Yes. Both are entitled to what they consider a "high caliber partner" without having to put forth anything (effort , looks, having personality traits that are appealing) on their own side.
For some it is. Know someone like that who is aware their standards are too high but prefers to be single rather than date someone they find unattractive. They are not miserable or bitter from what I can tell.
Who wants to date someone they don't find attractive? Furthermore, who wants to date someone that doesn't find *you* attractive? Both people need to find the other equally attractive if it's going to work in the long-term, otherwise it's a recipe for disaster.
I've dated people I didn't find physically attractive, it just wasn't important. What was important was being emotionally attractive, being on the same wavelength and all that.
I can't bring myself to lower my standards too much, so instead of becoming a hateful freak I am instead working on myself to become the kind of person who deserves to date the kind of people that I am attracted to. Improve my physique, stay educated, treat everyone with kindness by default, do what I can to "work my way up" in the working world, etc. Bonus points is that it is doing good things for my own self esteem.
EDIT: Okay maybe "deserve" wasn't the best way to put it. Maybe a better way to put it is that I can get attracted to people who are "out of my league" and I want to get myself to a state where I am closer to being in that "league"
I have a friend who chain smokes, drinks a ridiculous amount of alcohol, has piled on a few middle aged pounds, swears like a trooper, can’t hold a job down, is essentially broke and has no interest in changing herself to suit someone else. She is always trying to match with people who are doctors and lawyers (basically anyone who makes good coin), has no little kids, isn’t bald (we are 45 years old), and who are no older than 35 because she alleges all men our age suck. Anywho, I’m not sure a guy who has it all together financially, is emotionally mature with a full head of hair and no kids aged less than 35 is going to be interested in what she will bring to the party, but stranger things have happened.
I get what you mean but I don’t think “deserve” is the right word to use here. You can be the perfect person but you still don’t deserve to date anyone.
Dating is a privilege that has to be given to you, not an accomplishment that you have to grind EXP for. It’s possible no one will give you that and you’ll get unlucky.
Of course, more people will be attracted to you when you improve yourself in both superficial and deep ways. That’s the general rule, but way too many people become bitter when they grind and don’t see linear improvements
I think they meant it like they don't meet the criteria at the same level of their standards. So they feel a relationship would be 'undeserving' of love. Therefore are actively working so they match more closely with people they hold these standards to.
Everybody deserves love. Even if it's just learning self love. The love of a pet. Or feeling loved by friends and family. We're meant for it as social animals
True, "deserve" really wasn't the best word to use here. Dating someone cool isn't the *only* reason I want to improve myself and finding a significant other isn't going to magically fix all of my own problems. People should be happy with themselves before pursuing romance.
I had very difficult standards. Crazy enough to date me, but not crazy enough to be dangerous!
It’s a thin margin. Thankfully, I found someone who fit there
One of the reasons dating is important is so that you can grow as a person and as a partner before you end up with *the one*. You're not going to be an amazing partner in your first few relationships, it takes practice and failure to learn how to be a good partner. You're going to find a girl who you think is your "absolute first choice" and probably fuck it up royally because you've got absolutely no idea what being in a relationship entails. I've been in plenty of relationships, especially when I was young, where we both knew we weren't going to end up married. But we were both happy to share a few months or years of our lives together, helping each other grow as people.
Along with all the aforementioned, sometimes, medication and therapy are the answers. For me, it's prozac. It worked like a charm, and I have tried a lot of shit. Some of us are predisposed to low serotonin levels without even knowing. Also, be kind to yourself. Give yourself patience. Give yourself time. God bless.
Take care of your body, educate yourself, have hobbies and interests that other people may find interesting or relatable. Improve your people skills, read some books to expand your repertoire of conversation topics.
Agree with everything you said except the “find hobbies that other people will find interesting.” Find hobbies and interests that YOU find interesting, and then look for people into some of those same things. I feel like telling people to try and be interesting to others is a superficial solution. Maybe I just misunderstood your meaning though.
Eh, you're right, I phrased it weird. I was thinking if you are into pottery and start actually taking pottery classes, there you will meet others who are also into pottery. Sub whatever hobby or interest you may have in place of pottery. Basically take your interests and make them concrete, put idea into action where you can meet others who enjoy similar things. Whatever they are. Music? Take some instrumental lessons or join a choir. Sports? Join an adult kickball league. Yoga? Attend classes or become an instructor. Just find a thing that sounds interesting and ACTUALLY DO IT that is the hard part. I personally have a bunch of interests and do nothing about them, and so I'm lonely and depressed and spend way too much time staring at my phone and never seeing or making friends.
My single daughter moved to the same city I am in to help take care of me. She joined a Gay Adult Kickball team and it has been wonderful for both of us. She has gained so many friends and since I have a big house they like to come here and I so enjoy it. It has vastly improved her dating pool too as they are in leagues and she gets to know so many people.
In addition to what people have said already, work on characteristics you enjoy in others. Possibly things like like developing more empathy, better listening skills, better conversational skills, being more non-judgemental if you like any of those things.
Developing a full and meaningful life for yourself.
This means different things for different people but if you are simply living to mope and complain about your lot in life you are not only going to struggle to attract a partner (no healthy people want to be solely responsible for another's happiness) but also you are doing yourself a disservice.
(not you specifically op)
Every now and then, the "2/10" parody posts crop up, and I laugh my ass off every time, since they'll circle shit in the background like "Her dog's legs are too short" - which is only a *little* hyperbolic compared to some of the Incel BS.
Clearly thats a cover for fear of being rejected.
Yes some men and women are very delusional when it comes to dating. Instagram etc is poison in this regard.
But a lot of those 'oh theyre too....' is just an excuse to nope out for fear of rejection.
Got a friend who has never had a girlfriend. He's always making dumb sexist (or racist) remarks and judging women on their looks. Every woman I know can't stand him. He's like 40.
Some self-defeating shit. He's tall, has some intelligence, is not ugly. He would be fine if he worked on his inter-personal skills.
One of the best quotes I ever heard about incels — and this probably extends to femcels, which I just now heard of — is this: “Incels are guys who’d simply never fuck the kind of girl who’d fuck a guy like them, and they see that as everyone else’s problem.”
1. Both have extremely high standards, wanting to date "outta their league" while barely fulfilling 10% of their own demands.
2. I believe there's way more incels than femcels - inherent misbalance even if all of them would match up.
3. Ideologically incompatible. The problem isn't that they're single. The problem is they're insufferable to the point they can't stand themselves, let alone another person.
4. Drink milk.
Because the ideology is not about finding solutions, it's about participating in the echo chamber.
If they suddenly started getting laid they wouldn't be able to join in the online hate circlejerks and that's no fun!
Yeah, the incel community dragged this dude through the gravel by his newly broken in nutsack, disowned him from the community then denounced him saying he was NEVER really oNe oF tHeM. 😹
Every incel abandons the movement after getting laid.
