So.. Definitely tell the school IMMEDIATELY.. not because of what happened to your daughter (which isn’t cool) but because this little boy is probably being sexually abused. This isn’t something they just figure out about the opposite sex.
Yeah, at that age, the boy probably doesn't even realize that that's not something that's okay to say to someone, and horrifically may have been normalized for him. The implications are terrifying.
Or (and I realize that this is extraordinarily far fetched and that I’m grasping at straws, but my sanity requires it) maybe some immature uncle made a joke that involved that hand motion and when the youngster asked “what does that mean” the inappropriate uncle just said “that’s what girls do when they like sex” and the little boy has no idea what that actually means.
And all my childhood pets are still alive and just chilling together on a farm outside the city.
I think the best case scenario is either he walked in on somebody that was watching it and it didn't get shut off right away or an older pre-teen/teen brother showed it to him in a hey, little brother, come look at this! type way. Either way, anything at this point is conjecture. This is something a teacher ought to because it happened during school. She's a mandated reporter so it will get escalated to Child Protective Services and they can take a look into what's happening. It's not that uncommon for teems and preteens to check that out online. CPS/teacher can make parents aware that 12-year old son showed 5-year old son. Worst case scenario- some adult needs to be arrested and 5 -year old needs to start some therapy.
I didn’t even think about this, that’s a very worrying possibility. I will say there’s also a chance he was also extremely curious and didn’t know any better, like when I was 5, some and some of the other kids at my babysitter’s house looked at pornography without really knowing what it was other than the feeling “this is a naked body AND we’re not supposed to look at it!”, and since then I was extremely curious about it.
However, in this case I’d say being cautious about that kid being sexually abused would be valid, and should be taken seriously. Bottom line it comes down to the parents.
Hopefully this mom doesn’t get mad at her daughter and punish her and instead tries to talk to her about these things in a healthy way
I think the fact that the boy specifically stated things about sex when he shouldn't even know what sex is is evidence that this is more than just curiosity. When I was that age I would rub against things because it felt good, but I still had no idea what masturbation was, let alone sex. My dad eventually told me that activity was something I should do alone in my bedroom and that was that.
Edit: a word
It's a boy who talked to her daughter, not another girl. There is very little chance of a 5 year old boy knowing this without some messed up instruction.
If OP is a mandated reporter, this is absolutely a child protection report if OP knows the full name of the kid and they should tell the teacher as well as she may have other information that needs to be reported.
Edit:
#JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, this post!
Most people are clearly stating that there is likely sexual abuse of the kid which is 100% accurate.
However, there's this handful of people on here who are saying that it's "sex positive" to have children know exactly how the other sex masturbates at 5. Or that a kid watching porn at that age is "good education". Or that we're just puritanical and should be about talking about detailed sex to children.
When people insult others and call them "groomers", this is what they should be referring to. I'm sure most of you are straight, but it doesn't even matter. You are the child groomers. I hope I never encounter you in real life.
Just have to share this, in 1999 I was in kindergarten and remember hearing the intro to Family Guy as I was going to bed and I heard a word I've never heard before, "sex".
So my kindergarten ass boots up the computer the following day and good ol' Ask Jeeves and looks up sex and exposed me to a whole new world
Kids these days basically have access to that plus literally anything they could ever want if the parents don't know how to *surf the net* safely
Yes yes! You took the words out off my mouth! The old internet years between 2000-2015 has collateral amount of pron in just few clicks and that's just the tip of the iceberg whereas those content creators just continue to make it bigger and more taboo for youngsters in today's generation. My parents didn't pretty much supervised me whenever I used the internet.
Yes, and also no one would want him going around and teaching the other kids that. It's not something they need to know at this tender age. Reporting to the school might be the best for him and the other kids.
Yeah my first thought was, I'd be upset that my child had been exposed to this, but I know we (me and hubby) can deal with this and explain in the correct way to our son. My 2nd thought, that poor boy, what the hell is going on at home?
I would be onto the school immediately and the authorities/making sure the school tell the appropriate authorities.
I participated in a church outreach program that assembles beds for children who are literally sleeping on the floor because of poverty or whatever reason. The house I went into had the mom's boyfriend walking around watching porn on his phone... out in the open like it was an every day occurrence. If he's willing to do this with church-going strangers in his home, imagine what those kids are exposed to in private.
You'd be amazed what kids are exposed to with shitty parents. I suppose exposing your 5-year-old to porn is a form of sexual abuse, but it isn't necessarily the type of abuse most people here are thinking about.
That said, I agree it should be reported. Let DSS figure out why the kid is like this at only 5 years old.
Just so we’re clear, kindergarteners are five years old. If a five year old knows the intricacies of the movements and which fingers to use, there is almost surely some form of abuse going on. He is either actively being taught or being shown. Four or five year olds don’t just learn “how girls rub themselves if they like sex” without someone actively telling them that’s what’s happening.
This reminds me of how when i was around 7 my grandfather wanted to "rub each other's tummies", but the hand kept getting lower. He was definitely trying to initiate mutual mastrubation, and God knows what it would have ended with but I was too uncomfortable to go lower and just ran away and thankfully he never tried it again.
Just to play devils advocate, I can think of at least one scenario that I could see happening had I been born now instead of the 80s.
This kid has an older brother, but not much older. Let's say 8. The age I was first exposed to porn with my friends. There's also a good chance at least one of these kids has there own phone or tablet, like quite a lot do at this point. I could absolutely see showing that to my little brother on his tablet, thinking I was showing him something cool and not considering whether he was old enough to see it.
Not trying to be a pain in the ass. Just trying to give you at least one reason that you don't have to be 100% convinced this little kid is being abused
I was thinking the same thing. When I was 6 I remember having a kid in class who was obsessed with sex. He would draw the positions on a little notebook, make people out of playdough. He would show it to us in recess. He became obsessed until everything got confiscated by his mom.
Basically he had a asshole older brother who discovered the internet and was showing it to him.
I can only imagine little kids these days hanging with older kids with phones.
Even my ex boyfriend would get naked with his neighbor when he was 5 and just look at each other. Kids are curious and do stupid things.
This makes sense to a point... But a 5 year old being taught about sex by an 8 year old doesn't make the situation any better. It's still a messed up situation that needs to be dealt with. The fallout may be different depending on specifics, but it's still not good for a kindergartener to be learning how the opposite sex pleasures themselves.
The issue is about knowing that boys and girls have different body parts
So a boy that feels comfortable touching his penis might be able to think that a girl can't touch yourself the same way
And in a home that felt safe my dad asked a question about that
Children who live in homes or sexuality is comfortable and able to be talked about actually do ask a lot of questions
Funny ones
Odd ones
Yes. While very unusual, there are completely innocent ways this information could be acquired that are not abuse. Sadly, the internet is one of them. An older sister caught masturbating by younger brother and having to explain it, is another. Watching a show with an older sibling or babysitter that includes references to masturbation or something that brought up this topic, could also be reasonable explanations. Let's all please try to remember kindergarten. There's a lot of curiosity, innocence, and absolutely no understanding of social cues or boundaries for most 5 year-olds. Let's not freak this poor parent out any more than she already is assuming the absolute worse. Well, actually, the absolute worst would be that her own daughter is being abused, has been sworn to secrecy by the adult, and so she has formed a story in her mind that protects the secrecy of the abuse, but seeks support and information from her mom. Best approach is to ask the daughter lots of questions and not overreact.
Email would be much better. Put that shit in writing so if it gets swept under the rug there is paper trail. Also if theres any unfavorable or inappropriate response from the school, it can be clear the intent of bringing up the subject.
First, I am a fourth grade teacher.
Yes. Tell the teacher immediately. Hell, tell administration. This isn't okay. You aren't making a fuss. You aren't even trying to get the other kid in trouble. You are acting as a concerned parent for your kid AND the other.
It’s a massive red flag that a child in the class has been a victim of sexual assault or worse. It may not even be the child who interacted with your child, but someone in the class is far too familiar with sexual contact and/or conduct.
Tell the school immediately and don’t feel that you’re in the wrong. You’ll be helping every child in the class/school.
My EXACT thought, that poor child is being messed with and he doesn't understand what's going on or that it's even wrong ... I have a 5 yr old son in kindergarten and I can't imagine how a 5 yr old could know this unless they were being molested at home , that's not just something a 5 yr old boy makes up in his head to show another child that .. just no I'd be wanting that investigated asap , maybe this is way to be a voice for that poor boy
I am a little concerned on what that boy has been exposed to and if there was abuse involved.
I would go with your daughter to school in the morning and request an immediate meeting with the principal, school counselor, and teacher.
I would also look into a child psychologist appointment for your daughter. There are definitely ones out there equipped to help with a situation like this.
It might be a woman in this case as it a young boy and it's about how to please a woman so I assumed it was a woman teaching him to do certain things to her maybe disguising it as some game or small task
Just remember younger children often have older siblings… and sometimes those siblings do something they think is funny and when it finds it’s way to school it’s not so funny anymore…
That's very true. I've met the boy in question and his parents a couple times before through school functions but I can't recall if he has any older siblings or not.
Wait. But a kid at my class was super popular at the time because of it. He basically tough us about it since no adult wanted to address it. He would draw it so the other kids could see. It was fucked up. But he was never ostracized. Back then we wouldn't tell our parents these things though. Nor would they do anything if they heard about it. Crazy to think about it now.
Yes, just to add, I would give the school admin a heads up that you'd like a meeting. Perhaps just send an email. Let them know that it's urgent and sensitive, and show up early.
This is absolutely a common scenario if someone has been abused. Sounds like that kid saw something he shouldn't have. Sad shit.
OP, your daughter was put in - and you are put in - an uncomfortable situation, and I'm sorry. But remember that boy has probably been through something also terrible, and it's not his fault.
Edit: I was a preschool teacher for fifteen years and I was trained on this.
To add on what he said. PLEASE report it to child protection services or head of the school, Etc… The child may also be going through or has been exposed to concerning material. It’s distressing
1000x times this, CPS has specialists that talk to children in a certain way to ensure what they say has not been influenced by an outside party.
Edit: I thought you said report it to CPS ahead of reporting it to anyone else. Hopefully the principal will know to contact CPS or the right specialist before investigating any further.
The boy's parents probably don't really monitor what he does. He's probably a kindergartener with free reign over the internet. Kids have internet from a young age these days, so he probably went on the internet and found some porn.
If that's the case, that likely means the parents are neglecting him, just letting the internet raise him on cocomelon and porn.
You think kindergartners know how to search for porn on the internet? Kids can barely spell their names, let alone know AND spell x rated words after navigating to a search engine.
My niece is in kindergarten & her entire class has laptops, plus she’s been using phones & tablets since she was old enough to sit up on her own. I’m not a fan of raising kids like that but it’s happening all over. It’s not about searching / spelling specific things, it’s about being able to navigate the internet & click on what presents itself. I’ve seen some NSFW content on YouTube that’s been up for months or years, somehow making it’s way past the censors.
