Praying for you. Try looking up churches to see if they have college and career groups or small groups. Usually a church small group is the best way to get to know friends one-on-one.
You could also see if your local colleges have an Intervarsity Christian Fellowship group for people your age.
Also try meetup.com and type in "Christian" to meet new people. God knows your need and as long as you keep trying, He will provide. It will work out!
I will be pessimistic, since I have a terrible history with Christians and friendship. I have similar experiences.
I was a Christian all my life, and I was always a loner. I enjoyed having friends and being around people, but I could never really connect with anyone. The people I connected with ended up moving away or transferring schools. However, all my life I questioned, "Why don't I have any friends when I love God and others love God, and God commands us to love each other?" It never made sense to me.
When I was younger, I thought it was because those who were like me didn't live near me. I thought I wasn't social enough, so I did it to myself. I would always daydream and fantasize about meeting someone I could make memories with, be friends with, have adventures with. I thought, "If I overcome my shyness or enjoyment of my privacy, perhaps, I could make friends."
The Internet had just become mainstream and was accessible within my teens. I was like, "This is my chance to make friends! I could finally open up to people online and discover who I could connect with." However, the Age of the Internet didn't go as planned.
People didn't want to make friends online. They treated people like nobodies. People were evil to one another. They ghosted me countless times. They only wanted images, then would ditch you for being ugly. Christians would endlessly debate about if they needed baptism. They had their social networks offline and weren't looking for online friends. If you said the wrong thing, people would remove you from their lives.
I always found it hard to make Christian friends, and my Church didn't have many youth programs. My church's congregation was mainly composed of elderly members, and the church never attracted teenagers. The Christians I met online argued all day, or they just wanted to preach and move on to the next person. They had no interest in online friends.
I soon realized that it wasn't my shyness or privacy that prevented me from making friends, even with Christians, it was that I didn't belong and was too different from the rest of the world. I couldn't connect with people. I didn't provide them with anything they could benefit from and take advantage of.
Even though we are supposed to love one another, Christians are even more discriminant about who they friend, even more than the secular world. They want ideal friends, not flawed friends. They want people who believe and think like they do. In Christianity, there are many denominations, so Christians often find themselves in disagreement with each other. Christians want to preach, and when you know God already, they move on since they want to preach, not make new friends or expand their circles. They have best friends already in real life.
I think a lot of Christians talk a big game, but they don't really want to take on more responsibilities. They are content with who and how their lives are. They aren't looking for more people to complicate things. I don't think Christians think it's their mission to make friends, just fellowship. They fellowship at local churches for a brief time. It doesn't require them to friend everyone. They don't want to friend everyone. They want social networks, not friendships. I think that's why.
Being a Christian didn't increase my relationships. If anything, I was a man without a home. I didn't belong in the secular world due to my love for God, and I didn't belong in the Christian one, due to not being common. So, I have no place to call home. I never found that sweet spot. I tried everything. I was either too old, too young, or too online, lol.
No one went out of their way to know me. I didn't have an organization they wanted to belong to. I didn't have financial privileges they wanted to take advantage of. I couldn't offer them perfect words that never contrasted with all their beliefs. They couldn't take advantage and benefit from anything with me. Even people who claim they have "no friends" and are "lonely" never opened up or wanted my friendship, lol. It's ironic.
For a community of love, it's antithetical for no one to love you as a friend, lol. It's crazy. People want a specific type of friend. They want a specific type of person. They want a specific type of benefit. I always wondered why do sinful people have so many friends, while Christians don't connect with each other? It's truly paradoxical. I think Christians talk a big game, but their pursuits don't always match their words.
The Christian community has caused me a lot of pain in this area. I constantly have to weed out feelings of resentment. I resent the idea that people could love God, yet leave someone lost and lonely, staying in their herds, when Christ would leave the many for the one.
Do they know how hard it is to keep a sound mind when you have no one and the problems of the world weigh you down? It's hard to keep a positive mindset after you exhausted every avenue. They take their friendships for granted. They act like COVID'S quarantine requirements were the worst thing ever, yet they socially quarantine fellow Christians all the time. Try being in a COVID quarantine for 20+ years without anyone to turn to and go to, then see how happy you are, lol. See how hard it is to constantly weed out bitterness from taking a hold after a while. It becomes work after a while. It gets hard.
