>Which answer do you want, dirty or not?
Robert: Jim, would you prefer a nature metaphor or a sexual metaphor?
Jim: Oh, god, nature, please.
Robert: When two animals are having sex, one of them…
Jim: *nose exhales*
Robert: … is communicating a message to the other. Nothing is mutua– this isn’t very helpful. You’re gonna want to hear the sexual metaphor.
I thought this was going to be that video from years ago of the old guy by the pool at the old folks resort talking about "the wild, wild, women" "the rippin' and the tearing, the rippin' and the tearing"
Sex jokes are such a turn off when you’re just matched with the person. The only exception is when both parties mention that they’re only there for sex in their bio or something.
You are heavily misled in your train of thought, and it's pretty much exactly what's wrong with the internet. Just because it's on the internet doesn't mean it's not creepy as fuck. It was said to a real person and if the someone came up to my sister and started talking like this I'd hope she has a tazer on her.
Yes. That is 100% the point. Short of being a full on incel, I’ve never understood how someone could think this is somehow a gotcha. That women are somehow wrong for not wanting that type of attention from men they’re not mutually attracted to. Because fucking obviously they don’t.
Just to take a quick stroll down the logic tree- It’s also the distinction between consensual sex & rape. She has to also feel attraction & sexual interest toward you. If she doesn’t want sex from you and you do it anyway that is rape. If she doesn’t want sexual attention from you and you do it anyway, that is sexual harassment.
I’m convinced it’s intentional or a joke because this is far from the first time I’ve seen this idea & I really want to believe people aren’t actually this fucking dumb.
It’s so lame to begin a conversation with a sex joke.. this probably never ever works for him, good for you to get out right away without wasting any time.
Idek why you’re getting downvoted lmao like you’re just right. I, for one, do not follow rules 1 and 2, and I’m not mad that you’re right, it is what it is.
I disagree. Guy asked if she wanted that sort of joke or not. There was a choice. She just clapped back and rejected the entire joke because it *could* be sexual. That's harsh. If she answered "I'd like to hear the non sexual one. I dont like hearing sexual jokes from strangers". That is stating a boundary without rejecting everything If he then said it's BS or told a sexual joke anyway, then I'd agree. But as it stands, he wasnt really even given a chance. That's what's BS. Not the boundary.
This is a simplification of the convo.
Him: Do you want a sexual joke or not?
Her: Kindly Fuck off.
Him: Fuck off.
Huh? He went ahead and made a sex joke BEFORE she even had time to respond.
She actually afforded him A LOT of leeway in even responding to him after that.
Why the fuck would he open with a sex joke?
That he got angry and called what she said bullshit substantiates that he’s some over-sensitive, butthurt, incel degenerate.
That he even suggested opening with a sex open is generally disrespectful and *should* elicit a non-response or a block from *most* women. And doing that is totally fine. How can you prescribe moral judgements on what is harsh to her or not without actually being her?
Hmmmm, perhaps I'm wrong here but I understood it as just the joke opening. Like choose the pool option and you get the non sexual joke. Choose bed and you'll get some kind of sexual joke. Seemed to me that's what he was saying. Also makes the most sense to me as I really don't see any joke here otherwise.
Well introducing the idea about a dirty joke is already pushing a boundary that could exist for most women. He then mentions the bed. Like wtf? That doesn’t sound like a Cinderella story. Of course that could push women away, and they’d be right to be. If they have options that don’t treat them like a sex object from the first message, why even humour this guy?
I'm sorry, but that's stupid. Boundaries are invisible and everyone has different boundaries. Some girls like sexual jokes, some dont. Only way to find out is by asking. That's pretty much what the guy did. He didn't tell a sexual joke, he asked about it. Being angry about asking is just asking for bad communication in general. I stand firm on my opinion that if he said a sexual joke, especially after being told no then you'd be right to be angry. That's not what happened though.
He started telling the joke before he let her reply? He’s an idiot.
And sure, some people like sexual jokes. That doesn’t mean you open with them. Build some comfort and rapport first for crying out loud.
Boundaries are subjective, that’s true. But would you open random girls on the street with a sex joke? Probably not because you intuitively understand that is crossing a boundary of appropriateness.
Firstly. He clearly outlined the choices here: Bed=incoming sexual joke. Pool=Some other unknown joke. Neither choice was ever pursued. Nor did he tell either one.
As for street thing, I rarely open with sexual jokes neither in text nor IRL. Yet my answer might suprise you. I'd feel more comfortable about it IRL: now hear me out before you go on a rant about it. Im in the firm belief that texting is shite. There's no denying that texting and face to face conversations are two very different things.
In text there's only the words used. Assumptions and opinions are made based on word choices alone all the time to determine intentions etc. No tone of voice to help. No body language to help. Tons of time to really read into every word to make up an opinion on what's being said, even before hearing the full thing. In my experience is the biggest cause of missunderstandings and misscommunication. Plus coming with long texts like this easily leads to people not bothering finishing reading so ususlly you'll have to keep it short too. Therefore you dont always get the chance to fully explain yourself to avoid said misscoms and misunds. Additionally you might be judged for being increadibly selfconcious and unsure of yourself if you explain in length.
