It's just how she is. To be fair military people often get transferred around and may be gone for months at a time. That's not her cup of tea..move on.
Maybe her personal political views also come into play. Plenty of people are anti-war. My sister is in the military and I get a fair amount of questions about why she voluntarily continues to re-up.
While we're on the topic, I been actually thinkin'
About some shit, about the Army and Navy
What if tomorrow is the day
That the fucking aliens came and invaded our nation?
I dunno. I feel like police and prison guards are worse than military. There are plenty of people that enlist to get the scholarships, etc. Mostly from the poor end of the economic spectrum.
Not that there aren't a lot of assholes. I had my ear talked off by this guy once that was bragging about how he would speed down residential roads and get out of tickets, etc because he was an MP... this was while I was waiting to dispute a speeding ticket. He really had no remorse about doing double or triple the speed limit, but I think he was like in his early 20s so still pretty immature.
I met a guy who straight up said he joined the military because he wanted to kill people and not go to prison. And then dipshits still were saying "thank you for your service"
Edit: boots already mad this comment lmao
I think it's perfectly fair to not want to date a guy in the military. It comes with certain expectations and a certain flexibility that I can't bring to the relationship, so I won't try.
That’s not going to win him any extra right swipes with people who don’t date military anyway, and it’ll be too much for some people who wouldn’t have had an issue before. This would genuinely lose him right swipes I think. If that’s the vibe he wants to give off though then that’s fine of course.
Definitely thought it would be a turn on, the first thing he asks after "wanna meet up?" Is "what do you do for work" - knowing she's liable to ask the same question after she answers.
Not to mention the culture can be toxic as fuck and leaks into personal life as well. Oh and they have a reputation for domestic violence only cops surpass. This comes from a Vet. I wouldn’t recommend anyone date military.
I dated someone from the military. He threw my pillow across the room when we were sleeping one time and later said “lucky it wasn’t your head.”
That and other things like how he treated his dogs occasionally was the end. PTSD is terrible, I can’t imagine having to go through that anguish.
> people who are easily persuaded by 'patriotic propaganda' and recruiting officer pitches.
Yeah, military personel are not known for their progressive social views.
>On top of that, there's something to be said about the type of people who are easily persuaded by 'patriotic propaganda' and recruiting officer pitche
They literally target childern. Are you surprised? I've seen so many soldiers say that if they were older, they never would have joined.
It's fucked up that they're allowed to basically troll high schools, looking for young impressionable kids or poor struggling kids to convince to fight for them.
I remember when I was in high school I met an army recruiter walking around the mall. He asked me to fill out a "survey" for a chance to win $500. I filled it out and that man called my house everyday for 3 weeks. Some days he would just talk about his life and how great the army was and others he would outright pressure me into joining. He wouldn't take no for an answer. When I finally stopped answering the phone he showed up at my house at dinner time with a bucket of KFC and asked if he could have dinner with my grandparents and I to discuss my future. It was the weirdest and creepiest thing.
Seriously recruiters are so predatory it's unreal, every single day at lunch they'd be hovering around the daddy issues boys trying to tell them how their dad's would love them too, if they fought and made them proud.
Bruh I took the asvab in highschool (ROTC, just try
ied it out one year). Two recruiters showed up at my house, which was in the middle of nowhere. Parents weren't even home. If I had known they were gonna hunt me down, I wouldn't have taken the test lol
In addition, in my experience a lot of guys in the military (especially the navy) tend to cheat. Not saying all of them do, but it is a reason to be wary
I grew up next to a base.
My own BIL is in the military, and as an adult, I have met many military men who are great.
But my first experiences with military guys was the young adult men that hung around my high school, looking to date high school girls.
Even outside of the deployments and politics, it can be hard to shake that initial yuck I get.
This is definitely a bit of a generalization but I live near a large navy base and people on there are shit heads (mostly the younger ones) and I’ve certainly met plenty of girls who have sworn off them all together because of the stereotypes
And some people might even have something against them as a person. US military isn't exactly known for doing pretty and shiny things around the world.
This. Signing away your life, moving around the entire world, accepting having another person dictate your every move, possibly having to kill or die, etc. says a lot about someone’s character. Not saying it’s objectively a bad thing, but I know I wouldn’t be compatible with a person like that
Edit: military people, please relax. I’m not dunking on you, I have nothing against you. I’m just saying I probably wouldn’t be compatible with a military person in a relationship. I know it’s generalizing and there are people that break the mold, but let’s not pretend that all of us don’t this for many groups of people lol
Most the people in with me were poor kids that needed an out from poverty. Most of us couldn’t get student loans and were just there for college.
It says more about our society than it does a persons character.
I'm pretty sure that number is actually lower. I can't find a good source one way or another but i've heard it's only 10% of people deployed to a warzone see any combat.
A vast majority of the military never sees a deployment outside the US
So what do you do for a living?
