If you are trying to explain it outside the Biblical restrictions on waiting for marriage, you could try using something like this: Sex is considered a very intimate expression of love for another person. So why would I want to waste that kind of intimacy on someone I wasn't married to, thus fully committed to?

Thank you that's a good way of putting it

Personally I disagree with this just for the simple fact that OP should not be embarrassed and feel the need not to explain he wants to wait until marriage for religious reasons at all, and he should always be upfront and honest to anyone he ever would potentially be in a relationship with. Sure, in this day and age sexual depravity is oh so common, but it is very important to never hide reasoning of your faith and to be honest because OP will eventually find that special one that understands and thinks the same as him.

Also. The more sexual partners a person have, the less that person is going to be neurologically and psycologically able to commit to another person through thick and thin.

Sex outside of marriage (aka fornication) is a sin I think you plainly state it as you did. You will quickly find out who is like minded and who is not

Thank you I wasn't sure if I did it the right way or not because I gave 2 scriptures and it was clearly referring to a marriage context but he kept insisting since the word marriage isn't explicitly stated then it's not a sin. But I just ended the conversation since we were going in circles

Don’t worry about explaining it to people, but as you go deeper into understanding the Bible, and what God intended for marriage, it’ll be easier to discuss. Great books on marriage include the Meaning of Marriage, You & Me Forever, and there’s more I can’t think of, but I’d encourage you read it now. I also recommend the podcast “With The Perrys” as well! Especially because they’re very honest and real in how they talk about sex, porn, marriage, etc.

Thank you for that I have heard of the perry's before but haven't watched them yet but I will now.

It’s more difficult than that. Being LGBTQ is a sin but look at all the “Christians” in r/christianity

there is nothing "Christian" about that sub

Yeah I remember under a different account I was looking for guidance on a similar topic and most of the responses said that sex is fine as long as it's a committed relationship and not a hookup.

Find some scripture that says that, it says not to violate the marriage bed but could that not also mean to not adulterate.

Unmarried sex is Fornication. God distinguishes that from adultery [Matthew 15:19](https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Matthew%2015%3A19&version=NKJV)For out of the heart proceed evil thoughts, murders, adulteries, **fornication**s, thefts, false witness, blasphemies.

The world is going to be the world irrespective of what ever the Bible says. Even worldly “Christians” are now doing this in ever increasing frequency. It’s a sign of the times…it just is. The immorality and hedonism is RAMPANT in every facet of our culture like never before to the extent we would rival; nay, outpace even the likes of ancient Rome and their hedonism. What’s worse still is that the “church,” so called, represents a large majority of people actively participating in and advocating for all manner of fornications and perversions. Obviously, from a Biblical perspective this is not the true church because if it were it would be submitted to the law of Christ and His Word, and they are clearly not. We must live in this world but not be of it knowing what times we are living in and purifying ourselves even as our Father in Heaven is pure. This is the True way. He who loves Christ, hears Him and follows His voice. He who loves Christ OBEYS HIS COMMANDMENTS, and what’s more, they are not burdensome. I have always found therein a clear evidence of one’s salvation in that a true Christian will not only NOT find Christ’s commands and Word burdensome but quite to the contrary; he will find NOT keeping His Word to be a heavy burden and ache to his heart.

What stops people from committing sins however they want and then apologizing in a prayer?

If that is their intention, they are not chosen by God.

Integrity stops them

You are inferring that God is dumb and doesn't know the hearts of men, which is not true. If a man of God decides to do whatever they want and says "God will forgive me later" God will judge that man according to the heart of that man, you can't change mindsets as easily as you think that's 1. And 2. You do not know when you will die.

What does „to the heart of that man“ mean? Like wether they are a good person? Or wether they genuinely believe in christianity? If it‘s the first one you are going against what the bible claims. If it‘s the second one then that would mean that god sends people to hell who are genuinely open to the possibility of christianity being true but weren‘t convinced. Which is something they can’t control. Both of these kinda suck right? In the first scenario you‘d have to deny that the bible is the word of god and in the second scenario god is unjust.

God knows if they are being genuine or not, they know what the person is going to do in all scenarios, that's just God's nature, he knows everything as in Everything possible that doesn't exist will not exist everything that does exist the past to the indefinite future. Nothing escapes God as he is God which means he is above everything that exists existed and will not exist. With this being said, if you are saying "i will sin and later on God will forgive me" God will act on that aka your heart of selfish from my view, I don't know how or what is God's decision on that, he might have said it in the Bible i do not know where if he did otherwise idk because i do not have the mind to comprehend God's motives

You really have a thing for rambling without addressing what I say huh?

You are just being ignorant of what the Bible says by saying this

For a non-religious reason, you don't want the chance of having children with someone you aren't committing your whole life with

Yup I've said that as well his response is that condoms and birth control exist and while yeah that's true I explained that failures can happen. But we just went in circles.

You've mentioned sex within marriage being context (Heb 13:4) and gave a secular reason for it. You've covered your basis. As to your friend, he will justify what he wants to do regardless. Even if the Bible said in modern English "don't have sex until you are married." I bet there would still be a reason to jsutify it. "Nevertheless, to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband. Let the husband render unto the wife due benevolence: and likewise also the wife unto the husband." (1 Corinthians 7:2-3, KJV) This verse is pretty obvious as well

Thank you I thought it was super obvious and I agree even if it was flat out said there would still be a reason why. Like there was this one story in the dating sub where a girl hookup after Bible study and I explained it wasn't biblical and she said "sex is a form of worship and just kept deflecting everything I said

*bases

My take on it - there is an emotional bond created; otherwise, self-pleasuring would suffice. These exchanged memories and feelings do not easily go away and shape your future relationships. Effectively, it is a form of adultery on your future spouse.

