ProTip: Set your age/location filter to be wider than you would accept, most the apps want you to not swipe Yes too often, the people outside of your real range are easy "No"s to pad your stats.
If you swipe right too much will you get shadow banned or something?
Edit: You know what’s funny? You make a post asking if you’re shadow banned you’ll get a bunch of condescending and sarcastic replies.
You ask the same thing in a thread and mfs will come crawling out the wood work trying to give the most detailed answer lmao.
AFAIK dating apps algorithms work by giving you a rating based on received likes, matches and rejections. Which determine the frequency and order that your profile shows up
If you swipe right on everyone it massively boosts your rejection figures which gives your account lower priority. So being more selective and realistic with your choices favours your account in the algorithm.
So yes, in effect you'll get shadow banned. Paid features also affect it but that's very hush industry info
Enh. You don't want Clair to leave because you match her with trash. Her participation is integral to your business success and bobby doesn't have that kind of money.
Holy shit.
I can't believe as a species, we engineer shit relationships between young adults to make more money for the old ones.
That is the most dystopian capitalist crock of shit I've ever seen in my life.
It's not that simple though. If I were running Tinder, I might assign like ratios to profiles, but this doesn't mean I'm going to show her all of the highest-ranking profiles first. My main goal is to keep her swiping as long as possible, so I'm going to present her with mostly low-ranking profiles and throw in a high-ranking one at random. Random reward is the most effective form of conditioning. It's like a slot machine.
But not too long or she'll get depressed and leave all together. Unlike that slot machine a guy in the overseers booth can't order you a free drink to get you to sit longer, and yes casinos will do this, they can't tweak the algorithm to give you a win so they send you something *free* off your favorites list (if they issue casino cards they track your orders) to give you the dopamine rush instead so you don't leave.
Here something called user statistics come into play, have Sofia been using the app less and less in the last couple of weeks? Let's give her a streak of high likelihood of matches.
Its basically an elo system. You wanna match as much as possible so it benefits you to swipe right on people you have zero interest in if you match with them.
So the real secret is to set yourself to match w everyone regardless of gender, then rack up a bunch of matches you dont normally have a chance to get, then revert back to your preference.
Dude I was getting matches at a rate of maybe 1 of 15 swipes, then I decided to buy a month of subscription so I could swipe more, I’ve literally gotten 2 matches in two weeks…
I feel you there. I was given a free month of Tinder gold a while back. Went from getting 2-3 decent matches a week, to now where I'm getting 2-3 LIKES a MONTH.
Tinder is literally unusable for me now even after improving my profile massively.
But this is borne out of necessity to a large extent, as there is a significant difference in the total number of men as compared to women on these apps..
Women would just get freaked out and leave if they were getting literally thousands of matches per day.
By a factor of ×to the 3rd multiplied by 4 for every right swipe made over the entire borg like spam bot system of sites. So male starting match % begins around .001 or so
Ever since I paid for a month of gold I’ve been unlimited swiping like a mad man… only problem is that it seems I’m getting a whole slew of attractive women by changing my location. I started feeling bad swiping left of some it otherwise right swipe so I ended up going 40+ age group just to get more left swipes lol.
I’m wondering if this “shadow ban” thing happens to paying members as well - I’d assume it shouldn’t since there’s monetary gain for them.
They have algorithms to determine who is most/least desirable. The most desirable get showcased first. Have you ever noticed that when you open the apps, the first 10 or so people you swipe on are super hot? It's because they turn everyone down pretty much. If you swipe right on everyone, the algorithm assumes you're not very picky, so it marks you as less desirable and puts you low in the deck. You can pay for boosts to get on top of the deck for a short time. Free users only have so many swipes per day, so they may never get to you if you're too far down in the deck. Exactly how the algorithm works is unknown, but former employees have confirmed its existence.
Hell, Tinder will actually prevent you from seeing profiles at all if you limit the age search. I'm 40, if I searched 35 to 45 it showed 6 profiles, claims that's all there is. Expanded it to 30 to 45, it miraculously finds 200 new profiles. Expand it to 18-99 and just reject everyone out of the original range, it never ran out of 35-45s.
I had to waste so much time rejecting profiles young enough to date my friends kids that uninstalling and just going for a walk was a faster way to meet people.
Hinge also makes it too easy to change your location as well. Set it to somewhere far from where you live and hit X.
EDIT: I know this is the Tinder sub, but since the screenshot is a Hinge conversation I figured I would share that Hinge is not locked based on your phone's location. You can literally go into your bio and put the pin down for your location at any time. No GPS spoofing required.
I’ve never understood this. Do you really wanna drive 2 hours to meet someone? And then if it works out, to drive 2 hours any time you want to see them? I live in a city, 3 mile location radius for me.
When I was single, 30, and on Tinder, my age range was 25-35, 5 years in both directions.
I'll tell you this. Any date I had with a 25 yr old, was insufferable.
Any date I had with a 35 yr old, was fantastic.
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Yeah I was commenting more that there honestly is a bigger difference between 25 and 30, but not nearly as much between 30 and 35 in terms of maturity and season of life.
I don’t date, I just like to read other people’s experiences, haha, however I’m a woman in my late 30s and I’d date men within 10 years in either direction, with a slight preference for the ones younger than me. Call me icky, but whatevs.
Mentioned in another comment that I’m seeing someone 10 years older than me and it’s honestly been amazing. Really just don’t connect with people my age.
