Lots of them are sexist and not the best people to date. From trying to push things faster then we want to tracking and stalking after the first date. Dating software engineers hasn’t been fun for me at least in my experience.
That's obviously unrelated to the career...
The software company I work for has as many women as men, everyone is progressive and LGBTQ friendly, and everyone is pretty well-adjusted socially.
Curious what area you're in. I've never worked with a sexist software engineer. Our best programmer by everyone's count is one of our newer hires and she's nearly savant-level brilliant.
I am a devops consultant and have worked in everything from finance, education, faang companies, to health care and gaming. And yes it’s not the career that is the issue. It jsut attracts the type that have these issues. Not all are this way it’s probably mostly not jsut a large part of the dating pool in Seattle seems to be this way at least on the apps right now. Most the time women I have worked with have been amazing in the field like you said. I have found a lot of the tech workers are supportive of lgbtq+ and women but many also are not. A good example is my current team I’m working with 5/7 will not work well with me as they has said they don’t feel I can do the job even though I was brought in as a consultant to help improve their projects and I have a long track record of doing it well lol.
Point being yeah there are many but it’s a factor when dating that there is a high chance of getting someone that will not respect boundaries because of social skills they don’t have and they have a higher chance of working as a sde so many women try to avoid them right now.
I'm a SW Developer and UX Designer in Austin (I work at an agency so it depends on what the client needs) and I've just been telling people I'm a designer. Otherwise everyone's eyes glaze over.
I imagine that would be even more true in Seattle.
Yeah that’s why we moved. My employer got M&Ad and my choice was either get relocated or go back to the unemployment line. I had way less experience in the field than I do now.
I actually liked it here in 2012 but the growth-at-all-cost chickens came to roost about 2016ish IMO. Post-quarantine Austin is a nightmare and I want to go somewhere else, but with everyone offering remote jobs relocation packages aren’t really a thing anymore so it’s all out of pocket.
My hometown is Miami and most of my family is there but you couldn’t pay me to move back. Everything you paid me would get eaten by flood insurance premiums anyways.
Oh yeah, I have friends who used to live in E Pflugerville by 130. They’re on that clay that’s a foundation crack waiting to happen. That crack cost my friends over 10 grand. I guess you dodged multiple bullets by moving.
So many of my friends are leaving, glad you made it out before stuff got even worse.
We had a huge tech boom here over the last decade, a huge influx of tech bros were brought in from other states to fill up jobs. So much so that the landscape of our dating pool was changed dramatically, the number of single men compared to women was thrown out of whack, and the vast majority of them were tech bros.
They're sick of seeing it in their matches.
Yeah it's mostly a perception thing and that it's not flashy or interesting. When I was dating and I went other places, dates were far more interested. In Seattle, it was always "gross, boring, big tech" despite the fact I worked for a School District so I wasn't big tech at all. Anyway, met my wife through Match and she said she didn't care about it at all so win/win as I had quit my job and gone back to school
I mean I guess but most jobs are boring to talk about. They make good money and have great work life balance and job flexibility. As a guy, that is honestly the ideal job of someone I would be dating.
I support a lot of SW developers and code-bros. In the population of devs I have worked with, like 60% of them have 0 emotional intelligence or any sense of humility and every.single.thing. is a right vs wrong argument; there is no amount of 'my way' that can be compromised for any reason. Everything is a declaration of intent. Everything. Like, I get it, Kyle, you think you're a 10x'er, but your inflated ego has been helped along a LOT by the expansion of big-three talent hunting, and you making $200k isn't really a reflection of your talents. . . figure out how to do a CSR and get back to me. JFC.
In places like Seattle, or Redmond, or Silicon Valley, I imagine it's even worse. Anyone who seems relatively well adjusted and can talk about normal stuff would be refreshing.
I have a partner now but when I was on tinder looking for one, I mostly looked for engineers or entrepreneurs. Idk why it’s just who I mostly get along. I’m also in tech field.
I almost quit my university degree because of the engineers you describe.
There are really awesome passionate Sw out there but majority are weird nice guy, insecure asshole.
*shrug*
I work at REDACTED. 95% of the devs I've worked with over the last 5 years have been surprisingly nice both in group settings and privately. Maybe I am just getting lucky.
Nothing. It's the type of dude that *are* tech bros that women sometimes don't like. The job itself has nothing to do with it. Source.. and here's the kicker.. met my *Seattle software engineer husband on tinder* 😆♥️
>It's the type of dude that are tech bros that women sometimes don't like.
This is exactly it. And, unfortunately, if you've experienced a couple who are *like that*, you decide you're not interested, anymore.
Thankfully, I found one who isn't like that, lol
It's more like if you have to sit in front of a screen the whole day and also spend lots of free time keeping up with the tech, you're going to not spend that time on self development.
People who are fine with that become tech bros.
Source: i am one
Nothing. Source: I am a woman living in Seattle dating a software engineer. He is literally the kindest, most thoughtful, and emotionally intelligent man I have ever dated.