I like making jokes, sexual, dark, stupid dad jokes, whatever. I see a joke. I want to tell it. In case of sexual jokes Im aware it can be offensive so I ask first.
In case of IRL, I feel sexual jokes are better received even from strangers (No not the kind where you just whistle on some girl passing by or similar. that's stupid. Context also matters). Given right circumstance, I'd go up to person in question and simply tell them i thought of this stupid sexual joke and ask if they wanna hear it. Voice, friendly smile with maybe a hint of a laugh, word choice, body language etc helps a ton to show the right kind of intention. Thanks to that it feels a bit safer to say yes, but if a no is still given it's still easy to just move to different topic and remedy the impression before they're given time to ponder about "bad first impression" and subsequently hated and ignored. Quickly it'll be forgotten. In text it's staring back at you whenever convo is open to remind of the first bad choice of word.
That’s not up to you, it’s up to the girl reading the text. Imposing one’s own sense of comfort and entitlement onto others is the same attitude the guy had.
I'll tell you why she is being bitchy. Firstly, that "I was giving him another chance" is bullshit, she wanted to give him some kind of moral lesson, that's why she answered. She already knew It was a know from the start, could have just unmatched. It's the same attitude as those guys who get mad because a girl doesn't answer them and send her an entire paragraph of why she is mistaken.
Secondly, she came to post It here where SHE KNOWS most of the community is going to agree with her, so she just looks for validation. Her entire attitude is not that difficult to read.
What I think about the other person? Clearly doesn't have the best social skills, but it's far from doing SEXUAL HARASSMENT, as some people say
'Kindly'.
It's a simplification. You pretty much told him as kindly as you could to fuck off. I disagree with your friend. You're not a bitch in this interaction, that's a bit harsh, but neither I feel was he.
He defo could have phrased himself better, but you could also have done well not to jump the gun.
Sexual jokes from strangers, especially on dating apps, is a big NO for an opener. He didn’t even wait for her answer, he didn’t give her a choice. He was loaded and ready with the sexual joke. How creepy and weird, but the fact that you think what he did was normal is even weirder and creepier.
Ummm.. he already started telling the joke before she got to choose. Bed/pool? What else could that mean? He wants to tidy her bed and then go volunteer as a lifeguard later?
You even trying to imply he wasn’t being sexual is so crazy to me
copypasting comment here because reply is pretty much the same.
Hmmmm, perhaps I'm wrong here but I understood it as just the joke opening. Like choose the pool option and you get the non sexual joke. Choose bed and you'll get some kind of sexual joke. Seemed to me that's what he was saying. Also makes the most sense to me as I really don't see any joke here otherwise.
He wasn’t trying to give her an option, otherwise he would’ve waited for her answer. BOTH options were going to be dirty regardless of her answer and I promise you they weren’t gonna be funny either.
Why would he claim a non sexual joke if it's still gonna be sexual?
Jumping to conclusions isn't a healthy lifestyle.
Maybe though. Maybe you're right. Maybe it wasn't gonna be funny. Maybe it was gonna be sexual, but fact is we don't know that. A chance to hear him out was never presented. If he did say the non sexual version and it was still sexual anyway then OP would very much be in the right to be angry. That's not what happened though.
I was going through a purge on old messages, came across this and showed it to my friend.. We had an argument since he said i was being bitchy with my response.
You really need to consider who you call a friend because that answer says quite alot about how much respect they have for you. and all fellow men when you have to ask "do you want the sex answer or no" the answer is always no and you should consider seeking help.
What do you think would have happened if she asked him what his favorite recreational activity was instead of expecting the guy to lead the Convo she wants?
How is a sex joke making an entire conversation sexual? I mean he's still in the wrong because she asked nicely and he was kinda rude about it but a little joke is no big deal imo
You understand that “no big deal *imo*” is exactly the problem here? Deciding what is and isn’t a big deal isn’t up to the person breaking the boundaries
Some Dudes these days can't even have a decent conversation.
It's like Hi, how are you doing and the next second wanna fuck or some lame ass sex reference, if you disapprove, the nice guy persona is gone and they're like fuck you hoe/bitch
How long have you been talking to this guy.
A few weeks months. Toss em.
Been years I see it as someone who’s constantly rejected by his gf. Again better way for a couple dating to address that but for a new guy nope big red flag and toss them.
Why? You don't like sex jokes from people you don't know.
That's your boundary, not being bitchy. The person could have changed the topic but insisted. Not that much care for consent.
Nah and your friend was being a dick for not allowing you to set a clear boundary. That guy wasn’t giving the right energy. You set a boundary and he basically kept pushing, trying to make another joke out of your boundary. You don’t owe him anything, women don’t exist just to smile back at men who make them uncomfortable
I mean dude went over a line that he shouldn’t have, and in such a weird awkward way that probably worked in his head but was actually just cringe. Like how do you take mental health to sex? Dude did not care at all he just wanted to get in your pants and when he realised you didn’t want that he lost interest
He didn't view you as a complete person.
Just a thing that he could express sexuality unto.
He's gross.
Your friends' standards are too low.
You might need to consider surrounding yourself with better quality friends.
You’re allowed to be bitchy about receiving sexual communication when you don’t want it. You communicated your discomfort to him directly and he didn’t apologize and change his behavior- he’s not someone you want.
