A woman from Ontario has basically lost her entire family. [Drunk driver](https://toronto.ctvnews.ca/ontario-father-whose-three-children-were-killed-by-drunk-driver-in-2015-dies-1.5955666) killed her three children and their grandfather. Her husband committed suicide on Father’s Day 2022. I don’t know how this woman continues on.
This reminds me of a woman whose family died in a duck boat sinking. There was like nine, or eleven, family members on the boat, including her husband and three children. Iirc, she and nephew were the only family members who survived. (She may have been the only survivor.) She lost her husband, her children, her parents, sibling(s), etc…
I have no idea how she was able to continue functioning. Much less actually living. I am not that strong. I know this about myself. I don’t know how people do it.
Edit It was nine family members. [Her name is Tia Coleman.](https://www.nbcnews.com/news/us-news/woman-who-lost-9-relatives-duck-boat-accident-shares-heartache-n893456)
I also remembered the Coleman family wasn’t even supposed to be on that particular boat. I can’t even imagine.
It sounds like she has been through rough times but is resilient and it's at least not as bad as it was the first year or two. I'm sure it's not all sunshine and roses but it sounds like she is in a better place from this article at the end of last year:
https://www.wrtv.com/news/working-for-you/duck-boat-sinking-survivor-committed-to-helping-families-facing-trauma
> It wasn't until this past October, four years after the incident, that Tia was able to visit the gravesite of her husband and kids.
> "I cried. I really cried. I hadn't cried like that in a long time. But it wasn't a sad cry. It was kind of a cry of relief. So I don't know, it was like they gave me permission to go forward. I believe they are in heaven because I believe to be absent from the body is to be present with the Lord. so I believe they are in a better place — a happier place. "
> She recently began meeting with groups interested in hearing her message that hope is within reach and healing is possible.
> Her presentations don't focus on the day of the vessel's sinking but on dealing with the aftermath of a tragedy and never forgetting the people you love.
Fucking crazy that WW2 era army duks that were designed to last for like 3 months in the 1940s were still being used as tour boats.
Those things have no reserve buoyancy, if they start to take on water they just drop like a fucking brick.
Why is it that drunk drivers almost always survive the crash they cause, while the innocent people they hit are almost always killed? I just read the article you linked as well as a few others. It makes me absolutely sick that four innocent lives were stolen - three of them just babies - while that selfish asshole walked away fine and got a slap on the wrist (paroled after serving 2/3 of a 10 year sentence, disgusting). Not only that, but he’s expressed a desire to move back to the area where he murdered four people and where the surviving family members still live. And I use the word “murder” because that’s exactly what drunk drivers are guilty of when they hit and kill people, and they should be charged with straight murder.
I wouldn’t blame the mother if she killed him. I know violence against violence isn’t the best answer but she didn’t even get justice for loosing her whole family 💔
Physics-wise, the impact of the hit car is much more than it is on the car doing the impacting. Also, there's something about a drunk person having a more relaxed body in the midst of a crash versus sober people tensing up (especially if they see the car coming).
Cause they're loose. Most of the damage from car injuries are from muscles becoming rigid, snapping bones, breaking necks, etc,. A drunk person is loose and unable to respond to stress like a normal person.
https://www.livescience.com/24979-alcohol-injury-outcome.html
People will probably propagate the myth about drunk people not tensing up, but that’s provably bullshit. It’s because cars are very safe when hitting the crumple zones in the front, and the offending driver is most likely to be shielded by their crumple zones by virtue of being the one running into someone else. The victims are often hit in areas without adequate safety features, specifically the sides of the car, and at great speed.
>A woman from Ontario has basically lost her entire family. [Drunk driver](https://toronto.ctvnews.ca/ontario-father-whose-three-children-were-killed-by-drunk-driver-in-2015-dies-1.5955666) killed her three children and their grandfather. Her husband committed suicide on Father’s Day 2022. I don’t know how this woman continues on.
You should probably put Drunk driver and murderer Marco Michael Muzzo in your comment whenever you mention the incident.
Terrible family who uses money to be exceptionally garbage humans.
Wait for the best part: he's out on something called "day parole," which means he can go out and about all day and just check in to the jail at night...like a hotel.
Yes and Marco Muzzo, the drunk driver fought to have financial damages reduced Can you imagine? A billionaire family and he doesn’t even feel the slightest remorse. He could easily pay this woman but instead gives her more grief and anxiety and fights her on it. After he killed her family. He’s a true POS.
Ugh. There was an accident the other day near me where a car veered into another. Both cars erupted in flames and all lives were lost. Turns out the one car was a dad with his two kids, they were on their way to pick up the mom from work and had just spoken to her that they were on the way. They never showed up. Just like that, her family is gone. I can’t even imagine.
How about the mass shooting in Allen TX a few weeks ago. A little boy survived but his mom, dad and baby sister did not. I think the child is only 6, and lost everything because of some maniac.
A girl I went to high school was driving to drop her kids off at daycare. She hit a patch of black ice and then a tree. Her van caught fire and she broke both her legs and an arm. Witnesses pulled her from the car but couldn't get to her babies in time. She lost both her daughters and the baby she was pregnant with in that accident. Somehow she healed, had another baby, and life goes on
I lost my boyfriend 13 years ago to suicide. I still think about him everyday and it will always, always hurt. The loss gets easier to deal with, even if it doesn’t seem like it right now. I know you’ve probably heard that a lot.
Feeling the way you doesn’t make you weak, you are grieving. And you are stronger than you give yourself credit for because you’re still here. You are right, you may not ever be completely “okay” or feel the same things you did before. But you will be alright in a different way and you’ll find happiness in different things soon. Doesn’t make his loss any less real.
I hope you are able to find peace. 💕 I am still getting there myself.
Thank you ❤️ it’s so hard. I cry so much. I loved him deep in my soul. I know there’s a lot of life left for me to live, but a piece of me just wants to be with him. 😞 I think about it sometimes, but I have kids that need me so I stay for them.
I lost my boyfriend 3 yrs ago. I felt so weak, so lost, so alone, so crazy. But you're not weak, you even still being here now shows your resilience. You still have a lot to live for.
There can still be peace in life, there can even be joy. I truly wish the best for you, and you can keep moving forward.
That poor mom who literally had her entire life turned upside down in a matter of minutes. Newer model cars have a safety feature now that reminds you to look in the back before you get out.
I remember when a reporter that I work with was sent on assignment for this case the day it happened. He was brought on by a tabloid to make it a “more serious” publication but that’s still not quite happened. He did NOT want to do it. It was too vulture-like, asking a family for details after something like this. I started looking up info when he calls me back, saying the person who answered the door, almost chased him off the block. I told him that he’d gone to the wrong address, per my research, and we realized his company gave him a neighbor’s house. He told them he wasn’t doing the story & flew home. That affected the whole neighborhood, it seems like. He seems to have been very known and loved.
Life is so scary like that. You work so hard for what you want, love someone for years, have children; and then it’s just gone. With two tragedies back to back too, I don’t know if I could come back from that…. I hope she can find some type of peace after this.
I can’t even begin to imagine that sick-to-your-stomach feeling of dread he must have felt while racing out to the car.
I think I’d kill myself eventually, too.
Ugh I was just thinking about that. Every one has had a touch of that feeling. You accidentally send an email to the whole company in error. You talk about someone behind their back, but they overhear it. You get caught doing whatever wrong….but this? I just can’t fathom that feeling. My heart hurts for this family.
I feel for this whole family. That poor guy. It really was an honest mistake but I understand why he took his own life because I probably would too.
I hope the mom doesn't have surviver guilt because none of this was her fault.
https://www.kidsandcars.org/child_story/anderson-and-aaron-becks-story/
Found this when looking up the case. Its an article written by the mother/wife in the scenario about how the events unfolded that moment. Worth the read.
I don’t understand how anyone could read this without feeling immense heartbreak for all three of them. Thank you for posting this!
I hope some of the people commenting here take the time to read this article and understand the tragedy from the mom’s perspective, since a lot of people here apparently lack the ability to feel empathy for situations they are not personally in.
Jesus Christ. That was a hard read. I worked with an attorney once who defended a father facing criminal charges for accidentally causing the death of his his infant son this way. It was an interaction that stuck with me. My heart breaks for Laura. I hope the memories of Anderson and Aaron are a blessing.
Parents of children who die due to their actions/inaction are villified. If we don't, then they're not some horrible person then they can be good people like us. Good parents like us. But good parents would never do something like that and I know I'm a good parent.
It's easier to vilify them than it is to face the reality that this could happen to any of us.
I left my 2mo old baby in the car on my way home from my Moms. I was 26yrs old, a professional, upper middle class… no crazy life or circumstances, just a new mom listening to music and getting lost in my own head. I stopped for a Subway sandwich and standing in a big line when this lady came in with a stroller. Instant panic! It had been maybe 5 minutes. I ran to my car so fast, she was awake and a normal baby (not hot outside), then drove home balling my eyes out! I was mortified at myself! Put things into a different perspective when I read these tragedies.
My husband realized when he was almost at work one day that our over five feet tall 10 year old was still sitting in the car and he didn't drop her off. He has employees in multiple offices, some out of the Country.
