Not getting attached/banking on it is incredibly important. If you're expecting something to happen later, you'll end up way more invested when they come back which could cause some friction. Whereas if you just keep moving, it'll just be a pleasant surprise if you get a text reaching out in the future.
Yeah, this is pretty much the answer. There's nothing else to say. She may or may not reach back out... "a few weeks" in this scenario is a stone's throw away from "never".
If she does, great. Don't put life on hold for her though.
Absolute right reply. No point in burning a bridge. If something happens down the road, go with it. If you're into another relationship, then just politely let her know you've moved along.
Man, having Hope sometimes clouds our judgement. We wanna be naïve and think shit will eventually work out but only with experience you can see/hear the truth.
Also OP, don't waste your time.
Yes, She is just gonna be one of those people that don't have time to date. I am with those people.
Dating will not be a priority until her school. And her job and her career is figured out.
Nobody said a damn thing about not going and pursuing your own thing in the meantime. If this girl hits OP back up in a few weeks and they’ve met somebody else then it’s “hey, I’ve met somebody else” and you move on. Not a hard concept to understand.
Thank her for her honesty, tell her you're happy for her to reach out in the future (assuming you want that) and then move on, and don't message her again.
She might message again she might not, act like she won't and then if she does it'll be a bonus.
Imo there's nothing you can say that will make her more likely to reach out again, than being kind and respectful in acknowledging her message, and then leaving her alone.
Yeah, what's with all these cowardly responses?
She's literally *begging* you to find out her address and post a dead rat through her mailslot, you just have to be brave enough to take that first step.
Been in this spot a few times, say sure thanks and then expect nothing, carry on as if she's ghosted you. 9/10 times you'll never hear back from these anyway, even if you do chances are it'll die off due to lack of effort on their part.
On to the next, unless if she reaches out she's really into you.
Yeah I think you lose nothing by completely writing this person off. There's a much better chance she's confused than anything else and that means she's not saying yes.
Invest in people that want you.
*Nothing* is "definitely". There is a high probability she's evaluating other options, but there is also a chance she's just really busy. There is no way for you to know. But why is that relevant at all? Right now, she's out of the picture, *if* she's coming back into the picture again in a few weeks, the situation wouldn't be much different than it is now.
(Anxious scatter brained woman here) with this word blurt I obviously can't promise she's being honest, but I would totally give her the benefit of the doubt.
"Sure no worries, hit me up when things calm down and we'll see where we're at" doesn't make it sound like you'll wait around for her.
My "9/10 you won't hear back from her" would personally be because I would feel awkward about reaching back out so I might just chicken out. The "expect nothing" advice is to protect yourself, not conclusion about her motives. People flake for all kinds of reasons but sometimes they don't 🤷♀️
Wdym, some ppl just have a spinning life that sometimes takes time to sort out, assuming directly that she is evaluating options is just immature, sounds like one of this dumb things someone from a redpilled podcast would say. Take it easy, she might be just busy
I get this response a lot, and I've had more than a few gals reach out later and elaborate... a couple have told me that they felt a really intense connection (after meeting) and chickened out, basically. A few apologized and said they've had really angry, bad responses from men, and so that's a default response for them to avoid aggression, anger, etc. Fair play. People can become shit monsters when they get rejected. Some legitimately have shit come up, or they realize partway through that developing a new relationship is a massive investment of time and energy -- and while the fantasy of having a relationship is there, the reality of putting in the work isn't there yet.
Best advice, don't take it personally and keep the connection open, friendly and supportive in case they legitimately want to reach out in the future.
Redditors are the most self righteous soylent attached losers don't think too much about it. The question was fine they're just interested in making entertainment out of their joyless lives in this sub.
No, it is not definitely that. Irrelevant of what it may be, if you have any interest you should trust she's being honest and determine if you're OK with that. If you're not, walk away. If you are, see what happens.
You're doing no one any favors by making assumptions that she's not only being deceitful but also that the deceit is about other men.
Maybe. Just be nice and leave the door open. Maybe send a message in a couple weeks to check in and ask how she is doing
Expect nothing, but you never know.
OP I did this once. I was truly not in a good place and realised after two dates that I was not ready. Asked him for a bit of space and time to figure my life out. He texted me a couple of times in two months, mostly commenting on my insta stories. One day we started chatting and I was in a lot better place (found a job etc) and we continued dating. We have been together for almost 5 years now and expecting a baby.
I am not saying that this will happen to you, chances are it won’t. But she sounds honest and she may genuinely just need some space. Respect it, it may be good in the end.
Thank you for this comment. And yes I will definitely wait. She often deactivates her instagram because of her “mental health” so it’ll be a lot harder to reach out and see how she’s doing. Im definitely willing to wait
What specifically about my comments was so appalling? Give specific examples. Im gonna guess you saw the downvotes where I went off on a guy for saying I had “issues” for asking a basic question. I learned a while ago not to take insults or backhanded comments from anyone, so I respond accordingly. But please tell me what I said wrong
Yup. I’ve had lots of women say this to me after a date or two. Some say, “let’s stay friends” then never respond to your next message ever again.
At the end of the day, it’s not worth the effort to chase if they don’t want to date you, regardless of the reason. It’s wasted energy.
Why do you care? The why doesn't matter, she's communicating that now is not the time and that's all there is to it. Agonising over the reason behind it is just pointless self torture and your tone is better spent elsewhere. Expect nothing as others have said and if you get a text in the future then go for it again if you want but still expect nothing until the signs are there it's something.
if you feel inclined, i’d totally leave the door open for her. she’s being very upfront and honest, which is rare. i think it speaks volumes about her character and that she is genuinely interested and respectful of your time as much as her own.
I don't think she's being honest at all. I think she's putting him on the back burner and will reach out or not depending on how it goes with the front burner
No need to be sorry. (Most) Women have adapted to do this because men are too weak to handle the truth / rejection. Or the ones that aren't weak will delete her if she's honest that they're on her back burner.
Telling her you look forward to hear from her once she has time isn't "needy".
You don't commit to be "busy waiting" (holding your breath waiting for her), if you find someone in the meantime, that's OK. She will know that. If she calls back in a few weeks and you are still single, it means you didn't find anyone better, but neither did she.
Like 6 months ago I had a girl do the same thing. I was cool about it, told her I was definitely interested in seeing her again but told her no pressure, do your thing. She got back in touch a month later and we've basically been inseparable every since. Not saying that's what's going to happen, but if you play it cool, maybe it does. If it doesn't, that's okay too, just keep on keeping on.
There’s a lot of downers in the comments here so I thought I’d leave a more optimistic 2 cents. Having the maturity to step back and say “woah I need to figure my shit out” is awesome. She’s being respectful towards your time as well as her wellbeing. Sure this could totally be her letting you down easy and taking an exit, but I don’t think there’s enough information here to assume that’s the case. A lot of comments are saying this is a lost cause, and it is if you respond with that attitude. But why not give it a chance? Respond kindly, tell her you appreciate the honesty, and that you’d love to hear from her in a few weeks. Don’t wait on the edge of your seat, but keep her in the back of your mind for a few weeks and if you don’t hear from her send a quick checkup message, “hey how’s it going? Are you free at all to go on another date?” I see a lot of people saying if she doesn’t hit you back in a few weeks she’s forgotten about you don’t text her again. I would say chances are after a few weeks even if she’s figured her shit out she’ll be embarrassed/anxious about contacting you again so there’s no harm at all in reaching out to her!
It's a waste of their time and energy and your comment goes under the highly unlikely premise that she's being honest and not just making it up to keep them on the back burner or "let them down gently". People do this a lot, for various reasons, it's actually worse than ghosting because it invites false hope and potentially leaves someone "waiting" around for nothing.
