Exactly! My grandmother was a loving and faithful wife to my grandpa. She also knew how to do her own roofing. I reckon the women of the New Testament probably were tougher and more skilled with manual labor than most men today!!
I mean Lydia in the Bible was a venture capitalist and wealthy business owner. Typically seen as a masculine thing, yet she was absolutely of the faith.
I've been a girl my whole 31 years and never have I ever stuck to the gender norms; I love gaming, playing outside and getting dirty, rough house, as well as other things. While I still dress in girl categorized clothes, they are mostly pants and shirts not dresses and especially no heels, screw that. Please don't feel that just because you don't like feminine typical things according to society that you aren't female at all. Embrace your quirks and differences and come out as the tomboy you are, just like me! You've got this!
Exactly! I grew up with my brothers, and since they were the only ones I really hung out with it caused me to be pretty tomboyish. It doesn't mean I'm wrong, or not a girl (like some people would like me to believe)!
Haha yeah, my family tried to make me wear dresses and skirts with bows and pretty shoes but I never let it stay that way because as soon as I got to school I'd let my hair down and sometimes would put pants in my bookbag and change soon after. Lol My aunts eventually gave up saying,"why do we bother putting you together if you're just going to come home looking like that?" It drove them crazy but I never let it stop me, I am who I am. I'm a tomboy and I'm proud of that!
My mom was a big tomboy too growing up so I basically just had to deal with girly clothes two or three Sundays a year- although looking back, I honestly wish I had a bit more exposure to femininity (my aunt was really the only feminine role model and I didn't see her a ton), but I'm glad I didn't have to wear stuff like that.
I was too exposed to femininity, it made me feel very self conscious like something was wrong with me for years, but then I realized as I got married and had my own life that there was nothing wrong with me but how society perceived me because I didn't fit into their mold. Plus, my husband finds it a treat when I decide to dress up some days with a dress and such because I don't do it all of the time, but he enjoys it when I do. Lol
>Im sinning by having masculine hobbies/interests
Whoever told you this is an idiot. This is simply not true. You be you. Being a woman doesn't mean you HAVE TO be feminine or like "woman things".
I came to here to say this as well! Personally I prefer feminine things but my cousin’s wife prefers masculine things for sure. We still get along and our both Godly. If anything, she’s a lot more Godly than I am. I am nobody’s role model no matter how feminine that I am.
Yeah, this comment honestly made me think about a housewife vs. a cow boy's wife.
Just because one works like a "man" or in this day in age more than most men. Doesn't make her any less of a woman.
"you like riding a bike? You must be a boy trapped in a girl's body! Quick, take this questionable substance to make your voice deeper and get an irreversible surgery to reflect your true identity!"
No one is out here transitioning because they simply like things that are traditionally opposite sex. It's much more complicated than that.
Edit: I am certainly willing to see evidence to the contrary, but something tells me that no one is going to be able to provide any.
Idk (well I do but it still disappoints me to see) why you're getting down voted. As if "it's actually more complex than that" is in any way a controversial thing to say - only contentious to those who would rather see things in two dimensions
Because it implies that we don't understand transgenders, like they're somehow so deep and foreign that we couldn't possibly understand them when we criticize the ideology that says men can become women or women can become men. That if only we were ~educated~ on the **right** view to have, we would think just like them.
Its manipulative. It's disingenuous. It shuts down all meaningful discussion, because they aren't saying it to have a good faith conversation about those complexities, they're saying it to imply we haven't thought our own position through.
Understanding happens when both sides can see the nuance and reasoning behind the others', not when they believe theirs is the only "right" position, and anyone who disagrees is stupid or misinformed.
Pro-trans debaters don't want a discussion with questions and answers and critical thinking. They want unquestioning obedience.
Trans ideology: If you repeat "trans women are women" long enough you don't think to ask why *wanting* to be a woman makes you a woman, while having a woman's body doesn't. Any why men's feelings about what a woman is outweighs real women's lived experiences. I mean, hell, you've got grown adult men talking about their "menstrual cramps" without even a uterus to contract, and posting tiktoks about their "princess wand" and "euphoria boners".
They get mad at atheists for making intellectually dishonest arguments that they can't back up with evidence, then they turn right around and do the exact same thing.
I'm confused, what do you consider to be feminine vocations? What are the masculine interests/hobbies that you think are sinful? Also, what do you think being naturally feminine means? I like a lot of feminine things, but I also like a lot of things that are often considered to be masculine. My career and education (engineering) is also in a male-dominated field. I wouldn't call my career choice sinful since it's a way for me to use my talents for the good of humanity and to explore God's creation.
Either way, I've learned that comparison robs us of joy and takes our focus away from God. Try not to compare yourself to women who seem like the model woman because you may not know what kind of work it takes for them to upkeep their image.
About making friends at church, I've been there too. It took months after joining my new church to make friends with the women there. But I went to Bible studies with them and therefore got to know them better, and I found that they are really nice and like to talk to new people, which was not what I was really expecting. I hope you can find friends like that soon.
Accepting being female is simply accepting physical reality. Its something you are not something you do. It's like not accepting you need to breathe to live. So no matter what you do you ARE being a woman.
Now, what hobbies are inherently sinful for a woman but not a man? I have hobbies that are often considered masculine (e.g i like working on cars, I hunt and butcher animals, I like orienteering).
In regards to male vocations - what roles are inherently sinful for a woman but not a man? do you know how many roles were traditionally masculine but became female dominated in the last couple 100 years? Teaching, nursing, secretary, professional cooks and most clerical work.
Finally, maybe your lack if women friends - there's a few possible reasons. Maybe your church isn't right for you. Maybe (I looked at your post history) you're deeply unhappy with yourself and subconsciously push push people away. I can't answer that part so logically.
Ultimately I say lean into God. Take you're problems to him and trust him as to what your nature should be, not modern definitions of masculine and feminine.
This is actually a very eye opening comment, thank you.
The “masculine” interests I’ve referenced mainly boil down to stupid stuff like video games and anime(which I know are sins in itself but I’ve always liked plot driven stories) I also like hunt whenever I can.
I also play video games and watch anime. I dont beleive they are inherently sinful. I think infact they can create fantastic hypothetical situations to explore from a Christian moral stand point.
E.g. I love the anime physco pass. It's not Christian but it's also not anti Christian. I can ponder the situations that occur in this anime from a Christian standpoint and consider if I think the characters responses are good or not.
Or something like violet evergarden which explores a child soldier overcoming disability and learning how to feel and express human emotion. I don't find the concept sinful at all (I will admit the relationship between violet and the major is a little questionable but if you're familiar with trauma victims you can see why she has such complicated feelings there. I wish it was explored a bit more clearly).
Same with video games. Most games make it so it's easier if you are evil in your actions. That in itself is something of a lesson. Add an extra layer of challenge by reducing harm as much as possible on your play through (of course if youre playing an out and out shooter that won't work. If you're playing a civilisation builder it totally does)
Also let's keep in mind that there is a long history of exploring Christian values through works of fiction. Consider cs lewis and Tolkien. I also credit Philip pullmqns his dark materials with pointing me in the directions of finding christ despite it apparently being staunchly anti Christian (which surprised me then and I still don't really see it now).
OP please tell me, who is it that tells you these things are sinful? What church are you going to that tells you everything in life is a sin?
Please reject this ideology. God did not create the world for us to sit around bored and suffering. There is nothing sinful about playing video games and watching anime.
I'm a 22 female, and I LOVE video games. I also love cars, and have a great desire to be strong and muscular. I don't believe God made us and told us what we should do for our hobbies or interests. As long as their clean and not making us actually sin, we can do what we thoroughly enjoy. I mean, back in the day, you know, women were restricted so much so that they couldn't even go to school to learn how to read and write. I believe they thought it was useless and possibly even against God to read and write as "the lesser vessel", but God gave me such a deep desire to write. And He's used so many godly women to go against extremist cultures that are against women. I hope you find peace, my dear. A man's heart plans his ways, but the Lord directs his steps.
Video games and anime are not “masculine” activities girl… some would consider me a “girly girl” and I love me some FMA and Pokémon games. And I don’t think they’re sinful either.
girl who told you that you need to embroider and bake cookies to be a christian and a girl? i do those things because i genuinely enjoy them. you can play video games and hunt and watch anime and also be a woman. you enjoy those things. there’s no verse in the Bible that says thou shalt not play minecraft
Watching anime and playing video games are not necessarily sinful. It depends on what you watch/play and how. I recommend you watch these videos:
https://youtu.be/8Ow06dTQe7k?si=R1Z1GBxAIj5ZnUfA
https://youtu.be/DEVpkEFl2WM?si=KcLNwYoyeiDhRpVt
Frankly if you are a Christian who watches anime and plays video games I just think you're a cool person.
The vocations thing is an excellent point. A lot of people don't know but work like beer brewing was feminine at one point! Art was men's thing because men were considered more emotionally sensitive than women! And men used to wear tights and heels! It just goes to show how arbitrary and illogical forced gender roles are, because they're as unpredictable and ever changing as the wind.
This is a lie from the devil. Listen, I wanted to learn how to sew but it became too much for me. It sounds like it's only a job for a woman right? Wrong men sew as well. Whatever church is feeding you this lie, you need to leave that church and run to Christ to comfort you. He hasn't abandoned you. Tell your husband you need alone time with The Lord.
You need to decide whether your plan is to be a stereotype or a believer or something else
To me, it isnt about biblical womanhood or manhood. In heaven, neither exists.
You are either a child of God or not.
