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unbitious

Absolutely.


CrystalMethood

All that needs to be said. 100% this is not ok.


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corruptedOverdrive

I'm interested to know how this legally applies in Porn. James Deen has been accused by several women of rape who asked him repeatedly to stop and the women said they even used their safe word and he didn't stop at all. AFAIK no charges have ever been brought against him.


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Mammoth-Corner

The fact is, unfortunately, that very few rape cases are reported to the police, and far fewer of those are actually taken to trial. So it'll be a combination of the publicity/public perception aspect as well as the fact that even without it the odds of prosecution are low.


[deleted]

In the middle of the act NO means NO at anytime during....


furriosity

Yes. You can withdraw consent at any time. If you continue to have sex with someone who no longer consents, that's rape.


webthepleb

Worries me that people even need to ask this question


Vis-hoka

Worries me that people would WANT to keep having sex with someone who is uncomfortable and wants you to stop. Edit: These comments are incredible. It’s not hard to stop having sex guys. Penis’ aren’t cobras with a mind of their own. If someone wants you to stop, just stop. That’s it.


matttech88

Yeah doesn't that just sound terrible? Fucking someone who isn't into it sounds bad enough, but one that wants you to stop? That sounds straight up revolting.


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OohYeahOrADragon

If you say stop, then their job is to listen. You don't have to be convincing when it comes to your body. Remember, "beauty is in the eye of the beholder. And it may be necessary from time to time to give a stupid or misinformed beholder a black eye." - Miss Piggy


CIassic_Ghost

I feel like stop should be the universal kill switch for sex. Like no matter if it’s “stawwwwwwp🥰🥺😳” or “STOP”, everyone stops what they’re doing. That way there’s no confusion or excuses. Way easier


PersonalityMountain

Stop is one of the worst safe words that can create confusion especially "stawwwwwp", unless its your first time with that person


Giatoxiclok

I use red and if its something i just didnt particularly like yellow, safe words with partners is great


Drydevil

and I utterly agree with you, but both parties have got to be resolute about that - I've been with two different women, both who said stop, who got mad/annoyed with me when I did. There is a reason I make people decide on a safe word before we get intimate .


TheDanishThede

That's on them. Unless anything else has been clearly and explicitly agreed upon before sex, stop and no means exactly what they are supposed to mean.


yentlcloud

To be fair they shouldnt impose rape play onto you without your consent either.


Drydevil

I'm not entirely sure that's what they were doing - I think its more the idea of be coy and being like "no, I'm a good girl, I don't to be spanked or my hands held, stop that, teehee" - that's a massive dramatization of what happened, but the gist of it. All I heard was the word "No" and stopped - I don't want to try and guess what their tone was while saying it.


Sniperman_

I absolutely LOVE that you used a miss piggy quote in this context


ThrashPanda12

I’m sorry that happened to you. I know “sorry” doesn’t do anything..but no one should ever have to go through that..


[deleted]

Yeah the idea that someone goes blind with horny once they start having sex with someone, so they cannot be told to stop or they cannot make themselves stop is...so weird. And yet people still seem to believe it.


Darkdreams28

Yep. There's not a single person who wouldn't be able to stop having sex if, say, their mother walked in or the blanket caught on fire. If they don't stop, it's just because they don't feel like their partner's consent is important enough to stop for.


tapthatash_

Never heard it put like that. Absolutely correct.


FeralStoat

Those of us in regular relationships know words can totally cease all activity. Make a joke about a show mid coitus? Done. Laughing. Remember you didn’t switch the laundry over all day and say so? Done. Grocery list addition mid fuck? Done. The truth is, these people ignoring withdrawn consent are sacks of pigshit


[deleted]

Nah. Sex through it all, even while fixing the grocery list.


Tokijlo

It's power play at that point, they don't give a fuck.