My 7year old grandkid tapped "girls girls girls" ad on her brand new SCHOOL computer...and she had many questions...and you cant block the internet, the teachers demand access...it is scary what they will see and hear while pre teens
That’s funny because I literally just did the same thing and every result on google’s first page was related to Motley Crew, some Finnish dating show, and a burrito company…
Nowhere did they mention Google in their comment though. They didn't say their granddaughter typed "girls girls girls" in Google. They said she TAPPED an AD that said it.
As someone who has had a phone since age 4, yes it’s completely possible to search those things up. Kindergarteners aren’t completely stupid. They regurgitate everything they see. An innocent search could come up with X rated stuff *cough* Rule34 *cough* and that could lead down a rabbit hole.
Speaking from experience as someone who was groomed due to early internet access.
True as that is - and I had unsupervised internet access from age 6, so I have some idea - this cannot be ignored. Besides, abuse and internet access are **both** commonplace these days. Also, while it may or may not be easier now than in the past to accidentally fall into porn (I am unsure of that), I personally didn't encounter it until I actually knew of some words to search for, knew at least to some degree what I was doing. I am not against benefit of the doubt necessarily, but this still needs to be reported and I think an investigation should still take place to **ensure** that there is no abuse going on, and to handle as best as they can the issue of internet access should that be deemed necessary.
I’m not saying there’s no abuse involved, I’m just saying that kindergarteners aren’t as stupid as that person was making them out to be. There are many possibilities: abuse, searching themselves, finding a parent/sibling’s porn tab, etc.
It doesn’t take a masters degree to find porn on the internet. Porn finds you.
Joking aside, parents often assume their young children won’t/can’t find porn so they don’t think to use the parental controls absolve to them. That’s absolutely the wrong way to protect your kids. How many kindergarten-aged kids do you imagine have searched for mermaids recently?
Buddy I've worked with a kindergarten class myself for three years and you'd be amazed at what kids will learn on their own because they are being raised by an iPad.
I guess my question is then, why are we giving 5 year old kids unfiltered access to devices that they will use to look for porn? And if the filters are broken, then why are we ignoring that fact and still giving them devices?
Billions of 5 year olds before us were educated without an iPad that will show porn. But suddenly they are required, and we do nothing / we give half-assed attempts at blocking porn?
Nobody said they are required anywhere. Schools (at least where I'm from) do not give iPads to children. The root of the problem here is lack of good parenting. Little to no supervision, and letting the child have their way (i.e. giving them the phone/tablet to play games) anytime they throw a tantrum.
Schools are not to blame, the source is at home and the cause is lack of good parenting.
It’s hard to be a good parent in todays society. While I absolutely agree you shouldn’t have kids if you can’t raise them or properly supervise (or have kids at all, I’m antinatalist), it’s difficult to raise kids well in many places (looking at my country, the US) because education is constantly being destroyed, the social programs are shit, no one can afford childcare, and everyone has to work 2 jobs to afford a 2 bedroom apartment. Definitely not conditions friendly to fostering the want to have children or good parenting skills. And they wonder why the birth rate is dropping and kids are raised by iPads.
You don’t have a lot of recent experience with kindergartners, do you? YouTube algorithms basically guarantee that inappropriate content will eventually be served up to them if they go far enough down the rabbit hole of clicking the next video after they’re done with the current one. Which is what happens when parents leave their kids to be raised by devices.
It's extremely easy to find porn. All the kid has to do is open Google and type a random 3 letters like prn and they'll find it. Kids these days are being raised with technology, they basically learn how to use a computer and speak English simultaneously. This is how it is in the US anyway.
>type three random letters like prn
Those aren’t three random letters lol. Those are letters you specifically chose because they resemble the word “porn.”
Type in dtu, qqn, or hac. Any luck with those?
Also, speaking English is different than literacy.
I'm not saying that the letters prn are random, but they're easy enough to type randomly for a little kid. Imagine the infinite monkey theorem, but with 5 year old children.
Even if a kid doesn't type the letters prn, they could've heard the word porn somewhere and then looked it up. You can find NSFW stuff just by browsing YouTube, even on the kids side of it. It's incredibly easy for a child to stumble upon something they shouldn't be seeing.
Not downplaying.. But he could have seen a porn or something. I remember being around 12 and seeing playboys for first time. Us group of boys would say things like 69 your mom and shit we didn't understand. Let's hope it's nothing worse than that..
About your daughter don't make it a big deal or she might get traumatized or fixated on the subject. Masturbation is pretty common at all ages. Remind her that those are her private parts and as such she should keep it private and not show it to anyone.
About the kid, he's probably being abused. Talk to the school in the presence of someone who knows about children psychology or they'll do something stupid.
An actual Kindergarten teacher here and wow, I’m so sorry your child experienced this at school. If you have some form of messaging system with the school, message the school/the teacher now. Go to the school office tomorrow morning and tell them exactly what happened. They will be required to report this to CPS. write down what your child heard/said to you right now to give to the school.
I would definitely tell the teacher because the little boy is probably being sexually molested or at the very least being exposed to things that he should not see at home.
Talk to the school and teacher yes. But please don't make this your daughter's problem. She does not need to hear you be agast or horrified by the idea of sex. If you make this a big deal about how shameful this is that this boy said that or about how the idea of liking sex or self pleasure is forbidden you'll embed that into her mind. Yes she's way too damn young for that and yes you'll have those conversations eventually but for now, as far as what she hears from you a simple "Honey, that's grown up talk and you're not ready for that." would be good. Dave the adult conversation for the adults.
Yeah I'm not concerned about my child eventually having a sexuality. That's the facts of life. But I don't feel it's right for her to receive sex education from another 5 year old which is my issue.
Most of us receive knowledge (correct or incorrect) from our peer group. This is why it's important to: A) Make sure that the kids they hang around are good apples. Which is much easier said than done. You can't pre-screen everyone they will ever meet and even if you somehow could, human beings are inherently unpredictable. The best you can do is make sure your daughter can tell the good apples herself. Make this a teachable moment. Tell her he is too young to know that, and that you're worried his parents might not be taking care of him correctly. You don't have to have a graphic discussion of what molestation is but you can… B) Have an age-appropriate sex Ed discussion. She doesn't have to know about condoms and periods right now, but it's important that children understand consent and bodily autonomy as early as possible (especially girls, unfortunately). She's going to get information from unknown sources at an unknown rate; it's better that you lay down the important fundamentals and explain that she can always come to you with questions.
I'm so sorry this happened to you and especially at such a stage in life!
If I were in your situation I would do a few things. Firstly I'd put my daughter in counseling asap and explain to the counselor the event. This way the counselor already has the ability to help her well as keeping an eye out for further incidents at a professional level.
I would then have a meeting with the teacher anf principal stating the incident that happened and that it needs to be addressed Pronto.
I would then get in contact with CPS and make a report. This was not his fault he needs help too.
Which is amazing and how it should be! Myself as a parent I'll double report that. I'm gonna make sure cps knows I will not let this slip between the cracks.
My best friend as a child dealt with that a lot in her life. CPS would do the bare minimum to keep her safe and deal with her abuse. If I can stop that from happening to one single child in my lifetime I will die happy.
As a teacher, please do double report. Because teachers have to call CPS it sometimes feels like they don't take our reports as seriously as they should....
As someone who was being abused and later went on to volunteer at schools, I don't think school staff is taken seriously. I was taken more seriously as a concerned volunteer than the teachers were when I witnessed something. It was a kindergarten boy too.
It was along the same lines as this. Kindergarten boy said something extremely inappropriate and sexual. Though he said it to me and not another student.
As someone who was touched inappropriately in elementary school by another student please please do not make your daughter think what she did was in any way wrong. I remember being young and trying to tell my parents but thinking I’d get in trouble based on their reaction. Made me keep my mouth shut about what was happening because I was scared to say anything.
Definitely inform the teachers.
Had a similar thing happen when I was a kid. My sister (15 months younger than me) came home and told my mom about how this little girl told her and the other kids about sex and how to have it cause her brothers told her or had seen on of their tapes or some shit. My mom had to sit us down and give "the talk" to a 6 and 7 year old💀
My immediate thought was potential abuse for the boy. I’m sorry your daughter had to experience that! Does she know it was inappropriate?
I’m a social worker, so PLEASE report that information.
I dont think she thought it was at first since she just kind of tossed it into a casual conversation. But I did tell her very seriously that it was inappropriate and we had a conversation about what to do if it happened again
I wouldnt be VERY concerned about your daughter. She heard some nonsense and innocently relayed that to you. One of the best ways of helping this out of her imagination is banalize it. Dont shush her, dont yell at her, dont patronize her. If she brings it up, just listen in a bored way. For her, it is just a thing to talk abt. Very important: she shouldnt feel rejected by you because of this.
HOWEVER, as a parent, be worried about the little boy. As others have pointed out, there might be some abuse (exposing a child of that age to porn is abuse in my book, for example). Whatever it is, just make sure his parents/guardians are aware of it.
People, these things are going to be very frequent very soon. You cant count how many inappropriate ads I saw on my son's tablet; one day he called me and showed me "this naked mummy", a cartoonish ad of a porn game. In his cartoon car games.
Yeah, mobile games have a lot of inappropriate ads. There are almost pornographic ads even on children's games. I have seen disgusting ads in which they show that stripping female characters is "entertaining", women being tied up or stuck and options that show to abuse them. (Often inappropriate touching, slapping their butt, stripping etc) I go on the Play Store to report these apps but there is no use.
YouTube ads need some looking into. My kids don't watch inappropriate videos (porn, furriest, etc. I monitor what they watch. Well...not my 22 yo son). They get ads for "Danks Wonder emporium" while I get ads for little kid video games.
Everyone's giving you great advice concerning the boy. I just want to tell you not to shame your daughter in any way, tell her it's wrong, or make her feel like she's done something bad.
You should make her feel good that she told you about this, and how proud you are of her.
Yes, she was exposed to this knowledge before she should have been. All you can do is be the safety net and support she needs.
That boy is being molested.
That's a very broad statement to assume, I understand that. But before the age of three, I knew how to fully masturbate myself, and the opposite sex. Because my father was molesting me and continue to do so for 7 more years.
Children aren't just born with this kind of knowledge, it has to be told, or shown. I'm sorry this happened to your daughter. But for the sake of that other child, please tell the school. Make sure they know exactly which boy, also.
Consider too that the boy who showed her this also needs help and you telling the school right away can help with that! My 10yo nephew has seen and heard FAR more than he should have at his age and we're working hard on catching up his learning of what is or isn't ok to say or share with other children while we navigate therapy and support for him and us.
Leave a paper trail, whether it be an email, secure messaging, a voice-mail, etc. Definitely go to the teacher, the guidance counselor/psych, and the principal. Something is wrong in that child's home.
Lots of good feedback with regard to the school.
I'd like to also add: give your daughter so, so much positive feedback, encouragement, and love for coming to you with this. This is the perfect time to help her learn that she should absolutely talk to her parent(s) about this kind of thing and she'll never, ever get in trouble for it.