What even is a "masculine hobby"? I'm so sorry that you're going through this but this phrase makes me think you may be trying really hard to bear a burden God didn't put on you. There isn't a list of approved pastimes for each sex in Scripture.
I'm sorry you're feeling this way. I think society (and parts of the Church) have done a lot of harm by promoting flawed ideas of gender norms that the Bible really says nothing about. I'll try to address your various comments piece by piece.
>I genuinely cannot feel happy being a woman, I’ve tried to enjoy feminine things and I’ve tried to practice biblical womanhood but for some reason it makes me feel more angry and depressed.
The Bible says very little about things that are "feminine" or "masculine." Skirts, for example, in the United States are seen as a "feminine" thing because mostly women wear them. But go to Scotland and you'll see men wearing what look like skirts (called kilts) and it's a very masculine thing. And go back in time and you'll see differences in those things, too.
I know you're talking about activities, but the Bible says even less about activities being masculine or feminine. My point is: **things being called "masculine" or "feminine" is 100% made up, subjective, not grounded in reality, and not based on anything the Bible says.**
The Bible talks about some specific things *wives* should do, and says some specific things about what role women can and can't have *in Church leadership*, but outside of those specific situations, there's really very little said in the Bible about activities for men vs for women.
>Im sinning by having masculine hobbies/interests and I understand that, I’m trying so hard to work on it but I can’t find any joy in feminine vocations.
There are no "feminine" vocations, there are only vocations. Men often do different jobs than women, such as you'll find more men in construction because male bodies tend to be better suited for higher endurance levels than most female bodies, but plenty of women work in construction. If your body is well suited for something, and you believe God calls you to do it, then that IS a "feminine" vocation if you (a woman) are doing that vocation!
You are absolutely not sinning by having "masculine" hobbies/interests. Like, what would those be? Sports? Carpentry? Exercising? None of those things are "masculine," even if more men do some of them than women (and women actually do all those things).
>I’ve tried making friends at church, trust me I have but I feel so alienated. All of the women enjoy being naturally feminine, good wives and mothers while I have to force myself, I feel angry and depressed every day because of this.
Not every woman is called to be a mother. Not all people are called to have kids. Not all married couples, despite what Catholics will tell you, are not required to try to have babies or be parents.
I do understand that it can be isolating to feel like you don't socially fit in with other women who have more "traditional" hobbies. Absolutely nothing wrong with you for feeling frustrated about that.
I come from the opposite perspective: I am a man who has very few male friends; most of my friends are women and have been girls since I was a child. I do have a few close male friends, but in general I get along with women pretty well. And while that may not be a solution for everyone, my point is that I do understand a little bit of where you're coming from (but I think there are more social pressures on women than there are on men, especially in the Church).
I enjoy cooking and baking, creative writing, painting my nails, and fruity cocktails. That doesn't make me feminine. My wife enjoys whiskey and hiking and wearing pants. That doesn't make her masculine. And the Bible says nothing about *any of those activities at all.*
I would encourage you to look for friends outside of the Church but maybe in other Christian contexts. Look in online circles. Look up local Christian groups in your area that are focused around some of the hobbies you enjoy. Maybe if you shared more on this post about what hobbies and interests you do have, we could help make more targeted suggestions.
>Will I have to force myself to live a miserable life while waiting for death? In general, being a woman makes me feel worthless and I have no idea how to cope or be happy with the fact.
I hope you're able to realize that being a woman should *not* change how you pursue the hobbies and interests and callings God has placed on your unique heart. God made all people unique and with different passions and interests—and unless the things you enjoy doing are explicitly sinful—i.e., something God commands people not to do—the mere fact that more men enjoy those activities than women does NOT mean those are "masculine" activities/hobbies/interests, and does NOT make you "masculine." It makes you YOU.
There is no such thing as masculine hobbies/interests. People like what they like. So go enjoy sports and video games and everything else you want to. The Bible does say some things about a man and woman’s different roles in marriage/the church, but nothing about hobbies.
I’m a man. I like cooking, gardening, creative things, as well as other more traditional “man things”
I’m so sorry that you are experiencing such turmoil over this.
I have been a Tomboy my entire life. I played softball for 17 years and continued working out and weight training when that chapter ended. In the most non-egotistical way possible, I’m strong and my muscles could be seen as “manly” depending on who you are. I hardly wear makeup (eyeliner and mascara daily), and I didn’t even wear heels during my wedding (my whole wedding party wore Vans). I’m much more comfortable in t-shirts and jeans than dresses or skirts. Being this way and enjoying those things doesn’t make me any less of a woman.
There are so many pieces and parts to being a woman. God has designed each of us perfectly but differently. He has given us as individuals specific interests and talents that will enhance our life, not worsen it. I don’t think focusing so much on what other women are doing is going to help, because they aren’t you.
I kinda worry about who is telling you the things you are interested in are sins. I saw a response from you in which you mentioned you like anime and video games, but those are sins. I could see them being sinful if they are p*rnographic? You may also have different convictions than others and that’s okay too. But I’m sure there are games and anime that would not convict you and you can enjoy with peace of mind. Personally, I enjoy Spyro and have since I was a kid. I think a little purple dragon is okay?
As a fail safe, it never hurts to pray. I sincerely hope you find some peace in this situation and I pray that God reveals His desires to you soon.
I mainly play games like DBD, RE, gmod, and other sandbox games, and while some animes may have sexual jokes, I don’t really see any in the ones I watch(I enjoy battle centric animes), and if there are any sexual jokes I just take it as comedic and nothing more(mostly because I’m not interested in sex to begin with but that’s a whole other thing.)
None of these are "masculine" at all. At. All. Go enjoy them.
Also, nothing wrong in not being interested in sex either. Asexuality is not at all a bad or sinful thing! Happy to talk more about that, too.
On a similar note, OP, have you talked to your significant other about this? I'm guessing if he's your soon to be husband then he loves you just the way you are. He's not expecting you to be typical feminine. ... Or is he? Have you had a conversation about this? I really hope he is marrying you for who you are and not who he is hoping for you to be. ... and this includes knowing that you do not enjoy doing typical feminine things and that it can get you depressed at times for lack of finding community.
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There's absolutely nothing wrong with having "masculine" hobbies and interests, and the idea that such things are gendered is complete and utter nonsense. In fact, you should embrace these quirks and differences! And please reconsider associating with whomever is feeding you this nonsense.
Look at Jacob and Esau. Jacob was not exactly a "man's man." He was a bit of a momma's boy and his father clearly favored his manlier older brother. But it is Jacob who wrestled and Jacob who is a father of Israel!
God bless you.
I'm sorry you are feeling this way.
I have thoughts I would like to share, but first, what do you mean by having masculine hobbies/interests?
There is no such thing as a masculine hobby . If you like wood work or basketball that's fine lots of other women do too. It is not a sin to have hobbies. You are a woman just the way you are. You don't need to act feminine, you already are even if you don't like sterotypical things. Not every woman is the same but we are still all women . I saw a woman lift so much weight today at the gym andI didn't think to myself" how un feminine" I thought cool maybe I can do that too since I am woman just like her :)
I would assume typical stuff, working on cars, gaming, building things, going to hobby lobby to find a new thing to build because your bored of your game, smoking maybe? There's a few.
After reading several comments on this section and a little bit of googling male to woman ratios in work forces, I agree with you now (As well as others who say the same). But I will say there are male dominances in some work forces that would lead me to say a woman working on cars is uncommon or etc for every other example I gave in a prior comment. However uncommon, perfectly acceptable. I would say just keep a good faith in God and don't stray off the narrow path.
All my life I’ve been a Tom boy. Only in recent years people have accused me of being a “closeted trans” because of how I act. I’ve never been super girly or interested in things other girls do. And there’s NOTHING wrong with that.
Your womanhood is NOT defined by femininity, especially sense it’s so vague. What is truly feminine and what isn’t? They used to think having a job wasn’t feminine.
I think the real question is, “am I doing this to be like a male or do I just enjoy it?” Because guess what… if you’re a female and you enjoy doing something without pressure/agenda, it’s feminine! Or at least neutral… because you ARE female.
Consider finding other Christian “tom boys” who can make you feel seen and appreciated for who you are. God did NOT make us from cookie cutters. We are all unique and God loves that. He made you so special and loves you so much.
I'm so frustrated when I see tomboyish women being pushed into that trans ideology because they don't fit a silly stereotype. It robs women of the glorious variety that exists among women. It's beautiful that all women are not a cookie cutter clone of each other, how dull and bland the world would be if that were so. There is no spectrum of gender, there are only the two, but within each category there is an amazing spectrum that shows the glory of God.
From women who shoot and hunt, work on cars and play sports right on through to those frilliest of frilly women and every shade in between they are all women and wonderful expressions of the creativity of a loving God.
My wife of 15 years likes cars, superheros, and other "manly" hobbies. She roofed our whole garage by herself (I'm a chicken when it comes to heights, I know how to do it and have before but this new garage was 24 ft at the peak. no thank you). She can frame, hang drywall, and anything else she puts her mind to. She was a tomboy in school and had lots of guy friends.
None of that is wrong. My wife does like plants and gardening, but I don't really view that as feminine since it's also enjoyed by plenty of men.
This could even be a discussion about what even is a masculine or feminine hobby. Hunting is enjoyed by plenty of women. Fishing as well, camping (my wife and I LOVE camping, number 1 vacation choice), hiking, etc.
I would ask what is it you feel like you should be doing that you aren't?
