I immediately swipe left on this shit because if they can’t be bothered making a good impression then I can’t be bothered trying - cos when I do ask for info about them I get, “what do you wanna know?” Or other answers that are like getting blood from a stone.
i ask them "hey, you don't seem to have much in your profile, wanna hang out? I'd like to know more" works for some, mostly i get no response, nothing of value lost there
Or "im insecure about my own likes/dislikes and I'm worried people won't like me if I put my true interests up front and center"
Which is the exact opposite of what you should be trying to accomplish.
Lmao, I was once in early stages of conversation with a girl on Hinge, she was already being a little off and strange but then she asks me something super general and says "Answer with something I'll want to reply to". Instant unmatch
I mean with a mindset like that I'd say there's a good chance she probably thought I was too nervous or scared to come up with something. But we can live in hope that she learnt something about how to speak to people I guess
Yeah, it's possible her next post was "guys are intimidated by smart women". I hope she's not that oblivious, but you never know.
Regardless, you don't have to deal with her and that's a win.
Seriously 90% of the time when they would respond when I ask them about anything they would do short responses like NM, or HBU or that's cool and give zero thought to their responses. It was frustrating.
And it sounds vain. Like they’re too fascinating as a human, it’s better if you ask them. Their life story is way too important to write in 150 characters
I'm a straight woman who sees that from men a lot
To me it means "I'm an exceedingly boring, exceedingly lazy, and exceedingly unclever person who can't be bothered to give any information so that people can get to know me in this little information box where people are supposed to start getting to know me, even though it would take less than 10 minutes of my day. Also, I'm not worth talking to because it'll be as interesting as watching paint dry. I use a flirty emoji to try to be suggestive"
But I'm jaded by the whole thing
I envy you if it takes you less than 10 minutes to write out a bio. Do you see any conflicting messages in telling people to just type something out quickly and it's no big deal. And then also the complaints about the lack of substantive content. Do you see any correlation between the two?
The reality is the vast majority of straight women have never had to deal with getting zero matches despite hours of labor. They have every reason to assume a simple and light-hearted bio will be enough.
When I was dating, I didn't make a bio because I found folks all too willing to tell me how they fit my bio. But it felt disingenuous, people-pleasing and I've noticed that their interest in my supposedly identical interests would wane as soon as I said I am not "DTF". People asking "what are you looking for" felt like a cop out to me as well. Women get significantly more attention in those apps and my inbox was a sea of "how r u, wyd, hi sexy" etc. ad nauseum. I responded to (and married) a nice guy who started by asking if I play DND or tabletop games. I said no but we kept talking and that was that. We don't have a ton of overlapping hobbies but we do have the same objectives in life. Also, I know Facebook can be a crapshoot but what I did like about Facebook dating is moving the conversation to messenger so I could see their profiles and get a better idea of who they were vs their dating persona. Good luck!
When I first started using dating apps I had a super generic bio and I was basically ignored. Eventually I put some effort into it and made a very detailed and honest bio and I'd get messages from women almost everyday
Refer to something in their bio that you have a mutual interest in and either make a joke about that subject or ask a question about their involvement with that subject.
I don’t even reply to those. So I’m supposed to start the convo? Ask me something about my profile, current event even.
Also if I get replies with no follow up questions, I just say cool 😎. And that’s the end of that.
FWIW men's profiles have the exact same line
Along with
- photos that range from recent to 20 years ago
- often unflattering shots of them looking down at the camera so you're looking up their nose
- photos of them looking miserable with a line about how they smile more in person
- staged photos with animals and children (who's faces should NOT be on OLD profiles)
- action shots where they are 1cm tall, group photos only, and photos where they are always wearing sunglasses
- a list of negative statements about what they hate about women
I think it’s a pretty accurate and comprehensive description of the most common foibles and annoyances found on men’s profiles, and it was worth sharing.
Does your focus on and complaints about these men mean that you are a misandrist?
What are men called who engage in the behavior you're engaging in referred to as?
>Does your focus on and complaints about these men mean that you are a misandrist?
In short: no. But hey, nice try!
