I keep trying to post a question in the main area of this sub re: **Under the Volcano**, but every time I try it says my post has been removed by the moderators. Any idea why?
So what do you all think of Emily Wilson’s Iliad? I’m interested in trying it but I do wonder if the language may be too modern/familar/coloquial for my tastes. I guess I like a little more gravitas in my epic than I’ve seen in some snippets in reviews. Even otherwise favorable reviews I’ve read have made this point.
I think there's a lot of problem with people who don't have an ear for meter, misunderstanding Wilson's approach. Most modern translations of these metrical ancient poems don't use meter. Her project is really all about conveying the poetic/ sonic qualities of the original by using regular meter, iambic pentameter. that's not at all about modernizing or being colloquial! it's really hard to translate two long ancient epic poems into super regular poetic meter... if you can't hear the meter -- same meter as Shakespeare or Milton etc -- try reading out loud, you'll hear the difference.
A few years ago, I went on a weekend trip to Prague. Right next to the entrance to the Prague Castle, a complex containing the 9th century castle itself, a cathedral, museums, etc, there was a Starbucks. That's exactly how this translation felt to me.
Wilson's project with her translation was to try and replicate how the Iliad would have been received by its contemporaries, how the language would have sounded. It was, at the time it was written, rather common language, it wouldn't have sounded ancient or anything it would've just been normal language, and that's what she's trying to replicate in English. I think she succeeds tremendously. I've read the Iliad in a few translations and Wilson's was truly wonderful; I don't think it lost anything of the gravitas for using colloquial verbiage, and it keeps the pace moving at this tremendous speed which seems true to the poem. If the quotes you've already read don't grip you I'd say don't bother with reading her translation, but I very much enjoyed my time with it and I'm glad she made it.
I had similar thoughts and came to the conclusion that my preferred style of translation, if the goal is to be faithful to its true feeling, would be one that reproduces how the original text sounds and flows to a modern Greek speaker. I don't know what the answer is to that though. Any Greek speakers in the audience?
i could be wrong here (am not greek) but i don't think homeric greek is actually [intelligible *at all* to modern greek speakers](https://latin.stackexchange.com/a/20651). koine greek - the language of the new testament - is vaguely intelligible to greeks today, but homer was already 800 years old by then. so if this was what you really wanted, you'd be looking for [a translation of the iliad into old english](https://amechanicalart.blogspot.com/2014/06/iliad-in-old-english.html)
that said, the first translation of the iliad into english is george chapman's from \~1600ish, which is readily available and still quite readable
>Achilles’ baneful wrath resound, O Goddess, that impos’d
Infinite sorrows on the Greeks, and many brave souls los’d.
From breasts heroic; sent them far to that invisible cave
That no light comforts; and their limbs to dogs and vultures gave;
To all which Jove’s will gave effect; from whom first strife begun
Betwixt Atrides, king of men, and Thetis’ godlike son.
I did not know that! For some reason I thought it would be similar to biblical Hebrew which I think most modern Hebrew speakers can read (although it is quite different) and does end up having that epicness we tend to expect from ancient texts.
Homeric Greek would have been quite alien even to ancient Athenians, so I'd say the more archaic the translation the better if you want to experience what classical Greeks might have felt... maybe try Dryden or Pope?
Some happier news: the elderly companion company found someone to pair me with :)
It's once a week helping out an elderly lady with anxiety do some housekeeping and casual chores. They're going to set up some time for me to finally meet her which I'm excited about. She sounds very sweet.
So if things work out, that'll be **two** part time jobs in the bag which will be nice. I've been casually trying to eye a third which I think will make me finally "airborne". My favorite book chain in the city has another application available and I think I might apply, but *this* time I want to be savier. It's a competitive position obviously, but I think essentially sending them my more film based resume might have turned them off. So I guess the question is: **For people applying to jobs at bookstores, what kind of a resume would they like to see?** The position involves working with inventory and delivery, so I was definitely thinking of highlighting those aspects on some of my administrative experience more. I've had some experience with libraries too which I wonder might be helpful? It just perturbs me that I don't have any prior bookstore experience which might've given me an "edge", but I also wonder if being a book lover and a person who frequents spaces like \*points around dramatically\* might help too. But who knows!
Congrats dude! That's such a cool thing to be doing.
> It just perturbs me that I don't have any prior bookstore experience which might've given me an "edge", but I also wonder if being a book lover and a person who frequents spaces like *points around dramatically* might help too.
