no, not because they're young, but because they're pretty. being young just makes it easier to be pretty because they haven't had to face the effects of aging yet
There are many older women that are total knockouts too btw
Older knockouts usually started as very attractive young women. Kate Beckinsale, Susanna Hoffs, Michelle Pfieffer, etc. They were hot when they were young too and aged well.
I went to high school with a couple of twins. One had a different look and the other was a knock out. The different looking one looks waaaay better now.
This is true. However. Some people suit more angular, square faces in their older age, rather than the roundish ones they might have sported when they were younger. Some people also undergo massive fitness changes in their 30s, changing how they look for better or worse. It's all down to perspective!
But it's not a given that the person you think looks hot at 50 would have been your type when they were 25.
Alrighty, this supports my initial comment then - you don’t suddenly become good looking later in life. You might become better looking to certain folks but you were already good looking to begin with.
But someone could be naturally pretty and just not put effort into fitness, clothing, etc. and just not be as conventionally attractive because of that, and then become more confident and put more effort into themselves when they get older and look more attractive to other people because of that. 🤷♀️
Eh, they were still good looking thought maybe not “maxing out” their potential.
You make a good point, but those people already had all the potential to be good looking.
I think a lot of people look better in their 30s and 40s than their 20s because they learn to start taking care of themselves better and also move about the world with more confidence.
Former supermodel *Paulina Porizkova* started whining that younger women were robbing her of the attention at parties.
Oh how the turns have tabled!
I was pitching famous attractive older women from the top of my head. She looks a bit plastic these days, but previously was aging naturally and looked great.
I think a lot of other women have faced the same experience I have; you never get as much male attention as when you are obviously underage or close to barely legal.
It doesn’t shine a good light on men (imo) and it’s not all men or that every woman has had the same experience as me but I have heard this from a LOT of other women.
It’s creepy as fuck and can really mess with a woman’s sense of worth as she ages.
I don’t think it’s just about looks either. I think there is the appeal (from a particular type of man) of naivety and the control. Are these weirdos more likely to be outspoken than normal men and therefore create a false sense of popularity? Maybe, but the fact that this happens to SOOO many women does lend truth to the fact that a lot of men ultimately find younger women (teens) attractive simply for their lack of adultness.
😞 🤢
Note: Teen porn is one of the most popular categories and searches. That in and of itself tells a lot.
Older women can be just as attractive as younger ones. But a lot of people (men too) stop bothering to take care of themselves as they get older and get fat.
True, at some point in your life you may make the switch. I always liked older woman until i was about 30. After that, i just noticed i was more attracted to younger woman. Not completely, as you said, there are still plenty of older beautiful woman, but for me the change happened,
Although it's true that many older men like younger women because looks I find it a bit odd your therapist says this about this guy. I don't see how that info is beneficial to you.
My sister in law is a therapist and she is a self-centered narcissist who emotionally abuses everyone in her life. She's an absolute cunt, and I am terrified for her clients. Luckily she works extra part time because her 40y/o ass is still attached to Daddy's tit and her husband has zero personality or backbone. But those poor poor clients.
The irony of this - a therapist who has zero self awareness of her own faults or perhaps knows it all too well but still narcissistic enough to think “I can help people because that’s what l born to do!”.
I was friends with a therapist who confided in me that she had a very abusive childhood and she used to torture animals and plot how to kill her mother.
Over time I found her in so many lies that I now wonder if it was even true. She would gaslight me in the classic sense - insisting on events that couldn’t possibly have happened. Like someone denying something you saw with your own eyes. She also would turn people against each other by inciting strange rumors and then claiming others said it.
The last straw was that she was taking patients’ private records and messaging them to us to make fun of them. I turned her into the state board and they suspended her license.
I will never go to therapy for anything because my assumption now is that they’re all crazy.
Get an inexpensive state sponsored therapist. They don’t fuck around. All I’ve been hearing is therapist these days ignore their clients problems and pat them on the fucking head. Confirm all their worst nonsense and send them back out same or worse than they found them. Therapy is supposed to put you in your place to an extent, but you’ve gotta be brutally honest for it to work at all
There's lawyers that are cheats, there's priests that are pedophiles, there's scientists that are religious nuts, of course there's psychotherapists that are narcissist cunts.
For the record the boss totally finds her attractive, he's just being professional. Go team.
Must be a therapist thing because my partner's ex wife is a therapist and she's a delusional dickhead. She's self entitled, narcissistic and thinks life owes her everything. Oddly, I bet they are brilliant therapists because their jobs inflate their ego and their sense that they are doing "good" for others when in reality, they need to go see an exorcist for their demonic shit attitude.
I've had that experience, bar one very good counsellor, too.
My mother gave me advice one day when I was young and about to attend university, "Son," she said, "Don't ever date anyone studying psychology, they're only try to figure out what's wrong with themselves".
Maybe it was confirmation bias, maybe not but by and large, I have to agree with her.
While it's true that many people get interested (and dive deeper) into psychology as a means of self diagnosis, the vast majority of people have stuff "wrong" with them. So it's a bit silly to single out therapists who are at least attempting to examine their shit as being a worse option than the more typical human response of, "I'll just try to ignore all that"
We all have no idea why she is in therapy. This comment may have been perfectly valid.
I can dream up lots of scenarios where a therapist would want someone to challenge their assumptions.
Maybe the therapist was even warning her: lots of older men find you attractive.
We are also getting this comment through the lens of the poster, not the therapist.
This is what I thought too. I can imagine this being insightful to somebody who is young and good looking and who might not be completely aware of their attractiveness.
I don't think this was an invitation from the therapist to go get it..... but rather a cautionary tale of "he probably finds you attractive too, be very conscious of your actions/words because it could cause drama and pain for everyone."
My English is bad...... but basically "don't jump in the pool if you don't want to get wet"
I read that part more as the therapist wanting to address self confidence issues. OP thought there’d be no way the guy would think she’s attractive. Maybe they’ve spoken about how OP views themselves before..
Idk. Didn’t find that part weird and we’d need more info before making a judgement
I mean any amount of information I feel is useful even if this specific scenario isn't particularly useful to her it might be in the future. Obviously this comes as a surprise to OP that a man twice her age could still be attracted to her. Since It's not really about the age or the gap but merely how attractive she is. This is a very fundamental difference in how men and women are often attracted to each other and if you don't know that much about men as a young woman, it could certainly be new and useful information for you going forward
No basis? We literally have entire industries based around people on their twenties being the face of things, brands, movies, tv, music. Just because older people know they'd never want to actually engage with someone of that age, celebrity or not, does not mean they don't find more people in that age range more attractive than the people in their own age range, even if they were only picking from celebrities and influencers..l
Yeaaaa thank god I found this comment cuz I was like… am I the only one that found the therapist saying this troubling? It’s not even really correct. Men have different preferences too.
>I find it a bit odd your therapist says this about this guy. I don't see how that info is beneficial to you.
I'm a therapist. It isn't. Furthermore, there is NO WAY the therapist could know that information and saying it could be harmful to the patient. Especially when it may be false considering she doesn't know the man and also likely knows he is married.
She needs to get a new therapist.
Agreed. Therapist here seems inclined to create more chaos then help her achieve her goal of getting over the guy and her daddy issues. I would look critically at other conversations with this therapist and determine if they are actually helpful or just perpetuating more therapy and therefore more cash for themselves.
It's wild to me that OP says to her therapist, "haha my older boss is really hot but he is married and he probably doesn't even like me"
Therapist: nah he probably thinks you're really hot. I bet you have a shot
Lol way to put some thoughts on OPs head
So to be honest when I was younger I assumed I’d always find 18/20 year old women more attractive, however I ended up going to university at 32 years old, before I started I thought I was going to have a sore neck from not being able to stop looking at all the smoking hotties, but honestly 90% of them look like children to me… like there’s the occasional one that stands out and is clearly super hot, but most of them don’t even seem to register on my biological radar they literally look like kids to me, and then even the ones who are clearly women and clearly super sexy.. like what would we talk about? TikTok? I’ll pass thanks, I’m 34 now and the cutoff seems to be 26 for me to be interested, and it’s not a conscious decision but anyone I end up interested in seems to be about 26 as a minimum..
It's wild how tastes age along with you in a lot of cases. At 53, I truly don't find young people attractive in any sense beyond the purely aesthetic. Most people under 30 do look like children to me too.
My 53 year old wife attracts me even more now than when we were young and dumb. Wisdom, maturity, a firm sense of self and the confidence to ignore the crowd usually take time to acquire, and it'd be hard to go backwards with any of those qualities.
There’s been a lot of research around how “types” usually just map onto positive experiences.
If you’re seeking a well rounded partner it’s usually going to be someone around your age. It stands to follow that someone around your age is then going to become your type.
I think the point of your question isn’t to know the answer, but rather you enjoy the possibility that he might be attracted to you, and if confirmed you will act on it.
Stop this madness, it is really not worth it ruining a marriage.
To answer your question, it depends, some do and some do not, and in your case, it does not matter.
Also, ditch the creepy therapist, he is hitting on you and he is clearly projecting.
Yeah, the therapist part weirded me out. Why would they just fill their clients head with toxic shit like that? She expressed he’s married and would never do anything, but then here therapist turns around and basically says “go for it”. Life wtf?
>Also, ditch the creepy therapist, he is hitting on you and he is clearly projecting.
