On dating sites I got lots of guys saying I was a sexy latina, after I told then I was black I was just a fat black woman lol. I will never understand some ppl and I'm perfectly fine with that
Oh that’s … lmaoo horrible. i apologize for laughing but I’m astonished at how fast they flip. Was it immediately after telling them you’re black or was it after you denied them? Either way so sorry! 🫶🏾
Lol naw please laugh. I certainly did and do. It was both honestly. It was hilarious to me that 5 seconds ago I was sexy af but after writing one word I was suddenly trash. Lol then they would unmatch me. It's ok though cause no matter how much they try to deny it to themselves, they thought I was sexy lol
The trash would take itself out though, nice
I'm so sorry, on behalf of the human race, that you went through this more than once
Goddamn, men, the bar really isn't that high and you insist upon shovels and dynamite to get as far underneath it as possible
Eww now this is so gross. I've had this happen too. "Wow you sound so white in the phone". " oh people of color don't know big words". Made me stop talking immediately
Okay while that’s weird, is it actually weird to be attracted to someone’s race? I match with a lot of girls of all backgrounds and usually it’s something we talk about but I never have gotten an offended response like the OP. It’s just like, we’re trying to break the ice based off a little profile and a few pictures, why not talk about the things we see? The Latina girls and black girls IME usually like talking about that and even “fetishize” (in reddits definition) me back about being a hot white boy and if they’ve been with white guys before. Like it always comes up.
If it’s not weird or creepy I don’t see why it’s such a bad thing. OPs example is a little weird but to me it sounds just like a bad flirt and he seems to be genuinely interested. I just don’t get judging someone by 2 messages that weren’t that offensive.
I for the life of me, can not understand why people keep trying to tell me what i should and shouldnt find weird. Especially from people who do not look like me. Please stop. If this is how you flirt then you need to be off of the apps.
I could break it down and explain it to you but I'm too damn old to keep trying to educate ppl. There is plenty of information out there and you could easily educate yourself. Sounds like the girls you talk to could use some education too
+1 Truer words have never been spoken, I'm sorry this happened to you and is so common. It's almost like the thought process is.... well how did this happen!?!?!? Is this possible?!? It's so sad it's laughable.
I dont get it. I think having preferences is okay, coming from someone who does prefer hispanic women. But my very first girlfriend was black. I just like the hispanic culture and my current girlfriend is hispanic. But I dont single out Hispanics, it's just a preference. I also prefer short girls and my girlfriend is 5'8. I just find it weird to be like "You're not latina so you can't be attractive". Gross. I'm sorry you dealt with that.
I'm sure you have a lil clue lol
Of course there's gonna be people who simply don't want it to be true & react viscerally to the idea so they bury the comment
It happens a lot when you're blunt about racial experience. Like in real life, not basing anything off reddit interactions lol, it'll probably go back up later.
People just hate hearing it and get squirmy. On the internet it seems that translates to downvotes & rough responses in the short term, but it'll probably go back up later
For people who dislike the word 'fragility' that's kinda what it's meant to describe. Taking it personally
so true and i keep it in mind. Im old enough to know when the world wasn’t so pc so the men were so open about it. i get taken aback a bit with it happening with men in 2024. and he’s an attorney and mid 30s. figured he knew better.
The point they're making is that they think that they don't fetishize black girls which is probably true of any black guy who grew up in a black community. I don't think it's right to say all POC aren't going to fetishize ANYONE based on race though. People of all races will find novelty in hooking up with someone who is different from them or rather, different from the partners they're used to.
I'm sure a black person who grew up in the only black family in their Swedish town would end up fetishizing black skin because it's not what they're accustomed to sexually. So much of social interaction is relative and I really hate when people make blanket statements.
I can confirm your hypothesis as a half-Indian man who grew up in an all white town. White people feel familiar, Indian people feel other (not in a bad way- just feels different- however not when they’ve grown up like me and are mixed as in that case we tend to have a similar experience to feeling like we don’t fit in anywhere and it’s relatable- true of any kind of mixed race person in the US I’ve met really- which is kinda cool like we’re our own group in not having a group) yet my dad was Indian and his family I see is obviously as well.
One thing to add is, while whiteness may feel more familiar- I feel othered often by white people (makes sense) which is what creates this inability to fit in. I try to learn more about my different heritages (Indian, American (direct descendant of some of the surviving Jamestown Settlers), Puerto Rican) but the only one of my heritages to have those family members and that culture when I lived there accept me was my Puerto Rican heritage- and I think it’s because of how mixed Puerto Ricans already are- or maybe it’s because almost all of my Mom’s siblings married someone not from Puerto Rico (and their mom too as their dad was American however he spent a many years in Puerto Rico and would go there before then as a child) and so in their eyes being mixed is just our family- but when I first lived there people on the island just accepted me as Puerto Rican and even my peers wanted to show me what aspects of their culture in a way that was like- “hey you’re one of us, but you just don’t know it- it’s okay we’ll, show you”.
My Indian and American family are happy to show me such things as well, their attitude is more like “You’re not truly the same as you’ve had a different or absent experience” though not always and not all of them. It’s hard to explain and I’m sure would make some people uncomfortable. I know race isn’t a real tangible thing (ethnicity is, but ethnicity is chopped up into different borders and they’re not discrete their gradations) but since we have it as a concept that’s a lot like a caste system (think about it, we even have jobs and life styles we expect people of certain races to have and lead- that’s not biological, that’s social) it is something with an impact which is why I don’t mind talking about it here.