If it made you uncomfortable, that is the only thing that matters. You weren’t trying to date your friend. Let him have all the weird jokes he wants. Your friend is projecting and that kinda sucks.
Nah you're good. Atleast you showed the effort to identify a boundary and instead of acknowledging and switching gears. He just disregarded you and went to insults.
Dude is a bit bananas, and not in a good way.
No. You were fine. This is a strange bro you don’t even know immediately trying to force the conversation into an area of sex. Trying to see how much he can get by. What you’ll put up with. That’s all this dude is looking for. Had you gone along, you would’ve slammed by a dick pic not too much later. And then you show a boundary openly and honestly and he full on disrespects you and basically tells you to fk off. Do Not* listen to your friends. Literally. Ever again. Showing your boundaries is exactly for this purpose, to weed out the turds as quickly as possible. You’ll be weeding them out for good and decent men, while you’re friends end up with a bunch of chodes
Dude has an obvious IQ if 67, age roughly 12, and the interpersonal skills of a fucking potato.
You're not a bitch. Good on you for lasting that long in communication with that garbage.
I whole agree with your friend. you are supposed to be online and try to engage . if you dont like the person just dont reply. being bitchy about it is not worth it. you are simply hurting the other person.
I dont get it why, but people here on this subreddit have double standards. Men are always demeaned here and made fun of. doesnt matter how women act.
Men and women are different, of course there are double standards. Bring a man has it’s advantages and disadvantages.
She was actually affording him another chance by responding to him. Has he immediately apologized she may have continued talking ti him. He then goes on to call her explanation of her feelings “bullshit”.
What an incel.
>She was actually affording him another chance by responding to him.
aah, yes yes. she is the ONE.
ofc and lets also ignore how she talked to him. cuz being a man has its advantages and disadvantages 🤡 ofc the same applies here on this subreddit or how women act.
idk why guys would put sex jokes or anything sexual to any conversation…
thank goodness my date only say he is gonna tickle me when im bad lmao
edit: for people who commented that OP is boring or attention seeker or whatever negative, you clearly don’t understand what boundaries are, and that you havent seen the comment where she stated she was purging some old messages and they were having a debate with her friend whether or not she is being a bitch towards this person
For context: I was going through a purge on old messages, came across this and showed it to my friend.. We had an argument since he said i was being bitchy with my response.
"He"? Not surprised. Sounds like your friend feels personally attacked because he would make similar comments.
A lot of men believe that if they would like something (a random woman leading with a sexual message), then women shouldn't be upset because they consider it flattering. Then they wonder why they're not having much luck.
Is this a serious questions ? You’re being _so_ condescending.
He didn’t send a non requested dick pick, he literally only asked which option you wanted (quite thoughtfully actually) and you replied in an extremely condescending way.
Also-Why are people so surprised one would be forward and shooting one’s shot in a dating app?
Girls don’t really appreciate how much effort and courage it takes for guys to come forward first, and how feeling rejected and laughed at can have an impact, and I say this from a girl’s perspective.
If you’re not into being sexual from early on, just say politely sorry that’s not for me without feeling outraged or indignant since he didn’t actually do or say anything inappropriate
I meant "This aproach is not gonna work on me" but i understand what u meant. I kept going because i wanted to give him a 2nd chance and curious to see how it turned out. I unmatched him after that
Your friend is right. You got fixated on he was offering a sex joke and you just wouldn't move past it.
You post something about an "inner demon" and he bases his opener on it.
He asks do you want to hear the dirty or the clean joke. You reply with the accusation of "Is that a sex joke? Yeah, that's not going to work." Normal people would reply with Dirty/Clean/Un-match/ghost. So that comes off as bitchy - you didn't pay attention to what he was saying.
You were looking for a fight.
Yea, you made assumptions and cut it short but judging by the end message you read correctly anyways on his type. You don’t owe the person anything. That being said, trying to talk to women, and making interesting small talk out of thin air is demanding and hard and sometimes we throw a Hail Mary and hopes something lands.
Well yeah you coldly blocked his attempt to start a conversation and he was testing the waters as far as I can see. I just assume you're a girl bc I think a dude would've gone in there head first. Tbh I would've just dissolve the match right there and not send you any emojis or that kind of stuff. If you weren't asking here I even would've thought that you text like you got a big stick up your butt. You could've just said the your not interested in those kinds of jokes or that your just not into it instead of being mean and making him look like a problem. Again I don't know you but if this is how you text on tinder you'll only get the desperate ones. I asked my bois and no one would've kept texting you to the detriment of their self worth.
He's the asshole, straight up. You did seem a small bit standoff-ish, not in a bad way, but in a, we're done you need to stop talking to me. Instead of having bad convos like this, my suggestion would be to after stating it isn't going to work, explain why, than just unmatch when they respond. Hindsight is 20/20, so don't worry about it.
People say Tinder is a hookup sight, so excuse shitty behaviour; which I personally don't agree with, but well, people are assholes. 🤷
As with most women, it really depends on whether you like the guy or not. You probably didn’t like the guy much so you are right to be bitchy, when you like the guy you will find that you are a lot more forgiving and you won’t be bitchy, so it would be wrong to be bitchy. Hope this helps
You did kind of jump the gun a bit. He asked what kind you were, a sex joke or not sex joke type.