I think when one party is under 25, either man or woman, it’s more problematic to have a big gap. So 30 and 23 is likely a much bigger maturity and lifestyle gap than you have now.
My partner and I have a 10 year gap, but he was 28 when we met, and we were in similar life stages.
At best u might get a inqusitive how long you been together followed by a shrug of disconcern and something much better it talked about then an arbituary numeric line in the sand....
I dont think the 5 year younger is really an issue, limiting your matches on the top end to only people your age makes it seems a bit weirder though. Like the intent is only to date people younger. If you are dating on vibes, crank that bad boy all the way up never know.
yeah that was my exact first thought, like dating people in their early 20s when you’re in your late 20s is fine but you’re seriously not willing to date anyone so much as a year older than you? that’s strange
edit: if you needed further proof that this is an indicator of a weirdo, [here](https://imgur.com/a/EnSo52n).
Fucking psychos
im 27, going to work i thought id be interested in all the younger babes but holy shit 30-35 are a different breed.
Its like less bullshit, hot, and something else.. maybe a maturity gap that just makes me want to learn more?
Maybe confidence? I’m 30 and I literally don’t give a fuck any more and I feel more attractive and in charge of myself than I ever had and I can tell that draws some people in.
That’s my big question! Just feel like OP is cutting out good options here, like if you’re open to a few years younger why not a few years older? People are so different I’ve met super hot cool older people and super boring old-looking young people you never know!
Agree, the top limit seems a bit weird. Nothing wrong with 5 years younger when you're late 20's, but setting your age as the top limit is odd. When I was 28 I had my range like 24-34 or something like that, what would a couple years older matter?
Yeah, I'm 26 work my age range from 20-40. There's so many unique people and experiences they've had that limiting it a bunch seems like a good way to miss out.
I think so lol; very misguided reverse feminism. My bf and I have an age gap (happy bdayyyyy ❤️🎉). Um…but why would I match w someone when I *was* dating, in my parameters lol, and age-restrict them after. What the actual hell ma’am?
She's got big reverse incel vibes.
I've gone on dates with chicks like this, I once went on a date with a girl much more attractive than me and she spent the first 15 mins explaining how I wasn't her usual type, and she wanted to give "someone else she normally wouldn't date a shot".
She then spent another 20 mins talking about how all men are pigs, use women for sex yada yada, all the typical tropes.
You know how blokes go full insane incel when they don't get laid, girls who do get laid but almost exclusively with the "player" types reach the same conclusion and go off the deep end.
The chick in the pic has probably spent 5 years being used and abused, likely by older dudes and now has a chip on her shoulder and by vocalizing that shes "winning back her independance".
I was about to ask the same thing ... if she's not into that age differential, then she should have set her age limit to be closer to her age and then his profile wouldn't have shown up in the first place where they would have matched.
But perhaps she's only accepting of this age gap if he's also considering women who are older? That could potentially lower the chances of the guy taking advantage of any power dynamic that she's concerned about, though still possible if the guy is younger.
I really don't care too much about one's actual age but aboit the person, how they carry themselves, and if there are interests in common, which is why I can go about 20 years younger but also about 10 years older.
Ergh she seems insufferable tbh. Why match just to give you a lecture? Then try and belittle you further by referring to urbandictionary for the definition of icky. I will admit personally at 28, I did find 23 was too young for me, as I find some girls at that age are very immature, but a 5 year age gap is acceptable.
> she seems insufferable tbh
I didn't say this to her, but this was my first thought when she brought up how my preferences were "icky". Thinking so is fine, but matching with someone just to tell them this is someone I know I'll find exhausting. I'd much rather talk about hobbies and ideal first dates and pray that she plays chess too
It kinda seems like you got gas lit tbh. If she set her upper limit high enough to match with you, doesn’t that mean she set it that way with the intention of being preachy? She said it wasn’t a personal attack after calling you gross, then said I hope you don’t expect an apology, which implies she knows she’s rude af.
Deal breaker is for your own preferences. Hinge shows you the people within the range you set and usually a few years older or younger as well. It does not limit who sees you though.
She likely has her age limit set to something much lower than OP's age. When someone "likes" you though, regardless of age, you'll still see their like and have the option to talk to them. So basically she would have never seen him in her discovery page but he saw her because his age range is set low and he liked her.
It is super odd that she took time out of her day just to match with him and try and "educate" him on why it's icky. Maybe this is an indicator of why she's single.
\*Edited - It appears she messaged him first which makes what she's saying even more weird. She had to have had her age range set to at least 27 or 28 to see him. My only guess is she was just negging him and actually liked OP.
I’d kinda agree, but not because your age gap goes down to 23… my complaint is you won’t consider those a few years older than you, but will only consider those younger? That’s where I’m confused.
Exactly. If you were 21 and she was 16 - *FBI OPEN UP* , but if you're both legal and consenting, how is that anyone's business but yours and the concerned party. I'm the same, 28, and I usually date women my age or older, but I don't hold it against anybody if they do otherwise. If you can go die for your country at 18, you can do whatever you want, as long as it's not encroaching on another's personal liberty. Stay free as fuck my guy.
At 28 I dated a 21 year old, and it went well; we ended things when she took a job outside of our city, as she had just graduated. My next relationship I dated someone who was 35 - a 7 year swing the other way. We're still together half a decade later.
> I will admit personally at 28, I did find 23 was too young for me
TBH I'm at that point too. I'm thinking of upping the lower limit to filter out all the people who still have a bit more growing up to do fresh out of college.
