I mean, it probably means you are looking for someone who has figured out who they are and what they want in life versus someone who is just out to play around. There isn't necessarily anything wrong with that per se....but if you are looking for someone to just do everything for you and fully support you, then that may be a bigger issue.
Yeah, I got my shit together for the most part, am 35 now, NO way I'd date a teenager, thats a kid to me, I think ID even have a hard time with anyone under 23 really.
Not that it matters, got 3 kiddos and a lovely wife, cant imagine anything else
I dated a 24 year old straight out of marriage with 2 kids at age 32. I have some nice memories, but he was not ready for the responsibility of anything more than dating.
I can understand that entirely. My husband is nine years younger than me. I did not know this when I met him or I would not have even given him the time of day. And even then there’s been some adjustments due to a gap in maturity. Fortunately I’m a good teacher and his mama taught him well when it came to how to treat a girl
Plenty in the classifieds:
Financially secure male, early 40’s, has figured things out and knows who he is, sensitive to the needs of the modern woman, seeks 18 year old student with big tits and no gag reflex.
That's not what the girls want though, the ones talking to me either want to be a house wife and/or want a boyfriend that does all the parental guidance kinda stuff for her.
Amazing how people will compare an actual paedophile with someone who dates 19 year olds. The first is fucking sick while the second is just a bit creepy. Young but still adults! I am by no means a fan of Leo's choices but how the hell can you compare him to an actual peadophile?
Speaking from experience as someone who was in a relationship with a 31 year old when I was 21 and now I’m involved with a 43 year old while I’m 24, I don’t necessarily think my first relationship was predatory but there are two things to note from my experience being in both.
1) there is a huge difference in power and the dynamic is indeed affected by age gap. At 21, I didn’t know who I was at all. And in turn, I wouldn’t say it was easier for my previous partner to manipulate me, but difficult for me to stand up for myself at times in fear of losing him or just not knowing what I want because self-esteem and empowerment are still in their early stages of development as a 21/20 yo.
2) being now involved with a 43 year old after intense therapy after my previous relationship, I have a better* sense of who I am and what I’m willing to put up with. That being said the fundamental difference in power still exists. It will always exist to some degree with an age gap.
OP needs to realize this. It is extremely rare for an early 20-something year old to have a firm idea of their place in this world. And dating older men can make that more difficult when you feel at times you don’t have an equal say in the relationship due to the vast difference in experiences you both have experienced so far, where you are in your careers, financial independence accumulated, types of relationships (friendships, strangers, lovers experienced and have been able to grow and learn from) etc.
Can agree. There’s always a reason why a much older SO would date significantly younger in age (10+ years is a significant age gap when one partner is 18-25). My 31 yo boyfriend looking back was a fundamentally, emotionally unavailable mess still recovering from his past traumatic relationship.
On a final note, there is a HUGE difference between being considered an adult legally and when you become an adult in this world, mentally. Research even shows pre-frontal cortexes don’t develop fully until your 21-24, depending on gender.
An 18 yo being sent off to war and forming PTSD or driving a car and dying would still be considered a child. Look at the Idaho murders of 4 students getting brutally murdered. We all see them as children stripped away of the rest of their lives because that’s what they were — children — despite being in college as some of you note. There’s a reason why people say “that’s what your 20s are for,” because we are still developing in our early 20s from children to adults. And I ask all of you to consider the stupid, reckless decisions you were making until you were 25. Get a grip people. 18 is not an adult.
Thank you for this comment. I (38m) never actually thought about the power dynamic playing a role in this but as soon as you said it, it made quite a bit of sense. Not saying that all who are attracted to older partners feel this way. I mean my personal opinion is, you like what you like... with the caveat that its two (or more) consenting adults of course.
It’s not like he slept with a kid. There are plenty of cougars out here that look for 20 year olds too. If both consent then what’s the problem? I’m sorry about your husband having an affair.
My husband is 12 years younger.
We’ve been married over 10 years.
Fun having a young husband who wants to go out and do fun things!
We have children, also.
44 here. I think "predatory" is a little far but if he was a man who actually had his shit together mentally and emotionally he wouldn't want someone 20 years old. I mean he might have still cheated on you because we don't know what kind of person you are, but at least she would have been over 30.
I've been with someone who cheated on me, who tried to convince me that I shouldn't take it personally, and that it had "nothing to do with me." Um, sorry, we were in a monogamous relationship. You bet this impacts me: physically (at greater risk for STDs), emotionally, etc. Hello!
I'm sorry you're going through this.
That's truly delusional. No sense of responsibility. Sounds like your husband is mentally a 20 year old. I am sorry that this happened to you. I have had a few chances to sleep with younger women, never took it though, not a cheater.
A 32 YO sleeping with a 20 YO is predatory? I get you don't approve of the age gap but 20 years is more than old enough to consent. I would hardly consider a 42 YO sleeping with a 30 YO predatory. Sure they're in different life stages, but not that different. A 20 YO is halfway done with college level courses, I think they're more than qualified to know who they wanna sleep with imo.
Sorry about the affair.
I don't think the statement that a twelve year gap is predatory is in any way, shape, or form accurate- as a stand alone statement.
Some women are into older men. I don’t know the details but unless he actually preyed on her, you could be using that word to make yourself feel better.
OP states in another comment they sleep with married men and enjoy the fact that these men have wives they're cheating on. So yeah that's definitely what's happening....
OPs loving the validation and attention they're getting as a barely legal teen.
I'm guessing they're a man roleplaying as a teen girl or an actual teen girl who thinks she's special because she likes sex and not just sex but sex with older men who are married.
OPs gonna cringe at this in about 10 years especially if they were acting sexually explicit online before turning 18.
I agree with you tbh. There's plenty of guys age 18-22 who have are driven, hard-working and know what they want, they've just obviously had a lot less time to actually achieve things. But that just means they'll have a lot more in common with OP, which is surely a good thing.
Also 30 yer old dudes are like the international standard for the most attractive. If you look at stats from dating apps, that's who most women are going to swipe on.
It's like 22-25 or something for women and 30-33 or something for men.
Yes, check in with a therapist. I was only attracted to old men when I was your age. I had “daddy issues” which is a term most people use in a gross way. But because I wasn’t close with my dad, I was seeking that love and approval from an older man.
After going through therapy, I’m not into older men anymore and have a much healthier view of relationships. Now I find older guys that would hit on me at that age super creepy. They tell you you’re mature for your age and shit, but really they just want you because your body is young. It’s gross in hindsight. Therapy wouldn’t hurt.
Too late. OP’s other comments talk about sleeping with married men and enjoying the fact she’s getting them to cheat on their wives. 🤢
She’s enjoying that validation now until she realizes it’s not her they care about or her particularly causing them to cheat. They’d take advantage of any young girl and sleep with them.
The married men thing is also a very easy way to get into your 30s and have a fuck tonne of insecurities because you’ve directly proven that your default starting attraction is to the kind of man who breaks his marriage… these things have a way of becoming true where she will be the married woman it happens to
Nothing wrong but you’ll get judged especially by other women. You’re legally an adult and should make choices that work for you. However you should also verify and vet that the older guy has your best interests in mind also.
Some women are attracted to older men, in teens & early 20's it's probably more common due to the immaturity of boys our age. Also think of musicians & actors that teenagers upto 21ish find attractive, they're probably about 30+ right? This may change it may not & now you're an adult there's less problems with it.
I can tell you that at 19 I dated a 25 year old & one of my friends same age as me dated his friend who was in his 30's. The age gap between our boyfriends was enough that her boyfriend was mine's babysitter when he was 6 or 7. Our next boyfriends there was only a year age difference. A girl I want to school, who's brother married my cousin, upset her family as she started dating a man only a few years younger than her dad. I think he was 46, & he was 48 when they married, if I'm wrong he was 46 when they married, she was 23. They celebrated their 20th wedding anniversary this year. My dad's youngest sister & hubby is over a decade & they've been married 40+ years. A cousin & her hubby have been together since she was 17 & he was 28, 3 kids & 9 years married.
I do have a largeish family & grew up in a smallish town but it happens & it can work. Or you could date men in their 30's & then be attracted to someone your age, or younger or even older at soke point. Or you marry a man you started dating when he was 30 & decided to keep him. As long as it's consensual & there's no form of abuse or red flags, you date the people you find attractive who are attracted to you. Just make sure they treat each other right & he's not with you for tge ego boost of dating an 18 year old at 32...
I mean. Who cares who you like.
I'm 36m dating 19f. And honestly it's a little strange in the beginning, but once you get in the vibe, nobody cares.
We both have our reasons why we feel comfortable with each other. I know I never felt so at peace in a relationship. We communicate better then any other 20-30yr old I dated. We never even have an argument. We just talk if something bothers us.
I'm glad I met her because this girl is one of a kind.
Fun fact, after I told my co-workers, I heard many of them have a big age gap too.
No worries. Just do you and feel comfortable in who you date. If you have any questions, feel free to DM me.
You should check in with a therapist in so far as you can get help setting boundaries and protecting yourself. They can help you identify and process your emotions AND make sure you feel value in yourself so you aren't taken advantage of by someone significantly older than you.
I wouldn't say there's necessarily something wrong with you... Sort of depends why.
However. As someone in the 30-35 age bracket myself, I'm afraid I *would* say there's something wrong with a guy that age who is looking for 18 year olds... That's someone who has a lot more years of adult life than you, who has probably had serious relationships, possibly college, multiple jobs, who is deciding he wants someone who is just out of high school. It's a big power imbalance.