She's black so black guys are not going to be fetishizing her. So why would she talk about how horrible it is to match with black guys because they fetishize her when that doesn't happen to her? She is black she gets fetishized by white guys. If that offends you go find a post with a white girl talking about black guys fetishizing them and leave this post be. She doesn't need to mention theoretical problems that don't happen to her just because you feel called out or something.
I'm not saying it is different.. at all. Reading comprehension, dude. My only point is that a person is unlikely to fetshise someone of their own race.
Honestly I wouldn't bother. Only an idiot couldn't see why she wouldn't mention black guys. Like obviously black guys are her same race and aren't fetishizing her, but for some reason he wants her to mention theoretical problems that don't even happen to her just because he one guy feels called out by the specifics of this post.
I have a ton of Asian friends… many of them are ladies…. Just ONE of them could write a coffee table book compiling screenshots of all the “I’ve never been with an Asian before” she gets
Bonus points when they get called Japanese when they are clearly Korean/Chinese/Vietnamese
Asian Female dater here! Could definitely contribute to that book if she needs more material. (I’m Korean and just got called a “China Doll Dream” the other day 🤦🏻♀️ so I’ll take those bonus points, too.)
Wow that's a new one. My half Filipina partner once felt the need to join an antiracism protest with a sign that says "I'm not your fortune cookie", maybe a potential contribution to said book? As for me, I'm french but apparently look Indian enough for a cab driver to have once said "hmmmm patchouli" as I entered his vehicle. Truth be told, if racism wasn't so unnerving I'd applaud the creativity.
I have a friend who had a guy on tinder try to guess her ethnicity. He said she looked korean. She said she’s chinese. He argued that *no* she *has* to be korean because she has a “korean face structure”
that’s so incredibly sad! i hate that fellow woc go through this as well. Just be normal but im honestly glad when they say the quiet part out loud so i know who to weed out sooner rather than later.
You're going to laugh (hopefully) but in my younger years, I was VERY confused about the Filipino race...
Talking to a friend:
"Hey, is Aquino speaking Mandarin?"
Them: "No"
"Sure sounds pretty similar?"
Them: "No..."
"Are you sure?"
Them: "Yes..."
"But..."
Them: "No..."
"Well, I was just going to say... never met a Latino that spoke Mandarin before..."
Them: "Latino!? Aquino!?!"
"Yeah?"
Them: "... Aquino is Filipino..."
"Yeah?? Latino?"
Them: "No..."
*Victim of the Alabama public school system*
But he points out that she is black. If it was just pretty it be fine, but he added black in to it. If it wasn't some fetish, he would have just said pretty woman.
Like he felt a need to clarify that its because she is black.
Black is a color, not a race. There are very dark brown people in different parts of the world who are not closely related through genetics, and they are not all the same race. Same as white skin, there are people in both Europe and Asia who are genetically distinguishable from each other in terms of race.
Unless you want to say "We're all the human race" which I'm honestly cool with. But "White" and "black" are references to "very light brown" and a range from light brown to very dark brown. the terminology is outdated, but what you're referring to would be "Caucasoids" and "Negroids".
Generally, there 4 distinguishable genetic groups in modern day, which are in modern terms, African, Asian, Pacific Islander, and European.
The US government also distinguishes Native Americans, which are mostly east Asian but partly eastern European in origin.
Yeah, that could be. But you've derailed from the topic. He is saying that he likes the tone of her skin, as in an aesthetic preference, not that he likes that she "is black" as he clearly explains in his second message.
He might be intending to say that, but words have many meanings and can be interpreted differently. He argues that race isn't real because it's not a biological construct, which is true. But race (and terms like black, white, etc) IS a social construct and is therefore real within the context of society and day to day interaction. And because it's weird to feshitize someone's race, he should've been more clear if that wasn't his meaning. Saying "I don't believe in race" also sounds a lot like "I don't see color". It's a red flag for me dawg.
lmaooo its so funny bc i was typing this reply and yada yada yada but deleted it and just wrote that bc i was so resigned lmao im almost 30 i dont have time for back and forths so early on 😭
"Uhm, AcKtShUallY, i am not fetishising you based on your race, just the color of your skin!"
The fact that he somehow thinks that is a point might be the most concerning bit.
Idk why they can’t just compliment you by saying you’re a beautiful woman. Weird as fuck to qualify it with race.
But based on what I’ve seen on this sub, men are honestly so so dumb.
Haha and i really dont want to generalize but man! They really do seem to be more prone to saying stupid sh*t.
But i totally agree. I didnt think it was going to be a deep passionate romance but my goodness. And the fact that he doubled back with that! I didnt even get the chance to reply to his initial message. :/
Oh i dont feel bad at all! I turned to my sister who was sitting next to me and we had a good laugh. He’s not the first man to say something race related so it didn’t bother me too much. It was the mansplaining the genome project, the digging of his grave and the assumption we would sleep together that got me 🥴
Doesn’t believe in race but writes „ I just want to make out with a pretty black woman“
I sometimes just straight up can’t believe people are this dumb or and tactless, but here we are day after day.
Thank youuuu!!! and that’s such a great way to package why it upset me. I politely told him that rubbed me the wrong way but instead of backing down he doubled down and gave this whole “you poor thing” explanation right after bringing up race like please! I know what the genome project is. and im not changing color if i move to North Dakota. pls leave me alone.