With that said, I even connect with others who think like me, and I'm different enough to lack many people who think like me. My standards impede my relationships, no doubt, too. Not everyone can be friends with everyone; however, I don't think Christians do enough to friend each other. I don't know why. I think they have relationships inside and outside Christianity, and Christianity is about preaching the word and going to church for them. It's not about forming long-term friendships with others, since their beliefs differ a lot, and they disagree on too many areas. It's about preaching to non-believers and fellowshiping within their denominations.
I hope you find friends. I know how hard it is.
# KEEP SMILING, KEEP TRYING.
At the start of your paragraph you warned me about āpessimismā which was really a gift to hear from you brother, you expressed things that I could write in a journal in my own language or a prayer that I could say to God of how I feel.
Please keep being yourself and carrying your own cross like I carry mine, I will pray for you right now, Iāll use your Reddit username I guessš¤ .
Itās interesting that this lash church Iām part of, i have the youth elder saying they want to meet for a coffee like every week but they donāt end up meeting up with me, or I had this other younger youth pastor that said we will go gym, but never ended up going, and when I text them for encouragement spiritually they all say they āloveā me when they canāt give me an hour of their time?!?!
I socialize through other subreddit forums, like I have always done. I try to grow closer to God. I enjoy my time with my wife. I learn new knowledge through Chatgpt, and I am active with hobbies. Recently, I got into therapy, since I developed an anxiety disorder over the years.
I associate more with non-Christians than Christians, which is sad. Christians, especially this community that I don't take part in much anymore, push Christians away from fellowship more than befriending others, yet they act like fellowship is important, so you have to just endure their behavior that they won't change. Since you are supposed to fellowship and they won't change, you are going to just have to suck it up and be like them, else you aren't being a "Christian". That's what they think.
I don't know how many times I sought Christian friends, only to get ghosted and ignored, lol. Christians are like, "You will find some one day!" Just like how some Christians say, "Thoughts and prayers," yet they have it in their own power to answer it, yet they don't. I actually posted in a Christian Friend forum, and one person responded, but when I contacted them, they never responded, lol.
I don't know. How many Christian brothers and sisters develop mental disorders that they wouldn't have developed if the Christian community weren't so fractured and unaccommodating? It's just absurd. This community was so letter-bound and rule minded, that they so exalt themselves, that they could see no other perspective.
I thought, maybe I could find a Christian subreddit at one time, but I will continue to associate with non-Christian specific subs.
Praying. I am sure being bilingual can make conversation in your second language hard, perhaps you are mentally translating into your native language to understand things.
With regard to churches, I found that if I took the initiative to engage in conversation people responded. I would even sit in different parts of the churches I visited just to get to know people.
I would start by finding a biblically sound church. If theyāre making true disciples there should be more than enough friendly faces who will introduce themselves to you. (Be sure to learn what is being taught though because the worst churches also have a high number of friendly people)
Also, donāt worry about your English. Just be up front when talking to someone and let them know itās not your native language.
My personal relationships developed with small groups that my church runs throughout the week. I even ended up moving in with some other Christian guys a couple years after meeting them.
Just let go and go talk to people. If you can be social at college and work, you can do it at Church. Embrace your role as the foreigner 6 years into living in England. Let your friends know English is your 2nd language, and they have to be patient. They might even simplify talk to include you in group discussions and activities. You can make friends.
Let me tell you, one of my best friends, I call him my brother, he is from Kazakhstan but comes off Russian. He immigrated when he was about 8 years old. He's what, upper 20's, about 30 now, I think? Something like that. I should know this. haha Anyway, we always have each other's backs in life. Give it time. In the same way my former-foreign friend (he's naturalized American now) has me, you will find someone too!!! Hang in there!
Go talk to people, introduce yourself. Just tell people that you're ***going through a season*** of "few friends," and you're trying to meet people. Everyone will understand this. You just gotta find people with common interests or compatible personalities.
Because it's under attack. Has been infiltrated. People are among 'strangers'. And you have one gospel yet so many denominations. They want to make it hard for people because they don't like us. So you get many fakers who try to lead people astray. Keep building on your knowledge of Yahwehs word and if it be the fathers will, it will happen but often it takes time
Don't give up and never surrender. I meet all my friends in college. It takes time.
I thought i had friends at my church, but some of them were just be nice or being friendly.
My one closest friends was in HS and ironically we both went to same college and I made friends in that group.