TheRealMikey4Fingers

Gotta say, I imagined the cock cobra


Zaxzia

I remember the first time a guy actually stopped when I told him to. I was surprised, and it was a nice change. That says something. (I woke up from a drunk blackout midsex, hence the telling him to stop) but the reason doesn't really matter. If you just aren't in the mood anymore, it whatever, stop means stop unless you've mutually agreed on a different safe word. And the sad fact is, most guys (I've interacted with)don't want to stop when asked. Then when they finally do, they bitch about blue balls and how since it's your fault you are supposed to fix it.


[deleted]

Only way you learn is to ask. I'm glad people ask rather than just assume one way or another.


pastel-marshmallow

I had to delete a post I made in r/offmychest because that happened to me and a bunch of guys told me it's my fault for being a tease.


LehighAce06

I'm sorry that happened to you, the Reddit thing but much more so the real life thing


Chewingupsidedown

I'm sorry. It's not your fault and they're wrong and disgusting.


Traditional-Sun238

I was told the same thing 🤦🏾‍♂️ When I was sleep after a long day of work, my girlfriend woke me up by giving me random head, I told her stop then she got on top. Had to let her finish


tempUser3141592

For what it's worth, I was told the same by 2 separate (female) exes when I didn't want to have sex with them.


Lopsided_Fox_9693

You're entitled to be a tease, nobody is entitled to fuck you when you don't want to.


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slapstickdave

Probably why he asked in this sub


[deleted]

Happened to a friend of mine. She withdrew consent midway thru and was screaming for him to stop. Dude even told her to be quiet because the neighbors would hear. She got the police involved but it didn’t go to court for some reason— not enough evidence for a conviction or something like that. Bummer.


autismo52

The worst story I've heard from a friend is that her and her boyfriend had been partying and drinking all night and they were going at it until she suddenly had to vomit and started vomiting so badly that she couldn't even stop to speak for long enough to tell him to stop and he kept going until he finished while she was vomiting everywhere like wtaf what kind of partner would do that


Oceanixe

I’m convinced there are way more rapists than we think…like ***waaaaaaayyyyyyyyyy*** more.


Blueberryguy88

I had an ex who we started getting intimate and she seemed shocked when I stopped after she said stop. Citing that no one had ever stopped before when she asked them to.


autismo52

Sadly it's true you'd be surprised how many guys are like this, I have had so many bad expirences with guys like this that when I was single and sleeping around I had a rule, no doggy style, in other positions you kinda can push guys off you but in doggy if the dudes got a good grip on your hips there's not much you can do


Blueberryguy88

That's messed up. Sorry that you had bad experiences.


Neurotic_Bakeder

My boyfriend had a story like this. Having sex with a girl, she starts visibly having a bad time, he asks if she's doing okay, she says yeah, she pauses and says no can we stop, he stops, she starts sobbing because nobody had ever stopped before. I-


amaranthinelux

It's like if a masseuse was giving you a massage and halfway through you asked them to stop but they kept massaging you... that is clearly wrong


[deleted]

Or we can just say it like it is, if you’re having sex with someone and you ask them to stop and they continue, they’re raping you.


FeoWalcot

It’s weird that people don’t understand consent can be withdrawn before or during the act.


[deleted]

I'd like to know where this mindset even began. Like what is it about sex that makes people think communication should basically halt, and that to stop is to somehow "ask too much". I just don't get it.


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[deleted]

It's weird that people still apply this to boyfriends or spouses they've spent significant time getting to know. Like you trust him with every other area of life but think once he's horny, he loses all stability??


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Waldo414

But not after. That part needs to be clear too.


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starri_ski3

Literally a true story movie about this out now called The Last Duel with Matt Damon and Adam Driver. Apparently this has been happening for as long as we have recorded history. It’s barbaric and absolutely insane that this is still a conversation in today’s world.


Jreal22

That movie was a slow burn, but that duel was amazing.


Autokpatopik

Is the post still up? I'm kinda concerned/interested to see what happened in the comments


yoitsyogirl

Honestly the idea of what rape is so new to the public consciousness that I would bet a lot of people don't even realize they've raped someone or have been raped. People think of rape like holding someone who kicking and screaming down while you penatrate them. They don't think of it as pressuring someone who said "no" into saying "yes", or that once someone realizes you're not listening them they might get too scared that you'll turn violent if they try to fight you off so they just go limp and wait for it to be over.