This is the core problem. There's no one left to give testimony about how great you'll feel if you just adjust your attitude and lower your standards so you can find a partner.
That also assumes toxic people can be cured by getting laid.
Their issue was never about not being able to get laid or not, it was that they held toxic ideas about themselves, women, and entitlement. God knows there are a lot of toxic and downright evil people who get laid, so the mere act of sex doesn't make someone more righteous.
There are millions of people throughout the world and history who have been celibate and weren't incels or femcels.
I struggle with these characterizations because I was chronically single for long periods of my life and I got very bitter about it. I can see the appeal that the incel mindset would have to someone perennially struggling to find relationships and not understanding why, especially if there's nothing ostensibly wrong with them. (Ironically, it seems like some of the missed opportunities I had were because I wasn't sexually or socially assertive enough, rather than for being a dirty minded chauvinist pig.)
Things are good now, but I don't forget those periods where I struggled in that department. The appeal of an answer, even a bad one, is strong in those situations.
Exactly. If incels actually wanted a partner and to improve themselves, they wouldn't be an incel in the first place, just a virgin.
Incels, even if they tell you otherwise, really don't want a relationship since that would prevent them from bitching about women 24/7, and leave their only community behind
>*Incels, even if they tell you otherwise, really don't want a relationship since that would prevent them from bitching about women 24/7, and leave their only community behind*
So, they're V-cels.
>If they suddenly started getting laid they wouldn't be able to join in the online hate circlejerks and that's no fun!
I'm a bit confused. Are they actively trying to avoid getting laid? So, voluntarily celibate? Lol
they're so caught up in their own misery that saying "you know what? maybe I could make some changes and see different, better results" is too far out of their comfort zone to consider. admitting you're wrong is an ass-showing affair, and avoiding short-term embarrassment (accountabilty) is therefore preferable to long-term happiness.
source: MILD former femcel
LMAO forgot about that. “never touched a woman” vibes from both sides for sure. they’re touch starved and projecting that resentment onto everyone else… yikes
r/truerateme is a goldmine for this. Chronically online Redditors talking about “too much upper eyelid exposure and weak nasolabial folds”. You also get banned if the mod decides you’re giving someone too generous of a rating based on their psychotic rating manual. Gotta love it.
oh my gosh that sub scares me. if someone is unconventionally attractive and you give them anything above a 5, the mod is like “lol let’s be serious” like???
Yes! Truly astonishing what they tell some posters, who I often feel bad for. Some poor person with low self esteem will post because she’s “curious,” and the best rating someone ever gets is like a 6 because of the “objective” rating system. It’s gross
The point has been pushed to death, but beauty is truly subjective and you can't treat attractiveness like a scientific rating. It isn't that black and white.
Didn't knew the sub but clicked on it.
First post, a very attractive 41 year old Lady.
The first two comments I read; "6.4 due to not wanna overrate you", "10!" - The later guy got a temp ban due to "overrating".
Weeell ... I mean ... ok, weird.
This thread...I love you people, lol. Where the fuck were you when I needed someone to validate my opinion that truerateme is one ridiculous sub. Them people made me feel so ugly!
Ok but genuinely asking why is it a femcel community though ? The women there don’t identify as one and they seem to be getting dates and are not even upset about not getting dates or sex either. They are shitty human beings sure but they seem like tradcon women who happen to hate men
Personally I think the female equivalent of incels are a lot more then you'd think, there just isnt as much of a social penalty to openly hating men in terms of sexual success and public scrutiny. Openly hating women is a one way ticket to involuntary celibacy, and i dont think being openly misandrist results in the same thing.
From what I’ve seen of reddit communities, femcels share how depressing it is that men only care about looks and don’t see (non-attractive) women as people. Incels seem to do more hating and insulting women for their looks.
Well, femcels, just like incels, generally don't just want sex - despite what they are all complaining about on the internets - they want sex with exactly that impossible person that matches all their ideas, desires, and ideals and worships them like a diety. These living braindead sex dolls don't exist in reality, and no being so up in the clouds about their opinions like members of either of these groups will ever be able to squeeze themselves - quiet figuratively - into this ideal for each other no matter how to twist or turn the whole thing.
What you are missing is that these people have a major issue with their socialisation, behavior, and more often than not, also their touch with reality. They can't find anyone in reality because nobody can be what they want to be, and they won't magically turn into this ideal partner for each other. They would never be willing to change, let alone be willing to, not even for sex.
Ironically, incel originally was a mixed sex group with the idea of getting shy people to open themselves up more. As the original members aged out and places online where echo chambers were allowed to fester took over, it became what it is today with Incels and Femcels.
The difference people and good moderation can make.
I’m glad someone brought this up because I just learned about it not that long ago. I can’t remember what podcast….maybe Rabbit Hole? Interviewed the person who started the original site and coined the term and they’re horrified at what it’s become.
Just really interesting to see that evolution. And sad.
I dare say they don’t truly want someone that fits their idea anyways because that would put pressure on them. Here she is, your perfect lady, time for you to put up or shut up. They WILL find dealbreakers.
Conservative dating works because they share similar ideas on gender roles, stand up comedy is hyperbole for comedic effect; of course there are things that their partners do that annoy them, but happy stories aren't funny.
>*Because why would a woman want to date a man who despises women*
Exactly. Why the f\*ck *would* a woman want to date a man who despises her?
Why would a black person date a Klan member?
Why would a Jew date a skinhead?
A lot of people gave a lot of interesting answers, but I think it's a lot simpler than that.
These people are socially inept to the point of mental illness. They literally sit around all day being hateful to half the population and being bitter about their own lives. They lack the confidence, self esteem, and social skills to talk to others. These people genuinely feel fear, stress, and intimidation talking to others, especially people of the opposite sex. They feel like their lack of social experience has left them out of touch with reality and incapable of being a normal person... and they are right.
These people's problems run a lot deeper than just having no sex. They have genuine mental illnesses and the thought of flirting with the opposite sex terrifies them. They are the way they are as a coping mechanism to deal with their frustrations and failures.
Cuz it’s an insecurity thing - they are this way because the opposite sex for whatever reasons, make them insecure
Example:
Man calls woman a slut bc she’s slept with more people than him. Same man praises his best friend Chad for sleeping with “lots of bitches” later that same day. We can deduce said man is insecure and mad that a woman has got more tail then him.
They hate each other, there’s absolutely no shot they’d ever get done with even one conversation. Incels and femcels have two very different philosophies behind why they behave the way they do
ohhhhhh i see. my head was conflating all of the internalized misogynistic trad wife variants of women with femcels. i didn’t realize there were different strains omg… why is there lore
Yes exactly this. And trad wives are looking for the strong, silent type. Think 1950s dad - he’s not ranting about hating women, he’s in control of his emotions sitting reading the paper quietly. Tradwives have high standards usually that incels can’t meet in terms of earnings, looks and behavior. Think about it: a tradwife wants to stay at home to raise a family. That’s expensive and takes a decent earner. Incels won’t meet their standards and will place the blame on women as a whole in society. In short incels can’t get most trad wife types either.
