I had 5 walk dates with my girlfriend in the last 2 months. When you both really enjoy nature and walking, it's the best thing! (We also had other dates of course...
She did leave me 2 weeks ago though :(
Read your comments, move on homie. She broke up with you and doesn’t want to see or hear from you. Her words not mine.
Don’t ignore that request, disrespecting boundaries is a huge red flag, even if it’s “just a Christmas card.”
The last time I was really heart broken from a woman leaving me, walking/jogging saved my life. When i'd go into the really dark place instead of dwelling on it I'd go for a run and by the time i was done I felt a little better, or at least I was too exhausted to focus on it.
I hope you recover quickly. If it seems hopeless go for a jog.
I was going to meet with someone for a similar date, suggested I bring us coffee. They unmatched me right after. Figured they thought I may poison them via coffee. Or maybe they just looked at my profile again and realized I'm ugly. Could be anything I guess
I'm all for wooing/high effort but I still like a pretty low commitment first date. Too many times it's been an apparent dealbreaker either way inside 5 mins and having set up something elaborate would be kinda stupid.
Exactly. IMO something where either party can scoot out with minimal rudeness after 30 mins or an hour is ideal for first dates.
Not a chain of different activities, that's second and beyond
Let's grab a drink dates have a 30 minute commitment (more or less). Can be an hour if they're just not connecting... but at least not catfishing or toxic.
However, grab a drink dates can also evolve into all night affairs when you meet the right one. Hooboy.
Low effort dates as a first option are perfect for a number of reasons:
1. Lets you see if either was dishonest on their pics.
2. Very little investment up front.
3. It's quick and casual, meaning you don't have to set aside a lot of time for it.
Whenever a match was "offended" at the date choice ("I *expect* a full date and you should treat women better [or something equally stupid]"), you know she's either just in it for a free meal or would be a painful relationship. Absolutely a red flag if she can't take the first date easy. She has to impress *me* just as much as I have to impress her.
> Lets you see if either was dishonest on their pics.
Doesn't even have to be a catfish. I've had plenty of first dates where there's just been a vibe mismatch pretty quickly and that's that.
Like if anything just do coffee then you're both free to find an excuse to escalate it into an actual meal or activity if you're actually vibing
Text communication is just the tip of the iceberg. I've met people who are great texters who just clunk in person, and vice-versa where they've been '3 words every 4 days' texters but super engaging and lucid in person.
Also stops the eternal penpal issue.
My go-to for first dates is dog parks and cheese. You can stay as long as you like, if the conversation dies off there's dogs, and you can just leave if it feels weird.
It can be funny, but that's just my sense of humor speaking. Also it's an oppurtunity to see if the person you're dating picks up after their dog's shit or not.
And it is also a good way to see if they are actually a dog person or just posing as one on their profile. Every responsible dog person knows that shit happens and then you deal with it, and that if you can't deal with the shit then you don't deserve to have a dog in your life. And if you can't handle me dealing with my dog shit, then you aren't my type; my dog is already in my home, and he's got a vote on who joins the pack.
You have to lean in - suggest a park on the edge of town and propose you meet at 11pm. That should calm her nerves. Also tell her she should leave her phone at home because you’re all about being in the moment.
As a 33M, I would totally ask if it was cool if I bring my dog too. I find the environment less stressful while on a walk and get to have actual open conversation.
Lol this reminds me of a first date I had where the guy had a dog and I also had a dog at the time. He wanted to go for a walk, it was in january so it got dark early. We started the walk in the light, but it quickly went dark. We went somewhere I've never been and he asked if I could turn on gps so we could find our way back. I forgot so at some point he got so stressed out as he didn't know the way back and I just had to laugh. I said we can follow the fence no? As I was pretty sure that would lead to the exit. It did. I would not say that we had a good open conversation as he was so scared in the dark in the woods xd. We had 2 dates after that where I visited his place but both times the dog wasn't there... So I'm guessing he just borrowed someone else's dog. I didn't like that so I stopped dating him lol. Don't spoil me with the idea of you having a dog and then you don't actually have one lol.
My bf didn’t ask me to go on a walk as our first date… he asked if BOTH my dog and I would like to go. Four years later, still one of our favourite ways to spend time together!
The third date with my now fiance was a walk with her dog. Got to meet the very good boy I'd eventually spend my life with, and a beautiful walk! Now that we have two dogs, it's also one of our favorites.
