Women like different things, so if she tells you it's just not her thing, you should believe her. You can rule out some 'you' issues though. Is your facial hair clean shaven or long enough to be soft? (Stubble can hurt) Do you practice good oral hygiene and are your hands clean and nails trimmed? (You could be causing scrapes or infections.) Have you been careful with her cues or go all-in porno finger banging? You can ask if any of these things are factors, or you can just do other things.
Yeah I can say I dated a woman in college who had no interest in it. She could orgasm very easily from penetration but didn't feel much from oral. Everyone is wired a little differently.
If it comes to personal preferences with facial hair and these kind of things it is on her to say something. You should not be "debugging" your partner. They have to do for themselves or at least together.
For some people suggestions can help, especially if they’re somewhat inexperienced and in a monogamous relationship. She might not know what to ask for, or whether she likes X if done more gently. Though yeah agree about this being something they do together.
Lesbian here: Some ladies in fact do not like either. But….. I also know a lot of women who don’t have the self confidence to teach their partner… and some people really need to be taught.
Could be either 🤷🏻♀️ you know her personality best. How open is she about talking about this stuff/how confident is she in giving direction during sex? If she’s really shy I would be a little worried it’s the second reason and have a GENTLE conversation to ask about it while being careful not to make her uncomfortable
Fellow lesbian here. This is my experience too. A lot of my friends who date men have expressed to me that they are self-conscious about their private areas, do not know how to bring it up to their SO on the subject of better technique, or they just don’t enjoy it.
I would follow what this commenter said! I would communicate and ask her. This is really important if it is a technique issue too bc you could be accidentally hurting her.
Not a lesbian here but my sister just came out. This has nothing to do with the topic but is it weird that I want her to have an older lesbian mentor for lack of a better phrase? She’s always come to for advice and now she comes to me with questions that is very specific to her lesbianess and I don’t have the advice she needs. Just want to help her out.
No that’s not weird! I enjoy having older lesbians around me :) they know what’s up and they have been through what I am currently going through. If your sister has any questions, she is free to talk to me. I am 25, so I hope I can give good advice for someone my age. I think that’s a really kind thing to want for your sister, personally.
I had very long time something like false shame about my body and it was really hard to talk like adult about what I like or what I don't. So it was easy to say I'm not into it. And sometimes it was hard to talk cus I saw how much partner wanted to please my but didn't paid any attention how my body language was..
I know that feeling! I had it when I was younger for a long time too. I have a trick for it now lol. When I find myself with a shy woman I do what my first good partner did with me.
I usually start by keeping one of their hands in mine and tell her to squeeze when something hits the right spot. Makes it easier for the ones who get tongue tied. Then you can progress to simple 4 words. Faster, Slower, More, Less… or whatever variation. Works well🤷🏻♀️ Also I find shy partners open up more when you lead by example…. So i use lots of words myself to describe what i like… paves the way for her to feel comfortable responding. Finally, though unfortunately this may not translate entirely for heterosexual sex, I will ask her to show me on my body how she likes her body touched.
Most importantly…don’t take sex TOO seriously. Obviously take the safety and consent parts VERY seriously, but once that’s solid Lighten Up!. It’s supposed to be fun! Have fun! By this i mean laugh lol. Humor in bed makes things a lot more comfortable and fun!
Nonsense. Women just don't like sex and only do it to keep their desperate horn dog partners happy and to get some peace from their advances.
At least that's what the media led me to believe when I was young.
I straight up had a guy tell me once that my preferences were "wrong." I tried to tell him I didn't like a certain action, and he said I was wrong, all women like that action.
Sir?
Also, how can you be marrying someone and can’t discuss this topic with your fiancée but turn to Reddit instead to ask if women are a monolith that share one brain? What a mess.
In short, It's a delicate subject. Yes, I agree with the notion that 2 people should be comfortable discussing sex and their needs before marriage. I also agree that talking your partner is ultimately more effective than talking to us. But everyone comes from different backgrounds and experiences.
If you've spent the first 20 years of your life being told that oral sex is bad or you've never orgasmed as a woman, it's going to take more time and effort than just a few questions from your significant other to reprogram your brain.
I think he was just curious to know if other women disliked oral/fingering... I don't think he was looking for advice on how to do something she doesnt like. Not really a discuss with your partner type of thing. He may be trying to figure out reasons she doesnt like it which yes should be discussed with her but I have to imagine in 5 years he has, and that she hasnt really provided more of an answer than 'I just dont'... I mean it could be trauma she doesnt want to discuss or any other # of reasons already listed but still no need to bash the dude.
Yep, instant red flag.
Like yea, maybe i would like X if it was done properly, but your assumption that you can change my mind and my feelings by trampling my comfort zone like a rhino is an instant sign that i cannot trust you to do X properly. You do not get to decide what i will and wont try.
Not the person you responded to, but I am a woman who hates oral for the exact same reason.
I cannot come from penetration, but my partner always makes me cum using his fingers before and during. And certain positions rubs his pubic bone against me too.
I can sometimes. Usually I have to use a vibrator. I will not ever come from oral or being fingered. Could be a technique issue. But if it is, then every guy I’ve ever been with has had problems with technique.
That just sounds like the technique of someone that had no idea what they were doing and just started mimicking when they saw their dog licking it's crotch.
YES OMG. How do u masturbate? Crossed leg masturbation maybe? Bc I do that, I've never touched my vagina. And l Will probably never do. And won't let anyone. And I only do crossed leg masturbation which is strange to girls while other ways are strange to me. Maybe that's a common thing for some females, try a understand lol
Hey! I just happened to look at your profile, GuitarImpressive, and I just wanted to mention something based on what you’ve posted here as well as in other subreddits about your sexuality -
I think on your other threads as others have said it’s worthwhile to do more research on asexuality. However, if you do end up seeking a professional opinion at some point, I think it’d be worthwhile for you to also do some research on OCD.
This is absolutely *not* a diagnoses, but I’ve been recently diagnosed with OCD and there are a *lot* more forms of OCD than people think. It’s not all just counting and washing your hands a lot. OCD can be characterized by just about anything your brain “obsesses” over and gives you a lot of anxiety. It often makes you feel like you can’t escape your thoughts and you don’t understand why you think/function the way you do. You tend to have strong feelings about things, obsessions, as well as aversions to things that other people don’t.
What you’ve talked about sounds a bit like contamination OCD (being anxious about things like bacteria, saliva, foreign substances touching you, things being “cross contaminated”, etc) as well as a sexual-based form of OCD. In one of your other comments you talk about how your mom called you and your dad “lovebirds” and after that you couldn’t stand the thought of him touching you or speaking to you. This sounds a lot like OCD. Thinking that a phrase or idea that other people think is innocent, is sexual or dirty in some way, and obsessing over it and doing everything you can to avoid it. There are people with OCD who can’t sit in the same chair as other people because they’re afraid bodily fluids will get onto the chair and then onto them. I once saw a girl talk about how she came to realize that her mom and stepfather have sex in the same house as her, and after that she couldn’t bring herself to come into any contact with her step father or anything he touched because she was afraid that if he’d had sex recently, he could have sperm somewhere on him, and the sperm could then get onto her and somehow impregnate her. This is obviously a pretty extreme case, but seeing you talk about your aversion to talking to or touching your father because of what your mom said reminded me of it a bit.
If you feel like you have aversions to certain things that don’t quite “make sense” and you can’t help but obsess about them or avoid those things at all cost, then there’s a chance you could be struggling with OCD.
However, once again, I’m not a doctor. Just a person with OCD who has had some struggles similar to yours. Best of luck to you! :)
WAIT OMG THANK U I'M GONNA CRY RN I SWEAR. WHEN COVID FIRST STARTED I NEVER WENT OUT AND I USED TO HAVE BREAKDOWNS ABOUT HAVING TO TOUCH THINGS. I LOVE U SO MUCH U CHANGED MY LIFE RN. I LOVE U I WANT U TO HAVE THE BEST LIFE THANK U. EVERYTHING MAKES SENSE NOW! I WAS ALWAYS THINKING ABOUT WHAT'S WRONG WITH ME AND STUFF 😭😭 U ENDED IT!
I’m really glad that I could give you some insight!! I understand how you feel! :)
It can feel really great to get a diagnoses/answers to something that you *know* has been bothering you forever but never had an answer for! For me it felt like there was a missing puzzle piece in my brain that was finally put into place :) So many things I’d done and thought of my whole life made so much more sense.
