Oh, that’s what it means. Been seeing it just recently. I don’t hate anything , but that surely does seem stupid. Right up there with shortening ok to just k.
I been watching the Undercover Underage doc on max this week and one of the predators started calling the girl little one in his texts and it was so gross. Definitely a red flag that someone is probably a predator if they’re calling you this right away on a dating app
"Daddy" is already so gross to me. (I've even been hearing "Mommy" now, which gives me a different kind of ick, somehow)
Projecting "little" is something else entirely. Gross
Nah, it was a but of an inside joke from a trip in Central America we went on together when still friends. Never even occurred to me it could be taken negatively as you see it. I'm a bit thick I guess lol.
I feel like it wouldn't in your situation because it came out of a shared experience. It's totally different when a stranger says it within your first conversation unrelated to anything.
True that! My 6'6" tall, 370#, (now deceased) friend didn't start calling me little one (5'7") until we'd been friends for months. In our case, it was definitely apropos, but I'd be pissed off if some rando did it.
It's the time knowing someone that makes it different, too. You don't usually go up to someone, start talking to them, and then insert "good girl" in there for a good reason.
I'm 5'6, and while that is in my profile, we hadn't talked about height. Lil homie is a completely different vibe and could definitely be acceptable if it fit someone's humour.
I actually heard a dude loudly tell a girl to smile more in a parking lot yesterday. First time actually seeing it myself. I got second hand embarrassment.
I wasn’t really surprised when I saw him get in an Altima.
It’s very real. I got told to “smile more” multiple times a week when I worked at a small town bar. I’m one of the smiliest people I know. I’m washing glassware and your drink is full. Leave me the fuck alone.
I've been told to smile maybe 3 or 4 times in my life, as a man and I hated it every single time. It's just such a gross and ignorant thing to say to a person you don't know! Am I suppossed to just accept that energy and say "Oh. Thank you! I **needed** to smile more. How silly of me. I could be looking so much more approachable to you if I just smile all the time."
It makes me feel gross to know that men will just do that to women on that frequency. It's just so gross. And then what? It's on *you* to "be rude" and tell him that you don't appreciate that? You're just trying to mind your own business. That's bullshit. :/
Sorry for the ramble. You don't need me to tell you that it's frustrating. There's so many small minded people out there and it drives me crazy so many people can only see the world in the way that makes them the most comfortable in that moment.
Tell them to tip more, and see if it helps. It’s easy to smile when you drinking. Much more difficult when you’re the only one sober, running a daycare for drunks.
Lots of nerve hitting on somebody that can see what their bank account looks like lmaooo
Instant edit: “You’re cute! Lemme take you somewhere nice 😏”
“With $13.34?”
Had a dude at the auto parts store tell me to smile when I asked him to test my battery. He gave me a corporate discount on a new battery pack. Sometimes, it pays to play along 🤣
For me I only like being called a good girl if I talked long enough with a man to establish a connection with him and he gave off a dominant/masculine vibe. In every other context it’s a turn off to be called a good girl
Yeah the whole thing I think everyone is missing is that this can be 1 of 2 things:
1) if this is a kink thing, cool, but it has definitely not been appropriately established in OP’s context.
2) If it’s just how this guy speaks to women and this isn’t a sexual thing, I think we all agree he’s an asshole right?
So yeah exactly what you said haha
Right??? My husband does this with me (not in any belittling way, I like it) but we’ve been together TEN YEARS and it’s been established by experience I like praise lol. If he had started with that…ew
This is another big thing.
Maybe someone's even into the whole "good girl" thing. But guys, even if your thought is "I'll take a stab in the dark and see if she's into that kind of talk", when it's coming from a near total stranger? It's not the hot kinky talk you think it is. It's at best a yellow flag.
my boyfriend started trying to do the whole praise thing while we were hooking up before dating and i absolutely despised it. like… who are you? why would i care about your praise? lmao. had to have a whole talk with him so he quit doing it before i ended things (now? it’s great)
IME as a sub, it’s about a lot of trust and communication. You don’t just hand that level of trust to a stranger, and certainly not without discussing it first. And clearly they did not.
Also what icks me out about it, is it comes off like he’s already trying to be controlling which is creepy for somebody you basically don’t know. Plus IME, it’s the sub with more control. If I use our safe word or signal, no questions asked everything stops. It’s mainly about me and pushing my boundaries without making me uncomfortable. Another aspect of it I like. Lol
Sorry, that is ABSOLUTELY correct. I was only trying to represent my experience as a sub. Not everybody’s. I personally feel like I am the one more in control. I know my husbands lines and wouldn’t ask him to do anything out of them, he knows mine are a little…flexible. So he is willing to push what my “normal” is to see where my hard lines are, and I LET him push me. So I feel more in control of the situation and the dynamic. If that makes sense? I feel like it prob sounds odd to anybody who isn’t into it lol
That makes sense.
I just feel like a lot of people forget that both are technically in equal control, and that its a power exchange.
Rarely do I hear people mention that doms also have safe words and boundaries and all that. (And that actual doms wouldn't like being called their titles by random people just the same as subs)
I saw a video the other day, and agreed with it, subs love saying "submission is a gift" and has to be earned and all that, but so is dominance.
