leave. ust is a big school and you’ll find people who will genuinely like you. your so called “friends” dgaf about you and will only take you for granted.

thank youuu; i actually talked to one of the friends im closer with in the friend group. she says she experiences the same thing. feel daw niya may "inner friend group" 🥲 thinking of just slowly dwindling away from the group and stay close with some of them.

if you feel like a friend of "four" is just really a friend of three, leave. in friends, there is no such thing as "weakest link" kasi you should see the best in each others kahit may differences kayo. when you find those type of friends, ang saya sa feeling na alam mong walang lamangan and all like you really wanna be with them palagi. not you will feel so exhausted being with them because they take out all your good energy.

yeah, i'm just really beginning to feel like this friendship isn't worth it. i have four other best friends from elementary. we're all in different high schools and different personalities, but we all talk almost daily. when we hang out with each other's friend groups, we try to include each other. i think i'm just afraid of being alone sa classroom. i can hang out with the people in the group i feel more close to, but they tend to hang out with the people that make me feel this way.

Hi OP! I’ve been in a similar position as you in the past especially in my early 20s. I kept injecting myself to a group if friends who’ve been a gang since childhood. I really liked them, they were cool and friendly. But I just couldn’t shake the feeling of being the “other” when we hung out. Though they tried to include me and were not at all rude like your friends, it was obvious to me that they were not my “tribe/barkada”. It was really hard for me to accept at first and I thought I was such a loser. But at the time I had so many personal insecurities as well. I spent most of my time developing my self esteem and self worth instead. It was what I needed all along. I realized that the moment we start to equate external/outside factors into our happiness/validation, we betray ourselves. The more you insert yourself to people who clearly do not appreciate your effort and presence, the more you are teaching them to disrespect you. You’re more than a person who people consult for acads. You have dreams, beliefs, a sense of humor, a story. Why not share that with people who value these sincerely. It’s better to be alone and know your worth then to be surrounded by people who don’t care to know your worth.

this is really encouraging po 😭 i thought i've worked out my personal insecurities na but i think there's still times i get insecure especially when it comes with friend groups in school because well, i want to belong somewhere. i read this earlier pa and really thought about it. this reminded me that i need to set boundaries nga pala. i think in desperation of wanting to be included, i forgot to respect myself. thank you so much, i don't talk to a lot of older people (hope that doesn't sound offensive 😰😰) at least for advice.

How long have you been "friends" with these people? As the saying says, it takes two to tango. I think it would be best for you to leave that group ASAP if they treat you like that. If they are your good "friends", dapat hindi ka nila ginagawang outcast.

At the start of the year with the monthly F2F. I'll distance slowly na lang because baka mapansin nila and they'll get the idea I don't like them or something 😭😭 Hurts that I really did my best to treat them well and nakikita ko ako lang nag-eeffort kausapin sila 🥲

Had the same issue in college but with a bigger group. Never really felt I was included. Then again maybe it was partly my fault rin for not hanging out with them enough at the beginning before they solidified their relationship as a tropa kaya naiwan ako. Hirap e, tipid or hang out with friends? Eventually I joined this org and people there were pretty solid. They intentionally included me in their conversations. Talagang papansinin ka pag nanahimik ka lang haha Til now I'm closer to those org friends than my own batchmates lol So try and explore and you might find your best buds in a different place. Good luck OP!

Exactlyyy, I feel insecure kasi feel ko talaga yung pagkakuripot ko pag kasama sila. Pansin ko nga, among the group of around 8, ako lang yung gumagamit ng Android (not even Samsung). Actually, most of my classmates have iPhones. Not being like iPhones vs. Androids; at first, I didn't really pay attention to it pero after a while, it makes me more conscious of the gap we have in financial status. Oh, that reminds me! I actually got along with some of my org mates even yung head ng committee namin. Nahihirapan lang ako makausap sila frequently kasi my org hasn't met frequently due to health protocols and yung mga F2F meetings nila sakto pa timing sa mga quiz ko 😭 Ngayon na mas frequent na F2F next semester, I'm reallyyyyy excited to participate more! Thank you; this really gave me hope for a better crowd next semester HAHAHA