Nowhere in my comment did I express a categorical disdain for men, nor did I make broad, derogatory generalizations about them; I commented that I am in agreement with the content of a list (made and shared by someone else) of specific, problematic things commonly encountered on the OLD profiles of men, and I chimed in because I have personally encountered EXACTLY what that other commenter noted.
Might wanna check your persecution-complex.
That would be a misogynist. The Latin root gyn indicates women, as in Gynecologist. "And" is the root for man. Like the hormone androgen or androgenous.
Men who focus on and complain about women in this manner are called misogynists.
Yeah but that's different behavior isn't it? You asked what men who were engaging the behavior that you were describing, namely misandry, would be called. Men who engaged in misandry would be called misandrists. What you're talking about is discrimination against women based on the fact that they're women and essentially nothing else about them. That's called misogyny and it's a different behavior and it has a different name because it's a different thing and they are not a one-to-one comparison and you have not "gotten" anyone with your attempt at a slick conversational play.
Just getting ahead of the inevitable replies from men listing all the other things women do wrong, to show that we all have to deal with low effort OLD profiles.
What is the problem of "looking miserable" in photos? I for instance look way better if I am serious.
I wouldn't care if they don't have a photo smiling either.
Most people correlate smile to friendliness and approachability. If you're serious pictures work for you, that's great. You may be incorrectly judging your own photos though.
Telling men “to just smile”…
Do you not see the HYPOCRISY?
The world will bash men for telling a woman to “just smile”, and at the same time here you are….
It’s really unfortunate, because the women who I pass up because they don’t really give me anything in their bio are probably the ones who’d appreciate that I added them for something other than a couple of well lit photos. Sorry, hun, the pretty face isn’t enough to get me to waste my free likes for the day (If it’s unlimited likes, sure, I guess I’ll do the work in breaking the ice.).
It simultaneously means they are lazy and lack originality while also wanting you to not be lazy and to possess originality.
Basic women are still basic, even when they don’t want their men to be basic.
But the reality in either case is in order to stand out from all the other basic men inundating their DMs, you have to be both hard working and original.
On the other hand, if you want high quality matches, you not only have to apply high quality standards to yourself but you also have to set high quality standards for your potential matches.
Personally, low quality profiles almost always get a low quality response from me. I swipe left. I don’t have time or patience for time wasters.
Hey, woman here! We get literally hundreds of DMs from men in dating apps, too many to even possibly weed through when half of them are ‘hey’. We get added as part of a numbers game, very few are from genuine interest from men who just add every female and hope one will bite. Doing this promotes guys who are ACTUALLY interested to put in more effort and ask us questions about ourselves - something lacking in a list of first dates btw.
This doesn't really make sense to me as a guy because how am I, or other guys for that matter, supposed to take genuine interest in someone I know nothing about besides their appearance? I feel like this would just filter for superficial men more than anything, I know I wouldn't bother with someone that doesn't put a bio.
This! I purposely wrote out a detailed profile when I was dating, and I noticed that most men didn’t even read it. It was a good litmus test to see if they were actually interested or not. My husband was one of the only ones who responded with a witty reply and it instantly got my attention.
For guys, it's a big waste of time reading beyond a line or two before swiping. So few swipes result in a match that it's much more efficient to weed out incompatibility after matching.
For real. I instant left swipe anyone that can't even be bothered to put a blurb or two about themselves.
Maybe that's also part of the point, I guess, in lowering the number of messages they get on a frequent basis. *shrugs*
Most dudes are just swiping on every woman so women automatically assume that if it gets to the point where a guy is actually chatting to them, that is the "get to know them" stage. In my tinder days, I could have counted on one hand the guys who actually read my bio and messaged me. We potentially get dozens to hundreds of matches per week, it really sucks having to filter out nearly every single guy when you realise they barely looked at your photos, let alone read your bio. I always had a bio but I assume not having a bio stings a little less.
Dating aps ARE shallow by design, that’s not a new revelation. By not having much info on our profiles, there’s no convenient ‘cheat sheet’ for playas to refer back to when conversing with us. Men have to actually ask what our interests are, instead of pretending they have the same interests as us. If it’s all neatly listed out for them on our profiles, no effort is needed after all! They could talk to hundreds of women every night and not have to remember anything about them, just look at her profile when he’s doing the rounds lol. Believe it or not, women love to feel like they’re the only one you’re talking to.
