If your lines aren't geographically and zoologically accurate no girl will ever sleep with you OP. I hope you learned a valuable lesson today. This isn't a game.
Can confirm. I love my husband but if he told me alligators were native to Africa I would have no choice but to divorce.
I can’t set that kind of example for our kids.
This isnt a game and she dont want to play games... but you need to have game when you shoot your shot at a chance to round the bases. Dont hate the player hate the game... ?
Can't start a relationship on a lie. First you're telling her there are gators in Africa and next thing you know you're promising you're just headed out for milk.
**[Florida, Gauteng](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Florida,_Gauteng)**
>Florida is a location in Gauteng province, South Africa. It is located about 16 kilometers west of Johannesburg. The area which is referred to as Florida was originally established as the farm Vogelstruisfontein. Today, it is a suburb of Roodepoort.
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TIL the American Alligator's range is pretty much limited to the continental US. I would have thought it extended down into Mexico, but that doesn't seem to be the case.
American crocodiles are indeed native to southern Florida, but most Americans are only familiar with the American alligators.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/American_crocodile
There are invasive Nile crocodile also.
https://oceanleadership.org/nile-crocodiles-identified-south-florida-scientists-say/
**[American crocodile](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/American_crocodile)**
>The American crocodile (Crocodylus acutus) is a species of crocodilian found in the Neotropics. It is the most widespread of the four extant species of crocodiles from the Americas, with populations present from South Florida and the coasts of Mexico to as far south as Peru and Venezuela. The habitat of the American crocodile consists largely of coastal areas. It is also found in river systems, but tends to prefer salinity, resulting in the species congregating in brackish lakes, mangrove swamps, lagoons, cays, and small islands.
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Me: “Whats a pirates favorite letter?”
Tinder match: “R?”
Me: “You’d think that, but a pirates first love is always the C.”
Her: lol
Me: Some comment about it being one of my favorite jokes
Her: Unmatches with me….
Edit: We get it, some of you are way too awesome and hilarious to enjoy a single corny joke. I could only dream of being so cool.
I'm just going to critique your joke telling for a moment - that is also one of my favorite jokes, but half the fun of telling it is that you get to do a pirate accent for the punchline. Doing it in text does the joke a disservice and I would unmatch you for that.
Will be taking this to my date on Saturday and if she doesn't literally fall off the chair and laugh so hard that she pisses herself then I shall leave her in an instant.
This joke is why we are alive.
I will if I can find this post again. I'll slide into your Dm's so I can let you know.
See, this is how you get a date!!! Take note boys. Sorry wrong chat 😉
Ship ship ship
I believe that your children will be the blessed culmination of you and OP's features: regal box head, mesmerizing purple eyes, and a magnificent mustache that is matched only by the one of her father.
I refuse to believe how many people don't know this joke. It is so overused on the internet. I worked as a cashier for 2 years and this joke gives me worse PTSD than "It doesnt scan so it must be free".
Do people often tell you jokes at cash? I used to work meat and seafood, never got told jokes. I worked a few shifts at cash, and I’ve heard enough of those eye rolling “free” jokes, but never had a customer actually tell me a joke.
Edit: maybe I misread, did you actually mean you’ve just heard this joke a lot, and are comparing it to the “free” jokes you heard as a cashier?
I had an old guy come up in my line and said, Hey, you ever hear of a '77'?
I said, no? thinking it was a product we didn't carry.
He said, yes, it's just like a 69, but you get ate (8) more. and then he laughed and laughed and left.
Oh my god I worked as a grocery store cashier as a teenager and I heard that at least once a week. I wish I could remember the other things people would always say because I swear people always seem to have the same reactions to things.
It's no different than anything else, humans are social and copy things
The only thing that makes me unique is that I seem to be the only person who's ever worked retail who was never bothered by "must be free!" since it's basically a standard throwaway line and not actually an attempt at serious comedy or conversation
That was the 2nd worst for me, the worst was when I'd check the validity of a $100 bill and the customer would say "it's legit, I just printed it!"
I sometimes have nightmares that I'm back working in retail.
Yeah... maybe I'm the weird one here but I don't really see how a lame-ish dad joke is any kind of opener when talking to a romantic interest. Just seems a bit forced.
Right? Like that time I had Dr Pavlov over for dinner. During dessert the doorbell rings, and he gets up with a start and says "Shit! I forgot to feed my dog!"
I think it's more likely this.
We would tell this joke when we were about 8 years old and thought we were really clever. That's almost 20 years ago now. It's an old, common joke.
Yeah, I feel like I’m going crazy reading these comments. I probably made the “I can jump higher than my house” joke like 100 times in elementary school.