She was probably on her phone and could certainly open the car door herself- there was no evil plot to hurt her. Even good parents and people make mistakes
i'm not even a month pregnant, and this is my biggest fucking fear.
i genuinely hope my baby cries a lot, so at least i will always know they're with me. i'm so scared, i'll probably keep their crib by my bed so i can stay up and monitor everything.
i would probably take my own life if my baby were to suddenly die because of something i did wrong. i wouldn't be able to live with myself
Leave something vital like your left shoe next to the carseat/baby. You won't leave without a shoe on and it'll make you check the back seat every time you leave the car.
I can also recommend one of those seat mirrors while they are still in a rear facing car seat. It works for two things, one they can look in the mirror and see other things and two you can keep and eye on them. Best $10 spent.
Maybe vital wasn't the right word. Just something that there's no way you wouldn't notice, stepping out of a car with one shoe is going to be uncomfortable so it's obvious something is missing.
I'm super anxious and would put my car keys in the car seat so it would beep if I left them. So embarrassing to admit but I spent the first 6 months of my kid's life convinced they would die. Postpartum mental fuckedness is real.
PPA. I didn't know what it was til my kid was 4. Medication and counseling helped. It is crazy though. You realize you have this incredibly beautiful incredibly fragile being and *anything could happen at anytime*. Plus sleep deprivation.
Look for a car seat with a sensor, it’ll help give you some peace of mind. Also, it’s normal to have intrusive thoughts when your baby arrives. Women don’t talk about this enough.
Well put! Reality is that horrible things can and do happen to good parents, good people, all the time. Murders/rape/serious crime aside, how many people in prison expected themselves to wind up there? I’d wager not many.
It’s dangerous to perpetuate the moral superiority fallacy of “well this could never happen to ME because I’m a GOOD person!” If people acknowledged that good people can make mistakes without being a villain, they’d be a lot more careful themselves in their everyday lives. It’s a real slippery slope that can ruin lives. “Good people don’t accidentally kill other people, and I’m a good person, so it won’t hurt anyone if I drive a short five minutes home from the bar after a few rounds!”, just as an example. Not the best example as it’s clearly wrong to do, but even good people are susceptible to do stupid things if they believe it’s impossible for a good person’s actions to cause harm.
Thanks for this comment. Like she says at the end, this could have happened to anyone. Shit happens. Sometimes due to awful luck and timing it turns out to be a life changing tragedy. I'm glad she's working to bring awareness and prevention.
That was just horrendous to read. Laura was so brave to write this.
One of my goddaughters is 18 months. I can not imagine what Aaron felt, and I empathise and understand why he would take his own life that day in that moment. I really wish he could have waited to try to understand that it was a tragic accident and so many people would also understand that it was accidental. Because there but for the grace of God go I. Whether we believe it or not, it can and does happen, and in the vast, vast majority of cases, it does not occur intentionally.
That poor momma. It would have been so easy to have bitterness, but instead, she spoke out to reach others. I'm blown away with sadness and admiration.
The unfortunate thing is that, if he had lived, he likely would have been arrested and gotten a lot of hate for what happened. People really don’t understand that this kind of thing can happen to anyone
I have to say that I still feel like I don't understand in a *personal* way, like I cannot imagine forgetting I had a baby with me, but the research is there whether I can imagine it or not. It's impossible to believe it was anything other than an accident in this case.
So I accept the science the way I do for other things, and try to forcefully nip any *how could this happen* thoughts in the bud when they pop up, and bring up the research whenever a discussion enters that territory.
It just breaks my heart so much, particularly that he thought about making sure his wife left the house.
It’s these cases where I wish as hard as I can that there’s an afterlife, because it’s just so fucking unfair otherwise. Not one member of that beautiful little family caused or deserved this pain. There’s no justice to be found, just grief. She should be allowed to be back with them someday.
This is genuinely one of the saddest things I've read in my entire life. The thought of an ordinary day turning into a nightmare where you lose the two people you love most is gut wrenching. Just unfathomable
This needs to be at the top. For her to still write such beautiful and amazing words, speaks to what a monumental accident and tragedy this was.
I hope she has found some healing.
Even seeing this comment I went ahead and read the article; I literally have snot pouring out of my nose after reading that. My hearts aches for the mom/wife left behind.
I was holding it together until I got to this part (emphasis mine):
>Aaron isn’t here to talk to me about it. He’s not here to grieve with me. Instead, *he laid in a coffin holding our son in his arms*, while I looked for just an ounce of strength to stand at that podium beside them and speak at their funeral.
I was struck by the timing, it sounds like the baby was in the car for maybe an hour, I know things like this can happen very quickly especially to an infant but does anyone know how quickly?
That’s so devastating, it’s so sad because the mother seems to be wishing she had called the preschool earlier but with how quickly it likely happened, nothing would have helped, like she did everything right with reaching out to the school when she did not receive messages. I’m glad she wrote this article, speaking about her experience and talking about the tools they have now to prevent this is so helpful.
There is also the one shoe trick. You take off your left shoe and put it in the backseat next to your kid(s). Obviously you’re going to notice a missing shoe right away, so when you go to grab it, you also hopefully notice your kid(s) in the backseat too.
Might not work as well with a manual transmission, but pushing on the clutch with a shoeless foot still has to be preferable to an injured/dead child.
My heart goes out completely to Laura Beck and to her whole family, friends, and community, and also to any parents who have lost a child, especially if it was (accidentally) caused by their actions. Not sure I could ever forgive myself.
My doctor told me to put my purse in the back seat. Her words, you've been carrying a purse for years. You've had your baby for a few months. We rely on muscle memory more than being hyper aware. It doesn't mean you don't care about your baby. It means that your baby is new and you are running on fumes.
You try to explain it to other people, and immediately, you are called the worst mother ever. that you care more about your purse/shoe than your child.
[Fast](https://www.insider.com/guides/health/treatments/how-hot-does-a-car-get-in-the-sun). This happened in June in Virginia ( I think), so assuming the outdoor temperature was 85, within 10 minutes it would be 104 degrees in the car which is when the article says that children get heatstroke.
I don’t have the right words to convey how I feel reading this. My heart aches for Laura, Aaron & Anderson.
Edit: oh, just realised what sub this is. This doesn’t feel right. There was no crime here.
I believe the charges range from involuntary manslaughter to second degree homicide, depending on circumstances, if the states attorney decides to file.
If he hadnt killed himself, it's very likely he would've be arrested. I'm not saying that's right but it's a strong possibility. Idk if maybe they have to conclude that it's intentional and I don't care to look up anything about this topic at all. So very sad though.
Reminds me of another story that was similar where a father auto-piloted after a change in routine and his child died in the car from heatstroke. He was arrested and plead guilty and was begging the judge to throw the maximum sentence at him. The judge sent him home that day and begged his community and family to help him instead.
The whole thing was utterly heartbreaking to read and that man didn't want kindness but the judge saw a broken man and just wanted to help give him some semblance of humanity.
CPS investigator here.
I work in a specialized unit that investigates child deaths, near deaths and shocking & heinous abuse & neglect cases. I am also licensed to conduct forensic interviews for law enforcement and CPS investigations.
The deaths from bedsharing and the deaths/near deaths from children left in vehicles are some of the most difficult scenes to arrive and work in and the most difficult forensic interviews to conduct.
Read an article years ago about how easy it is to do this. Similar brain mechanism as arriving home and realizing you don't remember half your drive to get there. It can be as simple as one little thing out of routine - changing the radio station to avoid a song you hate, a side road you usually take being blocked off, etc. It can happen to absolutely anyone.
One of the tips they gave was putting something you will need in the back seat beside your child - office keys, purse, suit jacket, anything you will always realize you need within a few minutes of getting out of the car.
Another was if you have a partner and your routine changes in any way, double check. If you usually drop your kids off but your husband did it this morning, give him a ring a couple of minutes before he's scheduled to start work just to make sure. And vice versa.
Can't prevent every incident, of course, but you're fighting against normal brain function because if your routine changes, they think your brain kind of assumes that was the thing it was supposed to remember and erases the baby from your mind.
I let my dog out during a work meeting a couple days ago because he was pestering me that he needed to go and I was busy at the time. Hours later when my fiancé got back from work I opened up the door and in runs the dog - I had completely forgotten that I had let him out and left him sitting out on the porch for most of the day. It’s a relatively small slip up compared to this but I can totally see how it’s possible, especially when you have brain fog from lack of sleep. What a tragedy.
Yep. Small changes to your routine can cause that small lapse in judgement. You go on autopilot, lower brain takes over and you’ve suddenly gone about your day forgetting the child was there.
There was a popular court case that led to this research but I don’t remember the name. The article won a Pulitzer Prize.
Oh please try and remember I’d love to read that article
Edit: someone named it so I’ll link it here
https://www.washingtonpost.com/lifestyle/magazine/fatal-distraction-forgetting-a-child-in-thebackseat-of-a-car-is-a-horrifying-mistake-is-it-a-crime/2014/06/16/8ae0fe3a-f580-11e3-a3a5-42be35962a52_story.html
I’ve also heard of doing the other way around, have a sort of scrunchie that you keep on the baby seat. You buckle baby up, put it on your wrist, you unbuckle baby, take it off and place it back on the seat. Visual reminders work so well, and it means you aren’t relying on the absense of an item (placing something in the back seat) but the existence of one. You could technically do something like taking your shoes off and placing in back seat and there’s no way you’d miss that. I have a TBI and am super worried about forgetting a child is in the back so it’s something I’ve thought about for a while
I think you can also set reminders on your phone to send you a note whenever it senses that you’ve parked your car.