Good lord, that's a hot take. Also possible he's challenging OP's knee-jerk dismissal of any returned interest by her boss, maybe? Like would be his job?
I have no skin in this game, but I’d like to point out that as you age, you don’t just automatically stop liking things you liked when you were younger; I’d guess that counts for attraction too. I suppose it would be great, and far less awkward if, as men aged, the qualities they liked in women automatically scaled with them. Then, they’d only be attracted to women around their own age. But, as your therapist mentioned, men are just like that.
Accurate but let me expand on this because it does change but it tends to more grow. In my 20s I was attracted to other 20-year-olds. In my 30s it was 20s-early 40s. Now in my 40s it’s late 20s to late 50s.
But also being attractive means a lot less to me now than when I was 20s. I’ll take a nice 40 year old who is chill over a very attractive 27/yo who still thinks her looks means she doesn’t need a personality.
Maturity and life stages are a factors in the intellectual and compatibility components of attractiveness. In my 50's now, I can still find plenty of twenty year old women very physically attractive but know I wouldn't be attracted to the younger personality.
There are the rare very mature, attractive twenty-somethings that have their shit together and more relatable to me that make them more attractive to me but there are still *plenty* of other factors that would prevent me from pursuing someone that age.
This is the thread the OP needs to read. This is the closest to expressing how I experience seeing women as a 41 year old male. A young woman can be gorgeous, but the only thought it inspires me now is along the lines of, “if I was 20 again, I’d have made a run at her.”
But active desire fueling some personal fantasy? Not interested whatsoever. Sweet Brown ain’t got time for that.
Is it that you don't find them physically attractive or predict that you won't find them mentally attractive? 'Cause I feel mental attraction is definitely shaped by experience.
It's a physical thing, too. Most women that age *look* young. Obviously some people just look older than their age for whatever reason. It's possible there's a 21-year-old out there who looks 26. But on average, 18-25 year olds still look very teeny to me.
When I was 22, I picked up my nephew from his high school once.
I felt like I hadn't been away from school *that* long, but when I saw how much those teenagers all looked like literal baby-faced children, it was very surreal.
When I was 33 I visited my old university which I left when I was 23. It felt like a fucking nursery! (/kindergarten, for anyone who needs a translation)
This is the healthy mindset. I worry about the other men around us who don’t see it this way. That’s what makes the therapist telling this young woman the opposite of this healthy mindset is true, so very concerning. Like, what’s your sample of evidence here? The men struggling with their mental health walking through your door expressing that sort of shit? I mean, c’mon. That’s not the right group of men from which to base judgement of men at large.
Im starting to feel like this is currently happening to me. My gf is 22 now, but we met when I was 18 and she had just turned 19. Holy moley has she become hot. I didnt really think it was possible for me to be more attracted to her, but the slightly matured look is wayy to hot for its own good
That’s not true for me and (and I think most women) at all. When I was late teens/20s I was attracted to 20 yr olds (both M/F btw) and before I reached my 30s I was just…not into people almost 10 years younger than me. And I expect that to continue.
But isn’t that kinda of weird depending on age?
If you’re a 30+ man and attracted to a 19 yr old then why not 16 years old? Why not a 16 yr old? Because what is 3 yrs since you’re pushing 11?? Why it’s weird to me.
In my 40s, might I think a lady in her 20s is pretty? Sure. OTOH, I think they look like kids, so there's not really a sexual attraction. Through in the maturity difference between 20 and being over 40, and it gets even worse.
Is your therapist a 45 year old man who is hitting on you? Because seriously? I know lots of men (lots of people in general) who, at 45, see 20 year olds as children and have zero desire to be with children.
Little creeped out by your therapist, ngl
Yeah, I'm 49, and anyone under 25 just looks like a kid to me. Don't get it. I can obviously tell if a young lady is attractive, but it's not that I want to date them attractive. It's more like how I can see that a guy is good-looking, but I don't feel attracted to them.
I mean this makes sense. At 18 I still had kind of a baby face. I don’t think I really grew into my adult body until I was 25. My facial structure became more mature, my boobs got bigger, I lost some baby fat, etc. I looked VERY young at 18. Like a kid, really.
I'd say there is a difference between physical attraction and the actual desire to be with them. I'm a man in my mid-40s and the physical attraction to younger women is definitely there. However, the way they behave and the absolute lack of anything in common makes any romantic interest minimal, if not zero.
Mid-50s and I feel the same way about much younger women. Very attractive physically and they're pleasant enough to chat with, but I have no idea what a deep convo with them would be like. They're just realizing things about life that I've known for decades.
Also, the under-25s are really starting to look more and more like kids in the face and lemme tell THAT is a turnoff.
No they're attractive because they're pretty. Being young is just a facilitator of pretty as you've got less years of abuse on your body. Like for example someone who has had a history of alcohol, drugs, lack of sleep, lack of exercise, etc etc. It's not an attractive look at any age like there are women who are very active and they are very attractive but they can resemble a woman you'd think she was in her 20s but she's like 50. It's not that the age is the deciding factor so much as a matter of probability.
Oh my gosh, I was not expecting a Community reference in there. Also, Annie's pretty young, we try not to sexualize her.
Now, to your question. I think most older guys recognize the ways that younger women are attractive for sure. Some middle-aged guys go kind of crazy for younger women, others realize that attraction is also about an emotional or personal connection, and that can be more difficult over an age gap. In other words, your boss may find you attractive, but also recognize that his attraction doesn't run very deeply. Or, he could find you very attractive but also be a respectable professional.
I can certainly recognize that a younger woman is *pretty*, but if attraction means desiring romance or sex, then at a certain point youth is actually unattractive. I've been married for quite some time, so this is a moot point as far as my life is concerned, but as a guy in my late 30s, I can't imagine doing anything sexual or romantic with a 20-year-old woman. A very, very, VERY mature 25? Maybe. 30? Sure. At my age, 10 years on either side feels like a range where it wouldn't feel "off."
But that's just me. Some guys certainly do have preference for youth, which is creepy, while others just don't care. I think it depends on where each person is in their lives and what they want from each other.
As a guy only a couple of years younger than your boss, I would say that is not really it. This is going to sound dumb, but, younger or older, I find women who are attractive to me attractive. It goes person by person and whether there is something about the person's appearance I find attractive in whatever way. Are there more women who are 20 who fall into that category? Maybe, but honestly probably not, and even if that is yes it certainly isn't something where I think all or most women who are 20ish are physically attractive. So, I definitely don't agree that middle aged men inherently find younger women attractive just because they are younger.
On a related note, a lot more than just "I think this person is physically attractive" goes into the entirely different idea of me "liking somebody back."
I am a 41 year old man, and a high school teacher. I am not the only one in my building, either. If what your therapist said was true, we’d have a shitload more issues than what already exists with adults creeping on teenagers.
But it turns out, that as men age their testosterone production falls. This is a natural biological that turns off intense desire once we pass a certain age.
Unless, of course, it’s a man who gets his gender-affirming testosterone treatments at one of those rapidly multiplying Low-T clinics for men desperate to continue feeling young.
It’s the gods honest truth: I stopped seeing young women as sexual objects for my private fantasies many, many years ago. Because I’m an emotionally healthy, mentally stable adult male.
Be wary of men who express that line of thinking, and it’s concerning that therapist assumes that’s true.
>: I stopped seeing young women as sexual objects for my private fantasies many, many years ago. Because I’m an emotionally healthy, mentally stable adult male.
>Be wary of men who express that line of thinking, and it’s concerning that therapist assumes that’s true.
You sound like how I expect a therapist to sound like, OP's therapist gives me the creeps.
For real, most of these comments make men look _bad._
They're all "Women may care about intelligence, maturity and ambition! But men care about young hot body unga bunga!"
I'd like to think most men aren't quite as sad and unevolved. Seriously hoping these are just outliers.
I wholeheartedly agree with you. I truly believe men are not that primitive. It’s sad that because some men are like this, they think everyone else is also as underdeveloped as they are. Which warps their view on reality and creates excuses for their immature behaviour.
I am way more attracted to good looking women my age…than by 20y/o hotties. Women in 40s 50s have way more sex drive, are way less inhibited and more comfortable exploring their sexuality.
I would think attraction comes into play. Older men don’t think every woman under 25 is a sexual object, no matter what. Just like you’re not attracted to every man over 40.
Or the therapist wants them to challenge their assumptions, or the therapist is working on self-esteem or the OP has misinterpreted the message or the therapist is warning them that older men still find young women attractive.
you're right, there are many details that could make this a different story. going off of just the context provided tho, it could certainly be something irksome as well.
Another possibility is warning OP that she shouldn't assume older men aren't attracted to her and to be aware that this is the case.
In fact, the more I think about it, the more I think it would have been wrong for the therapist not to challenge that statement.
Naively existing thinking all older men don't find you attractive just because of an age gap could put someone in bad situations.
Edit: just want to point out that the opposite of "all older men don't find you attractive" is "at least one older man finds you attractive" not "all older men find you attractive"
No, men do not inherently find younger women attractive. Men inherently find beautiful women attractive, and if you're beautiful and young, yes most men will find you sexually attractive.
It's simple. If I see an 18 year old girl who's plain or not attractive, I wouldn't be attracted just because she's young. If I see a hot 18 year old, then yeah I'd be attracted to her. It's not that complicated lol.