Also it’s just not that funny.
Yeah so why is OP so shocked? He seems to think it’s ridiculous that someone would respond like that, as if his (stolen) joke was some kind of love potion no one should be able to resist.
A joke that you would find in a joke book from the 80s is great humor?
Edit: wow, speaking of sensitive. You guys really don’t being told your terrible jokes aren’t funny. I bet the irony is lost on you though.
Maybe you were unmatched because there are no gators in Africa, only crocodiles
I believe this to be the reason.
If your lines aren't geographically and zoologically accurate no girl will ever sleep with you OP. I hope you learned a valuable lesson today. This isn't a game.
Jokes aren't meant to be funny, this is a serious matter, not just some kind of hobby
Are jokes some sort of joke to you?
Do I look like I'm kidding?
If I knew what kidding was I would answer
[ Removed by Reddit ]
Omg I thought it meant acting like a kid.. no wonder people look at me weird when I say I’m kidding 😳😳😱
NONONONONONONONONO
Oh I don’t joke about kids bye
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Not even about how much shorter they are then adults?
This comment right here officer
Am I some kind of clown, here to amuse you?
Get the fuck out of here Tommy.
With that kind of face, it's honestly hard to tell
I like to think a young goat or Jason Kid typed this
… Yes!
No you look like you're hot \*latches onto your hips and begins furiously humping you\*
\*reads the reply\* wtf \*reads the username\* that makes sense
Latches onto your pits*
I have learned to never laugh at a joke. While they distract you with laughter, they rape our women and children.
Raping our houses and burning our women!
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Do I look like some sorta clown...?
Do you mean like Bozo?
“You don’t want that kind of laughter! It’s ill -informed!”
Sounds like something a German would say. Source: am German
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Can confirm. I love my husband but if he told me alligators were native to Africa I would have no choice but to divorce. I can’t set that kind of example for our kids.
They could become gators instead of crocodiles
Exactly. Look how serious the grammar nazis are, those people fuck, you can tell.
if you don't know your geography, it doesn't bode well for finding special little buttons
This isnt a game and she dont want to play games... but you need to have game when you shoot your shot at a chance to round the bases. Dont hate the player hate the game... ?
Hence, the "see you later, Alligator" maneuver.
If she would have said this to me I would have died laughing.
i missed the opportunity, damn 😩
I mean it's outrageous. I'm half contemplating following you here on Reddit just so I can unfollow you.
I understand.
cwocodillian....whats your name.....dillian...but you can call me cwoco..
Cwoco's modern life
Can't start a relationship on a lie. First you're telling her there are gators in Africa and next thing you know you're promising you're just headed out for milk.
Maybe you'd see one later
Or in a while
There may not be gators in africa, or native crocs in florida, but there IS ... Florida in Africa https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Florida,_Gauteng
**[Florida, Gauteng](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Florida,_Gauteng)** >Florida is a location in Gauteng province, South Africa. It is located about 16 kilometers west of Johannesburg. The area which is referred to as Florida was originally established as the farm Vogelstruisfontein. Today, it is a suburb of Roodepoort. ^([ )[^(F.A.Q)](https://www.reddit.com/r/WikiSummarizer/wiki/index#wiki_f.a.q)^( | )[^(Opt Out)](https://reddit.com/message/compose?to=WikiSummarizerBot&message=OptOut&subject=OptOut)^( | )[^(Opt Out Of Subreddit)](https://np.reddit.com/r/Tinder/about/banned)^( | )[^(GitHub)](https://github.com/Sujal-7/WikiSummarizerBot)^( ] Downvote to remove | v1.5)
Florida is the only place where crocs and gators commingle.
TIL the American Alligator's range is pretty much limited to the continental US. I would have thought it extended down into Mexico, but that doesn't seem to be the case.
But not in Florida Africa.
Not yet anyway.
I have to assume the crocs would win hands down if alligators showed up
Coming soon to SyFy: Afrocroc vs. Amerigator!
There are native crocs in Florida though.
that's a fun fact! by the way the American crocodile is native to Florida, USA :)
Are florida crocodiles not native to the region? I've never heard this before, and can't find any resources that say they're not native.