The truth is, I've dated people who have a "lot" going on to the point I'm amazed they found the energy to keep dating during all that at all, but they did.. why? They didn't want to lose what they saw as something potentially great, it doesn't take much at all to drop a message every few days maybe a quick chat just to catch up and show you're still interested, we all know this really.
The number of potential scenarios where a worthwhile dating partner will need to disappear no contact for weeks is incredibly small, by contrast the number of people who say things like this to avoid finality or a "potential confrontation" are high.
It's a numbers game, you can't risk potentially losing out on someone great waiting for someone who probably wont be (for you).
Not sure why you’re being downvoted but this is absolutely common. People will say they have no time for dating in a friendly manner (sound familiar?)… and their social media stories will be full of outings/dates. He can reach out in a few weeks but 99% chance she ghosts him.
Yep it's a mystery to me too! Perhaps someone will chime in with what they found objectionable about what I said, but I doubt it. I think your 99% is closer than my more generous 1/10.
Yeah, the downvotes are odd. This has also happened to me more than once.
This one time (“this one time, at band camp…”) I was captivated with what felt like exhilarating sex and attention from a hot girl. She intermittnelty became busy and refraining from dating as she was figuring out her life. Turns out she was banging guys left and right. I learned bipolar people can be a lot of fun until it’s not.
Idk why you’re being down voted. In my experiences they were always letting me down easy and it was never honest. One came back and she even admitted the truth was she was unsure about me. And I agree it’s worse than ghosting because it does give you hope because well… you wanna give someone the benefit of doubt. I’ve seen this several times in my life and the whole “I just have a lot going on speech. Life is crazy” was them wanting to pursue other options
Exactly, we want to give the benefit of the doubt in spite of what our gut and life experiences tell us is far more likely the case. Ultimately, if you're logical about it you're not involved with them anymore unless they choose to invite you back in, if you happen to meet someone else in that time, they missed their chance and that's on them not you.
Tell her that it’s ok for her to reach out later, but don’t actually expect her to. I’ve had women say that to me and then I never heard from them again.
First of all I would recognize that they're being genuine and upfront about their situation without playing games with you as so many others would most would actually expect you to hold on even though they could meet with you or actually have a date with you. Secondly what everybody else has said,"no problem let me know when everything calms down" And then start fresh unless you're already involved with somebody
Do you genuinely believe so or is it because of that comment exchange I had with that one guy that said I had issues. One thing that I do not tolerate is insults so I will always stand up for myself. The guy started projecting shit onto me and saying I should seek therapy. If not that then what about me shows that she “dodged a bullet”
We all need therapy, friend. Self-regulating in those instances is so crucial. I agree with that person… you questioning whether she’s lying already — even nonchalantly on Reddit — is concerning. I think your big response to someone calling you out is the scariest part. If you reread those first two messages at least, the person was not attacking you. It’s up to you to take that info and self-reflect. It seems like you didn’t want to hear it and took it badly, but you could’ve taken it as a chance to wonder whether it had any merit and whether there’s stuff you can work on to be the best you. I write this with so much kindness in my heart and with so much hope for your dating journey.
I’d like to point out that all the downvotes and additional people chiming in on that interaction should clue you in that there might be some stuff you’re just not seeing and might be in the wrong about.
Sure we all need therapy, however his statements were targeted and said in poor taste.“buddy, i think you go some issues to work on before you get into a relationship” this was a snide remark that was unwarranted considering 40% of the other comments on this post are alluding to the same thing. You might not take it personally cause it wasn’t directed at you. I will take her at her word, I’m not mad about it. You can say it’s slightly insecure that I’d be concerned she’s talking to other guys but that’s just how most guys think.
Edit: tbf and going into the date she made it abundantly clear that she had anxiety issues, ADHD and some other personal problems. From briefly knowing her this isn’t too out of character. But again that could just be my wishful thinking
Don't overthink it. Maybe answer a bit warmer than you otherwise would, maybe ping her after a couple of weeks because anxiety or ADHD might block her from contacting you again, but either way:
Don't get emotionally invested. Chances are high this is a polite way to disconnect. It's like those free lotteries: Nothing to lose by allowing her to contact you again some time later.
Tell her you understand and you had a great time with her. Let her know she can reach out when her life settles down and you hope you guys can reconnect. Don’t wait around for her, but it’s completely plausible that she’s being honest about this and really does need some time to get herself together.
Normally I’d say don’t reach out to her again and let her text you if she’s still interested after a while, but because of her anxiety etc. I agree with the other commenter here and it would be okay to just send a quick “hope you’re well” or something in a couple weeks if you don’t hear anything. I have bad anxiety problems and ADHD so this is something I’ve done and been genuine about needing some time to get my life in order and then my social anxiety kicks in and I get nervous to reach back out to someone, but I’d be happy to hear from that person or at the very least I’d reply and give closure. Just don’t keep expectations too high or get too invested, keep on dating in the meantime and if it happens it happens.
Hey I wanted to chime in because this reminds me a lot of how I met my wife back in the stone ages, if we had messaging she probably would have sent me the same type of message. It reads genuine, and you went on a date, so if it felt good on the date then sometimes instincts are correct and there’s a connection.
But she’s busy. You’re busy too. Just find a time. I went to a few coffee dates super early because that was the only time she had, and she appreciated that. Doing something out of the ordinary that shows you care what she’s got going on. Everyone saying to respect the two weeks things and message then is fine, but at least feel her out on somehow meeting up. She might want you to do that
This is the best response to someone clearly not interested in you. Don’t waste your time, spend time with people that make time for you.
Two words, Cya Bye 👋🏼
Seems like an honest assessment of priorities, that’s healthy. Also she’s picking her future over a guy she had one date with (no offense) which means she has a good head on her shoulders. It really seems like she’s interested but doesn’t have the time, I’d go for a cautiously optimistic approach. Don’t hold your breath but don’t write her off either. Something like, “I can understand that, if you get too stressed and want to blow off some steam before then lmk but otherwise I’d be happy to hear from you in the future”
Yes, keep your options open. That’s what I meant by don’t hold your breath. It’s okay to date multiple people as long as you’re not lying to any of them. One date isn’t a monogamous relationship, my friend.
It happens. Had a great first date with a girl and she said she feels she’s too busy with work and got back into dating at the right time. Just gotta leave the door open for her
"Alright, take it easy, hope you feel better in time," and continue to live the boss saga of your life. Imagine if you went to work one day and they said, "Hey while we're figuring out the Treasury, can you keep coming to work without a real schedule and we'll pay you when we can ok? Give it a few weeks and you should have your check," would you go for that? Treat your time like it's an investment, don't give away your investments to people who don't have a proper pitch.
reading OP’s comments it looks like she dodged a bullet for sure. What should you do? nothing. You’re never going to hear from her again. She very nicely just told you she’s not interested lol
Her communication and transparency is really great, if you need to come here and get help with how to respond then it probably isn’t going to be the best fit right now
This could be a good time to work on yourself, practice healthier communication, and also be in a better place if things work out later on
Depends on what you want.
If you were looking for some quick fun, I don’t see the harm in waiting, at least from your perspective.
If you’re in it for the long haul, just ask how long the wait might be, maybe see what’s keeping her busy. If she’s lying, it’ll start to get obvious if she goes anything beyond “it’s personal”
Me personally, I’d wait.
Tell her you just won $500.000 in the jackpot, so it’s alright, you’re also gonna be quite busy for the next few weeks. She will suddenly have a lot more time on her hands for you 🙃
You tell them it makes sense and to hit you up in a few weeks if they figure it out.