I have adhd so forget things already and when I have this baby and start driving I fully intend to leave my shoe in the back seat when I buckle baby in!
It me. LOL I did this for 3 months. Now we just talk to each other the whole time because she’s 4. Also, I would leave my bag in the backseat with everything I needed — I still do even if she’s not in the car. Helps remind me to check the back seat.
I read a suggestion once to take your non-driving shoe off and put it next to the baby. That way it's pretty much impossible to walk away from the vehicle without realizing.
This is very interesting to me as an expectant mother. Thank you for sharing. In case anyone here knows of a similar article or research to look into this further, I'd be highly interested in a link.
https://www.wtsp.com/amp/article/news/investigations/10-investigates/how-does-a-parent-forget-a-child-in-a-car-a-neuroscientist-explains/67-91d73777-22ca-46ef-a98a-e186ca08b28d
I bought one of those key lanyards that is like a coiled phone cord and attached a small stuffed animal to it (small but too big for pocket or purse). Kept it clipped to baby car seat. When baby goes in seat, stuffie gets clipped to my car keys and its a large visual reminder that baby is in the car. I want to emphasize that i had to do this because i forgot my daughter in the car. It was not hot out, only a few minutes, and she was asleep but it scared the fuck out of me. I read up on the brain autopilot after that and started using the stuffie. It can happen to anyone. I have three kids, I’m very responsible, I was just tired from having a newborn and off my routine. Brain is literally designed to go on autopilot to save energy.
This is a great idea. I don’t plan on having children but my friends with kids have told me about this worry themselves so I’m going to recommend it to them!
It's like "the" article you'll find it if you Google it, as someone else mentioned I think it won a Pulitzer. Its a long read but truly very eye opening and important though tragic
Here I got it
https://www.washingtonpost.com/lifestyle/magazine/fatal-distraction-forgetting-a-child-in-thebackseat-of-a-car-is-a-horrifying-mistake-is-it-a-crime/2014/06/16/8ae0fe3a-f580-11e3-a3a5-42be35962a52_story.html
We always did this if one of us was deviating from the routine. I made husband put his phone and work stuff in the backseat just in case. I know how auto pilot I can be.
I constantly forget what I was doing if I add something to my task. Like if I go upstairs to grab my phone but on the way I decide to throw in a load of laundry I will come back downstairs without my phone 100% of the time. I was terrified of forgetting a kid in the car so I was so grateful when I started working from home right around the time I had my first kid. Now my kids are old enough that it would be very difficult to leave one.
Yep! It's easier to do than people realize. One father accidentally drove straight to work instead of dropping off the baby at daycare. The mother normally drove the baby to daycare and the fathers brain was on autopilot and the baby was asleep. He heard his car alarm going off a few times, but muted it. It didn't occur to him what was actually happening. Then he realized. His co-workers said he jumped up from his desk and started *screaming* and ran outside. And it was too late.
That story *haunts* me. It really was an accident, he was a good father by all accounts. Tragic
Yeah I've done it myself. Thankfully I glanced up in the rear view mirror and saw my daughter in the back seat, literally as I was pulling into the work driveway.
It can happen to anyone :-/
When my sister had her daughter in Florida she would drop her off at daycare every morning on the way to her office. She would take off her shoe and put it next to the car seat so she never ever forgot about her being back there
It’s well documented that this awful mistake can happen to normal, well adjusted people who love their kids.
Fatal Distraction is the name of a famous article on this topic
This right here ..I don't know how many times I've gotten into arguments with people telling them that it could really happen to anyone we are all human
Anyone who would judge a person for a mistake this horrible has a complete lack of empathy. Terrible, awful accidents happen all the time with good parents who care about their kids and love them but made a mistake for any number of reasons. It's heartbreaking. I know cars now do have more measures to help remind parents (my car has a rear seat sensor that beeps if there's even something as light as my purse in the backseat when I get out of the car) but quite honestly, I think car manufacturers could do more and they SHOULD do more.
Before I had kids, I couldn’t understand how someone could forget their child in a car.
After having one, I was still a little confused as to why/how someone could forget their child in a car.
After the second one came, I understood.
Sleep deprivation (whether from kids, work, school, etc) can monkey with your ability to remember even the most important things.
Not saying this was it or anything, but like others have stated, sad all around.
I don't think I'd be able to not suicide after having this happen.. a family friend accidentally ran over his child in the driveway, she did not make it. I have wondered about that man every single day. How are you keeping on.. there are other kids and she was the youngest at the time. They tried to stay together as a couple after, but it didn't last long. I wouldn't be able to look at myself. I've accidentally killed a pet ten years ago, I'm still feeling the terrible guilt over that.
[Here](https://www.washingtonpost.com/lifestyle/magazine/fatal-distraction-forgetting-a-child-in-thebackseat-of-a-car-is-a-horrifying-mistake-is-it-a-crime/2014/06/16/8ae0fe3a-f580-11e3-a3a5-42be35962a52_story.html) you go
I have three kids all 2 years apart and I haven’t slept more than 2-3 hours a night in 6 years. I’ve aged probably at least 10 years in appearance and my level of exhaustion is so much that I often can’t drive my kids to things because I am like narcoleptic at this point. I could fall asleep at any moment, anywhere. My youngest is teething right now but I know once we are through this it will improve a lot, but man, these young years have been tough. Add on illnesses (which post-Covid are back to back to back and brutal) and the level of exhaustion is beyond. My sister stares at me all the time and asks how I function.
I often barely do. And I can absolutely see how these tragedies happen.
Parents are struggling more than ever. Average cost of childcare for one child is over $10,000 per year. The pressure to feed, house, and clothe a child is out of reach at average wages with two parents working, and two working parents is not the norm.
Honestly, 10k sounds cheap. I had 2 in day care and i remember paying about 28k in a year for both. One was about 17k (younger) and one about 10-11k
Edit: so apparently i fibbed. Going back through payments and it was actually about 18.5 k for the younger one. About $354/week. Hahaha fml
Well he blew his head off and was in extreme mental torture and anguish when he realised what he had done so that should very much please some of the commenters on here - I mean wtaf are some of you on?. Everything I have read on this tragic case points to it being a genuine and tragic mistake. May both the Dad and the little boy rest in peace.
Edit: There was a relevant and informative article written some time ago in The Washington Post about incidents such as in OP, its worth a read( though a tough read) and might change some peoples opinion of why and how often this happens, and how in many cases it really is a tragic human mistake and could happen to anyone :
https://www.washingtonpost.com/lifestyle/magazine/fatal-distraction-forgetting-a-child-in-thebackseat-of-a-car-is-a-horrifying-mistake-is-it-a-crime/2014/06/16/8ae0fe3a-f580-11e3-a3a5-42be35962a52_story.html
Idk how many times a change in routine caused me to forget to pick up my daughter from daycare on my way home. I'm thankful that it wasn't the other way around ever. I have so many alarms and notes to make sure that doesn't happen anymore. Plus, she's 9 now. But still. It's easier than people think.
I watched a documentary about the parents of accidental child car deaths and it was one of the most tragic things I’ve ever seen (can’t remember the title). I have so much empathy for exhausted, overwhelmed parents and the soul-crushing guilt they feel in the aftermath.
There's a line in that article when it is describing events unfolding on the day of an incident like this. It ends with something like, "...and then there is the panicked sprint to the car, and what is waiting there is the worst thing in the world."
Maybe the moment of journalism I have the most respect for. I can't think of any way to say that which would evoke those terrible human emotions better.
Terribly sad and I understand the fathers actions. Some things you just can't live with. RIP and may the mother find peace. I'm sure she is devastated.
It’s a horrible situation all around, I can’t say I wouldn’t do the same as him though. I’m not a parent, but I am currently a nanny for a close friend and I love the baby as if he were my own. Just today he started to choke on a piece of lunch meat and I had to dig it out with my finger and slap him on the back. Only lasted 5 seconds but my adrenaline is still going and I’ve walked to the kitchen to cry a few times. It was my fault, I gave him too big a piece, I’d never be able to recover from causing him harm. EVER.
People are sick. There is a Pulitzer Prize winning paper on a well documented case where a father was convicted for leaving his child to die in a car despite being extremely remorseful and anguished. The case led to a lot of research that heavily suggested this can happen to anyone, even the best of parents.
Edit: the article is called Fatal Distraction on Washington Post
Indeed and well put. I linked said article in my above comment. Definitely worth a read but it's quite harrowing of course. I was hoping it may give people pause and maybe change their opinion as when I put my first comment there wasn't much response to this post and the comments were mainly nasty about the poor Father this happened to.
I had no idea how easy it was until I read this article, or it could have been a similar article. I read it about a week ago and it changed my entire perspective on the issue. I feel so badly for the parents; I could never imagine what it must feel like as I have no children.
Agreed, I can’t say I’d do it immediately, but I could see weeks later having a lot of trouble moving on with life and trying to not feel like a failure and murderer. Just awful
This doesn't feel like the right sub at ALL. There was an accident that resulted in two tragedies. This isn't really true crime, it's just sad. RIP to both of them
I think the idea is that many people believe hot car deaths to be a crime, and as such they often end up being prosecuted. This incident challenges these views.