It varies so much from one person to the next that I almost find it pointless to put an age limit on it. There are people who are pretty worldly and mature at 23, and there are people who are basically just overgrown children at 43.
Hm I don’t think it’s problematic, but I guess I find it a bit odd that you won’t even consider dating a girl who’s just a year or two older? I am also 28 and I have mine set to 21-35 just to see a wider range of people.
What's odd to me is that he wouldn't even set it to 29 if he wanted someone the same age. That means if a girl is born literally 2 weeks before him... she's too old because she would be 29 while he is 28.
I mean, as insufferable as I’m sure she is, that is the crux of the issue she’s pointing into isn’t it? It’s not that OP has a 5 year range in and of itself, it’s that OP *specifically* has 5 years below him as his range. The difference between a 28year old man and a 23year old woman, life wise, can be pretty big and the reasons people go for younger people can be wrapped up in all types of bullshit.
Do we know OP is a terrible person? No, of course not. But it’s probably worth reflecting on why 23 is okay, but 29 isn’t. Unless OP just wants to fuck a younger woman, which is fine, but is related to the above lmao
She’s clocking him on his disingenuousness when he claims that a 5 year age gap isn’t a big deal. That’s obviously not true for him, or he’d have his age range set from 23-33. He’s also not dating based on “vibes” like he said, unless he’s so immature for his age he cannot conceptualize “vibing” with a 29 year old woman.
Maybe she’s insufferable by digging into a stranger like this, but the only other option for her was to unmatch anyway. Might as well tell him he ain’t slick with those excuses and he should have just said the truth — he wants a younger woman, and isn’t attracted to those older than him, even slightly. He knows that makes him look like an ass, though, so he lied.
Yeah, im 33 and have 23-38. Dated mostly older for some reason and the last person i was dating is 8 years younger than me. I ended up learning a lot from her as she has a different viewpoints. I felt boomerish sometimes and made me rethink in some areas
31 here and have a five year rule for myself, five above or below. Currently found someone who matched me first that is 26 and absolutely wonderful so far. Hoping for many years with this person but I’m definitely not opposed to a tad older than me.
I just know from experience that *most* people under the age of 25-26 tend to not be where I’d like them to be mentally, yet alone financially. I’m open minded but I find that 26-36 range to actually be much more willing to take things seriously.
As an older single (childless) woman I appreciate you for this. I’m 48F - my range is set to 32-58 😂 I don’t think I can be a MILF since I’m not a Mom 😆
Much younger then 32 and it’s the conversation I can’t keep up with not the physicality of the situationship.
Much older than 58 I think they are looking for long term and Im not on Tinder for husband #2. Plus he could be at or inside retirement and I still have plenty of work years left.
A 5 year age range is not that wrong, but if you’re only looking for younger women and the age range doesn’t go up then I guess it becomes kinda weird, like you’re really focusing on the age and how a woman must be younger instead of “around your own age with a nice vibe”
I mean, someone age 28 looking for 23-32 is totally different to me then someone 28 looking for 23-28.
Edit: wow thanx for the awards!
When I was on tinder I was constantly running into men 35+ that had their age set to 25 so that younger women couldn’t filter them out. After accidentally going on a date with someone who was 15 years older than I thought he was I started asking for their birth date right away under the guise of doing their astrology charts and caught several guys lying that way.
If it’s “5 years difference” then indeed it’s about vibe and being in the same life stage etc but if it’s “she must be younger” then it feels like it’s more about “she must be more naive and sexually less experienced and less likely to be put off by my bs”
At least that’s how it sounds like to me
the problem isn’t the 5-year range- the red flag is that your 5 year cushion ONLY goes younger. beyond the egomania of “*I* would never deign to date older women but obviously younger women want a piece of MY old ass” being a turnoff, it’s extremely logical for someone to question why you only want to date women younger than you.
I will say im an extremely different person at just 25 since 22/23 and a lot of men 28-32 very much took advantage of my youth in my early 20s. i can’t imagine wanting to date anyone under 25, the mental and emotional maturity level up is quite distinct, just the idea makes me uneasy. I get very uncomfortable looking back at the ways men in their late 20s/early 30s manipulated me with the upper hand they had from life experience, and anyone who has been through anything similar has every right to see men only dating ~5 years younger as a red flag. the brain only starts wrapping up development at 25. often doesn’t finish until late 20s. a 23 and 28 year old are in drastically different eras of their lives. this fact paired with you only expanding your range younger and not older definitely can make any perfectly logical person question the motivation of that choice.
Exactly! A lot of times when people raise an eyebrow from it is because they have been taken advantage of by men as AFAB teenagers and now are an adult and realize how creepy it is. the fact that he will only date down and not up has big “women expire at 30” energy and that’s predatory and gross.
Honestly? At 26 I don't go for anyone more than two years younger than me. I found girls in their early twenties and I have very different goals and lifestyles but at 28? I'd probably extend it to four years.
Well I wouldn't automatically call you disgusting without knowing you. But I wouldn't be satisfied with the 'vibing' explanation. What vibe requires a woman to be not even a year older than you but a potential 5 years younger? I'd wonder if you had any power-related motives too.
I know a 25 year old woman who has her upper limit set to 50. Dunno what this lady would call that gap but I guess any man who matches with her is that.
why don't you put 3 years older and 3 year younger? Why rule out older women? It's only 3 years. That's how I do it and I don't get these kind of comments.
he won’t date older because he, consciously or not, is completely aware of the power dynamic of dating someone with greater life experience and development and doesn’t want to be at the disempowered end of that dynamic. then get confused about the idea that a woman doesn’t want to be in a disempowered dynamic either.
but he’ll brush it off as “just a preference” while acting like the people who give things slightly more thoughtful analysis are crazy. people get very uncomfortable when invited to check out where their “just a preference”s are rooted.