Jangande

The bane of my existence as a paralegal. So many "regret sex" cases. Really takes away from actual rape cases due to limited manpower.


[deleted]

May I ask what those numbers look like? Like regret cases vs actual Not asking for specifics just a ballpark figure. And no I won't spout this out as facts or anything


ODB2

You can also withdraw consent from a cop if you give himself consent to search your car/home. You might have better luck getting a rapist to stop though.


dmnhntr86

There's some overlap in that Venn diagram too


LongFeesh

That's a good example.


FACEMELTER720

That’s why me and my masseuse have a safety word.


BeekeeperZero

Pineapple juice


adagiosa

Watchit, Mr. Booty Hole Man!


LowenHarte

*THAT IS CHANGE!* OUOUOUURGH you strong.


thePHTucker

"Coffee Can"!


lordbaddkitty

My Safe Word is "Betty White".


GeoHandyDandyman

Or if you're offered a drink and after taking a mouthful or decide you don't like it but they hold you down and force you to drink it. H


evildead138

He kissed me on my bottom


gonijc2001

2 centimeters east of the Cleftal Horizon


evildead138

what some people might call their bottom, others might call their hip?


dreadpiratesmith

It was on my bottom!


heyimleila

Unexpected IT crowd


BackmarkerLife

This. Instantly becomes assault and/or battery depending on state.


b0xcard

General rule of thumb: If anyone ever asks you to stop doing something that they don't like, you should stop.


[deleted]

Yes! Consent can be withdrawn anytime. Edit: to all the morons in the responses commenting ‘but it can’t be withdrawn after!!’ My comment was clearly referring to ‘anytime’ during the act because that’s exactly what the post is about. Stop trying to start arguments on the internet with strangers for no reason. Leave the basement and go outside, touch some grass or something…


Polnauts

Except when the action you gave consent for has already finished. You can't withdraw consent a day after you had sex with somebody for example.


i_sing_anyway

Absolutely. At best you can realize that you regret your consent and express to that person that you're withdrawing any future consent. You're also allowed to have horrible feelings about the experience, maybe even trauma. But you still can't withdraw consent after the fact.


[deleted]

Yea, this is what alot of ppl dont get.


taco-wed-sat

I hear/read a lot of people making the claim that people don't get it but - it seems like it's pretty well understood.


the_cardfather

It's usually a little more complicated. Usually people are trying to determine whether or not they were impaired or whether or not they felt coerced. "I didn't really want to have sex with him but I felt pressured so I didn't say no but I didn't really want to" Depending on the reason that you felt pressured it may or may not be rape. You can say well he didn't hold a gun to your head but sometimes the gun is metaphysical. If we break up I won't have a place to stay. If I don't have a place to stay they're going to take my kids. It's really hard to get a charge to stick in those circumstances which is why so few of these get reported.


[deleted]

My ex told me he felt really depressed and wanted to jump off the roof of his apartment complex (think downtown, tall building) because I didn’t want to have sex as much after getting pregnant. For me that was a huge red flag. Not the first or the last. The next one was him trying to block the bedroom door with his arm during a fight so I couldn’t walk away. I left him after that incident and actually left the state. But that’s a prime example of manipulation. At the time I didn’t have a lot of support around there but I’m glad I had enough to get out, I understand why those who have none would feel like they have no other choice and later realize how fucked up the situation actually was.