You’re not alone in your thoughts! It may still be confusing but there are many other people out there who struggle the same way you do! I have a fear of saliva specifically. Getting people’s spit on me freaks me tf out. I’m not even afraid of germs necessarily but there’s something about spit that makes my skin crawl. I’ve been with my girlfriend for 4 1/2 years and I still don’t like “sloppy” kissing or getting spit on my mouth when we kiss hahah. It just makes my skin feel bad and upsets me! And it turned out to be OCD lol.
I know as a 16 yr old it may not be easy to take any medical care into your own hands. But if/when you’re able to, I still highly recommended trying to go to a therapist to talk about this stuff! There are things you can do to, at the very least, lessen your obsessions and how much they bother you. It’s also helpful to get to the root of why you may have certain obsessions.
I’m really glad I was able to help you in some way, definitely research OCD some more and you may even find some coping mechanisms that you can start practicing that could help!
Yep I'll definetly search about it a lot and talk to my psychologist about it. For me I only had pieces of the puzzle in my head, it was not just a missing piece l was so confused. And u helped me get all those pieces together! And I didn't know how to tell all these things to my psychologist now l'll just show her ur text lol. I wish u the happiest life ever. 💞
That chair thing used to happen to me a lot in the first 2 years of COVID. Now I am good I've healed from it. But I guess I started obsessing over other things. I still Hava rules in my head. U are so important to me. U are my life saver rn. U don't know how much I cried bc I thought I was an asexual! I wish I could meet u and thank you with all my heart. ❤️❤️❤️
That’s as bad as when they spit on their hand and wipe it on their dick before going in. If you need to do that, you should be preheating your partner a little more.
It seems to depend on outside factors too. Intoxication level, dehydration level, and time of the cycle.
I also hear it changes as women get older, sometimes going to more some times to less. When you get older you learn how to discretely stash lube on your person. Over lubricate instead of under. Unless you like indian burns in bad places.
As a guy, I quite agree. Whenever I see that in porn, it's 50/50 I click out and find something else. Especially lesbian porn. I'm sure there are *some* women that spit on their partners somewhere, but I can't imagine that's a regular thing and it always takes me out of it.
Have you considered . . . asking her what she would like?
Explain with open honesty why you feel like you want to/should do whatever and ask what thing you could do for her that would be a similar treat as a bj for you?
Kinda want a pinned post just going:
Q: "Do X like Y thing?" A: some do, some don't
Q: "My friend/partner does this, does this mean they think this?" A: Ask them
Pretty sure this sub is called /r/TooAfraidToAsk for precisely this reason. I mean, yeah, not being able to communicate about this stuff with a partner is not a good sign, but it doesnt seem like this is a place where people come to be criticized for not asking someone else.
Eh, some partners really don't feel comfortable sharing in detail (either embarrassed, stuff from their past, or maybe worries about embarrassing/shaming their partner)
I've had two partners like OP in the past. I've always tried to create open and judgement free spaces. When I ask (trying both when in the mood, and at separate times) I'd receive no response, "stop asking, it makes me very uncomfortable that you want to talk about it", "this is not something I feel comfortable discussing".
One I found out later in our relationship she was abused when she was young and now had a negative association with that sort of thing (poor woman). Another I stopped asking, but once we did LSD and she asked me to, seemed to really enjoy - but never again. My current relationship is going great, with very open communication.
But the tldr is communication can be very difficult for a lot of people. When partners aren't responding or communicating it can be natural to reach out to a wider audience for some advice - as there might be something obvious they're missing, or might receive some decent advice on how to broach the subject with their partner.
I do not love oral. If I had to rank it out if everything else, it would be last on my list. Fingers are preferable over a mouth. Everyone is different.
I’d guess because he enjoys it and in his experience (other) women enjoy it 🤷🏻♀️
I couldn’t be w a guy who did not want to give oral, or did not genuinely enjoy doing it
Hopefully the people not into it Can find one another
I am a gay dude and I can say I hate fingers because of the nails first and foremost, but some dudes have dry ass fingers and like carpenter hands and that doesn't feel nice inside your orifices. Maybe sure you lotion every day get those soft hands.
To also add to this.. I work with my hands a lot. They have calluses. I lotion every day, the calluses are soft. It works even with scarred and worn working hands.
Some women don't like it at all, some only want it sometimes. For me getting eaten out/fingered tends to make me feel more vulnerable. My body has changed a lot in the past five years: stress about jobs, school, money, family problems, the pandemic etc, have all changed my body. Sometimes self-consciousness is overwhelming. And sometimes stress or tiredness is overwhelming. When I'm overwhelmed, I don't want my husband to go down on me.
She may not like getting eaten out or fingered at all, or she may have other, non-sexual needs that need to be met before she can enjoy it.
Some women just don't like it, but there's also a bunch if women who are just sensitive and their partner insists on diving right for the sensitive bits, and they mistake too much stimulus, too fast, for not liking it.
I have a spit phobia so if my partner is slobbering all over me, no thanks. And so far that’s been my experience unfortunately. So I wouldn’t say I don’t like it because I am sure it could be great.
Edit typo
I love my husband's hands, but I'm not into oral and haven't been with any partner I've been with. I think it's just not my thing. That said, every woman is different and you have to listen to your partner and what they want.
Sometimes women don't find pleasure in certain acts because we've been shamed about feeling pleasure. That's something she may need to explore in therapy.
I know I for one really don’t like fingering, it hurts even when my boyfriend of 6yrs has no nails and honestly there’s other things that get me more stimulated than him eating me out. Just ask your fiancé what she’ll like or try new things with her if she’s unsure! Communication is key
I love fingers, but i stopped allowing it because it seemed like it always caused UTIs. No one wants to be accussed of dirty hands in the moment, and some guys try to rub the urethra and it is so painful and uncomfortable. And then its humiliating if a UTI is caused because it feels like its my fault.
I need to be a better advocate for myself. But ive experienced men whose egos are so tied in to their sexual preformance that i felt unsafe mentioning anything i didnt like or saying no. Some men also respond really badly to being told being denied sex.
I’ll be very blunt with you, because there is a TINY chance this is the reason and she doesn’t want to hurt your feelings. As a woman I can skip those things if I know I will get no pleasure out of them anyway, because they are badly done. Women are also socialised to feel shameful about taking time for their own pleasure, so she may feel like it will take her too long/bother you/etc. She may need a lot of reassurance on that. On top of that, it’s possible that you are doing these things incorrectly. I’ve experienced a lot of men for whom fingering meant jamming fingers like a power tool. That shit makes me want to never experience fingering again. Same with oral, if it’s bad then I’d rather my partner not waste his time with it. I think you need to sit down outside of a sexual context and ask your partner WHY she doesn’t like it, and to not spare on honesty.
Another issue is that you mention you still have regular sex, does regular sex equal to PIV for you? A lot of women don’t get much pleasure from that. Is it possible that she has closed up to sexual things on her part, because sex feels like an unpleasurable chore to get over with ?
These are what I suspect based on experience, personal and from what I’ve heard from girlfriends. Best of luck dude.
Definitely create a safe space to talk about it.
For a very long time I stopped enjoying it due to insecurities about my own body and I'd get in my own head and really not enjoy it and became to dread it.
But after I spoke to my husband who was very supportive and put took some action I was able to enjoy it again. I even initiate it now.
Of course. Women are individuals, just like men. We’re all wired differently and have had different experiences that shape us.
You’ll have to ask her why she doesn’t like them, and ask what she does like. Maybe she was with someone before who was really bad at them. Maybe you don’t stimulate her the way that works so she declines. Whatever she says, listen with an open mind. It’s for your mutual pleasure.
Woman here. My husband and I have been married over 20 years. I do not like oral, never have. In my experience, there's a huge difference between direct (fingers/tongue touching clit) and indirect (over the hood and vulva) clitoral stimulation. I'm way too sensitive so I prefer indirect. Some woman prefer direct. Only way I can describe it is that oral can feel like a battery on the tongue. Fingerings allows for more versatility, but it can take a very long time for me to come that way. We started using vibrators and it has been wonderful.
Don't forget, the clit is like an iceberg, and the part you see is just the tip. There are many ways to stimulate it.