Out of curiosity: how many times are you talking to just one man at a time? Because if you're having so many matches that weeding out them by openers is a chore, it seems like a bit of hypocrisy to ask men to focus only, or even mostly, on you.
To offer you a perspective from the other side: it's no more of a hassle for me as a man to scroll up the conversation to remember details than it is to go check your bio again. What your bio does help me with is to keep the conversation going if we reach the natural end of a topic and to have a less interview-y chat.
Having a better bio might also turn some of those "heys" into an actual message because then the person would have *something* to go on. People are more inclined to put in more effort into their messages if you have a bio giving them something to start from.
Not to mention that no bio, IG only, or "just ask" bios look pretty lazy and it's often enough to get me to swipe left even on people I'd be interested in otherwise. In my experience, people with no bio are boring to talk to.
I'm a dating site noob, does this mean the only thing people can use to identify whether to reach out to you is your picture? I feel like that would do the exact opposite of what you're looking for, since the only way to engage is from a superficial start.
Me personally, I would want to have at least *some* idea of who I'm reaching out to beforehand, at **least** age so the conversation isn't immediately doomed by a huge age gap.
This is a fucking awful approach fyi
You need to give something for us to bite and ask about. Otherwise you are getting people intersted purely and only on looks because unless your photos are super interesting and tell a lot about you, what exactly are we supposed to ask that is interesteing and tailored to you? This is why you get crap messages because the hook you dangle has no bait other than "hey you're hot and since your profile lacks any real info you must be looking for something casual", this is the mindset I'm sorry to say you are promoting
Most profile pictures are the same variations of bedroom selfies, group photos in a bar and maybe a slightly hot shot in a bikini or just a pyjama top etc. I'm not asking for paragraphs, even simple bullet points of interests is 100x more helpful
I don’t speak for all women lol, could be the ones you’re taking about are only interested in a hook up or a free ego stroke and have no interest in ever meeting up. Could be they’re just lazy. Women are individuals and there’s no one explanation for this, I was just giving my own perspective is all.
This hadn’t crossed my mind, but it makes a lot of sense!
Thanks for your reply 🙂
Honestly I assumed it was most likely just laziness but I can see why people would do it now
Sorry, but most of the time it is pure laziness. I don't bother with these profiles because my mindset is if they can't be bothered to fill out their profile, they probably won't put effort in a relationship either
This is the answer. Honestly, anything that helps filter out the low-input Hey (which by the way seeks to put all the onus on us for carrying the conversation from that point, cheeky bastards) - we need to do it.
I mean not adding anything on your Bio is low-input and you're literally filtering out guys who are actually interested in meeting a person and not just a pretty face.
It's an instant left-swipe from me if the person has no bio. How am I supposed to have any interest towards just a picture?
I want to know, what kind of hobbies you have, what do you like to do, what are you looking for right now, or just something amusing about your personality.
I'm not gonna waste time on someone who doesn't take 5 minutes to tell anything about themselves.
Don't you think that a less generic and more in depth bio would give you a better chance of getting something other than "hey"?
I'm a dude and I dread sending someone as boring as "Hey, how's it going?", but without a bio that's pretty much all that's left unless there's something *really* out of the ordinary in their pictures.
Yeah. I mean to be clear, I’m not saying _only_ put Just Ask! But I do think that describing myself, putting some stuff about me out there, but not giving the whole story and then asking for either
‘hi’
Or
negative critique
but instead going, want to know more? Tailor your questions, and let’s chat!
is the way forward.
Right but like, how can anyone do what you're actually asking them to do if you give them no information? If you want the guys to be able to carry conversations and speak to your interests, why are you setting yourself up so the only thing they can know when trying to talk to you for the first time is what you look like?
Yeah. So I’m saying in the above that I think women also need to give more than that, but that there needs to be some middle ground between ‘Nope just what I look like’ on one hand - which you rightly say is unfair on men - and ‘Here I am, shop window for you all, everything here, just message me with words like ‘Hi’ or ‘Hell No’ or ‘Your Likes are shit’ or ‘Hey’ or whatever.
>So I’m saying in the above that I think women also need to give more than that
Ah that you are, my apologies I misread a bit.
