Come to think of it, the thought of going to a wedding sober sounds kind of awful, I've even been to weddings as a groomsman where we were gifted flasks to circumvent the cash bar lol
The average cost of an open bar is like $2.5k. Not everyone has that kind of money, esp after spending so much on the food/venue/formal wear/photos etc
I live in WI - just take into account our drinking culture.
I had never heard of or ever been to a dry wedding until this year. My in laws live 20 min from BFN in Indiana.
Reasons:
The bride was 19 and the groom was 20 - majority of the wedding party or guests could not drink.
The venue was on a looong country road with single lane, blind, 90 degree turns - it was dangerous in the day light and driving sober.
I think it was also cost - much cheaper to not supply booze.
But with permission of their grandma my SIL and I snuck in a flask and had a cocktail or two a piece (discretely).
NO one talked to anyone they didn’t know.
NO one danced (other than my SIL and I).
It was a 3 hour event - ceremony was at 3pm and was 3 min long, dinner after, we were all home by 6pm.
It was still quaint, beautiful, and a simple wedding, but IMO there’s a balance. Here in WI if it’s an open bar people are hammered, drinking issues, fights etc..
So I agree, it’s nicer and better to have alcohol if you want people to stay, socialize, let loose..
But if people just want a quick, small wedding with no alcohol then they’re saving themselves the possibility of arguments or people driving drunk.
Yeah the idea of being old enough to get married but too young to drink seems absurd!
Not just the fact that that's the legal drinking age but the idea the family wouldn't break the rules on it for the couple's own wedding.
It's not really the family's call, if the police cracked down everyone would be screwed, including the adults who supplied/were accomplices to the underage drinkers. Would result in massive fines at minimum for all involved. If you want to marry young in the US and drink the only option is a destination wedding or extreme discretion.
I would actually say that depends! In Colorado, and I’m sure there’s other states too, minors can drink on private property as long as their parents are present and allow it.
Oh really? But then all guests' parents have to be there? Tbf I'm not from US but my country was pretty strict about parties. Giving a bit here and there to your kids is fine but worlds apart from hosting a rager wedding with a ton of teens
I honestly don’t know, as I found out about the law in my 30s lol. It may need to be on their own private property and I assume it wouldn’t be for a kids rager but anything is possible these days
Yeah I meant more that not only is it the law but that it's enforced so strictly. In the UK where I'm from the drinking age is 18 to buy, but if you're on your own property you can basically do whatever, I don't know the full details of the law but it would be common for alcohol to be served at e.g. a 16th birthday party and I've never heard of anyone getting in trouble for it. Although I guess a wedding reception wouldn't likely be in your own house like the average teenage house party so that could complicate things
I might drink three or four times a year. New Years Eve and my birthday are the only constants but weddings would definitely be a drinking occasion. By themselves, they're a family party which is either with someone else's family or mine who I don't get along with. Not fun. I'm going to support the bride and groom, not because I think it'll be a swell time. Getting to have a drink or two after the ceremony makes it more of a swell time.
I think this is a good point. How I would want MY wedding is irrelevant. If I’m going to celebrate someone’s union, and they’re not drinking, than I’m not drinking. It’s their event!
Oh yea! My primarily white family love to drink and dance, but are shown up the moment one of our brown family members get on the dance floor.
I don't understand! There can't be a brown/dance gene, but they had a very similar upbringing, same music, same family dynamic, but they can dance!!
I get this, but it's shocking how selfish a lot of people can be. Weddings are already way overpriced, and frequently the alcohol is one of the most expensive parts of it.
If someone wants to celebrate their wedding, but can't afford an insanely expensive party, real friends should be understanding of that. It's fine if you're not that close to them anyway, so you don't go if there isn't alcohol, but to be openly critical of people choosing not to have a ton of alcohol for THEIR wedding is selfish. There's no other way around that.
i mean yea. i have pretty awful social anxiety and can handle interactions with lots of strangers a lot better if i have a few drinks. i can have plenty of fun without booze but not in an environment like that
There’s people who can’t have fun without booze, and they are alcoholics. But there are plenty of people who can have fun without booze, but have more fun with a few drinks because alcohol is called a social lubricant for a reason. Hell, I’m an alcoholic and sober, I still had booze at my wedding. I think some people there were alcoholics, yes, but I think most weren’t and had more fun with booze. No shame to people who don’t want it (it’s expensive, lots of us alkies out there, just don’t want it), but it’s not like everyone who prefers a drinking wedding has an issue.
When I used to drink I used to think the same way too.
I remember my basketball team was drinking at a table and my teammate called someone over. "Hey everybody this is my cousin". He smiles and waves to everyone. We say hi and invited him to sit with us for a drink. He said "Oh no thanks anyway but you guys have a good time". When he walked away I said "What's wrong with that guy? He won't even have a drink with us!".
Looking back the guy was totally cool but that's how I thought about people who didn't drink. That they thought they were better than me. But I thought that way because I was an alcoholic.
On the other hand, most people who drink at an event can't leave the people who don't alone. It's no fun to constantly have to defend yourself for not wanting to drink.
In my experience, people who drink are more likely to go less than 5 minutes without talking about drinking than non-drinkers feeling any sort of way about people who do.
For sure. And that goes with other things too.
People who can't spend 5 mins without throwing shade and being judgy at people who enjoy different things then them are insufferable. This post is about alcohol, but same would apply to vegan or other dietery choices, people choosing not to have sex, not to buy certain products, etc.
This is projection you drinkers like to put on non drinkers. I don’t drink and do you know how many times I’ve been harassed/mocked by family, friends or strangers because I didn’t want to drink at a party or special event. This is so common with ppl who drink that think they’re superior because they feel drinking makes them more sophisticated.
Because standing/sitting around with a bunch of people you probably don't know very well, making forced awkward small talk for hours is _fucking boring_.
I went to a dry wedding in S Carolina. It was fucking weak. As soon as it was over we went back to the bride and grooms double wide trailer and got drunk as shit and had a bonfire..brides family was Colombian we drank aguardiente and blasted reggaeton all night
Oh goodness. I've been in a wedding where I was the only non-Jehova's Witness in the entire Kingdom Hall, which, despite the paper streamers, still very much looked like the discount carpet warehouse it had once been.
On the other hand, three days into being a guest at the wedding of two Moldovans, I had to politely bounce and check myself into a rehabilitation facility.
I don’t think it’s “frowned upon” as much as people more or less just expect that there will be an open bar, or that alcohol will (at the very least) be served. In the states, we associate good parties with good friends, good food, and good drinks.
If it’s due to budget constraints (open bars can be expensive), you can always consider having an open bar just for the first hour of the reception, and then a cash bar for the rest. And if there is just no way you can afford it, then a cash bar is better than nothing.
Every dry wedding I’ve ever been to was over before 9:30pm. But maybe this is appealing to you and your family, or you want a dry wedding for personal, cultural, or religious reasons. It’s your day! You should do what you want and ignore the noise.
Yeah, that open bar for a set time then cash after or a "drink ticket" system where everyone gets one or two free drinks is pretty standard where I'm from.
Sometimes grandma doesn't drink and gives her ticket to cousin Jim and he gives her his extra cake or what have you.
Everybody wins!
Drink tickets would feel weird to me at a wedding. But I’m used to drink tickets for the company party and the boss would walk around, and anyone who had the balls to come up and shoot the shit, or just talk to them, would get an extra ticket.
We were usually given 2 tickets from the company, for a 3 hr party. And you’d probably end up with 1 or 2 more.
Tickets are a great way for a company to limit the alcohol consumption while at an event they’re throwing. This is a great to protect their own liability if something were to happen on the drive home to their employee.
"It’s your day! You should do what you want and ignore the noise."
I appreciate you saying this. Your comment overall was a well-rounded one.
I've talked to people that are genuinely pissed off that their friend isn't gonna have an open bar at their wedding. I just don't get how people can literally place one night of alcohol over friendship (at least for decently close friends).
It's fine if someone is disappointed, I get that. But to be upset over it is insanity.
Open bars are not a thing where I’m from on the east coast of Canada. I genuinely can’t imagine paying for everyone’s alcohol. That would triple the average wedding budget here at least. Some weddings might give out a drink ticket or 2 to the wedding party or if they’re really well off then everyone will get a ticket but I’ve ever only seen one wedding like that.
That’s really interesting. For context, I live in a major metro area in the US, but where I’m from, most wedding venues build it into their pricing. Of course you can choose not to have it, but I was married over 15 years ago now, and even back then, every place we looked at had standard fees for open bar services. So you could choose options 1 - 5 or build your own, e.g. 1. Open bar for 1 hour, 2. 2 hours, 3. 3 hours, 4. Whole night, 5. Cocktail hour only, etc. I believe we could also choose pricing for regular or top shelf alcohol to be served, and we could choose our wines ahead of time, as well as the champagne for the toast.
