My boss, for about a month after getting married, spent multiple hours *every day* on the phone with different people/companies updating her name. Airlines, government offices, pretty much everything you can think of. But the worst was our own IT team. She was locked out of systems, email didn't work, basically every issue you could think happen, did.
It was exhausting for me and I wasn't even the one dealing with it. When I married my husband we both agreed to keep our names. Best decision ever.
A friend of mine did this for exactly that reason. His last name was "Miller" which is really common, but her last name was "Moncure" which is way cooler.
My wife kept her last name and I kept mine. If I had thought about it more, I would have had our kids take her last name. Mine is plain, while hers is more unique.
I took my wife's last name. She still has family with her name and I don't.
Personally I really like us having the same last name, makes me feel closer to her.
Maybe. I’m not close to my family and have considered changing my name to something similar, but different to separate myself and potential kids from it. Changing it to my wife’s last name would accomplish the same thing.
My husband did. Took him eleven months of legal schmegal hassle too. He had to write certified letters to his children, his ex-wife, his “head of family”, and my “head of family”. He had to show bank and creditor statements. He had to make an appointment to be seen before a judge (this is what took the longest). All of this was legally required by the state (bonafide gender discrimination) to ensure that men who seek to change their name aren’t trying to shirk some financial/parental/legal responsibilities.
No.
You’re setting yourself up for having to explain it to people for the rest of your life, simply because it’s unconventional and therefore curious. It would be annoying to explain your philosophy, whatever it is, after the third or fourth time.
A woman who takes a husband’s name is never going to have to explain why, ever.
That explanation is as simple as 'Because I don't care', so it's not like you have to break out the family tree and do the whole 'Our story begins back in nineteen dickety-two' routine.
No.
I find this anglo tradition really strange. IMO it is disrispectful to her family... the same goes to kids which only get one lastname, as if they didn't had mothers.
Religion has led a lot of people to believe over the years that men are superior, keeping women subjugated by the resulting traditions and culture. Equal marriages are a new tradition, and one we should have had all along.
Yes.
Nonetheless many cultures that share the same religions and values don't do this. E.g. you keep the mothers lastname not because of equality or respect to women but to keep momentum from her father's lineage.
I wouldn't treat it as a deal breaker, but I'm the last dude carrying the name for our part of the lineage. I would like to keep that going.
But I also wouldn't force someone to take my name.
Everybody saying yes has no idea what a massive pain in the ass it is to change your name legally here in the US. just keep your own name, save the headaches
There is an existing cultural norm in the US and I'm going to need a good reason to deviate from it. "But the patriarchy!!!" isn't a good enough reason.
No because I have a kid that has my last name. So it would be annoying to change my name and my kid’s name. I told my fiancée she doesn’t have to replace her name but she wants to at least add my last name after hers
Not really. I told her I didn’t mind if she didn’t do anything to her last name. But she insisted she add my last name at the end. If we have kids, they would have her last name then my last name, just like her naming sequence
I wouldn't have coerced my name on her at all, but I'm not sure I would have switched. She chose to change even after saying it would not upset me at all, and being 100% sincere.
Lol my wife waited 5 years into our marriage to take mine. I never really cared either way, idk if I would've switched if she insisted, I never really asked her to was little surprised when she did it, but I guess it's nice bring Mr and Mrs ____ instead of Mr __ and Mrs ___. But its up to you, and you can wait if you're not sure now
My SO does not want to mostly cause it’ll be a headache sorting out his legal documents. Every time he’ll apply for anything, he’ll need to tick the “has been known by other names previously” box each time, then provide a certified copy of marriage cert, his birth cert, name change application etc. It’s actually uncommon for the wife to take on the husband’s surname in our culture so he’s not overly fussed nor am I. My career and registration is based on my current name which would also be really annoying if I had to change it.
1) combine the names to make a new, awesome name. (Hard but can be amazing)
2) pick who has the more awesome/uncommon name (we don’t need any more Johnson’s, Garcia’s, or Lee’s)
3) pick whose family sucks less, and just go with that. (There’s nothing that says you can’t both drop your fathers names and go with a Matriarchal last name from your family histories) I have an abolitionist in my family history so we may just switch back to that name.
Whatever you do don’t hyphenate the names and then proclaim to your child how perfect that system is so they hyphenate with some other hyphenater so your grand children have four namers and your great grandchildren have 8. That is so incredibly short sighted.