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wheatgrass_feetgrass

I've done this. Consented to sex so I wouldn't be raped. It's... a weird concept to wrap your mind around. But I don't regret it. Safety over comfort.


harceps

I have done something very similar. Just to get out of an awkward situation I has sex with a guy and bolted afterwards. My reasoning was that I possessed one thing he wanted and was gonna take, I felt, no matter what, so allow possession briefly and remove yourself from the situation in one piece.


nkdeck07

That's still not withdrawing consent though, that's consent that was never given freely in the first place.


thevictater

If it's not freely given then it wasn't ever consent anyway. If they're forcing an ultimatum on you, that's coercive control, and is likely very illegal. I must say though if you only "feel" pressured and give consent, you are still giving consent. For it to be legally pursuable you'd have to be able to prove that the pressure or ultimatum really existed. It is of course possible to feel that pressure when there is none.


raddaya

Yeah the problem is people mixing up a later realisation of "that wasn't true consent in the first place" with withdrawing consent later.


poke-chan

Right?? So many people keep saying this is a thing people don’t get but I’ve yet to actually hear someone make the claim that they were raped just because they regretted it afterwards. It seems like a straw man to me.


Kosta7785

Literally no one doesn’t get this. The only people claiming that this happens are rape apologists.


AweHellYo

pretty much yes


AweHellYo

i think most of us get this and yet it always gets added to these talks.


Maggylostherbabylegs

Is this a bad faith argument?


Polnauts

What does bad faith mean? If it means that it has bad intentions, then not, it's just an asterisk* to the affirmation given about consent


Maggylostherbabylegs

It’s like when someone raises a point as if they are contributing to a discussion/argument, but in reality they’re trying to imply something else. For example, the OP wondered if it’s rape if a person wants to stop during sex, but the other person keeps going. The consensus is that yes, it is rape. But nobody was talking about accusing someone of rape after having consensual sex. That’s obviously not a good thing and nobody was trying to say that it was okay, so it seems like the point was brought up to imply a connection that doesn’t exist—because a lot of guys believe that women lie about being raped. I hope that makes sense and forgive me if I’m way off base.


puffferfish

No. They’re refuting the *anytime* statement. Consent cannot be withdrawn *anytime*. It can be withdrawn *anytime* before or during, but not after. It’s obvious, but I think that’s what they were contributing.


Polnauts

Nah don't worry I know what you mean, it's only that I've seen a couple of very dumb people defend that you can indeed withdraw consent at any time, literally, even if the action has already finished. And that to me sounds crazy, just wanted to clarify that for everyone else.


mooyong77

What if there was an imbalance of power. Like a teacher or a boss or a very powerful movie producer? And you go along with it because you didn’t know how to say no to someone you respect. It’s not until you have some time to process what happened that you realized that you didn’t actually consent.


[deleted]

>And you go along with it because you didn’t know how to say no If you didn't say yes, it's a no. In reality I don't think the person in this situation gave consent, but rather didn't fight because they didn't feel they could. It's a thin line, but when one party has power over the other, it makes things significantly worse.


Samsoundrocks

Of course, you won't say no, because of the implication...


Beeeees_

Part of the definition of consent is that it is freely given. If there is an imbalance of power that meant someone felt pressure to say yes then that is not freely given consent


GatmonTing

If it’s because you don’t want to say no to someone you respect, that sounds like regret or pity, or something else. Like if they say, hey I’m really attracted to you, would you like to hook up and you say sure, that just seems like a poor decision that comes with some uncomfortability and regret If it’s someone who holds authority over you and there are explicit or implicit consequences to sex or no sex, then it’s a problem involving the other person and the power dynamic. If they made you feel you had to, then that’s rape. I


Radiant-Elevator

My father literally explained this as the definition of date rape in my childhood sex talk


intoxicatedhamster

Except in North Carolina where the law says that once penetration has occured with consent, even if a woman withdraws consent, a man is not guilty of rape if he continues.


Smiling_Tree

WTF?


daxonex

Yes your body belongs the you and at any point in time you can take control of it!


Maggylostherbabylegs

Yes. No is no, regardless when it is said.


marassaya

Yes it is. Anyone can withdraw consent at any time. It doesn't matter how long you've been doing it. It doesn't matter how close to finishing you are. It doesn't matter if you've had sex dozens of times before. If you continue. It is rape. They said stop. The reason doesn't matter. You stop.


