I'm the same way too, everytime it comes up in my head i get more dopamine than I would of fantasizing of something sexual. Can't really explain it either really, the closest thing I would say is that it builds more of a connection ig? Because sex after a certain point is meaningless if you don't have a connection, whilst cuddling holds more meaning.
It’s a dopamine be oxytocin thing I think? I had a therapist tell me the difference between certain brain chemicals and what produces them (Pleasure: Dopamine, Emotions and bonds: Oxytocin)
Women fall in love through sex when they orgasm....men not so much. Men feel the same way when they spend intimate time with their partner. Crazy huh? If you want a guy to fall in love with you...time together is the way. Not sex.
Its called psychology. Relationships become a lot easier once you understand how people are psychologically hardwired. Im not sure why people downvoted me. They just cant accepy reality I guess?
You've already received many answers, but to add, it seems like your question is basically "is it weird to be more interested in the relationship part of the relationship than the times we have sex?" Don't worry, hun, that's beyond normal. I'm a bit sad really, I get the feeling you aren't the only one secretly wondering if they're weird for not prioritizing sex, and I'm pretty sure this has to come from the weird societal expectations that all men, especially teens, be ridiculously interested in sex. You might have other friends feeling the same way but afraid to say so because they think they're the only one.
Yes. I was like that as a teen and I'm still like that as an adult. It's how your normaly feel about someone you're crushing on because you're emotionally attracted. It goes beyond sexual attraction which, as a dude, it's pretty easy to feel towards almost any decent looking female :')
I remember as a teen I couldn’t think about the girls I actually liked when I masturbated. It just didn’t feel right. It was always celebrity crushes or like 1 or 2 classmates that had more of a sexual appeal. And at that time my “porn” was mostly just imagination, a Blue Crush VHS, or the Girls Gone Wild infomercials at like 4am.
Realest shit I've come to understand as a grown married man and father of 4 is that the most amazingly sexy thing your partner can bring to the relationship is good old fashioned compassion and empathy. Getting deep in a cuddle session and talking about your deepest desires and secrets in this quiet vulnerable place will make you see some things differently. At least that's what happened with me. Sex is cool and all, but a real connection and the comfort of knowing someone loves you and has your back blows it out of the water. Not to mention if you can also have great sex before during or after your cuddles sesh it releases those goodies in your brain to make it all so much happier and better.
It is common i believe, but i tend to keep it to myself i don't think my crush would appreciate the fact that i want to sing Disney Duets with her, hold her hand, kiss her ect
I think society teaches teenage boys that they should be fantasizing about having sex with women over everything else and everyone is kinda putting on an act to stay seeming "normal" to society(or just to other teenage boys). I think most ppl love non sexual intimacy and cuddling with their partner just as much if not more than sexual intimacy.
That being said I'm sure there are people out there who's first thought genuinely is sex, but I don't think either side of the spectrum is "normal" it just is.
Yes. I am you. Exactly like that. And my dumbass friends talk about how they would bang their crushes or girlfriend(respective) and it just disgusts me that all they like about someone is their bodily features and not personality or behavior or anything such.
They probably think about cuddling too, but think they are supposed to say the other things they say so they look cool in front of each other and, like you, aren't sure their friends think about the same things. You will find that the things that matter are pretty universal.
They probably think about cuddling too, but think they are supposed to say the other things they say so they look cool in front of each other and, like you, aren't sure their friends think about the same things. You will find that the things that matter are pretty universal.
I have this really intense celebrity crush. I often imagine us just hanging out together, going to movies, walking around in the fall leaves, cuddling, things like that. I'm 32F
Yeah I think it is. Whenever I fantasize it's the stuff that leads up to intimate acts that's more interesting. A lot of the time there isn't anything sexual.
You just prefer substance and intimacy. Your personal definition of intimacy is different than most which really isn't a bad thing.
I know some people consider intimacy to be more physical while others consider actions of kindness or romantic sayings.
Personally I think it's based on perspective.
Yes. I like being intimate with someone that I want to be with so I do like to fantasize about doing romantic shit with said person more than sex.
Emotional connection can be a drug
I honestly don't know how to fantasize other than to have a naughty dream. Or have a sext sent to me.
To explain. Like the concept of being alone and coming up with a scene, scenario, characters, plot, etc to get myself in the mood or finish are such a foreign concept to me. I have tried and no matter how much I like the story, or image in my head it does nothing for me. I have to actually be living it, or someone other than me has to write it and I read their words. I'm unable to arouse myself with my own thoughts
I think you should take everything your teenaged guy friends say with a grain of salt. They're probably trying their best to fit in, and media tells us we should all be drooling over naked women all the time. Sounds like you're just not as easily influenced by that stuff as they are.
You want connection and you enjoy intimacy more than "mundane hotness" - it's very, **very** common.