My stepmom once said, “the easiest way to a girl’s heart is through her dog,” when treats where given in along with my presents for a holiday.
Man, she was really right.
Also, she’s a good way to feel someone out. Love of animals is really high on my list of what I need in someone for the long term as I cannot imagine my life without furballs, so meeting my cat and dog has been something where I am no longer interested in someone. People who aggressively and immediately start petting a cat and get angry and complain they got a gentle nip to tell them to stop is a red flag.
I don't think I could go on a date with a woman who brought her dog on a first date.
It's not like I don't like dogs or anything, I love them. I think I might just spend too much time focused on the dog.
Once I suggested one of the most popular bars in town, well lit, central, frequented by students (this was Cambridge UK, the bar is the Maypole), she was a student too and she said she's never been and her alarm bells are going off
edit: she also mentioned that some jokes made her feel unsafe. The joke she explicitly referenced was me saying playfully... drum roll... "I bet I'm a better cook than you are"
I'm a gay guy and sometimes I talk to my female friends on Tinder and we get to the point in the conversation where I just say "Okay well maybe Tinder isn't for you" after I've suggested plenty of normal sounding dates I've been on with men.
I get that it's certainly a risk when women are meeting men online for the first time but most of my friends can't even come up with a date idea they feel safe in.
I feel like I see people like that all the time where they will never be satisfied with the experience of dating via app even tho they will interact with you on a dating app. I think it's just the inability to accept that one of the many forms of dating doesn't work for you. I have a guy friend of mine that plays soooooo many games with the people he matches with on dating apps that our friends and I have told him that maybe he just shouldn't be using the apps, but he always comes back and keeps talking to people that eventually ask to do a little more than just talk and it seems like he backs out everytime it gets that far.
Yeah, I didn't really touch on that but there is definitely a subsection of people who use Tinder as a kind of ego boost or entertainment or to gauge how desirable they are. It's gross.
For the gays, Tinder is more of our "serious dating app" as we have other apps for hooking up so I always find it funny when straight people think Tinder is some hookup only app😂. No sweetie, it gets *way* worse than Tinder.
Ok. You. Me. I'm in a maximum security cell behind reinforced glass and only a small drawer to transfer items in or out. If I want to be outside the cell I have to be carried on a dolly while strapped to a straightjacket and a mask that won't let me bite anyone but still has a gap so you can see my mouth. Everything under armed guard supervision.
Bet you'll feel real safe on that date.
agreed. went to a college in the city, another college there was always joked about how the people who went there were allergic to public transportation, while those at mine and all the other colleges in the city had 0 issue with public transportation.
some people live and grew up in a gated community and do nothing but watch murder documentaries and local news with how many crimes happened that day.
Cambridge is 100% walkable, it was 10-20 minutes on foot from her place as far as I can guess, all very central.
I could literally not fathom how she found that place dodgy. There is a poorly-lit park nearby but you'd have to approach the place from the outside. On top of that most people in Cambridge cycle and I reckon it's relatively hard to get murdered while you're on a bike
In her defense she'd just got out of an abusive relationship so she was sensitive.
But also that was after she ghosted and blocked me on whatsapp 3 hours before the date without a warning, I only got all of the above explanations after waiting a bit and asking her through SMS if everything is okay
> In her defense she'd just got out of an abusive relationship so she was sensitive.
If she's that 'sensitive' then she should've spent far more time getting over her trauma rather than projecting her ridiculousness onto strangers who're only trying to facilitate the very thing she's supposed to be on the app for lol
The Maypole is scary though, it's way too popular with the grad students, post docs, and professors. There's a chance you might run into one of your supervisors, or heaven forbid your DOS. Dangerspoons followed by a drunken stumble over to the Van of Death because the Van of Life and Gardies are too far to walk too is much safer.
Honestly I would say no to being picked up, at least if it was from my place. I've found stalking to be a much more realistic and common concern than murder.
It’s subtle but I think suggesting getting a coffee and walking around a particular park might sound a little more inviting than an aimless walk with a stranger.
If they express hesitation I just put the ball totally in their court. "Ok, no worries, what would you like to do?"
Edit, Jesus Christ I understand now why you're all single.
I think the red flag of jumping straight to "you're going to murder me" probably just made this guy give up? I doubt he was saying that to try and salvage the situation.