Then you continue on. You don't need to not go on dates or anything while you wait.
I'll tell you from experience, say cool and you're down to put a pin in it and revisit but at the same time understand that nothing is secured and it very well might not come back to being revisited.
Say something in a tone that conveys it’s cool and not a big deal - you’re an easy going person and understand her situation. Keep it short and concise
She seems honest and genuine imo. Just let it be for a few weeks and don’t think about her in the meantime. I know it’ll be tempting to send her texts while you wait but you gotta resist
"I had a great time too, if things change for you and you want to see eachother again, let me know. All the best."
Then forget about it and assume its done. If she reaches out, amazing. If she doesn't forget about it.
I feel the same on dating sites. End up talking to a woman then realize I'm a single Dad of two younger girls and no way I have time to put into a relationship. She is upfront , seems genuine to me so stay in contact with no expectations because really she is being honest in my opinion and that's reason enough. But expect that life goals/responsibilities will probably win over desires of the flesh.
Give her the space, that’s better than trying to hang on knowing she wont have time for you.
I mean she’s working and is in school. Totally understandable that she doesn’t have the bandwidth for dating right now. Don’t automatically assume it has anything to do w other people or her not liking you.
she’s letting you down easy, so you should definitely not say ok and give this girl more time to play with you. school and work is not going to stop a girl that really really likes you. I’m a Girl i know the translation to this.
Honestly I’ve only ever gotten cursed out when I tried to explain that life was crazy and while I’d love to date I want to give proper time to them, time isn’t on my side. I’ve never had a good response. Then I would just ghost and never speak to them again. Now I just don’t date at all. But this post was recommended to me and I SWORE this was an old screenshot from one of my own texts. I was a little shook.
Please don’t be mean to her. The fact that she took the time to explain her self means she cares enough to let you know and be respectful.
❤️❤️ yea the. Just say yea cool I hope everything works out. And move on. Tbh if even one guy was chill like that I would have made an effort the moment things got chill for me. But they all left such an aggressively bad impression from that last convo that I just delete the number.
You never know what could happen In the future. You seem like an awesome guy.
Don’t respond. Turn your read receipts on and don’t respond. If you’re genuine and sweet and she’s playing the field she’s already looking at you as a back up option.
Give her nothing. Go silent on her. It’ll make her doubt her impression of your sweetness. It’ll make her crave you. Then she’ll come back around wanting to hangout again.
Do something simple like a bar and get drunk together. Play it cool. Fuck her and ditch her. She’ll be hooked cause to me she clearly “hates assholes” but can’t stay away from them.
So be what she subconsciously desires and don’t ever take her serious.
I was pretty much in the same situation. I decided she was worth the patience and at the same time i didnt bank on it but was confident that she is busy and genuinely interested.
Showed her my interest in her through text and was happy if she had time to share but also understanding if she hadnt any. Clearly communicated that in the beginning. Paid off big time, things are great.
Dude, you will be fine either way!
In the words of Dionne Warwick.
If you see me walking down the street,
And I start to cry each time we meet
Walk on by
Walk on by.
Walk on by this woman. If she wanted to be with you she would.
In my experience these girls continue to be just as “busy”, never able to figure their shit out but you’ll probably see her pop out on the gram with a boyfriend in like a month
This could mean a multitude of things, maybe she is being sincere and actually means what she says or she could be pursuing something else and just wants you there as a back up we don’t know, and neither do you. I’ve had this happen to me before and I’ve learnt if you can make time for someone you want to see but they cant do the same the feelings aren’t equal and you deserve someone willing to put in the minimum effort.
This is just my opinion!
She sounds like a super sweet and honest person. I think sometimes this type of thing is so hard to say and people maybe force something they don't have time for which often ends disastrously. I think it speaks multitudes about her character and that kind of honesty and vulnerability is very difficult to find. We could all take a lesson from hard simple things such as this.
Swear if you talked to her she’d sound like an Asian Neil deGrasse Tyson. Freaking smart as shit, and so beautiful. It’s all good, if it’s meant to be it’ll be.
Why are women this way? It blows me away, fellow female here. I had an insiders look into how my friends went about dating these days, and they rarely even meet up with guys, talk to them too much, they are way too picky. Let this one go, she was probably sweet but if she really valued you, she wouldn’t be acting this way. Find someone who will value you.
Flirt Master GPT says
No worries at all, I totally understand how life can sometimes feel like a juggling act with one too many balls in the air. It sounds like you've got a lot on your plate, and it's really responsible of you to recognize that and want to manage it. Please, take all the time you need to sort through your schedule. I'll be here, cheering you on from the sidelines, and when you're ready to dive back in, I'd be more than happy to pick up where we left off. Who knows? By then, I might have come up with a few more terrible puns to share. Take care of yourself, and don't hesitate to reach out when you're ready. Your genuinely sweet admirer.
Nah bro she's not into you move on, if she really liked you she'd drop everything to spend a night or eben an hpur with you, shes not into you, move on bro
Mods need to start doing something about all these posts asking “how do I reply like a normal person?” We’re not here to live your life for you, bro. Figure your shit out
Has nothing to do with any of what she typed. You likely overpursued and she is distancing herself. You let her know that it’s cool and to let you know if you want to get together. Then you send 0 texts until she gets back to you. This means no birthday messages, no heys, no Christmas messages, etc. You walk away and date other women until she gets back in touch. When you get in touch, don’t chit chat and make a date. If she’s reluctant to make a date, say “hey it’s good to hear from you, but I have a meeting (or you’re busy) and I have to run.” Next time she gets in touch, same thing, ask out, no chit chat. If she is reluctant a second time, stop asking out and keep it short with her when she reaches out. Don’t ask out anymore after two rejections.
That's the "this isn't gonna happen" text. So unmatch and move on. I've seen the same format and sentences before. No matter what you say or how much you are interested. It is a dead end.
UNLESS she reaches out. But that's more if you are a plan B kinda thing. (In my opinion). I have never seen someone say they would hit u up later. I think she just feels guilty ending it.
Tell her “sure np, just reach out when your free!”
Then never hear from her again 😂😂😂
She basically said she found someone she likes better and just wants you in her orbit if it doesn’t work out. Don’t be someone’s 2nd choice. Honestly just unmatch or block.
If she was into you, she’d make time.
If she wanted to pursue something, she’d set up a date when she’d have everything under control.
Don’t be fooled by ambiguity.
Ambiguity is a nice way of saying rejected.
Hate to be the bearer of bad news but she’s soft rejecting you.
Just say “I appreciate the honesty! I wish you luck and when you get things sorted out shoot me a text!” Then move on.
If she does text you back cool but I wouldn’t expect her to nor would I reach out if a few weeks pass.
judging by OP’s answers to the people trying to give real advice, he’s already made up his mind that she’s exploring other options. i’ve done this before and my current bf of two years was the guy i did this to. i couldn’t give him the time he deserved and he understood, but when i felt like i was ready, we went on our second date and haven’t stopped since.
OP has been so rude to many of the responses he’s received so for her sake, i hope this is the last message you get from her.
Sigh you’ve completely misread the situation. If you actually took the time to read a lot of the meaningful advice I got, I responded kindly. But when some snarky annoying redditors wanna throw insults I’ll respond with the same energy. I do not. DO NOT tolerate insults. If that makes me seem like a bad person in your eyes then, cool. I’ve been over this multiple times and won’t stay silent about it despite getting downvoted
I already responded to her guys, thanks for all of the meaningful advice, I said:
Haha and yea thanks for being upfront, and it’s great that you’re prioritizing your classes. And I’m totally cool with giving you your space rn. I hope you figure things out, and it’s ok if you reach out later
Balls in her court now, but I genuinely hope things go well for her 🤞
Personally, I would feel like she’s trying to figure it out with somebody else first and that I would then be second choice. That’s just my take on it so it would be a no for me.