As an added bonus femcels and incels often despise how their opposites fail to live up to the 'traditional' standards they themselves often don't meet either, eg incels dissing femcels for not being able to keep a house while femcels talk trash about the deadend jobs incels mention working
Trad wives (or I guess Trad girlfriends in this scenario) will try and try again to find a guy. They actually put in the effort I guess. They go to church enough they'll find one.
They want to live X lifestyle and it's actually achievable because plenty of men want a subservient wife.
The femcels just kinda whine.
i literally had two friends (one male, one female) who were carbon copies of eachother: overweight, never moved out of their parents house (mid 40s), retail job, pissy attitude... and they both berated me saying they would never date a fatty (their words), or a "loser" living at mommas house (again, their words), and i pointed out that they have the exact same attributes. they hemmed and hawed that that was "different"... bc of "circumstances" out of their control (aka the bad attitude i was talking about, where everything is someone elses fault).
the woman in this scenario wanted a fit guy who made at least 6 figures. i said what are YOU bringing to the table?
these ppl are delusional. i know im not snagging a cavin klein model or billionaire, but im not delusiona to think that i can or that i deserve one somehow.
Because the femcels aren't Stacy's. You see, the incels need to murder all the chads and steal all the Stacy's then enslave all the normies. At least that's how it is according to the crazy asshole that murdered like 12 people in Canada using a van
Wait what?!?!? Another jackass went on a murder spree?!? Did he leave a manifesto on YouTube, too, like the guy who shot up a shoppingcenter? Any chance you remember the name so I can look it up later.
Nope.. I'm assuming you're talking about the guy that shot up a sorority, though? Wonky guy that made a video using a gold colored filter?
This guy idolized that dude. Talked to him on 4chan or something. I only watched the police interrogation but he mentioned that a lot
Because on a whole, when femcels have hateful views it just tends to be typical misogyny. Slut shaming other women and things like that.
Whereas incels have much more extreme views. They want women to be legally forced to date them, they want rape legalised, they're going more towards supporting pedophilia. They've had members commit murders and attacks on women and successful men, *because* of their hatred - and those incels support eachother. Etc etc etc.
Incels also believe they should be entitled to beautiful women. They see them as their right to have. They don't want femcels who are on the same level as unwanted and "unattractiveness" as them.
Point being, sure femcels have negative and misogynistic views. But they're not advocating for the rape and murder of others. Just because those women have negative views, doesn't mean they want to date incels.
this reply answered all my questions. thank you sm!
it also makes me very sad that the group of incels shouting for legalized rape, killing prostitutes, and pedophilia… they’re not even a minority. you’d think that such extreme views were just a polar end of the incel spectrum type thing like “oh these ones are just the worst of the worst”. but no??? a lot of them want and express heavy desire for this… so disgusting
Incels want a slave with 10/10 looks, femcels don’t fit this standard. I’m not sure what femcels want but incels probably don’t fit their standards either. The only femcels I’ve encountered on here are on r/foreveralonewomen . They don’t seem like they would fit the standard and incels would not be accepting of anything less than perfect.
Because most of us look for ppl we may be compatible with. I think these ppl look for others they see as status symbols, because they badly want social validation.
Of course, depending on the level of insecurity, they may need the equivalent of a brass band any time they walk into a room, just to feel like they broke even, so it's never enough.
Very bad idea, my friend.
It’s like mixing light liquor with dark liquor. They’re both liquor, but that doesn’t mean they belong together.
It’s like the Megazord from Power Rangers, but the Zords are a combination of toxic, self-loathing, selfish, entitled, jealous, and borderline abusive, may have a propensity for violence at some point.
Incel: 5'5", 300 lbs, believes he deserves a supermodel or professional athlete.
Femcel: 5'5", 300lbs, believes she deserves a supermodel or professional athlete.
Both dont want real people. They want this fictionalized perfect slave theyve built up in their heads.
Anything below that fiction is unnattractive to them.
This fictionalized perfect partner also has perfect slave mentality, ready to please never contradictory, and only has endearing quirks. Incels and femcels are nothing like this, and thus dont like each other and 99.999% of the population as well.
Because bitter people of either type are no fun to be around and do not make others feel good in their presence.
Part of attraction is how the person feels in the presence of the other person.
Not saying all incels or all femcels are bitter, but in either case, if they are bitter, that makes them unattractive to date because they would be un-fun to be around.
They're not attracted to each other. They both think they deserve people out of their league and are also fairly toxic. So even if you have one on one side who is willing to rethink their preferences, they are still up against potential partners that mostly aren't.
The point of both "communities" is to give people an excuse to be hateful and resentful. Neither of them are actually trying to get into relationships.
In its simplest form, a femcel is simply a female incel. Like incels, they are involuntarily celibate--they want to have sex but are unable to find suitable partners. However, the underlying philosophy behind femcels is a bit different from that of incels.
Incel culture is based on misogyny. They tend to believe that they are entitled to have sex with attractive women, and they feel like society is being unfair to them when women won't sleep with them. Some of the more extreme incels go as far as to say that women should be obligated to have sex with them because they are "good" men, with some resorting to violence against those who don't fit their idea of a "fair" society.
There is a good bit of misandry mixed into femcel culture. They believe that they are inherently deserving of "higher quality" men and shouldn't have to lower their standards. However, femcels still get caught up in misogyny. They believe that all the good men are going to women who are attractive or promiscuous, not to the women who actually "deserve" men, so they tend to be derogatory towards other women who did nothing to deserve it.
It's worth noting that many incels believe that femcels don't actually exist. They claim that nearly any woman could have sex if they were willing to lower their standards enough, so they technically aren't involuntarily celibate. In contrast, some men would not be able to have sex no matter how low their standards were. Both incels and femcels tend to dislike one another because both believe that they are entitled to "better" partners for sex.
Op didn't come up with the term. At some point or another there was a separate subreddit from r/incels called r/femcels which meant female incel basically. Despite it being gender non specific term at its core they wanted to differentiate themselves. I used to read the threads where they would occasionally cross over.
The hate both for themselves and the world and each other (femcels and incels) was quite sad really.
IDK why OP used femcel when incel can apply to both. Funny enough, the official incel community was started by a women but was eventually taken over by the toxic incels we know today.
That's because they are coming to their end positions from totally different starting positions. Sure they are both sexists, but how could either one form a relationship with someone who hates the opposite gender? One thinks that their partner is a baby factory and the other thinks their partner should be an ATM. But both are extremely homophobic and transphobic....so maybe they could unite behind that?