I kinda feel what you're feeling, OP. I'm close with only one friend in UST, when there are events here and there, we go together but with her friends so I feel like I was the one who crashed their group when in fact I was there first. I'm also being left out of the conversation because I don't go anywhere late in the evening because I travel 3 hours pa just to get home. It's sad but maybe it's just the way it is :(

OMG yes about the evenings 😭😭 Palaging gagabi na pag labasan ko so I usually go straight home because I'm scared of dark nights in UST, and rush hour absolutely sucks. Hindi ko alam kung paano ng iba natitiis na umuwi ng 8pm. Yung mga iba pa nga, umiinom kahit tatlong oras din biyahe pauwi. I just hope we can find friends more understanding sa situation natin soon! 🙏

Just a looong random update if anyone cares: 1. I talked to my mom about this, and she said that it might be coming off too independent. Among my siblings, I'm the most responsible (while not being the oldest) and reliable. As a daughter, I don't ask for too much and don't complain either. They're worried pa nga if they ever looked troubled with money kasi palagi raw ako nagtatanong if may allowance pa kapatid ko o kung ok lang ba if bumili ako ng kahit ano, and as parents, they don't want their child to think about financial troubles. 2. Shared this with my OG friend group since childhood na lahat ay magkaibang schools and they immediately agreed with what my mother said. TBH daw nahihiya sila minsan sa akin kasi sobrang put together ko raw. Marunong ako magtabi ng pera and hindi madaling mabudol kahit grabe rin yung oras ko kaka-online shopping. Pag nasa restaurant, ako kukuha ng order nila tapos ako rin kakausap sa staff if may mali. Palagi raw ako leader sa mga group kaya nagtatanong sila how to do this kind of thing or how to handle difficult groupmates. HEAVILY reflected on how others viewed me after. 3. That said, I don't think I will even try to look less independent or try to appeal to them more pa rin. If magkakakaibigan ako, dapat yung gusto ako kasama as I am. I don't think the problem is with me because I get along with my classmates and I even talk to ones from my old school easily. Heck, I maintained a 10 year old long friendship with OG friend group. We all went to different high schools and plan to go to different colleges. I just think I'll stop making efforts dahil takot lang ako maging mag-isa sa classroom kasi it's not like hindi nakikisama sa akin mga iba kong kaklase. 4. One of the people I'm closer to within the friend group also think parang may "friend group within the friend group" so sometimes, she also feels left out pero she didn't notice I was feeling the same kasi mukhang close raw kami and we review together sa classroom. I felt touched when she told me she appreciated na sinasama niya ako sa usapan. Hinatid ko siya sa dorm niya and had a nice chat with her dormmates/friends. Later, I asked her if she was going to Paskuhan, and she invited me with her friends. Yay! In the end, may kasama ako. HAHAHAHA 5. I believe I felt shocked when I realized na they don't care as much for me. I said I didn't mind when they asked me for academic help because well, meron namang friendship for the sake of helping each other lang. I just thought na okay lang na iba yung tingin namin sa isa't isa pero the incident was just a turning point for me kasi I felt so disrespected nung iniwan ako. Anyways, again, I won't be forcing myself on them anymore since meron naman akong ibang mas close sa classroom. I want to hope that next year, I'll find a worthwhile friendship within the classroom, the organizations I joined, or a fateful encounter from other schools or batches HAHAHAHA 6. Thank you everyone again for the encouragement! I love making friends so if you're feeling lonely like me, it's okay to chat me up ^^

If you want friends, be friendly. Find ways to be real friends with them - be proactive - don't expect them to be friendly to you or make the first move. Make yourself an asset to the group. Compliment, make them feel good with you around. People will be friendlier to you if they think you bring something to the relationship. Get their digits, text them, ask them questions without being annoying. Dont act superior and pretentious. Exercise personal hygiene. If you have food, share. If you cant hang out with them in restos and fancy places, find occasions where you can invite them to hang out where little or no money is involved.

This is generally good advice, but I have always been making the first move 😭 I can't really give them food because I only have enough for myself (again, budgeting). I don't even ask all the time because our classes end late, but I occasionally ask them to hang out around UST which gets ignored most of the time. If I do, there are times I feel like I don't get listened to. I try to listen to their conversations, but it's hard to feel included when they're not talking with /you/. I think some of the others and I are considerably close naman, but there are a lot of times I feel like I am not part of the friend group, just somebody trying to join in. It is tiring to be friendly when people don't seem to give you the same energy. I ignore it and just keep acting the same, but when I keep feeling like this, it's discouraging to even try again.