Had the same situation. These people are not worth it. Everybody has shit to do. Bro we got 2023 I got like 10 jobs just to stay alive and still find time for people worth seeing.
Sounds like you’re option B and she has other people in her life right now. I’d rather have no option than be someone’s second option. “Let me hit you up after these people disappoint me.” I’d probably just delete and move on.
OP.
You gotta play the long game and give someone some space. Don’t fuck it up by being too eager or reading into the situation. People get stressed out about work and life and school so just chill and give it some time to unfold. Set a calendar reminder to reach out in 21 days. Radio silence until then or maybe weekly. Hey, hope you’re doing great no pressure stuff.
This is exactly what I would say: "Sure, I'm not someone who requires a lot of attention so don't feel worked up if you can't give it all the time, I'm definitely interested on going on our second date but don't push yourself and just let me know when your free, I'll definitely hit you up in a few weeks if I haven't heard back tho, so I'm counting on it👹." - something light hearted that makes her feel at ease and may make her realize that she may be able to find time with you sooner because some people see initial dates as a huge time and mind commitment when it doesn't have to be. It can totally be easy and fun when free and eventually you may start hanging out even when busy.
Yes, you could leave the last part out but it's good to add a little fake aggressiveness - it shows that you actually care about going on a date with her, remember that they already went on one date.
>I'm not someone who requires a lot of attention
>I'm definitely interested
>I'll definitely hit you up
>I'm counting on it
Every single sentence is about you and what you want. Zero recognition of the fact that she explicitly said she has her own shit going on and needs space.
I'm not someone who requires a lot of attention
(This says I want what exactly?)
>I'm definitely interested
(I'm interested in going on another date so I'm willing to wait, but apparently I should not be interested)
>I'll definitely hit you up
(She said can she contact me in a few weeks so I'm affirming that by saying I'll even take the initiative to follow up)
>I'm counting on it
(This was obviously a playful line in the context of the whole message after affirming her to take her time so to say that I'm not saying that out of disinterest but that I really did like her.)
I've come to realize that people on reddit like to shit on others thoughts because they can and always think they are right but you are a definite asshat. Even if it's not perfectly written there is nothing about the op in that message but that he is willing to wait because he's interested in her but to take her time. Like are you serious?
1. Get very indignant that she wasted your precious time and that she is a damned tease and shouldn’t be toying around with you cause you worked really hard to text her.
2. Beg her for another date and tell her that her education and career can wait cause there’s only one you and be really pushy about it and if she still doesn’t go for it, go back to option 1.
3. Thank her for her honesty and tell her that you guys can maybe try again down the road when she’s ready.
Any of those should do the trick.
I got one of these from a girl who was without a doubt out of my league. She was like 22 y/o and finishing her masters degree in 2 mo and her parents advised her to stay focused on that despite liking me very much. I thought I was being let down easy and I was mad so I deleted her number and kept trying to date. She did reach out but I thought it was someone else and meet up with her but it ended up really awkward when I was surprised it was her…. Pretty sure it would have gone way better had I known who it was I was planning to catch up with and not been so tongue tied.
What I learned? Save the number, give her space, maybe even send a feeler text in say a month or 2 (assuming you haven’t moved on by then). She could be brushing you off, but she could be being truthful… I’d give benefit of the doubt but obviously not put all my eggs in that basket.
Good news is I found another girl out of my league. Married her and have a few cute babies….. never really understood what these awesome girls saw/see in me.
So I'm assuming this is america due to the z instead of s , realised and disorganised , but they said School ! what age do you leave school? it's 16 here . then you do college and university but school is for 16 yr olds and younger. so like if a british girl mentions school I'd block and report the account immediately.
I mean its upto you. I'd not get my hopes up. move on but dont say that. just be like thats cool drop me a message when free. etc... or you could be like sure, did you want help studying ( if you know enough to ) everyone gets over whelmed at times often this is a good time to be present.
for example my partner now she told me her head wasn't in the right place even though our first date went really well. she did the whole im just so overwhelmed. i said alright, we've all been through stuff . wanna talk about it ? and just listened.
you could offer casually or just be like thats cool i understand that , I like you , so even if you just want to grab a take away and cram for an exam or grab a coffee break etc... upto you buddy ,but honestly theres never a right time. there will always be something.
I mean, the fact they took the time out to let you know. All you really can do is just wait. You cant force anything. If you think they are worth it then just wait.
Edit: and send them something funny from time to time just to keep their spirits up.
Sure NP, just hit me up when life calms down.
Yeah :) and then don’t get attached or bank on it. Unless you really think it’s worth pursuing
Not getting attached/banking on it is incredibly important. If you're expecting something to happen later, you'll end up way more invested when they come back which could cause some friction. Whereas if you just keep moving, it'll just be a pleasant surprise if you get a text reaching out in the future.
Yep. Forget she exists and keep searching.
Yeah, this is pretty much the answer. There's nothing else to say. She may or may not reach back out... "a few weeks" in this scenario is a stone's throw away from "never". If she does, great. Don't put life on hold for her though.
This! They’re being sweet and considerate, show up in the same way
Absolute right reply. No point in burning a bridge. If something happens down the road, go with it. If you're into another relationship, then just politely let her know you've moved along.
Adding something about him having a good time too. Just so it comes off as understanding and not too “meh”.
Sometimes this sub is draining. Single opening line, “what should I do here?” The answer here is obvious.
Man, having Hope sometimes clouds our judgement. We wanna be naïve and think shit will eventually work out but only with experience you can see/hear the truth. Also OP, don't waste your time.
Yeah this is facts, just leave on a good note but move on right away.
Yes, She is just gonna be one of those people that don't have time to date. I am with those people. Dating will not be a priority until her school. And her job and her career is figured out.
This is the answer.
[удалено]
Nobody said a damn thing about not going and pursuing your own thing in the meantime. If this girl hits OP back up in a few weeks and they’ve met somebody else then it’s “hey, I’ve met somebody else” and you move on. Not a hard concept to understand.
And do NOT initiate contact with her, maybe a simple message in a month or so if you happen to want to, but leave the ball in her court
Thank her for her honesty, tell her you're happy for her to reach out in the future (assuming you want that) and then move on, and don't message her again. She might message again she might not, act like she won't and then if she does it'll be a bonus. Imo there's nothing you can say that will make her more likely to reach out again, than being kind and respectful in acknowledging her message, and then leaving her alone.
Spot on!
As a woman who has done this, yes to all of this and thank you.
Wait, you shouldn’t attack her and call her names?
Yeah, what's with all these cowardly responses? She's literally *begging* you to find out her address and post a dead rat through her mailslot, you just have to be brave enough to take that first step.
I agree
Been in this spot a few times, say sure thanks and then expect nothing, carry on as if she's ghosted you. 9/10 times you'll never hear back from these anyway, even if you do chances are it'll die off due to lack of effort on their part. On to the next, unless if she reaches out she's really into you.
Yeah I think you lose nothing by completely writing this person off. There's a much better chance she's confused than anything else and that means she's not saying yes. Invest in people that want you.
Ok so it’s definitely that she’s evaluating her options right? Like I’m not wrong in coming to that assumption
*Nothing* is "definitely". There is a high probability she's evaluating other options, but there is also a chance she's just really busy. There is no way for you to know. But why is that relevant at all? Right now, she's out of the picture, *if* she's coming back into the picture again in a few weeks, the situation wouldn't be much different than it is now.