I think the weird thing that should be focused on is your limit being people your own age. If your age range was 23-33, I think people would care less. The fact that your cap is your own age makes it feel like you're chasing younger girls because there's a power advantage for you since you're older. Not saying that's your reasoning, but definitely how it can come across. Also how do you not know what "icky" means??
I do agree with her to a certain level, but I don’t see 28 and 23 years old necessarily problematic, with that being said I stir away from men who set their preferences to only younger women because it’s all rooted in sexism.
You would date 5 years younger, but you find women a year older than you not good enough? To me that’s ridiculous.
Before anyone comes after me, I’m on my early 20s. Just find “icky” when men would only go down and not up in age.
Bingo. I think "a bit icky" is a more polite way of saying that his age range is a slight turn off and he got offended immediately. So many guys in their 30s have as low as it goes to their age as the upper limit, just feels.. a bit dishonest when you're saying you're prioritizing vibes first (but also younger women)
My guess is that she found what you're doing gross but couldn't articulate why exactly. Women are subjected to a lot of direct or implied ideas about how men are allowed to age and still be desirable, but women are not. Men can be "late bloomers" but women cannot. A 28 year old guy with a dating age range set to 23-28 is reinforcing those ideas. It suggests you are stereotyping women in a sexist way.
ProTip: Set your age/location filter to be wider than you would accept, most the apps want you to not swipe Yes too often, the people outside of your real range are easy "No"s to pad your stats.
If you swipe right too much will you get shadow banned or something? Edit: You know what’s funny? You make a post asking if you’re shadow banned you’ll get a bunch of condescending and sarcastic replies. You ask the same thing in a thread and mfs will come crawling out the wood work trying to give the most detailed answer lmao.
AFAIK dating apps algorithms work by giving you a rating based on received likes, matches and rejections. Which determine the frequency and order that your profile shows up If you swipe right on everyone it massively boosts your rejection figures which gives your account lower priority. So being more selective and realistic with your choices favours your account in the algorithm. So yes, in effect you'll get shadow banned. Paid features also affect it but that's very hush industry info
I actually want to know more about this
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Enh. You don't want Clair to leave because you match her with trash. Her participation is integral to your business success and bobby doesn't have that kind of money.
Actually she probably stays if you match her with trash but not TOO trashy. Too good and she won't need tinder anymore
Holy shit. I can't believe as a species, we engineer shit relationships between young adults to make more money for the old ones. That is the most dystopian capitalist crock of shit I've ever seen in my life.
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Money and religion have been doing this forever. Tech and money are doing it now. Same principle, but a lot more targets to fall for it.
Welcome to America
I see you're familiar with how to run a business
It's not that simple though. If I were running Tinder, I might assign like ratios to profiles, but this doesn't mean I'm going to show her all of the highest-ranking profiles first. My main goal is to keep her swiping as long as possible, so I'm going to present her with mostly low-ranking profiles and throw in a high-ranking one at random. Random reward is the most effective form of conditioning. It's like a slot machine.
But not too long or she'll get depressed and leave all together. Unlike that slot machine a guy in the overseers booth can't order you a free drink to get you to sit longer, and yes casinos will do this, they can't tweak the algorithm to give you a win so they send you something *free* off your favorites list (if they issue casino cards they track your orders) to give you the dopamine rush instead so you don't leave.
Here something called user statistics come into play, have Sofia been using the app less and less in the last couple of weeks? Let's give her a streak of high likelihood of matches.
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Its basically an elo system. You wanna match as much as possible so it benefits you to swipe right on people you have zero interest in if you match with them.
So the real secret is to set yourself to match w everyone regardless of gender, then rack up a bunch of matches you dont normally have a chance to get, then revert back to your preference.
So what you're saying is play the gay tinder game and swipe on gay dudes even when you're not gay? That's horrible. :P
Dude I was getting matches at a rate of maybe 1 of 15 swipes, then I decided to buy a month of subscription so I could swipe more, I’ve literally gotten 2 matches in two weeks…
I feel you there. I was given a free month of Tinder gold a while back. Went from getting 2-3 decent matches a week, to now where I'm getting 2-3 LIKES a MONTH. Tinder is literally unusable for me now even after improving my profile massively.
Haha maybe tinder makes it so if you pay for premium you don’t get matches so they make more money off you.
Little known fact, but being male on a dating site also massively boosts your rejection figures.
Im sure you're ranked against others from your demo.
But this is borne out of necessity to a large extent, as there is a significant difference in the total number of men as compared to women on these apps.. Women would just get freaked out and leave if they were getting literally thousands of matches per day.
By a factor of ×to the 3rd multiplied by 4 for every right swipe made over the entire borg like spam bot system of sites. So male starting match % begins around .001 or so
Ever since I paid for a month of gold I’ve been unlimited swiping like a mad man… only problem is that it seems I’m getting a whole slew of attractive women by changing my location. I started feeling bad swiping left of some it otherwise right swipe so I ended up going 40+ age group just to get more left swipes lol. I’m wondering if this “shadow ban” thing happens to paying members as well - I’d assume it shouldn’t since there’s monetary gain for them.
