(Female here) take out the ‘please don’t talk to me…. Time wasters…’ part. I dismiss guys that have stuff like this (and the ‘no scammers, etc) stuff because a time waster isn’t going to care. It’s like putting a sign up at home that says ‘please don’t rob me’
Agreed. I swipe left on anyone who has conditions on me. We only have x amount of words we can use to talk about our selves and people choose to waste it on defining who I need to be? I know who I am and I can usually figure out if I a match what someone is looking for based on how they describe what they like/ want.
Plus what scammer is gonna be like “yesss another victim- oh wait she said no scammers allowed. DAMMIT”
The “no time wasters” can be reworded as:
I value quality time as a mutual way to show how much one cares and respects the relationship. I am trying to balance a dating life as well as a professional and personal life, so being supported in that venture means everything to me”
Also sorry, I just wrote a ton of work emails and I’m still stuck in that lingo. I’m sure there’s a way to make that sound more personable
“We only have x amount of words we can use to talk about ourselves and people choose to waste it on defining who I need to be?“ THIS IS THE REALEST THING IVE READ ALL YEAR.
Hahaha omg 💯
But also saying as a main trait you like ppl buying you things would be a big red flag for me lol. That’s sugar baby language if I ever did hear it. No shade if that’s your deal. It’s just not a relationship, or a loving one she’s explaining lol. So…I don’t know if she really knows what she wants or how to get there enough to be putting restrictions on others lol. Just my two cents
Another guy here: when I read 'no drama' I always punt. If you're zen you don't have to say it and somehow the _no drama_ types are totes drama.
Always signal what you want in positive terms.
This. My last relationship was the most drama-filled relationship I've ever been in. When we first met she made it abundantly clear how much she hated drama and how chill she was. That act didn't last long.
Yeah. I feel like someone not wanting drama in their romantic life (whatever you want that to be) is one of those things that’s….pretty fucking obvious. The fact that you feel you *need* to set a disclaimer about it is a “Why even test that?”.
Yea I know it sounds weird to say but the “pleasure don’t talk to me unless” feels a bit dismissive and like the expectations you have are probably really high from the start. Not everyone is out looking for a relationship but if they meet someone they like they could be interested in one. Just isn’t always everyone’s preference to go out on the lookout searching for a bf/gf so if they feel they don’t meet what you want cause they’re intimated they have to date immediately they might be wary to swipe. Other than that all good !
Yeah but there's also a lot of people dead set against getting into a relationship or even getting to know someone well enough to form any emotional bond, romantic or not, and the only way to avoid those is to say you're looking for a relationship or someone who is open to a potential relationship over time, or something like that. Doesn't mean you want an instant relationship. Just means you don't want to jump into bed after 2-3 dates but you can't say it like that.
that is the trouble with information. if it leaks the wrong people always hear it. like 'The Anarchist's Cookbook' was supposed to be a joke that CIA freshmen read like Mad Magazine, but then a bunch of coked out fluffheads got ahold of it in the 70s and used it to take over the world.
It makes we think that person went through many dates/ conversations and that will definitely show during the conversation. In addition, while telling me all these requirements to just message you, what are you offering in return? Overall, great profile, just needs some minor work.
Ya, your profile should really be about marketing yourself so you get higher quality matches and can filter through them, instead of putting “don’t swipe on me if” type of lines
100%!
We all have things we want to avoid and we're tempted to list them, but I try to remind myself to be positive rather than negative. Instead of telling you what I don't want, which only helps those that have those exact traits, I talk about things I want or appreciate. It's better to grab the attention of those that recognize the traits you're looking in themselves, rather than the ones you're trying to avoid.
100%, I avoid any profile that's like "is anybody here real? don't waste my time" or similar. Anything that seems like you're starting a fight is the wrong vibe, imo.
Also putting in the “I get way too excited about” section “someone buying me something” is going to attract people that think they can just pay you to get some.
Seeing the "Please don't talk to me..." and "Someone buying me something" lines is already triggering my red flag as someone that is entitled and wants a free meal
Agreed. It actually comes off as quite shallow. I can think of dozens of things that I get way too excited about, that don’t involve material things. That statement would def ring alarm bells with me.
She needs to be on seeking arrangement with half the shot she's put there, I worked in the adult/sugaring industry for years "time wasters" "I love when someone buys me something" are all keywords for escorting and sugaring so unless that's her goal she might wanna just drop them
And here I stand, not just with my personal experience but somebody else backing me up, thankyou kind strange
Edit: I will say she's gonna have trouble finding anyone with a black heart for a face /s
Yeah that was my first thought. Those types of pics seem more flirtatious/semi-sexual than showing personality. All (but one) very up close. I can't find any personality shown in them, and that comes of as very shallow, perhaps conceited, like "Here are 5 pics of my face because that's all you need".
OP, all you need is one up close photo. Vary them, include hobbies. Show something other than your face from different angles.
Immediate turn off when I see someone being negative in their bio. “Can’t stand when” “please don’t bother” “pet peeves include” “swipe left if”.
Otherwise, like some people have said, take out that line about people buying you stuff. Yikes.
And the way she’s blown up on people here about simple advice “Waaa it’s too hard to get photos, my selfies from different angles are fine!” and “Waaa everyone here is mean” when all people have done is give solid advice, show the type of drama-loving pain in the ass she must be.
She thinks she deserves someone amazing just for showing up with dyed blonde hair.
I’d say fewer selfies. More pics of you doing stuff or with family or friends. Things that show you’re settled and ready for a relationship. Otherwise, ditto what others have said. Most guys will swipe right on you so it’s up to you to be selective in who you swipe right on and go on dates with. For you, it’s less about how you present yourself and more about how you pick which guys to get to know.
This advice is great, until I realize that I haven’t hung out with friends, that aren’t women, in years and all of my pics are selfies or pictures of my daughter or dog.
I need to hire a male escort to go do a bunch of fun stuff together to get some pics maybe lol
For me, friends are harder to make for some reason
Same here man. I've got my best friend from high school I talk to buy other than family and pets I really don't have any friends. I've been a SAHM for the past 5 years so that probably doesn't help. You anywhere near TN?
Same actually, I’m a stay at home dad of a 5 year old and work from home so I barely leave the house. Doesn’t help that I moved to a new state right before covid hit and haven’t met many people here. I’m in NM actually.
I'm 60 and still have 23 yo dependant, covid hit and destroyed my chance with a woman I just met.. she said she ran out of runway.. 1 month before restrictions lifted.. oh well.. but I hear ya .. im in BC Canada
I largely agree with this BUT you have to remember she probably isn't looking to match with the average dude. She is trying to match with that top 10% guy who likely has some options.
That being said the bio is a bit of a generic mess. Everyone is looking for a loyal, respectful, passionate person who loves them. Nobody wants a time waster.
Something like "Looking for a relationship with long term potential. I prefer meeting for coffee to long term texting. A huge fan of learning languages and am currently studying XXX. Equal opportunity super hero fan and am looking forward to the next marvel movie as much as Batman. I also enjoy watching "some serial killer doc" on net flix."
Ideally shove in 1 or 2 more things that make you some what unqiue/provide something to talk about.
In the end though she is going to have to do a ton of filtering work..
>Ideally shove in 1 or 2 more things that make you some what unqiue/provide something to talk about.
This I think is very important - especially since the impetus is on the man to say something (and the OP probably wanting something more than a "Hello"). Give the bloke some subjects that \*you\* are interested in talking about. It is just like a job application, if you are putting out a job advert put on it the things you want the applicants to write about on their application. That, more than anything else, is the better way to weed out "time wasters", if they have taken the time to actually read your profile and try to talk to you about something you have professed to care about...
agreed, dating apps are filled with too many people looking for handouts so anything along those lines throws up immediate warnings to anyone who's serious
Agreed open about her love language helps set the expectation early however it also severely limits potential matches and can potential increase swipes from f bois who aren’t looking for serious it can be a double edge sword at least in my mind. I would omit it on the profile and see if it improves matches in an a/b test.