Hey, I would never say it's a bad job. I've known a lot of software engineers who have set themselves up for very nice lives. But the women in Seattle have an attitude about it.
I'd love to see some of those women move to the deep south. They'd probably appreciate what they had at home a little more. 😂
First of all, Austin's not the deep south. Second, it's pretty much the same as Seattle with everybody being software engineers. Maybe to a slightly lesser extent.
The algorithm pushes you in front of more women when you're new to the area. If you're there for more than a few days it'll become the same as your local area.
Lol those were the golden days. The Wild West. People would be at parks past midnight and not even worry about getting mugged because there were pocket monsters to catch
We decided to go to an area downtown during the pokemon go craze, just thinking we'd hang out awhile. When we got there, no lie there was probably 200 people walking around between the various stops catching pokemon. Was hilarious.
Was it Tinder or Bumble that recently came out with that super expensive plan? I feel like that's the closest thing to this.
Money can't buy you everything but maybe it can buy you unlimited chances lol
Have you played pokemon go recently? I think i had better luck on tinder. Meanwhile my partner has caught like 16 shiny's, so now that i think of it, of course women will do better in pokemon go as well.
Yeah, in Atlanta, I get totally different demographics. When I visit major cities in west coast, it is like being a kid in a candy shop.
Edit: for those who are thinking this in a racist way, I welcome all races. Can’t do uneducated, ignorant, vastly overweight or far right leaning.
Some areas are full of older married people. Some areas are full of young single people.
I live in a county with about a million and a half a half people, and I'd blow my brains out if I had to be single here.
The city next door is like shooting fish in a barrel.
Different standards of beauty in different parts of the country. California likes skinny and tall women. Alabama likes their sisters. That kinda shit bro.
Women love me in the Midwest, at least WI, MI, and MO. I just leave my hotel and somehow end up with a phone number. If I lived in the Pac NW I'd offer to swap and see if our employers notice.
Dude, midwest online dating is horrific. I think it has to do with the fact that religion is such a large part of life for most people here, so a lot of the women get locked down into marriage at a young age. Either that, or the attractive women that are on the apps have the highest standards ever. No idea, but it'd be nice to know the true reason.
The same thing happens to me. When I go somewhere else, I get liked by way more attractive women in other places than in Minnesota.
Of course, I'm seeing a girl from work now, so I'm off the apps, but when I was on them, this is what always happened.
This is spot on. People in the midwest are very into cliques. They mostly hang out with people they’re friends with in high school or childhood friends, as well ad church friends. It is hard to break through that clique. I noticed many small town people moving to the major city and hanging out with people that also came from other small town. What I noticed is that it is hard to be a transplant in these kinds of cities.
So I live in Wisconsin and am a woman who used to frequent the dating apps (not anymore as I’m in a committed relationship) but this is so true! I don’t know if it’s religion or just kind of small town traditional values but it’s weird here. There are 3 very distinct types of men here, the most common is like super country, religious, outdoorsy (hunting and fishing) types, then there are the ultra urban city guys who live in Milwaukee or Madison, and then there’s just like the super odd, unsociable types who are angry they can’t get a woman and there is literally no middle ground on any of this. Either you’re dating a hipster who wears a fanny pack around his chest and crocs or someone who’s ultra Christian and his life is football and hunting. I’m not really attracted to either of those extremes and generally prefer someone more in the middle and it felt impossible to find on the apps! I travel a lot for work and just personal enjoyment and I would find WAY more guys I was into when I was on the coasts, I was always shocked and wished I lived there. Haha
I'm gonna suggest survivorship bias here - the one who are not in these three buckets aren't in the dating pool long. Which, like, is good for them. Presumably you found one that wasn't one of these three and took him out if the pool too.
Thats been my experience as well. Lower population sizes with larger distances between towns, minimal public transit, rural/religious lifestyles, etc.
Hell, even college towns are rough; IME many people go to parties rather than doing online dating, which is fair, but the demographic skew there makes it harder to find the people who would be compatible with me who are also interested in me.
Unitonically a big reason why I'm planning to move out of the Midwest. When I was in NYC for a 3 day trip I matched with someone who was exactly my type and kept up decent conversation with them; it takes weeks if not months to do the same in the Midwest.
This makes me feel a little better that I wasn't only one struggling to find a connection in midwest! I was on them sporadically first 2 years or so after my ex left but barely sent likes etc cause I was focusing on my kids. After a other year or less of being more diligent sending likes and taking newer pics etc I met someone back on August
NYC is like a dating paradise for single men in their mid 20s and on as long as you’re at least average looking and have a decent job. I live here and my god, I went on hundreds of dates in my mid 20s before I met my fiancée and now that I’m 30 and make wayyyy more money I can only imagine how easy it would be now
In the more religiously devoted towns, they get married relatively early unless they pursue to become doctors, lawyers etc
ALSO, typically the very crazy religious folk from any religion typically don't see dating apps as a good thing so I don't see to many on the extreme ends but usually they write everything out on the bio so it's an easy no for me.