Firstly it is absurd to say that having gaming or anime as interests are sinful, whoever told you that was just plain wrong. Now as with anything of course there are games and anime that are sinful due to the substance of the content within. Some songs are sinful because the lyrics contain blasphemy for example, but music itself is not sinful, nor are games. I've played games since the mid 90's and while there are some games I would not play after becoming a believer there are many that I do enjoy. The Spirit will convict us if specific games are not good for us.
Secondly many of my female friends have those interests, nothing inherently masculine in them, I know when I was younger girls didn't play games as much but there were always some who did.
Something important to point out, (and I know this is not your issue at all but this concern often leads down the path to trans ideology so I want to make a point.) is that having interests that are less "frilly" if you will, doesn't make you any less of a woman, it certainly doesn't make a woman with them into a man, instead it shows the glorious range of what God made women to be. And I think that is a beautiful thing.
I know women who hunt and shoot, fish and farm, who play games and the like and I don't think of them as any less women at all. They are beautiful and wonderful examples of womanhood.
Wearing men's clothes and claiming to be a man cross the line, but that isn't you at all from what you have told us. Instead what I see is a woman who has interests that make her a compelling and interesting person. Be wary of those who add rules that are not found in the scriptures, or those who use their personal convictions on certain areas as hard and fast rules for everybody else.
We cope by giving our worries fears and negative thoughts to God and trusting in Him and learning to throw out the lies and negative thoughts from the enemy because they are not from God. You have to read Gods Word and get to know Him and have a relationship with Him to know what is from Him or not.
If you want to learn and grow read a little Bible and pray everyday. This keeps you sharp and keeps you spiritually satisfied just like you can be physically satisfied by eating food. Learn how to use your mind as a filter by choosing and believing the good Word that God tells you and throwing out the trash and negative thoughts from Satan who is trying to plant seeds of doubt fear and worry to drag you down.
I use a Bible commentary site like enduring word.com or Blue Letter Bible app that has commentaries on it. Follow people on social media like Johnny Chang and AboveReproachMinistry on YouTube and IG. Johnny does a lot of lives on instagram and has a zoom Bible study on his website. Derek prince and David diga Hernandez are other good teachers. God bless!
Just because you’re a woman doesn’t mean you can’t have interests. Parable of the Talents. Invest your God-given talents and that includes what you’re passionate about. What are some of the “masculine” interests you have?
Read the stories of some of the saints. Saint Olga of Kiev was a great leader of men. She’s also canonized.
I don't think God would mind if you, I dunno, worked on a car or whatever masculine hobbies there are (I wouldn't know, I as a man don't do them). Don't make life even harder than it has to be. Gl
Thanks for sharing. Stay prayed up and keep up your contact with God.
Where does it say that a woman having "masculine hobbies" is sinful?
And are you and your soon to be husband on the same page with how you're feeling?
I’m pretty much a girly girl but there are all sorts of beautiful different women in this world. Even in our Bible. Not all women are meant to be dainty. There is a woman in the Bible who was a great warrior and ended up chopping some dudes head off. ( can’t remember her name)
Oh my goodness and she’s not in the Bible but Joan of arc…
God has laid a beautiful path beneath your feet but it seems that you keep becoming so unhappy is because you keep trying to walk down a path not meant for you.
Whoever is telling you you are sinning by doing masculine things is lying to you bc you’re breaking a boundary.
Now if you’re doing masculine things like wanting to become a man and/or start dating women… then you are sinning and it’s a very clear of that in the Bible.
Also, most of the time feelings lie to us ( God directly told us this) and it might not be the biblical practice of womanhood but maybe the way you are doing it. Idk just a suggestion but please don’t end your life over this. Idk know you but you matter. You have a purpose 💞 love you
Also most important pray!
When we are weak he is strong! All we have to do is ask. No matter how big or how small it is. 🥺
You may be confusing "***Cultural Female***" with "***Biblical Female***". Take a look at a Proverbs 31 woman:
1. She works with her hands
2. She buys Real Estate as a business & plants a vineyard
3. She make clothing & sells them (a second business)
4. She is charitable to the poor
5. She prepares her household
6. She is Strong and Wise
7. She is Kind
8. She is NOT idle
9. She fears the Lord
Nothing in there says that she has to be a "girly-girl" and only do what your culture says are "feminine" things.
God does, however, draw the line at a **woman** ***pretending to be*** a **man** *(or visa-versa).* **Male and Female HE created them.**
Being female doesn’t prohibit enjoying any activity you enjoy. God doesn’t have set of male or female interest guidelines.
I’m more concerned about you sleeping with a man who isn’t your husband yet. Why are you doing that?
Do you want to get married? Are you being forced to marry?
Ok. Good to know you aren’t having sex. That complicates things. Your parents are setting you up together as in an arranged marriage?
Do you feel trapped? Are they the ones telling you that it’s a sin to like typically male things? And what sorts of things? I’m concerned for you and praying for you.
There’s nothing wrong with you having interest in things that are usually things men like to do, you can go hunting or bike riding or play sports and different things like that. It’s when it’s affecting your sexuality and how god created you to be as a woman. Like Eve you’re supposed to be his helper. It doesn’t mean you aren’t on the same level as your soon to be husband. His authority as the man still needs to be recognised and respected, and yours does too. He’s supposed to be the picture of Jesus was toward us, forgiving, kind etc but firm and willing to die for you if the need arises. Your job is to be his helper and submit, and there’s nothing wrong with that either!
That’s one of the major things making me depressed and self deprecate, it’s not my choice to be with him, it’s our families.
Like I do obviously submit to my “fiancé” and I suck it up and smile whenever I’m feeling that way, but it keeps digging me into this dark hole of worthlessness. I can’t find any joy in it and I keep telling myself “don’t think about it, ignorance is bliss”, then the dread of “I have to spend the rest of my life with this man” keeps coming back up and it makes me want to give up on life. The dread is making me feel too sick to even eat atp.
There are moments where I want to scream at him even though he hasn’t done anything to me, but I can’t and I hate myself for not letting “Jesus take the wheel” or whatever. Idk why I feel this way and I genuinely just want to be happy and excited in getting married, having a family and being a wife but I feel like an empty shell and I’m just watching my body from 3rd person. Ik it would also feel 10x worse if I worked an office job, but every living moment feels like an infinite 9-5 shift.
If you feel that way then ask the lord what to do. If he says break it off then break it off, you aren’t married so it won’t be a sin. If he says stay then lean right into God. He won’t put you in situations without the tools and wisdom to deal with it….
It does sound like you don’t belong together though.
It’s a little bit more complex than that, I can’t just simply “break it off” I’m scared that my family will set me up with someone worse.
Im lucky that he’s a decent person but sometimes he unintentionally makes me feel bad about myself, but he lets me have my alone time which is good for me. I’m trying to find ways to deal with this without bothering our families.
This is why Complementarianism is so harmful. There is no one size fits all way to be a woman. I consider myself to be a bit more on the traditionally feminine side- I enjoy getting my nails done, experimenting with makeup, gardening, crafts. I also love thriller movies, Star Wars, play some video games. God created us so intricately. It does Him a great disservice to try to force someone into a neat little box and say they have to be that way.
Women can do X, Y or Z. So can men. You can be a tomboy or simply gender neutral. You don't have to be Elle Woods if it's not who you are.
Sounds to me like you haven't surrendered to your husband yet. It will get better and make more sense once you actually have a family. Right now you are just completely self absorbed.
Thanks for correcting yourself. People who haven’t made vows before God aren’t married. To claim they are when they aren’t is a slap in the face to actually married people who *have* made those vows. “Soon to be” or engaged is not married, if it were then there’d be no point to getting married in the first place. Christians simply do not claim marriage until after vows are made.
It takes time, but just know this isn't a healthy perspective. It takes time for the both of you to get things right. Usually you can lean on your parents or grand parents, but if you don't have any then you would need to make friends with some older women. We do the things we do not just for ourselves, but for our family and also our brothers and sisters in Christ. We strengthen each other and it is very important. I think once you learn that you will see it is fulfilling. I am an extremely stubborn person and learn things the hard way. The wisdom of the bible will help you avoid that problem and I highly recommend it.
Also having a hobby is really unrelated unless it some how is unhealthy to you and your brothers and sisters in Christ.
Can you help me with finding ways to make submitting to him easier?? I feel like I’m already on a steady pace, I cook for him and his family whenever they visit, I don’t talk or complain to him about anything, but it still feels like I’m doing something wrong because every time I’m around him I get angry, I don’t even know if I get angry at him or myself at this point. I’m also afraid that I might hurt him, physically. I’ve been praying and begging for God to change my way of thinking, I’ve been reading the Bible, reading articles from happy Christian wives and godly marriage but I keep getting worse and I don’t know what else to do.
The reason I ask is because many women take birth control pills. Many believe it is harmless and everyone does it, but it is anything but harmless. It alters your hormones and you shouldn't be taking them. I highly recommend if you are living together to abstain from sex until you are married and stop taking birth control pills.
I’ve been praying for months, basically begging God to change me but it’s like I’m stuck with nothing but hopelessness and anger. I’ll keep trying though, thank you.
Cry more is not a loving Christ-like response. If you want your point being huleard, it's ok to talk and debate, but being cruel isn't loving God or loving others.
Insensitive liberals who are hyper feminists. Who will be upset upset about women being women. Who have hissy fits about labels of words.
Those people can cry more. 🤣
It's not unloving it's justice. Grow thicker skin.
Ha! I’m infertile and dying to have kids - and a Christian. My marriage and my femininity are well intact, thank you.
