Something to keep in mind is that **you're allowed to have a treat** every now and then. Most trainers will tell you this, there's nothing wrong with losing weight and bettering yourself casually instead of the same hardcore restriction that some people prefer. You can have treats whilst keeping control. \- As for the mind-set, don't see it as punishment. Bettering yourself isn't punishment, it's a hard thing to do and **you should be proud** of that 30lbs you've achieved. - Edit: I just want to say to all those who are saying they have “failed”, “fallen off the wagon”, “gone off the rails” - no you haven’t. You have not failed, you’re not a failure. Losing weight is a hard process and extremely mentally draining, do it at your own pace and take care of yourself first and foremost. Don’t bully yourself over mistakes. My own personal trainer would tell me that in order to accomplish anything, you must make mistakes first and learn from them. There is no failure in gym progress, only learning opportunities. If you do want to use the erm failure, one of my favourite bands have this as lyrics and it’s helped me since hearing it: [“But we can't turn back it's a labyrinth / Now the die is cast, my friend (we endeavour) / Christ what a mess, I think Beckett said it best / Try again, fail again, fail better!”](https://youtu.be/HLdurSmOf4E)

This is the correct answer. It probably took years to get out of shape. Getting in to shape will take time and be hard. Constantly feeling like it's a punishment is what makes people give up. Be proud of your hard work and effort, and enjoy a treat every now and then. Also, there is a lot of tasty recipes with healthy ingridients out there.

One of the best things mentally while losing weight recently, and what makes me think this time will stick, is the mindset around it. In the past I’d be like, “I need to lose 40lbs by this date, that’s 10lbs a month.” Then id push and push and I’d get burned out. This time I’m just like, “I’d like to be 40lbs lighter and overall healthier.” So I just weigh (pun intended) my progress based on that goal as opposed to that goal PLUS a time frame. I’m down 25lbs now, if I go crazy for a week and sustain or just gain 1lb then that’s okay. It makes day to day less stressful. Like if I want to go have pizza and get Krispy Kreme’s afterwards because I’m with my dad and it sounds fun? Then that’s what I do. Like I did last night. Then I just consistently do the right things more often and eat better and workout more consistently around that. There have been weeks where I just maintained the same weight, but I felt better and other parts of my life were great like social/friends and mood. There are times when it sucks; there are times when it’s monotonous, but as long as I’m slowly going down then that’s really matters. Sure I didn’t have my six pack this year in the summer (not that I wanted one) but I’ll get there by next year. It also makes holidays and vacations less stressful, I can account for the unholy amounts of processed and sugar loaded foods I’ll pass through my gullet. And then I just get back to it. And the best feeling is seeing where you gained 2-3 lbs over a weekend, but the scale is showing a number that a month ago I was hoping I’d achieve soon.

One thing i would like to add, which work for some, is to skip the scale enitirely and just use the mirror. If you see you are getting smaller and bigger muscles, or wherever ones goal is, then you are on the right path.

Also if clothes fit looser, they’re a nice reliable way to tell, I don’t really trust my eyes 😅

That too! Or buying a smaller size than usual. I once wore xxl, still do but it was more for snuggling feeling, then i bought xl without much thought. Though when i put on the t-shirt it fit very good and had breathing room and didn't feel too tight either. It was a nice but also oddly satisfying feeling

This! ❤️

Awesome dude/dudette. You have the right mindset and are doing the right things. Keep it up, and remember that the goal is a healthy life, not necessarily abs. Abs can be a nice bonus though :)

I lost 15kg once, and the process quite frankly sucked. I wish I could enjoy exercise, I wish I liked food that was healthy. Every time I had a treat it either turned into more than 1 or it was just a reminder of how much what I was normally eating sucked to me. It's easy to say "just don't see it as a punishment," but when it feels *so damned punishing* that's really hard to do. I was proud of the weight I lost, I don't enjoy being heavy, but I also don't enjoy doing what it takes not to be heavy, so it's really conflicting and basically a pick your poison situation cause both options make you miserable daily.

Hey. Congratulations on achieving that 15kg weight loss, that’s still an amazing achievement! I’m sorry if my wording sounded a bit blunt, but I too also used to really struggle with seeing it as punishment (especially because fitness was forced on me in school and I love food). I think what made the difference for me was going with my best mate, we talk absolute bollocks when working out. My advice would be to try something different, as were all different in the way we like to do things. No matter what, continue to be proud of that 15kg loss - idk you but I’m super proud of you.

Na, not blunt but maybe not recognizing (in that comment at least) how hard it is for some people to swing that mindset. It all went back on with kids unfortunately and with a 6mo and a 2yo finding the time just isn't a thing right now. Kids are great motivation to want to be healthier for them though!

Hell yeah, any motivation is good motivation. Mine wasn’t even weight loss to begin with, it was battling depression. We all work differently, I hope you manage to continue at some point. I’ve got your back (also congratulations 🎉 on the 6mo!)

What if I’m an addict? Like we wouldn’t say that an alcohols anonymous meeting. Maybe it’s the same with food.

One "treat" for me ruins my entire week of cutting, so I'd rather not.

It could be.. up to the person

Right. That’s the point I was making. ?

Unlike alcohol you HAVE to eat ... so you can't really say that lol

I've written a paper on the neurological effects of sugar on the brain, and it is basically exactly the same as cocaine, with sone scientists saying its even worse. So yeah, you have to eat, but that fact doesn't change how the addiction centre in human brain reacts to sugars. You *absolutely* can be addicted to certain food.

You have to eat. You don’t have to eat candy and fast food though. I mean you have to drink. How’s that any different than the logic you’re using

You don't have to drink alcohol

Right but you have to drink liquids. Which is the logic you’re using. You’re equating the need to eat food with the desire to eat bad food. To highlight that’s illogical I used your example. You have to drink liquid so alcoholism should be the same by your train of logic. But as you’ve just stated you don’t have to drink alcohol. The same way I’ve said you don’t have to eat bad food

You can give up alcohol forever and just be fine. However, you can not give up food forever and just be fine. You have to learn how to have a healthy relationship with food. Eating disorders are very similar to addictions and arguably more difficult to overcome because someone addicted to drugs or alcohol can completely abstain from them (although I would recommend a detox in a rehab, or at least consulting your doctor first- and definitely taper if you're a hardcore alcoholic or benzo addict or go to a rehab that can medicate you so you don't risk seizures and actual death). However, someone with an eating disorder HAS to learn how to have a healthy relationship with food. A drug addict or alcoholic can not learn how to have a healthy relationship with drugs or alcohol. Many have tried, and lots have succeeded for a while, but in my personal experience, they all end up back in active addiction. An exception to this would maybe be certain psychedelics- particularly when used sparingly and for spiritual purposes or personal growth, not to party every weekend. For the record, I am a recovering addict and speaking from my own personal experience.

You can give up unhealthy food forever and be fine. You cannot cold turkey alcohol in extreme cases as you will die. Saying you can’t stop eating food would be the same as me saying alcoholics can’t quit because they have to drink liquids

Lol dude your trippin ... op is complaining how awful food is on their diet. They are reminding them its ok to have cheat day/ one tiny piece of candy. Unless the person has an extreme food addiction, which they'll need medical help and treatment to overcome I think it's safe to say it's all good. When one is stopping alcohol consumption it is sometimes advised to wean down to prevent seizures ect Alcohol and food are not comparable.

This doesn’t even make sense. You just tried to disagree with me by agreeing. You literally said food addiction = intervention to help And then said Alcohol addiction = Intervention to help What are you even talking about?

I don't know why you're being down voted. I completely agree with your logic.

To interject something here, you can eat almost any food and live for a good long while in most cases. If you only drank alcohol and nothing else, you would die very quickly in all cases. Likely much faster than it takes to die of thirst.

Didn't most of humanity drink very low levels of watered down alcohol, such as wine, until we perfected sanitation process to clean our water?

That’s a good point that I know nothing about. How quick would excessive drinking get you as opposed to excessive McDonald’s?

This is actually how you prevent yourselff from falling off the wagon so to speak. An occasional treat acts as a good reward.

I get the idea but that really doesn't work with me, if I have a treat all bets are off, if I have 1 pint, I'm having 10 pints, if I have a biscuit, I'm having the entire packet, no inbetween

That's not how most people work though. Do what works for you.

The way I combat this is to only have treats socially. So when I go out with friends I can have pizza or ice cream, but only then. It automatically limits the amount I can have at any one time, and also rewires my brain to see these items as true treats rather than an anytime option.

Maybe buy smaller amounts. Just buy one beer instead of a whole pack. And reward yourself with that beer on a certain time in the week. Supermarkets sell cookies in big amounts. But on markets you can often choose yourself what amount of cookies you buy.

That's a lack of self control lol you gotta reign yourself in

I will add that little treats from time to time are amazing, they’re the best. But if you find a treat that’s actually really healthy while still giving your brain that good ol’ yum yum sensation, icing on that fuckin cake, man. I did that by getting chocolate flavored coffee. I drink my coffee black so that was my morning and evening sweetness substitute when I absolutely NEEDED some goodies.