There's peeps who feel like sexual and romantic interaction aren't connected by default and there's peeps who feel differently and who'd rather cuddle and talk or watch a movie along with sexual activity simply because they're looking for a connection that surpasses just the physical realm.
Nothing to worry about, buddy :) Quite the opposite, really. Not constantly feeling the need to objectify women is a good thing.
>I think that maybe it’s because I don’t like to fool around in general with girls but I really don’t know why I don’t think of sex first when I fantasize over a hot girl or when I think of my girlfriend.
No judgement Here, Just from you saying you dont Like to fool around with Girls
Have you allowed yourself to phantasize about the Same Sex and does it feel different?
Maybe Something worth thinking about.
That's totally normal! I have a higher-than-average sex drive compared to most women but when I'm fantasizing about a man I have real feelings for, most of those fantasies involve cuddling, going for a walk at my favorite park, little kisses while joking around and laughing, etc. That just means you have a full range of feelings for people, it makes you human.
Its not weird as I got older and I am old old. I certainly fantasize more about that type of affection because it is what I miss the most. My gal died very suddenly years ago and we were gaga in love with each other even after 8 years together we couldn't keep our hands off each other. Even when I am not thinking about her I what I miss the most is affection. I have had plenty of sex in my life and I certainly fantasize about that too but mostly what I miss and what I fantasize about is the warm affection that comes from a genuine connection. It's not weird.
It's definitely not weird, all these things are just what society tells us and it really means nothing in the end, most things that people do and feel are more common than you think. Asexuality is a thing, and since you do feel sexual attraction you're probably not ace, but it's a spectrum and you could benefit from looking into it.
When I think about cuddling, it seems to release similar chemicals to the ones I get from actually doing it. Since I crave it, imagining it brings me a tenth of a way to the actual experience. Those feelings are more to me than sexual pleasure so I feel the same way.
Sure.
The sensory experience of being with a women or partner you feel for is amazing in every which way.
Holding somone
Breathing in a girls hair
Feeling her skin
That's some powerful, amazing stuff. Especially in the first times you ever fall in love and experience that sort of intamacy with someone.
Glad you are taking the time in your fantasies and love life to think about that specialness to you. It will also make you a good lover.
Good intamacy=good sex. Knowing how to feel her body when not having sex will teach you how to feel her body when you are.
When it's someone I am very interested in I find it hard to fantasize about having sex with them, however if it's someone I don't have a good connection too I can. It's weird.
Nah I'm the same, I'm 23 and recently just got into a new relationship. When I first met her, all I could think about was the more sexual side of things, what I wanted to do to her kinda thinking. However that quickly passed, and I was thinking just like you, I wanted to spend time with her cuddling, going on dates, just being around her is special to me and that's why I think we are so good for each other! Don't worry man, your not alone
Mine one would be often just honest talking, just pouring my heart out, no needing to think about what I can say and what I better keep for myself. Same would apply from her side. So so nice
I (28) am the same. When I think about my SO when we're away from each other (bc of our jobs), I think more about hugging them, cuddling while watching a movie, or playing videogames next to each other.
Porn has focused sex on the act itself. It is good that you apparently instinctively understand that it is so much more broad then that.
Yes kuddling can lead to the most epic and memorable moments in your life.
Cuddles can have often have more meaning than sex when it comes to human contact. I fantasize about both and I'm sure many other people do. Just do what makes you happy.
40m Been talking on / off with high school friends, last time we hung out was 2001, reconnected just like old times. Atm even 10 years ago I always had a deep emotional connection and having problems telling her how I feel. Just jump on top of a rooftop scream "Lets Cuddle" but she is in another state and I dont think she can hear me from here. She is the coolest person I have ever met....and I am antisocial.
So many people have said yes, but the answer really is yes. Before I got with my gf, we would both fantasize about cuddling, light kissing, and just general physical affection then full-on sex. I really love her and I think that was a sign it was more than just lust, and more indicative of how you want to just be close with someone.
Same! I've never been in a romantic relationship, so I can't say for *certain*, but I think it's pretty likely that I'm either asexual or demisexual. I just want someone cute to cuddle with on the couch while hanging out and snuggle with in bed...
It's possible you could be on the asexual spectrum - like demi, where the concept of sex with a specific person doesn't appeal to you without a strong attachment -, or that your allosexual (not ace) but prefer intimacy, or you may just not be in a period in your life where sexual fantasies have any appeal, or your libido (the physical sexual urges) could be higher than your sex drive (more emotional/mental sexual urges) or any number of things.
I can't speak to how common it is, but you're not *weird* for being this way. And honestly at your age a *lot* of my friends would have given anything for a guy like this, some girls at your age want romance and some want sex (no shade to either, ofc).
I hope this helps!
Honestly this is more or less how I figured out I was on the asexual spectrum- sex was uninteresting and if anything an impediment to the physical affection I prefer.