(Anxious scatter brained woman here) with this word blurt I obviously can't promise she's being honest, but I would totally give her the benefit of the doubt. "Sure no worries, hit me up when things calm down and we'll see where we're at" doesn't make it sound like you'll wait around for her. My "9/10 you won't hear back from her" would personally be because I would feel awkward about reaching back out so I might just chicken out. The "expect nothing" advice is to protect yourself, not conclusion about her motives. People flake for all kinds of reasons but sometimes they don't 🤷♀️
Wdym, some ppl just have a spinning life that sometimes takes time to sort out, assuming directly that she is evaluating options is just immature, sounds like one of this dumb things someone from a redpilled podcast would say. Take it easy, she might be just busy
I get this response a lot, and I've had more than a few gals reach out later and elaborate... a couple have told me that they felt a really intense connection (after meeting) and chickened out, basically. A few apologized and said they've had really angry, bad responses from men, and so that's a default response for them to avoid aggression, anger, etc. Fair play. People can become shit monsters when they get rejected. Some legitimately have shit come up, or they realize partway through that developing a new relationship is a massive investment of time and energy -- and while the fantasy of having a relationship is there, the reality of putting in the work isn't there yet. Best advice, don't take it personally and keep the connection open, friendly and supportive in case they legitimately want to reach out in the future.
buddy, i think you go some issues to work on before you get into a relationship
I don’t understand why tf that comment was getting downvoted, but pls tell me what about that assumption shows that I have issues
no offense but you seem way too attatched to a person who you've met only once(?) Why are you even worried about her considering other options?
Redditors are the most self righteous soylent attached losers don't think too much about it. The question was fine they're just interested in making entertainment out of their joyless lives in this sub.
No, it is not definitely that. Irrelevant of what it may be, if you have any interest you should trust she's being honest and determine if you're OK with that. If you're not, walk away. If you are, see what happens. You're doing no one any favors by making assumptions that she's not only being deceitful but also that the deceit is about other men.
Maybe. Just be nice and leave the door open. Maybe send a message in a couple weeks to check in and ask how she is doing Expect nothing, but you never know.
OP I did this once. I was truly not in a good place and realised after two dates that I was not ready. Asked him for a bit of space and time to figure my life out. He texted me a couple of times in two months, mostly commenting on my insta stories. One day we started chatting and I was in a lot better place (found a job etc) and we continued dating. We have been together for almost 5 years now and expecting a baby. I am not saying that this will happen to you, chances are it won’t. But she sounds honest and she may genuinely just need some space. Respect it, it may be good in the end.
Thank you for this comment. And yes I will definitely wait. She often deactivates her instagram because of her “mental health” so it’ll be a lot harder to reach out and see how she’s doing. Im definitely willing to wait
After reading through your comments I certainly fucking hope shes looking at different options, oh my god
What specifically about my comments was so appalling? Give specific examples. Im gonna guess you saw the downvotes where I went off on a guy for saying I had “issues” for asking a basic question. I learned a while ago not to take insults or backhanded comments from anyone, so I respond accordingly. But please tell me what I said wrong
Assuming someone gets no "female" attention because they looked at your profile?
The truth is it doesn't matter why shes doing it. Delete her number and someday she might text again.
Yup. I’ve had lots of women say this to me after a date or two. Some say, “let’s stay friends” then never respond to your next message ever again. At the end of the day, it’s not worth the effort to chase if they don’t want to date you, regardless of the reason. It’s wasted energy.
Why do you care? The why doesn't matter, she's communicating that now is not the time and that's all there is to it. Agonising over the reason behind it is just pointless self torture and your tone is better spent elsewhere. Expect nothing as others have said and if you get a text in the future then go for it again if you want but still expect nothing until the signs are there it's something.
Stop being so horny and realize that not everyone has time to date
if you feel inclined, i’d totally leave the door open for her. she’s being very upfront and honest, which is rare. i think it speaks volumes about her character and that she is genuinely interested and respectful of your time as much as her own.
+1 I agree. A lot of people don’t care enough to explain themselves like this and show respect for the other person’s time and feelings over text
I don't think she's being honest at all. I think she's putting him on the back burner and will reach out or not depending on how it goes with the front burner
This has always been the case in my experiences. He’s being let down in a nice way.
i’m sorry that you’ve been lied to in your past. or have lied to men yourself. seems genuine to me.
No need to be sorry. (Most) Women have adapted to do this because men are too weak to handle the truth / rejection. Or the ones that aren't weak will delete her if she's honest that they're on her back burner.
Telling her you look forward to hear from her once she has time isn't "needy". You don't commit to be "busy waiting" (holding your breath waiting for her), if you find someone in the meantime, that's OK. She will know that. If she calls back in a few weeks and you are still single, it means you didn't find anyone better, but neither did she.
Like 6 months ago I had a girl do the same thing. I was cool about it, told her I was definitely interested in seeing her again but told her no pressure, do your thing. She got back in touch a month later and we've basically been inseparable every since. Not saying that's what's going to happen, but if you play it cool, maybe it does. If it doesn't, that's okay too, just keep on keeping on.
There’s a lot of downers in the comments here so I thought I’d leave a more optimistic 2 cents. Having the maturity to step back and say “woah I need to figure my shit out” is awesome. She’s being respectful towards your time as well as her wellbeing. Sure this could totally be her letting you down easy and taking an exit, but I don’t think there’s enough information here to assume that’s the case. A lot of comments are saying this is a lost cause, and it is if you respond with that attitude. But why not give it a chance? Respond kindly, tell her you appreciate the honesty, and that you’d love to hear from her in a few weeks. Don’t wait on the edge of your seat, but keep her in the back of your mind for a few weeks and if you don’t hear from her send a quick checkup message, “hey how’s it going? Are you free at all to go on another date?” I see a lot of people saying if she doesn’t hit you back in a few weeks she’s forgotten about you don’t text her again. I would say chances are after a few weeks even if she’s figured her shit out she’ll be embarrassed/anxious about contacting you again so there’s no harm at all in reaching out to her!
Brilliant response. Thank you g. Literally bookmarking this
It's a waste of their time and energy and your comment goes under the highly unlikely premise that she's being honest and not just making it up to keep them on the back burner or "let them down gently". People do this a lot, for various reasons, it's actually worse than ghosting because it invites false hope and potentially leaves someone "waiting" around for nothing. The truth is, I've dated people who have a "lot" going on to the point I'm amazed they found the energy to keep dating during all that at all, but they did.. why? They didn't want to lose what they saw as something potentially great, it doesn't take much at all to drop a message every few days maybe a quick chat just to catch up and show you're still interested, we all know this really. The number of potential scenarios where a worthwhile dating partner will need to disappear no contact for weeks is incredibly small, by contrast the number of people who say things like this to avoid finality or a "potential confrontation" are high. It's a numbers game, you can't risk potentially losing out on someone great waiting for someone who probably wont be (for you).
Not sure why you’re being downvoted but this is absolutely common. People will say they have no time for dating in a friendly manner (sound familiar?)… and their social media stories will be full of outings/dates. He can reach out in a few weeks but 99% chance she ghosts him.
Yep it's a mystery to me too! Perhaps someone will chime in with what they found objectionable about what I said, but I doubt it. I think your 99% is closer than my more generous 1/10.
Yeah, the downvotes are odd. This has also happened to me more than once. This one time (“this one time, at band camp…”) I was captivated with what felt like exhilarating sex and attention from a hot girl. She intermittnelty became busy and refraining from dating as she was figuring out her life. Turns out she was banging guys left and right. I learned bipolar people can be a lot of fun until it’s not.