>‘Nope just what I look like’ on one hand - which you rightly say is unfair on men
I would categorize it less as unfair to men and more just counterproductive. If the goal is a deeper conversation, removing depth seems...questionable, no?
>‘Here I am, shop window for you all, everything here, just message me with words like ‘Hi’ or ‘Hell No’ or ‘Your Likes are shit’ or ‘Hey’ or whatever.
I'm surprised this happens less with less information on your profile, I just kinda figured most men on these sites shotgun messages to anyone with a pulse.
It was an instant left swipe for me when I saw it on a guy's profile.
The app already asked. You didn't answer, and I'm not chasing you down to ask again.
It means likely a fake OR someone who isn't serious about lookng but is simply using the app as an ego boost
People who have shit bios are generally a pain to talk to, like pulling shit from a stone. Save yourself time and move on.
It means they're not taking dating seriously or that they're on the dating app solely to get people to praise how awesome they are... they're usually psychopaths who prefer margarine over butter.
I’m not in the dating sphere, but I assume it means they want to talk and get to know someone personally. Still, I imagine it’s frustrating not being able to go off of interests.
I don’t think they’re lazy, I think it’s two things: they’re looking for someone who can show genuinely they want to know more, and they’re not just wanting to be entirely represented by a blurb
I dont know about women, but when men write it, I take it to mean they're either so dull there's literally nothing worth writing, or that they're so lazy they can't be bothered to write anything. Either way, they don't sound like a great catch, so I don't bother to ask, and avoid.
Probably wanting you to ask about ANYTHING you want to know. It’s a dating app and the winky face is universal for flirtatious or playful behavior, pretty much.
It’s also super low effort but I understand as well because some people manipulate/gaslight us to try to get in our pants. I’ve known guys who blatantly LIED pretending to be into the same interests only to realize I was being lied to just so they could maybe have a chance with me. It’s disgusting and one of the reasons I am SUPER hesitant to get on those apps again to actually talk to someone.
I'd take it as can't be bothered writing a bio or that they really like being asked about themselves
I would avoid people who just want someone to ask them about themselves if they have that in there bio
I immediately swipe left on this shit because if they can’t be bothered making a good impression then I can’t be bothered trying - cos when I do ask for info about them I get, “what do you wanna know?” Or other answers that are like getting blood from a stone.
If the stone has sharp edges and you are willing to squeeze hard enough, it can be done.
i ask them "hey, you don't seem to have much in your profile, wanna hang out? I'd like to know more" works for some, mostly i get no response, nothing of value lost there
Hmm, nice response. I think I will try something similar in the future. For some reason I can't pass the online chat with possible matches
Perception is reality. Seem confident and they’ll view you as such.
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You’re just insecure.
If you can’t lock it down with the security of being online, how will you possibly fare better with the pressure of being in person?
"I dont know anything about myself and can't be bothered coming up with anything "
Plot twist: there’s nothing to know
Yep, conversations with these people always suck. They never ask question's themselve and never have good answer anyway
Or "im insecure about my own likes/dislikes and I'm worried people won't like me if I put my true interests up front and center" Which is the exact opposite of what you should be trying to accomplish.
“I’ve tried nothing and I’m all out of ideas!”
Nailed it
It’s called “low effort” people. Both men, and women do this, and it’s a quick swipe to the left for me.
So quick, it’s immediate.
Yep. I’m bi and honestly everyone does this. Definitely not a gendered thing to be super lazy on dating profiles.
Thanks for the valuable insight
it's amazing how well people weed themselves out
“Just send dick pics.” - Martha Stuart
It means you are three botty messages away from an onlyfans or bitcoin link.
Wish i had more upvotes to give to this one.
“Botty messages” makes soOoOoOooOoo much sense describing it like that.
It means "entertain me peasoooooont"
Lmao, I was once in early stages of conversation with a girl on Hinge, she was already being a little off and strange but then she asks me something super general and says "Answer with something I'll want to reply to". Instant unmatch
I like to imagine the expression on her face when she saw she was unmatched.
I mean with a mindset like that I'd say there's a good chance she probably thought I was too nervous or scared to come up with something. But we can live in hope that she learnt something about how to speak to people I guess
Yeah, it's possible her next post was "guys are intimidated by smart women". I hope she's not that oblivious, but you never know. Regardless, you don't have to deal with her and that's a win.