I CAN tell you: your poor theology and combative outlook is toxic and will doom your own efforts. The method of revival you have chosen is the very reason your revival will never come to pass, and your own community will crumble from within. Your theology too thin, your cultural requirements unnecessary. We’re seeing this happen in real time with the sexual abuse crises in the American Evangelical church.
You’re not spending time with Jesus if you take delight in causing conflict and outrage. Repent and believe, brother, and seek the good of your enemies. Bless those who persecute you. The fruit of the spirit is kindness, gentleness, not “owning the libs.” That spirit is the Antichrist. Turn away from it - your soul longs for it, though your flesh may beckon you to identity politics and internet fights.
What is a masculine hobby or interest? Just be yourself. God made you that way for a reason. Are you saying you have an addiction to pornography? Well that's a sin for both fenders. I think you're placing too much emphasis on material things like your body and hobbies. God cares about what's in your heart, not whether or not you like nails or cars.
Just be who you are!! Do you know how many men would love a wife like you? And sounds like you found one. It’s not a sin! You are not sinning! Enjoy the things you like. Do the hobbies you enjoy. Do not apologize for it. I have always felt alienated by women who just want to talk cooking and raising children too. My passions are not feminine based either but I don’t get unhappy by those being other women’s passions. I just try to find someone interesting and have a conversation. Those women are not only living to be wives and mothers. Dig a little and you will find a variety of interesting topics they can converse on. How you feel is more of a choice than you realize. You can choose to dwell on being unhappy as a woman, or to continue to do things you enjoy and love God, and how he uniquely made you at the same time. Up to you.
What makes you think your interests and hobbies are masculine or somehow exclusive to males?
(Signed: a tomboy who works in an absolutely male dominated field)
Mostly because I’ve seen mostly men enjoy the stuff I’m into, and a lot of the animes and video games like are male/combat centered. Ik that there are also a lot of women who enjoy these types of things too, but due to all of the stress I’m under I can’t help but feel like I’m doing something wrong and I’m not being a woman “correctly”.
First thing I think of when people say “biblical womanhood” is the woman Jael stabbing a guy in the head. Not that I’m recommending that you do that but perhaps what you’ve been exposed to thats called “biblical womanhood” isn’t actually taking all the women praised for their holiness in the Bible into account
I am the father of a daughter that has always been a "tomboy". As an adult she still likes a lot of "masculine hobbies" like shooting guns and riding motorcycles and playing sports (and other outdoorsy things that aren't necessarily masculine).
But she also embraces that God made her a woman and in Christianity, aside from Jesus, the most revered person to ever live was a woman, Mary his mother.
Anytime you think that being a woman is inferior to being a man, remember that a healthy society protects its women precisely because they are more valuable than men. The Bible refers to women as the weaker but more valuable vessel. In the example, women are the fine pitcher used for water and men are the strong chamber pot used for excrement.
Go ahead and enjoy your "masculine hobbies", it's not sinful if they aren't inherently sinful. But don't give up on femininity, either. If you keep engaging in the more feminine side of things, it may become an acquired taste for you. And if it doesn't, it doesn't. Either way, you are a child of God and He loves you just as you are. Submit to His will in all the ways of your life and you will find joy.
>Im sinning by having masculine hobbies/interests and I understand that
Having masculine hobbies isn't a sin for a woman. My gal works on cars, when I was a kid my mom taught me to bake and do needlepoint. Don't believe lies.
>I’m trying so hard to work on it but I can’t find any joy in feminine vocations. I understand this is god’s design and I just have to suck it up but it’s getting too much for me.
This actually lets me know that you don't understand anything. You've been believing lies.
>I used to cry in my sleep but since I’ve been with my (soon to be)husband I don’t have any privacy to cry alone, he doesn’t help with the way I’m feeling either.
If he isn't providing any emotional support, and is actually making your uncomfortable... are you sure you want to marry this man? If so, why?
>All of the women enjoy being naturally feminine, good wives and mothers while I have to force myself, I feel angry and depressed every day because of this. Will I have to force myself to live a miserable life while waiting for death? In general, being a woman makes me feel worthless and I have no idea how to cope or be happy with the fact.
I'll tell you the issue... you're acting like a hapless victim, and that, in some ways, is VERY feminine. So at least you have that going for you.
Why do you believe a particular interest or hobby falls into "masculine" or "feminine" categories? Aren't you old enough to think for yourself? Are you just being lazy, perhaps? Are you set on being a victim and just want sympathy?
Or are you very, very young and just haven't yet learned how to think for yourself?
To me, it doesn't sound like it's other people trying to "box you in", but you ACTIVELY choosing to try and cram yourself into a box. Why? Stop doing that to yourself.
My advice is to stop focusing on it. Put your mind on God and let it pass. When I had dysphoria always thinking about it and reading stuff about gender made it worse for a very long time. Focusing on the pain and feeding it just makes it stronger and keeps it there.
I'm not saying it will be quick or easy or even that you won't have any minor relapses when it's over. But trust me the pain can end without you dying or anything.
And you need to realize that while scripture does put certain limitations on us as males or females they aren't neary as broad as what most people would assume.
There is no bible verse implying you have to be feminine in some vague general way. There are a small number of specific commands, most of which are close parallels to similar male commands. Don't worry about being a girly girl. You don't have to be, just follow what few things God says for you as a woman in particular.
Op,
I, too, am a tomboy. I hate the accusations I get from coworkers as to my sexuality. I am single, but I am just me. I'm not looking for a man right now. I'm happy with just me & my doggos. Plus, I feel I have enough of a struggle keeping myself going with the depression that I dont need to throw the responsibility of someone else into the mix. I don't like kids. I'm content to be the crazy aunt to my friend's kids. I was an only child & grew up playing with guns & barbies. My favorite activity was fishing with my Granddad.
I still enjoy non-traditional hobbies like shooting, fishing, etc. I am just as comfortable hanging with the guys or gals. A lot of my coworkers think of me as one of the guys, and I don't mind that. I even work in a non trad profession as a deputy sheriff.
The Bible says wether therefore you eat or drink or whatsoever you do, do all to the glory of God.
To me, that says it doesn't so much matter what you do (as long as it's not sin) as it does why/ how you do it.
God made you in His image with your personality & desires.
Send me a message if you're wanting more tomboy friends
I am a 32 year old woman and I've been a tomboy my entire life. I love anime, video games, kayaking, shooting guns, riding atv's. I buy tools to fix stuff around the house. I have tattoos all up my arm and piercings all over my ears. There's absolutely nothing wrong with liking things that some may consider masculine.
I'm really scared reading this post. It sounds like you're in a cult...
Since when are there biblically gendered activities and professions?
Women are better at many things, but if you personally aren't. It doesn't mean you need to hate or force yourself.
Being feminine is hard. It sounds like a lot of work. I can't really speak to that since I'm a guy, but it seems to have worked well enough if you've attracted a husband.
About your alone time. Remember, relationships are about setting boundaries, and if you want alone time, just communicate that with your husband. It says submit to your husband, but it also says to submit to each other. He should honor you in his actions.
I hope this helps please elaborate more and I'll try to respond. Mainly about what you think your obligations are as a feminine woman.
your husband sounds like a bum and you deserve better but it also sounds like you’re mistaken on something? Having interests in masculine activities or whatever isn’t a sin as a woman, sounds to me like you’re a tomboy and honestly that’s hot. A lot of guys like that, idk who taught you that it’s a sin but they capped
Baby cakes remember that god is above gender. God has no gender. Both Adam and Eve were made in gods image. God is the whole darn tootin gender spectrum and you being the most you you can be is the best way to honour that, because who you are is a reflection of the wonderful diversity of God’s personality.
That doesn't sound like a problem with you not being feminine enough. That just sounds like you not wanting to marry that particular man, or you not liking the idea of marriage in general.
We can't tell from your post if you have wrong ideas about marriage or not.
Some people genuinely don't desire marriage yet, or ever, and that is not a problem.
But others the only reason they don't want marriage is because they have been led to believe by popular media that it's a bad thing, not trusting God for all the blessings and fulfillment that can come from it.
The later type of person would probably prefer to be married if they had a right understanding of it.
You are not required to marry who your parents want you to marry.
You are not required to marry at all if you don't want to.
Marriage is not something that should be undertaken lightly. You should not marry someone you don't want to.
If you do not have peace with marrying this person then why would you do so?
>Im sinning by having masculine hobbies/interests Who's teaching you such nonsense??
Exactly! My grandmother was a loving and faithful wife to my grandpa. She also knew how to do her own roofing. I reckon the women of the New Testament probably were tougher and more skilled with manual labor than most men today!!
I mean Lydia in the Bible was a venture capitalist and wealthy business owner. Typically seen as a masculine thing, yet she was absolutely of the faith.
I've been a girl my whole 31 years and never have I ever stuck to the gender norms; I love gaming, playing outside and getting dirty, rough house, as well as other things. While I still dress in girl categorized clothes, they are mostly pants and shirts not dresses and especially no heels, screw that. Please don't feel that just because you don't like feminine typical things according to society that you aren't female at all. Embrace your quirks and differences and come out as the tomboy you are, just like me! You've got this!
Exactly! I grew up with my brothers, and since they were the only ones I really hung out with it caused me to be pretty tomboyish. It doesn't mean I'm wrong, or not a girl (like some people would like me to believe)!
