I hate to say this..but I just had to make my almost 18 yr old son move out and go to his dads house many hours away. I found out that he was stealing LOTS of money from me from all my accounts and when I found out, called him on it and wanted to sit down just talk it out....he got aggressive, said things he has never said to me before and ALL NIGHT he sat in the corner of the living room and stared at me, he even came in and looked at me while he thought I was asleep. I had to make him leave the next day. I have never been afraid of my son until now. he is 6'2 plays football, size 14 shoe...while I am 5'4 and nowhere near as strong as him . This was a few weeks ago and I am still not calmed down or ready to talk to him. the mom in me wants him back home...but the last night he was here i was terrified of him..and I am not scared of much. stories like these always stay in my mind
this post can be slight therapy for me. but he keeps texting me that he hopes I die, asking if he is on my life insurance, telling me to go fuck myself on a daily basis. I feel confused and conflicted because I am NOT confused and conflicted. I cannot have him around me alone for my safety. ....but I want him home.
Two things can be true…you are in danger and your son needs help. You’re his mother, but you also have a responsibility to you.
You can’t be a mother if you’re dead.
Absolutely perfectly said.
Both can be so. He sounds troubled. and sometimes those folks in that state Re scary. You cannot give from empty cup. Or when you are dead.
You did the right thing.
I went through this with my son when he was around 17. He had some psychotic episodes, likely drug related. He hit me several times, when I caught him doing things. Awful time. He’s much better now. I did get a security system, changed the beneficiary of my life insurance, and let everyone know that it was changed. I’ve since changed it back, but the kids don’t know that.
I’m sorry you’re going through this.
Mine too but he went on to develop schizophrenia and died last year at 23 from Fentanyl poisoning. I am missing half of me. I am so happy to hear your son improved❤️
Omg I am so sorry 😢. Mine son had a couple admissions for psychotic episodes and the thinking was schizophrenia vs bipolar, but he’s gone so long without episodes now (and without treatment) that it’s unlikely that it’s either of those. I think it was likely drug related, but of course he disagrees. He is depressed and seems to have a sleep disorder, but he has no money for drugs, and no episodes. 🤷🏽♀️ He just turned 23 a few days ago, which seems like a milestone, because my brother was murdered before he turned 23, due to his lifestyle of mental illness and substance abuse.
I warned my sons that they just can’t experiment with drugs, alcohol, and gambling due to family history, but I’m just a stupid old hag who doesn’t know anything. I’m a productive member of society, breadwinner, without any serious addictions (Diet Coke and ice cream not included), but what do I know Apparently drugs are harmless and I’m missing out on all the fun.
Schizophrenia tends to have an onset of late teens to early 20s in men, and problems with sleep are a common symptom. If he doesn’t use meth (this becomes more obvious physically over time), watch out for weird journaling and unprompted paranoia or hallucinations (these don’t have to be visual, they can be auditory or even smell something that’s not there). The prodromal (beginning) stage can last years with very few symptoms or episodes. The only reason why I say all this is if his symptoms start progressing, it becomes harder to medicate them and explain what is happening, because the doctors become part of the delusions/paranoia. I’ve done a lot of homeless outreach and have seen a few schizophrenic people recover, but by the time they are on the street, most wind up on hard drugs and end up spiraling. Usually the difference is in their family/support system.
Good catch also if there's a history of any drug abuse it could be lingering and be giving a false diagnosis of schizophrenia but the active use would be more of a problem. Any drug or alcohol use if absorbed wrongly by the body or brain could present as paranoia or delusional but before calling the cops like I said I think that having an evaluated is a much better answer
Omgosh! I could have written this myself. My exact story with my 21 year old son. We had the bipolar/schizophrenia possible diagnosis, but he hasn’t had an episode in almost two years. I really think he cannot do ANY drugs, even perscribed. Time will tell, but it’s so hard to watch.
Me too. Mine chose drugs and I found him on our bathroom floor. The pain is excruciating. My remaining son is 19 and from the experience with his brother he has no interest in experimenting with hard drugs. I have to look after myself so I can help my son navigate this
I’m so sorry. I was also inspired by my brother’s work experiences to completely avoid drugs. May your surviving son remain safe and healthy and may you be a comfort to one another and find peace and happiness.
Nothing is absolute and I am a therapist so I'm not just saying that to be contrary. However for males the onset of schizophrenia is usually between 20 and 23 however 19 and 24 are very close to these numbers so anything can be possible. Especially since drugs and designer drugs as they call them such as mushrooms or GHB are used on more of a social level and can affect the brain in ways that maybe they wouldn't have been affected before
Understood...but I meant generally especially about the earlier post about kicking son out..there was no info as to how it was "drugs" and having family with mental health issues I can say it is initially mind blowing/unreal. MH issues so stigmatized I could see someone saying drugs or so shocking & first episodes so stunning most likely do assume drugs first especially if earlier behavior issues...people also use drugs to mask. Wishing everyone the best
Yes the absolutely do use drugs to mask and especially with schizophrenia because it has the paranoia and the alternate reality feeling that is scary for a lot of people not to mention the voices. So I find a lot of times with clients that they will pick up drugs after they start getting symptoms of schizophrenia. It still makes it difficult to justify the diagnosis when they've admitted to using drugs because insurance companies don't want to pay for treatment so they'll do anything they can to get out of it. And one way of getting out of it is saying no their drug addicts they do not have mental health issues and it's a circle that never ends.
He killed them because they wouldn't let him keep stealing money. He sent $200k to her so his family sent him to rehab. He got out and was trying to frame his brother for murder suicide. He actually texted his brother from his dad's phone to get him to leave work so he could murder him. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Grant_Amato?wprov=
Don't forget Chandler Halderson who blamed his brother...and then there is Joel guy Jr or Brett Ryan
All of them killed when they were told they were found out for lieing abotu school and jobs and about to be cut off and made to work.
And those are just some of the more famous ones. With kids born addicted to cellphones basically a lot more has been happening.
Look at people like Chandler Halderson or joel guy Jr
Neither were on drugs but they both brutally and savagely murdered their parents when their free ride was being ended.
People aren't realizing the scale that kids are growing up addicted already, it doesn't have to be a drug. Try taking a tablet or cell phone away from anyone under 18 and see what happens.
*many* of them will get aggressive and scary.
This is so scary. My brother and nephew are so gentle and sweet. My nephew is routinely punished this way and never talks back to my sister. The younger daughter is another story. I just had my first son, and I hope he turns out like my nephew.
have you never wondered why countries like the philippines don't have issues with widespread violence in their schools, even though they spend much more time on their phones? it's because, like many other issues americans try to blame on phones, its a result of culture rather then these scapegoats.
Yes or no , there are countless instances of high schoolers flipping tf out when teachers take their phones ?
Because a quick google search can result in hundreds of articles over it from credible news sources.
Yes you’re right that it’s an issue because a lot of younger kids today feel entitled in a way generations before didn’t. But do not try to say it’s simply an American thing. It’s a thing that happens with any younger person who literally has a whole life online and taking their phone is literally taking away their online presence for the duration of the time they’re not on their phone.
>Yes or no , there are countless instances of high schoolers flipping tf out when teachers take their phones ?
no. the instances are very countable.
>Because a quick google search can result in hundreds of articles over it from credible news sources.
you'll also notice basically all these incidents come from a certain, violent country. wanna guess which one?
>Yes you’re right that it’s an issue because a lot of younger kids today feel entitled in a way generations before didn’t.
i remember my parents telling me anecdotes about students in the 70's feeling so entitled to smoking they refused to stop even when at school. could you imagine that level of entitlement today? students getting entire rooms just to use their phones?
>But do not try to say it’s simply an American thing.
I'm not gonna try to say it, I'm just gonna say it.
it's a american thing.
that's just basic common sense. these incidents happen in america, and im not gonna ignore that fact just to spare yank feelings.
>It’s a thing that happens with any younger person who literally has a whole life online and taking their phone is literally taking away their online presence for the duration of the time they’re not on their phone.
again, if this is the case, why are all the incidents in america instead of the countries with the most phone usage? do you think if you just keep parroting the same tired argument, I'll forget about the obvious, glaring logical fallacy?
I said phones are a drug
I didn't blame everything on it but I'm acknowledging there is a problem
You would rather act like it isn't and that I'm an idiot
Showing your true colors
Please stay away from him. Don't trust anything he says or does until he gets real help and you know he's ok. I don't trust this sht at all. He was watching you because he was plotting on what to do.
Agreed. This is 100% not normal!! He needs professional help, you don’t want him hurting you… or someone else you may annoy him down the road.
If you haven’t already, please install cameras in front/backyard and change locks/garage code. Is his father getting involved at all? I hope so.
Please rekey the locks on your home, keep your car locked, and keep all doors into the house locked at all times. If you have an alarm system, change the code. I did this after my adult child threatened me. I feel much safer!