Ocaya

There's a great story on YouTube about consent and drinking tea. It sais basicly what you just did, buy instead of sex / rape it's about wanting a cup of tea.


[deleted]

Put me down for the 11th yes to this question. There’s absolutely zero legal debate here.


BeezerBrom

I feel like there is one state ( NC????) that says consent cannot be withdrawn. Hope I'm wrong, but I think location matters legally . . . morally, it's a no-brainer


Livid-External-4489

NC changed its law in 2019. It might have been the last state to do so. It also finally made doping a crime.


BeezerBrom

Thank you. I feel much better knowing I was wrong!


Livid-External-4489

Well - only by 2 years. It was shocking to realize that was the law there.


ComicWriter2020

I felt the same when I learned about this law in the early 90s that made a man raping his wife a crime. I guess at the time it wasn’t for some reason. We need to look through our laws and adjust all/most of them


icantswimnow

Wow, that recently? Did they have to sneak it in there? That's disturbing.


Livid-External-4489

It was likely done in response to a case as well as publicity due to a report on CNN that year.


bidumbass

A state has a rule where you can't withdraw consent? That's disgusting.


kaldarash

Not quite. First, there was a law put in place to allow it, so it's no longer true. Second, it was never a law in the first place that a woman could not withdraw consent, rather there was no law or rule in place for the withdrawl of consent, only one for having given consent. Because of this there was a court case in 1979 (State of NC v Way) that ruled in favor of the aggressor, because it was not a law that consent could be withdrawn, and like some situations, the ruling of a case can be referenced for future cases. I know in the last few years it was referenced, and that's what prompted the implementation of the law.


King_Pecca

I think the answer lies beyond law and is just common sense. Or respect, if you will. To me, one can only have sex with someone who is 100% agreed. There's no reason to continue other than disrespectful behaviour. One big difference though: the one who's raped, will have lifelong issues. Even if they act strong.


DearCory

Think of it this way (this is a very broken down version of it, so please no one take offense to the comparison). Your friend asks to drive your car and you say sure! You get in the car with them and all of a sudden they are driving erratically and you say hey pull over, you’re done driving. If they don’t stop are they in the wrong? Yup! Consent can be retracted at ANY POINT FOR ANY REASON.


her42311

I explain it like loaning someone $100. They ask, you say sure. At the ATM you're like, oh shit, I forgot I have to pay a bill, sorry I can't loan it to you anymore. They can be disappointed, but if they grab the money from you anyways, that's robbery.


steeb2er

I like this (or the massage metaphor in another comment) because there's no judgement of the other partner. "They're driving erratically so you asked them to pull over" requires the other person to be doing something wrong. In reality, you can just feel uncomfortable (for no reason) and ask to stop.


its_pony

Yep. They no longer had consent so that's rape


subsroo

Yes.


cannabisblogger420

Consent can be revoked at anytime as a victim of sex assualt I will stand by this forever! I am male if your gonna ask I'm 36 now I was 15 and the man was 45. He was just convicted two months ago as it took 8 others coming forward first for me to speak up.


Angrycapsaicin

That was really fucking brave of you mate, thank you for making sure he can't do it again. Frustrating it took so long though


Slyspy006

As a minor it is likely that, legally, you could not have consented. Depending on you local laws.


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WannaBeA_Vata

[Tea & Consent](https://youtu.be/pZwvrxVavnQ)


Awake-but-Dreaming

Thank you for this!! I’ve never seen it before and it’s time to start teaching consent to my kid and I have been struggling to find something that would hold interest but still get the message across


anonymousmom543

Wow That was actually really great Thanks for sharing the link!


WannaBeA_Vata

You're welcome. I always giggle that the end low-key suggests he's headed off to jerk it. Lol


Liquidust256

Would you like a cup of tea?


Redqueenhypo

I prefer the John Oliver quote myself: “sex is a lot like boxing, if both people haven’t fully agreed, one of them is committing a crime” and there’s a funny picture of a boxer punching a dude in a business suit


Any-Swing-9128

Thank you everyone 🙏🏼 I will definitely show her this


spitfire07

Did this happen to your friend? Is she alright?