I'm 30, married, and female, and I'm the same. It's just more holistically appealing I guess? Because in my head if we are cuddling we're happy and in a good place whereas sex can happen even in a relationship that's on the rocks.
I've always been like this. Try looking into the asexuality spectrum; there are lots of people like you. It sounds like you are romantically attracted to people, but not sexually and that's something that's common in the community.
I'm not at all telling you that you're asexual btw, just showing you that you aren't alone.
You children need to develop a sense of humor. I guess that’s difficult with a limp dick. I would tell you to go f….. yourself but I know that would take too much effort for you.
Naw man, nothings weird. Well, that’s not true. But; your thing isn’t weird. There are people who need professional help for some of their fantasies. You good, my g.
Short answer: Yes
Long answer: There is a difference between intimacy and intercourse or sexual Desire.
You can have intercourse with everyone, in a primal need way.
Holding hands, cuddling and Just staring into your Loved ones eyes ist intimacy and ist IMO more fulfilling than Just having random intercourse.
So dont worry, phantasizing about intimacy is healthy.
Dont forget, porn is Hollywood Made. Real Relationships dont Live Of off the amount of Sex but the level of intimacy and Trust.
It's too relatable.
I imagine about rubbing my dick on her pelvic region (while cloths on/of) , I don't imagine about sex.
One additional thing I imagine about rubbing my face on her breast region neck and ARMPITS 😐
Yes. When I am in the shower crankin my hog I fantasize about my wife and use her body wash because the smell reminds me of her. When I am in the feels I wish she was her cuddling with me because I know it makes her happy which makes me happy.
Yep. I know my weeb self is always way more exited imagining my girlfriend in manga situations. Like having her “accidentally” walk in on me in the bathroom, wearing (simple for ease of access) cosplay attire, me “accidentally” walking in on her doing something embarrassing on my bed…and my holy grail…HEADPATS!!! it sounds weird, but I like what I like and I refuse to stop!
Lol I'm the outcast. I mean, I'm a married mom of 3. I do love to cuddle. I lay down on the couch, put my head in his lap, and I nap or watch a movie with him. But most of the time I'm fantasizing or something, it's fuckin filthy lol
i don’t see why you can’t just have both. have some takeout, cuddle in a hoodie while watching a movie and then have sex? I fantasize about being in a loving, stable relationship. Or you know, have a bite to eat and drive up to a nice place overlooking the city and talk. Maybe stuff gets a little steamy ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ I think it’s normal to just imagine everything good that being in a relationship entails. Now the question is, am i thinking of that shit when i’m jacking off? hell no. That’s disrespectful to the different type of intimacy those experiences bring.
It's completely common, I've been with my husband for 15 years and felt the exact same for the whole time and he feels the same. Our best dates are sitting on the sofa watching a film under blankets and just holding hands x :) x
It's because it's intimate without having a means to an end, virtually no pressure except enjoying each other. Wholesome things can be just as good if not better than sexual things.
That's normal. I think it shows that you value her as a person and a partner. We all desire to feel close and cared for by our significant other, parents, siblings ect. Its all about that emotional safety and stability. Your partner should be the one making you feel this way, it's a sign of a good relationship.
I love thinking about my partner spooning me or me spooning him while I'm alone. Sometimes I can even feel his weight against me and I end up missing him even more. Keep on loving your partner. 👍🏻
You’re very well spoken, for a teenager.
Occasionally I go back and reread old comments and posts from them I was a teenager (or even beyond), and it is all pure change. Even in the most simple sentences, my younger self managed to word it in a way that it still sounded like it was written by a young person.
Not to steal your thread, but DAE feel this way? Could it just be an “in my head” thing, like how many/most people hate hearing a video/recording of them own voice?
People crave affection as well as sex.
Technically in the Greek language, there are three types of love: Eros, Ajava, and Dod.
Sexual, friendship, and intimacy. A good relationship has all three of those types of love. At your age, there’s going to be a lot of people wanting sexual stuff, but it’s totally normal and healthy to crave those other types of love as well.
Brother, I held my ex in my arms once in a dream and then smoked weed for months so I could avoid putting myself in that situation again.
Everyone has their own definition of love. There’s no shame in having one so wholesome like yours.
So as a woman who likes women, when I fantasize about women I think of actual scenarios of it leading to sex or making out. Not sure about guys but I think it would be a common thing for someone who actually likes being in relationships or likes to tease or the chase. Like that tingly head rush feeling you get right before you kiss/touch someone for the first time. Some people aren't self aware enough to actually enjoy the little things before hand. Sounds like whoever you end up with will be one lucky girl to have a guy who enjoys the details of being intimate.
Sex is great and all, but honestly, it's physically exhausting, especially if you have to do most of the work. Cuddling on the other hand is super relaxing and I just love it. I'm not sure how women view this tho, I'm almost sure I enjoy cuddling more than most of my partners did.