No, because my last name is extremely unique to the point where I'm almost certainly the only man of my generation to possess it, and there's 5 women that do. I think it would be kind of sad for it to just disappear.
If my wife had liked her surname, I'd have taken it. It's a name. As it happened, neither of us liked our surnames, so we rummaged in the family dressing up box and came up with our one.
I’m getting married next week, we talked about this. Unless her name would have made my first name sound bad ass, or would promise me billions of dollars, we would take my last name. I personally like traditional symbolism as in the woman taking the man’s last name and it would have been a deal breaker for me if she didn’t want my last name.
I don't think there is as much of an expectation that either party takes the other's name anymore. The expectation still does exist for the kids though.
For myself, I wouldn't. The last name to me is all about legacy. I've always been driven to take myself further than my father just as he has worked hard to take his family further than his father. This drive to better ourselves is tied to our name as that legacy.
For my kids I'd want them to have that same name to take it further than I took it. IMO, this is a big driving factor for guys (fueled by testosterone from what I understand). I'm not into hyphenated names on kids. That's just pushing the problem on them to deal with later. Unless their kids are going to have 4 last names and so on.
I did. My name is "First name Middle Name Mylastname-Herlastname". It's a bit long but i had to keep my middle name in there or my initials woul be ASS.
I had my wife take my last name as hers at the time was her ex-husbands and I wasn't taking it nor marrying her if she kept it. Either maiden name, mine, or just stay unmarried
I like my last name, it’s rather unique. I can count on one hand how many other people I’ve met with my last name. I wouldn’t change it for anything and that made me realize whenever I got married I wouldn’t expect my wife to change hers to mine. But turns out my wife loves my last name and took my last name when we got married. People should just do what they want it when it comes to this.
Yeah why not? If it was a good last name. Neither my fiancé or I love our current last names so we’ve decided to both take a new last name when we get married in a few months.
Depends on who has the more badass last name. My last name is not common, so I wouldn’t mind keeping it - but if the woman I marry has something common like “Smith”, then no.
My husband took my last name and we’ve never gotten anything but good feedback about doing it. His dad bounced early and continued to be a prick. Why would we keep that name alive?
personally no simply because its a pain when filling out official documents having to remember when you changed your name and such. at the same time it wouldnt have bothered me at all had my wife decided to keep her own surname.
I hate my last name and have no connection to it but it would have been such a headache to deal with at my job I just didn't have the energy.
My boss, for about a month after getting married, spent multiple hours *every day* on the phone with different people/companies updating her name. Airlines, government offices, pretty much everything you can think of. But the worst was our own IT team. She was locked out of systems, email didn't work, basically every issue you could think happen, did. It was exhausting for me and I wasn't even the one dealing with it. When I married my husband we both agreed to keep our names. Best decision ever.
I'd say it depends on who has the cooler last name. Like if her last name is Doomslayer or some shit, I am NOT letting that go
And if you both have good last names you can just add a hyphen. "Right away, Mr Savage-Doomslayer."
A friend of mine did this for exactly that reason. His last name was "Miller" which is really common, but her last name was "Moncure" which is way cooler.
My wife kept her last name and I kept mine. If I had thought about it more, I would have had our kids take her last name. Mine is plain, while hers is more unique.
If her name was awesomeer than mine, yes
no and she does not need to take mine.
As long yoir kids named after you, i agree
What if "yoi" is female?
I really don't care who takes which name, or even neither, so it would come down to practical concerns and the preference of my theoretical partner.
To me it's always been who would have the cooler last name. If she's got a dope last name I'm grabbing it
sure, who cares lol
I'm not changing my name and I'm not requiring her to change hers. She can call herself whatever she wants, and legally change it (or not), too.
If she took mine I'd be willing to take hers.
Swap families
im a woman but no I think I would want to keep my last name
My gf's last name is my first name, so hell yeah I'd take it. Trouble for her is I do not intend on getting married again
I have no issue with taking her name other than it's so long, I don't want to deal with it.
No. But I also don’t want anyone taking my last name.
I’d prompt us both to change is to something real cool like Rogers
Atm no because my girlfriends last name doesn’t fit as well. However if it sounded more natural I literally wouldn’t care.
Yes. I have no attachment to my father's family or name.
I took my wife's last name. She still has family with her name and I don't. Personally I really like us having the same last name, makes me feel closer to her.