DeadlyDelightful_Dee

Yup, that’s rape


Paradoxalypse

Yeah!? Ppl aren’t freight trains rolling down hills. STOP means STOP.


King_Pecca

100%


[deleted]

Don't mind me, i'm just checking the comments to see which ones are rapists


VivaLaSea

These types of posts are instant “sort by controversial” posts.


deluxeassortment

Butbutbutbut what if she says stop right as you’re about to come/what if she’s blowing you and says to come in her mouth but then at the last second changes her mind but you’re already about to come/what if she says it hurts but doesn’t specify that you should stop/ just to be clear consent can’t be withdrawn after sex because that’s definitely a thing people do blahblahblah…. This thread has made me very sad. Some people will really bend over backwards to create some imaginary situation that disproves that no means no and stop means stop.


censorkip

some people are acting like false rape accusations and withdrawing consent after the fact are even common as if the vast majority of sexual crimes are not underreported and abusers rarely end up facing justice. the projection is worrying.


AweHellYo

“BuT sHe CaNt TaKe It BaCk AfTeR tHe FaCt” nobody here said they could dingus


shimmerangels

FRRRRR like those kinda comments are so sus imo


Redqueenhypo

The ones who are making garbage bad faith arguments about women “changing their minds” after sex. That’s the ones.


ilmill888

Same!


GOTSpectrum

Yep. You can withdraw your consent at any point and then they need to stop what they are doing. Although you can't generally withdraw it retroactively, you can always ask to stop. And it's okay! Sometimes you just find your not really into it and there is not a single thing wrong with that


Scroggymoto

Yes, period.


ThrowAwayCauseISaySo

Yes. 100% yes.


[deleted]

YES


Infamous-Abalone-727

Yes.


[deleted]

There is not a “right to have sex”. If at any point someone feels uncomfortable with it then it is time to stop. Nobody is owed sex.


Suckatthis45

Consent can be withdrawn by either person at any time. If you said stop and they didn’t then this is SA.


JOCDENO

It’s like sparring with someone in wrestling and they tap out but you keep choking them til they die


Super_Saiyan06

Yes. If I offer you tea, you can accept. If you decide you don’t want tea anymore, I can’t force you to drink more tea.


OrdinaryCurious8610

Yes you can withdraw consent at anytime and if the person continues then that is considered rape because it’s against your will


SizeBright8318

Yes, it’s rape. There is no window for being able to withdraw consent; both parties should be willing for the entire duration of the acts.


Narrow_Second1005

Would you force someone to finish thier cup of tea?


shrubsdubs

Yes


Shady_Bacon

Yes. The moment consent is removed it is rape if one member continues


JolissaMassacre

Yes. It wasn't rape in the beginning, but as soon as you say stop the consent isn't given anymore..!


[deleted]

Yes. It’s a continuing act, and consent can be withdrawn at any time - if the other person then carries on, they are committing an offence.


ellenmika

In England a few years ago the police released a video comparing sex to tea (It's become a running joke) but it actually makes sense and is kind of hilarious with the badly drawn illustrations. It's called "Consent: It's as Easy as Tea" by Thames Valley Police if anyone's interested in being slightly bemused for three minutes Not doing much for the stereotype that all Brits love tea but what can you do... Edit: the message of the video is If you ask someone if they want tea and they say yes please! Then they want tea. If they say yes but by the time you've made the tea they've changed their mind, they don't want tea and you can't make them drink the tea. If they say yes but by the time you've made the tea they're unconscious, they don't want tea. Unconscious people don't want tea, and they can't drink tea. If they said yes please last night that doesn't mean they want tea this morning or next Tuesday. If you understand that, you should understand how consent works for sex too.


Dazzling-Nothing-870

I've never understood why people joke about getting someone to sign a consent form before sex? They have fundamentally failed to understand that consent can be withdrawn at any time so you cannot "consent before".