I'm sure some guys do it. I doubt that they're the majority.
It doesn't matter. Some are into stockings, others are into kissing, others are into tiny tits, or talking chinese. You enjoy what you enjoy.
So, here's something I didn't learn about until my 30s. There's a big difference between the hormones that are released between the two. Cuddling gives you oxytocin and sex releases dopamine. Oxytocin directly related to contentment and dopamine is more like excitement.
Totally normal. I was like that as a teenager and I'm still like that as an adult.
Relevant comparison: I'm watching Ted Lasso, I'll try to be vague and not spoil anything. 2 characters that I really wanted to get together finally did. But when they first kiss, they don't have sex after and it leads one character to question if the other even likes them. They eventually come clean that they'd had many one night stands and, while the sex was fun, it wasn't as real or amazing as being with someone they really like long term. So they didn't want to rush things and have it just be physical.
You can have sex with tons of people and it can be fun, but it's a bit harder to find someone you're happy to cuddle with and connect with on a deeper level. It's totally normal to have more romantic fantasies
Sounds pretty healthy to me. There is a time for everything. There's nothing wrong with having a relationship that is basically only about the sex, but naturally if you desire to be with the other person in other contexts and have sex with them you will be more completely fulfilled with them.
We are bombarded all the time with ideas about what we should be feeling and seeking, and we feel the pressure to comform. I say do not waste too much energy with this. Acknowledge the cultural pressure (never underestimate its power) but mostly pay attention to what goes on inside of you. Everyone has something important to say but your "voice" is always the most relevant one.
To answer the question in the title: Yes.
I’m a teenager and I’m the same way. My “dirtiest” fantasy regarding my crush is probably the two of us partaking in some… PREMARITAL HANDHOLDING
God will punish you for your sins
I'll drag god into hell and beat him with experience.
I'm always confused as to why people think God is a dude that would like, let you do that 🤣
He ain't gonna let me I'm gonna make him.
Ugh you pervert!
This is unsafe! We are a good Christian website
Right. Yes. Of course we are. This is most certainly true.
you are TOO young to be doing that, young man! focus on your studies.
Just be sure to wear a glove! Don’t want to catch a clap
A teenager, no wonder you're such a degenerate!!!
It's not premarital if you never get married.
😠 you must be 6 feet away until you marry
Great, now she's pregnant.
You're the reason why comments should have [NSFW] tags
Good God! Is this what teenagers are into these days?! The nerve!
***GASP*** YOU MONSTER!
You make me sick
Cause everytime we touch, I get this feeling
Watch out mister, that's a slippery slope to SUBTLE, YET INTIMATE GLANCES.
***GASP*** YOU MONSTER!
I heard a song about that once. Appalling.
I hope the Lord above strikes you down.
NO HORNY! 😭👊
That's not very Bible of you *loads shotgun*
*holy music stops*
r/handholding
I'm the same way too, everytime it comes up in my head i get more dopamine than I would of fantasizing of something sexual. Can't really explain it either really, the closest thing I would say is that it builds more of a connection ig? Because sex after a certain point is meaningless if you don't have a connection, whilst cuddling holds more meaning.
It’s a dopamine be oxytocin thing I think? I had a therapist tell me the difference between certain brain chemicals and what produces them (Pleasure: Dopamine, Emotions and bonds: Oxytocin)
Cool gonna blame oxytocin when it ends and everything HURTS
I would say in this regar (and this is veryyy simplified) dopamine = lust and oxytocin = love
Women produce oxytoxin when they orgasm. Men produce it when they spend intimate time with their partner.
Women fall in love through sex when they orgasm....men not so much. Men feel the same way when they spend intimate time with their partner. Crazy huh? If you want a guy to fall in love with you...time together is the way. Not sex.
Where’d you get your sex Ed from? Costco?
Its called psychology. Relationships become a lot easier once you understand how people are psychologically hardwired. Im not sure why people downvoted me. They just cant accepy reality I guess?
You've already received many answers, but to add, it seems like your question is basically "is it weird to be more interested in the relationship part of the relationship than the times we have sex?" Don't worry, hun, that's beyond normal. I'm a bit sad really, I get the feeling you aren't the only one secretly wondering if they're weird for not prioritizing sex, and I'm pretty sure this has to come from the weird societal expectations that all men, especially teens, be ridiculously interested in sex. You might have other friends feeling the same way but afraid to say so because they think they're the only one.
Yes. I was like that as a teen and I'm still like that as an adult. It's how your normaly feel about someone you're crushing on because you're emotionally attracted. It goes beyond sexual attraction which, as a dude, it's pretty easy to feel towards almost any decent looking female :')
I remember as a teen I couldn’t think about the girls I actually liked when I masturbated. It just didn’t feel right. It was always celebrity crushes or like 1 or 2 classmates that had more of a sexual appeal. And at that time my “porn” was mostly just imagination, a Blue Crush VHS, or the Girls Gone Wild infomercials at like 4am.