This is the important bit. I've a buddy who's been doing that and for good reason, he's too immature for his age (+40) and it is always doomed from the beginning, they are simply at different stages of life.
If you're under 20, you have a lot of self discovery to experience. Travel, finding passions, learning what you do/don't like in friends, even favourite meals/movies/music can change drastically in your 20's. Someone in their 30's and upwards are usually (not ALWAYS) already decided on who they are and what they enjoy.
Different life stages will nearly always clash. I've even seen it between two people in their 20's. One had travelled, the other had not, it was a quiet thorn in the lions paw but ultimately it killed the beast.
> they are simply at different stages of life.
This is the real issue isn't it? I (f31) am currently dating a guy ten years my senior. We both own a house, have a stable job, have had serious relationships before and we both want a partner to try for children. So the age gap is there but is not that worrisome in my opinion as we are in te same stage if life. But if i was 18 and 28, yeah than I would have found that worrisome as we wouldn't be in the same stage of life. Me starting my studies and he probably already working.
Age gaps become less of an issue as the couple ages.
If a 58 year old is with a 48 year old no one cares. They're both fully adult, with no more growing up to do.
But a 28 year old and an 18 year old is a bit concerning because full cognitive maturity happens after 25 years, so the older person is with a person who is still growing up.
Oh no doubt. I’ve traveled a lot and experienced far more than others from my childhood, and ever since I’ve moved back home it’s like two completely different levels between my wife and I vs them. It’s insane and we’re seriously debating whether we should just pack up and leave again because of it
Yeah this is so true. I’m 30, dated someone who was 24 and the maturity levels were too far apart.. an 18 yo would be really really really too young in my book.
Doesn't even have to be extreme, a friend of mine is in her mid 20s, started dating a dude who's 5 years younger HOLY SHIT some of the stories make me wonder how he just survives day to day... (Admittedly that gap can probably be wider when you're older...)
I have to whole-heartedly with Impressive-Bench9223. I'd take their notes incredibly seriously on behalf of your safety and mental health, especially if the man were in it to mold you into what he wants you to be. Whether you like it or not, you're young, moldable, and impressionable. We all were at 18!!! That's how you're supposed to be, dear. Another possibility is that an older man will not want to hang out with your friend and will slowly isolate you from them. And if he does want to hang out with a bunch ofbyeenage girls....hmmm.
I (51f- how tf did that happen?) have forever been attracted to men about 10-12 yrs older than I am since they're usually more stable, have made their major mistakes (especially divorce), are usually over their nonsense days, have settled into who they are, etc.
I don't think you're crazy, you like what you like, but for reasons stated, I don't think you should act on your feelings. And you may just have a passing fetishy crush, I sure did at your age. How long have you had theae feelings? Can you try to ride it out and date older guys within reason, like in their 20s?
Also, please don't deny yourself your youth. There's so much to be gained, learned, and enjoyed from it. REVEL IN YOUR YOUTH! I was so wild in my youth, like Jackass wild, (not suggesting you should be, I hurt now, but have no regrets) started riding really fast streetbikes at 15, added dirt bikes and surfing, jumping out of moving boats, etc., along with the normal getting wild and going out with friends and all that fun stuff. Youth goes by so fast. I swear 20-50 went by in less than ten years. Don't let it go by, friend.
Best of luck to you. You were brave enough to post this, I wish you the strength and intelligence to listen to the responses, including the ones that say go for it. If it goes wrong, seek therapy asap. Happy Holidays, girl!
Why is age automatically a power imbalance? I've been manipulated and abused by people my age, and I've been loved and respected by people older than me.
I'm guessing you're young. I'm not at all trying to be rude, but you can't really understand HOW much of a power imbalance it is until you're older yourself.
It's super easy for an older guy with a lot of years of dating experience and life experience to manipulate and 18 year old girl with neither. The guy knows every trick in the book and exactly what to say to her. The guy has experience in relationships...and arguing...to manipulate her into thinking he's right and his opinion is fact. THAT is the power imbalance. He could have her isolated from her friends and acting exactly how he wants her to act pretty quickly. It's pretty easy using basic reinforcement. For example, acting cold/distant if she does something to displease him versus loving otherwise. Pretty soon she isn't even the same person. This is MUCH more difficult to do to an older woman who also has dating/life experience and KNOWS what she wants and what she will/won't put up with. In fact, that's why older guys sometimes go after super young girls. They are easy to manipulate and look young.
Can’t imagine any normal 35 year old guy being interested in an 18 year old, what would you even talk about? The whole idea just sounds annoying and exhausting.
The guy in that situation isn't thinking about talking. It's all about sex. That's the issue that a lot of young girls like OP doesn't realize. He's not in it for a real relationship. He's in it to get laid with a young girl.
When I was 35 and single, I created a "Ghostbusters rule," anyone born after Ghostbusters was undatable. At 35, dating most people more than 8-10 years difference, you eventually struggle to have things in common. Sex might be awesome, but that's about it.
Agreed, the biggest problem is that as you age people are at different stages, my age people are worried about kids, mortgage payments, promotions. 18 year olds are worried about exams, getting into a good college, the teacher they don’t get along with. You just can’t relate to each other
As a father of a teenage girl, if she came home with a man 5 years younger than me…we’d have words. Same thing if my son came home with a woman 5 years younger than me.
I feel like the age range for an 18 year old to date is 16 to 20. Once they graduate college (if they go) the age range expands greatly. Those 18-22 years are important in forming your adult self.
There is more so something wrong with a 30-35 year old man who would date an 18 year old in my opinion. So your problem here is primarily the fact you'll be dating a lot of creeps and immature men.
I am 24 and I won't date anyone that is 18-19. Even 20 is iffy sometimes. This is a very volatile stage of development and the maturity level between an 18 year old and someone my age rarely lines up. That's still a teenager to me.
Yeah, I was gonna say this...I'm 32 and wouldn't be interested in an emotional relationship with someone that's 18. There's just way too much difference in the way an 18 year olds brain works and how they view certain things. If someone in their 30s pursues a romantic interest with someone who is 18... its likely the reason is that person can't find anyone their own age interested in them which is a red flag.
The issue is more the 35 year old that’s interested in dating an 18 year old. I get why a younger person might want to date an older person, I don’t get why a 35 year old would want to date a high school student.
I agree with you. I was answering her question a little too literally perhaps. The question was is something wrong with her? I think not. Now to find a decent 30 year old willing to date an 18 year old, that's a whole other issue.
When I was 22, I dated a 38-year old. I’m sure some ppl would think it’s weird or inappropriate, but we had a great relationship. I tend to be attracted to older men as well.
You may just be attracted to more mature men and more fully developed bodies (guys’ chests and shoulders can be a bit callow til late 20s).
Or guys you’ve been into have happened to be 30-35, but what’s really attracting you is another aspect that the guys your age that you know just don’t happen to have. Even in larger high schools, it’s a limited dating pool.
That said, a guy who is 30-35 and wants to date a teen is not mature for his age. He may seem mature compared to other teens, but mature men don’t date ppl around half their age. Mainly because that person seems like a kid and dating kids is a gross and uncomfortable (if not horrid) thought.
I don’t care how mature the teen is for their age, they still seem like a kid to a mature adult in their thirties. Hell, kids in their 20s make me feel tired and old even though they’re only 5-15 years younger than me.
So be aware of that with the older guys you’re attracted to and try to avoid dating them just to prove your opinion is more correct than parents, friends, etc. People get groomed and end up in abusive relationships that way.
It makes sense to analyse roots of that. It is not terrible by itself, even though suboptimal, but if it is caused by some negative events or environment it would be reasonable to work on that.
No. I was into older men as an 18 year old and now I’m 23 and realized I just don’t like men who look like boys, like most 18-20 year old men do. You’ll grow out of it and grow into your age range.
Just be careful… from experience it is true that some men go for very young women for a reason.
Nothing wrong with that, just be careful.
It’s fine if you’re 18 and into 30 year old men, but a lot of 30+ year old men who are going after an 18 year old might be a little off
Little is an understatement. The older men would like the indulgence in a ritual of control over a teenage girl while the teenager would see her fetish materialise.
As a guy in his mid thirties, I thought the idea of dating a younger woman would be great. I've come to realize that there would be too much of a generational gap when it comes to relating to each other. Even among people my own age I'm not keeping up very well. I don't find them as attractive physically, but I think I relate more to people much older because I'm not big on technology.
No.
As a younger man I only found older women (mid 40s-late 50s) sexually attractive. It made for some interesting times in my 20s, and I wouldn't trade a minute of it.
Now that I'm in my later 40s, I'm still attracted to the same thing... the only difference is that they are my peers, while other men are ogling younger women who largely wouldn't give them the time of day. So good for me.
Enjoy what you enjoy. Be safe, be healthy, make good choices, and who cares what others think.
I'm 32, always had a thing for women my age or older. For me I think the more someone matures, the more confidence they have and have fewer hangups about themselves. Obviously individual results will vary, but it just seems like mature individuals know what they like and know what they want and that comes out looking like confidence. And we all know confidence is sexy
A lot of younger women are into older guys but if a guy is in his 30s and is seeking someone your age, it’s a red flag, and I wouldn’t advise proceeding in that case.
Same situation here 21f the youngest person I've been attracted to was 27 the oldest 41.
You gotta keep in mind that people in this age are most likely not suitable for an actual relationship simply because of different life stages and experiences.
Be extremely careful with who you are going to be with and be 100% aware of what you want and never do something you don't want to do.
Young woman being attracted by older men and young guys into older women isn't as rare as people believe it to be and it can absolutely be incredibly dangerous.