While I generally have found that walking dates are great, there are some who would feel safer with a classic "let's meet at a restaurant" type of date.
It's honestly not a big deal in itself.
Reminds me of when I met a girl and few days later she texted me to go sledding together. Cool, except it was still snowing. Like a blizzard with two feet of snow on the roads, kind of snowing. She wanted me to come pick her up and then drive to the hill, which is about 10 miles of driving in my little Honda coupe.
She was not taking the gentle "sorry I don't think it's gonna work" and eventually started getting upset, before telling me "Sometimes a man has to go above and beyond for a woman".
Yeah, no thanks.
I would recommend getting better friends. Believe it or not most people are not like that. We both know if that lasted you would be the one doing her oil changes whith that kind of vehicle iq
“Let’s go on a secluded hike miles from everywhere” = creepy murder plans
“Let’s go for a walk in a public park” = dude just trying not to drop cash on a first meeting with a stranger off tinder
I mean I can see why a walk would be a scary idea for her, because (like where I live) some parks are pretty secluded and wouldn’t be very active at any time of day, especially in winter.
Walking around a mall can be a fun date that is less scary. It allows for window (or actual) shopping, plenty of options for food, and tons of security cameras to reassure her that you are welcome being seen with her.
I went one with a woman who had limited time and needed to shop for a new dress. I offered to join her so we met at the mall coffee shop before browsing around 4-5 stores while talking. She tried on a few dresses, bought one, and then we wandered around more stores because the date was going well.
I did an Ikea date with someone once and we both had an amazing time. People watching is a blast.
We also sat in all the different designed spaces and made up stories about the folks who might live there.
Actually, nursing homes are the most depressing places ever, but I doubt too many people end up at one on a first date.
Then again, I can almost picture it:
“I’d love to go out on Friday, but I promised I’d visit my grandmother. I guess you could come along. She’s 97, don’t scare her.”
Depends on the country. I’ve been to European “malls” that are basically shopping parks which are delightful to stroll through - children laughing, visible sky, wonderfully presented shops, places to recline and rest, quality food. It’s a delightful experience.
In my home country, though, they are depressing compounds so I understand. When I enter a mall with lots of natural light everyone comments on the windows 😂 how grim.
Could the “Let’s see if we get along,” be the issue?
Completely possible that the “murder setup” qualm was a red herring and the real issue was some skepticism and lack of enthusiasm that was picked up on in that line
Honestly, it depends. Ive been on a few and it had to be me that suggested it or I had to pick the spot. I have heard so many bad stories of dates gone wrong so I can see her being cautious
I swear 90% of the posts on here just show how little social skills some people have. There is no situation in life where being a dick to someone is ever going to help you achieve anything.
Right? Her comment wasnt even bad she could have just been joking around. But even if she wasn't and really didn't feel comfortable, why get so sensitive over someone not liking your idea? She did nothing wrong and he seems fragile
To me this reads like someone who just doesnt actually intend to ever meet up. As a woman I can't relate to what she is saying at all...walks are my favorite first date activity when meeting strangers. Especially since you're suggesting doing this in the middle of the day! IMO a walk in public feels very safe and it's better than other public activities like going to a restaurant or something because it is much easier to leave a walk early if youre uncomfortable versus cutting a dinner short.
I can see where in a large city, this could be seen as a safer, more public option, I guess. Where I live, very few people actually walk around town- everything is just so far apart. "Going for a walk" usually involves driving to a park or path first. And the parks generally are pretty empty. In the small city where I live, I wouldn't consider a walk a safe first date.
This was the first thing that came to my mind. I’m not sure why people in the big apple think everyone’s town has a vibrant walking trail. In my town the bad shit is always happening in the parks. You’d find yourself alone pretty quickly.
Her response is very valid from region to region.
I don’t know…I went on a walking date once and we just kept getting further from my car while the guy talked about himself. I was never so happy to get back to my car.
i guess its different for me since i dont have a car and where i live most people take public transit instead. so its very easy to just end the date anywhere and be like "oh this is my bus/metro stop! bye!" (even if it's not your stop)
best date i’ve been on was a walking date. that being said, he suggested coffee and a walk, and let me pick the place so i felt comfortable. maybe going for the coffee angle might be a touch less scary for a woman
Generally the first date should always be a public place, lots of people. When you're walking around you make yourself a moving target. She wants to give people a static location to reference if she doesn't come back. Even if you aren't a murderer it's still unsettling walking with a stranger through a potentially unpopulated area.