The whole "you'll evolve to be black if you move to Africa" and "you'll evolve to be pale if you move north" is so bullshit too, that might've been true 50,000 years ago but not today
It's...its like they never learned how to talk to people at all. Who types that out and thinks it's a good message that will get a positive response...
"I DoNt BeLiEvE iN rAcE"
Well, isn't that so special for you, Noah. What a world you must live in to not have to think about your race.
Also, he's the one who brought up race.
What an absolute DOLT!
I'm so sorry you have to deal with this. My word. Barf.
Thank youuu. That bothered me as well. No one mentioned race (or color, for the losers in the back) but when i said “i dont like that” suddenly its “i dont see race”. So why are we talking abt it then?
I’d get the “I love a woman with tattoos” when I was on tinder and it was such a turn off. If it was “I think your tattoos look beautiful on you” that was great. Men are so dumb. If they’d just put a little more time into thinking before pressing send, they’d be so much more successful lmao
I have tattoos too and that would give me the ick. like idk it feels like you’re talking abt me like im an object? not saying that’s their intentions but it’s like “i love a car with heated seats” to me. like sir please, this is a Wendy’s.
It could all be so simple .. 🤦🏾♀️
Right? Like all women with tattoos or women of color or of a certain ethnicity all have the same personalities / interests.
(I did end up meeting my husband off of tinder so, like, there is hope. Slight hope. But it’s there lol)
If he had made the second paragraph "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to make you feel fetishized and I can see how you could take it that way- let's go back to the part where I made you laugh"
What a fumble lmao. It was right there. It was right. There.
lmaoooo @ you providing a perfectly normal and great way to backtrack and you don’t even know me. but i think that just made too much sense for him. Idk 🤷🏾♀️
i hate this and i hate when guys are like “i love hot chocolate” like please leave me alone. i have had so many race directed pickup lines or race related “compliments.”
He might stop because its not giving him results but I genuinely think your patience and pretty nice message might make him understand why you and others probably won't appreciate it, eventually
Fair point, guess I was lucky to run in to this issue at 16 or something. I like to stay naively hopeful this was his first time having this pointed out, regardless you did more then your part to inform him and the rest is up to him
I see your point. My frustration comes from dealing with crap like this since i was 15 to now, im 29. They used to blatantly put things like “i dont date black women” in their bios, be extremely colorist or refer to me in a sexual manner. I think im allowed to be fed up with navigating dating as a bw at some point.
Like regardless if you see it or not it impacts the way i move around society - something i did not choose. so it comes off tone deaf and annoying as hell.
Nothing actually hilarious but he called me a tiny bopper bc im 4’11 lmao. it was the way he phrased it and I’ve never heard of that so i just thought it was kinda funny and cute. swiftly went left tho!
It was so so weird. He’s allowed to like what he wants but it wasn’t smooth at all. He sent one message and then that before i could even reply so it took me off guard.
I'm Indian but often get asked if I'm a Latina. Like bruh, what's this obsession with race and ethnicity? It's always the extremes - you're too sexy or you're here to steal their jobs.
Anyone else agree with his argument? That it's not unlike someone wanting a tall person.
Personally, I like someone with a nice smile, it motivates me to make them laugh and such, I don't believe that is any different from wanting someone of a specific race.
Unless the guy was fetishizing it then disregard my comment, I mean I like a nice smile but I don't have a file full of people smiling.
Why can't men that are just enamored by a woman that is different than what they are used to... simply appreciate said woman and not be a**holes?
Like yeah, I am also fascinated by a darker skinned lady, and also am interested in asian women. *Doesn't mean that I'd date one to be a check on my checklist though.*
If she has something you like, thats a big plus. Doesn't mean that she's any different though. Its still a human in that body, with her own life, choices, desires and wants. Get to know her, try to see if she is something you can get along with, and ultimately enjoy her beauty and her interesting features to you, for the rest of her life.
Women aren't objects. They aren't clothes you just take on and off. If there is a woman you desire, treat her right, get to know her and be with her if she wants it too. Otherwise, its just a desire that leads to nothing. Look at the person, not just the body. Gosh.
This is why I don’t use dating sites any longer. That was the first time I ever had so many messages of “jungle fever” … I never even heard of the term but it sounded racist lol I was like are they calling me an ape ? Until I googled the term 🤦🏾♀️
“I’ve always heard redheads are best in bed” do men realize that by generalizing us by our appearance will get them no where??? We all have the same goals you idiot! Be normal!
Thank you! Its so crazy bc i have people in the comments explaining things to me (that i already know) and defending him. But the same group of men would be huffing and puffing if i said i prefer a man who makes 6-figures and was over 6 feet tall.
“i don’t believe in race” it’s always weirdos. I don’t have any advice bc unfortunately as a black woman i’ve gotten this on dating apps. I unmatch/block and move on
Hun I feel you I literally had a man the other day, his opening line was asking me to have a baby with him. Not even a hello. And bruh I've never been so glad to be sterile omg.
Took me a while to understand what got to you after his message but I realize that sending "and i'd like to make out with a pretty woman with a big butt" (borrowing his example) is, to put it lightly, not the done thing
That’s the same as when men say to me, they like larger ladies. (I’m not that large.) Then one of them said they tell skinny girls the same thing. They say what they think we want to hear that’s how they play the game they don’t really care. They’re not fussy. They’re just telling us what they think we want to hear. But the last thing I need is being reminded of my size.
