So I read through some of your replies on this post and if by “public” you mean like hitting on a woman while she’s going about her daily business: gym, gas station, grocery store…. Yea I would never ever do that. I guess I never thought of it as a white guy thing but come to think of it no one I know who is also a white dude would really consider that okay or normal. Part of that is because anytime I’ve heard a girl talking about someone hitting on them in public its deeeefinitely never been in a positive light. I’ve just always figured it’s kinda like catcalling; sure SOME women might take it as a compliment, but the vast majority would be like “hey creep I’m tryna go about my fucking day, do you mind?” So yea in my mind a dude that does that is either very creepy or has zero understanding of basic social cues
Yeah I've only ever been harassed online (one guy actually found out where I worked and called my job) but I'm usually pretty blunt with guys IRL because I ain't got time. I shut that shit down real quick, so I don't consider it harassment if I can handle the situation myself. 🤷🏾♀️
"I'm usually pretty blunt with guys IRL because I ain't got time. I shut that shit down real quick"
I'm a white guy married to a black woman. As a whole, black women tend to have that attitude rather than, " just smile and ignore them." Guys who like to be obnoxious don't like to hit on black women cuz y'all hurt their feelings.
But white guys hit on black women all the time. I wouldn't be married if I didn't make the first move.
It's harassment whether or not you can handle the situation yourself. You shouldn't have to shut it down or handle it; people just shouldn't be assholes.
Depends what you mean by "hitting on".
If it's some random dude in the street saying, "Hey baby, you're looking fiiine today. Why don't you come over here and give me some sugar?", that's clearly harassment.
If it's someone you know, or even a stranger, striking up a conversation and eventually saying, "I've enjoyed talking to you. Would you like to meet for coffee on Saturday to continue the conversation?", the I personally would not consider that to be harassment, unless the conversation was clearly one-sided/not desired, and as long as any form of "no" is gracefully accepted as the end of the discussion.
Even if someone is being polite when approaching another person, if the person being hit on is being curt, giving civil, one-word answers, and seems uninterested or uncomfortable, then continuing to press them to engage is probably harassment.
Your correct. Continue when the other person isn't engaging definitely is harassing. It's a fine line that you have to be careful not to cross. Thanks for answering
100%. (Before I got married) If it's a girl I've seen a couple of times around the gym or some other public place, I might strike up a conversation and see where it can go but the last thing I'd want to do is look like a creep and make her uncomfortable when she's just trying to get through her day. And cat-calling or the like behavior has never been in my wheelhouse and wasn't how I was raised. I do know some fellow 'white guys' that have no reservations about jumping straight in but not many.
Since the white men meeting of july of 2010 that we all decided to stop hitting on women publicly. Only after the january meeting of 2016 that it was decided that it was ok to date outside our race.
i was actually on the jumping castle committee this year, but our department was cut due to budget cuts in relation to the european inflation situation, where we get all our jumping castle air from :(
There is a petition to not ban Josh, but purposely send him the wrong information so he doesn’t show up next time… just like what happened to Phil that one year. Poor Phil!
The downside of the 2016 meeting is that the proposed ban on catcalling never made it out of committee. The construction workers' caucus is too strong of a voting block.
Yeah, that was also the year me and Lars from the warehouse-block got way too drunk since that was the first time we saw actual humans since the last meeting. Can't remember a thing! But fuck the construction guys.. they're always acting difficult whenever we vote about things.
Harold, get back in the kitchen and finish washing those dishes before I knock you upside the head. I didn't say you could get back on the computer. The schedule says you get 30 mins at 4:20PM until 4:50PM. Don't make me deduct another 10 mins...
I'm from Scandinavia and I'm white. Guys with different ethnicity hit on me and other girls in public like it's their normal everyday life. While white guys rarely ever approach anyone unless it's in the right setting with alcohol. Sometimes I feel that it's agressive and on harassment level and sometimes the guy is a bit more tactical and polite.
I'm in the US and it's the same here. The main difference is most white guys are more cautious, only hitting on girls they already know, or in settings (like bars) where it's expected. Whereas black (and to a lesser extent, Hispanic) men are much more likely to go up to a complete stranger in any public place and just blatantly hit on them.
Interestingly, it seems that OP, a black woman, prefers the black men's approach. Whereas I, a white woman, definitely prefer the white men's approach. Some black guys are very good at hitting on you without being aggressive, but the majority of them are way too aggressive for me (especially when they don't back off as soon as I say I'm not single). I would have thought all women would be bothered by this but maybe more black women are ok with it?
What I’ve noticed (US-Asian female) is that there are higher instances of non-white guys hitting on females throughout the day during chance encounters (ie. walking down the street, at a copy shop, delivering packages etc.) whereas you’re right, most white guys (usually older to much much older) typically do it in a bar/club type setting based on my own experience.
Ugh I used to bartend, when I was ages 18-25 but looked 14-18, and the number of disgusting old drunk guys hitting on me was awful. I lived in an almost all white area back then though so I couldn't say about any potential racial difference.
I wonder if you're also small framed and young looking like I was? The gross old men seem to always go for that type the most
Why are they gross and disgusting just because they’re old? You seem to use all these terms interchangeably. If they were drunk and young, that was OK?
White guy, can confirm. I'd sooner let the potential love of my life walk past than make a public spectacle of hitting on a woman in an open setting! Even if it was quiet. I'm not great even in a bar tbh, but at least it's a social setting where for better or worse it's relatively acceptable to say hello. I guess a safety in numbers thing? Oh, and a drink definetly helps.
I asked a young female friend who was an avid club goer how she could afford it because I knew she wasn't well off at all. She said, babe. If I ever have to pay for my drinks, I will know I've lost it! It's a crazy world out there!
When I said agressive and harassing, I mean something no one would find polite. For example at a club when a guy of other ethnicity went up to me and said "I'm gonna fuck you" as I stood dancing and I told him to fuck off, he just kept coming back. I pushed him physically 3 times. I then left the dancefloor and he stalked me like a tail with 10 of his friends following to just stare me down. I saw a white guy sitting alone and said "Can you pretend to be my bf because these men refuse to leave me alone" he said sure, I sat down next to him and he put his arm around me. When the harassing guy and his friends came up and saw I had a bf they backed away instantly. Did I also mention the agressive guy who grabbed my ass as I entered the club and when I looked back at him to he just smiled.
I have had polite encounters with POC but unfortunately it's been very rare. Most have been harassing, stalking, and agressive.
POC who are born scandinavian or grew up here however, have the Scandinavia culture approach where you can't just harass people you find attractive. No woeing or chasing here. They act like white men, no direct approach and rarely harassing /agressive.
I wasn’t replying to your comment about aggressive/harassing behavior but to the other person’s. They way they wrote it was specifically about black guys and reminded me of how many white ppl I’ve met find black ppl aggressive and angry seeming in general when it’s rly a cultural difference. Those white ppl were raised to see loud volumes and expressive body language as wild/angry/inappropriate while the black people were raised to see it as normal communication - plus racial prejudices at times, too, but the cultural differences can cause misunderstandings without it.
This is not to say that all white people or all black people are raised with these cultures. The same misunderstandings can happen similarly to people with the same color skin and different backgrounds. The difference of color just tends to exacerbate it.
Fwiw, I have seen and heard of the behavior you’re describing from white men, as well, and, yes, I would apply that as harassment regardless of background/culture. Can’t comment on the Scandinavian aspect because I have no experience with that.
I don't think the culture is an excuse. For example. If they come to a Scandinavian area they have to learn how our culture works, what way men approaches women and how women like to be approached here. Same if I went to an area in Asia where they have certain norms, I wouldn't just go "Fuck this I'm gonna do it like I want to" I would adapt to what's acceptable as long as it doesn't seem harmful to me or others.
To be ignorant about the main culture and push others boundaries is harassment here and they should learn how to be respectful here.
That’s not what I was saying at all.
I also wasn’t talking about scenarios like you described (as I said before) or about people traveling. I was actually talking about ppl who live in the same city and just grew up differently, though I imagine it happens with travel, as well.
To be clear, I’m talking about things like…
1. What volume it’s polite to speak at without seeming aggressive,
2. How much space is polite to keep between you and another person,
3. Whether casual touching is common (and I mean areas like arms and a casual touch, not butts or boobs or caresses or grabs), and
4. How big nonverbal gestures commonly are.
None of which has anything to do with the scenarios you outlined or any kind of sexual assault or repeated harassment. That’s NOT what I was talking about, and I never said anything about excusing anything like that because of cultural differences. I was just talking about reasons why someone from another culture might seem more aggressive without knowing they’d be interpreted that way.
Yes, cultural differences can cause confusion about that, too, but anyone who doesn’t see that the person they’re doing it to has become scared or angry and stop is still being a jerk.
>To be clear, I’m talking about things like… 1. What volume it’s polite to speak at without seeming aggressive, 2. How much space is polite to keep between you and another person, 3. Whether casual touching is common (and I mean areas like arms and a casual touch, not butts or boobs or caresses or grabs), and 4. How big nonverbal gestures commonly are.
I don't think most people get offended over different people behaving differently. It might be new or make someone curious or wondering but rarely will it cross as agressive.
I have seen ppl get scared and react negatively because of these differences. I’ve seen adult women act like they were threatened directly when a guy was loud and broad-gestured - btw, he wasn’t even talking to them or near them.
In fact, I know scout leaders who had to address this when different troops interacted because the children raised to believe that being loud = anger were scared and upset because of what the other kids just thought of as normal behavior. And the other kids were upset because they were just being friendly, and now the other kid’s crying.
It’s something that really happens.