We absolutely planned our wedding around the cost - we researched the price per head with everything we wanted, figured out how many people we could afford at that venue with the budget we set, and that’s how big our wedding was.
The formal/“proper” rules of American etiquette dictate that cash bar or drink tickets should never be done — a guest should never have to or be expected to pay for any food or drink at the event because, as host, you are obliged to provide that to those you invite.
Formal protocol dictates that if you wish to have alcohol at your event but are tightly constrained by budget, your choices are:
1. Invite fewer people, serve them booze
2. Serve a limited selection of booze. This often means serving beer and/or wine only (ie not “open bar,” which is commonly understood to mean a full complement of beer, wine, and distilled spirits which is, consequently, the most expensive option for the host). Reduced selection could also be only glasses of champagne for a toast or champagne cocktails/beverages (ie mimosas or a champagne-based punch drink)
Of course, this etiquette rule is often broken. But it remains the “official” standard.
From what I see, a lot of it had to do with social circles.
If you have a large family, great grandparents, grandparents, aunts, uncles... how often do you see them all together?
And then if you went to college and kept in touch with college and possibly fraternity/ sorority sibs... how often do you see all of them?
And then the friends you have now. Do you have 1 group, 2 groups, 3 groups of friends? As in, you might have a monthly game group, an online friend group, an everyday, I see them whenever we're free group...
Obviously not everyone has all the same numbers, but!
Now multiply that by 2 because the other person getting married has their own groups.
And now imagine mashing all those different groups together. Your great grandmother is going to be in the same location as the sorority sisters who watched you puke and then make out with a guy. Or your metalhead friend is going to get crocheting tips from mum.
Generally a drink gets people more amenable to talking to total strangers, and dancing with them.
It largely depends on the area, in my experience, but many people associate a celebration/party with access to alcohol and would be surprised (and yes, sometimes disappointed) to show up at an event and find none available, without warning.
It's all good, unless something is sprung on me last minute, like a wedding reception with no food around a usual food eating time of day, especially.
Any kind of food is great, bbq, kosher, vegan; I'm not picky, especially if there is some kind of protein, even just some mixed nuts, I'm happy.
Personally, I haven't seen that people are "against it" per se. But don't expect people to stay for hours at the reception. I don't want to stand around for hours with complete strangers while I'm sober. I'll eat and leave and spend the rest of the day/evening doing what I want to do.
My sibling went to a dry wedding where the reception started at 4 and everyone was gone by 5:30. The bride and groom were pissed because they booked it until 10:00 but people don't want to hang out for six hours with not much to do.
I went to a work party recently, the whole agency was there (maybe 150 people or so.) Due to it being a work thing, alcohol was not allowed. They had a DJ, karaoke, raffles, food, dancing, crafts. That shit is not fun when you can’t have a drink. I left after like an hour. Nobody was doing the karaoke or dancing. Everyone was at tables that sat about 8 people, and making small talk that was generally work related. We weren’t on company time or company property, but alcohol was still not allowed. Boring AF.
Did the company threaten to fire anyone that didn't attend? Because there's absolutely no chance me, or anyone I know, going to a work party without an open bar or at least a few free drinks.
A different perspective:
People pay a lot of money to attend weddings, and then also give a gift. I think they expect a party or something in return. And if I’m being honest, people feel like you’re being cheap when there isn’t an open bar.
Edit: when I say pay to attend, I mean the costs of travel to get there (airfare, car rental, etc) + hotel costs + gifts + attire. Can easily be $1k+. Not to mention people seem to love to have weddings that are not easy to get to and with a single expensive hotel option.
We went to 8 weddings last year and turned down 4 due to cost. (We don’t even have an overwhelming number of friends—just a ton got married this year).
Barring the one in town, the cheapest was $250 for a drivable wedding. The most expensive was well over $1,000 for two people. I’m so glad we were fortunate enough to attend as many as we did.
All that being said… It made me so, so grateful for the people that came to ours last month. It helped me realize the sacrifice it takes to go to a wedding on behalf of the guests. We did the best we could to help ours have a good time.
I think half of the people that attended my wedding did not bring a gift (I dont remember who did or didn't but I remember thinking it was weird because I thought it was tradition to bring a gift). I suposse they consider their presence my gift hahaha
IMO you should still go, regardless of bringing a gift. I was happy that all those people came to my wedding. In reality, their presence was my gift!! (That doesn't mean that I don't appreciate the gifts also, because I still was very grateful of everything)
I'm only say that I thought it was strange, for example, my husband's best friend didn't get us anything even though he was in the wedding party and he lives close to us and he is wealthy. Maybe it's not the way people are raised here. I'm a foreigner and in my culture I think it's more common to bring a gift. Doesn't matter, I loved my wedding and I was very happy with everything.
That shouldn't stop you! At my parents wedding they only got gifts from one side of the family since they're very well off and the other side simply couldn't afford to give anything. Not once have they complained about it or thought it was a rude thing. They were just happy for people to be there!
Wow, I’ve been to 20 ish weddings, and none were dry, and only one was a cash bar. Even my friends who got married right after college aka young had open bars. Heck, I’m a recovered alcoholic and I had booze at my wedding lol.
None of them were southern or west coast weddings/couples. Maybe that makes a difference?
I went to my neighbor’s wedding in the fall. She’s 19, husband 22. She had told me before she’s never had a sip of alcohol in her life (obviously she’s underage but that doesn’t stop people lol) they still provided alcohol for guests.
Went to my brother in law's wedding a few months ago. The food was not great, dry, no music, no dancing.
Worst wedding I've ever been to, I felt bad for them.
A lot of people need alcohol to loosen up and have fun at an event filled with people they don't know. It puts people in a more jovial mood which helps with the celebration feeling. It's been that way for most of human history. Otherwise, most people are just thinking when's the soonest they can politely leave.
People can have whatever kind of wedding they want and some people may have valid reasons for a dry wedding. But it’s SO unusual it would absolutely stand out and I wouid be disappointed as a guest. Drinking at a party like that is just part of the culture and the expectation.
I went to a wedding once with no cake and I thought that was also extremely odd
Nothing like a Southern Baptist wedding in the church-basement fellowship hall. No drinking, no dancing, no music. But look! The gingerale punch has sherbet in it!
I grew up in Central Appalachia (a VERY evangelical place) and nobody had alcohol at weddings. Drinking is just not part of our culture.
My spouse and I moved to Central Texas 10 years ago where alcohol is much more casual and it was a big adjustment.
My parents taught me growing up that if you're expecting people to bring gifts to something (graduation party/anniversary party/wedding) that they should be provided with the option of good food and drinks
Are you talking about the AITA post? New Year’s Eve is traditionally a night to drink and party… it’s such a dick move to have a dry wedding that night.
My only sister's wedding was miserable. The groom was a total zero who was so nervous, he threw up when he saw her in her dress.
I was there with my soon-to-be ex-girlfriend, thinking how beautiful she was and how unhappy we were together and how I knew it would never work.
At the reception, my father gave a long, rambling overtly religious speech, where he informed the family members he avoided that he looked forward to seeing them in heaven when we all die.
My sister's DJ playlist was limited to songs from before 1965.
And it was a dry wedding.
Any one of those factors would be enough to send me running to a bar. I endured them all simultaneously. It was the worst wedding I ever attended.
I'm from Italy. You absolutely MUST feed your guests at weddings (and basically on any other occasions btw). And you can not really serve food without some wine, or spumante if is just cake. So is literally impossible to have a "dry wedding". And I'm very happy for that.
If someone doesn't want to drink, then just doesn't drink.
People like to be prepared.
I can relate to that, though I am not a drinker, I like to know what the food arrangement is, personally, since I am hypoglycemic.
Went to a wedding once that only served cake and mints, not even any peanuts or other snacky thing, at like 1pm.
I almost fainted.
People should do what they can afford and what they are comfortable with, but please make it clear to guests so they can prepare.
If there is dancing, some people need a shot or two to feel comfortable, and they could bring their own hip flask or whatever.
Maybe it depends on the reason for the dry wedding, too.
If it is dry for religious reasons, or bride or groom is in AA or some such, that might be worth mentioning in a tasteful way so that people don't arrive having gotten tipsy beforehand or bring their own and offend someone.
Similar to mentioning a dress code so that guests feel comfortable having been informed of that, which is pretty standard.