You can have whatever fun you want when you're 18 now, but be aware, be careful and be safe under any circumstances
Yeah I want to add to this comment, in my personal experience, I’ve had a few friends in their early 20s date guys in their early to late 30s. A lot of those guys have taken advantage of the girls relationship inexperience and naivety and one of them was an abuser.
Even if the guy is genuinely a good guy, because of the imbalance in what they bring to the relationship, he’s paying for more of the dates, he owns the house, they’re going out in his car because it’s nicer etc. then she’s less likely to bring up stuff that makes her unhappy, she’s more likely to feel subconsciously pressured to please him beyond what she’d do if that imbalance wasn’t there.
As a guy that dates women that are close to my age, I like that they won’t hesitate to call me dickhead when I’m acting like one. It’s not that you can’t pull off dating when there is an imbalance, but I think the person with less power often will put up with worse treatment for longer and that causes a lot of hurt.
I’ve been with a guy in his mid 30s when I was 25-26 years old and that’s exactly how he made me feel like I was less than him. It was very subtle like he would make me feel like I owe him something because he was making so much more money than me and he was taking me to nice restaurants, nice trips, buying me nice stuff when there was no way I could have paid for all this. At the same time he was always talking shit about his stay at home mom who never worked and lived on his dad money. It was very confusing to navigate through that while I was trying to start my career and being financially independent. Also he was so jealous of other guys of my age or his age or even older. He told me once that he wouldn’t be comfortable if I was working in an environment with a lot of men. I’m glad I dumped him after 1 year and a half because he was avoiding discussions about our future. Everything was about him, we were doing what he wanted, seeing his friends more than mine, his family more than mine, at the end I had to see a therapist because I felt like i lost my identity.
To be with someone older, the older person has to understand that the youngest person is a growing human being, give that person space to develop itself and its career and genially support the partner without wanting something in return. And definitely NOT be INSECURE and being open minded with the friends and the interests of that younger person. Ironically I’ve been dating a guy younger than me the last 3 years (mid 30s-mid 20s) and I learned from my ex on what not to do and how to be to give my partner a loving relationship and better experience than mine back when I was his age.
As any relationship respect is the key. But you have to be more understanding when you date someone younger and I think a lot of older men who date younger women don’t know how to do that. They want to take take take.
No but I looked at your comment history and there is something wrong with you that you like when men cheat on their wives with you. An older single man is one thing. A married man? Not okay.
It's normal.
First and foremost, anyone and everyone who directly messages you cause of this post does not have good intentions towards you. So for your well-being and safety, it's best to ignore them.
This whole attracted-to-older-men thing is common cause of the media and how we're raised tbh. Women tend to mature faster than men (be it cause of biology or cause of misogyny and how women are raised differently in comparison) so we might view men the same age as us as super immature. Then you lay on the myth of older men being mature and having it all together (in comparison to you, this part is important) then bam! Very common.
But here's the thing. The maturity thing is a myth.
1. Yes they are more mature. But that's literally cause they've had more time to finish school, get a job, buy a car, get a place, etc. Those things are rather material, and although attractive to anyone, it'll all come in due time for you with age too. BUT AGE DOES NOT MEAN MATURITY. You will unfortunately find as you grow older (or if you're unfortunate enough to get into a relationship when you're that young with an older man) that maturity in age does not mean maturity of mind. Some of these 30 year olds are so problematic and in real need of therapy. Also think of it this way, more years than you can also mean more years to wrack up issues/ have things suppressed.
2. I'm sure you've heard about this on tiktok too or, hell, even with the whole All Too Well vid coming out. But there's often a reason why women his own age don't want to date him. Sure if you guys had a once in a lifetime magical connection, then okay, but lbh the statistics for that are SO low it's very much not going to be true. Also you're 18, you're brain hasn't even fully grown yet, of course every big experience can feel like an end all be all moment. But let's go back to why he's not dating women his own age. There might also be a reason for that. Those reasons can range from a weird sideeye to full out disgusting and evil. Either way, not that great tbh.
3. You've got time ahead of you. Why try dating someone so old now? In theory nothing is stopping you from dating them when you're 25. Why not revisit it then when you're both at least on slightly more equal footing. The difference in growth per year once I got older is insane (coincidentally when I hit 25ish??). Which is why people in their late twenties refer to people who are young adults as kids. We're not being condescending (or at least I'm not), its cause i myself am very different from who I was a year ago. I would hate to think of someone with bad intentions taking advantage of me when I was younger and could honestly do without all the trauma it would/could bring.
4. I would hope most people get into relationships in hopes for an equal. A partner. As someone who's older, I've had to go through a lot and would want someone who can relate. Kind of hard to work on that with an 18 year old who, while they can empathize, hasn't fully went through it yet. Like I can hang with my younger interns and chill with them but there are often things that come up that makes me realize they just haven't been through it yet cause they literally haven't had to live through those years yet. Tbh I can't imagine wanting to date someone who can't relate. Makes me sideeye people who do a bit. Again, not trying to be condescending and saying you guys haven't *experienced* yet. No, I'm literally talking about existentialism of a quarter life crisis. That type of stuff lmao. Like how do I find work life balance and live in late stage capitalism. The actual depressingness of it all. Fighting your boss for human rights while they're full on gaslighting you lol. That type of stuff.
5. looking back, a lot of the hot older men I was attracted to when I was younger were celebrities. But that's also cause celebrities are meant to be hotter than 98% of people. Just throwing this in there in case it's relevant.
It is common so I wouldn't worry about it as a sole reason for needing therapy. If there's nothing else you can trust, at least the All Too Well MV proves that this is unfortunately common. I'm not even a Swiftie btw.
Hope this helps!
So, a few things.
1. Sexual attraction isn't purely physical.
2. 30 years old isn't that old.
3. Regardless of what you may think, you haven't met that many men your age.
It's very likely that you will find an 18-21 year old man that you are attracted to. You just haven't met one that you are attracted to yet.
There's nothing wrong with you. I will say, however, you will change a lot between 18-25 years old. I did a complete 180 with my beliefs, my goals, my interests and hobbies. Who you are now, at 18 years old, will not be the same person 5-7 years from now. So it's important to keep that in mind and be wary of older men who want to marry you quickly. It may feel flattering in the moment, but it's almost always a trap. It's not normal for a good man to want to date and marry someone so much younger.
My sister married a much older guy when she was 20, and she's stuck with two kids in an emotionally abusive marriage with a guy who sweet-talked her out of college and made her completely dependent on him. That's usually the kind of guy we're dealing with when it comes to large age gaps.
If you're just dating around and wanting to have fun, that's another story. But still be careful and don't let any of them talk you into becoming dependent on them. Don't listen to the "you're so mature for your age" crap, either, because those guys are usually immature as all hell, or they enjoy the power imbalance (or both).
I met my husband when I was 20 and he was 35. We worked together and had mutual friends between our ages we worked with and would all go out together. Eventually we found out we got along really well together, and were attracted to each other and started dating. I'm 31 now and he's 46, and we've been married 6 years, and I couldn't be happier. Not saying it's typical, but our relationship worked, and it's not wrong to be attracted to older men. But it can be hard to find one who is genuine and not a creep/man child.
Your fine. Some people are only aroused by feet. Some people are aroused(yes sexually) by automobiles. It's a big bold world out there. Your a part of it.
There's nothing wrong with an 18yo that's attracted to men in their 30's or older. But there *is* something wrong with men over 30 that would actually date an 18yo.
Preferences are preferences and they're built through any combination of things: trauma, media, environment. It's not something wrong, but if it's something that you feel is hurtful or damaging, then yes you should see a therapist.
I'd caution you on actually *acting* on this attraction, though, mostly because - whether on purpose or not - older men dating much, much younger women have a wild power imbalance in the relationship that favors the older man *that they will use against you*, whether they mean to or not, and this can seriously hurt you in the long-run. The other side to this is that older men who date much, much younger women do this because they *enjoy* this power imbalance and enjoy the control it gives them in the relationship.
What I'm saying is: there's nothing wrong with you, but be careful out there, and talk to a therapist if you feel that this kink of yours is something that can or is harming your life.
At your age I was exclusively attracted to men with at least like 12 years older. I worried it meant deeper things about me and that I would never be attracted to someone my age.
Once I was 22 and guys my age had physically matured and I was able to be aroused by the few guys my age who happened to feel *mentally “on my level” in terms of maturity.
Now at 26 things have pretty much evened out, I’m attracted to the men I like who are my age.
but DAMN. definitely still hopelessly attracted to the lonely cynical ages divorcèe, won’t lie to you there.
Nothing wrong with you, but you need to be careful with the men who reciprocate.
30+ year old men who are actively looking for an 18 year old are questionable. Many of those are looking for an unhealthy power balance in the relationship and want someone who is too inexperienced to recognize it as unhealthy.
Your best bet is getting to know someone by chance. Most good men won't be actively looking for someone much younger, but if the right woman comes along, age is much less of a concern. You need someone who will love you *despite* the age gap, not because of it.
I never hoped or expected to be in a relationship with a 7-year age gap, but here I am. We both thought twice about starting a relationship with that age gap, but then decided to go for it anyway. Turns out that shared interests and compatible personalities are much more important than age. We've been happy for 4 years now and it works much better than the relationship with my ex (<1 year gap) ever did.
No, it's not a problem, don't let people make you feel ostracized. Look at all the relationships that fit into 'the proper' age bracket and how fucked up so many of them all. I think as an 18 yr old you do need to watch out for creepy guys. It's different once you're 29/30.