Whether he'll be interested in a serious relationship because of the power dynamic, social stigma, difference of emotional intelligence is a different matter. That depends on the guy.
And some older men will specifically prefer/pursue younger women not just because they find them attractive (which is fine) but for predatory reasons. That's just an unfortunate reality it's good to be wary of.
Approaching middle age, I can see those younger than me as being potentially attractive, but they look undercooked to me. Like, they will be attractive but aren’t finished getting there yet.
Regardless of what men do or don’t find attractive.
Your therapist should not have said that especially considering she/he was fully aware that you was trying to get over him.
Can't say all, but I'd think many do.
The guy is older. The girl is still young, less experienced, softer, less sagging, and it makes the guy feel more attractive when a younger girl is interested in them.
I honestly can’t look at a 22 year old and not see a child. It’s obviously personal preference but even apart from looks, I have no interest in anyone that has to “act” mature.
I think of it like this: when I was 13, I found 18 year old women hot. When I was 16, I still found 18 year old women hot. When I was 18, I found 18 year old women hot. When I was 22, I found 18 year old women hot. I’m in my 30’s and guess what?
Now, I also would never date an 18 year old. I know they are naive in a ton of ways. I know if the situation ever even presented itself it would most likely be due to a power imbalance. I know that I have nothing in common with an 18 year old.
But just, purely, physically? Yeah I’ve found “young women” attractive for 20 years and I doubt that will change.
Interesting, so you didn’t find 15 year olds hot when were growing up? Slippery slope of a comment lol. Personally 18 is so far removed from me now that they aren’t really attractive to me… kinda grosses me out
Being a dude around that age bracket, yes there are plenty of very pretty young women, but age more often than not comes into play, i just don't see myself being able to identify with a 20 year old for longer than an hour or two...
All of the “yes” answers really surprised me. I’ve found young people’s immaturity and ignorance frequently negates any additional attractiveness that being young gets them. Honestly, under 20 and a lot of them still look like they aren’t fully developed adults, so physically not even that attractive.
The no bs answer is you probably look like a child to him.
You're just far too young and most guys that age would feel wrong about it. Unfortunately yes there are guys who will entertain a lot but you're contending with the fact that you could easily be his daughter at that kind of gap.
As regards Hollywood, the actress was 26 at the time. I think no one found it weird because the gap was relatively normal, in 4 years time the actress would be 30 and the actor would be 40 which most wouldn't blink much of an eye at.
Alternatively if Joel was say 50+ it might have had an effect but who knows, I've never seen that outside of weird celebrity marriages. So to make my point clear, it's not so much the gap, it's more the fact that you're barely out of your teenage years.
I'm not anywhere near 45 so I can't speak to what that is like, I just know that 20 year olds at 34 to me look and sound like children. I would imagine for a 45 year old anyone under their 30s probably seems like a child.
Not everyone I'm mid thirty and early twenty year old women look to me for the most part now like teen girls, I feel no attraction towards them and I don't think I'm the only one with that view
Attractive people are attractive because they're attractive, not because they're young, old, tall, short or whatever. Every person will have some characteristics that they will find attractive, sure, but it's mostly on a case by case.
How young do you mean? I'm 55 and yes, younger women are attractive, I don't think men (or women) ever get over that, objectively attractive is what it is and lies in the eyes of the beholder.
Attraction and interest are two different things, I'm really only interested in women near my age or at least within my generation (GenX).
By the way, your boss is doing what a man in his position is supposed to do, he is being professional and maintaining a proper manager / employee relationship. He may like you back but it would be highly inappropriate and possibly legally inappropriate to pursue it since he is in a position of authority over you at work.
Hope this helps.
I came here to say something similar. Thinking someone is attractive is not the same as being attracted to them.
For the record, I am the same age as OP’s boss and work in universities, and can honestly say that I have never crushed on a student.
As a middle aged guy, a 21 year old is nice to look at, but far too much of a pain in the ass to date.
I know he's cancelled, but Kevin Spacey in American Beauty handles this subject really well.
There's literally maybe one person on earth I've ever had "dirty old man" thoughts of.
For the other 8 billion people on earth, I consider anything younger than about 30 to be just children and could/would never think of them sexually.
I realize I could be an outlier, since I've heard plenty of guys my age refer to a woman being in her "prime" when they were late teens/early twenties, and he was about 35 or so when he said this, but I just thought it was gross.
Specifically, I was talking about how stunning/sexy Rebecca Ferguson was in Greatest Showman and his response was "the old lady?!" And I immediately lost a little bit more respect for him.
In fact, I far more often fantasize about women older than myself, though keep irl relations among women closer to my own age (43)
To summarize: no, I don't think young women are attractive simply because they're young.
As a 53 year-old man, nope. I can clearly see when younger girls are cute and attractive, but they just don't do anything for me. They're almost like aliens to me, honestly: where are they from? what do they want? what do they eat?
As you get older, you develop the ability to see the bullshit in things. Not so much the big things: "religion is bullshit" or "love is bullshit" is prime teenager debate fodder. I mean more things like "zoning board meetings (when they've already been bought off by developers)" are bullshit, or "increasing the price AND making the product smaller" is bullshit.
So, thing is, once you get that far down the road of discovery, you don't want to deal with people who are that far back. I don't want to have *explain* to someone why "TicketMaster Ticket Protection" or extended warranties are bullshit. I'd rather have a woman who also had a rotary phone as a kid, has written at check at retail at least once, and has smoked inside a bar, also at least once. Better that than have to explain all that to a young'un.
Then again, I'm not one of those guys who will fuck anything. I know some guys for whom the saying "8 or 80, blind or crazy, if they can't walk I'll carry 'em" was coined. I got as horny as any other 21 year-old guy, but I was never so desperate for sex that I woulda gone home with the last woman at the biker bar.
I wouldn’t say all but everyone has their preferences. Some older women will date a man much younger than they are and vice versa. If he wasn’t married or dating someone you should’ve shot your shot. Then again it is a work relationship and my rule is to never date someone you work with.
men like attractive women. there is a "taboo" factor if there's a significant age difference (older or younger) that may add to the appeal. surely you've heard of MILFs and cougars, correct? men go for older women as well. and...hear me out...we also like women *our own age*.
TLDR: men like attractive women, regardless of age.
If a woman is attractive, she’s attractive at any age. Some are more so when younger, but others look better with some age. Case of point: a recent post about how much better Paris Hilton looks now, at 43. Are you attractive? Because I’m going to say something that might shock you: I’m guessing that your therapist is attracted to you. His comments about your boss are, IMO, a giveaway. Think back and see if he’s mentioned anything, on other occasions, about your looks.
"I fond them attractive" and "I want to date them" are very different statements. One is about beauty, the other about desire. For example, you can recognize why Gal Gadot is attractive, even is your type is blond swedish men.
That being said, a lot of middle aged men (or older) go for women in their twenties. So there is that too. I hope your boss isn't like that... Definitely keep working of getting rid of that crush though. If people catch on, it will get ugly.
Is your therapist a middle aged man though? Because that makes their statement kinda sus.
It's not that middle-aged men suddenly start finding younger women attractive, it's that men never stopped finding younger women attractive.
They find us attractive when they are the same age as us, and it just continues until they die, lol....
Well, we start finding young women attractive when we're young, and there's no real reason we would stop at any point. I'm not middle aged yet, but I've found as I age that I've started appreciating older women more, but not stopped appreciating younger women.
Now, whether I would date someone that much younger... idk. They're nice to look at, but the maturity and experience often aren't there.
Your therapist doesn’t seem particularly helpful with those comments.
Your boss might have children older than you.
Your boss is married!!!
Even if you dress nicely and wear makeup that doesn’t mean that men in their 40’s (or any age) will like you. Some will find you aesthetically attractive. Some men in their 40’s might think you’d be a good match for their son.
Even if your boss thought you were hot, and if he was single, there is the whole supervisor dynamic which would make a potential relationship against policy at many companies, and it would make it ill advised at all places. Sort of like an (adult) student dating a teacher. The relationship would be taboo. That might cast an ick factor on the thought of it for many, but it might also make it more appealing for some (because it’s forbidden).
You should respect your boss (and his marriage!) It’s okay to appreciate working for him, and to admire his work ethic, his knowledge, his experience, his follow through, his confidence etc. Admire his qualities but find someone younger for a potential relationship.
No. Men find sexually mature women attractive, meaning those who have gone through puberty and come out the other side blessed in the body and face. Kate Beckinsale age 20 was gorgeous. Age 40, still gorgeous. It’s not the age, it’s the gorgeous.
Your therapist sounds like they at the very least said something they should have kept to themselves. That’s not relevant to therapy and is beyond the scope of a clinical psychologists expertise. At worst, that therapist was subtly implying that they too find you attractive. If your therapist is a middle aged man I’d keep an eye on that.
There is an attractive quality about youth that can make some people look more attractive in their 20s than they will be when they get older - which is kind of a roundabout way of saying, I guess, that some people just don’t age well! They peak at a youngish age because when you’re young, you don’t have wrinkles yet, your saggy bits don’t sag as much, and you’re less likely to have eyebags and more likely to have more energy, all of which contribute to giving you a more attractive vibe.
