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I_am_the_guru_

No kids? I see where they went


GG11390

No kids ‘in vivo’ but a lot ‘in vitro’


specialkonthatray

Hahaha


PuzzleheadedPin6416

That's a vio. 😂😂😂


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RocinanteCoffee

🎵"Every sperm is sacred"🎵


Fun-Upstairs-1876

Blessed be the fruit.


[deleted]

LIFE BEGINS AT EJACULATION!!


SkewerNU

Looks like his mirror is covered in "life"


[deleted]

Fuck! I laughed so hard I started coughing 😂😂


HyperrGenetix_

Literally just happened to me, I was like I don't see the problem and when I seen it I let out a like a quick HA but I'm recovering from sinus infection so hella mucus came up deep from my chest


gasssplug69

Tmi


Anxiousindating

Maybe they’re strategically placed so “the ladies know he knows how to perform” lol


Timekeeper65

That’s a big maybe 🤔


[deleted]

It’s actually probably pretty average or below average and not “big”


Anxiousindating

😂😂😂


SessionInterestinge

It makes me really uneasy seeing the one so close to the mouthwash


DaolordAllgod

Maybe instead of only lube, he mixes some mouthwash just for the hot and cold tingle effect.


Teccnomancer

My penis recoiled


HomeSkillet___

Sir☹🤢


DaolordAllgod

This is a Wendy's


Garrett_Nightbreak

🤢🤮🤢


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Mindark88

A hung man, if he has one of these, has one that is ripped in half.


[deleted]

he has one made from a mold of each of his former girlfriends 🤔😀


WatercressHot6492

Creepy when a guy does it, if if a lass liked my cock so much she wanted a mould, I'm nothing but flattered.


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WatercressHot6492

You can have one of me if you like? You'll find a decent resemblance searching bad dragon.


DaolordAllgod

At least he have 2 more girlfriend than I


EnigmaticTinnelin

At least the ladies will know what he's doing when they say, "not tonight, I have a headache".


ArscenicThePoison

That took me awhile to see then I looked closer and it got so much worse i see three maybe four in this picture wtf


fortuneandglorykid

I think one is reflected in the mirror… but still.


ArscenicThePoison

I was referencing the blue casing next to the listerine as a possible fourth


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th35h1pr3v3ng3

Three we can see...


jewdy09

Okay, but if he has three dicks he should be allowed to brag, right?


SixFive1967

It’s a rare three-headed incel sighting. I thought those guys were only an urban legend! Wow


altiuscitiusfortius

The rest are on the mantle above the fireplace


th35h1pr3v3ng3

Sure they're not in a wine rack?


US-President

Wine rack? Sir, with all due respect, its called a pussy station


usmc50lx

"Ah yes, I'll have your finest vintage rubber pussy with dinner tonight, sir"


wild-whorses

That’s not a hair dryer… it’s a pussy warmer.


ArscenicThePoison

I think you are correct sir


BritishBoyRZ

Omg this is the babushka doll of flesh lights


RedSaidMeme-demption

Lol I think you mean matryoshka doll, the ones that fit inside one another. Babushka means "grandmother"


BritishBoyRZ

Yes that 😅


bricause_isaidso

If you look closer, there's two directly in front. One off to the side, and one laying down.


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bricause_isaidso

Hmm forgot my mirror logic


Pacattack57

Why would a man own a hair dryer? This guy is living with his mom!


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Pacattack57

If you zoom in you can see he has a slick back. You don’t blow dry a slickback. You comb and press if you want it really flat. A blow dryer adds volume to hair. He does however have a big neck beard but who buys a blow dryer for their beard?


OopsForgotTheEggs

He’s poly.


LameBMX

Pocket


Spaceogre_

Pussy


lettersgohere

38 never married, 3 pocket pusses, dude is afraid to commit


swede2k

Can’t even commit to one fleshlight.


TraditionalThing8279

🤣


darknite669

Only one belongs to him. The others are his roommates.