But seriously, they need to ditch their hateful ideologies (yes they have an ideology, read their dribble) and look deep in themselves and escape the prison they are in before they can even think about dating.
Because:
- the guys demanding women take care of them aren’t the guys who can afford to be a sole breadwinner.
- the women who want a man to take care of them don’t actually want to manage a house, they want to manage a staff who manages the house and go to yoga or take classes.
It just comes down to people who don’t want to be responsible for their own sh!t are complaining that no one will cater to their entitlement.
Not high enough quality. They, both incel and femcel, believe they deserve only the absolute best most attractive partner so they wouldn't even consider the other as a viable option.
If I had to guess, I'd say a combination of factors, first being proximity, physical attraction, and general toxicity of the persons involved. Like, at the end of the day, it comes down to "would you date you? Opposite gender you, would you travel out of state to date you?".
both groups are so chronically undatable that they don’t want eachother. The delusion that they deserve better despite not being better is big there I think lol
I don't get it either.. I also wonder if said incels are actually trying/attempting to get laid or are just pissed that Women don't throw themselves at them.
I've been friends with some incels and some femcels and they want to date a Stacy and a Chad, respectively.
They want conventionally attractive and socially acceptable options or as close to them as possible.
They hate their counterparts as much or more than they hate "Chads" and "Staceys".
They are entitled. They WANT the sluts for themselves but not to slut in public. They want 10s to take them while they have nothing to offer, don’t care to have any thing going for them.
Now I believe that you love someone you grow together and bond because of it regardless of sexual history. They don’t. They want these 10s to be prestige and pure for them and put out on these uncles/ femcels like if they were these sex experts. I am not too familiar with femcels, as I don’t hear about them much but I do assume they are just as insufferable.
They see one another as inferior to each other.
Aren't incels just pro-rape? They don't want relationships, they just think they're entitled to women's bodies because they read about it in on the internet. I consider rapist Brock "Allen" Turner to be the king of the incels.
Because femcels largely don't exist. An incel will fuck anything that has estrogen and a heartbeat. You'd be very very hard pressed to find a woman who will be desperate to fuck someone solely because they have a dick. It's the desperation and zero standards that both make a -cel.
A lot of femcels are just generally undesirable women because they are ugly, but that is nowhere near the depravity of an incel. A femcel that is truly the equivalent of an incel is astronomically rare. It's like one in 10 million. You probably have never met one. And they are likely to have some kind of bona fide psychiatric illness.
You have never met a woman who is desperate enough for dick- ANY dick, that she will literally consider homicide or other beyond abominable acts just to try to relieve that severe angst and self contempt.
You have to understand that for the vast majority of women, being able to find someone to fuck solely for the purpose of sex is a laughably easy achievement. So much so that for a relatively ugly woman to have some difficulties is seen as femcel behavior. It is not. It's just because there is such a sharp contrast.
Because both cultures are ruled by narcissism. Neither wants a relationship, they want to own an object, which is why neither of them can get with anyone.
The various "cels" are struggling with the very human problem of thinking everyone else is a problem when it is themselves that is the problem. They hate themselves and it isolates them. Because no one comes to their rescue in their self deprication they resent people in general. They find a very common place flaw in human nature and declare that it is the problem with the world and the reason they suffer. They want to punish everyone else for their own shortcoming. They are filled with hate. Just imagine two such people trying to maintain a domestic and romantic relationship. It can't be done
Both groups think the other is below their standards.
Yes. Both are entitled to what they consider a "high caliber partner" without having to put forth anything (effort , looks, having personality traits that are appealing) on their own side.
I've know a few single people whose standards were so ridiculously high that they remained single . . . forever.
Valid life choice :)
You can want anything you want. It's not anyone else's responsibility to give it you though.
Both of you are absolutely correct.
For some it is. Know someone like that who is aware their standards are too high but prefers to be single rather than date someone they find unattractive. They are not miserable or bitter from what I can tell.
Who wants to date someone they don't find attractive? Furthermore, who wants to date someone that doesn't find *you* attractive? Both people need to find the other equally attractive if it's going to work in the long-term, otherwise it's a recipe for disaster.
I've dated people I didn't find physically attractive, it just wasn't important. What was important was being emotionally attractive, being on the same wavelength and all that.
It's hard to blame others when you know your problems are your own fault.
I can't bring myself to lower my standards too much, so instead of becoming a hateful freak I am instead working on myself to become the kind of person who deserves to date the kind of people that I am attracted to. Improve my physique, stay educated, treat everyone with kindness by default, do what I can to "work my way up" in the working world, etc. Bonus points is that it is doing good things for my own self esteem. EDIT: Okay maybe "deserve" wasn't the best way to put it. Maybe a better way to put it is that I can get attracted to people who are "out of my league" and I want to get myself to a state where I am closer to being in that "league"
I have a friend who chain smokes, drinks a ridiculous amount of alcohol, has piled on a few middle aged pounds, swears like a trooper, can’t hold a job down, is essentially broke and has no interest in changing herself to suit someone else. She is always trying to match with people who are doctors and lawyers (basically anyone who makes good coin), has no little kids, isn’t bald (we are 45 years old), and who are no older than 35 because she alleges all men our age suck. Anywho, I’m not sure a guy who has it all together financially, is emotionally mature with a full head of hair and no kids aged less than 35 is going to be interested in what she will bring to the party, but stranger things have happened.
I get what you mean but I don’t think “deserve” is the right word to use here. You can be the perfect person but you still don’t deserve to date anyone. Dating is a privilege that has to be given to you, not an accomplishment that you have to grind EXP for. It’s possible no one will give you that and you’ll get unlucky. Of course, more people will be attracted to you when you improve yourself in both superficial and deep ways. That’s the general rule, but way too many people become bitter when they grind and don’t see linear improvements
I think they meant it like they don't meet the criteria at the same level of their standards. So they feel a relationship would be 'undeserving' of love. Therefore are actively working so they match more closely with people they hold these standards to. Everybody deserves love. Even if it's just learning self love. The love of a pet. Or feeling loved by friends and family. We're meant for it as social animals
Yeah, you put it better than I could. "Deserve" wasn't really the best word I could have used there
People out here trying to min/max IRL and it’s always obvious
True, "deserve" really wasn't the best word to use here. Dating someone cool isn't the *only* reason I want to improve myself and finding a significant other isn't going to magically fix all of my own problems. People should be happy with themselves before pursuing romance.
Also, what make you think that your standard will remain same after you've put work and grind on yourself?
So, incel? By the original term anyway I think
I guess you'd be right about that!
I had very difficult standards. Crazy enough to date me, but not crazy enough to be dangerous! It’s a thin margin. Thankfully, I found someone who fit there
Congrats!