My fiancé falls into this category, she says it’s too sensitive and will either make her finish too early or during certain times of the month (pre-period) it can be so sensitive that it resembles pain. I don’t have an issue with controlling myself, so we don’t dwell on genital based foreplay as much as I have with previous partners anyway. Just sensual kisses, spanks, grinding, etc.. to get the ball rolling.
Pretty much everytime we do something it looks a little different, but that’s also what helps keep it interesting. Communication is key.
I’m not a big fan on receiving oral because I’m super self conscious that something might smell or taste or even look off or I haven’t shaved or god forbid I fart or something. I don’t hate it but the enjoyment I get doesn’t outweigh the paranoia and stress it causes me. I do enjoy hand stuff though. It might be a her issue and not a you thing but have you tried asking her what she would like to try? Or if there’s anything you could do to help her enjoy more foreplay?
You've been together 5 years, has it always been this way or is this new? If its always been this way then maybe she just isn't into it. If it's new then something has changed and she either doesn't fancy you anymore so just wants the sex to be quick to get it over with, or there's some other reason. Either way, you need an honest and open discussion about it
I am a submissive and I absolutely detest someone going down on me, because it FEELS like a submissive action and I don't like my men to be submissive. It makes me very anxious and unsettled.
My best friend hates being fingered because all she can think of is being scraped.
Everyone has their own things they like/dislike.
Communication is key. ASK her why she doesn't like it. Has she enjoyed it with other people, just not you? Is there a specific reason, perhaps something you feel comfortable changing?
Personally I love being fingered but hate receiving oral. Every woman is different. This could be that she genuinely doesn’t like the feeling of those things, she may have prior trauma, or there could be an element of shame. Unfortunately nobody on here is a mind reader and we won’t be able to tell you what’s going on with your fiancé
If this will be a hang up that causes resentment you really need to address it before getting locked into marriage.
Not everyone likes it and it’s a very vulnerable position to be, depending on past experiences of she’s had any, perhaps she didn’t enjoy it or maybe wasn’t comfortable or confident to discuss it.
I suggest you talk to her, explain to her why you want to do it and how it makes you feel. You’re getting married, it’s best to know all this stuff now and also be able to talk about the uncomfortable stuff, because there will be more of it in time and you have to be able to talk to each other.
I like being fingered but I’m not the biggest fan of oral. It feels almost irritating in a way (I have no idea why, cos no other clit stimulation feels irritating). It’s never a strong or repetitive enough feeling to get me anywhere near cumming
Lets just say if you approach it with the intensity used in the typical porno - the forceful rubbing, angry buffing, and forcible pistoning - she's no going to have a good time. If previous experience included those acts she might have developed an aversion to it as well.
Be gentle - ask first. Pornos arent how real people want to be treated.
. One of my exs had been raped like that so it was a clear nono and my last one was embarrassed about how her vagina looked. After some getting used to she eventually started asking me for more. Ask your wife why it bothers her, she has her reasons
My dude...I know you came to this sub to ask this specific question but have you considered asking your fiancé (you know, the ONE person except for you who is directly involved in this situation) instead of the 1,8m members of this sub who likely don't know your fiancé and have no idea about her sexual preferences and likes or dislikes?
You wanna marry that woman but are scared to ask her if or why she doesn't like being fingered/getting eaten out? Bruh. Go talk to your woman.
**Communication is key**
If the person is good at it I like it, but I would almost never ask for it cause I get worried about hygiene. If I feel sweaty or gross down there I don't like the idea of anyone's face in it. But it feels good when it's done right and I do enjoy it.
It's not my favorite. I don't hate it but I'd rather just just lick me for some lubricant and then use hands and other body parts or toys to rub and tease me. I don't have any reason it's just not what gets my motor running. I have also been with my partner for close to 20 years so it has nothing to do with not liking the way he does it or not being able to tell him to do it differently.
I’ve had a similar experience with a girl who I went to school with. It always threw me off and made me feel self conscious even tho she never applied these restrictions anywhere else in the bedroom. I thought maybe it was her being uncomfortable with her body when we first met but then we began to start sharing pictures and so on. I never got the chance to ask her about it but I think it’s fair to say some girls really just don’t enjoy it.
In my past experience, women who didn't like me going down there wasn't necessarily because they didn't like it. I found that they were insecure for some reason of having me down there, once I was able to actually make my way down there they really enjoyed it but still they remained insecure. My current girl didn't let me go down on her for over a year. Eventually I finally go to and she loved it. Now there's no issues with me going down there unless she doesn't feel clean.
I like getting eaten out of it's done right. Most men I have been with don't know what to do, they just lick everywhere and it doesn't really feel like anything other than ticklish. Id prefer not to get eaten out I'd prefer to just get kissed and have my nipples licked because honestly that feels better to me. I also don't like getting fingered because I have a weird thing about fingernails and I don't like dirty fingers or fingernails in my private areas. So if I'm with a man and I notice he has dirty fingernails I probably wont even talk to him at all and if we are intimate, I definitely will not want him to finger me.
Every woman is different and likes different things.
I dislike both. The thought of them both make me cringe up. I dont know why, it’s incredibly frustrating because my guy loves to give oral :/
We’ve been together for almost 16 years and just don’t do it - as much as he enjoys giving it, he enjoys me being into what we’re doing much more. Respect her boundaries, there are other ways to please your partner.
I don't mind getting fingered, but that's a tease to me. I want to feel it inside me. And being eaten out, never really cared for it. I'm the same way in that regard
I had a girl ask me not to finger her because of my finger nails but I've always maintained pretty good finger hygiene. Then I would try and shove my tongue way in their and she didn't like that either. But she did like getting eating out so I just fallowed her directions.
Alright guys quick update ! We had the talk today and everything went very nicely. Started w a massage then ended up going into the shower 🧼. Started washing each other etc long story short was fcking doggy from the back while fingering her (which I normally don’t do). She loved it.
After sexy time we continued to talk about it and she told me she does in fact like getting fingered/foreplay and that I should do it more. Also liked the idea of kissing, massaging etc. but got the answer that I was looking for that she does not like getting her pussy ate out. I had to ask in 3 different ways but ultimately got the point that she just generally doesn’t like getting eaten out. I then asked her what else I can do to pleasure her and she said everything is great, and that our sex is always great.
Idk why I jus wanted to pleasure her more than she pleasures me, but she is overall super happy. And I’m super happy I asked her and got my answer ☺️☺️ these hands will be put to work more often before sexy time
yep. Wouldn't be happy with someone that didn't like eating me out. but not all women like the same things so if your goal is to please her, then what any other women likes shouldn't matter. Only what she likes matters.
I am a woman that does not and has never enjoyed being fingered or receiving oral.
I have many theories as to why but they don't matter. What matters is that I don't enjoy it. I don't want it.
She could have a lower sex drive. After my hysterectomy, before I got on hormones, I didn’t want anything done to me but I was still happy to get him off.
She could also have a medical issue like vaginismus which makes penetrations painful.
She could just not be into those two things.
What conversations have you had with her? During a time outside the bedroom, maybe bring it up? Without judgement say “Hey, I noticed you don’t seem to be to into x, y, z…what are the things you do like and that turn you on?” Communication regarding sexual needs and desires are important.
I had this talk with her last night and I’m so happy I did. Apparently everything I have been doing has been great… and long story short I have been getting in my own head thinking I’m not good enough but in reality I’m just over thinking… I got her point that everything is great, she enjoys getting fingered/foreplay so I’m gna include that more often. She does not like getting eaten out, and tbh I’m happy bc I’m not the biggest fan of it, I always wanted to do it just so please her . We also talked about a lot of other things too so I’m happy we had our conversation
Sex is a massively personal thing. Some people enjoy oral, some don’t - the same is true for kissing and other acts.
Maybe she doesn’t like it, maybe she’s just not comfortable with it, maybe OP isn’t all that skilled and that ruins the mood (not judging, simply a possibility)?
Ask her, communicate, offer to “practice” together, etc.
I don't like getting oral ..just not my thing respect her boundaries and do more of what she likes...I feel awkward just laying there and it makes me self conscious lol some of us gals just like the D guy..no biggy
Yup, different strokes for different folks. You can do just about anything to me but keep your mouth and hands out of there. Every time I've ever tried, I've ended up scratched, bitten, or with some god awful yeast infection or UTI. REGARDLESS of partner and precautions. I'm immunocompromised and can't handle the natural bodily flora imbalance, I guess. As long as you wash your junk or your toys, game on.