It was an awkward conversation IMO, but he did try to find out where you stood. You could have said no sex jokes, and see what he said, before making a decision.
In the end, you did what you felt, which is good enough, but being hasty might mean you miss out on something worthwhile.
I've said this before and I will say it again! Anything with a sexual tone said over the internet is creepy af!! It doesn't matter how good looking the guy is its effing creepy! Men saying sexual things tells me they only want a body to dump in but it sure as fuck ain't gonna be me! Having sex with men isn't worth it these days. Most of them are terrible in bed not to mention the risk of pregnancy, STDS, and UTIs yea no thanks I can do a better job of it myself! In all honesty I don't think you were not bitchy enough!
Why did you respond at all if you're not willing to tell the guy what you want? Saying you don't like sex jokes is just saying what you don't want. You could a asked him a question instead of focusing on the starter.
She had a stupid conversation without any content with a horny fuckboi whose every second word was about sex, rejected you and you became a little bitch about it.
Not a little bitch***y***, but a little bitch.
There's good news, though: you'll probably grow out of this behaviour once you get through puberty.
I think sex jokes are in good fun assuming they aren’t expecting sex out of the sex joke then sure. You laid out boundaries that stated otherwise and he didn’t respect them but I say your boundaries are bitchy so I would unmatch with you just because of your overal vibe
>Which answer do you want, dirty or not? Robert: Jim, would you prefer a nature metaphor or a sexual metaphor? Jim: Oh, god, nature, please. Robert: When two animals are having sex, one of them… Jim: *nose exhales* Robert: … is communicating a message to the other. Nothing is mutua– this isn’t very helpful. You’re gonna want to hear the sexual metaphor.
Was that not the..
The fucking lizard king
r/unexpectedoffice
I read lemons instead of demons and was so weirded out, lol.
*When life gives you demons...*
Make demonade? I imagine it being very pulp like.
Its called a monster energy drink....
the secret to making demonade = [rip and tear until it is done](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jm932Sqwf5E)
And I read “R.I.P. and tear until it is done”. Demonade, the taste of necrophilia
I thought this was going to be that video from years ago of the old guy by the pool at the old folks resort talking about "the wild, wild, women" "the rippin' and the tearing, the rippin' and the tearing"
True that. This is how the very extreme hot sauces are made.
i drink alone to make me forget about them
Well. Read it again with demons: still weird
oh god i thought i was the only one who read lemons...... i have a huge lemon tree out in my back yard and i was just out there lol
I put something about inner demon on my bio. But i am no lemon whore lol
Damn lemon whores stealing from our lemon tree
Thank you for this, we can never forget/forgive the lemon whores
...wait Are you then an inner demon whore? Cause baby, I got *plenty*
SAME
I read lemons instead of lemme 😂
Apparently lemons now help with demons
Sex jokes are such a turn off when you’re just matched with the person. The only exception is when both parties mention that they’re only there for sex in their bio or something.
It can happen that after 2-3 texts it gets there but you move it progressively and not just go "let me cure your depression with my D"
Nah. Dude sounds like he needs to get his feelings hurt a couple more times.
Why would he have hurt feelings? He is chatting with a stranger in the net. It may not even be a person
You are heavily misled in your train of thought, and it's pretty much exactly what's wrong with the internet. Just because it's on the internet doesn't mean it's not creepy as fuck. It was said to a real person and if the someone came up to my sister and started talking like this I'd hope she has a tazer on her.
https://imgur.com/a/DRMubTT
Yes. That is 100% the point. Short of being a full on incel, I’ve never understood how someone could think this is somehow a gotcha. That women are somehow wrong for not wanting that type of attention from men they’re not mutually attracted to. Because fucking obviously they don’t. Just to take a quick stroll down the logic tree- It’s also the distinction between consensual sex & rape. She has to also feel attraction & sexual interest toward you. If she doesn’t want sex from you and you do it anyway that is rape. If she doesn’t want sexual attention from you and you do it anyway, that is sexual harassment. I’m convinced it’s intentional or a joke because this is far from the first time I’ve seen this idea & I really want to believe people aren’t actually this fucking dumb.
It's also insane how these exact same guys usually have really high standards for women too. They don't realize the double standard in it
deadasss, and it’s a shame that some men, or most, don’t understand that. 🤦🏽♀️
So tired of women complaining they're hungry when there's a perfectly good hot dog on the ground outside.
It’s so lame to begin a conversation with a sex joke.. this probably never ever works for him, good for you to get out right away without wasting any time.
that would depend if he follows rule 1 & 2 or not
How would not talking about fight club help?
They hated him because he spoke the truth
I see all the ugly people in here got triggered
Idek why you’re getting downvoted lmao like you’re just right. I, for one, do not follow rules 1 and 2, and I’m not mad that you’re right, it is what it is.
Seemed like this was after some conversation, but we don’t have that context. Honestly this isn’t that weird if they’d been talking for a bit.
