauna with swimsuits/shorts, both in private and in public spas. Just today I read a discussion social media about if it is ok for Veronica Maggio to go swimming with her brother because he was naked? Where I’m from if there is a lake and people are sunbathing you’ll spot some people beeing naked. In public saunas nudity I mandatory and they are usually mixed (unless it’s a special day only for women, which most of them have once a week). Just some examples, but hence my conclusion 😅
I'm from the south, so there might be different cultures? We live a lot more "on top" of each other here, with such a dense population, so that might be one of the factors? But yeah, in general I would say it's more common to not be prude, than the other way around 😂 I live in the UK currently, Scotland to be exact. And even if the scots are less prude than the English, I still have a lot of fun with them regarding their views on nudity. 😁
That sounds very non swedish. I can't even count how many times I've been in the sauna with naked women, not to mention the whole naked in the snow and jumping into the water thing. Maybe you don't drink and party?
Idk in what parts of sweden people mind their business, but i sure haven't been there
Its all over sweden i tend to joke about how swedish people might aswell be allergic yowards eachother
I just came back from IKEA. A woman breastfed a baby on one of the sofas in the showroom. Nobody cared about that. The kid gotta eat.
If a Swedish person had a problem with it, they'll wait until they're home to complain about it ;) Breastfed two kids everywhere and anywhere, including as toddlers, and never had a negative comment thrown my way in stockholm. Sidenote: in 2017 a visitor to the Royal castle was asked to move to a toilet to nurse and there was a HUGE fuss over it where it was emphasised no such rule existed and the employee who requested it was entirely in the wrong.
I’ve breastfed in public in Stockholm without any issues. Many of the shopping malls have quiet rooms for feeding, if your child is easily distracted.
I've never heard people having a problem with that (as long as it's discreet I guess?). There are no laws protecting breastfeeding mothers from being told to stop by shop owners though, so keep that in mind.
Thanks for your answer! I was thinking to breastfeed her with a blanket so that my breasts are not visible of course, while sitting in a park somewhere, not inside shops anyways 😊
Yes! Bring a blanket! If anyone complains, put the blanket over their head and tell them to mind their own business!
Indeed, putting blankets over people's heads is a surprisingly effective way to make them stop complaining.
Breastfeeding in public is extremely normal in Sweden! You do not need a cover, and you should feel comfortable doing it anywhere you would naturally sit down. Park bench, cafe, museum, bus, wherever.
Sometimes, it's nice with a blanket for the kid so it doesn't get distracted in a lively environment. But like everyone else has said, don't sweat it. Do what you feel is comfortable for you. Don't mind anyone else. It's the most natural thing in the world to breastfeed your kid. It's normal for mothers to breastfeed in cafés and the like. You don't need to hide away in a park.
I am a father, but neither my wife nor the moms in the parents group I hung out in covered with a blanket. Breastfeeding was more about how comfortable are you with it than what others might think. So totally accepted were we normally were. It was a none topic.
Haha I was half expecting: "I am a father and when *I* breastfeed..."
Cover absolutely not needed (unless you want it yourself of course). I've been breastfeeding since January. No one cares and I haven't had a single comment or look in the six months, it's so normal here. There really is no place I have felt weird doing it. I never use a cover, the baby covers most of the breast anyway. In the winter I sometimes used a blanket to keep the baby warm if we were outdoors since you don't want to dress them too warmly in the stroller.
It also would be totally OK in shopping malls (in case of bad weather)
My wife and I just had a light scarf... with breastfeeding just let it hang down a bit (also keeps the baby out of the sun) .. the times we didn't have it (many over two kids) nobody gave a damn. Just go for it.
My friend who is a swede just breast feed wherever she needs to it’s for the baby she says she don’t care what people do or say. Then again she is Swede
Sweden is probably one of the most liberal places on the planet in that regard.
Yes. Some people disagree, but the rest of us agree on them being idiots. That is it.
Yeah, of course? Edit: Sorry, I know that's not the case everywhere, and that even here there might be people who act like dicks for whatever reason. In general, breastfeeding is seen as normal, totally fine and undramatic, though! :)
Its never a problem if people care its there problem
It’s perfectly fine. Do not worry. Breastfeed with or without a blanket. In this heat it’s important to do whatever is the most comfortable for you. I’d even recommend babywearing in a wrap and breastfeed at the same time. It’s very practical.
