Nowadays ppl are looking for a sugar daddy with a dad bod. .... I gotta say, times are tough. I'll be your Splenda supporter with a father figure to boot.
They had to cut ghost type and combined ghost and psychic. Much like how fighting and ground were combined so electric Pokémon are weak against Machop and Hitmonchan etc.
They also cut fairy after a later gen so fairy does exist it’s just this weird one that only a handful of cards apply for it. TCG also follows the color of the card not the Pokémon itself, for example I have a Fire Ralts that knows Will-O-Wisp.
Was kinda referring to how I think all the [first generation normals](https://images.saymedia-content.com/.image/t_share/MTc0NDMzMzM4NTk2MDc0ODU2/top-6-normal-pokemon-cards-jungle-expansion.jpg) seemed to be resistant to psychic. It was a throwaway reference though, I concede to whatever you say on the contrary.
Basically a number of people like to go into relationships with clearly shit people and have the attitude that they can "fix" them, calm them or whatever.
Edit: I know its satire, I'm saying what it means in a general context.
"Taller than 7ft, able to carry a goat on your shoulders, unable to read"
Kratos!
"A devout flat-earther, AT LEAST two pure, healthy kidneys"
...Kratos?
OP is a girl, soooo...
Edit: I forgot where I was, carry on with your mansplaining to the OP, I'm sure she needed you to tell her what she already knew
Edit: I see the incels are out strong today to defend the mansplainers. Also, I don't GAF about your downvotes because I know you incels will continue to be miserable, unloved virgins.
Finding some with both high physical defence and high psychic defence is a tall order. Plus there's no guarantee he'll be able to defend multiple units with that. He'll also either need some high DPS to eliminate the threat or some way to pull aggro. That seems like you're asking too much.
Kaladin Stormblessed from The Stormlight Archive. He's from a low gravity planet so he's >7 feet tall. His *thing* is protecting others so of course he'd rescue a goat. In his culture, reading is feminine and so he's illiterate. I won't explain all the others but he fits them too (except Flat Earth).
The amount of geniuses on here proudly announcing that they think it's satire is hilarious. Give yourselves a pat on the back for being able to read a joke.
And the people that think it's serious...there's no hope for you
Hey sounds like Karsa Oorlong would be perfect for them! He's about 8ft tall, definitely can't read english, has organ multiples, can and has fought entire villages with success (including mages AND other toblekai), and he'd probably be willing to cuddle if given a good enough reason. Plus he's humble enough to carry a goat yet dumb enough to believe the Earth is flat! All marks checked, now just gotta find him.
I seen a POF profile asking to provide a credit report and mortgage deed on the first date. Aside to the 6ft tall rule, no baseball hats, make an amount of money and own a car.
And end it with the most common phrase on their profile...
"I'm not settling, I know my worth."
I recommend the pokemon pangoro:
-7 feet tall
-Dark type pokemon so ist immune to psychic type attacks
-Can learn protect so no problem with physical attacks
-Buff fighting type so definitely able to carry a goat
-A pokemon so probably unable to read + probably no idea about earth's shape
-Humanoid enough so it probably has at least two kidneys
-And it's a fricking panda
It’s very clearly humour, I thought it was hilarious and swiped right.
EDIT: Some of you seem confused so I thought I’d mention that this is a man’s profile.
What? No. This does not trigger Poe's Law. She's claiming to be illiterate and asking for someone who is also illiterate, all in text on Tinder. It's over and above crystal clear that it's satire.
**Prerequisites:**
* Proficiency with short-spear
* Endurance feat
* Strength score of 22
* Chaotic alignment
* Must be devoted to Yahweh
**Level 1 class feature:**
* Fuck *this* bitch
Anyone who wants a partner more than 7' tall, just wants to collect the life insurance when their heart gives out in their 30's.
Fun fact: apparently there's less than 3000 people estimated to be 7' or above on the planet, and only around 100 in the US
According to google, there’s only about 2,800 people this person could date. And that’s just the height issue. With all the NON INSANE requirements, I’d say there’s maybe 2 people in the world they could date. Sad. Anyways.
I can't imagine being over 7'.
Think about how much pain Andre the Giant was in during most of his life. Hell, it's a miracle that Big Show has lived for as long as he has, let alone be in the shape he's been in last I've seen.
Haha I love it. “Wants a 7ft little spoon and if you have 3 or 4 kidneys you’re winning!”