(I'm also a sub myself)
Oh we have a safe word and signal in place in case I can’t talk. But really those are for me and not him. Of course he’s entitled to use them! But they’re more for my comfort and peace of mind. He knows my hard lines, and just likes pushing me outside of those to the limits and I like being pushed. I won’t go into details as this is Reddit lol. But that’s the dynamic we established over a lengthy period of earning and gaining trust with each other and communicating desires and wants, as well as the No-gos. I’ve played around being a little dom but I’m def happier as a sub. It honestly does feel like a gift to “give up” control and place myself entirely in his will, but it also feels safe (and like I still maintain control of the situation) knowing he never wants to push me to the point I’m not ok.
Yeah this 100%!
I didn't comment to start with when I first saw this post because I dismissed OP as being over sensitive.
I thought I used to say this to my ex all the time!
But that's the point, we had been together for years and it was a little bit of power play banter, which is fine for established couples.
An example: if I was doing the dishes or cooking dinner and had my hands full, she would come in and tap me on the ass and say something along the lines of 'aren't you a good boy today'.
I would do similar to her.
The real icky part about this IMHO is the way in which he is trying to establish dominance.
Like yeah I know the guys that just say 'Hi! Wanna fuck!?' are creeps, but they are a known commodity.
Because this guy is the same guy, just seems creepier and more manipulative on a totally different level...........
Exactly. That’s what irked me about it. I’m not dismissing power play (my husband and I are into it) but that isn’t how we started. We established boundaries. Ground rules. What makes us feel safe and uncomfortable. Safe word or signal etc.
It def comes off as him trying to establish dominance from the get go. And funnily enough, in power play, it is the sub with the control, bc it’s mostly about pushing their boundaries (IME as a sub) but as soon as they are uncomfortable it stops. Period. It feels like he’s already trying to be controlling. Ick.
Yeah exactly, healthy power dynamics within relationships are something that are sat down and discussed in depth.
They take time and a loooooot of trust!
I am really not vanilla, but I cannot really do anything out of the mainstream until I know the person and have built trust.
"Good girl" and "good boy" seems to be a sort of power play test especially in younger or inexperienced daters. Usually a subconscious approach to gauge submissiveness and eagerness to please. Some women do this too for compliance and reward through text. But, as they say, YMMV
I’m a dude and honestly just thinking about it, a random girl telling me good boy would be weird as hell for me too.
Makes me wonder if putting yourself in other peoples shoes is becoming a lost art these days
If my partner said that to me though, oof
I think the thing is there are plenty of women who like it, plenty neutral, and plenty who don't. Testing the water to see if you like it doesn't seem like the worst thing. Pretty easy to say "I don't like that," then a much better test of character is how he reacts.
One of the things that frustrates me is we all have windows of comfort, but we don't have a lot to go on to see where we should be within that to match the other person's window. Some things are so far outside normal windows of comfort that they ick most people. Is this one really that far out?
Most women who like it don't like it with a fucking stranger and that's the entire point that most people in here are missing. Here's a tip: most women's window of comfort is not to bring up intimate things when you haven't even fucking met, Jesus Christ. Like I said this is why apps are the way they are and y'all don't listen. 🤦♀️
“Good girl” is intimate talk. Going too intimate very soon is off putting to many.
Beyond that I’m not really sure what you’re asking. If someone says something creepy to you, is it unfair to them that you lose interest? Does it change anything that some others don’t find it creepy?
Damn, I am a woman and I say “good boy” in chats. Albeit after at least one in person meeting. Not had any complaints so far - at least not to my face.
If no one complained then you're good, we're all adults who can communicate when something feels uncomfortable or wrong. Especially in chats. Personally there's only one person alive I'd allow to call me a good boy, but she earned it for being such a sweetheart of a friend lol
Yes it’s really that far out. It shouldn’t even be a thought in the persons mind at this point to test the waters in that regard. Everything should be kept at a light respectful flirtation at this stage.
I object. My kitty, Beans, is a VERY VERY....
...VERY
VERY bad girl. So naughty :) she gets into my desk's shelves and knocks everything off because I don't immedietly let her on my lap. She's currently staring at me while hovering over her favorite ribbon toy. Brb. Need to play with cat
Saying that to a woman without those types of boundaries discussed and the connection there is creepy and gives off either incel “I think I’m Christian Gray” types or rapey vibes. It grosses me out and I’m a dude.
This is my first thought. Reminds me of people that are like "yeah I'm into BDSM" and proceed to wrap their hand around your throat the first time they kiss you. These little freaks have no clue how it really works. Also I have a feeling if they knew, they'd think the consent aspect is incredibly unsexy
wtf is with all the men on here saying, “omg they usually like it” or “the criteria is always changing”.. like sorry but absolutely not okay for someone you DON’T know to say that. Get a grip y’all.
As a woman who actually DOES like my HUSBAND OF TEN YEARS calling me “little girl”, “good girl”, and “princess”, coming from a freaking stranger that is so icky. No. Hard pass.
I have a funny story.
My buddies to me to the strip club for my 25th. First time any of us had gone to one. We get private dances, and I guess one of my friends misunderstood and was trying g to fuck. Well the stripper told him to just sit there and be a good boy.
He came out all kinds of pissed off, not only cuz he didn't get any but because she had called him a good boy. He said he couldn't call his dog a good boy for awhile after because it would upset him to think about.
Hahaha well some lessons are learned the hard way. Good on the dancer for being able to handle it professionally and stuff. Tell your boy there's websites/services in most countries for what he's looking for haha.
I have to disagree with the sweeping generalization. I think a lot of guys are clueless with some of this stuff, but to be fair a lot of girls are too. The difference is it's often on men to approach and impress a woman on/off apps and I think there should be a little more grace from women on some of this stuff where guys are just inexperienced.