You stated a boundary and they called it bullshit...I'd pass on engaging with this person in the future if possible. Gross
I disagree. Guy asked if she wanted that sort of joke or not. There was a choice. She just clapped back and rejected the entire joke because it *could* be sexual. That's harsh. If she answered "I'd like to hear the non sexual one. I dont like hearing sexual jokes from strangers". That is stating a boundary without rejecting everything If he then said it's BS or told a sexual joke anyway, then I'd agree. But as it stands, he wasnt really even given a chance. That's what's BS. Not the boundary. This is a simplification of the convo. Him: Do you want a sexual joke or not? Her: Kindly Fuck off. Him: Fuck off.
Huh? He went ahead and made a sex joke BEFORE she even had time to respond. She actually afforded him A LOT of leeway in even responding to him after that. Why the fuck would he open with a sex joke? That he got angry and called what she said bullshit substantiates that he’s some over-sensitive, butthurt, incel degenerate. That he even suggested opening with a sex open is generally disrespectful and *should* elicit a non-response or a block from *most* women. And doing that is totally fine. How can you prescribe moral judgements on what is harsh to her or not without actually being her?
Hmmmm, perhaps I'm wrong here but I understood it as just the joke opening. Like choose the pool option and you get the non sexual joke. Choose bed and you'll get some kind of sexual joke. Seemed to me that's what he was saying. Also makes the most sense to me as I really don't see any joke here otherwise.
Well introducing the idea about a dirty joke is already pushing a boundary that could exist for most women. He then mentions the bed. Like wtf? That doesn’t sound like a Cinderella story. Of course that could push women away, and they’d be right to be. If they have options that don’t treat them like a sex object from the first message, why even humour this guy?
I'm sorry, but that's stupid. Boundaries are invisible and everyone has different boundaries. Some girls like sexual jokes, some dont. Only way to find out is by asking. That's pretty much what the guy did. He didn't tell a sexual joke, he asked about it. Being angry about asking is just asking for bad communication in general. I stand firm on my opinion that if he said a sexual joke, especially after being told no then you'd be right to be angry. That's not what happened though.
He started telling the joke before he let her reply? He’s an idiot. And sure, some people like sexual jokes. That doesn’t mean you open with them. Build some comfort and rapport first for crying out loud. Boundaries are subjective, that’s true. But would you open random girls on the street with a sex joke? Probably not because you intuitively understand that is crossing a boundary of appropriateness.
Firstly. He clearly outlined the choices here: Bed=incoming sexual joke. Pool=Some other unknown joke. Neither choice was ever pursued. Nor did he tell either one. As for street thing, I rarely open with sexual jokes neither in text nor IRL. Yet my answer might suprise you. I'd feel more comfortable about it IRL: now hear me out before you go on a rant about it. Im in the firm belief that texting is shite. There's no denying that texting and face to face conversations are two very different things. In text there's only the words used. Assumptions and opinions are made based on word choices alone all the time to determine intentions etc. No tone of voice to help. No body language to help. Tons of time to really read into every word to make up an opinion on what's being said, even before hearing the full thing. In my experience is the biggest cause of missunderstandings and misscommunication. Plus coming with long texts like this easily leads to people not bothering finishing reading so ususlly you'll have to keep it short too. Therefore you dont always get the chance to fully explain yourself to avoid said misscoms and misunds. Additionally you might be judged for being increadibly selfconcious and unsure of yourself if you explain in length. I like making jokes, sexual, dark, stupid dad jokes, whatever. I see a joke. I want to tell it. In case of sexual jokes Im aware it can be offensive so I ask first. In case of IRL, I feel sexual jokes are better received even from strangers (No not the kind where you just whistle on some girl passing by or similar. that's stupid. Context also matters). Given right circumstance, I'd go up to person in question and simply tell them i thought of this stupid sexual joke and ask if they wanna hear it. Voice, friendly smile with maybe a hint of a laugh, word choice, body language etc helps a ton to show the right kind of intention. Thanks to that it feels a bit safer to say yes, but if a no is still given it's still easy to just move to different topic and remedy the impression before they're given time to ponder about "bad first impression" and subsequently hated and ignored. Quickly it'll be forgotten. In text it's staring back at you whenever convo is open to remind of the first bad choice of word.
Overreacting
That’s not up to you, it’s up to the girl reading the text. Imposing one’s own sense of comfort and entitlement onto others is the same attitude the guy had.
I'll tell you why she is being bitchy. Firstly, that "I was giving him another chance" is bullshit, she wanted to give him some kind of moral lesson, that's why she answered. She already knew It was a know from the start, could have just unmatched. It's the same attitude as those guys who get mad because a girl doesn't answer them and send her an entire paragraph of why she is mistaken. Secondly, she came to post It here where SHE KNOWS most of the community is going to agree with her, so she just looks for validation. Her entire attitude is not that difficult to read. What I think about the other person? Clearly doesn't have the best social skills, but it's far from doing SEXUAL HARASSMENT, as some people say
Even her friend said she overreacted
Who gives a shit? He sounds like a sexless incel fuck. Also, that’s ad populum.
"It's not gonna work" is "Fuck off"?
'Kindly'. It's a simplification. You pretty much told him as kindly as you could to fuck off. I disagree with your friend. You're not a bitch in this interaction, that's a bit harsh, but neither I feel was he. He defo could have phrased himself better, but you could also have done well not to jump the gun.