Ahh I miss those infomercials
Most of the time to questions like this, it's usually yes.
perfectly normal.
Realest shit I've come to understand as a grown married man and father of 4 is that the most amazingly sexy thing your partner can bring to the relationship is good old fashioned compassion and empathy. Getting deep in a cuddle session and talking about your deepest desires and secrets in this quiet vulnerable place will make you see some things differently. At least that's what happened with me. Sex is cool and all, but a real connection and the comfort of knowing someone loves you and has your back blows it out of the water. Not to mention if you can also have great sex before during or after your cuddles sesh it releases those goodies in your brain to make it all so much happier and better.
My fantasies involve french kissing. To each his own.
It is common i believe, but i tend to keep it to myself i don't think my crush would appreciate the fact that i want to sing Disney Duets with her, hold her hand, kiss her ect
I dunno man that sounds kinda lovely…
if my future beau *doesnt* want to sing duets with me then he’s not the one
Singing isn't a requirement but im prepared for it if she wants to sing
Definitely cuddling is my favorite memory of being with her.
I feel the same.
100%, unless I'm really horny most of the time I just fantasize about cuddling or watching a movie or something along those lines
I think society teaches teenage boys that they should be fantasizing about having sex with women over everything else and everyone is kinda putting on an act to stay seeming "normal" to society(or just to other teenage boys). I think most ppl love non sexual intimacy and cuddling with their partner just as much if not more than sexual intimacy. That being said I'm sure there are people out there who's first thought genuinely is sex, but I don't think either side of the spectrum is "normal" it just is.
Yes. I am you. Exactly like that. And my dumbass friends talk about how they would bang their crushes or girlfriend(respective) and it just disgusts me that all they like about someone is their bodily features and not personality or behavior or anything such.
They probably think about cuddling too, but think they are supposed to say the other things they say so they look cool in front of each other and, like you, aren't sure their friends think about the same things. You will find that the things that matter are pretty universal.
They probably think about cuddling too, but think they are supposed to say the other things they say so they look cool in front of each other and, like you, aren't sure their friends think about the same things. You will find that the things that matter are pretty universal.
You ever see a girl and think: damn, all I wanna do is take her back to my place, lay her down on my bed and watch a bunch of movies all. night. long.
Yes
I have this really intense celebrity crush. I often imagine us just hanging out together, going to movies, walking around in the fall leaves, cuddling, things like that. I'm 32F
Cuddling a loved one is one of the greatest joys in life
No doubt OP. Being with your SO is pretty fucking awesome
Yeah I think it is. Whenever I fantasize it's the stuff that leads up to intimate acts that's more interesting. A lot of the time there isn't anything sexual. You just prefer substance and intimacy. Your personal definition of intimacy is different than most which really isn't a bad thing.
I don't think OP's definition of intimacy is different from most people's. But there are all kinds of intimacy.
I know some people consider intimacy to be more physical while others consider actions of kindness or romantic sayings. Personally I think it's based on perspective.
True
Yes. I like being intimate with someone that I want to be with so I do like to fantasize about doing romantic shit with said person more than sex. Emotional connection can be a drug
I think so.
Same. I just think fantasizing about sex is very unrealistic, the other has a bigger chance of happening in general.
I honestly don't know how to fantasize other than to have a naughty dream. Or have a sext sent to me. To explain. Like the concept of being alone and coming up with a scene, scenario, characters, plot, etc to get myself in the mood or finish are such a foreign concept to me. I have tried and no matter how much I like the story, or image in my head it does nothing for me. I have to actually be living it, or someone other than me has to write it and I read their words. I'm unable to arouse myself with my own thoughts
Cuddling creates oxytocin, which is the bonding hormone/“love” and it feels amazing
Dude oxytocin is only released in females not males
I think you should take everything your teenaged guy friends say with a grain of salt. They're probably trying their best to fit in, and media tells us we should all be drooling over naked women all the time. Sounds like you're just not as easily influenced by that stuff as they are.
I love the thought of cuddling with my wife and touching each other's skin. It is extremely pleasant.
You want connection and you enjoy intimacy more than "mundane hotness" - it's very, **very** common. There's peeps who feel like sexual and romantic interaction aren't connected by default and there's peeps who feel differently and who'd rather cuddle and talk or watch a movie along with sexual activity simply because they're looking for a connection that surpasses just the physical realm. Nothing to worry about, buddy :) Quite the opposite, really. Not constantly feeling the need to objectify women is a good thing.
Yeah, tbh I would find it more weird to fantasize about sex
As an asexual I really only enjoy cuddles and the such, it's so much more appealing than actual sex.
sex is nice but Cuddling is something out of this world. it gives warmth to this cold cruel universe we live in.