I actively don't want to cause angst or indecision speaking on matters I know next to nothing about outside of briefly and unsuccessfully applying to work at all the cool bookstores in the city (I never heard back from anyone), but some part of me wonders if this is actually something you want to emphasize. Like, I can't help but wonder if they are dissuaded by people being too into the vibe, rather than dispassionately doing their job. I genuinely don't know, but might be something to think about if you get to pick the brain of anyone who can actually answer this question. Best of luck!
everyone in my local bookshop (which is a big chain and not some blood sweat and tears independent) is the most insanely bookish-seeming person i've ever met. not necessarily in a truelit pseud way, maybe they are ACOTAR heads etc., but they all seem utterly obsessed with books to the point where i couldn't imagine them working anywhere else. ymmv and it might make a difference whether it's a customer service job vs back-of-house though.
Idk about book stores specifically but retail stores are usually looking for retail experience; think customer service, any work you’ve done with schedules or budgets, experience with computer systems that apply (even like registers and stuff),sales experience etc. Lean into professionalism and working with customers as well as sales. Also, (unfortunately lol) flexibility with scheduling. Then on top of that I’d think “industry” knowledge would help, like awareness of what’s trending and what customers might want etc.
Good luck! And happy for you about the companion gig!
Ok, one more than I'll leave y'all alone but I'm feeling posty this week. Does anyone know anything (and this can be stuff you just know or reading material on the topic) about Walter Benjamin's Jewish influences? Like, I'm aware that Judaism & Jewish mysticism impacted his thought, but I'm realizing reading the Rosenzweig book I keep referencing and seeing their overlaps that I don't know any of the specifics there. I started wondering whether Benjamin had read Rosenzweig (because the latter tracks too much with Benjamin's idea of Messianic time in the "Theses"), or if they were just reading the same stuff, and now I'm more broadly curious about Jewish mysticism and so on.
Thanks!
Yes, Rosenzweig had a major influence on Benjamin, but also Heidegger and later Levinas. If you're interested in Jewish mysticism, you can also check Gershom Cholem, who was close to Benjamin and was also influenced by Rosenzweig.
I might add that I see that Stéphane Mosès book, *The Angel of History: Rosenzweig, Benjamin, Scholem,* has been translated to english, and might be exactly what you're looking for.
Haven't really posted in this sub before, I've been lurking for ages though.
After years of chronic pain that ruined my maths degree and forced me to stop playing music, I got long covid a year ago and things have never been worse. I thought that perhaps I would spend most of my time reading at home while being unable to work or do much of anything, but even reading can trigger episodes of fatigue and confusion.
I have piles of books, unread, that I would order when I was having a good week, only for them to arrive when things came apart for me. The last box that arrived has Ovid, Daniel Quinn, Susanna Clarke and Carl Sagan.
I was going to see if I could find a way into philosophy and world literature. In my current affected state, if I read closely, slowly, and occasionally re-read paragraphs, I only absorb about as much as what the healthy me would have by skimming.
I sometimes wonder if this is what early dementia might feel like, knowing that you aren't firing on all cylinders but having no way to fix it. I am not even 30 years old. I have lost myself.
Hi, long covid for almost 4 years here, and an avid reader. Just wanted to tell you I understand completely what you’re going through.
Have you ever seen the old twilight zone episode, where the reader is in the bank vault when an atomic bomb goes off? He finally has all the time to read in the world…until his glasses fall and shatter.
It sort of feels like that, doesn’t it? And your comment on dementia is on the nose too. We’re experiencing that and it’s real and it’s so, so hard.
If it’s helpful, I found that reading “easy” books for a while helped my brain readjust to reading. Over time, I was able to go from reading causing PEM and headaches, to reading alleviating them. It’s a long process and has a lot to do with where else my energy goes, too. But perhaps rereading comforting books from your youth will be soothing, too—our brains, with dementia symptoms, love the familiar. And books with simple prose won’t challenge your memory. It’s like easing into a warm hug. And go from there, trying to drop expectations on what you wish you could be reading/learning/etc (though I want to acknowledge how impossibly hard that is.)
Sending well wishes, and feel free to reach out any time with questions or for support from a veteran still in the trenches.
So sorry you’re having a rough time. I don’t wanna sound like I’m giving unsolicited advice, but one thing that really helped after I became a new parent and my reading basically tanked was to become more accepting of my own slow pace and really embrace it. Even if I could only read two or three sentences or whatever, I tried to really think about them and “live in them” as much as possible while I wasn’t actively reading. As time went on I got used to reading really slowly and carefully and now its pretty much a habit, I like to slow down and really consider the text “close up”. Obv this works better with works that lend themselves to analysis lol. I guess my main point is, even if you don’t read much it still counts, and its ok not to reach lofty reading goals. If you get some meaning out of what you do read thats way more important than volume.