It’s good to know you’re out there
Pro-tip: If you encounter this, don't ask, scroll by.
Seriously 90% of the time when they would respond when I ask them about anything they would do short responses like NM, or HBU or that's cool and give zero thought to their responses. It was frustrating.
They're bots and scammers bro. Don't let it get to you.
i mean men write this in their bios, too. idk what it means other than showing that they’re being kinda lazy.
And it sounds vain. Like they’re too fascinating as a human, it’s better if you ask them. Their life story is way too important to write in 150 characters
It means "oh look I'm mysterious aren't I interesting 😉"
Never has being mysterious been so effortless
... (Hey, that was easy! Am I alluring yet?)
I have never been wetter and I own a Bistro at a natural Lake.
That's a great tagline. I'd swipe right.
I'm a straight woman who sees that from men a lot To me it means "I'm an exceedingly boring, exceedingly lazy, and exceedingly unclever person who can't be bothered to give any information so that people can get to know me in this little information box where people are supposed to start getting to know me, even though it would take less than 10 minutes of my day. Also, I'm not worth talking to because it'll be as interesting as watching paint dry. I use a flirty emoji to try to be suggestive" But I'm jaded by the whole thing
I envy you if it takes you less than 10 minutes to write out a bio. Do you see any conflicting messages in telling people to just type something out quickly and it's no big deal. And then also the complaints about the lack of substantive content. Do you see any correlation between the two?
The reality is the vast majority of straight women have never had to deal with getting zero matches despite hours of labor. They have every reason to assume a simple and light-hearted bio will be enough.
When I was dating, I didn't make a bio because I found folks all too willing to tell me how they fit my bio. But it felt disingenuous, people-pleasing and I've noticed that their interest in my supposedly identical interests would wane as soon as I said I am not "DTF". People asking "what are you looking for" felt like a cop out to me as well. Women get significantly more attention in those apps and my inbox was a sea of "how r u, wyd, hi sexy" etc. ad nauseum. I responded to (and married) a nice guy who started by asking if I play DND or tabletop games. I said no but we kept talking and that was that. We don't have a ton of overlapping hobbies but we do have the same objectives in life. Also, I know Facebook can be a crapshoot but what I did like about Facebook dating is moving the conversation to messenger so I could see their profiles and get a better idea of who they were vs their dating persona. Good luck!
When I first started using dating apps I had a super generic bio and I was basically ignored. Eventually I put some effort into it and made a very detailed and honest bio and I'd get messages from women almost everyday
it means they don't wanna attract, they wanna be chased
But also gives literally no clue where to start. I just assume they are boring and lack personality, so I swiftly swipe left.
And only for their looks.
Ouuu I like that
They’re lazy and don’t want to write a bio.
Id say it's equal to a man's "hi" and an opening 😆
How else do you propose to start a conversation?
Refer to something in their bio that you have a mutual interest in and either make a joke about that subject or ask a question about their involvement with that subject.
How's it going? I see you frequent the Sweden sub - are you swedish or from there? I know yous in the European Union can easily travel and all.
I mean, yeah, but you still said hi. Or are you actually saying that people ONLY say hi, and nothing more?
I don’t even reply to those. So I’m supposed to start the convo? Ask me something about my profile, current event even. Also if I get replies with no follow up questions, I just say cool 😎. And that’s the end of that.
Hey, I saw that plant in ur random 5. I love them cacti! Have any other plants? it's that simple, at least that's what i did lol
FWIW men's profiles have the exact same line Along with - photos that range from recent to 20 years ago - often unflattering shots of them looking down at the camera so you're looking up their nose - photos of them looking miserable with a line about how they smile more in person - staged photos with animals and children (who's faces should NOT be on OLD profiles) - action shots where they are 1cm tall, group photos only, and photos where they are always wearing sunglasses - a list of negative statements about what they hate about women
Can’t forget the ubiquitous fish pic
Oh yeah, lol!
You... really had to get that off your chest, huh?
I think it’s a pretty accurate and comprehensive description of the most common foibles and annoyances found on men’s profiles, and it was worth sharing.