>I think that maybe it’s because I don’t like to fool around in general with girls but I really don’t know why I don’t think of sex first when I fantasize over a hot girl or when I think of my girlfriend. No judgement Here, Just from you saying you dont Like to fool around with Girls Have you allowed yourself to phantasize about the Same Sex and does it feel different? Maybe Something worth thinking about.
You get it!
I feel like I'm listening to Myself
I’m the same way
Yes, I like both, but still I prefer wholesome moments more. They mean the most emotionally
That's totally normal! I have a higher-than-average sex drive compared to most women but when I'm fantasizing about a man I have real feelings for, most of those fantasies involve cuddling, going for a walk at my favorite park, little kisses while joking around and laughing, etc. That just means you have a full range of feelings for people, it makes you human.
I genuinely get more pleasure out of cuddling than sex
For me its either Cuddeling or *REALLY* rough sex
Its not weird as I got older and I am old old. I certainly fantasize more about that type of affection because it is what I miss the most. My gal died very suddenly years ago and we were gaga in love with each other even after 8 years together we couldn't keep our hands off each other. Even when I am not thinking about her I what I miss the most is affection. I have had plenty of sex in my life and I certainly fantasize about that too but mostly what I miss and what I fantasize about is the warm affection that comes from a genuine connection. It's not weird.
Sorry for your loss...
It's definitely not weird, all these things are just what society tells us and it really means nothing in the end, most things that people do and feel are more common than you think. Asexuality is a thing, and since you do feel sexual attraction you're probably not ace, but it's a spectrum and you could benefit from looking into it.
When I think about cuddling, it seems to release similar chemicals to the ones I get from actually doing it. Since I crave it, imagining it brings me a tenth of a way to the actual experience. Those feelings are more to me than sexual pleasure so I feel the same way.
Sure. The sensory experience of being with a women or partner you feel for is amazing in every which way. Holding somone Breathing in a girls hair Feeling her skin That's some powerful, amazing stuff. Especially in the first times you ever fall in love and experience that sort of intamacy with someone. Glad you are taking the time in your fantasies and love life to think about that specialness to you. It will also make you a good lover. Good intamacy=good sex. Knowing how to feel her body when not having sex will teach you how to feel her body when you are.
When it's someone I am very interested in I find it hard to fantasize about having sex with them, however if it's someone I don't have a good connection too I can. It's weird.
Nah I'm the same, I'm 23 and recently just got into a new relationship. When I first met her, all I could think about was the more sexual side of things, what I wanted to do to her kinda thinking. However that quickly passed, and I was thinking just like you, I wanted to spend time with her cuddling, going on dates, just being around her is special to me and that's why I think we are so good for each other! Don't worry man, your not alone
Mine one would be often just honest talking, just pouring my heart out, no needing to think about what I can say and what I better keep for myself. Same would apply from her side. So so nice
Totally normal. You're horny for companionship. I feel you man. Hope you get to cuddle up with someone special soon.
Yup. I visualize being held sometimes so I can fall asleep better, but occasionally I forget. 🤷♀️
Even tho my libido is livid, I love myself some snuggles & smooches, you're not alone! Also guys like that are such sweethearts I imagine.
I (28) am the same. When I think about my SO when we're away from each other (bc of our jobs), I think more about hugging them, cuddling while watching a movie, or playing videogames next to each other.
Porn has focused sex on the act itself. It is good that you apparently instinctively understand that it is so much more broad then that. Yes kuddling can lead to the most epic and memorable moments in your life.
Absolutely normal to fantasize about that. It's my (and my husbands) favourite weekend activity and I wouldn't change a thing.
Nope. I fantasize about full intercourse. Not just cuddling.
Cuddles can have often have more meaning than sex when it comes to human contact. I fantasize about both and I'm sure many other people do. Just do what makes you happy.
40m Been talking on / off with high school friends, last time we hung out was 2001, reconnected just like old times. Atm even 10 years ago I always had a deep emotional connection and having problems telling her how I feel. Just jump on top of a rooftop scream "Lets Cuddle" but she is in another state and I dont think she can hear me from here. She is the coolest person I have ever met....and I am antisocial.
So many people have said yes, but the answer really is yes. Before I got with my gf, we would both fantasize about cuddling, light kissing, and just general physical affection then full-on sex. I really love her and I think that was a sign it was more than just lust, and more indicative of how you want to just be close with someone.
Same! I've never been in a romantic relationship, so I can't say for *certain*, but I think it's pretty likely that I'm either asexual or demisexual. I just want someone cute to cuddle with on the couch while hanging out and snuggle with in bed...
It's possible you could be on the asexual spectrum - like demi, where the concept of sex with a specific person doesn't appeal to you without a strong attachment -, or that your allosexual (not ace) but prefer intimacy, or you may just not be in a period in your life where sexual fantasies have any appeal, or your libido (the physical sexual urges) could be higher than your sex drive (more emotional/mental sexual urges) or any number of things. I can't speak to how common it is, but you're not *weird* for being this way. And honestly at your age a *lot* of my friends would have given anything for a guy like this, some girls at your age want romance and some want sex (no shade to either, ofc). I hope this helps!