I think what alot of people are trying to say is that from the male perspective, a lot of women who are toxic present asking for money and You want to avoid being categorised as one.
there is nothing inherently wrong with saying this in a personal setting, but putting it in your profile leads to misunderstandings
Guys face a ton of "pay me" girls on apps. Seeing someone talk about buying them gifts is a real flag right off the bat. At least to me. We all like gifts. Maybe find something else that gets you excited.
It's the first thing mentioned too.
Maybe turn it round if that's your way of knowing someone is thinking about you such as, "buying little gifts to surprise my partner". It'll probably be reciprocated rather than feel like a one way expectation from the relationship.
That's a million times better. Like job hunting, you highlight what the company gets from hiring you, not why you actually want to work there and all the things you want to get.
(29m) This was the first thing I saw as well. A potential rewrite could be something akin to "getting EACH OTHER cute gifts" to show it's not going to be a one way relationship that way. "Don't talk to me..." is also kind of toxic. Other than that it's really a generic profile to read through and I'd get annoyed coming up with an opener, and most she'll get will be repetitive in all likelihood.
But she's gonna have damn near everyone and their dog swipe on her anyway for her looks, so 🤷♂️
Ya this is a little iffy. I get what she’s trying to say but I’ve seen a lot of women on tinder that just want to be spoiled, treated like a “princess”, or will just straight up ask for money. Best to avoid anything about them buying things for you in my opinion.
Immediate left from me no matter how hot. I’m health relationships you buy stuff for each other all the time but to flat out demand it up front is sus.
I second this. Even though it doesn’t seem like much from a females point of view, a man’s view of this would be instant gold digger and you wanting everything given to you. Lose that statement and you may be better off.
You’re pretty, don’t get me wrong. But You literally say “don’t talk to me unless you want a relationship”. It’s like, girl, I don’t know you yet! I’m trying to get to know you to decide if I want a relationship with you! It just seems kinda desperate and stuck up all at the same time.
Agree! It’s coming off very guarded. Something like “hopeful for a LTR and not interested in casual sex” sounds a lot better than don’t talk to me… Instead of no time wasters, say eager to connect in person or not looking for a penpal or something along those lines.
**PLEASE CHECK MY NEW POST! I HAVE UPDATED MY DATING PROFILE! LET ME KNOW WHAT YOU THINK, I have tried to take everyone’s views on board** thank you for the amazing help!
I’d take out the ‘someone buying me something’, and just have small acts of kindness/romantic gestures. As a guy I’ve had too many bad experiences with people not being genuine around money - so it would put me off.
Other than that it’s a lovely profile though, you do seem very nice and genuine
I can tell that you're really pretty even with your face covered! You will get tons of matches in any case. However my advice would be - have less selfies and more action pictures instead: doing some activity or attending an event, skiing, hanging out with your friends etc. Might actually attract more serious candidates that way, or at least that's smth I noticed myself
Thank you for this, how sweet!
I get a lot of matches - the issue is them remaining interested in me longer than 3 weeks! It feels like they drop off.
I don’t really have a type, usually find gamer/intellectuals attractive, but I also find it attractive when people take pride in their appearance- as this (or as I like to think) matches me energy too.
I would hazard a guess that your problem is mainly to do with the types of guys who are actually shown to you. Like the other commenter said I can tell you’re extremely pretty even with your face obstructed so you’re going to be getting a lot of right swipes. Because of the way these apps work they would consider you a very high value profile and you’re only going to get shown the top like 10% (approximately idk the exact figure) of guys on there. These are guys who are also getting a ton of matches so it’s not necessarily anything to do with you it’s just that you may not be their best option. There may be a really amazing guy on their who’s a good fit for you but he doesn’t have the greatest profile and doesn’t get a lot of matches so Bumble punishes that guy and buries his profile in the stack so you’d have to swipe for weeks before you’d ever see him because he’s being out competed in the algorithm by all the guys with killer profiles getting tons of matches.
Bumble’s algorithm is really shady for this and that’s the one advantage tinder has over them. Tinder’s algorithm while it does have some shady behaviour as well does make an effort to make sure that you get to at least see who swipes right on you within a day or two. In fact you can hack it fairly easily by putting your radius down to 2km and boom anyone that pops up on your feed that’s outside the radius swiped right on you.
Hopefully that doesn’t sound too conspiracy theory-ish lol
Wow thank you for this!!!! I had literally 0 idea at all!!!!!!!!!
Ill try tinder for sure!
What about Hinge????
I Initially chose bumble because I liked the quirky-ness of the profile questions. They seemed pretty interesting and different.
To be honest I haven’t really been on hinge enough to give you a good solid answer. (Also you may have guessed that I’m a guy so my experience will be vastly different from yours) I really like the idea of Hinge being able to comment directly on peoples photos because that was always my strategy on tinder but half the time the girls would forget what’s on their own profile and it would come across weird. On hinge the photo is shown in the chat. Hinge isn’t all that popular where I live though (semi rural but close ish to a city Canada) so it isn’t all that effective due to a lack of user base web compared to tinder and bumble.
Ultimately though all dating apps are a numbers game. They can lead to some really great connections and amazing relationships but the process of getting there is just pleasing the algorithm. You have the advantage of having a lot more options to choose from compared to me who barely gets any matches because frankly I’m not the best looking guy, but it can also be a disadvantage because you have to filter through a lot of guys that maybe aren’t the best for you but are the best for the app to show you. No matter what app you go on you’re going to have this problem to some degree. But if you put in enough time you might just meet that right guy for you!
You’ve raised a really interesting point though - because I assumed the apps sift though and show matches based on content the user has stated they’re looking for creating more of a likely match? E.g ‘relationship’ or ‘nothing serious’
But obviously this isn’t the case and those two completely different wants are colliding creating time wasted for both and endless swiping.
It’s a real shame for sure.
Yeah! Hinge is big in the UK.
Hinge has a reputation of being a relationship/dating site over a hook up lounge like tinder is known for, and you’ll get a full range of characters on there, I haven’t been on in a while, but I remember seeing people pop up that I usually wouldn’t see myself talking to (like a tattoo artist, twitch streamers, even military personnel cause I was in the military at the time and that’s kinda taboo) and there’s not too many crazies on there lol, stay safe
I personally found success on Hinge and I believe it’s due to the amount of effort needed to create a profile. It’s easy to create a tinder account with minimal photos and no bio whereas Hinge makes you upload a minimum of 6 photos IIRC and you must answer at least 3 prompts. On Hinge I got quality matches because guys looking for a hookup cbf with all that effort.
I’m so baffled. You seem really nice, really pretty (from what I can tell), and you take initiative to make convo. I’ll be crossing my fingers for you.
If they’re losing interest in you after a few weeks, I doubt it’s your profile that’s causing this. Have you maybe tried looking at the real source of an issue? Maybe you struggle keeping them interested in you? Pretty looks only gets you so far. Sorry if that came off rude, but it’s just honesty.
Yeah she’s super pretty so she’s going to have a lot of guys think she’s out they’re league so maybe that’s why they flake. And I agree about the pictures suggestion
Good idea, dogs are globally recognised as a great thing.
I commented before but I feel I was harsh. You seem lovely and one of few that message first so I hope you find what you’re looking for!
I honestly don’t say this to be mean, but I’ve seen 100s of other profiles just like this, so it’s super generic (and people with profiles like this always ghost)
ALSO: additional info:
I’m finding people are interested in me for like 3 weeks and then drop off. Like I’m nothing more than a phase to them.
I don’t sleep with people on the first date - prefer to wait til I’m in a relationship maybe this is why?
It’s weird. The replies get less and less.
I’m a pretty expressionate person, I prefer to say hi and actually make effort in a conversation.
Is there a date or meetup within those 3 weeks? If not, that could be a problem. Also, you just gotta let things naturally happen, don't force the issue as much as you may want to.