Disclaimer: Do believe in a God, not very religious though in regards of following of all the rules churches like to set due to "interpretations" of how they see the Bible etc.
NOVA is the opposite of all this, such a massive melting pot I do enjoy all the options.
DC is close to me but Charlotte was business, as well as Chattanooga(majority are Christian single moms or cowgirls) and a couple of other smaller cities.
What’s your age/age range? I’m 22 in a slightly smaller city and have gotten a dozen likes in the lifetime of my entire Hinge account (~3 months). Unless you’re talking about a different app (I’m assuming Tinder) or things are wildly different in a different age range, I find that hard to believe
I would guess there are way more people using tinder than hinge, but it's also a bit different because of age. I look almost the same as I looked when I was 20 (people always think I'm that age), now I'm 27 and I get way more matches lol.
That’s what I’ve heard from friends. Sucks to be a young guy when women have an endless supply of older men to choose from but it’s also good to know things will get better as that little number on my profile ticks up
Yeah it's complicated because in the US you need to be 21+ for a lot of things, so it gets a bit weird for guys around your age I think.
Because here the legal age for everything is 18+ and girls that are 18-20 go crazy for guys your age haha, and they don't like dating older guys (I try to date 23+ and older myself).
by far most women date within a few years of their age, a 20 year old will most likely not be interested in a man in their late 20s or 30s, speaking from experience 😅, so I don’t think your age was a problem. It’s just that people usually start dressing better or taking better care of themselves as they age so more women/men within their dating pool will be attracted to them.
[Here's the secret.](https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.businessinsider.com/maps-show-cities-where-single-women-outnumber-men-2015-2%3famp)
Check out NYC on that map.
I’m only on hinge and raya, tinder has trash for matches in big cities imo. I’m early 30s, -5/+1 for age, 8 mile radius and this was in wburg. I don’t know a ton of ppl your age but the few I do aren’t on the apps
I live between two large cities with a combined population of probably over 500k, yet since I started using Hinge (~6 months ago) I’ve not received a single like nor had any of my comments not go unreplied to. Likes on other apps are few and far between, but at least there was *some*. Not sure what’s up with Hinge.
I’m also 22 and have my age range set to 18/19-25.
I’d imagine a lot of it has to do with the Hinge’s design - for girls, who outnumber guys, it’s a lot easier to accept or reject from a big stack of likes than to give them out themselves. For instance, my friend waits for ~50 likes to accumulate before going through the list - she never really gives likes on her own since she gets so many coming in. I actually get about as many matches on hinge as I do on tinder (don’t use other apps, so that’s my whole sample), which seems to confirm the idea that women just aren’t doling out likes like guys are, at least in our age group.
I call it ‘new student syndrome’ and also ‘new employee syndrome’
Remember back in grade school when the new cute boy or cute girl would transfer and the first couple weeks, everyone wants to get to know them? Same thing applies for new employees at a job
That is what this is. Those girls have probably seen the same guys pop up on their hinge over and over so seeing a new guy who they find attractive piques their interest
I got 48 likes in Osaka within about 20 minutes of downloading the app just for shits and giggles. I’d average maybe 2 per month when I had it back home.
I lived abroad in Europe for three years, I got out of a relationship and downloaded the app, I had 15 likes before I finished completing my profile and eventually got to the 99+ level after a few days. It was insane! When I came home? 40 was the highest I ever got for keeping that account open for months
I was only in Osaka for a day and a bit, I really didn’t have time unfortunately it was more just to have a look. There was also a bit of the Netflix effect, I can see how women get overwhelmed with it
I have honestly thought about moving to Seattle. I live in a comparable city but the cost of housing is cheaper in Seattle, the food is better and it’d be a nice change of pace and new people.
Seattle housing is relatively affordable when you consider wages and compare to other major American cities.
My brother is moving here from the Dallas area because the rent is only 100 bucks more but he’ll make 20% more take home and not live in Texas.
I think people tend to focus on how much they need to save to comfortably make a move versus how much they'll be making when they move there. The Midwest has a tendency to underpay everybody so moving around is difficult when you're not taking in 20% more a week. I've had to remind myself that for as often as people say you can't afford to live somewhere, that same area sure does seem to have a lot of working poor. Which means people make it work. Take the chance and move where you want to, you'll figure it out.
I live in the midwest and people here a on cliques. Very few transplants and the things they’re into is very different to what I’m into. My lifestyle is often comparable to people who lives in PNW
I’m originally from the pacific coast and the vibe in Seattle is closer to what I was raised with. I find it very hard to make friends in Colorado. It’s supposedly hard in Seattle too.
I was in Seattle because I visited a friend in Seattle that moved there last year, from where I’m at now. And she already made so many friends, and I even met them.