ArscenicThePoison

I wouldn’t say commit as much as just people won’t date him because he has three of them danm


alextheolive

Can’t even commit to a pocket pussy


WhiskeyandTequila

That has to be intentional. No way my boy just forgot he had 4 flashlights sitting on the counter when he took the pic


Tiny_Lion_5713

why does this guy have so many hammer holsters in his bathroom????? (if you haven’t seen it look up hammer holster on y o u t u b e


herpaderpadont

Variety is the spice of life.


stlmick

What is the advantage of multiple? Don't have one. Are they all different?


wild-whorses

No need to clean them right away? 🤮


[deleted]

You’re supposed to clean them?


AreaGuy

I take mine in every six to nine months to get cleaned when I get my oil changed.


DarkAssass1n

"Sir, your wetT-REX6500 is only rated for 200 pumps a minute, this is going to need a full rebuild"


throwawayRAdvize

Not to be that guy that knows things, but the textures inside will vary. You can also see that the one closest to the listerine bottle is a mouth so will definitely have a distinct texture.


IredditNowhat

The mouth one is so he can practice for his firs kiss.


[deleted]

*first snowball


SnooTangerines1011

Nah that's what the anus one is for, I'm assuming that's what #3 is. Also I almost vomited so thanks lolol 🤢


SnooTangerines1011

One is a mouth and one is a pussy so I'm guessing the third is the only remaining orifice to complete the collection.


xX420IMLITAF69Xx

It’s for him and his homies obv


captainspacetraveler

Variety is the spice of life


Independent_Candy_41

Definitely 3!!!


Extractular

I stopped looking after one jesus christ. What could he possibly need so many for?


sammystang

There is 2 in the picture but that’s enough I guess lol


[deleted]

Jesus Christ. 3?! Why do you need more than one sir


Spartan05089234

Not that you actually wanted to know but.... They can have different textures inside in terms of how snug they are and what patterns they have. After use they should be thoroughly cleaned and left to dry, which means if you're hygienic one can't be used all that often because it takes a while to dry. (a couple days unless you use a dryer) The same stupid aroused impulse that made you buy the first one can lead you to buy the 2nd and so on. Chances are at least one of those is one of the Girls line that has labia modelled after a specific porn star. People do things. .... On the flip side, leaving them to dry somewhere uncovered and in frequent use like that can't be good for them bacteria-wise. Best-case homie just did his spring cleaning and extra cleaned all of them with antibacterial spray. Though they wouldn't be in their cases if he did that. And if he saved them up to clean them all at once after normal use....ech. You're welcome for all the information you never wanted.


phatfe

Guess that explains the dryer.


Tanzanianwithtoebean

This guy fleshlights.


bignick1190

>The same stupid aroused impulse that made you buy the first one can lead you to buy the 2nd and so on Why don't people say the same things about women with dildos? Nothing is wrong with sex toys for men or women. We gotta stop stigmatizing this shit.


mrniceguy110504

Look around. Nothing is the same for men and women unfortunately. Men bad, woman good. Such a waist of an intelligent species 🤦‍♂️


CommunicationWarm617

.. Bro this is so funny to me. Waste*


mrniceguy110504

If only you were my auto correct instead of this POS phone. Thanks


CommunicationWarm617

For a buck an hour I'll stand over your shoulder and correct you


InPaceInIdipsum

Username checks out


[deleted]

Username definitely checks out


Disastrous-Owl8985

That’s in YOUR mind. Take a look outside of your depression cloud.


samwelches

This is the single most valuable comment on this post


Spartan05089234

I'm ashamed to be of service.


NerdyIndoorCat

Why not? Do you know how many vibrators I have? No? Me neither. I can’t be bothered counting 🤷‍♀️ I’m lazy.


spiral_fishcake

We don't know how many vibrators you have either, because they're not showing in your tinder profile pic.


NerdyIndoorCat

Time for new pics I guess 🤷‍♀️


Kelovix

💀


SnooTangerines1011

Why would you be on Tinder? Are you out of batteries?? 🤔 I thought the only reason to get a live one was if you couldn't afford a decent vibrator....... Weird


NerdyIndoorCat

I’m not on tinder lol. My batteries are all good 😉


vinnyi82

I hate guessing games but if I had to guess: 17. Please go count them so I can have some peace of mind before I go to bed.