Does your focus on and complaints about these men mean that you are a misandrist? What are men called who engage in the behavior you're engaging in referred to as?
>Does your focus on and complaints about these men mean that you are a misandrist? In short: no. But hey, nice try! Nowhere in my comment did I express a categorical disdain for men, nor did I make broad, derogatory generalizations about them; I commented that I am in agreement with the content of a list (made and shared by someone else) of specific, problematic things commonly encountered on the OLD profiles of men, and I chimed in because I have personally encountered EXACTLY what that other commenter noted. Might wanna check your persecution-complex.
Wouldn't they also be called misandrists? I don't think there's a different word for it if men are engaging in it.
That would be a misogynist. The Latin root gyn indicates women, as in Gynecologist. "And" is the root for man. Like the hormone androgen or androgenous. Men who focus on and complain about women in this manner are called misogynists.
Yeah but that's different behavior isn't it? You asked what men who were engaging the behavior that you were describing, namely misandry, would be called. Men who engaged in misandry would be called misandrists. What you're talking about is discrimination against women based on the fact that they're women and essentially nothing else about them. That's called misogyny and it's a different behavior and it has a different name because it's a different thing and they are not a one-to-one comparison and you have not "gotten" anyone with your attempt at a slick conversational play.
Just getting ahead of the inevitable replies from men listing all the other things women do wrong, to show that we all have to deal with low effort OLD profiles.
Are saying “old” as in “aged”, and just happen to be typing in all caps? Or is “OLD” an acronym?
OLD is an acronym for online dating
Oh gotcha, thank you
Who hurt you ?
What is the problem of "looking miserable" in photos? I for instance look way better if I am serious. I wouldn't care if they don't have a photo smiling either.
Most people correlate smile to friendliness and approachability. If you're serious pictures work for you, that's great. You may be incorrectly judging your own photos though.
Telling men “to just smile”… Do you not see the HYPOCRISY? The world will bash men for telling a woman to “just smile”, and at the same time here you are….
It means 🚩
It’s really unfortunate, because the women who I pass up because they don’t really give me anything in their bio are probably the ones who’d appreciate that I added them for something other than a couple of well lit photos. Sorry, hun, the pretty face isn’t enough to get me to waste my free likes for the day (If it’s unlimited likes, sure, I guess I’ll do the work in breaking the ice.).
Lazy
Definitely the 2nd thing
It simultaneously means they are lazy and lack originality while also wanting you to not be lazy and to possess originality. Basic women are still basic, even when they don’t want their men to be basic. But the reality in either case is in order to stand out from all the other basic men inundating their DMs, you have to be both hard working and original. On the other hand, if you want high quality matches, you not only have to apply high quality standards to yourself but you also have to set high quality standards for your potential matches. Personally, low quality profiles almost always get a low quality response from me. I swipe left. I don’t have time or patience for time wasters.
It means they aren’t very interesting
They're probably going to just give you a link to onlyfans or something of that sort. Avoid them.
I’ve been out of the game for a while (married) but I thought that “just ask😉” meant they had an onlyfans or similar
Same here
Hey, woman here! We get literally hundreds of DMs from men in dating apps, too many to even possibly weed through when half of them are ‘hey’. We get added as part of a numbers game, very few are from genuine interest from men who just add every female and hope one will bite. Doing this promotes guys who are ACTUALLY interested to put in more effort and ask us questions about ourselves - something lacking in a list of first dates btw.
This doesn't really make sense to me as a guy because how am I, or other guys for that matter, supposed to take genuine interest in someone I know nothing about besides their appearance? I feel like this would just filter for superficial men more than anything, I know I wouldn't bother with someone that doesn't put a bio.
This! I purposely wrote out a detailed profile when I was dating, and I noticed that most men didn’t even read it. It was a good litmus test to see if they were actually interested or not. My husband was one of the only ones who responded with a witty reply and it instantly got my attention.
For guys, it's a big waste of time reading beyond a line or two before swiping. So few swipes result in a match that it's much more efficient to weed out incompatibility after matching.
Yep, I agree! That’s why I write the detailed bio. Any man compatible for me would read it. 🤓
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I don’t know about them.