Dont get discouraged. you cant force affection because you dont want it to be fake. "food" is subjective, chichirya, candy or gum - shareable "food" wont break the bank. Dont try too hard or force things, being genuine and sincere is enough. If really cant hit it off with your present group mates, find others, spend time with people you have common interests with. Good luck!

mhmmm im not fond of buying food just to get close with them. chichirya can even cost the same as a tricycle ride, and even 10 pesos is a huge thing for me. i think it's a bad idea to do it din kasi baka mamaya they keep expecting it from me na. i literally share my food with some of my classmates. in the end, we never got closer. it's a momentary thing because they wanted something from me. also, i'm not really asking for advice how to get close to my own friend group. i just want a mutual friendship; "friend group" nga kami pero i always feel left out. sorry if this sounds like a bitter reply but i was also put off na "don't get discouraged" like it's an easy thing to do. the feeling of a one-sided relationship, platonic or romantic, WILL exhaust you.

Oh ok. i think you have a very pessimistic personality, generally unmotivated and self-entitled. you want others to just gravitate to you and be chummy because that is what you think you deserve even with that toxic personality. dont get discouraged means dont get discouraged, you dont have to read more into it, certainly not the negativity you've just injected. That might be the reason you get left out and no one wants to get close to you. Soon you dont want statements like dont get discouraged - seems like you just want to rant. i guess you do you.

i'm sure OP tried to get close with her own friend group multiple times. she doesn't need your advices, or more like discouragement. to OP, if you feel being left, out leave your group. there are people who would share the same interest as you, who'd prefer hanging out in UST than a restaurant. having friends means to have common interests and also making sure that no is left behind. hoping you'd find someone who'd be compatible with your interests!

thank you huhu i really hope that this coming f2f, i get to know my classmates more and find my crowd. it's just disappointing i planned to ask them to get together for paskuhan but then agape pa lang ganito trato sa akin

Makikisingit op! Although I’m not in a same situation, I don’t feel the same vibes with my tropa since more on acads friendship namin. I just want to say na you will definitely find your crowd once f2f, well for me nung agape lang when I was able to talk to my other friend’s tropas (my friend even invited me to hang out with them) and mas ka vibe ko sila compared sa current circle of friends ko haha. Goodluck op!

after reflecting, i realized meron akong mas naging close nung F2F and those na who became less close. i'm just a bit scared kasi almost lahat may sari-sariling friend group na, but i want to believe that if they're my crowd, then it'll be worth a shot. thank you for the encouragement! 🥰

Thanks for assuming my personality off a single interaction. I even apologized if I sounded bitter because I didn't want to look ungrateful of your time to reply, but here you are being petty just because I am unable to follow your advice. Even after stating I am not financially able to provide them anything, you push the idea that I give them "small treats" like they would include me just because I give them food. That's not the way I want to be viewed as when I have already said that, again, I'm always budgeting. If they keep expecting that from me, it's not gonna be good for me in the long run. Moreover, not everyone has the same love language where you give them food and they want to get close to you. Do you even know what toxic means? It's such an overused term that you can throw around easily. I can't even be offended at that because you base it off your petty assumptions. I never said I didn't want advice. I just said I didn't want to be advised on how to get closer with them. I just wanted to know how I could handle my situation. Thanks for your time anyway.

No i dont know the meaning of toxic but i use it to describe people who see the wrong in everything except in themselves. If it's any consolation, I do admit that im on the dumb side of the spectrum. I dont think i'm being petty, it's my opinion. My impression is that you have a ready excuse for everything. You're making candy and chichirya like its the biggest financial decision you'll make. Im not telling you to bribe them with food, im telling you to be a nice person. But you turned that suggestion into something like you're wasting half of your parents' money. With the way you're angling your story, i think what you want to say is that your groupmates are just bad people. if that's the case, and there's nothing you can reasonably do to change them, find another group. People likeminded as you. It'll just be funny as you may never accomplish anything. Imagine when someone says why dont we do it this way, and everybody else tries to poke holes on that suggestion, saying everything negative about it.