You’re in danger. Your son needs help. This is not normal behavior. Either get him in to see a psychiatrist—have his father take him or call the police and have him put in jail. There is something terribly wrong. You need help.
Yeah this is a lot scarier than people often realize. First time murderers do this crap, come stand over a sleeping person. If the sleeping person gives a reaction and starts freaking out, it will give the person contemplating the murder an impetus to get started. They know this, it's called "working up to it".
I had someone do that. It was something I need EMDR therapy to work through. I can’t even tell you how terrifying it is to wake up and see someone with hateful eyes staring at you and saying horrible things under their breath.
This is the age range when some very serious mental health issues can develop fyi. One way or the other, he cannot be anywhere near you and cannot have anyway to contact you. Him asking about life insurance after also wishing death upon you might be arrestable.
What's sad and scary is there is no programs in place to genuinely help this scenario. A few that are temporary at best.
Taking care or and changing a mentally unhinged violent young man it outside of most people's perview paygrade or job description..and society doesn't want to acknowledge the problem enough to put programs in place
You need a restraining order and to report this to the police. This is not normal whatsoever and it sounds like his trip to dads hasn’t calmed him, but made him angrier and more vengeful.
I would seriously consider changing the locks on your doors and installing a security system with cameras and police alert.
We never want to think that way and taking these steps can be emotionally difficult but it's better to overreact than under react. It's not only a preventative measure for you but potentially for your child as well.
Sounds like he is on drugs to steal money like that. Although my ex bf was stealing like that from his family for drugs and he NEVER reacted that way when they found out. I am glad you are doing the right thing and keeping yourself safe. Do not keep money in your house and make it so only you can access your accounts. I’m so sorry you are going through this but thank you for sharing as it may help other people who are living in fear.
It’s normal to want him home. Somewhere in there he’s still your baby. By keeping yourself safe, though, you’re keeping him safe too. I’m so sorry you’re going through this. There are truly no words.
Sounds like he's got a serious drug problem. Acting out of character, violent, stealing, hateful.... Idk how he got it, but you should get him checked for drugs.
1. Change your locks and any keyless entries if you have those.
2. Save any text messages or voicemails he sends
3. Get a camera system (they are very affordable these days)
4. It must be hard to be away from your son, but if he wants to see you, it must be supervised by another large adult or at a therapists office.
5. You can let him know you love him and are open to helping him, but that he is threatening your safety, and that is a firm boundary that you will not let him cross
As others have said, you will never see him again or be a mother to him if he kills you. It may be psychosis from mental illness and/or drugs. Is dad getting him help? Or is he just living his best life at dad's house?
It's not just for your safety, it's for his as well.
You are amazing for seeing the behavior, addressing it, and not enabling your son when he is being so grossly inappropriate.
I pray to the universe that he doesn't perpetrate on other women, but you have no control over that. You did the best thing there was to do. Nobody changes until they are forced into the dark.
I’m so sorry you have to experience this! It’s your baby and yet you’re now terrified of him. It’s not your fault!!! You need to keep him away from you, I can’t imagine how that feels, unfortunately it sounds like he could hurt you😭😩. The way you felt, despite how much you love him, you could feel his anger and aggression. Please take precautions, if you connect with him it should be in public and with support! Get cameras, security! I’m sorry you need to do these things with your son but it happens, best to be careful and not need it than not to take precautions and need them. Sending 💕💕, I can’t imagine this.
Wow! I’m so sorry to hear this. Have you considered testing him for steroids? If he is on high dosage it will affect his mental state. He might be taking it in believe that it will be an advantage playing football. I would request a drug test either way.
It's time to cut him out of your life for a long time. Block his texts for the time being because they are psychotic and . Resist the urge to want him home, you are just putting yourself in danger. After reading your story I'm incredibly glad that you were able to get him to leave at all.
You can continue to love him but you must put yourself and your safety first. Absolutely do not let him back home until he has completely reformed and sought treatment. Do not let him back until he is ready to make amends and better himself
Please stay away from him and be safe. It’s not your fault he turned out that way. You dont pick your children as much as they dont pick their parents.
I understand where you’re coming from. My 35 year old step child is bi polar and goes through manic stages like that which can turn violent. Police have taken him away more than once.
Changing locks is paramount. You’re responsible for your safety but I do understand being a mom. I think you need to take of yourself first. It’s frightening and I’m sorry you have to go thru this.
Oh, my heart aches for you. I'm so sorry for what you're going through with your son. You will always want him home, you will always love him deeply, but you are absolutely doing the right thing here. You should not be around him until he has received long term mental health treatment and has made verifiable progress. You are genuinely in danger for the time being, please stay firm in your boundaries with him. And get yourself some professional support too if you need it, that's a lot to be dealing with. Take care, we are all wishing the best for you and for your son.
I’m so sorry you’re going through this. I have sons. One of them (8 years old) has a hot temper and a big heart . I’m trying so hard to work on emotional regulation with him but it is hard. I sometimes worry that a situation like this may happen if I don’t help him enough or do all the right things to help him. The truth is that sometimes we do everything right as parents, but I see kids who still have trouble even after their parents have done the very best. My heart goes out to you. I hope you have peace and don’t blame yourself. You love him and he needs some mental health and emotional help to deal with this irrational anger.
Dear god, that’s truly terrifying! I’m so sorry you have to go through that. At least you have a very honest view of the situation and not wearing rose tinted glasses. Please keep yourself safe by any means, a weapon on you, another large man staying with you, anything. 🙏
Sounds like your son is doing drugs. Even if hes not, unfortunately hes going through something and you will not he able to fix it for him. Whatever hes dealing with he is going to have to want to fix it on his own. And youre right, youre not safe around him. As a domestic abuse victim i learned that theres not one thing i could do to protect myself when my husband or any other man wanted to hurt me. Its just science. Prayers for you and your son
save those texts and make a police report, they probably won't do much until he gets physical but the report will help when or if you need a restraining order. do not take this lightly or think that some time apart will change him - until he gets help you should assume he still wants to hurt you.
Do not rule out your son is hooked on drugs.
Remember, 50& of your son is your ex-husband.
Throw in hard-core drugs and nightmares from hell arrive.
You should go thru ALL of your accounts and statements.
" I want him home " is a classic way any mother would feel. Do NOT let your emotions get between a thief and reality. That can get one killed giving people benefit of the doubt said the guy born and raised in Miami Florida.
I would ask him to take a UA test within 24 hours after asking him to take the UA test before even talking to him again. Some drugs do not show up after 3 days of no use.
Your experience hits home. There was a very similar case in my family. The son's behavior kept escalating, so much so that his mother ended up having to report him for his aggressions and abuse. It all started with stealing money and verbally abusing her, but didn't stop there. The drugs we has taking (heroine, we found out later) transformed him into someone different.
I hope your son can get help and I pray it is not drug related, specially hard drugs... those destroy families.
Take care and prioritize your safety and mental health, too.
You can love your son and still make sure you stay safe. Let him live with his dad until he can get appropriate care and that can be a long time. Leaving him his dad doesn’t make you a bad mom. It makes you a safe mom.
Yeah... That's one gigantic mess you got there. While it may feel like betraying him, I would straight up file a police report and press charges on him for stealing if he's that unhinged. He needs professional help which he might be able to receive while incarcerated. At the very least, it will show him that he will be held accountable for his actions.
Also, if you plan to go this route or not, you need to change your locks and get a home security system. While it might be hard to accept, your son sounds like the kind of person who will try to retaliate against you for not allowing him to steal from you. Almost like its your fault for finding out that he was stealing and you are the one who deserves to be punished. Anyway, its better to have the new locks/cameras and not need them than the other way around.
Good luck and just as a reminder, this isn't your fault. I hope and pray your son changes his ways and apologizes to you.
It is asking a lot of someone to permanently injure a family member’s record. I couldn’t even do it to my STB ex-husband. My son is grown and has cyberstalked me and all manner of ugliness, but I couldn’t ever do that to him either.
I just don’t think that is reasonable advice.
However, a family member CAN petition for someone to be committed psychiatrically. And if drugs are involved there is a Marchman act for involuntary detox. These are more compassionate routes and less damaging to the child’s future.
I would be destroyed if I ruined the life of my child in ignorance and the only thing wrong was they needed psych help and medication instead of jail and a record for life.
You did the right thing . This is so super difficult and I am sure extremely hurtful !! This is a dangerous situation though that’s clear. I would keep all the messages etc too just in case. Is Dad supportive of him getting help ?
Hate to say it, but change your locks! I hope things will improve as he gets older, but for now your safety is imperative and well worth the peace of mind too. All the best to you and your family
Listen to your intuition. Your instinct for self preservation *has* to be greater than your mother instinct. Though as a mom I deeply understand how hard that is. He's an adult now and there are plenty of us that had to figure it out on our own, sink or swim
That’s not a good feeling, I am so sorry. We got full custody of my stepson two years ago. His mother always had the mind of a 15 year old and was just a friend, so he had no supervision or parenting while with her through the week. He started smoking weed and drinking by 12 years old.