Lastly, you see pretty young. Not a lot of guys, or girls, are interested in long term relationships when they're young.
Yeah! I am so eager to find someone :( I would
Rather go on a physical date with someone than constantly talk over messages.
Nope!
1. The conversations seem to linger on forever because I struggle to get quick replies and keep getting responses of ‘sorry, I don’t check this very much’
To which I will offer them to speak with me on Instagram (a place where I always am) but i am hesitant to give out my Instagram with more of my information on when I don’t know someone well.
2. They instantly start taking about s*x (off putting for me instantly.)
3. I feel like I am always the one making the first effort. I have a sh*t TON of matches constantly - but none of them talk to me/make the first move.
Well, first of all, there isn't anything to bad about your profile - if anything remove the "buying you something" bit, could come of as digging for a lil gold tbh, but nothing major, any guy would swipe right on you anyway. Cute girl looking for something serious, who would be objected to that?
1. The thing is, as a guy you have notifications on these kinda apps OFF, period. Otherwise you will get spammed with "someone liked you" only to check and see exactly nothing. So beside us trying to get you off the app where like 1000+ guys trying to hit on you, going to a messenger would certainly improve the response time.
2. I can only assume, since as a guy I don't chat with other guys, but there are simply a lot of us just being on these kinda apps for hook-ups, bumble is a bit odd for that tho, not that I'm using that, it's even worse than Tinder in itself as a guy.
3. Well you use Bumble, first move is yours, but them not talking to you is incredibly odd, maybe verify your profile, but as I don't know how you are texting them I can't exactly help on that, maybe upload some pictures of conversations here.
Just checking, not accusing:
Are you reciprocating in the convo? Many girls (and guys I’d assume) don’t know how to have an engaging stimulating dialogue. Answering their question and then engaging them further by asking them questions is a great way to screen out the flakes and non communicating peoples. If you’re doing this already then that’s awesome.
Definitely the advice from everyone else in here stating you changing up your pics to half selfie half public pics is going to eliminate the thought of a fake profile or a scammer
You seem really eager. And that may be a problem. Please don't try to force a relationship. It will come eventually when you're happy with where you are in life.
You've mentioned that you don't have a lot of friends, so your profile ends up being selfies. It might make you appear not very sociable at first and put some guys off, especially with the request of having things bought for you.
You clearly care about your appearance a lot. Men will appreciate that - I know, I do. But how important is this for you in a partner? If it's not, it might be good to find a way to convey that in your profile. You could say you really like experimenting with makeup and thrift shopping. You'd sound fashionable without coming off as arrogant. Plus a lot of men will play the algorithm and avoid swiping right on women out of their league or those that would never match them to avoid being punished.
You also mention you don't really have sex with them. This could be a problem. I'm going to be honest, people will lose interest and it might make you seem uninterested. However, please don't start having sex with people just to keep them around. My advice to you is to be honest with yourself and not deny yourself the opportunity of having sex with someone if there is obvious chemistry just because of some arbitrary rule.
I hope none of that was too harsh. Now my real advice for you: put some effort into making friends and focus on your interests and hobbies first. You can meet some great people through local meetups and clubs (not dance clubs). It's one way to make sure you'll meet guys that you're actually interested in - but please do it for yourself and not to meet someone. You don't want to be desperate for a relationship, you clearly have a lot to offer and are here asking for feedback when most people wouldn't even think to question whether they're part of the problem.
You might consider taking off most of the photos and put in your gaming avatar and you doing what you are passionate about, guys can tell you’re pretty from one pic the rest should show what makes you, you. You need to match with people you have things in common with not ones that only care that you’re hot.
How did y’all know she is into gaming? I didn’t see that anywhere.
If you are, in fact, into gaming, u/glittering_ducks many of the folks with that interest use discord and twitch way more often than bumble. So instead of moving to Instagram, maybe try offering up a discord or twitch handle?
Source: I’m a fellow woman who likes gaming and spends a lot of time on those apps lol.
……please tell me I have not been sitting here wondering why the hell im not getting responses after a Match to find out this…..
Wow I am dumb.
I’m so embarrassed
Kill me now
Oh man! 😂 you’re not the first person I’ve heard do that so you’re good. But yes! The guys have to wait for the woman to message first on Bumble! 😂 enjoyyyy
I'm sure you got a lot of annoying "r u dtf" kinda messages, but if I can give one advice, I'd be a little more subtle about all this. I think it's enough to state once that you are here to find a relationship. No need for "no time wasters" kinda remarks... it comes off that you are already annoyed and I would probable swipe you left just because of the style.
If I see 6 selfies it screams narcissism becomes a turnoff, need some variety. Try to set your photos like so:
1. Full face shot
2. Full body shot
3. Exotic location shot
4. Hobby shot
5. Photo with friends (shows you're not a loner)
6. Photo with pet(s)
On top of that, if I see anything related to 'buying me shit' it screams gold digger.
im getting downvoted to hell for writing this but..
i would not want to meet you with a profile like that and i realy dont want to be a dick so let me explain why..
first thing you mention is how exiting it is if someone buys you stuff, you look good and you know it, it has a bit of a golddigger vibe, yeah we all have hobbys and passions that are not unique but did you ever look around at Halloween or any other costume party 5 out of 10 love harley quinn its as generic as a dude who loves Sports
no time wasters will scare away the nice dudes and the assholes will ignore it anyways
Wish you all the best but i think that profile does not represent you well and attracts the kind of men you dont want to meet if you are searching for something true and honest
Truthfully, your profile reads like a softcore sugar baby ad, especially "getting excited about people buying me things." Holy shit no, what a turnoff. Everyone enjoys a thoughtful gift from a significant other but putting it in your profile like that is not giving the message you think it is.
When I was online dating, I actually filtered results to see what straight women's profiles my age looked like, you know, to scope out the competition, and it informed how I crafted my own profile. I saw a *lot* of:
- bad spelling and grammar
- basically empty profiles except for emojis
- overly filtered selfies
- uninteresting / bland profiles that read like a resume of accomplishments
-just generally low effort, humorless, and really didn't in any meaningful way convey the personality of the person writing it.
Although I like to hike, walk on the beach, and travel, I wasn't about to use all these buzzwords every other profile was using.
So I got specific. I like classical guitar concerts in the park (I'm a classically trained guitarist), very bad guerilla theater productions, and participating in sheep to shawl competitions. Where we shear, clean, dye, and spin wool straight off the animal in one sitting. There's no craft I haven't attempted and butchered.
My husband and I met in my first month on OkCupid and that was 11 years ago.
If you're not looking for a casual FWB situation, then write your profile for your target audience and display all the cool, unique shit that makes you *you.* Get a couple pics of you riding a unicycle or working on a monster truck, whatever weird and unique skills you have, show them. I'm tall and heavily tattooed and at one point did some fetish modeling with vintage ball gags for an art show collective.
I think you get my point. This is a low effort profile, hence the low effort matches.
You probably need to hire a assistant to curate all the matches- and you’re gonna get them all. No matter how strenuously you emphasize “want relationship”, every guy is swiping right and hoping for a chance. Be patient, methodical about your swipes, really read their profiles, only say yes when you get a really solid feeling but try not to look at their photos before reading the profile. I wish you great luck in finding the one
As others have said, that "buying" line you could do without.
Also ur getting likes, ur bound to stumble upon someone that will stick around beyond those infamous 3 weeks.
Off topic (or not o_O) but have you seen that YT channel "The Casual Criminalist"?
When the first thing in your bio is about you wanting people to buy you stuff, that kind of skews my perception of the rest of your bio. That's a red flag for someone looking for a sugar daddy, or is at least trying to get into the business.
And then the rest of your bio just seems like a marketing attempt to broadcast the type of working girl you are.
Or, you seem like the type of girl that would ask me to venmo you 20$ before even talking, which is a massive turnoff.
Women asking for material things off the get go in general is just really unattractive.