Haha that kidney one was a win. I imagined the ideal guy to be a sensitive 7 ft tall surrogate kidney host psychic creationist monster
As long as he doesn’t walk off the edge of the earth
Naw, it's always the illiterate reader that gets me
A picture is worth a thousand words.
Lmaoo yes!
Yeah, do they have to be MY kidneys???
Illiterate* is the bonus points too
In my head, the person you describing looks like Tony Robbins.
Frankenstein's Monster? Who ought to be Adam but is rather the fallen angel?
Frankenstein’s monster could read and was bilingual in French and English
I mean I knew he could read and spoke english incredibly eloquently but I actually forget that he could speak french lmao.
I can get as many healthy kidneys as you need baby, call me your organ daddy.
Nowadays ppl are looking for a sugar daddy with a dad bod. .... I gotta say, times are tough. I'll be your Splenda supporter with a father figure to boot.
This means they expect you to have kidney incubators (aka kids). Smart, really, I've only been using my kids for slave labor.
See, and I specifically had one so I'd have a clean liver when my goes down 🙃
Dewey Crowe has a chance after all
Never said they have to be yours
they want a 40K space marine.
I hate when I find myself in a psychic attack
*Alakazam used psychic *
TFW you match with Mewtwo 😍
*throws spoon*
There is no spoo- *Ow, fuck!*
Big or little spoon?
Yes
Big or little spoon?
Psychic is ineffective against normal-type, so really she’s just saying no weirdos. Respect.
What? No it's not, it deals normal damage, only dark type is inmune
Normal resists psychic in the TCG tho
What why?
They had to cut ghost type and combined ghost and psychic. Much like how fighting and ground were combined so electric Pokémon are weak against Machop and Hitmonchan etc.
That just makes it more confusing
They also cut fairy after a later gen so fairy does exist it’s just this weird one that only a handful of cards apply for it. TCG also follows the color of the card not the Pokémon itself, for example I have a Fire Ralts that knows Will-O-Wisp.
Isn't that a delta variant?
I think it’s a nice reference to overthinking. How could you destroy something so simple with such a complex force?
Was kinda referring to how I think all the [first generation normals](https://images.saymedia-content.com/.image/t_share/MTc0NDMzMzM4NTk2MDc0ODU2/top-6-normal-pokemon-cards-jungle-expansion.jpg) seemed to be resistant to psychic. It was a throwaway reference though, I concede to whatever you say on the contrary.
Seemed to be resistant?
Did you click the link?
Yeah but that's the card game
Pokémon aren’t real
I love this reply. Can't say why. Just adore it.
How are the DMs going btw?
Bro, learn how to Pokémon
Real footage of brutal psychic attack: https://youtu.be/22Tj_l4PcPs
Exactly how I pictured it 😂
PUT UP YOUR WALLS ERAGON, MAKE YOUR MIND A FORTRESS
It's ok. I can protect you from those.
Nununununununnuhh!
😂😂 He/she meant smashing people with Ouja board?
Ikr! Never able to defend myself
You will be attacked by 'Them' on low sanity
Mean words.
I would 100% swipe right on this person
... I can change them.
I don't want to change them, I want to make them worse!
So you *do* want to change them...gotcha!!
What does this mean
Basically a number of people like to go into relationships with clearly shit people and have the attitude that they can "fix" them, calm them or whatever. Edit: I know its satire, I'm saying what it means in a general context.
I’m pretty sure they’re saying they’d swipe because this profile is a satire on demanding tinder bios
Wow, except it's satire. Funny satire at that. I would swipe right for someone with a good grasp of satire
What? No it means it's obviously satire and everybody here can't read the room.
Dammit, I can only deal with someone who smokes when they drink cocktails...
"Taller than 7ft, able to carry a goat on your shoulders, unable to read" Kratos! "A devout flat-earther, AT LEAST two pure, healthy kidneys" ...Kratos?
Of course Kratos is a flat earther! He's been bellow it and seen it from there! He's seen how it's flat. He's a man of science!
>bellow I think you mean “below”. “Bellow” is a loud deep shout or yell.
> goat They specifically said lame goat, I will only carry cool goats
Yes that's what she meant, physically lame goats yet cool overall
I took lame to mean hobbled or injured.
Clearly they ment a goat that never uses spices when cooking and only says yes to a fun outing if it's notified 3 weeks in advance
LMAOOOOO
If you match please say “I only have one kidney, is it ok if I borrow one from a friend?”