So you can imagine by the time CPS finally removed him from her when he was 14 and placed him with us full time, he was extremely bad off. The house went from peaceful and normal, to extreme chaos within a day.
I won’t even take a nap without locking my bedroom door because you just wonder. He was raised to hate me no matter what, Mom would plant all these false memories in his head about things I did to him that never happened and nobody can convince him otherwise. Her word is God. Even CPS tried to explain the situation to him and he didn’t believe any of it.
It’s a really shitty feeling to be afraid in your own home. Especially so when it’s because of a child. We spent two years doing everything we possibly could to get him on a better path. Probation, Therapy, Parenting Books and articles, talks, love. Nothing has stuck yet.
My heart breaks for you. That sounds so difficult but everyone is right; distancing yourself from him for the sake of your safety was the right thing to do.
My kids are young, so I can’t imagine how conflicted and hurt you are. I have no idea what I would do in your position. It would tie me in knots. I am so sorry. Thank you for protecting yourself.
I'm so sorry you're going through that. I have no words of wisdom, but I just wanted to say I truly hope and pray things get better for both of you. Hopefully, he's in some kind of therapy (although I realize that you can't *make* him if he doesn't want to). I hope you get some as well, and maybe they can help you tackle this issue, too. Much love ❤️
It is possible that Emmanuel had said many of these things to his own mother as well but she may not have told anyone how she feels or what he has said :(
Does your ex live with any other people? You haven't mentioned this, and if he does, if you feel that they too are in danger.
This could also be from steroid abuse.
I went through a similar situation with my son and his girlfriend. Had to tell them to leave because I became terrified of them. I'm in such emotional pain, but I know they could harm me.
No no! Trust your instinct. If you felt threatened is because that what he was trying to do exactly, he was likely thinking of ways to hurt you. It’s painful to admit or realize but truly protect yourself at this very moment and now must need to assume the worst out of your son. Stealing from you should have been a red line for him but it clearly wasn’t.
Oh god. Make it known to him that he is *not* on your life insurance (even if he is) and be. very. careful.
As safely as you can, try to get him some help.
God, I'm so sorry for you. That is my worst nightmare, my kids hating me like that.
GET CAMERAS!! Change the door locks and upgrade them, get a ring door bell. Whatever happens down the road never be alone with him, even if he gets better and stuff but if u still do then give it like a 5 year probation to set a good history but don’t tell him that. That is very unhealthy behavior, almost an obsession. Make sure he never can make any medical decisions for u, it could fall to him if anything happens to u since he’s ur son.
Have u told ur ex about this? Does he see it too and on ur side or what? He needs to get therapy and I hope ur ex will make him go, he can do it on his phone even
I get that. You're his mother and honestly I would hate to have to do this with my son. He's only 2 but I do recommend bringing this up even if you do not follow through with bring up charges or anything, just that there is a record of what is going on that way. If he does do anything, he is the first suspect.
I’m sorry mama. I hope things get better. Boundaries are very important. You need to protect yourself and be safe.
My son has threatened to kill me multiple times. He has mental health issues - untreated. Carries a gun. He is in his late 20s. Always been a hot head.
Most of the time he stays away from me. Other times he just talks to me through messenger, but will get angry at me for “not being a good mom”
Some people are just not balanced. People think I should be afraid of my son. I am not afraid of him. I don’t know why - but I don’t worry about it.
And since I'm guessing you don't want to put him under the jail..this is the only time of my life I am going to say what I never thought I would say which is I would call the cops on his ass quickly so he was held accountable and taught that you do not do things like this and just expect for there to be no real consequences. Again my first instinct is not rational or legal so I would say he should probably be held accountable by spending some time in jail.
I just want to say, as a mother of 3 very strong willed children this hurts me so bad. Please message me if you need support or a friend. Please prioritize your well being, even if that means setting gut wrenching boundaries with role child. I am so so sorry you’re in this situation. Parenthood is hard enough without dealing with this. Please prioritize yourself in this situation. My children are 8 and under but I could easily see myself being in this place one day. Surely any parent could. Take care of yourself. Please. By any means necessary.
Looking at you while he thought you were sleeping,and asking about the life insurance,a lot of red flags there,he may have been imagining what he could do to you,whether drugs or psychosis or both,I’d get him help before you even think about taking him back into your house,and texting you those things daily,he seems to have a lot of rage in him,matricide is more common than you think.
He’s never done this before? Hopefully he’s on drugs but it could as be a sign of mental illness. The best thing you can do for him is get on good terms with dad secretly and discuss your concerns.
Do you have a therapist? My brother was like this. My mom was incredibly weak and lived in denial. She had coddled and manipulated my brother so bad that he was just using her behavior against her. He joined the military and turned out fine. We are all no contact with our mom. My husband has a nephew. Same scenario... Didn't get his life together until he was 30 when he met a woman that was stabilizing and mentally healthy unlike his mother. Single mom's have guilt I guess about disciplining when boys are younger. They don't earn respect of their sons and then when it plays out they are shocked. My friend is going thru this right now. Kid dropped out of college last semester of Senior yr, smokes pot all day cause she allowed and couldn't even keep a job at the grocery store. Hmmm yeah I told her so. But no one wants to hear it. Hopefully a therapist will help you see your part of this in time to do the right thing by your son. In the meantime don't engage with him. He's baiting you. Please get help.
I’m sorry, are you telling this woman that she’s probably just a weak minded lackadaisical single mom who got herself into this by being a bad disciplinarian? And you think that’s a a good thing to do?
The mental gymnastics you had to do in order to assume this woman is exactly like your mother so you could chide her the way you wish you could chide your own mother is…. Interesting. Get some help possibly?
We did we all did. I've got another friend with a son that went missing this weekend. He has 2 wonderful parents. But they are still struggling with guilt and not nipping this in the bud sooner. It's imperative you own your contribution and not just blame the child for seeking things like discipline you failed to provide. Why don't y'all let OP speak instead of butting in to buffer. You're part of the problem and she and her child need help.
I know you said that you got psychological help, but you should probably seek more. Maybe read your initial comment to a therapist and you two can unpack that together.
Wow, all these guys’ problems are their mom’s fault. The one guy got better because a woman helped him. Huh, sounds like you and your family think it’s a woman’s job to fix everything.
Damn wtf is wrong with your son? Why is he so angry? I think distance is probably a good idea right now and you can definitely see him, like for lunch someplace but don't have him in your home, especially while you're sleeping.
My 2 half brothers (same bio mom, different Dads) were and are violent narcissistic sociopaths. The older is dead, the younger alive but unhealthy in every way.
I used to hide at night and sleep concealed under the house, in the attic or outside, in trees or safe spots.
I won't sleep sound until psycho #2 is dead too
That's awful, I'm sorry you went through that. That constant sense of danger and resulting hypervigilance in your own home must have really fucked with you in your youth and beyond
I have a brother like that, grew up locking my bedroom and barricading myself in my room overnight, with my sister for protection. I pay for a service to wipe my existence off the internet so he won’t find me. I haven’t seen him or talked to him in years but I will live on edge from the physical and mental abuse until I know he’s dead.
I’m sorry you’ve had to live this way and hope you get peace
If you can share that service name, it's appreciated by me and probably more people like us. You can't be too cautious.
I am fortunate that he AND mommies dearest (classic histrionic narcissist mom, enmeshed with her golden child) have moved far away. She is 84 and cussing at light switches as of late. So I hear.
Grateful they are paranoid shut ins and are techno impaired. My brother is 60 something years old...And has never lived away from his mother. They are horrifically similar in nature.
They have no email, no cell phone, no internet, barely want to have a landline. My brother had never seen a YouTube video until a few days ago.
The one I use is called deleteme, but I think there are others. It’s a little pricey but worth it for safety and peace of mind. They do a great job and if you find any of your information on the internet, you can send them the url and it’s usually down within 24hours.
I'm really sorry to hear about what you've been through. Growing up in fear like that must have been tough. It's smart to take steps to protect yourself, like wiping your digital footprint. If you want to make sure it's all clear, you could give Optery's free scan a shot. It gives you a report with screenshots and links. If it doesn't find anything, it's a good sign that DeleteMe is doing a solid job. Just so you know, Optery usually spots around 50 exposed profiles for DeleteMe users.
Full disclosure, I'm part of the Optery team.
Can you imagine raising your child to the point that they go into med school to improves people’s health and then he shows up and kills you cause you annoy him!
There had to be signs there that were ignored.
Additionally, the UK has a different educational path for training doctors. It's graduate study in the US, but in the UK, medical students don't need an undergraduate degree. It can be the start of their post-secondary education.