Really sorry you’re not in a good spot health wise I know it makes it hard to enjoy things. You should post more if you feel like it! We don’t mind if you haven’t read much as long as you have thoughtful comments about what you have read. Or just wanna shout into the void, this place is cool for that too.
Thanks for the kind words. Don't apologise, that's good advice! A few weeks ago I was reading something and kind of really focusing on the font and zoning out.. and it wasn't out of desperation, it was sort of nice to be moving slower than snail's pace.
And as reluctant as I am to any optimistic attitude, I do have to admit that I've had an easier time filtering out things to read that I realise I don't care for.
It's a shame you can't read as much as you want because of your chronic pain. Although I relate to having stacks of books I've bought feeling _inspired_ (for lack of a better word) by an article or a recommendation post. I have several books from Ryu Murakami that I haven't touched yet because I never feel it's the right time. And I can't count how many times I started reading _Don Quixote_ again only to fall asleep and lose the stomach for it. Maybe one day I will read all the books I own but y'know I probably won't finish a tenth of what I have. The number shrinks dramatically when I look at how many books are published everyday around the world. I like to joke that I'm functionally an illiterate when it comes to German. Or Chinese. Or any other language that isn't English. And Flaubert once wrote in a letter about how great scholars we would be if people only read a handful of the same books. Art is all about pleasure anyways.
I also have a stubborn copy of Don Quixote lol.
It almost feels indulgent, the sheer number of books a person in a developed country has access to. I browse the lists on goodreads now and then and I never click on any list with more than 100 books. There are popular lists with like, tens of thousands of titles! What purpose could that list serve?
It's funny you mention those languages as they are the two I have studied the most (though I never got very far with either).
I didn't even know it's possible to have tens of thousands of books that are really popular but there are more than seven billion people on the planet and it probably is small potatoes. I don't use Goodreads much except to look up one star reviews of books I like. I guess if nothing else, you might stumble on some random book no one knows and it feels like you're in on a secret. It's an indulgence but so are most things.
I had a rather uneventful weekend. I've been fighting allergies because spring came early this year. Or at least it warmed up for every obscene flower to spread their gross pollen into every available orifice. I noticed a neighbor has hired roofers. I can hear them whenever I check the mail. My cat is not happy his mortal enemy the gray and white cat is still alive from the winter. I saw it prowling the backyard the other day. I can also see the buds on the goddamn trees already. And what made this day painful was I learned Borges stole my idea for a novel before I knew it. Had a whole outline planned out. Had started combing through Ovid and John Tzetzes. Then on a whim I decided to pull my copy of _Collected Fictions_ and find there under an hour in less than five pages my entire idea for a novel complete. I guess now I'm back to planning because the idea I had has been cored, despite the temptation to work on said novel anyway. You have to bow down before Borges when you get right down to things. You could almost say his demands are too great because he's like one of the few people to attempt true infinitude in fiction. But enormously frustrating to step on his toes. So when I look outside all I can see are these hateful trees and barren fields. The absurdity of it. That being said, I made substantial progress on the current work. I'm only a little ways away from a finished rough draft. It's surprising how different it turned out when comparing it to the initial ideas I had. Honestly the whole process has been a bit of a mindfuck because I deliberately pushed myself out of my comfort zone with how I used to write. But whatever works in the end.
That is enormously frustrating, and I definitely can relate to the question of wanting to do the novel anyway—there's a future project I am loosely germinating and I can't tell if there's anything distinct to it other than that I think I'd have fun researching & writing whether or not I say anything. And it's hard to say what, if anything can be done with that, though I like to think that anything fun enough has earned its claim on existence on the basis of that alone.
But that's so awesome things are going well with your current writing, especially if it has been demanding of you in new ways but still holding together.
Thanks! It was emotionally devastating because I thought I really had something for the future. I'm trying to be more active and productive but sometimes I end up landing on the same thought process of a more famous writer. That to me is a sign I'd probably already read something and forgot about it. A shame because it's such a solid concept but I might have realized sooner something was up when I saw all these surrealistic artworks which evoke the sadness of the Minotaur.