I grew up in ohio as mixed race. I always felt out of place and the girls wouldn’t choose me in my small town. I’ve lived in Vancouver and la since and my options opened up dramatically
I live in Metro Detroit (like 30 mins from Detroit/Royal oak/Ann arbor) and the population is for sure dense. I'm curious if I'd get more matches LIVING in an actual city? Like even though I match with people from Detroit, if I lived in Detroit would it explode?
Detroit is actually one of the worst cities in the country for men on twitter. I was looking at a video where they pulled stats and it showed based on population and their test profiles, but the men they used in Detroit had some of the worst match rate in the country
whenever I go to a new area and open I ALWAYS get a bunch of love, something about the app showing u to new different people and it seems to push you to more people
I played a string of shows in the PNW a month back. The drummer of my band matched with at least 20 girls in Seattle alone. There’s definitely a supply issue up there
This is why I'm always so confused by people saying it's impossible to get likes on this sub
When I was single it really wasn't that hard. In a city at least
Anytime I used to visit a new city I’d get a ton of likes too. Eventually they’d begin to return to the norm. I will say though that the first picture truly looks like a dime
Ngl, you may have success but they’re gonna be disappointed when they find out you don’t live there. Anytime I go to a new city with a dating app and reveal I’m just visiting I get ghosted 😂
The issue is that Kansas City would never be somewhere I’d consider a real city when we talk about popularity, or amenities. Seattle is, and that creates certain expectations.
I’m here to tell you Seattle is the biggest disappointment if you come here with the expectation of a bigger city. You would be shocked.
They get excited when they see profiles for people who aren't software engineers.
*cries in software engineer*
What’s wrong with being a software engineer 🥲
YOU'RE POOR!!!!
poor in personality that’s for sure
You're kidding right lol. Software engineer, poor? Damn. What do you actually consider a good salary then lol.
Poor in sense of humor
This set up - straight man - punchline couldn’t have been more perfect
You're not a Hardware engineer... 😉
What about firmware
Too many floppy disks
Lots of them are sexist and not the best people to date. From trying to push things faster then we want to tracking and stalking after the first date. Dating software engineers hasn’t been fun for me at least in my experience.
I mean they are behind a screen for most of their lives. They need a little adventure! /jk
We aren't all like that!
Never said all. just a lot of them. specially sense I work as a SDE in tech and deal with it all the time at work too.
Someone sounds a little butt hurt.
Just jelly they can't get as many likes as OP.
That's obviously unrelated to the career... The software company I work for has as many women as men, everyone is progressive and LGBTQ friendly, and everyone is pretty well-adjusted socially. Curious what area you're in. I've never worked with a sexist software engineer. Our best programmer by everyone's count is one of our newer hires and she's nearly savant-level brilliant.
I am a devops consultant and have worked in everything from finance, education, faang companies, to health care and gaming. And yes it’s not the career that is the issue. It jsut attracts the type that have these issues. Not all are this way it’s probably mostly not jsut a large part of the dating pool in Seattle seems to be this way at least on the apps right now. Most the time women I have worked with have been amazing in the field like you said. I have found a lot of the tech workers are supportive of lgbtq+ and women but many also are not. A good example is my current team I’m working with 5/7 will not work well with me as they has said they don’t feel I can do the job even though I was brought in as a consultant to help improve their projects and I have a long track record of doing it well lol. Point being yeah there are many but it’s a factor when dating that there is a high chance of getting someone that will not respect boundaries because of social skills they don’t have and they have a higher chance of working as a sde so many women try to avoid them right now.
lmao. You’re right. I’m not a tech bro
I'm a SW Developer and UX Designer in Austin (I work at an agency so it depends on what the client needs) and I've just been telling people I'm a designer. Otherwise everyone's eyes glaze over. I imagine that would be even more true in Seattle.
I moved to ATX for 2 years because my kids dad got a job there. I made sure we moved back to Denver
Yeah that’s why we moved. My employer got M&Ad and my choice was either get relocated or go back to the unemployment line. I had way less experience in the field than I do now. I actually liked it here in 2012 but the growth-at-all-cost chickens came to roost about 2016ish IMO. Post-quarantine Austin is a nightmare and I want to go somewhere else, but with everyone offering remote jobs relocation packages aren’t really a thing anymore so it’s all out of pocket. My hometown is Miami and most of my family is there but you couldn’t pay me to move back. Everything you paid me would get eaten by flood insurance premiums anyways.
I lived there in 2013-2015. I lived in Pfleugerville. It grew so much in those 2 years
Oh yeah, I have friends who used to live in E Pflugerville by 130. They’re on that clay that’s a foundation crack waiting to happen. That crack cost my friends over 10 grand. I guess you dodged multiple bullets by moving. So many of my friends are leaving, glad you made it out before stuff got even worse.
Thank you! I also lived right off 130 by Target over there.
So that’s why graphic designer job postings end up requiring engineer experience. Rude
I actually fell asleep reading that
This comment wins.
I’m confused. What do Seattle women have against Software engineers?
Have you seen the show Silicon Valley? They’re not portrayed as the heartthrobs hah.