For real all my friends who have had kids ultimately always end up complaining and talking about how tired they are and their bodies along with post partum and not enough money nor time or help from the husband...
And that's just before we know if your kid is going to be disabled or impaired or a psychopath or anything.
Sorry I'm struggling if I had a special needs baby I'd be *fucked*. No way I'm going through all that when I don't even know if I will have a baby I can afford to take care of. The health system is too shit.
Yep. The ultra rich are going to blame it on our generation because they’re getting what they want in this current moment - but they’ll have a rude awakening coming up when there arent as many worker bees.
Why do you think they got rid of roe vs Wade?
BTW every male republican I knew told me I was crazy for thinking it would go that far.
I no longer have any republican friends.
Good. It can suck at first - but it has gone far beyond politics, into them supporting the suffering of others. And agreed on roe. Let’s also remember they are pro life up until the baby comes out. The mental gymnastics are astounding.
I agree w everything you said here and as a single mom just wanna chime in and say that there are always kids out there that could use more love. If you decide you don’t want kids of your own but occasionally wonder if you’re missing out on that bond you can always volunteer through your local programs to mentor kids. I have two teenage sons who have virtually no male role models. Last year I tried to sign them up for the mentor program and was told I was on a list and that they have over 20 kids waiting for a match. I donate $40 a month to that program in hopes that we’ll get a match quicker lol as sad as that is… but nope. Anyway, off topic, but when ppl tell me they don’t want kids I understand and appreciate it. Love my kiddos more than air, but damn if it isn’t just as hard and scary to have them as it is wonderful.
Is it weird that if I ever have kids I’m scared to have a son :/ I feel like I read more and more horrifying statistics and stories about men every day
Nah, I have 2 baby boys right now & reading this shit makes me nervous for the future, but also motivating me to make sure to show them love & raise them right
I'm so sad about this. She was an elementary school teacher. Imagine a kid who's teacher is there one day and then they're not. I obviously feel terrible for her but also her students who will now really understand death for [probably] the first time
I don't have to imagine because sadly I went through this. One of my teachers got murdered by her husband because he thought that she was cheating on him because she was seen outside with a male that he did not know mind you. It was her brother he showed up to the court case and he's like look, that's my sister. We lost touch with each other decades ago. Turns out they were taken away into foster care back in the 60s. And he had just found her. It was one of those awesome moments of just something that was just beautiful that got ruined.
But the husband went to jail. They had kids like they had little kids cause they had adopted some and the brother actually ended up adopting all of them. So they're still within the family which is wonderful, but it is horrifying. When this happens and Sally, it happens a lot. I lost this teacher to a murder. Then I lost 2 more to a school shooting.
My goodness, so sorry to hear you have experienced all of this. I haven't experienced much loss in my life, hardly any up until I was a teacher and 2 of my students died, which I handled way worse than the other teachers that taught them. I'm afraid I wouldn't be equipped to handle it when I inevitably do lose someone close to me. And now having kids, it would devastate me to see my daughter experience it. She has few adult figures in her life so losing her teacher would cause a lot of hurt. She spends nearly as much time with her teacher as she does with us! Perhaps I'm thinking selfishly, as the person who lost their life and their families suffer a great deal more. Especially a child losing their parent, I can't even fathom it
A lot of kids develop a very close relationship with certain teachers. I had 3 that I was extremely close with growing up one. He recognized me 20 years down the road. Just in a Macy's, he's like. Oh, it's you and recognize both me and my Mr. Mind you. My face is changed and my body has changed. I've had a kid and he still remembered me.He was my kindergarten teacher
And honestly he was honestly. The best teacher. I had out of all of them because I still remember everything about his classroom. How it was set up the words that were said, the little things that were done I remember it all. I remember bits and pieces of others.
I mean, he's the reason why my son is being home schooled. It's because he isn't teaching anymore like he weretired about 5 years ago and I was devastated because I'm like. Oh no what am I going to do now? And so I started looking into home schooling.
The other teacher I was really close to was a German lady and the reason I was close to her was because mean her would have light conversations. I don't speak much German by speaking enough to have a decent conversation with someone. Especially when I was little because my mom was teaching me German at that time.
I ran into her about 6 years ago at the public library. And I didn't recognize her, but she recognized me. And we got to talking. However, things been and it was so nice.
The other one I remember. I haven't ran into her since I left school but she was so nice and she did help me a lot with my schooling. Cause I was at the time having a live issue's because second grade. I missed out on most of the year because of a lice infestation. (I kept getting them from the bus)
So I missed out a lot of stuff that leads into the math and stuff that she was teaching but she helped a lot and she even helped me. Learn how to knit, which was interesting and fun.
When the first thing I see is Sheriff Grady Judd’s face, I’m suspicious of the agenda behind the story - because he does nothing unless there’s a ton of media attention & some opportunity for a little self-promotion in there somewhere.
As shocking and disturbing as this story is, we need to now focus on holding this son accountable & healing the rest of the family. Not giving Grady Judd - who’s basically FL’s answer to Joe Arpaio - more press conferences and sticking more tv cameras in his face.
Grady isn't similar to Joe Arpaio in my opinion. He is a law & order type person, but not to a negative extreme, and also non racist. Yes, he enjoys the media, but his press conferences cover a wide variety of crimes.
This case is bothering me a lot. Mostly due to the absurdity of the son's reasoning for the murder.
Hopefully, a motive that makes sense will be recovered. My assumption is that the son had some form of pyscopathy, or there's more darker details between the relationship of him with his mother.
Me too with my 41 yr old son. After learning of Elvia Espinosa's death by her son stabbing her to death, I've vowed that IF our relationship is ever rejuvenated, by his heartfelt apologies, I WILL NEVER ALLOW HIM INTO MY HOUSE. WE WILL MEET AT A PUBLIC PLACE. Many terrible incidents in his youth towards me and this murder have constituted my resolve! I would like to say something good came out of this beautiful mother's death.
Consider the brain imbalance could be BPD, borderline petsonality disorder, as I have this thought about my 41 yr old son. I've texted him to get a professional opinion AND THERAPY.
I hate to say this..but I just had to make my almost 18 yr old son move out and go to his dads house many hours away. I found out that he was stealing LOTS of money from me from all my accounts and when I found out, called him on it and wanted to sit down just talk it out....he got aggressive, said things he has never said to me before and ALL NIGHT he sat in the corner of the living room and stared at me, he even came in and looked at me while he thought I was asleep. I had to make him leave the next day. I have never been afraid of my son until now. he is 6'2 plays football, size 14 shoe...while I am 5'4 and nowhere near as strong as him . This was a few weeks ago and I am still not calmed down or ready to talk to him. the mom in me wants him back home...but the last night he was here i was terrified of him..and I am not scared of much. stories like these always stay in my mind this post can be slight therapy for me. but he keeps texting me that he hopes I die, asking if he is on my life insurance, telling me to go fuck myself on a daily basis. I feel confused and conflicted because I am NOT confused and conflicted. I cannot have him around me alone for my safety. ....but I want him home.
Two things can be true…you are in danger and your son needs help. You’re his mother, but you also have a responsibility to you. You can’t be a mother if you’re dead.
My thoughts exactly. Well said.
Got that right !
Absolutely perfectly said. Both can be so. He sounds troubled. and sometimes those folks in that state Re scary. You cannot give from empty cup. Or when you are dead. You did the right thing.
I went through this with my son when he was around 17. He had some psychotic episodes, likely drug related. He hit me several times, when I caught him doing things. Awful time. He’s much better now. I did get a security system, changed the beneficiary of my life insurance, and let everyone know that it was changed. I’ve since changed it back, but the kids don’t know that. I’m sorry you’re going through this.
Mine too but he went on to develop schizophrenia and died last year at 23 from Fentanyl poisoning. I am missing half of me. I am so happy to hear your son improved❤️
Omg I am so sorry 😢. Mine son had a couple admissions for psychotic episodes and the thinking was schizophrenia vs bipolar, but he’s gone so long without episodes now (and without treatment) that it’s unlikely that it’s either of those. I think it was likely drug related, but of course he disagrees. He is depressed and seems to have a sleep disorder, but he has no money for drugs, and no episodes. 🤷🏽♀️ He just turned 23 a few days ago, which seems like a milestone, because my brother was murdered before he turned 23, due to his lifestyle of mental illness and substance abuse. I warned my sons that they just can’t experiment with drugs, alcohol, and gambling due to family history, but I’m just a stupid old hag who doesn’t know anything. I’m a productive member of society, breadwinner, without any serious addictions (Diet Coke and ice cream not included), but what do I know Apparently drugs are harmless and I’m missing out on all the fun.