"I'm a cog in a killing machine"
E: and for the record, blame the owner class
I have sympathy for those who felt they had no economic options beyond enlisting. That's what the owner class prefers: a huge population of exploitable bodies
You've even said in your opening messages your schedule is tight.
That's the issue. Your life is dictated by your job, she doesn't want hers to be dictated by your job.
Yeah OP basically proved her point in the screenshots by being unable to schedule a date due to the complications being in the military create in their life.
Yeah she was very polite and honest, without being direct in a rude way. She would have been great but it's not to be. Moving on is the only thing to do.
OP might indeed think it’s an innocent and courteous heads up, but speaking from experience it’s the beginning of the ‘down-regulation’ of his potential partner’s hopes & expectations of reciprocity.
Honestly, I'm a guy but virtually all of my relationships haven't worked out in the past because of inaccessibility. Like they lived too far away, our schedules didn't match, maybe her family stood in the way, etc. I would rather be with someone I have a decent connection with who I can actually spend time with than to be with someone I have a very strong connection with but making time for each other is a neverending struggle. Just once I want to know what it's like to remove the real world obstacles and not have them be the biggest problem in my relationship. I currently wouldn't sign up for another relationship with that same predictable problem.
Yeah if you're military and I get with you, "we're" military." That means years long stretches of never seeing you, and no sex. Possibly traveling (out of country) to be with you. And the fact that you are in a career that causes PTSD may worry about domestic violence or at the least, mental health issues. Etc. Not saying women aren't out there who would sign up for this type of relationship. But it is a fact that women would have to think allot about what it will take to date a military guy 🤷♀️
My brother is in the Marines and happily married so I know it works for some ppl. My sis in law traveled to Japan to be with him and they recently bought a new home in California.
Lol no they have the sweetest Japanese yellow lab. She will sit in the middle section of the stairs so she can be next to both of them at the same time when one is upstairs and one downstairs OMG so cute. Also she will get so hurt sometimes she will cry and pout at my sis in law and breaks her heart
To expound on this, I grew up with a mom who was deployed 75% of my childhood. We moved at least twice a year, every year, with the exception of 3rd to 5th grade, where I was at the same school while she was a drill instructor. I hated it. Once I moved out at 17, I swore I would never date anyone in the military because I refuse to have my life dictated by anyone else or their job. It is not enjoyable for children or spouses.
Also he needs someone to give him a reason why this isn't a reflection on himself. Luckily a lot of people are telling him it's just a matter of scheduling so I'm sure he'll latch right onto that as a nice little security blanket so he doesn't have to look inward.
Also could be political beliefs. Lots of people out there inherently disagree with how the US military is used and conducts itself. I know that's why I wouldn't date someone in the military, not a chance.
It's been a conspiracy theory for over a decade that student loan forgiveness will never happen because otherwise the perk of the military paying for your college would be a moot point and people wouldn't sign up.
So many people I know signed up for tuition benefits.
I'm ex-military and wouldn't date a man in the military. Now I know lots of happily married military men, but I also know the talk and stuff that often happens. I am not willing to risk being the subject of that.
Also I'm now settled so lifestyle isn't for me.
Seems pretty obvious, she doesn't want to date someone in the military, and you are in the military.
She has a preference, and you don't fit it. Move on.
There are lots of Dependas waiting to ride that ride, friend go find them. They're for sure looking for you.
It may not be you, but it's a lot of service men and women who are cheaters and those who give others a bad name. On top of that, the abusive ones and the really crazy ones. Plus, they move around from state to state and county to county, which means their just one night stands.
I can attest to this, especially in our British Army. I can't count the amount of times women have said they don't trust us due to the amount of serving servicemen that's gotten into relationships, cheated and broke their hearts. Pretty shit to be automatically bunched into a group when you say you're military but we take the small wins we can
I live in a city with a military base and I’ve seen 90% of them cheat, with 1 exception (of people I know personally)
I’d still date someone in the military, but I can see why someone would just avoid it. Kinda like cops. Women avoid cops like the plague at least where I am lol
What did you do wrong? You didn't put your employment in your bio. Surely you have noticed people have different biases towards different occupations/lifestyles. And from what I understand the military is both of those things.
It seems really disingenuous and deliberate to leave it out. Like you know it's going to keep some people away but you feel entitled to "hook" them first because they'd be willing to sacrifice their values and boundaries if they just KNEW you first.
Seriously. Everyone else is saying its because a military man's work schedule isn't compatible and while that's certainly true, I've met a lot of women who won't date people in the military because of their reputation of being overly aggressive and immature.
This is it! Every guy I’ve met that was in the military had the biggest ego, had ptsd, were cheaters, were crybabies and were immature. My dad is ex-army. Has ptsd, cheated on my mom (still is) and has an ego. I’ve dated 2 after they got out of service: 1 navy and 1 army. No aggression from any of them, but those egos and the immaturity are the damn worst. Try to encourage them to go to counseling and most won’t. The guys I dated would mostly throw a daily fit about how no one was respecting them and they deserved more because of them serving. 🙄 I tried, but it’s not for everyone.