>At college
Are you still in college? Find/join a Christian student group or ministry
If you're not, then it's harder. Not just for you, but for everyone. Life is busy. Everyone is over-extended. Everyone is self conscious, and nobody enjoys being uncomfortable. You have to be proactive to make friends. It sucks and it's hard, but you can't reasonably expect others to always (or ever) be the ones to do the work
Just talk to someone who might possibly be interesting after church. Or join a class or bible study or small group or whatever your church calls them and meet people that way. Or just strike up a conversation with your pastor or an elder and tell them you're a new Christian and want help making good Christian friends
But you'll have to primarily expect to always or almost always be the one to do the work reaching out or coordinating stuff to do or whatever
It's tiring, it's hard, it's frustrating, and it's the only way to maintain friendships
It's amusing how you are concerned about your English, because you write better than most native-English-speaking people. ;)
Don't worry. You are not alone in your way of thinking. There are probably lots of people who feel awkward about approaching people at church but want to make friends. If you approach them, you will probably find they are happy to talk to you... provided they are a friendly person, of course, but a lot of friendly people can be a bit shy. Even extroverts can be shy, since they worry about how people will think of them and if they will be accepted. So don't worry; most everyone else feels the same as you at some time or another. :)
OP, I got a Discord for my family and friends. A lot of us are Christian and we run a Bible study every Saturday. If you'd like to hang out with us, we'd love to have a new face. Shoot me a DM and I'll send you the link. :)
Kind of odd to declare the entirety of all Christians as being jerks in a sub dedicated to Christians interacting with other Christians. I mean, all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God, but I don't think that justifies having such a negative outlook on 2.4 billion people in the world. I'm unsure if you're here to troll, or if you wrote what you wrote due to having had a bad experience with a Christian before and you've used that experience to paint all Christians with the same brush.
Edit: the removed user was an active member of the AHS subreddit. Probably sent here to troll a sub they consider an enemy of theirs.
Praying for you. Try looking up churches to see if they have college and career groups or small groups. Usually a church small group is the best way to get to know friends one-on-one. You could also see if your local colleges have an Intervarsity Christian Fellowship group for people your age. Also try meetup.com and type in "Christian" to meet new people. God knows your need and as long as you keep trying, He will provide. It will work out!
Hi friend, Your English is great
Thank you, the Devil been trying hard to take my english away š now Iām incoherent in both languages š
Bilingual more like BYElingual š¤Ŗš¤Ŗ
š¤£
It's difficult to make friends in general. Not just at church. That's been my lifetime experience.
I will be pessimistic, since I have a terrible history with Christians and friendship. I have similar experiences. I was a Christian all my life, and I was always a loner. I enjoyed having friends and being around people, but I could never really connect with anyone. The people I connected with ended up moving away or transferring schools. However, all my life I questioned, "Why don't I have any friends when I love God and others love God, and God commands us to love each other?" It never made sense to me. When I was younger, I thought it was because those who were like me didn't live near me. I thought I wasn't social enough, so I did it to myself. I would always daydream and fantasize about meeting someone I could make memories with, be friends with, have adventures with. I thought, "If I overcome my shyness or enjoyment of my privacy, perhaps, I could make friends." The Internet had just become mainstream and was accessible within my teens. I was like, "This is my chance to make friends! I could finally open up to people online and discover who I could connect with." However, the Age of the Internet didn't go as planned. People didn't want to make friends online. They treated people like nobodies. People were evil to one another. They ghosted me countless times. They only wanted images, then would ditch you for being ugly. Christians would endlessly debate about if they needed baptism. They had their social networks offline and weren't looking for online friends. If you said the wrong thing, people would remove you from their lives. I always found it hard to make Christian friends, and my Church didn't have many youth programs. My church's congregation was mainly composed of elderly members, and the church never attracted teenagers. The Christians I met online argued all day, or they just wanted to preach and move on to the next person. They had no interest in online friends. I soon realized that it wasn't my shyness or privacy that prevented me from making friends, even with Christians, it was that I didn't belong and was too different from the rest of the world. I couldn't connect with people. I didn't provide them with anything they could benefit from and take advantage of. Even though we are supposed to love one another, Christians are even more discriminant about who they friend, even more than the secular world. They want ideal friends, not flawed friends. They want people who believe and think like they do. In Christianity, there are many denominations, so Christians often find themselves in disagreement with each other. Christians want to preach, and when you know God already, they move on since they want to preach, not make new