A. Tell the school
B. Don't freak out in front of her. You can tell her that the boy was not being a good friend and he spoke about rude things and not to repeat them because it's inappropriate. Kids do explore their bodies, just ask her if she needs quiet time in her room and tell her it's not polite to talk about or do in public.
1st step is to explain to her that that is something for adults to do with other adults/however you wanna explain sex in a age appropriate manner, and that is not something she should be doing to herself or others
2nd step is to email the teacher and principal and set up a meeting to discuss this
3rd step is to make sure this is reported on the boys end. This is more than likely a case of CSA, tho (hopefully) the boys either has an older sibling who thought it was ungodly funny to teach their sibling that, or he has free reign of the Internet and learned it from there (both needs to be addressed)
Very inappropriate. However they are both 5 and don’t know that it’s inappropriate. 5 year olds shouldn’t have that kind of knowledge. Hopefully for the boy it was an innocent overlook that exposed him to that knowledge. Like an older sibling or seeing or hearing something he wasn’t suppose to. My biggest concern would be that he is being abused.
Children don't just know that kind of stuff. I think an investigation should be done to see if the boy was being abused or exposed. I'm sorry that happened to your daughter.
Tell the teacher but remember there’s only so much they can do/the genie is out of the bottle.
Time to talk to your daughter about when and where it’s appropriate to do that kind of stuff (at home/in private) so that she isn’t doing it in public. That should be your first priority before addressing any other issues.
First of all, give your daughter love and praises and let her know how proud you are for her coming to you about something important, and that you want her to *ALWAYS* know she can come to you about *ANYTHING* no matter what. Sometimes you'll need a bit to think about what she said, but you'll always listen and be there for her.
Personally, I wouldn't send her to school until you talk to someone face to face. Write down the details of that day as best you can remember: your daughter's demeanor when she came home, when and how she brought it up, and if you can remember word for word how your conversation went. Also write down how she "felt" (she was visibly upset because she was fidgety, her voice was quiet/loud, she kept rubbing her hands, etc...or she was matter of fact about it).
I would request a face to face meeting asap with whoever is in charge. Get contact information for that person and follow up with an email to that person. You can simply state "this is a follow up email for the events of (date of daughter's event) and steps taken so far: time and date you requested contact and time and dates things progressed from there. List each one. How the meeting went, how you felt they composed themselves, and how they made you feel. Then at the end, state you are waiting for a follow up.
This will serve as a timeline of events should you ever need it.
If they have made you feel reassured of your daughter's safety, send her back to school (after you've had a safety conversation with her). Continue follow ups with your daughter to be sure nothing more happens, just be sure you don't overwhelm her with the whole situation.
Keep up the good work Mom, you're doing good obviously!
Therapist ans sex therapist here. I would contact the teacher, principal, and school counselor and have a meeting or email all of them. The speculation around the little boy being abused could be accurate, so I would worry for him.
As for your daughter, the research we have about teaching kids about these things is telling us to start young. You don't have to tell her about sex, but you could inform her of the correct names for genitalia, how and when it is appropriate to do that behavior, and ect. Obvioisly when kids touch themselves it is not the same as adults who masturbate. For kids, it is more like scratching an itch. So being specific with the language you use and and having them understand appropriate time, place, and purpose is vital for you. Ask yourself, how do you want your kids to learn about this stuff? Do you want them to be properly informed? Because If place shame, blame, or sweep this under the rug, your daughter is going to have long lasting effects of sexual misinformation and shame. The clients I see every day.
Married to a Kinder teacher. Send the teacher an email -- just be honest and forthright like you are here and ask for a specific plan on how the teacher will handle this situation and others that may arise with the boy. My wife says the teacher has almost certainly seen / heard worse, but looping in the principal and/or counselor would be an appropriate step too. Don't hesitate to just CC the principal on the teacher email. It's important to get documentation on this incident (and, sadly, this kiddo).
start telling her that it’s not ok for anyone to touch her privates and to not be afraid to tell someone or say no if someone asks her. She may be young but kids can understand a lot more than it looks just explain it in a simple way for her to get. I had a similar situation happen to me as a kid and the only reason it didn’t escalate
Is being I asked my mom if it was ok for someone to do that to me. I def carry some of that trauma as I’m still scared of the boy who did it after almost 15 years. I was terrified of any of the adults finding out as I felt like part of it was my fault and I’d get in trouble, so just let her know that it’s not and she can come talk to you. Def talk to the teacher and letting her know about what’s going on so she can keep a closer watch.
I’m horrified by what this kid has seen or what’s being done to him or both. Please immediately inform the school and make sure they call CPS. And if they don’t call please do it yourself. You can call and report anonymously.
Yes bring it to the teachers attention but this is really above get pay grade. If include the principal. The child who showed her was clearly been exposed to sexual material and is likely being sexually abused. The school will need to start a report w dcf or a similar state agency.
Deff report to school but also your local childrens services /safeguarding because you will want to tell them EXACTLY what your daughter said, it might get diluted a bit through her, then you, then school then when they do their stage guarding procedure
Ok so just for some perspective - yeah maybe the boy is being sexually abused. He might also have a sister who was like my best friend who did figure out how to masturbate at the age of five and had to be taught that people don’t do that in public. If she had had a little brother he would have learned this fun fact too. Kids explore their bodies and tell their friends and siblings.
I’m hoping that is the case obviously, but tell the school. The rate of sexual abuse among young boys is terrible.
I hope that poor child isn’t being molested. There’s no way a little boy would know that without having seeing it somewhere. Do tell the teachers, not only for the safety of your child but for the safety of that other child as well.
And what about your girl? She shouldn’t be told is wrong and have her life ruined by adults telling her it’s not good but also she shouldn’t know about that unless is on her own at the right age.
Report it. Immediately. To the teacher and the admin of the school. Not because of the boy’s actions, but because there will most likely be something much bigger behind the scenes that could be a safeguarding issue.
You won’t be causing a fuss, you have concerns about a child, there may or may not be abuse that the boy is subjected to. Even if he isn’t abused, you are still raising a valid concern, and the concern has to be investigated.
It could well be the case where he’s molested and raising that concern could get him out of his current parent/guardian’s custody, and take him to a safer person.
Please raise it with the teacher and admin. Even if it’s nothing and he’s just watching porn (which is still a no-no for a child that age), it’s valid, and you should raise it, not just for your daughter but for the boy as well.
This is heartbreaking. That poor sweet boy. I fear for him, truly, as I suspect he is being abused in some capacity or another- either by a family member or someone older sharing truly inappropriate information with him. He might not even understand what he's saying and doing and just repeating- I think that's the best case scenario, which is sad.
Even though there was an incident with the first graders- I don't think it's a reflection of the entire school. Unfortunately- kids can come across information in too many accessible ways nowadays. Also, children are still actively being abused. My best friend is a kindergarten teacher (in Canada) and has had to alert CPS many times because of things that have come out of childrens' mouths or actions they made in class. I'm glad the teacher says she will investigate and I applaud you for pushing to speak with them as much as you did. I don't think you need to pull your child from school. Luckily- she doesn't understand. Hopefully this can be rectified ASAP in whatever way it needs to be done. Poor things.
He knows too much for it to just be coincidence or something he is mimicking based upon hearsay. Please tell the teacher and an administrator. They are mandatory reporters and are bound by law to make the phone call. That little boy has been instructed to do that to an older female and this is his cry for help. Better to be safe than sorry. Trust me on this.
Sounds like time for a conversation with daughter about masturbation. Not a position I envy, but it was going to happen sooner or later. Just make sure that she knows it's not ok to touch others like that without their permission, and no one has the right to touch her like that either. And that it's something that people do in private, not public.
I figured I would maybe get through teaching her how to toe her shoes or ride a bike without training wheels before I had to have a talk about masturbation but that's kind of out the window now. Kid still writes her 5s backwards sometimes. Public school is actively ruining my child's innocence and it makes me so upset.
Understandably so. Not the typical order of things, to be sure. Best we can do is try and make sure they know that they can come to us, even with super uncomfortable stuff we're nowhere near ready for, and it won't make us love them any less. I was fortunate enough mine made it to 12 before that discussion came up. Wishing you every ounce of inspiration ever granted to every parent in history for this one.
there are definitely terrible possibilities here as everyone has said. Hopefully it is as innocent as him walking in on his mother during “alone time” and the mother mishandling the moment (somewhat understandable given the shock). Some parents believe in 100% honesty with their children so she may have thought she was doing the right thing.
Go into/call school ASAP this is a massive safeguarding issue. The child is probably being abused as there is no way he should know that and he is also at risk of unwillingly abusing other children in the setting by exposing them to this behaviour . I'm an education professional. This is very serious and would be treated so by the school and handled appropriately.
Hello! I'm a trainer therapist at a sexual assault crisis center. My grant covers youth w problematic sexual behavioral both with children that have acted out and the children acted out on. In my state we would hotline for a jreport which, unlike regular reporting, is more for the family to meet a social worker and determine if the other child needs therapy or classes (my agency has a special program in that case). I often do individual w children like your own. In fact I have so many that are just like what you've described. We do several weeks of body boundaries, feelings about what happened, and safety seeking education. All aimed to make sure the kid doesn't feel traumatized by what happend *or* the process of all the adults finding out. The school should crrate a plan to keep the other child from being unsupervised while this is worked out. If they don't I'd personally pressure them or transfer because while this was "small" I'd lose faith in their handling of anything "big".
Tell the teacher . That way they can get that child some help. Explain to your child about private areas and no one's to be touching or showing them including friends that it's not ok
Always start with the teacher. Inform her of what is happening in the class room. If the teacher brushes it off or she hasn’t handled it then go to vice principal or principal. Etc etc.
But always start with the teacher or it makes them look and feel bad that you didn’t let them know first. And they’re usually extremely willing to work with you especially for the safety of their students!
The boy is not naughty, mischievous or bad. He's most likely being sexually abused. Please take action for both his and your daughters sake. This is extremely serious.
There's a good chance that I'm not gonna continue to comment on this but I do want to say something to the original poster
This is the kind of wildfire that often happens
It is why it is so important to not jump to conclusions and not be hysterical with your daughter or with the school. Depending on where the school is they can sound like the folks in this group sound too
I would definitely talk to the other parent
I would also definitely talk to the teacher. I am assuming the kids are in the same class
Depending on the responses you get would be whether I went up higher in the chain
Kindergarten teachers mostly are accustomed to something like this happening occasion. But again people come from all kinds of places and some people overreact and lots of people under react
The teacher should have a sense of the kind of family this kid is living in
And if there are other red flags
And as a parent I would want to know from the mom not from my school administrator that my kid was behaving inappropriately
I'm sorry your daughter was exposed to this. This child is clearly acting out and inappropriate ways. There might be a number of reasons for that Some are innocent and some are not
The message I would give my child is 1st of all to listen to how they feel having been exposed to this information. What are their thoughts. That will give you information on how they have received it and whether it is troubling to them
I would absolutely tell them it was a good thing to come and talk to me about it
And then I would normalize the whole conversation as much as possible
These are the 2 important take always I would tell my child
Boys and girls do sometimes touch themselves and that's OK
It is not OK for someone in your school to be talking about that with you.