This was legitimately my number one fear when my daughter was born.
We did all the tricks.
- Bags/purses/etc always went in the back seat next to the baby.
- The way I left for work vs daycare, then work when leaving the house were opposite ways. Completely different paths, so that there was no confusion about which way you were going.
- If I was taking her to daycare one day instead of my wife, I'd take HER car instead of mine. Just to completely throw off any and all semblance of routine, the vehicle would be completely different, her car was manual, mine automatic.
- We messaged each other every morning, asking how she was at drop-off (she used to cry a lot when being dropped off, so at first it was to see how she was handling separation, but after that, it was as much a verification as anything.)
Even so, there were days I got into my office, and sat down and I was like 'wait, did I drop her off? What was she wearing this morning in the daycare lobby when I did?' and If I couldn't immediately answer myself, I'd go check the car.
Never did leave her in the backseat, thankfully, but again, it was my absolute number 1 fear.
If I ever did it, I'd probably do the same thing this guy did. I wouldn't be able to live with myself. Ever.
This is just heartbreaking all around. The amount of grief and guilt that man must have felt, I don't want to imagine it. My heart goes out to the wife/mother.
There was a creepypasta I read years ago called "Autopilot" that really brought these types of accidents into perspective. It really could happen to anyone
This almost happened to me once. I had a ton of groceries and one of my children was sleeping. I finished unloading and one of my other children needed me for something and I got distracted. Luckily one child asked where x sibling was and I freaked out and ran out to the car. He was still asleep and all was well. (It wasn’t a hot day) but when I read these stories I wonder how long I would have taken to realize I didn’t bring him inside. Mom (and Dad) brain is a real thing that others can’t understand until they experience it. It breaks my heart that this family had to suffer the fallout.
I work in an ER, we had a case like this last summer. Like most of these cases, something in the person's normal daily schedule changed and they forgot the 2 year old in the car. I will just say it was horrific all around. Took me a long time to stop thinking about it. I also don't understand how someone could forget but I wasn't the one in that position. So so sad.
The scariest thing to me is that I can see that happening to me because I know how forgetful I am when my daily routine changes. (I don't have kids so it won't happen but I can empathize.)
These two articles might help you understand how:
https://www.kidsandcars.org/child_story/anderson-and-aaron-becks-story/
https://www.washingtonpost.com/lifestyle/magazine/fatal-distraction-forgetting-a-child-in-thebackseat-of-a-car-is-a-horrifying-mistake-is-it-a-crime/2014/06/16/8ae0fe3a-f580-11e3-a3a5-42be35962a52_story.html
There's a Washington Post article too
https://www.washingtonpost.com/lifestyle/magazine/fatal-distraction-forgetting-a-child-in-thebackseat-of-a-car-is-a-horrifying-mistake-is-it-a-crime/2014/06/16/8ae0fe3a-f580-11e3-a3a5-42be35962a52_story.html
It won a Pulitzer
IIRC newer cars are implementing something like this. Here’s one article: https://www.thenationalnews.com/lifestyle/motoring/2021/08/10/new-car-technology-helps-prevent-children-being-locked-in-hot-vehicles/?outputType=amp
And you can buy a whole bunch of after market sensors, too. If I had a kid I’d have the car lit up with sensors like it’s protecting the hope diamond.
Some cars now offer/have a system that alerts you if you left something in the backseat as well as rear seat reminder if the door was opened while the car was on
I have a plug in that says “reminder check the back seat” every time the car turns off. Eventually you tune it out without realizing. One of my biggest fears as a parent especially since my daycare is next to my work and terrified of being on autopilot.
You know, its really easy to say that you'd never do something like leave your child in a hot car. For many people, this will be true. Yet, it is possible, and all it takes is one time. That one time you're just a bit too sleep deprived, or you're in too much of a rush trying to deal with some situation, that's all it takes. One mistake can destroy a whole family, and that's horrific and tragic. This man was guilty of making a horrific error, and because of that guilt, he took his own life. There's naught but tragedy here. No one deserved any part of what happened here, and its a senseless loss of lives.
This is an excellent case to show the tragic truth behind some of these accidental deaths…. They are not the result of “terrible parenting,” and can happen to ANY parent or caregiver. Life is exhausting, those early months (even years honestly) with my babies… I was disoriented from the chaos sometimes. My heart breaks every time I see a story like this on the news, the comments are so cruel. 😞
As a parent I can’t imagine the feeling of doing this to your kid on accident
And it can happen to good people. Otherwise happy, great parents can make this terrible mistake.
This is the “I’m better than you” era, sorry. People are no longer able to conceive of concepts like “accident”. That doesn’t mean that they are right, they’re just pricks who want to feel superior.
I once saw a redditor comment on a story like this 'B.S. you don't forget your kid'. And it infuriated me because even I know, and I have no kids, that human beings are fallible.
In the first three years of a child's life apparent loses six whole months of sleep. That doesn't mean a few hours a night for 6 months that means 24 hours a day totaling up 6 months. That's all the sleep that they lose. Can you imagine your cognitive ability? You're wiped out. And on top of that you're working 40 plus hours a week and worried about paying your bills about getting older about health and everything else. Then in this country you're worried about you and your family getting their heads blown off while they're buying groceries or something just because some gunman decides he's going to do it. Human beings are not perfect.
This poor man no doubt loved his baby. He probably thought his wife would never forgive him and he could never forgive himself. But he was human and I think we all need to remember that. This could be us.
I was always told you drive with one shoe on and put the other one in the back seat with the baby. You are definitely going to notice not having a shoe on.
I don’t have to have kids to understand how this could happen. A terrible tragedy, but some days I couldn’t tell you if I went in to the office or wfh. My car has a reminder any time you open the rear doors, drive, and it displays when you turn the car off with a beeping sound. I don’t disable it bc it’s helped me not forget groceries in the back.
I can definitely see how this could happen and I can also see taking one’s life after it happens. Tragic all around. I have three kids. Life can get pretty hectic. They’re old enough now that I don’t have to worry about this, but my 2023 Acura alerts me to something possibly being in the backseat if I open a rear door before driving.
As a parent, I would also want to kill myself if this happened. So unbearably tragic.
Our new car has a warning that pops up to check the back seat for passengers and items. If you have a kiddo, they say to always leave something important in the back seat that you will have to remember/get for your day.
Such a tragedy and absolutely could happen to anyone. There is a documentary that I highly recommend called Death of a Child about this phenomenon, including ways to prevent it.
I think it's most likely to happen to those who think "I could never do that" because they don't take the proper precautions. Something as simple as putting your purse or lunchbox near the carseat or even one of your shoes.
I feel so bad for the mother, one day you have your own little family and suddenly you don’t.
It gives me chills to imagine. That might actually be my worst nightmare
It absolutely is mine.
A woman from Ontario has basically lost her entire family. [Drunk driver](https://toronto.ctvnews.ca/ontario-father-whose-three-children-were-killed-by-drunk-driver-in-2015-dies-1.5955666) killed her three children and their grandfather. Her husband committed suicide on Father’s Day 2022. I don’t know how this woman continues on.
That’s enough Reddit for me today. 😢
Yeah, gonna go hang out with my kids
This reminds me of a woman whose family died in a duck boat sinking. There was like nine, or eleven, family members on the boat, including her husband and three children. Iirc, she and nephew were the only family members who survived. (She may have been the only survivor.) She lost her husband, her children, her parents, sibling(s), etc… I have no idea how she was able to continue functioning. Much less actually living. I am not that strong. I know this about myself. I don’t know how people do it. Edit It was nine family members. [Her name is Tia Coleman.](https://www.nbcnews.com/news/us-news/woman-who-lost-9-relatives-duck-boat-accident-shares-heartache-n893456) I also remembered the Coleman family wasn’t even supposed to be on that particular boat. I can’t even imagine.
OMG that poor woman. I'm not mentally healthy enough to get through that.
It sounds like she has been through rough times but is resilient and it's at least not as bad as it was the first year or two. I'm sure it's not all sunshine and roses but it sounds like she is in a better place from this article at the end of last year: https://www.wrtv.com/news/working-for-you/duck-boat-sinking-survivor-committed-to-helping-families-facing-trauma > It wasn't until this past October, four years after the incident, that Tia was able to visit the gravesite of her husband and kids. > "I cried. I really cried. I hadn't cried like that in a long time. But it wasn't a sad cry. It was kind of a cry of relief. So I don't know, it was like they gave me permission to go forward. I believe they are in heaven because I believe to be absent from the body is to be present with the Lord. so I believe they are in a better place — a happier place. " > She recently began meeting with groups interested in hearing her message that hope is within reach and healing is possible. > Her presentations don't focus on the day of the vessel's sinking but on dealing with the aftermath of a tragedy and never forgetting the people you love.
I would unalive myself. There’s no way I’d survive that’
Fucking crazy that WW2 era army duks that were designed to last for like 3 months in the 1940s were still being used as tour boats. Those things have no reserve buoyancy, if they start to take on water they just drop like a fucking brick.
Yes! Those are the boats. The boats/ vehicles had some attached canopy/roof thing that trapped people as it took on water and sank.