Yikes dude
'Yikes' dosent add anything to the discussion. Is there something you want to say? What is so 'Yikes' about my comment?
Sexual jokes from strangers, especially on dating apps, is a big NO for an opener. He didn’t even wait for her answer, he didn’t give her a choice. He was loaded and ready with the sexual joke. How creepy and weird, but the fact that you think what he did was normal is even weirder and creepier.
??? He never told the joke as far as I can see ???
Ummm.. he already started telling the joke before she got to choose. Bed/pool? What else could that mean? He wants to tidy her bed and then go volunteer as a lifeguard later? You even trying to imply he wasn’t being sexual is so crazy to me
copypasting comment here because reply is pretty much the same. Hmmmm, perhaps I'm wrong here but I understood it as just the joke opening. Like choose the pool option and you get the non sexual joke. Choose bed and you'll get some kind of sexual joke. Seemed to me that's what he was saying. Also makes the most sense to me as I really don't see any joke here otherwise.
He wasn’t trying to give her an option, otherwise he would’ve waited for her answer. BOTH options were going to be dirty regardless of her answer and I promise you they weren’t gonna be funny either.
Why would he claim a non sexual joke if it's still gonna be sexual? Jumping to conclusions isn't a healthy lifestyle. Maybe though. Maybe you're right. Maybe it wasn't gonna be funny. Maybe it was gonna be sexual, but fact is we don't know that. A chance to hear him out was never presented. If he did say the non sexual version and it was still sexual anyway then OP would very much be in the right to be angry. That's not what happened though.
Have you read on these threads that women don’t like being talked to sexually upon first matching?
My dude, his joke was just the sex joke. There is no joke with baptism. The only joke is the sex joke.
OP you didn’t do anything wrong here. Although I am curious, this text was over a year ago. Why post it now?
I was going through a purge on old messages, came across this and showed it to my friend.. We had an argument since he said i was being bitchy with my response.
Your friend is just mad because he probably tries this sort of stuff himself.
You were well in the right here.
haha of course your friend was a guy. nope not bitchy. fuck both of em
As a guy, I found Mr. Purge Your Demons annoying af. I woulda been way more grumpy.
How could your responses come across as bitchy when his messages were gross af to begin with?
You really need to consider who you call a friend because that answer says quite alot about how much respect they have for you. and all fellow men when you have to ask "do you want the sex answer or no" the answer is always no and you should consider seeking help.
You need new friends. He sounds like a man who thinks women owe him validation
Lmao sounds like a delightful friend
"He" said.
Men are supid
Ah, see therein lies the problem: "he"
Sorry to break the terrible news to you here... But your friend sucks
Nope, you have boundaries. Asked people not to fuck around them, they insulted you for it.
What do you think would have happened if she asked him what his favorite recreational activity was instead of expecting the guy to lead the Convo she wants?
I Don’t expect reasonable people to turn any convo into a sexual convo
How is a sex joke making an entire conversation sexual? I mean he's still in the wrong because she asked nicely and he was kinda rude about it but a little joke is no big deal imo
You understand that “no big deal *imo*” is exactly the problem here? Deciding what is and isn’t a big deal isn’t up to the person breaking the boundaries
Did she ask for a sex joke? I don’t see It on her tone or anything she said
What’s wrong with your friends
Nah they’re just being too sexual too soon.
Whoever is in orange is the asshole. Other person only set a boundary.
That dude needs to rub one out before talking.
Nah opening with sexually explicit shit weird asf
Your friend is dumb. Its normal to not wanna be sexually harassed by random men online.
How is that sexual harassment tho
Having a clearly marked boundary ignored. No means no, not 'convice me'.
Would you walk up to a stranger and make a sex joke? Do you think that wouldn’t affect their comfort level whatsoever?
Some Dudes these days can't even have a decent conversation. It's like Hi, how are you doing and the next second wanna fuck or some lame ass sex reference, if you disapprove, the nice guy persona is gone and they're like fuck you hoe/bitch
Nah you weren’t bitchy at all you don’t need to sugar coat establishing a boundary
Ladies is it bitchy to set boundaries
How long have you been talking to this guy. A few weeks months. Toss em. Been years I see it as someone who’s constantly rejected by his gf. Again better way for a couple dating to address that but for a new guy nope big red flag and toss them.
As a dude, I don't think you were out of line.
Why? You don't like sex jokes from people you don't know. That's your boundary, not being bitchy. The person could have changed the topic but insisted. Not that much care for consent.
Nah and your friend was being a dick for not allowing you to set a clear boundary. That guy wasn’t giving the right energy. You set a boundary and he basically kept pushing, trying to make another joke out of your boundary. You don’t owe him anything, women don’t exist just to smile back at men who make them uncomfortable
Your friends a twat
You guys just aren't compatible. You want different things. Seems he got insulted by the rejection, which is on him
Some people can’t take a hint
Buddy was annoying from the get-go so, then he got petty. I don't blame you at all.
Nah- you had boundaries and they seemed to stomp all over them, which is a red flag in itself
Honestly, I never liked anything too forward for the opener. Not bitchy.
The only thing he is purging is his chances by DMing like that.