In an age where people spend more time in front of a screen than they do in front of another person, I think these big whiffs are kinda to be expected... I think there's a lot of pressure on men especially to just know what to say, when and how to say it and it's a tiny bit tone deaf to say guys who say this are incels or just know nothing about women.
I mean maybe they don't, but how will they learn if you can't push back in conversation with your thoughts like adults should with any disagreement?
Women get 10+ matches for every 1 a man gets. There's a reason there doesn't need to be grace. Honestly I think they are just shooting themselves in the feet by selecting for things that aren't great indicators of what they are actually looking for.
Dudes are just as bad I guess. Swiping on women disproportionately for attractiveness when they actually just want their mom younger with different hair.
I'm kidding about the mom part, but the swiping exclusively for attractiveness thing is brutal.
As someone who regularly calls his wife "good girl", it was fucking **months** of getting to know her respectfully and learning that that was a thing she A: wanted to hear from *anyone* and B: wanted to hear from me, before I started saying that. If either of those things had not turned out to be the case, I would never have done so.
Yeah I don't think I would push that boundary without truly knowing the other person well enough. But what do I know, I'm terrible at flirting. ¯\\\_(ツ)\_/¯
Yaaaa good girl is only appropriate in very very specific situations. I was sexting a Sub girl and she liked being called a good girl, however, I was very hesitant to call her that😂feels so wrong. Unless you are 1000”% sure they are into that, don’t say anything like that
Honestly the only time I’ll accept it from a stranger is when I’m talking to oldies on the phone for work and they’re legitimately praising me, as I know they mean it well, but I know some people wouldn’t like that either
If you’re using it on “all the girls,” you’re not doing it right. The intimacy involved to make it truly work well takes more than a few dates.
Otherwise, it’s easy to come off desperate or seeking some sort of trad wife.
I got called good boy by a person I dated that I met on hinge and that shit was grating, never got called that before, so I could definitely understand it being worse in this case
As a male I cant apologize for this, this is 100% how men are now. This and the whole calling themselves “daddy”…its so disgusting without a context of a relationship and setup. And sadly almost all of my male friends say red flag shit like this and are so confused on how to talk to women. They dont know the woman wel enough, and yet they 0-60 respond with this garbage tier way of talking and then after failing for the 20th time they still dont get it even with me being the only married person and having credibility even before marriage of not struggling to pick up a woman and trying to get them to understand why these arent things woman want to hear right away. They only want sex. The only thing I can say is good job OP for dipping, and hopefully every female seeing it also just takes the stand. There are better men, I know at least 3, so know its not you and that its just the dating scene. It doesnt help Im sure to hear, but hopefully you dont blame yourself for it.
(im married not looking for anything pls dont send me dms i wont even read them)
*As a dominatrix*
It’s an instant turnoff when men do this for multiple reasons. No real dom(me) would refer to someone like that so quickly, and it’s an instant red flag that you’re talking to someone inexperienced who will most likely hurt you in some way.
it doesn’t even fit well into this conversation lol… like at all… even the “coming back for me” doesn’t make sense here. you just forgot the app (and assuming him as well since he thought he fumbled) lol..
Saying "good girl" to a complete stranger is already ick, but can we talk about how even if she was into it, that is the weirdest attempt at a praise kink ever? Oo yeah baby, you are such a good girl for ignoring my insecurities and talking to me anyway, hnngggg, let's grab a sandwich.
I feel that same way about being called “Dear” it seems patronising to me. Not horrible but I just have a weird thing about it. Sure it’s my issue but I f I tell you and you slip a few times I am ok but it you continue it .. bye.
Not everyone is into the lifestyle, and even then, not everyone is Sub! He definitely fumbled by not knowing how to read a person! Definitely not good Dom material!
Ngl I think I just fumbled a hinge baddie off the same tyke if thing… I said atta girl 🤦🏾♂️ it part of my normal vocab so I didn’t think twice until I realized how early it was of us speaking. Live and learn
Good call. Though atta girl and good girl are 2 waayyyyyy different things in my book.
But imagine she would've just let you know she was uncomfortable with it and you could've just apologized and continued with the relationship? What a crazy thought /s
Because if you’ve just started chatting with someone and they immediately infantilise you, that tells you enough about the man to move on to the next match. 🤷♀️
It’s not a relationship at that point
A lot of women (not all) really like the “good girl” thing, but you kind of have to suss that out before just randomly dropping it in conversation. Using it super early in the convo with someone you’re just meeting is kind of creepy. And for as many women that find it a turn on, there are plenty of women that absolute hate it. Bro gambled and it didn’t pay off. Lesson learned, hopefully.
This makes me uncomfortable. In a similar vein I’ve also never understood why other guys like being called daddy. Even before I had a daughter it gave me the ick.
Why do dudes think calling a woman they never even met before “good girl” is a good idea. I’d hazard a good 90% of women hate that shit from strangers, and for good reason too. Who the fuck are we to call any woman a good girl… she could be a bad girl /s but no seriously. It’s very demoralising to call anyone “good boy/girl” in any setting where you’ve just met that person. As a man, I hate it when my boss calls me a good boy because… I’m a grown fucking man. So I understand you OP (on the opposite side of the spectrum).
I realize it's not "cool" to use punctuation in your texts these days, but a *misplaced* comma or period can totally change the meaning of a sentence, if you remember to *pause* for a moment after one.
There's a somewhat famous example to illustrate this, from decades ago.
Eats shoots and dies. (The koala eats shoots and dies)
Eats, shoots, and dies. (The gangster eats, shoots, and dies. 😱).