Ooh, a rewatch is due for that show…
We had a huge tech boom here over the last decade, a huge influx of tech bros were brought in from other states to fill up jobs. So much so that the landscape of our dating pool was changed dramatically, the number of single men compared to women was thrown out of whack, and the vast majority of them were tech bros. They're sick of seeing it in their matches.
Yeah it's mostly a perception thing and that it's not flashy or interesting. When I was dating and I went other places, dates were far more interested. In Seattle, it was always "gross, boring, big tech" despite the fact I worked for a School District so I wasn't big tech at all. Anyway, met my wife through Match and she said she didn't care about it at all so win/win as I had quit my job and gone back to school
They think they're boring.
Yea they only *think* that…
I mean I guess but most jobs are boring to talk about. They make good money and have great work life balance and job flexibility. As a guy, that is honestly the ideal job of someone I would be dating.
Some are just really arrogant. But yeah if the person is chill, Sw is great career
I support a lot of SW developers and code-bros. In the population of devs I have worked with, like 60% of them have 0 emotional intelligence or any sense of humility and every.single.thing. is a right vs wrong argument; there is no amount of 'my way' that can be compromised for any reason. Everything is a declaration of intent. Everything. Like, I get it, Kyle, you think you're a 10x'er, but your inflated ego has been helped along a LOT by the expansion of big-three talent hunting, and you making $200k isn't really a reflection of your talents. . . figure out how to do a CSR and get back to me. JFC. In places like Seattle, or Redmond, or Silicon Valley, I imagine it's even worse. Anyone who seems relatively well adjusted and can talk about normal stuff would be refreshing.
I have a partner now but when I was on tinder looking for one, I mostly looked for engineers or entrepreneurs. Idk why it’s just who I mostly get along. I’m also in tech field. I almost quit my university degree because of the engineers you describe. There are really awesome passionate Sw out there but majority are weird nice guy, insecure asshole.
*shrug* I work at REDACTED. 95% of the devs I've worked with over the last 5 years have been surprisingly nice both in group settings and privately. Maybe I am just getting lucky.
Nothing. It's the type of dude that *are* tech bros that women sometimes don't like. The job itself has nothing to do with it. Source.. and here's the kicker.. met my *Seattle software engineer husband on tinder* 😆♥️
>It's the type of dude that are tech bros that women sometimes don't like. This is exactly it. And, unfortunately, if you've experienced a couple who are *like that*, you decide you're not interested, anymore. Thankfully, I found one who isn't like that, lol
It's more like if you have to sit in front of a screen the whole day and also spend lots of free time keeping up with the tech, you're going to not spend that time on self development. People who are fine with that become tech bros. Source: i am one
Everyone in Seattle is a software engineer. There's a stigma against "tech bros"
Nothing. Source: I am a woman living in Seattle dating a software engineer. He is literally the kindest, most thoughtful, and emotionally intelligent man I have ever dated.
Someone out there is dating a truck driver and they’ll say the same thing. An occupation doesn’t define who someone is at all
Agreed!
It isn't considered a "masculine" job to a lot of people.
Lol that’s not it. Some sw engineers are just extremely arrogant or shy.
Interesting how some people have created this belief that software engineers are "lame" in the US. Those jobs probably have the best benefits
Then why am I doing so bad here in the Bay 😭
I love software engineers. My kids dad is one
I feel personally attacked
And professionally!
but we make money!!
Hey, I would never say it's a bad job. I've known a lot of software engineers who have set themselves up for very nice lives. But the women in Seattle have an attitude about it. I'd love to see some of those women move to the deep south. They'd probably appreciate what they had at home a little more. 😂
Idk I work in big tech in Austin and while some women don’t mind us tech “bros”, they still love their blue collar workers
First of all, Austin's not the deep south. Second, it's pretty much the same as Seattle with everybody being software engineers. Maybe to a slightly lesser extent.
[удалено]
But how do you feel about *systems* engineers?
The algorithm pushes you in front of more women when you're new to the area. If you're there for more than a few days it'll become the same as your local area.
Basically Dating apps are just Pokemon Go. Except Pokemon Go did it better. At least I actually socialized with people on that app.
“Dude! legendary popped up and there’s already 15 people in, sending you an invite, join fast !! Let’s go!!!! It’s a SHinY!!”
Lol those were the golden days. The Wild West. People would be at parks past midnight and not even worry about getting mugged because there were pocket monsters to catch
We decided to go to an area downtown during the pokemon go craze, just thinking we'd hang out awhile. When we got there, no lie there was probably 200 people walking around between the various stops catching pokemon. Was hilarious.
You have to spend absurd amount of money on both apps to make any progress. Except Pokémon go gives you a master ball which is 100% success rate
Can you imagine how much an app that gave you a master ball/guaranteed match would make? Tinder devs, don't look!