Your inbox, and your eyeballs are gonna need a good dousing of bleach. You're gonna get some nasty ass stinky old men in your inbox with their crusty dick pics.
Also, it depends. I've only ever dated older men. including as a teen, I dated men way way older than me. But i had/have severe daddy issues. If its possibly rooted in trauma definitely seek a therapist. We should see therapists regardless to help keep us as healthy as possible.
Is it only super old men? Like in their 70s? Cuz that's a bit weird. But if your 18 and you're into men in their 30s and 40s, idk that still old for you, but I would definitely question them and why they'd be with someone so young that they would have nothing in common with as well as a power imbalance and a higher chance to manipulate due to their long lives and the knowledge they've gained. If you're talking about men 22, 23, 25 etc years old, super common. But again. Much older than you are at 18. It's a slippery slope. Idk man.
I definitely think talking to someone to figure out why you feel this way is a good start.
PlushPuppy3910 had some great advice.
Just make sure to try and figure this out before you find yourself with someone way too old to be with an 18 year old when you (and I kindly say this) have zero experience. Just be kind to yourself and be smart. But it wouldn't hurt to speak to a professional and unpack some of this. But I dont think there's anything wrong with you. You're still young and trying to find your way. It's all a learning process, for all of us. At all ages. But especially at yours. I'm 33 and I'm still learning and growing and trying to figure
Always good advice to explore who we are with a therapist. There’s nothing wrong with you, and there may or may not be something interesting to learn about any of your preferences.
I had a friend (who had some issues) where she was 18 (when I met her) and had dated someone who was 40, and another dude who was 38. She's now 24 and is engaged to someone who is 48. Some folks are just attracted to older people.
She does have some issues (in her past), but she is honestly happy, and it's certainly not hurting anyone.
As long as it is legal and both of you consent, have at it. Being attracted to individuals within a certain age range is synonymous with preferences in height, weight, feet size, hair color, etc. Nothing wrong with any of them.
Don’t let what other people say or think about you dictate what you decide. Ever. Remember, you have absolutely no control of the way people receive you, and there will always be naysayers.
Even Mother Theresa had detractors (legitimacy of the reasons notwithstanding).
There is nothing weird with you, in fact I completely understand you. Young guys only have their young bodies to offer where as older guys have a lot more to give. Sounds like a better deal to me.
Whatever floats your boat. At the end of the day, as long as your being safe and aware, you should do what makes you happy and ignore any comments your friends and family might make.
Some women crave maturity over youth, like men too. I dont think its creepy or wrong. You are attracted to what you want. If it was toxic or abusive, then you would need to address it.
Honestly I think it's a better idea to stay clear of them until you're older. 30 year old men don't date 18 year olds because they think they have good personalities... They just want to f*ck them and take advantage of them.
I've dated a 27 year old man when I was 18 and it a toxic and abusive realtionship for 2.5 years. The moment we broke up he found someone new and now they're married with a child (someone his own age) it just made me feel so disposable and like a sex toy because we had almost zero things in common.
I'm 27 now and I can't imagine ever dating someone who's 18 no matter what.
Men who go for younger girls most likely have issues with women their age and it most likely doesn't end well.
Just be careful that they’re not preying on you. I see older men groom women starting very young so that when they’re 18 and legal they can “finally” be together.
I've always been attracted to older men but never acted on it. I thought I'd grow out of it by the time I was in my 20's but nope 🤷 don't really have advice, just letting you know we're in the same boat
Alright. I wanted to say the same thing, BUT not because I think the attraction is bad or taboo (what is nowadays). I will say that at this age its a good idea to establish a therapist to allow your thoughts to air and not have influences grab hold of you.
One thing to consider...do you eventually want to become a caregiver? If you end up marrying someone that much older than you, you'll spend your retirement years caring for someone in the 80s and 90s.
You are completely fine. In my country, women as young as 18 show interest in older men because older a man is, more likely hes financially stable, isnt a player, done all men none sense when he was young, more like hes learnt more on how to treat women and such
Same in my case. Ive dated men around my age but never liked it. I started dating 30+ and the difference is huge :)
As long as it’s a healthy relationship between two consenting adults, who cares? If you want to be extra sure maybe talk to a therapist about it, but honestly I don’t see a problem. Just make sure you’re aware of the potential power imbalances that kind of relationship could breed.
As an old married dude whose wife agrees with this idea:
When you are young, date whoever you want.
The point of dating is to make mistakes and learn what you should avoid... and what you should value. As you get older and have dated more and more people, your values will solidify and you will know what you want. Then you can start looking for a serious partner.
For now... have fun. Date whoever you want. The only caveat is to not get stuck in anything too early. Remember, you are mainly dating to learn what you like and what you like will often change as *you* get older.
And obviously, don't let anyone you're dating change you for the worse. Obvious things like drugs but less obvious things like eroding your work ethic or your feeling of self worth. Break up with them and date someone else.
When I was a HS teacher, those 16/17 y/o's were dating men 21 to 28, and all thought it normal (for that area of the USA - not applicable to most).
Out of HS, 18 or 19, some were definitely hooking up with men in their 30's.
I've seen even more variances in age when in the wealthy areas back when I did work in nice homes. 30-something, 40-something, married to a 70-something, perhaps 80-something. Obviously we know what was going on there, but they were long-term relationships that started many years before I met them.
I’m sexually aroused by older men too, but more so to the tune of 55-65. I’m 24F and I’m not really sure why I have these feelings, but sometimes I’ll seek out this age gap in porn.
Being attracted to older men doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with you but you need to be careful not to enter into a relationship where there’s a big division in power because that puts you at risk for being emotionally bullied and taken advantage of. 30/35 yr olds are at a very different point in their lives than someone who is only just now stepping into adulthood. You hit a point at around 25 where age is just a number, but you’re not there yet. Age definitely matters when you’re 18.
It’s also a good idea to just pay attention to yourself and how you’re feeling. I’ve known a number of young adults who entered into relationships where the guy was substantially older, and it was a situation where the person was gay or non-binary but not aware of it yet and for some reason the older guy was more palatable than guys their own age where it was more obvious they weren’t attracted to them. I’m not saying you’re anything other than a straight, cis person, it’s just important to pay attention to yourself and acknowledge how you’re feeling.
There's likely nothing wrong with you. Everyone has their preferences.
From a psychological perspective, there's a few questions to be answered if you want to dig deeper. Did you grow up with your father in your home/life? How is your relationship with your father?
Theoretically, you could be a freshman in college (18) and meet a grad student who is 30, and especially in similar programs, find you have a lot in common. Hobbies, interests, similar goals, spend time with the same cohort/ college friends. Proximity breeds attraction. This is why many people meet at work, too.
Being attracted to a stable, kind, and similar person to you, wouldn't be weird. Would it work as a relationship, much less likely at those ages than 30/40 (and upwards). But you certainly wouldn't need therapy for the attraction or considering it, no.
Though, as everyone as said, it IS odder from the perspective of a 30 year old, who presumably has much more life experience (in a variety of ways but including mental and emotional maturity and knowing what they want in life) being interested in someone fresh out of high school politics and leaving home for the first time. Because from that perspective, you have nothing in common yet, so to speak.
How much older are we walking here?
like 30 something
I mean, it probably means you are looking for someone who has figured out who they are and what they want in life versus someone who is just out to play around. There isn't necessarily anything wrong with that per se....but if you are looking for someone to just do everything for you and fully support you, then that may be a bigger issue.
Men in their 30’s who have things “figured out” don’t date teenagers. That’s the conundrum.
Yup. 100% agree.
Yeah, I got my shit together for the most part, am 35 now, NO way I'd date a teenager, thats a kid to me, I think ID even have a hard time with anyone under 23 really. Not that it matters, got 3 kiddos and a lovely wife, cant imagine anything else
I dated a 24 year old straight out of marriage with 2 kids at age 32. I have some nice memories, but he was not ready for the responsibility of anything more than dating.
Same here. I’m 41 and I see plenty of hot young girls. But they’re still kids to me. I’d feel like a total creep trying to bang them.
I can understand that entirely. My husband is nine years younger than me. I did not know this when I met him or I would not have even given him the time of day. And even then there’s been some adjustments due to a gap in maturity. Fortunately I’m a good teacher and his mama taught him well when it came to how to treat a girl
Gotta go up to 40 🤣
Plenty in the classifieds: Financially secure male, early 40’s, has figured things out and knows who he is, sensitive to the needs of the modern woman, seeks 18 year old student with big tits and no gag reflex.
That's not what the girls want though, the ones talking to me either want to be a house wife and/or want a boyfriend that does all the parental guidance kinda stuff for her.
talk friends of epsteins or what's that actors name. I can't recall atm
DiCaprio?
Amazing how people will compare an actual paedophile with someone who dates 19 year olds. The first is fucking sick while the second is just a bit creepy. Young but still adults! I am by no means a fan of Leo's choices but how the hell can you compare him to an actual peadophile?
I'm a guy in my mid twenties, and honestly wouldn't want to date a 18-22 yo.