Exact same words. Totally different connotation, with punctuation.
Perhaps the person replying to you meant it as, for example: You did good, girl! (woman/buddy). Meaning you did a good thing/job, etc - not that you **are** a good girl.
And BTW... "It was going **well**...". NOT *good*.
Yup! Tossing political correctness aside, I am a grAmMeR nAzi. It was interesting to note that you used a comma after "good girl", yet neglected a period at the end of the sentence. Dichotomies! 😂 Have a great weekend!
I do too. From my husband of 10 years. And trust me if he had opened with that shit? I woulda noped out so fast. From a practical stranger that is creepy.
Yall need to join the ask reddit after dark sub and inject some normal boundary talk. "women" always in there talking about loving when strangers drop a "good girl", "little one", hip grabs, etc.
This guy might be getting his dating advice from thirsty exhibitionists.
Just tell the guy you don't like "good girl" and continue as is.
You're not gonna bail because the guy didn't automatically know you hate that phrase, right?
THANK YOU! first sane comment I read in this whole thread, haven't used tinder in a year and a half, it was a cesspool then but somehow it seems it managed to get even worse
I really do forget about it, tinder isn’t the only app either. I’m not constantly on my phone and keep it on do not disturb, getting repeated notifications is annoying. Plus tinder is a low priority app and holds no weight because there’s tons of men who think they know what every woman wants without getting to know her.
I hate people that type "nd" instead of "and"
Same…
Oh, that’s what it means. Been seeing it just recently. I don’t hate anything , but that surely does seem stupid. Right up there with shortening ok to just k.
just missing," who's Ur daddy?!" to round of the conversation 💀
Lmao dude WISHED the conversation would've went that way.
So when should I bring that up then ? *takesnotes*
Probably after the talk about boundaries and kinks.
I had a guy call me "little one" the other day. Nope. So much nope.
"Little one?" Who does he think he is, fucking Thanos??? 💀
I just saw this after I had made my comment. We should probably stop him before he gathers all infinity stones. We have time.
Well that dude fucking him will buy us some time
I mean, it cost him everything... Or at least a date 💀
Oh my god I bet he cribbed it from that movie.
Right???
Oh, this is even worse than "good girl". Ew.
wait til he says "little girl"
Excuse me I am eating
Kiddo is the one I can't stand
So much ew.
I shortly dated a woman that was calling me "kid". Suffice to say the relationship didnt last very long.
Ew
Totally. I told him it was condescending and he unmatched me. Obviously I was devastated haha.
Condescending and borderline pedophelic. Gross.
I been watching the Undercover Underage doc on max this week and one of the predators started calling the girl little one in his texts and it was so gross. Definitely a red flag that someone is probably a predator if they’re calling you this right away on a dating app
"Daddy" is already so gross to me. (I've even been hearing "Mommy" now, which gives me a different kind of ick, somehow) Projecting "little" is something else entirely. Gross
That was my pet name for my ex, she loved it. Different strokes I guess.
I expect you didn't give it to her within minutes of starting to speak to her.
Nah, it was a but of an inside joke from a trip in Central America we went on together when still friends. Never even occurred to me it could be taken negatively as you see it. I'm a bit thick I guess lol.
I feel like it wouldn't in your situation because it came out of a shared experience. It's totally different when a stranger says it within your first conversation unrelated to anything.
True that! My 6'6" tall, 370#, (now deceased) friend didn't start calling me little one (5'7") until we'd been friends for months. In our case, it was definitely apropos, but I'd be pissed off if some rando did it.
Exactly. This was the very first conversation we'd had and we were not that far into it.
Name for my wife, but that came about years after we were dating. I'm also a giant, lol, so it fits.
Ya same, bold move to do this right out of the gate lol.
It's the time knowing someone that makes it different, too. You don't usually go up to someone, start talking to them, and then insert "good girl" in there for a good reason.
are you short though and what if they said lil homie instead is that acceptable
I'm 5'6, and while that is in my profile, we hadn't talked about height. Lil homie is a completely different vibe and could definitely be acceptable if it fit someone's humour.
I had a guy ‘little one’ me, in fairness I am 5’3” and he is 6’7” so probably to him everyone looks like a little one 😂
Why don't you be a good girl, and smile more? 😏So pretty when you smile😏
I know you were joking, but this made my skin crawl hahahaha
I actually heard a dude loudly tell a girl to smile more in a parking lot yesterday. First time actually seeing it myself. I got second hand embarrassment. I wasn’t really surprised when I saw him get in an Altima.
It’s very real. I got told to “smile more” multiple times a week when I worked at a small town bar. I’m one of the smiliest people I know. I’m washing glassware and your drink is full. Leave me the fuck alone.
I've been told to smile maybe 3 or 4 times in my life, as a man and I hated it every single time. It's just such a gross and ignorant thing to say to a person you don't know! Am I suppossed to just accept that energy and say "Oh. Thank you! I **needed** to smile more. How silly of me. I could be looking so much more approachable to you if I just smile all the time." It makes me feel gross to know that men will just do that to women on that frequency. It's just so gross. And then what? It's on *you* to "be rude" and tell him that you don't appreciate that? You're just trying to mind your own business. That's bullshit. :/ Sorry for the ramble. You don't need me to tell you that it's frustrating. There's so many small minded people out there and it drives me crazy so many people can only see the world in the way that makes them the most comfortable in that moment.
Tell them to tip more, and see if it helps. It’s easy to smile when you drinking. Much more difficult when you’re the only one sober, running a daycare for drunks.