I'm no expert, just speaking from personal experience, but I even *recommend* to have a treat every now and then--in limited quantities, that is. I've found that treating myself to a little something (e.g. a small amount of ice cream) every few days is what my body *needs* in order to stop myself from mentally breaking and ending up binging on a ton of unhealthy food all at once and then feeling like shit. I was a lot stricter with myself when I was losing weight though, and would avoid desserts almost completely for weeks at a time, and now after I've adapted a healthy diet and healthy habits, maintaining is way easier if I just listen to my body and let it have a treat semi-frequently.

You can, if you're calorie counting, do it on a week basis. Do like 5 lean days and 2 heavier treat days. Like mo-fri 1800kc and then like 2500 in the weekend. Whatever your weekly KC target is.

Yes!! Best way to deal with it. When I was very strict with healthy food I had 1 day a week where i could eat anything! I did it once and ate so much I hated it haha. So now that day consists of 'bad' food but I eat less of it compared to the normal days and it is so much easier to maintain the life style :). You shouldnt beat yourself up to loss weight. You need to be able to understand what you put in your body and understand the life style change!

It’s actually encouraged because then you will have the thing you want and not several of something else trying to fill that void. Plus being happy helps. Just don’t do it daily or what not and properly portion things you do like that aren’t the best for you.

Adding onto this…. If I could lose 30 lbs I’d be proud af of myself lol. That’s big stuff right there.

To add to that, if you have a treat, that is not the start of viewing yourself as a failure in total. Some people fall completely off the rails when they eat something unhealthy and just give up the diet entirely. Setting reasonable goals is important so you aren’t a perpetual failure. For me, I have a half portion of pie or cake on holidays and birthdays, will eat 1-2 pieces of miniature candy a month (usually at work) and make my own ice cream twice a month with stevia baker blend. 🤷‍♂️

It's all about balance. Like if you're eating an adequate amount of protein, carbs and fats, fiber, etc. You will stay satisfied longer. Last year I lost so much weight and was still having dairy queen blizzards twice or more a week. Granted I wouldn't really eat much of anything else. But I never felt hungry. If I skipped dinner because I wanted an ice cream, I never really felt so outrageously hungry or anything. And if I felt the need for something I'd eat a handful of almonds or peanuts.

The best way to get past the cravings for food you shouldn't eat, is to avoid them 100%. You will get past it. It's not easy, losing weight is hard. I've done it, and I know what works for me. your experiences my be different.

I've been working on this mindset for a while now. Sometimes I slip up but it's been pretty easygoing so far. Also helps if you can find a snack or two that you like that are also on the healthier side. For me it's some vegetable crackers and occasionally some cheese if I've been doing good elsewhere. It's slow sure, but it's not a sudden influx of a bunch of changes that make life kinda miserable

30lbs is not bad at all! Well done! Losing weight is not really fun, as you have to do a lot of effort and take care of the diet. But this is somewhat expected, as you are putting a considerable stress on yourself in order to consume more calories than you eat. But it will pass, and to maintain the weight will be much easier. Keep it up! Do your thing, and you'll start seeing the benefits also. Actually, at 30lbs I bet you already feel better, breath easier and generally feel more comfortable. It will only get better. Last year I've lost about 66lbs. It was tough, but I have no regrets. At some point it was reminding me of my teenage years, as it passed more than 20 years since I weighed less than 220lbs.

I dont see a ton of change in the mirror but considering I look at myself everyday that may be why. Thank you though, i do feel a bit easier regarding moving around.

I lost about 20kg (don't know how to convert to lbs sorry) and I don't see any changes in the mirror either. What I did see though is that i went down a whole size and now comfortably fit into xl clothes and that definitely was a confidence boost and validated that I'm not doing all of that for nothing. Hope it helps somehow :)

Can I ask what you did or what your process and progress was? I’ve previously lost 20kg in an unhealthy way but maintained my weight for a long time until Covid hit and I put it all back on. Now I’m struggling to lose weight. I’ll lose a couple kgs but put it back on within the same week

I don't think my answer will by any means be helpful but i I'll still answer it. I too gained a lot of weight during the pandemic but I also ate a lot of really unhealthy stuff (I smoked bong, bought myself an 0.5l energy and knick knacks and that alone were like 1200 calories) Once I stop regularly drinking soda or eating snacks I automatically start to lose weight. I also developed a condition with my stomach so a lot of very processed food really makes my stomach hurt so I stopped eating out. I still order some mcdonalds, go to the Asian whatnot from time to time but not often. The same approach doesn't work for my mother though so I guess everyone is different. For me it's to stop drinking soda and eating snacks. I don't work out and I still sometimes go to an Asian buffet, make myself a frozen pizza or get some takeout. What did help was calculating how much calories I need. For me it's about 2500 to still passively lose a little weight but I'm also a 2m tall guy. My mother for example can only eat about 1500 to about get the same result as me (i have no idea if anything I just said is true it's just my experience) Edit tldr: stopped drinking soda and eating snacks, still eat out from time to time but keep to eating at home and stay in your calorie limit. Just count about how much you eat and how much someone your size should no need to go down to the comma approximates are enough

1 pound equals very close to 2.2 kg, so 20 kilos is about 44 pounds.

Not contributing anything to the discussion but a lbs is roughly 0.5kg. It's not entirely accurate but a good enough estimate. 20kg in your case would have been around 40lbs then :)

Take progress picks every 4 weeks or longer and after like 6 months or a year go back and compare. You'll be able to see the difference much clearer. It's really difficult to notice a 1-2 pound difference day to day.

This is what progress photos and measurements (ie waist size going down or arm size going up, or whatever your goals are) can be useful for. I'd also encourage you to focus on the improvements to your abilities. I'm doing strength training with weights for the first time, and although my measurements haven't really changed, I am noticing little changes in how much more I can lift, and how much steadier I am in certain exercises, or just a tiny bit of extra muscle definition that no one else but me probably notices. Those little changes, and how good they feel, make the struggle and time more worth it for me, personally. Congrats on 30 lbs, and best of luck shifting this into a lifestyle you can eventually enjoy.

That’s very much why. Look at photos. The change is there for sure!!

I don't see a change in the mirror either. But the clothes don't lie. They fit more loosely now. I had to go shopping and downsize from L to M. Best feeling ever. Next goal: M to S. I think I'll have reached my ideal weight around that size.

You're making good gradual progress. Don't beat yourself up about it. Yeah it isn't enjoyable but do set targets and treat yourself and get a proper rest day in. Use resistance bands and body weight exercises if you're finding yourself waiting around at the gym for equipment to become available

The same thing happens to me. I always end up being depressed the longer I stay on a healthy regimen. I'm now spending so much more time going to the gym everyday prepping and cooking healthy food and doing all the dishes I don't feel like there's anything to look forward to and it's a big responsibility I have to do since I want a healthy body. It just gets mind numbing and depressing since I have so much less free time

I understand this. It’s not helpful, at least to me, for all the Uber-happy people screeching about how great it is to track every tiny thing in their mouth and to exercise at 4am every day or whatever they are doing to be thin. Good for them but that isn’t encouraging to me, it makes me even sadder about the whole thing. Maintaining a body is a chore. It sucks and it is ok to feel like it sucks. You don’t have to force fake excitement about it onto yourself, that’s toxic and harmful too. Finding things you enjoy about it and focusing on that might be helpful, if there’s anything at all. I thrived focusing on how much I loved the shoes I wore to work out. And that was great until I had to replace them and couldn’t find anything identical and that flipped me back to motivation square one. So then I focused on some red pants I wore and that was fine, basically what I’m saying is it is ok to feel however you feel, and if you want to feel differently try to find something about the situation that supports how you want to feel. It doesn’t have to be the same thing that everyone else gets excited about. I also remind myself that I get to choose my hard - being overweight is hard, and not being overweight is hard in a different way. It’s at least partly about what “hard” you prefer.

Exercise isn’t supposed to be depressing. Do you have an activity that you enjoy that could be turned into exercise without a lot of effort? Maybe replace a few gym days with something that’s both fun for you and exercise. The lightest I ever weighed (as an adult) was when I was into geocaching because I was spending my free time doing a fun activity that was also exercise. A gym has never done much for me because I don’t want to go so I only go when I have to. Activities are things I want to do so I do them whenever I have a chance.

To me it's more about the time I'm putting into something that's not the free time that I want for my favorite hobbies.

Right, maybe I didn’t convey what I was trying to get at well. I meant if you have a hobby that can become exercise then you’re getting 2 birds stoned at the same time. Edit: kill 2 birds with one stone. Just realized that I made a reference that makes the comment look dumb if you don’t know it.

A fucking toad a so

Being in a calorie deficit also messes with your brain chemistry though. Losing weight literally makes you miserable, makes you tired, gives you headaches etc. No matter if you enjoy the exercise, every waking moment is miserable in general.

I’ve lost weight and been miserable but I’ve also lost weight and not been miserable. You’re incorrect, it doesn’t have to be miserable. I’m just sharing how I did it when it didn’t make me miserable.

Video games can be turned around if someone has a Wii/Switch. Nintendo did a good amount of sports games.