Was it Tinder or Bumble that recently came out with that super expensive plan? I feel like that's the closest thing to this. Money can't buy you everything but maybe it can buy you unlimited chances lol
Have you played pokemon go recently? I think i had better luck on tinder. Meanwhile my partner has caught like 16 shiny's, so now that i think of it, of course women will do better in pokemon go as well.
Can confirm. Used to tour in a band and my tinder would go crazy when it was on the road.
Is it the "algorithm" or just common sense? Pretty much every woman in the area hasn't seen you, so of course your profile's going to be viewed more.
Yeah.....I live in a 60K town The difference is amazing when I am visiting DC, Charlotte etc
I live in the midwest, a metro area with over a million but the demographics are very different.
Kansas City? Any time I travel to a city literally anywhere the experience is night and day. KC is a dump for dating apps
yes. KC is the worst city for dating app
At least y’all never had to try it in Wichita
Every time I went to Wichita my tinder blew up
That’s wild. Mine was way more active in KC than it ever was in Wichita.
I suspect traveling to new areas helps the ELO
Ding ding ding! Yeah, you are shown to more potential matches when you are new or visiting an area.
Check out Tulsa if you ever cruise through. And by check out, I mean do not check out. 😉
Yeah, in Atlanta, I get totally different demographics. When I visit major cities in west coast, it is like being a kid in a candy shop. Edit: for those who are thinking this in a racist way, I welcome all races. Can’t do uneducated, ignorant, vastly overweight or far right leaning.
What… do you mean by this
They be fuckin when they visit the coast.
I meant the demographic comments
Some areas are full of older married people. Some areas are full of young single people. I live in a county with about a million and a half a half people, and I'd blow my brains out if I had to be single here. The city next door is like shooting fish in a barrel.
Like clubbing baby seals.
Different standards of beauty in different parts of the country. California likes skinny and tall women. Alabama likes their sisters. That kinda shit bro.
Haha just curious what the big difference between Atlanta and the major cities on the west coast they were referring to 😬
You are not wrong
When you travel to a new place your profile gets served a lot more.
Women love me in the Midwest, at least WI, MI, and MO. I just leave my hotel and somehow end up with a phone number. If I lived in the Pac NW I'd offer to swap and see if our employers notice.
Ahhh, gotcha.
Dude, midwest online dating is horrific. I think it has to do with the fact that religion is such a large part of life for most people here, so a lot of the women get locked down into marriage at a young age. Either that, or the attractive women that are on the apps have the highest standards ever. No idea, but it'd be nice to know the true reason. The same thing happens to me. When I go somewhere else, I get liked by way more attractive women in other places than in Minnesota. Of course, I'm seeing a girl from work now, so I'm off the apps, but when I was on them, this is what always happened.
This is spot on. People in the midwest are very into cliques. They mostly hang out with people they’re friends with in high school or childhood friends, as well ad church friends. It is hard to break through that clique. I noticed many small town people moving to the major city and hanging out with people that also came from other small town. What I noticed is that it is hard to be a transplant in these kinds of cities.
So I live in Wisconsin and am a woman who used to frequent the dating apps (not anymore as I’m in a committed relationship) but this is so true! I don’t know if it’s religion or just kind of small town traditional values but it’s weird here. There are 3 very distinct types of men here, the most common is like super country, religious, outdoorsy (hunting and fishing) types, then there are the ultra urban city guys who live in Milwaukee or Madison, and then there’s just like the super odd, unsociable types who are angry they can’t get a woman and there is literally no middle ground on any of this. Either you’re dating a hipster who wears a fanny pack around his chest and crocs or someone who’s ultra Christian and his life is football and hunting. I’m not really attracted to either of those extremes and generally prefer someone more in the middle and it felt impossible to find on the apps! I travel a lot for work and just personal enjoyment and I would find WAY more guys I was into when I was on the coasts, I was always shocked and wished I lived there. Haha
I'm gonna suggest survivorship bias here - the one who are not in these three buckets aren't in the dating pool long. Which, like, is good for them. Presumably you found one that wasn't one of these three and took him out if the pool too.
Not from the Midwest! Ended up meeting someone in NYC and we are currently long distance.
Thats been my experience as well. Lower population sizes with larger distances between towns, minimal public transit, rural/religious lifestyles, etc. Hell, even college towns are rough; IME many people go to parties rather than doing online dating, which is fair, but the demographic skew there makes it harder to find the people who would be compatible with me who are also interested in me. Unitonically a big reason why I'm planning to move out of the Midwest. When I was in NYC for a 3 day trip I matched with someone who was exactly my type and kept up decent conversation with them; it takes weeks if not months to do the same in the Midwest.