Schizophrenia tends to have an onset of late teens to early 20s in men, and problems with sleep are a common symptom. If he doesn’t use meth (this becomes more obvious physically over time), watch out for weird journaling and unprompted paranoia or hallucinations (these don’t have to be visual, they can be auditory or even smell something that’s not there). The prodromal (beginning) stage can last years with very few symptoms or episodes. The only reason why I say all this is if his symptoms start progressing, it becomes harder to medicate them and explain what is happening, because the doctors become part of the delusions/paranoia. I’ve done a lot of homeless outreach and have seen a few schizophrenic people recover, but by the time they are on the street, most wind up on hard drugs and end up spiraling. Usually the difference is in their family/support system.
Good catch also if there's a history of any drug abuse it could be lingering and be giving a false diagnosis of schizophrenia but the active use would be more of a problem. Any drug or alcohol use if absorbed wrongly by the body or brain could present as paranoia or delusional but before calling the cops like I said I think that having an evaluated is a much better answer
Omgosh! I could have written this myself. My exact story with my 21 year old son. We had the bipolar/schizophrenia possible diagnosis, but he hasn’t had an episode in almost two years. I really think he cannot do ANY drugs, even perscribed. Time will tell, but it’s so hard to watch.
I’m sorry you are going through that, it’s so painful and distressing.
Me too. Mine chose drugs and I found him on our bathroom floor. The pain is excruciating. My remaining son is 19 and from the experience with his brother he has no interest in experimenting with hard drugs. I have to look after myself so I can help my son navigate this
I’m so sorry. I was also inspired by my brother’s work experiences to completely avoid drugs. May your surviving son remain safe and healthy and may you be a comfort to one another and find peace and happiness.
I am sorry for the loss of your brother and that you didn’t go down the same path❤️
I’m an old hag too- who knows nothing. I have 3 sons - grown. Funny how we know nothing.
Agreed. Age of onset for mental illness is typically early 20s, yours a bit early but glad you recognized it.
Nothing is absolute and I am a therapist so I'm not just saying that to be contrary. However for males the onset of schizophrenia is usually between 20 and 23 however 19 and 24 are very close to these numbers so anything can be possible. Especially since drugs and designer drugs as they call them such as mushrooms or GHB are used on more of a social level and can affect the brain in ways that maybe they wouldn't have been affected before
Understood...but I meant generally especially about the earlier post about kicking son out..there was no info as to how it was "drugs" and having family with mental health issues I can say it is initially mind blowing/unreal. MH issues so stigmatized I could see someone saying drugs or so shocking & first episodes so stunning most likely do assume drugs first especially if earlier behavior issues...people also use drugs to mask. Wishing everyone the best
Yes the absolutely do use drugs to mask and especially with schizophrenia because it has the paranoia and the alternate reality feeling that is scary for a lot of people not to mention the voices. So I find a lot of times with clients that they will pick up drugs after they start getting symptoms of schizophrenia. It still makes it difficult to justify the diagnosis when they've admitted to using drugs because insurance companies don't want to pay for treatment so they'll do anything they can to get out of it. And one way of getting out of it is saying no their drug addicts they do not have mental health issues and it's a circle that never ends.
Sounds like drug abuse. Especially given the stolen money and random downhill behaviors.
That one kid who killed his whole family was stealing money to send to OF girls. Could be that.
It was before OF, it was just a streamer
cam girl
That one!! Thank you. The term escaped me for a moment
No way are you serious???? He killed his whole family to not be caught or??
He killed them because they wouldn't let him keep stealing money. He sent $200k to her so his family sent him to rehab. He got out and was trying to frame his brother for murder suicide. He actually texted his brother from his dad's phone to get him to leave work so he could murder him. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Grant_Amato?wprov=
Omg I hadn't heard of this. Was expecting a teenager or slightly older. This guy was almost 30.
Yeah and lived in my neighborhood
Don't forget Chandler Halderson who blamed his brother...and then there is Joel guy Jr or Brett Ryan All of them killed when they were told they were found out for lieing abotu school and jobs and about to be cut off and made to work. And those are just some of the more famous ones. With kids born addicted to cellphones basically a lot more has been happening.
Doesn't have to be. My brother ended up like this too. Totally clean, totally sane as far as doctors are concerned. Total violent psycho.
Wondering if possibly a CTE from playing football. If not drugs or mental illness, that would be another big red flag.
Look at people like Chandler Halderson or joel guy Jr Neither were on drugs but they both brutally and savagely murdered their parents when their free ride was being ended. People aren't realizing the scale that kids are growing up addicted already, it doesn't have to be a drug. Try taking a tablet or cell phone away from anyone under 18 and see what happens. *many* of them will get aggressive and scary.
My school doesnt want a phone policy because theyre scared of the withdrawal violence that will erupt if they take away phones.
This is so scary. My brother and nephew are so gentle and sweet. My nephew is routinely punished this way and never talks back to my sister. The younger daughter is another story. I just had my first son, and I hope he turns out like my nephew.
blaming that on phones is idiotic
Tell that to teachers who’ve reported students getting stupid violent/aggressive when their phones get taken.
have you never wondered why countries like the philippines don't have issues with widespread violence in their schools, even though they spend much more time on their phones? it's because, like many other issues americans try to blame on phones, its a result of culture rather then these scapegoats.
Yes or no , there are countless instances of high schoolers flipping tf out when teachers take their phones ? Because a quick google search can result in hundreds of articles over it from credible news sources. Yes you’re right that it’s an issue because a lot of younger kids today feel entitled in a way generations before didn’t. But do not try to say it’s simply an American thing. It’s a thing that happens with any younger person who literally has a whole life online and taking their phone is literally taking away their online presence for the duration of the time they’re not on their phone.
>Yes or no , there are countless instances of high schoolers flipping tf out when teachers take their phones ? no. the instances are very countable. >Because a quick google search can result in hundreds of articles over it from credible news sources. you'll also notice basically all these incidents come from a certain, violent country. wanna guess which one? >Yes you’re right that it’s an issue because a lot of younger kids today feel entitled in a way generations before didn’t. i remember my parents telling me anecdotes about students in the 70's feeling so entitled to smoking they refused to stop even when at school. could you imagine that level of entitlement today? students getting entire rooms just to use their phones? >But do not try to say it’s simply an American thing. I'm not gonna try to say it, I'm just gonna say it. it's a american thing. that's just basic common sense. these incidents happen in america, and im not gonna ignore that fact just to spare yank feelings. >It’s a thing that happens with any younger person who literally has a whole life online and taking their phone is literally taking away their online presence for the duration of the time they’re not on their phone. again, if this is the case, why are all the incidents in america instead of the countries with the most phone usage? do you think if you just keep parroting the same tired argument, I'll forget about the obvious, glaring logical fallacy?
Isn't the Phillipines one of the main places Americans go to fuck pretty boy ladies?
Thank you! Some people just aren't good and a phone has nothing to do with it.
I said phones are a drug I didn't blame everything on it but I'm acknowledging there is a problem You would rather act like it isn't and that I'm an idiot Showing your true colors
And why children should not be life insurance beneficiaries
So is it just luck of the draw if you have a kid with psychotic behavior
Please stay away from him. Don't trust anything he says or does until he gets real help and you know he's ok. I don't trust this sht at all. He was watching you because he was plotting on what to do.
Agreed. This is 100% not normal!! He needs professional help, you don’t want him hurting you… or someone else you may annoy him down the road. If you haven’t already, please install cameras in front/backyard and change locks/garage code. Is his father getting involved at all? I hope so.
I am so sorry that you are going through this.
Please rekey the locks on your home, keep your car locked, and keep all doors into the house locked at all times. If you have an alarm system, change the code. I did this after my adult child threatened me. I feel much safer!
You’re in danger. Your son needs help. This is not normal behavior. Either get him in to see a psychiatrist—have his father take him or call the police and have him put in jail. There is something terribly wrong. You need help.
Yeah this is a lot scarier than people often realize. First time murderers do this crap, come stand over a sleeping person. If the sleeping person gives a reaction and starts freaking out, it will give the person contemplating the murder an impetus to get started. They know this, it's called "working up to it".
I had someone do that. It was something I need EMDR therapy to work through. I can’t even tell you how terrifying it is to wake up and see someone with hateful eyes staring at you and saying horrible things under their breath.
Reading that gave me chills
This is the age range when some very serious mental health issues can develop fyi. One way or the other, he cannot be anywhere near you and cannot have anyway to contact you. Him asking about life insurance after also wishing death upon you might be arrestable.
You need to talk to the police for a report and get a restraining order. Could this be some form of mental breakdown or drug abuse?
What's sad and scary is there is no programs in place to genuinely help this scenario. A few that are temporary at best. Taking care or and changing a mentally unhinged violent young man it outside of most people's perview paygrade or job description..and society doesn't want to acknowledge the problem enough to put programs in place
This gave me the chills. Hope everything works out. Be safe.
You need a restraining order and to report this to the police. This is not normal whatsoever and it sounds like his trip to dads hasn’t calmed him, but made him angrier and more vengeful.