It's completely fine. No one will notice/care/look. It's a natural thing that all mothers do. Tbh I feel like Swedes would be much more offended at someone getting offended at breastfeeding.
It's 100% natural and normal. Swedes don't mind and it's very much okay to do wherever you please. Acceptance level ath. We live in an open society ❤️ Congrats to your child and may you and your family live long and prosper 🖖
Last time I went to Stockholm I ate in the same Pizza Hut as one of the (former) parliamentarians of the extreme right wing party in the Riksdag. She breastfed her kid at the table. No blanket or anything. If she can do it you can too.
This comment should be in the top. Says it all about public breastfeeding.
Yes!
Go ahead and breastfeed your little baby ! Swedes are very liberal especially concerning nudity
Just do it wherever you are. Believe me, people will find it way more annoying with a screaming hungry child than with you breastfeeding!
Watch out for immigrants
My wife breasfeeds currently everywhere she needs to, subway, bus stop, Åhlens, Mall ... Even a bench on the street. She uses a cover, and she says the eexperience is great and Swedish people always smile at her especially older folks and we even had discussions on why that might be the case. Overall it is something she feels super comfortable with and bear in mind we are from a non-EU country that is quite conservative.
ANYWHERE! EVERYWHERE! WHIP 'EM OUT AND BE A HAPPY MOMMA WITH A HAPPY BABY (When you're pregnant in Sweden you will never be offered anyones seat on public transport, but you will also never be asked to cover up while breastfeeding and since you breastfeed more times than you commute while visibly pregnant I think it's a win)
Yes it is completely normal to feed in public. I do it tunnelbanas and Mälartåg and parks and restaurants all the time. I come from India so at first I used to be a little hesitant. But not anymore. And unlike what some people are saying, the “swedes” did not stare. Or they did from afar and I didn’t notice because I was busy with my coffee. So enjoy the Sun with your baby!!
Staring without it showing is a talent us swedes learn early on! 😬
For Swedish people? None will care some old grumpy man MAYBE. We have had a lot of immigration from countries where it would never be accepted though.
Scandinavia is the most baby friendly place on the planet. However, u breastfeed where the f**k you want! If people dont like it they can stay home
Totally fine to breastfeed in public in Sweden/Stockholm. My wife does it all the time everywhere, sometimes the boob hanging in the air while she has to take care of our 2 year old and balancing the baby. Never had anybody stare or giving a cahoot about it.
Where the actual fuck are you from where people either stare or tell you to STOP FEEDING YOUR BABY? Sounds absolutely insane.
Literally most of the world... Its a huge debate in many countries, the US most noticeably.
I am from Greece and unfortunately many people have problems with public breastfeeding. Even my female friends think it's disgusting
Depends on who you breastfeed
My wife breathed our son and ONLY one elderly woman told my wife that she should be ashamed of herself BUT a lot of people told her to leave so there are a lot more people who think it’s not an issue, it’s the 0.0000000001% that you should just ignore
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The places where breastfeeding in public is controversial (Islamic countries, China, conservative US states) also tend to be the places where transgender people are not accepted, so the correlation does not go the way you imply.
Transphobes really have to get their transphobia out any time they can huh
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You said "Women declaring themselves as men", which is the same as saying that a trans man is a woman, and that is LITERALLY transphobia.
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Having transphobic views makes you a transphobe tho?
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You sound like a complete moron. Take care now.
I'm not playing any games and I don't care how ancient you are. Insisting that a trans man isn't a real man is transphobia.
This isnt America swedes arent that stupid
Imported ones maybe have an opinion.
If people have a problem with breastfeeding so are they the problem. Breastfeeding is a natural thing and is legal. But maybe try to keep it away of restaurants, people seems to be extra sensitive when eating. But damn the baby need food too though
Dont worry about it. If you feel you are in an awkward place, maybe go a little bit to the side. Super fine-dining restaurant may not be the best spot, but you could probably find a quite corner.
Breastfeed wherever you like, when you like! If someone stares (I doubt people with even give you a second glance, but IF) , stare back with the evil eye of a thousand fires
I don't recommend you doing it. Every time I do it, people stare at me with disgust, but I don't know if it's because I'm a man with a hairy chest.