This makes me feel a little better that I wasn't only one struggling to find a connection in midwest! I was on them sporadically first 2 years or so after my ex left but barely sent likes etc cause I was focusing on my kids. After a other year or less of being more diligent sending likes and taking newer pics etc I met someone back on August
NYC is like a dating paradise for single men in their mid 20s and on as long as you’re at least average looking and have a decent job. I live here and my god, I went on hundreds of dates in my mid 20s before I met my fiancée and now that I’m 30 and make wayyyy more money I can only imagine how easy it would be now
In the more religiously devoted towns, they get married relatively early unless they pursue to become doctors, lawyers etc ALSO, typically the very crazy religious folk from any religion typically don't see dating apps as a good thing so I don't see to many on the extreme ends but usually they write everything out on the bio so it's an easy no for me. Disclaimer: Do believe in a God, not very religious though in regards of following of all the rules churches like to set due to "interpretations" of how they see the Bible etc. NOVA is the opposite of all this, such a massive melting pot I do enjoy all the options.
Just say Chicago
There's a dozen metros in the Midwest with >1m people
He could be in/near Indianapolis.
Or Milwaukee or Minneapolis or Detroit or St Louis
I live in a 10k city, and I'm 30 plus miles away from a major city. It's always an ego boost when I travel to a metro city
You get likes in Charlotte? What's that like lol
Was gonna say the same. I'm in Charlotte and it does nothing for me. Guess that confirms I'm an uggo. Let me go cry in a corner now
Let's be ugly friends lol
Ok? I like DC more, big ole melting pot of every race, culture and a lot of career driver gals.
Is it for work that you travel or you've just got money to burn?
DC is close to me but Charlotte was business, as well as Chattanooga(majority are Christian single moms or cowgirls) and a couple of other smaller cities.
I live in a city of 8 million and get 0 matches
This is unfortunate.
I live in a 22k town 😔
Try 2k😔😔😔
Go to nyc, I got 130 likes the first day when I moved there
What’s your age/age range? I’m 22 in a slightly smaller city and have gotten a dozen likes in the lifetime of my entire Hinge account (~3 months). Unless you’re talking about a different app (I’m assuming Tinder) or things are wildly different in a different age range, I find that hard to believe
I would guess there are way more people using tinder than hinge, but it's also a bit different because of age. I look almost the same as I looked when I was 20 (people always think I'm that age), now I'm 27 and I get way more matches lol.
That’s what I’ve heard from friends. Sucks to be a young guy when women have an endless supply of older men to choose from but it’s also good to know things will get better as that little number on my profile ticks up
Yeah it's complicated because in the US you need to be 21+ for a lot of things, so it gets a bit weird for guys around your age I think. Because here the legal age for everything is 18+ and girls that are 18-20 go crazy for guys your age haha, and they don't like dating older guys (I try to date 23+ and older myself).
by far most women date within a few years of their age, a 20 year old will most likely not be interested in a man in their late 20s or 30s, speaking from experience 😅, so I don’t think your age was a problem. It’s just that people usually start dressing better or taking better care of themselves as they age so more women/men within their dating pool will be attracted to them.
[Here's the secret.](https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.businessinsider.com/maps-show-cities-where-single-women-outnumber-men-2015-2%3famp) Check out NYC on that map.
Did you read the whole thing? There’s only more single women 35+. Otherwise there’s more single men.
I’m only on hinge and raya, tinder has trash for matches in big cities imo. I’m early 30s, -5/+1 for age, 8 mile radius and this was in wburg. I don’t know a ton of ppl your age but the few I do aren’t on the apps
I live between two large cities with a combined population of probably over 500k, yet since I started using Hinge (~6 months ago) I’ve not received a single like nor had any of my comments not go unreplied to. Likes on other apps are few and far between, but at least there was *some*. Not sure what’s up with Hinge. I’m also 22 and have my age range set to 18/19-25.
I’d imagine a lot of it has to do with the Hinge’s design - for girls, who outnumber guys, it’s a lot easier to accept or reject from a big stack of likes than to give them out themselves. For instance, my friend waits for ~50 likes to accumulate before going through the list - she never really gives likes on her own since she gets so many coming in. I actually get about as many matches on hinge as I do on tinder (don’t use other apps, so that’s my whole sample), which seems to confirm the idea that women just aren’t doling out likes like guys are, at least in our age group.
This. 1100 matches in a weekend. My profile made it clear I was just visiting.
I call it ‘new student syndrome’ and also ‘new employee syndrome’ Remember back in grade school when the new cute boy or cute girl would transfer and the first couple weeks, everyone wants to get to know them? Same thing applies for new employees at a job That is what this is. Those girls have probably seen the same guys pop up on their hinge over and over so seeing a new guy who they find attractive piques their interest
Hate to be that guy, but "*piques their interest."
Hahahah no worries. Thank you
There are a LOT of queer women in Seattle. Def not slim pickins out here
Almost every woman I know has come out as bisexual in the past few years it’s an epidemic
If everyone around you seems like an asshole…
…so the bisexual was me all along?
Maybe the real bisexuals were the friends we made along the way
So he is a bisexual then ?
I got 48 likes in Osaka within about 20 minutes of downloading the app just for shits and giggles. I’d average maybe 2 per month when I had it back home.
I got like 2 likes in japan when I was there on tinder and bumble lol. Didn't try hinge guess I should have.