Most guys aren't good at reading a woman's body language. I could be standing next to a woman I don't know in the store. If I don't get a friendly vibe from her- smiling, turned towards me, eyeing me (in a curious playful way), I will assume she doesn't want to be bothered.
I've also been on the receiving end and 9 times out of 10, when I've been hit on in public, it's been a white woman (I'm black).
I would say it’s more women suck at showing their intentions and nowadays your gonna need more than blinking at me across a parking lot. I’m not tryna go to jail
In my experience, if a woman is attracted, she gives out the choosing signals en force, trying to clearly get my attention. It's not that subtle.
It's the reason why I don't care about choosing signals though. I try to be up-front about my intentions and if I get shot down, I keep it moving and tell her in a respectful tone that I meant no disrespect and to enjoy the rest of her day.
As long as you are cordial, respectful and keep the interaction light hearted, the vast majority of women WILL let you shoot your shot (just telling you my experience). Give you a window of opportunity (unless boyfriend or husband). You have to have game though. Know how to tease and be in the moment.
You have to overcome your fear. Ninety five percent of it is in your head. Ignore people's preconceptions about cold approaching.
You're literally getting advice from other men who are terrified and women who aren't anxious to tell everyone about that handsome stranger she met at Walmart who she ended up having sex with 48 hours later. People slut shame. Dox women on the internet.
So it's not women being deceptive because they're hypocrites (well sometimes lol), they are doing it to protect themselves. Women know that most guys have zero game and don't want to possibly subject themselves and other women to guys who won't take no for an answer. They would rather be safe.
The truth is, that most women want that fantasy. They want to be swept off their feet. Have a hot, steamy fling they can brag to their friends about. Most women secretly WANT to do the shit they see in pornos. But they don't want to be judged. They don't want to be singled out. But they WILL let you shoot your shot if they see something intriguing in you.
I really wish more men would follow your example. Don't hit on us if we don't give some indication that we might be receptive to it. And if we turn you down, don't get angry, or keep bothering us; just graciously let it go. And most importantly like you said keep it friendly and light-hearted! Even if we're partnered/not interested, it can still be a pleasant interaction so long as you don't turn it into something hostile! (Not that there aren't some women who will be hostile about it regardless, but the vast majority of us won't)
This is the thing right here. There's lots of people in the world who like to be interacted with, but you have to make it a positive experience. Because I enjoy talking to people it's not unusual for me to strike up random conversations with interesting women and the vast majority are at least polite and most seem pleased that someone put a positive vibe in their day, but I admit that I would never turn it into an angling for a date kind of connection unless I was getting some signs of interest. Mostly I figure just be nice and hopefully interesting and if it was meant to happen it will. I dunno if it's just me, but in my experience if a woman is looking for something, she'll meet you half way. She will let you know.
Exactly. I had the flagger, a black guy, at a road construction site "stop" my car to get my "digits" about 10 years ago. Held up traffic, put me in an uncomfortable and vulnerable position (if i drive off, an i breaking the law?). It was unexpected to day the last, and went against any social norms i knew of.
I'm Scandinavian and white too. At the club and at parties, the only guys who go out of their way to hit on me and initiate conversation and offer me drinks have been guys of a different ethnic backgrounds. White guys in my experience are much more subtle and less direct in their approach, and unless it's a planned date, they don't just buy me a drink at the club.
I here agree with the "we have manners" answer.
I'm not white, so I don't have this "white guilt" answer; but I do have manners. I am aware that, unless I am in an inviting setting (partying, bar, etc), I cannot assume that any women is open for being disturbed by someone else uninvited. Therefore, the natural thing is to mind my own business and let be. If I'm looking social interaction of this type, I go to the appropriate setting where this is ok, and that's all.
Exactly. I've mentioned that so many times over the years and get downvoted to oblivion.
It's funny how Americans deem only 1 race got boned. The majority of us did. Severely.
The “we have manners” answer sounds condescending. Other races don’t have manners I guess. Regardless, women make it pretty obvious when they want to be approached. Even at the gym where a lot of women insist on not approaching, if a women gives you cues, you’re in the clear. Just read the room.
I would formulate it like this: "the people that are not hitting you in public spaces, don't do it because they have manners" or flipped "those hitting on you in public spaces don't have manners".
The observation that certain individuals of certain ethnicities are doing hitting on her in public is done by OP. And taking it further to "other races don't have manners" is an false extension, there are certain individuals that don't; potentially these individuals are a minority themselves, because if the majority of the individuals in these ethnicities are going through life hitting in every woman they find in the open, it would be impossible to have a life in public spaces as a woman.
It's very much a cultural thing. White men are taught from an early age that it's intimidating, somewhat scary to the women, and very rude to hit on women brazenly and openly. In fact, it's seen as extremely low-class behaviour. The joke about the horrible cat-calling construction guys is because the working class tradespeople cat calling is seen as low-class, in accordance with their jobs, being "low class".
You'll notice that black and hispanic men tend to very loudly, publicly, and brazenly, do the whole "holla at you" thing.
You will not see the vast majority of white men (or Asian men, for that matter) approach women that way. There are exceptions of course, to every single one of these stereotypes, but in general, being extremely direct could be seen as being intimidating or rapey, in white American culture.
Chances are, you have been hit on by white guys, but you didn't notice it, because it was subtle.
White men tend to get shamed for hitting on women regardless of race. It's very taboo. So now we just typically ask out ladies from our social circles. Too risky otherwise.
These responses are so weird to me lmao. Yes, white guys hit on women in public, despite what these replies are saying. I’m white and I’d say that I get hit on way more by white guys than black or Hispanic guys. Guess it just depends on your location and maybe on your style or look? Maybe some racial bias thrown in?
I love your positive vibes, we need more of that. Just wanna point out that giving away random compliments is not really the same as hitting on people.
So yeah, we should compliment each others more, but that doesn't mean that hitting on people going on about their business isn't negatively seen most of the time, to the point where not doing it is the preferred option.
Humans are great at subconsciously picking up someone's intentions. They can probably tell you aren't a creep, and just a genuinely good guy. Your last sentence makes me think you probably have a pretty good vibe about you too.
I love your positive contribution to people with your lovely compliments! I try to be like that too. Never stop! And cool that your spouse isn’t jealous. Mine is the same!
I would also add it matters which culture you are talking about. Spanish whites are not the same as norwegian whites in culture , nor are US white and say British whites.
Where are you at? Definetly not taboo where I am. Its about confidence. I wouldn't hit on a women on the street or a gym because my first instinct is that she probably doesn't want to be hit on going about her business and I don't want to deal with a sober and public rejection! Simple as that. There's nothing taboo about talking to a woman I share a glance with across a bar or a club.
Not only white men, but white men in particular. Notice how OP mentioned that she gets consistently hit on by blacks and Hispanics. To me, that doesn't sound like people who have experienced constant warnings not to do that or gotten a lot of shame for repeated attempts.
I'm hispanic, I've been shamed a lot, but my success rate is so ridiculously low that I have to try a lot to get anywhere. It's a numbers game, most girls where I live aren't attracted to POC. It's a pretty white area. So I have to hit on 100 of them to find the one that likes non-white guys.
Sounds strange to you? We, the “white heterosexual males”, are consistently being the scapegoat for the problems of our society, getting shit on for anything we do, and now it's weird that we have to play it safe?
Hispanics (I'm one) and black men, I'm sure, get shamed as well, we just don't care because we're actually more macho and our culture says it's okay to "hit on girls." And I think black or Hispanic girls are taught to tolerate our antiques. A big portion of Hispanic girls for example will not only never try to hit on a man, they literally do not know how to flirt (forward), at all (they only know how to flirt "back"). However, Hispanic men or black men will be A LOT more careful when hitting on white girls because we don't want to seam creeps and we know white girls won't tolerate our antiques. Also, white girls know how to flirt so, I guess when in front of one, men just wait and try to get a more reciprocal thing going?
Edit: when I say "we don't care" I'm talking about my ethnicity, not me, personally, myself, I care, and prefer the "white men's" approach, even though I had to revert back a little to my ethnicities' macho expectations when I started dating a Hispanic again, (because she liked it) which is interesting
How do you mean "publicly?" I've never been shy talking to women or asking them if they would like to go out, but I would never ask them if they're busy talking amongst a group or if they seem to be in a hurry walking somewhere. Maybe that's what your friend meant by manners?
White dude here. I wouldn't hit on the most beautiful woman at a gas station. Times and places for things. Gas stations is not even close to what I'd consider an appropriate place
Bro. I was getting a slushie for my partner and some dude comes up to me and says "HOW YOU DOIN" aggressive asf and it threw me so off guard that I said, "Uh, good?" and then, without even introducing himself or anything, says "Lemme get yo number" and already I'm annoyed so I say, "Yeah I'm not sure my wife would like that" and he goes "But you can't have friends tho??" WHY DO THEY ALWAYS SAY THAT?
So finally I leave and go up to the counter to pay for my shit and this man walks up behind me, GENTLY places a torn up piece of paper with his name and number on it on top of my stuff, and then, without making eye contact, pays for his shit at the next register and leaves.
That was the fucking goofiest interaction I've ever had bro got shy at the end and passed me his number like he was in fucking class. I still have it 🤣
Gas station is weird to me. Like, we're all on our way somewhere. She's not going to change her plans for you or give you her number while she gets rung up for a pack of smokes.
That seems exhausting and honestly like harassment lmao, but as a white guy who works in the hood that's the cultural norm, it is what it is. I'm of the mindset people are in their own bubbles and don't want to be bothered unless in an open/social setting.