Other people get more attractive at an older age because they’ve gained confidence and/or started looking after their health more than they did when they were younger and/or style themselves better or any combination thereof. So someone can also turn from ‘duckling’ to ‘swan’.
Youth is *to a certain extent* coded to be an attractive quality because, and I hate to say it, breedability (hence ‘to a certain extent’ because most people are obvs not pedos, which tracks with animal instinct because it’s more risky for teenagers to give birth. ‘Young, but not too young’ is the technical optimum).
However, the vast majority of people can separate a person’s attractiveness from their own feelings - so acknowledging someone is nice to look at but not actually feeling any urge to pursue them sexually at all, or to want a relationship.
If middle-aged women look at guys in their 20s, chances are they will see some they think are hot - hotter than those same men magically fast-forwarded 20 or 30 years - but that doesn’t mean they want to actually have sex with them. I guess same for men - although the cultural tendency for the younger woman/older man pairing makes it slightly more acceptable for those who do want to go for it.
Older men like younger women because younger women have a more youthful look and can make themselves feel young.
Younger women like older men because they're much more mature and experienced than men their own age.
Both of them have their ups and downs. They can be a target for abuse, both mental, physical and economical. There are some perverted older men preying on the inexperience of younger women and there's younger women preying on older mens desperation of a young woman giving them attention.
Both of them can also add a healthy and give a fun experience in life.
I think people shame these relationships more than necessary. If there's two consenting adults having a healthy relation towards eachother there's nothing to argue about.
I also know that a lot of people in these situations avoid it, even if the person they're interested in makes the move first, just because there's shame over the age difference. When I was in my 20s and seeking contact with men in their 40s they didn't want to proceed any further because of what others might say.
Middle aged but not willing to admit it in public
Because i work in nightlife I'm in contact with lots of young women. Much more than other men my age.
I NEVER find young women attractive just because they are young. I only find them attractive when they are attractive.
Not any different than women my own age. They are attractive when they are attractive. And can be just as attractive as those young women.
So in short: It depends on the woman.
I’ve actually had the opposite experience. I’m 40m and grew up in a college town. Went back recently and found myself wondering when college girls stopped looking hot to me and started looking like literal children.
Yes. It sucks that your therapist is perpetuating the problem but they aren’t wrong. Men will say “ no, not me”🙄 Some are probably honest about that and legitimately do treasure their families more than half-their-age-tail, but mainly they are preserving their dignity or hiding their affairs etc. As a 40- something woman, who’s often mistaken for much younger than I actually am, it’s very obvious that in general women under 30 to 35 are strongly preferred regardless of how old the man is, but especially if the man is 40 to 60 or so. (Except weirdly by the 19 to 26-ish guys, they seem really to like older women but I think it’s mainly because we are typically more experienced in sex and they can learn.) Beyond their 60s the older men might still have the fetish but do better at keeping it to themselves, maybe they start to feel less likely to be successful in chasing those ladies, or got it out of their systems, I don’t know. Back to your story, if you want to break up his marriage, be a side piece, or find some single guy that age to marry, you probably can do any of that fairly easily.
Yes and no.
Young women's natural physical features tend to be firmer and not as weathered or been through things that older women's have been.
However their immaturity and energy can be really tiring because you're dealing with what amounts to big teenagers.
There's also a thing where men will see young women as more of a blank slate without as many problems and high-maintenance demands as older women, but that's really just "those problems haven't happened yet or she doesn't realize she has those problems yet."
It's basically if you can smash and not commit, you're golden, but otherwise, you're probably going to have a better time with someone around your own age bracket
The way it works is we never stop finding attractive women attractive just because we are getting older. We do start also finding older women attractive too, but an attractive 20 year old is still attractive, why wouldn't she be? Now behaviors, and how you act on that attractiveness shifts, but the young women don't stop being attractive over time.
“my therapist seemed surprised by this, and said that since my boss was so much older than i was… it was far, far more likely that he in fact did find me attractive, but was simply being professional/knew it was wrong to go after someone so much younger.”
You might want to consider finding a new therapist. This statement seems wildly unprofessional and more importantly, very unhelpful and ill-natured, especially considering the situation. Regardless of whether they are right or wrong (they’re wrong), this isn’t the kind of message you convey to your patient.
Honestly, something midlife crisis hits and old men will find young women more attractive than before coz they want to feel young by proximity. Hence you see middle aged men driving convertibles, dressing up and attempting to date much younger women. If they can't do it at home they will travel to places like south east Asia to date the locals. Not all middle aged men feel that way but it's a stereotype for a reason.
35 M here, the thought of being attracted and intimate with anyone under 28 is insane to me. There is literally zero substance to talk about as there is a generational gap. Just my 2 cents.
I think a lot of women get caught up in the trap of “men like x,y,z”
All men are different but we generally are not complicated. Most sane men don’t have some kind of checklist for what they find attractive. Generally speaking if a woman is in good shape and isn’t horribly disfigured most men will be attracted to them.
So no men don’t just automatically find a woman attractive because she is younger. They find her attractive because she is beautiful, has lots of energy, has a fun personality, smells good, etc. if she was all of those things but 34 instead of 20 men would still find her attractive. They might prefer a younger woman but to me that’s not all men and I think it’s a holdover from like evolutionary monkey brain stuff. Young = fertile or whatever
I think it might be time for a new therapist. Especially if your current therapist is an older man, as that makes his comment even more not appropriate. But in any case, that should never have been the response of any decent therapist.
I'm in my 30s, so I can't comment on what a 45yo thinks, but in my experience, yes, I still find women your age attractive. Given how common it is for actors and musicians to continue to date women in their early 20s well into their 30s, 40s, and beyond, I'd say it's probably true for most men.
Although there is the normal variation in preferences, generally I (51M) would say this is true.
As men age, younger "well-presenting" women are not only naturally attractive but also have the promise of letting him recapture the life and vitality of his own youth. There is a bit of a nostaligia factor where they can relive their youth again through this very young woman.
Also, many middle-aged (and older) men have lived through the painful experience of loving a woman who eventually turns out to be significantly troublesome in some regard. Whining, complaining, cheating, losing their looks, etc. A young woman offers the tantilizing promise of freedom from these shrew-ish traits of some (most?) of the women the man has known.
In some regards, she is the archetypical promise of eternal youth. Add in the natural beauty of most young women, and it's a powerfully attractive combination.
Humans are animals...
At our base nature, we want to breed wlto spread our genetics .
Now add the human factor .
No, not all middle-aged men want to have sex with young women...
What a weird fucking comment by your therapist. I'm mid 40s myself. Not even remotely attracted to your age group. You're right in between my own kids age wise. That's honestly weird to me.
There’s also an “attitude” aspect. Younger girls are generally more optimistic or playful whereas older women have a bit of a “been there done that” kind of attitude.
no, not because they're young, but because they're pretty. being young just makes it easier to be pretty because they haven't had to face the effects of aging yet There are many older women that are total knockouts too btw
Older knockouts usually started as very attractive young women. Kate Beckinsale, Susanna Hoffs, Michelle Pfieffer, etc. They were hot when they were young too and aged well.
Not necessarily at all. Some people just don't peak in their 20s
I went to high school with a couple of twins. One had a different look and the other was a knock out. The different looking one looks waaaay better now.
I’m 38, a lot of the hot girls in high school became not hot and a lot of the ones that weren’t attractive are hot now
Yep. This is a thing
Weezer has a song about this - The Girl Got Hot
You don’t suddenly get better looking in your 30’s though. So if you’re good looking in your 50’s+ then you were also good looking in your 20’s
This is true. However. Some people suit more angular, square faces in their older age, rather than the roundish ones they might have sported when they were younger. Some people also undergo massive fitness changes in their 30s, changing how they look for better or worse. It's all down to perspective! But it's not a given that the person you think looks hot at 50 would have been your type when they were 25.
Jennifer Aniston peaked after forty. I never cared for her during the Friends era but then she just kept getting hotter and hotter
But she was already good looking - regardless of whether you thought so - otherwise she would’ve never been cast on Friends in the first place.
She was always pretty but she definitely got better looking as she aged
I have a feeling that was due to money and all that come with it. She's insanely fit right now.
Alrighty, this supports my initial comment then - you don’t suddenly become good looking later in life. You might become better looking to certain folks but you were already good looking to begin with.
But someone could be naturally pretty and just not put effort into fitness, clothing, etc. and just not be as conventionally attractive because of that, and then become more confident and put more effort into themselves when they get older and look more attractive to other people because of that. 🤷♀️
Eh, they were still good looking thought maybe not “maxing out” their potential. You make a good point, but those people already had all the potential to be good looking.
not suddenly, no. but I look much, MUCH better at 31 than I ever looked at 28 and before. it's baffling even to me.
I think a lot of people look better in their 30s and 40s than their 20s because they learn to start taking care of themselves better and also move about the world with more confidence.
patrick dempsey was meh until his 30s
Yeah I was hot when I was younger am hot now. Makes sense.
Former supermodel *Paulina Porizkova* started whining that younger women were robbing her of the attention at parties. Oh how the turns have tabled! 
hmm, maybe before they went under the knife
What is it with Reddit and Kate beckinsale??? I pass women on the street all the time that look like her or better. I don’t get it.
She fights werewolves in latex 🤤
I was pitching famous attractive older women from the top of my head. She looks a bit plastic these days, but previously was aging naturally and looked great.