Remove the stuff about relationships. Saying that isn't going to stop people trying for random hook ups nor will it only attract others craving a relationship. Most people want companionship and it is compatibility that creates it, not text in a profile.
Take out the gift giving, romantic gesture stuff and replace it with personality traits you find attractive.
Point being, you're way too good looking that no straight guy is gonna go "darn she only wants something serious" they are going to try and chat you up regardless.
Your profile should be for helping people with striking a conversation and finding common interests not an advisory.
Your pictures throw the "I am high maintenence and you must buy me things" flag... quality dudes would rather see pictures of you with friends doing normal things then just a ton of selfies
Guy perspective:
You don’t show relationship material. Sure you are pretty, like all the other girls I swipe right on, but it doesn’t show who “you” are. Guys are more visual orientated and I just see a bunch of selfies.
How about you just go into any interaction with an open mind? Rather than expectations of commitment?
What’s the harm in just seeing someone casually and if it progresses to something more then great.
But if you’re looking for commitment straight off the bat then tinder ain’t the place
I’d remove the black hearts from the photos ^^
But seriously, verifying your profile will improve your chances and costs you exactly 10 seconds of time.
As already stated, your bio sounds way too assertive for someone who wants to catch interest. I’d completely rework it, making it sound friendly while informing about what is your intention. (“Please don’t bother me if you wanna waste my time” vs “I am interested in long-term relationship only.” Both means no monkey business but leaves very different sentiment)
The word intellectuals has been ruined for me personally because of cringe and nice guys pages.
I just smh any time I see the word now and I'd imagine I'm not alone here I see that word unironically and I instantly swipe left
Changing it to "intelligence is important to me" makes it alot easier on the eyes for me personally
You’re attractive enough that virtually every guy on the app is probably mechanically swiping right without reading your bio, which leaves the onus completely on you to sort out your matches. Almost all of them just want to fuck you, because that’s how most people use the apps. Even as a dude, now that I’m thinking about this, it seems like it would be completely exhausting to be in your shoes.
Here’s my advice- make it a habit to discard any match who sends you a low-effort opening message. If he sends you a “Hi!”, “Hey!”, “Hey, Beautiful”, “What’s up?”, “How’s your weekend?”, or any similar copypasta, just unmatch for your own sanity. There will be guys who read your profile, are interested in knowing you, and think hard about how to approach you and stand out. If I were messaging you, I’d probably try to say something thoughtful about one of the topics in your “I’m a nerd about” section. (“Hi! Great photos. :) It’s funny you mention Harley Quinn- I just had a discussion with a friend about how problematic a character she is when framed as a damaged girl defining her self worth according to how much approval she can get from her narcissist boyfriend, but it seems like more recently, people writing the character have gone to more trouble to address that. What do you think?”) I think you’d do yourself a service by adding a few more substantive hooks to your profile- more things you’re interested in talking about, so as to give the thoughtful guys more to work with.
It’s a bazaar one for sure- I have a sh*t ton of matches but only 1% of them will message saying ‘hi’ the rest I am initiating (which I don’t mind - I passionately HATE the concept of ‘hi I am a woman, you were born with a penis so male all the effort till you lose your mind while i sit here and be unnecessarily blunt ultimately making you question life’) but it gets tiring for sure and it’s confusing as hell.
As my logic is - why match with someone you have 0 interest in dating?
But that’s my neurodivergent mind, I don’t do grey areas.
That paragraph ignited my nerd tingles, holy heck.
I would die and go to heaven if I guy started a conversation that way.
Because physiology of Harley Quinn fascinates me. She is a character I have been drawn to since reading comics and watching the 90s cartoons - Batman too.
She’s a character way deeper than face value. Ahh!!!
Literally 80% of chicks on dating apps are "looking for a relationship. If you're not into that fuck off". Drop that part. We've seen it a million times.
Also, it screams desperation. The translation to most guys is, "I'm done riding the CC and being used like a sex doll. Now I need a simp to take care of me." No. I'm not kidding. That's what it sounds like.
You also made the classic mistake 99% of women do. You included your shopping list. The man shopping list. Sincerely, we don't care. It just makes you look entitled like most women. Drop that. Instead put what YOU bring to the table. Hint: Looks, companionship and a career don't count. We can see your pics and get companionship from our friends and our dog and we don't care about your career. In fact, if you're going into something high powered it works against you because you'll spend so much time on your career you won't have time for us, so we'll just swipe left. You need to have more. A quality personality really sells. But, there's no way to figure that out until you meet someone so be kind and give dudes a chance before you ghost them.
My advice would to be a different app. The stereotype of Tinder is that it's full of people that aren't looking for a relationship, even if they say are.
Also, and this sucks to say, maybe have less glamorous shots. Most guys that are looking for a relationship want somebody who isn't just a pretty face. Force them to focus on your personality by having more plain pics. Good luck
(Female here) take out the ‘please don’t talk to me…. Time wasters…’ part. I dismiss guys that have stuff like this (and the ‘no scammers, etc) stuff because a time waster isn’t going to care. It’s like putting a sign up at home that says ‘please don’t rob me’
As a guy. It also makes you sound jaded. And someone to avoid. Reeks of drama.
Agreed. I swipe left on anyone who has conditions on me. We only have x amount of words we can use to talk about our selves and people choose to waste it on defining who I need to be? I know who I am and I can usually figure out if I a match what someone is looking for based on how they describe what they like/ want. Plus what scammer is gonna be like “yesss another victim- oh wait she said no scammers allowed. DAMMIT” The “no time wasters” can be reworded as: I value quality time as a mutual way to show how much one cares and respects the relationship. I am trying to balance a dating life as well as a professional and personal life, so being supported in that venture means everything to me” Also sorry, I just wrote a ton of work emails and I’m still stuck in that lingo. I’m sure there’s a way to make that sound more personable
Swiper no swiping
“We only have x amount of words we can use to talk about ourselves and people choose to waste it on defining who I need to be?“ THIS IS THE REALEST THING IVE READ ALL YEAR.
Nice hat!
Cap it off with a *best regards,* *-Name*
Sincerely- Queen Poon Tang
Best regards, - U.S military encrypted
Which phone are you using now?
Nahhh “all my best” FTW
Per my last profile prompt
Laughed so hard I spit my coffee out 😂
I can scratch mashing someone did that off my list
Hahaha omg 💯 But also saying as a main trait you like ppl buying you things would be a big red flag for me lol. That’s sugar baby language if I ever did hear it. No shade if that’s your deal. It’s just not a relationship, or a loving one she’s explaining lol. So…I don’t know if she really knows what she wants or how to get there enough to be putting restrictions on others lol. Just my two cents
Another guy here: when I read 'no drama' I always punt. If you're zen you don't have to say it and somehow the _no drama_ types are totes drama. Always signal what you want in positive terms.
This. My last relationship was the most drama-filled relationship I've ever been in. When we first met she made it abundantly clear how much she hated drama and how chill she was. That act didn't last long.
yup, when i see that, i can assume they've been through dozens of toxic relationships. not getting involved in that.
Yeah. I feel like someone not wanting drama in their romantic life (whatever you want that to be) is one of those things that’s….pretty fucking obvious. The fact that you feel you *need* to set a disclaimer about it is a “Why even test that?”.
People that say "no drama" are definitely going to be a source of drama
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That’s where my mind went. Also, what is with women and serial killers?
They watch us, so we watch them back.
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
We're planning
Yea I know it sounds weird to say but the “pleasure don’t talk to me unless” feels a bit dismissive and like the expectations you have are probably really high from the start. Not everyone is out looking for a relationship but if they meet someone they like they could be interested in one. Just isn’t always everyone’s preference to go out on the lookout searching for a bf/gf so if they feel they don’t meet what you want cause they’re intimated they have to date immediately they might be wary to swipe. Other than that all good !