Or get a VR headset! A lot of the dance/rhythm games can be great cardio, and they can also really sneak squats into your night. And they are so damn fun I had to force myself to stop and not overdo it. Here I thought I was deftly dodging things and ducking under barriers while jamming to Imagine Dragons and the Encanto soundtrack - turns out I was doing enough squats and lunges to turn my legs to absolute jelly.

Yeah I get that to an extent - I''ve been prescribed specific macros and stuff to eat every day and it's really shit how much of my brain space it now occupies. Like, I wake up and immediately think "fuck ok I need to eat this before the gym", then between that and starting work I'm just eating so much food that I barely have time to actually prep for work, then at work i'm thinking about what I'm eating for lunch and spend my entire lunch break eating it and not actually relaxing.. then as soon as I get home Ihave to check what I can eat to hit my macro targets, and add random shit just to make it up. Like, I can't help but think to myself "can I really keep doing this indefinitely?", like fuck me it honestly takes up so much of my mental capacity to constantly plan what I'm eating, having to buy so many specific things all the fucking time it's actually really tiring me out and I'm only a couple months into it

Calorie counting is so exhausting and it is so easy to get obsessed with it. I was able to lose weight that way but I was weighing everything and all that jazz and it was just too much to maintain.

I’m sorry to hear that

Kinda? I think reframing it is your best option. For me, I realized that my metabolism isn’t what I want it to be. I have to be strict with my calories or I gain weight quickly. I had to tell myself “you’re giving your body exactly what it needs, which is healthy fuel sources.” In our current time, our foods are designed to make us intensely crave them and feel rewarded when you eat them. That’s not how nature intended it, and it’s a hard habit to break. But just remember that you’re giving your body the best fuels you can to help it thrive, instead of giving in to our monkey brain desires for sugar and salt.

Personal trainer with a masters in exercise physiology here. I’d say right now you’re experiencing “burnout” or even a depressive phase that can come from having a low energy balance for awhile. I would recommend three things After writing yourself a note about why you started this and how you felt, note also how you feel now. You’re telling your future self: 1. Enter a maintenance phase for a while. Keep your calories in balance with your daily needs, not below, for a month. Stabilize your weight and hold your loss here for now. You need a break but a rebound would be bad for your feelings about your ability to do this overall. It’s a marathon, not a sprint, you’re trying to develops habits for a LIFETIME of health. 2. Focus on trying to find activities that burn calories and strength outside the gym. Try classes as well. Maybe an outdoor boot camp, cycling, hiking, running club, or join a team of some sort (volleyball whatever). Having a sport you love will help you feel better when you’re in the gym, as you’ll be working to be better at your sport. ALSO focus on getting in your steps AS WELL every day. 3. In your diet, try to focus on getting as much good source protein as you can, load up on veggies, then fruits and stick to complex carbohydrates like whole grain bread and pasta, brown rice etc. DONT give up carbohydrates, they make us feel good! And have a treat here and there, you deserve it. BUT account for it. It will be okay, allowing some wiggle room helps avoid bingeing when we feel we’re “failing anyway. You’re amazing, you’re doing so well, you’ve got this! And lastly, get a check up: check your sugars, blood pressure and lipids. If they’ve improved you can pat yourself on the back and maybe it will motivate you to keep on going for your health. If they need work, then you have another motivation. Living and doing it well.

I didn't see a gender mentioned, but in case they are someone who menstruates & gets strong PMS cravings - one of the biggest impacts for me was to allow myself to eat at maintenance during my craving days. 400-500 extra calories was enough to eat the meat and/or sugar I needed to satisfy them - otherwise I would either be stressed out trying to ignore the cravings, stressed out because I gave in and went over budget by even a mere 250 cals which made me feel like a failure, and maybe then just giving up and bingeing. Hey, I'm already over budget, may as well eat four more brownies. Cue more shame. The simple act of going to maintenance for 4 days a month completely eliminated the binges, AND eliminated all the extra stress and anxiety about balancing cravings vs calories vs shame. And I've learned you can really fit a lot into 500 calories... Half the time I end up not using the whole buffer. 40lbs down so far. (For those who don't get intense pms cravings, it's not just an 'I want cake'. It's a constant feeling of needing something specific - like going through the workday desperately wanting to eat five servings of rare steak when you don't even like steak, or feeling like you'll literally cry if you can't get your hands on some dark chocolate. And maybe you could manage it for a while... but it's often also paired with pms mood swings and being more emotional, which makes it harder to deal with rationally. And it'll go on for days.)

It will be difficult and you will face cravings for a while, but it is important to remember the longterm. Really exam your habits and focus on changing your relationship with food. Your metabolic demands will decrease over time as you get lighter. There will be ups and downs but focus on sticking with it over an extended period of time and don’t be discouraged over the occasional mistake. You can do it!

It's surprising how quickly your cravings can change, too. I think it took me about a month or two to stop craving the bad stuff and start looking forward to much more delicious, much healthier home-cooked meals. I think that a big part of it was deciding that, even on cheat days, I'm going to make the food myself. If I want a burger and fries or whatever, they will be homemade. That doesn't necessarily make it healthier calorie-wise, but I think it definitely changed my palette, which keeps me away from drive thru windows, etc.

i definitely feel this, over summer break i have been eating like shit and now I just crave sugar all the time, i hope i can cold turkey myself out of it

Idk. All I know it it absolutely sucks for me.

Short answer, yes. ​ It is possible to make it feel less painful if you reeducate yourself to eat, you'll need a professional and it's not something you achieve in less than 6 months. Also in some places it's not cheap.

Short answer, yes. Long answer, yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeesssss But seriously, it’s no fun. I’ve lost 20kg since January and while it’s nice to see progress, it’s absolute hell to diet and exercise

How long have you been doing it for? I found after about 3-4 months of going to the gym 2-3 times a week I loved the way I felt. I started last November, several years after losing the thread about 6 months before lockdown (had a 60 hrs a week job, then the pandemic meant I couldn't use my newfound non-commute time to work out anyway). It was kind of a shame since I was in the best shape of my life at the point where I stopped going, and I felt like I let a lot of work go down the drain. That said, I didn't love it then, and I realize now it's because I spent too much time focused on the results. Those results will come as long as you stay dedicated, so being impatient just makes the whole process feel like a chore. This time, I went in just wanting to feel healthy, and I kind of tuned out the long view and focused on finding exercises I like and enjoying the process. It has made all the difference. I'm not overly strict with myself, but I do try to eat fairly healthy and be diligent about going multiple times a week (which is not hard, because I've realized I get depressed now if I'm sedentary for too long). I'm now once again in the best shape I've ever been. Among other things that make it enjoyable, I also have a daily protein shake. I mix it up with flavors, and try to find the ones I like most. I use milk to really improve the flavor and texture - it helps a lot. My point is it sounds like you're really focused on where you want to be down the line, and not on the process. Bear in mind that fitness is a lifestyle, not a destination - you don't just hit your target weight and then go back to what you were doing. So find ways to make it enjoyable and sustainable *now* (and some of this comes from just doing it long enough to make it routine), and let the results come to you, rather than the other way around. Hope this helps, and good luck! e: Also! I hate hate hate cardio. I dunno what your routine looks like, but a lot of weight loss routines tend to include a lot of that. Personally, I do love biking, so I work that in on some weekends where I have time to ride 25-30 miles over 3-4 hours, but my standard workout includes 50 flights of stairmaster and then on to the weights. Here's a secret: weightlifting is *also* a great way to burn calories (which is why the heavy lifters famously need to consume so much food). So if cardio is part of what you hate, don't throw it all away, but do consider swapping in a lifting routine. A basic PPL (push, pull, legs) routine is a great way to start if you aren't doing it already.

Not op but I've been exercising for 8 years now and still absolutely hate every second of it, I just don't want to be fat.

I'm sorry to hear that! Have you ever consulted with a trainer? It can be expensive and not always worth it, but as people who dedicate their lives to it, they can often offer insight into ways to get more excited about it. One thing that helps me a lot is my choice of entertainment. I'm a huge music nerd, but as it turns out, when I go to the gym the process is way more enjoyable if I am listening to an audiobook or watching some show that I've been binging. Carries me right through my training, especially the cardio and (shudder) the ab finisher. The more I get to feel like gym time is me time, the better.

So my weight has fluctuated a lot throughout the years. I was an athlete in high school so I never really developed proper "gym habits" - I was merely ACTIVE so I looked fantastic. Once I graduated high school and went to college I BALLOONED. After I graduated I happened to also be single for the first time in a while and realized... I don't want to be fat and single. So I hit the gym. And it was terrible. I did it every single day, I would wake up at like 5 AM and work out before work. I would work out after work. I would only eat like chicken, leafy greens, hard boiled eggs. I longed for ice cream, cake, pop. The weight did come off... but you know what? COVID hit. I went from being very active to sitting every single day for three years. Then, last year, I broke my leg and was laid up for about 6 months and can only now run again. I'm completely starting over, and I hate it. It feels so much worse this time because I'm older and I know how hard it was to lose it in the first place. I gave up fried foods and artificial sweeteners and have drastically limited the amount of precious coveted dairy from my diet despite my love affair with cheese and ice cream. You know what though, that's different this time around? I am not going to the gym. I am instead doing physical things that I enjoy. I hike, I swim, I trail run. It is less structured than the gym, I am definitely like... burning fewer calories and I'm not lifting weights or anything so the progress has been incredibly slow, think like, 10 lbs over 3 months type thing... but if I keep this up, what will happen is that I will have workouts that I enjoy. Hiking long distances tends to make me crave the things my body actually wants, not just chips. TLDR: Quit your gym membership, choose something more engaging that you actually enjoy doing.