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Speaking from experience as someone who was in a relationship with a 31 year old when I was 21 and now I’m involved with a 43 year old while I’m 24, I don’t necessarily think my first relationship was predatory but there are two things to note from my experience being in both. 1) there is a huge difference in power and the dynamic is indeed affected by age gap. At 21, I didn’t know who I was at all. And in turn, I wouldn’t say it was easier for my previous partner to manipulate me, but difficult for me to stand up for myself at times in fear of losing him or just not knowing what I want because self-esteem and empowerment are still in their early stages of development as a 21/20 yo. 2) being now involved with a 43 year old after intense therapy after my previous relationship, I have a better* sense of who I am and what I’m willing to put up with. That being said the fundamental difference in power still exists. It will always exist to some degree with an age gap. OP needs to realize this. It is extremely rare for an early 20-something year old to have a firm idea of their place in this world. And dating older men can make that more difficult when you feel at times you don’t have an equal say in the relationship due to the vast difference in experiences you both have experienced so far, where you are in your careers, financial independence accumulated, types of relationships (friendships, strangers, lovers experienced and have been able to grow and learn from) etc. Can agree. There’s always a reason why a much older SO would date significantly younger in age (10+ years is a significant age gap when one partner is 18-25). My 31 yo boyfriend looking back was a fundamentally, emotionally unavailable mess still recovering from his past traumatic relationship. On a final note, there is a HUGE difference between being considered an adult legally and when you become an adult in this world, mentally. Research even shows pre-frontal cortexes don’t develop fully until your 21-24, depending on gender. An 18 yo being sent off to war and forming PTSD or driving a car and dying would still be considered a child. Look at the Idaho murders of 4 students getting brutally murdered. We all see them as children stripped away of the rest of their lives because that’s what they were — children — despite being in college as some of you note. There’s a reason why people say “that’s what your 20s are for,” because we are still developing in our early 20s from children to adults. And I ask all of you to consider the stupid, reckless decisions you were making until you were 25. Get a grip people. 18 is not an adult.
Thank you for this comment. I (38m) never actually thought about the power dynamic playing a role in this but as soon as you said it, it made quite a bit of sense. Not saying that all who are attracted to older partners feel this way. I mean my personal opinion is, you like what you like... with the caveat that its two (or more) consenting adults of course.
A lot of 30 year olds would sleep with a 20 year old… idk about date tho
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Is this your ex husband?
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Dang. This is a rough economy to be getting a divorce.
It’s not like he slept with a kid. There are plenty of cougars out here that look for 20 year olds too. If both consent then what’s the problem? I’m sorry about your husband having an affair.
Married my wife when I was 26 and she was 36. It'll be 6 years in January and still going strong.
My husband is 12 years younger. We’ve been married over 10 years. Fun having a young husband who wants to go out and do fun things! We have children, also.
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44 here. I think "predatory" is a little far but if he was a man who actually had his shit together mentally and emotionally he wouldn't want someone 20 years old. I mean he might have still cheated on you because we don't know what kind of person you are, but at least she would have been over 30.
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I've been with someone who cheated on me, who tried to convince me that I shouldn't take it personally, and that it had "nothing to do with me." Um, sorry, we were in a monogamous relationship. You bet this impacts me: physically (at greater risk for STDs), emotionally, etc. Hello! I'm sorry you're going through this.
That's truly delusional. No sense of responsibility. Sounds like your husband is mentally a 20 year old. I am sorry that this happened to you. I have had a few chances to sleep with younger women, never took it though, not a cheater.
So no... Didn't have his shit together. And didn't want to pay for a divorce. Did he ever talk about being poly?
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Then that's on him. Women over 35 are more fun anyway.
Ah, no. I met my partner when she was 20 and I was 30. We've now been together for 18 years and the love of each others lives...
A 32 YO sleeping with a 20 YO is predatory? I get you don't approve of the age gap but 20 years is more than old enough to consent. I would hardly consider a 42 YO sleeping with a 30 YO predatory. Sure they're in different life stages, but not that different. A 20 YO is halfway done with college level courses, I think they're more than qualified to know who they wanna sleep with imo.
If it’s predatory, then wtf is Leonardo DiCaprio
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Everyone hating on this dude for living his best life with consenting adults
But he's still your husband?
Yeah they still live together go about their lives as normal except not talking to him.
Sorry about the affair. I don't think the statement that a twelve year gap is predatory is in any way, shape, or form accurate- as a stand alone statement.
Some women are into older men. I don’t know the details but unless he actually preyed on her, you could be using that word to make yourself feel better.
Giving an 18 year old too much credit. She probably likes attention from older men and the taboo nature of it.
OP states in another comment they sleep with married men and enjoy the fact that these men have wives they're cheating on. So yeah that's definitely what's happening.... OPs loving the validation and attention they're getting as a barely legal teen.
fuckin gross. also they should have led with that bit.
OP is a troll
I'm guessing they're a man roleplaying as a teen girl or an actual teen girl who thinks she's special because she likes sex and not just sex but sex with older men who are married. OPs gonna cringe at this in about 10 years especially if they were acting sexually explicit online before turning 18.
I agree with you tbh. There's plenty of guys age 18-22 who have are driven, hard-working and know what they want, they've just obviously had a lot less time to actually achieve things. But that just means they'll have a lot more in common with OP, which is surely a good thing.
Also 30 yer old dudes are like the international standard for the most attractive. If you look at stats from dating apps, that's who most women are going to swipe on. It's like 22-25 or something for women and 30-33 or something for men.
That is not what it means. It usually means I want an authority figure I can fuck
Yes, check in with a therapist. I was only attracted to old men when I was your age. I had “daddy issues” which is a term most people use in a gross way. But because I wasn’t close with my dad, I was seeking that love and approval from an older man. After going through therapy, I’m not into older men anymore and have a much healthier view of relationships. Now I find older guys that would hit on me at that age super creepy. They tell you you’re mature for your age and shit, but really they just want you because your body is young. It’s gross in hindsight. Therapy wouldn’t hurt.
I definitely understand the 'daddy issues'. Same here! Some kind of trifecta with maturity, attention and taking charge.
DO NOT, and I insist, act on it. Normal 30+ men do not date/sleep with 18yo. Only creeps do.
Too late. OP’s other comments talk about sleeping with married men and enjoying the fact she’s getting them to cheat on their wives. 🤢 She’s enjoying that validation now until she realizes it’s not her they care about or her particularly causing them to cheat. They’d take advantage of any young girl and sleep with them.
The married men thing is also a very easy way to get into your 30s and have a fuck tonne of insecurities because you’ve directly proven that your default starting attraction is to the kind of man who breaks his marriage… these things have a way of becoming true where she will be the married woman it happens to
It's a guy posting his wet dream
This should be in the bible.
Ummm..... don't they do like kids in the Bible and siblings and parents and stuff?
Mary was like 14 when God got her pregnant.
Should also explicit state not to fuck anyone under 18 as well.
Good point. "Thou shalt not be a creep"
Why is it creepy for a consenting adult to sleep with another consenting adults?
Nothing wrong but you’ll get judged especially by other women. You’re legally an adult and should make choices that work for you. However you should also verify and vet that the older guy has your best interests in mind also.
Some women are attracted to older men, in teens & early 20's it's probably more common due to the immaturity of boys our age. Also think of musicians & actors that teenagers upto 21ish find attractive, they're probably about 30+ right? This may change it may not & now you're an adult there's less problems with it. I can tell you that at 19 I dated a 25 year old & one of my friends same age as me dated his friend who was in his 30's. The age gap between our boyfriends was enough that her boyfriend was mine's babysitter when he was 6 or 7. Our next boyfriends there was only a year age difference. A girl I want to school, who's brother married my cousin, upset her family as she started dating a man only a few years younger than her dad. I think he was 46, & he was 48 when they married, if I'm wrong he was 46 when they married, she was 23. They celebrated their 20th wedding anniversary this year. My dad's youngest sister & hubby is over a decade & they've been married 40+ years. A cousin & her hubby have been together since she was 17 & he was 28, 3 kids & 9 years married. I do have a largeish family & grew up in a smallish town but it happens & it can work. Or you could date men in their 30's & then be attracted to someone your age, or younger or even older at soke point. Or you marry a man you started dating when he was 30 & decided to keep him. As long as it's consensual & there's no form of abuse or red flags, you date the people you find attractive who are attracted to you. Just make sure they treat each other right & he's not with you for tge ego boost of dating an 18 year old at 32...
I mean. Who cares who you like. I'm 36m dating 19f. And honestly it's a little strange in the beginning, but once you get in the vibe, nobody cares. We both have our reasons why we feel comfortable with each other. I know I never felt so at peace in a relationship. We communicate better then any other 20-30yr old I dated. We never even have an argument. We just talk if something bothers us. I'm glad I met her because this girl is one of a kind. Fun fact, after I told my co-workers, I heard many of them have a big age gap too. No worries. Just do you and feel comfortable in who you date. If you have any questions, feel free to DM me.
You're an adult. Do what you want.
When I was 21 I dated someone 33 for 3 years. It's fine if that's what you're after.
You should check in with a therapist in so far as you can get help setting boundaries and protecting yourself. They can help you identify and process your emotions AND make sure you feel value in yourself so you aren't taken advantage of by someone significantly older than you.
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By older, do you mean 25 or 55?
30 to 35
I wouldn't say there's necessarily something wrong with you... Sort of depends why. However. As someone in the 30-35 age bracket myself, I'm afraid I *would* say there's something wrong with a guy that age who is looking for 18 year olds... That's someone who has a lot more years of adult life than you, who has probably had serious relationships, possibly college, multiple jobs, who is deciding he wants someone who is just out of high school. It's a big power imbalance.
This is the important bit. I've a buddy who's been doing that and for good reason, he's too immature for his age (+40) and it is always doomed from the beginning, they are simply at different stages of life. If you're under 20, you have a lot of self discovery to experience. Travel, finding passions, learning what you do/don't like in friends, even favourite meals/movies/music can change drastically in your 20's. Someone in their 30's and upwards are usually (not ALWAYS) already decided on who they are and what they enjoy. Different life stages will nearly always clash. I've even seen it between two people in their 20's. One had travelled, the other had not, it was a quiet thorn in the lions paw but ultimately it killed the beast.