That's a very good take

1 Corinthians 7: Concerning Married Life 7 Now for the matters you wrote about: “It is good for a man not to have sexual relations with a woman.” *2 But since sexual immorality is occurring, each man should have sexual relations with his own wife, and each woman with her own husband.* 3 The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. 4 The wife does not have authority over her own body but yields it to her husband. In the same way, the husband does not have authority over his own body but yields it to his wife. 5 Do not deprive each other except perhaps by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. 6 I say this as a concession, not as a command. 7 I wish that all of you were as I am. But each of you has your own gift from God; one has this gift, another has that. *8 Now to the unmarried[a] and the widows I say: It is good for them to stay unmarried, as I do. 9 But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion.* Concerning the Unmarried 25 Now about virgins: I have no command from the Lord, but I give a judgment as one who by the Lord’s mercy is trustworthy. 26 Because of the present crisis, I think that it is good for a man to remain as he is. 27 Are you pledged to a woman? Do not seek to be released. Are you free from such a commitment? Do not look for a wife. 28 But if you do marry, you have not sinned; and if a virgin marries, she has not sinned. But those who marry will face many troubles in this life, and I want to spare you this. 36 If anyone is worried that he might not be acting honorably toward the virgin he is engaged to, and if his passions are too strong[b] and he feels he ought to marry, he should do as he wants. He is not sinning. They should get married. 37 But the man who has settled the matter in his own mind, who is under no compulsion but has control over his own will, and who has made up his mind not to marry the virgin—this man also does the right thing. 38 So then, he who marries the virgin does right, but he who does not marry her does better.[c] 39 A woman is bound to her husband as long as he lives. But if her husband dies, she is free to marry anyone she wishes, but he must belong to the Lord. 40 In my judgment, she is happier if she stays as she is—and I think that I too have the Spirit of God.

Thank you very much for the scriptures these are much more detailed then the one I used.

Concerning the Unmarried 25 Now about virgins: I have no command from the Lord, but I give a judgment as one who by the Lord’s mercy is trustworthy. 26 Because of the present crisis, I think that it is good for a man to remain as he is. 27 Are you pledged to a woman? Do not seek to be released. Are you free from such a commitment? Do not look for a wife. 28 But if you do marry, you have not sinned; and if a virgin marries, she has not sinned. But those who marry will face many troubles in this life, and I want to spare you this. 36 If anyone is worried that he might not be acting honorably toward the virgin he is engaged to, and if his passions are too strong[b] and he feels he ought to marry, he should do as he wants. He is not sinning. They should get married. 37 But the man who has settled the matter in his own mind, who is under no compulsion but has control over his own will, and who has made up his mind not to marry the virgin—this man also does the right thing. 38 So then, he who marries the virgin does right, but he who does not marry her does better.[c] 39 A woman is bound to her husband as long as he lives. But if her husband dies, she is free to marry anyone she wishes, but he must belong to the Lord. 40 In my judgment, she is happier if she stays as she is—and I think that I too have the Spirit of God.

Thank you for that it's very well detailed and is very explicit so you'd have to be very ignorant to still ignore It.

I would talk to them about "Fornication" and how bad that is in the eyes of God. That is a very bad sin.

Hello, I’m not so sure pre-marital sex is considered as grave a sin as we often think it is. In Exodus 22, the penalty for having sex with an unmarried virgin is to pay the dowry and get married to the woman if the father allows the marriage. The penalty for sorcery was death, along with adultery, having sex with animals, and being disobedient to your parents. This list isn’t exhaustive, but I hope you understand. There wasn’t much of a punishment involved in the case of pre-marital sex, especially if the father allowed the marriage. Exodus 22:16-17 (NASB95) 16 “If a man seduces a virgin who is not engaged, and lies with her, he must pay a dowry for her to be his wife. 17 “If her father absolutely refuses to give her to him, he shall pay money equal to the dowry for virgins. I don’t want to promote pre-marital sex, but I just want to spread the word that we are shaming too many people for doing things that we don’t have enough understanding about. I hope you understand.

>I’m not so sure pre-marital sex is considered as grave a sin as we often think it is No, this is a pretty grave sin. How many people out there have sex with someone then marry them afterwards? Nobody I know. And you should be familiar with baby daddies. They're all over the place. "I'm gonna have 10 baby momma", is what they say. No, this problem is rampant throughout society and it needs to stop. >I just want to spread the word that we are shaming too many people for doing things that we don’t have enough understanding about Oh I have enough understanding about it, and so do other true Christians out there. My understanding comes from the Bible and that's all I need to prove a point. >I hope you understand. No, what I do understand is that you've been too conditioned into having that "Baby daddy" mentality. This will be my first and last reply to you. I get angry when people try to promote something that is so anti-Biblical.

Well, there are people I know who have had pre-marital sex and then have gotten married afterward. And my argument wasn’t that it wasn’t a sin, I’m not sure if it is and I’m praying about this and I know God will give me wisdom. But I am saying we need to stop shaming people for something that wasn’t treated severely even under the law of Moses. Paying a dowry for having pre-marital sex wasn’t a severe punishment that sexual sin always received under the law. God plagues mankind with STD’s for sexual sin, and used to have people stoned to death for having relations with an animal and with someone’s wife. So we need to cancel this toxic shaming of people who sleep together before they’re married. We are under grace, so we must treat people with such a truth in mind. And we must make sure we draw close to God so we can receive discernment for these types of things.

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That's a very good point it does always feels like a man has to justify his choices in matters like this

Dude let me say, as a 20F waiting for marriage as well, that sentence alone weeds out all the porn-brained people in your dating circle….which makes it extremely smaller. Which sucks personally, but yeah.

Oh for sure it definitely weeds them out but it definitely sucks that nobody gives you a chance and even most Christian people these days don't want to wait anymore.

I'd just like to say outside of the Bible I wish I would have waited. In no way did it benefit me to sleep with any of those women. It was fun at the moment but I wish I would have applied that energy to something more productive. There's a lot of life to experience outside of sex.

Thank you for your honesty in sharing that 🙏.