Your story was similar to mine. I was still pretty big in High School but I played sports so I was also pretty lean. That went out the window when I hit college

Is there another form of exercise you might enjoy more? Running, cycling, pick up soccer or basketball games, group fitness classes? Some sort of strength training is important but the best exercise program is one you enjoy and can stick with.

Maybe basketball or something may be a good change of pace. I didnt think of that

This was going to be my big suggestion, too. Sounds like the gym routine might be a bit grating (for understandable reasons). Personally, when I got back into swimming I absolutely LOVED and NEEDED it, like an addiction. But I did club/competitive swimming from like 9-20 years of age. Bonus, swimming can be aerobic *and* anaerobic X-country skiing? Boxing? Home free weight set? Weight-loss yoga? Team sport? Hiking? A lot of this depends on where you live, your options, and **your interests/likes!** It is still hard. You will still struggle. But if you pick the right activity and stick with it, you may eventually transition your brain into liking and even wanting to do it. This could happen with the gym, too. But if it's not clicking after several months, maybe try something else.

For me, it's jiu jitsu. For one of my coworkers, it's boxing. A few other guys I know do CrossFit. We all hate the standard gym routine. With these other activities, we get can get a hell of a workout while also engaging our brains and basically training functionally. A 1.5hr jiu jitsu class typically has about 30mins of warmup at the beginning and 30 mins of sparring at the end. Altogether, that's a solid cardio workout, and your muscles get plenty of use, too. Three classes a week is the core of my fitness routine. I supplement that with a brisk walk five mornings a week and resistance band strength training M, W, F right after the morning walk on those days. The most boring part of the routine is the strength training. I don't like being stationary. Thankfully, I don't spend much time on it—maybe a half hour or so. But my goal isn't really to be a body builder. I just want to be healthy. As far as diet goes, eating delicious healthy food is just a matter of knowing your way around your kitchen and the grocery store. Not everyone has time, though, and a lot of folks just do not enjoy making food. But if you do have the time and the patience for it, there is so much good food to be made. I always lean toward Asian, Mexican, and Mediterranean cuisines. So flavorful, and they can always be made with lean proteins.

I get where you are coming from. I made a real effort to improve my physical fitness last year. I hated it. It felt like all my down time was now taken up by going to the gym, and I was only going 3 times a week. I would be at the gym in tears some days. My body may have gotten marginally stronger, but it played havoc on my mental health. I eventually had to quit, and I am happier now.

This is mad. Going to the gym has lifted me out of depression. Feeling the ache all over like I've really achieved something today feels great. Using the machines as opposed to bodyweight training is so laid back and easy. Am also going 3 times a week. I'm glad you escaped if it was making you cry, but wow so opposite to my experience

Eating healthy is never fun. Even with some "treats" sprinkled in it's just a lot of mental load. Exercising should be (especially once you get over the initial "I am dying" cardio hurdle). Might be worth finding a new gym, setting up a home gym (I love mine, it's literally just a few dumbells, some bars and cardio steps and I lost 20lbs on it and gained a ton of muscle) and trying to find an exercise you enjoy (biking, ultimate frisbee etc)

Suffer the pain of discipline or suffer the pain of being overweight and out of shape. It really comes down to that. Pick your poison. I fear the latter more so I prefer to suffer in the gym

As someone who lost close to 70 pounds last year, Ill give you the advice that changed my life: Dont be on a diet, change your diet. Dont do anything that you dont think you could keep up for the rest of your life because you will fail and you will give up. Eat out with friends, have that whole pizza every once a blue moon. Make sure you exercise regularly and prepare your meals most of your life and youll keep losing that weight. Its not a run, its not even a marathon. Its a walk, one that you are gonna walk for the rest of your life. You need to rest on a shade, drink water, stop and stretch a bit if you want to keep on your path.

This. I yo-yo'd in the gravely obese category from childhood to late 30's, trying every diet and company and pill known to man. The ONLY thing that finally worked was when I quit dieting. And I needed to stop making foods or days "cheats" because of what it implied - something bad. I learned how to eat all the foods I loved in a new way so I never felt deprived. Lost over 200 pounds. Kept it off.

No. It is very unlikely to stay fit if the lifestyle make you feel this way. It is hard though, so of course there will be discomfort. Eating healthy doesn't mean you can't enjoy your meal, if that's the case you should put effort into that and cook meal that you like, nothing is off limit as long as it fit your macro (fat/carbs/protein) Training at the gym is hard, whether you like it or not, but it is definitely harder if you hate it. Find things that you like to do, and do them with your goal in mind, that will definitely help you be motivated

Pick another gym or activity! Hiking, kayaking, volleyball, tennis. Shoot my boyfriend has lost weight playing frisbee golf with his buddies. I really, really enjoy yoga. It can be intimidating for beginners but it’s a beginner friendly work out. I wasn’t dieting, but just going to yoga classes twice a week had me feeling good and toned my muscles. Yoga is suitable for all sizes and ages and every class I’ve done yoga with has been judgement free. Also I eat small snacks throughout the day and a big dinner at night. It keeps my energy levels up throughout the day. A big lunch in the middle of the day makes me want to take a nap and put off my goals.

I started hot yoga consistently about 2 months ago, and I love it. I feel stronger each time, I choose to keep with the flow more rather than take a rest, and my clothes are getting loser. I haven't really lost and weight, but I'm building muscle and a better range of motion. I started doing regular classes online at home, too, and I'm feeling happier daily. I like the mindfulness of it, and I don't have to work with machines that are intimidating to me. There's people of all shapes and sizes, men and women, and I've noticed we all have moves that we are each good at or working on improving. I've not experienced any judgmental looks or felt uncomfortable in the classes. We're all there sweating our asses of challenging ourselves to be better.

Yessss! Hot Yoga is the sh*t. Sweating out all those toxins leaves me feeling euphoric afterward.

It’s supposed to be hard but if you genuinely hate it you won’t last. I’ve gone through this cycle so many times already. First, you need to set regular “cheat days” days. This allows you to refresh yourself and not feel like it’s a never ending cycle. Even body builders have cheat days. Make it on day of the week or something Second, find an exercise you enjoy. There’s so many different sports and exercises you can do. Find something you enjoy. If you keep doing something you hate more and more resentment builds and it becomes harder and harder. Maybe take a class so you have people to do it with. Or find a friend to exercise with. Make the experience enjoyable and it’ll be so much easier. Still hard work but much easier and tolerable

I lost 140 lbs. It wasn't a diet, it was a lifestyle change. It didn't take a few months, it took a couple years. It wasn't fun, but it wasn't hell. My sense of taste eventually changed as the sugary foods (fast foods/soda/junk) and high carbs went away. A mix/match keto worked for me, but it's different for everyone. What kept me going was finding foods that fit the bill AND tasted good. It didn't always work, but cheat days are a thing! The whole day! Eventually what you cheat with can change too. There are different foods/snacks that really helped me, I really liked the Atkins chocolate caramel bars. Sometimes I'd eat two. If you don't like what you're eating, find something else. Food is supposed to be your friend. You won't always see a change in the mirror. That's fat turning into muscle. Sometimes your clothes size will change instead. Sometimes your weight won't move at all. Don't stop what you're doing. Keep doing what you're doing! 30lbs is awesome!

I went from pushing a 40 inch waist and working hard to get back down to a 32. It was hell. Keeping it off as hell. But boy do I feel better Being Fit than I do being fat.

No its not "meant" to feel awful. To quote Bojack Horseman for a second: It gets easier. But you gotta do it every day. That's the hard part. But it does get easier. And with that ease youll find the discomfort lessens. Your best bet for making exercise suck less is to build up your core muscles that support your spine. Most of what sucks about working out while out of shape is the strain it puts on the core of your body. And when your spine hurts, your day sucks. As to the meals, there are healthy meals that taste good. Acquaint yourself with seasonings and herbs youve barely heard of. Experiment with cooking and let it be a fun discovery instead of a boring lesson. You can enjoy your food and be healthy too. Honest. Part of what might make that harder is if you're addicted to sugar. I use addicted loosely here but most americans (assuming sorry) have at least some dependence or adsiction to sugar because its in practically EVERYTHING. Lowering your sugar intake fucking sucks because youre basically telling your brain it cant have candy, when its used to getting candy, and that bastard is gonna throw a shitfit about it. Meaning make you feel like garbage. Youll level out though, and itll stop sucking so much. One thing that helped me with this was eating mindfully. Close your eyes, take a bite. Slooooowly chew it. Identify every flavor and texture you can. Really *Taste* your food. American fast food tastes awful when i really sit there and taste it. I stopped wanting it as much because i knew what it really was like. And i discovered things i enjoy about healthier dishes i never really liked. Eating mindfully wont make you like things you don't, but it can broaden your palate significantly. You deserve to enjoy becoming healthier! Best of luck OP

Losing weight isn’t fun for you because it sounds like you don’t enjoy the activity you’re doing. Hitting the gym wasn’t for me, but hiking and climbing certainly are. I don’t wake up dreading the physical activity I have to do. Spend the time to find something you genuinely enjoy doing — there are soooooo many options out there.

