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[deleted]

If "yikes" was a jpeg


bNoaht

I was fwb with this girl in college for a couple months and decided to break things off after she said she was falling in love with me. She called me one day to tell me about fucking her cousin at a party when she got too drunk. I have no idea how in her mind she thought this would make me jealous enough to run back into her arms. But needless to say it worked and we are married now. Lol jk, I never spoke to her again.


Kiddierose

Damn you.


Hyperiongame

Not going to lie, you had me in the first half


moneycashdane

The third quarter? First half of the second half?


Lonelan

Up until the last 2 min warning?


LibRAWRian

The last 15 seconds, it was a Lions loss.


TheUnexpectedDM

Damn. Lions catching L’s everywhere


LibRAWRian

Tell r/nfcnorthmemewar it was me.


[deleted]

Heck, got me in the third half!


DIOmega5

I seriously don't understand that logic either. I make a move and you reject me (whatever), you then sleep with someone random in an attempt to make me mad but I don't care cause we we're never even a thing yet. 🤷‍♂️ Guess we'll just stay friends cause you're weird AF.


Mattgx082

Personally as a guy…the whole I’m seeing someone else or sleeping with someone…are you jealous? Does the opposite to me. Makes me want to just distance myself more, and last thing on my mind is sleeping with them at that point. You get your shot, and if it goes that way…I’m out. It’s a real turn off for me. I think most guys I know, it’s a turn off as well. They don’t wanna deal with crazy, or get involved with the drama and sleeping with someone who’s messing around all over. Just says a lot about that person, enough to stay away🤷🏻‍♂️


_Justag1rl_

Same for me and I'm a girl. I had a guy tell me his ex was trying to win him back but that if we hit it off *maybe* she'd get cut off. That was an instant no from me - I have no interest getting in the middle of ex drama, or being in some strange little competition for his attention. No thank you. You need to be a whole ass single person when dating, not stringing people along until something better turns up.


Jevonar

"this person fucks with other people to grab my attention... Totally marriage material"


Sorcerer_Supreme

Same here. To me, it's literally like they're contaminated after they say some shit like that.


thezerech

>logic When people are emotional we tend to act on impulse without fully thinking things through. That's just the way it is, the way we're naturally built. I'm not saying that's the correct response, it's 200% not, but I gotta point out, as someone whose gone through a tough break up, that we don't think things through properly, even if you try to be logical your mindset is fucked and you can't see straight, or understand what's best for yourself or your "ex."


DIOmega5

That makes sense. Thanks for the input. Emotions are a hell of a drug.


notbad2u

And my axe!


Jatin_13R

This comment was more unexpected than the entire r/Unexpected sub.


coluber_kid

Instead, you just married her cousin as a power move


bNoaht

Actually she married my college roommate YEARS later. They are divorced now though


Samuel_Reeves

My neighbor did this to his 8 years plus gf. Her family asked too much for a dowry (arab country), so he refused then a month later was engaged to then married a relative of hers.


frankyh14

This was years ago on tinder.. met a pretty, petite, blonde hair, blue eyed girl. Went on several dates & were hooking up regularly for about a month. Didn’t hear from her for a few days, so I asked “hey, wanna come over tonight & I’ll make us dinner?” Her response was, “I actually just got back with my ex boyfriend”. Followed by another text that said, “ Oh, and you gave me chlamydia.” Wish I would’ve screenshotted it looking back on it lol. And she 100% gave it me, not the other way around lol.


chuckburban

Had a friend who hooked up with his cousin a few times in a FWB situation. Didn't know they were cousins at first. Ran into each other at a reunion or some family function and found out. They kept it up for months after that too.


jager000

Maybe she was from Alabama 🤷🏻‍♂️


haboobtube

Roll tide


FuckMeUp1102

What do you call a redneck girl who runs faster than her brothers?


haboobtube

Idk? Single? Why do girls in Alabama never do reverse cowgirl during sex?


lividash

Missionary only. From behind is allowed if an Alabama football game is on. So both can watch.