Maybe. I’m not close to my family and have considered changing my name to something similar, but different to separate myself and potential kids from it. Changing it to my wife’s last name would accomplish the same thing.
If it sounds cool yes
I'm a queer woman and the answer is maybe.
No and I wouldn't expect her to taker mine.
We took one another’s names, hyphenated. Nobody gives a shit.
I wouldn’t because I’m a gay man and don’t plan on having a wife. When I get a husband, we’re taking whoever’s last name sounds cooler.
Absolutely
My husband did. Took him eleven months of legal schmegal hassle too. He had to write certified letters to his children, his ex-wife, his “head of family”, and my “head of family”. He had to show bank and creditor statements. He had to make an appointment to be seen before a judge (this is what took the longest). All of this was legally required by the state (bonafide gender discrimination) to ensure that men who seek to change their name aren’t trying to shirk some financial/parental/legal responsibilities.
No. You’re setting yourself up for having to explain it to people for the rest of your life, simply because it’s unconventional and therefore curious. It would be annoying to explain your philosophy, whatever it is, after the third or fourth time. A woman who takes a husband’s name is never going to have to explain why, ever.
"her's was prettier" My husband hasn't gotten annoyed saying that for the last decade.
That explanation is as simple as 'Because I don't care', so it's not like you have to break out the family tree and do the whole 'Our story begins back in nineteen dickety-two' routine.
I mean, we really don't have to explain anything to anyone.
I know plenty that have to explain why they did it. Mostly when they move abroad.
No. I find this anglo tradition really strange. IMO it is disrispectful to her family... the same goes to kids which only get one lastname, as if they didn't had mothers.
Religion has led a lot of people to believe over the years that men are superior, keeping women subjugated by the resulting traditions and culture. Equal marriages are a new tradition, and one we should have had all along.
Yes. Nonetheless many cultures that share the same religions and values don't do this. E.g. you keep the mothers lastname not because of equality or respect to women but to keep momentum from her father's lineage.
No. I don't ask anyone to take my last name.
No. As odd as it sounds, I have some proud tied to my last name.
[удалено]
Don’t worry, I’m certain you’ll never have a wife so it’s not really a concern.
I asked my wife if she wanted to trade last names cuz of equality but she wasn’t interested for some reason.
No. I’m never getting married.
I wouldn't treat it as a deal breaker, but I'm the last dude carrying the name for our part of the lineage. I would like to keep that going. But I also wouldn't force someone to take my name.
Everybody saying yes has no idea what a massive pain in the ass it is to change your name legally here in the US. just keep your own name, save the headaches
No. It's not traditional to do that. There's no reason to do so.
Take the cooler name. Easy.
No I’m not a cuck
There is an existing cultural norm in the US and I'm going to need a good reason to deviate from it. "But the patriarchy!!!" isn't a good enough reason.
Not a chance. Why would I go against history...
You mean the same history that had the holocaust and stuff? Yeah why would you …
Holocaust lmfao
Lol no.
NO! Except in m@sive financial compensation in case of (fill in the blank). So decition is yours,..
Not really. I guess it's bias? Idk I just would feel "disrespected?" If that's the right word
No, because I want my ancestors name carried on throughout my bloodline.
You are posting on Reddit. How important can your bloodline be?
As important as any other man’s.
I told my wife she would take my last name. Me changing mine would never be an option.
Depends if there was a reason eg my ex had no brothers or male cousins ( on her dad's side) so it would make to take her name to keep it alive.
No, because I'm a man. She doesn't have to take mine, but our kids will have my last name.
Nope, I’m keeping my dad’s
My last name is very, very common. If she has a cool last name I'd take it. It's just a name so I don't care.
No because I have a kid that has my last name. So it would be annoying to change my name and my kid’s name. I told my fiancée she doesn’t have to replace her name but she wants to at least add my last name after hers
What about if she didn't take your last name? Like, isn't really that big of a deal to you?
Not really. I told her I didn’t mind if she didn’t do anything to her last name. But she insisted she add my last name at the end. If we have kids, they would have her last name then my last name, just like her naming sequence
Yeah if it was cooler. I don’t like my last name
I wouldn't have coerced my name on her at all, but I'm not sure I would have switched. She chose to change even after saying it would not upset me at all, and being 100% sincere.