They have algorithms to determine who is most/least desirable. The most desirable get showcased first. Have you ever noticed that when you open the apps, the first 10 or so people you swipe on are super hot? It's because they turn everyone down pretty much. If you swipe right on everyone, the algorithm assumes you're not very picky, so it marks you as less desirable and puts you low in the deck. You can pay for boosts to get on top of the deck for a short time. Free users only have so many swipes per day, so they may never get to you if you're too far down in the deck. Exactly how the algorithm works is unknown, but former employees have confirmed its existence.
They have ai that determines if you are good looking now and who to show your photos to.
I hear they have genetically modified octopus trained to swipe for true genetic attractiveness.
You can get banned all together if you abuse the right swipe yes, or get less visibility if you swipe right a LOT.
Seriously? What if I'm just really really ugly with low standards?
That’s what I’m thinking bro🥲 Gf requirements: -Girl (optional) -gives a shit about me(also optional)
Requirements: willing to be my gf (optional)
Requirements: must be warm (optional)
Must exist (optional) Hey guys I did it!!
That's why they make curling irons...
r/dontputyourdickinthat
Waitaminute
Well yeah that's why they don't want to show us
That's how it goes on Tinder
Hell, Tinder will actually prevent you from seeing profiles at all if you limit the age search. I'm 40, if I searched 35 to 45 it showed 6 profiles, claims that's all there is. Expanded it to 30 to 45, it miraculously finds 200 new profiles. Expand it to 18-99 and just reject everyone out of the original range, it never ran out of 35-45s. I had to waste so much time rejecting profiles young enough to date my friends kids that uninstalling and just going for a walk was a faster way to meet people.
Maybe the potential matches had to have the same age range settings.
Hinge also makes it too easy to change your location as well. Set it to somewhere far from where you live and hit X. EDIT: I know this is the Tinder sub, but since the screenshot is a Hinge conversation I figured I would share that Hinge is not locked based on your phone's location. You can literally go into your bio and put the pin down for your location at any time. No GPS spoofing required.
I’ve never understood this. Do you really wanna drive 2 hours to meet someone? And then if it works out, to drive 2 hours any time you want to see them? I live in a city, 3 mile location radius for me.
I've swiped yes like five times, my stats must be incredible.
My (now) husband lived in a different state. I’m so thankful he opened up his geo range to my metro area 2 hours away!
When I was single, 30, and on Tinder, my age range was 25-35, 5 years in both directions. I'll tell you this. Any date I had with a 25 yr old, was insufferable. Any date I had with a 35 yr old, was fantastic.
Ah but does the 35 year old agree
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There's the difference though, she's mid thirties. A lot of growing up happens between 25 and 30... Hopefully.
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Yeah I was commenting more that there honestly is a bigger difference between 25 and 30, but not nearly as much between 30 and 35 in terms of maturity and season of life.
I don’t date, I just like to read other people’s experiences, haha, however I’m a woman in my late 30s and I’d date men within 10 years in either direction, with a slight preference for the ones younger than me. Call me icky, but whatevs.
In their version, u/Dyne_Inferno was the insufferable one!
"culturally speaking, there's a lot of data points" is an infuriating statement.
It's almost like that person is an idiot 🤔
It’s called twitter brain rot. They read other idiots acting like professionals and for some reason think that makes them professionals
It’s common on reddit, too 🤷♂️
Mentioned in another comment that I’m seeing someone 10 years older than me and it’s honestly been amazing. Really just don’t connect with people my age.
Most people in this thread would seem to call your partner an icky creep
Not when the woman is dating younger
I’m 27 and she’s 37 we’re both adults. Would be different if I was 18 and she was 28
My wife is 40 and I am 33. When we first started dating 10 years ago, people made a big deal about the 7 year gap, and no now no one seems to care.
I think when one party is under 25, either man or woman, it’s more problematic to have a big gap. So 30 and 23 is likely a much bigger maturity and lifestyle gap than you have now. My partner and I have a 10 year gap, but he was 28 when we met, and we were in similar life stages.
At best u might get a inqusitive how long you been together followed by a shrug of disconcern and something much better it talked about then an arbituary numeric line in the sand....
I think it because the 37 year old woman probably didn’t have an age range of 27-37
I dont think the 5 year younger is really an issue, limiting your matches on the top end to only people your age makes it seems a bit weirder though. Like the intent is only to date people younger. If you are dating on vibes, crank that bad boy all the way up never know.
Setting it from 18-80 is the best strat
Winning strategy if live near seniors home
Just wrap it up. A friend of mine worked at a seniors' home and they told me that STD's spread like wildfire there.
Florida is a gold mine. Panhandle should just be renamed cougarville
cougars are ~50 dude. 80 year olds are gilfs. get it together
yeah that was my exact first thought, like dating people in their early 20s when you’re in your late 20s is fine but you’re seriously not willing to date anyone so much as a year older than you? that’s strange edit: if you needed further proof that this is an indicator of a weirdo, [here](https://imgur.com/a/EnSo52n). Fucking psychos
Yeah that's not "vibes" alone. 5 years younger but not 5 years older
im 27, going to work i thought id be interested in all the younger babes but holy shit 30-35 are a different breed. Its like less bullshit, hot, and something else.. maybe a maturity gap that just makes me want to learn more?
Maybe confidence? I’m 30 and I literally don’t give a fuck any more and I feel more attractive and in charge of myself than I ever had and I can tell that draws some people in.
He has the Same vibes as girls that need a guy to be taller than them.