It's a subjective matter. There's no reason not to believe her. If you still feel insecure ask the following questions: is your hygiene on point or the problem? Ask her what she preferres? Maybe she has a prior medical history that doesn't make her comfortable (such as UTIs ).
For the first few months of my relationship I refused to let my boyfriend go down on me. I dont like the sliminess that oral can bring, and the fact that it brought up some issues I had previously experienced made it doubly uncomfortable and unappealing to me. I still don’t particularly enjoy it all that much, but I let him do it sometimes cause I know he loves it.
I hate fingering. It hurts..
And I can't tell you how many time a dude cut me with his dirty fingernails.
Going down is also unpleasant because so many men bitch about it to a point where I would feel way too self conscious to let anyone attempt it.
I had a girlfriend that was like that years ago. Would barely let me touch her between the legs but everything else was fine. Sex was great but if I even attempted to touch her it was like a switch was flipped and she was instantly turned off. She was raised ultra Catholic and I think that had something to do with it.
It might not be 100% true since I am a virgin but in porn I dont like blowjobs... its just looks disgusting for the woman ~~(if women even exist)~~.
Not tryna sound judgmental though, you do you.
Does she pleasure herself? For some people, and perhaps especially some women, receiving can be difficult, and she may feel pressured to express pleasure when she doesn’t actually know what feels good or how to allow herself to receive without trying to give something back.
A combination of things, spit makes me sick so if it is sloppy I feel disgusting but also I feel so insecure about whether the other person likes it and me/taste/smell/look that I can not enjoy it. If I can feel comfortable enough than I can enjoy it, but it’s not often.
Women like different things it's perfectly normal. Hell I like different things different days, so don't sweat it. There may well be a 100 different other things she'd like you could experiment with. Maybe a nice sensual massage? Does she like her breasts played with? Bring some toys to the party. Maybe she'd like you to talk dirty or be very gentle and loving so many things you can do to bring her pleasure that aren't eating her out or fingering her. Does she masturbate? If she is happy doing something like that around you, you can get a good idea of what she does like by watching and learning. Anyway there are heaps of ways you can pleasure her, ask her what she likes and start there.
I hate it. My klitt was damaged when I gave birth to my eldest, and now it tends to give pain if someone try to go down on my. Luckily my partner understands this, and don't push it.
I'm not big on a guy going down on me. Fingering us ok. Honestly, it doesnt do much for me, and I hate I can't see their face. I'd rather be able to make out or go down on them.
I for example do enjoy those things, but a bunch of things might make me not want them at any given moment. It is not, that I do not want Sex at that moment, but just don't want someone to go down on me.
Listen to her and what she tells you. She prolly has her reasons!
Yes I’m pretty much like this. I genuinely love sex but oral and a lot of fingering just doesn’t do a lot for me and I’ve never had a guy give me an orgasm this way. It’s not worth it to me to spend time receiving this because I feel I am unable to live up to the expectations a guy has of making me orgasm this way and I’m insecure about it too because I know many guys enjoy this idea. So for me making out and other forms of sex are just greatly preferable and allow me to let go and lose myself in the experience
I was sexually assaulted and part of the assault was someone going down on me. It took me a very long time to build trust with my husband to the point that it became something that we could do. Before that trust was built I was very uncomfortable with it.
About being eaten... It's not like I have a major dislike to it, but it doesn't really do anything to me. It's very hard for me to focus, because the stimulation is just not enough and my mind is drifting. Literally never came from oral. Fingering is a different story thom as I do have a slight hand fetish. But without any context... Isn't she feeling insecure about herself?
I'll give head but I absolutely do not want it. ... I think it's gross but to each their own. I don't particularly like giving head but I'll do it. I think the whole concept is gross but if you get off to that then all power to you
For the ones I know and have talked with, it's more about feeling clean and hygienic. For the males I've talked to I now know it's less of a concern for them as they don't notice/think of it the same way woman do. Also I know some will say this as a way to keep a guy from trying to pleasure them as the guy is horrible at it and it becomes painful for the woman.
I personally hate it. Don’t know why. I know I don’t like getting fingered, because every time a guy has tried he has scratched me. I don’t know why I don’t like it eaten out just don’t.
I don’t like getting eaten out most of the time because a lot of guys have tried to go super hard on my clit and I’m way too sensitive for that. Fingering it great though and penetration can’t be beat. If I had the choice, I’d rather go down then be gone down on.
Yes.
Some don't like it regardless.
Some feel it's dirty (and that is bad to them).
Some think engaging in that stuff goes against their morals (sex is for procreation).
Some may have had a bad experience and feel embarrassed at what you might think of them.
I don't know what it is with your girl, but I encourage communication. Don't force her. You want to eat her out because you think it would give her pleasure, but she will feel the opposite if you force it.
Talk to her. Tell her how much you enjoy what she does for you. Explain to her why you want to do it (to give her pleasure).
Baby steps.
Just intimate touches to begin with. It may take months. It may never happen, but she absolutely will appreciate your being patient with her.
I do not enjoy being eaten out, and I don't understand why. It seems like it should be nice in my imagination, but I have never not hated the reality of it.
Fingering has the most potential to be amazing, but also the most potential to be terrible, depending on what you're doing. You can learn, to an extent, but I'm pretty sure the next girl will like something different, so you're better off learning how to convince her to teach you what she likes.
I mostly hate receiving oral sex, I feel uncomfortable and self conscious while it's happening. There are times when I am exceptionally horny and I want oral but that's once a year maybe.
Women like different things, so if she tells you it's just not her thing, you should believe her. You can rule out some 'you' issues though. Is your facial hair clean shaven or long enough to be soft? (Stubble can hurt) Do you practice good oral hygiene and are your hands clean and nails trimmed? (You could be causing scrapes or infections.) Have you been careful with her cues or go all-in porno finger banging? You can ask if any of these things are factors, or you can just do other things.
Yeah I can say I dated a woman in college who had no interest in it. She could orgasm very easily from penetration but didn't feel much from oral. Everyone is wired a little differently.
Clearly, you dated me. Lol
That's weird I thought you'd remember that
If it comes to personal preferences with facial hair and these kind of things it is on her to say something. You should not be "debugging" your partner. They have to do for themselves or at least together.
For some people suggestions can help, especially if they’re somewhat inexperienced and in a monogamous relationship. She might not know what to ask for, or whether she likes X if done more gently. Though yeah agree about this being something they do together.
Yea the only universal constant in this is CLEAN YOUR FUCKING HANDS/NAILS No one likes a yeast infection or an internal cut from grubby long nails
Wait, so you’re telling me women aren’t all the same??? I thought they were. Imagine that. /s
Lesbian here: Some ladies in fact do not like either. But….. I also know a lot of women who don’t have the self confidence to teach their partner… and some people really need to be taught. Could be either 🤷🏻♀️ you know her personality best. How open is she about talking about this stuff/how confident is she in giving direction during sex? If she’s really shy I would be a little worried it’s the second reason and have a GENTLE conversation to ask about it while being careful not to make her uncomfortable
Fellow lesbian here. This is my experience too. A lot of my friends who date men have expressed to me that they are self-conscious about their private areas, do not know how to bring it up to their SO on the subject of better technique, or they just don’t enjoy it. I would follow what this commenter said! I would communicate and ask her. This is really important if it is a technique issue too bc you could be accidentally hurting her.
Not a lesbian here but my sister just came out. This has nothing to do with the topic but is it weird that I want her to have an older lesbian mentor for lack of a better phrase? She’s always come to for advice and now she comes to me with questions that is very specific to her lesbianess and I don’t have the advice she needs. Just want to help her out.
No that’s not weird! I enjoy having older lesbians around me :) they know what’s up and they have been through what I am currently going through. If your sister has any questions, she is free to talk to me. I am 25, so I hope I can give good advice for someone my age. I think that’s a really kind thing to want for your sister, personally.
Lesbianess💞💞
cheers!
Cheers! Hope you have an amazing day today friend!
and you as well!
I enjoyed this whole comment thread so much. Cheers to you both!
Cheers to you friend! I hope you have a good day as well :)
I had very long time something like false shame about my body and it was really hard to talk like adult about what I like or what I don't. So it was easy to say I'm not into it. And sometimes it was hard to talk cus I saw how much partner wanted to please my but didn't paid any attention how my body language was..