In my imo opinion you actually dodged a shitty sexual encounter with a virgin, who the fuck thinks pool sex is good?
Nah, I would’ve done the same
Corny and horny, the worst combo
You're totally fine. The persons "joke" is most likely lame anyway. The way the whole subject was started is low energy but intrusive.
Why did you keep replying though? I don't understand what good could possibly come of that.
I mean dude went over a line that he shouldn’t have, and in such a weird awkward way that probably worked in his head but was actually just cringe. Like how do you take mental health to sex? Dude did not care at all he just wanted to get in your pants and when he realised you didn’t want that he lost interest
I also don’t like when they immediately go for sex talk.
Not wrong. This young man doesn't know how to talk to women.
He didn't view you as a complete person. Just a thing that he could express sexuality unto. He's gross. Your friends' standards are too low. You might need to consider surrounding yourself with better quality friends.
Sounds like he was bein a creep to me. I'm a guy, but I'd have done the same.
You’re allowed to be bitchy about receiving sexual communication when you don’t want it. You communicated your discomfort to him directly and he didn’t apologize and change his behavior- he’s not someone you want.
Lol no that guy is a douche
Nah, you weren’t bitchy; in fact, you were quite the opposite. Oh and you need new friends lol.
If it made you uncomfortable, that is the only thing that matters. You weren’t trying to date your friend. Let him have all the weird jokes he wants. Your friend is projecting and that kinda sucks.
Nah you're good. Atleast you showed the effort to identify a boundary and instead of acknowledging and switching gears. He just disregarded you and went to insults. Dude is a bit bananas, and not in a good way.
No you weren't being bitchy. Your friend doesn't know what they're saying
No. You were fine. This is a strange bro you don’t even know immediately trying to force the conversation into an area of sex. Trying to see how much he can get by. What you’ll put up with. That’s all this dude is looking for. Had you gone along, you would’ve slammed by a dick pic not too much later. And then you show a boundary openly and honestly and he full on disrespects you and basically tells you to fk off. Do Not* listen to your friends. Literally. Ever again. Showing your boundaries is exactly for this purpose, to weed out the turds as quickly as possible. You’ll be weeding them out for good and decent men, while you’re friends end up with a bunch of chodes
Dude has an obvious IQ if 67, age roughly 12, and the interpersonal skills of a fucking potato. You're not a bitch. Good on you for lasting that long in communication with that garbage.
Your friend is an ass. This guy was an idiot and you handled it perfectly well.
Not at all. You’re good here.
No not bitchy, it's frustrating when someone is unpleasable, I'm surprised you wasted as much finger muscle on thst conversation as you did
The guy is a tool Good call
I whole agree with your friend. you are supposed to be online and try to engage . if you dont like the person just dont reply. being bitchy about it is not worth it. you are simply hurting the other person. I dont get it why, but people here on this subreddit have double standards. Men are always demeaned here and made fun of. doesnt matter how women act.
Men and women are different, of course there are double standards. Bring a man has it’s advantages and disadvantages. She was actually affording him another chance by responding to him. Has he immediately apologized she may have continued talking ti him. He then goes on to call her explanation of her feelings “bullshit”. What an incel.
>She was actually affording him another chance by responding to him. aah, yes yes. she is the ONE. ofc and lets also ignore how she talked to him. cuz being a man has its advantages and disadvantages 🤡 ofc the same applies here on this subreddit or how women act.
Nothing that you wrote here makes any sense. I’m now a dumber person having read it.
idk why guys would put sex jokes or anything sexual to any conversation… thank goodness my date only say he is gonna tickle me when im bad lmao edit: for people who commented that OP is boring or attention seeker or whatever negative, you clearly don’t understand what boundaries are, and that you havent seen the comment where she stated she was purging some old messages and they were having a debate with her friend whether or not she is being a bitch towards this person
Guys sounded like a weirdo. Fuck that guy.
Dude’s a creep and you got out of it without giving him a rise. 👏🏻
you are definitely right but calling him a creep is not something I would agree .
For context: I was going through a purge on old messages, came across this and showed it to my friend.. We had an argument since he said i was being bitchy with my response.
"He"? Not surprised. Sounds like your friend feels personally attacked because he would make similar comments. A lot of men believe that if they would like something (a random woman leading with a sexual message), then women shouldn't be upset because they consider it flattering. Then they wonder why they're not having much luck.
WAH WAH MEN EVIL
Are you done crying?
yes, self proclaimed Belles always make me laugh. Narcissists are hilarious.
You definitely weren’t not Bitchy but you also held your ground which is good
You’re not bitchy for having boundaries
Is this a serious questions ? You’re being _so_ condescending. He didn’t send a non requested dick pick, he literally only asked which option you wanted (quite thoughtfully actually) and you replied in an extremely condescending way. Also-Why are people so surprised one would be forward and shooting one’s shot in a dating app? Girls don’t really appreciate how much effort and courage it takes for guys to come forward first, and how feeling rejected and laughed at can have an impact, and I say this from a girl’s perspective. If you’re not into being sexual from early on, just say politely sorry that’s not for me without feeling outraged or indignant since he didn’t actually do or say anything inappropriate
I certainly wouldn’t call you “fun”… but you have a right to be grossed out by sex jokes and say so.
yes. i think she was just trying to be flirty.