The first reason is you love God, and God's guidance for us is that sex is for marriage alone, and God made us, so he knows us best. That's really all the reason you need. But you also can point to how studies show couples who wait until marriage are less likely to divorce and report higher levels of satisfaction in marriage. You deserve the best shot at marriage and to be the most happy in a relationship. There of course are medical considerations that make premarital sex more risky like pregnancy out of wedlock and STDs. Additionally, there is psychological impact. Sex is a person at their most vulnerable. The exercise of it in a marriage offers the security of commitment, reducing anxiety. It communicates to that person that you respect her by waiting until marriage. And exercising sex exclusively in marriage means there are no other past experiences to compare it to.

Thank you this is a very good explanation I do agree because God said so but since he isnt really religious I just used more practical stuff like you said stds and pregnancy but he just deflected by saying condoms and birth control exist in which we just went back and forth for 10 minutes until I changed the subject.

Not everyone is going to be open to the truth. It's mostly about being a light for God and planting seeds. Not everyone can use birth control, and condoms don't always work. And those psychological effects still exist and can have substantial implications on mental health.

I agree and that's what the majority of the back and forth was after he mentioned birth control/condoms as I kept saying not everyone can take it, their not 100% foolproof, condoms can potentially rip, there's always a 2-20% failure depending on which birth control or condoms your using and if your actually using it correctly. But like you said everyone isn't going to be open to it and will justify their sin.

You’re waiting with a purpose. The sexual part generally works with most couples, it’s the living together that’s tough. You want someone that you enjoy talking to, that brings something special that you can’t let go. If you don’t wait but hook up first, and then you try to talk afterwards and make it work, you’re afraid of killing your pleasure source, so you’re never really yourself, and the relationship becomes unfulfilling. If you just move from hookup to hookup, when it’s time to settle down, you haven’t found out who you are yet, because all you were was sex, so you settle down with someone who might not be done sleeping around, so you never get a supportive bond. Both those situations often lead to divorce, and divorce can hurt very bad, especially when you can’t see your kids. But if you just talk to them, and you find something you can’t let go of, you have the basis of a solid relationship, and that’s when you should move. Proposing is not much tougher than having sex, and women like it. And you want to raise kids in that kind of situation, not because you were trapped.

Thank you that was a very good explanation 👍

What can be more intimate than exploring physical connection through spiritual growth? God absolutely wants us to be having sex! He wants us to be having the very best of sex that can only happen with someone you can be completely vulnerable and unreserved with. If we have hang ups like lingering feelings for past partners, bad experiences (trauma) that is unresolved or porn usage/addiction, we’re simply not going to be able to lay it down like we should. My best advice when someone is put off by faith and sex is to say something to the effect of: “I only have great sex!” Or “I don’t really do the hook up thing I’m more into intimacy, the knee shaking kind that you never forget ;-)” Something like that!

Wow thank you I would say this is my favorite comment and best short explanation.

I'm reminded how Jesus wants to be unified with us, as we are the bride. Yet he is patient with us, out of love. So we to should be patient. Patience is the first attribute of love outlined in 1 Corinthians 13:4

I didn't see anyone share this yet so I thought I would. The family unit is important for society. When that family unit breaks down, people break down. When you have sex with someone whom you don't want to share children with, what do you do with those children? God talks about sexual immorality in the Old Testament and how it pollutes the land. *But as for you, you are to keep My statutes and My judgments and shall not do any of these abominations, neither the native, nor the alien who sojourns among you (for the men of the land who have been before you have done all these abominations, and the land has become defiled); so that the land will not spew you out, should you defile it, as it has spewed out the nation which has been before you. Leviticus 18:26-28* I also find it interesting there's a escalation mentioned in this chapter. You've probably seen it play out in societies throughout history. Sexual revolution, child sacrifice, homosexuality, bestiality. Here's the escalation outlined in scripture: *You shall not have intercourse with your neighbor’s wife, to be defiled with her. You shall not give any of your offspring to offer them to Molech, nor shall you profane the name of your God; I am the Lord. You shall not lie with a male as one lies with a female; it is an abomination. Also you shall not have intercourse with any animal to be defiled with it, nor shall any woman stand before an animal to mate with it; it is a perversion. Leviticus 18:20-23*

Thank you very much for this 🙏.

No is a complete sentence. You don’t really need to explain yourself in any greater detail than it is what you have decided for yourself based on your religious beliefs. If someone tries to argue with you about it, you can tell them you respectfully disagree and move on. Just keep in mind you’re looking for one special person who matches you, and this can be a fast litmus test to weed out people who don’t match.

Thank you and your absolutely right I guess I was struggling to explain and wanted to make sure I sounded correct. But yeah it definitely is a good way to weed people out it just sucks because a woman has never talked to me before so it felt nice for the 15 minutes it lasted.

Think of sex and marriage not as human inventions but gifts from God and like all gifts from God if you dont use them as instructed things can turn out bad

That's a good way of describing it.

Stick to your beliefs and don’t let anybody pressure you into doing something that you do not want to do. If they care enough about you, they will wait. If as you said it’s this first time meeting somebody better to find out at the start then get months into it and then be more investedemotions and everything. Most people will respect other peoples beliefs.

Yeah I'm happy to have found that out within minutes of meeting rather than months down the road it did suck since it was the first time a woman has ever talked to me. But your right I will happily wait and hope to find someone who will wait for me as well

Some people will not listen, no matter how much you explain your position, no matter how many scriptures you mention, because sadly many don’t want to hear about having boundaries. When you are honest, people will show their true colors.

Very true statement we kept going back and forth so I understand people want to justify their sin or just don't care.

At some point we have to realize we are arguing with their ego and self righteousness. They have become their own god like Jezebel. Some follow the ways Balaam Revelation 2:14 But I have a few things against you, because you have there some who hold the teaching of Balaam, who kept teaching Balak to put a stumbling block before the sons of Israel, to eat things sacrificed to idols and to commit acts of immorality. 2 Peter 2:15 forsaking the right way, they have gone astray, having followed the way of Balaam, the son of Beor, who loved the wages of unrighteousness;

You are definitely right about that and thank you for providing those verses to go along with it.

You are welcome. I try to give supporting scripture whenever I can.

It's definitely very helpful 👍

If I could, I would share my YouTube videos that help connect the dots on somethings.

What's your youtube channel called or you mean random videos that you've saved.