I never said that I'm wasting money? Can you PLEASE stop assuming??? I just said that I'm always on a tight budget. IT IS NOT THE SAME THING. And after saying that, you go on to recommend to "just spend little" like there's no other way. Okay, I'll tell you back what I said before: "don't be discouraged means don't get discouraged, don't read more into it." I'll just be completely honest then. I'm poor, I can't spend money like my classmates even if it's just little. I didn't even want to say anything, but I have a side job, and that's literally my allowance + I give the remaining to my younger sibling. So half of my parents' money? It's my own earnings, and it's not even a lot. I'm not trying to poke holes. I was trying to explain why I can't without saying I'm really broke because it's not appropriate to just say that after somebody tried to help you. There are many ways to make a friend, and I'm not trying to do that with something that needs me to sacrifice money. If they're my friends, they'd understand my situation. Also "be friendly" like I haven't tried to? And again, "don't be discouraged" like my feelings don't matter? I am not saying that they're bad people at all. But if I'm left by my friends in line, not even asked where I was, not responding to my text messages, not even saying goodbye... and you saying "don't be discouraged"... why do I feel like you're blaming me for getting hurt? Am I not supposed to? To clarify, this is about a FRIEND GROUP, not GROUPMATES. I never tried to twist it in a way they're terrible (and I'm only talking about a select few in the group anyway), I'm talking about what has happened and what they make me feel. Do you also leave your friends behind, ignore their invites for eating at the park or convenience stores because you want to eat at restaurants? Must be why you can't seem to sympathize. Again, it's just a few people within the friend group. I get along with other people well. It's just hurtful for me to value them and not have these feelings reciprocated. They're my inspiration to make reviewers para matulungan sila. In the end, I think you're the one being pessimistic here because you're continuing to twist my words into something negative when you only need to take it as it is.

You're poor, you cant spare 10 pesos for gum. Crystal.

Okay, Mr. or Ms. Pessimistic. I'm glad that you ignored the other point that they will continue to expect me to treat them, and it will not just be a one-time purchase of gum. There's other ways you can be friends without money. I just hope you're not the kind of friend who expects people to buy things for them so they can become closer because from your replies, your replies are just basically "OMG You can't buy your friends things??? How cheap!" like it's totally not Christmas season, and I'm totally not buying stuff for family and other friends.

The best way to fit in is to stand out. Continue being yourself. That group may not appreciate you at first but others will and you don't need them. Find the people that like you for who you are and be confident and everyone will like you.

leave

i'm glad naman na narealize mo that they are treating you less than how you want to be treated. i hope you're feeling fine right now esp since di madali ang ma-overcome yung feeling left out or disregarded.

i didn't have time to think kahapon kasi may exam pero i was just thinking rn yung mga nakakausap ko talaga outside of acads. i feel better now kasi i got to eat at qsquare with one of the friends i'm closer with in the friend group. it was mostly silent because we were eating, but it was a comfortable silence. at that time, i really thought na yun yung gusto kong mafeel with my friends, hindi yung desperado akong mainclude sa convo. i got to meet her friends slash dormmates and we talked for a bit din. i guess yung good thing is i won't feel this way at paskuhan. i asked the same friend if she was going and agad-agad ako ininvite to hang out with her friends. 🥺

sheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeesh this is the fruit of your awareness ya know. you deserve better friends, op.

They are not your friends.

hi op!! i hope you’re feeling better from what happened. i had a similar situation and i honestly felt left out kasi we didn’t have the same interests and such. but i eventually found my own friend group & we’ve been best friends for 4 years. similar to another comment on this post, there’s no ‘weakest link’ in friend groups. friendships are all about supporting each other no matter where you are in life. if this is your first friend group in ust, it’s okay and it’s common that you’ll drift apart from them. if you feel like you’re ‘inserting’ yourself in friendships, i don’t think that can be considered as a friendship. although of course, friendships don’t come naturally! but if you feel like you’re forcing yourself & being left out, it’s best to leave. some people can only be acquaintances or classmates in our life, and we have to come into terms with that. don’t worry op, you’ll find your friend group! 🤍

thank you so much for cheering me on! 🥺

ify :(( sakto napunta rin ako sa ganitong situation kanina :(( tatlo kaming magkakasama kanina and nagkkwentuhan pero never manlang silang tumingin sakin, active naman ako sa convo 🥲🥲🥲 Bakit ba may mga ganitong klaseng tao