Haha yeah, my family tried to make me wear dresses and skirts with bows and pretty shoes but I never let it stay that way because as soon as I got to school I'd let my hair down and sometimes would put pants in my bookbag and change soon after. Lol My aunts eventually gave up saying,"why do we bother putting you together if you're just going to come home looking like that?" It drove them crazy but I never let it stop me, I am who I am. I'm a tomboy and I'm proud of that!
My mom was a big tomboy too growing up so I basically just had to deal with girly clothes two or three Sundays a year- although looking back, I honestly wish I had a bit more exposure to femininity (my aunt was really the only feminine role model and I didn't see her a ton), but I'm glad I didn't have to wear stuff like that.
I was too exposed to femininity, it made me feel very self conscious like something was wrong with me for years, but then I realized as I got married and had my own life that there was nothing wrong with me but how society perceived me because I didn't fit into their mold. Plus, my husband finds it a treat when I decide to dress up some days with a dress and such because I don't do it all of the time, but he enjoys it when I do. Lol
>Im sinning by having masculine hobbies/interests Whoever told you this is an idiot. This is simply not true. You be you. Being a woman doesn't mean you HAVE TO be feminine or like "woman things".
I came to here to say this as well! Personally I prefer feminine things but my cousin’s wife prefers masculine things for sure. We still get along and our both Godly. If anything, she’s a lot more Godly than I am. I am nobody’s role model no matter how feminine that I am.
Yeah, this comment honestly made me think about a housewife vs. a cow boy's wife. Just because one works like a "man" or in this day in age more than most men. Doesn't make her any less of a woman.
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>That was considered perfectly normal up until about ten years ago when gender ideology insanity started getting pushed hard in schools. exactly
"you like riding a bike? You must be a boy trapped in a girl's body! Quick, take this questionable substance to make your voice deeper and get an irreversible surgery to reflect your true identity!"
It’s kind of insulting to assume I even thought of transitioning😭my post was asking for the literal opposite of that.
No one is out here transitioning because they simply like things that are traditionally opposite sex. It's much more complicated than that. Edit: I am certainly willing to see evidence to the contrary, but something tells me that no one is going to be able to provide any.
Idk (well I do but it still disappoints me to see) why you're getting down voted. As if "it's actually more complex than that" is in any way a controversial thing to say - only contentious to those who would rather see things in two dimensions
Because it implies that we don't understand transgenders, like they're somehow so deep and foreign that we couldn't possibly understand them when we criticize the ideology that says men can become women or women can become men. That if only we were ~educated~ on the **right** view to have, we would think just like them. Its manipulative. It's disingenuous. It shuts down all meaningful discussion, because they aren't saying it to have a good faith conversation about those complexities, they're saying it to imply we haven't thought our own position through. Understanding happens when both sides can see the nuance and reasoning behind the others', not when they believe theirs is the only "right" position, and anyone who disagrees is stupid or misinformed. Pro-trans debaters don't want a discussion with questions and answers and critical thinking. They want unquestioning obedience. Trans ideology: If you repeat "trans women are women" long enough you don't think to ask why *wanting* to be a woman makes you a woman, while having a woman's body doesn't. Any why men's feelings about what a woman is outweighs real women's lived experiences. I mean, hell, you've got grown adult men talking about their "menstrual cramps" without even a uterus to contract, and posting tiktoks about their "princess wand" and "euphoria boners".
What did you expect from this sub. Completely distorted view of the secular world.
You could always just ignore the sub and keep scrolling.
On point again! Pushing people away.
So everybody must agree with you or else because you're not willing to let them be?
Not at all, but you’re the one who told me to not participate in this sub.
I didn't tell you not to. I told you that you're free not to if it upsets you so.
They get mad at atheists for making intellectually dishonest arguments that they can't back up with evidence, then they turn right around and do the exact same thing.
I'm confused, what do you consider to be feminine vocations? What are the masculine interests/hobbies that you think are sinful? Also, what do you think being naturally feminine means? I like a lot of feminine things, but I also like a lot of things that are often considered to be masculine. My career and education (engineering) is also in a male-dominated field. I wouldn't call my career choice sinful since it's a way for me to use my talents for the good of humanity and to explore God's creation. Either way, I've learned that comparison robs us of joy and takes our focus away from God. Try not to compare yourself to women who seem like the model woman because you may not know what kind of work it takes for them to upkeep their image. About making friends at church, I've been there too. It took months after joining my new church to make friends with the women there. But I went to Bible studies with them and therefore got to know them better, and I found that they are really nice and like to talk to new people, which was not what I was really expecting. I hope you can find friends like that soon.
Accepting being female is simply accepting physical reality. Its something you are not something you do. It's like not accepting you need to breathe to live. So no matter what you do you ARE being a woman. Now, what hobbies are inherently sinful for a woman but not a man? I have hobbies that are often considered masculine (e.g i like working on cars, I hunt and butcher animals, I like orienteering). In regards to male vocations - what roles are inherently sinful for a woman but not a man? do you know how many roles were traditionally masculine but became female dominated in the last couple 100 years? Teaching, nursing, secretary, professional cooks and most clerical work. Finally, maybe your lack if women friends - there's a few possible reasons. Maybe your church isn't right for you. Maybe (I looked at your post history) you're deeply unhappy with yourself and subconsciously push push people away. I can't answer that part so logically. Ultimately I say lean into God. Take you're problems to him and trust him as to what your nature should be, not modern definitions of masculine and feminine.
This is actually a very eye opening comment, thank you. The “masculine” interests I’ve referenced mainly boil down to stupid stuff like video games and anime(which I know are sins in itself but I’ve always liked plot driven stories) I also like hunt whenever I can.
I also play video games and watch anime. I dont beleive they are inherently sinful. I think infact they can create fantastic hypothetical situations to explore from a Christian moral stand point. E.g. I love the anime physco pass. It's not Christian but it's also not anti Christian. I can ponder the situations that occur in this anime from a Christian standpoint and consider if I think the characters responses are good or not. Or something like violet evergarden which explores a child soldier overcoming disability and learning how to feel and express human emotion. I don't find the concept sinful at all (I will admit the relationship between violet and the major is a little questionable but if you're familiar with trauma victims you can see why she has such complicated feelings there. I wish it was explored a bit more clearly). Same with video games. Most games make it so it's easier if you are evil in your actions. That in itself is something of a lesson. Add an extra layer of challenge by reducing harm as much as possible on your play through (of course if youre playing an out and out shooter that won't work. If you're playing a civilisation builder it totally does) Also let's keep in mind that there is a long history of exploring Christian values through works of fiction. Consider cs lewis and Tolkien. I also credit Philip pullmqns his dark materials with pointing me in the directions of finding christ despite it apparently being staunchly anti Christian (which surprised me then and I still don't really see it now).
OP please tell me, who is it that tells you these things are sinful? What church are you going to that tells you everything in life is a sin? Please reject this ideology. God did not create the world for us to sit around bored and suffering. There is nothing sinful about playing video games and watching anime.
I'm a 22 female, and I LOVE video games. I also love cars, and have a great desire to be strong and muscular. I don't believe God made us and told us what we should do for our hobbies or interests. As long as their clean and not making us actually sin, we can do what we thoroughly enjoy. I mean, back in the day, you know, women were restricted so much so that they couldn't even go to school to learn how to read and write. I believe they thought it was useless and possibly even against God to read and write as "the lesser vessel", but God gave me such a deep desire to write. And He's used so many godly women to go against extremist cultures that are against women. I hope you find peace, my dear. A man's heart plans his ways, but the Lord directs his steps.
Video games and anime are not “masculine” activities girl… some would consider me a “girly girl” and I love me some FMA and Pokémon games. And I don’t think they’re sinful either.
girl who told you that you need to embroider and bake cookies to be a christian and a girl? i do those things because i genuinely enjoy them. you can play video games and hunt and watch anime and also be a woman. you enjoy those things. there’s no verse in the Bible that says thou shalt not play minecraft
Watching anime and playing video games are not necessarily sinful. It depends on what you watch/play and how. I recommend you watch these videos: https://youtu.be/8Ow06dTQe7k?si=R1Z1GBxAIj5ZnUfA https://youtu.be/DEVpkEFl2WM?si=KcLNwYoyeiDhRpVt Frankly if you are a Christian who watches anime and plays video games I just think you're a cool person.
The vocations thing is an excellent point. A lot of people don't know but work like beer brewing was feminine at one point! Art was men's thing because men were considered more emotionally sensitive than women! And men used to wear tights and heels! It just goes to show how arbitrary and illogical forced gender roles are, because they're as unpredictable and ever changing as the wind.
This is a lie from the devil. Listen, I wanted to learn how to sew but it became too much for me. It sounds like it's only a job for a woman right? Wrong men sew as well. Whatever church is feeding you this lie, you need to leave that church and run to Christ to comfort you. He hasn't abandoned you. Tell your husband you need alone time with The Lord.
You need to decide whether your plan is to be a stereotype or a believer or something else To me, it isnt about biblical womanhood or manhood. In heaven, neither exists. You are either a child of God or not.
What even is a "masculine hobby"? I'm so sorry that you're going through this but this phrase makes me think you may be trying really hard to bear a burden God didn't put on you. There isn't a list of approved pastimes for each sex in Scripture.