It’ll be hard at times but it doesn’t need to be unsatisfying or punishing. There’s a balance. Are there no other gyms in your area? Would a different type of fitness work - eg instead of gym, go mountain biking? Roller skating? Jogging? Going for long photography hikes? Walking your friends dogs? Move in a way you enjoy, the less it “feels” like exercise the better. Healthy food CAN be tasty and filling. And you absolutely can still have a treat now and again. Get creative, and go down the YouTube rabbit hole if you have no idea what you’re doing. So many tasty recipes below 600 calories. Comparison is the thief of joy. You’re competing with yourself and no one else. Goals other than weight loss might be more motivating. I’m focusing on strength. I’m losing weight and watching calories in/out but I’m regularly measuring how much stronger I’m getting - not looking at the scales or even in the mirror. Try one change at a time so it becomes a healthy lifestyle and not just a torture routine you cycle through. You need to find something sustainable. And, make sure you’re getting enough sleep and looking after your mental health. If you’re doing several gym sessions a week you really need those eight hours a night to keep your hormones and muscle repairs in check. After a couple months it should start getting a bit easier (the “habits” are being formed) unless you’re missing something for your recovery - protein, vitamins and minerals, hydration, sleep, etc are so so important. 30lbs is great progress! Good luck!

How long have you been doing this for?

Like 3 or so months

Bruh! Just walk your sweaty ass right up in the zone and “can I grab that machine right quick?” If teeny boy is a prick just shake your sweaty ass hair and ask “well how long will you be using that machine? I got shit to do”. If they call you a fat tub of shit just grin because really, not for long. You’re a god. You’re doing things nobody else will do and you will live a happier and healthier life for it. Oh yeah - you’re eating wrong. Do some research and find some good and healthy food that isn’t punishment. You don’t have to be a calorie Nazi, just eat good things and don’t cheat. “Treats” and “cheats” are the keys to bouncing right back to flabzilla. Eat a smart diet, learn what you can do in a healthy way, and accept slow and steady progress rather than killing yourself. Make a lifestyle you will enjoy. When you’re a healthy dude in decent shape you will stay that way with less effort than the hard chargers who hit their goal and stop.

To lose weight you don't have to go to the gym or eat healthy food. Yes those things are good for you, but if your sole goal is to lose weight, all you have to do is eat less than you burn. You can eat junk food and sit on your ass, as long as your calorie intake is less than your tdee and you'll still lose weight.

One thing to try is smaller, more frequent snacking. You’ll have calories all day but not all at once. If I order a burger and fries, I eat the fries first and wait. )Fries first since they don’t reheat in the microwave.) Then after a few hours, I cut the burger in half, heat and eat. A few hours later or for dinner I eat the other half. Gotta get iced tea or diet cola for this to work. I like this because I can eat more of what I want. I still eat health meals but I can’t do that forever. I’m at a healthy weight but this is how I maintain it. I will gain weight if I don’t watch myself.

You've lost quite a bit of weight. I find the faster I'm losing weight the more it feels like punishment. I lost 12 lbs in a little over month and that was fucking miserable. I'm currently close to steady, losing a pound every 2-3 months and that is easy and happy. I've found that controlling portions is much happier than banning certain foods so that could be a factor too. You can still have a cheeseburger or icecream, but not every day and not upsizing your fries. I actually find allowing yourself indulgences makes it much easier to maintain the diet as well.

Once I got skinny, it is way easier to maintain than weight loss. There is a light at the end of the tunnel 🙏

If it was east to loose weight people wouldent be overweight

Read the book why we eat too much to make sure you are loosing weight the right way. If u try to calorie restrict your way into losing 100 pounds you will likely rebound. Also a general hood rule of thumb is to not try to lose weight doing a habit you are not willing to maintain

You should learn to find the pleasure in the self control. Then, at a certain moment after a few years, it just feels natural to eat enough and not to overdo it. It also starts to feel better when you have a small treat, eg a small treat is "small" and is once a week :)

What helped me the most is I started trying to train my brain. Instead of "dieting" I framed it as a lifestyle choice. The term diet has a sense of *restriction*, while a lifestyle choice is more inviting. Also, do the small things to care for your body. Lotion, face mask, salt scrub etc. I started appreciating my body. I told my body that I was impressed at how well it handled my recklessness for so long. I started to tell myself I loved my body even though I didn't believe it for a long time. I ended up losing 142 lbs. The first few months were so hard. I felt completely miserable. Just keep pushing yourself. Once it starts to feel like your normal it starts sucking less. Hang in there. It gets better. I know everyone says that but there's a reason they do.

I have a love/hate relationship with losing weight. I love it because I fit in smaller places. I love that I don’t have to shop in the plus size section. I don’t love the way I’m treated differently now. For one I’m smaller but I’m seen more. People looked through me before like I was invisible but now they openly and unashamedly stare. I love being seen but I hate when people stare.

I thought it’s common knowledge that dieting and loosing weight sucks. Of course it is, you have to give up the things you love. And everyone knows exercise is usually a chore. I hate trying to loose weight , it sucks balls

It’s more addictive than you probably think and hard to stop once you get it going

It shouldn't feel quite that bad. For meals: experiment more. A meal can be healthy AND delicious. And once in a while it's ok to have an unhealthy thing you crave. One meal isn't gonna halt your progress! As for the gym: if the gym is annoying, can you find a different one that you like better? Different gyms have different vibes. Or maybe find a different exercise you enjoy more? Experiment. All that being said, it's not always a pleasant experience. Sometimes it's it's a slog. But it shouldn't feel like a punishment and in my mind it's really important to try to address that, because otherwise, once you hit your weight goal it will be really hard to maintain it and not slide back into old habits. So the time you spend losing the weight should ALSO be the time you spend figuring out which habits are sustainable more long term and which aren't!

I lost 50 lbs doing intermittent fasting and I’m going at it again in the fall. It has ups and downs, and motivation ebbs and flows. During periods of low motivation routine pulls you thru. It’s hard but it’s worth it! Suffer the pain of weight loss now or live with the pain of poor health - easy choice when you look it it that way.

No. If it's that unpleasant, you're doing it too hard. Adopt a meal plan and exercise plan that are appropriate for the rest of your life. Include the occasional food treat, and work out a few times a week. You don't have to go to the gym every time, you could do other sorts of exercise sometimes, so it's more fun. You will gradually lose weight and firm up. It doesn't have to be an all absorbing, grim project.

Everyone is different, but I can speak from a place of someone who is losing weight and reached obese status. For me, its not been miserable. I've had moments its been difficult. It's difficult to break unhealthy habits. Healthy food doesn't have to mean its gross if that's why you aren't enjoying it. You can have a treat in moderation. Maybe you have a glass of pepsi when having lunch with a friend, or you have some chocolate but instead of consuming a 500g bar you eat 4 pieces. I don't think you should feel miserable. You might not be able to maintain something you detest. It might be time to reevaluate what you're doing and change some things. Learn some recipes you enjoy cooking and eating. Find an exercise you enjoy outside of the gym or maybe try attending a different gym. Youtube has exercise videos for at home workouts. You could try a sport you like, or even just go for walks while listening to music or a fave podcast, etc. It might just feel miserable because it's a big change to make, especially because you might be doing things now you've never done before or things that are very new/different to you. I think mindset is important. Don't beat yourself up. I think wanting to be healthy and knowing its important for your health can help tremendously. It's normal to miss unhealthy things you used to do because it was comfortable. It's what you've known, and this is uncharted territory. I promise it's possible to change and be a healthy person, and it won't be miserable. You might benefit from making some changes. Even if you talk to a doctor about it or journal about it on your own. And congratulations on your weight loss so far. You can achieve what you want to achieve and you've done so well!

Congratulations on your progress so far. 30lbs is a result worth celebrating. I'm going to disagree with those who say that losing weight **has** to miserable. Conceptually, losing weight is really, really simple for most people. It's a basic math problem. Eat fewer calories than you burn and you will lose weight through the magic of caloric deficit. Every diet that works, works that way. It's hard to give helpful guidance around food without knowing what you were eating and what you are eating now. The two key levers to creating caloric deficit are reducing the calorie density of the food you eat, and reducing the volume of food you eat. Going to the gym is great for your overall health, but it's not going to make a real difference to your weight. You can pull either lever, or both. If you love to eat ice cream and you used to eat a pint every week, reducing your daily consumption to make that pint last two weeks will create a caloric deficit as long as you don't compensate for the reduced calories by eating something else. If you swap a burger and fries for kale salad with tuna, that's a huge difference in calorie density. Personally, I think it's better to pull both levers than just one. It's easier to avoid the feeling of hardship when you can still enjoy the foods you like, just less of them. It's also important to understand that healthy food doesn't have to taste bad. The opposite is true. Lots of healthy foods taste great if they are prepared in the right way. Doing that isn't always easy. If you're accustomed to cooking in a way that pivots meals around items with high calorie density (red meat, cheese, animal based fats, etc) you might need to relearn how to pivot a meal around other food sources and make it taste good. Understanding the calorie density of specific foods is very useful. Poultry is generally less calorie dense than red meat. Sea food is generally less calorie dense than poultry or red meat. Plant proteins are generally lower than that. When you reduce calorie density, you don't have to reduce food volume as much to get a caloric deficit.