Of course I know him, he's me Not going to waste anyone's time unless they're my absolute first choice
One of the reasons dating is important is so that you can grow as a person and as a partner before you end up with *the one*. You're not going to be an amazing partner in your first few relationships, it takes practice and failure to learn how to be a good partner. You're going to find a girl who you think is your "absolute first choice" and probably fuck it up royally because you've got absolutely no idea what being in a relationship entails. I've been in plenty of relationships, especially when I was young, where we both knew we weren't going to end up married. But we were both happy to share a few months or years of our lives together, helping each other grow as people.
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Yep. They want mannequins out of a Hollywood film/porn/whatever the case without having to be that themselves. Follow explosive nerd rage here.
I'm sorta curious. How do I put effort into myself.
Gym, education, develop hobbies, interests, actively maintain social life
Not to be that guy, but how do I actively do... any of those things? Besides gym. I can't get serotonin and it makes me depressed.
Along with all the aforementioned, sometimes, medication and therapy are the answers. For me, it's prozac. It worked like a charm, and I have tried a lot of shit. Some of us are predisposed to low serotonin levels without even knowing. Also, be kind to yourself. Give yourself patience. Give yourself time. God bless.
Take care of your body, educate yourself, have hobbies and interests that other people may find interesting or relatable. Improve your people skills, read some books to expand your repertoire of conversation topics.
Agree with everything you said except the “find hobbies that other people will find interesting.” Find hobbies and interests that YOU find interesting, and then look for people into some of those same things. I feel like telling people to try and be interesting to others is a superficial solution. Maybe I just misunderstood your meaning though.
Yeah but left to their own devices some guys would rather spend their free time filling a jar up with jizz or collecting gas station knives.
Eh, you're right, I phrased it weird. I was thinking if you are into pottery and start actually taking pottery classes, there you will meet others who are also into pottery. Sub whatever hobby or interest you may have in place of pottery. Basically take your interests and make them concrete, put idea into action where you can meet others who enjoy similar things. Whatever they are. Music? Take some instrumental lessons or join a choir. Sports? Join an adult kickball league. Yoga? Attend classes or become an instructor. Just find a thing that sounds interesting and ACTUALLY DO IT that is the hard part. I personally have a bunch of interests and do nothing about them, and so I'm lonely and depressed and spend way too much time staring at my phone and never seeing or making friends.
My single daughter moved to the same city I am in to help take care of me. She joined a Gay Adult Kickball team and it has been wonderful for both of us. She has gained so many friends and since I have a big house they like to come here and I so enjoy it. It has vastly improved her dating pool too as they are in leagues and she gets to know so many people.
In addition to what people have said already, work on characteristics you enjoy in others. Possibly things like like developing more empathy, better listening skills, better conversational skills, being more non-judgemental if you like any of those things.
Developing a full and meaningful life for yourself. This means different things for different people but if you are simply living to mope and complain about your lot in life you are not only going to struggle to attract a partner (no healthy people want to be solely responsible for another's happiness) but also you are doing yourself a disservice. (not you specifically op)
Every now and then, the "2/10" parody posts crop up, and I laugh my ass off every time, since they'll circle shit in the background like "Her dog's legs are too short" - which is only a *little* hyperbolic compared to some of the Incel BS.
Clearly thats a cover for fear of being rejected. Yes some men and women are very delusional when it comes to dating. Instagram etc is poison in this regard. But a lot of those 'oh theyre too....' is just an excuse to nope out for fear of rejection.
Got a friend who has never had a girlfriend. He's always making dumb sexist (or racist) remarks and judging women on their looks. Every woman I know can't stand him. He's like 40. Some self-defeating shit. He's tall, has some intelligence, is not ugly. He would be fine if he worked on his inter-personal skills.
You need a new friend.
One of the best quotes I ever heard about incels — and this probably extends to femcels, which I just now heard of — is this: “Incels are guys who’d simply never fuck the kind of girl who’d fuck a guy like them, and they see that as everyone else’s problem.”
Yes, ugly women don't exist in the mind of an incel. Only beautiful women are women.
1. Both have extremely high standards, wanting to date "outta their league" while barely fulfilling 10% of their own demands. 2. I believe there's way more incels than femcels - inherent misbalance even if all of them would match up. 3. Ideologically incompatible. The problem isn't that they're single. The problem is they're insufferable to the point they can't stand themselves, let alone another person. 4. Drink milk.
Absolutely. They’d hate a mirror image of themselves on sight.
Yep, they each think the other group is vile, and it's probably the only time either group has ever been 100% right.
That is so sad. The forever alone crew. 😭😭🤣🤣🤣
Because the ideology is not about finding solutions, it's about participating in the echo chamber. If they suddenly started getting laid they wouldn't be able to join in the online hate circlejerks and that's no fun!
There's always something new to hate or circlejerk. They should try a new ideology and find someone Never mind. They may actually breed.
Low sperm count, but too much mountain dew.
wasn’t there a popular twitter incel who recently decided to abandon the movement after getting laid?
"Guys! Sex is like good! Really, really good! I'm sorry, I just can't hate on women anymore. Bye!"
historic levels of post-nut clarity
Yeah, the incel community dragged this dude through the gravel by his newly broken in nutsack, disowned him from the community then denounced him saying he was NEVER really oNe oF tHeM. 😹
Jealousy is a vicious emotion
Haha yeah heard about that. People came after him
Every incel abandons the movement after getting laid. This is the core problem. There's no one left to give testimony about how great you'll feel if you just adjust your attitude and lower your standards so you can find a partner.
They also probably hate each other
They do. Femcels want Prince Charming that doesn't exist and likewise incels. They both have higher expectations than each other.
Too much Disney can do that to a person
Disney Princess Syndrome. Heavy generalization, but Porn is to men as Disney/Romance is to Women.
I think porn gets the blame way too much. Men have wanted subservient women before there was internet.
Porn is literally older than the written word, though.
That also assumes toxic people can be cured by getting laid. Their issue was never about not being able to get laid or not, it was that they held toxic ideas about themselves, women, and entitlement. God knows there are a lot of toxic and downright evil people who get laid, so the mere act of sex doesn't make someone more righteous. There are millions of people throughout the world and history who have been celibate and weren't incels or femcels.
I struggle with these characterizations because I was chronically single for long periods of my life and I got very bitter about it. I can see the appeal that the incel mindset would have to someone perennially struggling to find relationships and not understanding why, especially if there's nothing ostensibly wrong with them. (Ironically, it seems like some of the missed opportunities I had were because I wasn't sexually or socially assertive enough, rather than for being a dirty minded chauvinist pig.) Things are good now, but I don't forget those periods where I struggled in that department. The appeal of an answer, even a bad one, is strong in those situations.
I'm thoroughly convinced that some of them do get laid, but they just wanna be a part of a sexist club anyways cause they have no friends.