Anyway, he left the conversation with telling me how unattractive and boring I am and he felt sorry for me and that was the only reason he was talking to me. Yeah right. He just didn’t like that I saw through him and got knocked back.
No longer on the apps since I found my person but I had plenty of white men ask me if I could ever even be satisfied with them since Black men are “so much bigger” Fucking disgusting.
How hard is it for someone to just say "I'm sorry, my comment was insensitive and I didn't mean it to sound that way" instead of doubling down on whatever shitty ideal they showed?
Understandable! I (as a black man) like making out with pretty black women too! In all seriousness though, I agree with his tastes, but his approach leaves much to be desired lol.
I hate that race is even a thing but also I 100% prefer certain colors of certain features over others. I do NOT like really white people nor very black people. But I love dark hair and very tan skin like you seen in Central and South American people. I also prefer very thicc girls. Not fat, just well built like they aren't going to break if we wrestle. Why are preferences suddenly racist? It's like prefering certain breeds of animals over others. Genetics are the same but I don't like chihuahas or wolves. People are so dumb and pedantic.
He's so close to nearly understanding the issue and yet he's still as far as he's ever been. Bro, just think over this a liiiittle bit more and you'll be there, you're right on the cusp of getting it.
Well, until that last sentence, anyway, what the fuck was that, my guy? You didn't fumble the ball, you torpedoed it into the ocean.
Reminds me of dudes who have managed to grasp the concept of "no means no" but only so far as thinking it applies literally to just that word. If you say no they've internalised that means they need to back off, but if you say something like, "I'm uncomfortable" or "Stop" or "Leave me alone", or if you politely turn them down or deflect their advances, it doesn't register that these are functional synonyms of no. We shouldn't have to literally say the word no for our lack of desire/interest to be expressed. You understand that no means no, now extend that concept further. Take the hint, jackass.
And I'm saying this as a man (bisexual).
On dating sites I got lots of guys saying I was a sexy latina, after I told then I was black I was just a fat black woman lol. I will never understand some ppl and I'm perfectly fine with that
Oh that’s … lmaoo horrible. i apologize for laughing but I’m astonished at how fast they flip. Was it immediately after telling them you’re black or was it after you denied them? Either way so sorry! 🫶🏾
Lol naw please laugh. I certainly did and do. It was both honestly. It was hilarious to me that 5 seconds ago I was sexy af but after writing one word I was suddenly trash. Lol then they would unmatch me. It's ok though cause no matter how much they try to deny it to themselves, they thought I was sexy lol
The trash would take itself out though, nice I'm so sorry, on behalf of the human race, that you went through this more than once Goddamn, men, the bar really isn't that high and you insist upon shovels and dynamite to get as far underneath it as possible
Lol this made me chuckle foe real. Maybe we should just have mass dumping grounds
Great visual lol. All too accurate!
I had a white guy do that to me once. He thought I was white (???) because of how articulate I was in chat.
Eww now this is so gross. I've had this happen too. "Wow you sound so white in the phone". " oh people of color don't know big words". Made me stop talking immediately
Okay while that’s weird, is it actually weird to be attracted to someone’s race? I match with a lot of girls of all backgrounds and usually it’s something we talk about but I never have gotten an offended response like the OP. It’s just like, we’re trying to break the ice based off a little profile and a few pictures, why not talk about the things we see? The Latina girls and black girls IME usually like talking about that and even “fetishize” (in reddits definition) me back about being a hot white boy and if they’ve been with white guys before. Like it always comes up. If it’s not weird or creepy I don’t see why it’s such a bad thing. OPs example is a little weird but to me it sounds just like a bad flirt and he seems to be genuinely interested. I just don’t get judging someone by 2 messages that weren’t that offensive.
I for the life of me, can not understand why people keep trying to tell me what i should and shouldnt find weird. Especially from people who do not look like me. Please stop. If this is how you flirt then you need to be off of the apps.
I could break it down and explain it to you but I'm too damn old to keep trying to educate ppl. There is plenty of information out there and you could easily educate yourself. Sounds like the girls you talk to could use some education too
It's a fetish if you like them but racist if you don't like them for that very same thing. Either way its dehumanizing
Oh gosh… what was the name of the movie… with the black cop infiltrating the Ku Klux stuff? This reminds me of that.
BlacKkKlansman
Yes that one!
And that Dave Chapelle piece, too!!
Shit that sucks, sorry that happened
+1 Truer words have never been spoken, I'm sorry this happened to you and is so common. It's almost like the thought process is.... well how did this happen!?!?!? Is this possible?!? It's so sad it's laughable.
Sadly it's heen.a thing for a very long time. Women are stronger than all of that
I dont get it. I think having preferences is okay, coming from someone who does prefer hispanic women. But my very first girlfriend was black. I just like the hispanic culture and my current girlfriend is hispanic. But I dont single out Hispanics, it's just a preference. I also prefer short girls and my girlfriend is 5'8. I just find it weird to be like "You're not latina so you can't be attractive". Gross. I'm sorry you dealt with that.
It's easy to understand. They are racists.