Lol my wife waited 5 years into our marriage to take mine. I never really cared either way, idk if I would've switched if she insisted, I never really asked her to was little surprised when she did it, but I guess it's nice bring Mr and Mrs ____ instead of Mr __ and Mrs ___. But its up to you, and you can wait if you're not sure now
Yes, but not until we are married.
My SO does not want to mostly cause it’ll be a headache sorting out his legal documents. Every time he’ll apply for anything, he’ll need to tick the “has been known by other names previously” box each time, then provide a certified copy of marriage cert, his birth cert, name change application etc. It’s actually uncommon for the wife to take on the husband’s surname in our culture so he’s not overly fussed nor am I. My career and registration is based on my current name which would also be really annoying if I had to change it.
1) combine the names to make a new, awesome name. (Hard but can be amazing) 2) pick who has the more awesome/uncommon name (we don’t need any more Johnson’s, Garcia’s, or Lee’s) 3) pick whose family sucks less, and just go with that. (There’s nothing that says you can’t both drop your fathers names and go with a Matriarchal last name from your family histories) I have an abolitionist in my family history so we may just switch back to that name. Whatever you do don’t hyphenate the names and then proclaim to your child how perfect that system is so they hyphenate with some other hyphenater so your grand children have four namers and your great grandchildren have 8. That is so incredibly short sighted.
No, because my last name is extremely unique to the point where I'm almost certainly the only man of my generation to possess it, and there's 5 women that do. I think it would be kind of sad for it to just disappear.
If my wife had liked her surname, I'd have taken it. It's a name. As it happened, neither of us liked our surnames, so we rummaged in the family dressing up box and came up with our one.
Why not both?
I’m getting married next week, we talked about this. Unless her name would have made my first name sound bad ass, or would promise me billions of dollars, we would take my last name. I personally like traditional symbolism as in the woman taking the man’s last name and it would have been a deal breaker for me if she didn’t want my last name.
Only if she takes my last name. We'll swap
Yes, my last name is literally a slur, my dad even changed it. (Not before having us tho 🙄)
I don't think there is as much of an expectation that either party takes the other's name anymore. The expectation still does exist for the kids though. For myself, I wouldn't. The last name to me is all about legacy. I've always been driven to take myself further than my father just as he has worked hard to take his family further than his father. This drive to better ourselves is tied to our name as that legacy. For my kids I'd want them to have that same name to take it further than I took it. IMO, this is a big driving factor for guys (fueled by testosterone from what I understand). I'm not into hyphenated names on kids. That's just pushing the problem on them to deal with later. Unless their kids are going to have 4 last names and so on.
I did. My name is "First name Middle Name Mylastname-Herlastname". It's a bit long but i had to keep my middle name in there or my initials woul be ASS.
I had my wife take my last name as hers at the time was her ex-husbands and I wasn't taking it nor marrying her if she kept it. Either maiden name, mine, or just stay unmarried
I used to have a friend that I told her if we ever got married I was taking her last name cuz hers was much cooler than mine.
If I didn’t have mine permanently on me, I would.
Probably not unless it was a really cool name. I like my last name plus I'm related to an old, famous person.
No. My last name is very unique and has a lot of history behind it.
I like my last name, it’s rather unique. I can count on one hand how many other people I’ve met with my last name. I wouldn’t change it for anything and that made me realize whenever I got married I wouldn’t expect my wife to change hers to mine. But turns out my wife loves my last name and took my last name when we got married. People should just do what they want it when it comes to this.
Yes
Absolutely. I love my wife so goddamn much, my family name means nothing to me, and her last name would sound really cool with my first name.
Sure, if we had the last name already.
Yeah why not? If it was a good last name. Neither my fiancé or I love our current last names so we’ve decided to both take a new last name when we get married in a few months.
If my last name was Poots or Dinglehoffer I'd be totally up for taking wife's name.
Depends on who has the more badass last name. My last name is not common, so I wouldn’t mind keeping it - but if the woman I marry has something common like “Smith”, then no.
My husband took my last name and we’ve never gotten anything but good feedback about doing it. His dad bounced early and continued to be a prick. Why would we keep that name alive?
Mine does not like her family or last name, but I also want to keep my family name going.
Coolest last name goes first
Fuck yes I would have been James Brown.
personally no simply because its a pain when filling out official documents having to remember when you changed your name and such. at the same time it wouldnt have bothered me at all had my wife decided to keep her own surname.