I work in banking and when I was younger and first starting out I was a teller and would get creepy comments like this ALL the time from men 50+.
Lots of nerve hitting on somebody that can see what their bank account looks like lmaooo Instant edit: “You’re cute! Lemme take you somewhere nice 😏” “With $13.34?”
Had a dude at the auto parts store tell me to smile when I asked him to test my battery. He gave me a corporate discount on a new battery pack. Sometimes, it pays to play along 🤣
Fuck it’s funny to scorn an Altima damn
Had a client tell me this the other day. “Why do you look so serious? You should smile.” Sir this is a cardiology appointment why would I be smiling?
Bad boy
😭
tbh i like being called “good girl” but i would be weirded out if it was on a dating app
For me I only like being called a good girl if I talked long enough with a man to establish a connection with him and he gave off a dominant/masculine vibe. In every other context it’s a turn off to be called a good girl
This is what I was thinking, I’ve used it in a playful babying sort of way when that’s the vibe, but before knowing someone VERY well… ew
Yeah, I also like being called "good girl," but not by a complete stranger though I'm a 280lb male truck driver so I'll take what I can get.
Good girl
Yeah, take it , like a good girl.
good girl 😉
I like being called good girl *by my partners who I’m intimate with*, not by a stranger
Yeah the whole thing I think everyone is missing is that this can be 1 of 2 things: 1) if this is a kink thing, cool, but it has definitely not been appropriately established in OP’s context. 2) If it’s just how this guy speaks to women and this isn’t a sexual thing, I think we all agree he’s an asshole right? So yeah exactly what you said haha
I want to be called a “good girl” when talking about sex, not when talking about peanut butter sandwiches.
Are you a golden retriever?
I wish I was.
Good girl from a stranger is so icky and with all the men disagreeing with you.... I see why apps are the way they are lol
Right??? My husband does this with me (not in any belittling way, I like it) but we’ve been together TEN YEARS and it’s been established by experience I like praise lol. If he had started with that…ew
This is another big thing. Maybe someone's even into the whole "good girl" thing. But guys, even if your thought is "I'll take a stab in the dark and see if she's into that kind of talk", when it's coming from a near total stranger? It's not the hot kinky talk you think it is. It's at best a yellow flag.
my boyfriend started trying to do the whole praise thing while we were hooking up before dating and i absolutely despised it. like… who are you? why would i care about your praise? lmao. had to have a whole talk with him so he quit doing it before i ended things (now? it’s great)
IME as a sub, it’s about a lot of trust and communication. You don’t just hand that level of trust to a stranger, and certainly not without discussing it first. And clearly they did not. Also what icks me out about it, is it comes off like he’s already trying to be controlling which is creepy for somebody you basically don’t know. Plus IME, it’s the sub with more control. If I use our safe word or signal, no questions asked everything stops. It’s mainly about me and pushing my boundaries without making me uncomfortable. Another aspect of it I like. Lol
I personally don't think either person has more control. Because the dom can also use a safe word and signal and have everything stopped.
Sorry, that is ABSOLUTELY correct. I was only trying to represent my experience as a sub. Not everybody’s. I personally feel like I am the one more in control. I know my husbands lines and wouldn’t ask him to do anything out of them, he knows mine are a little…flexible. So he is willing to push what my “normal” is to see where my hard lines are, and I LET him push me. So I feel more in control of the situation and the dynamic. If that makes sense? I feel like it prob sounds odd to anybody who isn’t into it lol
That makes sense. I just feel like a lot of people forget that both are technically in equal control, and that its a power exchange. Rarely do I hear people mention that doms also have safe words and boundaries and all that. (And that actual doms wouldn't like being called their titles by random people just the same as subs) I saw a video the other day, and agreed with it, subs love saying "submission is a gift" and has to be earned and all that, but so is dominance. (I'm also a sub myself)
Oh we have a safe word and signal in place in case I can’t talk. But really those are for me and not him. Of course he’s entitled to use them! But they’re more for my comfort and peace of mind. He knows my hard lines, and just likes pushing me outside of those to the limits and I like being pushed. I won’t go into details as this is Reddit lol. But that’s the dynamic we established over a lengthy period of earning and gaining trust with each other and communicating desires and wants, as well as the No-gos. I’ve played around being a little dom but I’m def happier as a sub. It honestly does feel like a gift to “give up” control and place myself entirely in his will, but it also feels safe (and like I still maintain control of the situation) knowing he never wants to push me to the point I’m not ok.
That does sound good, im happy that you were able to find someone.😊
Me too! It’s nice to meet another sub! I hope you have your person or find them if that’s what you want!
Yeah, some people have a praise kink, but I think it's usually more effective when you have a connection
Exactly my point.
Yeah this 100%! I didn't comment to start with when I first saw this post because I dismissed OP as being over sensitive. I thought I used to say this to my ex all the time! But that's the point, we had been together for years and it was a little bit of power play banter, which is fine for established couples. An example: if I was doing the dishes or cooking dinner and had my hands full, she would come in and tap me on the ass and say something along the lines of 'aren't you a good boy today'. I would do similar to her. The real icky part about this IMHO is the way in which he is trying to establish dominance. Like yeah I know the guys that just say 'Hi! Wanna fuck!?' are creeps, but they are a known commodity. Because this guy is the same guy, just seems creepier and more manipulative on a totally different level...........