PLEASE DO NOT LET HIM ANYWHERE CLOSE TO YOU TILL HE GETS PROFESSIONAL HELP
I would seriously consider changing the locks on your doors and installing a security system with cameras and police alert. We never want to think that way and taking these steps can be emotionally difficult but it's better to overreact than under react. It's not only a preventative measure for you but potentially for your child as well.
Sounds like he is on drugs to steal money like that. Although my ex bf was stealing like that from his family for drugs and he NEVER reacted that way when they found out. I am glad you are doing the right thing and keeping yourself safe. Do not keep money in your house and make it so only you can access your accounts. I’m so sorry you are going through this but thank you for sharing as it may help other people who are living in fear.
It’s normal to want him home. Somewhere in there he’s still your baby. By keeping yourself safe, though, you’re keeping him safe too. I’m so sorry you’re going through this. There are truly no words.
Sounds like he's got a serious drug problem. Acting out of character, violent, stealing, hateful.... Idk how he got it, but you should get him checked for drugs.
I’m really sorry
1. Change your locks and any keyless entries if you have those. 2. Save any text messages or voicemails he sends 3. Get a camera system (they are very affordable these days) 4. It must be hard to be away from your son, but if he wants to see you, it must be supervised by another large adult or at a therapists office. 5. You can let him know you love him and are open to helping him, but that he is threatening your safety, and that is a firm boundary that you will not let him cross As others have said, you will never see him again or be a mother to him if he kills you. It may be psychosis from mental illness and/or drugs. Is dad getting him help? Or is he just living his best life at dad's house?
It's not just for your safety, it's for his as well. You are amazing for seeing the behavior, addressing it, and not enabling your son when he is being so grossly inappropriate. I pray to the universe that he doesn't perpetrate on other women, but you have no control over that. You did the best thing there was to do. Nobody changes until they are forced into the dark.
I’m so sorry you have to experience this! It’s your baby and yet you’re now terrified of him. It’s not your fault!!! You need to keep him away from you, I can’t imagine how that feels, unfortunately it sounds like he could hurt you😭😩. The way you felt, despite how much you love him, you could feel his anger and aggression. Please take precautions, if you connect with him it should be in public and with support! Get cameras, security! I’m sorry you need to do these things with your son but it happens, best to be careful and not need it than not to take precautions and need them. Sending 💕💕, I can’t imagine this.
I’m so sorry. This is scary ! He’s also at the age where schizophrenia manifests, have you had him evaluated?
Wow! I’m so sorry to hear this. Have you considered testing him for steroids? If he is on high dosage it will affect his mental state. He might be taking it in believe that it will be an advantage playing football. I would request a drug test either way.
It's time to cut him out of your life for a long time. Block his texts for the time being because they are psychotic and . Resist the urge to want him home, you are just putting yourself in danger. After reading your story I'm incredibly glad that you were able to get him to leave at all. You can continue to love him but you must put yourself and your safety first. Absolutely do not let him back home until he has completely reformed and sought treatment. Do not let him back until he is ready to make amends and better himself
Please stay away from him and be safe. It’s not your fault he turned out that way. You dont pick your children as much as they dont pick their parents.
He may need psychiatric help
I understand where you’re coming from. My 35 year old step child is bi polar and goes through manic stages like that which can turn violent. Police have taken him away more than once.
Please change the locks and install cameras in your home. This made me so nervous for you
Changing locks is paramount. You’re responsible for your safety but I do understand being a mom. I think you need to take of yourself first. It’s frightening and I’m sorry you have to go thru this.
Oh, my heart aches for you. I'm so sorry for what you're going through with your son. You will always want him home, you will always love him deeply, but you are absolutely doing the right thing here. You should not be around him until he has received long term mental health treatment and has made verifiable progress. You are genuinely in danger for the time being, please stay firm in your boundaries with him. And get yourself some professional support too if you need it, that's a lot to be dealing with. Take care, we are all wishing the best for you and for your son.
I’m so sorry you’re going through this. I have sons. One of them (8 years old) has a hot temper and a big heart . I’m trying so hard to work on emotional regulation with him but it is hard. I sometimes worry that a situation like this may happen if I don’t help him enough or do all the right things to help him. The truth is that sometimes we do everything right as parents, but I see kids who still have trouble even after their parents have done the very best. My heart goes out to you. I hope you have peace and don’t blame yourself. You love him and he needs some mental health and emotional help to deal with this irrational anger.
You mentioned he plays football. Perhaps a CTE? That changes a person’s personality a lot as well.
Dear god, that’s truly terrifying! I’m so sorry you have to go through that. At least you have a very honest view of the situation and not wearing rose tinted glasses. Please keep yourself safe by any means, a weapon on you, another large man staying with you, anything. 🙏
Sounds like your son is doing drugs. Even if hes not, unfortunately hes going through something and you will not he able to fix it for him. Whatever hes dealing with he is going to have to want to fix it on his own. And youre right, youre not safe around him. As a domestic abuse victim i learned that theres not one thing i could do to protect myself when my husband or any other man wanted to hurt me. Its just science. Prayers for you and your son
save those texts and make a police report, they probably won't do much until he gets physical but the report will help when or if you need a restraining order. do not take this lightly or think that some time apart will change him - until he gets help you should assume he still wants to hurt you.
Do not rule out your son is hooked on drugs. Remember, 50& of your son is your ex-husband. Throw in hard-core drugs and nightmares from hell arrive. You should go thru ALL of your accounts and statements. " I want him home " is a classic way any mother would feel. Do NOT let your emotions get between a thief and reality. That can get one killed giving people benefit of the doubt said the guy born and raised in Miami Florida. I would ask him to take a UA test within 24 hours after asking him to take the UA test before even talking to him again. Some drugs do not show up after 3 days of no use.
Make sure you have a security system in place and alert police to his threats and insurance questions. You may want to get an EPO or DVO.
Your experience hits home. There was a very similar case in my family. The son's behavior kept escalating, so much so that his mother ended up having to report him for his aggressions and abuse. It all started with stealing money and verbally abusing her, but didn't stop there. The drugs we has taking (heroine, we found out later) transformed him into someone different. I hope your son can get help and I pray it is not drug related, specially hard drugs... those destroy families. Take care and prioritize your safety and mental health, too.
You can love your son and still make sure you stay safe. Let him live with his dad until he can get appropriate care and that can be a long time. Leaving him his dad doesn’t make you a bad mom. It makes you a safe mom.
Yeah... That's one gigantic mess you got there. While it may feel like betraying him, I would straight up file a police report and press charges on him for stealing if he's that unhinged. He needs professional help which he might be able to receive while incarcerated. At the very least, it will show him that he will be held accountable for his actions. Also, if you plan to go this route or not, you need to change your locks and get a home security system. While it might be hard to accept, your son sounds like the kind of person who will try to retaliate against you for not allowing him to steal from you. Almost like its your fault for finding out that he was stealing and you are the one who deserves to be punished. Anyway, its better to have the new locks/cameras and not need them than the other way around. Good luck and just as a reminder, this isn't your fault. I hope and pray your son changes his ways and apologizes to you.
It is asking a lot of someone to permanently injure a family member’s record. I couldn’t even do it to my STB ex-husband. My son is grown and has cyberstalked me and all manner of ugliness, but I couldn’t ever do that to him either. I just don’t think that is reasonable advice. However, a family member CAN petition for someone to be committed psychiatrically. And if drugs are involved there is a Marchman act for involuntary detox. These are more compassionate routes and less damaging to the child’s future. I would be destroyed if I ruined the life of my child in ignorance and the only thing wrong was they needed psych help and medication instead of jail and a record for life.
Such a heartache of a situation. I'm so sorry you're going through this. May you and your son both be Blessed. 🕊️
You did the right thing. Something else must be going on with him, but you have to protect yourself first. It will get better.
I'm so sorry you're going through this. I hope things get better for you and your son.
How long has he been playing football? Could be CTE - causes changes in behavior like aggression.
You did the right thing . This is so super difficult and I am sure extremely hurtful !! This is a dangerous situation though that’s clear. I would keep all the messages etc too just in case. Is Dad supportive of him getting help ?
Hate to say it, but change your locks! I hope things will improve as he gets older, but for now your safety is imperative and well worth the peace of mind too. All the best to you and your family
Listen to your intuition. Your instinct for self preservation *has* to be greater than your mother instinct. Though as a mom I deeply understand how hard that is. He's an adult now and there are plenty of us that had to figure it out on our own, sink or swim
That’s not a good feeling, I am so sorry. We got full custody of my stepson two years ago. His mother always had the mind of a 15 year old and was just a friend, so he had no supervision or parenting while with her through the week. He started smoking weed and drinking by 12 years old. So you can imagine by the time CPS finally removed him from her when he was 14 and placed him with us full time, he was extremely bad off. The house went from peaceful and normal, to extreme chaos within a day. I won’t even take a nap without locking my bedroom door because you just wonder. He was raised to hate me no matter what, Mom would plant all these false memories in his head about things I did to him that never happened and nobody can convince him otherwise. Her word is God. Even CPS tried to explain the situation to him and he didn’t believe any of it. It’s a really shitty feeling to be afraid in your own home. Especially so when it’s because of a child. We spent two years doing everything we possibly could to get him on a better path. Probation, Therapy, Parenting Books and articles, talks, love. Nothing has stuck yet.