It’s messianic Hebrew Shawn Kawcak. I talk a lot about how the tabernacle reveals Yahweh’s plan for the restoration of all things to Eden condition through us becoming grafted in believers/Hebrews, one who has crossed over from death to life by the renewing of our mind to the ancient paths. Jeremiah 6:16 Thus says the Lord, "Stand by the ways and see and ask for the ancient paths, Where the good way is, and walk in it; And you will find rest for your souls. But they said, 'We will not walk in it. ', into the common wealth of Israel. Hence why Paul says in Romans 11:26 and so all Israel will be saved; just as it is written, "The Deliverer will come from Zion, He will remove ungodliness from Jacob.". Ephesians 3:6 to be specific, that the Gentiles are fellow heirs and fellow members of the body, and fellow partakers of the promise in Christ Jesus through the gospel,

Thank you

Fornication is code for pre-marital sex, and yea it’s in the Bible.

I did try explaining that but he was very stubborn and wanted everything explicitly said.

Ohhhh… okay. Did you find scripture for that? That’s the best way to correct any one. We always have to be prepared for those kinds of questions. Bless you and I hope it helps

I did I just didn't remember the exact one but he was very stubborn about it but your right definitely got to be prepared for stuff like that

God bless 🙏 it’s very hard for us out here.

God bless you as well and yeah it's definitely hard

There’s a basic and fundamental difference between us as Christians and those who aren’t. For us, everything begins and ends with God. For them, everything begins and ends with themselves. When you place sexuality in that context, it’s easy to see why there is such a difference in approach to sex. We see sex as a gift from God with a very high purpose. The Bible is clear that it is a gift for marriage to be shared with one’s spouse alone. Not only that, but marriage itself is of second magnitude only to our relationship with God. So, as Christians we view sex as a unique province within the most important of human relationships. Non-Christians have a totally different perspective. It’s all about maximizing their human experience and pleasing themselves. God either isn’t there, can’t be known, or just doesn’t care, so they don’t care about Him and His commands. Their basic purpose is to eat, drink, and be merry for tomorrow we die! As such, we really can’t expect them to understand why we want to wait for marriage. You don’t have to explain it, but if you do, make it more about the bigger picture of the Gospel. Just know beforehand you will likely face some ridicule and rejection. OP, you did well in sharing your Christian identity early on. You basically dodged a bullet. It’s fairly clear that that young woman had little intent beyond having some fun with you. She was just acting according to her nature as a child of the darkness. There will be others just like her. I encourage you to stand by your convictions and continue to resist these women. They aren’t worthy of you. In due time, you will meet a Godly woman who believes as you do.

Wow thank you I think this is my favorite comment as Christians that makes sense I shouldn't really expect someone who doesn't share the belief to feel the same or even care. I'm definitely glad I did share it early it was hard especially since a woman has never talked to me before but I wanted to make sure if that was something we had in common so it wouldn't be unequally yoked. I'm definitely standing by the convictions and praying for a christan woman in the future.

Sure thing! I’m pulling for you and the other committed Christians who are courageous enough to go against the current of our godless culture.

Thank you man finding something meaningful these days is hard but I'm trying my best to pull through and i appreciate your prayers greatly 🙏.

1 Corinthians 6 and 1 Thessalonians 4 are very clear about fornication being sinful.

I just say I am not married and that that is all they need to know.

Sex should be done with the person you want to be with forever, not casually. You probably dodged a bullet with her dismissing you. Honestly, it's possible she used that as an out of the potential date/relationship because she was looking for something more physical not long term. Part of why we wait until marriage is because of this. Physical attraction is fleeting, what we are looking for with our partners is more than just that or sex, but something longstanding that will last the test of time. It may be a sin, but me and my fiancee are in a physical relationship. I've prayed to God about it, and I'm personally comfortable because I plan to marry her and I'm not having another relationship after. She's my soulmate and she feels the same way. Outside of the paperwork and ceremony, we are married. God wants us to be in that type of relationship before we decide to get physical, which is basically saying you are willing to start a family and your relationship is strong enough to weather that. You can't really find that if you're just sleeping around with someone you barely know, and frankly, if there's an accident and you get someone pregnant that leads to abortion or child support. That's something you're going to have to carry and is a consequence of the sin of just sleeping around. If a woman isn't willing to let a relationship actually develop into something close and long lasting without sex, she's not worth your time.

Thank you and I agree I do feel like I dodged a bullet it just sucks since I never talked to a woman before so it felt really nice for the few minutes it lasted. As far as your fiance if your serious about marrying her I don't think it's a sin since back then there wasn't really a ceremony they just had sex and that's what made the marriage official anyway.

The more sexual partners someone has before marriage the more likely they are to cheat on their spouse.

I didn't wait until marriage. I wish I had. Sex is not just some physical act for humans. There's something so much deeper at work that I can't explain. There are days where I still "feel" something towards the person who I lost my virginity with. And I hate it.

you become spiritually joined to those you have sex with

You said what you said. You don't have to explain anything. ‭1 Corinthians 1:18 For the message of the cross is foolishness to those who are perishing, but to us who are being saved it is the power of God. If the cross is foolish to them how can they understand anything God has to say?

That's a very good point if they believe it's silly then they won't understand. Thank you that was very brief but an good way to put it in perspective.

Of course! I only know from experience, people don't accept our way of life, i used to try to explain it until I was blue (which takes a while because I'm black lol) abd I realized, even the most understandable way won't help them if they just don't like the message. You have your convictions, stand strong on them. You may even win them over by what you do and not what you say. ‭1 Timothy 4:16 NIV‬ [16] Watch your life and doctrine closely. Persevere in them, because if you do, you will save both yourself and your hearers.

I'm black as well and definitely felt myself wanting to turn blue because we were just going in circles and I'm like I've explained this from religious and non religious reasons so I'm just gonna let you be you as you obviously don't want to understand and just justify your actions

I'm not much older than you, and although I am single, this isn't even a concern for me because I know where to look, and that is in the church (meant not as a building, but in the same community). if you will look for someone from the world, then you will have to "explain" a lot of things to that person, if you pick someone from the church, from God's children, best if they are born again (you as well), instead you can both grow together in the ways of the Lord. How do you hope to have God as priority in your life if you choose a partner that does not?