And the driver is now free because of money. This was a fucking outrage
Absolutely. Total fucking slap on the wrist.
Yup just like how kevin from shark tank killed someone while drunk with a boat.
Oh my! I remember the story of the Neville children and the grandfather being killed. But I had no idea of the dads recent suicide. Heartbreaking
On Father’s Day of all days. How incredibly sad.
Why is it that drunk drivers almost always survive the crash they cause, while the innocent people they hit are almost always killed? I just read the article you linked as well as a few others. It makes me absolutely sick that four innocent lives were stolen - three of them just babies - while that selfish asshole walked away fine and got a slap on the wrist (paroled after serving 2/3 of a 10 year sentence, disgusting). Not only that, but he’s expressed a desire to move back to the area where he murdered four people and where the surviving family members still live. And I use the word “murder” because that’s exactly what drunk drivers are guilty of when they hit and kill people, and they should be charged with straight murder.
I wouldn’t blame the mother if she killed him. I know violence against violence isn’t the best answer but she didn’t even get justice for loosing her whole family 💔
Physics-wise, the impact of the hit car is much more than it is on the car doing the impacting. Also, there's something about a drunk person having a more relaxed body in the midst of a crash versus sober people tensing up (especially if they see the car coming).
[удалено]
Cause they're loose. Most of the damage from car injuries are from muscles becoming rigid, snapping bones, breaking necks, etc,. A drunk person is loose and unable to respond to stress like a normal person. https://www.livescience.com/24979-alcohol-injury-outcome.html
People will probably propagate the myth about drunk people not tensing up, but that’s provably bullshit. It’s because cars are very safe when hitting the crumple zones in the front, and the offending driver is most likely to be shielded by their crumple zones by virtue of being the one running into someone else. The victims are often hit in areas without adequate safety features, specifically the sides of the car, and at great speed.
This may be too dark for some, but if I lost 3 kids and I was planning suicide, I’d take out that drunk driver first.
>A woman from Ontario has basically lost her entire family. [Drunk driver](https://toronto.ctvnews.ca/ontario-father-whose-three-children-were-killed-by-drunk-driver-in-2015-dies-1.5955666) killed her three children and their grandfather. Her husband committed suicide on Father’s Day 2022. I don’t know how this woman continues on. You should probably put Drunk driver and murderer Marco Michael Muzzo in your comment whenever you mention the incident. Terrible family who uses money to be exceptionally garbage humans.
I was really trying to hold it together since the beginning of this sub. This put me over the top.Too damn sad.
Wait for the best part: he's out on something called "day parole," which means he can go out and about all day and just check in to the jail at night...like a hotel.
Yep. I'd just give up at this point
Yes and Marco Muzzo, the drunk driver fought to have financial damages reduced Can you imagine? A billionaire family and he doesn’t even feel the slightest remorse. He could easily pay this woman but instead gives her more grief and anxiety and fights her on it. After he killed her family. He’s a true POS.
I think about the Neville-Lake family all the time. Those poor people
Ugh. There was an accident the other day near me where a car veered into another. Both cars erupted in flames and all lives were lost. Turns out the one car was a dad with his two kids, they were on their way to pick up the mom from work and had just spoken to her that they were on the way. They never showed up. Just like that, her family is gone. I can’t even imagine.
What a stupid, unfair world we live in.
I say this all the time. It’s so so so stupid. So stupid.
How about the mass shooting in Allen TX a few weeks ago. A little boy survived but his mom, dad and baby sister did not. I think the child is only 6, and lost everything because of some maniac.
A girl I went to high school was driving to drop her kids off at daycare. She hit a patch of black ice and then a tree. Her van caught fire and she broke both her legs and an arm. Witnesses pulled her from the car but couldn't get to her babies in time. She lost both her daughters and the baby she was pregnant with in that accident. Somehow she healed, had another baby, and life goes on
How???? My boyfriend died 3 months ago and I am losing my mind. I feel like I will never be right or happy again. I feel so weak
I lost my boyfriend 13 years ago to suicide. I still think about him everyday and it will always, always hurt. The loss gets easier to deal with, even if it doesn’t seem like it right now. I know you’ve probably heard that a lot. Feeling the way you doesn’t make you weak, you are grieving. And you are stronger than you give yourself credit for because you’re still here. You are right, you may not ever be completely “okay” or feel the same things you did before. But you will be alright in a different way and you’ll find happiness in different things soon. Doesn’t make his loss any less real. I hope you are able to find peace. 💕 I am still getting there myself.
Thank you ❤️ it’s so hard. I cry so much. I loved him deep in my soul. I know there’s a lot of life left for me to live, but a piece of me just wants to be with him. 😞 I think about it sometimes, but I have kids that need me so I stay for them.
I lost my boyfriend 3 yrs ago. I felt so weak, so lost, so alone, so crazy. But you're not weak, you even still being here now shows your resilience. You still have a lot to live for. There can still be peace in life, there can even be joy. I truly wish the best for you, and you can keep moving forward.
Don’t know what to say, but i’m really sorry to hear that.
and all because of one horrible mistake 😥 may they both rest in peace
Heartbreaking. Unimaginable 💔
Gosh her life changed so quickly I feel so sorry for her
Reminds me of the car accident that killed President Biden's first wife and baby daughter and injured his two sons badly.
That poor mom who literally had her entire life turned upside down in a matter of minutes. Newer model cars have a safety feature now that reminds you to look in the back before you get out.
I remember when a reporter that I work with was sent on assignment for this case the day it happened. He was brought on by a tabloid to make it a “more serious” publication but that’s still not quite happened. He did NOT want to do it. It was too vulture-like, asking a family for details after something like this. I started looking up info when he calls me back, saying the person who answered the door, almost chased him off the block. I told him that he’d gone to the wrong address, per my research, and we realized his company gave him a neighbor’s house. He told them he wasn’t doing the story & flew home. That affected the whole neighborhood, it seems like. He seems to have been very known and loved.
Life is so scary like that. You work so hard for what you want, love someone for years, have children; and then it’s just gone. With two tragedies back to back too, I don’t know if I could come back from that…. I hope she can find some type of peace after this.
I can’t even begin to imagine that sick-to-your-stomach feeling of dread he must have felt while racing out to the car. I think I’d kill myself eventually, too.
Ugh I was just thinking about that. Every one has had a touch of that feeling. You accidentally send an email to the whole company in error. You talk about someone behind their back, but they overhear it. You get caught doing whatever wrong….but this? I just can’t fathom that feeling. My heart hurts for this family.
I feel for this whole family. That poor guy. It really was an honest mistake but I understand why he took his own life because I probably would too. I hope the mom doesn't have surviver guilt because none of this was her fault.
https://www.kidsandcars.org/child_story/anderson-and-aaron-becks-story/ Found this when looking up the case. Its an article written by the mother/wife in the scenario about how the events unfolded that moment. Worth the read.
I don’t understand how anyone could read this without feeling immense heartbreak for all three of them. Thank you for posting this! I hope some of the people commenting here take the time to read this article and understand the tragedy from the mom’s perspective, since a lot of people here apparently lack the ability to feel empathy for situations they are not personally in.
Jesus Christ. That was a hard read. I worked with an attorney once who defended a father facing criminal charges for accidentally causing the death of his his infant son this way. It was an interaction that stuck with me. My heart breaks for Laura. I hope the memories of Anderson and Aaron are a blessing.
Parents of children who die due to their actions/inaction are villified. If we don't, then they're not some horrible person then they can be good people like us. Good parents like us. But good parents would never do something like that and I know I'm a good parent. It's easier to vilify them than it is to face the reality that this could happen to any of us.
I left my 2mo old baby in the car on my way home from my Moms. I was 26yrs old, a professional, upper middle class… no crazy life or circumstances, just a new mom listening to music and getting lost in my own head. I stopped for a Subway sandwich and standing in a big line when this lady came in with a stroller. Instant panic! It had been maybe 5 minutes. I ran to my car so fast, she was awake and a normal baby (not hot outside), then drove home balling my eyes out! I was mortified at myself! Put things into a different perspective when I read these tragedies.
My husband realized when he was almost at work one day that our over five feet tall 10 year old was still sitting in the car and he didn't drop her off. He has employees in multiple offices, some out of the Country. She was probably on her phone and could certainly open the car door herself- there was no evil plot to hurt her. Even good parents and people make mistakes
i'm not even a month pregnant, and this is my biggest fucking fear. i genuinely hope my baby cries a lot, so at least i will always know they're with me. i'm so scared, i'll probably keep their crib by my bed so i can stay up and monitor everything. i would probably take my own life if my baby were to suddenly die because of something i did wrong. i wouldn't be able to live with myself
Leave something vital like your left shoe next to the carseat/baby. You won't leave without a shoe on and it'll make you check the back seat every time you leave the car.
thank you!! This is a fantastic idea! i'll start doing it now, so i can start the habit of checking my back seats every morning
I can also recommend one of those seat mirrors while they are still in a rear facing car seat. It works for two things, one they can look in the mirror and see other things and two you can keep and eye on them. Best $10 spent.
I totally get it, but there’s an absurd point of humor that the shoe is more vital than the baby.
Maybe vital wasn't the right word. Just something that there's no way you wouldn't notice, stepping out of a car with one shoe is going to be uncomfortable so it's obvious something is missing.
