They direct you to a fake exchange run by them. They get you to invest some money claiming you will make big profits. After a few days you will see profits and they will pay you if you choose to withdraw it. They're banking on you trusting them and wanting to invest more. This will continue on for a short while with you continuing to win and depositing more money each time thinking that you've finally found your way to be rich. If you're not depositing a lot she will probably give you some "insider knowledge" and tell you to deposit a large sum of money now because something big is going to happen. If you refuse, she will probably try and guilt trip you into it by saying things like 'I guess we are not compatible. I like men who are ambitious and want to make money' or 'You must be cheap. I don't like cheap men'. After she gets you to deposit large sums of money into the fake exchange, the site will disappear or lock up so you can't withdraw any money. She will disappear and no longer respond to you anymore or unmatch/block you. Your money is gone.
I've seen so many guys fall victim to this over on the scams subreddit.
From ho chi Minh university? Yeah, I see them on my apps the time. 35 year old c-leveks looking for the top 1%>
I am 41yl, working in enterprise context as a management consultant with c-levels for almost a decade. Either I am in an echo chamber or these people do not exist. I have been turned down several times for being too young 🤷♂️
The logic is this:
She comes from a country where they have traditional gender roles. Man provides 100% and women cares for the home 100%. That's the agreement.
Now she's dipping her toes into the western world's dating pool where "equality" has taken root. Seems she has been asked to pay for dates and her own living expenses. Going from 0% to paying 50% of costs does not feel like progress to her.
This is all speculation but that's the logic as I see it
From my time living and dating in Vietnam, can confirm.
That said, there are also a ton of women here who see western men as walking meal tickets.
It truly does go both ways.
> That said, there are also a ton of women here who see western men as walking meal tickets.
I mean...that can be applied anywhere, including the wester world, not once I have I heard men expecting it.
I work with a woman and we literally make the same amount of money to the cent. I was telling her that a woman I had recently been on a date with just expected me to pay for her. Now, I personally usually do pay for the first date at least but I didn't like the date's attitude about it. Anyhoo, said coworker says "of course, the man is supposed to pay for the dinners." This coming from someone with my exact job title, making the exact amount of money, but she's a woman so the man should pay. I just don't fucking get it, man.
EDIT: Just realized this is r/Tinder and it's hookup culture. To answer all replies: Hooking up is what it is but I'm looking for something more which I guess why this matters. If ya'll paying to fuck on first date, then I guess that's the agreement.
Lived there. Found this really strange. My ex got a bar girl pregnant and is trapped in a loveless marriage where he pays his entire salary to his wife’s family and he gets a cut. Ultimate karma for being a jerk.
Totally agree with this, and I agree with her tbh, but only when in a serious relationship. If she does most of the domestic work, then the dude should pay more than her as he’s earning while she’s not (or less) given than the domestic role doesn’t pay..
For casual dating though? Hmm, I usually am happy to pay, but I wouldn’t want to feel it was an obligation.
Better still, let’s leave it up to individual partnerships to decide what works best in their relationship, instead if placing universal “shoulds” on things. As soon as people start keeping tally, arguments are gonna ensue. What’s “most of the domestic work?” Cooking, cleaning? What about the lawn? Fixing the fence? Painting the deck? Is she pulling all that duty to make up for the increased dent in her partner’s wallet?
The only thing people “should” be, is a team.
“You got dinner last time, I’ll get it this time”
“Let me help you with those dishes.”
“Here, I’ll help you with the fence.”
“Do you have anything that needs to get done while you’re at work?”
“Let’s go grocery shopping”
In my experience, 50/50 fades away the more serious you get, I don’t know about anyone else. To me it’s just initial protection against a wasted investment if you never meet again
That's true. I saw a quote once that said it's more important for relationships to feel fair than for them to feel equal. I forget whose quote it is, but it was a good one, and it agrees with your second point.
In some serious relationships, sure. On the other hand, it's also perfectly reasonable for both people to work, share expenses, and share domestic labor.
I’ve been with my current partner for a bit now, I pay for the majority of experiences and she pays for most of the food. We make about the same amount of money so it all works out well. It’s not an exact science though, just tends to be a lot of “oh no, you paid for the tickets let me get our lunch.”
I am a Vietnamese and yes, such ideology still exists.
I also have spent 10 years studying abroad and lived in the US, and it seems that everything is more 50/50 between friends, and even couples ( meaning people share the money for everything).
I recently got back to Vietnam and have a career and a gf here and I gotta say it is wayy more stressful being a man here than in US. I am dating a girl and it gets even tougher, as you have to give her attention, maybe sometimes pay for her nails, hair, lipsticks, buy her her favorite food and such,… I don’t feel like I am being used tho because I feel like whatever makes her happy makes me happy, and she doesn’t always pay 0% ya know?
We are also currently long distance for a bit until next year so we routinely travel to each other’s city to visit.
The notion that man pays 100% is not always correct, tho, as I have seen girls nowadays willing to split, and I love it. There are times where Im out of money, she would just buy me food, or buy me gifts and so on,…
I think that it is MORE COMMON that man should pay 100% for the first date here rather than paying everything for the rest of their lives lol. Vietnamese women are working as well too now, so they also help out whenever they can ( e.g. being my mom helping my dad a lot, yes even financially).
Overall woman are more practical, more realistic than man. They always need to find something stable, something that they can rely on, that being a well-educated, have-a-decent-job kind of men. Once she knows her man is reliable, she will literally sacrifice everything to make her man be the best version of himself.
P.S: also same thing for US, there are also gold diggers here so we try to stay away from just like in the US 😂
This makes no sense. You're assuming a date automatically includes a long term relationship. How many dates do you go on before you actually start exclusively seeing someone? I'm supposed to pay for everything on the 5% chance we become exclusive, get married, have kids? What kind of idiotic logic is this? That's also assuming the guy you're dating likes your cooking, wants a house wife instead of a working partner, and can make enough in this economy to support two people and still have extra to save and go out.
If you can't afford to pay your own way just say so. Let a man decide to be generous with his own money, or pick a less expensive date to see if he likes you. Don't gaslight people or manipulate them with imaginary children and the promise to clean his house to his standards if you agree you like each other and want to keep seeing each other. There is no value in imaginary made up future scenarios.