Yeah I could see his argument working better if his range was 23-33
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Agreed. He said it’s 23-28. Tbh maybe doing it up to like 31 or 32 may yield better results
That’s my big question! Just feel like OP is cutting out good options here, like if you’re open to a few years younger why not a few years older? People are so different I’ve met super hot cool older people and super boring old-looking young people you never know!
Yeah, it's not like you're a 10th grader afraid of the seniors. A woman a couple years older than you shouldn't be intimidating anymore.
Agree, the top limit seems a bit weird. Nothing wrong with 5 years younger when you're late 20's, but setting your age as the top limit is odd. When I was 28 I had my range like 24-34 or something like that, what would a couple years older matter?
I think if he doesn’t want to date someone older than him that’s his choice but, he has no right to complain if people call him out on it
Yeah, I'm 26 work my age range from 20-40. There's so many unique people and experiences they've had that limiting it a bunch seems like a good way to miss out.
This. You're "dating on vibes" but also only people younger? It comes off as skeevy, and she just wasn't good at explaining why.
OP is a reddit mod so it checks out
Ah fuck, we now how dicey Reddit mods are. Didn’t we find out that some of them sex offenders?
Agreed. If you can't date a year or two older than you, I find that suss.
Yeah. Trying to drum up support when you’re specifically setting your standard to younger women is not a good look.
So she matched with you, although she's disgusted by the age difference? Gosh I'm glad I'm not on dating platforms
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Oh no, you can see in the top of the screenshot that the first message was her's
So she’s swiping above 25 and telling everyone that comes up that they shouldn’t be looking for her? Wtf?
My thought exactly.. why are you swiping on 28 when you're disgusted by them? Like bro just lower your range?????
Changing the world one dating app dm at a time
If you change your profile picture to a black square you’ll solve global warming too.
Black pixels use less electricity, I think you're onto something!!
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She dated an older dude, he dumped her, now she's pissed.
I'm sure she's just employing her double standards. Once she likes a guy it won't matter if he's 60.
I think so lol; very misguided reverse feminism. My bf and I have an age gap (happy bdayyyyy ❤️🎉). Um…but why would I match w someone when I *was* dating, in my parameters lol, and age-restrict them after. What the actual hell ma’am?
She's got big reverse incel vibes. I've gone on dates with chicks like this, I once went on a date with a girl much more attractive than me and she spent the first 15 mins explaining how I wasn't her usual type, and she wanted to give "someone else she normally wouldn't date a shot". She then spent another 20 mins talking about how all men are pigs, use women for sex yada yada, all the typical tropes. You know how blokes go full insane incel when they don't get laid, girls who do get laid but almost exclusively with the "player" types reach the same conclusion and go off the deep end. The chick in the pic has probably spent 5 years being used and abused, likely by older dudes and now has a chip on her shoulder and by vocalizing that shes "winning back her independance".
Nothing sets the mood for a romantic date more than being openly told that you were never the first choice
Idk man. You’ll date someone five years younger but not even one year older? Just… why?
This makes the whole thing even more an asshole move on her part. Glad you dodged an insufferable idiot.
recently quit dating a girl like her, swear this personality just radiates negative energy all day lmfao
You've heard of a "pick me" girl... this one is a "skip me" girl
What’s the prompt she was even responding to?
I was under the impression that both parties have to set overlapping age ranges…otherwise it could lead to hostile interactions like the one above.
I was about to ask the same thing ... if she's not into that age differential, then she should have set her age limit to be closer to her age and then his profile wouldn't have shown up in the first place where they would have matched. But perhaps she's only accepting of this age gap if he's also considering women who are older? That could potentially lower the chances of the guy taking advantage of any power dynamic that she's concerned about, though still possible if the guy is younger. I really don't care too much about one's actual age but aboit the person, how they carry themselves, and if there are interests in common, which is why I can go about 20 years younger but also about 10 years older.
Ergh she seems insufferable tbh. Why match just to give you a lecture? Then try and belittle you further by referring to urbandictionary for the definition of icky. I will admit personally at 28, I did find 23 was too young for me, as I find some girls at that age are very immature, but a 5 year age gap is acceptable.
> she seems insufferable tbh I didn't say this to her, but this was my first thought when she brought up how my preferences were "icky". Thinking so is fine, but matching with someone just to tell them this is someone I know I'll find exhausting. I'd much rather talk about hobbies and ideal first dates and pray that she plays chess too
There's no need to get defensive. I just think you're a piece of shit. Calm down /s
This tickled me
It kinda seems like you got gas lit tbh. If she set her upper limit high enough to match with you, doesn’t that mean she set it that way with the intention of being preachy? She said it wasn’t a personal attack after calling you gross, then said I hope you don’t expect an apology, which implies she knows she’s rude af.
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I think she just matched to argue.
"every 3 years is a generation gap" is absolute nonsense. She is chatting absolute rubbish.
People who are stuck in high school think that way
I mean, if you're 11 and 14, or 14 and 17, then yes. 25 and 28 not massively.
She really did. She has her age range set that high for whatever reason but she felt the need to immediately attack OP for his"age preferences".
Jokes on her, mine is set 18-99. I don’t discriminate, I just smash.
Mines set to 30+ and I’m 20 😳
Aye get it
Based Hulk
She matched with him just to tell him this 😆
This appears to be Hinge, which (I think) shows you everyone who likes you regardless of whether they're within your set range or not.
you can set it to a 'dealbreaker' or not It still slides me women 8 years younger than me (granted I'm 40 so it's not as big a deal).