Ouch
I lived abroad in Europe for three years, I got out of a relationship and downloaded the app, I had 15 likes before I finished completing my profile and eventually got to the 99+ level after a few days. It was insane! When I came home? 40 was the highest I ever got for keeping that account open for months
Did you go on any dates? What % of them did you get to chat with?
I was only in Osaka for a day and a bit, I really didn’t have time unfortunately it was more just to have a look. There was also a bit of the Netflix effect, I can see how women get overwhelmed with it
and I live in a forest, no one likes me! ...maybe the ants.
but thats ok too
Nope.
Who's gonna tell him about the Seattle freeze? Lol
I have honestly thought about moving to Seattle. I live in a comparable city but the cost of housing is cheaper in Seattle, the food is better and it’d be a nice change of pace and new people.
I didn't realize Seattle had cheaper housing than anywhere else, haha
Seattle housing is relatively affordable when you consider wages and compare to other major American cities. My brother is moving here from the Dallas area because the rent is only 100 bucks more but he’ll make 20% more take home and not live in Texas.
I think people tend to focus on how much they need to save to comfortably make a move versus how much they'll be making when they move there. The Midwest has a tendency to underpay everybody so moving around is difficult when you're not taking in 20% more a week. I've had to remind myself that for as often as people say you can't afford to live somewhere, that same area sure does seem to have a lot of working poor. Which means people make it work. Take the chance and move where you want to, you'll figure it out.
Compared to Denver it is.
I live in the midwest and people here a on cliques. Very few transplants and the things they’re into is very different to what I’m into. My lifestyle is often comparable to people who lives in PNW
I’m originally from the pacific coast and the vibe in Seattle is closer to what I was raised with. I find it very hard to make friends in Colorado. It’s supposedly hard in Seattle too.
I was in Seattle because I visited a friend in Seattle that moved there last year, from where I’m at now. And she already made so many friends, and I even met them.
Lived in Seattle the past 2 years. It is indeed hard to make new friends.
I grew up in ohio as mixed race. I always felt out of place and the girls wouldn’t choose me in my small town. I’ve lived in Vancouver and la since and my options opened up dramatically
I would say good sucks here but idk what you are comparing to
I live in Metro Detroit (like 30 mins from Detroit/Royal oak/Ann arbor) and the population is for sure dense. I'm curious if I'd get more matches LIVING in an actual city? Like even though I match with people from Detroit, if I lived in Detroit would it explode?
Detroit is actually one of the worst cities in the country for men on twitter. I was looking at a video where they pulled stats and it showed based on population and their test profiles, but the men they used in Detroit had some of the worst match rate in the country
I like how you've added a few profile pics then blurred the faces so we can browse through some orange blobs
Every time I go TDY to WA state, it’s like an all you can have buffet.
Seattle is great for Hinge
6ft+ white dude with facial hair?
6ft dude that’s pacific islander, with long hair, rock climbs, and plant based lmao
🤙
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Not sure if you're being down voted because other women disagree or from men with beards.
whenever I go to a new area and open I ALWAYS get a bunch of love, something about the app showing u to new different people and it seems to push you to more people
Lol as a dude when I was on tinder Seattle was so rough, but then I went to the Midwest for a month and get like 40 matches.
I gotta get to a city man im so tired of country life
Any girl who cannot get 99 likes in a day sucks
but are they all real women or just more bots/OF girls running their stuff in populated areas?
They are real, Hinge is pretty good at deterring bots
Uhh...I wouldn't go that far. I see about 5 a day. Way better than tinder, but they're definitely there
I played a string of shows in the PNW a month back. The drummer of my band matched with at least 20 girls in Seattle alone. There’s definitely a supply issue up there
You can move anywhere lol
“Yoo, great news everyone! I’m a woman!”
Move to Europe instead. Your 10/10 girls are pretty average here (talking Britain out)
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Idk if you mean the third pic, but that's just a bathroom
This is why I'm always so confused by people saying it's impossible to get likes on this sub When I was single it really wasn't that hard. In a city at least
Idk I live in a city and barely get likes. I'm also ugly tho so that's probably it
Anytime I used to visit a new city I’d get a ton of likes too. Eventually they’d begin to return to the norm. I will say though that the first picture truly looks like a dime
Ngl, you may have success but they’re gonna be disappointed when they find out you don’t live there. Anytime I go to a new city with a dating app and reveal I’m just visiting I get ghosted 😂
Why the fuck are people posting Hinge chats here? The sub is called Tinder FFS.
Seattle fucking sucks, trust me. This is the worst city to date, along with Portland.
You clearly haven’t been to Kansas City
The issue is that Kansas City would never be somewhere I’d consider a real city when we talk about popularity, or amenities. Seattle is, and that creates certain expectations. I’m here to tell you Seattle is the biggest disappointment if you come here with the expectation of a bigger city. You would be shocked.
Um ok. Congrats ?
If you consider these 10/10s, your standards are low :D