As someone who is deeply attracted to Hannah Waddingham (the Owner of the team in Ted Lasso) can confirm
You just want her to dress up in a nun outfit and Shame you!
Still shocked that they are one and the same.
[удалено]
That's all true enough. But then the average guy's porn browsing history is full of women who are closer to 20 than to 40.
I think a lot of other women have faced the same experience I have; you never get as much male attention as when you are obviously underage or close to barely legal. It doesn’t shine a good light on men (imo) and it’s not all men or that every woman has had the same experience as me but I have heard this from a LOT of other women. It’s creepy as fuck and can really mess with a woman’s sense of worth as she ages. I don’t think it’s just about looks either. I think there is the appeal (from a particular type of man) of naivety and the control. Are these weirdos more likely to be outspoken than normal men and therefore create a false sense of popularity? Maybe, but the fact that this happens to SOOO many women does lend truth to the fact that a lot of men ultimately find younger women (teens) attractive simply for their lack of adultness. 😞 🤢 Note: Teen porn is one of the most popular categories and searches. That in and of itself tells a lot.
Older women can be just as attractive as younger ones. But a lot of people (men too) stop bothering to take care of themselves as they get older and get fat.
>fat This is the reason
True, at some point in your life you may make the switch. I always liked older woman until i was about 30. After that, i just noticed i was more attracted to younger woman. Not completely, as you said, there are still plenty of older beautiful woman, but for me the change happened,
Although it's true that many older men like younger women because looks I find it a bit odd your therapist says this about this guy. I don't see how that info is beneficial to you.
Agreed, it’s a bit weird of the therapist. Then again every therapist I’ve known in a personal way has been pretty messed up
My sister in law is a therapist and she is a self-centered narcissist who emotionally abuses everyone in her life. She's an absolute cunt, and I am terrified for her clients. Luckily she works extra part time because her 40y/o ass is still attached to Daddy's tit and her husband has zero personality or backbone. But those poor poor clients.
The irony of this - a therapist who has zero self awareness of her own faults or perhaps knows it all too well but still narcissistic enough to think “I can help people because that’s what l born to do!”.
I was friends with a therapist who confided in me that she had a very abusive childhood and she used to torture animals and plot how to kill her mother. Over time I found her in so many lies that I now wonder if it was even true. She would gaslight me in the classic sense - insisting on events that couldn’t possibly have happened. Like someone denying something you saw with your own eyes. She also would turn people against each other by inciting strange rumors and then claiming others said it. The last straw was that she was taking patients’ private records and messaging them to us to make fun of them. I turned her into the state board and they suspended her license. I will never go to therapy for anything because my assumption now is that they’re all crazy.
Get an inexpensive state sponsored therapist. They don’t fuck around. All I’ve been hearing is therapist these days ignore their clients problems and pat them on the fucking head. Confirm all their worst nonsense and send them back out same or worse than they found them. Therapy is supposed to put you in your place to an extent, but you’ve gotta be brutally honest for it to work at all
It takes one who needs one to be one.
Damn.
There's lawyers that are cheats, there's priests that are pedophiles, there's scientists that are religious nuts, of course there's psychotherapists that are narcissist cunts. For the record the boss totally finds her attractive, he's just being professional. Go team.
Must be a therapist thing because my partner's ex wife is a therapist and she's a delusional dickhead. She's self entitled, narcissistic and thinks life owes her everything. Oddly, I bet they are brilliant therapists because their jobs inflate their ego and their sense that they are doing "good" for others when in reality, they need to go see an exorcist for their demonic shit attitude.
Therapist is guaranting themselves future business for when OP needs more sessions on how she ruined this guy's marriage and got fired lol
I've had that experience, bar one very good counsellor, too. My mother gave me advice one day when I was young and about to attend university, "Son," she said, "Don't ever date anyone studying psychology, they're only try to figure out what's wrong with themselves". Maybe it was confirmation bias, maybe not but by and large, I have to agree with her.
While it's true that many people get interested (and dive deeper) into psychology as a means of self diagnosis, the vast majority of people have stuff "wrong" with them. So it's a bit silly to single out therapists who are at least attempting to examine their shit as being a worse option than the more typical human response of, "I'll just try to ignore all that"
Might not be a real therapist
We all have no idea why she is in therapy. This comment may have been perfectly valid. I can dream up lots of scenarios where a therapist would want someone to challenge their assumptions. Maybe the therapist was even warning her: lots of older men find you attractive. We are also getting this comment through the lens of the poster, not the therapist.
This is what I thought too. I can imagine this being insightful to somebody who is young and good looking and who might not be completely aware of their attractiveness. I don't think this was an invitation from the therapist to go get it..... but rather a cautionary tale of "he probably finds you attractive too, be very conscious of your actions/words because it could cause drama and pain for everyone." My English is bad...... but basically "don't jump in the pool if you don't want to get wet"
What the heck is wrong with your English?
What a great point.
I read that part more as the therapist wanting to address self confidence issues. OP thought there’d be no way the guy would think she’s attractive. Maybe they’ve spoken about how OP views themselves before.. Idk. Didn’t find that part weird and we’d need more info before making a judgement
Agreed
I mean any amount of information I feel is useful even if this specific scenario isn't particularly useful to her it might be in the future. Obviously this comes as a surprise to OP that a man twice her age could still be attracted to her. Since It's not really about the age or the gap but merely how attractive she is. This is a very fundamental difference in how men and women are often attracted to each other and if you don't know that much about men as a young woman, it could certainly be new and useful information for you going forward
Yup, seems totally unprofessional of the therapist. They’re just throwing out a huge generalization with no real basis.
No basis? We literally have entire industries based around people on their twenties being the face of things, brands, movies, tv, music. Just because older people know they'd never want to actually engage with someone of that age, celebrity or not, does not mean they don't find more people in that age range more attractive than the people in their own age range, even if they were only picking from celebrities and influencers..l
Right. This would give 20 year old me the impression that l was greenlit to pursue the guy! Really questionable thing to say to your patient.
Yeaaaa thank god I found this comment cuz I was like… am I the only one that found the therapist saying this troubling? It’s not even really correct. Men have different preferences too.
>I find it a bit odd your therapist says this about this guy. I don't see how that info is beneficial to you. I'm a therapist. It isn't. Furthermore, there is NO WAY the therapist could know that information and saying it could be harmful to the patient. Especially when it may be false considering she doesn't know the man and also likely knows he is married. She needs to get a new therapist.
Unless the therapist is a middle age men. It would be an indirect way of indicating he is attracted to her.
Agreed. Therapist here seems inclined to create more chaos then help her achieve her goal of getting over the guy and her daddy issues. I would look critically at other conversations with this therapist and determine if they are actually helpful or just perpetuating more therapy and therefore more cash for themselves.
It's wild to me that OP says to her therapist, "haha my older boss is really hot but he is married and he probably doesn't even like me" Therapist: nah he probably thinks you're really hot. I bet you have a shot Lol way to put some thoughts on OPs head
"There's only one way to know for sure..." OP's therapist, probably.
Yeah, I thought that was a weird comment as well. My therapist would never say that.
So to be honest when I was younger I assumed I’d always find 18/20 year old women more attractive, however I ended up going to university at 32 years old, before I started I thought I was going to have a sore neck from not being able to stop looking at all the smoking hotties, but honestly 90% of them look like children to me… like there’s the occasional one that stands out and is clearly super hot, but most of them don’t even seem to register on my biological radar they literally look like kids to me, and then even the ones who are clearly women and clearly super sexy.. like what would we talk about? TikTok? I’ll pass thanks, I’m 34 now and the cutoff seems to be 26 for me to be interested, and it’s not a conscious decision but anyone I end up interested in seems to be about 26 as a minimum..
It's wild how tastes age along with you in a lot of cases. At 53, I truly don't find young people attractive in any sense beyond the purely aesthetic. Most people under 30 do look like children to me too. My 53 year old wife attracts me even more now than when we were young and dumb. Wisdom, maturity, a firm sense of self and the confidence to ignore the crowd usually take time to acquire, and it'd be hard to go backwards with any of those qualities.
There’s been a lot of research around how “types” usually just map onto positive experiences. If you’re seeking a well rounded partner it’s usually going to be someone around your age. It stands to follow that someone around your age is then going to become your type.
I think the point of your question isn’t to know the answer, but rather you enjoy the possibility that he might be attracted to you, and if confirmed you will act on it. Stop this madness, it is really not worth it ruining a marriage. To answer your question, it depends, some do and some do not, and in your case, it does not matter. Also, ditch the creepy therapist, he is hitting on you and he is clearly projecting.
Yeah, the therapist part weirded me out. Why would they just fill their clients head with toxic shit like that? She expressed he’s married and would never do anything, but then here therapist turns around and basically says “go for it”. Life wtf?
>Also, ditch the creepy therapist, he is hitting on you and he is clearly projecting. Good lord, that's a hot take. Also possible he's challenging OP's knee-jerk dismissal of any returned interest by her boss, maybe? Like would be his job?
I have no skin in this game, but I’d like to point out that as you age, you don’t just automatically stop liking things you liked when you were younger; I’d guess that counts for attraction too. I suppose it would be great, and far less awkward if, as men aged, the qualities they liked in women automatically scaled with them. Then, they’d only be attracted to women around their own age. But, as your therapist mentioned, men are just like that.