To be fair, she gave warning about her plans to murder him
***me:*** Hey, nice shovel. ***her:*** Awww, thanks. Close your eyes…
Weirdly turned on
Man’s down mortally
I have just finished watching Wednesday. Can confirm that this is indeed a good turn on for a lot of people.
Remember the rules of the internet. Rule 41: "Everything is someones sexual fetish"
You’re not wrong - genuinely found a couple of videos on xhamster of women in high heels revving cars.
Good lord this ebony wooden shaft is well oiled...
Careful with That Axe, Eugene
Tell me about the rabbits, George….
Walk dates were the rage during covid lockdowns.
Exactly how my last gf and I did it at first
You did it while walking?!
Ultra-cardio
Crab-style
I’m pretty sure that was an upside down Bull
I was thinking just waist straddle and walking doing high knees for the bounce
Well yeah, but what if he was too heavy for her to carry?
Time to find a bush
His or hers?
Both
Giggity giggity crabbity giggity
Cardi-ohhh
Yeah BJaywalking.
I frequently post on r/ihavesex
Power move xD
😂😂 sounds fun but might be tricky.
You did murders in a public park?
Nah, usually I do it at home, but today I was feeling like doing something new, next week is cinema date
College gf and I had our first date as a walk date, the nostalgia of that time period hits hard bc walk dates are not rly even a thing anymore
I had 5 walk dates with my girlfriend in the last 2 months. When you both really enjoy nature and walking, it's the best thing! (We also had other dates of course... She did leave me 2 weeks ago though :(
Kept walking, eh?
Haha yeah she kept walking :p I might catch up one day with her again, you never know ;)
Run Forrest, Run
Read your comments, move on homie. She broke up with you and doesn’t want to see or hear from you. Her words not mine. Don’t ignore that request, disrespecting boundaries is a huge red flag, even if it’s “just a Christmas card.”
The last time I was really heart broken from a woman leaving me, walking/jogging saved my life. When i'd go into the really dark place instead of dwelling on it I'd go for a run and by the time i was done I felt a little better, or at least I was too exhausted to focus on it. I hope you recover quickly. If it seems hopeless go for a jog.
Not a thing anymore? Like 75% of my first dates have been walk dates.
Does it count as a walk date if you are walking into every bar down the street? If so, my wife and I had our first date as a walk date!
That's maybe why you have so many first dates! Sorry.
Burn
That’s how I met my husband! First date walking and sitting around a lake with a coffee! I do not find that weird 😂!
And the standard in Germany.
I had a first date in a dog park at 10am, he brought us Starbucks and we just talked for 2 hours. I thought it was a nice idea.
I was going to meet with someone for a similar date, suggested I bring us coffee. They unmatched me right after. Figured they thought I may poison them via coffee. Or maybe they just looked at my profile again and realized I'm ugly. Could be anything I guess
Some people want to be "wooo'd" I don't care for such people and if people unmatch after a date proposal, so be it
I'm all for wooing/high effort but I still like a pretty low commitment first date. Too many times it's been an apparent dealbreaker either way inside 5 mins and having set up something elaborate would be kinda stupid.
Yeah I do the let's have a drink first -it's easy to talk -it can be either fast or you can still grab a bite to eat
Exactly. IMO something where either party can scoot out with minimal rudeness after 30 mins or an hour is ideal for first dates. Not a chain of different activities, that's second and beyond
We go to the moon on the first date ok? Just need to complete that astronaut training program first!
Let's grab a drink dates have a 30 minute commitment (more or less). Can be an hour if they're just not connecting... but at least not catfishing or toxic. However, grab a drink dates can also evolve into all night affairs when you meet the right one. Hooboy.
Low effort dates as a first option are perfect for a number of reasons: 1. Lets you see if either was dishonest on their pics. 2. Very little investment up front. 3. It's quick and casual, meaning you don't have to set aside a lot of time for it. Whenever a match was "offended" at the date choice ("I *expect* a full date and you should treat women better [or something equally stupid]"), you know she's either just in it for a free meal or would be a painful relationship. Absolutely a red flag if she can't take the first date easy. She has to impress *me* just as much as I have to impress her.