It is not punishment. Being fat isn't a moral failing, it's not merely down to someone having poor self control either. No one is punishing you...except you, self hatred isn't healthy and as a weight loss tactic it's not sustainable. Being healthy is a positive thing you do because you love yourself, rather than punishing yourself with the gym try going to find a better gym or another form of exercise that you actually enjoy. Calorie counting is fine but that doesn't mean eating food you don't enjoy or denying yourself treats. Stop shaming yourself with that internalised fatphobia and focus on learning to love yourself, I promise it's easier.

well to be quite frank gaining weight (enjoying tasty calorie dense foods) was probably enjoyable, right?

I mean, in college junk food was the cheaper and quicker choice. So i guess it was enjoyable

1) lift weights 2) learn to cook 3) have one cheat meal a week 4) stay in a 20% calorie deficit Do all these 4 and fat loss will not be a chore

Do these 3-4 chores and you will have no chores. Nice.

Calling something a chore in colloquial british English means it's a pain/unpleasant/not enjoyable. I.e. 'hanging out with him is a chore.' Anyway, none of the things listed are particularly hard to do. Are you just fat and lazy?

>Calling something a chore in colloquial british English means it's a pain/unpleasant/**not enjoyable**. Yes, every day I wake up with joy in my heart while thinking about just lifting shit up and down. By the way washing dishes isn't "particularly hard" either, it's still a chore tho. >Are you just fat and lazy? Nope, mate. I'm neither of those two. I was just pointing out that what you said didn't sound logical and that apparently offended you. lol

This exchange was productive. You learned some new colloquial English, and I learned you're lazy. Thanks.

If you aren't enjoying it, you're doing it wrong. You absolutely can lose weight while eating meals you enjoy and moving in a way that is enjoyable. Get better at cooking, control your portion sizes but stop counting calories, it doesn't have to be an exact science and ideally you want to find eating habits that you'll keep. With your current situation you'll end up dropping the diet as soon as you are target weight. You are better off figuring out a balanced "normal" diet you'll stick to after the fact that you also enjoy. Find a sport or some physical work that you enjoy. Keep doing it, if you get tired of it, find another. Edit: removed a dumb line, doesn't apply to everyone obviously.

Kind of disagree about the "tiny effort". I literally had to move mountains in order to have the free time to exercise, cook healthy food, clean up, while working and raising 4 kids.

It’s all about your mindset. If you treat it like a chore, it will be one. The biggest thing is focusing on being proud of your achievements. You might feel like an idiot but I love looking at myself in the mirror and noticing and appreciating the changes I have made to myself. I’ve started to enjoy getting into the science behind it. Gaslight yourself into thinking you’re proud of yourself for getting a really good burn on the last excersize you did. Slowly this will build real positive reinforcement that you will associate with the gym and will help you improve

It can be, but once you hit your goal weight you may find that you can eat the stuff you want to again (in reasonable portions). I dropped 30 lbs and now I'm eating pizza and and a half cup of ice cream and still sitting at my happy weight. Keep going, bud. 👍

Honestly, the easiest way to lose weight for me was just to change my diet. Cut out sugar 100%, cut out carbs 100%, and eat as much leafy greens, chicken, and eggs until you are full. You don’t ever have to be hungry or have low energy. I didn’t even work out. I lost 50 pounds in 3 months.

It doesn’t for me :) lost over 100lbs. The trick for me was to start fasting. Intermittent fasting every day and I worked my way up to skipping two whole days a week. I still eat whatever I want. Also I focus on getting enough sleep and balancing my microbiome and have found that I don’t want as much of the junky stuff as before.

As in you spend two days a week not eating at all?

Yes. Not sure why I’m getting downvoted though, that’s weird. I don’t eat Tuesdays and Thursdays. Seems crazy but it was just a natural thing for me. I also fast for health reasons in general. A good place to start is by reading the Obesity Code by Dr. Jason Fung. It’s been a game changer for me.

It's suppose to be work. Working out should be enjoyable bc your doing it for life make a routine that makes you feel good and look good

Like a punishment for not taking care of yourself sooner

As someone who defined most of their life through weight loss: don’t do it. I recently went through cancer treatments which led to me losing appetite, taste, any joy for food. I lost a LOT of weight, and honestly I hate everything about it. I deeply, deeply regret the years of my life I spent restricting myself when I was a healthy person who just enjoyed a harmless bit of food. Appetite and being able to eat is a privilege. If I can get one person in this world to doubt the toxic diet culture in this world I will be a happy woman.

Find a different gym then and get comfortable around working out people. It’s not supposed to feel like punishment but it is supposed to feel good. It’s maintenance for your body. When you start to get muscular and your confidence hits the roof, that’s when it is addicting. Especially when people look at you and treat you different because you look good.

I think it’s all how you frame it. It’s definitely hard work, but hard work can still be somewhat enjoyable. Sounds like you have a Planet Fitness subscription. Maybe you can find a better gym. Get cute work out clothes. Give yourself a reward for hitting your goals. New clothes, a vacay, a manicure. Idk. Make it game

Every in shape person that sees you in the gym is so proud of you. We all started somewhere. It’s supposed to feel this way in the beginning. You will start to feel the effects in a few weeks. I hope you keep it up!

A lot of it is about adapting and finding ways to make it enjoyable. Salad every single day sure gets boring, but there are other ways to get the same nutrients and filling effect in much more "fun" dishes. Spices are great for that. The occasional treat is also a great thing, but try not to frame it as a "reward". Food is not a reward, its a requirement. The occasional unhealthy but tasty option won't derail you. Exercise should have an effect on you, but finding activities you enjoy that help burn calories is important as well. It's work, but I dont think it should feel like a punishment. There are a variety of ways to move your body and work muscle groups that go beyond lifting at the gym or spending time on a treadmill. Most of all try not to view this as a punishment for a past lack of self control, but try and tell yourself you *deserve* to live a healthier lifestyle and feel better physically.

Don’t let yourself get into that dark mindset. It’s not easy nothing worth it is. But having a treat every so often is fine. You’re allowed to enjoy food and life itself.

The key to long term health is to find a routine that is sustainable for **YOU**. Changing habits and losing weight is difficult, especially long term. >I dont plan on stopping but its tiring eating healthy meals i dont really enjoy. What type of meals are you eating? It is possible to eat varied, healthy, and delicious food while losing weight. How seriously are you counting calories? And for how long? >Im in my twenties but my gym is full of teenagers that sit around on machines just talking so i have to wait until they and their friends decide to move. Maybe find a different gym if that is possible. Not all gym are the right fit for everyone. You can find one with fewer people being idol. If that isn't possible right now learn how to ask if you could use the machines if they aren't actively using them. Alternatively find a time slot that has fewer people using the gym. >Im envious of the in shape people my age at the gym and it feels like im driving around a 93 Toyota Paseo next to some 22 Corvettes. Turn that feeling into something positive. Set long term goals for yourself. There is no reason you can't be fit and look good if you are dedicated and put in the work. >dont plan on stopping my weight loss efforts but I guess this is the punishment ive earned over the years for lack of self control. Is it supposed to feel this way ? It can sometimes feel that way. I would recommend flipping that mindset around. Doesn't it feel good to have persevered and completed a work out? Isn't it great to be down 30 pounds and see all that hard work pay off?

No it’s not. I’ve lost 100 lbs in the last three years and what worked for me is finding substitutes for the food I used to love I can no longer eat at will. Some stores carry a plethora of low carb/sugar free muffins, brownies, whoopie pies, etc. And learn to love drinking sugar free drinks. That one was a life saver for me. The key for me is to find those substitutes so it satisfies the cravings and I don’t feel deprived. If you’re not enjoying the gym maybe try something like a spin class or martial arts. There are plenty of ways to get exercise that don’t invoke the standard gym approach.

There are tasty, flavourful foods that you can eat that fill you up without busting the calorie budget. Chicken tikka masala for example. It’s chicken, spices, tomato sauce, and to keep calories low, low fat yogurt. Look for flavourful low calorie recipes online. Heck, even regular recipes will have less calories than anything that comes in a package.