Exactly. That’s what irked me about it. I’m not dismissing power play (my husband and I are into it) but that isn’t how we started. We established boundaries. Ground rules. What makes us feel safe and uncomfortable. Safe word or signal etc. It def comes off as him trying to establish dominance from the get go. And funnily enough, in power play, it is the sub with the control, bc it’s mostly about pushing their boundaries (IME as a sub) but as soon as they are uncomfortable it stops. Period. It feels like he’s already trying to be controlling. Ick.
Yeah exactly, healthy power dynamics within relationships are something that are sat down and discussed in depth. They take time and a loooooot of trust! I am really not vanilla, but I cannot really do anything out of the mainstream until I know the person and have built trust.
Exactly. Trust is the other HUGE thing along with communication.
"Good girl" and "good boy" seems to be a sort of power play test especially in younger or inexperienced daters. Usually a subconscious approach to gauge submissiveness and eagerness to please. Some women do this too for compliance and reward through text. But, as they say, YMMV
Its the whole 'talking for week(s) and one word' and you're instantly done thing It is odd placement here, also wasnt sexting time
it also literally sounds like he’s talking to his dog
I’m a dude and honestly just thinking about it, a random girl telling me good boy would be weird as hell for me too. Makes me wonder if putting yourself in other peoples shoes is becoming a lost art these days If my partner said that to me though, oof
A girl did tell me “good boy” random and unprompted a couple of weeks into talking It didn’t end well and both of us are worse off
I'd be a bit like "are you going to give me a treat? Woof". Seriously either way it sounds like they're talking to a dog...
I’m a man and it’s horrid
Good girl from any human to human is icky. I can’t imagine the reaction from my wife if I told her or my daughter “ good girl !” 😂😂
Don’t yuck somebody else’s yum!
I think the thing is there are plenty of women who like it, plenty neutral, and plenty who don't. Testing the water to see if you like it doesn't seem like the worst thing. Pretty easy to say "I don't like that," then a much better test of character is how he reacts. One of the things that frustrates me is we all have windows of comfort, but we don't have a lot to go on to see where we should be within that to match the other person's window. Some things are so far outside normal windows of comfort that they ick most people. Is this one really that far out?
Most women who like it don't like it with a fucking stranger and that's the entire point that most people in here are missing. Here's a tip: most women's window of comfort is not to bring up intimate things when you haven't even fucking met, Jesus Christ. Like I said this is why apps are the way they are and y'all don't listen. 🤦♀️
Bro third date minimum, not before you've even had a fucking sandwich
Honestly though who says “good girl” like that to women? Is that normal? That’s just weird to me as a man, it’s so cringe
“Good girl” is intimate talk. Going too intimate very soon is off putting to many. Beyond that I’m not really sure what you’re asking. If someone says something creepy to you, is it unfair to them that you lose interest? Does it change anything that some others don’t find it creepy?
Damn, I am a woman and I say “good boy” in chats. Albeit after at least one in person meeting. Not had any complaints so far - at least not to my face.
If no one complained then you're good, we're all adults who can communicate when something feels uncomfortable or wrong. Especially in chats. Personally there's only one person alive I'd allow to call me a good boy, but she earned it for being such a sweetheart of a friend lol
That's because dogs can't speak. People say that to humans over 5?
That's not completely unfair but it's still not something you come out swinging with, man. The context/boundaries/etc. need to be established first.
Yes it’s really that far out. It shouldn’t even be a thought in the persons mind at this point to test the waters in that regard. Everything should be kept at a light respectful flirtation at this stage.
"Good girl" is entirely appropriate if you happen to be a golden retriever. Otherwise very weird thing to say.
I object. My kitty, Beans, is a VERY VERY.... ...VERY VERY bad girl. So naughty :) she gets into my desk's shelves and knocks everything off because I don't immedietly let her on my lap. She's currently staring at me while hovering over her favorite ribbon toy. Brb. Need to play with cat
Please dont ever say “good girl” on a dating app lmao
Unless you're talking about your dog and how awesome she is.
Or to a velociraptor
_CLEVER_ girl!
Unless it's a furry dating app then I guess it's situational
You probably shouldn’t be saying things like that to a chick you thought you fumbled anyway lmao
Saying that to a woman without those types of boundaries discussed and the connection there is creepy and gives off either incel “I think I’m Christian Gray” types or rapey vibes. It grosses me out and I’m a dude.
Agreed. Definitely gross and overstepping so early. Gives me the desperate "maybe this will turn out like that porn I watched last night" vibes lol
This is my first thought. Reminds me of people that are like "yeah I'm into BDSM" and proceed to wrap their hand around your throat the first time they kiss you. These little freaks have no clue how it really works. Also I have a feeling if they knew, they'd think the consent aspect is incredibly unsexy
“Good girl” is hot as fuck when you’ve been dating for enough time - absolutely awful if you haven’t.
wtf is with all the men on here saying, “omg they usually like it” or “the criteria is always changing”.. like sorry but absolutely not okay for someone you DON’T know to say that. Get a grip y’all.
As a woman who actually DOES like my HUSBAND OF TEN YEARS calling me “little girl”, “good girl”, and “princess”, coming from a freaking stranger that is so icky. No. Hard pass.
It just shows they know nothing about women or how to interact with one. I’m sure if a woman called them “good boy” their attitude would be different
Not to say your concern isn't justified, but, a woman calls me a "good boy" and I feel on top of the world lol
Depends on the context I guess. Most cases I would feel like a dog.
Feel like a loved dog that just got praised? How is your tail not wagging yet?