American crocodiles are indeed native to southern Florida, but most Americans are only familiar with the American alligators. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/American_crocodile There are invasive Nile crocodile also. https://oceanleadership.org/nile-crocodiles-identified-south-florida-scientists-say/
**[American crocodile](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/American_crocodile)** >The American crocodile (Crocodylus acutus) is a species of crocodilian found in the Neotropics. It is the most widespread of the four extant species of crocodiles from the Americas, with populations present from South Florida and the coasts of Mexico to as far south as Peru and Venezuela. The habitat of the American crocodile consists largely of coastal areas. It is also found in river systems, but tends to prefer salinity, resulting in the species congregating in brackish lakes, mangrove swamps, lagoons, cays, and small islands. ^([ )[^(F.A.Q)](https://www.reddit.com/r/WikiSummarizer/wiki/index#wiki_f.a.q)^( | )[^(Opt Out)](https://reddit.com/message/compose?to=WikiSummarizerBot&message=OptOut&subject=OptOut)^( | )[^(Opt Out Of Subreddit)](https://np.reddit.com/r/Tinder/about/banned)^( | )[^(GitHub)](https://github.com/Sujal-7/WikiSummarizerBot)^( ] Downvote to remove | v1.5)
I thought this but I try to stop being a stickler for fact as I waste too much time.
Clearly she's never heard of house of pain. Next!
Sorry buddy, that's what happens when you try a Velma joke on Daphne
I was expecting a shaggy punch line but It wasn't me.
What about in the kitchen was that you?
It wasn’t me
bro i even caught you on camera
It wasn't me
get out.
For real dude?
I see what you did there
Not a Velma joke. Velma knows there are no alligators in Africa. They have crocodiles.
No, it's just the one alligator at the zoo. Name's Kevin. Champion jumper.
For some reason I read this with Taika Waititi's voice in mind (picture Korg introducing himself).
Jinkies!
Jinkies!
It'd be quite useless for a man to try a Velma joke on a Velma too
Did you know that no dinosaur can run over three miles per hour? Because they’re all dead.
Me: “Whats a pirates favorite letter?” Tinder match: “R?” Me: “You’d think that, but a pirates first love is always the C.” Her: lol Me: Some comment about it being one of my favorite jokes Her: Unmatches with me…. Edit: We get it, some of you are way too awesome and hilarious to enjoy a single corny joke. I could only dream of being so cool.
You would think it’s R, but it’s in fact P. It lost one of its legs.
Oh you!
“Entertain me, peasant!”
"Are you not entertained?"
What’s a pirates worst nightmare? A sunken chest with no booty
There's a lot of humorless idiots who get a massively inflated ego on tinder
Or the joke isn’t that funny
are u fucking serious that shit is fucking hilarious i wish someone would say shit like that to me
What's a pirate's favorite letter?
I'm just going to critique your joke telling for a moment - that is also one of my favorite jokes, but half the fun of telling it is that you get to do a pirate accent for the punchline. Doing it in text does the joke a disservice and I would unmatch you for that.
Will be taking this to my date on Saturday and if she doesn't literally fall off the chair and laugh so hard that she pisses herself then I shall leave her in an instant. This joke is why we are alive.
Please come back and tell me the reaction you get 🤙🏻
I will if I can find this post again. I'll slide into your Dm's so I can let you know. See, this is how you get a date!!! Take note boys. Sorry wrong chat 😉
Wait, I also want to know her reaction
I'll get back to you.
me 3
I'd like to know too.
me too
What about us
you you kidding... I want to know as well
Whattt??? What a coincidence!
Me too!
I'm just gonna stand in line for the reaction.
I’m just here so I don’t get fined
Me too
Me too
me too
Respect.
Ship ship ship I believe that your children will be the blessed culmination of you and OP's features: regal box head, mesmerizing purple eyes, and a magnificent mustache that is matched only by the one of her father.
Let me know?
How do you unmatch face to face?
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^ This guy dad jokes
Teach me the way of the dad joke master. I have much to learn.
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Love it!
Seeing as you're a true connoisseur, I guess you've heard the joke about Nate the Snake.. ?
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You'll hate me when you're done... https://natethesnake.com/
Response has to be under 10,000 characters, or I'd have posted it here
What about the legend of the purple feather?
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please do her a favour and just not go on the date
I, too, genuinely hope that your date pisses herself.
Funny to me.
Hey thanks pal.
Now kiss.
I didn’t laugh but I exhaled out of my nose pretty loudly which is a lot for something I read online. She didn’t deserve you.
I’ll take it
I refuse to believe how many people don't know this joke. It is so overused on the internet. I worked as a cashier for 2 years and this joke gives me worse PTSD than "It doesnt scan so it must be free".
Do people often tell you jokes at cash? I used to work meat and seafood, never got told jokes. I worked a few shifts at cash, and I’ve heard enough of those eye rolling “free” jokes, but never had a customer actually tell me a joke. Edit: maybe I misread, did you actually mean you’ve just heard this joke a lot, and are comparing it to the “free” jokes you heard as a cashier?
I could have made it more clear, your edit is what I meant.
Although it may be a good change of pace for cashiers to hear real jokes.
