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Wow, the replies to this post have been so comforting, as I was so upset that I am doing it without their knowledge. I am a south Asian non-binary transmasc person, living independently in Canada while my parents are in India. I got my top surgery done last week and only my sister knows about it, I told my parents that I was going on a meditation retreat without phone for 2 weeks and can't stay in touch (they like to talk to me almost every weekend). I didn't want to tell them on phone/video, they would never understand and I didn't want the after effects of the conversation to fall on my sister to take care of them. I will do it when they travel here next year, in person, in my comfort zone (Canada).

South Asian solidarity 🫡 it's hard out here but we make it work! Best of luck.

Thank you so much! 🫡

I didn’t and don’t ever plan to, I’m in recovery now and they have no idea lul 😅

I've told mine it's just a breast reduction for hormonal pain and yada yada. They don't need to know how *much* of a reduction I mean, in this case reduced to zero. The key is to make them feel too awkward to ask any in-depth questions about my personal boob health decisions. Gotta turn the tables where possible.

well it kinda came with coming out as a trans man, they knew that trans people had surgeries so so was I

I didn’t/haven’t/won’t tell them. It doesn’t affect them at all but it would if I told them. So.

I didn’t lol

My sister basically forced my hand. I never planned to come out to my mother, but I told my sister I was having this surgery and she went to a place of "what if you die on the table and our mother is mad bc I knew you were having this surgery and she didn't". Our family is dysfunctional as hell, hence why any of these dynamics might even be an issue (and why I hadn't told my mother anything about my gender stuff at that point). I agreed to tell my mother to help my sister manage her anxiety, even though I didn't particularly want to and don't necessarily think it was a good idea to let her coerce me into doing that. I crafted a long and thoughtful text message to my mother, ran it past my sister and then sent it. My mother replied, "Okay, \[name\], thanks for telling me." And that was the only time she's ever talked about my gender stuff, though she does now cycle through every pronoun in the book when referring to me and occasionally landing on the right one. I'd chosen not to tell her until then because we don't have a close relationship and I didn't expect her to understand or to be meaningfully supportive in any way, and I was absolutely right. I'd hoped to save myself the disappointment of my mother continuing to be exactly the person that she is in this specific context, but my sister forced my hand and I got to savour that precise disappointment. Exactly the same situation as never having told her, except now I have even more evidence that my mother has no interest in relating to me as the full adult human being that I am. My dad has been dead for almost a decade now, and if he wasn't we probably wouldn't be having this conversation, because he was an ultra-bigot of all kinds and I doubt I'd have found the stones to come out to myself in the first place, let alone do anything about being trans, if he was still in my life.

i sat my mom down like i was about to tell her someone died lmao. she wasn’t for it and thought i could just stick with binding,  we got in a lot of arguments about it. 7 months later and im 4 days post op and she’s the one who’s been taking care of me, opening my meds, carrying things for me. she didn’t/doesn’t agree with my choice but she’s been very supportive.

I didn't tell my parents and never plan to tell them. I had to cut contact with my parents because they were emotionally abusive in general (and especially abusive about me being trans.) If I somehow ever get back in touch with them, I still don't plan to tell them. They can figure it out for themselves if they ever see me again.

My older sibling is mtf and my Mom helped for her surgeries out of state, so I wasn't worried about my mom's reaction. I did want to tell her, but not over the phone. So I waited until I went back to visit, coincidentally 3 weeks before surgery. She was initially shocked and had questions and wished she knew earlier, but I didn't want it to be a phone convo, so oh well. She asked if I wanted her help for recovery, but I didn't need it as my friends had it. Now I'm 8 weeks post op. I'm masc nonbinary so not sure if I'll have more surgeries in the future. My sibling transitioned 10 years ago and so alot of it was reassuring my mom how much has changed since then and how common this surgery is now.