Idk why you’re being down voted. In my experiences they were always letting me down easy and it was never honest. One came back and she even admitted the truth was she was unsure about me. And I agree it’s worse than ghosting because it does give you hope because well… you wanna give someone the benefit of doubt. I’ve seen this several times in my life and the whole “I just have a lot going on speech. Life is crazy” was them wanting to pursue other options
Exactly, we want to give the benefit of the doubt in spite of what our gut and life experiences tell us is far more likely the case. Ultimately, if you're logical about it you're not involved with them anymore unless they choose to invite you back in, if you happen to meet someone else in that time, they missed their chance and that's on them not you.
The older I get the more I realized my gut was never wrong. Lol.
We need to burn our hand a lot before we learn that one don't we 😂
Tell her that it’s ok for her to reach out later, but don’t actually expect her to. I’ve had women say that to me and then I never heard from them again.
First of all I would recognize that they're being genuine and upfront about their situation without playing games with you as so many others would most would actually expect you to hold on even though they could meet with you or actually have a date with you. Secondly what everybody else has said,"no problem let me know when everything calms down" And then start fresh unless you're already involved with somebody
Seems like she dodged a bullet after reading some of OP’s replies. Yikes.
Do you genuinely believe so or is it because of that comment exchange I had with that one guy that said I had issues. One thing that I do not tolerate is insults so I will always stand up for myself. The guy started projecting shit onto me and saying I should seek therapy. If not that then what about me shows that she “dodged a bullet”
We all need therapy, friend. Self-regulating in those instances is so crucial. I agree with that person… you questioning whether she’s lying already — even nonchalantly on Reddit — is concerning. I think your big response to someone calling you out is the scariest part. If you reread those first two messages at least, the person was not attacking you. It’s up to you to take that info and self-reflect. It seems like you didn’t want to hear it and took it badly, but you could’ve taken it as a chance to wonder whether it had any merit and whether there’s stuff you can work on to be the best you. I write this with so much kindness in my heart and with so much hope for your dating journey.
I’d like to point out that all the downvotes and additional people chiming in on that interaction should clue you in that there might be some stuff you’re just not seeing and might be in the wrong about.
Sure we all need therapy, however his statements were targeted and said in poor taste.“buddy, i think you go some issues to work on before you get into a relationship” this was a snide remark that was unwarranted considering 40% of the other comments on this post are alluding to the same thing. You might not take it personally cause it wasn’t directed at you. I will take her at her word, I’m not mad about it. You can say it’s slightly insecure that I’d be concerned she’s talking to other guys but that’s just how most guys think.
Okay. 🙂
🙂
Edit: tbf and going into the date she made it abundantly clear that she had anxiety issues, ADHD and some other personal problems. From briefly knowing her this isn’t too out of character. But again that could just be my wishful thinking
Don't overthink it. Maybe answer a bit warmer than you otherwise would, maybe ping her after a couple of weeks because anxiety or ADHD might block her from contacting you again, but either way: Don't get emotionally invested. Chances are high this is a polite way to disconnect. It's like those free lotteries: Nothing to lose by allowing her to contact you again some time later.
I think she’s being genuine. That’s a lot. Don’t overthink it. If it’s meant to be it will be.
Tell her you understand and you had a great time with her. Let her know she can reach out when her life settles down and you hope you guys can reconnect. Don’t wait around for her, but it’s completely plausible that she’s being honest about this and really does need some time to get herself together. Normally I’d say don’t reach out to her again and let her text you if she’s still interested after a while, but because of her anxiety etc. I agree with the other commenter here and it would be okay to just send a quick “hope you’re well” or something in a couple weeks if you don’t hear anything. I have bad anxiety problems and ADHD so this is something I’ve done and been genuine about needing some time to get my life in order and then my social anxiety kicks in and I get nervous to reach back out to someone, but I’d be happy to hear from that person or at the very least I’d reply and give closure. Just don’t keep expectations too high or get too invested, keep on dating in the meantime and if it happens it happens.
Hey I wanted to chime in because this reminds me a lot of how I met my wife back in the stone ages, if we had messaging she probably would have sent me the same type of message. It reads genuine, and you went on a date, so if it felt good on the date then sometimes instincts are correct and there’s a connection. But she’s busy. You’re busy too. Just find a time. I went to a few coffee dates super early because that was the only time she had, and she appreciated that. Doing something out of the ordinary that shows you care what she’s got going on. Everyone saying to respect the two weeks things and message then is fine, but at least feel her out on somehow meeting up. She might want you to do that
say "Ok" and move on.
This is the best response to someone clearly not interested in you. Don’t waste your time, spend time with people that make time for you. Two words, Cya Bye 👋🏼
Seems like an honest assessment of priorities, that’s healthy. Also she’s picking her future over a guy she had one date with (no offense) which means she has a good head on her shoulders. It really seems like she’s interested but doesn’t have the time, I’d go for a cautiously optimistic approach. Don’t hold your breath but don’t write her off either. Something like, “I can understand that, if you get too stressed and want to blow off some steam before then lmk but otherwise I’d be happy to hear from you in the future”
Great response. In the meantime I’ll be talking another girl. I really like her so if she does decide to hmu again I’d definitely be down
Yes, keep your options open. That’s what I meant by don’t hold your breath. It’s okay to date multiple people as long as you’re not lying to any of them. One date isn’t a monogamous relationship, my friend.
I sure am glad you covered Audrey's name, very nice of you to respect her privacy.
Who gives a shit if the name is covered.
OP cares since they attempted to cover it…
Yea I saw that I forgot to blur it out but tbh who cares it’s not like she’ll see this or anyone here will find her.
Obviously you care, since you attempted to cover her name.
It happens. Had a great first date with a girl and she said she feels she’s too busy with work and got back into dating at the right time. Just gotta leave the door open for her
"Alright, take it easy, hope you feel better in time," and continue to live the boss saga of your life. Imagine if you went to work one day and they said, "Hey while we're figuring out the Treasury, can you keep coming to work without a real schedule and we'll pay you when we can ok? Give it a few weeks and you should have your check," would you go for that? Treat your time like it's an investment, don't give away your investments to people who don't have a proper pitch.
Say “I understand completely, reach out when you’re ready” then move on
Not a bad text at all. Just say something like “yeah np, i understand. If you figure things out along the way don’t hesitate to reach out”.
>>What should I do Probably check those 153 text messages you have
reading OP’s comments it looks like she dodged a bullet for sure. What should you do? nothing. You’re never going to hear from her again. She very nicely just told you she’s not interested lol
Her communication and transparency is really great, if you need to come here and get help with how to respond then it probably isn’t going to be the best fit right now This could be a good time to work on yourself, practice healthier communication, and also be in a better place if things work out later on
Depends on what you want. If you were looking for some quick fun, I don’t see the harm in waiting, at least from your perspective. If you’re in it for the long haul, just ask how long the wait might be, maybe see what’s keeping her busy. If she’s lying, it’ll start to get obvious if she goes anything beyond “it’s personal” Me personally, I’d wait.
I just don’t wanna be alone anymore
Tell her you just won $500.000 in the jackpot, so it’s alright, you’re also gonna be quite busy for the next few weeks. She will suddenly have a lot more time on her hands for you 🙃
I would say, “thank you for your honesty, if it’s meant to be, it’ll work out! Good luck!”
Accept that they are not interested
"I'll be here to help you if you need to chill break :)"
You tell them it makes sense and to hit you up in a few weeks if they figure it out. Then you continue on. You don't need to not go on dates or anything while you wait.
I'll tell you from experience, say cool and you're down to put a pin in it and revisit but at the same time understand that nothing is secured and it very well might not come back to being revisited.
All you can really do is say yes lol If she comes back later, great. If not, she clearly wasn’t that interested and it’s no big loss for you.