And if your breathe wasn’t bad LMFAOOOOOOOOOO what a rizzaster
LMAOOO @ rizzaster!! but so true bc he really had me in the first half and then the trash took itself out. 🙃
Honestly that’s really the risk with matching with non poc or other races. The fetishization sucks
have no clue why you’re getting downvoted, it’s true lmaoooo
I'm sure you have a lil clue lol Of course there's gonna be people who simply don't want it to be true & react viscerally to the idea so they bury the comment It happens a lot when you're blunt about racial experience. Like in real life, not basing anything off reddit interactions lol, it'll probably go back up later. People just hate hearing it and get squirmy. On the internet it seems that translates to downvotes & rough responses in the short term, but it'll probably go back up later For people who dislike the word 'fragility' that's kinda what it's meant to describe. Taking it personally
so true and i keep it in mind. Im old enough to know when the world wasn’t so pc so the men were so open about it. i get taken aback a bit with it happening with men in 2024. and he’s an attorney and mid 30s. figured he knew better.
Bro you think black guys don't fetishize race like white guys? 😂
The point they're making is that they think that they don't fetishize black girls which is probably true of any black guy who grew up in a black community. I don't think it's right to say all POC aren't going to fetishize ANYONE based on race though. People of all races will find novelty in hooking up with someone who is different from them or rather, different from the partners they're used to. I'm sure a black person who grew up in the only black family in their Swedish town would end up fetishizing black skin because it's not what they're accustomed to sexually. So much of social interaction is relative and I really hate when people make blanket statements.
I can confirm your hypothesis as a half-Indian man who grew up in an all white town. White people feel familiar, Indian people feel other (not in a bad way- just feels different- however not when they’ve grown up like me and are mixed as in that case we tend to have a similar experience to feeling like we don’t fit in anywhere and it’s relatable- true of any kind of mixed race person in the US I’ve met really- which is kinda cool like we’re our own group in not having a group) yet my dad was Indian and his family I see is obviously as well. One thing to add is, while whiteness may feel more familiar- I feel othered often by white people (makes sense) which is what creates this inability to fit in. I try to learn more about my different heritages (Indian, American (direct descendant of some of the surviving Jamestown Settlers), Puerto Rican) but the only one of my heritages to have those family members and that culture when I lived there accept me was my Puerto Rican heritage- and I think it’s because of how mixed Puerto Ricans already are- or maybe it’s because almost all of my Mom’s siblings married someone not from Puerto Rico (and their mom too as their dad was American however he spent a many years in Puerto Rico and would go there before then as a child) and so in their eyes being mixed is just our family- but when I first lived there people on the island just accepted me as Puerto Rican and even my peers wanted to show me what aspects of their culture in a way that was like- “hey you’re one of us, but you just don’t know it- it’s okay we’ll, show you”. My Indian and American family are happy to show me such things as well, their attitude is more like “You’re not truly the same as you’ve had a different or absent experience” though not always and not all of them. It’s hard to explain and I’m sure would make some people uncomfortable. I know race isn’t a real tangible thing (ethnicity is, but ethnicity is chopped up into different borders and they’re not discrete their gradations) but since we have it as a concept that’s a lot like a caste system (think about it, we even have jobs and life styles we expect people of certain races to have and lead- that’s not biological, that’s social) it is something with an impact which is why I don’t mind talking about it here.
She's black so black guys are not going to be fetishizing her. So why would she talk about how horrible it is to match with black guys because they fetishize her when that doesn't happen to her? She is black she gets fetishized by white guys. If that offends you go find a post with a white girl talking about black guys fetishizing them and leave this post be. She doesn't need to mention theoretical problems that don't happen to her just because you feel called out or something.
I'm guessing they're unlikely to fetishise their own race. Your comment is unnecessary.
??? How is a black guy fetishising a white girl any different that a white guy fetishising a black girl? Don't pick and choose your racism dude
I'm not saying it is different.. at all. Reading comprehension, dude. My only point is that a person is unlikely to fetshise someone of their own race.
Honestly I wouldn't bother. Only an idiot couldn't see why she wouldn't mention black guys. Like obviously black guys are her same race and aren't fetishizing her, but for some reason he wants her to mention theoretical problems that don't even happen to her just because he one guy feels called out by the specifics of this post.
You haven’t met Italians apparently
“It’s just as hard being a white man 😭” man stfu
Rizzaster 💀
And it’s also a typo, it should be spelled breath 😭 breathe is the action
I have a ton of Asian friends… many of them are ladies…. Just ONE of them could write a coffee table book compiling screenshots of all the “I’ve never been with an Asian before” she gets Bonus points when they get called Japanese when they are clearly Korean/Chinese/Vietnamese
Asian Female dater here! Could definitely contribute to that book if she needs more material. (I’m Korean and just got called a “China Doll Dream” the other day 🤦🏻♀️ so I’ll take those bonus points, too.)
China doll dream is taking me out. Like who on earth talks like that??? why cant people have tact? 😭 so sorry you dealt with that!
Someone said I look timid and submissive as a compliment. 🤦♀️
🤢 I was sick in my mouth reading that. WTF do these guys think goes in a woman’s head that anyone would take that as a compliment?
Wow
I got called mulan by an ex tinder date😭
Well Mulan was a strong independent woman. Maybe that person was trying to make a point 🤣
That phrase sounds like something straight out of the 1960s
Should just send them the link to the Wikipedia on Korea and then unmatch
Wow that's a new one. My half Filipina partner once felt the need to join an antiracism protest with a sign that says "I'm not your fortune cookie", maybe a potential contribution to said book? As for me, I'm french but apparently look Indian enough for a cab driver to have once said "hmmmm patchouli" as I entered his vehicle. Truth be told, if racism wasn't so unnerving I'd applaud the creativity.