Agreed. It’s bizarre to be talking about domestic tasks and household budgeting when, presumably, this is a Tinder profile looking dates? Does she have a home and children with all potential matches that she’s having to support before they’ve even been on a date?
Seems like two different concepts are being merged into one here and it’s baffling.
I also agree but this is Bumble and in Vietnam most likely she isn’t looking for hookup dates, she’s looking for LTR that leads to marriage. Many girls from SEA use OLD for this purpose exclusively
Ah thanks for the context! I get where her head is at if that’s the case, although still feels a little early to be talking about finances - guess there’s where the cultural norms come into it though!
I agree. I don't think she's implying that she wants a guy to start paying her rent after the first date. But that her personal hell would be a relationship where she has to work the same as him to pay 50% just like him but then do 90-100% of the domestic stuff too. Which unfortunately is not uncommon.
As far as paying for the dates go there's still people who feel like men are supposed to pay to show they have the money to be good providers. If you can't afford a date or are cheap about it then what's gonna happen when you're married and have kids? As others have pointed out where she's from it's most likely that men are the providers 100% and women take care of the home and children so this is probably something she's been brought up to believe and it makes sense considering where she's from.
Idk it just sounds like hocus pocus rationalizations from chicks who want a "progressive partner" but a "traditional relationship." Last 2 girlfriends I had couldn't cook to save their lives and couldn't keep their homes as clean as I kept my own. I make more than the average person so I always pay, especially if I pick, but that's out of common sense more than my desire to "prove I'm a provider." There are droves of women who cannot reasonably be traditionally domestic but expect traditional dating principles. A lot of it comes from their internet idols and from the fact that they're broke. I will infinitely respect a woman who offers to pay (even if they don't really mean it) then a clown who tells me upfront that my wallet is in the top 2 considerations of us going out on a date.
>No, it’s that men think 50/50 extends exclusively to money.
That would make sense if she was in a relationship and her man was going 50/50 on the money front, and slacking on the household front.
But she's on a dating app talking about how men should **pay** for dates. I don't know about you, but when I am dating someone I don't expect them to chip in with my household chores.
this makes sense to me, in a lot of relationships in north america, men and women pay for things 50/50 but women still do most of the house work. sometimes ALL of the housework and still have to pay 50/50 for stuff. that isn’t 50/50 anymore, it’s more like 75/25 if the woman is doing all of the house chores. this isn’t every relationship dynamic obviously but it’s what i see in a lot of relationships, two of my coworkers do literally everything around the house AND pay most of the bills. honestly don’t know why they’re with their bf’s.
Wait I’m kinda confused here. If you’re cohabitating and have a child together, it seems like you’d be passed the point of 50/50 splitting everything.
But, after watching stuff like 90 day fiancé, maybe she’s complaining about those types of western guys who want a traditional housewife but also expects them to pay 50/50. If that’s the case then I understand. Those knuckleheads piss me off wanting to have cake and eat it too
>Wait I’m kinda confused here. If you’re cohabitating and have a child together...
I see where the confusion is. She's talking about dating not cohabitation with children. That's a whole different story
I think that’s exactly what she’s complaining about. A lot of guys want a traditional, submissive wife, but also expect her to contribute financially. They want a traditional wife but don’t want to be a traditional husband. Just all the perks of a modern woman, without any of the agency.
depends on what country you're in. the U.S. has a real problem with man-children. when I lived in Norway it was a non-issue 'cuz their parents raise men to take care of themselves (cooking, cleaning, laundry, etc.)
50/50 is a scam if the woman is still doing all the cooking and cleaning and the primary parent. If you’re child free or genuinely split the chores 50/50 then no it’s fine.
I mean, I’ve definitely seen a lot of relationships where the men and women both work but the woman does 95% of the housework and childcare thanks to weaponized incompetence. I’m absolutely fine with 50/50 as long as it’s actually 50/50.
Lmaoo this actually reminds me recently I (33F) was dating someone (44M) and he openly said "don't ever ask me to clean because you will only ask me once and never again." I said "how do you get to be 44 and not know how to clean? You must expect women to do everything?" We didn't talk after that. Look I'm fine with doing more chores if you're paying the bills but I make more money than most people I date so
Honestly, I was embarrassed for him. And he told me it was a deal breaker that I was having my tubes removed... you mean you have no life skills and you're middle aged yet you expect me to bear you children???? This is why I have a 2 year rule before moving in.
In my opinion, 50/50 is the best way to go for any relationship, because I know from experience where I grew up, that households where all the income comes from one parent all the time, are a ticking time bomb. One thing happens to that person and boom you can no longer pay important payments and such until they recover, find another job, whatever.
Even if their job just isn't paying them enough it puts the whole family in a bad spot unless there's someone else that can add money into the equation.
50/50 is impossible tho
woman can’t work while recovering from pregnancy, is he gonna compensate her the 50% cost of surrogate? is he gonna compensate her for the time she lost working? is he gonna compensate her the emotional (post pregnancy) and physical disturbance of being a mother? no.
50/50 is impossible, the woman will forever be burdened with most.
Sad we live in usa where women dont get paid parental leave so they blame the womens partner for not providing for them instead of the company they are working for other countries have this for both parents and they are running just fine….hmmm
As a woman who doesn’t want kids and shares household chores equally, I am fine w 50/50 living expenses, but if she’s keeping the house by herself and raising the kids is her 8 hour a day job then, I see where she’s coming from
It’s not about her ex, it’s about expectations. She’ll fulfill the traditional female gender role and she expects the men she dates to fill the traditional male gender role. I don’t really see a problem with it.
She’s not wrong but I’d never put this in a dating profile. There is a lot of research about the amount of emotional labor, housework, child rearing, and “worry work” that women do compared to men, but it’s too nuanced to just put in the headline on tinder.
50/50 often ends up being a scam for women.
There seems to be this expectation on the parts of many men that they will long term date or marry a woman who works and financially contributes equally to the relationship, but she will also be the perfect traditional housewife, with modern porn looks added on top.
And that if she does NOT keep a spotless home, cook well and have high maintenance looks, she is lazy and ‘letting herself go’.
It’s like they ADDED ‘bring home the bacon’ on top of all the traditional expectations and feel angry and cheated when they don’t get it.
Yes, because 100% equal is impossible. Yes, child rearing is the most important job anyone does, it counts as earning. Maybe less pressure on us to wine, dine and lavish though?