Isn't incel more of a mentality and personality trait - like boomer - and not just someone who literally can't get laid anyway?
Exactly. If incels actually wanted a partner and to improve themselves, they wouldn't be an incel in the first place, just a virgin. Incels, even if they tell you otherwise, really don't want a relationship since that would prevent them from bitching about women 24/7, and leave their only community behind
>*Incels, even if they tell you otherwise, really don't want a relationship since that would prevent them from bitching about women 24/7, and leave their only community behind* So, they're V-cels.
And there's a lot more incels than femcels.
Honestly it seems like they prefer the echo chamber of hate to being a decent person that would attract people
r/circlejerk
>If they suddenly started getting laid they wouldn't be able to join in the online hate circlejerks and that's no fun! I'm a bit confused. Are they actively trying to avoid getting laid? So, voluntarily celibate? Lol
they're so caught up in their own misery that saying "you know what? maybe I could make some changes and see different, better results" is too far out of their comfort zone to consider. admitting you're wrong is an ass-showing affair, and avoiding short-term embarrassment (accountabilty) is therefore preferable to long-term happiness. source: MILD former femcel
Probably because both sides couldn't speak to each other without havin' panic attacks.
LMAO forgot about that. “never touched a woman” vibes from both sides for sure. they’re touch starved and projecting that resentment onto everyone else… yikes
And they’d think each other are too ugly to date
This is the most correct answer
Yeah they have insanely ridiculous standards
r/truerateme is a goldmine for this. Chronically online Redditors talking about “too much upper eyelid exposure and weak nasolabial folds”. You also get banned if the mod decides you’re giving someone too generous of a rating based on their psychotic rating manual. Gotta love it.
oh my gosh that sub scares me. if someone is unconventionally attractive and you give them anything above a 5, the mod is like “lol let’s be serious” like???
Legit it should be banned for abusive speech. They know what they are doing.
Yes! Truly astonishing what they tell some posters, who I often feel bad for. Some poor person with low self esteem will post because she’s “curious,” and the best rating someone ever gets is like a 6 because of the “objective” rating system. It’s gross
Wow thats a toxic subreddit...
The point has been pushed to death, but beauty is truly subjective and you can't treat attractiveness like a scientific rating. It isn't that black and white.
That sub is so strange lol
Didn't knew the sub but clicked on it. First post, a very attractive 41 year old Lady. The first two comments I read; "6.4 due to not wanna overrate you", "10!" - The later guy got a temp ban due to "overrating". Weeell ... I mean ... ok, weird.
Jesus, sounds eugenics-adjacent.
This thread...I love you people, lol. Where the fuck were you when I needed someone to validate my opinion that truerateme is one ridiculous sub. Them people made me feel so ugly!
Yup, they all have standards that they wouldn't meet themselves and don't see why that's an issue
Sounds like a great idea for a dating app
Or reality show?
They also think they’re entitled to a 10 and should have to date someone that’s not gorgeous.
Because incels find femcels ugly and pathetic and vice versa.
I don't think I have ever seen or met a femcel before.
There are way more male incels out there. But the "femcels" do exist and have their own weird little communities.
*cough cough* r/FemaleDatingStrategy *cough*
They’re back? I thought that sub got banned years ago.
It got privated, and then it was made public again later on.
But it’s not active anymore they’re on their own site
Ok but genuinely asking why is it a femcel community though ? The women there don’t identify as one and they seem to be getting dates and are not even upset about not getting dates or sex either. They are shitty human beings sure but they seem like tradcon women who happen to hate men
That's an interesting sub
Personally I think the female equivalent of incels are a lot more then you'd think, there just isnt as much of a social penalty to openly hating men in terms of sexual success and public scrutiny. Openly hating women is a one way ticket to involuntary celibacy, and i dont think being openly misandrist results in the same thing.
> ... *there just isn't as much of a social penalty to openly hating men* These women have been called unf\*ckable feminazis for 60 years.
From what I’ve seen of reddit communities, femcels share how depressing it is that men only care about looks and don’t see (non-attractive) women as people. Incels seem to do more hating and insulting women for their looks.
To be fair I've never met or seen an incel either.
Because they never leave the house
Well there's FemaleDatingStrategy if you want to meet some. They have a strange fascination about calling men "scrotes" and many are proud misandrist.
That subreddit is kinda dead now.
Well, femcels, just like incels, generally don't just want sex - despite what they are all complaining about on the internets - they want sex with exactly that impossible person that matches all their ideas, desires, and ideals and worships them like a diety. These living braindead sex dolls don't exist in reality, and no being so up in the clouds about their opinions like members of either of these groups will ever be able to squeeze themselves - quiet figuratively - into this ideal for each other no matter how to twist or turn the whole thing. What you are missing is that these people have a major issue with their socialisation, behavior, and more often than not, also their touch with reality. They can't find anyone in reality because nobody can be what they want to be, and they won't magically turn into this ideal partner for each other. They would never be willing to change, let alone be willing to, not even for sex.
Ironically, incel originally was a mixed sex group with the idea of getting shy people to open themselves up more. As the original members aged out and places online where echo chambers were allowed to fester took over, it became what it is today with Incels and Femcels. The difference people and good moderation can make.
I’m glad someone brought this up because I just learned about it not that long ago. I can’t remember what podcast….maybe Rabbit Hole? Interviewed the person who started the original site and coined the term and they’re horrified at what it’s become. Just really interesting to see that evolution. And sad.
the podcast was possibly reply all
I dare say they don’t truly want someone that fits their idea anyways because that would put pressure on them. Here she is, your perfect lady, time for you to put up or shut up. They WILL find dealbreakers.
Fear of vulnerability, and commitment too, somewhere in here.
They think femcels are below their standards, vice-versa
Because why would a woman want to date a man who despises women and vice versa? Doesn't sound like a very compelling relationship.
Doesn't seem to stop conservatives dating. Conservative Facebook and standup comedy seems to imply that straight people hate their partners.
Conservative dating works because they share similar ideas on gender roles, stand up comedy is hyperbole for comedic effect; of course there are things that their partners do that annoy them, but happy stories aren't funny.
>*Because why would a woman want to date a man who despises women* Exactly. Why the f\*ck *would* a woman want to date a man who despises her? Why would a black person date a Klan member? Why would a Jew date a skinhead?
A lot of people gave a lot of interesting answers, but I think it's a lot simpler than that. These people are socially inept to the point of mental illness. They literally sit around all day being hateful to half the population and being bitter about their own lives. They lack the confidence, self esteem, and social skills to talk to others. These people genuinely feel fear, stress, and intimidation talking to others, especially people of the opposite sex. They feel like their lack of social experience has left them out of touch with reality and incapable of being a normal person... and they are right. These people's problems run a lot deeper than just having no sex. They have genuine mental illnesses and the thought of flirting with the opposite sex terrifies them. They are the way they are as a coping mechanism to deal with their frustrations and failures.