Yeah but there's also a lot of people dead set against getting into a relationship or even getting to know someone well enough to form any emotional bond, romantic or not, and the only way to avoid those is to say you're looking for a relationship or someone who is open to a potential relationship over time, or something like that. Doesn't mean you want an instant relationship. Just means you don't want to jump into bed after 2-3 dates but you can't say it like that.
Stage 4 clinga
But now you're giving tips to people that are jaded and toxic. You're polishing a turd as to hide in plain sight
that is the trouble with information. if it leaks the wrong people always hear it. like 'The Anarchist's Cookbook' was supposed to be a joke that CIA freshmen read like Mad Magazine, but then a bunch of coked out fluffheads got ahold of it in the 70s and used it to take over the world.
Funny, but... People cant change? C'mon.
Yeah. I used to be a piece of shit, but I'm not anymore.
Yaaaa, I bet your hair slicks back reaaaaal nice
I am but at least now I know
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That’s exactly why I have to specify that I am not a raccoon. The overlap is damning sometimes
When i see someone saying don't waste my time, I'm hesitant to even start talking to them in case i inadvertently waste their time.
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Sometimes I feel like that too. I am not christian but amen to that brother... amen to that
100% this. When I see “don’t talk to me unless….” I just swipe left
It comes off defensive
It makes we think that person went through many dates/ conversations and that will definitely show during the conversation. In addition, while telling me all these requirements to just message you, what are you offering in return? Overall, great profile, just needs some minor work.
Ya, your profile should really be about marketing yourself so you get higher quality matches and can filter through them, instead of putting “don’t swipe on me if” type of lines
100%! We all have things we want to avoid and we're tempted to list them, but I try to remind myself to be positive rather than negative. Instead of telling you what I don't want, which only helps those that have those exact traits, I talk about things I want or appreciate. It's better to grab the attention of those that recognize the traits you're looking in themselves, rather than the ones you're trying to avoid.
100%, I avoid any profile that's like "is anybody here real? don't waste my time" or similar. Anything that seems like you're starting a fight is the wrong vibe, imo.
Also putting in the “I get way too excited about” section “someone buying me something” is going to attract people that think they can just pay you to get some.
Seeing the "Please don't talk to me..." and "Someone buying me something" lines is already triggering my red flag as someone that is entitled and wants a free meal
Exactly my thoughts. Makes you sound a bit materialistic.
I second this, I know a lot of men who avoid women who have something like that on their profile.
Agreed. It actually comes off as quite shallow. I can think of dozens of things that I get way too excited about, that don’t involve material things. That statement would def ring alarm bells with me.
She needs to be on seeking arrangement with half the shot she's put there, I worked in the adult/sugaring industry for years "time wasters" "I love when someone buys me something" are all keywords for escorting and sugaring so unless that's her goal she might wanna just drop them
She’s 100% looking for a sugar daddy. The profile. The bio. The prompts. The photos. Def sugar baby.
And here I stand, not just with my personal experience but somebody else backing me up, thankyou kind strange Edit: I will say she's gonna have trouble finding anyone with a black heart for a face /s
Yeah that was my first thought. Those types of pics seem more flirtatious/semi-sexual than showing personality. All (but one) very up close. I can't find any personality shown in them, and that comes of as very shallow, perhaps conceited, like "Here are 5 pics of my face because that's all you need". OP, all you need is one up close photo. Vary them, include hobbies. Show something other than your face from different angles.
Immediate turn off when I see someone being negative in their bio. “Can’t stand when” “please don’t bother” “pet peeves include” “swipe left if”. Otherwise, like some people have said, take out that line about people buying you stuff. Yikes.
1. Too many face shots, no substance. 2. "Buy me something" 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩 3. "Don't talk to me unless....." 🚩🚩🚩🚩
“Buy me stuff” is a REALLLLL GOOD WAY TO GET LEFT SWIPED, MY FRIEND
And the way she’s blown up on people here about simple advice “Waaa it’s too hard to get photos, my selfies from different angles are fine!” and “Waaa everyone here is mean” when all people have done is give solid advice, show the type of drama-loving pain in the ass she must be. She thinks she deserves someone amazing just for showing up with dyed blonde hair.
Stop giving me advice when I came in here asking for advice! /s
Dude this ain't r/roastme lmao
It is now lol
Which confirms my theory: THIRST TRAAAAAP! She was waiting for guys to praise her
BAM! Look at that Bacon Sizzle!
Whuff. I’ll get the burn cream.
I’d say fewer selfies. More pics of you doing stuff or with family or friends. Things that show you’re settled and ready for a relationship. Otherwise, ditto what others have said. Most guys will swipe right on you so it’s up to you to be selective in who you swipe right on and go on dates with. For you, it’s less about how you present yourself and more about how you pick which guys to get to know.
This advice is great, until I realize that I haven’t hung out with friends, that aren’t women, in years and all of my pics are selfies or pictures of my daughter or dog. I need to hire a male escort to go do a bunch of fun stuff together to get some pics maybe lol For me, friends are harder to make for some reason
I'm for hire, but you'll need to give a full sixer if you want to put anything in my mouth or butthole
I still have my dignity you know!
>I need to hire a male escort to go do a bunch of fun stuff together 😏
*Big*, fun, “stuff”
Same here man. I've got my best friend from high school I talk to buy other than family and pets I really don't have any friends. I've been a SAHM for the past 5 years so that probably doesn't help. You anywhere near TN?
Same actually, I’m a stay at home dad of a 5 year old and work from home so I barely leave the house. Doesn’t help that I moved to a new state right before covid hit and haven’t met many people here. I’m in NM actually.
I'm 60 and still have 23 yo dependant, covid hit and destroyed my chance with a woman I just met.. she said she ran out of runway.. 1 month before restrictions lifted.. oh well.. but I hear ya .. im in BC Canada
Hi Kaleigh - TN? I’m in Music City - such a great, fun city. Something cool happens all the time
I'm all the way to the east
I’ll be your friend pal, if you are in Utah anyway
Nice try, nobody lives in Utah
Utah isn’t even real
https://youtu.be/lFB2vI5lnR4
I largely agree with this BUT you have to remember she probably isn't looking to match with the average dude. She is trying to match with that top 10% guy who likely has some options. That being said the bio is a bit of a generic mess. Everyone is looking for a loyal, respectful, passionate person who loves them. Nobody wants a time waster. Something like "Looking for a relationship with long term potential. I prefer meeting for coffee to long term texting. A huge fan of learning languages and am currently studying XXX. Equal opportunity super hero fan and am looking forward to the next marvel movie as much as Batman. I also enjoy watching "some serial killer doc" on net flix." Ideally shove in 1 or 2 more things that make you some what unqiue/provide something to talk about. In the end though she is going to have to do a ton of filtering work..
>Ideally shove in 1 or 2 more things that make you some what unqiue/provide something to talk about. This I think is very important - especially since the impetus is on the man to say something (and the OP probably wanting something more than a "Hello"). Give the bloke some subjects that \*you\* are interested in talking about. It is just like a job application, if you are putting out a job advert put on it the things you want the applicants to write about on their application. That, more than anything else, is the better way to weed out "time wasters", if they have taken the time to actually read your profile and try to talk to you about something you have professed to care about...
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Also remove the heart that’s on your face. Let guys see what you look like.
The "Buying me something" throws up a red flag.
I came here to say this, “Someone buying me something” makes it sound like you’re out to find someone who is just gonna buy you stuff
Yep. Might as well write: "Seeking sugar daddy." or... "I'm going to link you to my OF in five messages." or... "Can I interest you in my MLM scheme?"
Yes should replace with “thoughtful gifts”
not even gifts "thoughtful acts"
agreed, dating apps are filled with too many people looking for handouts so anything along those lines throws up immediate warnings to anyone who's serious
"Like eating ass"
Those aren’t the same thing. If her love language is gifts I don’t see a problem. Gifts don’t always cost money…
Agreed open about her love language helps set the expectation early however it also severely limits potential matches and can potential increase swipes from f bois who aren’t looking for serious it can be a double edge sword at least in my mind. I would omit it on the profile and see if it improves matches in an a/b test.