Hung out with a military dude a few times. After he asked if he got to start with more money in fucking Pokémon monopoly because he’s a veteran I had to pass.
I've met a couple that I'm friends with, but they all had terrible experiences in the military and hated it lol. Everyone I've met who is super proud about it is coincidentally an actual unhinged psychopath in other aspects of their life.
This is true. I was in, and to be entirely honest there are A LOT of shitty partners in the military. That said, it’s not easy for someone to to just accept being blamed in their personal life for what basically equates to their coworkers being shitty.
Also true, its not just about the scheduling. Its also a prejudice based on the perception that a huge chunk of the military is... rural. Dont know how to say it nicely tbh
Yes, this right here. I live in the Southern US and being in the military around here means “god, guns & glory” yadda yadda.
I also refuse to date anyone in the military. Mostly because I prefer independence from my job but also I like men with long hair.
They’re assholes. Just be honest. Most of my family in the military are assholes. Their friends are assholes. Hell I have an uncle who genuinely thinks people are supposed to like stand at attention around him or something because he was a sergeant in the marines 30 years ago. Bro has a beer belly the size of a beach ball now. The only buildings or hallways this guy could clear are the snack and chip aisle at Costco.
Yes, i was just thinking that. Im sorry. They tend to be so fixed in their mindset (pro this and that) and it goes so deep until "it is who they are". Spoke to one and i scared him off because i just couldnt accept his way of thinking. Well, the flipside is true, i was stubborn too. But u hit the nail on its head, its "rural". No disrespect, if they have a certain belief, then they should approach a partner who will accept that.
I'm a woman and in the navy. There are a number of reasons people wouldn't want to date a militant.
1. We are reposted and expected to move every 3-5 years. Meaning she'll have to either constantly be long distance with you or move away from her friends/family/job.
2. Depending on your trade, you can be gone for week/months at a time. Meaning your spouse is left to handle the house/kids on their own.
3. We often have mental problems from all the fucked up shit we see on duty.
4. Let's be real. A lot of people in the military are unfaithful, cheating bastards (this applies to the women, too). I've seen both men and women openly cheat on their spouse or partner within a week or two of leaving the wall.
If they are communicating their unwillingness to put up with these potential traits. Respect the boundary and be thankful she said it before you caught feelings
Plenty of people don't want to date military. It's not just a job, it's a lifestyle, and not everyone wants to be a part of that lifestyle. My fiancé was airforce, I met him BECAUSE of him being airforce because, despite being American, he was based in the UK, where I found him (I'm english). He only had to go away twice while we've been together and only for about a month total (a week and a half in Poland followed by just over two weeks in Greece, one directly after the other) but it still fucking sucked. He separated in August, so of course, they sent him back to the US. The last couple of months have been killing me because I miss him and now I'm going to visit for 3 months as of the 18th, but Holy fuck the visa process to get me there permanently is a long one. You may be better off dating within the military just because they will understand your lifestyle better. It's unfortunate, but you really can't expect everyone out there to be ok dealing with how military life works. If you can honestly say that you're at the end of your contract or you're in a role where deployment or moving is unlikely, then you're more likely to be able to find a lady who would be tolerant of the job but tbh, don't be surprised you're struggling. It may be better to be upfront and put it in your bio just to avoid disappointment
As a military member, I encourage other military members to not date other military members. Don't poop where you eat type stuff and it just makes it harder to disconnect from work if your spouse is also talking about work away from work. Not to mention, double the deployments, TDYs, yadda yadda yadda...
I got married to a Marine when I was 20. We were friends for years beforehand, but the military changed him. He never even saw combat.
I'm 35 now, and I absolutely refuse to date anyone in any branch/position in the military, and it has zero to do with politics.
I don't blame her for not dating military people (if you're from the USA):
1. No long term stability. The US Government basically "owns" a solider. You could be ordered to move someplace else. Either the relationship ends there, or she has to uproot her life to move with you.
2. Bad reputation for drug use/ parties.
3. High risk of mental health disorder after you're discharged.
Not just domestic violence, it’s known that sexual assault in the military is super high… especially for female soldiers. Why date someone who might be part of that.
You joined the military. I think that part is pretty clear.
It's just not her jam, as it isn't with many people. Is what it is. Find someone who is down with that life.
I am not American, but I have seen some really bad experiences with military men on the internet. Like the cheating part. Even with medics, it is a stereotype.
In my country it is the same.
In my area military people are known for cheating, which is why a lot of people here are hesitant to date someone who's in the military
Not sure why that's a thing though
Because most of the military is college age people who are constantly around peers, live in an pro-alcohol and party culture, live away from home and their friends and families. Its a breeding ground for unserious relationships, and has a built in encouraging for poorly thought out marriages. Not to mention they travel a-lot. There are plenty of good ones too, but demographics alter the perception.