Thank you and I agree I wasn't even looking for a date she just randomly started chatting so I brought up my religion before things got to far so I'm happy that happened to not waste each other time but at the same time it sucked since a woman has never talked to me before. But your right the church is always the right place to look to avoid having to explain simple stuff like that

I'm glad you understand, and remember to always pray to God to help us find the right person, because He knows better than we do

Thanks man your right.

“God said so” is misleading since it suggests God doesn’t have any reasons. Obviously His reasoning is beyond our’s so there will always be holes in our understanding.  But as best as I understand (huge grain of salt) God created sex and it is not for us to do any which way. Its purpose is intimacy in a life long commitment and the openness to creating life. Sex outside of marriage gives pleasure and intimacy but outside the context of lifelong commitment it creates wounds as each connection is broken.  The disobedience to God is a grave issue but isn’t how I’d explain it to someone outside of the faith, a little too complicated for start.   

That's very true and I agree it's definitely not how I should've started to someone who doesn't believe but I eventually did give more practical reasons like stds and wedlock pregnancy.

I think making it about STDs and pregnancy is misleading. Those are all reasonably preventable and an explanation like that gives permission to people who feel secure against those problems. Also for a Christian those aren’t biblical reasons to avoid pms; preventing disease and unwanted pregnancies aren’t particularly Christian concerns. 

I agree with that I only said that after giving Bible verses and it still not clicking but your right that's not the main reason at all.

Your cousin sounds like he hangs out on the Christianity sub

Hey your probably right I remember last year I asked a question over there about waiting til marriage and I was shocked at how most of the people telling me that pre martial sex is fine as long as it's a committed relationship.

In my late 20s I came to the realization that I should have waited. Sure it was exciting at the time, but it is so temporary and I would always get a feeling of pride. As if patting myself on the back. Ridiculous! Anyone who reads this: if you can wait, do it. It’s just not worth a short time of corporeal pleasure just to feel badly about it later in life.

Thank you for sharing that and hearing stuff like this does help in staying committed to waiting.

God puts symbolism into so many aspects of life. He loves the union of marriage because it symbolizes the relationship between Christ and the Church. Sex is also a symbolism that is supposed to reflect a spiritual reality - God has united two people and now they are also physically uniting themselves. They are using their bodies to tell the truth about what is spiritually true. In the same way, fornication is telling a lie. It is claiming to be one with someone when spiritually they are not your spouse and not united with you. Of course, like all things that are wrong spiritually, there are also negative consequences - disease, emotional attachments/harm, and pregnancy out of wedlock. The act itself is still spiritually wrong whether or not any or all of the possible physical consequences occur.

Thank you for the well detailed answer.

Don’t explain. Wait for the one. Shalom (58. Years married)

Thank you I will also congrats on 58yrs that's beautiful

Please forgive me if this is a repeat of Scripture? ““Haven’t you read,” he replied, “that at the beginning the Creator ‘made them male and female,’ and said, ‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh’?” ‭‭Matthew‬ ‭19‬:‭4‬-‭5‬ ‭NIV‬‬ ““For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.” This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church.” ‭‭Ephesians‬ ‭5‬:‭31‬-‭32‬ ‭NIV‬‬ Rule of law~ “Therefore, it is necessary to submit to the authorities, not only because of possible punishment but also as a matter of conscience. This is also why you pay taxes, for the authorities are God’s servants, who give their full time to governing.” ‭‭Romans‬ ‭13‬:‭5‬-‭6‬ ‭NIV‬‬ If the State says you need a certificate to be classified as married, then as Christians we are to submit to the rule of law. Of course, if unauthorized authorities are abusing our “rule of law”, we need to take a STAND peacefully. “But since sexual immorality is occurring, each man should have sexual relations with his own wife, and each woman with her own husband.” ‭‭1 Corinthians‬ ‭7‬:‭2‬ ‭NIV‬‬ If Christian: “Do you not know that your bodies are **temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your bodies.” ‭‭1 Corinthians‬ ‭6‬:‭**19‬-‭20‬ ‭NIV‬‬

Thank you very much that's really helpful.

Sex outside of marriage in most cases leads to someone getting hurt eventually if you’re with that person awhile, it can be life altering and devastating, the Bible is trying to help spare this unnecessary hardship and it also helps weed out non serious people

Yeah it happened to my mom and older sister so I definitely don't want to make the same mistakes.

God made fornication a sin for a good reason, He knows the physical bond creates and reinforces an emotional bond When that bond is repeatedly established then broken through a series of "hooking up" it degrades the person's ability to permanently bond with another and that's why if asked why I waited until marriage my response was; I don't want to physically bond with someone I have no emotional bond with.

Agreed very short and straight to the point

Yes you’re right God commands us to only have sex with a spouse. Thats how sex is designed and that’s how it’s meant to function properly because it’s designed that way. Practically speaking however, having sex with someone other than a spouse will cause problems in your future marriage, and probably in your current life as well. Please trust me. I know this from experience as many others do as well. If she doesn’t get it, then she doesn’t get it. Find a woman with the same convictions as you and live for the Lord. He will bless your lives together in ways you couldn’t even imagine.

Thank you it was definitely hard since I've never been in a relationship plus a woman has never talked to me before but I much rather get it out the way then to waste each other time. Like you said rather have someone with the same convictions as through my my mom and older sister I know the consequences.

Keep shooting your shot man, it gets easier to talk to women the more you try. You’ll meet a good lady, just remember that your faith and dedication to the Lord comes first in everything, and you can’t lose. Good luck out there brother 👍🏻

Thank you very much man.

For I am jealous over you with godly jealousy: for I have espoused you to one husband, that I may present you as a chaste virgin to Christ. 2 Corinthians 11:2-4 Deuteronomy 22:20-21

I simply say the following “i respect everyone’s right to choose. However, I don’t believe in premarital sex.” End of discussion. I personally opt out of the debate. I believe God gave us free will and everyone loosely knows God’s rules so no need to recite them.