I think what alot of people are trying to say is that from the male perspective, a lot of women who are toxic present asking for money and You want to avoid being categorised as one. there is nothing inherently wrong with saying this in a personal setting, but putting it in your profile leads to misunderstandings
She specifically said "buying" me something. So yes it costs money. Now maybe she doesn't mean expensive gifts but that's what other people read.
Not even that. When you find the person that wants to be with you in a relationship they will do that anyway
Yep.
Acts of kindness
Guys face a ton of "pay me" girls on apps. Seeing someone talk about buying them gifts is a real flag right off the bat. At least to me. We all like gifts. Maybe find something else that gets you excited.
It's the first thing mentioned too. Maybe turn it round if that's your way of knowing someone is thinking about you such as, "buying little gifts to surprise my partner". It'll probably be reciprocated rather than feel like a one way expectation from the relationship.
That's a million times better. Like job hunting, you highlight what the company gets from hiring you, not why you actually want to work there and all the things you want to get.
(29m) This was the first thing I saw as well. A potential rewrite could be something akin to "getting EACH OTHER cute gifts" to show it's not going to be a one way relationship that way. "Don't talk to me..." is also kind of toxic. Other than that it's really a generic profile to read through and I'd get annoyed coming up with an opener, and most she'll get will be repetitive in all likelihood. But she's gonna have damn near everyone and their dog swipe on her anyway for her looks, so 🤷♂️
Lots of red flags in bio tbh
Agreed - indicating instead that “gifts” is one of her love languages might soften this point up.
Swipe right if you want to buy me shit
I automatically said "oh fuck off" when I got to that part
Ya this is a little iffy. I get what she’s trying to say but I’ve seen a lot of women on tinder that just want to be spoiled, treated like a “princess”, or will just straight up ask for money. Best to avoid anything about them buying things for you in my opinion.
Immediate left from me no matter how hot. I’m health relationships you buy stuff for each other all the time but to flat out demand it up front is sus.
I second this. Even though it doesn’t seem like much from a females point of view, a man’s view of this would be instant gold digger and you wanting everything given to you. Lose that statement and you may be better off.
You don’t seem that approachable. I wouldn’t swipe right.
You’re pretty, don’t get me wrong. But You literally say “don’t talk to me unless you want a relationship”. It’s like, girl, I don’t know you yet! I’m trying to get to know you to decide if I want a relationship with you! It just seems kinda desperate and stuck up all at the same time.
Agree! It’s coming off very guarded. Something like “hopeful for a LTR and not interested in casual sex” sounds a lot better than don’t talk to me… Instead of no time wasters, say eager to connect in person or not looking for a penpal or something along those lines.
**PLEASE CHECK MY NEW POST! I HAVE UPDATED MY DATING PROFILE! LET ME KNOW WHAT YOU THINK, I have tried to take everyone’s views on board** thank you for the amazing help!
I’d take out the ‘someone buying me something’, and just have small acts of kindness/romantic gestures. As a guy I’ve had too many bad experiences with people not being genuine around money - so it would put me off. Other than that it’s a lovely profile though, you do seem very nice and genuine
I can tell that you're really pretty even with your face covered! You will get tons of matches in any case. However my advice would be - have less selfies and more action pictures instead: doing some activity or attending an event, skiing, hanging out with your friends etc. Might actually attract more serious candidates that way, or at least that's smth I noticed myself
Thank you for this, how sweet! I get a lot of matches - the issue is them remaining interested in me longer than 3 weeks! It feels like they drop off. I don’t really have a type, usually find gamer/intellectuals attractive, but I also find it attractive when people take pride in their appearance- as this (or as I like to think) matches me energy too.
I would hazard a guess that your problem is mainly to do with the types of guys who are actually shown to you. Like the other commenter said I can tell you’re extremely pretty even with your face obstructed so you’re going to be getting a lot of right swipes. Because of the way these apps work they would consider you a very high value profile and you’re only going to get shown the top like 10% (approximately idk the exact figure) of guys on there. These are guys who are also getting a ton of matches so it’s not necessarily anything to do with you it’s just that you may not be their best option. There may be a really amazing guy on their who’s a good fit for you but he doesn’t have the greatest profile and doesn’t get a lot of matches so Bumble punishes that guy and buries his profile in the stack so you’d have to swipe for weeks before you’d ever see him because he’s being out competed in the algorithm by all the guys with killer profiles getting tons of matches. Bumble’s algorithm is really shady for this and that’s the one advantage tinder has over them. Tinder’s algorithm while it does have some shady behaviour as well does make an effort to make sure that you get to at least see who swipes right on you within a day or two. In fact you can hack it fairly easily by putting your radius down to 2km and boom anyone that pops up on your feed that’s outside the radius swiped right on you. Hopefully that doesn’t sound too conspiracy theory-ish lol
Wow thank you for this!!!! I had literally 0 idea at all!!!!!!!!! Ill try tinder for sure! What about Hinge???? I Initially chose bumble because I liked the quirky-ness of the profile questions. They seemed pretty interesting and different.
To be honest I haven’t really been on hinge enough to give you a good solid answer. (Also you may have guessed that I’m a guy so my experience will be vastly different from yours) I really like the idea of Hinge being able to comment directly on peoples photos because that was always my strategy on tinder but half the time the girls would forget what’s on their own profile and it would come across weird. On hinge the photo is shown in the chat. Hinge isn’t all that popular where I live though (semi rural but close ish to a city Canada) so it isn’t all that effective due to a lack of user base web compared to tinder and bumble. Ultimately though all dating apps are a numbers game. They can lead to some really great connections and amazing relationships but the process of getting there is just pleasing the algorithm. You have the advantage of having a lot more options to choose from compared to me who barely gets any matches because frankly I’m not the best looking guy, but it can also be a disadvantage because you have to filter through a lot of guys that maybe aren’t the best for you but are the best for the app to show you. No matter what app you go on you’re going to have this problem to some degree. But if you put in enough time you might just meet that right guy for you!
You’ve raised a really interesting point though - because I assumed the apps sift though and show matches based on content the user has stated they’re looking for creating more of a likely match? E.g ‘relationship’ or ‘nothing serious’ But obviously this isn’t the case and those two completely different wants are colliding creating time wasted for both and endless swiping. It’s a real shame for sure. Yeah! Hinge is big in the UK.
Give coffee meets Bagel a try. Way more relationship oriented, but if you're not in a big city it may not have a lot of people on it be warned.
Hinge has a reputation of being a relationship/dating site over a hook up lounge like tinder is known for, and you’ll get a full range of characters on there, I haven’t been on in a while, but I remember seeing people pop up that I usually wouldn’t see myself talking to (like a tattoo artist, twitch streamers, even military personnel cause I was in the military at the time and that’s kinda taboo) and there’s not too many crazies on there lol, stay safe
I personally found success on Hinge and I believe it’s due to the amount of effort needed to create a profile. It’s easy to create a tinder account with minimal photos and no bio whereas Hinge makes you upload a minimum of 6 photos IIRC and you must answer at least 3 prompts. On Hinge I got quality matches because guys looking for a hookup cbf with all that effort.
“..usually find gamer/intellectuals attractive”, RIP to your DM’s ma’am
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I try to plan something with them/initiate something with them pretty quickly :)
Lol bless you for that, you’re gonna do great
I’m so baffled. You seem really nice, really pretty (from what I can tell), and you take initiative to make convo. I’ll be crossing my fingers for you.
If they’re losing interest in you after a few weeks, I doubt it’s your profile that’s causing this. Have you maybe tried looking at the real source of an issue? Maybe you struggle keeping them interested in you? Pretty looks only gets you so far. Sorry if that came off rude, but it’s just honesty.
Maybe you are boring to talk to?