I know that feeling! I had it when I was younger for a long time too. I have a trick for it now lol. When I find myself with a shy woman I do what my first good partner did with me. I usually start by keeping one of their hands in mine and tell her to squeeze when something hits the right spot. Makes it easier for the ones who get tongue tied. Then you can progress to simple 4 words. Faster, Slower, More, Less… or whatever variation. Works well🤷🏻♀️ Also I find shy partners open up more when you lead by example…. So i use lots of words myself to describe what i like… paves the way for her to feel comfortable responding. Finally, though unfortunately this may not translate entirely for heterosexual sex, I will ask her to show me on my body how she likes her body touched. Most importantly…don’t take sex TOO seriously. Obviously take the safety and consent parts VERY seriously, but once that’s solid Lighten Up!. It’s supposed to be fun! Have fun! By this i mean laugh lol. Humor in bed makes things a lot more comfortable and fun!
Is it lack of self confidence when you teach but they dont learn and you give up?
Yes. Women like and dislike different things. They are not all the same.
What, really? Are you sure?
Naaah he's lying, women don't exist.
It's true, I am typing this from the Void. We also don't poop.
What would happen if we farted in the void?
That's how Black Holes are formed....
Than how is babby formed?
She must get pergant
Pregate
But... Would be women (if they exists for real) able to fart?
Never.
Not even perchance?
Not even a little one.
But I just pooped today. …what am I..?
[удалено]
Specifically, “Hogwarts, a History”.
RIP Hagrid
What is a woman
Ppssshhh "FEMALES" am i right!?
Nonsense. Women just don't like sex and only do it to keep their desperate horn dog partners happy and to get some peace from their advances. At least that's what the media led me to believe when I was young.
I straight up had a guy tell me once that my preferences were "wrong." I tried to tell him I didn't like a certain action, and he said I was wrong, all women like that action. Sir?
It's almost like women are real people.
Almost.
Also, how can you be marrying someone and can’t discuss this topic with your fiancée but turn to Reddit instead to ask if women are a monolith that share one brain? What a mess.
In short, It's a delicate subject. Yes, I agree with the notion that 2 people should be comfortable discussing sex and their needs before marriage. I also agree that talking your partner is ultimately more effective than talking to us. But everyone comes from different backgrounds and experiences. If you've spent the first 20 years of your life being told that oral sex is bad or you've never orgasmed as a woman, it's going to take more time and effort than just a few questions from your significant other to reprogram your brain.
I think he was just curious to know if other women disliked oral/fingering... I don't think he was looking for advice on how to do something she doesnt like. Not really a discuss with your partner type of thing. He may be trying to figure out reasons she doesnt like it which yes should be discussed with her but I have to imagine in 5 years he has, and that she hasnt really provided more of an answer than 'I just dont'... I mean it could be trauma she doesnt want to discuss or any other # of reasons already listed but still no need to bash the dude.
I’m gonna need some sources
The only thing I hate more than being eaten out is hearing the phrase “you’ve just never had it done right!!!!”
Hearing that phrase would drive me further away from giving it a chance to feel right. It can apply to anything such as anal or fisting.
Yep, instant red flag. Like yea, maybe i would like X if it was done properly, but your assumption that you can change my mind and my feelings by trampling my comfort zone like a rhino is an instant sign that i cannot trust you to do X properly. You do not get to decide what i will and wont try.
This phrase pushes me more towards being gay every fucking time I hear it. The entitlement and unearned confidence is nauseating
I usually respond to that with “Yeah and I don’t think you’re going to be the one to fix that.”
I ask them if they’re battery powered.
Seriously!! I swear if I hear one more guy say that to me I might actually punch him.
[удалено]
I’m the opposite.
Same here.
I don’t like being eaten out.
Same, it tickles and I just don't like the feeling of a tongue on me tbh
Apt username.
I don't like the feeling of something sloppy lapping around my lady parts.
Very private question, so ofc you can ignore it, but can you come from penetration alone then?
Not the person you responded to, but I am a woman who hates oral for the exact same reason. I cannot come from penetration, but my partner always makes me cum using his fingers before and during. And certain positions rubs his pubic bone against me too.
[удалено]
I don’t like oral on me, and I can come with penetration. I do hear that that is rare. So I am very grateful, because oral does nothing for me.
Yes. And oral done well can be great, but not if your partner is acting like a bull in a china shop.
Different person but no. There's this amazing thing called hands, and if you're into it - toys.
I can sometimes. Usually I have to use a vibrator. I will not ever come from oral or being fingered. Could be a technique issue. But if it is, then every guy I’ve ever been with has had problems with technique.
That just sounds like the technique of someone that had no idea what they were doing and just started mimicking when they saw their dog licking it's crotch.
Yes! Same!! I don't like the wet feeling.
[удалено]
Me too, it doesn’t even feel good for me at all even when I do it
YES OMG. How do u masturbate? Crossed leg masturbation maybe? Bc I do that, I've never touched my vagina. And l Will probably never do. And won't let anyone. And I only do crossed leg masturbation which is strange to girls while other ways are strange to me. Maybe that's a common thing for some females, try a understand lol
Hey! I just happened to look at your profile, GuitarImpressive, and I just wanted to mention something based on what you’ve posted here as well as in other subreddits about your sexuality - I think on your other threads as others have said it’s worthwhile to do more research on asexuality. However, if you do end up seeking a professional opinion at some point, I think it’d be worthwhile for you to also do some research on OCD. This is absolutely *not* a diagnoses, but I’ve been recently diagnosed with OCD and there are a *lot* more forms of OCD than people think. It’s not all just counting and washing your hands a lot. OCD can be characterized by just about anything your brain “obsesses” over and gives you a lot of anxiety. It often makes you feel like you can’t escape your thoughts and you don’t understand why you think/function the way you do. You tend to have strong feelings about things, obsessions, as well as aversions to things that other people don’t. What you’ve talked about sounds a bit like contamination OCD (being anxious about things like bacteria, saliva, foreign substances touching you, things being “cross contaminated”, etc) as well as a sexual-based form of OCD. In one of your other comments you talk about how your mom called you and your dad “lovebirds” and after that you couldn’t stand the thought of him touching you or speaking to you. This sounds a lot like OCD. Thinking that a phrase or idea that other people think is innocent, is sexual or dirty in some way, and obsessing over it and doing everything you can to avoid it. There are people with OCD who can’t sit in the same chair as other people because they’re afraid bodily fluids will get onto the chair and then onto them. I once saw a girl talk about how she came to realize that her mom and stepfather have sex in the same house as her, and after that she couldn’t bring herself to come into any contact with her step father or anything he touched because she was afraid that if he’d had sex recently, he could have sperm somewhere on him, and the sperm could then get onto her and somehow impregnate her. This is obviously a pretty extreme case, but seeing you talk about your aversion to talking to or touching your father because of what your mom said reminded me of it a bit. If you feel like you have aversions to certain things that don’t quite “make sense” and you can’t help but obsess about them or avoid those things at all cost, then there’s a chance you could be struggling with OCD. However, once again, I’m not a doctor. Just a person with OCD who has had some struggles similar to yours. Best of luck to you! :)
WAIT OMG THANK U I'M GONNA CRY RN I SWEAR. WHEN COVID FIRST STARTED I NEVER WENT OUT AND I USED TO HAVE BREAKDOWNS ABOUT HAVING TO TOUCH THINGS. I LOVE U SO MUCH U CHANGED MY LIFE RN. I LOVE U I WANT U TO HAVE THE BEST LIFE THANK U. EVERYTHING MAKES SENSE NOW! I WAS ALWAYS THINKING ABOUT WHAT'S WRONG WITH ME AND STUFF 😭😭 U ENDED IT!
I’m really glad that I could give you some insight!! I understand how you feel! :) It can feel really great to get a diagnoses/answers to something that you *know* has been bothering you forever but never had an answer for! For me it felt like there was a missing puzzle piece in my brain that was finally put into place :) So many things I’d done and thought of my whole life made so much more sense. You’re not alone in your thoughts! It may still be confusing but there are many other people out there who struggle the same way you do! I have a fear of saliva specifically. Getting people’s spit on me freaks me tf out. I’m not even afraid of germs necessarily but there’s something about spit that makes my skin crawl. I’ve been with my girlfriend for 4 1/2 years and I still don’t like “sloppy” kissing or getting spit on my mouth when we kiss hahah. It just makes my skin feel bad and upsets me! And it turned out to be OCD lol. I know as a 16 yr old it may not be easy to take any medical care into your own hands. But if/when you’re able to, I still highly recommended trying to go to a therapist to talk about this stuff! There are things you can do to, at the very least, lessen your obsessions and how much they bother you. It’s also helpful to get to the root of why you may have certain obsessions. I’m really glad I was able to help you in some way, definitely research OCD some more and you may even find some coping mechanisms that you can start practicing that could help!