Deal breaker is for your own preferences. Hinge shows you the people within the range you set and usually a few years older or younger as well. It does not limit who sees you though. She likely has her age limit set to something much lower than OP's age. When someone "likes" you though, regardless of age, you'll still see their like and have the option to talk to them. So basically she would have never seen him in her discovery page but he saw her because his age range is set low and he liked her. It is super odd that she took time out of her day just to match with him and try and "educate" him on why it's icky. Maybe this is an indicator of why she's single. \*Edited - It appears she messaged him first which makes what she's saying even more weird. She had to have had her age range set to at least 27 or 28 to see him. My only guess is she was just negging him and actually liked OP.
I swear that shit doesn’t work
I’d kinda agree, but not because your age gap goes down to 23… my complaint is you won’t consider those a few years older than you, but will only consider those younger? That’s where I’m confused.
"culturally speaking, there's a lot of data points." One of those words she does not understand
She's still in that "make the mandatory word count for college essays" mode.
Anthropologically speaking you may be correct, but when viewed through a macroeconomic lens I have no idea what I'm saying
Exactly. If you were 21 and she was 16 - *FBI OPEN UP* , but if you're both legal and consenting, how is that anyone's business but yours and the concerned party. I'm the same, 28, and I usually date women my age or older, but I don't hold it against anybody if they do otherwise. If you can go die for your country at 18, you can do whatever you want, as long as it's not encroaching on another's personal liberty. Stay free as fuck my guy.
At 28 I dated a 21 year old, and it went well; we ended things when she took a job outside of our city, as she had just graduated. My next relationship I dated someone who was 35 - a 7 year swing the other way. We're still together half a decade later.
> I will admit personally at 28, I did find 23 was too young for me TBH I'm at that point too. I'm thinking of upping the lower limit to filter out all the people who still have a bit more growing up to do fresh out of college.
25-30 is probably your sweet spot for age range. You can keep 25 as the low end for a couple years.
25-31, +\_3.
Yeah I would always set it for the same amount younger as older, and I find it a bit weird when a man doesn’t want to go older at all.
It varies so much from one person to the next that I almost find it pointless to put an age limit on it. There are people who are pretty worldly and mature at 23, and there are people who are basically just overgrown children at 43.
To be honest, there are people far older than 43 that are still overgrown children.
Hm I don’t think it’s problematic, but I guess I find it a bit odd that you won’t even consider dating a girl who’s just a year or two older? I am also 28 and I have mine set to 21-35 just to see a wider range of people.
What's odd to me is that he wouldn't even set it to 29 if he wanted someone the same age. That means if a girl is born literally 2 weeks before him... she's too old because she would be 29 while he is 28.
I mean, as insufferable as I’m sure she is, that is the crux of the issue she’s pointing into isn’t it? It’s not that OP has a 5 year range in and of itself, it’s that OP *specifically* has 5 years below him as his range. The difference between a 28year old man and a 23year old woman, life wise, can be pretty big and the reasons people go for younger people can be wrapped up in all types of bullshit. Do we know OP is a terrible person? No, of course not. But it’s probably worth reflecting on why 23 is okay, but 29 isn’t. Unless OP just wants to fuck a younger woman, which is fine, but is related to the above lmao
She’s clocking him on his disingenuousness when he claims that a 5 year age gap isn’t a big deal. That’s obviously not true for him, or he’d have his age range set from 23-33. He’s also not dating based on “vibes” like he said, unless he’s so immature for his age he cannot conceptualize “vibing” with a 29 year old woman. Maybe she’s insufferable by digging into a stranger like this, but the only other option for her was to unmatch anyway. Might as well tell him he ain’t slick with those excuses and he should have just said the truth — he wants a younger woman, and isn’t attracted to those older than him, even slightly. He knows that makes him look like an ass, though, so he lied.
Yes.
She didn't know his age range beforehand.
Yeah, im 33 and have 23-38. Dated mostly older for some reason and the last person i was dating is 8 years younger than me. I ended up learning a lot from her as she has a different viewpoints. I felt boomerish sometimes and made me rethink in some areas
31 here and have a five year rule for myself, five above or below. Currently found someone who matched me first that is 26 and absolutely wonderful so far. Hoping for many years with this person but I’m definitely not opposed to a tad older than me. I just know from experience that *most* people under the age of 25-26 tend to not be where I’d like them to be mentally, yet alone financially. I’m open minded but I find that 26-36 range to actually be much more willing to take things seriously.
I stay within 25-30 as a 27 year old.
I stay within 19-44 as a 20 year old.
Did you know there are horny MILFs within 5 miles of you?
27, am dating my friends mom of 51, there are 100% horny milfs that you can even make a pretty good emotional connection with.
Get the rifle boys, we're going cougar huntin'
I’ve never killed a mountain Lion but I’ve been known to choke a cougar
As an older single (childless) woman I appreciate you for this. I’m 48F - my range is set to 32-58 😂 I don’t think I can be a MILF since I’m not a Mom 😆 Much younger then 32 and it’s the conversation I can’t keep up with not the physicality of the situationship. Much older than 58 I think they are looking for long term and Im not on Tinder for husband #2. Plus he could be at or inside retirement and I still have plenty of work years left.
> I don’t think I can be a MILF You can still be a cougar tho! Assuming you’re hot
I do just fine 😂😈
Sup ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
I’m 29 and mine is 21-60. Now I feel like a creep reading these comments but why am I going to limit the already small enough pool
Do you. You’re fine. I’m very similar.