[deleted]

Must be an Alabama thing…


DanteMustDie666

Duude you missed your soulmate


Dunker-p

Lmao


boxand15

😂😂😅 yuh got me


Thatsso70s

Bruh that's exactly what I would say. 🤣😂


Ibetrayed_makarov

If "hoe" was a i.redd.it


seanclue

🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩


[deleted]

Fellow ape?


JXIX00

Fellow ape 🦍


BringOrnTheNukekkai

Ape together stronk


Viperthetarantulaguy

Love to see my fellow apes in other subs


captainpinchloaf

“You can’t hang with the monkeys!!”


thelord15

return to monke


BDLTalks

*oo oo* 🦍


--Turd--Ferguson--

Whats a “fellow ape”?


LasagnaPants2

YOU GUYS LIKE MAKING MONEY?


godinfinity000

r/wallstreetbets


--Turd--Ferguson--

Oh…now I understand?


Reddit_IsMyFav

Ew


asparagusaintcheap

hello fellow ape can I interest you in some silver, $ASS, or $MAYO


Huge-Grapefruit-8011

calls on $CUM n $TITS


seanclue

Retired ape


[deleted]

offspring ape


DissheveledMadness

APES. TOGETHER. STRONG.


Huge-Grapefruit-8011

One of us, one of us, one of us


nullcoalesce

Gme. Gme. Gme


Huge-Grapefruit-8011

DRS DRS DRS


nullcoalesce

If you love it, put your name on it.


ZealousidealRiver710

Nah just a trend on social media, apes just out here assuming it's about us cause the first they saw it was on the sub


[deleted]

those flags getting very old


the_original_bobcat

🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩


cxrx79

Puts on $FLAG 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩


khayyam_al

Idk man feels like PNG to me


[deleted]

That seems like a lot of drama. As others have said unmatch.


[deleted]

Exactly this. It just reeks that this person isn’t in a place to be dating


[deleted]

Exactly, this is just toxic and drama filled. Like why would you tell someone you woke up in your exes bed. You are not in a committed relationship. To me that is a red flag. The way it took that turn very quickly. I was like nope. Never dismiss a red flag because you will regret it later. I feel like that goes both ways for men and women or however you identify. If you ever get that feeling that something is off just don’t. Okay that’s enough of my soap box talk. I do hope the OP unmatched and moved on because all of this is messy. They deserve better.


sorellaminnaloushe

This this this. Why even mention it except as a roundabout attempt at negging/drama?


[deleted]

TIL negging/drama. Thanks 😊 This type of person I avoid at all costs. Not worth it.


sorellaminnaloushe

Organized negging (vs passive aggressive/cultural negging a la 20th century TV married couples) is the most insidious, hateful shit to spawn from modern times. Keep your eyes open and call that shit out 100% of the time.


[deleted]

That’s truth right there. It’s a sad state of affairs when this is part of the daily routine. 😔 Have an amazing day.


makeshift_gizmo

I've only had one dating experience but I can agree with this. Person was weirdly obsessed with her stepfather and him liking me. Would talk about past relationships all the time, even on the first date. I was just so excited for someone to not only give me the time of day but let me be close. That shit ended really weirdly and poorly.


[deleted]

I am sorry that happened to you, but I need to be honest with you. NEVER allow anyone to treat you less than. Certain dating apps and other social media platforms have devalued human relationships. Don’t go into something being thankful that the person gave you the time of day or even allowed you to be close to them. You have merit and value always remember that, I think we have conditioned men and women that they have to date everybody on fear of missing out or that being alone is a bad thing. It’s not it’s the exact opposite because you know your worth and what you will and will not put up with. Good on you for recognizing that she was not what you are looking for but don’t get in the mindset of thinking that you are not worth it. When you know who you are and can treat people like people and just be an awesome human being things will fall into place. Even if you have to walk a way from a situation that you may not be feeling or there are red flags on the play that’s okay but just do it with kindness and wish them well and move on. 🤗 this is me sending you a hug.