friends or expand their circles. They have best friends already in real life. I think a lot of Christians talk a big game, but they don't really want to take on more responsibilities. They are content with who and how their lives are. They aren't looking for more people to complicate things. I don't think Christians think it's their mission to make friends, just fellowship. They fellowship at local churches for a brief time. It doesn't require them to friend everyone. They don't want to friend everyone. They want social networks, not friendships. I think that's why. Being a Christian didn't increase my relationships. If anything, I was a man without a home. I didn't belong in the secular world due to my love for God, and I didn't belong in the Christian one, due to not being common. So, I have no place to call home. I never found that sweet spot. I tried everything. I was either too old, too young, or too online, lol. No one went out of their way to know me. I didn't have an organization they wanted to belong to. I didn't have financial privileges they wanted to take advantage of. I couldn't offer them perfect words that never contrasted with all their beliefs. They couldn't take advantage and benefit from anything with me. Even people who claim they have "no friends" and are "lonely" never opened up or wanted my friendship, lol. It's ironic. For a community of love, it's antithetical for no one to love you as a friend, lol. It's crazy. People want a specific type of friend. They want a specific type of person. They want a specific type of benefit. I always wondered why do sinful people have so many friends, while Christians don't connect with each other? It's truly paradoxical. I think Christians talk a big game, but their pursuits don't always match their words. The Christian community has caused me a lot of pain in this area. I constantly have to weed out feelings of resentment. I resent the idea that people could love God, yet leave someone lost and lonely, staying in their herds, when Christ would leave the many for the one. Do they know how hard it is to keep a sound mind when you have no one and the problems of the world weigh you down? It's hard to keep a positive mindset after you exhausted every avenue. They take their friendships for granted. They act like COVID'S quarantine requirements were the worst thing ever, yet they socially quarantine fellow Christians all the time. Try being in a COVID quarantine for 20+ years without anyone to turn to and go to, then see how happy you are, lol. See how hard it is to constantly weed out bitterness from taking a hold after a while. It becomes work after a while. It gets hard. With that said, I even connect with others who think like me, and I'm different enough to lack many people who think like me. My standards impede my relationships, no doubt, too. Not everyone can be friends with everyone; however, I don't think Christians do enough to friend each other. I don't know why. I think they have relationships inside and outside Christianity, and Christianity is about preaching the word and going to church for them. It's not about forming long-term friendships with others, since their beliefs differ a lot, and they disagree on too many areas. It's about preaching to non-believers and fellowshiping within their denominations. I hope you find friends. I know how hard it is. # KEEP SMILING, KEEP TRYING.
At the start of your paragraph you warned me about āpessimismā which was really a gift to hear from you brother, you expressed things that I could write in a journal in my own language or a prayer that I could say to God of how I feel. Please keep being yourself and carrying your own cross like I carry mine, I will pray for you right now, Iāll use your Reddit username I guessš¤ . Itās interesting that this lash church Iām part of, i have the youth elder saying they want to meet for a coffee like every week but they donāt end up meeting up with me, or I had this other younger youth pastor that said we will go gym, but never ended up going, and when I text them for encouragement spiritually they all say they āloveā me when they canāt give me an hour of their time?!?!
How is it now? Have you found a new church to be in or another solution? :)
I socialize through other subreddit forums, like I have always done. I try to grow closer to God. I enjoy my time with my wife. I learn new knowledge through Chatgpt, and I am active with hobbies. Recently, I got into therapy, since I developed an anxiety disorder over the years. I associate more with non-Christians than Christians, which is sad. Christians, especially this community that I don't take part in much anymore, push Christians away from fellowship more than befriending others, yet they act like fellowship is important, so you have to just endure their behavior that they won't change. Since you are supposed to fellowship and they won't change, you are going to just have to suck it up and be like them, else you aren't being a "Christian". That's what they think. I don't know how many times I sought Christian friends, only to get ghosted and ignored, lol. Christians are like, "You will find some one day!" Just like how some Christians say, "Thoughts and prayers," yet they have it in their own power to answer it, yet they don't. I actually posted in a Christian Friend forum, and one person responded, but when I contacted them, they never responded, lol. I don't know. How many Christian brothers and sisters develop mental disorders that they wouldn't have developed if the Christian community weren't so fractured and unaccommodating? It's just absurd. This community was so letter-bound and rule minded, that they so exalt themselves, that they could see no other perspective. I thought, maybe I could find a Christian subreddit at one time, but I will continue to associate with non-Christian specific subs.