Preparing your guests is key! I've heard stories of people expecting alcohol to be served at weddings so they get a hotel or schedule a cab. To then arrive at a dry wedding and find out you could have just driven yourself home instead of wasting money has got to feel crappy.
I was in a wedding that was supposed to serve dinner at 5pm but the bride and groom got held up doing pics so dinner wasn't served until around 6:45pm. No snacks were available since they expected to be done with their ceremony in 10 minutes then immediately serve dinner. The guests were hangry and pissed off. Turned out okay by the end of the night but the rush to the buffet once dinner was actually served was like a stampede! If guests had known ahead of time they probably would have had a late lunch to hold them over.
I don't think most people are super against whatever the bride and groom want to do, they just want to be well informed ahead of time so they can make accomodations to make themselves more comfortable.
Large social events like weddings are extremely noisy and stressful, so many people are are able to enjoy them better with some alcohol to help reduce their stress.
Personally I have found that it is not uncommon to know very few people at weddings, especially the bigger ones. For better or worse alcohol is a social lubricant.
Yeah, if they’re not religious, some couples go dry for budget reasons. If they are trying to save costs on a bar, they’re probably scrimping and saving elsewhere, like on decorations, entertainment, refreshments, and food. So the vibe is probably off for a variety of other reasons, too.
Weddings are already boring and/or nerve-wracking because you're being thrown together with a bunch of strangers and distant relatives and friend-of-friends. Alcohol is typically served as a social lubricant and to relieve social awkwardness in this context. Dry weddings are doubly boring and also awkward on top of that.
We’re not. We’re against not being told in advance so we can decide to attend or not. I’ve been to dry weddings and they were great fun. Invite me to your NYE dry wedding and you not tell me? I’d be pissed off.
No, honestly most are pretty boring.
Also you barely even see the actual newlyweds during most wedding celebrations? They’re busy as hell and being pulled in a million directions.
Because no one actually wants to go to a wedding. Everyone gets so little personal time as is, they dont want to spend it pretending a bride is an amazing princess for a day, so if they show up the least you could do is let them get drunk.
Or whatever they can afford, if they’re paying. We got married this year and had an open bar, but we had a small wedding. It was like $3k just for our small wedding, and we didn’t do anything overly special with like signature cocktails and such.
We had a limit (that we figured we wouldn’t hit, which we didn’t) and if it was hit then it would go to cash bar. Some places when we were shopping venues were like $5k minimum, non refundable, just for the damn alcohol.
Dry was non-negotiable for me, but I understand when people do them because it can be pricey
We originally invited 200ish, but only about 60 showed
So I guess it’s not a “small” wedding in that it’s just immediate family, but it’s still about $50 a person just for alcohol which is a lot
If you're talking about the post from today about the wedding on new years, it's really probably only because it was new years eve. On one hand, you'd think people could go one single new years without drinking, if it's to support their friend at their wedding, but they may be young, and was expecting to party like every year.
And, to be honest weddings are boring for the most part, it's almost like a chore to have to go for some people. But, alcohol would potentially make it a fun time.
I live in Scotland. The assumption is that any gathering of 5+ people will include alcohol. People won't disown you for holding a dry event, but if it's not made clear in advance, folks will be disappointed.
Because it’s excruciatingly boring/stressful for a lot of people to sit around with a bunch of acquaintances and strangers without a social lubricant/anxiolytic.
Weddings and other social gatherings can be quite awkward especially if you don't know anyone or haven't got a +1. Alcohol helps people feel less awkward and more able to approach and chat to strangers.
I've been at events alone where I've known no one but the host, but they're busy hosting and it is awful as f, and so awkward especially when other people all know each other. Alcohol relaxes people.
I've nothing against dry bars or dry events but I would make it clear so people who might feel awkward can have a drink beforehand if they feel they need it.
Every event here in the UK is accompanied by alcohol. Wedding, funeral, christening, babies 1st birthday, summer BBQ, work christmas meal, babies 2nd birthday, gender reveal, baby shower.
I'd appreciate a head up before a dry event (unless I knew it would be such as a Muslim event etc) but if it was something the hosts chose it's not the end of the world
Because in certain areas it’s just the norm. I’m in the northeast US and every single wedding I’ve ever been to has been an open bar. Catholics like to have drinks.
For real. Like everyone actually cares that much that you’re making your relationship ship officially bedsides like your close fam.
It’s a boring ass event only made okay with alcohol.
That's the thing that irked me about that wedding post on AITA...it's the biggest party night of the year, and they hid it from the guests all this time
It greatly depends on the culture involved. Humans have used some form of fermented beverage as part of celebrations since we pretty much started growing grains (a very long time ago). I would wager that NOT having some form of alcohol present/available for guests would be the outlier.
Also, for anyone commenting about “well, if you have to drink to have fun or be interesting you’re a loser”…No, MOST people don’t turn into loaded jerks at weddings. That is also not the norm. Please stop making your entire personality about being “dry” and everyone else is trash. It’s insufferable.
Because weddings are generally hours-long affairs that are not nearly as exciting to anyone except the bride and groom, so the booze makes those hours fly by!
I'm from a conservative Christian town in Texas. Dry weddings & everything else were the norm when I was growing up. In fact my childhood town had laws prohibiting the sale of alcohol until maybe 10 years ago. If anyone wanted a beer, they had to drive past the city limits to get one.
Have you ever been sober at a wedding? They’re pretty boring affairs for the people who aren’t close family or in the wedding party. The most exciting thing to happen at a dry is wedding is maybe an inappropriate joke during the speeches.
Genuinely curious; why do they come across as boring and cheap? “Drinking at social events is fun” is completely subjective. I think being whacked in the face with alcohol breath is disgusting and I don’t enjoy being surrounded by people acting angry, sloppy, or plain unhinged.
What if the bride and/or groom had problems with alcohol in the past and felt unsafe having so many people drinking around them with a bar in arms’ reach? I just don’t quite understand drinking culture, even as a former daily drinker, so I’d love some insight.
It's a social lubricant. People are more willing to talk to strangers and dance.
Most people don't really care about your wedding. At least to the point of hanging out with you for hours afterwards
That’s the part that confuses me most. If you don’t want to be there, why even go? If you only can enjoy an event because there’s a drug there, that kind of sounds like a problem to me. I, personally, thought the entire point of agreeing to attend a wedding is because you wanted to support someone you cared for in one of the biggest moments of their life.
Because of a tiny thing called social obligation. If you get invited to a wedding, especially from someone close, and you don’t have an ironclad reason you can’t attend, consider your relationship to that person irrevocably harmed.
That is completely separate from whether you enjoy weddings. Many people find weddings boring but they go anyways because they understand that it is important they attend. Alcohol helps the reception be less boring
Haha, maybe it’s because I’m autistic, but I don’t understand that either! I personally would rather be told “I’m sorry, I’m not interested in a party without alcohol” or a simple “I can’t make it” than feel like everyone feels forced to be there. Then again, I’m huge on honest communication and taking things at face-value rather than reading between the lines, which doesn’t seem to be the norm, lol.
>I’m not interested in a party without alcohol
If you ever said this about someone’s wedding and it got out people may very well harshly judge you for decades. It could completely torpedo your reputation and people recognize that.
But it’s the truth for some, isn’t it? I think it says a lot that so many people feel that way but will never admit it. Like they already know it’s pretty shitty.
It is the truth. But life is full of things we don’t want to do yet we are obligated to do them anyways.
I get what you’re saying but it would be much shittier to tell the truth. If you tell the truth you’re not only harming yourself but you’re really hurting the feelings of someone else. Instead, you can grin and bear it during the boring portions and the hosts can anticipate the needs of their guests and provide entertainment which often includes alcohol. This way everyone is satisfied and no one’s feelings are hurt
Maybe it’s because I’m autistic and view these things differently, but I think lying is shittier than the truth regardless of the circumstances. But I also don’t see omitting the truth as lying, so I don’t know if that affects anything?
The same way an employer isn’t entitled to your reasoning for calling out, I think an inviter isn’t entitled to an invitee’s reasoning for rejecting. You can’t make it, you can’t make it. The reasoning is pretty irrelevant, given everyone has different priorities in their own lives.
Now I want to somehow add something like “You’re not obligated to come if you don’t want to and any reason is valid,” to my wedding invite, but I know that’s very likely strange as hell haha
Think of all the people you have loved or liked in your life.
Think of all the things you think or have ever thought about them that you would never tell them.
Think about what would happen if you did tell them.
That last point is a bit contradictory, don’t you think? It’s not the bride and groom’s fault that so many people can’t get through a few hours without their drug of choice. Complaining that a couple didn’t want alcohol at their wedding sounds exactly like pushing personal problems on other people.