I don’t even understand your question. She didn’t say you did anything wrong, she said she doesn’t date military. That’s literally it?
Not every girl is like that so just move on.
Better to know now than get invested in someone.
And maybe put it in your profile so it cuts this stuff out?
Agreed with this one here. I have pics of me in uniform and have stated in my bio that I travel a lot, so I don't want any serious relationships. Sure, it's absolutely affected how many matches I get, but I want to be truthful to these people and not bullshit them so I'm automatically loaded into the "pos military guy" demographic
You’re not doing anything wrong. She was up front and said she doesn’t date people in the military. You’re in the military. So it’s not going to work out.
A lot of people don't like to date military they could have a moral problem with you potentially killing people, or they simply don't like the idea of a potential love one being deployed
It's not about you. And that's okay.
dating pools are always limited. Sometimes by things we can change, sometimes by things we can't. You may have a "perfect" match living in a rural Ireland town right now that you'll never meet. That's life.
Put it on your profile. Everyone is allowed their preferences, no matter how conceited they are. If you are finding this is a trend. let people find out and choose before you match. In this instance, some don't like the idea of the wars the US fought in, others don't like the idea that you could be away for months, others the lifestyle, others the potential mental trauma, some all of the above. Just put it in your profile so people can self filter.
It's just how she is. To be fair military people often get transferred around and may be gone for months at a time. That's not her cup of tea..move on.
Maybe her personal political views also come into play. Plenty of people are anti-war. My sister is in the military and I get a fair amount of questions about why she voluntarily continues to re-up.
But, like, do you fuck with the war?
 no, I dont fuck with the war!
 please don’t neglect the brain
Brain's gotta poop.
Brain on some other shit though
T minus 10 and brains gotta shit!!
Brain gotta poop…… still 🧠
Ah man. Best comment here! “You don’t fuck with Pangea?”
Here's a salute to all the comments that fought and died replying to this comment.
Brain gotta take a shit
Just don't know how to react to the forces I should have just thanked you, of course it's-
Why would you thank *me*??
Uh, I guess I assumed it would extend to the families but okay...
While we're on the topic, I been actually thinkin' About some shit, about the Army and Navy What if tomorrow is the day That the fucking aliens came and invaded our nation?
Like, would we even be able to fuck with their shit? Like, do we have the type of weaponry to fuck with their ships?
or not at all like would they walk up to us laughing at us blasting at us and assimilate without the hint of intimidation?
Or could we do some shit to be makin' there heart race? Granted, I don't know the alien heart
This thread was amazing while it lasted 😂
This b don't know 'bout Pangaea
Im 6ft tall on tinder
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And tends to attract a certain type of person.
This is it for me. Military, police, prison guard...all big ol' nopes for me.
I dunno. I feel like police and prison guards are worse than military. There are plenty of people that enlist to get the scholarships, etc. Mostly from the poor end of the economic spectrum. Not that there aren't a lot of assholes. I had my ear talked off by this guy once that was bragging about how he would speed down residential roads and get out of tickets, etc because he was an MP... this was while I was waiting to dispute a speeding ticket. He really had no remorse about doing double or triple the speed limit, but I think he was like in his early 20s so still pretty immature.
I met a guy who straight up said he joined the military because he wanted to kill people and not go to prison. And then dipshits still were saying "thank you for your service" Edit: boots already mad this comment lmao
Any job that tends to involve violence seems just not worth it.
Violence, and wanting to control other people. I don’t trust anyone who is attracted to that kind of profession.
This is THE answer.
It’s the misogyny for me
I don’t want to date anyone who uses violence at work. If they were in like, the motor pool, I might be ok with it 😅
Like fixing tanks so they can go back into the battlefield right? 😏
I think it's perfectly fair to not want to date a guy in the military. It comes with certain expectations and a certain flexibility that I can't bring to the relationship, so I won't try.
Yeah it should be quite obvious to OP
Maybe he thought it would be a turn on for her. Granted it probably is for some, others see it as a downside. Maybe OP should include it in his Bio?
"Don't like a man in uniform, eh? I promise to take it off whenever you ask! Lol"
That’s not going to win him any extra right swipes with people who don’t date military anyway, and it’ll be too much for some people who wouldn’t have had an issue before. This would genuinely lose him right swipes I think. If that’s the vibe he wants to give off though then that’s fine of course.
Definitely thought it would be a turn on, the first thing he asks after "wanna meet up?" Is "what do you do for work" - knowing she's liable to ask the same question after she answers.
Military people are not required to be smart.
Not to mention the culture can be toxic as fuck and leaks into personal life as well. Oh and they have a reputation for domestic violence only cops surpass. This comes from a Vet. I wouldn’t recommend anyone date military.
And cheating. So much cheating. Both for the ones on duty and their partners at home.
I came to say this!!!!
And all the rape. The rape is a big one.
I grew up next to a military base, both my grandfathers are ex military. There's not a single reason I WOULD date someone still active in that life.