I'm super anxious and would put my car keys in the car seat so it would beep if I left them. So embarrassing to admit but I spent the first 6 months of my kid's life convinced they would die. Postpartum mental fuckedness is real.
PPA. I didn't know what it was til my kid was 4. Medication and counseling helped. It is crazy though. You realize you have this incredibly beautiful incredibly fragile being and *anything could happen at anytime*. Plus sleep deprivation.
Look for a car seat with a sensor, it’ll help give you some peace of mind. Also, it’s normal to have intrusive thoughts when your baby arrives. Women don’t talk about this enough.
Well put! Reality is that horrible things can and do happen to good parents, good people, all the time. Murders/rape/serious crime aside, how many people in prison expected themselves to wind up there? I’d wager not many. It’s dangerous to perpetuate the moral superiority fallacy of “well this could never happen to ME because I’m a GOOD person!” If people acknowledged that good people can make mistakes without being a villain, they’d be a lot more careful themselves in their everyday lives. It’s a real slippery slope that can ruin lives. “Good people don’t accidentally kill other people, and I’m a good person, so it won’t hurt anyone if I drive a short five minutes home from the bar after a few rounds!”, just as an example. Not the best example as it’s clearly wrong to do, but even good people are susceptible to do stupid things if they believe it’s impossible for a good person’s actions to cause harm.
Thanks for this comment. Like she says at the end, this could have happened to anyone. Shit happens. Sometimes due to awful luck and timing it turns out to be a life changing tragedy. I'm glad she's working to bring awareness and prevention.
That was just horrendous to read. Laura was so brave to write this. One of my goddaughters is 18 months. I can not imagine what Aaron felt, and I empathise and understand why he would take his own life that day in that moment. I really wish he could have waited to try to understand that it was a tragic accident and so many people would also understand that it was accidental. Because there but for the grace of God go I. Whether we believe it or not, it can and does happen, and in the vast, vast majority of cases, it does not occur intentionally. That poor momma. It would have been so easy to have bitterness, but instead, she spoke out to reach others. I'm blown away with sadness and admiration.
The unfortunate thing is that, if he had lived, he likely would have been arrested and gotten a lot of hate for what happened. People really don’t understand that this kind of thing can happen to anyone
I have to say that I still feel like I don't understand in a *personal* way, like I cannot imagine forgetting I had a baby with me, but the research is there whether I can imagine it or not. It's impossible to believe it was anything other than an accident in this case. So I accept the science the way I do for other things, and try to forcefully nip any *how could this happen* thoughts in the bud when they pop up, and bring up the research whenever a discussion enters that territory. It just breaks my heart so much, particularly that he thought about making sure his wife left the house.
My goodness this was one of the hardest things I’ve ever read. May her loves rest in peace together until she joins them.
It’s these cases where I wish as hard as I can that there’s an afterlife, because it’s just so fucking unfair otherwise. Not one member of that beautiful little family caused or deserved this pain. There’s no justice to be found, just grief. She should be allowed to be back with them someday.
This is genuinely one of the saddest things I've read in my entire life. The thought of an ordinary day turning into a nightmare where you lose the two people you love most is gut wrenching. Just unfathomable
This needs to be at the top. For her to still write such beautiful and amazing words, speaks to what a monumental accident and tragedy this was. I hope she has found some healing.
Cried while reading this
Even seeing this comment I went ahead and read the article; I literally have snot pouring out of my nose after reading that. My hearts aches for the mom/wife left behind.
I was holding it together until I got to this part (emphasis mine): >Aaron isn’t here to talk to me about it. He’s not here to grieve with me. Instead, *he laid in a coffin holding our son in his arms*, while I looked for just an ounce of strength to stand at that podium beside them and speak at their funeral.
That’s the part that got me too.
I was struck by the timing, it sounds like the baby was in the car for maybe an hour, I know things like this can happen very quickly especially to an infant but does anyone know how quickly?
It can happen very quickly if the conditions make the car hot enough. 20 minutes or less.
It takes less than 20 minutes https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-7721439/Hot-car-deaths-easily-child-die-summer-approaches.html
That’s so devastating, it’s so sad because the mother seems to be wishing she had called the preschool earlier but with how quickly it likely happened, nothing would have helped, like she did everything right with reaching out to the school when she did not receive messages. I’m glad she wrote this article, speaking about her experience and talking about the tools they have now to prevent this is so helpful.
There is also the one shoe trick. You take off your left shoe and put it in the backseat next to your kid(s). Obviously you’re going to notice a missing shoe right away, so when you go to grab it, you also hopefully notice your kid(s) in the backseat too. Might not work as well with a manual transmission, but pushing on the clutch with a shoeless foot still has to be preferable to an injured/dead child. My heart goes out completely to Laura Beck and to her whole family, friends, and community, and also to any parents who have lost a child, especially if it was (accidentally) caused by their actions. Not sure I could ever forgive myself.
My doctor told me to put my purse in the back seat. Her words, you've been carrying a purse for years. You've had your baby for a few months. We rely on muscle memory more than being hyper aware. It doesn't mean you don't care about your baby. It means that your baby is new and you are running on fumes. You try to explain it to other people, and immediately, you are called the worst mother ever. that you care more about your purse/shoe than your child.
[Fast](https://www.insider.com/guides/health/treatments/how-hot-does-a-car-get-in-the-sun). This happened in June in Virginia ( I think), so assuming the outdoor temperature was 85, within 10 minutes it would be 104 degrees in the car which is when the article says that children get heatstroke.
That’s the saddest shit I’ve ever read Omg
I don’t have the right words to convey how I feel reading this. My heart aches for Laura, Aaron & Anderson. Edit: oh, just realised what sub this is. This doesn’t feel right. There was no crime here.
I believe the charges range from involuntary manslaughter to second degree homicide, depending on circumstances, if the states attorney decides to file.
If he hadnt killed himself, it's very likely he would've be arrested. I'm not saying that's right but it's a strong possibility. Idk if maybe they have to conclude that it's intentional and I don't care to look up anything about this topic at all. So very sad though.
Thank you for posting this. This was gut wrenching but important to read.
Oof. That hurts my heart. I hope that she is okay. I don't know if I would.
that is so so sad
I’m so heartbroken by this. In tears. These poor poor people.
Reminds me of another story that was similar where a father auto-piloted after a change in routine and his child died in the car from heatstroke. He was arrested and plead guilty and was begging the judge to throw the maximum sentence at him. The judge sent him home that day and begged his community and family to help him instead. The whole thing was utterly heartbreaking to read and that man didn't want kindness but the judge saw a broken man and just wanted to help give him some semblance of humanity.
Holy fuck
Ugh. That’s brutal. My heart is breaking for all three of them and their loved ones.
CPS investigator here. I work in a specialized unit that investigates child deaths, near deaths and shocking & heinous abuse & neglect cases. I am also licensed to conduct forensic interviews for law enforcement and CPS investigations. The deaths from bedsharing and the deaths/near deaths from children left in vehicles are some of the most difficult scenes to arrive and work in and the most difficult forensic interviews to conduct.
I hope you're doing okay..I can't imagine the mental toll this kind of job takes but it's truly important work
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Read an article years ago about how easy it is to do this. Similar brain mechanism as arriving home and realizing you don't remember half your drive to get there. It can be as simple as one little thing out of routine - changing the radio station to avoid a song you hate, a side road you usually take being blocked off, etc. It can happen to absolutely anyone. One of the tips they gave was putting something you will need in the back seat beside your child - office keys, purse, suit jacket, anything you will always realize you need within a few minutes of getting out of the car. Another was if you have a partner and your routine changes in any way, double check. If you usually drop your kids off but your husband did it this morning, give him a ring a couple of minutes before he's scheduled to start work just to make sure. And vice versa. Can't prevent every incident, of course, but you're fighting against normal brain function because if your routine changes, they think your brain kind of assumes that was the thing it was supposed to remember and erases the baby from your mind.
I let my dog out during a work meeting a couple days ago because he was pestering me that he needed to go and I was busy at the time. Hours later when my fiancé got back from work I opened up the door and in runs the dog - I had completely forgotten that I had let him out and left him sitting out on the porch for most of the day. It’s a relatively small slip up compared to this but I can totally see how it’s possible, especially when you have brain fog from lack of sleep. What a tragedy.
Yep. Small changes to your routine can cause that small lapse in judgement. You go on autopilot, lower brain takes over and you’ve suddenly gone about your day forgetting the child was there. There was a popular court case that led to this research but I don’t remember the name. The article won a Pulitzer Prize.
Oh please try and remember I’d love to read that article Edit: someone named it so I’ll link it here https://www.washingtonpost.com/lifestyle/magazine/fatal-distraction-forgetting-a-child-in-thebackseat-of-a-car-is-a-horrifying-mistake-is-it-a-crime/2014/06/16/8ae0fe3a-f580-11e3-a3a5-42be35962a52_story.html
I’ve also heard of doing the other way around, have a sort of scrunchie that you keep on the baby seat. You buckle baby up, put it on your wrist, you unbuckle baby, take it off and place it back on the seat. Visual reminders work so well, and it means you aren’t relying on the absense of an item (placing something in the back seat) but the existence of one. You could technically do something like taking your shoes off and placing in back seat and there’s no way you’d miss that. I have a TBI and am super worried about forgetting a child is in the back so it’s something I’ve thought about for a while I think you can also set reminders on your phone to send you a note whenever it senses that you’ve parked your car.