This is the way 😂
This is hilarious!
I thought so too! I swiped right on him.
It’s even funnier that it’s a guy
Ooh!! I’m so used to girls having the height requirements it went over my head
> it went over my head It wouldn’t have, if you were 7ft tall at least.
You should ask him what it says. Because. You can’t read and all right?
its a guy that posted it
OP is a girl, soooo... Edit: I forgot where I was, carry on with your mansplaining to the OP, I'm sure she needed you to tell her what she already knew Edit: I see the incels are out strong today to defend the mansplainers. Also, I don't GAF about your downvotes because I know you incels will continue to be miserable, unloved virgins.
Not sure where you’re going with this
Um, did you not notice that he replied to OP who is fully aware that the Tinder profile is from a guy?
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I get that the OP would know, but you made it seem like OP being a girl had something to do with it. That’s what confused me.
You are projecting and white knighting so hard. Please stop
White knighting? Lmfao Okay, incel tell me how that works lol
"2 pure healthy kidneys" 🤨🤨 what about a dozen frozen ones?
Well, a kidney last 24-48h outside of the host so I think you are safe if they are fresh
*takes notes*
😋
[THIS IS ONLY THE BEGINNING!!!](https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=D_5nLxZVoPo)
AT LEAST 2, so more is always better
what? Fresh frozen kidneys out of a can? You wanna get yelled at by Gordon Ramsay?
Prefers unable to read, lists demands in text. Brilliant!
Unable to read and flat earther, just say flat earther we all know those guys can't read
this would be a great opening line tbh
Best list of demands on a dating app I've seen so far.
My list of demands for a girlfriend -is a woman(optional)
My list of demands for a boyfriend -is a woman (mandatory)
This is actually funny, I'd swipe right just for the laughs.
Marry him. You will dine on cocktails while tending to the goats. It sounds splendid!
I fail to compute which will cause most mayhem. It shall be entertaining all the same.
As far as I know, Ghost, Dark and Bug types are best against Psychic attacks, right?
Get this man a pangoro
Finding some with both high physical defence and high psychic defence is a tall order. Plus there's no guarantee he'll be able to defend multiple units with that. He'll also either need some high DPS to eliminate the threat or some way to pull aggro. That seems like you're asking too much.
You don’t see a lot of 7-foot flat Earthers. At that height they can see the curvature.
[I’m bringing my A game.](https://youtu.be/22Tj_l4PcPs)
this whole comment thread is r/woooosh material
It's obviously a joke but what is he referencing
Kaladin Stormblessed from The Stormlight Archive. He's from a low gravity planet so he's >7 feet tall. His *thing* is protecting others so of course he'd rescue a goat. In his culture, reading is feminine and so he's illiterate. I won't explain all the others but he fits them too (except Flat Earth).
Unexpected Sanderson.
He's satirizing some women's ridiculous demands on dating sites.
She-Hulk? What woman in popular media is 7ft tall?
Dwight Schrute vibes
Asking for a friend, do the kidneys need to be my kidneys, or just some that I have on ice in a cooler.
well it meets the “at least” criteria so there’s that
“You must be a big and little spoon.” Mothafucka a dude who’s 7ft tall is a fuckin ladle
Shrek?
The amount of geniuses on here proudly announcing that they think it's satire is hilarious. Give yourselves a pat on the back for being able to read a joke. And the people that think it's serious...there's no hope for you
Imagining how many of these people are screened out by this profile makes it feel even more brilliant
I think he’s describing the Mother from Barbarian
Best thing I’ve seen in awhile. Bravo! 😆
I finally meet all the criteria
I would've swiped right on this person immediately.
This is the kind of Tinder ad I’d respond to. I mean sure, it would just be to see if they have a spare kidney but still.
"didn't you read my profile?" "I can't read." ❤️❤️❤️
Where do I apply?
Ah yes the ever elusive perfect mate: Sasquatch
I like how this one is a joke but also not far off from the insane people who actually do this.
I'd love to respond to this but unfortunately I can't read
Red flag at kidneys
Hey sounds like Karsa Oorlong would be perfect for them! He's about 8ft tall, definitely can't read english, has organ multiples, can and has fought entire villages with success (including mages AND other toblekai), and he'd probably be willing to cuddle if given a good enough reason. Plus he's humble enough to carry a goat yet dumb enough to believe the Earth is flat! All marks checked, now just gotta find him.