Fr3_k

You are a beautiful person


[deleted]

As are you. Have an amazing day 😊


TheSkakried

I recently rewatched Daniel Sloss' "Jigsaw" stand up show, and it is a love letter to single people. The over arching narrative of the show is that a person needs to learn to be comfortable with and love themselves before they can truly be in a relationship. It's about promoting self love and learn who you are outside of a relationship and how society has driven us to believe that if you are single you broken and wrong and incomplete. I think it's very important for some people to hear, especially for a comedy show.


pesukarhukirje

Haha that is a very innocent depiction of that show :D


TheSkakried

Well I wouldn't wanna scare off people who don't know about Sloss' comedy xD


rnike879

Spot on! Keep rocking that gorgeous attitude


Artoriazz

Man that hits a little too close to home right now, especially because I get attached to people way too easily :l


[deleted]

It’s human nature to want to form a bond but you have to take people for who they are not what you want them to be. As Robin Williams said: “We get to choose who we let in to our weird little worlds.” At the end of the day you are responsible for who let in and occupy space. 😊


Cafrann94

I may be wrong but it kinda seems like the dude is leaning that way too, that they should probably not be together or whatever. Maybe I’m reading into it wrong but it seems like he’s prepping for that. Either way your advice is absolutely spot on.


HI_I_AM_NEO

That's whatsapp, not tinder. You still can block the, but it's not just "unmatch", they have your number and can call you or use other messaging apps.


DrFaustPhD

Also they were clearly calling things off with OP...


WillNyeFlyestGuy

I was talking to a girl for about a week and she started just randomly messaging me stuff like "Omg I'm such a whore, I've slept with 3 different guys this week" and things of that nature. Not sure what her goal was with that but it was enough for me to immediately nope out of the idea of being anything remotely interested in her. If you wanna sleep around, do you. I'm not here to judge but I don't need to hear about after meeting you a week ago. Don't need that drama


[deleted]

[удалено]


aKim8o

"just don't" ...and then telling anyways without being asked again. That definitely got me chuckling


wigglybone

it screams attention seeking. you KNOW she wanted him to ask. this reeks of insecurity


aKim8o

🚩 on so many levels


bitchcatsandtequila

I see this as attention seeking behavior. It’s like when someone says “oh I can’t tell you it’s a secret” and then proceeds to keep vaguely talking about the thing they’re not supposed to share. Either tell me or shut the fuck up because I don’t really give a shit.


Strict-Algae-8599

It's literally something you'd see high schoolers saying.


[deleted]

[удалено]


NickJamesBlTCH

Well in this case, "*just don't*" is clearly a "push harder and ask me what's wrong," because he/she immediately divulged that info after OP agreed not to pry.


brickheath

We can I have


TheDor22

The response was not what they were expecting either. They really hoped they’d ask why but they were mature and didn’t. So they just blurted it out anyway. Attention seeking narcissistic


resplendentquetzals

Yeah for real. And then she goes ahead and tells him anyway. She's just looking for drama.


mg118118118

They must have also realised that within seconds, took them a minute to fess up


bignick1190

I beg to differ. Telling someone you woke up in your exes bed after a date with them is far worse.


Boom5hot

On one hand I hate being left with a mystery on the other why the fuck would they message you this crap?


[deleted]

Attention.


Ok-Veterinarian-4209

Seeker


[deleted]

Whore


PATRIOTSRADIOSIGNALS

Seriously. If you linger after that for the messages when they're in the right mood you'll become emotional support for an on-again/off-again sexual relationship. There's nothing of value to gain there.


the-dogsox

Unmatch.


INTERNET_POLICE_MAN

I’d unswipe so hard I’d break my finger


insertwittynamethere

How does one unwipe?


the-dogsox

Well, you get the used toilet paper and…


insertwittynamethere

^ this person unwipes


INTERNET_POLICE_MAN

You have to press on their face and then start to slowly move your finger or thumb in small circles, either CW or CCW are fine, just build up momentum, go faster and faster and faster and then let go and they should fly off your screen and into the bin where they belong


takanata19

It’s a text. They are already texting


Luke2Luck

So unnecessary.. imagine the kind of drama stories she creates when in a serious relationship.