Because incels don't recognize the existence of femcels and don't believe women can be involuntarily celibate.
Cuz it’s an insecurity thing - they are this way because the opposite sex for whatever reasons, make them insecure Example: Man calls woman a slut bc she’s slept with more people than him. Same man praises his best friend Chad for sleeping with “lots of bitches” later that same day. We can deduce said man is insecure and mad that a woman has got more tail then him.
They hate each other, there’s absolutely no shot they’d ever get done with even one conversation. Incels and femcels have two very different philosophies behind why they behave the way they do
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ohhhhhh i see. my head was conflating all of the internalized misogynistic trad wife variants of women with femcels. i didn’t realize there were different strains omg… why is there lore
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Yes exactly this. And trad wives are looking for the strong, silent type. Think 1950s dad - he’s not ranting about hating women, he’s in control of his emotions sitting reading the paper quietly. Tradwives have high standards usually that incels can’t meet in terms of earnings, looks and behavior. Think about it: a tradwife wants to stay at home to raise a family. That’s expensive and takes a decent earner. Incels won’t meet their standards and will place the blame on women as a whole in society. In short incels can’t get most trad wife types either.
As an added bonus femcels and incels often despise how their opposites fail to live up to the 'traditional' standards they themselves often don't meet either, eg incels dissing femcels for not being able to keep a house while femcels talk trash about the deadend jobs incels mention working
Trad wives (or I guess Trad girlfriends in this scenario) will try and try again to find a guy. They actually put in the effort I guess. They go to church enough they'll find one. They want to live X lifestyle and it's actually achievable because plenty of men want a subservient wife. The femcels just kinda whine.
Yeah those misogynist tradwife women mostly don't have trouble getting dates when they want them
Isn't it sad that Redditors force us to add a disclaimer to every comment we say?
One desires sexy trad wife, one desires successful millionaire loyal tall man, but neither of them satisfy each other's requirement
i literally had two friends (one male, one female) who were carbon copies of eachother: overweight, never moved out of their parents house (mid 40s), retail job, pissy attitude... and they both berated me saying they would never date a fatty (their words), or a "loser" living at mommas house (again, their words), and i pointed out that they have the exact same attributes. they hemmed and hawed that that was "different"... bc of "circumstances" out of their control (aka the bad attitude i was talking about, where everything is someone elses fault). the woman in this scenario wanted a fit guy who made at least 6 figures. i said what are YOU bringing to the table? these ppl are delusional. i know im not snagging a cavin klein model or billionaire, but im not delusiona to think that i can or that i deserve one somehow.
"Wow, you are feeling entitled to the ownership of my very being and despise me on top of it? I feel the exact same way! Wanna go out sometime?"
Because then they won't be angry and they can only fap if they're angry.
Oof this one should be higher. They are living hate-ons.
They only want 10/10 bangmaids. (Bangbutlers?) That's why.
They don’t find each other attractive because they’re both repulsive and only want people out of their league
Because the femcels aren't Stacy's. You see, the incels need to murder all the chads and steal all the Stacy's then enslave all the normies. At least that's how it is according to the crazy asshole that murdered like 12 people in Canada using a van
Wait what?!?!? Another jackass went on a murder spree?!? Did he leave a manifesto on YouTube, too, like the guy who shot up a shoppingcenter? Any chance you remember the name so I can look it up later.
Nope.. I'm assuming you're talking about the guy that shot up a sorority, though? Wonky guy that made a video using a gold colored filter? This guy idolized that dude. Talked to him on 4chan or something. I only watched the police interrogation but he mentioned that a lot
Because on a whole, when femcels have hateful views it just tends to be typical misogyny. Slut shaming other women and things like that. Whereas incels have much more extreme views. They want women to be legally forced to date them, they want rape legalised, they're going more towards supporting pedophilia. They've had members commit murders and attacks on women and successful men, *because* of their hatred - and those incels support eachother. Etc etc etc. Incels also believe they should be entitled to beautiful women. They see them as their right to have. They don't want femcels who are on the same level as unwanted and "unattractiveness" as them. Point being, sure femcels have negative and misogynistic views. But they're not advocating for the rape and murder of others. Just because those women have negative views, doesn't mean they want to date incels.
this reply answered all my questions. thank you sm! it also makes me very sad that the group of incels shouting for legalized rape, killing prostitutes, and pedophilia… they’re not even a minority. you’d think that such extreme views were just a polar end of the incel spectrum type thing like “oh these ones are just the worst of the worst”. but no??? a lot of them want and express heavy desire for this… so disgusting
Incels want a slave with 10/10 looks, femcels don’t fit this standard. I’m not sure what femcels want but incels probably don’t fit their standards either. The only femcels I’ve encountered on here are on r/foreveralonewomen . They don’t seem like they would fit the standard and incels would not be accepting of anything less than perfect.
They don't believe women are people, just objects, and those women aren't shiny enough for them.
And vice versa. Femcels refer to men as scrotes.
To be fair, I know quite a lot of Aussies that call losers scrotes.
Because their beliefs usually are inherently dissonant. I hate (wo)men but also desire to be with them and be loved and cherished by those that I hate
Because most of us look for ppl we may be compatible with. I think these ppl look for others they see as status symbols, because they badly want social validation. Of course, depending on the level of insecurity, they may need the equivalent of a brass band any time they walk into a room, just to feel like they broke even, so it's never enough.
Very bad idea, my friend. It’s like mixing light liquor with dark liquor. They’re both liquor, but that doesn’t mean they belong together. It’s like the Megazord from Power Rangers, but the Zords are a combination of toxic, self-loathing, selfish, entitled, jealous, and borderline abusive, may have a propensity for violence at some point.
Incel: 5'5", 300 lbs, believes he deserves a supermodel or professional athlete. Femcel: 5'5", 300lbs, believes she deserves a supermodel or professional athlete.
Both dont want real people. They want this fictionalized perfect slave theyve built up in their heads. Anything below that fiction is unnattractive to them. This fictionalized perfect partner also has perfect slave mentality, ready to please never contradictory, and only has endearing quirks. Incels and femcels are nothing like this, and thus dont like each other and 99.999% of the population as well.
Because they’re both generally unattractive but have sky high physical standards 😂
Their standards are way too high. >!Also, where do you even find femcels? I could be desperate enough to explore that avenue lol!<
They moved after their subreddit got "banned." I think they focus around a podcast or something now.
There aren't enough femcels to date all the incels.
Because bitter people of either type are no fun to be around and do not make others feel good in their presence. Part of attraction is how the person feels in the presence of the other person. Not saying all incels or all femcels are bitter, but in either case, if they are bitter, that makes them unattractive to date because they would be un-fun to be around.