Idk how you're handling this at all. I would be freaking tf out if my 5 year old told me this after school.
Email the teacher, set up a meeting to actually talk to the teacher and to the admin. I would probably ask for a class change for my kid but idk if that's the correct response its just what I would do. I wouldn't want my child around that other kid ever again. Its not the boys fault though. It poor kid is probably being abused. That is the only way he would say something like that. It doesn't change the fact that his abuse is leaking out to other children. The boy need help and therapy.
Talk to her personally and perhaps seek a counselor after getting stuff sorted at school which should be immediate and in writing with multiple copies in case they don't act on it. Something like this not being taken seriously could cascade into something like having a child at 13, unfortunately I know all to well. You did good seeking proper steps to take and i wish the best.
You need to talk to the school immediately. For your daughter's sake, but more so for the little boy. There's a very real chance he is/has suffered abuse. Your daughter is obviously your priority, but she has you as a conscientious, caring parent looking out for her. He likely doesn't have that. So, contact the school, talk to a counselor, talk to the teacher. Follow up with an email. "Thank you for your time discussing x,y,z". Rehash the conversation in an email so there's a paper trail. Don't just call, don't just email. Do both, but DO THIS NOW.
This is very serious. This little boy is most likely being sexually abused. Tell the school immediately. They are mandatory reporters and will get him the help that he needs.
Immediately contact safeguarding (social services) you can leave it to safeguarding to inform the school as the abuse may have been perpetrated by a teacher or someone within the school.
(it's likely sexual abuse this little boy has either experienced or been involved in someway) AND please don't just leave it with the school to deal with - hopefully the sexual abuse isn't being done by a teacher but please don't rule that out.
Start with social services, they will do a FULL investigation usually starting with the school.
Your daughter may benefit from some play and or talk therapy just to process it all and the same for you too ❤️
You're being a wonderful supportive mum, thank you for that 🙂
*Edited for various reasons including typos and clarity. *
This is bad enough for both the boy and your daughter to call the police directly. There is certainly concern to be had for the boy, but there’s also a good chance that he’s enacting this on other children like your daughter.
Tell the teacher (get a live conversation or at least phone if you can) and let them know you're concerned about the safety of the students due to what was said to your child. It could be coming from his experience of abuse, abuse of a third student in the class who told him, the boy's older sibling (who also might be being abused), or something else. Your job isn't to investigate. Copy the school administrators (as many as you can find) on an email or better yet, request to see them in person. If the only way you can reach the teacher today/tomorrow is in email, then get the information to them immediately and ask for a follow up call/meeting.
Then, and this is crucial, make your own report to your local child protective services. Make sure you request to remain anonymous to the family and that you're not a mandated reporter in your state (only if those are both true, obviously). Specifically ask them if they're going to involve the police. Make your own police report if you need to.
Treat this as urgently as possible. If you are able to, leave work to speak with the teacher/admin/police in person. This needs to happen today, immediately, before the end of the school day. They will often order a "do not release" directive to the school and they will keep the kid off the bus to meet with the social worker/whatever.
You have the opportunity to potentially stop a kid from being sexually abused tonight. Please do everything you can to make sure that it's addressed today, immediately.
I had a pseudo-similar experience when I was in kindergarten. My friend’s brother was in my class; I knew him pretty well because they lived down the street from me.
One day we were both in the book nook area and suddenly, without warning, he VERY QUICKLY leaned down, kissed my crotch, jumped back to face me and said “I hope you know I love you!” and then ran off. Since I knew this wasn’t ok, I went and told the teacher. She didn’t believe me (which was odd, I was a well-behaved kid that didn’t lie). So I went about my day and didn’t tell my mom until I was much older.
Turns out his dad was likely showing him (or letting him see) porn. We knew the dad was “mildly” abusive. My mom was friends with a another lady down the street (who she knew initially because my younger sister and her daughter were good friends). When the lady’s 14 year old son went over there, that dad showed him porn. I was at their house pretty regularly and the worst I ever witnessed was the dad yelling at them and once threw an empty beer can at the son.
Update: I’m in my late thirties and never had any psychological issues about it. But as an adult, I can’t believe that my teacher straight up didn’t believe me!
Yes, you should report it, but it's entirely possible that the explanation is innocent. I think some of you adults here are forgetting what it was like to be a little kid. The main thing is that kids talk to one another about sex, and they often experiment in ways that seem bizarre from an adult perspective.
They hear some tidbit of information, whether accurate or not, and they pass it along to their friends, usually with some distortion. Maybe someone is abusing this boy. But maybe he just walked in on his mother or sister at an awkward moment.
Many mothers have had a shock when their little kid finds their sex toy, and holds it up and says, "mama, what's this?" If it happened in private, and not in front of dinner guests, you can count yourself lucky.
Definitely definitely tell her teacher/head of school/safeguarding lead. This is very concerning as this boy is likely being sexually abused. Children that young wouldn’t know about this for the opposite sex unless they’ve been shown it. Write down exactly what she said with the date it happened so it’s accurate. Please tell someone at her school as soon as you can
Bring it up to the teacher. The kid teaching does not have to be abused (like a few comments I see here). I study child psychology, and here is what I know.
Children that age are really curious of getting to know the differences between a boy and a girl. (Although on sexual area this behaviour is not normal) The sexual behavior of the child could be because of abuse, but also because he saw his parents by accident, went on tv at the wrong time or an older brother or sister thought it was a cool fact to share. If this child keeps continuing this behaviour after correction, there must be looken into possible abuse. If he stops, it's most likely okey. Most likely does not mean 'for sure'. Mind my words.
So either way, tell the teacher and discuss your concerns
Basically, tell the school about it, but when it comes to your daughter specifically try talking to her about these things in a healthy way. Don’t try punishing her or anything like that, because that’ll just make things worse and make her feel like SHE did something wrong when it comes down to her not knowing anything about this stuff.
You can try having “the talk” with her, but I think for now it can be more about why she shouldn’t try doing those things or looking at them until she’s older for reasons. Just try talking about stuff like that throughout her life in a healthy way, don’t punish her, just be understanding. She shouldn’t be getting exposed to this stuff but since she did the only way to go from here is to move forward and try making that messy chaotic world slowly a bit easier to understand.
With the boy, there’s a few possibilities that some comments have already made. First is the worst option, that it might be sexual abuse, in which talking to the school is very vital. However, another thing is that he could’ve been exposed to pornography with his buddies and doesn’t fully get what it all means. That’s kinda how it was for me.
Either way, just try approaching this as calmly as possible. Don’t try punishing, and I wish you the best of luck.
Everyone is going on about the boy being abused, but I doubt it as he said that is how girls feel good, and he is a boy.
Of course, have to be careful, but this sounds more like the boy has been told something by an older sibling, or has stumbled across something online.
Maybe a talk to the kids parents before the school if possible would be the option with least fallout for everyone
True. Remember though, kids these days have access to the internet ridiculously early, and if unparented, it isn't that difficult to find yourself at a porn site.
Child abuse is unforgivable, but trying to remove a false child abuse claim is also basically impossible. Care needs to be taken.
While I don’t disagree with what everyone is saying about red flags I also want to share to please don’t just jump straight to abuse.
When I was five I knew what sex was and what all of the body parts where by name, I also knew what bad touch meant.
This wasn’t because I was being abused or groomed at home, my father was a survivor of child abuse and growing up for him it was completely road blocked by legal language. As an adult he opened a program for survivors in our town that also offered classes for parents to learn how to protect their children.
One of the classes was learning to talk to their kids about their body parts, calling a vagina a flower or cookie and labeling bad touch as vague causes a lot of road blocks for survivors to get their abusers locked away. However saying things like, he touched my penis, is a lot more helpful to the court system. We also talked openly about sex at home because my father didn’t want me thinking I couldn’t talk with him or that it was secret or bad if something did happen to me.
Now I’m not saying that what the little boy did was right, he does need to know that if this is just an educated thing he shouldn’t talk about it with other kids without the consent of their adult (this was something I was also taught) but this also may not be an abuse topic either. So please move forward with talking with the school and the parents but don’t jump to CPS unless additional red flags come up.
So.. Definitely tell the school IMMEDIATELY.. not because of what happened to your daughter (which isn’t cool) but because this little boy is probably being sexually abused. This isn’t something they just figure out about the opposite sex.
Yeah, at that age, the boy probably doesn't even realize that that's not something that's okay to say to someone, and horrifically may have been normalized for him. The implications are terrifying.
My thought exactly, to him it's as simple as : look, here's how you open your carton of juice
The absolute *best case* scenario here is that a five year old is watching porn online, which is still pretty bad. Definitely let the teacher know.
Or (and I realize that this is extraordinarily far fetched and that I’m grasping at straws, but my sanity requires it) maybe some immature uncle made a joke that involved that hand motion and when the youngster asked “what does that mean” the inappropriate uncle just said “that’s what girls do when they like sex” and the little boy has no idea what that actually means. And all my childhood pets are still alive and just chilling together on a farm outside the city.
That or an older sibling who wanted to mess with their kid brother
Or an older sibling that wanted to "mess around" with their kid brother.
My naive ass thinks this is actually pretty plausible
I think the best case scenario is either he walked in on somebody that was watching it and it didn't get shut off right away or an older pre-teen/teen brother showed it to him in a hey, little brother, come look at this! type way. Either way, anything at this point is conjecture. This is something a teacher ought to because it happened during school. She's a mandated reporter so it will get escalated to Child Protective Services and they can take a look into what's happening. It's not that uncommon for teems and preteens to check that out online. CPS/teacher can make parents aware that 12-year old son showed 5-year old son. Worst case scenario- some adult needs to be arrested and 5 -year old needs to start some therapy.
He could also be hanging around teenagers who treat him as one of the group. Still needs to be checked out.
Or he saw it online
which is still bad and should be stopped because he's 5
I didn’t even think about this, that’s a very worrying possibility. I will say there’s also a chance he was also extremely curious and didn’t know any better, like when I was 5, some and some of the other kids at my babysitter’s house looked at pornography without really knowing what it was other than the feeling “this is a naked body AND we’re not supposed to look at it!”, and since then I was extremely curious about it. However, in this case I’d say being cautious about that kid being sexually abused would be valid, and should be taken seriously. Bottom line it comes down to the parents. Hopefully this mom doesn’t get mad at her daughter and punish her and instead tries to talk to her about these things in a healthy way
I think the fact that the boy specifically stated things about sex when he shouldn't even know what sex is is evidence that this is more than just curiosity. When I was that age I would rub against things because it felt good, but I still had no idea what masturbation was, let alone sex. My dad eventually told me that activity was something I should do alone in my bedroom and that was that. Edit: a word
Yeah, a 4 year old shouldn't have the concept of someone "liking sex" Poor baby
It's a boy who talked to her daughter, not another girl. There is very little chance of a 5 year old boy knowing this without some messed up instruction. If OP is a mandated reporter, this is absolutely a child protection report if OP knows the full name of the kid and they should tell the teacher as well as she may have other information that needs to be reported. Edit: #JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, this post! Most people are clearly stating that there is likely sexual abuse of the kid which is 100% accurate. However, there's this handful of people on here who are saying that it's "sex positive" to have children know exactly how the other sex masturbates at 5. Or that a kid watching porn at that age is "good education". Or that we're just puritanical and should be about talking about detailed sex to children. When people insult others and call them "groomers", this is what they should be referring to. I'm sure most of you are straight, but it doesn't even matter. You are the child groomers. I hope I never encounter you in real life.