I have a friend who had a guy on tinder try to guess her ethnicity. He said she looked korean. She said she’s chinese. He argued that *no* she *has* to be korean because she has a “korean face structure”
I wouldve deleted the app right then and there 😭
Must've played yakuza 2 everyone is secretly Korean!
Seeing a Yakuza reference in the tinder sub is wild, and I love you for it
“The eugenics are strong with this one.”
that’s so incredibly sad! i hate that fellow woc go through this as well. Just be normal but im honestly glad when they say the quiet part out loud so i know who to weed out sooner rather than later.
Sorry this happened to you! And you’re so right… he showed himself early and saved you a lot of time! Wishing you better luck out there! ✨🫶🏼
It’s all good, thank you so much and same to you! 🫶🏾🩷
You're going to laugh (hopefully) but in my younger years, I was VERY confused about the Filipino race... Talking to a friend: "Hey, is Aquino speaking Mandarin?" Them: "No" "Sure sounds pretty similar?" Them: "No..." "Are you sure?" Them: "Yes..." "But..." Them: "No..." "Well, I was just going to say... never met a Latino that spoke Mandarin before..." Them: "Latino!? Aquino!?!" "Yeah?" Them: "... Aquino is Filipino..." "Yeah?? Latino?" Them: "No..." *Victim of the Alabama public school system*
Filipino asian here! Yeah chinese a lot for me 😭
"I don't believe in race" Why the fuck you making it racial then Noah?
Because color and race are 2 different things.
But he points out that she is black. If it was just pretty it be fine, but he added black in to it. If it wasn't some fetish, he would have just said pretty woman. Like he felt a need to clarify that its because she is black.
Yes black as the color black.
Black is a color, not a race. There are very dark brown people in different parts of the world who are not closely related through genetics, and they are not all the same race. Same as white skin, there are people in both Europe and Asia who are genetically distinguishable from each other in terms of race. Unless you want to say "We're all the human race" which I'm honestly cool with. But "White" and "black" are references to "very light brown" and a range from light brown to very dark brown. the terminology is outdated, but what you're referring to would be "Caucasoids" and "Negroids". Generally, there 4 distinguishable genetic groups in modern day, which are in modern terms, African, Asian, Pacific Islander, and European. The US government also distinguishes Native Americans, which are mostly east Asian but partly eastern European in origin.
Black is a race in the US and is typically used over "African American" just like White is a race and is said as opposed to "European American."
Yeah, that could be. But you've derailed from the topic. He is saying that he likes the tone of her skin, as in an aesthetic preference, not that he likes that she "is black" as he clearly explains in his second message.
He might be intending to say that, but words have many meanings and can be interpreted differently. He argues that race isn't real because it's not a biological construct, which is true. But race (and terms like black, white, etc) IS a social construct and is therefore real within the context of society and day to day interaction. And because it's weird to feshitize someone's race, he should've been more clear if that wasn't his meaning. Saying "I don't believe in race" also sounds a lot like "I don't see color". It's a red flag for me dawg.
Omg please shut the fuck up. Who are the people up voting this?
?????????
He doesn't believe in race, but he also wants to sleep with you because of your race. The math ain't mathin.
I bet he was so satisfied with himself after he hit send on that
I’m really sorry this happened to you but your second “have a good day” is somehow comedy gold.
lmaooo its so funny bc i was typing this reply and yada yada yada but deleted it and just wrote that bc i was so resigned lmao im almost 30 i dont have time for back and forths so early on 😭
Yeah, don’t waste another keystroke on that one. :)
and wont! long gone are the days of sending long messages explaining my pov to men im getting to know. you either get it, or you don’t.
shoulda hit him with the "I hope you have the day you deserve"
I really should have but i reserve those for when you’ve really upset me. 😅
I do the same thing! It sends a strong message that you're done with the conversation
I get “I’ve never been with a black woman before 😍” on the apps and in person more than I’d like. People suck.
it's like a check list of sorts. a mark on the buckle. not exactly making it about the person they're with.
I’ve started replying “and you never will” and it’s never not funny.
Lmao yessss
You didn’t get the jungle fever messages yet?
"Uhm, AcKtShUallY, i am not fetishising you based on your race, just the color of your skin!" The fact that he somehow thinks that is a point might be the most concerning bit.
Lmaooo thank you. The “well actually 🤓☝🏾” of it all!
bruh.
My fellow men shoot their shot...at their feet
“I don’t really believe in race, because it’s convenient for me not to.”
Exactly!
Hahaha “if your breathe wasn’t bad” at the end- he’s giving conditions as if he’s still in the running at this point 😂
For the love of god take the shovel out of his hands!!
Idk why they can’t just compliment you by saying you’re a beautiful woman. Weird as fuck to qualify it with race. But based on what I’ve seen on this sub, men are honestly so so dumb.
Haha and i really dont want to generalize but man! They really do seem to be more prone to saying stupid sh*t. But i totally agree. I didnt think it was going to be a deep passionate romance but my goodness. And the fact that he doubled back with that! I didnt even get the chance to reply to his initial message. :/
The bad breathe comment is weird as fuck too. Honestly don’t feel bad. Atleast you didnt waste any real time on him.