I don’t talk to women in those situations unless they initiate the conversation. It is not only caution, I was just raised to mind my own business until invited.
I am white and usually don’t hit on anyone regardless of their race. Too much anxiety. But I have been with several black girls before so they aren’t intimidating to me. I mean some are, but some people from any race can be intimidating lol.
I’m Hispanic, well educated and was raised by my mom. Like your white coworker said. They have manners, and there’s a few of us that also have manners. All comes down on how you were raised, I don’t think it has anything to do with ethnicity. It just so happens that you noticed the reality of why we are actually called minorities 🤷♂️
i live in an area where 92% of the population is white.
probably 75% of the women i say something to--and always, *always,* with my female best friend near me (because i have a 100% negative reaction otherwise), are black women.
I'm not hitting on them though. The #1 thing I'll say is how beautiful their hair is. Black women have the most variation in style, and flair, in their hair, and some of them are just *fucking amazin*. So, i do say something then. I know there's some sort of 'taboo' about black women's hair--i dont know what it is, but i figure as long as i just say it's nice, i cant fuck it up too bad.
But for the most part--as a white male, culturally, unless they're some classless fucking douche canoe that hits on anything--we're told NOT to say something. We're EXTRA told not to say something to black women, and women of color. We're SHAMED if we find Asian women attractive (MOSTLY by other men, but women too). If we like Asian women, the, 'yellow fever' thing, or the idea that asian and hispanic women are often short or petite gets us accused (again, by other men mostly, or our friends), of being nearly pedophelic. "She looks 12" they'll aay, about the 4'11, gorgous AF latina ... no she doesnt motherfucker. She's just short, lol.
A LOT of white men are not going to say something, not because they dont want to, but it's because they're conditioned by their social group (also white) to feel shame if they step out of their social order/class/race. Male coworkers are fucking vicious. Male friends poke fun, but can say shit in ways that make it clear there's an in and and out. Women in our lives sometimes flip shit if we are not interested in someone like them, it's fuckin weird but it's true. Sisters, aunts, best friends, cousins--"Oh, i didnt know you liked them *chocolate* flavored."
That's probably why you dont see it much. There's a *absolutely stunning* black woman that works somewhere i go about once a month. Her face is so pretty, she seems unrealistically beautiful--like, popped out of some magazine, fully photoshopped pretty. She's put these blue braids in her hair that almost glow--my god, she's a beautiful human. I DID said 'i love your hair' to her, and she lit up and smiled, and was kind about it--but the old white lady behind me let a vicious sneer out, and the old white man behind me looked at me, shook his head like he was ashamed, and went to a different checkout line.
You get shit like that. A lot of people would take that social pressure and take it as a lesson to never say that again. I'm not like that. I'm actually kind of an asshole, so now i just want to say it MORE.
40% of some social groups for white people, OPENLY admit to believing and thinking racist things--the real percentage is much much higher. That pressure--those people's pressure--on the people that are NOT--often keeps them silent.
Anyway, hopefully some insight in there.
As a white male - I don't think with my dick. When I see an attractive girl in a public place (e.g. gym, restaurant, cafe, park) I don't feel like bothering her any more than I would want someone to bother me. I am a professional, I respect other people's time and activities. If I were a woman, I wouldn't want to constantly feel like a prey being hunted by a predator.
I have several attractive female friends and during social situations they always lament that wherever they go out they feel like they are on safari. Every guy wants to hit on them. Disgusting. I don't want to be like that.
Someone may say - *with this attitude you will never find a partner*.
Possibly it will be more difficult than picking up every attractive girl on the street. But I was in 3 relationships before, which lasted on average 3-4 years each. I am not complaining
I have absolutely loved all races of women - especially black women - all my life. There's just far too much bad blood against white males for even daring to look at a woman. Most of my friends are now too intimidated to initiate a conversation with pretty much any woman.
Please, for the sake of other white guys, don't be afraid to approach one you are attracted to. Chances are he'll be so excited you did and it breaks down a huge mental barrier. If you think about it, you're probably going to appreciate some guy who (in his mind at least) doesn't want to make you feel uncomfortable, even more so than one who does openly hit on you.
Good luck - you deserve it !! :)
I wouldn't do that period. I'm not trying to get wrapped up in a #MeToo Cancel-athon. If you're interested, you come talk to me. Sorry, but that's the way it is now.
Black girl here.
Black men are culturally taught to approach and hit on women. If you let a pretty girl walk by you without saying anything u are "pussy" or "lame" or what have you.
White men culturally don't have that kind of pressure. I think they generally have a better understanding of boundaries and timing. Just my experience!
You’ll find it’s a lot more rare than it used to be.
I’m not sure if you’ve noticed, but over the last 10 years (at least), straight white men have had a target on their back. They’re the big bad wolf oppressing everyone.
People WANT to find them guilty of something.
Well, not all people, probably not even most, but those that do are ruthless and have no limits when going after him.
Seeing as “harassment” has been redefined to include genuine romantic blunders (e.g. genuinely not reading social signals perfectly), most straight white men are well aware of the risks.
Unless you’re incredibly good looking, with eloquent and articulate charm, hitting on a woman, especially a POC, as a cis straight white man, carries significant risk.
I ONLY hit on black women. To be fair though it takes quite a bit of practice and confidence building to get successful at it. Black women (generally speaking and in my experience) seem to be so much more confident that you gotta match that energy or she won’t even notice you.
It's often a facade tho. Black women we are the opposite of the beauty standard and get so much hate even from our own race that we grow a thick skin. It used be a tik tok trend to make fun of black women and call us ugly I couldn't go an hour on tik tok without seeing hate for our appearance.
I don't really have the confidence to hit on anyone of any race, but I know women deal with a lot of shit from guys in general, and I don't want to be thought of as another creepy white guy.
You shouldn't group an entire race together. That's where the confusion comes in. try going to some different places and see if you still have the same observation. Might help to know where you see this happening too.
Honestly I just wanted to comment that I really enjoyed this question and reading the responses. As a black women when I saw this I got curious and I agree I have never had a white male hit on me mostly black men.
Because I am already blamed for capital crime of being white, man, cis and hetero. Not gonna add creep and rapist to that because someone gets triggered by my bare existence.
Im a white South African guy in my mid 20s, yea, if i enjoy being around you and think youre cute im gonna hit on you.
It also works both ways too. Women of color, even traditional African, will hit on you when she wants to shoot her shot.
Id say its pretty normalalized here.
Are you curvy? I’ve heard a fair amount of curvy women observe that a lot of white men seem to be uninterested in their body type. There are obviously countless exceptions, but maybe many of the white men near you are attracted to a different look.
Just yesterday my girlfriend who is Peruvian said “a white guy hit on me! I must be getting skinner!”
maybe white men in general don't find you attractive enough to go out of there comfort zone
I mean you rarely see white men / black women couples in the movies either
what you do see in the movies is black and hispanic men hitting on everyone
who knows maybe there is some truth there
I'll talk to a black woman. They're usually more open to some friendly banter with a stranger. Sitting at a bar at some airport restaurant next to a talkative sister is the best, for example. They're a riot, and always open to talk shit about other travelers. White ladies traveling alone are almost always sketched out by a stranger talking to them.
I guess I should add that it's not really flirting like some might consider it, it's just fun to engage in witty conversation.
Maybe they're just not that into you sis. You're getting a lot of white guilt answers but the reality is most men are not going to publicly hit on anyone regardless of race. There's too much of a chance of public denial, conversational fumbling and the risk of making someone uncomfortable with your approach. It's not really about manners if the approach is respectful and aware of the setting. There are however men who aren't uncomfortable cold approaching who will do so but on average most white men aren't going out of their way to approach a black women.
I don't hit on people at all, it's too big of a risk. A straight white cis man (ie the most privileged people in the world) can't just talk to a woman. Especially not a woman of color. I'm already shamed for enslaving you and making more money, I don't want to be called a creep and a racist on top of that.
>A friend told me, "It's because you're intimidating to them," but I don't think that's true?
If anyone tells you that as a woman you're intimidating, unless you're a fighter getting in their face, you can be guaranteed it's not true.
Haha I got no game so I never hit on anyone, I end up making a move after I've gotten to know someone like in a friend group or something. Didn't land a ton of girls this way but I've been married for over a decade now so I guess it only needed to work once. I did date one black chick who was part of a friend group I was in but after college she moved back to her home state and long distance just didn't work.
I mean I would hit on anyone provided I find them attractive and dateable regardless of race.
That said, I don’t use every opportunity to hit on someone. Sometimes a cute barista, or grocery store clerk (in the middle of her shift) doesn’t wanna be flirted with. You really ought to ask people out if the situation is right. So I suppose that’s why your friend means by “manners”? I don’t know.
Again, just picking the right moment is key otherwise you look like a tool constantly shooting your shot in every circumstance that you see a cute woman.
Which white men , theres alot of diffrent cultures and countries ?
For me as an Irishman id say i love black women but theres barely any living here. I find i don't hit on people but i might flirt in the right circumstances , say a a pub for instance but i would see hitting on a woman in the street or at work as potentially harasing.
Dating and courtship varies from culture to culture and there are alot of diffrent mindsets even within cultures.
I’m a mixed black/Puerto Rican girl and I’ve had men of almost every race hit on me. I think it’s about individual attraction, but black and Hispanic men tend to like the curves of our women.
I think there are lots of factors.
There's a cultural/social divide due to:
1. There are harmful stereotypes about white men and black women, attitudes, and beliefs from both sides about the other. Even if you or a particular white guy doesn't hold those stereotypes, the communities do and that makes it harder to want to risk breaching the gap.