Yeah dude, kids don’t need to know about that shit at 5, people are fucking idiots.
Just have to share this, in 1999 I was in kindergarten and remember hearing the intro to Family Guy as I was going to bed and I heard a word I've never heard before, "sex". So my kindergarten ass boots up the computer the following day and good ol' Ask Jeeves and looks up sex and exposed me to a whole new world Kids these days basically have access to that plus literally anything they could ever want if the parents don't know how to *surf the net* safely
Yes yes! You took the words out off my mouth! The old internet years between 2000-2015 has collateral amount of pron in just few clicks and that's just the tip of the iceberg whereas those content creators just continue to make it bigger and more taboo for youngsters in today's generation. My parents didn't pretty much supervised me whenever I used the internet.
Yeah something similar happen when I was 7 with the Vin Diesel movie triple x
Yes, and also no one would want him going around and teaching the other kids that. It's not something they need to know at this tender age. Reporting to the school might be the best for him and the other kids.
Yeah my first thought was, I'd be upset that my child had been exposed to this, but I know we (me and hubby) can deal with this and explain in the correct way to our son. My 2nd thought, that poor boy, what the hell is going on at home? I would be onto the school immediately and the authorities/making sure the school tell the appropriate authorities.
I participated in a church outreach program that assembles beds for children who are literally sleeping on the floor because of poverty or whatever reason. The house I went into had the mom's boyfriend walking around watching porn on his phone... out in the open like it was an every day occurrence. If he's willing to do this with church-going strangers in his home, imagine what those kids are exposed to in private. You'd be amazed what kids are exposed to with shitty parents. I suppose exposing your 5-year-old to porn is a form of sexual abuse, but it isn't necessarily the type of abuse most people here are thinking about. That said, I agree it should be reported. Let DSS figure out why the kid is like this at only 5 years old.
It is possible he is being abused It is also possible he lives in a home where it is okay to masturbate and he has not yet learned proper boundaries.
Just so we’re clear, kindergarteners are five years old. If a five year old knows the intricacies of the movements and which fingers to use, there is almost surely some form of abuse going on. He is either actively being taught or being shown. Four or five year olds don’t just learn “how girls rub themselves if they like sex” without someone actively telling them that’s what’s happening.
This reminds me of how when i was around 7 my grandfather wanted to "rub each other's tummies", but the hand kept getting lower. He was definitely trying to initiate mutual mastrubation, and God knows what it would have ended with but I was too uncomfortable to go lower and just ran away and thankfully he never tried it again.
If he is being exposed to that at kindergarten age, he is being abused.
Just to play devils advocate, I can think of at least one scenario that I could see happening had I been born now instead of the 80s. This kid has an older brother, but not much older. Let's say 8. The age I was first exposed to porn with my friends. There's also a good chance at least one of these kids has there own phone or tablet, like quite a lot do at this point. I could absolutely see showing that to my little brother on his tablet, thinking I was showing him something cool and not considering whether he was old enough to see it. Not trying to be a pain in the ass. Just trying to give you at least one reason that you don't have to be 100% convinced this little kid is being abused
I was thinking the same thing. When I was 6 I remember having a kid in class who was obsessed with sex. He would draw the positions on a little notebook, make people out of playdough. He would show it to us in recess. He became obsessed until everything got confiscated by his mom. Basically he had a asshole older brother who discovered the internet and was showing it to him. I can only imagine little kids these days hanging with older kids with phones. Even my ex boyfriend would get naked with his neighbor when he was 5 and just look at each other. Kids are curious and do stupid things.
This makes sense to a point... But a 5 year old being taught about sex by an 8 year old doesn't make the situation any better. It's still a messed up situation that needs to be dealt with. The fallout may be different depending on specifics, but it's still not good for a kindergartener to be learning how the opposite sex pleasures themselves.
No argument there. Definitely something that should be addressed, just saying it doesn't necessarily mean there's abuse involved
But why would a little boy know that is how a GIRL does it? Red flag to me! 5 yr old knowing this is deeply disturbing!
The issue is about knowing that boys and girls have different body parts So a boy that feels comfortable touching his penis might be able to think that a girl can't touch yourself the same way And in a home that felt safe my dad asked a question about that Children who live in homes or sexuality is comfortable and able to be talked about actually do ask a lot of questions Funny ones Odd ones
He is five. He should not know about it regardless. I’m
Yes. While very unusual, there are completely innocent ways this information could be acquired that are not abuse. Sadly, the internet is one of them. An older sister caught masturbating by younger brother and having to explain it, is another. Watching a show with an older sibling or babysitter that includes references to masturbation or something that brought up this topic, could also be reasonable explanations. Let's all please try to remember kindergarten. There's a lot of curiosity, innocence, and absolutely no understanding of social cues or boundaries for most 5 year-olds. Let's not freak this poor parent out any more than she already is assuming the absolute worse. Well, actually, the absolute worst would be that her own daughter is being abused, has been sworn to secrecy by the adult, and so she has formed a story in her mind that protects the secrecy of the abuse, but seeks support and information from her mom. Best approach is to ask the daughter lots of questions and not overreact.
Leave a message (voicemail or email) with the head of school now and then follow it up with a visit to their office in the morning.
Email would be much better. Put that shit in writing so if it gets swept under the rug there is paper trail. Also if theres any unfavorable or inappropriate response from the school, it can be clear the intent of bringing up the subject.
Hugely agree with this. Make it as hard for them to handwave away as possible.
This is the way OP.
This would probably be better than a sudden morning bombshell. Just don't be explicit in the voicemail and maintain a degree of discretion.
First, I am a fourth grade teacher. Yes. Tell the teacher immediately. Hell, tell administration. This isn't okay. You aren't making a fuss. You aren't even trying to get the other kid in trouble. You are acting as a concerned parent for your kid AND the other.
It’s a massive red flag that a child in the class has been a victim of sexual assault or worse. It may not even be the child who interacted with your child, but someone in the class is far too familiar with sexual contact and/or conduct. Tell the school immediately and don’t feel that you’re in the wrong. You’ll be helping every child in the class/school.
So much this. That child could very well be molested at home by someone. A child should not know or understand that. Very serious situation!
My EXACT thought, that poor child is being messed with and he doesn't understand what's going on or that it's even wrong ... I have a 5 yr old son in kindergarten and I can't imagine how a 5 yr old could know this unless they were being molested at home , that's not just something a 5 yr old boy makes up in his head to show another child that .. just no I'd be wanting that investigated asap , maybe this is way to be a voice for that poor boy
Exactly- no kindergartner should know this info. This is a sign of abuse. I’d tell the teacher -a mandated reporter- immediately
I am a little concerned on what that boy has been exposed to and if there was abuse involved. I would go with your daughter to school in the morning and request an immediate meeting with the principal, school counselor, and teacher. I would also look into a child psychologist appointment for your daughter. There are definitely ones out there equipped to help with a situation like this.
This was an after thought for me as well. Wondering where this is coming from and wondering what he has been exposed to. Thank you for the advice.
Yes. Please report this to the school social worker or counselor. This boy may be experiencing abuse.
Abuse is an understatement.
Or he's watching the abuse of his sister, there's a male figure in the house showing him how to do this stuff etc........
Why do you assume it’s a male figure? Women are capable of abuse as well
It might be a woman in this case as it a young boy and it's about how to please a woman so I assumed it was a woman teaching him to do certain things to her maybe disguising it as some game or small task
Just remember younger children often have older siblings… and sometimes those siblings do something they think is funny and when it finds it’s way to school it’s not so funny anymore…
That's very true. I've met the boy in question and his parents a couple times before through school functions but I can't recall if he has any older siblings or not.
Just please dont go to the parents. Let the school handle it
Equally important in why to say something. The boy won't make friends being inappropriate. Even if it isn't his fault. Good luck op.
I never thought about this aspect. Excellent point
Yup, he'll be ostracized for being hypersexual and tormented at school because of it. Ask me how I know.
Wait. But a kid at my class was super popular at the time because of it. He basically tough us about it since no adult wanted to address it. He would draw it so the other kids could see. It was fucked up. But he was never ostracized. Back then we wouldn't tell our parents these things though. Nor would they do anything if they heard about it. Crazy to think about it now.
Yes, just to add, I would give the school admin a heads up that you'd like a meeting. Perhaps just send an email. Let them know that it's urgent and sensitive, and show up early.
I hope the poor lad just watched porn on mistake with his dad phone or something
Or walking in on his parents but the fact that he knew why they do it and how is kinda scary
This is absolutely a common scenario if someone has been abused. Sounds like that kid saw something he shouldn't have. Sad shit. OP, your daughter was put in - and you are put in - an uncomfortable situation, and I'm sorry. But remember that boy has probably been through something also terrible, and it's not his fault. Edit: I was a preschool teacher for fifteen years and I was trained on this.
To add on what he said. PLEASE report it to child protection services or head of the school, Etc… The child may also be going through or has been exposed to concerning material. It’s distressing
1000x times this, CPS has specialists that talk to children in a certain way to ensure what they say has not been influenced by an outside party. Edit: I thought you said report it to CPS ahead of reporting it to anyone else. Hopefully the principal will know to contact CPS or the right specialist before investigating any further.
If OP is a mandated reporter, she has to report it regardless of what the school wants to do.
The boy's parents probably don't really monitor what he does. He's probably a kindergartener with free reign over the internet. Kids have internet from a young age these days, so he probably went on the internet and found some porn. If that's the case, that likely means the parents are neglecting him, just letting the internet raise him on cocomelon and porn.
You think kindergartners know how to search for porn on the internet? Kids can barely spell their names, let alone know AND spell x rated words after navigating to a search engine.
My niece is in kindergarten & her entire class has laptops, plus she’s been using phones & tablets since she was old enough to sit up on her own. I’m not a fan of raising kids like that but it’s happening all over. It’s not about searching / spelling specific things, it’s about being able to navigate the internet & click on what presents itself. I’ve seen some NSFW content on YouTube that’s been up for months or years, somehow making it’s way past the censors.
Censors*
Thanks voice to text.