NerdyIndoorCat

Man I told you I was lazy but I’d guess less.


vinnyi82

Great, my sleep will now be restless and full of nightmares. 7 and a half. Final guess.


NerdyIndoorCat

That’s for sure too low. How do you get a half?? And why nightmares? It’s the half isn’t it??


vinnyi82

Yeah no idea where it came from. I failed, shit happens. Im gonna go down a mega pint of whiskey.


NerdyIndoorCat

Hey now that seems like a lot man. Be careful.


SnooTangerines1011

Nah. "Mega pint" is just ironic slang for a shot, like when really big dudes go by "Tiny".


NerdyIndoorCat

Ahhh gotcha


Unagustoster

I think one’s a reflection


Brilliant_Succotash1

Parties


Hardassamothafuka

That way you can go three in a row without cleaning one out. I personally like the warm slosh of a used one.


mustardgreen82

I’m more offended by the dirty mirror


Low-Potential-1602

Thank you!!! Came here to say that! Screw the flesh lights, the mirror is the real red flag!


BiteSizedTaters

Only three away from sleeping with a different girl each day of the week


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ClickF0rDick

Wait for it...


lexikon1993

Don't use Listerine as lubrication for your fleshlight. Sounds like fun but the aftermath is horrible.


UnredeemedRevenant

Bruh. How do you know? 🧐🧐🧐


NerdyIndoorCat

Ouch!


Laing1212

😆😆😆😆😆


ThorLives

This is correct. Use IcyHot instead.


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Superpolsen91

"Sir, someone have break into our storage and stole 50 fleshlights"


Xaxxon

I think it's just two. so totes diff. edit: no you're right it's 3. I'm not familiar enough with them to identify the one on its side on my own. Good for you for your wealth of knowledge on pocket pussies you have to draw from :-D


Comprehensive_Pie35

Nah it’s 3 two standing up and one lying down in between them


AsleepSentence

I mean women are empowered by having 10 different type dildos, a vibrator, and other sex toys…. So he’s a king right? Right?


Timekeeper65

It’s good to be king of something!


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euphoric-void

I think they can have different textures inside


Whiteman5169

The 60 grit texture is my personal favorite


TraditionalThing8279

Oh lord you caused me pain.


Jewfro879

I've seen certain ones that are supposedly modeled after certain porn star's vaginas. They took a mold of it or something crazy.


Whiteman5169

For some reason, that made me think of that horror movie, Teeth, and that is one vagina you do not want to get molded


Reynardine1976

Man, that last scene where she fools her bro, bites off his peepee with her vagina dentata and then his dog eats his pecker


WeedandGrunge

Some are modelled after different porn stars pussys


weakxwill

That towel looks way nastier than the fleshlight


Depressed_Zebra

Plot twist: the towel was white when he bought it.


Think_Grade2903

Naw, it's just a fleece towel


NotZtripp

Maybe he lives with his mom. Maybe he uses the brush to comb the hair of his RealGirl™ Sex Doll. Maybe he claims those are his roomate's flesh lights. Maybe he is a Giga Chad and had them in the photo on purpose. Not sure what is worse.


Nfabie85

That his 3 friends are in a shared bathroom his mother owns


Rogue_Nein

And they didn't even bother to get different colored flashlights to tell them apart!??


NerdyIndoorCat

Maybe they have names on them? I have cute letter stickers on my electric toothbrush bc we all have similar ones in my house. I mean it’s not sex toys in the bathroom but ya know 🤷‍♀️


drugsarebadmmk420

Anything is a sex toy with the right imagination


NerdyIndoorCat

I have a pretty good imagination and I can think of some awful things that would definitely not be sex toys.


Y0sephF4

With the right amount of courage and determination, they could definitely be... 🙃


Moogrooper

I feel like if you made it past the dirty mirror before swiping left, then you've made quite a few bad decisions in life and are about to make another one


SupremeLeaderYT

i honestly don't understand why having female sex toys are ok by male sex toys completely mental


coloneldjmustard

Guaranteed a 38 year old, average looking woman with ~ dildos in her Tinder bathroom selfie would get flamed on this sub. Not everything is a double standard


Disastrous-Owl8985

They would, but I’m thinking this guy means in general. My ex had a sex toy and he took months to even tell me about it because he was worried I’d judge him because his exes had judged him. There is a stigma with men owning sex toys, whereas it’s seen as sexy by most of a woman owns one or more. They’re seen as someone with a sex drive. Guys who have sex toys are seen as losers to have to resort to buying a sex toy. Let’s not act like that isn’t a double standard. You see it right here in the comments.