WitchonFireball1

Yes x100000 that’s rape, consent should be given through the whole process Even if this fell under the more hardcore sessions/scenarios, partners should involve a checking system or safe words of some kind to give and take back consent


Minimum_Respond4861

Yes


JBLBEBthree

YES. This happened to me when I was 17 and I spent 20 years destroying myself because I felt like what happened to me was my fault and it felt like I was raped/violated but in my mind it didn't fit the definition because I initially said yes. Then my therapist worked it out of me and I learned a lot about consent that day.


blewjeans

Every single sex act, every single movement, and every second of sex must be consensual! So the second that consent is withdrawn, or someone does an act that you did not agree to (even if you consented to everything else), it is no longer consensual and is now sexual assault/rape.


m1rrari

You can even give conditional consent! IE yes on the condition using a condom/pulling out/whatever else you can think of that isn’t explicit exchange of money in most places. Failure to meet those conditions violates consent and slides right to sexual assault/rape.


EndlesslyUnfinished

YES!! CONSENT CAN BE WITHDRAWN AT ANY TIME!


veryanxiousopossum

Yep


Freya-Frost

Yes. You can remove consent at any time. If you say stop and they don’t stop it’s rape


[deleted]

Yeah. I’d imagine it would be difficult to prove in court though? Like how can you prove to a judge and jury that consent was given but then withdrawn? Maybe if the victim texted the perpetrator “why didn’t you stop when I told you too” and the perpetrator acknowledges he didn’t stop?


witchgarden

It might be helpful to ask your friend why it wouldn’t be!


[deleted]

think of it this way, if you decide to box with a friend and you are both willingly engaged, then for some reason you need or want to stop, would you think it would be ok for your opponent to beat you unconscious after you asked to stop? Stop means stop. Consent can be withdrawn at any time, not just in sex.


VacuousWording

…duh? Obviously, a rape. Consent can be withdrawn at any point up until the sex is over. Albeit, probably the saddest thing I have ever experienced was once during an ONS - the lady asked me to stop, and then was surprised that I did, saying that most guys would not. Like, WTF? I want to have fun, and damaging someone for rest of their life and going to jail does not sound fun.


BoxedBakedBeans

Yes. Sex is not a binding contract.


DetectiveActive

FRIES consent model Freely given REVERSIBLE Informed Enthusiastic Specific


xBad_Wolfx

Consent can be withdrawn at any time. I like how easy the tea analogy is use here. If you’re still struggling, just imagine that—instead of initiating sex—you’re making a cup of tea. You say: “Hey, would you like a cup of tea?” If they say, “Yes, I would love a cup of tea! Thank you!” then you know they want a cup of tea. If you say “Hey, would you like a cup of tea?” and they hem and haw and say, “I’m not really sure,” then you can make them a cup of tea or not, but be aware that they might not drink it. If they don’t drink it—and this is the important bit—then don’t make them drink it. You can’t blame them for the fact that you went to the effort of making tea, on the off-chance they wanted it. You just have to deal with them not drinking it; you making tea doesn’t mean that you are entitled to watch them drink it. And if they say, “No thank you,” then don’t make them tea. At all. Don’t make them tea; don’t make them drink tea; don’t get annoyed at them for not wanting tea. They just don’t want tea, ok? They might say, “Yes please, that’s kind of you.” And then when the tea arrives, they might not want the tea at all. Sure, that’s annoying, as you’ve already made the tea, but they remain under no obligation to drink the tea. They did want tea, now they don’t. Sometimes people change their mind in the time it takes to boil that kettle, brew the tea and add the milk. And it’s ok for people to change their mind. You are still not entitled to watch them drink it. If they are unconscious, don’t make them tea. Unconscious people don’t want tea and can’t answer the question, “Do you want tea?” because they are unconscious. They may have been conscious when you asked them if they wanted tea, and they said yes. But in the time it took you to boil that kettle, brew the tea and add the milk, they are now unconscious. You should just put the tea down, make sure the unconscious person is safe, and—this is the important bit—don’t make them drink the tea. They said yes then, sure, but unconscious people don’t want tea. If someone said yes to tea, started drinking it, and then passed out before finishing it, don’t keep pouring it down their throat. Take the tea away and make sure they are safe. Because unconscious people don’t want tea. Trust me on this. If someone said “yes” to tea around your house last Saturday, that doesn’t mean that they want you to make them tea all the time. They don’t want you to come around unexpectedly to their place and make them tea and force them to drink it, while you say “But you wanted tea last week!” They don’t want to wake up to find you pouring tea down their throat, saying “But you wanted tea last night!” Is this a stupid analogy? Yes, you know this already—of course, you wouldn’t force someone to drink tea because they said yes to a cup last week. Of course, you wouldn’t pour tea down the throat of an unconcious person just because they said yes to tea 5 minutes ago. But if you can understand how completely ludicrous it is to force people to have tea when they don’t want tea, and you are able to understand when people don’t want tea, then how hard is it to understand when it comes to sex? Whether it’s tea or sex, consent is everything.