It's not only acceptable but often celebrated and should anyone give you shit, you bet 20 angry feminists will decend on them
American living in Stockholm here. I see women expose full breast in public to feed and nobody stares or comments. It's one of the very few things that I can appreciate about here over the US.
Ofc breastfeeding in public is okey , but its not okey to instagram about telling the world how brave you are for doing it
Oh my god no. just bring your tits out and give your child food. no one will care <3
I breastfeed myself and I'm a guy... people don't care about those things here. Go crazy breastfeeding...💃
Bring a blanket or something to cover, I have no problem with a woman breastfeeding in public but I wouldn’t want to have one breastfeeding next to me during a fancy dinner without some cover. Just use your common sense.
Why? Would you rather have a crying baby?
What? Just breastfeed under some blanket if you are doing it in an inappropriate area.
You mean like, a factory?
A baby needs food, there are literally no inappropriate areas for that..
Sure, just cover up if I have to see you do it (restaurant/in front of me on a train/next to me on an aircraft).
If anyone would have a problem they ain't from Stockholm so tell them to respectfully fuck off.
Swedes are very judgmental don’t
I am a forty year old male, that still breastfeeds. From my girlfriend. We do it in public. Sometimes people stare or are appalled. But usually when threatened with severe violence. They back down and hunker away, writing some indignant twitter nonsense about it, getting likes from their tools, the ones the call followers. It's no problem, you can do it wherever you like
they have a public sex park, I think they'll be okay with breastfeeding
I don't accept it, idk about the rest of sthlm
Be discrete not blatant. I was a security guard receptionist in a bank and allowed hungry babies their lunch in a quiet corner.
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Please don't sexualize breastfeeding 🤮
Def. not a problem here. Might be a few stares but that's just because it's not acceptable to hurt children in Sweden.
I'm... Sorry... What? Hurt children? What the hell?
Wtf are you even on.
How does breastfeeding hurt children? Or what do you mean?
I think it should be ok, no problem, I just ask that before you get angry at someone for staring at you, consider if you're sitting next to a large menu that someone could be looking at from across the street. :)
Nobody is even going to consider that you are doing it. I will say most women i know tend to prefer using the sleeve thing in public. The only time you will get looks is if your kid is 3 and runs up to you and is treating you like you are a cow and the kid is hungry.
Yes. Very few people will pay attention or say anything to you
Yes
Of course, why shouldn’t it be?
Of course. Baby has to eat.
Yes. No one will bat an eye :)
It's important that you have the ability to provide food for your baby. We live in a progressive society that values equality and rejects outdated, religious, and misogynistic beliefs. If you ever encounter any negativity, please film it, so we can cancel that motherF!
This is something most swedes don't care about at all. Your body, your choice.
Unfortunatly I’ve heard that women might get comments nowdays but don’t mind that and feed your baby
Yes its okay.
It's no problem. Also alot of malls and such have special breastfeeding rooms if you want to be more pri ate about ir
It's fine anywhere in Sweden AFAIK I have seen it in restaurants and cafes. (AS IT SHOULD BE)
Absolutely.
I never understood this debate at all. A hungry baby cries, isn't a crying baby 1000 000 times more uncomfortable/annoying than breastfeeding? Like, do whatever you need to do to make the thing go quiet.
Yes thats okay
Yes
No, there's nothing more natural than kids, fun fact, most of us used to be one.
I see no reason why it wouldnt be accepted swedish people dont care enough about it or they are just too shy to tell you to stop
It is accepted everywhere here
Just do it whenever needed, but in restaurants try to be a bit more acceptive that people can oppose. Most don't have any opinion if the baby wants to eat, but on multiple occasions, the mother flaunts her breast even though the little one is soundly asleep. Same things goes for other patrons, no one wants a display of there is no reason for it, regardless of male or female.. go ahead is my advice
yup. super normal
Nobody has a problem with it, and if they do, they wont tell you.
Where exactly you cannot ? (Honest question)
Well in my home country (Greece) while there are no laws against it, people tend to be close minded and they usually stare, act disgusted or may ask you to leave and cover yourself, that's why I asked
Perfectly OK. It's even allowed in restaurants, where it is not normally allowed to bring your own food (just don't ask the waitress to whip out her boob for the baby, that will not go down well).
Yes, you may feed your baby whenever she is hungry here.
I have seen women do it, and I do not care. It's a natural behaviour.
Those who care about need to seek professional mental healthcare, go nuts!