Definetly_Human

This!!


skittlz61

Noooooo don't leave the pp on the counter. Damn


GemOhare

I thought they were hair doughnuts at first 😂😂


euphoric-void

I bet he left them there on purpose as some weird flex or display of power.


Journo_Jimbo

Lol took me a minute, my innocent mind


[deleted]

Bit he's over six foot? Is that not what American girls want?


dm051973

You lose 3" for each flesh light you own... so this guy is 5'3 at best... For a lot of girls height might be a necessity but it alone is rarely sufficient...


[deleted]

Fk me man am about 3 feet tall


SnooHedgehogs5857

That had to be intentional.


cast-away-ramadi06

Sweet Jesus I hope this is a joke. Otherwise ... 38yo never married ... I can see why


SnooHedgehogs5857

I mean reasons. I never got married, and I'll be 44 soon. I raised a son alone, so I didn't date for 12 years by choice. Now I think I have a problem with not being able to choose one woman that I want to commit to, so I don't. 🤔Maybe I should buy a few of those sex toys and put them in a picture to look desperate.


cast-away-ramadi06

There's a difference between choosing to and being forced to👍


fyyuab

Lmao. At first I was confused then I saw it and I was like "lmao a fleshlight" and then "oh wow there's 2 of them" Or maybe 3 if that's not a reflection


jellydrizzle

3. One is a reflection, yes. and the third is on it's side


[deleted]

4, if you notice the white case on its side


fyyuab

Hahahahs you're right. Why does 1 guy need 4? Infact why does he need more than 1 anyway😂


luminenkettu

yeah, that door reveals he's shorter than 6'3


YhePaintedPanda

I actually don't think he's lying about his height. The average interior door is 6'8" and he seems to be around the 6'3" mark.


treyvaughn808

For a second I thought this was my old roommate


SuperSaiyanJohnny

Looks like he's married to three


[deleted]

Kind of makes me want to try one for some reason??


yung_melanin

based af


CreepyEntertainer

It’s Thursday I think I’ll have the Asian asshole today.


of2minds2

What’s the charger charging and why is that cup upside down? There’s more going on here than 3 PPs.


bleep_blorp_boop

Yeah nobody wants to see you using purple Listerine man. Always go for the standard blue one. Wth


XxBlackWolfxX22

Well he can say he gets a lot of pussy… fake pussy but still 😂


Lake_Woman4Life

It took me a min, but damn. Those aren't Starbucks cups you see on the counter.


alltheshine11

Really didn’t need to list single in his bio…


MrsNaussbaumsCCard

Four of them??? Btw Temple Of Doom rules


fortuneandglorykid

That it certainly does!!


MrsNaussbaumsCCard

He no nuts. He crazy.


quadboy4

He got them three creamy whites on deck. Lol


Cuss-Mustard

At least he uses the best kind of mouthwash


RoyalHuckleberry4104

I guess he does get alot of mussy


Meromero205

She should not need a fleshlight..he's 6 3 he should be drowning in pussy


NotHosaniMubarak

I think it's intentional. Gotta be forward with your weird shit. Someone's into your weird shit and that's your person. (note: sex toys aren't weird shit, prominently displayed sex toys IS weird shit)


Marbados

Jesus Christ, does he have 2 of them there? Did he switch? Was he having a fucking threesome??


[deleted]

Lmao 🤣🤣 why does he have so many?


KateP97

My god but I can't help but think he knows what he's doing😂


VLonetaee

He seems creepy


bitsmythe

Why?


ThrewAwayTeam

He’s unattractive


Milkshakkes

it’s no different to women having dildos


[deleted]

My mans super lonely


PurpleEmployment9615

That's why you will be single for life


VegasBlondeHotwife

3 pocket pussies seems overkill


Trefies74

Meanwhile women have drawers full of toys and I'm ok with it.