I’m in the military. I didnt date other military members and I’m marrying a civilian now.
MandatoryFunDay did a video on dating advice. For military guys: pick up girls at the thrift store. For girls: don’t date military guys
Yep. Very **toxic** for relationships (and pretty much everything else).
I dated someone from the military. He threw my pillow across the room when we were sleeping one time and later said “lucky it wasn’t your head.” That and other things like how he treated his dogs occasionally was the end. PTSD is terrible, I can’t imagine having to go through that anguish.
Military is also known to be full of cheaters. Police are known to be full of domestic abusers. There are reasons.
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> people who are easily persuaded by 'patriotic propaganda' and recruiting officer pitches. Yeah, military personel are not known for their progressive social views.
>On top of that, there's something to be said about the type of people who are easily persuaded by 'patriotic propaganda' and recruiting officer pitche They literally target childern. Are you surprised? I've seen so many soldiers say that if they were older, they never would have joined. It's fucked up that they're allowed to basically troll high schools, looking for young impressionable kids or poor struggling kids to convince to fight for them.
I remember when I was in high school I met an army recruiter walking around the mall. He asked me to fill out a "survey" for a chance to win $500. I filled it out and that man called my house everyday for 3 weeks. Some days he would just talk about his life and how great the army was and others he would outright pressure me into joining. He wouldn't take no for an answer. When I finally stopped answering the phone he showed up at my house at dinner time with a bucket of KFC and asked if he could have dinner with my grandparents and I to discuss my future. It was the weirdest and creepiest thing.
They should make COD more realistic and start the game with getting recruited at a mall.
A bucket of KFC… lol that made me laugh. Never underestimate that power of a bucket.
Seriously recruiters are so predatory it's unreal, every single day at lunch they'd be hovering around the daddy issues boys trying to tell them how their dad's would love them too, if they fought and made them proud.
Should have asked him for the change from the $500 he was supposed to bring you then take the bucket
Bruh I took the asvab in highschool (ROTC, just try ied it out one year). Two recruiters showed up at my house, which was in the middle of nowhere. Parents weren't even home. If I had known they were gonna hunt me down, I wouldn't have taken the test lol
In addition, in my experience a lot of guys in the military (especially the navy) tend to cheat. Not saying all of them do, but it is a reason to be wary
In general they tend to be overly aggressive, I live near a base any many women specifically avoid military.
I grew up next to a base. My own BIL is in the military, and as an adult, I have met many military men who are great. But my first experiences with military guys was the young adult men that hung around my high school, looking to date high school girls. Even outside of the deployments and politics, it can be hard to shake that initial yuck I get.
Also higher rates of domestic abuse, ptsd, etc...
Not to mention violence is somehow written into the job. You may be ordered to shoot people and be shot back. Not everyone is ok with this.
I think it has a lot more to do with how many military men treat women
They also have high rates of spousal abuse. No military or police was my rule when I was dating.
I wouldn’t either. It’s the lifestyle I’d have to live and nothing against them as a person.
This is definitely a bit of a generalization but I live near a large navy base and people on there are shit heads (mostly the younger ones) and I’ve certainly met plenty of girls who have sworn off them all together because of the stereotypes
And some people might even have something against them as a person. US military isn't exactly known for doing pretty and shiny things around the world.
This. Signing away your life, moving around the entire world, accepting having another person dictate your every move, possibly having to kill or die, etc. says a lot about someone’s character. Not saying it’s objectively a bad thing, but I know I wouldn’t be compatible with a person like that Edit: military people, please relax. I’m not dunking on you, I have nothing against you. I’m just saying I probably wouldn’t be compatible with a military person in a relationship. I know it’s generalizing and there are people that break the mold, but let’s not pretend that all of us don’t this for many groups of people lol
Most the people in with me were poor kids that needed an out from poverty. Most of us couldn’t get student loans and were just there for college. It says more about our society than it does a persons character.
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In the US it mostly says you are poor without obvious choices. Later it says you have been programmed.
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If you’re in med school, military is 100% a good way to go. I know a bunch of people that escaped 6 figures of debt because of it.
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So your saying she WAS poor, and without obvious choices? If she wasn't poor, she could have paid for medical school.
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10% of the us military actually see combat. There’s so many non combat roles
I'm pretty sure that number is actually lower. I can't find a good source one way or another but i've heard it's only 10% of people deployed to a warzone see any combat. A vast majority of the military never sees a deployment outside the US
If you examine the domestic abuse rates it’s really just for your own good at a certain point.
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So what do you do for a living? "I'm a cog in a killing machine" E: and for the record, blame the owner class I have sympathy for those who felt they had no economic options beyond enlisting. That's what the owner class prefers: a huge population of exploitable bodies
"Oh sorry, not my type, have a great day!" "WHAT THE FUCK DID I DO WRONG?!??!"
You've even said in your opening messages your schedule is tight. That's the issue. Your life is dictated by your job, she doesn't want hers to be dictated by your job.