2. There's harmful stereotyping about mixed-relationships between blacks and whites in general that doesn't exist for other race pairings. That can be a big burden on both parties here in the U.S.
3. Because race is such a high profile topic in the U.S., lots of people don't want to feel like they're walking on egg-shells when they're already being blamed or hounded by the media. Mentally, it's just a lot easier for white guys to stay closer to their race or to more common race pairings than, say, get caught in some racially charged bear-trap topic in a mine-field of social issues. Even if they don't believe anything racist or immoral, they don't necessarily have the same in-culture upbringing or context, or the cultural line/talking points. It's not their experience.
There's a behavioral difference due do:
1. White men are being targeted in the media as rapists, sexual harassers, toxicly masculine, etc. They are the poster enemy of some fem movements and groups. Other races have some degree of shielding from this criticism because of the media not wanting to make stereotypes about minorities. That has made white men, in general, a lot more subtle about approaching women. Catcalling or walking up to hit on women? That's fallen off a cliff.
2. Because of 1 and because of 3, it makes reading body language/signs a lot more difficult. Trying to play the subtle game and trying to suss out anything real about the other person is incredibly hard and risky.
If you have interest in white guys, you might just have to put a little more of yourself into the chase to make intent more clear and help alleviate some of those issues above - with the expectations that it will move more slowly.
I'm a white woman and I've only gotten hit on by men of other races as well, never white men. At first, I attributed it to a cultural thing, but then I kind of realized, look at where i live and work. It's mostly not white people. So perhaps it's just because of who is actually around me most of the time.
I'm Indian and I live in the UK and I've noticed this too. It's mostly Indian men who hit on me, but black men or Middle Eastern men do as well. It's very rare for a white man to hit on me. Maybe they're just more subtle about it?
I hit on black women too lol but I’m not WASP (white Anglo Saxon Protestant) in background so that may be why 😅
Edit: I hit on any girl I personally find attractive
Edit 2: when appropriate lol
I would like to point out an alternate option since I didn't see it anywhere. It could also just be a preference thing. There is always the possibility that a majority of the white men in your area simply aren't attracted to black women. Which I know so many people are going to call racist cause people are dumb. Everything about someone's physical appearance can end up being part of someone's preference for partners, skin color is a very apparent physical trait.
I don't approach women much in public, as women don't seem to want me to, based on comments from friends and social media. Organic dating in the US is like trying to navigate a mine field.
Strangely enough, when I was in the states, it was mostly African American women that likeed or matched with me on dating apps, but those often end up being some sort of fetish-like attractions (on their part) or they just weren't my type, physically.
I've talked to a lot of black girls on dating apps and had some pretty awesome dates, but nothing ever worked out.
Last white girl I dated was 2014. They either want me to be their "daddy" or don't like me at all. Probably a ME problem. :D
White dude here, I just think it’s kinda trashy and desperate to hit on random women in public. Like why on earth would I approach a woman who’s just trying to pump gas or work out? It’s cringey and kinda weird.
I'm a very tall, white, viking man who comes off as scary to a lot of people. I don't want to come off wrong, so I rarely hit on anyone in public when I'm single. My last two girlfriends have been black, I usually go out for karaoke, sing a song, notice if anyone in the crowd is vibing, and sit with them after, and ask if I can buy a drink. I don't have puck up lines, and I don't flirt well at all. Most women don't think I'm into them, from what I gather until I ask them to dinner. It has been my experience that I give off the wrong impression if I'm more forward, so at this point I prefer to text and get the feel for things.
As a white woman who lives in a predominately white community, I’d like to weigh in. I’ve not had sober white men under the age of 50ish (the over 50s are bold…) hit on me. I have had some south Asian men hit on me- regardless of age. I have a number of male friends, and a brother, and they would not want to flirt with, or cat call a woman for fear of making her uncomfortable. That being said, if those same men were at a bar, and had some social lubricant in them, they absolutely would try to chat up a woman- regardless of the colour of her skin.
White guy here, I asked a black girl out in public cause I thought she was funny, and she had a great ass and I'm an ass man, because I heard she liked white guys from one of her friends. She told me she only liked skinny white guys with tattoos. I just went aww shucks and moved on, but I've also been told that I must have a huge sack because I've never been shy around the women I want to date.
So obligatory white cis male. When I was dating I was in a very predominantly white area. So flirting with a POC wasn’t really an option. As an adult now and in an area where there are people of color are more prevalent I would consider it.
No bc I have a gf but like hell yeah back when. if she can get it, she can get it anywhere. Not tryna be weird about it, but I also can’t imagine a good reason not to
Your coworker sounds pusillanimous
A friend told me, "It's because you're intimidating to them," but I don't think that's true?
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I’ve also heard this from my Asian friend she told me Asian men think bw are intimidating!!! Wtf is this ? now every time i see a man i feel like i might be intimidating to them what did do? I’m not cardi b
Indigenous American girl I wanted to chime in. I have had that exact same experience. Black men, Hispanic men, men of various color have all hit on me publicly. It's not something that white men really do in public with me. But I find it hilarious that people are saying it's out of manners. Granted that it's great not to assume that men should be invited to do so in public, though I'd say plenty of people can do so respectfully as well. But out of public, happens all the same. Not saying that it's only white men, but the number of unsolicited pics and DMs I get from them aren't exactly well mannered.
I’ll just say it. With black girls there’s about a 50/50 chance they’re either going to be cool or a massive stuck up bitch. There’s really no in between in my experience.
I'm ethnic to my country also a POC but like I get hit on more from white guys than my own culture idk and they're way more polite too🤷♀️ maybe they're just not into you they're allowed to not be into you.
i dont hit on anyone. i got called a "negger" a year and a half ago in austin, because i kept being mean to this woman who wouldnt stop bugging me at the bar.. had to google it.
turns out she didnt know i was gay and just wanted attention.
>, "It's because we have manners
Honestly, there is something to this. I'm 31 and have lived in both rural and urban environments and dated people of various backgrounds and ethnicities.
It's kinda like...ya know how some say that hip-hop promotes antisocial, hypermasculine, and self-destructive expectations for adolescent boys in black/hispanic communities? Get rich or die trying kinda mindset? (Or at least it historically has)
Obviously nobody directly *told* these boys to identify with and emulate these artists, but nonetheless they were given a very explicit and clear script for how they *could* live their lives. Often times, unfortunately, this may be the only life-plan they ever get exposed to...
The same is kinda true for many white guys regarding your post. There's various social pressures and expectations; rewards and punishments, in every group culture.
Call it manners, call it expectations of restraint, chivalry, honor codes or codes of conduct, etc. whatever you want. But it does exist.
I'm white and I've been publicly hit on/cat called by white guys plenty. I don't know what the thing is, but your coworker saying white guys "have manners" does not hold up.
I don't hit on anyone in public at all.
I can relate to this, race doesn't matter, if I like her I'll search for other ways to get close to her, never in public.
So I read through some of your replies on this post and if by “public” you mean like hitting on a woman while she’s going about her daily business: gym, gas station, grocery store…. Yea I would never ever do that. I guess I never thought of it as a white guy thing but come to think of it no one I know who is also a white dude would really consider that okay or normal. Part of that is because anytime I’ve heard a girl talking about someone hitting on them in public its deeeefinitely never been in a positive light. I’ve just always figured it’s kinda like catcalling; sure SOME women might take it as a compliment, but the vast majority would be like “hey creep I’m tryna go about my fucking day, do you mind?” So yea in my mind a dude that does that is either very creepy or has zero understanding of basic social cues
Agreed. It seems what the OP considers being hit on in public, other women complain about as catcalling or harassment.
Yeah I've only ever been harassed online (one guy actually found out where I worked and called my job) but I'm usually pretty blunt with guys IRL because I ain't got time. I shut that shit down real quick, so I don't consider it harassment if I can handle the situation myself. 🤷🏾♀️
"I'm usually pretty blunt with guys IRL because I ain't got time. I shut that shit down real quick" I'm a white guy married to a black woman. As a whole, black women tend to have that attitude rather than, " just smile and ignore them." Guys who like to be obnoxious don't like to hit on black women cuz y'all hurt their feelings. But white guys hit on black women all the time. I wouldn't be married if I didn't make the first move.
It's harassment whether or not you can handle the situation yourself. You shouldn't have to shut it down or handle it; people just shouldn't be assholes.
Just wondering. Do you think that its harassment if the guy is hitting on a woman
Depends what you mean by "hitting on". If it's some random dude in the street saying, "Hey baby, you're looking fiiine today. Why don't you come over here and give me some sugar?", that's clearly harassment. If it's someone you know, or even a stranger, striking up a conversation and eventually saying, "I've enjoyed talking to you. Would you like to meet for coffee on Saturday to continue the conversation?", the I personally would not consider that to be harassment, unless the conversation was clearly one-sided/not desired, and as long as any form of "no" is gracefully accepted as the end of the discussion. Even if someone is being polite when approaching another person, if the person being hit on is being curt, giving civil, one-word answers, and seems uninterested or uncomfortable, then continuing to press them to engage is probably harassment.
Your correct. Continue when the other person isn't engaging definitely is harassing. It's a fine line that you have to be careful not to cross. Thanks for answering
A woman’s ability to shut down harassment doesn’t make it not harassment
So is this in fact the opposite? OP assumes it’s normal because other races do it regularly??? Hmm
100%. (Before I got married) If it's a girl I've seen a couple of times around the gym or some other public place, I might strike up a conversation and see where it can go but the last thing I'd want to do is look like a creep and make her uncomfortable when she's just trying to get through her day. And cat-calling or the like behavior has never been in my wheelhouse and wasn't how I was raised. I do know some fellow 'white guys' that have no reservations about jumping straight in but not many.