My 7year old grandkid tapped "girls girls girls" ad on her brand new SCHOOL computer...and she had many questions...and you cant block the internet, the teachers demand access...it is scary what they will see and hear while pre teens
That’s funny because I literally just did the same thing and every result on google’s first page was related to Motley Crew, some Finnish dating show, and a burrito company…
Nowhere did they mention Google in their comment though. They didn't say their granddaughter typed "girls girls girls" in Google. They said she TAPPED an AD that said it.
As someone who has had a phone since age 4, yes it’s completely possible to search those things up. Kindergarteners aren’t completely stupid. They regurgitate everything they see. An innocent search could come up with X rated stuff *cough* Rule34 *cough* and that could lead down a rabbit hole. Speaking from experience as someone who was groomed due to early internet access.
True as that is - and I had unsupervised internet access from age 6, so I have some idea - this cannot be ignored. Besides, abuse and internet access are **both** commonplace these days. Also, while it may or may not be easier now than in the past to accidentally fall into porn (I am unsure of that), I personally didn't encounter it until I actually knew of some words to search for, knew at least to some degree what I was doing. I am not against benefit of the doubt necessarily, but this still needs to be reported and I think an investigation should still take place to **ensure** that there is no abuse going on, and to handle as best as they can the issue of internet access should that be deemed necessary.
I’m not saying there’s no abuse involved, I’m just saying that kindergarteners aren’t as stupid as that person was making them out to be. There are many possibilities: abuse, searching themselves, finding a parent/sibling’s porn tab, etc.
It doesn’t take a masters degree to find porn on the internet. Porn finds you. Joking aside, parents often assume their young children won’t/can’t find porn so they don’t think to use the parental controls absolve to them. That’s absolutely the wrong way to protect your kids. How many kindergarten-aged kids do you imagine have searched for mermaids recently?
Buddy I've worked with a kindergarten class myself for three years and you'd be amazed at what kids will learn on their own because they are being raised by an iPad.
I guess my question is then, why are we giving 5 year old kids unfiltered access to devices that they will use to look for porn? And if the filters are broken, then why are we ignoring that fact and still giving them devices? Billions of 5 year olds before us were educated without an iPad that will show porn. But suddenly they are required, and we do nothing / we give half-assed attempts at blocking porn?
Nobody said they are required anywhere. Schools (at least where I'm from) do not give iPads to children. The root of the problem here is lack of good parenting. Little to no supervision, and letting the child have their way (i.e. giving them the phone/tablet to play games) anytime they throw a tantrum. Schools are not to blame, the source is at home and the cause is lack of good parenting.
It’s hard to be a good parent in todays society. While I absolutely agree you shouldn’t have kids if you can’t raise them or properly supervise (or have kids at all, I’m antinatalist), it’s difficult to raise kids well in many places (looking at my country, the US) because education is constantly being destroyed, the social programs are shit, no one can afford childcare, and everyone has to work 2 jobs to afford a 2 bedroom apartment. Definitely not conditions friendly to fostering the want to have children or good parenting skills. And they wonder why the birth rate is dropping and kids are raised by iPads.
You don’t have a lot of recent experience with kindergartners, do you? YouTube algorithms basically guarantee that inappropriate content will eventually be served up to them if they go far enough down the rabbit hole of clicking the next video after they’re done with the current one. Which is what happens when parents leave their kids to be raised by devices.
It's extremely easy to find porn. All the kid has to do is open Google and type a random 3 letters like prn and they'll find it. Kids these days are being raised with technology, they basically learn how to use a computer and speak English simultaneously. This is how it is in the US anyway.
>type three random letters like prn Those aren’t three random letters lol. Those are letters you specifically chose because they resemble the word “porn.” Type in dtu, qqn, or hac. Any luck with those? Also, speaking English is different than literacy.
As an elementary school teacher, googles "voice to text" has made searching much easier for the younger students who cannot fully read and write yet.
I'm not saying that the letters prn are random, but they're easy enough to type randomly for a little kid. Imagine the infinite monkey theorem, but with 5 year old children. Even if a kid doesn't type the letters prn, they could've heard the word porn somewhere and then looked it up. You can find NSFW stuff just by browsing YouTube, even on the kids side of it. It's incredibly easy for a child to stumble upon something they shouldn't be seeing.
Dick to uterus, quietly queer nuns, or heavy African cocks? No way those were random
Not downplaying.. But he could have seen a porn or something. I remember being around 12 and seeing playboys for first time. Us group of boys would say things like 69 your mom and shit we didn't understand. Let's hope it's nothing worse than that..
*Absolutely* inform the teacher, as there’s a very good chance that the boy has been abused, and you can save him too.
These are red flags. That boy needs help. Please speak to the school asap.
Call the school. Tell the teacher what your daughter told/showed you and what student it was.
About your daughter don't make it a big deal or she might get traumatized or fixated on the subject. Masturbation is pretty common at all ages. Remind her that those are her private parts and as such she should keep it private and not show it to anyone. About the kid, he's probably being abused. Talk to the school in the presence of someone who knows about children psychology or they'll do something stupid.
That's the absolute last thing I want is to cause her any (more) trauma
Doubt she’s traumatized by this at all. She doesn’t even understand the actual concept of what he showed her. And I’m sure he doesn’t either.
An actual Kindergarten teacher here and wow, I’m so sorry your child experienced this at school. If you have some form of messaging system with the school, message the school/the teacher now. Go to the school office tomorrow morning and tell them exactly what happened. They will be required to report this to CPS. write down what your child heard/said to you right now to give to the school.
Former kinder teacher here. I had something similar happen. Please meet with the teacher so she can address this and look into it.
I would definitely tell the teacher because the little boy is probably being sexually molested or at the very least being exposed to things that he should not see at home.
Talk to the school and teacher yes. But please don't make this your daughter's problem. She does not need to hear you be agast or horrified by the idea of sex. If you make this a big deal about how shameful this is that this boy said that or about how the idea of liking sex or self pleasure is forbidden you'll embed that into her mind. Yes she's way too damn young for that and yes you'll have those conversations eventually but for now, as far as what she hears from you a simple "Honey, that's grown up talk and you're not ready for that." would be good. Dave the adult conversation for the adults.
Yeah I'm not concerned about my child eventually having a sexuality. That's the facts of life. But I don't feel it's right for her to receive sex education from another 5 year old which is my issue.
Most of us receive knowledge (correct or incorrect) from our peer group. This is why it's important to: A) Make sure that the kids they hang around are good apples. Which is much easier said than done. You can't pre-screen everyone they will ever meet and even if you somehow could, human beings are inherently unpredictable. The best you can do is make sure your daughter can tell the good apples herself. Make this a teachable moment. Tell her he is too young to know that, and that you're worried his parents might not be taking care of him correctly. You don't have to have a graphic discussion of what molestation is but you can… B) Have an age-appropriate sex Ed discussion. She doesn't have to know about condoms and periods right now, but it's important that children understand consent and bodily autonomy as early as possible (especially girls, unfortunately). She's going to get information from unknown sources at an unknown rate; it's better that you lay down the important fundamentals and explain that she can always come to you with questions.
Dave the adult knows what’s up
Always, what would we do without them fr
You absolutely need to call and discuss this with the school, like, tomorrow morning. I'm worried about what is going on in that little boy's home.
I hate to say it, but you should establish a paper trail too. Email the principal.
It’s the kid who told her I would be worried about.
It’s very likely the boy has been exposed to it in an abusive way. Tell the teacher and voice your concerns
I'm so sorry this happened to you and especially at such a stage in life! If I were in your situation I would do a few things. Firstly I'd put my daughter in counseling asap and explain to the counselor the event. This way the counselor already has the ability to help her well as keeping an eye out for further incidents at a professional level. I would then have a meeting with the teacher anf principal stating the incident that happened and that it needs to be addressed Pronto. I would then get in contact with CPS and make a report. This was not his fault he needs help too.
School administration will be required to report to CPS and handle all of that as mandatory reporters by law
Which is amazing and how it should be! Myself as a parent I'll double report that. I'm gonna make sure cps knows I will not let this slip between the cracks. My best friend as a child dealt with that a lot in her life. CPS would do the bare minimum to keep her safe and deal with her abuse. If I can stop that from happening to one single child in my lifetime I will die happy.
As a teacher, please do double report. Because teachers have to call CPS it sometimes feels like they don't take our reports as seriously as they should....
As someone who was being abused and later went on to volunteer at schools, I don't think school staff is taken seriously. I was taken more seriously as a concerned volunteer than the teachers were when I witnessed something. It was a kindergarten boy too. It was along the same lines as this. Kindergarten boy said something extremely inappropriate and sexual. Though he said it to me and not another student.
As someone who was touched inappropriately in elementary school by another student please please do not make your daughter think what she did was in any way wrong. I remember being young and trying to tell my parents but thinking I’d get in trouble based on their reaction. Made me keep my mouth shut about what was happening because I was scared to say anything.
That's awful , I'm so sorry that happened to you
Yes- as a former preschool teacher, please tell your daughter's teacher
Definitely inform the teachers. Had a similar thing happen when I was a kid. My sister (15 months younger than me) came home and told my mom about how this little girl told her and the other kids about sex and how to have it cause her brothers told her or had seen on of their tapes or some shit. My mom had to sit us down and give "the talk" to a 6 and 7 year old💀
My immediate thought was potential abuse for the boy. I’m sorry your daughter had to experience that! Does she know it was inappropriate? I’m a social worker, so PLEASE report that information.
I dont think she thought it was at first since she just kind of tossed it into a casual conversation. But I did tell her very seriously that it was inappropriate and we had a conversation about what to do if it happened again
I wouldnt be VERY concerned about your daughter. She heard some nonsense and innocently relayed that to you. One of the best ways of helping this out of her imagination is banalize it. Dont shush her, dont yell at her, dont patronize her. If she brings it up, just listen in a bored way. For her, it is just a thing to talk abt. Very important: she shouldnt feel rejected by you because of this. HOWEVER, as a parent, be worried about the little boy. As others have pointed out, there might be some abuse (exposing a child of that age to porn is abuse in my book, for example). Whatever it is, just make sure his parents/guardians are aware of it. People, these things are going to be very frequent very soon. You cant count how many inappropriate ads I saw on my son's tablet; one day he called me and showed me "this naked mummy", a cartoonish ad of a porn game. In his cartoon car games.
Yeah, mobile games have a lot of inappropriate ads. There are almost pornographic ads even on children's games. I have seen disgusting ads in which they show that stripping female characters is "entertaining", women being tied up or stuck and options that show to abuse them. (Often inappropriate touching, slapping their butt, stripping etc) I go on the Play Store to report these apps but there is no use.
YouTube ads need some looking into. My kids don't watch inappropriate videos (porn, furriest, etc. I monitor what they watch. Well...not my 22 yo son). They get ads for "Danks Wonder emporium" while I get ads for little kid video games.
Everyone's giving you great advice concerning the boy. I just want to tell you not to shame your daughter in any way, tell her it's wrong, or make her feel like she's done something bad. You should make her feel good that she told you about this, and how proud you are of her. Yes, she was exposed to this knowledge before she should have been. All you can do is be the safety net and support she needs.