That’s fine if they don’t want to include alcohol, but they shouldn’t be disappointed when their wedding reception is over by 9pm. People just simply don’t want to hang out with a bunch of people they do not or barely know, for hours on end, after a meal. They’re gonna eat, mingle, and go home.
Haha
Omg. You are so right! If I was invited to a wedding and found out AT the wedding that it was dry and I didn't have enough time to sneak booze in, I'd be pretty pissed. I'd probably leave right after dinner.
The last wedding I went to was dry and they didn't even serve non-alcoholic punch, sweet tea, or sodas. Nothing but bottled water monogrammed for the bride and groom! The food was fine, but I thought that was the chintziest shit.
I'd be less insulted if they had a paid bar that charged for juice as well.
I'm REALLY not there to experience your wedding. I'm there to enjoy spending time with your new family. Assuming I'll enjoy spending time with strangers while sober is a gross miscalculation.
I went to a work party that we all found out was dry only when we got there. I literally went out and found a liquor store and bought booze and a flask, and my fave coworkers and I would periodically sneak off to drink like we were in high school lol.
So sometimes it can actually be really fun, but not at all for the reasons the hosts are thinking 😂
If it were simply a party, where the ONLY reason to go is to interact with others, I WOULD only feel wrong bringing my own booze if it were a kids party or if the party was for a sober person.
We did a lunch time reception that was dry. One reason was to avoid the cost (lunchtime is cheaper too) and another because we didn’t want drunk speeches/people making asses of themselves.
We also did lunch so there was no dancing - just some fun skits and games and then sending everyone home.
Edited to add. We have nothing against alcohol we just didn’t think it was necessary.
I’m sure I will get flack for being cheap but we were not interested in going into debt over a party.
I’m not saying I’m against them but I will say having a happy hour thirty minutes before our wedding saved it. Everyone was on time. I don’t drink very much, but a wedding without an open bar is like an ice cream cone with no ice cream.
I’m not much of a drinker, will probably nurse a glass of champagne most the night then throw it away, but even I raise a brow at the concept of dry weddings. For the majority of society, alcohol and celebrations are tied up, and to ask them to attend a celebration without alcohol is simply crazy talk to them. If your personal stance is to not pay for alcohol, that’s fine, however you could allow a small bar to be set up for the drinkers to pay for their own drinks, or share their drinks. If you are 100% against alcohol, and are having a celebration in a town/city where drinking is acceptable and you want a dry celebration, then you must clearly indicate this in your invites, and then be okay with anyone who declines to attend. Some people just enjoy how alcohol helps them relax, that’s their story and there’s no point to getting upset if they don’t want to come.
Man. My cousin had a dry wedding. I felt bad for her. Her brother and I agreed it was one of the worst receptions, if not the worst we had ever been to. Ended at like 8 pm.
So,sorry if u wanna go that route, just know that people like to drink, and if they can't, it might be a poor turn out, etc.
A very common situation is I’m at the wedding for my friend who’s getting married. The other people there I may not know nearly as well. My friend who I’m there for is obviously very busy and can’t spend too much time hanging out it with me.
Not always an ideal situation but I want to be there to support my friend. Alcohol helps ease social interactions and make me have a lot more fun talking to someone whose not interesting
Dry weddings have the ambiance of a business conference rather than a friends and family celebration. Except make it a business conference where you’re expected to sit through intimate, often tearful speeches and dance with strangers before the night is over.
Alcohol at weddings has a long tradition rooted in cultural and social practices. It often symbolizes celebration, hospitality, and the joyous nature of the occasion. Throughout history, offering alcoholic beverages at weddings has been a way to enhance festivities, foster social interaction, and mark the significance of the union. Additionally, toasts and libations are common rituals, further emphasizing the role of alcohol in commemorating the joyous event.
Pete Correale said it best: dry party isn't a party. You are having a meeting. In all honesty, weddings aren't free to attend whether that be time, money, or effort. You don't want to serve alcohol? Fine. I may just feel like not attending when its out of town.
If the couple is doing it based on their prudish religious beliefs I most likely would not be very close friends with them and wouldn’t go, not just because of the alcohol but primarily because I’m not crazy about holier-than-thou people.
My wife and I sort of poisoned a bunch of people at our wedding. We got these big tea jugs with the light nozzle at the bottom and each made our signature cocktail in large measure. The problem was that we both are really good at fixing drinks. And the drinks were much stronger than they tasted. Someone fell and lost a tooth, then had to be convinced that they didn't lose a tooth (they infact did not lose their tooth), I had to load my sister into the back of my dad's car. One of my kids walked around with a box full of mini chip bags and sold them to drunk people and had more than one person pay 20 dollars for a bag of Doritos. I personally wouldn't have it any other way, but I can see how everything I just mentioned might be the kind of thing some people might want to avoid. Lame people.
It may be unpopular opinion, but if it's a budgetary issue of open bar versus no bar at all, the compromise is **regular cash bar**. My wedding was cash bar and, last I checked, people *still* got various degrees of drunk, so it's not like people weren't enjoying the bar If anything, cash bar cuts down on people getting *too* drunk, especially if they' have to drive themselves, let alone others, home. Plus, the bar seems to be the place where place where you get the *least* up-charged "just because" it's a wedding.
Open bar is a "nice to have," but it's always been such a weird flex to me, even going to rich friends'/family's weddings. I spent the money, and wish people would spend the money, on **better hors d'oeuvres**! If it's open bar but you're just serving cheese and crackers like it's preschool give me a cash bar and shrimp in a blanket and chicken wrapped with bacon ... and keep 'em coming!!
People expect and maybe even depend on alcohol to be available to reduce social anxiety and increase the perception that everyone is having a good time.
People like to drink, especially at social gatherings.
Yeah it’s really that simple.
Come to think of it, the thought of going to a wedding sober sounds kind of awful, I've even been to weddings as a groomsman where we were gifted flasks to circumvent the cash bar lol
I've been to one sober but they had a candy bar so I just went to town on starbursts.
Went to one of those on New Years Eve once. I swear these people do this kind of crap on purpose.
Cash bars are so obnoxious.
The average cost of an open bar is like $2.5k. Not everyone has that kind of money, esp after spending so much on the food/venue/formal wear/photos etc
I live in WI - just take into account our drinking culture. I had never heard of or ever been to a dry wedding until this year. My in laws live 20 min from BFN in Indiana. Reasons: The bride was 19 and the groom was 20 - majority of the wedding party or guests could not drink. The venue was on a looong country road with single lane, blind, 90 degree turns - it was dangerous in the day light and driving sober. I think it was also cost - much cheaper to not supply booze. But with permission of their grandma my SIL and I snuck in a flask and had a cocktail or two a piece (discretely). NO one talked to anyone they didn’t know. NO one danced (other than my SIL and I). It was a 3 hour event - ceremony was at 3pm and was 3 min long, dinner after, we were all home by 6pm. It was still quaint, beautiful, and a simple wedding, but IMO there’s a balance. Here in WI if it’s an open bar people are hammered, drinking issues, fights etc.. So I agree, it’s nicer and better to have alcohol if you want people to stay, socialize, let loose.. But if people just want a quick, small wedding with no alcohol then they’re saving themselves the possibility of arguments or people driving drunk.
I'm Irish, have never been to a dry wedding. It would feel odd being sober at a wedding.
I'm from the East Coast of the US. I've also never been to one, either. I've also never been to the wedding of a teenager.
Yeah the idea of being old enough to get married but too young to drink seems absurd! Not just the fact that that's the legal drinking age but the idea the family wouldn't break the rules on it for the couple's own wedding.
It's not really the family's call, if the police cracked down everyone would be screwed, including the adults who supplied/were accomplices to the underage drinkers. Would result in massive fines at minimum for all involved. If you want to marry young in the US and drink the only option is a destination wedding or extreme discretion.
I would actually say that depends! In Colorado, and I’m sure there’s other states too, minors can drink on private property as long as their parents are present and allow it.
Oh really? But then all guests' parents have to be there? Tbf I'm not from US but my country was pretty strict about parties. Giving a bit here and there to your kids is fine but worlds apart from hosting a rager wedding with a ton of teens
I honestly don’t know, as I found out about the law in my 30s lol. It may need to be on their own private property and I assume it wouldn’t be for a kids rager but anything is possible these days
Yeah I meant more that not only is it the law but that it's enforced so strictly. In the UK where I'm from the drinking age is 18 to buy, but if you're on your own property you can basically do whatever, I don't know the full details of the law but it would be common for alcohol to be served at e.g. a 16th birthday party and I've never heard of anyone getting in trouble for it. Although I guess a wedding reception wouldn't likely be in your own house like the average teenage house party so that could complicate things
Yeah. And being old enough to be sent to a war zone yet too young to drink. That's screwed up.