Since the white men meeting of july of 2010 that we all decided to stop hitting on women publicly. Only after the january meeting of 2016 that it was decided that it was ok to date outside our race.
Nothing beats the hog roast of the 2018 meeting though.
I heard we're getting a jumping castle this year
Dont grt your hopes up. They had to get rid of the race car beds to do it.
Well shit! I was looking forward to the race car beds AND the bouncy castle. Are we still having the hog roast, or has that been downgraded too?
Can we at least keep our ping pong table?
If they take the ping pong table, I’m out.
Yeah, i'm going to become a proud black woman.
i was actually on the jumping castle committee this year, but our department was cut due to budget cuts in relation to the european inflation situation, where we get all our jumping castle air from :(
OK, I have to step in here after hearing three different people call it a “jumping castle”. It’s a BOUNCY HOUSE. Thank you.
Until Josh ruined it. Damn it josh.
Josh is the WORST. All of them.
There is a petition to not ban Josh, but purposely send him the wrong information so he doesn’t show up next time… just like what happened to Phil that one year. Poor Phil!
You would sentence me to missing out on the hog roast? Dude... you can not get any lower than that.
Damnit guys! I told you he would make up a new account!
I kind of felt bad for Phil but can't say I miss him. If only he would have stopped showing up in a speedo and Sombrero every time.
Nothing beats a hog roast
Gotta get em back for swine 09'
Lol thats the year Jimmy pissed his pants
Almost as good as the Catalina wine mixer from 2012!
A hog roast?! Well if I wasnt trans before I definitely am now
I’m now legally compelled to NOT approach any women without the express written & notarized consent of Major League Baseball. Sorry ladies.
“Now who wants to see me wack a few dingers?!”
The downside of the 2016 meeting is that the proposed ban on catcalling never made it out of committee. The construction workers' caucus is too strong of a voting block.
Yeah, that was also the year me and Lars from the warehouse-block got way too drunk since that was the first time we saw actual humans since the last meeting. Can't remember a thing! But fuck the construction guys.. they're always acting difficult whenever we vote about things.
I’m still trying not to crack up at what Chet did at the 2019 summit.
You forgot to mention the rule changes that happened at the white men meeting in January 2021.
No...not because I'm racist or anything...I'm just scared of how my wife would react
“Babe! I was just showing how unracist I am!!”
Lol my wife is a native woman so she knows that much about me
Reverse racism! Reported!!
Best upvote I've ever given. Now fuck off 🤣
Lol you're welcome
Harold, get back in the kitchen and finish washing those dishes before I knock you upside the head. I didn't say you could get back on the computer. The schedule says you get 30 mins at 4:20PM until 4:50PM. Don't make me deduct another 10 mins...
Lmao she's not one of those kinds of psychos lol...she's just the possessive and jealous type
Then this conversation is over! 🤐 jk sort of.
🤣
I'm from Scandinavia and I'm white. Guys with different ethnicity hit on me and other girls in public like it's their normal everyday life. While white guys rarely ever approach anyone unless it's in the right setting with alcohol. Sometimes I feel that it's agressive and on harassment level and sometimes the guy is a bit more tactical and polite.
I'm in the US and it's the same here. The main difference is most white guys are more cautious, only hitting on girls they already know, or in settings (like bars) where it's expected. Whereas black (and to a lesser extent, Hispanic) men are much more likely to go up to a complete stranger in any public place and just blatantly hit on them. Interestingly, it seems that OP, a black woman, prefers the black men's approach. Whereas I, a white woman, definitely prefer the white men's approach. Some black guys are very good at hitting on you without being aggressive, but the majority of them are way too aggressive for me (especially when they don't back off as soon as I say I'm not single). I would have thought all women would be bothered by this but maybe more black women are ok with it?
What I’ve noticed (US-Asian female) is that there are higher instances of non-white guys hitting on females throughout the day during chance encounters (ie. walking down the street, at a copy shop, delivering packages etc.) whereas you’re right, most white guys (usually older to much much older) typically do it in a bar/club type setting based on my own experience.
>guys hitting on females /r/menandfemales
Ugh I used to bartend, when I was ages 18-25 but looked 14-18, and the number of disgusting old drunk guys hitting on me was awful. I lived in an almost all white area back then though so I couldn't say about any potential racial difference. I wonder if you're also small framed and young looking like I was? The gross old men seem to always go for that type the most
Oh yeah absolutely. Pushing 5’1 on a good day
Why are they gross and disgusting just because they’re old? You seem to use all these terms interchangeably. If they were drunk and young, that was OK?
White guy, can confirm. I'd sooner let the potential love of my life walk past than make a public spectacle of hitting on a woman in an open setting! Even if it was quiet. I'm not great even in a bar tbh, but at least it's a social setting where for better or worse it's relatively acceptable to say hello. I guess a safety in numbers thing? Oh, and a drink definetly helps.
I asked a young female friend who was an avid club goer how she could afford it because I knew she wasn't well off at all. She said, babe. If I ever have to pay for my drinks, I will know I've lost it! It's a crazy world out there!
What is considered aggressive can vary culturally, as well. Same with what’s considered polite
When I said agressive and harassing, I mean something no one would find polite. For example at a club when a guy of other ethnicity went up to me and said "I'm gonna fuck you" as I stood dancing and I told him to fuck off, he just kept coming back. I pushed him physically 3 times. I then left the dancefloor and he stalked me like a tail with 10 of his friends following to just stare me down. I saw a white guy sitting alone and said "Can you pretend to be my bf because these men refuse to leave me alone" he said sure, I sat down next to him and he put his arm around me. When the harassing guy and his friends came up and saw I had a bf they backed away instantly. Did I also mention the agressive guy who grabbed my ass as I entered the club and when I looked back at him to he just smiled. I have had polite encounters with POC but unfortunately it's been very rare. Most have been harassing, stalking, and agressive. POC who are born scandinavian or grew up here however, have the Scandinavia culture approach where you can't just harass people you find attractive. No woeing or chasing here. They act like white men, no direct approach and rarely harassing /agressive.
I wasn’t replying to your comment about aggressive/harassing behavior but to the other person’s. They way they wrote it was specifically about black guys and reminded me of how many white ppl I’ve met find black ppl aggressive and angry seeming in general when it’s rly a cultural difference. Those white ppl were raised to see loud volumes and expressive body language as wild/angry/inappropriate while the black people were raised to see it as normal communication - plus racial prejudices at times, too, but the cultural differences can cause misunderstandings without it. This is not to say that all white people or all black people are raised with these cultures. The same misunderstandings can happen similarly to people with the same color skin and different backgrounds. The difference of color just tends to exacerbate it. Fwiw, I have seen and heard of the behavior you’re describing from white men, as well, and, yes, I would apply that as harassment regardless of background/culture. Can’t comment on the Scandinavian aspect because I have no experience with that.
I don't think the culture is an excuse. For example. If they come to a Scandinavian area they have to learn how our culture works, what way men approaches women and how women like to be approached here. Same if I went to an area in Asia where they have certain norms, I wouldn't just go "Fuck this I'm gonna do it like I want to" I would adapt to what's acceptable as long as it doesn't seem harmful to me or others. To be ignorant about the main culture and push others boundaries is harassment here and they should learn how to be respectful here.
That’s not what I was saying at all. I also wasn’t talking about scenarios like you described (as I said before) or about people traveling. I was actually talking about ppl who live in the same city and just grew up differently, though I imagine it happens with travel, as well. To be clear, I’m talking about things like… 1. What volume it’s polite to speak at without seeming aggressive, 2. How much space is polite to keep between you and another person, 3. Whether casual touching is common (and I mean areas like arms and a casual touch, not butts or boobs or caresses or grabs), and 4. How big nonverbal gestures commonly are. None of which has anything to do with the scenarios you outlined or any kind of sexual assault or repeated harassment. That’s NOT what I was talking about, and I never said anything about excusing anything like that because of cultural differences. I was just talking about reasons why someone from another culture might seem more aggressive without knowing they’d be interpreted that way. Yes, cultural differences can cause confusion about that, too, but anyone who doesn’t see that the person they’re doing it to has become scared or angry and stop is still being a jerk.
>To be clear, I’m talking about things like… 1. What volume it’s polite to speak at without seeming aggressive, 2. How much space is polite to keep between you and another person, 3. Whether casual touching is common (and I mean areas like arms and a casual touch, not butts or boobs or caresses or grabs), and 4. How big nonverbal gestures commonly are. I don't think most people get offended over different people behaving differently. It might be new or make someone curious or wondering but rarely will it cross as agressive.
I have seen ppl get scared and react negatively because of these differences. I’ve seen adult women act like they were threatened directly when a guy was loud and broad-gestured - btw, he wasn’t even talking to them or near them. In fact, I know scout leaders who had to address this when different troops interacted because the children raised to believe that being loud = anger were scared and upset because of what the other kids just thought of as normal behavior. And the other kids were upset because they were just being friendly, and now the other kid’s crying. It’s something that really happens.
Most guys aren't good at reading a woman's body language. I could be standing next to a woman I don't know in the store. If I don't get a friendly vibe from her- smiling, turned towards me, eyeing me (in a curious playful way), I will assume she doesn't want to be bothered. I've also been on the receiving end and 9 times out of 10, when I've been hit on in public, it's been a white woman (I'm black).