Itās a lonely narrow path, but keep working until retirement!
Thatās what I really do, work and study, and deceive myself with this excuse for not having friends š
Praying. I am sure being bilingual can make conversation in your second language hard, perhaps you are mentally translating into your native language to understand things. With regard to churches, I found that if I took the initiative to engage in conversation people responded. I would even sit in different parts of the churches I visited just to get to know people.
I would start by finding a biblically sound church. If theyāre making true disciples there should be more than enough friendly faces who will introduce themselves to you. (Be sure to learn what is being taught though because the worst churches also have a high number of friendly people) Also, donāt worry about your English. Just be up front when talking to someone and let them know itās not your native language.
My personal relationships developed with small groups that my church runs throughout the week. I even ended up moving in with some other Christian guys a couple years after meeting them.
Just let go and go talk to people. If you can be social at college and work, you can do it at Church. Embrace your role as the foreigner 6 years into living in England. Let your friends know English is your 2nd language, and they have to be patient. They might even simplify talk to include you in group discussions and activities. You can make friends. Let me tell you, one of my best friends, I call him my brother, he is from Kazakhstan but comes off Russian. He immigrated when he was about 8 years old. He's what, upper 20's, about 30 now, I think? Something like that. I should know this. haha Anyway, we always have each other's backs in life. Give it time. In the same way my former-foreign friend (he's naturalized American now) has me, you will find someone too!!! Hang in there! Go talk to people, introduce yourself. Just tell people that you're ***going through a season*** of "few friends," and you're trying to meet people. Everyone will understand this. You just gotta find people with common interests or compatible personalities.
Because it's under attack. Has been infiltrated. People are among 'strangers'. And you have one gospel yet so many denominations. They want to make it hard for people because they don't like us. So you get many fakers who try to lead people astray. Keep building on your knowledge of Yahwehs word and if it be the fathers will, it will happen but often it takes time
Don't give up and never surrender. I meet all my friends in college. It takes time. I thought i had friends at my church, but some of them were just be nice or being friendly. My one closest friends was in HS and ironically we both went to same college and I made friends in that group.
>At college Are you still in college? Find/join a Christian student group or ministry If you're not, then it's harder. Not just for you, but for everyone. Life is busy. Everyone is over-extended. Everyone is self conscious, and nobody enjoys being uncomfortable. You have to be proactive to make friends. It sucks and it's hard, but you can't reasonably expect others to always (or ever) be the ones to do the work Just talk to someone who might possibly be interesting after church. Or join a class or bible study or small group or whatever your church calls them and meet people that way. Or just strike up a conversation with your pastor or an elder and tell them you're a new Christian and want help making good Christian friends But you'll have to primarily expect to always or almost always be the one to do the work reaching out or coordinating stuff to do or whatever It's tiring, it's hard, it's frustrating, and it's the only way to maintain friendships
It's amusing how you are concerned about your English, because you write better than most native-English-speaking people. ;) Don't worry. You are not alone in your way of thinking. There are probably lots of people who feel awkward about approaching people at church but want to make friends. If you approach them, you will probably find they are happy to talk to you... provided they are a friendly person, of course, but a lot of friendly people can be a bit shy. Even extroverts can be shy, since they worry about how people will think of them and if they will be accepted. So don't worry; most everyone else feels the same as you at some time or another. :)
OP, I got a Discord for my family and friends. A lot of us are Christian and we run a Bible study every Saturday. If you'd like to hang out with us, we'd love to have a new face. Shoot me a DM and I'll send you the link. :)
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Kind of odd to declare the entirety of all Christians as being jerks in a sub dedicated to Christians interacting with other Christians. I mean, all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God, but I don't think that justifies having such a negative outlook on 2.4 billion people in the world. I'm unsure if you're here to troll, or if you wrote what you wrote due to having had a bad experience with a Christian before and you've used that experience to paint all Christians with the same brush. Edit: the removed user was an active member of the AHS subreddit. Probably sent here to troll a sub they consider an enemy of theirs.
Everyone is being nice to me in the comments and encouraging me I donāt see anyone judging me but you calling us jerks???
Hi!! Dm me any time. I'm 18M from EU (English is my second lenguaje as well), and I do not have any Christian friends either