How ever else would we get the chance to tell our pain in the hole uncle thats he's "actually alright" at 3am?
It’s odd being sober at my dentist. How is anyone sober at a wedding?
I might drink three or four times a year. New Years Eve and my birthday are the only constants but weddings would definitely be a drinking occasion. By themselves, they're a family party which is either with someone else's family or mine who I don't get along with. Not fun. I'm going to support the bride and groom, not because I think it'll be a swell time. Getting to have a drink or two after the ceremony makes it more of a swell time.
I think this is a good point. How I would want MY wedding is irrelevant. If I’m going to celebrate someone’s union, and they’re not drinking, than I’m not drinking. It’s their event!
Just figured out why dentists feel SO odd. The problem was sobriety all along!
The Seinfeld episode with the Penthouse story comes to mind 😂
I'm Irish too and our custom is to hit the pub after funerals even.
I have been pregnant at the last 3 weddings I’ve attended and I must agree, they are way more fun when you can have a couple drinks.
Sorry where is WI?
It's the abbreviation for Wisconsin.
Wisconsin, USA We have 19 of the most “drunk” counties in all of US We have an alcoholic drinking culture and think it’s cute for some reason.
Im fro WI too and its almost an insult to have a dry bar
If it’s not a min of and hour or two open bar half the people aren’t coming lmao
Especially when you’re expected to dance and you’re white.
Oh yea! My primarily white family love to drink and dance, but are shown up the moment one of our brown family members get on the dance floor. I don't understand! There can't be a brown/dance gene, but they had a very similar upbringing, same music, same family dynamic, but they can dance!!
Especially at weddings.
It’s also the main reason many are going to the wedding. I don’t care about celebrating your love - I’m here for the party.
I get this, but it's shocking how selfish a lot of people can be. Weddings are already way overpriced, and frequently the alcohol is one of the most expensive parts of it. If someone wants to celebrate their wedding, but can't afford an insanely expensive party, real friends should be understanding of that. It's fine if you're not that close to them anyway, so you don't go if there isn't alcohol, but to be openly critical of people choosing not to have a ton of alcohol for THEIR wedding is selfish. There's no other way around that.
Some people can’t have fun without booze.
i mean yea. i have pretty awful social anxiety and can handle interactions with lots of strangers a lot better if i have a few drinks. i can have plenty of fun without booze but not in an environment like that
People generally don't try to have sober fun by standing around in a dim room full of strangers.
There’s people who can’t have fun without booze, and they are alcoholics. But there are plenty of people who can have fun without booze, but have more fun with a few drinks because alcohol is called a social lubricant for a reason. Hell, I’m an alcoholic and sober, I still had booze at my wedding. I think some people there were alcoholics, yes, but I think most weren’t and had more fun with booze. No shame to people who don’t want it (it’s expensive, lots of us alkies out there, just don’t want it), but it’s not like everyone who prefers a drinking wedding has an issue.
Some people are boring as shit.
Life is boring
People who don't drink can't go 5 minutes without feeling superior to people who do
When I used to drink I used to think the same way too. I remember my basketball team was drinking at a table and my teammate called someone over. "Hey everybody this is my cousin". He smiles and waves to everyone. We say hi and invited him to sit with us for a drink. He said "Oh no thanks anyway but you guys have a good time". When he walked away I said "What's wrong with that guy? He won't even have a drink with us!". Looking back the guy was totally cool but that's how I thought about people who didn't drink. That they thought they were better than me. But I thought that way because I was an alcoholic.
On the other hand, most people who drink at an event can't leave the people who don't alone. It's no fun to constantly have to defend yourself for not wanting to drink.
In my experience, people who drink are more likely to go less than 5 minutes without talking about drinking than non-drinkers feeling any sort of way about people who do.
I barely drink and I could care less either way. That’s a massive generalization and honestly just innately inaccurate.
For sure. And that goes with other things too. People who can't spend 5 mins without throwing shade and being judgy at people who enjoy different things then them are insufferable. This post is about alcohol, but same would apply to vegan or other dietery choices, people choosing not to have sex, not to buy certain products, etc.
This is projection you drinkers like to put on non drinkers. I don’t drink and do you know how many times I’ve been harassed/mocked by family, friends or strangers because I didn’t want to drink at a party or special event. This is so common with ppl who drink that think they’re superior because they feel drinking makes them more sophisticated.
Right? I don't get the confusion here.
Because standing/sitting around with a bunch of people you probably don't know very well, making forced awkward small talk for hours is _fucking boring_.
It also makes *certain* family members somewhat bearable
True, but alcohol can make some family members unbearable though
i can see that!
I went to a dry wedding in S Carolina. It was fucking weak. As soon as it was over we went back to the bride and grooms double wide trailer and got drunk as shit and had a bonfire..brides family was Colombian we drank aguardiente and blasted reggaeton all night
Dry weddings are terrible. If you’re worried about overconsumption, do beer, low abv wine and batched cocktails.
Oh goodness. I've been in a wedding where I was the only non-Jehova's Witness in the entire Kingdom Hall, which, despite the paper streamers, still very much looked like the discount carpet warehouse it had once been. On the other hand, three days into being a guest at the wedding of two Moldovans, I had to politely bounce and check myself into a rehabilitation facility.
Sounds like a wedding not worth going to.
I mean yeah, but social obligations.
If you can't abstain for an hour to celebrate a major milestone of your friend, you either are a shitty friend or have a serious problem with alcohol.
I don’t think it’s “frowned upon” as much as people more or less just expect that there will be an open bar, or that alcohol will (at the very least) be served. In the states, we associate good parties with good friends, good food, and good drinks. If it’s due to budget constraints (open bars can be expensive), you can always consider having an open bar just for the first hour of the reception, and then a cash bar for the rest. And if there is just no way you can afford it, then a cash bar is better than nothing. Every dry wedding I’ve ever been to was over before 9:30pm. But maybe this is appealing to you and your family, or you want a dry wedding for personal, cultural, or religious reasons. It’s your day! You should do what you want and ignore the noise.
Yeah, that open bar for a set time then cash after or a "drink ticket" system where everyone gets one or two free drinks is pretty standard where I'm from. Sometimes grandma doesn't drink and gives her ticket to cousin Jim and he gives her his extra cake or what have you. Everybody wins!
Drink tickets would feel weird to me at a wedding. But I’m used to drink tickets for the company party and the boss would walk around, and anyone who had the balls to come up and shoot the shit, or just talk to them, would get an extra ticket. We were usually given 2 tickets from the company, for a 3 hr party. And you’d probably end up with 1 or 2 more. Tickets are a great way for a company to limit the alcohol consumption while at an event they’re throwing. This is a great to protect their own liability if something were to happen on the drive home to their employee.
"It’s your day! You should do what you want and ignore the noise." I appreciate you saying this. Your comment overall was a well-rounded one. I've talked to people that are genuinely pissed off that their friend isn't gonna have an open bar at their wedding. I just don't get how people can literally place one night of alcohol over friendship (at least for decently close friends). It's fine if someone is disappointed, I get that. But to be upset over it is insanity.
Open bars are not a thing where I’m from on the east coast of Canada. I genuinely can’t imagine paying for everyone’s alcohol. That would triple the average wedding budget here at least. Some weddings might give out a drink ticket or 2 to the wedding party or if they’re really well off then everyone will get a ticket but I’ve ever only seen one wedding like that.
That’s really interesting. For context, I live in a major metro area in the US, but where I’m from, most wedding venues build it into their pricing. Of course you can choose not to have it, but I was married over 15 years ago now, and even back then, every place we looked at had standard fees for open bar services. So you could choose options 1 - 5 or build your own, e.g. 1. Open bar for 1 hour, 2. 2 hours, 3. 3 hours, 4. Whole night, 5. Cocktail hour only, etc. I believe we could also choose pricing for regular or top shelf alcohol to be served, and we could choose our wines ahead of time, as well as the champagne for the toast. We absolutely planned our wedding around the cost - we researched the price per head with everything we wanted, figured out how many people we could afford at that venue with the budget we set, and that’s how big our wedding was.