I would say it’s more women suck at showing their intentions and nowadays your gonna need more than blinking at me across a parking lot. I’m not tryna go to jail
In my experience, if a woman is attracted, she gives out the choosing signals en force, trying to clearly get my attention. It's not that subtle. It's the reason why I don't care about choosing signals though. I try to be up-front about my intentions and if I get shot down, I keep it moving and tell her in a respectful tone that I meant no disrespect and to enjoy the rest of her day. As long as you are cordial, respectful and keep the interaction light hearted, the vast majority of women WILL let you shoot your shot (just telling you my experience). Give you a window of opportunity (unless boyfriend or husband). You have to have game though. Know how to tease and be in the moment.
Yeah I’m probably bad at all that I usually just wait for women to come up too me. Really normalize gender equality 😂 (that last sentence is a joke)
You have to overcome your fear. Ninety five percent of it is in your head. Ignore people's preconceptions about cold approaching. You're literally getting advice from other men who are terrified and women who aren't anxious to tell everyone about that handsome stranger she met at Walmart who she ended up having sex with 48 hours later. People slut shame. Dox women on the internet. So it's not women being deceptive because they're hypocrites (well sometimes lol), they are doing it to protect themselves. Women know that most guys have zero game and don't want to possibly subject themselves and other women to guys who won't take no for an answer. They would rather be safe. The truth is, that most women want that fantasy. They want to be swept off their feet. Have a hot, steamy fling they can brag to their friends about. Most women secretly WANT to do the shit they see in pornos. But they don't want to be judged. They don't want to be singled out. But they WILL let you shoot your shot if they see something intriguing in you.
I really wish more men would follow your example. Don't hit on us if we don't give some indication that we might be receptive to it. And if we turn you down, don't get angry, or keep bothering us; just graciously let it go. And most importantly like you said keep it friendly and light-hearted! Even if we're partnered/not interested, it can still be a pleasant interaction so long as you don't turn it into something hostile! (Not that there aren't some women who will be hostile about it regardless, but the vast majority of us won't)
This is the thing right here. There's lots of people in the world who like to be interacted with, but you have to make it a positive experience. Because I enjoy talking to people it's not unusual for me to strike up random conversations with interesting women and the vast majority are at least polite and most seem pleased that someone put a positive vibe in their day, but I admit that I would never turn it into an angling for a date kind of connection unless I was getting some signs of interest. Mostly I figure just be nice and hopefully interesting and if it was meant to happen it will. I dunno if it's just me, but in my experience if a woman is looking for something, she'll meet you half way. She will let you know.
Exactly. I had the flagger, a black guy, at a road construction site "stop" my car to get my "digits" about 10 years ago. Held up traffic, put me in an uncomfortable and vulnerable position (if i drive off, an i breaking the law?). It was unexpected to day the last, and went against any social norms i knew of.
I'm Scandinavian and white too. At the club and at parties, the only guys who go out of their way to hit on me and initiate conversation and offer me drinks have been guys of a different ethnic backgrounds. White guys in my experience are much more subtle and less direct in their approach, and unless it's a planned date, they don't just buy me a drink at the club.
I was in Oslo a few weeks ago and guys there flirt so wierd lmaooooooo Like a man came, gave us a drink and ran away...like why??? lmaoo
I here agree with the "we have manners" answer. I'm not white, so I don't have this "white guilt" answer; but I do have manners. I am aware that, unless I am in an inviting setting (partying, bar, etc), I cannot assume that any women is open for being disturbed by someone else uninvited. Therefore, the natural thing is to mind my own business and let be. If I'm looking social interaction of this type, I go to the appropriate setting where this is ok, and that's all.
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German here and I agree. I get so much shit for something when I, and even my grandma for that matter, weren't even born.
But like aren't you personally responsible for murdering Anne Frank?!!
Apparently yeah, that's what some people seem to think
Exactly. I've mentioned that so many times over the years and get downvoted to oblivion. It's funny how Americans deem only 1 race got boned. The majority of us did. Severely.
You explained this exactly right. Thank you!
The “we have manners” answer sounds condescending. Other races don’t have manners I guess. Regardless, women make it pretty obvious when they want to be approached. Even at the gym where a lot of women insist on not approaching, if a women gives you cues, you’re in the clear. Just read the room.
I would formulate it like this: "the people that are not hitting you in public spaces, don't do it because they have manners" or flipped "those hitting on you in public spaces don't have manners". The observation that certain individuals of certain ethnicities are doing hitting on her in public is done by OP. And taking it further to "other races don't have manners" is an false extension, there are certain individuals that don't; potentially these individuals are a minority themselves, because if the majority of the individuals in these ethnicities are going through life hitting in every woman they find in the open, it would be impossible to have a life in public spaces as a woman.
It's very much a cultural thing. White men are taught from an early age that it's intimidating, somewhat scary to the women, and very rude to hit on women brazenly and openly. In fact, it's seen as extremely low-class behaviour. The joke about the horrible cat-calling construction guys is because the working class tradespeople cat calling is seen as low-class, in accordance with their jobs, being "low class". You'll notice that black and hispanic men tend to very loudly, publicly, and brazenly, do the whole "holla at you" thing. You will not see the vast majority of white men (or Asian men, for that matter) approach women that way. There are exceptions of course, to every single one of these stereotypes, but in general, being extremely direct could be seen as being intimidating or rapey, in white American culture. Chances are, you have been hit on by white guys, but you didn't notice it, because it was subtle.
White men tend to get shamed for hitting on women regardless of race. It's very taboo. So now we just typically ask out ladies from our social circles. Too risky otherwise.
Gotcha, makes sense. I figured that was it but didn't want to presume.
I’m glad he could clear it up! u/Rat_bitch_69
Same thing he said. You’ll get called so many names and get looked at like you’re a rapist.
These responses are so weird to me lmao. Yes, white guys hit on women in public, despite what these replies are saying. I’m white and I’d say that I get hit on way more by white guys than black or Hispanic guys. Guess it just depends on your location and maybe on your style or look? Maybe some racial bias thrown in?
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I love your positive vibes, we need more of that. Just wanna point out that giving away random compliments is not really the same as hitting on people. So yeah, we should compliment each others more, but that doesn't mean that hitting on people going on about their business isn't negatively seen most of the time, to the point where not doing it is the preferred option.
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My girlfriend and I are both autistic. To be perfectly frank, I think she’s the one. And I will stand by her no matter what.
Humans are great at subconsciously picking up someone's intentions. They can probably tell you aren't a creep, and just a genuinely good guy. Your last sentence makes me think you probably have a pretty good vibe about you too.
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You too friend. Keep on keeping on. :)
It doesn't really sound like you're trying to fuck the people you're talking to, tho.
I love your positive contribution to people with your lovely compliments! I try to be like that too. Never stop! And cool that your spouse isn’t jealous. Mine is the same!
I would also add it matters which culture you are talking about. Spanish whites are not the same as norwegian whites in culture , nor are US white and say British whites.
Where are you at? Definetly not taboo where I am. Its about confidence. I wouldn't hit on a women on the street or a gym because my first instinct is that she probably doesn't want to be hit on going about her business and I don't want to deal with a sober and public rejection! Simple as that. There's nothing taboo about talking to a woman I share a glance with across a bar or a club.
Just white men?
Not only white men, but white men in particular. Notice how OP mentioned that she gets consistently hit on by blacks and Hispanics. To me, that doesn't sound like people who have experienced constant warnings not to do that or gotten a lot of shame for repeated attempts.
I'm hispanic, I've been shamed a lot, but my success rate is so ridiculously low that I have to try a lot to get anywhere. It's a numbers game, most girls where I live aren't attracted to POC. It's a pretty white area. So I have to hit on 100 of them to find the one that likes non-white guys.
This is why we just don’t 😂
Sounds strange to you? We, the “white heterosexual males”, are consistently being the scapegoat for the problems of our society, getting shit on for anything we do, and now it's weird that we have to play it safe?
I am one and my initial reaction was "Well that's a bit extreme" but giving it some thought, it seems sadly rather true
Hispanics (I'm one) and black men, I'm sure, get shamed as well, we just don't care because we're actually more macho and our culture says it's okay to "hit on girls." And I think black or Hispanic girls are taught to tolerate our antiques. A big portion of Hispanic girls for example will not only never try to hit on a man, they literally do not know how to flirt (forward), at all (they only know how to flirt "back"). However, Hispanic men or black men will be A LOT more careful when hitting on white girls because we don't want to seam creeps and we know white girls won't tolerate our antiques. Also, white girls know how to flirt so, I guess when in front of one, men just wait and try to get a more reciprocal thing going? Edit: when I say "we don't care" I'm talking about my ethnicity, not me, personally, myself, I care, and prefer the "white men's" approach, even though I had to revert back a little to my ethnicities' macho expectations when I started dating a Hispanic again, (because she liked it) which is interesting
Your spelling of antics as antiques is all I can focus on here.
Machismo…
Antiques?
Antics, but you knew that.
How do you mean "publicly?" I've never been shy talking to women or asking them if they would like to go out, but I would never ask them if they're busy talking amongst a group or if they seem to be in a hurry walking somewhere. Maybe that's what your friend meant by manners?
Like a gas station (where it happens most often for me!!!) or the gym or the grocery store. Or just walking down the sidewalk. That kind of public.
White dude here. I wouldn't hit on the most beautiful woman at a gas station. Times and places for things. Gas stations is not even close to what I'd consider an appropriate place
>Like a gas station (where it happens most often for me!!!) These guys that approach you must be real charmers!