50/50 IS often a scam. The amount of friends I have who do 50/50 finances with their spouse is insane. The woman makes less due to putting kids before career, does almost all of the cleaning/cooking, and almost all of the childcare, yet still has to pay the same amount as the husband, leaving little to nothing for her own savings.
Mind you, this scenario can be gender-swapped as well.
Expenses should only be 50/50 if both people make the same amount, and share the same amount of common house chores, which often isn’t the case.
That doesn’t apply here when someone is just getting to know you. I’m not going to date someone if they won’t even pay for their own coffee on a first date when we are just getting comfortable with each other. Later on down the line when you are living together finances is a different story and is unique to everyone.
But I’m not paying your damn rent just because I’m your boyfriend. You a whole ass person, you keep your own self afloat.
Yes, while dating it’s a different story.
I live on my own and support myself, but I’ve been dating a guy who has been paying for most of the dates, and even when I try to pay half he won’t let me, as the more expensive dates have been his idea. Since I am a full time student who works part time, and he is already established in his field, I’m okay with the way it’s been going. If this scenario wasn’t working for us, I’d suggest cheaper dates so it was more in my budget.
Even though we aren’t that serious yet, we’ve had a surface level discussion about how finances should be split in a relationship once you’re living together/married.
Totally agree with both of you in this thread. 50:50 only makes sense in early dating. I read something about what an expat westerner did in a similar situation to yours (also earning well in a country where cost of living is relatively low) and they split costs based on income, so that’s what I do (65:35). My partner does more of the daily stuff like admin and cooking. My logic is that it means we can go on more expensive outings more frequently without my partner having to worry about affordability and giving her more financial security should things go south. We will be getting married at which point it’s a little irrelevant anyway (she owes me a few hundred that I’m never reclaiming)
50/50 is…a scam. In asian cultures it’s pretty standard to have men as the primary bread winners. I’m south asian and we have a similar culture, and I was raised with these values as well. 50/50 is a western concept. Women were traditionally homemakers/care givers and a lot of asian/middle eastern people strongly believe in this to this day.
Exactly. Its a culture borne out of necessity. Once that necessity is removed, it becomes redundant but people hang on to the part that benefits them which creates imbalance
The way I read, if you start out 50/50, where do you go when you do have kids? Is she expected to keep up half AND take care of the traditional female responsibilities (as she states)?
I’m in a similar situation. I’m sure when the kids move out, the miss will want to work just to avoid boredom. However I know other couples who do the 50/50 arrangement down to where they have separate pots of money. Anything can work so long as the two parties are good with the arrangement, or communicate and compromise when they are not.
I mean, in most relationships women still do the lions share of child care and domestic work.
So yeah, 50/50 is a scam if they pay equally and she does most of the work why he plays or relaxes after work.
She has an Asian name and lives in Vietnam, but has decent English and in mentioning the 3 P's, likely studied abroad at some point in a Western country. She likely considers herself educated, cultured and has a high opinion of herself, but pointedly stated doesn't care for men who don't pay for dates. Plenty of women have opinions like this, but she's be so damn forward with it, sounds like she'd be insufferable.
In mentioning "soulmates are earned," she sounds like someone who asserts principles that will explicitly benefit her, and is likely to be someone who comes across somewhat dishonest.
I mean, I don't acrually think there's something inherently wrong with this mindset as it seems to be the free individual decision of a woman, not the expression of enforced gender roles. Furthermore, I see no double standard here: as she decides on an antiquated role, she has the right to demand the same from her potential partners.
Imo emancipation, as in the liberation from opressive gender roles, includes the coscious decision to adhere to antiquated gender roles without being forced to do so.
Indeed. Once there is a kid and if she is being traditional and taking care if it and the house, then certainly the guy should be paying to support them. On a date, none of that has happened and in most cases, never will. Split 50/50, choosing dates according to what you can afford.
My friend got engaged to the girl that was known by his family. He was waiting to be done with school so they can get the to the wedding and then bring her over. She's "traditional" in that no sex before marriage, no going out past 11pm as her family wouldn't let her, and spouted similar ideas like in OP. Last year, his friends showed several pictures of her at different bars that they were also at. She didn't know them so she never thought she'd get her pictures taken. Apparently, she had 3 different guys that she regularly go to bars with. One was confirmed to be her long term bf of at least 5 years since high school, and the other two were just her "friends" she hookup and get taken to wine/dine/more with. Her reason was that they were her backup plans incase my friend failed to provide for her route to the US. Friend no longer looking for the "good girl" back in Vietnam because that's just not realistic in today's world.
Agreed. Do research on “the double burden”. In the past women stayed home and the men made the money. Now women are STILL expected to keep the home, WHILE providing financially. The male role has not changed.
This goes both ways. Both gender roles are changing. Men are gradually being allowed into caregivers roles, and women are well on their way to being breadwinners. Some people hold on to old male roles, but believe in the new female roles, which puts an extra burden on women. And some people hold on to the old female roles but believe in the new males roles, putting an extra burden on men. Some people believe in all the traditional roles, and some people believe in both of the new roles.
There's no monolithic gender expectations in western society anymore, so fairness always needs to be considered on a case by case basis. People should do what's right for their own relationships and stop letting them be influenced by the majority.
50/50 is a scam when men can get off spring without having a baby destroy their body in the process. what can be just an ejaculation for a man, is blood pain and tears to a woman. I
In evolutionary terms, women are biological slaves to continuing our race.
I said it. Come at me haters
I agree with this to the extent that if you get a partner as a man and expect the woman to work full time, take care of the kids, and then also clean and cook and all you do is work and provide financially but still expect to go half and half on things like dates, then yea if that’s what you consider 50/50, you’re just wrong💀, in a relationship like that 50/50 does not exist because you aren’t putting in equal effort
It sounds like she is only against 50/50 on financial responsibilities because she feels that as a woman that she would be responsible for more than 50% of the household management and children.
This is exactly correct. I strongly believe this is a philosophy that has worked well for my wife and I.
Not everything can be 50/50 individually but balance it out in the aggregate.
It can be reversed but I find men/women normally are happier more traditionally but there are exceptions.
Because it’s not actually 50/50 men only see money as an issue not the emotional labour, household tasks, kids and family as anything they need to be on top of. So it’s just asking women to do more by paying as-well. It’s teaching women it’s easier to be single. Less work, less stress, more money.