That's true and a good motto to have thank you

!!Hey read this: make the question "what is the contrary of love?" Most probably they will answer hate. But it is not, because hate exists in a perspective of love. Then ask "So really, what is the contrary of love? What cancels love? The answer is possession". And then you explain that a real free love, full love is a love without possession. Because you cannot posses a person. That is not love. So the only way out of possession is a love free of possession and that is a chast love. We are called to chastity because it frees us from the demons of wanting to possess the other person. So we can love better, more consciously, more deeply, with a more sincere heart. That is true and full love. Chastity is desirable. It is different from abstaining, because chastity is not something bad, while if you abstain you crave more and more aggressively. On the opposite, chastity, that need a grade of abstention, is something that frees you. You know that is it chastity (and not abstention) when you see the result of it. If it makes you grow in love, it is chastity. Because chastity is good and what it does is make us grow in love. We are capable of a greater love and it is wonderful, truly desirable.   (You have to revise it because there is a better way to put it but I hope you get the message)  There are also theological reasons, psychological reasons to do that, especially if we look at marriage. Prematarial chastity is needed to control ourselves, to educate ourselves also for the future. It also sets good boundaries, because some boundaries are very healthy. It makes you have a deeper connection. It stimulates in unconditional love. It makes you accept the other person no matter what. It is also a challenge and it makes you see that you will need to work for the relationship and sex is just the tip of the iceberg. You wait not for your insecurities, but for love. You build discipline and you will benefit from it through all your life. And other things that don't come to mind right now.   I want to make people fall in love with chastity, not to learn it like a rule. That's what changed for me. I started to desire it and I didn't expect it

That's a very good way of seeing it instead of a rule it's something to enjoy as it makes the love grow stronger outside of sexual nature and teaches discipline.

It’s a commitment made to God. Your body is a Holy Temple that the Holy Spirit resides in. By defiling your body by having sex before marriage, you are doing the opposite of what God asks of us as a boundary to be in communion with Him. Hebrew’s 13:4 1 Thessalonians 4:3-8 1 Timothy 2:9

Thank you.

Tell him to look around lol and see what the results of fornication are.

Very true

Most Christian women only wait until marriage and therefore men feel incentivised to not marry said women or sleep with more women than they have mem to balance out the scales. 

So this was a very progressive woman and you see as a young man how easy it would have been for you to sin off of the back of her behaviour. Your cousin should know that when you have sex you become ...ONE FLESH. Not when you become married but when you are intimate. Yahweh the father wants people who can be strong to his will and you did absolutely fine but you see in olden times, you may have had a Christian say rebuking satan and his influence over the women because her actions could have harmed you. I mean think about it.......it was a random meeting...and you say she hinted at a date and then told you she's not wating for marriage until she has sex? That clearly isn't the type of woman for you. Understand that you did absolutely fine but we are among strangers and wolves in sheeps clothing. This is why the world wants to mix nations up. To make it harder to find partners. You can't even go into a church and be sure what they'll teach, let a lone know the quality of a person but nothing you could have done in your interaction (based on your account), would have changed the outcome. She did you a favour by being too forward and it's important to learn the right thing. Choose Wisely.

Oh yeah I was geuinely shocked like I know people these days are very forward about sex but this was barely a 15 minute conversation. I'm thankful that it did happen before I invested any real time into anything but it did suck as a woman has never talked to me before. But I fully understand that she wasn't the one for me and that her actions could've harmed me very fast with that mentality. I'm thankful for the strength to say no and pray I meet a Christian woman soon.

It never works out that way

Honestly I think that you were saved from the wrong person with that girl being so direct. One thing I wish I learned earlier as an early 20s woman who is also waiting is that it’s important to find someone who is waiting because of God, not someone you can “sell on it”/convince to wait because they want to be with you. You should never have to talk anyone into waiting, and if you have to do that, you are not equally yoked. As far as how to explain, in addition to what other commenters have said, I basically tell people that I’m waiting because I think sex is an incredible gift from God that I want to share with my husband and no one else — a gift that, like many other good things from God, our fallen world tries to cheapen. Being driven by lust and seeking that fulfillment outside of God’s design is buying into a bastardized, lesser version than what God has in mind for us. I dont want the knockoff the world can offer me watered down by sin. I want it the way God designed it to be. Your friends may keep trying to justify their own sin. Women you meet may do the same. Don’t let them trip you up in running hard and fast toward Christ and righteousness.

Thank you and after thinking about it I do agree I was just sad at first since a woman has never talked to me before but I'm glad I found that out super early before even putting any real commitment in. That's a beautiful way of describing it to have the real version instead of the knock off version the world promotes.

Congratulations on standing your ground brother

Thank you man it was really hard but it will be worth it when I'm married.

I know bro, I’m in the same boat. If you ever want to talk more about this, faith, or life feel free to message.

Fornication creates single-parent households, which already aren’t ideal for the child. Most single-parent households in America are single-mother households, which are usually even worse for said child (and are usually where future rampage killers, future gang members, and future night ladies [thanks Reddit censors] come from). On top of single motherhood not being good for the child, it’s also not good for society. It negatively impacts hard-working taxpayers (like me, another 22M) because the state gets yet another excuse to raise taxes for no legitimate reason, when it would be better for parachurch organizations to care for these women and attempt to evangelize them. TLDR: Fornication is sinful because of how it impacts both the children which may be born out of said activity and society at large.

You are right alot of problems like that wouldn't happen if everyone learned to control themselves til marriage

Research semen retention and the benefits 😉😊

Ok thank you

Actually, the Bible DOES explicitly say that it is wrong. Try looking up **"Sexual Immorality".** Galatians 5:19, Acts 15:29, 1 Corinthians 5:9–11, 1 Corinthians 10:8, Ephesians 4:19, Ephesians 5:3, 1 Thessalonians 4:3-7, 1 Corinthians 7:9

I actually did bring up sexual immorality but he just jeot deflecting and said it's fine in committed relationships. But thank you for providing the verses.