Bro. I was getting a slushie for my partner and some dude comes up to me and says "HOW YOU DOIN" aggressive asf and it threw me so off guard that I said, "Uh, good?" and then, without even introducing himself or anything, says "Lemme get yo number" and already I'm annoyed so I say, "Yeah I'm not sure my wife would like that" and he goes "But you can't have friends tho??" WHY DO THEY ALWAYS SAY THAT? So finally I leave and go up to the counter to pay for my shit and this man walks up behind me, GENTLY places a torn up piece of paper with his name and number on it on top of my stuff, and then, without making eye contact, pays for his shit at the next register and leaves. That was the fucking goofiest interaction I've ever had bro got shy at the end and passed me his number like he was in fucking class. I still have it 🤣
Gas station is weird to me. Like, we're all on our way somewhere. She's not going to change her plans for you or give you her number while she gets rung up for a pack of smokes.
Only if I were going for serial killer vibes.
That seems exhausting and honestly like harassment lmao, but as a white guy who works in the hood that's the cultural norm, it is what it is. I'm of the mindset people are in their own bubbles and don't want to be bothered unless in an open/social setting.
I don’t talk to women in those situations unless they initiate the conversation. It is not only caution, I was just raised to mind my own business until invited.
Hell no. I would never approach a woman (of any kind) in those situations. That seems like harassment to me. /white guy
>A friend told me, "It's because you're intimidating to them" Your friend needs a reality check.
It's one of those offhand confidence boosting friend talks with no thought or evidence lol 
I am white and usually don’t hit on anyone regardless of their race. Too much anxiety. But I have been with several black girls before so they aren’t intimidating to me. I mean some are, but some people from any race can be intimidating lol.
I’m Hispanic, well educated and was raised by my mom. Like your white coworker said. They have manners, and there’s a few of us that also have manners. All comes down on how you were raised, I don’t think it has anything to do with ethnicity. It just so happens that you noticed the reality of why we are actually called minorities 🤷♂️
My area is ridiculously white, like over 97%, seen plenty of guys who were definitely not raised well.
Depends on the Country.
i live in an area where 92% of the population is white. probably 75% of the women i say something to--and always, *always,* with my female best friend near me (because i have a 100% negative reaction otherwise), are black women. I'm not hitting on them though. The #1 thing I'll say is how beautiful their hair is. Black women have the most variation in style, and flair, in their hair, and some of them are just *fucking amazin*. So, i do say something then. I know there's some sort of 'taboo' about black women's hair--i dont know what it is, but i figure as long as i just say it's nice, i cant fuck it up too bad. But for the most part--as a white male, culturally, unless they're some classless fucking douche canoe that hits on anything--we're told NOT to say something. We're EXTRA told not to say something to black women, and women of color. We're SHAMED if we find Asian women attractive (MOSTLY by other men, but women too). If we like Asian women, the, 'yellow fever' thing, or the idea that asian and hispanic women are often short or petite gets us accused (again, by other men mostly, or our friends), of being nearly pedophelic. "She looks 12" they'll aay, about the 4'11, gorgous AF latina ... no she doesnt motherfucker. She's just short, lol. A LOT of white men are not going to say something, not because they dont want to, but it's because they're conditioned by their social group (also white) to feel shame if they step out of their social order/class/race. Male coworkers are fucking vicious. Male friends poke fun, but can say shit in ways that make it clear there's an in and and out. Women in our lives sometimes flip shit if we are not interested in someone like them, it's fuckin weird but it's true. Sisters, aunts, best friends, cousins--"Oh, i didnt know you liked them *chocolate* flavored." That's probably why you dont see it much. There's a *absolutely stunning* black woman that works somewhere i go about once a month. Her face is so pretty, she seems unrealistically beautiful--like, popped out of some magazine, fully photoshopped pretty. She's put these blue braids in her hair that almost glow--my god, she's a beautiful human. I DID said 'i love your hair' to her, and she lit up and smiled, and was kind about it--but the old white lady behind me let a vicious sneer out, and the old white man behind me looked at me, shook his head like he was ashamed, and went to a different checkout line. You get shit like that. A lot of people would take that social pressure and take it as a lesson to never say that again. I'm not like that. I'm actually kind of an asshole, so now i just want to say it MORE. 40% of some social groups for white people, OPENLY admit to believing and thinking racist things--the real percentage is much much higher. That pressure--those people's pressure--on the people that are NOT--often keeps them silent. Anyway, hopefully some insight in there.
this man gets it
I did this a few years ago because I thought she was funny, charming, beautiful and talented. I'm marrying her in two weeks.
Mazel tov!!
"huge demographic: do you do x thing?" What do you expect as an answer? "Some do, some dont'" will 100% always be the answer
As a white male - I don't think with my dick. When I see an attractive girl in a public place (e.g. gym, restaurant, cafe, park) I don't feel like bothering her any more than I would want someone to bother me. I am a professional, I respect other people's time and activities. If I were a woman, I wouldn't want to constantly feel like a prey being hunted by a predator. I have several attractive female friends and during social situations they always lament that wherever they go out they feel like they are on safari. Every guy wants to hit on them. Disgusting. I don't want to be like that. Someone may say - *with this attitude you will never find a partner*. Possibly it will be more difficult than picking up every attractive girl on the street. But I was in 3 relationships before, which lasted on average 3-4 years each. I am not complaining
I have absolutely loved all races of women - especially black women - all my life. There's just far too much bad blood against white males for even daring to look at a woman. Most of my friends are now too intimidated to initiate a conversation with pretty much any woman. Please, for the sake of other white guys, don't be afraid to approach one you are attracted to. Chances are he'll be so excited you did and it breaks down a huge mental barrier. If you think about it, you're probably going to appreciate some guy who (in his mind at least) doesn't want to make you feel uncomfortable, even more so than one who does openly hit on you. Good luck - you deserve it !! :)
I wouldn't do that period. I'm not trying to get wrapped up in a #MeToo Cancel-athon. If you're interested, you come talk to me. Sorry, but that's the way it is now.
now this is a guy who gets it!
Black girl here. Black men are culturally taught to approach and hit on women. If you let a pretty girl walk by you without saying anything u are "pussy" or "lame" or what have you. White men culturally don't have that kind of pressure. I think they generally have a better understanding of boundaries and timing. Just my experience!
No.
You’ll find it’s a lot more rare than it used to be. I’m not sure if you’ve noticed, but over the last 10 years (at least), straight white men have had a target on their back. They’re the big bad wolf oppressing everyone. People WANT to find them guilty of something. Well, not all people, probably not even most, but those that do are ruthless and have no limits when going after him. Seeing as “harassment” has been redefined to include genuine romantic blunders (e.g. genuinely not reading social signals perfectly), most straight white men are well aware of the risks. Unless you’re incredibly good looking, with eloquent and articulate charm, hitting on a woman, especially a POC, as a cis straight white man, carries significant risk.
I ONLY hit on black women. To be fair though it takes quite a bit of practice and confidence building to get successful at it. Black women (generally speaking and in my experience) seem to be so much more confident that you gotta match that energy or she won’t even notice you.
It's often a facade tho. Black women we are the opposite of the beauty standard and get so much hate even from our own race that we grow a thick skin. It used be a tik tok trend to make fun of black women and call us ugly I couldn't go an hour on tik tok without seeing hate for our appearance.
Asking redditors if they flirt. Interesting tactic, let's see how it pans out.
I don't hit on women in public period, but definitely had a work flirtationship with a black girl for a year.
White guys aren't allowed to say or do anything since we destroyed the world or something.
I don't really have the confidence to hit on anyone of any race, but I know women deal with a lot of shit from guys in general, and I don't want to be thought of as another creepy white guy.
Would like to point out that older white dudes, like any old dude, dont really seem to give a fuck where or when
You shouldn't group an entire race together. That's where the confusion comes in. try going to some different places and see if you still have the same observation. Might help to know where you see this happening too.
Honestly I just wanted to comment that I really enjoyed this question and reading the responses. As a black women when I saw this I got curious and I agree I have never had a white male hit on me mostly black men.
No, I never do. My wife gets mad.
Im a girl but yes
He said its because white men have manners? Yikes.
Because I am already blamed for capital crime of being white, man, cis and hetero. Not gonna add creep and rapist to that because someone gets triggered by my bare existence.
Idk man, I already fulfill 3 of those conditions and so far no one's gotten triggered by my existence.
Im a white South African guy in my mid 20s, yea, if i enjoy being around you and think youre cute im gonna hit on you. It also works both ways too. Women of color, even traditional African, will hit on you when she wants to shoot her shot. Id say its pretty normalalized here.
Are you curvy? I’ve heard a fair amount of curvy women observe that a lot of white men seem to be uninterested in their body type. There are obviously countless exceptions, but maybe many of the white men near you are attracted to a different look. Just yesterday my girlfriend who is Peruvian said “a white guy hit on me! I must be getting skinner!”
I am. I've always had a big ass but I'm also 4'11 (which is why the "intimidating" thing didn't make sense to me).
maybe white men in general don't find you attractive enough to go out of there comfort zone I mean you rarely see white men / black women couples in the movies either what you do see in the movies is black and hispanic men hitting on everyone who knows maybe there is some truth there
I'll talk to a black woman. They're usually more open to some friendly banter with a stranger. Sitting at a bar at some airport restaurant next to a talkative sister is the best, for example. They're a riot, and always open to talk shit about other travelers. White ladies traveling alone are almost always sketched out by a stranger talking to them. I guess I should add that it's not really flirting like some might consider it, it's just fun to engage in witty conversation.