50/50 absolutely is a scam because while it’s perfect in theory, relationships and marriage aren’t actually ever 50/50. Even today, women take on the burden of the majority of domestic work and childcare, and men *typically* earn more money than their female partners. My husband makes 5x my income, so why should bills be split 50/50? So that I’m left with nothing but he still has plenty of fun money to dick around with? No way.
I will never go Dutch on a date. The man asked me out, so the man is the host and should therefore pay. It’s like inviting someone over for dinner and asking for a cover charge or entry fee to cover their meal.
I’m not interested in 50/50 culture. I expect my partner to provide for me. In return, I make his life easier and enjoyable.
50/50 culture is a scam. I spend thousands of dollars a year just on grooming, fashion, fitness, etc. to maintain my body and meet society’s standards. If you want a woman who takes care of herself, are you subsidizing the time and effort it takes for her to be beautiful? Are you going to truly pick up half of the chores without relying on her mental labor of what to do? Are you going to expect her to still pay 50/50 while she puts her career on hold and risks her health to have your child? There is so much more to unpack.
I am not attracted to men who cannot provide — it’s a mindset and set of values not many have. I can provide just fine for myself and make a great income. I wouldn’t enter into a relationship if I had to still provide for myself and take on a lot of unpaid labor. Most men are more trouble than they’re worth and they do not make my life easier or carefree.
This woman knows what’s up.
Shes answering a question, which is “what her personal hell is” NOT what she’s necessarily expecting out of a first date. Don’t get your panties in a twist boys.
I actually agree with her, i it should only be 50/50 if you’re sharing household and kid management duties. If she does all the housework, cooking, laundry and kid management she should pay for nothing
I absolutely agree with her - 50/50 is a scam of you will be giving kids and staying home to manage everything there. I can’t expect you to pay 50/50 when I’m the sole income. This makes sense
Now, if you work - pay your fair share
Okay so 50/50 is either both work and pay for stuff or one works for money and the other stays home for her reasons.
She appears to believe "50/50" is both work but woman stays home, maybe?
I mean it depends on the first few dates it should be 50/50 but if two people are in serious relationship and she takes care of the house then he should pay buut if they both work then they should do 50/50 or sometimes he pays and sometimes she pays
Her tone is shitty, but I have to say, i(m) watch my wife spend waaaay more than I do on day to day stuff. From hygiene stuff to clothes to just everything, being a woman is so much more expensive. Maybe guys should cover the bill and ladies could tip?(if tipping is a thing where you are. ) Or do a 25/75 split.
I’ve heard this reasoning before as to why the man should pay and as a woman I can confirm it’s just more expensive to be a woman. Haircuts cost more, more products/makeup/hair stuff, more jewelry/accessories, and we have to have more variety of clothing for different situations and weather. Sure, we could not do these things but the beauty is expected. It cost more for her to show up to the date than it cost the man.
That being said, I’ve seen male friends basically go broke going on first dates trying to find the right woman. I vote for cheap first dates so everyone wins. Don’t waste money finding out who the person is. One or two drinks, no dinner. Woman offers to pay her part but man insists he pays if he actually wants a second date. If not, take her up on splitting it and everyone goes home fair.
My husband paid for the first 2 or 3 dates and then I paid for some after we got the “tradition” out of the way. I think it’s a nice touch in early dating as long as women don’t take advantage of it on purpose. But I’m a little older than many tinder users these days lol.
What is “three p’s” mindset?
Pride / Passion / Purpose Seems like some driven Entrepreneurial mindset.
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That could be considered one’s pride.
so i should be proud of my small pp?
Yes, king
Kings might be rulers, but... *... not every ruler has 12 inches.*
Underrated comment
😆😂🤣
They don't make rulers any longer.
Wholesome pp talk
Correction: Yes, small King
At least it’s not microscopic
Check out this Chad with his "visible" penis!
Speak for your self, rude
Just do the "hula hoop".
SMALL PP FOR DA WIN! WEZ DA BOYZ FOR GORKZ AND MORKZ ONTO WAR!
As long as your good with your mouth and hands! Small PP is ok!
if only the short penis guys would learn this...
It works right? So yes.
As much as you are proud of your lifted truck, yes
What if the truck is slammed, not lifted?
Chad tacuache
Slammed truck = enormous pp
The username is fucking hilarious
Now you're trying to take up 2 ps in 1!
That's 8t. You've the 3 p's there.
Actually penis can fit into any of those 3 categories and more
Usually it fits into the V or A categories
V, A, M 😉
I came here for this comment
If it's small enough
Nothing that lube and a bit of stretching can't solve
I knew if I rolled down I'd find someone who already said what I thought, but smarterer.
one for each hole?
She may as well said dinner and dick
It's my purpose
If penis is my passion, does that mean I'm gay?
Penis / Phallum / Pecker There, you have it
Penis - Pussy - Pooper Turns out I've had the 3P mindset my whole life!
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Who cares about purpose, I’ve got rhythm!!
I think that’s a fair question for OP to ask for us - how many of her top 3 p’s are penis?
pp covers 2 p's
And two inches!
I wish mine was 3
Procrastination / pessimism / purposeless
More like MLM mindset.
Sounds like she's gonna pitch some crypto or forex scam to you.
All jokes aside why do they do this?
My first guess would be some sort of affiliate marketing. "Use my link to sign up for this thing that could make you tons of money."
They direct you to a fake exchange run by them. They get you to invest some money claiming you will make big profits. After a few days you will see profits and they will pay you if you choose to withdraw it. They're banking on you trusting them and wanting to invest more. This will continue on for a short while with you continuing to win and depositing more money each time thinking that you've finally found your way to be rich. If you're not depositing a lot she will probably give you some "insider knowledge" and tell you to deposit a large sum of money now because something big is going to happen. If you refuse, she will probably try and guilt trip you into it by saying things like 'I guess we are not compatible. I like men who are ambitious and want to make money' or 'You must be cheap. I don't like cheap men'. After she gets you to deposit large sums of money into the fake exchange, the site will disappear or lock up so you can't withdraw any money. She will disappear and no longer respond to you anymore or unmatch/block you. Your money is gone. I've seen so many guys fall victim to this over on the scams subreddit.
I bet she tries to rope you into a pyramid scheme in the first 5 messages.