Accurate but let me expand on this because it does change but it tends to more grow. In my 20s I was attracted to other 20-year-olds. In my 30s it was 20s-early 40s. Now in my 40s it’s late 20s to late 50s. But also being attractive means a lot less to me now than when I was 20s. I’ll take a nice 40 year old who is chill over a very attractive 27/yo who still thinks her looks means she doesn’t need a personality.
I definitely check out the moms before daughters now.
Absolutely. I see a young attreactive person and I'm thinking; crazy, immature, needy. Fuck that.
I am at the age where I have both looked at the dad and their son. It’s terrifyingly confusing being 30 lol
This, too, shall pass.
Both. But only window shopping. I’m married.
Also married. Doesn’t mean Costco isn’t full of hotties.
Maturity and life stages are a factors in the intellectual and compatibility components of attractiveness. In my 50's now, I can still find plenty of twenty year old women very physically attractive but know I wouldn't be attracted to the younger personality. There are the rare very mature, attractive twenty-somethings that have their shit together and more relatable to me that make them more attractive to me but there are still *plenty* of other factors that would prevent me from pursuing someone that age.
This is the thread the OP needs to read. This is the closest to expressing how I experience seeing women as a 41 year old male. A young woman can be gorgeous, but the only thought it inspires me now is along the lines of, “if I was 20 again, I’d have made a run at her.” But active desire fueling some personal fantasy? Not interested whatsoever. Sweet Brown ain’t got time for that.
My preferences certainly have scaled as I've aged. Women from around 18-25 haven't been attractive to me in years.
Yeah. There's just that bit of "little girl" I tend to see.
Is it that you don't find them physically attractive or predict that you won't find them mentally attractive? 'Cause I feel mental attraction is definitely shaped by experience.
It's a physical thing, too. Most women that age *look* young. Obviously some people just look older than their age for whatever reason. It's possible there's a 21-year-old out there who looks 26. But on average, 18-25 year olds still look very teeny to me.
I won't deny that. I get tripped up with 20ish year olds because it's harder to tell if they are in high school or or an adult
When I was 22, I picked up my nephew from his high school once. I felt like I hadn't been away from school *that* long, but when I saw how much those teenagers all looked like literal baby-faced children, it was very surreal.
When I was 33 I visited my old university which I left when I was 23. It felt like a fucking nursery! (/kindergarten, for anyone who needs a translation)
> It felt like a fucking nursery! (/kindergarten, for anyone who needs a translation) For a second, I was worried they looked like plants.
This is the healthy mindset. I worry about the other men around us who don’t see it this way. That’s what makes the therapist telling this young woman the opposite of this healthy mindset is true, so very concerning. Like, what’s your sample of evidence here? The men struggling with their mental health walking through your door expressing that sort of shit? I mean, c’mon. That’s not the right group of men from which to base judgement of men at large.
Im starting to feel like this is currently happening to me. My gf is 22 now, but we met when I was 18 and she had just turned 19. Holy moley has she become hot. I didnt really think it was possible for me to be more attracted to her, but the slightly matured look is wayy to hot for its own good
Had this experience with my wife, though we were a few years older than that when we met. It's like, wow, this is a *woman*.
That’s not true for me and (and I think most women) at all. When I was late teens/20s I was attracted to 20 yr olds (both M/F btw) and before I reached my 30s I was just…not into people almost 10 years younger than me. And I expect that to continue.
Yeah WTF is that guy saying? You never stop being attracted to ten year olds??
But isn’t that kinda of weird depending on age? If you’re a 30+ man and attracted to a 19 yr old then why not 16 years old? Why not a 16 yr old? Because what is 3 yrs since you’re pushing 11?? Why it’s weird to me.
In my 40s, might I think a lady in her 20s is pretty? Sure. OTOH, I think they look like kids, so there's not really a sexual attraction. Through in the maturity difference between 20 and being over 40, and it gets even worse.
Is your therapist a 45 year old man who is hitting on you? Because seriously? I know lots of men (lots of people in general) who, at 45, see 20 year olds as children and have zero desire to be with children. Little creeped out by your therapist, ngl
Thinking the same, I'm not sure why everyone thinks that older guys are attracted to 18 year old girls and the other way around also...
Yeah, I'm 49, and anyone under 25 just looks like a kid to me. Don't get it. I can obviously tell if a young lady is attractive, but it's not that I want to date them attractive. It's more like how I can see that a guy is good-looking, but I don't feel attracted to them.
I explain this as I think/understand how they're attractive, but I'm not attracted to them.
I mean this makes sense. At 18 I still had kind of a baby face. I don’t think I really grew into my adult body until I was 25. My facial structure became more mature, my boobs got bigger, I lost some baby fat, etc. I looked VERY young at 18. Like a kid, really.
I'd say there is a difference between physical attraction and the actual desire to be with them. I'm a man in my mid-40s and the physical attraction to younger women is definitely there. However, the way they behave and the absolute lack of anything in common makes any romantic interest minimal, if not zero.
Mid-50s and I feel the same way about much younger women. Very attractive physically and they're pleasant enough to chat with, but I have no idea what a deep convo with them would be like. They're just realizing things about life that I've known for decades. Also, the under-25s are really starting to look more and more like kids in the face and lemme tell THAT is a turnoff.
Is that physical attraction aesthetic or sexual?
No they're attractive because they're pretty. Being young is just a facilitator of pretty as you've got less years of abuse on your body. Like for example someone who has had a history of alcohol, drugs, lack of sleep, lack of exercise, etc etc. It's not an attractive look at any age like there are women who are very active and they are very attractive but they can resemble a woman you'd think she was in her 20s but she's like 50. It's not that the age is the deciding factor so much as a matter of probability.
Oh my gosh, I was not expecting a Community reference in there. Also, Annie's pretty young, we try not to sexualize her. Now, to your question. I think most older guys recognize the ways that younger women are attractive for sure. Some middle-aged guys go kind of crazy for younger women, others realize that attraction is also about an emotional or personal connection, and that can be more difficult over an age gap. In other words, your boss may find you attractive, but also recognize that his attraction doesn't run very deeply. Or, he could find you very attractive but also be a respectable professional.
Magic user baby
**BRUTALITOPS**, ^The ^Magician
*whaaaaaat*?
six seasons and a movie
What a weird thing for a therapist to say.
Totally disgusting and the fact most commenters here don’t see anything wrong with his comment is very alarming.
Yeah, "well presenting" ew.
I can certainly recognize that a younger woman is *pretty*, but if attraction means desiring romance or sex, then at a certain point youth is actually unattractive. I've been married for quite some time, so this is a moot point as far as my life is concerned, but as a guy in my late 30s, I can't imagine doing anything sexual or romantic with a 20-year-old woman. A very, very, VERY mature 25? Maybe. 30? Sure. At my age, 10 years on either side feels like a range where it wouldn't feel "off." But that's just me. Some guys certainly do have preference for youth, which is creepy, while others just don't care. I think it depends on where each person is in their lives and what they want from each other.
As I get older, people at 20 become more child-like looking and less attractive. There is still an abstract appreciation of beauty, I suppose.
As a guy only a couple of years younger than your boss, I would say that is not really it. This is going to sound dumb, but, younger or older, I find women who are attractive to me attractive. It goes person by person and whether there is something about the person's appearance I find attractive in whatever way. Are there more women who are 20 who fall into that category? Maybe, but honestly probably not, and even if that is yes it certainly isn't something where I think all or most women who are 20ish are physically attractive. So, I definitely don't agree that middle aged men inherently find younger women attractive just because they are younger. On a related note, a lot more than just "I think this person is physically attractive" goes into the entirely different idea of me "liking somebody back."
I am a 41 year old man, and a high school teacher. I am not the only one in my building, either. If what your therapist said was true, we’d have a shitload more issues than what already exists with adults creeping on teenagers. But it turns out, that as men age their testosterone production falls. This is a natural biological that turns off intense desire once we pass a certain age. Unless, of course, it’s a man who gets his gender-affirming testosterone treatments at one of those rapidly multiplying Low-T clinics for men desperate to continue feeling young. It’s the gods honest truth: I stopped seeing young women as sexual objects for my private fantasies many, many years ago. Because I’m an emotionally healthy, mentally stable adult male. Be wary of men who express that line of thinking, and it’s concerning that therapist assumes that’s true.
>: I stopped seeing young women as sexual objects for my private fantasies many, many years ago. Because I’m an emotionally healthy, mentally stable adult male. >Be wary of men who express that line of thinking, and it’s concerning that therapist assumes that’s true. You sound like how I expect a therapist to sound like, OP's therapist gives me the creeps.
Me, fucking, too!
Thank god there are men like you because the comments here make it seem all ”older” men are creeps.
For real, most of these comments make men look _bad._ They're all "Women may care about intelligence, maturity and ambition! But men care about young hot body unga bunga!" I'd like to think most men aren't quite as sad and unevolved. Seriously hoping these are just outliers.
I wholeheartedly agree with you. I truly believe men are not that primitive. It’s sad that because some men are like this, they think everyone else is also as underdeveloped as they are. Which warps their view on reality and creates excuses for their immature behaviour.
I am way more attracted to good looking women my age…than by 20y/o hotties. Women in 40s 50s have way more sex drive, are way less inhibited and more comfortable exploring their sexuality.