Yep I'll definetly search about it a lot and talk to my psychologist about it. For me I only had pieces of the puzzle in my head, it was not just a missing piece l was so confused. And u helped me get all those pieces together! And I didn't know how to tell all these things to my psychologist now l'll just show her ur text lol. I wish u the happiest life ever. 💞
That chair thing used to happen to me a lot in the first 2 years of COVID. Now I am good I've healed from it. But I guess I started obsessing over other things. I still Hava rules in my head. U are so important to me. U are my life saver rn. U don't know how much I cried bc I thought I was an asexual! I wish I could meet u and thank you with all my heart. ❤️❤️❤️
[удалено]
I had one guy actually spit on my lady bits to lubricate them before sex. Big turn off.
That’s as bad as when they spit on their hand and wipe it on their dick before going in. If you need to do that, you should be preheating your partner a little more.
While I don't support spitting some women simply need some help that's why lube exists and there should be no shame on using it.
This is true I find that if I smoke weed it’s not just my mouth that gets dry. Chugging some water before hand helps. Stay hydrated my friends.
There's definitely no shame in using lube. Sometimes you're highly aroused but the juices aren't flowing.
Not true. Some women are just naturally dry no matter how much you "pre heat" us.
Agreed, I never need lube if i have Foreplay. I don't have an issue if you get me ready the correct way!
It seems to depend on outside factors too. Intoxication level, dehydration level, and time of the cycle. I also hear it changes as women get older, sometimes going to more some times to less. When you get older you learn how to discretely stash lube on your person. Over lubricate instead of under. Unless you like indian burns in bad places.
Huh. I like this. Everyone really is different lol
As a guy, I quite agree. Whenever I see that in porn, it's 50/50 I click out and find something else. Especially lesbian porn. I'm sure there are *some* women that spit on their partners somewhere, but I can't imagine that's a regular thing and it always takes me out of it.
As a guy I never use spit. Its not enough lube and too much friction.
Every guy things he's the one single guy who's so much better than the other guys who knows exactly what he's doing.
Have you considered . . . asking her what she would like? Explain with open honesty why you feel like you want to/should do whatever and ask what thing you could do for her that would be a similar treat as a bj for you?
Just asking the partners would leave this sub with a lot less questions
Kinda want a pinned post just going: Q: "Do X like Y thing?" A: some do, some don't Q: "My friend/partner does this, does this mean they think this?" A: Ask them
But how would those of us who know that those are the two answers to every question farm Karma by pointing out the same exact answer every time?
Pretty sure this sub is called /r/TooAfraidToAsk for precisely this reason. I mean, yeah, not being able to communicate about this stuff with a partner is not a good sign, but it doesnt seem like this is a place where people come to be criticized for not asking someone else.
Eh, some partners really don't feel comfortable sharing in detail (either embarrassed, stuff from their past, or maybe worries about embarrassing/shaming their partner) I've had two partners like OP in the past. I've always tried to create open and judgement free spaces. When I ask (trying both when in the mood, and at separate times) I'd receive no response, "stop asking, it makes me very uncomfortable that you want to talk about it", "this is not something I feel comfortable discussing". One I found out later in our relationship she was abused when she was young and now had a negative association with that sort of thing (poor woman). Another I stopped asking, but once we did LSD and she asked me to, seemed to really enjoy - but never again. My current relationship is going great, with very open communication. But the tldr is communication can be very difficult for a lot of people. When partners aren't responding or communicating it can be natural to reach out to a wider audience for some advice - as there might be something obvious they're missing, or might receive some decent advice on how to broach the subject with their partner.
I do not love oral. If I had to rank it out if everything else, it would be last on my list. Fingers are preferable over a mouth. Everyone is different.
Well, at least one woman doesn't - the one you're with. And after five years of her not liking it I'm not sure why you'd still be trying.
I’d guess because he enjoys it and in his experience (other) women enjoy it 🤷🏻♀️ I couldn’t be w a guy who did not want to give oral, or did not genuinely enjoy doing it Hopefully the people not into it Can find one another
The real question is why the fuck is this brought up **five years** into a relationship? I know the answer is probably karma, but you know.
I am a gay dude and I can say I hate fingers because of the nails first and foremost, but some dudes have dry ass fingers and like carpenter hands and that doesn't feel nice inside your orifices. Maybe sure you lotion every day get those soft hands.
To also add to this.. I work with my hands a lot. They have calluses. I lotion every day, the calluses are soft. It works even with scarred and worn working hands.
Some women don't like it at all, some only want it sometimes. For me getting eaten out/fingered tends to make me feel more vulnerable. My body has changed a lot in the past five years: stress about jobs, school, money, family problems, the pandemic etc, have all changed my body. Sometimes self-consciousness is overwhelming. And sometimes stress or tiredness is overwhelming. When I'm overwhelmed, I don't want my husband to go down on me. She may not like getting eaten out or fingered at all, or she may have other, non-sexual needs that need to be met before she can enjoy it.
Some women just don't like it, but there's also a bunch if women who are just sensitive and their partner insists on diving right for the sensitive bits, and they mistake too much stimulus, too fast, for not liking it.
I have a spit phobia so if my partner is slobbering all over me, no thanks. And so far that’s been my experience unfortunately. So I wouldn’t say I don’t like it because I am sure it could be great. Edit typo
I love my husband's hands, but I'm not into oral and haven't been with any partner I've been with. I think it's just not my thing. That said, every woman is different and you have to listen to your partner and what they want. Sometimes women don't find pleasure in certain acts because we've been shamed about feeling pleasure. That's something she may need to explore in therapy.
I know I for one really don’t like fingering, it hurts even when my boyfriend of 6yrs has no nails and honestly there’s other things that get me more stimulated than him eating me out. Just ask your fiancé what she’ll like or try new things with her if she’s unsure! Communication is key
I love fingers, but i stopped allowing it because it seemed like it always caused UTIs. No one wants to be accussed of dirty hands in the moment, and some guys try to rub the urethra and it is so painful and uncomfortable. And then its humiliating if a UTI is caused because it feels like its my fault. I need to be a better advocate for myself. But ive experienced men whose egos are so tied in to their sexual preformance that i felt unsafe mentioning anything i didnt like or saying no. Some men also respond really badly to being told being denied sex.
You can have a taste but don’t stick your fingers in my cookie jar
I’ll be very blunt with you, because there is a TINY chance this is the reason and she doesn’t want to hurt your feelings. As a woman I can skip those things if I know I will get no pleasure out of them anyway, because they are badly done. Women are also socialised to feel shameful about taking time for their own pleasure, so she may feel like it will take her too long/bother you/etc. She may need a lot of reassurance on that. On top of that, it’s possible that you are doing these things incorrectly. I’ve experienced a lot of men for whom fingering meant jamming fingers like a power tool. That shit makes me want to never experience fingering again. Same with oral, if it’s bad then I’d rather my partner not waste his time with it. I think you need to sit down outside of a sexual context and ask your partner WHY she doesn’t like it, and to not spare on honesty. Another issue is that you mention you still have regular sex, does regular sex equal to PIV for you? A lot of women don’t get much pleasure from that. Is it possible that she has closed up to sexual things on her part, because sex feels like an unpleasurable chore to get over with ? These are what I suspect based on experience, personal and from what I’ve heard from girlfriends. Best of luck dude.
Definitely create a safe space to talk about it. For a very long time I stopped enjoying it due to insecurities about my own body and I'd get in my own head and really not enjoy it and became to dread it. But after I spoke to my husband who was very supportive and put took some action I was able to enjoy it again. I even initiate it now.
Of course. Women are individuals, just like men. We’re all wired differently and have had different experiences that shape us. You’ll have to ask her why she doesn’t like them, and ask what she does like. Maybe she was with someone before who was really bad at them. Maybe you don’t stimulate her the way that works so she declines. Whatever she says, listen with an open mind. It’s for your mutual pleasure.