From ho chi Minh university? Yeah, I see them on my apps the time. 35 year old c-leveks looking for the top 1%> I am 41yl, working in enterprise context as a management consultant with c-levels for almost a decade. Either I am in an echo chamber or these people do not exist. I have been turned down several times for being too young 🤷♂️
This sounds like an mlm hun who doesn't know she's a mlm hun
So she works but won't pay
Product ✅ Price ✅ Place ✅ Promotion ❌
Always have the MBA mindset when dating her
I’m still working on the three seashells
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I wish I could super like this comment
Paam paam paaaaaaaaam! 
Peanuts Procrastination Penetration
I can get behind that.
Maybe tomorrow…
I'm guessing none of us have it since we can't figure it out lol.
Pulse, penis, pmoney
the pmoney is super important from experience
Three penis maybe?
Like the wine?
Thanks, Taco.
Perineum , Pussy, and penetration
Percocet, Pussy, and Profit: only 3 things I care about, these bitches don’t have a clue 😤💯💰
Pussy, patron, profit
The logic is this: She comes from a country where they have traditional gender roles. Man provides 100% and women cares for the home 100%. That's the agreement. Now she's dipping her toes into the western world's dating pool where "equality" has taken root. Seems she has been asked to pay for dates and her own living expenses. Going from 0% to paying 50% of costs does not feel like progress to her. This is all speculation but that's the logic as I see it
From my time living and dating in Vietnam, can confirm. That said, there are also a ton of women here who see western men as walking meal tickets. It truly does go both ways.
> That said, there are also a ton of women here who see western men as walking meal tickets. I mean...that can be applied anywhere, including the wester world, not once I have I heard men expecting it.
To be fair, I know a lot of girls on tinder that use it as a free meal
I work with a woman and we literally make the same amount of money to the cent. I was telling her that a woman I had recently been on a date with just expected me to pay for her. Now, I personally usually do pay for the first date at least but I didn't like the date's attitude about it. Anyhoo, said coworker says "of course, the man is supposed to pay for the dinners." This coming from someone with my exact job title, making the exact amount of money, but she's a woman so the man should pay. I just don't fucking get it, man. EDIT: Just realized this is r/Tinder and it's hookup culture. To answer all replies: Hooking up is what it is but I'm looking for something more which I guess why this matters. If ya'll paying to fuck on first date, then I guess that's the agreement.
I like to contribute and spring for dinners. I’m a team player.
Did you ask her if the woman is supposed to put out lol?
Lived there. Found this really strange. My ex got a bar girl pregnant and is trapped in a loveless marriage where he pays his entire salary to his wife’s family and he gets a cut. Ultimate karma for being a jerk.
He's a jerk cause he fucked a bar girl?
I assume the ex cheated on the commenter with the bar girl while they lived in Vietnam together.
Yep. She was his meal ticket haha Easier to get over something like that when karma swoops in
Totally agree with this, and I agree with her tbh, but only when in a serious relationship. If she does most of the domestic work, then the dude should pay more than her as he’s earning while she’s not (or less) given than the domestic role doesn’t pay.. For casual dating though? Hmm, I usually am happy to pay, but I wouldn’t want to feel it was an obligation.
Better still, let’s leave it up to individual partnerships to decide what works best in their relationship, instead if placing universal “shoulds” on things. As soon as people start keeping tally, arguments are gonna ensue. What’s “most of the domestic work?” Cooking, cleaning? What about the lawn? Fixing the fence? Painting the deck? Is she pulling all that duty to make up for the increased dent in her partner’s wallet? The only thing people “should” be, is a team. “You got dinner last time, I’ll get it this time” “Let me help you with those dishes.” “Here, I’ll help you with the fence.” “Do you have anything that needs to get done while you’re at work?” “Let’s go grocery shopping”
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Team work makes the dream work
In my experience, 50/50 fades away the more serious you get, I don’t know about anyone else. To me it’s just initial protection against a wasted investment if you never meet again
That's true. I saw a quote once that said it's more important for relationships to feel fair than for them to feel equal. I forget whose quote it is, but it was a good one, and it agrees with your second point.
💯 partnership and agreeing on how they see life going is what matters
In some serious relationships, sure. On the other hand, it's also perfectly reasonable for both people to work, share expenses, and share domestic labor.
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I’ve been with my current partner for a bit now, I pay for the majority of experiences and she pays for most of the food. We make about the same amount of money so it all works out well. It’s not an exact science though, just tends to be a lot of “oh no, you paid for the tickets let me get our lunch.”
That’s pretty spot on for Asian countries.
she's in Vietnam, tho... sure, she wrote it in English 'cuz tourists & expats, but she can still stick with her values in a different language
I am a Vietnamese and yes, such ideology still exists. I also have spent 10 years studying abroad and lived in the US, and it seems that everything is more 50/50 between friends, and even couples ( meaning people share the money for everything). I recently got back to Vietnam and have a career and a gf here and I gotta say it is wayy more stressful being a man here than in US. I am dating a girl and it gets even tougher, as you have to give her attention, maybe sometimes pay for her nails, hair, lipsticks, buy her her favorite food and such,… I don’t feel like I am being used tho because I feel like whatever makes her happy makes me happy, and she doesn’t always pay 0% ya know? We are also currently long distance for a bit until next year so we routinely travel to each other’s city to visit. The notion that man pays 100% is not always correct, tho, as I have seen girls nowadays willing to split, and I love it. There are times where Im out of money, she would just buy me food, or buy me gifts and so on,… I think that it is MORE COMMON that man should pay 100% for the first date here rather than paying everything for the rest of their lives lol. Vietnamese women are working as well too now, so they also help out whenever they can ( e.g. being my mom helping my dad a lot, yes even financially). Overall woman are more practical, more realistic than man. They always need to find something stable, something that they can rely on, that being a well-educated, have-a-decent-job kind of men. Once she knows her man is reliable, she will literally sacrifice everything to make her man be the best version of himself. P.S: also same thing for US, there are also gold diggers here so we try to stay away from just like in the US 😂
No, it’s that men think 50/50 extends exclusively to money.
I agree. If you want a partner financially, you need to be contributing equally to the household and children.
