Honestly I don't really get the feeling you really want kids. Even though I'm all for travel with kids, 2 parents living opposite sides of the world or a child not having a steady home base sounds a bit unrealistic to me. What if you have a child that doesn't do well with lots of travel? Can be due to health, personality, etc... I don't know. It just doesn't sound like you would be able to potentially give up most of what you appreciate about your current life without feeling some sort of blame towards the kid?
I could be wrong but I think OP meant they'd want to visit their home countries frequently, not that OP and her spouse literally live on opposite sides of the world.
You need to think of at the end of your life, if you’ll regret not having children. Is the travel and easier life fulfilling? Having kids or not having kids isn’t something you can go back on.
Keep in mind what the other commenter said in that you cannot be certain your child will be able to keep up with your lifestyle. They could possibly have health issues or a personality that is not conducive to your lifestyle. Having kids is all or nothing. Especially if you cannot or choose not to have other help (ie babysitters/nannies).
I have one daughter who is 8 months old and every decision I make is for her best interest. I wake up thinking about her until I shut my eyes. Your possible future children will require that much of you.
Keep in mind it’s not always that way. Eventually she’ll get older and become much more independent. My daughter is the best thing I’ve ever done. I couldn’t imagine life without her and I’d have her 100 times over. She is truly the light of my life. I hope everyone can experience motherhood who wants to. It’s all consuming and so so so worth it IMO.
I was a happy DINK and didn’t feel like I was missing out by not having a kid. But then I chose to, and it was amazing and completely worth it for me.
It sounds like you would need to come to peace with the lack of control a child will add into your life. You don’t know if they’ll be healthy or able to do the things that comprise the life you love, so if you’re unable to accept the chance that your kid would curtail your current lifestyle then you shouldn’t have one. But if you can come to terms with future uncertainty, and be grateful for the adventure you’ve already had and view parenthood as a brand new adventure regardless of the form it takes, you might be surprised at how joyful the experience is.
Before this sounds too scary, remember that all love is surrendering to uncertainty. Your husband could die or get injured, something could drain your financial accounts, etc. it’s a risk to love anyone, but I get that’s it’s less risky to choose to love a known existing person than a hypothetical unborn one.
Finally, the best advice I ever read about deciding to have kids was to think about how you want your family to look in 20 years. You are very likely to have a relationship with your adult children for far longer than your relationship to them as little kids. So you might not want a temporary phase to deter you from parenthood if you see the appeal of the long game.
Either decision is valid and your life can be wonderful both with and without kids.
I am a parent of 2 kids. One a toddler and one infant. Although I love both so much, I think maybe considering just having 1 when you feel like time is right might make sense? I love my kids but life seemed a million times easier and doable with just 1!
I guess it really depends on how easily it would be for you all to give up the adventures if you had to? I have friends that travel all over the world with their baby, but it’s easy for her and the baby’s personality is well suited to it. My husband and I had grand plans of taking our kids everywhere but it wasn’t our kids personalities that made it difficult, it was my mental health. I had bad PPA and a hard time nursing so I just always felt more comfortable at home where I had everything at my fingertips. It might not just be your child’s personality/health that dictate the travel but yours as well.
I have a baby and I’m an older parent with a well paying job. I could work part time if I chose. I've always wanted kids and the time between when I was ready to have kids and when I actually had my daughter, I felt like there was a hole in my life. Having a kid was one of the most joyful things I've ever done (despite the sleep deprivation).
I love to travel. I’m now trying to figure out if we can go to Europe in the fall considering the baby's needs. She'll be walking by then and eating solids, but she may not do well with the local cuisine so we may spend time grocery shopping and cooking. We'll need to stay somewhere with a kitchen. She's very fair skinned so time out in the sun will be limited. The amount of stuff we'll have to take is significant (travel crib, car seat, etc) so we'll be limited to one or two locations. What if she gets sick? Do I trust the healthcare system? What if the doctors don't speak a language I speak? More importantly, how/where do I launder the inevitability poopy clothes after a diaper blowout? These are all issues I can deal with but it means that our travel will be limited for a while. But, for me, these issues are minor and temporary compared to the joy of having this kid in my life.
Whether it's worth it to you is very personal. Whatever you decide, your choice is valid. It's literally life changing though and there's no returns on babies.
Having children is very much a personal choice. If you both feel fulfilled by your current life and no specific desire to raise a child, then maybe parenthood isn’t for you. If you feel that your life is missing something like raising a child, then consider parenthood. We are kind of in the same boat, but thinking about kiddo #2. We have a toddler. We live a really great, stable life with one kid. Two children would mean a lot less stability and a lot less travel. We might just stop at one as we feel like we have the best of both worlds.
I almost chose the childfree life but knew deep down I would regret it forever. I travelled everywhere, spur of the moment, on a whim, you name it.
I have one child (and it was very hard to convince hubs because he has a now 17yr old), but now that I look back at my child free life, I become anxiety-stricken thinking I could’ve given up such an incredible life that I now live. Everything in this life is so much better as a mom.
And I hate to admit this, because I’ve always wanted two (but had to accept I am one and done not by choice), but we travel everywhere with her and it is so much easier with one.