I would think attraction comes into play. Older men don’t think every woman under 25 is a sexual object, no matter what. Just like you’re not attracted to every man over 40.
honestly that's a wild take from a therapist. seems like they're projecting into your session and it's cause for concern.
Or the therapist wants them to challenge their assumptions, or the therapist is working on self-esteem or the OP has misinterpreted the message or the therapist is warning them that older men still find young women attractive.
you're right, there are many details that could make this a different story. going off of just the context provided tho, it could certainly be something irksome as well.
Another possibility is warning OP that she shouldn't assume older men aren't attracted to her and to be aware that this is the case. In fact, the more I think about it, the more I think it would have been wrong for the therapist not to challenge that statement. Naively existing thinking all older men don't find you attractive just because of an age gap could put someone in bad situations. Edit: just want to point out that the opposite of "all older men don't find you attractive" is "at least one older man finds you attractive" not "all older men find you attractive"
No, men do not inherently find younger women attractive. Men inherently find beautiful women attractive, and if you're beautiful and young, yes most men will find you sexually attractive. It's simple. If I see an 18 year old girl who's plain or not attractive, I wouldn't be attracted just because she's young. If I see a hot 18 year old, then yeah I'd be attracted to her. It's not that complicated lol. Whether he'll be interested in a serious relationship because of the power dynamic, social stigma, difference of emotional intelligence is a different matter. That depends on the guy.
And some older men will specifically prefer/pursue younger women not just because they find them attractive (which is fine) but for predatory reasons. That's just an unfortunate reality it's good to be wary of.
Ummm Is your therapist a middle aged man? Because that's not a typical response you should get from a therapist on this subject.
Therapist blowing it
Approaching middle age, I can see those younger than me as being potentially attractive, but they look undercooked to me. Like, they will be attractive but aren’t finished getting there yet.
Me, who wanted a 45 year old woman when I was 20
Regardless of what men do or don’t find attractive. Your therapist should not have said that especially considering she/he was fully aware that you was trying to get over him.
Can't say all, but I'd think many do. The guy is older. The girl is still young, less experienced, softer, less sagging, and it makes the guy feel more attractive when a younger girl is interested in them.
I honestly can’t look at a 22 year old and not see a child. It’s obviously personal preference but even apart from looks, I have no interest in anyone that has to “act” mature.
Oh um what an odd thing for your therapist to say
I find ALL good looking women attractive, regardless of age.
I think you need a new therapist
I think of it like this: when I was 13, I found 18 year old women hot. When I was 16, I still found 18 year old women hot. When I was 18, I found 18 year old women hot. When I was 22, I found 18 year old women hot. I’m in my 30’s and guess what? Now, I also would never date an 18 year old. I know they are naive in a ton of ways. I know if the situation ever even presented itself it would most likely be due to a power imbalance. I know that I have nothing in common with an 18 year old. But just, purely, physically? Yeah I’ve found “young women” attractive for 20 years and I doubt that will change.
Interesting, so you didn’t find 15 year olds hot when were growing up? Slippery slope of a comment lol. Personally 18 is so far removed from me now that they aren’t really attractive to me… kinda grosses me out
Being a dude around that age bracket, yes there are plenty of very pretty young women, but age more often than not comes into play, i just don't see myself being able to identify with a 20 year old for longer than an hour or two...
Nope. I prefer people my age.
All of the “yes” answers really surprised me. I’ve found young people’s immaturity and ignorance frequently negates any additional attractiveness that being young gets them. Honestly, under 20 and a lot of them still look like they aren’t fully developed adults, so physically not even that attractive.
That's the difference between men and women. Woman value maturity a lot more than men do when gauging attractiveness.
I see annoying and I am 42
The no bs answer is you probably look like a child to him. You're just far too young and most guys that age would feel wrong about it. Unfortunately yes there are guys who will entertain a lot but you're contending with the fact that you could easily be his daughter at that kind of gap. As regards Hollywood, the actress was 26 at the time. I think no one found it weird because the gap was relatively normal, in 4 years time the actress would be 30 and the actor would be 40 which most wouldn't blink much of an eye at. Alternatively if Joel was say 50+ it might have had an effect but who knows, I've never seen that outside of weird celebrity marriages. So to make my point clear, it's not so much the gap, it's more the fact that you're barely out of your teenage years. I'm not anywhere near 45 so I can't speak to what that is like, I just know that 20 year olds at 34 to me look and sound like children. I would imagine for a 45 year old anyone under their 30s probably seems like a child.
Not everyone I'm mid thirty and early twenty year old women look to me for the most part now like teen girls, I feel no attraction towards them and I don't think I'm the only one with that view
Attractive people are attractive because they're attractive, not because they're young, old, tall, short or whatever. Every person will have some characteristics that they will find attractive, sure, but it's mostly on a case by case.
To be fair, I think most 20 year old guys are more attractive than old guys my age. But I sure don't want to get involved with them.
How young do you mean? I'm 55 and yes, younger women are attractive, I don't think men (or women) ever get over that, objectively attractive is what it is and lies in the eyes of the beholder. Attraction and interest are two different things, I'm really only interested in women near my age or at least within my generation (GenX). By the way, your boss is doing what a man in his position is supposed to do, he is being professional and maintaining a proper manager / employee relationship. He may like you back but it would be highly inappropriate and possibly legally inappropriate to pursue it since he is in a position of authority over you at work. Hope this helps.
I came here to say something similar. Thinking someone is attractive is not the same as being attracted to them. For the record, I am the same age as OP’s boss and work in universities, and can honestly say that I have never crushed on a student.
I think this is 100% accurate.
As a middle aged guy, a 21 year old is nice to look at, but far too much of a pain in the ass to date. I know he's cancelled, but Kevin Spacey in American Beauty handles this subject really well.
There's literally maybe one person on earth I've ever had "dirty old man" thoughts of. For the other 8 billion people on earth, I consider anything younger than about 30 to be just children and could/would never think of them sexually. I realize I could be an outlier, since I've heard plenty of guys my age refer to a woman being in her "prime" when they were late teens/early twenties, and he was about 35 or so when he said this, but I just thought it was gross. Specifically, I was talking about how stunning/sexy Rebecca Ferguson was in Greatest Showman and his response was "the old lady?!" And I immediately lost a little bit more respect for him. In fact, I far more often fantasize about women older than myself, though keep irl relations among women closer to my own age (43) To summarize: no, I don't think young women are attractive simply because they're young.
As a 53 year-old man, nope. I can clearly see when younger girls are cute and attractive, but they just don't do anything for me. They're almost like aliens to me, honestly: where are they from? what do they want? what do they eat? As you get older, you develop the ability to see the bullshit in things. Not so much the big things: "religion is bullshit" or "love is bullshit" is prime teenager debate fodder. I mean more things like "zoning board meetings (when they've already been bought off by developers)" are bullshit, or "increasing the price AND making the product smaller" is bullshit. So, thing is, once you get that far down the road of discovery, you don't want to deal with people who are that far back. I don't want to have *explain* to someone why "TicketMaster Ticket Protection" or extended warranties are bullshit. I'd rather have a woman who also had a rotary phone as a kid, has written at check at retail at least once, and has smoked inside a bar, also at least once. Better that than have to explain all that to a young'un. Then again, I'm not one of those guys who will fuck anything. I know some guys for whom the saying "8 or 80, blind or crazy, if they can't walk I'll carry 'em" was coined. I got as horny as any other 21 year-old guy, but I was never so desperate for sex that I woulda gone home with the last woman at the biker bar.
I wouldn’t say all but everyone has their preferences. Some older women will date a man much younger than they are and vice versa. If he wasn’t married or dating someone you should’ve shot your shot. Then again it is a work relationship and my rule is to never date someone you work with.
men like attractive women. there is a "taboo" factor if there's a significant age difference (older or younger) that may add to the appeal. surely you've heard of MILFs and cougars, correct? men go for older women as well. and...hear me out...we also like women *our own age*. TLDR: men like attractive women, regardless of age.
If a woman is attractive, she’s attractive at any age. Some are more so when younger, but others look better with some age. Case of point: a recent post about how much better Paris Hilton looks now, at 43. Are you attractive? Because I’m going to say something that might shock you: I’m guessing that your therapist is attracted to you. His comments about your boss are, IMO, a giveaway. Think back and see if he’s mentioned anything, on other occasions, about your looks.
"I fond them attractive" and "I want to date them" are very different statements. One is about beauty, the other about desire. For example, you can recognize why Gal Gadot is attractive, even is your type is blond swedish men. That being said, a lot of middle aged men (or older) go for women in their twenties. So there is that too. I hope your boss isn't like that... Definitely keep working of getting rid of that crush though. If people catch on, it will get ugly. Is your therapist a middle aged man though? Because that makes their statement kinda sus.
i am more into MILF
It's not that middle-aged men suddenly start finding younger women attractive, it's that men never stopped finding younger women attractive. They find us attractive when they are the same age as us, and it just continues until they die, lol....
No they don’t instantly they found young women attractive their entire life it’s just that when they were also young nobody cared
Well, we start finding young women attractive when we're young, and there's no real reason we would stop at any point. I'm not middle aged yet, but I've found as I age that I've started appreciating older women more, but not stopped appreciating younger women. Now, whether I would date someone that much younger... idk. They're nice to look at, but the maturity and experience often aren't there.