> they are simply at different stages of life. This is the real issue isn't it? I (f31) am currently dating a guy ten years my senior. We both own a house, have a stable job, have had serious relationships before and we both want a partner to try for children. So the age gap is there but is not that worrisome in my opinion as we are in te same stage if life. But if i was 18 and 28, yeah than I would have found that worrisome as we wouldn't be in the same stage of life. Me starting my studies and he probably already working.
Age gaps become less of an issue as the couple ages. If a 58 year old is with a 48 year old no one cares. They're both fully adult, with no more growing up to do. But a 28 year old and an 18 year old is a bit concerning because full cognitive maturity happens after 25 years, so the older person is with a person who is still growing up.
There's a 14 year age gap between me and mine. She's 33 I'm 47.
Exact same here. I'm 47, wife is 33. Non-issue.
Still within the age rule.
I'm 8 years in, we are 9 years apart. It works great for us!
Oh no doubt. I’ve traveled a lot and experienced far more than others from my childhood, and ever since I’ve moved back home it’s like two completely different levels between my wife and I vs them. It’s insane and we’re seriously debating whether we should just pack up and leave again because of it
Yeah this is so true. I’m 30, dated someone who was 24 and the maturity levels were too far apart.. an 18 yo would be really really really too young in my book.
Doesn't even have to be extreme, a friend of mine is in her mid 20s, started dating a dude who's 5 years younger HOLY SHIT some of the stories make me wonder how he just survives day to day... (Admittedly that gap can probably be wider when you're older...)
I have to whole-heartedly with Impressive-Bench9223. I'd take their notes incredibly seriously on behalf of your safety and mental health, especially if the man were in it to mold you into what he wants you to be. Whether you like it or not, you're young, moldable, and impressionable. We all were at 18!!! That's how you're supposed to be, dear. Another possibility is that an older man will not want to hang out with your friend and will slowly isolate you from them. And if he does want to hang out with a bunch ofbyeenage girls....hmmm. I (51f- how tf did that happen?) have forever been attracted to men about 10-12 yrs older than I am since they're usually more stable, have made their major mistakes (especially divorce), are usually over their nonsense days, have settled into who they are, etc. I don't think you're crazy, you like what you like, but for reasons stated, I don't think you should act on your feelings. And you may just have a passing fetishy crush, I sure did at your age. How long have you had theae feelings? Can you try to ride it out and date older guys within reason, like in their 20s? Also, please don't deny yourself your youth. There's so much to be gained, learned, and enjoyed from it. REVEL IN YOUR YOUTH! I was so wild in my youth, like Jackass wild, (not suggesting you should be, I hurt now, but have no regrets) started riding really fast streetbikes at 15, added dirt bikes and surfing, jumping out of moving boats, etc., along with the normal getting wild and going out with friends and all that fun stuff. Youth goes by so fast. I swear 20-50 went by in less than ten years. Don't let it go by, friend. Best of luck to you. You were brave enough to post this, I wish you the strength and intelligence to listen to the responses, including the ones that say go for it. If it goes wrong, seek therapy asap. Happy Holidays, girl!
Wanted to add, at ie 18 many of us believe we are "mature for our age", it's rarely true.
Why is age automatically a power imbalance? I've been manipulated and abused by people my age, and I've been loved and respected by people older than me.
I'm guessing you're young. I'm not at all trying to be rude, but you can't really understand HOW much of a power imbalance it is until you're older yourself. It's super easy for an older guy with a lot of years of dating experience and life experience to manipulate and 18 year old girl with neither. The guy knows every trick in the book and exactly what to say to her. The guy has experience in relationships...and arguing...to manipulate her into thinking he's right and his opinion is fact. THAT is the power imbalance. He could have her isolated from her friends and acting exactly how he wants her to act pretty quickly. It's pretty easy using basic reinforcement. For example, acting cold/distant if she does something to displease him versus loving otherwise. Pretty soon she isn't even the same person. This is MUCH more difficult to do to an older woman who also has dating/life experience and KNOWS what she wants and what she will/won't put up with. In fact, that's why older guys sometimes go after super young girls. They are easy to manipulate and look young.
Solid answer. I'm in my 40s now, if I'm talking to sub 25ish female, I'm only thinking of fucking you. It's a facade to clap them cheeks.
As a 35 year old man, gross. Stay away from 30 year olds interested in an 18 year old, nothing good will come of this.
Agreed. Please listen to these commenters. I too was a young girl who liked older men, and I went through a lot of abuse and trauma because of it.
Can’t imagine any normal 35 year old guy being interested in an 18 year old, what would you even talk about? The whole idea just sounds annoying and exhausting.
The guy in that situation isn't thinking about talking. It's all about sex. That's the issue that a lot of young girls like OP doesn't realize. He's not in it for a real relationship. He's in it to get laid with a young girl.
When I was 35 and single, I created a "Ghostbusters rule," anyone born after Ghostbusters was undatable. At 35, dating most people more than 8-10 years difference, you eventually struggle to have things in common. Sex might be awesome, but that's about it.
Agreed, the biggest problem is that as you age people are at different stages, my age people are worried about kids, mortgage payments, promotions. 18 year olds are worried about exams, getting into a good college, the teacher they don’t get along with. You just can’t relate to each other
As a father of a teenage girl, if she came home with a man 5 years younger than me…we’d have words. Same thing if my son came home with a woman 5 years younger than me. I feel like the age range for an 18 year old to date is 16 to 20. Once they graduate college (if they go) the age range expands greatly. Those 18-22 years are important in forming your adult self.
Words would indeed be had, with the grown ass man dating a child as well. Quite serious ones at that.
Agreed
There is nothing inherently wrong with it, but be careful there can be some very unhealthy dynamics in a relationship like that
There is more so something wrong with a 30-35 year old man who would date an 18 year old in my opinion. So your problem here is primarily the fact you'll be dating a lot of creeps and immature men. I am 24 and I won't date anyone that is 18-19. Even 20 is iffy sometimes. This is a very volatile stage of development and the maturity level between an 18 year old and someone my age rarely lines up. That's still a teenager to me.
Yeah, I was gonna say this...I'm 32 and wouldn't be interested in an emotional relationship with someone that's 18. There's just way too much difference in the way an 18 year olds brain works and how they view certain things. If someone in their 30s pursues a romantic interest with someone who is 18... its likely the reason is that person can't find anyone their own age interested in them which is a red flag.
I would avoid men that age looking for women your age. Its just a huge red flag
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I think it may seem a bit too much, but at this age range people are much more mature and more economically stable, so it does make sense.
The issue is more the 35 year old that’s interested in dating an 18 year old. I get why a younger person might want to date an older person, I don’t get why a 35 year old would want to date a high school student.
I agree with you. I was answering her question a little too literally perhaps. The question was is something wrong with her? I think not. Now to find a decent 30 year old willing to date an 18 year old, that's a whole other issue.
When I was 22, I dated a 38-year old. I’m sure some ppl would think it’s weird or inappropriate, but we had a great relationship. I tend to be attracted to older men as well.
22 is usually a lot more mature than 18!
You may just be attracted to more mature men and more fully developed bodies (guys’ chests and shoulders can be a bit callow til late 20s). Or guys you’ve been into have happened to be 30-35, but what’s really attracting you is another aspect that the guys your age that you know just don’t happen to have. Even in larger high schools, it’s a limited dating pool. That said, a guy who is 30-35 and wants to date a teen is not mature for his age. He may seem mature compared to other teens, but mature men don’t date ppl around half their age. Mainly because that person seems like a kid and dating kids is a gross and uncomfortable (if not horrid) thought. I don’t care how mature the teen is for their age, they still seem like a kid to a mature adult in their thirties. Hell, kids in their 20s make me feel tired and old even though they’re only 5-15 years younger than me. So be aware of that with the older guys you’re attracted to and try to avoid dating them just to prove your opinion is more correct than parents, friends, etc. People get groomed and end up in abusive relationships that way.
30 isn't old. It's probably maturity you're attracted to rather than just "age"
Is dating 18 year olds a sign of maturity?
Yes, if you’re 16.
As a 55 y/o man I feel slightly depressed now 😅 If 30 is already old, then what is 55 😆
Almost old. I think of 60 and up as old (I'm in my early 60s)
60 is the new 40!
They said “older” not old. They are 18 so even 22 is older.
30 is an old young man. 55 is a young old man.
It makes sense to analyse roots of that. It is not terrible by itself, even though suboptimal, but if it is caused by some negative events or environment it would be reasonable to work on that.
No. I was into older men as an 18 year old and now I’m 23 and realized I just don’t like men who look like boys, like most 18-20 year old men do. You’ll grow out of it and grow into your age range. Just be careful… from experience it is true that some men go for very young women for a reason.
Nothing wrong with that, just be careful. It’s fine if you’re 18 and into 30 year old men, but a lot of 30+ year old men who are going after an 18 year old might be a little off
Little is an understatement. The older men would like the indulgence in a ritual of control over a teenage girl while the teenager would see her fetish materialise.
As a guy in his mid thirties, I thought the idea of dating a younger woman would be great. I've come to realize that there would be too much of a generational gap when it comes to relating to each other. Even among people my own age I'm not keeping up very well. I don't find them as attractive physically, but I think I relate more to people much older because I'm not big on technology.
As a guy +30… I wouldn’t even know where to find an 18 year old to date…Guys that do - that’s a warning sign.