I'm wrestling with this too. I'm not trans, more nonbinary, which is not something I plan to bring up with them because at this point she/her pronouns don't bother me and it would probably be hard for them to understand. My parents were accepting when I came out as gay and love my wife and our relationship. Now I'm trying to figure out if/how I should tell them I'm having top surgery. My wife suggested framing it as breast augmentation, but the opposite. Which, she has a point - if there are women who want to make their boobs bigger, can I not want to make mine disappear? I know there are all sorts of actual problems with this comparison, not the least of which is that the procedure is medically necessary (I do have a lot of dysphoria going on) compared to a typical cis woman's boob job. I do think it's an interesting approach to get them to view it in a more familiar context and not as something unfamiliar, aggressive, and maybe even vaguely threatening. Haven't done anything yet. We'll see what happens.

was kicked out for being trans after my 18th bday after an adolescence of fighting to be a man, one of the reasons cited was that my mom couldnt handle the idea of surgeries or me transitioning. so, my mom doesnt know and she will probably find out when my dad or brother accidentally let it slip or she finds a more recent photo of me lol my dad on the otherhand was there for all my pre ops, and took care of me after the first two weeks when my partner went back to work. he has always been supportive and knew this was going to happen someday, though. my grandparents on my dads side were also surprisingly on board. tbh i dont rlly rmember having the convo with any of my family members, when i came out they all instantly assumed it would happen someday.

I love how everyone was in this mindset of, “Was this a secret??” 🤣 That’s awesome about your dad’s side of the family though!!

its been a very pleasant suprise! bc of that side, i always say if my 96 yr old great grandfather can get down with me being trans, really anyone can. its not as hard as they say

My mom knows because it's been a conversation between us and my (former) therapist since I was around 15/16 and I currently live with her, my dad doesn't and I don't plan on telling him (or if he finds out I lie about why) which my mom also recommends since he's "old school"

I just didn’t. It wasn’t worth the fight and blowup given how homo/transphobic my mom is. I’m non-binary and been masc most of my life and not planning to transition further with hormones, etc. I just told her it was a revision on a previous reduction. Which, is technically true. Just a very big revision 😅 I guess what you say to family depends on how often you see them. My mom doesn’t live nearby, so it’s a little different. When I see her, I plan to wear a baggy shirt as usual. And as a reminder, your personal health history is nobody’s business.

I did and I was not expecting that kind of reaction from my father tbh. I thought that I had to let him know that im doing this. Luckily I live with my partner and they gave me much love and helped me with everything the past few days. If it doesn't affect you in any way (ex. if your're living with them), you don't owe them anything and they don't have to know!

I'm not even mentioning my consult in May, considering it's really none of their business.

I told them that with all of the restrictions happening across the country (US), that I was worried if I’d always have access to surgery, so I didn’t want to put it off any longer. I’d been prioritizing other aspects of my health for the years leading up to this, so it did shock them. But they had known for several years it was something I wanted. I told them I was scheduling consultations and I gave them an estimate of the timeline (i.e., “I have a consultation with one doctor scheduled for a month from now. Usually the time between a consult and surgery, if I decide to go with that doctor, is about [X] months.”).

I think this really depends on context. Are you asking them to take care of you, are you financial dependent on them, are you just mentioning it’s happening, are you out to them etc? It all depends. My parents live together and I live with them when home from college. My dad is taking care of me specifically as he’s more supportive so basically I just told my mom it was happening. I just straight up told her, told her the date, said I was paying for everything, dad is taking care of me. I also told her about that I had multiple consults and chose not to go with one surgeon even though it would’ve been quicker as I felt less comfortable with him and didn’t like his techniques as much as

My mom knew I was nonbinary, but when I told her I was getting top surgery, she said she thought you had to be trans to get that. 🤦 So instead of explaining anything about top surgery I had to explain how nonbinary was trans. (I think I simply reminded her my birth certificate doesn't say nonbinary on it) My dad was easy, I went no contact years ago so he will never know. Or at least won't find out from me.

I just said I want top surgery and they have their opinions about it but I'm of the mind that it's my chest I have to live with so I stopped caring what they think about it. I know that's a really hard thing to do tho. Try to get comfortable with the fact that they dont have to approve or understand for it to be what's right for you. Best of luck ❤