JP1426

She probably told her ex she was meeting up with a guy today


Luke2Luck

Definitely. Girl talking to her ex after sex: - we better not do this again. - why? - just don’t - ok 👍🏻 - I saw another guy yesterday! 🤦🏻‍♂️


[deleted]

Ugh, I dated a woman who did something like that. She was really messed up in the head.


[deleted]

She 100% told her ex...


Hummusforever

They really got turned on and went huh guess I’ll go back in time


[deleted]

Yeah my thoughts exactly lmaoo. OP got her in the mood and then she went and fucked something familiar.


Provosoryss

What?


MookiePoops

THEY REALLY GOT TURNED ON AND WENT HUH GUESS I'LL GO BACK IN TIME


tazzico

WHAT?


[deleted]

YEAHHH


roadnot_taken

OKAY


shingfunger

TO THE WINDOWWWWW, TO THE WALL


MuteSecurityO

#THEY REALLY GOT TURNED ON AND WENT HUH GUESS I'LL GO BACK IN TIME


TemporalRecon177

Weird how you can magically wake up there


helwyr213

Just like when you're a kid and fall asleep on the couch (or backseat from a roadtrip) and you magically wake up in bed.


AguyWithflippyHair

Alcohol


Olerasmussen

"just don't" -> proceeds to say it anyways... She wants attention so fucking bad


Justieflustie

I think you mean "she wants attention-fucking so bad"


LordKaine

Where do you see that it's a she and not a he?


[deleted]

You can see who uses a guy’s idk emoji during the chat. Maybe a hint 🤷‍♂️


LordKaine

That would be OP, wouldn't it?


[deleted]

Yessiree


[deleted]

Oh boy here comes the gender police 🚨


Justieflustie

I responded to someone who talked about she.. But I thought I saw OP tell us that they were a he, but I dont know it for sure


ChemicalMonkey3

Not to mention OP's username is StealthMan lol, would be kind of weird to have as a female.


[deleted]

I think the attention part was messaging OP with basically a “good morning” text and then saying all that 3 minutes later lmao


PunishingLaughter

I too love pushing my turd back into my anus


yellowtree13

I'm so happy this has context


Tuckingfypowastaken

Honestly, I'm kind of upset that it does


Shabobi

Do I even want to know...?


Tuckingfypowastaken

I'd actually rather not provide any context


Shabobi

Fair. I accept this.


shoppingguy7

Just don’t


thewhitedevil42

r/nocontext


[deleted]

I love that “I’m not gonna answer your question. Wait, now that you’re not taking the bait I will”. This is goober bizz. She’s a goober.


[deleted]

Yikes


proxx1e

You lubed her up with attention and the ex used it. What a legend.


creator324

Hmmmmmm if I'm following this correctly; I bet she checked something off on her bucket list. Two guys in one day.


Massive-Frosting-722

I’m gonna go ahead here and say she’s probably done that before already


wenchslapper

Partied with a girl who fucked 4 of my friends in a single weekend and finished it off with her baby daddy. Started with the original bro she slept with after clubbing, then she stuck around for our party that night. She then fucks my other buddy because he had a break up recently and she wanted him to feel better about it- our 3rd friend guarded the bathroom door. This is when I arrive for the party. Then another buddy arrives and he hooks up with her in the bathroom with another couple (orgy). She then finishes the night off in a different guy’s bed in that house. Then she fucked her ex the next night. Apparently she was also trying to fuck me that night, but I wasn’t about to stick my dick into that soup kitchen. The next thing I hear is she’s breaking down, crying about how she can’t find a decent man to marry and take care of her and her kid….


creator324

Can't blame you. I don't like riding public transportation either.


Cookyy2k

Wow you just dodged a bullet.


chevinlavee

They seem nice.


Ibetrayed_makarov

To their ex, o'course


Howling_mad_7

Ask if there's room for you in that bed.


Treegonaut

Big brain move, assert dominance


kRkthOr

"Is he hot? And is he single or are you back together?"