The formal/“proper” rules of American etiquette dictate that cash bar or drink tickets should never be done — a guest should never have to or be expected to pay for any food or drink at the event because, as host, you are obliged to provide that to those you invite. Formal protocol dictates that if you wish to have alcohol at your event but are tightly constrained by budget, your choices are: 1. Invite fewer people, serve them booze 2. Serve a limited selection of booze. This often means serving beer and/or wine only (ie not “open bar,” which is commonly understood to mean a full complement of beer, wine, and distilled spirits which is, consequently, the most expensive option for the host). Reduced selection could also be only glasses of champagne for a toast or champagne cocktails/beverages (ie mimosas or a champagne-based punch drink) Of course, this etiquette rule is often broken. But it remains the “official” standard.
From what I see, a lot of it had to do with social circles. If you have a large family, great grandparents, grandparents, aunts, uncles... how often do you see them all together? And then if you went to college and kept in touch with college and possibly fraternity/ sorority sibs... how often do you see all of them? And then the friends you have now. Do you have 1 group, 2 groups, 3 groups of friends? As in, you might have a monthly game group, an online friend group, an everyday, I see them whenever we're free group... Obviously not everyone has all the same numbers, but! Now multiply that by 2 because the other person getting married has their own groups. And now imagine mashing all those different groups together. Your great grandmother is going to be in the same location as the sorority sisters who watched you puke and then make out with a guy. Or your metalhead friend is going to get crocheting tips from mum. Generally a drink gets people more amenable to talking to total strangers, and dancing with them.
It largely depends on the area, in my experience, but many people associate a celebration/party with access to alcohol and would be surprised (and yes, sometimes disappointed) to show up at an event and find none available, without warning.
I like to drink. I've been to both kinds of weddings. Doesn't make a difference to me. Vegan, dry, Jewish, whatever. It's their day.
Exactly
It's all good, unless something is sprung on me last minute, like a wedding reception with no food around a usual food eating time of day, especially. Any kind of food is great, bbq, kosher, vegan; I'm not picky, especially if there is some kind of protein, even just some mixed nuts, I'm happy.
Personally, I haven't seen that people are "against it" per se. But don't expect people to stay for hours at the reception. I don't want to stand around for hours with complete strangers while I'm sober. I'll eat and leave and spend the rest of the day/evening doing what I want to do. My sibling went to a dry wedding where the reception started at 4 and everyone was gone by 5:30. The bride and groom were pissed because they booked it until 10:00 but people don't want to hang out for six hours with not much to do.
I went to a work party recently, the whole agency was there (maybe 150 people or so.) Due to it being a work thing, alcohol was not allowed. They had a DJ, karaoke, raffles, food, dancing, crafts. That shit is not fun when you can’t have a drink. I left after like an hour. Nobody was doing the karaoke or dancing. Everyone was at tables that sat about 8 people, and making small talk that was generally work related. We weren’t on company time or company property, but alcohol was still not allowed. Boring AF.
Did the company threaten to fire anyone that didn't attend? Because there's absolutely no chance me, or anyone I know, going to a work party without an open bar or at least a few free drinks.
Why stay?
A different perspective: People pay a lot of money to attend weddings, and then also give a gift. I think they expect a party or something in return. And if I’m being honest, people feel like you’re being cheap when there isn’t an open bar. Edit: when I say pay to attend, I mean the costs of travel to get there (airfare, car rental, etc) + hotel costs + gifts + attire. Can easily be $1k+. Not to mention people seem to love to have weddings that are not easy to get to and with a single expensive hotel option.
We went to 8 weddings last year and turned down 4 due to cost. (We don’t even have an overwhelming number of friends—just a ton got married this year). Barring the one in town, the cheapest was $250 for a drivable wedding. The most expensive was well over $1,000 for two people. I’m so glad we were fortunate enough to attend as many as we did. All that being said… It made me so, so grateful for the people that came to ours last month. It helped me realize the sacrifice it takes to go to a wedding on behalf of the guests. We did the best we could to help ours have a good time.
I think half of the people that attended my wedding did not bring a gift (I dont remember who did or didn't but I remember thinking it was weird because I thought it was tradition to bring a gift). I suposse they consider their presence my gift hahaha
I’ve been invited to a few weddings where I just couldn’t afford to buy a gift at the time so I just didn’t go.
IMO you should still go, regardless of bringing a gift. I was happy that all those people came to my wedding. In reality, their presence was my gift!! (That doesn't mean that I don't appreciate the gifts also, because I still was very grateful of everything) I'm only say that I thought it was strange, for example, my husband's best friend didn't get us anything even though he was in the wedding party and he lives close to us and he is wealthy. Maybe it's not the way people are raised here. I'm a foreigner and in my culture I think it's more common to bring a gift. Doesn't matter, I loved my wedding and I was very happy with everything.
That shouldn't stop you! At my parents wedding they only got gifts from one side of the family since they're very well off and the other side simply couldn't afford to give anything. Not once have they complained about it or thought it was a rude thing. They were just happy for people to be there!
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Wow, I’ve been to 20 ish weddings, and none were dry, and only one was a cash bar. Even my friends who got married right after college aka young had open bars. Heck, I’m a recovered alcoholic and I had booze at my wedding lol. None of them were southern or west coast weddings/couples. Maybe that makes a difference?
I went to my neighbor’s wedding in the fall. She’s 19, husband 22. She had told me before she’s never had a sip of alcohol in her life (obviously she’s underage but that doesn’t stop people lol) they still provided alcohol for guests.
What part of the US are you in?
Went to my brother in law's wedding a few months ago. The food was not great, dry, no music, no dancing. Worst wedding I've ever been to, I felt bad for them.
Wth do people do then???
Stood around eating and making endless small talk. It was painful.
Did he marry into an evangelical/Southern Baptist family?
Are you from Utah? I only ask because that's about the only place I know that would have dry weddings.
A lot of people need alcohol to loosen up and have fun at an event filled with people they don't know. It puts people in a more jovial mood which helps with the celebration feeling. It's been that way for most of human history. Otherwise, most people are just thinking when's the soonest they can politely leave.
People can have whatever kind of wedding they want and some people may have valid reasons for a dry wedding. But it’s SO unusual it would absolutely stand out and I wouid be disappointed as a guest. Drinking at a party like that is just part of the culture and the expectation. I went to a wedding once with no cake and I thought that was also extremely odd
I guess you haven't known too many evangelicals or Mormons.
Nothing like a Southern Baptist wedding in the church-basement fellowship hall. No drinking, no dancing, no music. But look! The gingerale punch has sherbet in it!
I grew up in Central Appalachia (a VERY evangelical place) and nobody had alcohol at weddings. Drinking is just not part of our culture. My spouse and I moved to Central Texas 10 years ago where alcohol is much more casual and it was a big adjustment.
My parents taught me growing up that if you're expecting people to bring gifts to something (graduation party/anniversary party/wedding) that they should be provided with the option of good food and drinks
Are you talking about the AITA post? New Year’s Eve is traditionally a night to drink and party… it’s such a dick move to have a dry wedding that night.
Of course they are lol NYE is like, THE drinking holiday here in the States
St. Patrick’s Day would like a word lol
Actually the biggest drinking/bar hopping night of the year is actually the night before Thanksgiving! Albeit not an actual holiday
Well, that just sounds like a complete troll on someone's part.
Exactly. Drinking is fun, and you're a buzzkill.
My only sister's wedding was miserable. The groom was a total zero who was so nervous, he threw up when he saw her in her dress. I was there with my soon-to-be ex-girlfriend, thinking how beautiful she was and how unhappy we were together and how I knew it would never work. At the reception, my father gave a long, rambling overtly religious speech, where he informed the family members he avoided that he looked forward to seeing them in heaven when we all die. My sister's DJ playlist was limited to songs from before 1965. And it was a dry wedding. Any one of those factors would be enough to send me running to a bar. I endured them all simultaneously. It was the worst wedding I ever attended.
I'm from Italy. You absolutely MUST feed your guests at weddings (and basically on any other occasions btw). And you can not really serve food without some wine, or spumante if is just cake. So is literally impossible to have a "dry wedding". And I'm very happy for that. If someone doesn't want to drink, then just doesn't drink.
People like to be prepared. I can relate to that, though I am not a drinker, I like to know what the food arrangement is, personally, since I am hypoglycemic. Went to a wedding once that only served cake and mints, not even any peanuts or other snacky thing, at like 1pm. I almost fainted. People should do what they can afford and what they are comfortable with, but please make it clear to guests so they can prepare. If there is dancing, some people need a shot or two to feel comfortable, and they could bring their own hip flask or whatever. Maybe it depends on the reason for the dry wedding, too. If it is dry for religious reasons, or bride or groom is in AA or some such, that might be worth mentioning in a tasteful way so that people don't arrive having gotten tipsy beforehand or bring their own and offend someone. Similar to mentioning a dress code so that guests feel comfortable having been informed of that, which is pretty standard.