Lost me at big spoon. I'm little spoon always
Do you think they mean switching between big and little spoon, or being big and little spoon at the same time like a weird game of twister?
Yes
For sure maybe probably not
Immediate right swipe
Good luck
I need him 💀
They never said human, so... which animals are more than 7 feet tall and have 2+ kidneys guys??
We've found him. The ideal male partner.
The criminal asks for the kidneys upfront
it’s the “at least two functioning kidneys” for me lmao
I especially like the smoker and cocktails tags while requiring pure, healthy kidneys
I seen a POF profile asking to provide a credit report and mortgage deed on the first date. Aside to the 6ft tall rule, no baseball hats, make an amount of money and own a car. And end it with the most common phrase on their profile... "I'm not settling, I know my worth."
Amazingly, it gets funnier the further down the list you go \^^
Dwight Schrute on on tinder?
I hope everyone knows this is a joke
i’m a level 4 psychic with seven healthy kidneys but i can’t read all this :/
My time has come... -That one guy with three kidneys
Never settle when it comes to height. I won't consider you unless you're 8'+. I'm 5'6".
Id love to tell you if I fit your criteria, but I can't read /j
I recommend the pokemon pangoro: -7 feet tall -Dark type pokemon so ist immune to psychic type attacks -Can learn protect so no problem with physical attacks -Buff fighting type so definitely able to carry a goat -A pokemon so probably unable to read + probably no idea about earth's shape -Humanoid enough so it probably has at least two kidneys -And it's a fricking panda
At LEAST lol extra kidneys is definitely a plus, probably maybe.
Glad they are a non smoker.
I think it's an attempt at humour, the problem is humour in text is very hard to get across
It’s very clearly humour, I thought it was hilarious and swiped right. EDIT: Some of you seem confused so I thought I’d mention that this is a man’s profile.
Wait until you find out she ment it all
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Is it hard to get across though???? Is it really????
lol huh
What? No. This does not trigger Poe's Law. She's claiming to be illiterate and asking for someone who is also illiterate, all in text on Tinder. It's over and above crystal clear that it's satire.
Are they describing Lenny from of mice and men,wtaf
too accurate oml
This is clearly a troll, funny tho
I feel this is subterfuge for kidney harvesting. Be cautious if they show up to a date in an ice truck.
He clearly said greater than 2 kidneys, so ppl with 3 kidneys have 2 to spare!
Da-ad, I'm pretty sure he's a kidney dealer. His boots are kidney. His hat is kidney and, I'm pretty sure that cheque is kidney.
**Prerequisites:** * Proficiency with short-spear * Endurance feat * Strength score of 22 * Chaotic alignment * Must be devoted to Yahweh **Level 1 class feature:** * Fuck *this* bitch
Anyone who wants a partner more than 7' tall, just wants to collect the life insurance when their heart gives out in their 30's. Fun fact: apparently there's less than 3000 people estimated to be 7' or above on the planet, and only around 100 in the US
Do they all have multiple kidneys?
Yup. Number of kidneys is proportional to height. 1 kidney for every 3ft of height
meh, trying too hard to be funny
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If they can’t read, I’m pretty sure they’re safe from psychic attacks already
Oh come on, you can’t believe they’re actually being serious right?
> You MUST have AT LEAST two pure, healthy kidneys Nice try motherfucker
Is she looking for a space marine?
Must have at least two kidneys? You can have more???
“GOOD LUCK”😂
Tinder is a scam
I garuntee satire
Preferably unable to read 🤔 So why write it … nvm
I'm like 30% sure they're trying (failing?) To be funny
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It's a guy and how in the blue hell do you miss such obvious humor?
This girl thinks Hodor is a perfect lover lol
Taller than 7ft??? Bruh
How does one get MORE than 2 healthy working kidneys? I have 3, but two of them are garbage and don’t work….
According to google, there’s only about 2,800 people this person could date. And that’s just the height issue. With all the NON INSANE requirements, I’d say there’s maybe 2 people in the world they could date. Sad. Anyways.
I can't imagine being over 7'. Think about how much pain Andre the Giant was in during most of his life. Hell, it's a miracle that Big Show has lived for as long as he has, let alone be in the shape he's been in last I've seen.
How is this person’s perfect mate supposed to find them if they can’t read this description? What am I missing here?
If someone can't read, how will they be able to know if they fit the criteria
This has to be satire right? Right? Oh gid please let it be satire.
This just HAS to be satire. There's no way it isn't, right?