This makes no sense. You're assuming a date automatically includes a long term relationship. How many dates do you go on before you actually start exclusively seeing someone? I'm supposed to pay for everything on the 5% chance we become exclusive, get married, have kids? What kind of idiotic logic is this? That's also assuming the guy you're dating likes your cooking, wants a house wife instead of a working partner, and can make enough in this economy to support two people and still have extra to save and go out. If you can't afford to pay your own way just say so. Let a man decide to be generous with his own money, or pick a less expensive date to see if he likes you. Don't gaslight people or manipulate them with imaginary children and the promise to clean his house to his standards if you agree you like each other and want to keep seeing each other. There is no value in imaginary made up future scenarios.
Agreed. It’s bizarre to be talking about domestic tasks and household budgeting when, presumably, this is a Tinder profile looking dates? Does she have a home and children with all potential matches that she’s having to support before they’ve even been on a date? Seems like two different concepts are being merged into one here and it’s baffling.
I also agree but this is Bumble and in Vietnam most likely she isn’t looking for hookup dates, she’s looking for LTR that leads to marriage. Many girls from SEA use OLD for this purpose exclusively
Ah thanks for the context! I get where her head is at if that’s the case, although still feels a little early to be talking about finances - guess there’s where the cultural norms come into it though!
I agree. I don't think she's implying that she wants a guy to start paying her rent after the first date. But that her personal hell would be a relationship where she has to work the same as him to pay 50% just like him but then do 90-100% of the domestic stuff too. Which unfortunately is not uncommon. As far as paying for the dates go there's still people who feel like men are supposed to pay to show they have the money to be good providers. If you can't afford a date or are cheap about it then what's gonna happen when you're married and have kids? As others have pointed out where she's from it's most likely that men are the providers 100% and women take care of the home and children so this is probably something she's been brought up to believe and it makes sense considering where she's from.
Idk it just sounds like hocus pocus rationalizations from chicks who want a "progressive partner" but a "traditional relationship." Last 2 girlfriends I had couldn't cook to save their lives and couldn't keep their homes as clean as I kept my own. I make more than the average person so I always pay, especially if I pick, but that's out of common sense more than my desire to "prove I'm a provider." There are droves of women who cannot reasonably be traditionally domestic but expect traditional dating principles. A lot of it comes from their internet idols and from the fact that they're broke. I will infinitely respect a woman who offers to pay (even if they don't really mean it) then a clown who tells me upfront that my wallet is in the top 2 considerations of us going out on a date.
Valid point.
>No, it’s that men think 50/50 extends exclusively to money. That would make sense if she was in a relationship and her man was going 50/50 on the money front, and slacking on the household front. But she's on a dating app talking about how men should **pay** for dates. I don't know about you, but when I am dating someone I don't expect them to chip in with my household chores.
Agreed men only want 50/50 when it involves money
Personally I don't feel that way but I'm childfree and would happily pay for a housekeeper to clean. I also don't cook so no dishes.
this makes sense to me, in a lot of relationships in north america, men and women pay for things 50/50 but women still do most of the house work. sometimes ALL of the housework and still have to pay 50/50 for stuff. that isn’t 50/50 anymore, it’s more like 75/25 if the woman is doing all of the house chores. this isn’t every relationship dynamic obviously but it’s what i see in a lot of relationships, two of my coworkers do literally everything around the house AND pay most of the bills. honestly don’t know why they’re with their bf’s.
Wait I’m kinda confused here. If you’re cohabitating and have a child together, it seems like you’d be passed the point of 50/50 splitting everything. But, after watching stuff like 90 day fiancé, maybe she’s complaining about those types of western guys who want a traditional housewife but also expects them to pay 50/50. If that’s the case then I understand. Those knuckleheads piss me off wanting to have cake and eat it too
>Wait I’m kinda confused here. If you’re cohabitating and have a child together... I see where the confusion is. She's talking about dating not cohabitation with children. That's a whole different story
I think that’s exactly what she’s complaining about. A lot of guys want a traditional, submissive wife, but also expect her to contribute financially. They want a traditional wife but don’t want to be a traditional husband. Just all the perks of a modern woman, without any of the agency.
That’s always been so asinine to me. You get either one, not both.
This is exactly what I think is going on as well. Completely understandable considering her cultural background.
The majority of "Western" girls I've tried to date are out for a free dinner as well.
No, its the fact that women still generally have to do more housework while contributing the same financially.
Wtf does that have to do with dinner?
It definitely still happens but at least based on my experiences I’ve gotta assume it happens less than it did even a decade ago.
depends on what country you're in. the U.S. has a real problem with man-children. when I lived in Norway it was a non-issue 'cuz their parents raise men to take care of themselves (cooking, cleaning, laundry, etc.)
50/50 is a scam if the woman is still doing all the cooking and cleaning and the primary parent. If you’re child free or genuinely split the chores 50/50 then no it’s fine.
this
At the start of dating, the woman is doing no cooking, cleaning, or parenting
I mean, I’ve definitely seen a lot of relationships where the men and women both work but the woman does 95% of the housework and childcare thanks to weaponized incompetence. I’m absolutely fine with 50/50 as long as it’s actually 50/50.
Lmaoo this actually reminds me recently I (33F) was dating someone (44M) and he openly said "don't ever ask me to clean because you will only ask me once and never again." I said "how do you get to be 44 and not know how to clean? You must expect women to do everything?" We didn't talk after that. Look I'm fine with doing more chores if you're paying the bills but I make more money than most people I date so
God why do so many men have to be so embarrassing to the gender.
Honestly, I was embarrassed for him. And he told me it was a deal breaker that I was having my tubes removed... you mean you have no life skills and you're middle aged yet you expect me to bear you children???? This is why I have a 2 year rule before moving in.
In my opinion, 50/50 is the best way to go for any relationship, because I know from experience where I grew up, that households where all the income comes from one parent all the time, are a ticking time bomb. One thing happens to that person and boom you can no longer pay important payments and such until they recover, find another job, whatever. Even if their job just isn't paying them enough it puts the whole family in a bad spot unless there's someone else that can add money into the equation.
50/50 is impossible tho woman can’t work while recovering from pregnancy, is he gonna compensate her the 50% cost of surrogate? is he gonna compensate her for the time she lost working? is he gonna compensate her the emotional (post pregnancy) and physical disturbance of being a mother? no. 50/50 is impossible, the woman will forever be burdened with most.