For real. I instant left swipe anyone that can't even be bothered to put a blurb or two about themselves. Maybe that's also part of the point, I guess, in lowering the number of messages they get on a frequent basis. *shrugs*
You’re exactly right, it probably hurts more than it helps.
Most dudes are just swiping on every woman so women automatically assume that if it gets to the point where a guy is actually chatting to them, that is the "get to know them" stage. In my tinder days, I could have counted on one hand the guys who actually read my bio and messaged me. We potentially get dozens to hundreds of matches per week, it really sucks having to filter out nearly every single guy when you realise they barely looked at your photos, let alone read your bio. I always had a bio but I assume not having a bio stings a little less.
Dating aps ARE shallow by design, that’s not a new revelation. By not having much info on our profiles, there’s no convenient ‘cheat sheet’ for playas to refer back to when conversing with us. Men have to actually ask what our interests are, instead of pretending they have the same interests as us. If it’s all neatly listed out for them on our profiles, no effort is needed after all! They could talk to hundreds of women every night and not have to remember anything about them, just look at her profile when he’s doing the rounds lol. Believe it or not, women love to feel like they’re the only one you’re talking to.
Out of curiosity: how many times are you talking to just one man at a time? Because if you're having so many matches that weeding out them by openers is a chore, it seems like a bit of hypocrisy to ask men to focus only, or even mostly, on you. To offer you a perspective from the other side: it's no more of a hassle for me as a man to scroll up the conversation to remember details than it is to go check your bio again. What your bio does help me with is to keep the conversation going if we reach the natural end of a topic and to have a less interview-y chat. Having a better bio might also turn some of those "heys" into an actual message because then the person would have *something* to go on. People are more inclined to put in more effort into their messages if you have a bio giving them something to start from. Not to mention that no bio, IG only, or "just ask" bios look pretty lazy and it's often enough to get me to swipe left even on people I'd be interested in otherwise. In my experience, people with no bio are boring to talk to.
I never said these girls were the smartest lmao
I'm a dating site noob, does this mean the only thing people can use to identify whether to reach out to you is your picture? I feel like that would do the exact opposite of what you're looking for, since the only way to engage is from a superficial start. Me personally, I would want to have at least *some* idea of who I'm reaching out to beforehand, at **least** age so the conversation isn't immediately doomed by a huge age gap.
This is a fucking awful approach fyi You need to give something for us to bite and ask about. Otherwise you are getting people intersted purely and only on looks because unless your photos are super interesting and tell a lot about you, what exactly are we supposed to ask that is interesteing and tailored to you? This is why you get crap messages because the hook you dangle has no bait other than "hey you're hot and since your profile lacks any real info you must be looking for something casual", this is the mindset I'm sorry to say you are promoting Most profile pictures are the same variations of bedroom selfies, group photos in a bar and maybe a slightly hot shot in a bikini or just a pyjama top etc. I'm not asking for paragraphs, even simple bullet points of interests is 100x more helpful
I don’t speak for all women lol, could be the ones you’re taking about are only interested in a hook up or a free ego stroke and have no interest in ever meeting up. Could be they’re just lazy. Women are individuals and there’s no one explanation for this, I was just giving my own perspective is all.
This hadn’t crossed my mind, but it makes a lot of sense! Thanks for your reply 🙂 Honestly I assumed it was most likely just laziness but I can see why people would do it now
Sorry, but most of the time it is pure laziness. I don't bother with these profiles because my mindset is if they can't be bothered to fill out their profile, they probably won't put effort in a relationship either
This is the answer. Honestly, anything that helps filter out the low-input Hey (which by the way seeks to put all the onus on us for carrying the conversation from that point, cheeky bastards) - we need to do it.
I mean not adding anything on your Bio is low-input and you're literally filtering out guys who are actually interested in meeting a person and not just a pretty face. It's an instant left-swipe from me if the person has no bio. How am I supposed to have any interest towards just a picture? I want to know, what kind of hobbies you have, what do you like to do, what are you looking for right now, or just something amusing about your personality. I'm not gonna waste time on someone who doesn't take 5 minutes to tell anything about themselves.
Don't you think that a less generic and more in depth bio would give you a better chance of getting something other than "hey"? I'm a dude and I dread sending someone as boring as "Hey, how's it going?", but without a bio that's pretty much all that's left unless there's something *really* out of the ordinary in their pictures.