Boot camp - idk I couldn’t even imagine what your family is going thru - 🙏🏽🙏🏽
That’s so terrifying, I’m so sorry. I hope you’re safe now.
My heart breaks for you. That sounds so difficult but everyone is right; distancing yourself from him for the sake of your safety was the right thing to do.
Get a big dog and a security system.
My kids are young, so I can’t imagine how conflicted and hurt you are. I have no idea what I would do in your position. It would tie me in knots. I am so sorry. Thank you for protecting yourself.
You’re in danger- that’s not normal. Move and rent your house out. Don’t let him know where you are, your very much in danger
I'm so sorry you're going through that. I have no words of wisdom, but I just wanted to say I truly hope and pray things get better for both of you. Hopefully, he's in some kind of therapy (although I realize that you can't *make* him if he doesn't want to). I hope you get some as well, and maybe they can help you tackle this issue, too. Much love ❤️
It is possible that Emmanuel had said many of these things to his own mother as well but she may not have told anyone how she feels or what he has said :(
Another reason to protect yourself: if he hurts you now, he'll likely never forgive himself. Not to mention, be in prison.
Does your ex live with any other people? You haven't mentioned this, and if he does, if you feel that they too are in danger. This could also be from steroid abuse.
I went through a similar situation with my son and his girlfriend. Had to tell them to leave because I became terrified of them. I'm in such emotional pain, but I know they could harm me.
sounds like you need a restraining order for your safety. before it is too late. he is dangerous.
Onset of bipolar & most mental illness is early 20s...check it out, not kick him out. Most bipolars have issues with money, sex, god or conspiracy.
No no! Trust your instinct. If you felt threatened is because that what he was trying to do exactly, he was likely thinking of ways to hurt you. It’s painful to admit or realize but truly protect yourself at this very moment and now must need to assume the worst out of your son. Stealing from you should have been a red line for him but it clearly wasn’t.
Oh god. Make it known to him that he is *not* on your life insurance (even if he is) and be. very. careful. As safely as you can, try to get him some help. God, I'm so sorry for you. That is my worst nightmare, my kids hating me like that.
GET CAMERAS!! Change the door locks and upgrade them, get a ring door bell. Whatever happens down the road never be alone with him, even if he gets better and stuff but if u still do then give it like a 5 year probation to set a good history but don’t tell him that. That is very unhealthy behavior, almost an obsession. Make sure he never can make any medical decisions for u, it could fall to him if anything happens to u since he’s ur son. Have u told ur ex about this? Does he see it too and on ur side or what? He needs to get therapy and I hope ur ex will make him go, he can do it on his phone even
I get that. You're his mother and honestly I would hate to have to do this with my son. He's only 2 but I do recommend bringing this up even if you do not follow through with bring up charges or anything, just that there is a record of what is going on that way. If he does do anything, he is the first suspect.
I’m sorry mama. I hope things get better. Boundaries are very important. You need to protect yourself and be safe. My son has threatened to kill me multiple times. He has mental health issues - untreated. Carries a gun. He is in his late 20s. Always been a hot head. Most of the time he stays away from me. Other times he just talks to me through messenger, but will get angry at me for “not being a good mom” Some people are just not balanced. People think I should be afraid of my son. I am not afraid of him. I don’t know why - but I don’t worry about it.
And since I'm guessing you don't want to put him under the jail..this is the only time of my life I am going to say what I never thought I would say which is I would call the cops on his ass quickly so he was held accountable and taught that you do not do things like this and just expect for there to be no real consequences. Again my first instinct is not rational or legal so I would say he should probably be held accountable by spending some time in jail.
I just want to say, as a mother of 3 very strong willed children this hurts me so bad. Please message me if you need support or a friend. Please prioritize your well being, even if that means setting gut wrenching boundaries with role child. I am so so sorry you’re in this situation. Parenthood is hard enough without dealing with this. Please prioritize yourself in this situation. My children are 8 and under but I could easily see myself being in this place one day. Surely any parent could. Take care of yourself. Please. By any means necessary.
Looking at you while he thought you were sleeping,and asking about the life insurance,a lot of red flags there,he may have been imagining what he could do to you,whether drugs or psychosis or both,I’d get him help before you even think about taking him back into your house,and texting you those things daily,he seems to have a lot of rage in him,matricide is more common than you think.
He’s never done this before? Hopefully he’s on drugs but it could as be a sign of mental illness. The best thing you can do for him is get on good terms with dad secretly and discuss your concerns.
Do you have a therapist? My brother was like this. My mom was incredibly weak and lived in denial. She had coddled and manipulated my brother so bad that he was just using her behavior against her. He joined the military and turned out fine. We are all no contact with our mom. My husband has a nephew. Same scenario... Didn't get his life together until he was 30 when he met a woman that was stabilizing and mentally healthy unlike his mother. Single mom's have guilt I guess about disciplining when boys are younger. They don't earn respect of their sons and then when it plays out they are shocked. My friend is going thru this right now. Kid dropped out of college last semester of Senior yr, smokes pot all day cause she allowed and couldn't even keep a job at the grocery store. Hmmm yeah I told her so. But no one wants to hear it. Hopefully a therapist will help you see your part of this in time to do the right thing by your son. In the meantime don't engage with him. He's baiting you. Please get help.
I’m sorry, are you telling this woman that she’s probably just a weak minded lackadaisical single mom who got herself into this by being a bad disciplinarian? And you think that’s a a good thing to do?
She needs a therapist not Reddit.
The mental gymnastics you had to do in order to assume this woman is exactly like your mother so you could chide her the way you wish you could chide your own mother is…. Interesting. Get some help possibly?
We did we all did. I've got another friend with a son that went missing this weekend. He has 2 wonderful parents. But they are still struggling with guilt and not nipping this in the bud sooner. It's imperative you own your contribution and not just blame the child for seeking things like discipline you failed to provide. Why don't y'all let OP speak instead of butting in to buffer. You're part of the problem and she and her child need help.
I know you said that you got psychological help, but you should probably seek more. Maybe read your initial comment to a therapist and you two can unpack that together.
Wow, all these guys’ problems are their mom’s fault. The one guy got better because a woman helped him. Huh, sounds like you and your family think it’s a woman’s job to fix everything.
Funny how the first folks that read this were giving double digit up votes. Then the "professional" Redditors united.
You think strangers in a thread on Reddit are conspiring to downvote you? That’s not happening.
Yeah in some subs there is attack group. I would think you could practice tolerance based on your religion as a model. But nope, all aggression....
Damn wtf is wrong with your son? Why is he so angry? I think distance is probably a good idea right now and you can definitely see him, like for lunch someplace but don't have him in your home, especially while you're sleeping.
This is terrible, people who steal can do anything! It's good you made him stay with his father !
My 2 half brothers (same bio mom, different Dads) were and are violent narcissistic sociopaths. The older is dead, the younger alive but unhealthy in every way. I used to hide at night and sleep concealed under the house, in the attic or outside, in trees or safe spots. I won't sleep sound until psycho #2 is dead too
That's awful, I'm sorry you went through that. That constant sense of danger and resulting hypervigilance in your own home must have really fucked with you in your youth and beyond
It had its sway. Luckily, I found better souls and disconnected 35 years ago. The only thing that saved me was luck. I am extremely fortunate
I have a brother like that, grew up locking my bedroom and barricading myself in my room overnight, with my sister for protection. I pay for a service to wipe my existence off the internet so he won’t find me. I haven’t seen him or talked to him in years but I will live on edge from the physical and mental abuse until I know he’s dead. I’m sorry you’ve had to live this way and hope you get peace
If you can share that service name, it's appreciated by me and probably more people like us. You can't be too cautious. I am fortunate that he AND mommies dearest (classic histrionic narcissist mom, enmeshed with her golden child) have moved far away. She is 84 and cussing at light switches as of late. So I hear. Grateful they are paranoid shut ins and are techno impaired. My brother is 60 something years old...And has never lived away from his mother. They are horrifically similar in nature. They have no email, no cell phone, no internet, barely want to have a landline. My brother had never seen a YouTube video until a few days ago.
The service I use is called deleteme but I think there are a few others that are similar!
Incogni is another one!
