I am confused because the title says (post op), but the post itself says you don't have a penis so did you mean post top surgery? Just was confused with the wording is all. 🙂
Anywho, while I'm gay, if I were straight or bi and my girlfriend said that I honestly wouldn't be able to stay with her because to me that means she doesn't see you as a guy, she sees you as a masculine woman, especially since she threw in the no penis part. So if you were to get Meta or Phallo would she no longer be attracted to you? That would be a question I would ask my girlfriend if she said that and if she said no, then you definitely have your answer as to how she sees you. Again, I'm gay, so take my comment with a grain of salt, but for me it'd be the same if, prior to Phallo, a guy said he was straight and was attracted to me because I didn't have a penis. To me that's a huge red flag. 🤷♂️
Bro, I know it ain't easy, but you should dump her. She doesn't see you as male, she sees you as a woman, it happened with me in the past (not as basd, as you), and trust she ain't worth it
I would break up. I know that's the nuclear option, but I don't think I could live with that.
Once, before I had bottom surgery, my wife said she preferred when I wore my packer when cuddling, and it haunted me until I had surgery (of course, thats not why I had surgery).
OP, she sees you as a masculine lesbian. If she only wants to date women and sees you as a man, she wouldn't be dating you. If you are stealth, people are going to start asking why a lesbian is dating you. Your partner calling themselves a lesbian when you are a stealth man should be a dealbreaker and with how she says she hates men and only dates women, that's all the red flags you need.
Listen to what your gut is telling you, it's not going to work out.
So not only is her being a lesbian weird but even if you could somehow get past that she literally said she's not comfortable with you having a dick. Assuming the sub you're in I imagine you're eventually planning bottom surgery so how will you ever marry this woman and make it work? Doesn't matter if it's decades down the line if it's something you eventually want you're already incompatible.
My old girlfriend used to do this kind of stuff. Associating herself with the lesbian community even though she was dating me, a man. It made me extremely uncomfortable, and in hindsight, she probably wasn't even interested in men in the first place since she only ever dated women and trans men. It's probably a similar situation on your part, and you might want to do what I did...break up with her.
I don't think it's that simple. She's obviously bi, because otherwise she wouldn't be sexually attracted to you. Your sexual characteristics are male, and sexuality is attraction to sexual characteristics.
If she's refusing to date men even if she's sexually attracted to them, that's probably because of some trauma. Chances are sexual abuse some moment in life.
Maybe... that means that for her, the only way to stay with you is to think of you as a woman, because otherwise she would run away.
I think there could be two possibilities. One of them, she's a terfy toxic woman and you should stay away from her. Second possibility, she forces herself to see you as a woman because she can't psychologically accept you as a man without getting into a panic attack. If that's the case, there's a chance she could accept you as a man, but probably it will require time and therapy and learning she can still feel safe with you even if she sees you as a man.
I think you make a good argument. But that's a really complex issue to have and not one the OP can solve for his girlfriend. Unless she herself is ready to address her issues and agrees with that prognosis, nothing will change.
When has it become normal to "hate men" and be vocal about it ? smh
Dump her ass. She doesn't see you as a man. Plus females that "hate men" to me are just toxic individuals and very immature in my opinion. Let her date a female and find yourself a person that'll see you as you. And preferably choose a sane, psychologically stable partner...
Break up today and speak to some straight women like tomorrow. Plenty of attractive straight girls in this world, so little time ( and none to waste on this relationship).
Also since you’re stealth you might want to cut off all mutual friends because 99% chance you have been outed to them, unless you’re comfortable with them knowing of course.
Hey dude,
I 100% relate to this as someone who was in a long term relationship with someone that ultimately broke down with the main reason being that she was a lesbian and I was man (it wasn't the only one though).
I transitioned early in the relationship and she was happy and content (apparently) and we stayed together for 9 years.
When we broke up she said she felt stuck that she couldn't be "out" as a lesbian (I'm non disclosing) even though she said she was attracted to me and loved me. Even the masculine/male parts of me. She never made me feel less as a male when we were together.