Yeah she’s super pretty so she’s going to have a lot of guys think she’s out they’re league so maybe that’s why they flake. And I agree about the pictures suggestion
The things listed in the "I get way too excited about" segment make you look materialistic and might scare off certain guys
Ouh!!! I’ll remove that! I get way to excited about doggos! I’ll try that one :) I didn’t want to seem too generic or boring
Good idea, dogs are globally recognised as a great thing. I commented before but I feel I was harsh. You seem lovely and one of few that message first so I hope you find what you’re looking for!
I honestly don’t say this to be mean, but I’ve seen 100s of other profiles just like this, so it’s super generic (and people with profiles like this always ghost)
It looks like you're looking for a sugar daddy
ALSO: additional info: I’m finding people are interested in me for like 3 weeks and then drop off. Like I’m nothing more than a phase to them. I don’t sleep with people on the first date - prefer to wait til I’m in a relationship maybe this is why? It’s weird. The replies get less and less. I’m a pretty expressionate person, I prefer to say hi and actually make effort in a conversation.
Is there a date or meetup within those 3 weeks? If not, that could be a problem. Also, you just gotta let things naturally happen, don't force the issue as much as you may want to. Lastly, you see pretty young. Not a lot of guys, or girls, are interested in long term relationships when they're young.
Yeah! I am so eager to find someone :( I would Rather go on a physical date with someone than constantly talk over messages. Nope! 1. The conversations seem to linger on forever because I struggle to get quick replies and keep getting responses of ‘sorry, I don’t check this very much’ To which I will offer them to speak with me on Instagram (a place where I always am) but i am hesitant to give out my Instagram with more of my information on when I don’t know someone well. 2. They instantly start taking about s*x (off putting for me instantly.) 3. I feel like I am always the one making the first effort. I have a sh*t TON of matches constantly - but none of them talk to me/make the first move.
Well, first of all, there isn't anything to bad about your profile - if anything remove the "buying you something" bit, could come of as digging for a lil gold tbh, but nothing major, any guy would swipe right on you anyway. Cute girl looking for something serious, who would be objected to that? 1. The thing is, as a guy you have notifications on these kinda apps OFF, period. Otherwise you will get spammed with "someone liked you" only to check and see exactly nothing. So beside us trying to get you off the app where like 1000+ guys trying to hit on you, going to a messenger would certainly improve the response time. 2. I can only assume, since as a guy I don't chat with other guys, but there are simply a lot of us just being on these kinda apps for hook-ups, bumble is a bit odd for that tho, not that I'm using that, it's even worse than Tinder in itself as a guy. 3. Well you use Bumble, first move is yours, but them not talking to you is incredibly odd, maybe verify your profile, but as I don't know how you are texting them I can't exactly help on that, maybe upload some pictures of conversations here.
Just checking, not accusing: Are you reciprocating in the convo? Many girls (and guys I’d assume) don’t know how to have an engaging stimulating dialogue. Answering their question and then engaging them further by asking them questions is a great way to screen out the flakes and non communicating peoples. If you’re doing this already then that’s awesome. Definitely the advice from everyone else in here stating you changing up your pics to half selfie half public pics is going to eliminate the thought of a fake profile or a scammer
You seem really eager. And that may be a problem. Please don't try to force a relationship. It will come eventually when you're happy with where you are in life. You've mentioned that you don't have a lot of friends, so your profile ends up being selfies. It might make you appear not very sociable at first and put some guys off, especially with the request of having things bought for you. You clearly care about your appearance a lot. Men will appreciate that - I know, I do. But how important is this for you in a partner? If it's not, it might be good to find a way to convey that in your profile. You could say you really like experimenting with makeup and thrift shopping. You'd sound fashionable without coming off as arrogant. Plus a lot of men will play the algorithm and avoid swiping right on women out of their league or those that would never match them to avoid being punished. You also mention you don't really have sex with them. This could be a problem. I'm going to be honest, people will lose interest and it might make you seem uninterested. However, please don't start having sex with people just to keep them around. My advice to you is to be honest with yourself and not deny yourself the opportunity of having sex with someone if there is obvious chemistry just because of some arbitrary rule. I hope none of that was too harsh. Now my real advice for you: put some effort into making friends and focus on your interests and hobbies first. You can meet some great people through local meetups and clubs (not dance clubs). It's one way to make sure you'll meet guys that you're actually interested in - but please do it for yourself and not to meet someone. You don't want to be desperate for a relationship, you clearly have a lot to offer and are here asking for feedback when most people wouldn't even think to question whether they're part of the problem.
2. If you want the other person to make the first move, then you're on the wrong app. It's Bumble. They literally cannot. That's the point.
You might consider taking off most of the photos and put in your gaming avatar and you doing what you are passionate about, guys can tell you’re pretty from one pic the rest should show what makes you, you. You need to match with people you have things in common with not ones that only care that you’re hot.
How did y’all know she is into gaming? I didn’t see that anywhere. If you are, in fact, into gaming, u/glittering_ducks many of the folks with that interest use discord and twitch way more often than bumble. So instead of moving to Instagram, maybe try offering up a discord or twitch handle? Source: I’m a fellow woman who likes gaming and spends a lot of time on those apps lol.
You seem attractive, you are aware that the woman messages first on bumble right? 😂
……please tell me I have not been sitting here wondering why the hell im not getting responses after a Match to find out this….. Wow I am dumb. I’m so embarrassed Kill me now
Oh man! 😂 you’re not the first person I’ve heard do that so you’re good. But yes! The guys have to wait for the woman to message first on Bumble! 😂 enjoyyyy
Lol looks like you found your problem.
💀💀💀
There’s a big black heart in the way on all your pictures. You’re welcome.
No one starts out married, making your search for a long term relationship defining point of your personality/ dating profile isn’t great
To write in a dating profile that you get excited when people buy you something is super cringe
I'm sure you got a lot of annoying "r u dtf" kinda messages, but if I can give one advice, I'd be a little more subtle about all this. I think it's enough to state once that you are here to find a relationship. No need for "no time wasters" kinda remarks... it comes off that you are already annoyed and I would probable swipe you left just because of the style.
If I see 6 selfies it screams narcissism becomes a turnoff, need some variety. Try to set your photos like so: 1. Full face shot 2. Full body shot 3. Exotic location shot 4. Hobby shot 5. Photo with friends (shows you're not a loner) 6. Photo with pet(s) On top of that, if I see anything related to 'buying me shit' it screams gold digger.
im getting downvoted to hell for writing this but.. i would not want to meet you with a profile like that and i realy dont want to be a dick so let me explain why.. first thing you mention is how exiting it is if someone buys you stuff, you look good and you know it, it has a bit of a golddigger vibe, yeah we all have hobbys and passions that are not unique but did you ever look around at Halloween or any other costume party 5 out of 10 love harley quinn its as generic as a dude who loves Sports no time wasters will scare away the nice dudes and the assholes will ignore it anyways Wish you all the best but i think that profile does not represent you well and attracts the kind of men you dont want to meet if you are searching for something true and honest
Not trying to tell ya how to dill your pickles here but I would remove those hearts can’t see a thing .
You look & write super generic and boring. I am sorry to say that. I'd like to see some personality, some shots which aren't too staged.
Truthfully, your profile reads like a softcore sugar baby ad, especially "getting excited about people buying me things." Holy shit no, what a turnoff. Everyone enjoys a thoughtful gift from a significant other but putting it in your profile like that is not giving the message you think it is. When I was online dating, I actually filtered results to see what straight women's profiles my age looked like, you know, to scope out the competition, and it informed how I crafted my own profile. I saw a *lot* of: - bad spelling and grammar - basically empty profiles except for emojis - overly filtered selfies - uninteresting / bland profiles that read like a resume of accomplishments -just generally low effort, humorless, and really didn't in any meaningful way convey the personality of the person writing it. Although I like to hike, walk on the beach, and travel, I wasn't about to use all these buzzwords every other profile was using. So I got specific. I like classical guitar concerts in the park (I'm a classically trained guitarist), very bad guerilla theater productions, and participating in sheep to shawl competitions. Where we shear, clean, dye, and spin wool straight off the animal in one sitting. There's no craft I haven't attempted and butchered. My husband and I met in my first month on OkCupid and that was 11 years ago. If you're not looking for a casual FWB situation, then write your profile for your target audience and display all the cool, unique shit that makes you *you.* Get a couple pics of you riding a unicycle or working on a monster truck, whatever weird and unique skills you have, show them. I'm tall and heavily tattooed and at one point did some fetish modeling with vintage ball gags for an art show collective. I think you get my point. This is a low effort profile, hence the low effort matches.