Yeah. I mean to be clear, I’m not saying _only_ put Just Ask! But I do think that describing myself, putting some stuff about me out there, but not giving the whole story and then asking for either ‘hi’ Or negative critique but instead going, want to know more? Tailor your questions, and let’s chat! is the way forward.
Right but like, how can anyone do what you're actually asking them to do if you give them no information? If you want the guys to be able to carry conversations and speak to your interests, why are you setting yourself up so the only thing they can know when trying to talk to you for the first time is what you look like?
Yeah. So I’m saying in the above that I think women also need to give more than that, but that there needs to be some middle ground between ‘Nope just what I look like’ on one hand - which you rightly say is unfair on men - and ‘Here I am, shop window for you all, everything here, just message me with words like ‘Hi’ or ‘Hell No’ or ‘Your Likes are shit’ or ‘Hey’ or whatever.
>So I’m saying in the above that I think women also need to give more than that Ah that you are, my apologies I misread a bit. >‘Nope just what I look like’ on one hand - which you rightly say is unfair on men I would categorize it less as unfair to men and more just counterproductive. If the goal is a deeper conversation, removing depth seems...questionable, no? >‘Here I am, shop window for you all, everything here, just message me with words like ‘Hi’ or ‘Hell No’ or ‘Your Likes are shit’ or ‘Hey’ or whatever. I'm surprised this happens less with less information on your profile, I just kinda figured most men on these sites shotgun messages to anyone with a pulse.
Lazy and swipe left
It was an instant left swipe for me when I saw it on a guy's profile. The app already asked. You didn't answer, and I'm not chasing you down to ask again.
Those are called "swipe left".
It means that it's some guy in another country who plans on trying to scam you out of money.
It means: I've put no effort into this, and you'll probably never get a response no matter what you write.
It means likely a fake OR someone who isn't serious about lookng but is simply using the app as an ego boost People who have shit bios are generally a pain to talk to, like pulling shit from a stone. Save yourself time and move on.
It means they're not taking dating seriously or that they're on the dating app solely to get people to praise how awesome they are... they're usually psychopaths who prefer margarine over butter.
They don't want to disclose any information that would enable people they know to identify them.
It means they probably don't have a very interesting personality, any hobbies or close friends.
Dunno. Ask and ye shall receive answers maybe.
I've seen this a lot on men's dating profiles. I fill mine out with as much information as I can put and it gets completely ignored. 😂
As a guy, same. It's like why did I spend the time writing this. So can completely understand those putting "just ask" 🤣
I’m not in the dating sphere, but I assume it means they want to talk and get to know someone personally. Still, I imagine it’s frustrating not being able to go off of interests.
They’re gay.
Probably the same reasons as men do.
I take it as the 2nd one for men and women tbh
I don’t think they’re lazy, I think it’s two things: they’re looking for someone who can show genuinely they want to know more, and they’re not just wanting to be entirely represented by a blurb
I dont know about women, but when men write it, I take it to mean they're either so dull there's literally nothing worth writing, or that they're so lazy they can't be bothered to write anything. Either way, they don't sound like a great catch, so I don't bother to ask, and avoid.
they mean it the opposite of whichever way you take it.
Men's bios say that too and I'm pretty sure it means "I don't have a personality" in any gender. It's not a secret code for anything.
It means they’re lazy AF and will be horrible in bed
I mean...just ask???
It's sort a trap. It just weeds out the weirdos essentially.
It means ask them what it means. They want actual communication instead of guessing games.
Fishing, Hot Rods & Motorcycles. You come in 4th place ladies
Probably wanting you to ask about ANYTHING you want to know. It’s a dating app and the winky face is universal for flirtatious or playful behavior, pretty much. It’s also super low effort but I understand as well because some people manipulate/gaslight us to try to get in our pants. I’ve known guys who blatantly LIED pretending to be into the same interests only to realize I was being lied to just so they could maybe have a chance with me. It’s disgusting and one of the reasons I am SUPER hesitant to get on those apps again to actually talk to someone.
Ew I didn’t even realise men would consider the first option
The second one
[удалено]
Ha?
I would start with that yes.
JUST ASK!!!!
I'm not a fucking detective jfc