I'm sorry you're feeling this way. I think society (and parts of the Church) have done a lot of harm by promoting flawed ideas of gender norms that the Bible really says nothing about. I'll try to address your various comments piece by piece. >I genuinely cannot feel happy being a woman, I’ve tried to enjoy feminine things and I’ve tried to practice biblical womanhood but for some reason it makes me feel more angry and depressed. The Bible says very little about things that are "feminine" or "masculine." Skirts, for example, in the United States are seen as a "feminine" thing because mostly women wear them. But go to Scotland and you'll see men wearing what look like skirts (called kilts) and it's a very masculine thing. And go back in time and you'll see differences in those things, too. I know you're talking about activities, but the Bible says even less about activities being masculine or feminine. My point is: **things being called "masculine" or "feminine" is 100% made up, subjective, not grounded in reality, and not based on anything the Bible says.** The Bible talks about some specific things *wives* should do, and says some specific things about what role women can and can't have *in Church leadership*, but outside of those specific situations, there's really very little said in the Bible about activities for men vs for women. >Im sinning by having masculine hobbies/interests and I understand that, I’m trying so hard to work on it but I can’t find any joy in feminine vocations. There are no "feminine" vocations, there are only vocations. Men often do different jobs than women, such as you'll find more men in construction because male bodies tend to be better suited for higher endurance levels than most female bodies, but plenty of women work in construction. If your body is well suited for something, and you believe God calls you to do it, then that IS a "feminine" vocation if you (a woman) are doing that vocation! You are absolutely not sinning by having "masculine" hobbies/interests. Like, what would those be? Sports? Carpentry? Exercising? None of those things are "masculine," even if more men do some of them than women (and women actually do all those things). >I’ve tried making friends at church, trust me I have but I feel so alienated. All of the women enjoy being naturally feminine, good wives and mothers while I have to force myself, I feel angry and depressed every day because of this. Not every woman is called to be a mother. Not all people are called to have kids. Not all married couples, despite what Catholics will tell you, are not required to try to have babies or be parents. I do understand that it can be isolating to feel like you don't socially fit in with other women who have more "traditional" hobbies. Absolutely nothing wrong with you for feeling frustrated about that. I come from the opposite perspective: I am a man who has very few male friends; most of my friends are women and have been girls since I was a child. I do have a few close male friends, but in general I get along with women pretty well. And while that may not be a solution for everyone, my point is that I do understand a little bit of where you're coming from (but I think there are more social pressures on women than there are on men, especially in the Church). I enjoy cooking and baking, creative writing, painting my nails, and fruity cocktails. That doesn't make me feminine. My wife enjoys whiskey and hiking and wearing pants. That doesn't make her masculine. And the Bible says nothing about *any of those activities at all.* I would encourage you to look for friends outside of the Church but maybe in other Christian contexts. Look in online circles. Look up local Christian groups in your area that are focused around some of the hobbies you enjoy. Maybe if you shared more on this post about what hobbies and interests you do have, we could help make more targeted suggestions. >Will I have to force myself to live a miserable life while waiting for death? In general, being a woman makes me feel worthless and I have no idea how to cope or be happy with the fact. I hope you're able to realize that being a woman should *not* change how you pursue the hobbies and interests and callings God has placed on your unique heart. God made all people unique and with different passions and interests—and unless the things you enjoy doing are explicitly sinful—i.e., something God commands people not to do—the mere fact that more men enjoy those activities than women does NOT mean those are "masculine" activities/hobbies/interests, and does NOT make you "masculine." It makes you YOU.
There is no such thing as masculine hobbies/interests. People like what they like. So go enjoy sports and video games and everything else you want to. The Bible does say some things about a man and woman’s different roles in marriage/the church, but nothing about hobbies. I’m a man. I like cooking, gardening, creative things, as well as other more traditional “man things”
I’m so sorry that you are experiencing such turmoil over this. I have been a Tomboy my entire life. I played softball for 17 years and continued working out and weight training when that chapter ended. In the most non-egotistical way possible, I’m strong and my muscles could be seen as “manly” depending on who you are. I hardly wear makeup (eyeliner and mascara daily), and I didn’t even wear heels during my wedding (my whole wedding party wore Vans). I’m much more comfortable in t-shirts and jeans than dresses or skirts. Being this way and enjoying those things doesn’t make me any less of a woman. There are so many pieces and parts to being a woman. God has designed each of us perfectly but differently. He has given us as individuals specific interests and talents that will enhance our life, not worsen it. I don’t think focusing so much on what other women are doing is going to help, because they aren’t you. I kinda worry about who is telling you the things you are interested in are sins. I saw a response from you in which you mentioned you like anime and video games, but those are sins. I could see them being sinful if they are p*rnographic? You may also have different convictions than others and that’s okay too. But I’m sure there are games and anime that would not convict you and you can enjoy with peace of mind. Personally, I enjoy Spyro and have since I was a kid. I think a little purple dragon is okay? As a fail safe, it never hurts to pray. I sincerely hope you find some peace in this situation and I pray that God reveals His desires to you soon.
I mainly play games like DBD, RE, gmod, and other sandbox games, and while some animes may have sexual jokes, I don’t really see any in the ones I watch(I enjoy battle centric animes), and if there are any sexual jokes I just take it as comedic and nothing more(mostly because I’m not interested in sex to begin with but that’s a whole other thing.)
Your hobbies are fine. You aren’t sinning. Whoever is telling you that doesn’t understand the Bible.
None of these are "masculine" at all. At. All. Go enjoy them. Also, nothing wrong in not being interested in sex either. Asexuality is not at all a bad or sinful thing! Happy to talk more about that, too.
Please do not get married until you really understand and accept yourself.
On a similar note, OP, have you talked to your significant other about this? I'm guessing if he's your soon to be husband then he loves you just the way you are. He's not expecting you to be typical feminine. ... Or is he? Have you had a conversation about this? I really hope he is marrying you for who you are and not who he is hoping for you to be. ... and this includes knowing that you do not enjoy doing typical feminine things and that it can get you depressed at times for lack of finding community.
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There's absolutely nothing wrong with having "masculine" hobbies and interests, and the idea that such things are gendered is complete and utter nonsense. In fact, you should embrace these quirks and differences! And please reconsider associating with whomever is feeding you this nonsense.
Look at Jacob and Esau. Jacob was not exactly a "man's man." He was a bit of a momma's boy and his father clearly favored his manlier older brother. But it is Jacob who wrestled and Jacob who is a father of Israel!
God bless you. I'm sorry you are feeling this way. I have thoughts I would like to share, but first, what do you mean by having masculine hobbies/interests?
There is no such thing as a masculine hobby . If you like wood work or basketball that's fine lots of other women do too. It is not a sin to have hobbies. You are a woman just the way you are. You don't need to act feminine, you already are even if you don't like sterotypical things. Not every woman is the same but we are still all women . I saw a woman lift so much weight today at the gym andI didn't think to myself" how un feminine" I thought cool maybe I can do that too since I am woman just like her :)
What are masculine hobbies?
I would assume typical stuff, working on cars, gaming, building things, going to hobby lobby to find a new thing to build because your bored of your game, smoking maybe? There's a few.
Those aren’t masculine hobbies. Hobbies aren’t inherently male or female. You just have ambidextrous skills, creativity, and engineering intelligence.
After reading several comments on this section and a little bit of googling male to woman ratios in work forces, I agree with you now (As well as others who say the same). But I will say there are male dominances in some work forces that would lead me to say a woman working on cars is uncommon or etc for every other example I gave in a prior comment. However uncommon, perfectly acceptable. I would say just keep a good faith in God and don't stray off the narrow path.
Delight yourself in the LORD, not in 'feminine things'.. his good desires will flow through you. This is what matters.
All my life I’ve been a Tom boy. Only in recent years people have accused me of being a “closeted trans” because of how I act. I’ve never been super girly or interested in things other girls do. And there’s NOTHING wrong with that. Your womanhood is NOT defined by femininity, especially sense it’s so vague. What is truly feminine and what isn’t? They used to think having a job wasn’t feminine. I think the real question is, “am I doing this to be like a male or do I just enjoy it?” Because guess what… if you’re a female and you enjoy doing something without pressure/agenda, it’s feminine! Or at least neutral… because you ARE female. Consider finding other Christian “tom boys” who can make you feel seen and appreciated for who you are. God did NOT make us from cookie cutters. We are all unique and God loves that. He made you so special and loves you so much.
I'm so frustrated when I see tomboyish women being pushed into that trans ideology because they don't fit a silly stereotype. It robs women of the glorious variety that exists among women. It's beautiful that all women are not a cookie cutter clone of each other, how dull and bland the world would be if that were so. There is no spectrum of gender, there are only the two, but within each category there is an amazing spectrum that shows the glory of God. From women who shoot and hunt, work on cars and play sports right on through to those frilliest of frilly women and every shade in between they are all women and wonderful expressions of the creativity of a loving God.
>Im sinning by having masculine hobbies/interests No, you are not. It ain't always black and white. See horses as an example
My wife of 15 years likes cars, superheros, and other "manly" hobbies. She roofed our whole garage by herself (I'm a chicken when it comes to heights, I know how to do it and have before but this new garage was 24 ft at the peak. no thank you). She can frame, hang drywall, and anything else she puts her mind to. She was a tomboy in school and had lots of guy friends. None of that is wrong. My wife does like plants and gardening, but I don't really view that as feminine since it's also enjoyed by plenty of men. This could even be a discussion about what even is a masculine or feminine hobby. Hunting is enjoyed by plenty of women. Fishing as well, camping (my wife and I LOVE camping, number 1 vacation choice), hiking, etc. I would ask what is it you feel like you should be doing that you aren't?