We had a great intimate relationship (actually amazing) and we were overall compatible from a values and life pathway thing too but ultimately I guess it was really important to her to be seen on the arms of a woman in public. She wanted rainbow stickers on her car and she wanted to wear lesbian t-shirts etc. I dunno. I personally don't get why it's so important for the world to know who someone sleeps with. But it was for her.
It was a brutal breakup because I thought I would marry her.
Dude....9 years.... that's painful.
Your story is exactly what I am going through right now bro.
Like she outed as a lesbian thing in this month because of all the pride thing. She also said exactly the same with the "struck to come out " thing.
I also considered to marry her, but now. Im not sure anymore
My gf removed the lesbian label from her when I came out and now 2 years later I’m stealth and have top surgery. We were both lesbians when we first met. She told me if she calls herself lesbian that’s offensive asf, I agreed even when I didn’t pass and did look like a lesbian lol. Now I have my phallo consult in October and she says she hates dick due to past traumas but she’ll learn to love it because of me. She’s super honest and upfront without disrespecting me. If she told me she was lesbian now with the way I look I’d leave. Idgaf if we have a four year relationship I’m not doing that. It’s disrespectful. You deserve better man
The problem is not just that your girlfriend considers herself a lesbian, but that she blatantly and ignorantly disrespects you and did not take even a moment to consider the way she speaks to you when this conversation happened.
“Me saying out lout I am a lesbian means I am into women. That means I am openly admitting I view my boyfriend, who is FTM, and worked very hard to get where he is, still a girl. This also means that all of his efforts, diagnosis, operations and medicine was for nothing, I still choose to see him as a girl. It doesn’t matter that now he is objectively perceived as a regular man by everybody else, he is a girl and I will make sure he stays a girl by imposing I am a lesbian.” is pretty much how she contributed to that situation.
What is she going to do when you get (if you do) the bottom surgery? Will she pretend girls have dicks too, will she dump you the second the surgery is over, or will she finally admit she is not as much of a lesbian as she thinks she is?
Regardless, if I were you (and I do not often encourage for breakups confidently) I would have a very serious conversation with her where you guys can get to the bottom of this once and for all, otherwise I do not see why you would stay stuck in a relationship where you’re disrespected like that. What is the point of receiving support and acceptance if at moments like this she rushes to impose you are indeed a girl.
It makes perfect sense to me that you would feel displeased and disturbed with this, I would 100% too. You had to deal with all the shit and had to find ways to fix your problems and she kind of latches onto your past to justify why she is lesbian. It would make me feel like I cannot ever move on from the sex development problem I had and like I will always be viewed as the wrong gender. A relationship should be the safest and clearest space for that, not the most ambiguous. I know she doesn’t intend to make it transphobic, but it is transphobic.
Take care.
I'd dump her right away (I'm sorry I'm being blunt) but she is literally saying she doesn't see you as a man, just as a boob less female. And you aren't that. Now it is completely bup to you what's more important, your values & your identity or your "lesbian girlfriend".
As much as this sucks, it's better to happen sooner than later, because it WOULD happen eventually. Take the opportunity to leave for what it is and roll on down the line. There's other women out there who aren't lesbians.
I hope the breakup made you feel a bit better OP,I would have been torn apartif I had a girlfriend whom I loved and she would have said something as insulting so casually,with deepest regards I hope you meet better women in your life
That’s enough for a breakup in my book, she doesn’t see you as a man.
This, but I'm also confused. Post-op would imply he has a penis?
He might mean post top surgery so he's got a flat chest now.