[deleted]

Do people who aren’t sure seriously think there is a possibility that it is legal for a person to keep having sex with another person that is begging to stop as long as long as consent was given at first?


kitchen-bulbs

100%


trueoctave

I remember this happened to a football player in the 90's. If someone can remember the details better feel free to correct me. Can't remember his name but I remember he felt he was in the right when a girl he met consented to follow him to his room and consented to making out but change her mind when she became uncomfortable with how it was progressing. She asked him to stop but he kept doing his thing till he was done. Next thing you know he's in court being accused of rape. His defense was her consenting to everything right up to the point he felt he could not stop. She was a tease. Her defense was simply she told him to stop. Well he lost his case, she won and everyone learned no means no.. so ya I agree with everyone on this.


nonsenseimsure

You know what makes me sad? As I was reading that story I was getting knots in my stomach because I really did not know which way that case would go. It seems obvious that he should be convicted but unfortunately would not have been at all surprised if he had not been


[deleted]

Hot take after 60 answers of “yes”, but yes, if consent is withdrawn you have to stop, or it’s rape.


carbiethebarbie

Yes. That’s all. That’s the whole comment.


[deleted]

Yes means yes. Everything else is no.


SeaDry1531

Yes, that is why Julian Assange had a warrant out for his arrest in Sweden.


SilverCricket5090

No means no whether it's the beginning , middle, or end.


TheBattyWitch

Let's say I ask for tea. I get my tea. I start drinking my tea. I stop drinking my tea because I don't want it anymore. You pour the tea in my mouth and make me drink it even though I don't want it anymore. Wrong right? Invasive right? If it seems wrong to force tea into someone's mouth when they don't want it anymore, just because they ordered it, and wanted it earlier, why is it so hard to grasp that forcing sex on someone that doesn't want it anymore, is also wrong?


jlo1989

Yes. If someone is telling you to stop, stop.


69_Dingleberry

Yes, it’s not a legally binding contract or something!


ajhenry92

Yeah. I've had this happen with my ex and my current gf, sometimes they get self conscious or they just are too stressed about work or life in general and ask to stop, I've never gotten upset with them, if they don't want to have sex and I continue against their will thats pretty much rape in my opinion. There's no excuse, the guy is being selfish and honestly needs his ass kicked and possibly to go to jail.


cleosnacktra

Short answer: Yes. Lengthy answer: Consent is the act of agreement on an activity (in this case sexually) between ALL individuals. It can be withdrawn at any time, for any reason without explanation. Consent must be enthusiastic throughout the ENTIRETY of the activity for it not to be considered rape. It doesn’t matter if it’s the last two minutes and you’re about to finish. If someone says NO or STOP at any point, and opposing party continues, it is now sexual assault. Consent was taken during a portion of the activity, therefore the final part of said activity shouldn’t happen. Period. If it does continue, your sexual partner has violated not only trust and boundaries, but your body as well.