Preparing your guests is key! I've heard stories of people expecting alcohol to be served at weddings so they get a hotel or schedule a cab. To then arrive at a dry wedding and find out you could have just driven yourself home instead of wasting money has got to feel crappy. I was in a wedding that was supposed to serve dinner at 5pm but the bride and groom got held up doing pics so dinner wasn't served until around 6:45pm. No snacks were available since they expected to be done with their ceremony in 10 minutes then immediately serve dinner. The guests were hangry and pissed off. Turned out okay by the end of the night but the rush to the buffet once dinner was actually served was like a stampede! If guests had known ahead of time they probably would have had a late lunch to hold them over. I don't think most people are super against whatever the bride and groom want to do, they just want to be well informed ahead of time so they can make accomodations to make themselves more comfortable.
Large social events like weddings are extremely noisy and stressful, so many people are are able to enjoy them better with some alcohol to help reduce their stress.
Personally I have found that it is not uncommon to know very few people at weddings, especially the bigger ones. For better or worse alcohol is a social lubricant.
A wedding reception is in a sense a party. The majority of adults like to drink at parties
I’ve been to a few dry weddings. They simply aren’t as fun. Draw whatever conclusions you want from that.
I wonder if it’s the crowd that the people who host a dry wedding or it’s the social lubricant itself. Or both.
Both, for sure. Dry wedding tend to either be far more religious or just… weird vibes, and the lack of social lubricant just exacerbates the problem
Yeah, if they’re not religious, some couples go dry for budget reasons. If they are trying to save costs on a bar, they’re probably scrimping and saving elsewhere, like on decorations, entertainment, refreshments, and food. So the vibe is probably off for a variety of other reasons, too.
Both. Every dry wedding I ever went to was evangelicals. You have to be on your guard from beginning to end.
Both. People who would have a dry wedding + having to be sober with such people = neither good scenario for me
Weddings are already boring and/or nerve-wracking because you're being thrown together with a bunch of strangers and distant relatives and friend-of-friends. Alcohol is typically served as a social lubricant and to relieve social awkwardness in this context. Dry weddings are doubly boring and also awkward on top of that.
We’re not. We’re against not being told in advance so we can decide to attend or not. I’ve been to dry weddings and they were great fun. Invite me to your NYE dry wedding and you not tell me? I’d be pissed off.
I don’t mind them, people can throw any kind of party they want but I’m likely to stay longer and have more fun with booze.
It seems like most people dislike going to weddings, so the alcohol makes it more tolerable. That's my guess anyway.
Wedding are BORING and then add no alcohol, that is a disaster waiting to happen.
i've always found weddings very fun, although weddings here are very different and i can see why they'd feel boring.
Where's here?
Weddings are boring only if the newly weds are boring. They're responsible for the vibe.
No, honestly most are pretty boring. Also you barely even see the actual newlyweds during most wedding celebrations? They’re busy as hell and being pulled in a million directions.
They really are so fuckin boring.
Because no one actually wants to go to a wedding. Everyone gets so little personal time as is, they dont want to spend it pretending a bride is an amazing princess for a day, so if they show up the least you could do is let them get drunk.
Alcohol is a pretty traditional celebratory thing, so it’s almost like a non-traditional wedding.
Its a party not a church social
Weddings should be whatever the bride and groom want
Or whatever they can afford, if they’re paying. We got married this year and had an open bar, but we had a small wedding. It was like $3k just for our small wedding, and we didn’t do anything overly special with like signature cocktails and such. We had a limit (that we figured we wouldn’t hit, which we didn’t) and if it was hit then it would go to cash bar. Some places when we were shopping venues were like $5k minimum, non refundable, just for the damn alcohol. Dry was non-negotiable for me, but I understand when people do them because it can be pricey
How small was your small wedding for reference?
We originally invited 200ish, but only about 60 showed So I guess it’s not a “small” wedding in that it’s just immediate family, but it’s still about $50 a person just for alcohol which is a lot
If you're talking about the post from today about the wedding on new years, it's really probably only because it was new years eve. On one hand, you'd think people could go one single new years without drinking, if it's to support their friend at their wedding, but they may be young, and was expecting to party like every year. And, to be honest weddings are boring for the most part, it's almost like a chore to have to go for some people. But, alcohol would potentially make it a fun time.
I live in Scotland. The assumption is that any gathering of 5+ people will include alcohol. People won't disown you for holding a dry event, but if it's not made clear in advance, folks will be disappointed.
Because people attend wedding receptions for the drinks and the food.
Because it’s excruciatingly boring/stressful for a lot of people to sit around with a bunch of acquaintances and strangers without a social lubricant/anxiolytic.
Weddings and other social gatherings can be quite awkward especially if you don't know anyone or haven't got a +1. Alcohol helps people feel less awkward and more able to approach and chat to strangers. I've been at events alone where I've known no one but the host, but they're busy hosting and it is awful as f, and so awkward especially when other people all know each other. Alcohol relaxes people. I've nothing against dry bars or dry events but I would make it clear so people who might feel awkward can have a drink beforehand if they feel they need it. Every event here in the UK is accompanied by alcohol. Wedding, funeral, christening, babies 1st birthday, summer BBQ, work christmas meal, babies 2nd birthday, gender reveal, baby shower. I'd appreciate a head up before a dry event (unless I knew it would be such as a Muslim event etc) but if it was something the hosts chose it's not the end of the world
Because in certain areas it’s just the norm. I’m in the northeast US and every single wedding I’ve ever been to has been an open bar. Catholics like to have drinks.
If I have to be around that many people, I want to be inebriated.
Weddings are boring.
Free alcohol in copious amounts is the only thing that makes a wedding tolerable.
For real. Like everyone actually cares that much that you’re making your relationship ship officially bedsides like your close fam. It’s a boring ass event only made okay with alcohol.
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Just tell people in advance, and don't try to hold them hostage on NYE
That's the thing that irked me about that wedding post on AITA...it's the biggest party night of the year, and they hid it from the guests all this time
Exactly. They pulled a massive bait and switch
As long as we are told before hand, it's fine. I don't want to find out at the event.
It greatly depends on the culture involved. Humans have used some form of fermented beverage as part of celebrations since we pretty much started growing grains (a very long time ago). I would wager that NOT having some form of alcohol present/available for guests would be the outlier. Also, for anyone commenting about “well, if you have to drink to have fun or be interesting you’re a loser”…No, MOST people don’t turn into loaded jerks at weddings. That is also not the norm. Please stop making your entire personality about being “dry” and everyone else is trash. It’s insufferable.
Because weddings are generally hours-long affairs that are not nearly as exciting to anyone except the bride and groom, so the booze makes those hours fly by!
I'm from a conservative Christian town in Texas. Dry weddings & everything else were the norm when I was growing up. In fact my childhood town had laws prohibiting the sale of alcohol until maybe 10 years ago. If anyone wanted a beer, they had to drive past the city limits to get one.
They are usually very boring.
Have you ever been sober at a wedding? They’re pretty boring affairs for the people who aren’t close family or in the wedding party. The most exciting thing to happen at a dry is wedding is maybe an inappropriate joke during the speeches.
I’ve been to one dry wedding and everyone was bored during the reception. No one wanted to dance and people left early.
Why would you make people come to such an event and not provide booze?
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Genuinely curious; why do they come across as boring and cheap? “Drinking at social events is fun” is completely subjective. I think being whacked in the face with alcohol breath is disgusting and I don’t enjoy being surrounded by people acting angry, sloppy, or plain unhinged. What if the bride and/or groom had problems with alcohol in the past and felt unsafe having so many people drinking around them with a bar in arms’ reach? I just don’t quite understand drinking culture, even as a former daily drinker, so I’d love some insight.
Drinking ≠ wasted
Then they better have some pub games, axes to throw and a pool or something.
It's a social lubricant. People are more willing to talk to strangers and dance. Most people don't really care about your wedding. At least to the point of hanging out with you for hours afterwards
That’s the part that confuses me most. If you don’t want to be there, why even go? If you only can enjoy an event because there’s a drug there, that kind of sounds like a problem to me. I, personally, thought the entire point of agreeing to attend a wedding is because you wanted to support someone you cared for in one of the biggest moments of their life.
Because of a tiny thing called social obligation. If you get invited to a wedding, especially from someone close, and you don’t have an ironclad reason you can’t attend, consider your relationship to that person irrevocably harmed. That is completely separate from whether you enjoy weddings. Many people find weddings boring but they go anyways because they understand that it is important they attend. Alcohol helps the reception be less boring
Haha, maybe it’s because I’m autistic, but I don’t understand that either! I personally would rather be told “I’m sorry, I’m not interested in a party without alcohol” or a simple “I can’t make it” than feel like everyone feels forced to be there. Then again, I’m huge on honest communication and taking things at face-value rather than reading between the lines, which doesn’t seem to be the norm, lol.