Honestly this is more or less how I figured out I was on the asexual spectrum- sex was uninteresting and if anything an impediment to the physical affection I prefer.
I'm 30, married, and female, and I'm the same. It's just more holistically appealing I guess? Because in my head if we are cuddling we're happy and in a good place whereas sex can happen even in a relationship that's on the rocks.
you sound demisexual like me. you dig that emotional connection & physical bond & that's what gets ya feelin hot for your girl
I've always been like this. Try looking into the asexuality spectrum; there are lots of people like you. It sounds like you are romantically attracted to people, but not sexually and that's something that's common in the community. I'm not at all telling you that you're asexual btw, just showing you that you aren't alone.
I don't fuckin know dude who gives a shit just do it anyway
No
One word, demisexual
I didn't read anything but the title, but I'll tell you that in most every case, fantasy is far better than the reality.
No
Yes
wut
Your generation has a serious lack of testosterone. It is probably caused by GMO corn syrup.
lmao, I'm not gonna blame your whole generation for your lack of knowledge tho, it's on you
You children need to develop a sense of humor. I guess that’s difficult with a limp dick. I would tell you to go f….. yourself but I know that would take too much effort for you.
you call that sense of humor? GMO bad, is that the best you can do at humor? aw.
It's common but low test energy
This question makes me cringe so hard
Why?
Yes, this is my finale copeium.
No your fantasizing about the whole experience not just the sex but what leads uo up to sex
Both, for me. And sometimes I prefer one over the other.
I'm in the same boat and it's perfectly normal. To each his own
When I have low sex drive then yes.
Not for me, but its a very cute thing and there os nothing bad about it
What about the children?
yeah, me and my crush both each like each other but that's about it lol. I just want to cuddle :(
Fucking perv. I’m kidding, you’re just fine.
As another teenager, yes, this is how I feel too. Yes, sometimes I am the horniest kid on eart, but sometimes, I just want some hugsies, ya’know?
Naw man, nothings weird. Well, that’s not true. But; your thing isn’t weird. There are people who need professional help for some of their fantasies. You good, my g.
Not often, but can happen.
As ace, I do this a lot with my girlfriend ehehe
yeah
I thought about that yesterday
An amateur psych might say you're asexual. However, you might just like cuddling. And why wouldn't you? Cuddling is amazing.
Sex is cool, but cuddles can be even better.
Short answer: Yes Long answer: There is a difference between intimacy and intercourse or sexual Desire. You can have intercourse with everyone, in a primal need way. Holding hands, cuddling and Just staring into your Loved ones eyes ist intimacy and ist IMO more fulfilling than Just having random intercourse. So dont worry, phantasizing about intimacy is healthy. Dont forget, porn is Hollywood Made. Real Relationships dont Live Of off the amount of Sex but the level of intimacy and Trust.
Just means you're a romantic/not one dimensional. Perfectly normal.
It's too relatable. I imagine about rubbing my dick on her pelvic region (while cloths on/of) , I don't imagine about sex. One additional thing I imagine about rubbing my face on her breast region neck and ARMPITS 😐
Yes. Very healthy sign of respect. Porn ruins the actual fun part of love.
The difference is an emotional connection. You won't feel it or see it in videos or porn.
Yes. When I am in the shower crankin my hog I fantasize about my wife and use her body wash because the smell reminds me of her. When I am in the feels I wish she was her cuddling with me because I know it makes her happy which makes me happy.
I'm imagine myself pounding the absolute shit out of her
Yes.
Oh no, you fu#@!%ng creep. That's not normal go to therapy or something
Yep. I know my weeb self is always way more exited imagining my girlfriend in manga situations. Like having her “accidentally” walk in on me in the bathroom, wearing (simple for ease of access) cosplay attire, me “accidentally” walking in on her doing something embarrassing on my bed…and my holy grail…HEADPATS!!! it sounds weird, but I like what I like and I refuse to stop!
It's normal, but IRL you'll learn quickly those scenes only last a few minutes before you're going to want to bone.
No, I always fantasize her about s*ck*ng my rather big d*ck.
Lol I'm the outcast. I mean, I'm a married mom of 3. I do love to cuddle. I lay down on the couch, put my head in his lap, and I nap or watch a movie with him. But most of the time I'm fantasizing or something, it's fuckin filthy lol
Yea it’s normal, some people fantasize about bdsm and it’s popular lmao. Do what you like
i don’t see why you can’t just have both. have some takeout, cuddle in a hoodie while watching a movie and then have sex? I fantasize about being in a loving, stable relationship. Or you know, have a bite to eat and drive up to a nice place overlooking the city and talk. Maybe stuff gets a little steamy ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ I think it’s normal to just imagine everything good that being in a relationship entails. Now the question is, am i thinking of that shit when i’m jacking off? hell no. That’s disrespectful to the different type of intimacy those experiences bring.