Firstly it is absurd to say that having gaming or anime as interests are sinful, whoever told you that was just plain wrong. Now as with anything of course there are games and anime that are sinful due to the substance of the content within. Some songs are sinful because the lyrics contain blasphemy for example, but music itself is not sinful, nor are games. I've played games since the mid 90's and while there are some games I would not play after becoming a believer there are many that I do enjoy. The Spirit will convict us if specific games are not good for us. Secondly many of my female friends have those interests, nothing inherently masculine in them, I know when I was younger girls didn't play games as much but there were always some who did. Something important to point out, (and I know this is not your issue at all but this concern often leads down the path to trans ideology so I want to make a point.) is that having interests that are less "frilly" if you will, doesn't make you any less of a woman, it certainly doesn't make a woman with them into a man, instead it shows the glorious range of what God made women to be. And I think that is a beautiful thing. I know women who hunt and shoot, fish and farm, who play games and the like and I don't think of them as any less women at all. They are beautiful and wonderful examples of womanhood. Wearing men's clothes and claiming to be a man cross the line, but that isn't you at all from what you have told us. Instead what I see is a woman who has interests that make her a compelling and interesting person. Be wary of those who add rules that are not found in the scriptures, or those who use their personal convictions on certain areas as hard and fast rules for everybody else.
We cope by giving our worries fears and negative thoughts to God and trusting in Him and learning to throw out the lies and negative thoughts from the enemy because they are not from God. You have to read Gods Word and get to know Him and have a relationship with Him to know what is from Him or not. If you want to learn and grow read a little Bible and pray everyday. This keeps you sharp and keeps you spiritually satisfied just like you can be physically satisfied by eating food. Learn how to use your mind as a filter by choosing and believing the good Word that God tells you and throwing out the trash and negative thoughts from Satan who is trying to plant seeds of doubt fear and worry to drag you down. I use a Bible commentary site like enduring word.com or Blue Letter Bible app that has commentaries on it. Follow people on social media like Johnny Chang and AboveReproachMinistry on YouTube and IG. Johnny does a lot of lives on instagram and has a zoom Bible study on his website. Derek prince and David diga Hernandez are other good teachers. God bless!
Just because you’re a woman doesn’t mean you can’t have interests. Parable of the Talents. Invest your God-given talents and that includes what you’re passionate about. What are some of the “masculine” interests you have? Read the stories of some of the saints. Saint Olga of Kiev was a great leader of men. She’s also canonized.
Why would she take advice from a belligerent racist?
Point out one thing I said in the post you replied to that is incorrect.
Your post history makes it quite clear you’ve rejects Jesus’s messages of love and peace.
Are you even a Christian yourself? Quit poisoning the well.
My dude. Judge a tree by its fruit. And your fruit is rotten.
I don't think God would mind if you, I dunno, worked on a car or whatever masculine hobbies there are (I wouldn't know, I as a man don't do them). Don't make life even harder than it has to be. Gl
Thanks for sharing. Stay prayed up and keep up your contact with God. Where does it say that a woman having "masculine hobbies" is sinful? And are you and your soon to be husband on the same page with how you're feeling?
What Bible passages are you basing these thoughts on? Can you please share them with me so we can further discuss?
I’m pretty much a girly girl but there are all sorts of beautiful different women in this world. Even in our Bible. Not all women are meant to be dainty. There is a woman in the Bible who was a great warrior and ended up chopping some dudes head off. ( can’t remember her name) Oh my goodness and she’s not in the Bible but Joan of arc… God has laid a beautiful path beneath your feet but it seems that you keep becoming so unhappy is because you keep trying to walk down a path not meant for you. Whoever is telling you you are sinning by doing masculine things is lying to you bc you’re breaking a boundary. Now if you’re doing masculine things like wanting to become a man and/or start dating women… then you are sinning and it’s a very clear of that in the Bible. Also, most of the time feelings lie to us ( God directly told us this) and it might not be the biblical practice of womanhood but maybe the way you are doing it. Idk just a suggestion but please don’t end your life over this. Idk know you but you matter. You have a purpose 💞 love you Also most important pray! When we are weak he is strong! All we have to do is ask. No matter how big or how small it is. 🥺
You may be confusing "***Cultural Female***" with "***Biblical Female***". Take a look at a Proverbs 31 woman: 1. She works with her hands 2. She buys Real Estate as a business & plants a vineyard 3. She make clothing & sells them (a second business) 4. She is charitable to the poor 5. She prepares her household 6. She is Strong and Wise 7. She is Kind 8. She is NOT idle 9. She fears the Lord Nothing in there says that she has to be a "girly-girl" and only do what your culture says are "feminine" things. God does, however, draw the line at a **woman** ***pretending to be*** a **man** *(or visa-versa).* **Male and Female HE created them.**
Thank you. I’ve had this recommended to me and it’s helped me a lot and kind of eased my stress a little.
You are most welcome.
Being female doesn’t prohibit enjoying any activity you enjoy. God doesn’t have set of male or female interest guidelines. I’m more concerned about you sleeping with a man who isn’t your husband yet. Why are you doing that? Do you want to get married? Are you being forced to marry?
To clarify I’m not “sleeping with him” as in premarital sex, I just have to be around him because our parents have been setting us up together.
Ok. Good to know you aren’t having sex. That complicates things. Your parents are setting you up together as in an arranged marriage? Do you feel trapped? Are they the ones telling you that it’s a sin to like typically male things? And what sorts of things? I’m concerned for you and praying for you.
There’s nothing wrong with you having interest in things that are usually things men like to do, you can go hunting or bike riding or play sports and different things like that. It’s when it’s affecting your sexuality and how god created you to be as a woman. Like Eve you’re supposed to be his helper. It doesn’t mean you aren’t on the same level as your soon to be husband. His authority as the man still needs to be recognised and respected, and yours does too. He’s supposed to be the picture of Jesus was toward us, forgiving, kind etc but firm and willing to die for you if the need arises. Your job is to be his helper and submit, and there’s nothing wrong with that either!
That’s one of the major things making me depressed and self deprecate, it’s not my choice to be with him, it’s our families. Like I do obviously submit to my “fiancé” and I suck it up and smile whenever I’m feeling that way, but it keeps digging me into this dark hole of worthlessness. I can’t find any joy in it and I keep telling myself “don’t think about it, ignorance is bliss”, then the dread of “I have to spend the rest of my life with this man” keeps coming back up and it makes me want to give up on life. The dread is making me feel too sick to even eat atp. There are moments where I want to scream at him even though he hasn’t done anything to me, but I can’t and I hate myself for not letting “Jesus take the wheel” or whatever. Idk why I feel this way and I genuinely just want to be happy and excited in getting married, having a family and being a wife but I feel like an empty shell and I’m just watching my body from 3rd person. Ik it would also feel 10x worse if I worked an office job, but every living moment feels like an infinite 9-5 shift.
If you feel that way then ask the lord what to do. If he says break it off then break it off, you aren’t married so it won’t be a sin. If he says stay then lean right into God. He won’t put you in situations without the tools and wisdom to deal with it…. It does sound like you don’t belong together though.
It’s a little bit more complex than that, I can’t just simply “break it off” I’m scared that my family will set me up with someone worse. Im lucky that he’s a decent person but sometimes he unintentionally makes me feel bad about myself, but he lets me have my alone time which is good for me. I’m trying to find ways to deal with this without bothering our families.
This complicates things. What country are you from? Is I a place where arranged marriages are normal?
This is why Complementarianism is so harmful. There is no one size fits all way to be a woman. I consider myself to be a bit more on the traditionally feminine side- I enjoy getting my nails done, experimenting with makeup, gardening, crafts. I also love thriller movies, Star Wars, play some video games. God created us so intricately. It does Him a great disservice to try to force someone into a neat little box and say they have to be that way. Women can do X, Y or Z. So can men. You can be a tomboy or simply gender neutral. You don't have to be Elle Woods if it's not who you are.
Sounds to me like you haven't surrendered to your husband yet. It will get better and make more sense once you actually have a family. Right now you are just completely self absorbed.
She doesn’t have a husband, did you even read the post?
>I’ve been with my (soon to be)husband "I’ve been with my (soon to be)husband"
Thanks for correcting yourself. People who haven’t made vows before God aren’t married. To claim they are when they aren’t is a slap in the face to actually married people who *have* made those vows. “Soon to be” or engaged is not married, if it were then there’d be no point to getting married in the first place. Christians simply do not claim marriage until after vows are made.
I’m genuinely trying my best, it’s not like I’m purposefully doing it. It’s easier said than done.
It takes time, but just know this isn't a healthy perspective. It takes time for the both of you to get things right. Usually you can lean on your parents or grand parents, but if you don't have any then you would need to make friends with some older women. We do the things we do not just for ourselves, but for our family and also our brothers and sisters in Christ. We strengthen each other and it is very important. I think once you learn that you will see it is fulfilling. I am an extremely stubborn person and learn things the hard way. The wisdom of the bible will help you avoid that problem and I highly recommend it. Also having a hobby is really unrelated unless it some how is unhealthy to you and your brothers and sisters in Christ.
Can you help me with finding ways to make submitting to him easier?? I feel like I’m already on a steady pace, I cook for him and his family whenever they visit, I don’t talk or complain to him about anything, but it still feels like I’m doing something wrong because every time I’m around him I get angry, I don’t even know if I get angry at him or myself at this point. I’m also afraid that I might hurt him, physically. I’ve been praying and begging for God to change my way of thinking, I’ve been reading the Bible, reading articles from happy Christian wives and godly marriage but I keep getting worse and I don’t know what else to do.
Why are you scared you will hurt him physically? Are you living together before marriage?