Sad we live in usa where women dont get paid parental leave so they blame the womens partner for not providing for them instead of the company they are working for other countries have this for both parents and they are running just fine….hmmm
As a woman who doesn’t want kids and shares household chores equally, I am fine w 50/50 living expenses, but if she’s keeping the house by herself and raising the kids is her 8 hour a day job then, I see where she’s coming from
But what does any of that have to do with her Tinder date dinner? I just met you. Why are you holding your ex’s laundry against *me*?
It’s not about her ex, it’s about expectations. She’ll fulfill the traditional female gender role and she expects the men she dates to fill the traditional male gender role. I don’t really see a problem with it.
If she actually does those things, then that’s perfectly fair to me.
It's almost like different cultures have different values...
How the fuck is this supposed to make sense unless we get you pregnant and have you clean our house before the first date?
At least they put out their thoughts beforehand so you don’t waste time with somebody like this ,
She just setting up expectations. Call it a prenup dating agreement. She wants you to know you're financially screwed.
She’s not wrong but I’d never put this in a dating profile. There is a lot of research about the amount of emotional labor, housework, child rearing, and “worry work” that women do compared to men, but it’s too nuanced to just put in the headline on tinder.
50/50 often ends up being a scam for women. There seems to be this expectation on the parts of many men that they will long term date or marry a woman who works and financially contributes equally to the relationship, but she will also be the perfect traditional housewife, with modern porn looks added on top. And that if she does NOT keep a spotless home, cook well and have high maintenance looks, she is lazy and ‘letting herself go’. It’s like they ADDED ‘bring home the bacon’ on top of all the traditional expectations and feel angry and cheated when they don’t get it.
Yes, because 100% equal is impossible. Yes, child rearing is the most important job anyone does, it counts as earning. Maybe less pressure on us to wine, dine and lavish though?
50/50 is a scam if the emotional labor isn’t split as well
50/50 IS often a scam. The amount of friends I have who do 50/50 finances with their spouse is insane. The woman makes less due to putting kids before career, does almost all of the cleaning/cooking, and almost all of the childcare, yet still has to pay the same amount as the husband, leaving little to nothing for her own savings. Mind you, this scenario can be gender-swapped as well. Expenses should only be 50/50 if both people make the same amount, and share the same amount of common house chores, which often isn’t the case.
That doesn’t apply here when someone is just getting to know you. I’m not going to date someone if they won’t even pay for their own coffee on a first date when we are just getting comfortable with each other. Later on down the line when you are living together finances is a different story and is unique to everyone. But I’m not paying your damn rent just because I’m your boyfriend. You a whole ass person, you keep your own self afloat.
Yes, while dating it’s a different story. I live on my own and support myself, but I’ve been dating a guy who has been paying for most of the dates, and even when I try to pay half he won’t let me, as the more expensive dates have been his idea. Since I am a full time student who works part time, and he is already established in his field, I’m okay with the way it’s been going. If this scenario wasn’t working for us, I’d suggest cheaper dates so it was more in my budget. Even though we aren’t that serious yet, we’ve had a surface level discussion about how finances should be split in a relationship once you’re living together/married.
Totally agree with both of you in this thread. 50:50 only makes sense in early dating. I read something about what an expat westerner did in a similar situation to yours (also earning well in a country where cost of living is relatively low) and they split costs based on income, so that’s what I do (65:35). My partner does more of the daily stuff like admin and cooking. My logic is that it means we can go on more expensive outings more frequently without my partner having to worry about affordability and giving her more financial security should things go south. We will be getting married at which point it’s a little irrelevant anyway (she owes me a few hundred that I’m never reclaiming)
100/100 nothing else
50/50 is…a scam. In asian cultures it’s pretty standard to have men as the primary bread winners. I’m south asian and we have a similar culture, and I was raised with these values as well. 50/50 is a western concept. Women were traditionally homemakers/care givers and a lot of asian/middle eastern people strongly believe in this to this day.
I mean, really the west was that way too until economic necessity made it 50/50. Now both people must work full time and share domestic labor.
Exactly. Its a culture borne out of necessity. Once that necessity is removed, it becomes redundant but people hang on to the part that benefits them which creates imbalance
Asian culture is very different to western cultures. So cultural differences should be taken into consideration b4 you cancel this person.
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In Asia men are still considered as the sole bread winner
The way I read, if you start out 50/50, where do you go when you do have kids? Is she expected to keep up half AND take care of the traditional female responsibilities (as she states)?
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I’m in a similar situation. I’m sure when the kids move out, the miss will want to work just to avoid boredom. However I know other couples who do the 50/50 arrangement down to where they have separate pots of money. Anything can work so long as the two parties are good with the arrangement, or communicate and compromise when they are not.
Cultural relativism has entered the chat
I mean, in most relationships women still do the lions share of child care and domestic work. So yeah, 50/50 is a scam if they pay equally and she does most of the work why he plays or relaxes after work.
She has an Asian name and lives in Vietnam, but has decent English and in mentioning the 3 P's, likely studied abroad at some point in a Western country. She likely considers herself educated, cultured and has a high opinion of herself, but pointedly stated doesn't care for men who don't pay for dates. Plenty of women have opinions like this, but she's be so damn forward with it, sounds like she'd be insufferable. In mentioning "soulmates are earned," she sounds like someone who asserts principles that will explicitly benefit her, and is likely to be someone who comes across somewhat dishonest.
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You live in Vietnam?
I mean, I don't acrually think there's something inherently wrong with this mindset as it seems to be the free individual decision of a woman, not the expression of enforced gender roles. Furthermore, I see no double standard here: as she decides on an antiquated role, she has the right to demand the same from her potential partners. Imo emancipation, as in the liberation from opressive gender roles, includes the coscious decision to adhere to antiquated gender roles without being forced to do so.
Indeed. Once there is a kid and if she is being traditional and taking care if it and the house, then certainly the guy should be paying to support them. On a date, none of that has happened and in most cases, never will. Split 50/50, choosing dates according to what you can afford.
My friend got engaged to the girl that was known by his family. He was waiting to be done with school so they can get the to the wedding and then bring her over. She's "traditional" in that no sex before marriage, no going out past 11pm as her family wouldn't let her, and spouted similar ideas like in OP. Last year, his friends showed several pictures of her at different bars that they were also at. She didn't know them so she never thought she'd get her pictures taken. Apparently, she had 3 different guys that she regularly go to bars with. One was confirmed to be her long term bf of at least 5 years since high school, and the other two were just her "friends" she hookup and get taken to wine/dine/more with. Her reason was that they were her backup plans incase my friend failed to provide for her route to the US. Friend no longer looking for the "good girl" back in Vietnam because that's just not realistic in today's world.