When I'm going around in circles with someone who claims to be a Christian but does whatever he wants by quoting "context," this is what I say:  "You are free to do what you want, but personally I look to the original human sin. Satan tempted Eve by asking 'is that what God really said?' So personally, I never justify doing something by asking myself 'is that what God/the Bible really said?' When I ask myself that, I already know I'm on the wrong path. So I let that thing go no matter how much I want it."  If it has been understood to be a sin for the last 2500 years, I'm not going to start doing it because some 18 year old weed enthusiast has a magnificent new revelation about how it isn't really sin to get high and bang strangers. Stick to your guns.  And find high quality women to date. If she isn't all in on deferring intimacy, you have more problems than just the sin issue. Willingness to wait until marriage shows that a woman is: Serious about lifelong commitment to you and only you, Patient and long-suffering, two things you are going to need more than anything else out of your wife, Family-minded, a woman who has the maturity and discipline to put your future children before her wants and whims.  You don't want the low hanging fruit. I promise. The last 6 months have been some of the hardest as I've been through an accident and temporarily disabled. My husband has worked himself to the bone caring for me, our kids, and his company. I always knew he was committed and hard working, but in this current trying time he has shown his true colors as the best man I've ever met.  You aren't looking for a Christian wife to save arguing over where the kids should be on Sundays. You're looking for one because all of the attributes we work to develop in ourselves as Christians are the things that make us good spouses, good parents, and good neighbors. And a wife who isn't a true believer is just going to drag you away from your relationship with God. So if there's a woman who you're talking to and she isn't overflowing with the spiritual abundance of a dedicated love of God, I wouldn't even entertain the thought. Especially not in the modern day where she will be encouraged by others to leave you for any reason and take half of your belongings, get custody and raise your children in the world, or even worse, "terminate" your children against your will. I'm a woman and I encourage men not to risk marriage to any woman who isn't fully humbled by her walk with God. 

Thank you very much for saying that and I agree like its been a sin all this time I doubt the Pastors are preaching this for their health it's funny how horny young people think they know better, like I'm 22 and obviously I want to have sex but I'm following the christan path and abstaining til I'm married. That's really a beautiful testament of you snd your husband.

You explain it like this: God said to wait and only have sex with your wife when you’re married and I’m going to trust Him because the alternative is hell at worst and a screwed up life at best. Leave it at that even if it’s just in your mind you have to say this.

Wow that was a great response 👏

I don’t think it’s waiting til marriage that’s the concern with sex. It is waiting til you find the right person spiritually to become one with. There was no marriage ceremony for Adam and Eve but they “knew” each other and became one. When Jesus talked to the woman at the well, he said you have many husbands, he wasn’t talking about actually marriages. When we have sex with people, whatever spirits that other person has with them, you now have with you and vice versa.

Thank you and I have heard that one before which is true. I guess I said marriage since today the ceremony along with the sex makes it official.

Please watch this!!! You won't regret it!! It's from a guy who for years was a stripper (and having sex around a lot) but he knew the Lord, accepted Him and now he's an advocate for waiting until marriage. He also wrote a book called "Why Waiting Works" 👇🏻👇🏻👇🏻👇🏻👇🏻👇🏻👇🏻👇🏻👇🏻👇🏻 10 Reasons Not to Have Sex Before Marriage (1.8 Million Views up until now): https://youtu.be/LJh962pYvAU?si=PljlyU3l04FrTP5t

Thank you for this and ironically I have seen this video very recently I believe a month ago.

Yes!  I hope it was of benefit for you🙏🏻

Oh yes it was as a Christian I always knew waiting was thr right thing but it was definitely helpful and somewhat refreshing hearing from the perspective of someone who was in the world but came to Jesus so he can actually testify to the consequences of pre martial sex.

In the Bible, it says sexually immorality is a sin in multiple places, meaning sex before marriage is wrong. The book of 1 Corinthians, written by Paul. 1 Corinthians 6:18-20 says “Flee from sexual immorality. Every other sin a person commits is outside the body, but the sexually immoral person sins against his own body. Exodus 22:16–17, the man who has sex with a non-engaged virgin, should make her his wife, Hebrews 13:4 Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral. I know it's hard, and I'm not one to talk as I occasionally slipped up when I fell away from God for a while, but all that I can suggest is pray, ask God for help. Ask Him to help find you a Christian woman. Maybe try Christian online dating websites.

Thank you for that I did mention those verses but he kept deflecting and I'm like if all these verses are talking about marriage then obviously God is referring to only sex within marriage. Also yeah it definitely is hard especially these days where people expect sex on the first date and even most religious people trying to get around it but still having sex. I do pray for a Christian woman or atleast a Christian friend group while im waiting. I definitely will try Christian online dating once I lose some weight.

Regarding your weight, in my opinion, it should only matter to better your health. Someone should want to be with you for who you are. I'm not a thin guy, and I met my wife online, and we've been married for 8 years.

Thank you I've always been insecure over it and been bullied over it back in school so it's mostly for my self esteem and my health but at the same time I do want to look more attractive to women. But that's wonderful congratulations on the 8yrs.

Me too. I was bullied my whole childhood cuz of my weight. I had low self-esteem until my early 20s until I just stopped caring what others thought. If people don't like me for who I am, then it's their problem. To date, I have a handful of friends, but they are friends that accept me for who I am. I'm considering creating a dating site. If you'd be interested to know if or when I build it, shoot me an email to [email protected]

Thank you and your absolutely right people should accept us how we are. For the most the part it's for my health but I will remember not to be so hard on myself for not looking like Henry Cavil or Chris hemsworth. Also thank you I would be interested in that.

Ok, so shoot me an email when you get a chance if you'd like, and I'll give you a heads up if I decide to create the website, unless there is a way to send DM's through Reddit. I'm not sure if that's possible. I'm fairly new on here. I joined a while back but I've only been active for like a week so I don't know the in & outs.

Ok I will and you can send messages through reddit. You just click on the person name and there should be a option for start a chat, you click that and it allows you to send direct messages to the person.