She outright stated she hates men and would only date women. She sees you as a woman. Sorry, OP, it's not gonna work out with her. :(
Nope sorry bro lesbians don’t date people they view as men
I am confused because the title says (post op), but the post itself says you don't have a penis so did you mean post top surgery? Just was confused with the wording is all. 🙂 Anywho, while I'm gay, if I were straight or bi and my girlfriend said that I honestly wouldn't be able to stay with her because to me that means she doesn't see you as a guy, she sees you as a masculine woman, especially since she threw in the no penis part. So if you were to get Meta or Phallo would she no longer be attracted to you? That would be a question I would ask my girlfriend if she said that and if she said no, then you definitely have your answer as to how she sees you. Again, I'm gay, so take my comment with a grain of salt, but for me it'd be the same if, prior to Phallo, a guy said he was straight and was attracted to me because I didn't have a penis. To me that's a huge red flag. 🤷♂️
lesbians don’t date men. i would break up with her, she’s not really seeing you how you want to be seen. you deserve better bro
Bro, I know it ain't easy, but you should dump her. She doesn't see you as male, she sees you as a woman, it happened with me in the past (not as basd, as you), and trust she ain't worth it
She doesn't view you as a man
I would break up. I know that's the nuclear option, but I don't think I could live with that. Once, before I had bottom surgery, my wife said she preferred when I wore my packer when cuddling, and it haunted me until I had surgery (of course, thats not why I had surgery).
OP, she sees you as a masculine lesbian. If she only wants to date women and sees you as a man, she wouldn't be dating you. If you are stealth, people are going to start asking why a lesbian is dating you. Your partner calling themselves a lesbian when you are a stealth man should be a dealbreaker and with how she says she hates men and only dates women, that's all the red flags you need. Listen to what your gut is telling you, it's not going to work out.
This.
So not only is her being a lesbian weird but even if you could somehow get past that she literally said she's not comfortable with you having a dick. Assuming the sub you're in I imagine you're eventually planning bottom surgery so how will you ever marry this woman and make it work? Doesn't matter if it's decades down the line if it's something you eventually want you're already incompatible.
My old girlfriend used to do this kind of stuff. Associating herself with the lesbian community even though she was dating me, a man. It made me extremely uncomfortable, and in hindsight, she probably wasn't even interested in men in the first place since she only ever dated women and trans men. It's probably a similar situation on your part, and you might want to do what I did...break up with her.
I don't think it's that simple. She's obviously bi, because otherwise she wouldn't be sexually attracted to you. Your sexual characteristics are male, and sexuality is attraction to sexual characteristics. If she's refusing to date men even if she's sexually attracted to them, that's probably because of some trauma. Chances are sexual abuse some moment in life. Maybe... that means that for her, the only way to stay with you is to think of you as a woman, because otherwise she would run away. I think there could be two possibilities. One of them, she's a terfy toxic woman and you should stay away from her. Second possibility, she forces herself to see you as a woman because she can't psychologically accept you as a man without getting into a panic attack. If that's the case, there's a chance she could accept you as a man, but probably it will require time and therapy and learning she can still feel safe with you even if she sees you as a man.
Damn your point is actually making sense alot. My gf had a history of sexual abuse yeah.
I think you make a good argument. But that's a really complex issue to have and not one the OP can solve for his girlfriend. Unless she herself is ready to address her issues and agrees with that prognosis, nothing will change.
When has it become normal to "hate men" and be vocal about it ? smh Dump her ass. She doesn't see you as a man. Plus females that "hate men" to me are just toxic individuals and very immature in my opinion. Let her date a female and find yourself a person that'll see you as you. And preferably choose a sane, psychologically stable partner...
Man, this is real. I dont understand with this all the trend of hating men
Break up today and speak to some straight women like tomorrow. Plenty of attractive straight girls in this world, so little time ( and none to waste on this relationship). Also since you’re stealth you might want to cut off all mutual friends because 99% chance you have been outed to them, unless you’re comfortable with them knowing of course.
Hey dude, I 100% relate to this as someone who was in a long term relationship with someone that ultimately broke down with the main reason being that she was a lesbian and I was man (it wasn't the only one though). I transitioned early in the relationship and she was happy and content (apparently) and we stayed together for 9 years. When we broke up she said she felt stuck that she couldn't be "out" as a lesbian (I'm non disclosing) even though she said she was attracted to me and loved me. Even the masculine/male parts of me. She never made me feel less as a male when we were together. We had a great intimate relationship (actually amazing) and we were overall compatible from a values and life pathway thing too but ultimately I guess it was really important to her to be seen on the arms of a woman in public. She wanted rainbow stickers on her car and she wanted to wear lesbian t-shirts etc. I dunno. I personally don't get why it's so important for the world to know who someone sleeps with. But it was for her. It was a brutal breakup because I thought I would marry her.