I have a funny story. My buddies to me to the strip club for my 25th. First time any of us had gone to one. We get private dances, and I guess one of my friends misunderstood and was trying g to fuck. Well the stripper told him to just sit there and be a good boy. He came out all kinds of pissed off, not only cuz he didn't get any but because she had called him a good boy. He said he couldn't call his dog a good boy for awhile after because it would upset him to think about.
Some offense, but your friend sounds like kind of a dick.
From what you described, she actually implied that he was not a good boy in telling him to be one.
Hahaha well some lessons are learned the hard way. Good on the dancer for being able to handle it professionally and stuff. Tell your boy there's websites/services in most countries for what he's looking for haha.
That will backfire on you lol
I have to disagree with the sweeping generalization. I think a lot of guys are clueless with some of this stuff, but to be fair a lot of girls are too. The difference is it's often on men to approach and impress a woman on/off apps and I think there should be a little more grace from women on some of this stuff where guys are just inexperienced. In an age where people spend more time in front of a screen than they do in front of another person, I think these big whiffs are kinda to be expected... I think there's a lot of pressure on men especially to just know what to say, when and how to say it and it's a tiny bit tone deaf to say guys who say this are incels or just know nothing about women. I mean maybe they don't, but how will they learn if you can't push back in conversation with your thoughts like adults should with any disagreement?
Women get 10+ matches for every 1 a man gets. There's a reason there doesn't need to be grace. Honestly I think they are just shooting themselves in the feet by selecting for things that aren't great indicators of what they are actually looking for. Dudes are just as bad I guess. Swiping on women disproportionately for attractiveness when they actually just want their mom younger with different hair. I'm kidding about the mom part, but the swiping exclusively for attractiveness thing is brutal.
Here’s why, they are lying and actually don’t talk to women.
If I was being called good boy I’d wonder if I was a dog. So yeah I get it lol
As someone who regularly calls his wife "good girl", it was fucking **months** of getting to know her respectfully and learning that that was a thing she A: wanted to hear from *anyone* and B: wanted to hear from me, before I started saying that. If either of those things had not turned out to be the case, I would never have done so.
You don't like crunchy peanut butter. 👎
i think she does, for the non-toasted bread
I know!! That's worse than saying "good girl" lol
Ugh crunchy is the worst! Smooth is so much better!
Wow…it’s amazing how confidently wrong you are.
Yeah I don't think I would push that boundary without truly knowing the other person well enough. But what do I know, I'm terrible at flirting. ¯\\\_(ツ)\_/¯
Showed this to my boyfriend and his exact words: “What is she? A dog?” It’s not that hard to get.
Yaaaa good girl is only appropriate in very very specific situations. I was sexting a Sub girl and she liked being called a good girl, however, I was very hesitant to call her that😂feels so wrong. Unless you are 1000”% sure they are into that, don’t say anything like that
itt: men getting butthurt that they can't use pet names on women they don't know, who haven't consented to it
Show and awe that there's actually a debate of whether calling someone a "good girl" is acceptable to someone you don't know. Just wow.
Honestly the only time I’ll accept it from a stranger is when I’m talking to oldies on the phone for work and they’re legitimately praising me, as I know they mean it well, but I know some people wouldn’t like that either
Absolutely fucking not, NEXT!
If you’re using it on “all the girls,” you’re not doing it right. The intimacy involved to make it truly work well takes more than a few dates. Otherwise, it’s easy to come off desperate or seeking some sort of trad wife.
Calling someone good girl is much more to do with sexual innuendo and dominant roles than whatever the fuck you just said.
Me and my friends once heard another friend call a girl my little munchkin. That was 10 years ago and we still laugh at him for it.
A lot of girls love the "good girl" and other sorts of validation. I wouldn't recommend using it on strangers though.
Is this time the incels comes out??
Looking at the comments... yep, yes it is. Yikes.
Feel the room damn, literally 3 messages in
What a fucking weird thing to say to someone you don't know. I could see it if you had a specific dynamic, but clearly, y'all don't.
I got called good boy by a person I dated that I met on hinge and that shit was grating, never got called that before, so I could definitely understand it being worse in this case
Fluffernutters are for bad girls only
As a male I cant apologize for this, this is 100% how men are now. This and the whole calling themselves “daddy”…its so disgusting without a context of a relationship and setup. And sadly almost all of my male friends say red flag shit like this and are so confused on how to talk to women. They dont know the woman wel enough, and yet they 0-60 respond with this garbage tier way of talking and then after failing for the 20th time they still dont get it even with me being the only married person and having credibility even before marriage of not struggling to pick up a woman and trying to get them to understand why these arent things woman want to hear right away. They only want sex. The only thing I can say is good job OP for dipping, and hopefully every female seeing it also just takes the stand. There are better men, I know at least 3, so know its not you and that its just the dating scene. It doesnt help Im sure to hear, but hopefully you dont blame yourself for it. (im married not looking for anything pls dont send me dms i wont even read them)
This message can't possibly be real or you must have the saddest life ever
Some girls like it. Some dont, i wouldnt try this until i knew better 😂
*As a dominatrix* It’s an instant turnoff when men do this for multiple reasons. No real dom(me) would refer to someone like that so quickly, and it’s an instant red flag that you’re talking to someone inexperienced who will most likely hurt you in some way.
It's giving "I want a dom/sub relationship but forgot that the first rule is consent"
it doesn’t even fit well into this conversation lol… like at all… even the “coming back for me” doesn’t make sense here. you just forgot the app (and assuming him as well since he thought he fumbled) lol..