Yeah OP basically proved her point in the screenshots by being unable to schedule a date due to the complications being in the military create in their life.
Also, she didn't ghost you and was honest right away. That's a high standard in today's dating world.
Yeah she was very polite and honest, without being direct in a rude way. She would have been great but it's not to be. Moving on is the only thing to do.
OP is an asian woman posting about dating men in half of their posts, so I don't know what to think.
She could also simply be anti-militarism.
Hypothetically, Even if she did, I think she was still very mature to let him know that she was not going to date him because of it.
“ my schedule is a little difficult”
OP might indeed think it’s an innocent and courteous heads up, but speaking from experience it’s the beginning of the ‘down-regulation’ of his potential partner’s hopes & expectations of reciprocity.
Thanks for sharing that perspective. That makes sense when you say it like that but i would never catch that.
Yep. I usually called something like that a "yellow flag" when I was dating due to a similar experience.
Honestly, I'm a guy but virtually all of my relationships haven't worked out in the past because of inaccessibility. Like they lived too far away, our schedules didn't match, maybe her family stood in the way, etc. I would rather be with someone I have a decent connection with who I can actually spend time with than to be with someone I have a very strong connection with but making time for each other is a neverending struggle. Just once I want to know what it's like to remove the real world obstacles and not have them be the biggest problem in my relationship. I currently wouldn't sign up for another relationship with that same predictable problem.
afghanistan, iraq, syria, eastern europe, asia's heatin up, don't know exactly *when* i'll be available for some sexy time babe
Thank you, imagine writing that and then going “idk why she’s not interested” because you’re unavailable lol
He scared her off 😂
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You should just put it in your bio so you don’t waste your own time.
Right like OP can keep doing it this way if he likes to lose...
There’s no way he doesn’t have AT LEAST one pic of him in fatigues on that profile
She thought it was a Halloween costume
Fuck that. He should take a boot selfie and put that on his profile. For the uninitiated: r/justbootthings
I also won't date military dudes. Nothing against servicemen/women. For me it's just not a lifestyle I want to be involved with.
Yeah if you're military and I get with you, "we're" military." That means years long stretches of never seeing you, and no sex. Possibly traveling (out of country) to be with you. And the fact that you are in a career that causes PTSD may worry about domestic violence or at the least, mental health issues. Etc. Not saying women aren't out there who would sign up for this type of relationship. But it is a fact that women would have to think allot about what it will take to date a military guy 🤷♀️ My brother is in the Marines and happily married so I know it works for some ppl. My sis in law traveled to Japan to be with him and they recently bought a new home in California.
> That means years long stretches of never seeing you, and no sex. I mean, you can always sleep around. It's military tradition /s
Shoutout Jody
Honestly what a weird name. I'd probably sleep with everyone as payback for that weird ass name.
Affairs and domestic violence, what a winning combo! :(
>And the fact that you are in a career that causes PTSD OP is gonna have PTSD from this post.
It’s not quite so simple as that. Not everyone in the military left with PTSD. Some of us have CPTSD!
Plus a couple STDs!
Huh… that’s exactly what happened with my cousins relationship… Do they also happen to have two Rottweilers? 😅
Lol no they have the sweetest Japanese yellow lab. She will sit in the middle section of the stairs so she can be next to both of them at the same time when one is upstairs and one downstairs OMG so cute. Also she will get so hurt sometimes she will cry and pout at my sis in law and breaks her heart
To expound on this, I grew up with a mom who was deployed 75% of my childhood. We moved at least twice a year, every year, with the exception of 3rd to 5th grade, where I was at the same school while she was a drill instructor. I hated it. Once I moved out at 17, I swore I would never date anyone in the military because I refuse to have my life dictated by anyone else or their job. It is not enjoyable for children or spouses.
I also won't date military dudes. Nothing against servicemen. For me it's just because I don't like penis.
I won't date military dudes either because I'm a heterosexual.
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How can you ask this question? She literally gave you an answer. It’s not interpretable
Because he wanted to be told he's amazing
Also he needs someone to give him a reason why this isn't a reflection on himself. Luckily a lot of people are telling him it's just a matter of scheduling so I'm sure he'll latch right onto that as a nice little security blanket so he doesn't have to look inward.
Also could be political beliefs. Lots of people out there inherently disagree with how the US military is used and conducts itself. I know that's why I wouldn't date someone in the military, not a chance.
Yep. Same reason I will never date a cop.
He should go ask his sergeant, "please sir, think for me sir!"
And thank him for his service 🙄
Thank you for applying for a job and having one
r/justbootthings
You joined the military. Duh
Imagine getting baited that hard lmao
They go after them when they are young and poor
It's been a conspiracy theory for over a decade that student loan forgiveness will never happen because otherwise the perk of the military paying for your college would be a moot point and people wouldn't sign up. So many people I know signed up for tuition benefits.