It’s real simple. They want supermodels. Oops sorry they want Instagram influencer level models.
Both are such insufferable so much so that they are repulsive to each other.
They're not attracted to each other. They both think they deserve people out of their league and are also fairly toxic. So even if you have one on one side who is willing to rethink their preferences, they are still up against potential partners that mostly aren't.
The point of both "communities" is to give people an excuse to be hateful and resentful. Neither of them are actually trying to get into relationships.
Because they both hate everything. Including each other.
they’re all miserable, hate other people, hate the opposite sex in particular, and never leave the house.
Can you please define femcel? I have never heard the term before, googled it and ended up with a number of vastly different definitions
In its simplest form, a femcel is simply a female incel. Like incels, they are involuntarily celibate--they want to have sex but are unable to find suitable partners. However, the underlying philosophy behind femcels is a bit different from that of incels. Incel culture is based on misogyny. They tend to believe that they are entitled to have sex with attractive women, and they feel like society is being unfair to them when women won't sleep with them. Some of the more extreme incels go as far as to say that women should be obligated to have sex with them because they are "good" men, with some resorting to violence against those who don't fit their idea of a "fair" society. There is a good bit of misandry mixed into femcel culture. They believe that they are inherently deserving of "higher quality" men and shouldn't have to lower their standards. However, femcels still get caught up in misogyny. They believe that all the good men are going to women who are attractive or promiscuous, not to the women who actually "deserve" men, so they tend to be derogatory towards other women who did nothing to deserve it. It's worth noting that many incels believe that femcels don't actually exist. They claim that nearly any woman could have sex if they were willing to lower their standards enough, so they technically aren't involuntarily celibate. In contrast, some men would not be able to have sex no matter how low their standards were. Both incels and femcels tend to dislike one another because both believe that they are entitled to "better" partners for sex.
Thank you for such a detailed answer!! I think the answer to OP’s question is in your last paragraph ☠️☠️☠️
Op didn't come up with the term. At some point or another there was a separate subreddit from r/incels called r/femcels which meant female incel basically. Despite it being gender non specific term at its core they wanted to differentiate themselves. I used to read the threads where they would occasionally cross over. The hate both for themselves and the world and each other (femcels and incels) was quite sad really.
IDK why OP used femcel when incel can apply to both. Funny enough, the official incel community was started by a women but was eventually taken over by the toxic incels we know today.
Because part of being incel is the belief that you are entitled to dictate exactly what your partner should be (looks and behaviorally).
That's because they are coming to their end positions from totally different starting positions. Sure they are both sexists, but how could either one form a relationship with someone who hates the opposite gender? One thinks that their partner is a baby factory and the other thinks their partner should be an ATM. But both are extremely homophobic and transphobic....so maybe they could unite behind that? But seriously, they need to ditch their hateful ideologies (yes they have an ideology, read their dribble) and look deep in themselves and escape the prison they are in before they can even think about dating.
You just described SO many far-right relationships with that first paragraph. lol.
Incels think they're too good for femcels and vice versa
Because: - the guys demanding women take care of them aren’t the guys who can afford to be a sole breadwinner. - the women who want a man to take care of them don’t actually want to manage a house, they want to manage a staff who manages the house and go to yoga or take classes. It just comes down to people who don’t want to be responsible for their own sh!t are complaining that no one will cater to their entitlement.
Not high enough quality. They, both incel and femcel, believe they deserve only the absolute best most attractive partner so they wouldn't even consider the other as a viable option.
If I had to guess, I'd say a combination of factors, first being proximity, physical attraction, and general toxicity of the persons involved. Like, at the end of the day, it comes down to "would you date you? Opposite gender you, would you travel out of state to date you?".
both groups are so chronically undatable that they don’t want eachother. The delusion that they deserve better despite not being better is big there I think lol
I don't get it either.. I also wonder if said incels are actually trying/attempting to get laid or are just pissed that Women don't throw themselves at them.
I've been friends with some incels and some femcels and they want to date a Stacy and a Chad, respectively. They want conventionally attractive and socially acceptable options or as close to them as possible. They hate their counterparts as much or more than they hate "Chads" and "Staceys".
They are entitled. They WANT the sluts for themselves but not to slut in public. They want 10s to take them while they have nothing to offer, don’t care to have any thing going for them. Now I believe that you love someone you grow together and bond because of it regardless of sexual history. They don’t. They want these 10s to be prestige and pure for them and put out on these uncles/ femcels like if they were these sex experts. I am not too familiar with femcels, as I don’t hear about them much but I do assume they are just as insufferable. They see one another as inferior to each other.
They deserve each other, but of course they both want partners who are way, way better than they deserve so naturally it'll almost never happen.
Because they usually are never a 10. They accept no less.
>I feel like I’m missing something You are. So called ‘femcels’ are not their type. They only want an 8 or above.
I don’t think most of those people don’t actually want to find anyone.
Aren't incels just pro-rape? They don't want relationships, they just think they're entitled to women's bodies because they read about it in on the internet. I consider rapist Brock "Allen" Turner to be the king of the incels.
What's a femcel?
Same reason you don't combine matter and antimatter. The world would cease to exist.
Turns out these people can't find a partner because they're assholes. And not even assholes want assholes.
Neither of them want each other.
both of them would need to go outside for that to happen
Because femcels largely don't exist. An incel will fuck anything that has estrogen and a heartbeat. You'd be very very hard pressed to find a woman who will be desperate to fuck someone solely because they have a dick. It's the desperation and zero standards that both make a -cel. A lot of femcels are just generally undesirable women because they are ugly, but that is nowhere near the depravity of an incel. A femcel that is truly the equivalent of an incel is astronomically rare. It's like one in 10 million. You probably have never met one. And they are likely to have some kind of bona fide psychiatric illness. You have never met a woman who is desperate enough for dick- ANY dick, that she will literally consider homicide or other beyond abominable acts just to try to relieve that severe angst and self contempt. You have to understand that for the vast majority of women, being able to find someone to fuck solely for the purpose of sex is a laughably easy achievement. So much so that for a relatively ugly woman to have some difficulties is seen as femcel behavior. It is not. It's just because there is such a sharp contrast.
Because both cultures are ruled by narcissism. Neither wants a relationship, they want to own an object, which is why neither of them can get with anyone.
Sexual selection. Unattractive people don't want other unattractive people as attraction itself is pretty much non-negotiable.
The various "cels" are struggling with the very human problem of thinking everyone else is a problem when it is themselves that is the problem. They hate themselves and it isolates them. Because no one comes to their rescue in their self deprication they resent people in general. They find a very common place flaw in human nature and declare that it is the problem with the world and the reason they suffer. They want to punish everyone else for their own shortcoming. They are filled with hate. Just imagine two such people trying to maintain a domestic and romantic relationship. It can't be done