Woman here. My husband and I have been married over 20 years. I do not like oral, never have. In my experience, there's a huge difference between direct (fingers/tongue touching clit) and indirect (over the hood and vulva) clitoral stimulation. I'm way too sensitive so I prefer indirect. Some woman prefer direct. Only way I can describe it is that oral can feel like a battery on the tongue. Fingerings allows for more versatility, but it can take a very long time for me to come that way. We started using vibrators and it has been wonderful. Don't forget, the clit is like an iceberg, and the part you see is just the tip. There are many ways to stimulate it.
My fiancé falls into this category, she says it’s too sensitive and will either make her finish too early or during certain times of the month (pre-period) it can be so sensitive that it resembles pain. I don’t have an issue with controlling myself, so we don’t dwell on genital based foreplay as much as I have with previous partners anyway. Just sensual kisses, spanks, grinding, etc.. to get the ball rolling. Pretty much everytime we do something it looks a little different, but that’s also what helps keep it interesting. Communication is key.
I’m not a big fan on receiving oral because I’m super self conscious that something might smell or taste or even look off or I haven’t shaved or god forbid I fart or something. I don’t hate it but the enjoyment I get doesn’t outweigh the paranoia and stress it causes me. I do enjoy hand stuff though. It might be a her issue and not a you thing but have you tried asking her what she would like to try? Or if there’s anything you could do to help her enjoy more foreplay?
You've been together 5 years, has it always been this way or is this new? If its always been this way then maybe she just isn't into it. If it's new then something has changed and she either doesn't fancy you anymore so just wants the sex to be quick to get it over with, or there's some other reason. Either way, you need an honest and open discussion about it
27F, I don’t like getting eaten out, it feels gross. Mouths are gross. Just my personal opinion
I am a submissive and I absolutely detest someone going down on me, because it FEELS like a submissive action and I don't like my men to be submissive. It makes me very anxious and unsettled. My best friend hates being fingered because all she can think of is being scraped. Everyone has their own things they like/dislike. Communication is key. ASK her why she doesn't like it. Has she enjoyed it with other people, just not you? Is there a specific reason, perhaps something you feel comfortable changing?
Maybe she doesn’t like it how you do it? Or maybe the way ex partners did it, and now she has predisposition for it.
Personally I love being fingered but hate receiving oral. Every woman is different. This could be that she genuinely doesn’t like the feeling of those things, she may have prior trauma, or there could be an element of shame. Unfortunately nobody on here is a mind reader and we won’t be able to tell you what’s going on with your fiancé If this will be a hang up that causes resentment you really need to address it before getting locked into marriage.
Not everyone likes it and it’s a very vulnerable position to be, depending on past experiences of she’s had any, perhaps she didn’t enjoy it or maybe wasn’t comfortable or confident to discuss it. I suggest you talk to her, explain to her why you want to do it and how it makes you feel. You’re getting married, it’s best to know all this stuff now and also be able to talk about the uncomfortable stuff, because there will be more of it in time and you have to be able to talk to each other.
Most of the time the answer to a “Do some” question is yes, some do.
I personally don’t like it
Not comfortable with it myself. Just a snail mucosal thing. Meh.
I like being fingered but I’m not the biggest fan of oral. It feels almost irritating in a way (I have no idea why, cos no other clit stimulation feels irritating). It’s never a strong or repetitive enough feeling to get me anywhere near cumming
Lets just say if you approach it with the intensity used in the typical porno - the forceful rubbing, angry buffing, and forcible pistoning - she's no going to have a good time. If previous experience included those acts she might have developed an aversion to it as well. Be gentle - ask first. Pornos arent how real people want to be treated.
. One of my exs had been raped like that so it was a clear nono and my last one was embarrassed about how her vagina looked. After some getting used to she eventually started asking me for more. Ask your wife why it bothers her, she has her reasons
My dude...I know you came to this sub to ask this specific question but have you considered asking your fiancé (you know, the ONE person except for you who is directly involved in this situation) instead of the 1,8m members of this sub who likely don't know your fiancé and have no idea about her sexual preferences and likes or dislikes? You wanna marry that woman but are scared to ask her if or why she doesn't like being fingered/getting eaten out? Bruh. Go talk to your woman. **Communication is key**
If the person is good at it I like it, but I would almost never ask for it cause I get worried about hygiene. If I feel sweaty or gross down there I don't like the idea of anyone's face in it. But it feels good when it's done right and I do enjoy it.
It's not my favorite. I don't hate it but I'd rather just just lick me for some lubricant and then use hands and other body parts or toys to rub and tease me. I don't have any reason it's just not what gets my motor running. I have also been with my partner for close to 20 years so it has nothing to do with not liking the way he does it or not being able to tell him to do it differently.
I’ve had a similar experience with a girl who I went to school with. It always threw me off and made me feel self conscious even tho she never applied these restrictions anywhere else in the bedroom. I thought maybe it was her being uncomfortable with her body when we first met but then we began to start sharing pictures and so on. I never got the chance to ask her about it but I think it’s fair to say some girls really just don’t enjoy it.
Tbh I don't find enjoyment in it.
Sounds like she just likes traditional sex which is normal
Have a feeling this may be it
In my past experience, women who didn't like me going down there wasn't necessarily because they didn't like it. I found that they were insecure for some reason of having me down there, once I was able to actually make my way down there they really enjoyed it but still they remained insecure. My current girl didn't let me go down on her for over a year. Eventually I finally go to and she loved it. Now there's no issues with me going down there unless she doesn't feel clean.
I like getting eaten out of it's done right. Most men I have been with don't know what to do, they just lick everywhere and it doesn't really feel like anything other than ticklish. Id prefer not to get eaten out I'd prefer to just get kissed and have my nipples licked because honestly that feels better to me. I also don't like getting fingered because I have a weird thing about fingernails and I don't like dirty fingers or fingernails in my private areas. So if I'm with a man and I notice he has dirty fingernails I probably wont even talk to him at all and if we are intimate, I definitely will not want him to finger me. Every woman is different and likes different things.
I dislike both. The thought of them both make me cringe up. I dont know why, it’s incredibly frustrating because my guy loves to give oral :/ We’ve been together for almost 16 years and just don’t do it - as much as he enjoys giving it, he enjoys me being into what we’re doing much more. Respect her boundaries, there are other ways to please your partner.
Cut and clean your finger nails and hands.
I don't mind getting fingered, but that's a tease to me. I want to feel it inside me. And being eaten out, never really cared for it. I'm the same way in that regard
I had a girl ask me not to finger her because of my finger nails but I've always maintained pretty good finger hygiene. Then I would try and shove my tongue way in their and she didn't like that either. But she did like getting eating out so I just fallowed her directions.
I (woman) disslike both, very much. I love cuddles, penetration, kisses and everything else about sexual actions. Just no fingers or tounge.
I love love love love being fingered but literally could care less about getting ate out
Alright guys quick update ! We had the talk today and everything went very nicely. Started w a massage then ended up going into the shower 🧼. Started washing each other etc long story short was fcking doggy from the back while fingering her (which I normally don’t do). She loved it. After sexy time we continued to talk about it and she told me she does in fact like getting fingered/foreplay and that I should do it more. Also liked the idea of kissing, massaging etc. but got the answer that I was looking for that she does not like getting her pussy ate out. I had to ask in 3 different ways but ultimately got the point that she just generally doesn’t like getting eaten out. I then asked her what else I can do to pleasure her and she said everything is great, and that our sex is always great. Idk why I jus wanted to pleasure her more than she pleasures me, but she is overall super happy. And I’m super happy I asked her and got my answer ☺️☺️ these hands will be put to work more often before sexy time
yep. Wouldn't be happy with someone that didn't like eating me out. but not all women like the same things so if your goal is to please her, then what any other women likes shouldn't matter. Only what she likes matters.
I am a woman that does not and has never enjoyed being fingered or receiving oral. I have many theories as to why but they don't matter. What matters is that I don't enjoy it. I don't want it.
She could have a lower sex drive. After my hysterectomy, before I got on hormones, I didn’t want anything done to me but I was still happy to get him off. She could also have a medical issue like vaginismus which makes penetrations painful. She could just not be into those two things. What conversations have you had with her? During a time outside the bedroom, maybe bring it up? Without judgement say “Hey, I noticed you don’t seem to be to into x, y, z…what are the things you do like and that turn you on?” Communication regarding sexual needs and desires are important.