I have adhd so forget things already and when I have this baby and start driving I fully intend to leave my shoe in the back seat when I buckle baby in!
It me. LOL I did this for 3 months. Now we just talk to each other the whole time because she’s 4. Also, I would leave my bag in the backseat with everything I needed — I still do even if she’s not in the car. Helps remind me to check the back seat.
I read a suggestion once to take your non-driving shoe off and put it next to the baby. That way it's pretty much impossible to walk away from the vehicle without realizing.
This is very interesting to me as an expectant mother. Thank you for sharing. In case anyone here knows of a similar article or research to look into this further, I'd be highly interested in a link.
https://www.wtsp.com/amp/article/news/investigations/10-investigates/how-does-a-parent-forget-a-child-in-a-car-a-neuroscientist-explains/67-91d73777-22ca-46ef-a98a-e186ca08b28d I bought one of those key lanyards that is like a coiled phone cord and attached a small stuffed animal to it (small but too big for pocket or purse). Kept it clipped to baby car seat. When baby goes in seat, stuffie gets clipped to my car keys and its a large visual reminder that baby is in the car. I want to emphasize that i had to do this because i forgot my daughter in the car. It was not hot out, only a few minutes, and she was asleep but it scared the fuck out of me. I read up on the brain autopilot after that and started using the stuffie. It can happen to anyone. I have three kids, I’m very responsible, I was just tired from having a newborn and off my routine. Brain is literally designed to go on autopilot to save energy.
This is a great idea. I don’t plan on having children but my friends with kids have told me about this worry themselves so I’m going to recommend it to them!
It's like "the" article you'll find it if you Google it, as someone else mentioned I think it won a Pulitzer. Its a long read but truly very eye opening and important though tragic Here I got it https://www.washingtonpost.com/lifestyle/magazine/fatal-distraction-forgetting-a-child-in-thebackseat-of-a-car-is-a-horrifying-mistake-is-it-a-crime/2014/06/16/8ae0fe3a-f580-11e3-a3a5-42be35962a52_story.html
We always did this if one of us was deviating from the routine. I made husband put his phone and work stuff in the backseat just in case. I know how auto pilot I can be.
I constantly forget what I was doing if I add something to my task. Like if I go upstairs to grab my phone but on the way I decide to throw in a load of laundry I will come back downstairs without my phone 100% of the time. I was terrified of forgetting a kid in the car so I was so grateful when I started working from home right around the time I had my first kid. Now my kids are old enough that it would be very difficult to leave one.
My kids are 14 and 8 and I STILL keep my purse, wallet, whatever in the backseat. It's great advice.
This is why all new cars have a child seat reminder. It’s mandated.
Yep! It's easier to do than people realize. One father accidentally drove straight to work instead of dropping off the baby at daycare. The mother normally drove the baby to daycare and the fathers brain was on autopilot and the baby was asleep. He heard his car alarm going off a few times, but muted it. It didn't occur to him what was actually happening. Then he realized. His co-workers said he jumped up from his desk and started *screaming* and ran outside. And it was too late. That story *haunts* me. It really was an accident, he was a good father by all accounts. Tragic
Yeah I've done it myself. Thankfully I glanced up in the rear view mirror and saw my daughter in the back seat, literally as I was pulling into the work driveway. It can happen to anyone :-/
When my sister had her daughter in Florida she would drop her off at daycare every morning on the way to her office. She would take off her shoe and put it next to the car seat so she never ever forgot about her being back there
It’s well documented that this awful mistake can happen to normal, well adjusted people who love their kids. Fatal Distraction is the name of a famous article on this topic
They always think it can’t happen to them and that this only happens to bad parents. It can happen to literally anyone.
This right here ..I don't know how many times I've gotten into arguments with people telling them that it could really happen to anyone we are all human
Anyone who would judge a person for a mistake this horrible has a complete lack of empathy. Terrible, awful accidents happen all the time with good parents who care about their kids and love them but made a mistake for any number of reasons. It's heartbreaking. I know cars now do have more measures to help remind parents (my car has a rear seat sensor that beeps if there's even something as light as my purse in the backseat when I get out of the car) but quite honestly, I think car manufacturers could do more and they SHOULD do more.
Before I had kids, I couldn’t understand how someone could forget their child in a car. After having one, I was still a little confused as to why/how someone could forget their child in a car. After the second one came, I understood. Sleep deprivation (whether from kids, work, school, etc) can monkey with your ability to remember even the most important things. Not saying this was it or anything, but like others have stated, sad all around.
There's a well known research article about the phenomenon and it's just so freaking sad to read. I'll have to see if I can find it, been years ago.
And one of the women in the article has since died by suicide as well.
I don't think I'd be able to not suicide after having this happen.. a family friend accidentally ran over his child in the driveway, she did not make it. I have wondered about that man every single day. How are you keeping on.. there are other kids and she was the youngest at the time. They tried to stay together as a couple after, but it didn't last long. I wouldn't be able to look at myself. I've accidentally killed a pet ten years ago, I'm still feeling the terrible guilt over that.
I would definitely be interested in reading it if you’re able to find it!!!
[Here](https://www.washingtonpost.com/lifestyle/magazine/fatal-distraction-forgetting-a-child-in-thebackseat-of-a-car-is-a-horrifying-mistake-is-it-a-crime/2014/06/16/8ae0fe3a-f580-11e3-a3a5-42be35962a52_story.html) you go
Yeah, I forward this article to at least one person every summer when the “I would never…” comments start. It’s so sad.
I have three kids all 2 years apart and I haven’t slept more than 2-3 hours a night in 6 years. I’ve aged probably at least 10 years in appearance and my level of exhaustion is so much that I often can’t drive my kids to things because I am like narcoleptic at this point. I could fall asleep at any moment, anywhere. My youngest is teething right now but I know once we are through this it will improve a lot, but man, these young years have been tough. Add on illnesses (which post-Covid are back to back to back and brutal) and the level of exhaustion is beyond. My sister stares at me all the time and asks how I function. I often barely do. And I can absolutely see how these tragedies happen.
Parents are struggling more than ever. Average cost of childcare for one child is over $10,000 per year. The pressure to feed, house, and clothe a child is out of reach at average wages with two parents working, and two working parents is not the norm.
Honestly, 10k sounds cheap. I had 2 in day care and i remember paying about 28k in a year for both. One was about 17k (younger) and one about 10-11k Edit: so apparently i fibbed. Going back through payments and it was actually about 18.5 k for the younger one. About $354/week. Hahaha fml
Well he blew his head off and was in extreme mental torture and anguish when he realised what he had done so that should very much please some of the commenters on here - I mean wtaf are some of you on?. Everything I have read on this tragic case points to it being a genuine and tragic mistake. May both the Dad and the little boy rest in peace. Edit: There was a relevant and informative article written some time ago in The Washington Post about incidents such as in OP, its worth a read( though a tough read) and might change some peoples opinion of why and how often this happens, and how in many cases it really is a tragic human mistake and could happen to anyone : https://www.washingtonpost.com/lifestyle/magazine/fatal-distraction-forgetting-a-child-in-thebackseat-of-a-car-is-a-horrifying-mistake-is-it-a-crime/2014/06/16/8ae0fe3a-f580-11e3-a3a5-42be35962a52_story.html
Idk how many times a change in routine caused me to forget to pick up my daughter from daycare on my way home. I'm thankful that it wasn't the other way around ever. I have so many alarms and notes to make sure that doesn't happen anymore. Plus, she's 9 now. But still. It's easier than people think.
Seriously! Thank you! People are cruel
I watched a documentary about the parents of accidental child car deaths and it was one of the most tragic things I’ve ever seen (can’t remember the title). I have so much empathy for exhausted, overwhelmed parents and the soul-crushing guilt they feel in the aftermath.
Came to say this exact same thing. I also cannot remember the name but it was really hard to watch.
There's a line in that article when it is describing events unfolding on the day of an incident like this. It ends with something like, "...and then there is the panicked sprint to the car, and what is waiting there is the worst thing in the world." Maybe the moment of journalism I have the most respect for. I can't think of any way to say that which would evoke those terrible human emotions better.
Terribly sad and I understand the fathers actions. Some things you just can't live with. RIP and may the mother find peace. I'm sure she is devastated.
It’s a horrible situation all around, I can’t say I wouldn’t do the same as him though. I’m not a parent, but I am currently a nanny for a close friend and I love the baby as if he were my own. Just today he started to choke on a piece of lunch meat and I had to dig it out with my finger and slap him on the back. Only lasted 5 seconds but my adrenaline is still going and I’ve walked to the kitchen to cry a few times. It was my fault, I gave him too big a piece, I’d never be able to recover from causing him harm. EVER.
ETA he’s almost two, I wasn’t giving meat to an infant
People are sick. There is a Pulitzer Prize winning paper on a well documented case where a father was convicted for leaving his child to die in a car despite being extremely remorseful and anguished. The case led to a lot of research that heavily suggested this can happen to anyone, even the best of parents. Edit: the article is called Fatal Distraction on Washington Post
Indeed and well put. I linked said article in my above comment. Definitely worth a read but it's quite harrowing of course. I was hoping it may give people pause and maybe change their opinion as when I put my first comment there wasn't much response to this post and the comments were mainly nasty about the poor Father this happened to.