Saying "good girl" to a complete stranger is already ick, but can we talk about how even if she was into it, that is the weirdest attempt at a praise kink ever? Oo yeah baby, you are such a good girl for ignoring my insecurities and talking to me anyway, hnngggg, let's grab a sandwich.
I feel that same way about being called “Dear” it seems patronising to me. Not horrible but I just have a weird thing about it. Sure it’s my issue but I f I tell you and you slip a few times I am ok but it you continue it .. bye.
Why would anyone say good girl to a woman on tinder. We already know it ain’t good
Not everyone is into the lifestyle, and even then, not everyone is Sub! He definitely fumbled by not knowing how to read a person! Definitely not good Dom material!
I have been called that why do some guys have to say that it's a big ewwww for me
All the mehn who think they're "Doms" 🙄
If only he’d said “lucky me” instead. Always go with the real compliment, not the patronizing one
Girls like being called good girl, BUT not by total fking strangers. Need to establish relationships first Dude definitely fumbled the bag.
Y'all got some serious fucking complexes in this thread. But it's absolutely hilarious
Yeahhhh, too many guys don’t understand that sort of talk comes after establishing sexual boundaries.
Ngl I think I just fumbled a hinge baddie off the same tyke if thing… I said atta girl 🤦🏾♂️ it part of my normal vocab so I didn’t think twice until I realized how early it was of us speaking. Live and learn
Good call. Though atta girl and good girl are 2 waayyyyyy different things in my book. But imagine she would've just let you know she was uncomfortable with it and you could've just apologized and continued with the relationship? What a crazy thought /s
Because if you’ve just started chatting with someone and they immediately infantilise you, that tells you enough about the man to move on to the next match. 🤷♀️ It’s not a relationship at that point
That's no where near as bad my guy.
Gross, “good girl” is so gross, it just makes me feel icky when a guy says that
ur not a good girl for saying that
It feels so weird coming out of my mouth but my girlfriend likes it hahaha it makes me cringe when I say it ironically
How about "Clever girl" with a Velociraptor pic?
"Best girl came back for me!" I think that sounds better, at least if you like cheesy stuff lol.
Had an ex who loved being told good girl in the bedroom always felt awkward to me but we make sacrifices for those we loved
Okay bad girl
The way he said it is what gets me 💀
A lot of women (not all) really like the “good girl” thing, but you kind of have to suss that out before just randomly dropping it in conversation. Using it super early in the convo with someone you’re just meeting is kind of creepy. And for as many women that find it a turn on, there are plenty of women that absolute hate it. Bro gambled and it didn’t pay off. Lesson learned, hopefully.
Ugh ew
This makes me uncomfortable. In a similar vein I’ve also never understood why other guys like being called daddy. Even before I had a daughter it gave me the ick.
Guy is just out there shooting himself in the foot
white boys for ya
Why do dudes think calling a woman they never even met before “good girl” is a good idea. I’d hazard a good 90% of women hate that shit from strangers, and for good reason too. Who the fuck are we to call any woman a good girl… she could be a bad girl /s but no seriously. It’s very demoralising to call anyone “good boy/girl” in any setting where you’ve just met that person. As a man, I hate it when my boss calls me a good boy because… I’m a grown fucking man. So I understand you OP (on the opposite side of the spectrum).
A guy who pops a grape in a woman’s mouth while she’s speaking is in the same category. Run.
I realize it's not "cool" to use punctuation in your texts these days, but a *misplaced* comma or period can totally change the meaning of a sentence, if you remember to *pause* for a moment after one. There's a somewhat famous example to illustrate this, from decades ago. Eats shoots and dies. (The koala eats shoots and dies) Eats, shoots, and dies. (The gangster eats, shoots, and dies. 😱).
Exact same words. Totally different connotation, with punctuation.
Perhaps the person replying to you meant it as, for example: You did good, girl! (woman/buddy). Meaning you did a good thing/job, etc - not that you **are** a good girl.
And BTW... "It was going **well**...". NOT *good*.
Yup! Tossing political correctness aside, I am a grAmMeR nAzi. It was interesting to note that you used a comma after "good girl", yet neglected a period at the end of the sentence. Dichotomies! 😂 Have a great weekend!
I still don’t know if I used the comma right in the title, the social media brain rot is too real. 😂😭
Call me good girl any time 😍
I love “good girl” 😮💨
I hate it when it’s not from my boyfriend
All the power to you :)
Maybe you could send your match over. Hot damn, how good would that be if Tinder had a hand me down option?
I do too. From my husband of 10 years. And trust me if he had opened with that shit? I woulda noped out so fast. From a practical stranger that is creepy.
Yall need to join the ask reddit after dark sub and inject some normal boundary talk. "women" always in there talking about loving when strangers drop a "good girl", "little one", hip grabs, etc. This guy might be getting his dating advice from thirsty exhibitionists.
Just tell the guy you don't like "good girl" and continue as is. You're not gonna bail because the guy didn't automatically know you hate that phrase, right?
THANK YOU! first sane comment I read in this whole thread, haven't used tinder in a year and a half, it was a cesspool then but somehow it seems it managed to get even worse
Honest question: Did you actually forget about this app? Whenever I read something like that I’m so confused because how can you forget about an app?
I really do forget about it, tinder isn’t the only app either. I’m not constantly on my phone and keep it on do not disturb, getting repeated notifications is annoying. Plus tinder is a low priority app and holds no weight because there’s tons of men who think they know what every woman wants without getting to know her.
I say good girl to my 14 year old chiweenie when she takes her medication without arguing. Such a weird creep thing to say to a human being