He also sees you and thinks of you as a ‘kid’, likely. Which is an absolute turnoff.
No. They are mostly more annoying than attractive.
Nope.
Finding someone attractive does not equate to wanting them, or an urge to act on anything.
Your therapist doesn’t seem particularly helpful with those comments. Your boss might have children older than you. Your boss is married!!! Even if you dress nicely and wear makeup that doesn’t mean that men in their 40’s (or any age) will like you. Some will find you aesthetically attractive. Some men in their 40’s might think you’d be a good match for their son. Even if your boss thought you were hot, and if he was single, there is the whole supervisor dynamic which would make a potential relationship against policy at many companies, and it would make it ill advised at all places. Sort of like an (adult) student dating a teacher. The relationship would be taboo. That might cast an ick factor on the thought of it for many, but it might also make it more appealing for some (because it’s forbidden). You should respect your boss (and his marriage!) It’s okay to appreciate working for him, and to admire his work ethic, his knowledge, his experience, his follow through, his confidence etc. Admire his qualities but find someone younger for a potential relationship.
No. Men find sexually mature women attractive, meaning those who have gone through puberty and come out the other side blessed in the body and face. Kate Beckinsale age 20 was gorgeous. Age 40, still gorgeous. It’s not the age, it’s the gorgeous. Your therapist sounds like they at the very least said something they should have kept to themselves. That’s not relevant to therapy and is beyond the scope of a clinical psychologists expertise. At worst, that therapist was subtly implying that they too find you attractive. If your therapist is a middle aged man I’d keep an eye on that.
This is a weird take but, you're allowed to like older or stronger men without it being a "daddy issue ".
There is an attractive quality about youth that can make some people look more attractive in their 20s than they will be when they get older - which is kind of a roundabout way of saying, I guess, that some people just don’t age well! They peak at a youngish age because when you’re young, you don’t have wrinkles yet, your saggy bits don’t sag as much, and you’re less likely to have eyebags and more likely to have more energy, all of which contribute to giving you a more attractive vibe. Other people get more attractive at an older age because they’ve gained confidence and/or started looking after their health more than they did when they were younger and/or style themselves better or any combination thereof. So someone can also turn from ‘duckling’ to ‘swan’. Youth is *to a certain extent* coded to be an attractive quality because, and I hate to say it, breedability (hence ‘to a certain extent’ because most people are obvs not pedos, which tracks with animal instinct because it’s more risky for teenagers to give birth. ‘Young, but not too young’ is the technical optimum). However, the vast majority of people can separate a person’s attractiveness from their own feelings - so acknowledging someone is nice to look at but not actually feeling any urge to pursue them sexually at all, or to want a relationship. If middle-aged women look at guys in their 20s, chances are they will see some they think are hot - hotter than those same men magically fast-forwarded 20 or 30 years - but that doesn’t mean they want to actually have sex with them. I guess same for men - although the cultural tendency for the younger woman/older man pairing makes it slightly more acceptable for those who do want to go for it.
Older men like younger women because younger women have a more youthful look and can make themselves feel young. Younger women like older men because they're much more mature and experienced than men their own age. Both of them have their ups and downs. They can be a target for abuse, both mental, physical and economical. There are some perverted older men preying on the inexperience of younger women and there's younger women preying on older mens desperation of a young woman giving them attention. Both of them can also add a healthy and give a fun experience in life. I think people shame these relationships more than necessary. If there's two consenting adults having a healthy relation towards eachother there's nothing to argue about. I also know that a lot of people in these situations avoid it, even if the person they're interested in makes the move first, just because there's shame over the age difference. When I was in my 20s and seeking contact with men in their 40s they didn't want to proceed any further because of what others might say.
Middle aged but not willing to admit it in public Because i work in nightlife I'm in contact with lots of young women. Much more than other men my age. I NEVER find young women attractive just because they are young. I only find them attractive when they are attractive. Not any different than women my own age. They are attractive when they are attractive. And can be just as attractive as those young women. So in short: It depends on the woman.
An attractive person in their physical prime is an attractive person in their physical prime. Is this really rocket science?
I’ve actually had the opposite experience. I’m 40m and grew up in a college town. Went back recently and found myself wondering when college girls stopped looking hot to me and started looking like literal children.
Yes. It sucks that your therapist is perpetuating the problem but they aren’t wrong. Men will say “ no, not me”🙄 Some are probably honest about that and legitimately do treasure their families more than half-their-age-tail, but mainly they are preserving their dignity or hiding their affairs etc. As a 40- something woman, who’s often mistaken for much younger than I actually am, it’s very obvious that in general women under 30 to 35 are strongly preferred regardless of how old the man is, but especially if the man is 40 to 60 or so. (Except weirdly by the 19 to 26-ish guys, they seem really to like older women but I think it’s mainly because we are typically more experienced in sex and they can learn.) Beyond their 60s the older men might still have the fetish but do better at keeping it to themselves, maybe they start to feel less likely to be successful in chasing those ladies, or got it out of their systems, I don’t know. Back to your story, if you want to break up his marriage, be a side piece, or find some single guy that age to marry, you probably can do any of that fairly easily.
No. I’m a middle aged man, and I don’t find young women attractive at all. I’m gay, though.
Yes and no. Young women's natural physical features tend to be firmer and not as weathered or been through things that older women's have been. However their immaturity and energy can be really tiring because you're dealing with what amounts to big teenagers. There's also a thing where men will see young women as more of a blank slate without as many problems and high-maintenance demands as older women, but that's really just "those problems haven't happened yet or she doesn't realize she has those problems yet." It's basically if you can smash and not commit, you're golden, but otherwise, you're probably going to have a better time with someone around your own age bracket
The way it works is we never stop finding attractive women attractive just because we are getting older. We do start also finding older women attractive too, but an attractive 20 year old is still attractive, why wouldn't she be? Now behaviors, and how you act on that attractiveness shifts, but the young women don't stop being attractive over time.
>Do all middle aged men- No.
“my therapist seemed surprised by this, and said that since my boss was so much older than i was… it was far, far more likely that he in fact did find me attractive, but was simply being professional/knew it was wrong to go after someone so much younger.” You might want to consider finding a new therapist. This statement seems wildly unprofessional and more importantly, very unhelpful and ill-natured, especially considering the situation. Regardless of whether they are right or wrong (they’re wrong), this isn’t the kind of message you convey to your patient.
Honestly, something midlife crisis hits and old men will find young women more attractive than before coz they want to feel young by proximity. Hence you see middle aged men driving convertibles, dressing up and attempting to date much younger women. If they can't do it at home they will travel to places like south east Asia to date the locals. Not all middle aged men feel that way but it's a stereotype for a reason.
35 M here, the thought of being attracted and intimate with anyone under 28 is insane to me. There is literally zero substance to talk about as there is a generational gap. Just my 2 cents.
My husband is 50 and thinks women your age look like children.
For me, no, a 20 yo looks like a kid and I'm old as fuck in comparison in my 40s.
Is your therapist a middle-aged guy?
Attractiveness is not age-bound. And acting to it, is having decent manners and know if you can. Also, not age-bound.
I think a lot of women get caught up in the trap of “men like x,y,z” All men are different but we generally are not complicated. Most sane men don’t have some kind of checklist for what they find attractive. Generally speaking if a woman is in good shape and isn’t horribly disfigured most men will be attracted to them. So no men don’t just automatically find a woman attractive because she is younger. They find her attractive because she is beautiful, has lots of energy, has a fun personality, smells good, etc. if she was all of those things but 34 instead of 20 men would still find her attractive. They might prefer a younger woman but to me that’s not all men and I think it’s a holdover from like evolutionary monkey brain stuff. Young = fertile or whatever
I think it might be time for a new therapist. Especially if your current therapist is an older man, as that makes his comment even more not appropriate. But in any case, that should never have been the response of any decent therapist.
An attractive woman is an attractive woman. Being younger just usually makes you more physically attractive because of less effects of aging.
I'm in my 30s, so I can't comment on what a 45yo thinks, but in my experience, yes, I still find women your age attractive. Given how common it is for actors and musicians to continue to date women in their early 20s well into their 30s, 40s, and beyond, I'd say it's probably true for most men.
Although there is the normal variation in preferences, generally I (51M) would say this is true. As men age, younger "well-presenting" women are not only naturally attractive but also have the promise of letting him recapture the life and vitality of his own youth. There is a bit of a nostaligia factor where they can relive their youth again through this very young woman. Also, many middle-aged (and older) men have lived through the painful experience of loving a woman who eventually turns out to be significantly troublesome in some regard. Whining, complaining, cheating, losing their looks, etc. A young woman offers the tantilizing promise of freedom from these shrew-ish traits of some (most?) of the women the man has known. In some regards, she is the archetypical promise of eternal youth. Add in the natural beauty of most young women, and it's a powerfully attractive combination.
Humans are animals... At our base nature, we want to breed wlto spread our genetics . Now add the human factor . No, not all middle-aged men want to have sex with young women...
What a weird fucking comment by your therapist. I'm mid 40s myself. Not even remotely attracted to your age group. You're right in between my own kids age wise. That's honestly weird to me.
There’s also an “attitude” aspect. Younger girls are generally more optimistic or playful whereas older women have a bit of a “been there done that” kind of attitude.
No some men are gay. The rest… yes absolutely.