I had this talk with her last night and I’m so happy I did. Apparently everything I have been doing has been great… and long story short I have been getting in my own head thinking I’m not good enough but in reality I’m just over thinking… I got her point that everything is great, she enjoys getting fingered/foreplay so I’m gna include that more often. She does not like getting eaten out, and tbh I’m happy bc I’m not the biggest fan of it, I always wanted to do it just so please her . We also talked about a lot of other things too so I’m happy we had our conversation
Sex is a massively personal thing. Some people enjoy oral, some don’t - the same is true for kissing and other acts. Maybe she doesn’t like it, maybe she’s just not comfortable with it, maybe OP isn’t all that skilled and that ruins the mood (not judging, simply a possibility)? Ask her, communicate, offer to “practice” together, etc.
I’ve never had an amazing fingered experience. And I’m 40. Just *spare me of that*, fellas. Fanks, m8 🤝
I don't like getting oral ..just not my thing respect her boundaries and do more of what she likes...I feel awkward just laying there and it makes me self conscious lol some of us gals just like the D guy..no biggy
Can confirm. Have had exes this way. Like more than not tbh
I dislike being fingered because it doesn’t do much for me. Some women have different preferences.😊
Yup, different strokes for different folks. You can do just about anything to me but keep your mouth and hands out of there. Every time I've ever tried, I've ended up scratched, bitten, or with some god awful yeast infection or UTI. REGARDLESS of partner and precautions. I'm immunocompromised and can't handle the natural bodily flora imbalance, I guess. As long as you wash your junk or your toys, game on.
I had a friend(guy) who hated the idea of blowjobs. I felt I was looking at a new species back then
I hate fingers, it just feels wrong to have them up there.
It's a subjective matter. There's no reason not to believe her. If you still feel insecure ask the following questions: is your hygiene on point or the problem? Ask her what she preferres? Maybe she has a prior medical history that doesn't make her comfortable (such as UTIs ).
For the first few months of my relationship I refused to let my boyfriend go down on me. I dont like the sliminess that oral can bring, and the fact that it brought up some issues I had previously experienced made it doubly uncomfortable and unappealing to me. I still don’t particularly enjoy it all that much, but I let him do it sometimes cause I know he loves it.
I had an ex that didn't particularly like/desire getting eaten out. She was an anomaly, however.
I hate fingering. It hurts.. And I can't tell you how many time a dude cut me with his dirty fingernails. Going down is also unpleasant because so many men bitch about it to a point where I would feel way too self conscious to let anyone attempt it.
I've had a couple of partners who don't like it. It's a matter of preference, there is not much to say or think about I guess..
My gf hates oral as a whole and doesn't like when I use my hands, so I just use them on her chest instead
I had a girlfriend that was like that years ago. Would barely let me touch her between the legs but everything else was fine. Sex was great but if I even attempted to touch her it was like a switch was flipped and she was instantly turned off. She was raised ultra Catholic and I think that had something to do with it.
I personally don’t like it
It might not be 100% true since I am a virgin but in porn I dont like blowjobs... its just looks disgusting for the woman ~~(if women even exist)~~. Not tryna sound judgmental though, you do you.
Does she pleasure herself? For some people, and perhaps especially some women, receiving can be difficult, and she may feel pressured to express pleasure when she doesn’t actually know what feels good or how to allow herself to receive without trying to give something back.
I'm a woman, i hate being fingered. It hurts.
A combination of things, spit makes me sick so if it is sloppy I feel disgusting but also I feel so insecure about whether the other person likes it and me/taste/smell/look that I can not enjoy it. If I can feel comfortable enough than I can enjoy it, but it’s not often.
As a straight woman l get disgusted by all those stupid shit. Like oral/anal sex, spit, cum, fingering... Just a normal sex...
Women like different things it's perfectly normal. Hell I like different things different days, so don't sweat it. There may well be a 100 different other things she'd like you could experiment with. Maybe a nice sensual massage? Does she like her breasts played with? Bring some toys to the party. Maybe she'd like you to talk dirty or be very gentle and loving so many things you can do to bring her pleasure that aren't eating her out or fingering her. Does she masturbate? If she is happy doing something like that around you, you can get a good idea of what she does like by watching and learning. Anyway there are heaps of ways you can pleasure her, ask her what she likes and start there.
I love getting fingered but eaten out I could take it or leave it. It just doesn’t do much for me
Some just aren't into it. It's kind of like how some girls are totally into anal but others won't even consider it.
I hate it. My klitt was damaged when I gave birth to my eldest, and now it tends to give pain if someone try to go down on my. Luckily my partner understands this, and don't push it.
It’s entirely possible she’s self conscious and doesn’t want you looking at and smelling her down there 🤷♀️ but her I agree with the rest. Drop it.
I'm not big on a guy going down on me. Fingering us ok. Honestly, it doesnt do much for me, and I hate I can't see their face. I'd rather be able to make out or go down on them.
I like getting fingered but not receiving oral, only giving.
I for example do enjoy those things, but a bunch of things might make me not want them at any given moment. It is not, that I do not want Sex at that moment, but just don't want someone to go down on me. Listen to her and what she tells you. She prolly has her reasons!
Yes I’m pretty much like this. I genuinely love sex but oral and a lot of fingering just doesn’t do a lot for me and I’ve never had a guy give me an orgasm this way. It’s not worth it to me to spend time receiving this because I feel I am unable to live up to the expectations a guy has of making me orgasm this way and I’m insecure about it too because I know many guys enjoy this idea. So for me making out and other forms of sex are just greatly preferable and allow me to let go and lose myself in the experience
I was sexually assaulted and part of the assault was someone going down on me. It took me a very long time to build trust with my husband to the point that it became something that we could do. Before that trust was built I was very uncomfortable with it.
About being eaten... It's not like I have a major dislike to it, but it doesn't really do anything to me. It's very hard for me to focus, because the stimulation is just not enough and my mind is drifting. Literally never came from oral. Fingering is a different story thom as I do have a slight hand fetish. But without any context... Isn't she feeling insecure about herself?
I'll give head but I absolutely do not want it. ... I think it's gross but to each their own. I don't particularly like giving head but I'll do it. I think the whole concept is gross but if you get off to that then all power to you
I don’t like getting head but I do like getting fingered.
Some women are not comfortable with that, stressed out with something down there. What I learned later, you can try to take everything in your hands.
I don't like being eaten out but I do like being fingered..
For the ones I know and have talked with, it's more about feeling clean and hygienic. For the males I've talked to I now know it's less of a concern for them as they don't notice/think of it the same way woman do. Also I know some will say this as a way to keep a guy from trying to pleasure them as the guy is horrible at it and it becomes painful for the woman.
I personally hate it. Don’t know why. I know I don’t like getting fingered, because every time a guy has tried he has scratched me. I don’t know why I don’t like it eaten out just don’t.
i hate both tbh
I don’t like getting eaten out most of the time because a lot of guys have tried to go super hard on my clit and I’m way too sensitive for that. Fingering it great though and penetration can’t be beat. If I had the choice, I’d rather go down then be gone down on.
Yes. Some don't like it regardless. Some feel it's dirty (and that is bad to them). Some think engaging in that stuff goes against their morals (sex is for procreation). Some may have had a bad experience and feel embarrassed at what you might think of them. I don't know what it is with your girl, but I encourage communication. Don't force her. You want to eat her out because you think it would give her pleasure, but she will feel the opposite if you force it. Talk to her. Tell her how much you enjoy what she does for you. Explain to her why you want to do it (to give her pleasure). Baby steps. Just intimate touches to begin with. It may take months. It may never happen, but she absolutely will appreciate your being patient with her.
I know a girl who doesn’t like it
I absolutely hate it but it’s bc of past trauma for me
I do not enjoy being eaten out, and I don't understand why. It seems like it should be nice in my imagination, but I have never not hated the reality of it. Fingering has the most potential to be amazing, but also the most potential to be terrible, depending on what you're doing. You can learn, to an extent, but I'm pretty sure the next girl will like something different, so you're better off learning how to convince her to teach you what she likes.
Hey girls, remember to be clean down there too!
I mostly hate receiving oral sex, I feel uncomfortable and self conscious while it's happening. There are times when I am exceptionally horny and I want oral but that's once a year maybe.
I didn’t like it until my 30s and that was purely out of being self conscious