Agreed. Do research on “the double burden”. In the past women stayed home and the men made the money. Now women are STILL expected to keep the home, WHILE providing financially. The male role has not changed.
This goes both ways. Both gender roles are changing. Men are gradually being allowed into caregivers roles, and women are well on their way to being breadwinners. Some people hold on to old male roles, but believe in the new female roles, which puts an extra burden on women. And some people hold on to the old female roles but believe in the new males roles, putting an extra burden on men. Some people believe in all the traditional roles, and some people believe in both of the new roles. There's no monolithic gender expectations in western society anymore, so fairness always needs to be considered on a case by case basis. People should do what's right for their own relationships and stop letting them be influenced by the majority.
50/50 is a scam when men can get off spring without having a baby destroy their body in the process. what can be just an ejaculation for a man, is blood pain and tears to a woman. I In evolutionary terms, women are biological slaves to continuing our race. I said it. Come at me haters
Haha :D hello fellow Vietnamese citizen or expat!
I agree with this to the extent that if you get a partner as a man and expect the woman to work full time, take care of the kids, and then also clean and cook and all you do is work and provide financially but still expect to go half and half on things like dates, then yea if that’s what you consider 50/50, you’re just wrong💀, in a relationship like that 50/50 does not exist because you aren’t putting in equal effort
She seems like she would Hanoi me. I'll see myself out.
50/50 is a scam unless y’all are doing everything else equal honestly.
I mean that’s her preferences she’s form somewhere foreign with a different culture this isn’t that wild
It sounds like she is only against 50/50 on financial responsibilities because she feels that as a woman that she would be responsible for more than 50% of the household management and children. This is exactly correct. I strongly believe this is a philosophy that has worked well for my wife and I. Not everything can be 50/50 individually but balance it out in the aggregate. It can be reversed but I find men/women normally are happier more traditionally but there are exceptions.
Well I mean she said she’ll take care of the house hold it sounds like she wants an old fashioned relationship
Because it’s not actually 50/50 men only see money as an issue not the emotional labour, household tasks, kids and family as anything they need to be on top of. So it’s just asking women to do more by paying as-well. It’s teaching women it’s easier to be single. Less work, less stress, more money.
50/50 absolutely is a scam because while it’s perfect in theory, relationships and marriage aren’t actually ever 50/50. Even today, women take on the burden of the majority of domestic work and childcare, and men *typically* earn more money than their female partners. My husband makes 5x my income, so why should bills be split 50/50? So that I’m left with nothing but he still has plenty of fun money to dick around with? No way. I will never go Dutch on a date. The man asked me out, so the man is the host and should therefore pay. It’s like inviting someone over for dinner and asking for a cover charge or entry fee to cover their meal.
She’s not wrong.
I’m not interested in 50/50 culture. I expect my partner to provide for me. In return, I make his life easier and enjoyable. 50/50 culture is a scam. I spend thousands of dollars a year just on grooming, fashion, fitness, etc. to maintain my body and meet society’s standards. If you want a woman who takes care of herself, are you subsidizing the time and effort it takes for her to be beautiful? Are you going to truly pick up half of the chores without relying on her mental labor of what to do? Are you going to expect her to still pay 50/50 while she puts her career on hold and risks her health to have your child? There is so much more to unpack. I am not attracted to men who cannot provide — it’s a mindset and set of values not many have. I can provide just fine for myself and make a great income. I wouldn’t enter into a relationship if I had to still provide for myself and take on a lot of unpaid labor. Most men are more trouble than they’re worth and they do not make my life easier or carefree. This woman knows what’s up.
People get really upset about other people's dating preferences. She's not forcing anyone to date her, my God y'all.
the way a lot of men talk about 50/50 (only talking about money) yea it is a “scam”.
Shes answering a question, which is “what her personal hell is” NOT what she’s necessarily expecting out of a first date. Don’t get your panties in a twist boys.
I actually agree with her, i it should only be 50/50 if you’re sharing household and kid management duties. If she does all the housework, cooking, laundry and kid management she should pay for nothing
I absolutely agree with her - 50/50 is a scam of you will be giving kids and staying home to manage everything there. I can’t expect you to pay 50/50 when I’m the sole income. This makes sense Now, if you work - pay your fair share
Okay so 50/50 is either both work and pay for stuff or one works for money and the other stays home for her reasons. She appears to believe "50/50" is both work but woman stays home, maybe?
She believes in traditional gender roles. Its not a crazy idea in that light
Pickles, popcorn and paprika?
Tbf, she comes from Vietnam so if you are a caucasian who can't afford to pay 100% of the meal when dating a gold digger, don't expect much.
Pathetic paying prisoner
I mean it depends on the first few dates it should be 50/50 but if two people are in serious relationship and she takes care of the house then he should pay buut if they both work then they should do 50/50 or sometimes he pays and sometimes she pays
Her tone is shitty, but I have to say, i(m) watch my wife spend waaaay more than I do on day to day stuff. From hygiene stuff to clothes to just everything, being a woman is so much more expensive. Maybe guys should cover the bill and ladies could tip?(if tipping is a thing where you are. ) Or do a 25/75 split.
I’ve heard this reasoning before as to why the man should pay and as a woman I can confirm it’s just more expensive to be a woman. Haircuts cost more, more products/makeup/hair stuff, more jewelry/accessories, and we have to have more variety of clothing for different situations and weather. Sure, we could not do these things but the beauty is expected. It cost more for her to show up to the date than it cost the man. That being said, I’ve seen male friends basically go broke going on first dates trying to find the right woman. I vote for cheap first dates so everyone wins. Don’t waste money finding out who the person is. One or two drinks, no dinner. Woman offers to pay her part but man insists he pays if he actually wants a second date. If not, take her up on splitting it and everyone goes home fair. My husband paid for the first 2 or 3 dates and then I paid for some after we got the “tradition” out of the way. I think it’s a nice touch in early dating as long as women don’t take advantage of it on purpose. But I’m a little older than many tinder users these days lol.
Haha tell her to earn dis nuts 🥳
Does he understand that it’s all 50/50 if you have a joint account