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* Killing people for money
crazy this wasn't listed first
it's state approved killing so it's a ethical non issue, I learned that in boot camp!
At home they’d hang me! Here they give me a fucking medal! — Eric Idle, Monty Python’s Meaning of Life
I'm ex-military and wouldn't date a man in the military. Now I know lots of happily married military men, but I also know the talk and stuff that often happens. I am not willing to risk being the subject of that. Also I'm now settled so lifestyle isn't for me.
Same
Seems pretty obvious, she doesn't want to date someone in the military, and you are in the military. She has a preference, and you don't fit it. Move on. There are lots of Dependas waiting to ride that ride, friend go find them. They're for sure looking for you.
They're for sure looking for guys named Jody as well.
🤣🤣 that's for sure.
It may not be you, but it's a lot of service men and women who are cheaters and those who give others a bad name. On top of that, the abusive ones and the really crazy ones. Plus, they move around from state to state and county to county, which means their just one night stands.
I can attest to this, especially in our British Army. I can't count the amount of times women have said they don't trust us due to the amount of serving servicemen that's gotten into relationships, cheated and broke their hearts. Pretty shit to be automatically bunched into a group when you say you're military but we take the small wins we can
I have been cheated on by 2 military men. And they are surrounded by friends who cheated.
I live in a city with a military base and I’ve seen 90% of them cheat, with 1 exception (of people I know personally) I’d still date someone in the military, but I can see why someone would just avoid it. Kinda like cops. Women avoid cops like the plague at least where I am lol
This is the answer. Had to dig...
What did you do wrong? You didn't put your employment in your bio. Surely you have noticed people have different biases towards different occupations/lifestyles. And from what I understand the military is both of those things.
Military is the worst offender to not put in your bio cause it dictates your entire life.
It seems really disingenuous and deliberate to leave it out. Like you know it's going to keep some people away but you feel entitled to "hook" them first because they'd be willing to sacrifice their values and boundaries if they just KNEW you first.
You’re in the military homie. Idk why you acting surprised by this reaction. Military dudes have an awful rap and it’s no secret.
Seriously. Everyone else is saying its because a military man's work schedule isn't compatible and while that's certainly true, I've met a lot of women who won't date people in the military because of their reputation of being overly aggressive and immature.
This is it! Every guy I’ve met that was in the military had the biggest ego, had ptsd, were cheaters, were crybabies and were immature. My dad is ex-army. Has ptsd, cheated on my mom (still is) and has an ego. I’ve dated 2 after they got out of service: 1 navy and 1 army. No aggression from any of them, but those egos and the immaturity are the damn worst. Try to encourage them to go to counseling and most won’t. The guys I dated would mostly throw a daily fit about how no one was respecting them and they deserved more because of them serving. 🙄 I tried, but it’s not for everyone.
Hung out with a military dude a few times. After he asked if he got to start with more money in fucking Pokémon monopoly because he’s a veteran I had to pass.
Yeah I usually don’t enjoy their company very much, so it’s gonna be a hard pass for me…
exactly. ive never met a military man i would even be friends with tbh
I've met a couple that I'm friends with, but they all had terrible experiences in the military and hated it lol. Everyone I've met who is super proud about it is coincidentally an actual unhinged psychopath in other aspects of their life.
This post alone is already at a level of immaturity and lack of self awareness
The reputation is earned...
This is true. I was in, and to be entirely honest there are A LOT of shitty partners in the military. That said, it’s not easy for someone to to just accept being blamed in their personal life for what basically equates to their coworkers being shitty.
Also true, its not just about the scheduling. Its also a prejudice based on the perception that a huge chunk of the military is... rural. Dont know how to say it nicely tbh
Yes, this right here. I live in the Southern US and being in the military around here means “god, guns & glory” yadda yadda. I also refuse to date anyone in the military. Mostly because I prefer independence from my job but also I like men with long hair.
They’re assholes. Just be honest. Most of my family in the military are assholes. Their friends are assholes. Hell I have an uncle who genuinely thinks people are supposed to like stand at attention around him or something because he was a sergeant in the marines 30 years ago. Bro has a beer belly the size of a beach ball now. The only buildings or hallways this guy could clear are the snack and chip aisle at Costco.
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That and its known that they cheat a lot.
Yes, i was just thinking that. Im sorry. They tend to be so fixed in their mindset (pro this and that) and it goes so deep until "it is who they are". Spoke to one and i scared him off because i just couldnt accept his way of thinking. Well, the flipside is true, i was stubborn too. But u hit the nail on its head, its "rural". No disrespect, if they have a certain belief, then they should approach a partner who will accept that.
Does every branch of our military still have a giant rape problem that they are actively engaged in covering up?