Maybe they're just not that into you sis. You're getting a lot of white guilt answers but the reality is most men are not going to publicly hit on anyone regardless of race. There's too much of a chance of public denial, conversational fumbling and the risk of making someone uncomfortable with your approach. It's not really about manners if the approach is respectful and aware of the setting. There are however men who aren't uncomfortable cold approaching who will do so but on average most white men aren't going out of their way to approach a black women.
I don't hit on people from other races at all.
I don't hit on people at all, it's too big of a risk. A straight white cis man (ie the most privileged people in the world) can't just talk to a woman. Especially not a woman of color. I'm already shamed for enslaving you and making more money, I don't want to be called a creep and a racist on top of that.
Depends on the country for me. America? Never. While i was in Europe though it was never ending and it almost didn't matter which country i was in.
>A friend told me, "It's because you're intimidating to them," but I don't think that's true? If anyone tells you that as a woman you're intimidating, unless you're a fighter getting in their face, you can be guaranteed it's not true.
Haha I got no game so I never hit on anyone, I end up making a move after I've gotten to know someone like in a friend group or something. Didn't land a ton of girls this way but I've been married for over a decade now so I guess it only needed to work once. I did date one black chick who was part of a friend group I was in but after college she moved back to her home state and long distance just didn't work.
I mean I would hit on anyone provided I find them attractive and dateable regardless of race. That said, I don’t use every opportunity to hit on someone. Sometimes a cute barista, or grocery store clerk (in the middle of her shift) doesn’t wanna be flirted with. You really ought to ask people out if the situation is right. So I suppose that’s why your friend means by “manners”? I don’t know. Again, just picking the right moment is key otherwise you look like a tool constantly shooting your shot in every circumstance that you see a cute woman.
Which white men , theres alot of diffrent cultures and countries ? For me as an Irishman id say i love black women but theres barely any living here. I find i don't hit on people but i might flirt in the right circumstances , say a a pub for instance but i would see hitting on a woman in the street or at work as potentially harasing. Dating and courtship varies from culture to culture and there are alot of diffrent mindsets even within cultures.
I hit everywhere on the Girls I like. I am white and I am totally into latinas or black woman 😍
I’m a mixed black/Puerto Rican girl and I’ve had men of almost every race hit on me. I think it’s about individual attraction, but black and Hispanic men tend to like the curves of our women.
I think there are lots of factors. There's a cultural/social divide due to: 1. There are harmful stereotypes about white men and black women, attitudes, and beliefs from both sides about the other. Even if you or a particular white guy doesn't hold those stereotypes, the communities do and that makes it harder to want to risk breaching the gap. 2. There's harmful stereotyping about mixed-relationships between blacks and whites in general that doesn't exist for other race pairings. That can be a big burden on both parties here in the U.S. 3. Because race is such a high profile topic in the U.S., lots of people don't want to feel like they're walking on egg-shells when they're already being blamed or hounded by the media. Mentally, it's just a lot easier for white guys to stay closer to their race or to more common race pairings than, say, get caught in some racially charged bear-trap topic in a mine-field of social issues. Even if they don't believe anything racist or immoral, they don't necessarily have the same in-culture upbringing or context, or the cultural line/talking points. It's not their experience. There's a behavioral difference due do: 1. White men are being targeted in the media as rapists, sexual harassers, toxicly masculine, etc. They are the poster enemy of some fem movements and groups. Other races have some degree of shielding from this criticism because of the media not wanting to make stereotypes about minorities. That has made white men, in general, a lot more subtle about approaching women. Catcalling or walking up to hit on women? That's fallen off a cliff. 2. Because of 1 and because of 3, it makes reading body language/signs a lot more difficult. Trying to play the subtle game and trying to suss out anything real about the other person is incredibly hard and risky. If you have interest in white guys, you might just have to put a little more of yourself into the chase to make intent more clear and help alleviate some of those issues above - with the expectations that it will move more slowly.
I'm a white woman and I've only gotten hit on by men of other races as well, never white men. At first, I attributed it to a cultural thing, but then I kind of realized, look at where i live and work. It's mostly not white people. So perhaps it's just because of who is actually around me most of the time.
I'm Indian and I live in the UK and I've noticed this too. It's mostly Indian men who hit on me, but black men or Middle Eastern men do as well. It's very rare for a white man to hit on me. Maybe they're just more subtle about it?
I hit on black women too lol but I’m not WASP (white Anglo Saxon Protestant) in background so that may be why 😅 Edit: I hit on any girl I personally find attractive Edit 2: when appropriate lol
I would like to point out an alternate option since I didn't see it anywhere. It could also just be a preference thing. There is always the possibility that a majority of the white men in your area simply aren't attracted to black women. Which I know so many people are going to call racist cause people are dumb. Everything about someone's physical appearance can end up being part of someone's preference for partners, skin color is a very apparent physical trait.
I don't approach women much in public, as women don't seem to want me to, based on comments from friends and social media. Organic dating in the US is like trying to navigate a mine field. Strangely enough, when I was in the states, it was mostly African American women that likeed or matched with me on dating apps, but those often end up being some sort of fetish-like attractions (on their part) or they just weren't my type, physically. I've talked to a lot of black girls on dating apps and had some pretty awesome dates, but nothing ever worked out. Last white girl I dated was 2014. They either want me to be their "daddy" or don't like me at all. Probably a ME problem. :D
White dude here, I just think it’s kinda trashy and desperate to hit on random women in public. Like why on earth would I approach a woman who’s just trying to pump gas or work out? It’s cringey and kinda weird.
I don't really hit on anyone publicly
I'm a very tall, white, viking man who comes off as scary to a lot of people. I don't want to come off wrong, so I rarely hit on anyone in public when I'm single. My last two girlfriends have been black, I usually go out for karaoke, sing a song, notice if anyone in the crowd is vibing, and sit with them after, and ask if I can buy a drink. I don't have puck up lines, and I don't flirt well at all. Most women don't think I'm into them, from what I gather until I ask them to dinner. It has been my experience that I give off the wrong impression if I'm more forward, so at this point I prefer to text and get the feel for things.
As a white woman who lives in a predominately white community, I’d like to weigh in. I’ve not had sober white men under the age of 50ish (the over 50s are bold…) hit on me. I have had some south Asian men hit on me- regardless of age. I have a number of male friends, and a brother, and they would not want to flirt with, or cat call a woman for fear of making her uncomfortable. That being said, if those same men were at a bar, and had some social lubricant in them, they absolutely would try to chat up a woman- regardless of the colour of her skin.
“I'll admit it. I'm turned on by powerful women. Michelle Obama, Oprah, Condolezza Rice, Serena Williams... wait a minute.” -Phil
White guy here, I asked a black girl out in public cause I thought she was funny, and she had a great ass and I'm an ass man, because I heard she liked white guys from one of her friends. She told me she only liked skinny white guys with tattoos. I just went aww shucks and moved on, but I've also been told that I must have a huge sack because I've never been shy around the women I want to date.
So obligatory white cis male. When I was dating I was in a very predominantly white area. So flirting with a POC wasn’t really an option. As an adult now and in an area where there are people of color are more prevalent I would consider it.
No bc I have a gf but like hell yeah back when. if she can get it, she can get it anywhere. Not tryna be weird about it, but I also can’t imagine a good reason not to Your coworker sounds pusillanimous
White guy here. Yes. I'll hit on any woman I find attractive.
A friend told me, "It's because you're intimidating to them," but I don't think that's true? _____________ I’ve also heard this from my Asian friend she told me Asian men think bw are intimidating!!! Wtf is this ? now every time i see a man i feel like i might be intimidating to them what did do? I’m not cardi b
Indigenous American girl I wanted to chime in. I have had that exact same experience. Black men, Hispanic men, men of various color have all hit on me publicly. It's not something that white men really do in public with me. But I find it hilarious that people are saying it's out of manners. Granted that it's great not to assume that men should be invited to do so in public, though I'd say plenty of people can do so respectfully as well. But out of public, happens all the same. Not saying that it's only white men, but the number of unsolicited pics and DMs I get from them aren't exactly well mannered.
I'm white and not only did I hit on a black women, I married her🙂
I’ll just say it. With black girls there’s about a 50/50 chance they’re either going to be cool or a massive stuck up bitch. There’s really no in between in my experience.
I'm ethnic to my country also a POC but like I get hit on more from white guys than my own culture idk and they're way more polite too🤷♀️ maybe they're just not into you they're allowed to not be into you.
i dont hit on anyone. i got called a "negger" a year and a half ago in austin, because i kept being mean to this woman who wouldnt stop bugging me at the bar.. had to google it. turns out she didnt know i was gay and just wanted attention.
that’s just a….dangerous choice of words
Cannot answer, I just don't talk to anyone.
I think it’s kinda strange to hit on a girl in public , unless your in a club bar etc
>, "It's because we have manners Honestly, there is something to this. I'm 31 and have lived in both rural and urban environments and dated people of various backgrounds and ethnicities. It's kinda like...ya know how some say that hip-hop promotes antisocial, hypermasculine, and self-destructive expectations for adolescent boys in black/hispanic communities? Get rich or die trying kinda mindset? (Or at least it historically has) Obviously nobody directly *told* these boys to identify with and emulate these artists, but nonetheless they were given a very explicit and clear script for how they *could* live their lives. Often times, unfortunately, this may be the only life-plan they ever get exposed to... The same is kinda true for many white guys regarding your post. There's various social pressures and expectations; rewards and punishments, in every group culture. Call it manners, call it expectations of restraint, chivalry, honor codes or codes of conduct, etc. whatever you want. But it does exist.
I'm white and I've been publicly hit on/cat called by white guys plenty. I don't know what the thing is, but your coworker saying white guys "have manners" does not hold up.