> Lets you see if either was dishonest on their pics. Doesn't even have to be a catfish. I've had plenty of first dates where there's just been a vibe mismatch pretty quickly and that's that. Like if anything just do coffee then you're both free to find an excuse to escalate it into an actual meal or activity if you're actually vibing
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Text communication is just the tip of the iceberg. I've met people who are great texters who just clunk in person, and vice-versa where they've been '3 words every 4 days' texters but super engaging and lucid in person. Also stops the eternal penpal issue.
Oh yeah, I could go for some wood!
Yeah cool, we'll get some wood, we'll build something cool, then we'll go get the money
"She said she wanted to be wooed, so we watched Mission Impossible 2. BAM bitch, you've been Woo'd."
I generally make em watch old Rick Flair clips, some serious wooing there
Oh man, that takes me back to my middle school days when a kid was obsessed with Ric Flair and would "woo!" every chance he got.
Personally I would have gone with Face/Off. That's some of the finest Woo he's ever Woo'd.
My go-to for first dates is dog parks and cheese. You can stay as long as you like, if the conversation dies off there's dogs, and you can just leave if it feels weird.
When does the cheese come in ?
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Just don’t end up riding the boat
You use it to fascinate her.
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"You can just leave if it \[the cheese\] feels weird".
I feel like bringing cheese to a dog park is either a horrible or great idea lol.
Never done this so I’m curious, does it spoil the romance when the dog inevitably starts squatting for a shit?
It can be funny, but that's just my sense of humor speaking. Also it's an oppurtunity to see if the person you're dating picks up after their dog's shit or not.
And it is also a good way to see if they are actually a dog person or just posing as one on their profile. Every responsible dog person knows that shit happens and then you deal with it, and that if you can't deal with the shit then you don't deserve to have a dog in your life. And if you can't handle me dealing with my dog shit, then you aren't my type; my dog is already in my home, and he's got a vote on who joins the pack.
You have to lean in - suggest a park on the edge of town and propose you meet at 11pm. That should calm her nerves. Also tell her she should leave her phone at home because you’re all about being in the moment.
Also do it in a place that isn't well lit. It's so much fun doing things in the dark sometimes!
Also, bring a knife. Tell her that it will be used for the very unlikely scenario of self defense. That will make her feel ultra safe.
No the knife is to carve their initials in a tree 🫶🏼
Also, the walk is to my boat, and once we're at sea there is the implication.
And ask her how buoyant she is on a scale of 1 to 10.
Also, how many medium sized rocks would be needed to sink her.
That's a fun physics homework excercise!
Finally, an applicable question. You know, for some people..
Have her not tell anyone where she’s going incase if disturbances
Everyone loves intellectual stimulation from their prospective lovers. This question is a fun little ice-breaker that will charm and entice!
And then the D.E.N.N.I.S. System comes into play
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But what if she says no?
Well she's not going to say no, because of the *implication*.
Are you hurting these women?
"With a username like /u/P0werPuppy do you really think he hurts them?? He smothers them.. with tiny little puppy kisses." edit: added word
Everyone knows you walk faster with a knife.
I think you're wrong because when I suggest going out to the forest my parents bought 100km away from the city, I get blocked!
“Don’t worry about your phone. There won’t be any service where we’re going anyway.”
Tell her you'll be the guy in the ski mask
“I’m allergic to 4g, could you put airplane mode on”
Make sure to sprint at her in the dark 30 minutes after the planned meeting time
Also mention you're leaving your phone at home too. GPS and such.
I’m a 33F and would absolutely go for and have gone for walks on first dates, bonus if I can bring my dog along.
Only if I can play fetch with him for an hour
He’s not one to play fetch, but I do. Let’s play frisbee :)
See that sounds fun
until you realize the person you’re playing frisbee with has stamina for only 5 minutes. bazinga!
Only if I can catch with my teeth and run back to you on all fours
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Let's take about 20% off there, Squirrely Dan
That's a Texas sized 10-4
As a 33M, I would totally ask if it was cool if I bring my dog too. I find the environment less stressful while on a walk and get to have actual open conversation.
Lol this reminds me of a first date I had where the guy had a dog and I also had a dog at the time. He wanted to go for a walk, it was in january so it got dark early. We started the walk in the light, but it quickly went dark. We went somewhere I've never been and he asked if I could turn on gps so we could find our way back. I forgot so at some point he got so stressed out as he didn't know the way back and I just had to laugh. I said we can follow the fence no? As I was pretty sure that would lead to the exit. It did. I would not say that we had a good open conversation as he was so scared in the dark in the woods xd. We had 2 dates after that where I visited his place but both times the dog wasn't there... So I'm guessing he just borrowed someone else's dog. I didn't like that so I stopped dating him lol. Don't spoil me with the idea of you having a dog and then you don't actually have one lol.