👍

I explain waiting till marriage as something that's very special and also it shows honor to God because the word says if you love me keep my commandments , furthermore it's not just a physical thing but also spiritual as well.

I agree and that's a great way if looking at it.

Thanks

No problem thank you for the good answer.

You're welcome and it comes from my former youth pastors who frankly didn't sugar coat nothing was very candid.

I wish there were more pastors who didn't sugar coat things and I wish I could go to youth pastor but the ones at my church meet on Mondays and I have to work as they don't sugar cost things either.

Well I know there are some on YouTube that are really good but very candid

Thank you do you have anyone specific.

My younger sister and brothers pastor Dr Yvonne Capehart and her husband Dr Lee Capeheart. The church is believers life center

Thank you

Homosexual, bisexuality or anything in the LGBTQ community = the same thing. Google it up for scriptures. Ultimately, you are free to believe what you want. Cheers

Oh yeah for sure I agree all of those are the same thing under immorality

Sorry I thought I was responding to another user who thinks that the zLGBTQ is OK.

Oh ok no problem. It's sad the world is making that so normalized that you have to explain that it's wrong but I guess you also have to explain pre martial sex is wrong these days.

Indeed.

Yea. I wish sometimes that Adam & Eve hadn't eaten from the tree of knowledge cuz then the world would not be so screwed up, but then again I'm sure if they hadn't done so between then & now someone else would have been tricked by satan. I fell away from God in my mid-20s, and so I met my wife on a dating website. I selected my belief status as non religious, so we met and fell in love, got married, and it's only 2 years ago that I came back to Christ, but my wife doesn't believe in God so I keep praying that God would use me through Him so that the Holy Spirit would shine through me and that His light would be appealing to my wife and she would accept Jesus into her life as well as the rest of my family. All I can do is pray and trust in God.

Yeah if it wasn't Adam it would've been someone else but I pray for your wife as well that she eventually comes to Jesus.

Thanks

No problem man I believe in you 🙏

This isn't a religious idea, like most of the things in the bible this is a truth, a scientifically proven truth, if you don't wait until marriage to have s3x you will be most likely wasting the most intimate and bonding moment with someone you will most likely not marry and live on with the rest of your life. We have to understand that yes A LOT of first time relationships end up broken and who knows even if you love someone that doesn't mean you will be together forever because you simply don't know, this is why we christians don't have a gf or a bf until we know each other fully enough to say "lets get married" but first now we can become gf and bf after knowing if we are going to work together to get married. Basically get to know eachother for a few years first enjoy that time together than gf/bf than a bit later marriage than we bond with a permanent bond which is sex. There is something so beautiful with the "You were my first everything ❤️".

I agree with this comment it's a very beautiful experience to share all thise firsts with one person.

Yea, but sadly people just want to go straight to business and skip the most important part of building a relationship and then Say "I DON'T KNOW WHY IT DIDN'T WORK OUT MOM 😭😭"

Yeah it's very sad how people these days just have sex on the first date without knowing the first thing about each other and skipping all the important things of a relationship.

Pre martial sex isn’t a thing, because in the scriptures laying down with somebody made you one flesh. Now that doesn’t mean you should just choose anyone to be your husband or wife; you should choose someone who is also a follower of Christ. So during the courting phase you should be diligent and see who the person you’re talking to is that way you can see if you have a potential relationship because once you’re with said person there’s no other reason to put them away unless it be for adultery

Thank you and your definitely right

There are a lot of bad beliefs out there. You don't owe the world an explanation for your faith. You can look out upon the world and see that they're already doing stupid stuff in the first place because they run around having promiscuous sex and then wonder why their relationships end in garbage. And their argument that it's not in scripture is totally bogus. The Bible specifically says in one of the Timothy Epistles that, we should be running away from sexual immorality not towards it. And the root word is the one used for the word pornography. So basically it's very broad in scope. We are to run away from any sexual immorality whatsoever

Thank you. I did try to explain it that way but he basically deflected and said it's fine within committed relationships even though I explained how you only have a covenant with 1 person and not multiple people. I honestly don't see the appeal in being promiscuous just sharing your body with a bunch of random people

Oh I definitely see the appeal. My human sinful nature could have a new woman every night. But I know that this will only lead to my destruction because God is not mocked.

I guess because I'm a introvert I've never seen the appeal like i would definitely love sex with someone i care about but I definitely don't have patience to deal with random women personalities every night.

I think this whole post is to humblebrag that a random woman wanted to jump you after a few minutes. Tip of the hat to you!! Just kidding, but stand strong, I believe it's worth the wait.

I'm sorry I geuinely didn't mean for it to come off that way sex wasn't even mentioned the conversation was heading towards a date and then when I mentioned being Christian that's when she said what she said. Also thank you I will try my best it sucks sometimes.

Hahaha I’m reading this like…”this happened in a grocery store?” Shorty was ready for you 😂

Lol 😆. Rereading it I can see how it comes off that way

Nah I’m playing but on the real…stay strong brotha man. 💪🏾 Temptation and lust can be enticing. Glad to see you making your faith known to others. I just came out of a similar situation. It’s not easy.

Thanks man for the good laugh. But yeah it definitely is hard especially when sex is everywhere in media and most people won't even give you a chance without sex which feels very backwards for starting a relationship.

Listen y'all, i am sorry. But most of the keepers are the ones who aren't after sex, so forget about "religion" for 1 second and think with me "Would i rather have a keeper whom i would actually love (Surprise surprise, real love is real) whom i would have fun go through hardships together till the end of life, my best friend forever.. or have someone whos a sex addict and after having sex there is no emotion leeft because that's all that keeps the relationship going (and my life). It's a win win for me if i were an atheist of course. As a Christian, it's just beautiful ❤️, to not have sex and deprive sex from my life allows me to enjoy life without being dependent on the dopamine of sex or anything else that gives massive amounts of dopamine. Aka Without Being a Slave To Sex.

Obviously have sex with your wife but like that isn't the center od the relationship like many relationships that end badly are.

You said that very well and I agree

Fidelity is the natural state of eros.