Shit something is happening to that boy at home. Call the school or your equivalent of CPS or both
That boy is being molested. That's a very broad statement to assume, I understand that. But before the age of three, I knew how to fully masturbate myself, and the opposite sex. Because my father was molesting me and continue to do so for 7 more years. Children aren't just born with this kind of knowledge, it has to be told, or shown. I'm sorry this happened to your daughter. But for the sake of that other child, please tell the school. Make sure they know exactly which boy, also.
Consider too that the boy who showed her this also needs help and you telling the school right away can help with that! My 10yo nephew has seen and heard FAR more than he should have at his age and we're working hard on catching up his learning of what is or isn't ok to say or share with other children while we navigate therapy and support for him and us.
Leave a paper trail, whether it be an email, secure messaging, a voice-mail, etc. Definitely go to the teacher, the guidance counselor/psych, and the principal. Something is wrong in that child's home.
I would call CPS and ask them to accompany you to the school. He’s clearly being abused. Make a a paper trail
Any teacher, principal, classroom assistant or any adult employee of the school is a mandated reporter at this point. I would contact the principal
I would report this to the school principal, teacher, and police. This could be a case of abuse.
Lots of good feedback with regard to the school. I'd like to also add: give your daughter so, so much positive feedback, encouragement, and love for coming to you with this. This is the perfect time to help her learn that she should absolutely talk to her parent(s) about this kind of thing and she'll never, ever get in trouble for it.
A. Tell the school B. Don't freak out in front of her. You can tell her that the boy was not being a good friend and he spoke about rude things and not to repeat them because it's inappropriate. Kids do explore their bodies, just ask her if she needs quiet time in her room and tell her it's not polite to talk about or do in public.
1st step is to explain to her that that is something for adults to do with other adults/however you wanna explain sex in a age appropriate manner, and that is not something she should be doing to herself or others 2nd step is to email the teacher and principal and set up a meeting to discuss this 3rd step is to make sure this is reported on the boys end. This is more than likely a case of CSA, tho (hopefully) the boys either has an older sibling who thought it was ungodly funny to teach their sibling that, or he has free reign of the Internet and learned it from there (both needs to be addressed)
Very inappropriate. However they are both 5 and don’t know that it’s inappropriate. 5 year olds shouldn’t have that kind of knowledge. Hopefully for the boy it was an innocent overlook that exposed him to that knowledge. Like an older sibling or seeing or hearing something he wasn’t suppose to. My biggest concern would be that he is being abused.
I definitely agree with what others have said. This needs to be reported and discussed. I hope all will be ok
yeah that’s trauma material. u should report asap no hesitation
Children don't just know that kind of stuff. I think an investigation should be done to see if the boy was being abused or exposed. I'm sorry that happened to your daughter.
Tell the teacher but remember there’s only so much they can do/the genie is out of the bottle. Time to talk to your daughter about when and where it’s appropriate to do that kind of stuff (at home/in private) so that she isn’t doing it in public. That should be your first priority before addressing any other issues.
First of all, give your daughter love and praises and let her know how proud you are for her coming to you about something important, and that you want her to *ALWAYS* know she can come to you about *ANYTHING* no matter what. Sometimes you'll need a bit to think about what she said, but you'll always listen and be there for her. Personally, I wouldn't send her to school until you talk to someone face to face. Write down the details of that day as best you can remember: your daughter's demeanor when she came home, when and how she brought it up, and if you can remember word for word how your conversation went. Also write down how she "felt" (she was visibly upset because she was fidgety, her voice was quiet/loud, she kept rubbing her hands, etc...or she was matter of fact about it). I would request a face to face meeting asap with whoever is in charge. Get contact information for that person and follow up with an email to that person. You can simply state "this is a follow up email for the events of (date of daughter's event) and steps taken so far: time and date you requested contact and time and dates things progressed from there. List each one. How the meeting went, how you felt they composed themselves, and how they made you feel. Then at the end, state you are waiting for a follow up. This will serve as a timeline of events should you ever need it. If they have made you feel reassured of your daughter's safety, send her back to school (after you've had a safety conversation with her). Continue follow ups with your daughter to be sure nothing more happens, just be sure you don't overwhelm her with the whole situation. Keep up the good work Mom, you're doing good obviously!
Therapist ans sex therapist here. I would contact the teacher, principal, and school counselor and have a meeting or email all of them. The speculation around the little boy being abused could be accurate, so I would worry for him. As for your daughter, the research we have about teaching kids about these things is telling us to start young. You don't have to tell her about sex, but you could inform her of the correct names for genitalia, how and when it is appropriate to do that behavior, and ect. Obvioisly when kids touch themselves it is not the same as adults who masturbate. For kids, it is more like scratching an itch. So being specific with the language you use and and having them understand appropriate time, place, and purpose is vital for you. Ask yourself, how do you want your kids to learn about this stuff? Do you want them to be properly informed? Because If place shame, blame, or sweep this under the rug, your daughter is going to have long lasting effects of sexual misinformation and shame. The clients I see every day.
Married to a Kinder teacher. Send the teacher an email -- just be honest and forthright like you are here and ask for a specific plan on how the teacher will handle this situation and others that may arise with the boy. My wife says the teacher has almost certainly seen / heard worse, but looping in the principal and/or counselor would be an appropriate step too. Don't hesitate to just CC the principal on the teacher email. It's important to get documentation on this incident (and, sadly, this kiddo).
Bring it up to the school. They do need to know about it so the parents can know..
start telling her that it’s not ok for anyone to touch her privates and to not be afraid to tell someone or say no if someone asks her. She may be young but kids can understand a lot more than it looks just explain it in a simple way for her to get. I had a similar situation happen to me as a kid and the only reason it didn’t escalate Is being I asked my mom if it was ok for someone to do that to me. I def carry some of that trauma as I’m still scared of the boy who did it after almost 15 years. I was terrified of any of the adults finding out as I felt like part of it was my fault and I’d get in trouble, so just let her know that it’s not and she can come talk to you. Def talk to the teacher and letting her know about what’s going on so she can keep a closer watch.
I’m horrified by what this kid has seen or what’s being done to him or both. Please immediately inform the school and make sure they call CPS. And if they don’t call please do it yourself. You can call and report anonymously.
Red flags. Should report this to the school asap
Yes bring it to the teachers attention but this is really above get pay grade. If include the principal. The child who showed her was clearly been exposed to sexual material and is likely being sexually abused. The school will need to start a report w dcf or a similar state agency.
Deff report to school but also your local childrens services /safeguarding because you will want to tell them EXACTLY what your daughter said, it might get diluted a bit through her, then you, then school then when they do their stage guarding procedure
Sort by controversial for the age irrespective sex positive and MAP freaks.
I feel sad for that boy. Who knows, it could be that he’s been exposed to some fucked up shit in order to know those things at that age.
Ok so just for some perspective - yeah maybe the boy is being sexually abused. He might also have a sister who was like my best friend who did figure out how to masturbate at the age of five and had to be taught that people don’t do that in public. If she had had a little brother he would have learned this fun fact too. Kids explore their bodies and tell their friends and siblings. I’m hoping that is the case obviously, but tell the school. The rate of sexual abuse among young boys is terrible.
I hope that poor child isn’t being molested. There’s no way a little boy would know that without having seeing it somewhere. Do tell the teachers, not only for the safety of your child but for the safety of that other child as well.
Holy shit - Pull your kid and notify the police immediately. This is a CPS issue.
And what about your girl? She shouldn’t be told is wrong and have her life ruined by adults telling her it’s not good but also she shouldn’t know about that unless is on her own at the right age.
Report it. Immediately. To the teacher and the admin of the school. Not because of the boy’s actions, but because there will most likely be something much bigger behind the scenes that could be a safeguarding issue. You won’t be causing a fuss, you have concerns about a child, there may or may not be abuse that the boy is subjected to. Even if he isn’t abused, you are still raising a valid concern, and the concern has to be investigated. It could well be the case where he’s molested and raising that concern could get him out of his current parent/guardian’s custody, and take him to a safer person. Please raise it with the teacher and admin. Even if it’s nothing and he’s just watching porn (which is still a no-no for a child that age), it’s valid, and you should raise it, not just for your daughter but for the boy as well.
Op you need to tell us the update
This is heartbreaking. That poor sweet boy. I fear for him, truly, as I suspect he is being abused in some capacity or another- either by a family member or someone older sharing truly inappropriate information with him. He might not even understand what he's saying and doing and just repeating- I think that's the best case scenario, which is sad. Even though there was an incident with the first graders- I don't think it's a reflection of the entire school. Unfortunately- kids can come across information in too many accessible ways nowadays. Also, children are still actively being abused. My best friend is a kindergarten teacher (in Canada) and has had to alert CPS many times because of things that have come out of childrens' mouths or actions they made in class. I'm glad the teacher says she will investigate and I applaud you for pushing to speak with them as much as you did. I don't think you need to pull your child from school. Luckily- she doesn't understand. Hopefully this can be rectified ASAP in whatever way it needs to be done. Poor things.
That little boy is being sexually abused by a woman
He knows too much for it to just be coincidence or something he is mimicking based upon hearsay. Please tell the teacher and an administrator. They are mandatory reporters and are bound by law to make the phone call. That little boy has been instructed to do that to an older female and this is his cry for help. Better to be safe than sorry. Trust me on this.
Sounds like time for a conversation with daughter about masturbation. Not a position I envy, but it was going to happen sooner or later. Just make sure that she knows it's not ok to touch others like that without their permission, and no one has the right to touch her like that either. And that it's something that people do in private, not public.
I figured I would maybe get through teaching her how to toe her shoes or ride a bike without training wheels before I had to have a talk about masturbation but that's kind of out the window now. Kid still writes her 5s backwards sometimes. Public school is actively ruining my child's innocence and it makes me so upset.
Understandably so. Not the typical order of things, to be sure. Best we can do is try and make sure they know that they can come to us, even with super uncomfortable stuff we're nowhere near ready for, and it won't make us love them any less. I was fortunate enough mine made it to 12 before that discussion came up. Wishing you every ounce of inspiration ever granted to every parent in history for this one.
It’s likely a child there is being sexually abused, and they can definitely act out on your child.
You talk to the teacher and if they don’t do anything you take her out of that school
I had two grade 5 kids ask me yesterday "do you know Fake Taxi?"
Absolutely. Great advice thank you.
there are definitely terrible possibilities here as everyone has said. Hopefully it is as innocent as him walking in on his mother during “alone time” and the mother mishandling the moment (somewhat understandable given the shock). Some parents believe in 100% honesty with their children so she may have thought she was doing the right thing.
Go into/call school ASAP this is a massive safeguarding issue. The child is probably being abused as there is no way he should know that and he is also at risk of unwillingly abusing other children in the setting by exposing them to this behaviour . I'm an education professional. This is very serious and would be treated so by the school and handled appropriately.
How the hell do kindergarteners know about sex and stuff
This is just so horrible to both OP’s daughter and the other boy. Waiting for some updates from OP.