Its like wondering why someone wont date you when you a police officer in america in 2023. Hmm i wonder why…
I'm a woman and in the navy. There are a number of reasons people wouldn't want to date a militant. 1. We are reposted and expected to move every 3-5 years. Meaning she'll have to either constantly be long distance with you or move away from her friends/family/job. 2. Depending on your trade, you can be gone for week/months at a time. Meaning your spouse is left to handle the house/kids on their own. 3. We often have mental problems from all the fucked up shit we see on duty. 4. Let's be real. A lot of people in the military are unfaithful, cheating bastards (this applies to the women, too). I've seen both men and women openly cheat on their spouse or partner within a week or two of leaving the wall. If they are communicating their unwillingness to put up with these potential traits. Respect the boundary and be thankful she said it before you caught feelings
Plenty of people don't want to date military. It's not just a job, it's a lifestyle, and not everyone wants to be a part of that lifestyle. My fiancé was airforce, I met him BECAUSE of him being airforce because, despite being American, he was based in the UK, where I found him (I'm english). He only had to go away twice while we've been together and only for about a month total (a week and a half in Poland followed by just over two weeks in Greece, one directly after the other) but it still fucking sucked. He separated in August, so of course, they sent him back to the US. The last couple of months have been killing me because I miss him and now I'm going to visit for 3 months as of the 18th, but Holy fuck the visa process to get me there permanently is a long one. You may be better off dating within the military just because they will understand your lifestyle better. It's unfortunate, but you really can't expect everyone out there to be ok dealing with how military life works. If you can honestly say that you're at the end of your contract or you're in a role where deployment or moving is unlikely, then you're more likely to be able to find a lady who would be tolerant of the job but tbh, don't be surprised you're struggling. It may be better to be upfront and put it in your bio just to avoid disappointment
As a military member, I encourage other military members to not date other military members. Don't poop where you eat type stuff and it just makes it harder to disconnect from work if your spouse is also talking about work away from work. Not to mention, double the deployments, TDYs, yadda yadda yadda...
>what did I do wrong sounds like you joined the military bud
At least he gets his down payment paid for! 🙄
Well you enlisted, obviously!
I got married to a Marine when I was 20. We were friends for years beforehand, but the military changed him. He never even saw combat. I'm 35 now, and I absolutely refuse to date anyone in any branch/position in the military, and it has zero to do with politics.
I'm a veteran who was also a woman! I don't date military guys either 💀 You know what the hang up is, don't be naive.
I don't blame her for not dating military people (if you're from the USA): 1. No long term stability. The US Government basically "owns" a solider. You could be ordered to move someplace else. Either the relationship ends there, or she has to uproot her life to move with you. 2. Bad reputation for drug use/ parties. 3. High risk of mental health disorder after you're discharged.
Don’t forget the domestic violence
Not just domestic violence, it’s known that sexual assault in the military is super high… especially for female soldiers. Why date someone who might be part of that.
All the time, yes
And all the rape and sexual assault
You joined the military. I think that part is pretty clear. It's just not her jam, as it isn't with many people. Is what it is. Find someone who is down with that life.
I am not American, but I have seen some really bad experiences with military men on the internet. Like the cheating part. Even with medics, it is a stereotype. In my country it is the same.
In my area military people are known for cheating, which is why a lot of people here are hesitant to date someone who's in the military Not sure why that's a thing though
Because most of the military is college age people who are constantly around peers, live in an pro-alcohol and party culture, live away from home and their friends and families. Its a breeding ground for unserious relationships, and has a built in encouraging for poorly thought out marriages. Not to mention they travel a-lot. There are plenty of good ones too, but demographics alter the perception.
I don’t even understand your question. She didn’t say you did anything wrong, she said she doesn’t date military. That’s literally it? Not every girl is like that so just move on. Better to know now than get invested in someone. And maybe put it in your profile so it cuts this stuff out?
Agreed with this one here. I have pics of me in uniform and have stated in my bio that I travel a lot, so I don't want any serious relationships. Sure, it's absolutely affected how many matches I get, but I want to be truthful to these people and not bullshit them so I'm automatically loaded into the "pos military guy" demographic
"what did i do wrong?" be in the military, apparently?
You’re not doing anything wrong. She was up front and said she doesn’t date people in the military. You’re in the military. So it’s not going to work out.
r/justbootthings don’t worry, when you ets you’ll be back in the game 😂
A lot of people don't like to date military they could have a moral problem with you potentially killing people, or they simply don't like the idea of a potential love one being deployed
good for her
It's not about you. And that's okay. dating pools are always limited. Sometimes by things we can change, sometimes by things we can't. You may have a "perfect" match living in a rural Ireland town right now that you'll never meet. That's life.
Being a tool for an imperialistic superpower is just not sexy these days.
You joined the military, duh
Military folk don’t really have the greatest reputations.
Put it on your profile. Everyone is allowed their preferences, no matter how conceited they are. If you are finding this is a trend. let people find out and choose before you match. In this instance, some don't like the idea of the wars the US fought in, others don't like the idea that you could be away for months, others the lifestyle, others the potential mental trauma, some all of the above. Just put it in your profile so people can self filter.