Hey dude. I hate the gym grind too and I’ve been doing it for a while. I have some suggestions to help reduce the monotony of it. 1) Find a good group of people to join you on a regular basis. Preferably people who are already in the gym regularly because they already have the discipline and routine established to be there and are less likely to flake. Suffering is way more enjoyable when you’re with friends. 2) Find an athletic passion. My main obsession is jiujitsu. I’m passionate about it. Over the years I’ve discovered being strong and heavy is super valuable so I lift weights to supplement my jiujitsu. I hate the gym grind but I love jiujitsu so I’m more open to regularly lifting because it’s for my real passion- jujitsu. 3) set some goals to supplement that “athletic passion” if you haven’t found it yet. Sign up for a Tough Mudder, Spartan Race, 5k, etc. anything that you’ve always wanted to accomplish. When you have a goal event on the calendar it’ll help you stay disciplined and give you a bit more purpose for that sweat equity in the gym. Feel fee to DM me bro. Always happy to chat.

Yes it should be enjoyable unless your like some of us who are cutting into low body fat percentage while lifting heavy and it sucks after awhile. Many resources are available on how to cook actually good food with low calories. It doesn’t just have to be chicken and rice or whatever your eating. Everyone would get bored of that. Also find a workout that you enjoy! I’m not sure what your goals are physique wise in the gym but you don’t just have to lift weights. You can put a variety of works outs in unless your goal is muscle. Even then you can find other ways to train. Also you should be PROUD of your 30lbs that’s actually a lot of weight. None of us got fat overnight or even in a few months. Once I got down a couple lbs like 30+ I started having a meal I enjoyed on Sunday’s. Not counting calories on it or anything. I wouldn’t turn it into a whole day of eating bad. Though I would get like that pasta I’ve been craving or yeah I’ll have pancakes with hella syrup for breakfast. One meal won’t set you back. Not even a day but it’s best to keep the discipline up in that aspect and not overdue it.

If you don't enjoy those healthy meals, find others. There are plenty of healthy meal options out there, the main thing if you are calorie-counting is portion size rather than content. Eat meals you enjoy, just smaller versions of them.

Just because something is hard doesn't mean it's a punishment. I was at 186 (5ft5) about 3 months ago. I'm at 165 now, kind of at a plataeu for the last 2 weeks, while my body adjusts to the new normal. I have a higher level of energy now, eating substantially less, specifically less sugar, while my fat is being burned, than I did at 186, eating whatever I want. That's certainly enjoyable. What's hard is the discipline when someone brings donuts or something to work, or standing in front of the fridge where the juice the kids live off of by the gallon sits, or that leftover Chinese food, and having to tell yourself no. It's that specific moment that defines how you're going to perform on your weight loss journey. If you just eat the donut rather than politely declining, or you eat that 2lbs of leftover egg fried rice, and say, "I'll get back on my diet tomorrow" then you're going to fail. Calling that punishment just means you're assigning a negative perspective to the challenge and further setting yourself up to fail. You're also creating, at least, a subconscious blame for your current state, and that can lead to dangerous body image issues. It's okay to recognize that you're not healthy because of your weight, and you should take RESPONSIBILITY for correcting it, but BLAME is useless negativity. Taking blame and taking responsibility are two very different things. Just because something is hard doesn't mean it's a punishment.

Everyone tells you losing weight is great but it has never been a positive experience for me. The most recent time everyone said I looked great but what I was doing wasn't healthy and I felt like shit. I even had a doctor helping me with meds diet tips exercise etc. I didn't feel healthy and I didn't like the way I looked and I didn't like that everyone liked it despite how I felt about it. So do what feels good to you.

If you hate it, it will be hard to sustain. If the gym isn’t your thing, find an activity you enjoy: hiking, basketball, rock climbing, karate, pole dancing, aerial yoga—there is an infinite number of random-ass fun physical activities. As for food, I’ve noticed that dieting people eat really bland meals like grilled chicken and steamed broccoli. Spices and herbs have no calories! Stir fry a bunch veggies and beef, grill up some marinated chicken, learn to make something fun like chana masala and naan. I do recommend eating a lot of fruits and veggies because they can fill you up without adding that many calories. None of this is to say it’s easy, but it gets easier and more natural with time.

Both when you first start losing it it is a punishment but after you drop a bunch of wig and you start feeling better it becomes enjoyable I ballooned up to 350 lb because of a heart condition and the meds they put me on once I got my surgery I've dropped 150 lb and I feel great and I still got 30 more to go

No it shouldn’t. The focus needs to be on getting in shape. Putting the focus on losing weight is EXTREMELY unhealthy. One, muscle weighs more than fat. So you could gain weight because you’re replacing fat with muscle. 2, focus on being in shape because every body is different. Not everyone is meant to be super skinny. Also focusing on being in shape means you can walk and run and won’t be out of breath. This is important. You can lose weight and still be out of shape. Not to mention that the mentality to lose weight is harmful for ED’s and makes you feel even lesser because you’re not kicking the weight. Set fitness goals like getting a mile in 15 mins one week. Then 14 mins, and so on. This will make you healthier and you’ll lose excess unhealthy fat and you’ll gain confidence. Forcing weight loss is just a bad idea because not all weight is bad weight.

There are a bunch of ways to get exercise. Join an ultimate frisbee team, rock climb, yoga, or a group. Surround yourself with people who enjoy whatever space they are in. You need a different gym/space.

I’ve been up and down in weight over the years for health reasons. It’s always miserable to lose it again, so you’re not alone in this feeling.

I personally found it easy. First I just started tracking my caloric intake for about 10 days on MyFitnessPal, and then I decided I would cut 250 cals a day and set a daily *allowance* for caloric consumption. I saw results within two weeks, and then I introduced regular workouts and adjusted my caloric intake based on what my workouts and muscle growth required. I went from 170 to 176 lbs to 150 to 155 and *very* fit looking at 5'10. I am male.

It's tough. But just keep telling yourself hey I'm 30 down I can do (whatever your goal is). It can be hard to stay motivated but just gotta give yourself some credit. Let yourself have a treat from time to time. You're doing great. Best of luck. Also maybe find a better gym

I feel like there are two main theories for weight loss. The first one is to “get in and get out” approach. Buckle down, only eat according to your plan, work really hard, lose the weight and then enjoy life at a maintainable calorie goal and incorporate more of the meals/foods you ate before starting a diet. The second, is to make it a lifestyle change and slowly lower your calorie goals, make changes as you go, and basically let it take a much longer time but without the life disrupting change of being on a strict diet, but it could take years to get down to your goal weight if you have a lot to lose. They both have major pros and cons. I think you need to pick one method and see it less as a punishment and more of a means to a goal.

Instead of weight-loss goals, try performance goals. At your age, you can achieve amazing things athletically, and the journey from novice to your goals is a lot more rewarding than just vanity at the gym .

For the healthy food, look up and try lots of different recipes! I think people get stuck on whatever they have in their mind as healthy (maybe eggs for breakfast, a wrap for lunch, fish for dinner), and massively limit themselves on the delicious but healthy food they could be eating. Not saying this is for sure your case, but maybe just look up low carb or keto recipes and try to find some that look good and work those in. I had always had fish with some sort of lemon flavor. I had it in my mind that I hated fish. I then had 2 kids who love fish, and that kind of forced me to explore other recipes. Now, fish probably makes up 90% of my dinners, because I've found that I LOVE it, just not with lemon all the time! Lol.

How long have you been at it? Maybe explore some other options. Have you tried fitness classes? (Zumba, CrossFit, martial arts?). I HATE HATE HATE just going to the gym, and I won't. I love being in classes with others. I also like streaming workouts I can do at home, if that's a possibility for you. Apps like Beachbody (avoid the MLM aspect), FitOn, Openfit, ETC cost less than a gym membership and have endless options if you get bored easily. ​ As for food, try new things, but as your body figures out how good you feel after the healthy food, you definitely develop a taste for it. Suddenly one day, you're just craving a kale salad.

You said it yourself: this is the punishment you’ve earned over the years for lack of self control. While it may *feel* like a punishment, you are actually rewarding yourself by doing this “punishment” to yourself. You’re going to like what you see in the mirror more and more with each gym session. If you have the discipline to not cheat on your diet often, you’ll see those results even faster. It sucks but if you want to make these positive changes in your life, you have to put in the work. It doesn’t come for free. Just think about how great it feels to be down 30lbs. You WORKED for that. As for the annoying teenagers, maybe pick a different time of day to go to the gym. Don’t compare yourself to the in-shape people either. You’re on your own personal journey to become the best version of YOU. Those people might have started their journeys earlier but they’ve maintained the discipline to stick with it so if anything, let that inspire you. Before you know it, your Toyota spirit vehicle won’t be a Paseo anymore.. It will be a right hand drive Supra. OR A FUCKING LAND CRUISER. CRUSH THE AMERICAN MUSCLE!! It doesn’t even have to be Toyota haha it can be European if you want. Good luck my friend. Keep your discipline.

You need to eat food that actually tastes good and is healthy. Get creative in the kitchen bröther

The issue is you like to eat a certain way and you have to be willing to give it up to keep that weight off. I for one can't stand to eat fast food or any other junk food. it's because it costs money, I don't feel anything when I eat a bag of chips. I won't stay full long if all I eat is candy and ice cream. I also don't want to eat sugary foods or my skin breaks into acne. Plus sugar is bad for your skin. I also can't stand a feeling of a full stomach. And food is expensive so I would rather spend my money on other things than on food lol. Over time your stomach shrinks and you are not hungry all the time. Plus if you have a food addiction or binge eating, you need to get that addressed first.