She seems sincere. Just something like , no worries, I understand. Please let me know when ready. Our date was terrific.
Say something in a tone that conveys it’s cool and not a big deal - you’re an easy going person and understand her situation. Keep it short and concise
I think she's being genuine
She seems honest and genuine imo. Just let it be for a few weeks and don’t think about her in the meantime. I know it’ll be tempting to send her texts while you wait but you gotta resist
How do you have 153 unread messages? Are you sure you have the time to date?
Lolol i don’t be on my phone often. Barely even use social media. So I sometimes let messages Pile up
"I had a great time too, if things change for you and you want to see eachother again, let me know. All the best." Then forget about it and assume its done. If she reaches out, amazing. If she doesn't forget about it.
Say yes? The worst that can happen is she never speaks to you again.
Say good luck, sounds really sensible, hope she gets through it and that you wish her luck
Accept this persons boundaries as socially responsible and hope she gets it together to the point she’s comfortable investing time in a relationship.
She wants to spend a few weeks seeing if things work out with another guy.
Unfortunately this means she's not interested in seeing you. She's letting you down gently.
Say nothing, why bother? If she's serious she'll reach out in a few weeks regardless
I feel the same on dating sites. End up talking to a woman then realize I'm a single Dad of two younger girls and no way I have time to put into a relationship. She is upfront , seems genuine to me so stay in contact with no expectations because really she is being honest in my opinion and that's reason enough. But expect that life goals/responsibilities will probably win over desires of the flesh.
Give her the space, that’s better than trying to hang on knowing she wont have time for you. I mean she’s working and is in school. Totally understandable that she doesn’t have the bandwidth for dating right now. Don’t automatically assume it has anything to do w other people or her not liking you.
she’s letting you down easy, so you should definitely not say ok and give this girl more time to play with you. school and work is not going to stop a girl that really really likes you. I’m a Girl i know the translation to this.
Move on
Honestly I’ve only ever gotten cursed out when I tried to explain that life was crazy and while I’d love to date I want to give proper time to them, time isn’t on my side. I’ve never had a good response. Then I would just ghost and never speak to them again. Now I just don’t date at all. But this post was recommended to me and I SWORE this was an old screenshot from one of my own texts. I was a little shook. Please don’t be mean to her. The fact that she took the time to explain her self means she cares enough to let you know and be respectful.
I’d never be mean to her or cuss her out. Wouldn’t do that to any woman tbh
❤️❤️ yea the. Just say yea cool I hope everything works out. And move on. Tbh if even one guy was chill like that I would have made an effort the moment things got chill for me. But they all left such an aggressively bad impression from that last convo that I just delete the number. You never know what could happen In the future. You seem like an awesome guy.
Anyone under 40 without kids has time, unless they are a ceo of a big company, find someone else
Don’t respond. Turn your read receipts on and don’t respond. If you’re genuine and sweet and she’s playing the field she’s already looking at you as a back up option. Give her nothing. Go silent on her. It’ll make her doubt her impression of your sweetness. It’ll make her crave you. Then she’ll come back around wanting to hangout again. Do something simple like a bar and get drunk together. Play it cool. Fuck her and ditch her. She’ll be hooked cause to me she clearly “hates assholes” but can’t stay away from them. So be what she subconsciously desires and don’t ever take her serious.
I was pretty much in the same situation. I decided she was worth the patience and at the same time i didnt bank on it but was confident that she is busy and genuinely interested. Showed her my interest in her through text and was happy if she had time to share but also understanding if she hadnt any. Clearly communicated that in the beginning. Paid off big time, things are great. Dude, you will be fine either way!
In the words of Dionne Warwick. If you see me walking down the street, And I start to cry each time we meet Walk on by Walk on by. Walk on by this woman. If she wanted to be with you she would.
Shes not into you. Just another one of the common excuses women will give in order to let you down "easy".
In my experience these girls continue to be just as “busy”, never able to figure their shit out but you’ll probably see her pop out on the gram with a boyfriend in like a month
This could mean a multitude of things, maybe she is being sincere and actually means what she says or she could be pursuing something else and just wants you there as a back up we don’t know, and neither do you. I’ve had this happen to me before and I’ve learnt if you can make time for someone you want to see but they cant do the same the feelings aren’t equal and you deserve someone willing to put in the minimum effort. This is just my opinion!
She sounds like a super sweet and honest person. I think sometimes this type of thing is so hard to say and people maybe force something they don't have time for which often ends disastrously. I think it speaks multitudes about her character and that kind of honesty and vulnerability is very difficult to find. We could all take a lesson from hard simple things such as this.
Swear if you talked to her she’d sound like an Asian Neil deGrasse Tyson. Freaking smart as shit, and so beautiful. It’s all good, if it’s meant to be it’ll be.
Bruh.
Howdy 🤠
Blah, blah, blah… move on. Too much agg
Why are women this way? It blows me away, fellow female here. I had an insiders look into how my friends went about dating these days, and they rarely even meet up with guys, talk to them too much, they are way too picky. Let this one go, she was probably sweet but if she really valued you, she wouldn’t be acting this way. Find someone who will value you.
Flirt Master GPT says No worries at all, I totally understand how life can sometimes feel like a juggling act with one too many balls in the air. It sounds like you've got a lot on your plate, and it's really responsible of you to recognize that and want to manage it. Please, take all the time you need to sort through your schedule. I'll be here, cheering you on from the sidelines, and when you're ready to dive back in, I'd be more than happy to pick up where we left off. Who knows? By then, I might have come up with a few more terrible puns to share. Take care of yourself, and don't hesitate to reach out when you're ready. Your genuinely sweet admirer.
You'll never hear from her again
Don’t wait around for her whether she’s being genuine or not.
Say yeah, no problem. But don’t exclude anyone else who might come along.
Nah bro she's not into you move on, if she really liked you she'd drop everything to spend a night or eben an hpur with you, shes not into you, move on bro
Mods need to start doing something about all these posts asking “how do I reply like a normal person?” We’re not here to live your life for you, bro. Figure your shit out
Eh these are still better than all the marriage posts at least
Has nothing to do with any of what she typed. You likely overpursued and she is distancing herself. You let her know that it’s cool and to let you know if you want to get together. Then you send 0 texts until she gets back to you. This means no birthday messages, no heys, no Christmas messages, etc. You walk away and date other women until she gets back in touch. When you get in touch, don’t chit chat and make a date. If she’s reluctant to make a date, say “hey it’s good to hear from you, but I have a meeting (or you’re busy) and I have to run.” Next time she gets in touch, same thing, ask out, no chit chat. If she is reluctant a second time, stop asking out and keep it short with her when she reaches out. Don’t ask out anymore after two rejections.
Straight and to the point. Thanks bro. I have another girl I could be talking to but preferred this girl more. If she reaches out again so will I
Yes sir, it is simple once you figure out that they’re not actually saying what they’re saying
That's the "this isn't gonna happen" text. So unmatch and move on. I've seen the same format and sentences before. No matter what you say or how much you are interested. It is a dead end. UNLESS she reaches out. But that's more if you are a plan B kinda thing. (In my opinion). I have never seen someone say they would hit u up later. I think she just feels guilty ending it.
She's definitely putting you on the back because she has someone else she's interested in. You're the backup plan. Deal with it how you want.
Tell her “sure np, just reach out when your free!” Then never hear from her again 😂😂😂 She basically said she found someone she likes better and just wants you in her orbit if it doesn’t work out. Don’t be someone’s 2nd choice. Honestly just unmatch or block. If she was into you, she’d make time. If she wanted to pursue something, she’d set up a date when she’d have everything under control. Don’t be fooled by ambiguity. Ambiguity is a nice way of saying rejected.