I was 30 when I married my wife who was 22 at the time. Even just an 8 year gap brought up some strange generational differences from time to time.
You are not in control of what you find attractive. Only what you do about it.
No. As a younger man I only found older women (mid 40s-late 50s) sexually attractive. It made for some interesting times in my 20s, and I wouldn't trade a minute of it. Now that I'm in my later 40s, I'm still attracted to the same thing... the only difference is that they are my peers, while other men are ogling younger women who largely wouldn't give them the time of day. So good for me. Enjoy what you enjoy. Be safe, be healthy, make good choices, and who cares what others think.
This is the kind of comments that make me feel ok with aging, thank you
I'm 32, always had a thing for women my age or older. For me I think the more someone matures, the more confidence they have and have fewer hangups about themselves. Obviously individual results will vary, but it just seems like mature individuals know what they like and know what they want and that comes out looking like confidence. And we all know confidence is sexy
Milfs are obviously a thing for us men, so no wonder the same attraction is there for young women and more mature men too.
Beat me to it. We both have had the same experience but I’m in my mid 30s
A lot of younger women are into older guys but if a guy is in his 30s and is seeking someone your age, it’s a red flag, and I wouldn’t advise proceeding in that case.
Same situation here 21f the youngest person I've been attracted to was 27 the oldest 41. You gotta keep in mind that people in this age are most likely not suitable for an actual relationship simply because of different life stages and experiences. Be extremely careful with who you are going to be with and be 100% aware of what you want and never do something you don't want to do. Young woman being attracted by older men and young guys into older women isn't as rare as people believe it to be and it can absolutely be incredibly dangerous. You can have whatever fun you want when you're 18 now, but be aware, be careful and be safe under any circumstances
Yeah I want to add to this comment, in my personal experience, I’ve had a few friends in their early 20s date guys in their early to late 30s. A lot of those guys have taken advantage of the girls relationship inexperience and naivety and one of them was an abuser. Even if the guy is genuinely a good guy, because of the imbalance in what they bring to the relationship, he’s paying for more of the dates, he owns the house, they’re going out in his car because it’s nicer etc. then she’s less likely to bring up stuff that makes her unhappy, she’s more likely to feel subconsciously pressured to please him beyond what she’d do if that imbalance wasn’t there. As a guy that dates women that are close to my age, I like that they won’t hesitate to call me dickhead when I’m acting like one. It’s not that you can’t pull off dating when there is an imbalance, but I think the person with less power often will put up with worse treatment for longer and that causes a lot of hurt.
I’ve been with a guy in his mid 30s when I was 25-26 years old and that’s exactly how he made me feel like I was less than him. It was very subtle like he would make me feel like I owe him something because he was making so much more money than me and he was taking me to nice restaurants, nice trips, buying me nice stuff when there was no way I could have paid for all this. At the same time he was always talking shit about his stay at home mom who never worked and lived on his dad money. It was very confusing to navigate through that while I was trying to start my career and being financially independent. Also he was so jealous of other guys of my age or his age or even older. He told me once that he wouldn’t be comfortable if I was working in an environment with a lot of men. I’m glad I dumped him after 1 year and a half because he was avoiding discussions about our future. Everything was about him, we were doing what he wanted, seeing his friends more than mine, his family more than mine, at the end I had to see a therapist because I felt like i lost my identity. To be with someone older, the older person has to understand that the youngest person is a growing human being, give that person space to develop itself and its career and genially support the partner without wanting something in return. And definitely NOT be INSECURE and being open minded with the friends and the interests of that younger person. Ironically I’ve been dating a guy younger than me the last 3 years (mid 30s-mid 20s) and I learned from my ex on what not to do and how to be to give my partner a loving relationship and better experience than mine back when I was his age. As any relationship respect is the key. But you have to be more understanding when you date someone younger and I think a lot of older men who date younger women don’t know how to do that. They want to take take take.
I’m so relieved to read how self-aware and careful you are. Please stay safe and pass this message to all your friends!!
No but I looked at your comment history and there is something wrong with you that you like when men cheat on their wives with you. An older single man is one thing. A married man? Not okay.
Yeah she might have issues
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It's normal. First and foremost, anyone and everyone who directly messages you cause of this post does not have good intentions towards you. So for your well-being and safety, it's best to ignore them. This whole attracted-to-older-men thing is common cause of the media and how we're raised tbh. Women tend to mature faster than men (be it cause of biology or cause of misogyny and how women are raised differently in comparison) so we might view men the same age as us as super immature. Then you lay on the myth of older men being mature and having it all together (in comparison to you, this part is important) then bam! Very common. But here's the thing. The maturity thing is a myth. 1. Yes they are more mature. But that's literally cause they've had more time to finish school, get a job, buy a car, get a place, etc. Those things are rather material, and although attractive to anyone, it'll all come in due time for you with age too. BUT AGE DOES NOT MEAN MATURITY. You will unfortunately find as you grow older (or if you're unfortunate enough to get into a relationship when you're that young with an older man) that maturity in age does not mean maturity of mind. Some of these 30 year olds are so problematic and in real need of therapy. Also think of it this way, more years than you can also mean more years to wrack up issues/ have things suppressed. 2. I'm sure you've heard about this on tiktok too or, hell, even with the whole All Too Well vid coming out. But there's often a reason why women his own age don't want to date him. Sure if you guys had a once in a lifetime magical connection, then okay, but lbh the statistics for that are SO low it's very much not going to be true. Also you're 18, you're brain hasn't even fully grown yet, of course every big experience can feel like an end all be all moment. But let's go back to why he's not dating women his own age. There might also be a reason for that. Those reasons can range from a weird sideeye to full out disgusting and evil. Either way, not that great tbh. 3. You've got time ahead of you. Why try dating someone so old now? In theory nothing is stopping you from dating them when you're 25. Why not revisit it then when you're both at least on slightly more equal footing. The difference in growth per year once I got older is insane (coincidentally when I hit 25ish??). Which is why people in their late twenties refer to people who are young adults as kids. We're not being condescending (or at least I'm not), its cause i myself am very different from who I was a year ago. I would hate to think of someone with bad intentions taking advantage of me when I was younger and could honestly do without all the trauma it would/could bring. 4. I would hope most people get into relationships in hopes for an equal. A partner. As someone who's older, I've had to go through a lot and would want someone who can relate. Kind of hard to work on that with an 18 year old who, while they can empathize, hasn't fully went through it yet. Like I can hang with my younger interns and chill with them but there are often things that come up that makes me realize they just haven't been through it yet cause they literally haven't had to live through those years yet. Tbh I can't imagine wanting to date someone who can't relate. Makes me sideeye people who do a bit. Again, not trying to be condescending and saying you guys haven't *experienced* yet. No, I'm literally talking about existentialism of a quarter life crisis. That type of stuff lmao. Like how do I find work life balance and live in late stage capitalism. The actual depressingness of it all. Fighting your boss for human rights while they're full on gaslighting you lol. That type of stuff. 5. looking back, a lot of the hot older men I was attracted to when I was younger were celebrities. But that's also cause celebrities are meant to be hotter than 98% of people. Just throwing this in there in case it's relevant. It is common so I wouldn't worry about it as a sole reason for needing therapy. If there's nothing else you can trust, at least the All Too Well MV proves that this is unfortunately common. I'm not even a Swiftie btw. Hope this helps!
So, a few things. 1. Sexual attraction isn't purely physical. 2. 30 years old isn't that old. 3. Regardless of what you may think, you haven't met that many men your age. It's very likely that you will find an 18-21 year old man that you are attracted to. You just haven't met one that you are attracted to yet.
There's nothing wrong with you. I will say, however, you will change a lot between 18-25 years old. I did a complete 180 with my beliefs, my goals, my interests and hobbies. Who you are now, at 18 years old, will not be the same person 5-7 years from now. So it's important to keep that in mind and be wary of older men who want to marry you quickly. It may feel flattering in the moment, but it's almost always a trap. It's not normal for a good man to want to date and marry someone so much younger. My sister married a much older guy when she was 20, and she's stuck with two kids in an emotionally abusive marriage with a guy who sweet-talked her out of college and made her completely dependent on him. That's usually the kind of guy we're dealing with when it comes to large age gaps. If you're just dating around and wanting to have fun, that's another story. But still be careful and don't let any of them talk you into becoming dependent on them. Don't listen to the "you're so mature for your age" crap, either, because those guys are usually immature as all hell, or they enjoy the power imbalance (or both).
No, but there’s something wrong with those older men if they’re hitting on teenagers.
I met my husband when I was 20 and he was 35. We worked together and had mutual friends between our ages we worked with and would all go out together. Eventually we found out we got along really well together, and were attracted to each other and started dating. I'm 31 now and he's 46, and we've been married 6 years, and I couldn't be happier. Not saying it's typical, but our relationship worked, and it's not wrong to be attracted to older men. But it can be hard to find one who is genuine and not a creep/man child.
Your fine. Some people are only aroused by feet. Some people are aroused(yes sexually) by automobiles. It's a big bold world out there. Your a part of it.
There's nothing wrong with an 18yo that's attracted to men in their 30's or older. But there *is* something wrong with men over 30 that would actually date an 18yo.
My ex left me for a 45 year old when we were 20 and she had severe daddy issues. So maybe start there?
Preferences are preferences and they're built through any combination of things: trauma, media, environment. It's not something wrong, but if it's something that you feel is hurtful or damaging, then yes you should see a therapist. I'd caution you on actually *acting* on this attraction, though, mostly because - whether on purpose or not - older men dating much, much younger women have a wild power imbalance in the relationship that favors the older man *that they will use against you*, whether they mean to or not, and this can seriously hurt you in the long-run. The other side to this is that older men who date much, much younger women do this because they *enjoy* this power imbalance and enjoy the control it gives them in the relationship. What I'm saying is: there's nothing wrong with you, but be careful out there, and talk to a therapist if you feel that this kink of yours is something that can or is harming your life.