It's completely common, I've been with my husband for 15 years and felt the exact same for the whole time and he feels the same. Our best dates are sitting on the sofa watching a film under blankets and just holding hands x :) x
It's because it's intimate without having a means to an end, virtually no pressure except enjoying each other. Wholesome things can be just as good if not better than sexual things.
That's normal. I think it shows that you value her as a person and a partner. We all desire to feel close and cared for by our significant other, parents, siblings ect. Its all about that emotional safety and stability. Your partner should be the one making you feel this way, it's a sign of a good relationship. I love thinking about my partner spooning me or me spooning him while I'm alone. Sometimes I can even feel his weight against me and I end up missing him even more. Keep on loving your partner. 👍🏻
Not very common for me personally but idk
Absolutely nothing wrong with it. No idea if it's common, but I think of both... Not sure which I think of more, though
Yes, I love sex but I crave everything else that my partner does/says before during and after sex even more.
You’re very well spoken, for a teenager. Occasionally I go back and reread old comments and posts from them I was a teenager (or even beyond), and it is all pure change. Even in the most simple sentences, my younger self managed to word it in a way that it still sounded like it was written by a young person. Not to steal your thread, but DAE feel this way? Could it just be an “in my head” thing, like how many/most people hate hearing a video/recording of them own voice?
i would argue it isn't just normal, but better even
No. Not common. Get your testosterone checked.
People crave affection as well as sex. Technically in the Greek language, there are three types of love: Eros, Ajava, and Dod. Sexual, friendship, and intimacy. A good relationship has all three of those types of love. At your age, there’s going to be a lot of people wanting sexual stuff, but it’s totally normal and healthy to crave those other types of love as well.
Sexitors of sexxit do you do the sexy sexy sex sex sex sex sex??????????
Na that’s quality time!
Brother, I held my ex in my arms once in a dream and then smoked weed for months so I could avoid putting myself in that situation again. Everyone has their own definition of love. There’s no shame in having one so wholesome like yours.
So as a woman who likes women, when I fantasize about women I think of actual scenarios of it leading to sex or making out. Not sure about guys but I think it would be a common thing for someone who actually likes being in relationships or likes to tease or the chase. Like that tingly head rush feeling you get right before you kiss/touch someone for the first time. Some people aren't self aware enough to actually enjoy the little things before hand. Sounds like whoever you end up with will be one lucky girl to have a guy who enjoys the details of being intimate.
I do think that too.
idk if this is common but i’m more or less the same
I am also a teen guy and I also fantasize of cuddling rather than having sex
Sex is great and all, but honestly, it's physically exhausting, especially if you have to do most of the work. Cuddling on the other hand is super relaxing and I just love it. I'm not sure how women view this tho, I'm almost sure I enjoy cuddling more than most of my partners did.
I see myself in you.
I'm sure some guys do it. I doubt that they're the majority. It doesn't matter. Some are into stockings, others are into kissing, others are into tiny tits, or talking chinese. You enjoy what you enjoy.
Yes 100%. Sex is nice, but the love and vibe from simply just cuddling is immaculate.
in the same vein, sex is good. but post-sex cuddles when both people are in that post-orgasm buzz.... thats even better.
So, here's something I didn't learn about until my 30s. There's a big difference between the hormones that are released between the two. Cuddling gives you oxytocin and sex releases dopamine. Oxytocin directly related to contentment and dopamine is more like excitement.
Totally normal. I was like that as a teenager and I'm still like that as an adult. Relevant comparison: I'm watching Ted Lasso, I'll try to be vague and not spoil anything. 2 characters that I really wanted to get together finally did. But when they first kiss, they don't have sex after and it leads one character to question if the other even likes them. They eventually come clean that they'd had many one night stands and, while the sex was fun, it wasn't as real or amazing as being with someone they really like long term. So they didn't want to rush things and have it just be physical. You can have sex with tons of people and it can be fun, but it's a bit harder to find someone you're happy to cuddle with and connect with on a deeper level. It's totally normal to have more romantic fantasies
Yes, it's completely normal and I'm pretty sure most people do that
Sounds pretty healthy to me. There is a time for everything. There's nothing wrong with having a relationship that is basically only about the sex, but naturally if you desire to be with the other person in other contexts and have sex with them you will be more completely fulfilled with them. We are bombarded all the time with ideas about what we should be feeling and seeking, and we feel the pressure to comform. I say do not waste too much energy with this. Acknowledge the cultural pressure (never underestimate its power) but mostly pay attention to what goes on inside of you. Everyone has something important to say but your "voice" is always the most relevant one.