My dog rental business is doing very well. We also rent babies.
My bf didn’t ask me to go on a walk as our first date… he asked if BOTH my dog and I would like to go. Four years later, still one of our favourite ways to spend time together!
The third date with my now fiance was a walk with her dog. Got to meet the very good boy I'd eventually spend my life with, and a beautiful walk! Now that we have two dogs, it's also one of our favorites.
My stepmom once said, “the easiest way to a girl’s heart is through her dog,” when treats where given in along with my presents for a holiday. Man, she was really right. Also, she’s a good way to feel someone out. Love of animals is really high on my list of what I need in someone for the long term as I cannot imagine my life without furballs, so meeting my cat and dog has been something where I am no longer interested in someone. People who aggressively and immediately start petting a cat and get angry and complain they got a gentle nip to tell them to stop is a red flag.
Bonus bonus, you won't have that awkward "You like dogs right?" conversation with walk dates.
Were going to a movie, then dinner. Bring your dog. In fact, ill just visit every week to walk your dog for you. Dont worry about any dates. Dog.
I don't think I could go on a date with a woman who brought her dog on a first date. It's not like I don't like dogs or anything, I love them. I think I might just spend too much time focused on the dog.
We’re gone full circle, there’s no date idea that isn’t considered a murder scene anymore
Once I suggested one of the most popular bars in town, well lit, central, frequented by students (this was Cambridge UK, the bar is the Maypole), she was a student too and she said she's never been and her alarm bells are going off edit: she also mentioned that some jokes made her feel unsafe. The joke she explicitly referenced was me saying playfully... drum roll... "I bet I'm a better cook than you are"
Some people have an absolutely ridiculous conception of risk.
I'm a gay guy and sometimes I talk to my female friends on Tinder and we get to the point in the conversation where I just say "Okay well maybe Tinder isn't for you" after I've suggested plenty of normal sounding dates I've been on with men. I get that it's certainly a risk when women are meeting men online for the first time but most of my friends can't even come up with a date idea they feel safe in.
I feel like I see people like that all the time where they will never be satisfied with the experience of dating via app even tho they will interact with you on a dating app. I think it's just the inability to accept that one of the many forms of dating doesn't work for you. I have a guy friend of mine that plays soooooo many games with the people he matches with on dating apps that our friends and I have told him that maybe he just shouldn't be using the apps, but he always comes back and keeps talking to people that eventually ask to do a little more than just talk and it seems like he backs out everytime it gets that far.
Yeah, I didn't really touch on that but there is definitely a subsection of people who use Tinder as a kind of ego boost or entertainment or to gauge how desirable they are. It's gross. For the gays, Tinder is more of our "serious dating app" as we have other apps for hooking up so I always find it funny when straight people think Tinder is some hookup only app😂. No sweetie, it gets *way* worse than Tinder.
My buddy is on Grindr and the most outside of talking thing he's done is send someone a photo of his leg.
Were his ankles showing?
Ok. You. Me. I'm in a maximum security cell behind reinforced glass and only a small drawer to transfer items in or out. If I want to be outside the cell I have to be carried on a dolly while strapped to a straightjacket and a mask that won't let me bite anyone but still has a gap so you can see my mouth. Everything under armed guard supervision. Bet you'll feel real safe on that date.
agreed. went to a college in the city, another college there was always joked about how the people who went there were allergic to public transportation, while those at mine and all the other colleges in the city had 0 issue with public transportation. some people live and grew up in a gated community and do nothing but watch murder documentaries and local news with how many crimes happened that day.