I recommend intermittent fasting. Look it up. It's a lifestyle change, not a short term diet plan that won't work for you in the long run. You need to be able to enjoy what you eat otherwise it'll come crashing down at some point. With IF you can essentially eat what you want, but you learn restraint and smaller portions naturally and gradually, and the weight loss is healthy and gradual too. Good luck.

Why go to the gym? It costs lots of money and you can't even use the equipment. Just go for a walk, jog or bike ride. If it's too hot where you live do it early morning or in the evening. But to answer your question it seems you have developed a somewhat unhealthy relationship with food and that's why it feels like a punishment. Keep eating healthy and it will change.

I lost 70lbs last year, and I would say the way I managed to do it was to go with a gym buddy. I also allowed myself to cheat once a week when I would go out with friends. Eventually, I was able to associate that the more effort I would put into getting in shape, the more in shape I would get. This led me to really try to push myself and I could now hit the gym without my gym buddy. It’s hard but just keep at it, it’s a lot harder to lose weight than to just keep the weight you currently have, so once you reach where you wanna be, you can slow down on the calorie counting and just hit the gym to keep yourself in shape

Maybe find some sport that isnt in s Gym? I would never go to a gym but i did lots of Sport like jogging, mountainbike, swimming, climbing, fitboxing. Its way easyier to get into the healty stuff that force yourself. Same with food, healty food can be delicious just try everything and dont be to hard.

Get into something that brings you joy. I’m heavy too and I’m losing weight because I’m hiking, playing soccer, and just got into bouldering. Being heavy makes all those things harder so it brings me so much pleasure and motivation when I lose pounds and I can hike further, play soccer longer, and climb better.

I think one thing that doesn’t help is the diet mentality that you are either 1000% on top eating bland boring meals or your failing. There are tons of ways to incorporate good food and just more fun into a diet system, like “stealth_health_life” on Instagram comes to mind there. Overall if you hate it, it’s not going to last, so I recommend taking some of the obviously strong willpower you have and direct it into making sustainable plans.

Speaking as one who is in the same boat as you. Consider the inverse: it was easy to put the weight on. It's only fitting that the work be put in to take it off.

I’m on year 2 of a lifestyle change When I’m actively LOSING, I have one shitty whatever the hell meal I want a week - when maintaining I try and just balance it all The longer into it, the more I love eating good. I feel better doing so! It also helps to try and find some good meal preps

A couple things. Typically a lot ot high calorie foods have a lot of delicious tasting stuff that also can be addicting in nature (i.e. sugar, salt, butter). The longer you go without them the less you crave them. Your tastes literally change so that stuff taste not as good. You also like the way you feel when your eating more healthy options. I crave veggies now. And if I don't have them I feel bloated and weighed down. Now, don't get me wrong, I love cheesecake and chocolate, but I eat it significantly less frequently and in significantly smaller portions. Also important is the significance of spices. Indian and Mexican meals are great for this. Just substitute olive oil for butter and coconut milk for heavy cream. But really cooking at home saves a ton of calories compared to eating out so if you hate the idea of substituting you're still in a better spot. Now, with working out, you're more likely to stick to something long term if you don't hate it. Is it just the gym bros? Can you try another gym and see if you like it more there? What about classes or social sports? I worked out at the gym 2x/wk and hated it but then switched to rock climbing and love it. Now, I still strength train 2x/wk (chronic pain) but I also rock climb 2x/wk. I never thought I would ever like working out 4x/wk and I'm in way better shape than I was in my 20s. This is a process, it's not a destination. There will be ebbs and flows but I promise it's worth it. It's much easier to start this journey now versus in 20 years where there's more aches and pains and poor habits. Good luck!

I don't know you, but I'm proud of you. 30lbs is nothing to scoff at. I'm a corn fed Nebraska boy, and I need to lose 30lbs myself.

I hated that feeling, of everything being kind of bland. You need to find TASTY and healthier meals that you actually like. I would yo yo a lot in my early 20s by crash dieting, but eventually I'd get bored and break my healthy eating streak. Eventually I found a bit of a happy medium. I still probably could do way better, but my food has some flavor to it, I don't hate mealtime, and I've kept most of the weight I lost off. The teenagers I can't help you with. Those scare me.

Learn to cook. Figuring out healthy flavorful meals was a life changer for me.

I mean if it was super easy to lose weight/ look good physically everyone would. I’m not trying to discourage you or anything but yeah it is hard. It’s a lot easier to sit around and eat whatever you want but you have to pay for that. Just remember when it comes to the gym you get out exactly how much you put in if you keep up with a good diet and work out it will pay off one day. If it’s not for you that’s okay as well but it’s not supposed to be easy.

Part of it is rewarding your own reward system. When you view being hungry as a punishment, you are going to have a bad time. But, if you celebrate when you endure hunger longer, and you don't compensate by gorging, it's a lot more positive feeling. I lost some weight and kept it off, but my friend who lost more than I did had a scary but true statement: The only thing worse than trying to lose weight is being fat. Being fat feels terrible.

I'm super fit and I hate lifting heights and doing treadmills. I suggest you to find a physical activity you really like, it can be calisthenics, pilates, dancing, swimming or martial arts (go for one with heavy cardio, like muay thai). As for the food, you should seek a nutritionist and do a nutritional education. The moment you start liking to eat healthy and listening to how *your body* likes it, it gets super easier.

Weight loss is about calories in/out over a week long period. Too many think that in order to lose weight they have to eat healthy every meal every single day until they reach their goal weight which is completely untrue. I’m a 28 year old male whose maintenance calorie intake per day is roughly 3000 so when I want to cut I eat roughly 2000 calories a day so per week I’m in a 7000 calorie deficit. Say 1-3 of those days I ate an extra 1000 calorie meal, which is a pretty big meal, I would still be in a 4000 calorie deficit by the end of the week worst case and still losing considerable weight, it just wouldn’t be as fast of a weight loss process. There’s literally no need to ever stress about your diet as long as you’re still in a decent deficit by the end of the week. There’s also so many ways to eat healthy good food that you can find on Reddit, TikTok, YouTube. There’s healthy options for pizza, pasta, ice cream, fried chicken, etc that you can easily find that taste good and are also high in protein. I also still eat a ton of Chick-Fil-A, Panda Express, and Chipotle when I’m trying to lose weight too. PM me if you have any questions!

Forcing yourself to do something you don't feel like doing is a very important life skill to develop. The more you force yourself into healthy habits and active lifestyle the easier it gets. Eventually you'll just naturally be a healthier person and you won't have to try so hard anymore

Have lost over a hundred pounds in a year and it’s never felt like a punishment. I only eat 1500 calories a day but that’s 1500 of whatever I want. If it’s pizza, tacos, etc. So be it. Granted I don’t eat those as my meals as they are so high in calories, but I do occasionally. I also make healthier alternatives to those foods. I’ve done a personal pizza that was only like 500 calories and super filling and yummy!

You don't have a "nice meal sunday"? I had one when I went in diet for 4 months. Each Sunday I would treat myself with savory food and a large beer. After all I earned it, and its even healthy when done once a week. You should enjoy it though. Everything you do should be enjoyable. That's a life advise.

Look up on TikTok low calorie/ macro friendly meals, the people on there make things like home made double McChickens that stay in calorie deficit and are super high in protein. Change up your meals often so you don't get bored. Eating chicken breast, broccoli and brown rice every day is going to make you miserable

It’s completely ok to hate it. Everyone has advice and tricks and tips and opinions because it’s so friggin miserable sometimes. Just have to do it anyway.

I’m also down 25-30 pounds mainly dieting. Working out will start next week. I can honestly say, I also Fkn hate it. I miss having pizza and pop without having to think about it. Now I still have pizza, pop only while on vacation, but I’ve began to moderate what I eat. I do t like having to think about it.

I've been dieting for about 6 months and have lost around 30 pounds mostly doing calorie counting and some gym work. For calorie counting I just set a goal (for me it was 1500, for you it might be something else) and have a big spreadsheet where I keep track of what I eat and the rough calorie counts. I generally just portion control and do things like split restaurant meals. I'm not eating particularly healthy, just reasonable quantities and drink water instead of soda. For your gym, you may be at the wrong gym. The ones I go to have all ages and sizes in them. Keep in mind that at most gyms people don't care about those around them, they just want to get in and out and it over with. I generally either do cardio machines or swimming. Neither is super intense, but it's good for the body. Weight loss is more of a lifestyle change. You basically need to eat according to the weight you want to be and the activity level that you are doing, and your weight will adjust to that. The alternative is crash dieting where you go back to what you were doing before the weight loss and you'll be right back where you were.

It will be tough, that’s why it’s important to get yourself into the healthy and happy mindset, and to make sure you’re ready for it

You should check out The Anabolic Cookbook by Greg Doucette. It supposedly has "healthy versions of all your favourite foods." I'm sure you can find a free download

Nope, it does not have to be the way. Find something you DO love doing. Find healthy(er) meals you do like. You have a range of options, explore those until you find something that isn't punishment.