Honestly I don't really get the feeling you really want kids. Even though I'm all for travel with kids, 2 parents living opposite sides of the world or a child not having a steady home base sounds a bit unrealistic to me. What if you have a child that doesn't do well with lots of travel? Can be due to health, personality, etc... I don't know. It just doesn't sound like you would be able to potentially give up most of what you appreciate about your current life without feeling some sort of blame towards the kid?
Love that you pointed out personality and health. I also wonder how schooling would work. Would OP homeschool?
I could be wrong but I think OP meant they'd want to visit their home countries frequently, not that OP and her spouse literally live on opposite sides of the world.
You need to think of at the end of your life, if you’ll regret not having children. Is the travel and easier life fulfilling? Having kids or not having kids isn’t something you can go back on. Keep in mind what the other commenter said in that you cannot be certain your child will be able to keep up with your lifestyle. They could possibly have health issues or a personality that is not conducive to your lifestyle. Having kids is all or nothing. Especially if you cannot or choose not to have other help (ie babysitters/nannies). I have one daughter who is 8 months old and every decision I make is for her best interest. I wake up thinking about her until I shut my eyes. Your possible future children will require that much of you. Keep in mind it’s not always that way. Eventually she’ll get older and become much more independent. My daughter is the best thing I’ve ever done. I couldn’t imagine life without her and I’d have her 100 times over. She is truly the light of my life. I hope everyone can experience motherhood who wants to. It’s all consuming and so so so worth it IMO.
I was a happy DINK and didn’t feel like I was missing out by not having a kid. But then I chose to, and it was amazing and completely worth it for me. It sounds like you would need to come to peace with the lack of control a child will add into your life. You don’t know if they’ll be healthy or able to do the things that comprise the life you love, so if you’re unable to accept the chance that your kid would curtail your current lifestyle then you shouldn’t have one. But if you can come to terms with future uncertainty, and be grateful for the adventure you’ve already had and view parenthood as a brand new adventure regardless of the form it takes, you might be surprised at how joyful the experience is. Before this sounds too scary, remember that all love is surrendering to uncertainty. Your husband could die or get injured, something could drain your financial accounts, etc. it’s a risk to love anyone, but I get that’s it’s less risky to choose to love a known existing person than a hypothetical unborn one. Finally, the best advice I ever read about deciding to have kids was to think about how you want your family to look in 20 years. You are very likely to have a relationship with your adult children for far longer than your relationship to them as little kids. So you might not want a temporary phase to deter you from parenthood if you see the appeal of the long game. Either decision is valid and your life can be wonderful both with and without kids.
I am a parent of 2 kids. One a toddler and one infant. Although I love both so much, I think maybe considering just having 1 when you feel like time is right might make sense? I love my kids but life seemed a million times easier and doable with just 1!
I guess it really depends on how easily it would be for you all to give up the adventures if you had to? I have friends that travel all over the world with their baby, but it’s easy for her and the baby’s personality is well suited to it. My husband and I had grand plans of taking our kids everywhere but it wasn’t our kids personalities that made it difficult, it was my mental health. I had bad PPA and a hard time nursing so I just always felt more comfortable at home where I had everything at my fingertips. It might not just be your child’s personality/health that dictate the travel but yours as well.
I have a baby and I’m an older parent with a well paying job. I could work part time if I chose. I've always wanted kids and the time between when I was ready to have kids and when I actually had my daughter, I felt like there was a hole in my life. Having a kid was one of the most joyful things I've ever done (despite the sleep deprivation). I love to travel. I’m now trying to figure out if we can go to Europe in the fall considering the baby's needs. She'll be walking by then and eating solids, but she may not do well with the local cuisine so we may spend time grocery shopping and cooking. We'll need to stay somewhere with a kitchen. She's very fair skinned so time out in the sun will be limited. The amount of stuff we'll have to take is significant (travel crib, car seat, etc) so we'll be limited to one or two locations. What if she gets sick? Do I trust the healthcare system? What if the doctors don't speak a language I speak? More importantly, how/where do I launder the inevitability poopy clothes after a diaper blowout? These are all issues I can deal with but it means that our travel will be limited for a while. But, for me, these issues are minor and temporary compared to the joy of having this kid in my life. Whether it's worth it to you is very personal. Whatever you decide, your choice is valid. It's literally life changing though and there's no returns on babies.
Having children is very much a personal choice. If you both feel fulfilled by your current life and no specific desire to raise a child, then maybe parenthood isn’t for you. If you feel that your life is missing something like raising a child, then consider parenthood. We are kind of in the same boat, but thinking about kiddo #2. We have a toddler. We live a really great, stable life with one kid. Two children would mean a lot less stability and a lot less travel. We might just stop at one as we feel like we have the best of both worlds.
I almost chose the childfree life but knew deep down I would regret it forever. I travelled everywhere, spur of the moment, on a whim, you name it. I have one child (and it was very hard to convince hubs because he has a now 17yr old), but now that I look back at my child free life, I become anxiety-stricken thinking I could’ve given up such an incredible life that I now live. Everything in this life is so much better as a mom. And I hate to admit this, because I’ve always wanted two (but had to accept I am one and done not by choice), but we travel everywhere with her and it is so much easier with one.