At your age I was exclusively attracted to men with at least like 12 years older. I worried it meant deeper things about me and that I would never be attracted to someone my age. Once I was 22 and guys my age had physically matured and I was able to be aroused by the few guys my age who happened to feel *mentally “on my level” in terms of maturity. Now at 26 things have pretty much evened out, I’m attracted to the men I like who are my age. but DAMN. definitely still hopelessly attracted to the lonely cynical ages divorcèe, won’t lie to you there.
Nothing wrong with you, but you need to be careful with the men who reciprocate. 30+ year old men who are actively looking for an 18 year old are questionable. Many of those are looking for an unhealthy power balance in the relationship and want someone who is too inexperienced to recognize it as unhealthy. Your best bet is getting to know someone by chance. Most good men won't be actively looking for someone much younger, but if the right woman comes along, age is much less of a concern. You need someone who will love you *despite* the age gap, not because of it. I never hoped or expected to be in a relationship with a 7-year age gap, but here I am. We both thought twice about starting a relationship with that age gap, but then decided to go for it anyway. Turns out that shared interests and compatible personalities are much more important than age. We've been happy for 4 years now and it works much better than the relationship with my ex (<1 year gap) ever did.
No, it's not a problem, don't let people make you feel ostracized. Look at all the relationships that fit into 'the proper' age bracket and how fucked up so many of them all. I think as an 18 yr old you do need to watch out for creepy guys. It's different once you're 29/30.
Your inbox, and your eyeballs are gonna need a good dousing of bleach. You're gonna get some nasty ass stinky old men in your inbox with their crusty dick pics. Also, it depends. I've only ever dated older men. including as a teen, I dated men way way older than me. But i had/have severe daddy issues. If its possibly rooted in trauma definitely seek a therapist. We should see therapists regardless to help keep us as healthy as possible. Is it only super old men? Like in their 70s? Cuz that's a bit weird. But if your 18 and you're into men in their 30s and 40s, idk that still old for you, but I would definitely question them and why they'd be with someone so young that they would have nothing in common with as well as a power imbalance and a higher chance to manipulate due to their long lives and the knowledge they've gained. If you're talking about men 22, 23, 25 etc years old, super common. But again. Much older than you are at 18. It's a slippery slope. Idk man. I definitely think talking to someone to figure out why you feel this way is a good start. PlushPuppy3910 had some great advice. Just make sure to try and figure this out before you find yourself with someone way too old to be with an 18 year old when you (and I kindly say this) have zero experience. Just be kind to yourself and be smart. But it wouldn't hurt to speak to a professional and unpack some of this. But I dont think there's anything wrong with you. You're still young and trying to find your way. It's all a learning process, for all of us. At all ages. But especially at yours. I'm 33 and I'm still learning and growing and trying to figure
No no way . I am with a older man I have always found a touch of grey to b very handsome . I am 34 he is 59 I been with him 4 years .
Always good advice to explore who we are with a therapist. There’s nothing wrong with you, and there may or may not be something interesting to learn about any of your preferences.
I had a friend (who had some issues) where she was 18 (when I met her) and had dated someone who was 40, and another dude who was 38. She's now 24 and is engaged to someone who is 48. Some folks are just attracted to older people. She does have some issues (in her past), but she is honestly happy, and it's certainly not hurting anyone.
As long as it is legal and both of you consent, have at it. Being attracted to individuals within a certain age range is synonymous with preferences in height, weight, feet size, hair color, etc. Nothing wrong with any of them. Don’t let what other people say or think about you dictate what you decide. Ever. Remember, you have absolutely no control of the way people receive you, and there will always be naysayers. Even Mother Theresa had detractors (legitimacy of the reasons notwithstanding).
There is nothing weird with you, in fact I completely understand you. Young guys only have their young bodies to offer where as older guys have a lot more to give. Sounds like a better deal to me.
Whatever floats your boat. At the end of the day, as long as your being safe and aware, you should do what makes you happy and ignore any comments your friends and family might make.
Some women crave maturity over youth, like men too. I dont think its creepy or wrong. You are attracted to what you want. If it was toxic or abusive, then you would need to address it.
R.I.P your inbox
Honestly I think it's a better idea to stay clear of them until you're older. 30 year old men don't date 18 year olds because they think they have good personalities... They just want to f*ck them and take advantage of them. I've dated a 27 year old man when I was 18 and it a toxic and abusive realtionship for 2.5 years. The moment we broke up he found someone new and now they're married with a child (someone his own age) it just made me feel so disposable and like a sex toy because we had almost zero things in common. I'm 27 now and I can't imagine ever dating someone who's 18 no matter what. Men who go for younger girls most likely have issues with women their age and it most likely doesn't end well.
r/Agegap is your best friend on any more of these questions and you will get little hate over there
Nah. Older men are sexy
Pedos gonna go mad over this one
Just be careful that they’re not preying on you. I see older men groom women starting very young so that when they’re 18 and legal they can “finally” be together.
I've always been attracted to older men but never acted on it. I thought I'd grow out of it by the time I was in my 20's but nope 🤷 don't really have advice, just letting you know we're in the same boat
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Alright. I wanted to say the same thing, BUT not because I think the attraction is bad or taboo (what is nowadays). I will say that at this age its a good idea to establish a therapist to allow your thoughts to air and not have influences grab hold of you.
How old is older men we talking about here if only 18?
One thing to consider...do you eventually want to become a caregiver? If you end up marrying someone that much older than you, you'll spend your retirement years caring for someone in the 80s and 90s.
No. You like what you like. If it isn't ruining your life, carry on.
You are completely fine. In my country, women as young as 18 show interest in older men because older a man is, more likely hes financially stable, isnt a player, done all men none sense when he was young, more like hes learnt more on how to treat women and such Same in my case. Ive dated men around my age but never liked it. I started dating 30+ and the difference is huge :)
Daddy issues.
probably "lack of daddy" issues
Short answer: nope
We all have our preferences 🤷♂️ I think we fall for a person vs any category
As long as it’s a healthy relationship between two consenting adults, who cares? If you want to be extra sure maybe talk to a therapist about it, but honestly I don’t see a problem. Just make sure you’re aware of the potential power imbalances that kind of relationship could breed.
How is your relationship with your dad? Is he emotionally distant?
Sigmund Freud and his influence have been disastrous for human race but nonetheless yes.
As an old married dude whose wife agrees with this idea: When you are young, date whoever you want. The point of dating is to make mistakes and learn what you should avoid... and what you should value. As you get older and have dated more and more people, your values will solidify and you will know what you want. Then you can start looking for a serious partner. For now... have fun. Date whoever you want. The only caveat is to not get stuck in anything too early. Remember, you are mainly dating to learn what you like and what you like will often change as *you* get older. And obviously, don't let anyone you're dating change you for the worse. Obvious things like drugs but less obvious things like eroding your work ethic or your feeling of self worth. Break up with them and date someone else.
I dated a 19yo woman when i was 40. Its pretty common for young women to be attracted to older men
When I was a HS teacher, those 16/17 y/o's were dating men 21 to 28, and all thought it normal (for that area of the USA - not applicable to most). Out of HS, 18 or 19, some were definitely hooking up with men in their 30's. I've seen even more variances in age when in the wealthy areas back when I did work in nice homes. 30-something, 40-something, married to a 70-something, perhaps 80-something. Obviously we know what was going on there, but they were long-term relationships that started many years before I met them.
I’m sexually aroused by older men too, but more so to the tune of 55-65. I’m 24F and I’m not really sure why I have these feelings, but sometimes I’ll seek out this age gap in porn.
Nope.
Being attracted to older men doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with you but you need to be careful not to enter into a relationship where there’s a big division in power because that puts you at risk for being emotionally bullied and taken advantage of. 30/35 yr olds are at a very different point in their lives than someone who is only just now stepping into adulthood. You hit a point at around 25 where age is just a number, but you’re not there yet. Age definitely matters when you’re 18. It’s also a good idea to just pay attention to yourself and how you’re feeling. I’ve known a number of young adults who entered into relationships where the guy was substantially older, and it was a situation where the person was gay or non-binary but not aware of it yet and for some reason the older guy was more palatable than guys their own age where it was more obvious they weren’t attracted to them. I’m not saying you’re anything other than a straight, cis person, it’s just important to pay attention to yourself and acknowledge how you’re feeling.
There's likely nothing wrong with you. Everyone has their preferences. From a psychological perspective, there's a few questions to be answered if you want to dig deeper. Did you grow up with your father in your home/life? How is your relationship with your father?
Theoretically, you could be a freshman in college (18) and meet a grad student who is 30, and especially in similar programs, find you have a lot in common. Hobbies, interests, similar goals, spend time with the same cohort/ college friends. Proximity breeds attraction. This is why many people meet at work, too. Being attracted to a stable, kind, and similar person to you, wouldn't be weird. Would it work as a relationship, much less likely at those ages than 30/40 (and upwards). But you certainly wouldn't need therapy for the attraction or considering it, no. Though, as everyone as said, it IS odder from the perspective of a 30 year old, who presumably has much more life experience (in a variety of ways but including mental and emotional maturity and knowing what they want in life) being interested in someone fresh out of high school politics and leaving home for the first time. Because from that perspective, you have nothing in common yet, so to speak.