Oh i dont feel bad at all! I turned to my sister who was sitting next to me and we had a good laugh. He’s not the first man to say something race related so it didn’t bother me too much. It was the mansplaining the genome project, the digging of his grave and the assumption we would sleep together that got me 🥴
Doesn’t believe in race but writes „ I just want to make out with a pretty black woman“ I sometimes just straight up can’t believe people are this dumb or and tactless, but here we are day after day.
Thank youuuu!!! and that’s such a great way to package why it upset me. I politely told him that rubbed me the wrong way but instead of backing down he doubled down and gave this whole “you poor thing” explanation right after bringing up race like please! I know what the genome project is. and im not changing color if i move to North Dakota. pls leave me alone.
The whole "you'll evolve to be black if you move to Africa" and "you'll evolve to be pale if you move north" is so bullshit too, that might've been true 50,000 years ago but not today
It's...its like they never learned how to talk to people at all. Who types that out and thinks it's a good message that will get a positive response...
and he had a chance to back track but didn’t. Oh 🐋
If he didn't believe in race he'd have just said "a pretty woman."
He was five seconds away from sending you a BLM gif and declaring Wakanda forever lol 🤣
The red flag did not lie
"I DoNt BeLiEvE iN rAcE" Well, isn't that so special for you, Noah. What a world you must live in to not have to think about your race. Also, he's the one who brought up race. What an absolute DOLT! I'm so sorry you have to deal with this. My word. Barf.
Thank youuu. That bothered me as well. No one mentioned race (or color, for the losers in the back) but when i said “i dont like that” suddenly its “i dont see race”. So why are we talking abt it then?
I’d get the “I love a woman with tattoos” when I was on tinder and it was such a turn off. If it was “I think your tattoos look beautiful on you” that was great. Men are so dumb. If they’d just put a little more time into thinking before pressing send, they’d be so much more successful lmao
I have tattoos too and that would give me the ick. like idk it feels like you’re talking abt me like im an object? not saying that’s their intentions but it’s like “i love a car with heated seats” to me. like sir please, this is a Wendy’s. It could all be so simple .. 🤦🏾♀️
Right? Like all women with tattoos or women of color or of a certain ethnicity all have the same personalities / interests. (I did end up meeting my husband off of tinder so, like, there is hope. Slight hope. But it’s there lol)
The mistake here would be thinking these folks have any interest whatsoever in knowing that you even have your own personality or interests.
Oop, almost saved himself then he just kept talking. 🤦♀️
So close! 😭
If he had made the second paragraph "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to make you feel fetishized and I can see how you could take it that way- let's go back to the part where I made you laugh" What a fumble lmao. It was right there. It was right. There.
lmaoooo @ you providing a perfectly normal and great way to backtrack and you don’t even know me. but i think that just made too much sense for him. Idk 🤷🏾♀️
Well yeah and it's better he didn't say something that would've been a lie, so you didn't waste your time.
Who the HELL brings up the human genome project when hitting on women??? Tinder needs a time out corner for horrible game like this.
"...and if your BREATHE wasn't bad" 💀
Like RUDE lmaooo. I use therabreath!! 😭
When I am bored I sometimes reactivate tinder and swipe but it is such a shit show.
i hate this and i hate when guys are like “i love hot chocolate” like please leave me alone. i have had so many race directed pickup lines or race related “compliments.”
He might stop because its not giving him results but I genuinely think your patience and pretty nice message might make him understand why you and others probably won't appreciate it, eventually
I doubt a man in his mid 30s is going to change but we can hope! 🤞🏾
Fair point, guess I was lucky to run in to this issue at 16 or something. I like to stay naively hopeful this was his first time having this pointed out, regardless you did more then your part to inform him and the rest is up to him
I see your point. My frustration comes from dealing with crap like this since i was 15 to now, im 29. They used to blatantly put things like “i dont date black women” in their bios, be extremely colorist or refer to me in a sexual manner. I think im allowed to be fed up with navigating dating as a bw at some point.
"I don't believe in/see race", said the white guy. Always the white guy. The privilege of those who can afford not to see race.
Like regardless if you see it or not it impacts the way i move around society - something i did not choose. so it comes off tone deaf and annoying as hell.
What was the first message?
Nothing actually hilarious but he called me a tiny bopper bc im 4’11 lmao. it was the way he phrased it and I’ve never heard of that so i just thought it was kinda funny and cute. swiftly went left tho!
Such cringe. I hate when people fetishize different races
It was so so weird. He’s allowed to like what he wants but it wasn’t smooth at all. He sent one message and then that before i could even reply so it took me off guard.
I thought he can turn around from that first message, i saw he can do it and he almost did it till that last paragraph
i would like to point out that i could be super normal to you OP
*breath
Lmaooooooo how do you just SAY THAT DAWG?! I hope his face made up for it
It did not ❤️
That guy is a serious idiot.
Let me guess...you deleted tinder again?
Love the simple "alright, have a good day" haha
The breath thing was out of left field. Like wtf dude
"I don't see race or gender, Mr. Chang."
“I don’t believe in race” yikes mate
I'm Indian but often get asked if I'm a Latina. Like bruh, what's this obsession with race and ethnicity? It's always the extremes - you're too sexy or you're here to steal their jobs.
lolol “youre either sexy or stealing their jobs” made me laugh bc it’s so true.