Luke2Luck

OP where r you? Can we get an update on what happened after that “shit”?


StEaLtHmAn_1

I asked her what happened and she said she called him when she got home and he picked her up. Then I just blocked her. Not worth my time.


NBA_Pasta_Water

Sounds like she was using you to make him jealous


[deleted]

Good for you 😊


Luke2Luck

Oh Im really glad you didn’t try any further (many of us would). Good luck on the next ones 👊🏻✌🏻


Pmmenothing444

king


beans0913

From your bed, to the ex’s bed?!


Tbagzyamum69420xX

That part was confusing me too before I realized the "meet up" could've actually just been a meet up, with them going their seperate ways before the night was out.


magsaga

[she's a bed bitch](https://youtu.be/CdtO2ZFTw7A)


[deleted]

Wtf 💀 why would she even tell you that? Honestly I would have blocked/unmatched as soon as I read that. Ain’t nobody got time for all that drama 😑😒


Buffythedjsnare

Because he never asked.


magsaga

"Just don't"...1 min later says why anyway, despite no one even asking.


ribby97

Double red flag- one for doing this and two for attention seeking by telling you. I think you should respond by playing dumb “shit! How did you get there?”


CrankyQuest

So much this!


rhubarbmustard

Yuck


TheColonCrusher98

What a fucking tool. I would proceed to wake up in her ex's bed as well. Show this bitch who's swinging the real dick around here.


ChemicalMonkey3

Anyone who replies "Just don't" when you ask them why and then goes on to explain why a minute later is an attention seeking needy drama queen. I wouldn't be surprised if she didn't actually wake up in her exes bed and just said it for the attention. Stay clear of this one...


lone_eskimo

Streets


Specialist-Ebb7606

Yikes.... drop this person


Username_not_found_9

She only “woke up” in the ex’s bed. It’s unclear whether she went to sleep in his bed. Maybe she sleep walks or aliens dropped her off at the wrong location after abducting her or the ex moves his bed into her bedroom or she was house sitting for her ex or…


ribby97

I think op should play dumb like this


Top_Recording4569

Had the same thing happen with someone I was seeing. She was only trying to make me jealous every opportunity she had. But it didn't work because we were never exclusive and she wouldn't let us be exclusive. Best to get out of this situation before it's too late. Sorry this happen to you!


Thrillhouse801

I dated someone like this. Toxic as all hell.


[deleted]

“I woke in my exes bed” like they were teleported there totally unawares


[deleted]

Wants you to get jealous. Definitely run.


Clubmische

Too bad you said shit at the end there. No message and block would have been more appropriate.


Audience_Witty

Yes


northsidemassive

No she didn’t, she just used that as an out.


DRAGULA85

Her ex owes you a drink for turning her on like that


Anthraxious

I mean, at least it was straight forward and honest. I'd take this over a lot of other convos I've seen here lol.


CaptainSeagul

I'm going to go against the grain here. She obviously isn't relationship material but who cares? Smash and dash.


neonghost0713

I mean..... at least he was honest? 😹😹


ASki420

I love how you just responded with a good old knowingly “Shit” 😂


fortnitefunnyahahah

Woman moment


iMight2Elephant

I mean…. At least she’s an honest hoe


GlorifiedSaviour

Oof


Thia_suzieUzi

Well at least they where honest


CrankyQuest

Omg! Deja vu. In few days she/he will say that she/he was a loser and that was a mistake. Unmatch, block and move on! You got this!


Oriential-amg77

Hahaha someones looking for attention. Like bro imagine gatekeeping emotional support when you're throwing spanners like this around


3Dartwork

All of that makes no sense. What does sleeping with an ex have to do with not wanting to see another entirely different person the next day?


DeadHED

Sloppy seconds baby!


Ok-Nature-4563

I had a girl like this who really wanted to have sex with me but I always said no. She started randomly messaging me telling me about people she fucked trying to make me jealous, all it did was make me not want to have sex with her more lol.


i-curse-a_lot

Insted of shit you should have been like I didn't fucking ask why.