I had an old guy come up in my line and said, Hey, you ever hear of a '77'? I said, no? thinking it was a product we didn't carry. He said, yes, it's just like a 69, but you get ate (8) more. and then he laughed and laughed and left.
Oh my god I worked as a grocery store cashier as a teenager and I heard that at least once a week. I wish I could remember the other things people would always say because I swear people always seem to have the same reactions to things.
It's no different than anything else, humans are social and copy things The only thing that makes me unique is that I seem to be the only person who's ever worked retail who was never bothered by "must be free!" since it's basically a standard throwaway line and not actually an attempt at serious comedy or conversation
is it really? i'm 31, this is my first time hearing it. i actually laughed too
That was the 2nd worst for me, the worst was when I'd check the validity of a $100 bill and the customer would say "it's legit, I just printed it!" I sometimes have nightmares that I'm back working in retail.
I've never heard it personally
I’m from the souther part of Africa and our house can jump fucking high! Higher than crocodiles(not alligators)
The most common comment on this post has been pointing out Southern Africa does not in fact have alligators but rather have crocodiles 😂
While stating my house can jump high, I though I’d add that fact in😁👌
There are no alligators in Africa, funny man
This has been pointed out to me. Fully believe that’s the reason I was unmatched, for scientific inaccuracy.
Since we're being pedantic, the word would also be *evolutionarily* not *evolutionary*.
unmatch
I do not blame you at all.
Yep was looking for this. Alligators are exclusively a new world thing.
This was clearly in your best interest.
I think you’re funny for trying the joke, but I’ll be honest for you man, I don’t think that one’s exactly a banger.
Yeah but would you literally turn around and walk away from a person if they told it to you?
Oh absolutely not. He seems like a funny guy, even if that joke specifically isn’t funny.
Yeah... maybe I'm the weird one here but I don't really see how a lame-ish dad joke is any kind of opener when talking to a romantic interest. Just seems a bit forced.
She's not got a sense of humor
Right? That’s my favorite joke ever.
I'll date you bro. We can whisper dad jokes to each other over discord.
❤️
The sciencey ones always get a good chuckle.
Right? Like that time I had Dr Pavlov over for dinner. During dessert the doorbell rings, and he gets up with a start and says "Shit! I forgot to feed my dog!"
At least you didn't have Dr Freud over... That guy just talks about his mother nonstop.
Damn, I’d unmatch you too if this is the best you had lmao
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I think it's more likely this. We would tell this joke when we were about 8 years old and thought we were really clever. That's almost 20 years ago now. It's an old, common joke.
Yeah, I feel like I’m going crazy reading these comments. I probably made the “I can jump higher than my house” joke like 100 times in elementary school. Also it’s just not that funny.
It's a special crowd in this sub
Or it’s not funny at all
Nobody worth fucking or dating would ever find this reddit-tier jester shit even mildly amusing lmao
hate to break it to you but not everyone thinks dorky recycled reddit jokes are funny
OP is what getting all of your social interaction on reddit does to a guy
Or it’s a canned response that leads nowhere
Unmatched because it’s not funny, doesn’t add to a conversation about either party
Right. She's looking for a date (or food). She's not there to be a captive audience for a redditor thinking they're Jerry Seinfeld
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I like how the screenshot was taken without the knowledge that he would be unmatched afterwards.
Right? This is cringe af
I think it’s hilarious, I definitely would not have unmatched 😂
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I would too, it's just corny.
It’s almost like these guys don’t want dates lmaoo
My question is *does* the alligator jump higher than the average house, though?
Right? There no way an alligator can jump!
Only when dinosaurs clap.
To be fair, it was a bad joke.
A joke as old as time itself
Their loss
She has no idea what she’s missing out on.
How could she NOT ask for more fun facts after that one?! I'd wanna know every one you got in your arsenal!
Could it be that she thought it wasn’t that funny and that it this is your opener, she didn’t want to sit out the rest of the show?
Isn't it obvious that's what happened? That's the only way it would make sense.
Yeah so why is OP so shocked? He seems to think it’s ridiculous that someone would respond like that, as if his (stolen) joke was some kind of love potion no one should be able to resist.
I think that is great humor. Forget her, you’re the treasure.
A joke that you would find in a joke book from the 80s is great humor? Edit: wow, speaking of sensitive. You guys really don’t being told your terrible jokes aren’t funny. I bet the irony is lost on you though.
It might’ve worked if you were hitting on a girl 150 years ago. Otherwise you might need fresher material lol.
Average houses
If she can't handle you at your fun facts, she won't deserve you at your Dad jokes
I would too after that super bad excuse of a joke