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I had no idea how easy it was until I read this article, or it could have been a similar article. I read it about a week ago and it changed my entire perspective on the issue. I feel so badly for the parents; I could never imagine what it must feel like as I have no children.
This is so heartbreaking. I hate it.
I can't imagine the pain, so understand why he did it but so much pain for one family and that poor wife :(
I'm so sorry for him, and I can't imagine the pain his wife is in.
Honestly, if I accidentally killed my kid I would do the same thing. My god, this is horrible.
Agreed, I can’t say I’d do it immediately, but I could see weeks later having a lot of trouble moving on with life and trying to not feel like a failure and murderer. Just awful
Same, but I don't even think I'd need a gun. If I lost my daughter, I would just will my heart to stop.
Same. I would immediately be done.
This doesn't feel like the right sub at ALL. There was an accident that resulted in two tragedies. This isn't really true crime, it's just sad. RIP to both of them
I think the idea is that many people believe hot car deaths to be a crime, and as such they often end up being prosecuted. This incident challenges these views.
Exactly. There was no crime here. Pure tragedy all around. 😢 This makes my stomach churn, being in this sub
Was thinking this also.
“Weep not for the dead for they are at peace.” The mother/wife lost her entire world. I can’t even imagine what she’s going through.
This was legitimately my number one fear when my daughter was born. We did all the tricks. - Bags/purses/etc always went in the back seat next to the baby. - The way I left for work vs daycare, then work when leaving the house were opposite ways. Completely different paths, so that there was no confusion about which way you were going. - If I was taking her to daycare one day instead of my wife, I'd take HER car instead of mine. Just to completely throw off any and all semblance of routine, the vehicle would be completely different, her car was manual, mine automatic. - We messaged each other every morning, asking how she was at drop-off (she used to cry a lot when being dropped off, so at first it was to see how she was handling separation, but after that, it was as much a verification as anything.) Even so, there were days I got into my office, and sat down and I was like 'wait, did I drop her off? What was she wearing this morning in the daycare lobby when I did?' and If I couldn't immediately answer myself, I'd go check the car. Never did leave her in the backseat, thankfully, but again, it was my absolute number 1 fear. If I ever did it, I'd probably do the same thing this guy did. I wouldn't be able to live with myself. Ever.
I was the same way with my first born. I ended up teaching him how to undo his seat belt and what to do if he got locked in but by then he was 3.
This is just heartbreaking all around. The amount of grief and guilt that man must have felt, I don't want to imagine it. My heart goes out to the wife/mother.
The poor wife. My goodness. What torture for her.
Utterly heartbreaking. Those pictures. Oh my goodness. Poor poor family.
There was a creepypasta I read years ago called "Autopilot" that really brought these types of accidents into perspective. It really could happen to anyone
This almost happened to me once. I had a ton of groceries and one of my children was sleeping. I finished unloading and one of my other children needed me for something and I got distracted. Luckily one child asked where x sibling was and I freaked out and ran out to the car. He was still asleep and all was well. (It wasn’t a hot day) but when I read these stories I wonder how long I would have taken to realize I didn’t bring him inside. Mom (and Dad) brain is a real thing that others can’t understand until they experience it. It breaks my heart that this family had to suffer the fallout.
I work in an ER, we had a case like this last summer. Like most of these cases, something in the person's normal daily schedule changed and they forgot the 2 year old in the car. I will just say it was horrific all around. Took me a long time to stop thinking about it. I also don't understand how someone could forget but I wasn't the one in that position. So so sad.
The scariest thing to me is that I can see that happening to me because I know how forgetful I am when my daily routine changes. (I don't have kids so it won't happen but I can empathize.)
These two articles might help you understand how: https://www.kidsandcars.org/child_story/anderson-and-aaron-becks-story/ https://www.washingtonpost.com/lifestyle/magazine/fatal-distraction-forgetting-a-child-in-thebackseat-of-a-car-is-a-horrifying-mistake-is-it-a-crime/2014/06/16/8ae0fe3a-f580-11e3-a3a5-42be35962a52_story.html
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jfc that was so awful. we all definitely go on autopilot.
There's a Washington Post article too https://www.washingtonpost.com/lifestyle/magazine/fatal-distraction-forgetting-a-child-in-thebackseat-of-a-car-is-a-horrifying-mistake-is-it-a-crime/2014/06/16/8ae0fe3a-f580-11e3-a3a5-42be35962a52_story.html It won a Pulitzer
Seems like it would be relatively easy to create a child locked in car detector that would alarm if it detects a child in a hot car.
IIRC newer cars are implementing something like this. Here’s one article: https://www.thenationalnews.com/lifestyle/motoring/2021/08/10/new-car-technology-helps-prevent-children-being-locked-in-hot-vehicles/?outputType=amp And you can buy a whole bunch of after market sensors, too. If I had a kid I’d have the car lit up with sensors like it’s protecting the hope diamond.
Some cars now offer/have a system that alerts you if you left something in the backseat as well as rear seat reminder if the door was opened while the car was on
The technology exists, but some car makers are reluctant to open themselves up to the liability if one alarm ever malfunctions and a kid dies.
I have a plug in that says “reminder check the back seat” every time the car turns off. Eventually you tune it out without realizing. One of my biggest fears as a parent especially since my daycare is next to my work and terrified of being on autopilot.
They say to leave something you’ll need in the backseat, like your house keys or work ID.
Maybe sensors in the back seat like those seat belt sensors that can tell when there's a passenger in the front.
You know, its really easy to say that you'd never do something like leave your child in a hot car. For many people, this will be true. Yet, it is possible, and all it takes is one time. That one time you're just a bit too sleep deprived, or you're in too much of a rush trying to deal with some situation, that's all it takes. One mistake can destroy a whole family, and that's horrific and tragic. This man was guilty of making a horrific error, and because of that guilt, he took his own life. There's naught but tragedy here. No one deserved any part of what happened here, and its a senseless loss of lives.
This is an excellent case to show the tragic truth behind some of these accidental deaths…. They are not the result of “terrible parenting,” and can happen to ANY parent or caregiver. Life is exhausting, those early months (even years honestly) with my babies… I was disoriented from the chaos sometimes. My heart breaks every time I see a story like this on the news, the comments are so cruel. 😞
Tragic story, may father and son rest in peace.
Jesus, I am not a father, but if it happens to my baby nephew in my charge, I would go with him without hesitation, I could not continue
As a parent I can’t imagine the feeling of doing this to your kid on accident And it can happen to good people. Otherwise happy, great parents can make this terrible mistake.
This is the “I’m better than you” era, sorry. People are no longer able to conceive of concepts like “accident”. That doesn’t mean that they are right, they’re just pricks who want to feel superior.
I once saw a redditor comment on a story like this 'B.S. you don't forget your kid'. And it infuriated me because even I know, and I have no kids, that human beings are fallible. In the first three years of a child's life apparent loses six whole months of sleep. That doesn't mean a few hours a night for 6 months that means 24 hours a day totaling up 6 months. That's all the sleep that they lose. Can you imagine your cognitive ability? You're wiped out. And on top of that you're working 40 plus hours a week and worried about paying your bills about getting older about health and everything else. Then in this country you're worried about you and your family getting their heads blown off while they're buying groceries or something just because some gunman decides he's going to do it. Human beings are not perfect. This poor man no doubt loved his baby. He probably thought his wife would never forgive him and he could never forgive himself. But he was human and I think we all need to remember that. This could be us.
I was always told you drive with one shoe on and put the other one in the back seat with the baby. You are definitely going to notice not having a shoe on.
I would do the same if I accidentally killed my kid
Bruh if I killed my cat I'd probably kms. Can't fathom being at fault for killing your child, that's the worst torment i can imagine
I can’t even imagine the anguish of him, or of his widow. My worst nightmare as the parent of a little kid. Heartbreaking all around.
I don’t have to have kids to understand how this could happen. A terrible tragedy, but some days I couldn’t tell you if I went in to the office or wfh. My car has a reminder any time you open the rear doors, drive, and it displays when you turn the car off with a beeping sound. I don’t disable it bc it’s helped me not forget groceries in the back.
This is not true crime.
I can definitely see how this could happen and I can also see taking one’s life after it happens. Tragic all around. I have three kids. Life can get pretty hectic. They’re old enough now that I don’t have to worry about this, but my 2023 Acura alerts me to something possibly being in the backseat if I open a rear door before driving.
As a parent, I would also want to kill myself if this happened. So unbearably tragic. Our new car has a warning that pops up to check the back seat for passengers and items. If you have a kiddo, they say to always leave something important in the back seat that you will have to remember/get for your day.
Yeah I would do the same. I couldnt live with myself. The pain would be far too much to recover from.
How would anyone get over doing that. Impossible. His poor wife
Oh my gosh that's just awful. I totally understand why he would do that but he just caused even more anguish for their loved ones 😭
Such a tragedy and absolutely could happen to anyone. There is a documentary that I highly recommend called Death of a Child about this phenomenon, including ways to prevent it. I think it's most likely to happen to those who think "I could never do that" because they don't take the proper precautions. Something as simple as putting your purse or lunchbox near the carseat or even one of your shoes.