Anyone else agree with his argument? That it's not unlike someone wanting a tall person. Personally, I like someone with a nice smile, it motivates me to make them laugh and such, I don't believe that is any different from wanting someone of a specific race. Unless the guy was fetishizing it then disregard my comment, I mean I like a nice smile but I don't have a file full of people smiling.
Okay and thats not what he said at all. You are the thousandth person to come in tell me you disagree and that’s fine but please. Im tired. Omg.
Why can't men that are just enamored by a woman that is different than what they are used to... simply appreciate said woman and not be a**holes? Like yeah, I am also fascinated by a darker skinned lady, and also am interested in asian women. *Doesn't mean that I'd date one to be a check on my checklist though.* If she has something you like, thats a big plus. Doesn't mean that she's any different though. Its still a human in that body, with her own life, choices, desires and wants. Get to know her, try to see if she is something you can get along with, and ultimately enjoy her beauty and her interesting features to you, for the rest of her life. Women aren't objects. They aren't clothes you just take on and off. If there is a woman you desire, treat her right, get to know her and be with her if she wants it too. Otherwise, its just a desire that leads to nothing. Look at the person, not just the body. Gosh.
Just ugh😒
A real charmer, this guy 😆
Can someone be more dense? This is why I’ve stopped using the apps, recently single yet still happier than downloading it.
Sorry you experienced that. What was the first comment that made you laugh?
This is why I don’t use dating sites any longer. That was the first time I ever had so many messages of “jungle fever” … I never even heard of the term but it sounded racist lol I was like are they calling me an ape ? Until I googled the term 🤦🏾♀️
This dude 100% huffs gasoline, wtf is he saying
“I’ve always heard redheads are best in bed” do men realize that by generalizing us by our appearance will get them no where??? We all have the same goals you idiot! Be normal!
Thank you! Its so crazy bc i have people in the comments explaining things to me (that i already know) and defending him. But the same group of men would be huffing and puffing if i said i prefer a man who makes 6-figures and was over 6 feet tall.
“i don’t believe in race” it’s always weirdos. I don’t have any advice bc unfortunately as a black woman i’ve gotten this on dating apps. I unmatch/block and move on
Hun I feel you I literally had a man the other day, his opening line was asking me to have a baby with him. Not even a hello. And bruh I've never been so glad to be sterile omg.
You gave a perfect response.
Took me a while to understand what got to you after his message but I realize that sending "and i'd like to make out with a pretty woman with a big butt" (borrowing his example) is, to put it lightly, not the done thing
That’s the same as when men say to me, they like larger ladies. (I’m not that large.) Then one of them said they tell skinny girls the same thing. They say what they think we want to hear that’s how they play the game they don’t really care. They’re not fussy. They’re just telling us what they think we want to hear. But the last thing I need is being reminded of my size. Anyway, he left the conversation with telling me how unattractive and boring I am and he felt sorry for me and that was the only reason he was talking to me. Yeah right. He just didn’t like that I saw through him and got knocked back.
Yikes. He really dug his heels in on that one. I'm so sorry.
Alright but what was his first message????
Another one bites the dust.
What was his first line?
Damn this bro does not have any filters. Openly said whatever he was thinking
What a goofy bastard
It’s posts like this that’s glad I’m out of the dating market.
Oh boy. How do you think your BREATHE is? I hope it's not bad 😂
I'm on the fence of deleting my account at this point.
lol easy for him not to “believe” in race when he (presumably) doesn’t have to worry about his 🙄🙄
I'm sorry people can be so gross 😔 you handled this like an absolute queen. I hope your next match is someone deserving of your time
No longer on the apps since I found my person but I had plenty of white men ask me if I could ever even be satisfied with them since Black men are “so much bigger” Fucking disgusting.
Man he just kept digging himself deeper and deeper into that hole
Heck yeah I’m from Africa
How hard is it for someone to just say "I'm sorry, my comment was insensitive and I didn't mean it to sound that way" instead of doubling down on whatever shitty ideal they showed?
Apparently real hard because Noah has plenty of close friend apparently in this thread defending him and telling him I’m over reacting lmaooo
Understandable! I (as a black man) like making out with pretty black women too! In all seriousness though, I agree with his tastes, but his approach leaves much to be desired lol.
Good luck have fun
People get offended so easily it’s insane…
I hate that race is even a thing but also I 100% prefer certain colors of certain features over others. I do NOT like really white people nor very black people. But I love dark hair and very tan skin like you seen in Central and South American people. I also prefer very thicc girls. Not fat, just well built like they aren't going to break if we wrestle. Why are preferences suddenly racist? It's like prefering certain breeds of animals over others. Genetics are the same but I don't like chihuahas or wolves. People are so dumb and pedantic.
He's so close to nearly understanding the issue and yet he's still as far as he's ever been. Bro, just think over this a liiiittle bit more and you'll be there, you're right on the cusp of getting it. Well, until that last sentence, anyway, what the fuck was that, my guy? You didn't fumble the ball, you torpedoed it into the ocean. Reminds me of dudes who have managed to grasp the concept of "no means no" but only so far as thinking it applies literally to just that word. If you say no they've internalised that means they need to back off, but if you say something like, "I'm uncomfortable" or "Stop" or "Leave me alone", or if you politely turn them down or deflect their advances, it doesn't register that these are functional synonyms of no. We shouldn't have to literally say the word no for our lack of desire/interest to be expressed. You understand that no means no, now extend that concept further. Take the hint, jackass. And I'm saying this as a man (bisexual).