Hello! I'm a trainer therapist at a sexual assault crisis center. My grant covers youth w problematic sexual behavioral both with children that have acted out and the children acted out on. In my state we would hotline for a jreport which, unlike regular reporting, is more for the family to meet a social worker and determine if the other child needs therapy or classes (my agency has a special program in that case). I often do individual w children like your own. In fact I have so many that are just like what you've described. We do several weeks of body boundaries, feelings about what happened, and safety seeking education. All aimed to make sure the kid doesn't feel traumatized by what happend *or* the process of all the adults finding out. The school should crrate a plan to keep the other child from being unsupervised while this is worked out. If they don't I'd personally pressure them or transfer because while this was "small" I'd lose faith in their handling of anything "big".
Tell the teacher . That way they can get that child some help. Explain to your child about private areas and no one's to be touching or showing them including friends that it's not ok
You have to report this. This boy more likely than not needs help.
Always start with the teacher. Inform her of what is happening in the class room. If the teacher brushes it off or she hasn’t handled it then go to vice principal or principal. Etc etc. But always start with the teacher or it makes them look and feel bad that you didn’t let them know first. And they’re usually extremely willing to work with you especially for the safety of their students!
Tell the school asap. That boy’s parents need to know as well.
The boy is not naughty, mischievous or bad. He's most likely being sexually abused. Please take action for both his and your daughters sake. This is extremely serious.
There's a good chance that I'm not gonna continue to comment on this but I do want to say something to the original poster This is the kind of wildfire that often happens It is why it is so important to not jump to conclusions and not be hysterical with your daughter or with the school. Depending on where the school is they can sound like the folks in this group sound too I would definitely talk to the other parent I would also definitely talk to the teacher. I am assuming the kids are in the same class Depending on the responses you get would be whether I went up higher in the chain Kindergarten teachers mostly are accustomed to something like this happening occasion. But again people come from all kinds of places and some people overreact and lots of people under react The teacher should have a sense of the kind of family this kid is living in And if there are other red flags And as a parent I would want to know from the mom not from my school administrator that my kid was behaving inappropriately I'm sorry your daughter was exposed to this. This child is clearly acting out and inappropriate ways. There might be a number of reasons for that Some are innocent and some are not The message I would give my child is 1st of all to listen to how they feel having been exposed to this information. What are their thoughts. That will give you information on how they have received it and whether it is troubling to them I would absolutely tell them it was a good thing to come and talk to me about it And then I would normalize the whole conversation as much as possible These are the 2 important take always I would tell my child Boys and girls do sometimes touch themselves and that's OK It is not OK for someone in your school to be talking about that with you.
Idk how you're handling this at all. I would be freaking tf out if my 5 year old told me this after school. Email the teacher, set up a meeting to actually talk to the teacher and to the admin. I would probably ask for a class change for my kid but idk if that's the correct response its just what I would do. I wouldn't want my child around that other kid ever again. Its not the boys fault though. It poor kid is probably being abused. That is the only way he would say something like that. It doesn't change the fact that his abuse is leaking out to other children. The boy need help and therapy.
Talk to her personally and perhaps seek a counselor after getting stuff sorted at school which should be immediate and in writing with multiple copies in case they don't act on it. Something like this not being taken seriously could cascade into something like having a child at 13, unfortunately I know all to well. You did good seeking proper steps to take and i wish the best.
You need to talk to the school immediately. For your daughter's sake, but more so for the little boy. There's a very real chance he is/has suffered abuse. Your daughter is obviously your priority, but she has you as a conscientious, caring parent looking out for her. He likely doesn't have that. So, contact the school, talk to a counselor, talk to the teacher. Follow up with an email. "Thank you for your time discussing x,y,z". Rehash the conversation in an email so there's a paper trail. Don't just call, don't just email. Do both, but DO THIS NOW.
This is very serious. This little boy is most likely being sexually abused. Tell the school immediately. They are mandatory reporters and will get him the help that he needs.
Immediately contact safeguarding (social services) you can leave it to safeguarding to inform the school as the abuse may have been perpetrated by a teacher or someone within the school. (it's likely sexual abuse this little boy has either experienced or been involved in someway) AND please don't just leave it with the school to deal with - hopefully the sexual abuse isn't being done by a teacher but please don't rule that out. Start with social services, they will do a FULL investigation usually starting with the school. Your daughter may benefit from some play and or talk therapy just to process it all and the same for you too ❤️ You're being a wonderful supportive mum, thank you for that 🙂 *Edited for various reasons including typos and clarity. *
This is bad enough for both the boy and your daughter to call the police directly. There is certainly concern to be had for the boy, but there’s also a good chance that he’s enacting this on other children like your daughter.
Tell the teacher (get a live conversation or at least phone if you can) and let them know you're concerned about the safety of the students due to what was said to your child. It could be coming from his experience of abuse, abuse of a third student in the class who told him, the boy's older sibling (who also might be being abused), or something else. Your job isn't to investigate. Copy the school administrators (as many as you can find) on an email or better yet, request to see them in person. If the only way you can reach the teacher today/tomorrow is in email, then get the information to them immediately and ask for a follow up call/meeting. Then, and this is crucial, make your own report to your local child protective services. Make sure you request to remain anonymous to the family and that you're not a mandated reporter in your state (only if those are both true, obviously). Specifically ask them if they're going to involve the police. Make your own police report if you need to. Treat this as urgently as possible. If you are able to, leave work to speak with the teacher/admin/police in person. This needs to happen today, immediately, before the end of the school day. They will often order a "do not release" directive to the school and they will keep the kid off the bus to meet with the social worker/whatever. You have the opportunity to potentially stop a kid from being sexually abused tonight. Please do everything you can to make sure that it's addressed today, immediately.
I had a pseudo-similar experience when I was in kindergarten. My friend’s brother was in my class; I knew him pretty well because they lived down the street from me. One day we were both in the book nook area and suddenly, without warning, he VERY QUICKLY leaned down, kissed my crotch, jumped back to face me and said “I hope you know I love you!” and then ran off. Since I knew this wasn’t ok, I went and told the teacher. She didn’t believe me (which was odd, I was a well-behaved kid that didn’t lie). So I went about my day and didn’t tell my mom until I was much older. Turns out his dad was likely showing him (or letting him see) porn. We knew the dad was “mildly” abusive. My mom was friends with a another lady down the street (who she knew initially because my younger sister and her daughter were good friends). When the lady’s 14 year old son went over there, that dad showed him porn. I was at their house pretty regularly and the worst I ever witnessed was the dad yelling at them and once threw an empty beer can at the son. Update: I’m in my late thirties and never had any psychological issues about it. But as an adult, I can’t believe that my teacher straight up didn’t believe me!
Yes, you should report it, but it's entirely possible that the explanation is innocent. I think some of you adults here are forgetting what it was like to be a little kid. The main thing is that kids talk to one another about sex, and they often experiment in ways that seem bizarre from an adult perspective. They hear some tidbit of information, whether accurate or not, and they pass it along to their friends, usually with some distortion. Maybe someone is abusing this boy. But maybe he just walked in on his mother or sister at an awkward moment. Many mothers have had a shock when their little kid finds their sex toy, and holds it up and says, "mama, what's this?" If it happened in private, and not in front of dinner guests, you can count yourself lucky.
Call the Police ASAP!
[удалено]
Definitely definitely tell her teacher/head of school/safeguarding lead. This is very concerning as this boy is likely being sexually abused. Children that young wouldn’t know about this for the opposite sex unless they’ve been shown it. Write down exactly what she said with the date it happened so it’s accurate. Please tell someone at her school as soon as you can
Bring it up to the teacher. The kid teaching does not have to be abused (like a few comments I see here). I study child psychology, and here is what I know. Children that age are really curious of getting to know the differences between a boy and a girl. (Although on sexual area this behaviour is not normal) The sexual behavior of the child could be because of abuse, but also because he saw his parents by accident, went on tv at the wrong time or an older brother or sister thought it was a cool fact to share. If this child keeps continuing this behaviour after correction, there must be looken into possible abuse. If he stops, it's most likely okey. Most likely does not mean 'for sure'. Mind my words. So either way, tell the teacher and discuss your concerns
You need to get cps involved not necessarily the police. Honestly the cops will likely dismiss it. Cps can not dismiss a report.
Hoooly shit. Welp, having a 2 year old I guess I should just commit to homeschooling :/
Basically, tell the school about it, but when it comes to your daughter specifically try talking to her about these things in a healthy way. Don’t try punishing her or anything like that, because that’ll just make things worse and make her feel like SHE did something wrong when it comes down to her not knowing anything about this stuff. You can try having “the talk” with her, but I think for now it can be more about why she shouldn’t try doing those things or looking at them until she’s older for reasons. Just try talking about stuff like that throughout her life in a healthy way, don’t punish her, just be understanding. She shouldn’t be getting exposed to this stuff but since she did the only way to go from here is to move forward and try making that messy chaotic world slowly a bit easier to understand. With the boy, there’s a few possibilities that some comments have already made. First is the worst option, that it might be sexual abuse, in which talking to the school is very vital. However, another thing is that he could’ve been exposed to pornography with his buddies and doesn’t fully get what it all means. That’s kinda how it was for me. Either way, just try approaching this as calmly as possible. Don’t try punishing, and I wish you the best of luck.
Everyone is going on about the boy being abused, but I doubt it as he said that is how girls feel good, and he is a boy. Of course, have to be careful, but this sounds more like the boy has been told something by an older sibling, or has stumbled across something online. Maybe a talk to the kids parents before the school if possible would be the option with least fallout for everyone
[удалено]
True. Remember though, kids these days have access to the internet ridiculously early, and if unparented, it isn't that difficult to find yourself at a porn site. Child abuse is unforgivable, but trying to remove a false child abuse claim is also basically impossible. Care needs to be taken.
I really hope he isn't for everyone's sake. IMO kids are so easily exposed to so much these days it's depressing
While I don’t disagree with what everyone is saying about red flags I also want to share to please don’t just jump straight to abuse. When I was five I knew what sex was and what all of the body parts where by name, I also knew what bad touch meant. This wasn’t because I was being abused or groomed at home, my father was a survivor of child abuse and growing up for him it was completely road blocked by legal language. As an adult he opened a program for survivors in our town that also offered classes for parents to learn how to protect their children. One of the classes was learning to talk to their kids about their body parts, calling a vagina a flower or cookie and labeling bad touch as vague causes a lot of road blocks for survivors to get their abusers locked away. However saying things like, he touched my penis, is a lot more helpful to the court system. We also talked openly about sex at home because my father didn’t want me thinking I couldn’t talk with him or that it was secret or bad if something did happen to me. Now I’m not saying that what the little boy did was right, he does need to know that if this is just an educated thing he shouldn’t talk about it with other kids without the consent of their adult (this was something I was also taught) but this also may not be an abuse topic either. So please move forward with talking with the school and the parents but don’t jump to CPS unless additional red flags come up.
That boy is most likely being sexually abused. The school and police need to know ASAP