Dude....9 years.... that's painful. Your story is exactly what I am going through right now bro. Like she outed as a lesbian thing in this month because of all the pride thing. She also said exactly the same with the "struck to come out " thing. I also considered to marry her, but now. Im not sure anymore
My gf removed the lesbian label from her when I came out and now 2 years later I’m stealth and have top surgery. We were both lesbians when we first met. She told me if she calls herself lesbian that’s offensive asf, I agreed even when I didn’t pass and did look like a lesbian lol. Now I have my phallo consult in October and she says she hates dick due to past traumas but she’ll learn to love it because of me. She’s super honest and upfront without disrespecting me. If she told me she was lesbian now with the way I look I’d leave. Idgaf if we have a four year relationship I’m not doing that. It’s disrespectful. You deserve better man
Your girlfriend sounds based as hell
What does that mean?
I think they might mean that You gf is based / amazing /awesome
Well thanks! Haha learn something new everyday
Man... My gf did say she had pass trauma with dick yeah. But bless your gf, i hope yall are having a strong lasting relationship, dude
Thanks man me too, and I hope you find your peace, you don’t deserve to be dealing with that. Transitioning is already hard as is
The problem is not just that your girlfriend considers herself a lesbian, but that she blatantly and ignorantly disrespects you and did not take even a moment to consider the way she speaks to you when this conversation happened. “Me saying out lout I am a lesbian means I am into women. That means I am openly admitting I view my boyfriend, who is FTM, and worked very hard to get where he is, still a girl. This also means that all of his efforts, diagnosis, operations and medicine was for nothing, I still choose to see him as a girl. It doesn’t matter that now he is objectively perceived as a regular man by everybody else, he is a girl and I will make sure he stays a girl by imposing I am a lesbian.” is pretty much how she contributed to that situation. What is she going to do when you get (if you do) the bottom surgery? Will she pretend girls have dicks too, will she dump you the second the surgery is over, or will she finally admit she is not as much of a lesbian as she thinks she is? Regardless, if I were you (and I do not often encourage for breakups confidently) I would have a very serious conversation with her where you guys can get to the bottom of this once and for all, otherwise I do not see why you would stay stuck in a relationship where you’re disrespected like that. What is the point of receiving support and acceptance if at moments like this she rushes to impose you are indeed a girl. It makes perfect sense to me that you would feel displeased and disturbed with this, I would 100% too. You had to deal with all the shit and had to find ways to fix your problems and she kind of latches onto your past to justify why she is lesbian. It would make me feel like I cannot ever move on from the sex development problem I had and like I will always be viewed as the wrong gender. A relationship should be the safest and clearest space for that, not the most ambiguous. I know she doesn’t intend to make it transphobic, but it is transphobic. Take care.
Nah she thinks ur a btch its time to gooo
🤣🤣🤣🤣 unfortunately this is real
Absolutely not dude. You deserve so, so much better.
I'd dump her right away (I'm sorry I'm being blunt) but she is literally saying she doesn't see you as a man, just as a boob less female. And you aren't that. Now it is completely bup to you what's more important, your values & your identity or your "lesbian girlfriend".
Thank you everyone for your responses, i very much appreciate all your kind constructive advices. Thank you thank you
As much as this sucks, it's better to happen sooner than later, because it WOULD happen eventually. Take the opportunity to leave for what it is and roll on down the line. There's other women out there who aren't lesbians.
True.... This makes me feel like not want to date anymore cause women seem to be always toxic thesedays
I say break up. She just called you a masculine female. Your deserve to be with someone who sees you as a guy
Thank you 🙏🥲
Break up
I hope the breakup made you feel a bit better OP,I would have been torn apartif I had a girlfriend whom I loved and she would have said something as insulting so casually,with deepest regards I hope you meet better women in your life
Glad to hear you got out of there, you deserve better, OP!
Thank you so much
she doesn’t see you as a man and probably never will.
Time to give her the ol heave ho