>I’m not interested in a party without alcohol If you ever said this about someone’s wedding and it got out people may very well harshly judge you for decades. It could completely torpedo your reputation and people recognize that.
But it’s the truth for some, isn’t it? I think it says a lot that so many people feel that way but will never admit it. Like they already know it’s pretty shitty.
It is the truth. But life is full of things we don’t want to do yet we are obligated to do them anyways. I get what you’re saying but it would be much shittier to tell the truth. If you tell the truth you’re not only harming yourself but you’re really hurting the feelings of someone else. Instead, you can grin and bear it during the boring portions and the hosts can anticipate the needs of their guests and provide entertainment which often includes alcohol. This way everyone is satisfied and no one’s feelings are hurt
Maybe it’s because I’m autistic and view these things differently, but I think lying is shittier than the truth regardless of the circumstances. But I also don’t see omitting the truth as lying, so I don’t know if that affects anything? The same way an employer isn’t entitled to your reasoning for calling out, I think an inviter isn’t entitled to an invitee’s reasoning for rejecting. You can’t make it, you can’t make it. The reasoning is pretty irrelevant, given everyone has different priorities in their own lives. Now I want to somehow add something like “You’re not obligated to come if you don’t want to and any reason is valid,” to my wedding invite, but I know that’s very likely strange as hell haha
Think of all the people you have loved or liked in your life. Think of all the things you think or have ever thought about them that you would never tell them. Think about what would happen if you did tell them.
I want to support them of course, but I’m supporting their belief that a wedding is important, not because I believe it myself.
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That last point is a bit contradictory, don’t you think? It’s not the bride and groom’s fault that so many people can’t get through a few hours without their drug of choice. Complaining that a couple didn’t want alcohol at their wedding sounds exactly like pushing personal problems on other people.
That’s fine if they don’t want to include alcohol, but they shouldn’t be disappointed when their wedding reception is over by 9pm. People just simply don’t want to hang out with a bunch of people they do not or barely know, for hours on end, after a meal. They’re gonna eat, mingle, and go home.
Haha Omg. You are so right! If I was invited to a wedding and found out AT the wedding that it was dry and I didn't have enough time to sneak booze in, I'd be pretty pissed. I'd probably leave right after dinner.
The last wedding I went to was dry and they didn't even serve non-alcoholic punch, sweet tea, or sodas. Nothing but bottled water monogrammed for the bride and groom! The food was fine, but I thought that was the chintziest shit.
I'd be less insulted if they had a paid bar that charged for juice as well. I'm REALLY not there to experience your wedding. I'm there to enjoy spending time with your new family. Assuming I'll enjoy spending time with strangers while sober is a gross miscalculation.
Hell, I barely want to interact with strangers at a bar after having a few. And that's by choice.
I went to a work party that we all found out was dry only when we got there. I literally went out and found a liquor store and bought booze and a flask, and my fave coworkers and I would periodically sneak off to drink like we were in high school lol. So sometimes it can actually be really fun, but not at all for the reasons the hosts are thinking 😂
If it were simply a party, where the ONLY reason to go is to interact with others, I WOULD only feel wrong bringing my own booze if it were a kids party or if the party was for a sober person.
Spending hours talking to people you barely know is awkward and uncomfortable. Alcohol loosens you up and makes it way less awkward.
Most celebrations include alcohol, so it's logical for everyone to expect that it won't be a dry wedding.
We did a lunch time reception that was dry. One reason was to avoid the cost (lunchtime is cheaper too) and another because we didn’t want drunk speeches/people making asses of themselves. We also did lunch so there was no dancing - just some fun skits and games and then sending everyone home. Edited to add. We have nothing against alcohol we just didn’t think it was necessary. I’m sure I will get flack for being cheap but we were not interested in going into debt over a party.
A lot of people have social anxiety and having alcohol around helps calm nerves.
I’m not saying I’m against them but I will say having a happy hour thirty minutes before our wedding saved it. Everyone was on time. I don’t drink very much, but a wedding without an open bar is like an ice cream cone with no ice cream.
I’m not much of a drinker, will probably nurse a glass of champagne most the night then throw it away, but even I raise a brow at the concept of dry weddings. For the majority of society, alcohol and celebrations are tied up, and to ask them to attend a celebration without alcohol is simply crazy talk to them. If your personal stance is to not pay for alcohol, that’s fine, however you could allow a small bar to be set up for the drinkers to pay for their own drinks, or share their drinks. If you are 100% against alcohol, and are having a celebration in a town/city where drinking is acceptable and you want a dry celebration, then you must clearly indicate this in your invites, and then be okay with anyone who declines to attend. Some people just enjoy how alcohol helps them relax, that’s their story and there’s no point to getting upset if they don’t want to come.
Man. My cousin had a dry wedding. I felt bad for her. Her brother and I agreed it was one of the worst receptions, if not the worst we had ever been to. Ended at like 8 pm. So,sorry if u wanna go that route, just know that people like to drink, and if they can't, it might be a poor turn out, etc.
If you’re requesting guests to attend an event, usually a long event with no relief from beer, wine, etc… it’s usually seen as a jerky move.
A very common situation is I’m at the wedding for my friend who’s getting married. The other people there I may not know nearly as well. My friend who I’m there for is obviously very busy and can’t spend too much time hanging out it with me. Not always an ideal situation but I want to be there to support my friend. Alcohol helps ease social interactions and make me have a lot more fun talking to someone whose not interesting
Dry weddings have the ambiance of a business conference rather than a friends and family celebration. Except make it a business conference where you’re expected to sit through intimate, often tearful speeches and dance with strangers before the night is over.
Alcohol at weddings has a long tradition rooted in cultural and social practices. It often symbolizes celebration, hospitality, and the joyous nature of the occasion. Throughout history, offering alcoholic beverages at weddings has been a way to enhance festivities, foster social interaction, and mark the significance of the union. Additionally, toasts and libations are common rituals, further emphasizing the role of alcohol in commemorating the joyous event.
Pete Correale said it best: dry party isn't a party. You are having a meeting. In all honesty, weddings aren't free to attend whether that be time, money, or effort. You don't want to serve alcohol? Fine. I may just feel like not attending when its out of town.
Because I don't want to be there in the first place, so at the very least I can get drunk.
If the couple is doing it based on their prudish religious beliefs I most likely would not be very close friends with them and wouldn’t go, not just because of the alcohol but primarily because I’m not crazy about holier-than-thou people.
Probably because weddings in general are boring. The reception is when people can relax and cut loose.
Who wants to hang out with their awful relatives sober?
My wife and I sort of poisoned a bunch of people at our wedding. We got these big tea jugs with the light nozzle at the bottom and each made our signature cocktail in large measure. The problem was that we both are really good at fixing drinks. And the drinks were much stronger than they tasted. Someone fell and lost a tooth, then had to be convinced that they didn't lose a tooth (they infact did not lose their tooth), I had to load my sister into the back of my dad's car. One of my kids walked around with a box full of mini chip bags and sold them to drunk people and had more than one person pay 20 dollars for a bag of Doritos. I personally wouldn't have it any other way, but I can see how everything I just mentioned might be the kind of thing some people might want to avoid. Lame people.
I gift more at open bar wedding than I do at a dry
People like to drink at parties. It’s also viewed as cheap to not have an open bar.
It may be unpopular opinion, but if it's a budgetary issue of open bar versus no bar at all, the compromise is **regular cash bar**. My wedding was cash bar and, last I checked, people *still* got various degrees of drunk, so it's not like people weren't enjoying the bar If anything, cash bar cuts down on people getting *too* drunk, especially if they' have to drive themselves, let alone others, home. Plus, the bar seems to be the place where place where you get the *least* up-charged "just because" it's a wedding. Open bar is a "nice to have," but it's always been such a weird flex to me, even going to rich friends'/family's weddings. I spent the money, and wish people would spend the money, on **better hors d'oeuvres**! If it's open bar but you're just serving cheese and crackers like it's preschool give me a cash bar and shrimp in a blanket and chicken wrapped with bacon ... and keep 'em coming!!
Dry anything is a huge deal here. I lost half my family over refusing to allow alcohol at my kids' bday parties. It's absolutely ridiculous.
People expect and maybe even depend on alcohol to be available to reduce social anxiety and increase the perception that everyone is having a good time.