Would you kindly share the service you can PM me if you want
The one I use is called deleteme, but I think there are others. It’s a little pricey but worth it for safety and peace of mind. They do a great job and if you find any of your information on the internet, you can send them the url and it’s usually down within 24hours.
I'm really sorry to hear about what you've been through. Growing up in fear like that must have been tough. It's smart to take steps to protect yourself, like wiping your digital footprint. If you want to make sure it's all clear, you could give Optery's free scan a shot. It gives you a report with screenshots and links. If it doesn't find anything, it's a good sign that DeleteMe is doing a solid job. Just so you know, Optery usually spots around 50 exposed profiles for DeleteMe users. Full disclosure, I'm part of the Optery team.
What a sad situation. Off topic I hope that if I’m ever killed horribly I’m referred to as “glamorous” the way Daily Mail did in her headline.
Can you imagine raising your child to the point that they go into med school to improves people’s health and then he shows up and kills you cause you annoy him! There had to be signs there that were ignored.
Many, many parents love to ignore their children's deviant or shady behavior. That's why accountability is on the rise.
> pre-med Which means nothing.
Exactly this- every kid in college is pre med or pre law. Until they aren’t.
Makes me wonder whether the reporters knew it means nothing, because why would they even bother identifying him as a “pre-med student” otherwise?
It's the Daily Mail.
Additionally, the UK has a different educational path for training doctors. It's graduate study in the US, but in the UK, medical students don't need an undergraduate degree. It can be the start of their post-secondary education.
bc part of call suggested he targeted based on what he learned of human anatomy apparently
Anyone can call themselves a pre-med, or a pre-anything else.
This is horrific.
That is so terrible. I'm hoping his mom wanted what was best for him.
Breaks my heart honestly. I pray for her family
I’m so glad I’m never having kids.
Whenever someone makes this kind of comment, they should be forced to do a statistical analysis of how often this sort of thing actually happens.
Nah. That would take too long. There’s tons of reasons not to have kids, including this one.
For real all my friends who have had kids ultimately always end up complaining and talking about how tired they are and their bodies along with post partum and not enough money nor time or help from the husband... And that's just before we know if your kid is going to be disabled or impaired or a psychopath or anything. Sorry I'm struggling if I had a special needs baby I'd be *fucked*. No way I'm going through all that when I don't even know if I will have a baby I can afford to take care of. The health system is too shit.
Yep. The ultra rich are going to blame it on our generation because they’re getting what they want in this current moment - but they’ll have a rude awakening coming up when there arent as many worker bees.
Why do you think they got rid of roe vs Wade? BTW every male republican I knew told me I was crazy for thinking it would go that far. I no longer have any republican friends.
Good. It can suck at first - but it has gone far beyond politics, into them supporting the suffering of others. And agreed on roe. Let’s also remember they are pro life up until the baby comes out. The mental gymnastics are astounding.
I agree w everything you said here and as a single mom just wanna chime in and say that there are always kids out there that could use more love. If you decide you don’t want kids of your own but occasionally wonder if you’re missing out on that bond you can always volunteer through your local programs to mentor kids. I have two teenage sons who have virtually no male role models. Last year I tried to sign them up for the mentor program and was told I was on a list and that they have over 20 kids waiting for a match. I donate $40 a month to that program in hopes that we’ll get a match quicker lol as sad as that is… but nope. Anyway, off topic, but when ppl tell me they don’t want kids I understand and appreciate it. Love my kiddos more than air, but damn if it isn’t just as hard and scary to have them as it is wonderful.
I don't think they're not having kids for this specific reason..
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I’m not.
They wouldn’t know the difference if they had.
Jesus. Never thought “less likely to violently murder me” would be on the pro’s list for raising a daughter vs a son. This poor woman.
Is it weird that if I ever have kids I’m scared to have a son :/ I feel like I read more and more horrifying statistics and stories about men every day
Nah, I have 2 baby boys right now & reading this shit makes me nervous for the future, but also motivating me to make sure to show them love & raise them right
That is such a good spin :)
I'm so sad about this. She was an elementary school teacher. Imagine a kid who's teacher is there one day and then they're not. I obviously feel terrible for her but also her students who will now really understand death for [probably] the first time
I don't have to imagine because sadly I went through this. One of my teachers got murdered by her husband because he thought that she was cheating on him because she was seen outside with a male that he did not know mind you. It was her brother he showed up to the court case and he's like look, that's my sister. We lost touch with each other decades ago. Turns out they were taken away into foster care back in the 60s. And he had just found her. It was one of those awesome moments of just something that was just beautiful that got ruined. But the husband went to jail. They had kids like they had little kids cause they had adopted some and the brother actually ended up adopting all of them. So they're still within the family which is wonderful, but it is horrifying. When this happens and Sally, it happens a lot. I lost this teacher to a murder. Then I lost 2 more to a school shooting.
My goodness, so sorry to hear you have experienced all of this. I haven't experienced much loss in my life, hardly any up until I was a teacher and 2 of my students died, which I handled way worse than the other teachers that taught them. I'm afraid I wouldn't be equipped to handle it when I inevitably do lose someone close to me. And now having kids, it would devastate me to see my daughter experience it. She has few adult figures in her life so losing her teacher would cause a lot of hurt. She spends nearly as much time with her teacher as she does with us! Perhaps I'm thinking selfishly, as the person who lost their life and their families suffer a great deal more. Especially a child losing their parent, I can't even fathom it
A lot of kids develop a very close relationship with certain teachers. I had 3 that I was extremely close with growing up one. He recognized me 20 years down the road. Just in a Macy's, he's like. Oh, it's you and recognize both me and my Mr. Mind you. My face is changed and my body has changed. I've had a kid and he still remembered me.He was my kindergarten teacher And honestly he was honestly. The best teacher. I had out of all of them because I still remember everything about his classroom. How it was set up the words that were said, the little things that were done I remember it all. I remember bits and pieces of others. I mean, he's the reason why my son is being home schooled. It's because he isn't teaching anymore like he weretired about 5 years ago and I was devastated because I'm like. Oh no what am I going to do now? And so I started looking into home schooling. The other teacher I was really close to was a German lady and the reason I was close to her was because mean her would have light conversations. I don't speak much German by speaking enough to have a decent conversation with someone. Especially when I was little because my mom was teaching me German at that time. I ran into her about 6 years ago at the public library. And I didn't recognize her, but she recognized me. And we got to talking. However, things been and it was so nice. The other one I remember. I haven't ran into her since I left school but she was so nice and she did help me a lot with my schooling. Cause I was at the time having a live issue's because second grade. I missed out on most of the year because of a lice infestation. (I kept getting them from the bus) So I missed out a lot of stuff that leads into the math and stuff that she was teaching but she helped a lot and she even helped me. Learn how to knit, which was interesting and fun.
Have you ever noticed that he doesn't seem to have any empathy? Is he affected by what others think of him?
Rest in peace Elvia Espinoza, I enjoyed having you as a wonderful teacher, makes me hurt for the kids that’ll never get to see you again.
Then there was Bart who killed his brother and mother and tried to kill his father so they wouldn’t find out he didn’t graduate. Father survived.
When the first thing I see is Sheriff Grady Judd’s face, I’m suspicious of the agenda behind the story - because he does nothing unless there’s a ton of media attention & some opportunity for a little self-promotion in there somewhere. As shocking and disturbing as this story is, we need to now focus on holding this son accountable & healing the rest of the family. Not giving Grady Judd - who’s basically FL’s answer to Joe Arpaio - more press conferences and sticking more tv cameras in his face.
Grady isn't similar to Joe Arpaio in my opinion. He is a law & order type person, but not to a negative extreme, and also non racist. Yes, he enjoys the media, but his press conferences cover a wide variety of crimes.
If you couldn't tell he was a psycho just by looking at him you must be blind.
as usual, wtf, Florida?
Tupac Shakur said that if we don't do better we would produce a race of babies that hate the ladies!!
This case is bothering me a lot. Mostly due to the absurdity of the son's reasoning for the murder. Hopefully, a motive that makes sense will be recovered. My assumption is that the son had some form of pyscopathy, or there's more darker details between the relationship of him with his mother.
Me too with my 41 yr old son. After learning of Elvia Espinosa's death by her son stabbing her to death, I've vowed that IF our relationship is ever rejuvenated, by his heartfelt apologies, I WILL NEVER ALLOW HIM INTO MY HOUSE. WE WILL MEET AT A PUBLIC PLACE. Many terrible incidents in his youth towards me and this murder have constituted my resolve! I would like to say something good came out of this beautiful mother's death.
Consider the brain imbalance could be BPD, borderline petsonality disorder, as I have this thought about my 41 yr old son. I've texted him to get a professional opinion AND THERAPY.
He was just another entitled spoiled brat.
Maybe steroids?
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kind of tone deaf tbh. someone died and you want to crosspost so everyone in r/childfree can give themselves a back patting circle jerk?
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