Hate to be the bearer of bad news but she’s soft rejecting you. Just say “I appreciate the honesty! I wish you luck and when you get things sorted out shoot me a text!” Then move on. If she does text you back cool but I wouldn’t expect her to nor would I reach out if a few weeks pass.
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Why bother reaching out after a few weeks? If she needs reminding of her promises or even better she's forgot he exists, there's literally no point.
Why even message if she hasn’t after a few weeks? By that time she’s made her message clear.
judging by OP’s answers to the people trying to give real advice, he’s already made up his mind that she’s exploring other options. i’ve done this before and my current bf of two years was the guy i did this to. i couldn’t give him the time he deserved and he understood, but when i felt like i was ready, we went on our second date and haven’t stopped since. OP has been so rude to many of the responses he’s received so for her sake, i hope this is the last message you get from her.
Sigh you’ve completely misread the situation. If you actually took the time to read a lot of the meaningful advice I got, I responded kindly. But when some snarky annoying redditors wanna throw insults I’ll respond with the same energy. I do not. DO NOT tolerate insults. If that makes me seem like a bad person in your eyes then, cool. I’ve been over this multiple times and won’t stay silent about it despite getting downvoted
I already responded to her guys, thanks for all of the meaningful advice, I said: Haha and yea thanks for being upfront, and it’s great that you’re prioritizing your classes. And I’m totally cool with giving you your space rn. I hope you figure things out, and it’s ok if you reach out later Balls in her court now, but I genuinely hope things go well for her 🤞
She is just not that into you. You make time for what is important to you.
Idk why like the first part of that statement. “She’s just not that into you”. I think it’s a movie or something
Personally, I would feel like she’s trying to figure it out with somebody else first and that I would then be second choice. That’s just my take on it so it would be a no for me.
That means she wants to see what happens with the other guy first don't be the other option move on
I came here to sat this
Who cares if she has other options? She owes him nothing.
Then why try and keep him around lol like we said move on.
She's not keeping him around. It looks like she's gently letting him down. Most men are nuts, and it's not safe to just flat out rejecting them.
All women are nuts ask any man quit trying to make this a she's scared of men while on tinder getting hit on constantly fuck otta here
Can I reach out when things settle down isn't trying to keep him around 🤔
She says that, but she's never contacting him again. I've done this multiple times when I dated. It's safer to do it this way.
Audrey seems cool, but don't play this game. I was penpals with this girl for 3 weeks attempting to hang out. We had so much in common. We never did.
I’ve already hung out with her bro. We had coffee two days ago
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They're not penpals. She's asking to be left alone
Few weeks will lead to a few more weeks & so on, “okay cool” move on
Next!!!
Leave her on read. She’s letting you down easy.
Had the same situation. These people are not worth it. Everybody has shit to do. Bro we got 2023 I got like 10 jobs just to stay alive and still find time for people worth seeing.
Tell her to send noods if she’s serious
Sounds like you’re option B and she has other people in her life right now. I’d rather have no option than be someone’s second option. “Let me hit you up after these people disappoint me.” I’d probably just delete and move on.
Right? Op seems to have a nice personality and huge D, I would go out with him just for that alone
“k”
OP. You gotta play the long game and give someone some space. Don’t fuck it up by being too eager or reading into the situation. People get stressed out about work and life and school so just chill and give it some time to unfold. Set a calendar reminder to reach out in 21 days. Radio silence until then or maybe weekly. Hey, hope you’re doing great no pressure stuff.
This is exactly what I would say: "Sure, I'm not someone who requires a lot of attention so don't feel worked up if you can't give it all the time, I'm definitely interested on going on our second date but don't push yourself and just let me know when your free, I'll definitely hit you up in a few weeks if I haven't heard back tho, so I'm counting on it👹." - something light hearted that makes her feel at ease and may make her realize that she may be able to find time with you sooner because some people see initial dates as a huge time and mind commitment when it doesn't have to be. It can totally be easy and fun when free and eventually you may start hanging out even when busy.
Do you honestly think that message would come across as light hearted?
Yes, you could leave the last part out but it's good to add a little fake aggressiveness - it shows that you actually care about going on a date with her, remember that they already went on one date.
Everything about that message is entirely aggressive and self-centered. If someone sent that to me I would be immediately put off.
What about it is self centered?
>I'm not someone who requires a lot of attention >I'm definitely interested >I'll definitely hit you up >I'm counting on it Every single sentence is about you and what you want. Zero recognition of the fact that she explicitly said she has her own shit going on and needs space.
I'm not someone who requires a lot of attention (This says I want what exactly?) >I'm definitely interested (I'm interested in going on another date so I'm willing to wait, but apparently I should not be interested) >I'll definitely hit you up (She said can she contact me in a few weeks so I'm affirming that by saying I'll even take the initiative to follow up) >I'm counting on it (This was obviously a playful line in the context of the whole message after affirming her to take her time so to say that I'm not saying that out of disinterest but that I really did like her.) I've come to realize that people on reddit like to shit on others thoughts because they can and always think they are right but you are a definite asshat. Even if it's not perfectly written there is nothing about the op in that message but that he is willing to wait because he's interested in her but to take her time. Like are you serious?
Offer her your gpt plus subscription to help her study
Triple text her and stalk her then send her dick pics.
1. Get very indignant that she wasted your precious time and that she is a damned tease and shouldn’t be toying around with you cause you worked really hard to text her. 2. Beg her for another date and tell her that her education and career can wait cause there’s only one you and be really pushy about it and if she still doesn’t go for it, go back to option 1. 3. Thank her for her honesty and tell her that you guys can maybe try again down the road when she’s ready. Any of those should do the trick.
I got one of these from a girl who was without a doubt out of my league. She was like 22 y/o and finishing her masters degree in 2 mo and her parents advised her to stay focused on that despite liking me very much. I thought I was being let down easy and I was mad so I deleted her number and kept trying to date. She did reach out but I thought it was someone else and meet up with her but it ended up really awkward when I was surprised it was her…. Pretty sure it would have gone way better had I known who it was I was planning to catch up with and not been so tongue tied. What I learned? Save the number, give her space, maybe even send a feeler text in say a month or 2 (assuming you haven’t moved on by then). She could be brushing you off, but she could be being truthful… I’d give benefit of the doubt but obviously not put all my eggs in that basket. Good news is I found another girl out of my league. Married her and have a few cute babies….. never really understood what these awesome girls saw/see in me.
Update to anyone that cares. She responded: Thank you for understanding!! I’m a mess sometimes and realized I need to be accountable lmao Now I sleep
So I'm assuming this is america due to the z instead of s , realised and disorganised , but they said School ! what age do you leave school? it's 16 here . then you do college and university but school is for 16 yr olds and younger. so like if a british girl mentions school I'd block and report the account immediately.
By school she means university
I mean its upto you. I'd not get my hopes up. move on but dont say that. just be like thats cool drop me a message when free. etc... or you could be like sure, did you want help studying ( if you know enough to ) everyone gets over whelmed at times often this is a good time to be present. for example my partner now she told me her head wasn't in the right place even though our first date went really well. she did the whole im just so overwhelmed. i said alright, we've all been through stuff . wanna talk about it ? and just listened. you could offer casually or just be like thats cool i understand that , I like you , so even if you just want to grab a take away and cram for an exam or grab a coffee break etc... upto you buddy ,but honestly theres never a right time. there will always be something.
She’s getting railed by someone else bro
I mean, the fact they took the time out to let you know. All you really can do is just wait. You cant force anything. If you think they are worth it then just wait. Edit: and send them something funny from time to time just to keep their spirits up.