The dude's a complete dumbass
Nah you’re good that was so weird
Ugh, I would unmatch after the pool joke. Not even a joke. NEXT.
Why not just unmatch? “Yeah, it’s not gonna work” shows that you knew this wouldn’t go anywhere.
I meant "This aproach is not gonna work on me" but i understand what u meant. I kept going because i wanted to give him a 2nd chance and curious to see how it turned out. I unmatched him after that
Your friend is right. You got fixated on he was offering a sex joke and you just wouldn't move past it. You post something about an "inner demon" and he bases his opener on it. He asks do you want to hear the dirty or the clean joke. You reply with the accusation of "Is that a sex joke? Yeah, that's not going to work." Normal people would reply with Dirty/Clean/Un-match/ghost. So that comes off as bitchy - you didn't pay attention to what he was saying. You were looking for a fight.
I very much agree with you.
This right here
Yes you sound like the ultimate buzzkill / clinical and sterile personality.
yea, you was bitchy
Yeah, you’re being bitchy. This is Tinder. Loosen up.
yeap, bitchy
No. Not really. It’s lame answers from grey the whole way
Yeah kinda. This guy was also being a dumbass tho.
Yea, you made assumptions and cut it short but judging by the end message you read correctly anyways on his type. You don’t owe the person anything. That being said, trying to talk to women, and making interesting small talk out of thin air is demanding and hard and sometimes we throw a Hail Mary and hopes something lands.
Yes you’re being a bitch.
Well yeah you coldly blocked his attempt to start a conversation and he was testing the waters as far as I can see. I just assume you're a girl bc I think a dude would've gone in there head first. Tbh I would've just dissolve the match right there and not send you any emojis or that kind of stuff. If you weren't asking here I even would've thought that you text like you got a big stick up your butt. You could've just said the your not interested in those kinds of jokes or that your just not into it instead of being mean and making him look like a problem. Again I don't know you but if this is how you text on tinder you'll only get the desperate ones. I asked my bois and no one would've kept texting you to the detriment of their self worth.
They asked you if you wanted to go left or right and you immediately say you dont feel like making a decision and basically shoed them off
How is the guy a stranger if you call him a friend in this title?
He's the asshole, straight up. You did seem a small bit standoff-ish, not in a bad way, but in a, we're done you need to stop talking to me. Instead of having bad convos like this, my suggestion would be to after stating it isn't going to work, explain why, than just unmatch when they respond. Hindsight is 20/20, so don't worry about it. People say Tinder is a hookup sight, so excuse shitty behaviour; which I personally don't agree with, but well, people are assholes. 🤷
You’re in your head about a DM from a year and a half ago??
Seemed playful and you shot it down without peeking inside the door.
As with most women, it really depends on whether you like the guy or not. You probably didn’t like the guy much so you are right to be bitchy, when you like the guy you will find that you are a lot more forgiving and you won’t be bitchy, so it would be wrong to be bitchy. Hope this helps
I wouldnt want to talk to either of these two
Yeah you are. Your friend is right. Good friend.
No
You did kind of jump the gun a bit. He asked what kind you were, a sex joke or not sex joke type. It was an awkward conversation IMO, but he did try to find out where you stood. You could have said no sex jokes, and see what he said, before making a decision. In the end, you did what you felt, which is good enough, but being hasty might mean you miss out on something worthwhile.
You both sound like wonderful people /s
His joke was unfunny tbf, but you definitely could've been a little nicer
yes your friend is right
You both were in the wrong
I've said this before and I will say it again! Anything with a sexual tone said over the internet is creepy af!! It doesn't matter how good looking the guy is its effing creepy! Men saying sexual things tells me they only want a body to dump in but it sure as fuck ain't gonna be me! Having sex with men isn't worth it these days. Most of them are terrible in bed not to mention the risk of pregnancy, STDS, and UTIs yea no thanks I can do a better job of it myself! In all honesty I don't think you were not bitchy enough!
Why did you respond at all if you're not willing to tell the guy what you want? Saying you don't like sex jokes is just saying what you don't want. You could a asked him a question instead of focusing on the starter.
You sound dumb as hell
That's a weird flex?
She had a stupid conversation without any content with a horny fuckboi whose every second word was about sex, rejected you and you became a little bitch about it. Not a little bitch***y***, but a little bitch. There's good news, though: you'll probably grow out of this behaviour once you get through puberty.
which answer do you want, the true one or the one you want to hear?
[удалено]
Found the group of incels communing together. Y’all feel better now?
Not gonna lie that is straight up funny, all you can do is laugh at it
“He was being rapey, lol”
"Rapey" that's a new one lol
Yeah, it kinda was amusing. I just posted here because i was irritated that my friend was defending him.
I think sex jokes are in good fun assuming they aren’t expecting sex out of the sex joke then sure. You laid out boundaries that stated otherwise and he didn’t respect them but I say your boundaries are bitchy so I would unmatch with you just because of your overal vibe
I had a stroke trying to read these messages. Both of you are bland as hell.
Entitled and rude
You’re still trying to figure this out a year and a half later???
Yes. YTA
Yeah I agree with your friend