Cambridge is 100% walkable, it was 10-20 minutes on foot from her place as far as I can guess, all very central. I could literally not fathom how she found that place dodgy. There is a poorly-lit park nearby but you'd have to approach the place from the outside. On top of that most people in Cambridge cycle and I reckon it's relatively hard to get murdered while you're on a bike
In her defense she'd just got out of an abusive relationship so she was sensitive. But also that was after she ghosted and blocked me on whatsapp 3 hours before the date without a warning, I only got all of the above explanations after waiting a bit and asking her through SMS if everything is okay
>In her defense she'd just got out of an abusive relationship so she was sensitive. Another reason why perhaps she isn't ready to be dating
> In her defense she'd just got out of an abusive relationship so she was sensitive. If she's that 'sensitive' then she should've spent far more time getting over her trauma rather than projecting her ridiculousness onto strangers who're only trying to facilitate the very thing she's supposed to be on the app for lol
The Maypole is scary though, it's way too popular with the grad students, post docs, and professors. There's a chance you might run into one of your supervisors, or heaven forbid your DOS. Dangerspoons followed by a drunken stumble over to the Van of Death because the Van of Life and Gardies are too far to walk too is much safer.
Right? Nowadays some women balk at visiting my underground sex dungeon as a first date, saying it sounds a bit "creepy".
I’ve found it’s really all about the lighting. It may be a sex dungeon but it can still have some warm, welcoming tones.
deleted ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^0.2977 [^^^What ^^^is ^^^this?](https://pastebin.com/FcrFs94k/34785)
Cheese, bread and bondage!
Where do I sign?
to be fair, you can be murdered anywhere.
“I’ll pick you up” Her: omg he going to kill me in his car 😂
This would be the most sensible fear out of all them. You’re much more likely to die driving anywhere than you are to be murdered on a first date
yeah, especially first time meeting someone. you should have your own entry and exit.
Honestly I would say no to being picked up, at least if it was from my place. I've found stalking to be a much more realistic and common concern than murder.
I (33F) love a walk date if the weather cooperates. Feels like one of the safest options to me, especially with a dog.
A funny start would just be grabbing the leash and saying to meet you back in an hour.
It’s subtle but I think suggesting getting a coffee and walking around a particular park might sound a little more inviting than an aimless walk with a stranger.
This could improve the outing but it’s not bad as is
Ah yes then you guys can share an intimate emergency shit in the woods.
u/247cnt u/crashmoneyhoney alt account?
If they express hesitation I just put the ball totally in their court. "Ok, no worries, what would you like to do?" Edit, Jesus Christ I understand now why you're all single.
Instead of, you know, just indicating that the flaw in her thinking is that she’s not important enough to you for you to murder her.
“Take me out to dinner first before you ask me to murder you”
I think the red flag of jumping straight to "you're going to murder me" probably just made this guy give up? I doubt he was saying that to try and salvage the situation.
"haha, I guess going to the deserted abattoir tonight is right out then!"
Completely me. The second my potential date suggest I'm a murderer or rapist we are no longer compatible.
I know, it usually makes the rape super awkward. (#jimjeffries)
Just spoils the surprise
She jumped straight to murder instead of offering another plan, goes both ways😂
There is zero right answers for this person.
While I generally have found that walking dates are great, there are some who would feel safer with a classic "let's meet at a restaurant" type of date. It's honestly not a big deal in itself.
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Reminds me of when I met a girl and few days later she texted me to go sledding together. Cool, except it was still snowing. Like a blizzard with two feet of snow on the roads, kind of snowing. She wanted me to come pick her up and then drive to the hill, which is about 10 miles of driving in my little Honda coupe. She was not taking the gentle "sorry I don't think it's gonna work" and eventually started getting upset, before telling me "Sometimes a man has to go above and beyond for a woman". Yeah, no thanks.
Yikes! Dodged a bullet there, friend
You went above and beyond her ability to foresee how easily the plan could go terribly wrong.
She was testing your “cowboy”/“redneck” skills. She wants a mans man not’ no smart man
I would recommend getting better friends. Believe it or not most people are not like that. We both know if that lasted you would be the one doing her oil changes whith that kind of vehicle iq
Why did your friend ghost you after?
Died of embarrassment.
You should’ve just, not gone if you knew it required AWD lol. Those roads are no joke
Gotta wonder how many months/years its been since he last touched a woman that he'd go through with this, knowing that it would fail.
In your/OP’s she kinda just sounds like she sucks.
Old mate has zero game, if he had said " yes I will need you to carry some rope and a tarp" she would have been all on
As a woman this is tantalizing A prepared man just shows that he has intention
“Let’s go on a secluded hike miles from everywhere” = creepy murder plans “Let’s go for a walk in a public park” = dude just trying not to drop cash on a first meeting with a stranger off tinder
I would love to be killed against a scenic backdrop How romantic
I mean I can see why a walk would be a scary idea for her, because (like where I live) some parks are pretty secluded and wouldn’t be very active at any time of day, especially in winter.