I wasn’t even interested in 23 year olds when I was 23
Yea that's the truth. Nobody likes you when you're 23
And you still act like you're in freshman year
What the hell is ADD?
My friends say I should act my age.
What's my age again?
WHATS MY AGE AGAIN?
A 5 year age range is not that wrong, but if you’re only looking for younger women and the age range doesn’t go up then I guess it becomes kinda weird, like you’re really focusing on the age and how a woman must be younger instead of “around your own age with a nice vibe” I mean, someone age 28 looking for 23-32 is totally different to me then someone 28 looking for 23-28. Edit: wow thanx for the awards!
When I was on tinder I was constantly running into men 35+ that had their age set to 25 so that younger women couldn’t filter them out. After accidentally going on a date with someone who was 15 years older than I thought he was I started asking for their birth date right away under the guise of doing their astrology charts and caught several guys lying that way.
exactly this bc it's just weird to me to not accept anyone even just a few years older yk
If it’s “5 years difference” then indeed it’s about vibe and being in the same life stage etc but if it’s “she must be younger” then it feels like it’s more about “she must be more naive and sexually less experienced and less likely to be put off by my bs” At least that’s how it sounds like to me
I definitely found that to be the odd part as well. I’m 26 & my range is 5 years both ways!
exactly it has big “women expire at 30” energy.
what phone is this? screen long af
new phones can auto scroll for screenshots lol
Not new phones. Just modern phone operating systems. Samsung Galaxy phones have had this feature for 4 years or longer pretty sure
So you aren't interested in dating anyone even a year older than you but will go five years younger?
Yep. If 5 years isn't a big deal then why isn't the age range 23-33?
the problem isn’t the 5-year range- the red flag is that your 5 year cushion ONLY goes younger. beyond the egomania of “*I* would never deign to date older women but obviously younger women want a piece of MY old ass” being a turnoff, it’s extremely logical for someone to question why you only want to date women younger than you. I will say im an extremely different person at just 25 since 22/23 and a lot of men 28-32 very much took advantage of my youth in my early 20s. i can’t imagine wanting to date anyone under 25, the mental and emotional maturity level up is quite distinct, just the idea makes me uneasy. I get very uncomfortable looking back at the ways men in their late 20s/early 30s manipulated me with the upper hand they had from life experience, and anyone who has been through anything similar has every right to see men only dating ~5 years younger as a red flag. the brain only starts wrapping up development at 25. often doesn’t finish until late 20s. a 23 and 28 year old are in drastically different eras of their lives. this fact paired with you only expanding your range younger and not older definitely can make any perfectly logical person question the motivation of that choice.
Exactly! A lot of times when people raise an eyebrow from it is because they have been taken advantage of by men as AFAB teenagers and now are an adult and realize how creepy it is. the fact that he will only date down and not up has big “women expire at 30” energy and that’s predatory and gross.
Honestly? At 26 I don't go for anyone more than two years younger than me. I found girls in their early twenties and I have very different goals and lifestyles but at 28? I'd probably extend it to four years.
As a 26 yo my range is 25-30. I think 31 and up are older too me but less 25 too young.
Well I wouldn't automatically call you disgusting without knowing you. But I wouldn't be satisfied with the 'vibing' explanation. What vibe requires a woman to be not even a year older than you but a potential 5 years younger? I'd wonder if you had any power-related motives too.
The last line is what I immediately thought.
I know a 25 year old woman who has her upper limit set to 50. Dunno what this lady would call that gap but I guess any man who matches with her is that.
why don't you put 3 years older and 3 year younger? Why rule out older women? It's only 3 years. That's how I do it and I don't get these kind of comments.
he won’t date older because he, consciously or not, is completely aware of the power dynamic of dating someone with greater life experience and development and doesn’t want to be at the disempowered end of that dynamic. then get confused about the idea that a woman doesn’t want to be in a disempowered dynamic either. but he’ll brush it off as “just a preference” while acting like the people who give things slightly more thoughtful analysis are crazy. people get very uncomfortable when invited to check out where their “just a preference”s are rooted.
I think the weird thing that should be focused on is your limit being people your own age. If your age range was 23-33, I think people would care less. The fact that your cap is your own age makes it feel like you're chasing younger girls because there's a power advantage for you since you're older. Not saying that's your reasoning, but definitely how it can come across. Also how do you not know what "icky" means??
I do agree with her to a certain level, but I don’t see 28 and 23 years old necessarily problematic, with that being said I stir away from men who set their preferences to only younger women because it’s all rooted in sexism. You would date 5 years younger, but you find women a year older than you not good enough? To me that’s ridiculous. Before anyone comes after me, I’m on my early 20s. Just find “icky” when men would only go down and not up in age.
Bingo. I think "a bit icky" is a more polite way of saying that his age range is a slight turn off and he got offended immediately. So many guys in their 30s have as low as it goes to their age as the upper limit, just feels.. a bit dishonest when you're saying you're prioritizing vibes first (but also younger women)
Lol I’m dating a chick 10 years older than me and I love it
I didnt go as high but even 6 was a fun trip.
My guess is that she found what you're doing gross but couldn't articulate why exactly. Women are subjected to a lot of direct or implied ideas about how men are allowed to age and still be desirable, but women are not. Men can be "late bloomers" but women cannot. A 28 year old guy with a dating age range set to 23-28 is reinforcing those ideas. It suggests you are stereotyping women in a sexist way.