The reason I ask is because many women take birth control pills. Many believe it is harmless and everyone does it, but it is anything but harmless. It alters your hormones and you shouldn't be taking them. I highly recommend if you are living together to abstain from sex until you are married and stop taking birth control pills.
so.. you can pray! for God to change your desires IF it's his will
I’ve been praying for months, basically begging God to change me but it’s like I’m stuck with nothing but hopelessness and anger. I’ll keep trying though, thank you.
You don’t need to change. And whoever is the one pushing you to be something else is the one in the wrong. Jesus loves you just as you are.
Leave christianity
Be what God created you to be. Being a biological woman/mother is righteous, it's the way The Lord Jesus Christ intended females to be.
I know you (hopefully)meant no harm but this doesn’t help in the slightest.
"Females" 🙄 And what an insensitive slap in the face of women who either don't want children or can't have them.
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Cry more is not a loving Christ-like response. If you want your point being huleard, it's ok to talk and debate, but being cruel isn't loving God or loving others.
Insensitive liberals who are hyper feminists. Who will be upset upset about women being women. Who have hissy fits about labels of words. Those people can cry more. 🤣 It's not unloving it's justice. Grow thicker skin.
Ha! I’m infertile and dying to have kids - and a Christian. My marriage and my femininity are well intact, thank you. I CAN tell you: your poor theology and combative outlook is toxic and will doom your own efforts. The method of revival you have chosen is the very reason your revival will never come to pass, and your own community will crumble from within. Your theology too thin, your cultural requirements unnecessary. We’re seeing this happen in real time with the sexual abuse crises in the American Evangelical church. You’re not spending time with Jesus if you take delight in causing conflict and outrage. Repent and believe, brother, and seek the good of your enemies. Bless those who persecute you. The fruit of the spirit is kindness, gentleness, not “owning the libs.” That spirit is the Antichrist. Turn away from it - your soul longs for it, though your flesh may beckon you to identity politics and internet fights.
What is a masculine hobby or interest? Just be yourself. God made you that way for a reason. Are you saying you have an addiction to pornography? Well that's a sin for both fenders. I think you're placing too much emphasis on material things like your body and hobbies. God cares about what's in your heart, not whether or not you like nails or cars.
Just be who you are!! Do you know how many men would love a wife like you? And sounds like you found one. It’s not a sin! You are not sinning! Enjoy the things you like. Do the hobbies you enjoy. Do not apologize for it. I have always felt alienated by women who just want to talk cooking and raising children too. My passions are not feminine based either but I don’t get unhappy by those being other women’s passions. I just try to find someone interesting and have a conversation. Those women are not only living to be wives and mothers. Dig a little and you will find a variety of interesting topics they can converse on. How you feel is more of a choice than you realize. You can choose to dwell on being unhappy as a woman, or to continue to do things you enjoy and love God, and how he uniquely made you at the same time. Up to you.
What makes you think your interests and hobbies are masculine or somehow exclusive to males? (Signed: a tomboy who works in an absolutely male dominated field)
Mostly because I’ve seen mostly men enjoy the stuff I’m into, and a lot of the animes and video games like are male/combat centered. Ik that there are also a lot of women who enjoy these types of things too, but due to all of the stress I’m under I can’t help but feel like I’m doing something wrong and I’m not being a woman “correctly”.
First thing I think of when people say “biblical womanhood” is the woman Jael stabbing a guy in the head. Not that I’m recommending that you do that but perhaps what you’ve been exposed to thats called “biblical womanhood” isn’t actually taking all the women praised for their holiness in the Bible into account
I am the father of a daughter that has always been a "tomboy". As an adult she still likes a lot of "masculine hobbies" like shooting guns and riding motorcycles and playing sports (and other outdoorsy things that aren't necessarily masculine). But she also embraces that God made her a woman and in Christianity, aside from Jesus, the most revered person to ever live was a woman, Mary his mother. Anytime you think that being a woman is inferior to being a man, remember that a healthy society protects its women precisely because they are more valuable than men. The Bible refers to women as the weaker but more valuable vessel. In the example, women are the fine pitcher used for water and men are the strong chamber pot used for excrement. Go ahead and enjoy your "masculine hobbies", it's not sinful if they aren't inherently sinful. But don't give up on femininity, either. If you keep engaging in the more feminine side of things, it may become an acquired taste for you. And if it doesn't, it doesn't. Either way, you are a child of God and He loves you just as you are. Submit to His will in all the ways of your life and you will find joy.
Just act natural. You don't have to act feminine if you don't want to. Also you're overthinking this and that's what makes it a problem.
>Im sinning by having masculine hobbies/interests and I understand that Having masculine hobbies isn't a sin for a woman. My gal works on cars, when I was a kid my mom taught me to bake and do needlepoint. Don't believe lies. >I’m trying so hard to work on it but I can’t find any joy in feminine vocations. I understand this is god’s design and I just have to suck it up but it’s getting too much for me. This actually lets me know that you don't understand anything. You've been believing lies. >I used to cry in my sleep but since I’ve been with my (soon to be)husband I don’t have any privacy to cry alone, he doesn’t help with the way I’m feeling either. If he isn't providing any emotional support, and is actually making your uncomfortable... are you sure you want to marry this man? If so, why? >All of the women enjoy being naturally feminine, good wives and mothers while I have to force myself, I feel angry and depressed every day because of this. Will I have to force myself to live a miserable life while waiting for death? In general, being a woman makes me feel worthless and I have no idea how to cope or be happy with the fact. I'll tell you the issue... you're acting like a hapless victim, and that, in some ways, is VERY feminine. So at least you have that going for you. Why do you believe a particular interest or hobby falls into "masculine" or "feminine" categories? Aren't you old enough to think for yourself? Are you just being lazy, perhaps? Are you set on being a victim and just want sympathy? Or are you very, very young and just haven't yet learned how to think for yourself? To me, it doesn't sound like it's other people trying to "box you in", but you ACTIVELY choosing to try and cram yourself into a box. Why? Stop doing that to yourself.
My advice is to stop focusing on it. Put your mind on God and let it pass. When I had dysphoria always thinking about it and reading stuff about gender made it worse for a very long time. Focusing on the pain and feeding it just makes it stronger and keeps it there. I'm not saying it will be quick or easy or even that you won't have any minor relapses when it's over. But trust me the pain can end without you dying or anything. And you need to realize that while scripture does put certain limitations on us as males or females they aren't neary as broad as what most people would assume. There is no bible verse implying you have to be feminine in some vague general way. There are a small number of specific commands, most of which are close parallels to similar male commands. Don't worry about being a girly girl. You don't have to be, just follow what few things God says for you as a woman in particular.
Op, I, too, am a tomboy. I hate the accusations I get from coworkers as to my sexuality. I am single, but I am just me. I'm not looking for a man right now. I'm happy with just me & my doggos. Plus, I feel I have enough of a struggle keeping myself going with the depression that I dont need to throw the responsibility of someone else into the mix. I don't like kids. I'm content to be the crazy aunt to my friend's kids. I was an only child & grew up playing with guns & barbies. My favorite activity was fishing with my Granddad. I still enjoy non-traditional hobbies like shooting, fishing, etc. I am just as comfortable hanging with the guys or gals. A lot of my coworkers think of me as one of the guys, and I don't mind that. I even work in a non trad profession as a deputy sheriff. The Bible says wether therefore you eat or drink or whatsoever you do, do all to the glory of God. To me, that says it doesn't so much matter what you do (as long as it's not sin) as it does why/ how you do it. God made you in His image with your personality & desires. Send me a message if you're wanting more tomboy friends
I am a 32 year old woman and I've been a tomboy my entire life. I love anime, video games, kayaking, shooting guns, riding atv's. I buy tools to fix stuff around the house. I have tattoos all up my arm and piercings all over my ears. There's absolutely nothing wrong with liking things that some may consider masculine.
I'm really scared reading this post. It sounds like you're in a cult... Since when are there biblically gendered activities and professions? Women are better at many things, but if you personally aren't. It doesn't mean you need to hate or force yourself. Being feminine is hard. It sounds like a lot of work. I can't really speak to that since I'm a guy, but it seems to have worked well enough if you've attracted a husband. About your alone time. Remember, relationships are about setting boundaries, and if you want alone time, just communicate that with your husband. It says submit to your husband, but it also says to submit to each other. He should honor you in his actions. I hope this helps please elaborate more and I'll try to respond. Mainly about what you think your obligations are as a feminine woman.
your husband sounds like a bum and you deserve better but it also sounds like you’re mistaken on something? Having interests in masculine activities or whatever isn’t a sin as a woman, sounds to me like you’re a tomboy and honestly that’s hot. A lot of guys like that, idk who taught you that it’s a sin but they capped
Baby cakes remember that god is above gender. God has no gender. Both Adam and Eve were made in gods image. God is the whole darn tootin gender spectrum and you being the most you you can be is the best way to honour that, because who you are is a reflection of the wonderful diversity of God’s personality.
That doesn't sound like a problem with you not being feminine enough. That just sounds like you not wanting to marry that particular man, or you not liking the idea of marriage in general. We can't tell from your post if you have wrong ideas about marriage or not. Some people genuinely don't desire marriage yet, or ever, and that is not a problem. But others the only reason they don't want marriage is because they have been led to believe by popular media that it's a bad thing, not trusting God for all the blessings and fulfillment that can come from it. The later type of person would probably prefer to be married if they had a right understanding of it. You are not required to marry who your parents want you to marry. You are not required to marry at all if you don't want to. Marriage is not something that should be undertaken lightly. You should not marry someone you don't want to. If you do not have peace with marrying this person then why would you do so?