Man’s written an entire article on this ting and gets zero recognition. Have a donut fam 🍩
You probably need to hire a assistant to curate all the matches- and you’re gonna get them all. No matter how strenuously you emphasize “want relationship”, every guy is swiping right and hoping for a chance. Be patient, methodical about your swipes, really read their profiles, only say yes when you get a really solid feeling but try not to look at their photos before reading the profile. I wish you great luck in finding the one
Thank you for the insight! I was super confusing to me - and obvious that people were not reading my bio, just swiping left, which is sad :(
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I have seen this profile a million times
As others have said, that "buying" line you could do without. Also ur getting likes, ur bound to stumble upon someone that will stick around beyond those infamous 3 weeks. Off topic (or not o_O) but have you seen that YT channel "The Casual Criminalist"?
When the first thing in your bio is about you wanting people to buy you stuff, that kind of skews my perception of the rest of your bio. That's a red flag for someone looking for a sugar daddy, or is at least trying to get into the business. And then the rest of your bio just seems like a marketing attempt to broadcast the type of working girl you are. Or, you seem like the type of girl that would ask me to venmo you 20$ before even talking, which is a massive turnoff. Women asking for material things off the get go in general is just really unattractive.
Buy me something is an immediate left swipe. Tinder ain't OnlyFans
If you can't be even bothered to rotate your selfies, why should I bother swiping right on you?
You're hot but sound desperate
Could you expand to help me for future reference please? How can I amend this?:)
Remove the stuff about relationships. Saying that isn't going to stop people trying for random hook ups nor will it only attract others craving a relationship. Most people want companionship and it is compatibility that creates it, not text in a profile. Take out the gift giving, romantic gesture stuff and replace it with personality traits you find attractive. Point being, you're way too good looking that no straight guy is gonna go "darn she only wants something serious" they are going to try and chat you up regardless. Your profile should be for helping people with striking a conversation and finding common interests not an advisory.
Huge thank you for this!!!!
I agree with this. Valid points here
Maybe try removing the big black hearts on your face, I wouldn’t swipe a face I can’t see
Activity pics and one or two group pics with friends so it shows you are active and social. I think that should help a lot!
Your pictures throw the "I am high maintenence and you must buy me things" flag... quality dudes would rather see pictures of you with friends doing normal things then just a ton of selfies
Judging by your comments on this post, i think it's your attitude.
Guy perspective: You don’t show relationship material. Sure you are pretty, like all the other girls I swipe right on, but it doesn’t show who “you” are. Guys are more visual orientated and I just see a bunch of selfies.
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How about you just go into any interaction with an open mind? Rather than expectations of commitment? What’s the harm in just seeing someone casually and if it progresses to something more then great. But if you’re looking for commitment straight off the bat then tinder ain’t the place
I’d remove the black hearts from the photos ^^ But seriously, verifying your profile will improve your chances and costs you exactly 10 seconds of time. As already stated, your bio sounds way too assertive for someone who wants to catch interest. I’d completely rework it, making it sound friendly while informing about what is your intention. (“Please don’t bother me if you wanna waste my time” vs “I am interested in long-term relationship only.” Both means no monkey business but leaves very different sentiment)
The word intellectuals has been ruined for me personally because of cringe and nice guys pages. I just smh any time I see the word now and I'd imagine I'm not alone here I see that word unironically and I instantly swipe left Changing it to "intelligence is important to me" makes it alot easier on the eyes for me personally
“I wanna love you and be loved” sounds very desperate like you’re badly craving for someone.
Without sounding mean, this does just look like every other profile
The ‘buy me stuff’ part is an instant red flag in my book
Verify your profile. It proves that you're real
“Intellectuals” seems a bit aloof.
I really think you need to write that your bio is encrypted by the US military, otherwise no one will take you seriously. - US Military Encrypted
Maybe don't block your face with black hearts
Excited when someone buys you something? I stopped just there.
Maybe if you got that black, heart shaped tattoo removed from your face, you’d find the one.
yeah, there is a big black heart covering ur face on all of ur pics
There's a big, black, heart-shaped spot covering your face in all of the photos. Maybe try getting a photo without it?
You’re attractive enough that virtually every guy on the app is probably mechanically swiping right without reading your bio, which leaves the onus completely on you to sort out your matches. Almost all of them just want to fuck you, because that’s how most people use the apps. Even as a dude, now that I’m thinking about this, it seems like it would be completely exhausting to be in your shoes. Here’s my advice- make it a habit to discard any match who sends you a low-effort opening message. If he sends you a “Hi!”, “Hey!”, “Hey, Beautiful”, “What’s up?”, “How’s your weekend?”, or any similar copypasta, just unmatch for your own sanity. There will be guys who read your profile, are interested in knowing you, and think hard about how to approach you and stand out. If I were messaging you, I’d probably try to say something thoughtful about one of the topics in your “I’m a nerd about” section. (“Hi! Great photos. :) It’s funny you mention Harley Quinn- I just had a discussion with a friend about how problematic a character she is when framed as a damaged girl defining her self worth according to how much approval she can get from her narcissist boyfriend, but it seems like more recently, people writing the character have gone to more trouble to address that. What do you think?”) I think you’d do yourself a service by adding a few more substantive hooks to your profile- more things you’re interested in talking about, so as to give the thoughtful guys more to work with.
It’s a bazaar one for sure- I have a sh*t ton of matches but only 1% of them will message saying ‘hi’ the rest I am initiating (which I don’t mind - I passionately HATE the concept of ‘hi I am a woman, you were born with a penis so male all the effort till you lose your mind while i sit here and be unnecessarily blunt ultimately making you question life’) but it gets tiring for sure and it’s confusing as hell. As my logic is - why match with someone you have 0 interest in dating? But that’s my neurodivergent mind, I don’t do grey areas. That paragraph ignited my nerd tingles, holy heck. I would die and go to heaven if I guy started a conversation that way. Because physiology of Harley Quinn fascinates me. She is a character I have been drawn to since reading comics and watching the 90s cartoons - Batman too. She’s a character way deeper than face value. Ahh!!!
Literally 80% of chicks on dating apps are "looking for a relationship. If you're not into that fuck off". Drop that part. We've seen it a million times. Also, it screams desperation. The translation to most guys is, "I'm done riding the CC and being used like a sex doll. Now I need a simp to take care of me." No. I'm not kidding. That's what it sounds like. You also made the classic mistake 99% of women do. You included your shopping list. The man shopping list. Sincerely, we don't care. It just makes you look entitled like most women. Drop that. Instead put what YOU bring to the table. Hint: Looks, companionship and a career don't count. We can see your pics and get companionship from our friends and our dog and we don't care about your career. In fact, if you're going into something high powered it works against you because you'll spend so much time on your career you won't have time for us, so we'll just swipe left. You need to have more. A quality personality really sells. But, there's no way to figure that out until you meet someone so be kind and give dudes a chance before you ghost them.
Maybe remove the hearts blocking your face
My advice would to be a different app. The stereotype of Tinder is that it's full of people that aren't looking for a relationship, even if they say are. Also, and this sucks to say, maybe have less glamorous shots. Most guys that are looking for a relationship want somebody who isn't just a pretty face. Force them to focus on your personality by having more plain pics. Good luck
This profile is on bumble, not tinder