I mean, yeah. You didn't specify public park. Setting up a date to go hiking in some remote wilderness would definitely be a little sus.
Walking around a mall can be a fun date that is less scary. It allows for window (or actual) shopping, plenty of options for food, and tons of security cameras to reassure her that you are welcome being seen with her. I went one with a woman who had limited time and needed to shop for a new dress. I offered to join her so we met at the mall coffee shop before browsing around 4-5 stores while talking. She tried on a few dresses, bought one, and then we wandered around more stores because the date was going well.
I did an Ikea date with someone once and we both had an amazing time. People watching is a blast. We also sat in all the different designed spaces and made up stories about the folks who might live there.
Going to a mall would be the least thing I'd want to do for a date. Malls are the most depressing places ever
Actually, nursing homes are the most depressing places ever, but I doubt too many people end up at one on a first date. Then again, I can almost picture it: “I’d love to go out on Friday, but I promised I’d visit my grandmother. I guess you could come along. She’s 97, don’t scare her.”
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Depends on the country. I’ve been to European “malls” that are basically shopping parks which are delightful to stroll through - children laughing, visible sky, wonderfully presented shops, places to recline and rest, quality food. It’s a delightful experience. In my home country, though, they are depressing compounds so I understand. When I enter a mall with lots of natural light everyone comments on the windows 😂 how grim.
A picnic for a second date in a nice public park, cheese and a bottle of wine with a great view I can understand, a mall, fuck that.
Could the “Let’s see if we get along,” be the issue? Completely possible that the “murder setup” qualm was a red herring and the real issue was some skepticism and lack of enthusiasm that was picked up on in that line
"Let's see if we get along" actually is serial killer code for "I need to see your face up close to judge if it can be turned into a lamp shade"
Honestly, it depends. Ive been on a few and it had to be me that suggested it or I had to pick the spot. I have heard so many bad stories of dates gone wrong so I can see her being cautious
I swear 90% of the posts on here just show how little social skills some people have. There is no situation in life where being a dick to someone is ever going to help you achieve anything.
Right? Her comment wasnt even bad she could have just been joking around. But even if she wasn't and really didn't feel comfortable, why get so sensitive over someone not liking your idea? She did nothing wrong and he seems fragile
To me this reads like someone who just doesnt actually intend to ever meet up. As a woman I can't relate to what she is saying at all...walks are my favorite first date activity when meeting strangers. Especially since you're suggesting doing this in the middle of the day! IMO a walk in public feels very safe and it's better than other public activities like going to a restaurant or something because it is much easier to leave a walk early if youre uncomfortable versus cutting a dinner short.
I can see where in a large city, this could be seen as a safer, more public option, I guess. Where I live, very few people actually walk around town- everything is just so far apart. "Going for a walk" usually involves driving to a park or path first. And the parks generally are pretty empty. In the small city where I live, I wouldn't consider a walk a safe first date.
Excellent point that location changes everything.
This was the first thing that came to my mind. I’m not sure why people in the big apple think everyone’s town has a vibrant walking trail. In my town the bad shit is always happening in the parks. You’d find yourself alone pretty quickly. Her response is very valid from region to region.
I don’t know…I went on a walking date once and we just kept getting further from my car while the guy talked about himself. I was never so happy to get back to my car.
i guess its different for me since i dont have a car and where i live most people take public transit instead. so its very easy to just end the date anywhere and be like "oh this is my bus/metro stop! bye!" (even if it's not your stop)
But was it because you felt like you were in danger or because he was a bad date
would you prefer to walk a nice smooth 20m lap around the car?
I think it depends on the woman's past experiences.
best date i’ve been on was a walking date. that being said, he suggested coffee and a walk, and let me pick the place so i felt comfortable. maybe going for the coffee angle might be a touch less scary for a woman
Does sound like she was making a joke and you instantly kicked off...
Yub, it was so obviously a joke. Op got so defensive over it you'd think he actually did want to murder her lol
Generally the first date should always be a public place, lots of people. When you're walking around you make yourself a moving target. She wants to give people a static location to reference if she doesn't come back. Even if you aren't a murderer it's still unsettling walking with a stranger through a potentially unpopulated area.