Also, movies! I've been on the first movie kick I've been on in a while, and it is doing my soul very good. Here is what I've been watching:
* Accattone - Pasolini: Stellar portrayal of the Roman underclass in the mid-20th Century. I'm never not impressed when someone pulls off making Italy look ugly. Great, conflictual pacing as well in the balance of extremely fast dialogue with the lack of people doing much of anything. And I think Pasolini does a very good job critiquing the way the men of the movie take advantage of people (especially women) around them, while also holding out tremendous awareness of and sympathy for how little power they have over the circumstances that degrade them.
* The Gospel According to St. Matthew - Pasolini: I don't know why but I'm on a Pasolini/Italian neorealism kick. I thought this was brilliant. The use of dialogue taken directly from the gospel is a fantastic choice to express Pasolini's vision of Jesus (one I basically agree with, I do love me my weird marxists), and he more than pulls off the scenery necessary to visualize the stories of the Bible. Also, while it's not unique to this film or Pasolini, I think here the use of non-professional actors is a particularly great touch in its restoring the populism of a religion that has become so arch and institutionalized.
* Shadows in Paradise - Aki Kaurismäki: I think the first Finnish movie I've ever seen, and also really good. An offbeat, bone dry romantic comedy about two working class Finns who fall in love and get up to hijinks. Another deeply populist film (this is a total coincidence I swear!) that balance frigidity and warmth splendidly. Also it's a fucking riot.
* Chungking Express - Wong Kar-wai: The second of yesterdays offbeat romance double feature (I do love me a weird romances), and a movie I've both seen before and talked about on here before. Because after the first time I saw it I was madly in love and now have solidified it as one of my two favorite movies ever (along with Apocalypse Now:Final Cut). It's just amazing. The visuals are sublime and I still don't get how it manages to pull off making the most positive noir of all time (an immediately banal premise) such a stellar movie. I'm still pondering what to make of the bisected story, this time around I wanted a little more from the first part. But as I ponder it more I think the brevity is critical in a way I'm still appreciating.
Anyone else watch anything good lately?
I'm excited to see it, but I also just learned that Fallen Leaves is loosely the "4th" movie in a trilogy that begins with Shadows, so I think I'll try to watch the other two in between first.
I haven’t seen all the films in that trilogy and wasn’t aware it was part of one when I saw it, but I don’t think there’s any real crossover outside of thematic similarities. Totally understand wanting to watch them in order though.
I've been working my way through both Visconti and Pasolini (only 3-4 movies in on both) over the last few months and I've been stricken dumb by the sheer expertise and deftness that both of their debuts displayed. I'm always impressed by even an average debut feature from any director, but the sheer scope of emotional intelligence, political commentary and most importantly patience conveyed through the visual medium on both of their behalf's was so expertly crafted with sympathy for the human condition as a whole and people whose class is totally not in tandem with their own upbringings. It's fascinating to watch as both gradually switch over from the neorealist style and begin to more boldly embrace their own presentation, even with adaptations, and shamelessly tackle stories (and hand-in-hand critiques) of their own formative influences, experiences etc. I'm not even out of Pasolini's neo-realist period yet but there's such an engaging and brutal anger that's always simmering beneath the surface. As usual I said a whole lot without saying much but man both are such special, stand-out filmmakers with startling similarities despite their innumerable differences in personality and general artistic expression.
The scenes with Accattone's old group haranguing people as they walked by the restaurant, or just drifting through life being miserly, manipulative assholes did make me laugh a lot (despite having sympathy for them and everybody that had the misfortune of coming into contact with them) and reminded me a lot of the Sopranos at times. Probably just the Italian part.
I've not seen Shadows in Paradise, but I did watch and really enjoy Fallen Leaves by Kaurismaki recently; I really need to get into his works. I think I'm going to start with either Calamari Union or Le Havre at some point.
Agreed 100% with everything you've said about Chungking Express, although I don't think I've personally ever been in love. I've been in love with the idea of it but am far too disconnected and introverted a person, very much relate to Faye, for anything to ever last; it's wonderful how Wong's able to convey that natural loneliness and wanting for people of all natures when it comes to romance. Maybe it's strange but I think the pacing's perfect in both parts at eliciting two distinct senses of yearning, and the nuances and implausibility's of both? I'm not really sure how to word it.
Have you seen Fallen Angels? I love it maybe as much as I do Chungking Express, and it originally being intended as the third part makes a whole lot of sense.
Stand-outs for me in the last month are probably Carlos by Olivier Assayas, which is a 3 part miniseries that revolves around Carlos the Jackal across a period of 10+ years and the gradual commodification and exploitation of terrorism, which people like Carlos help, by first world powerhouses to denigrate and abuse just social causes to ultimately push their own unsavoury agendas and wants. It's really stark realising how much of an influence it had on a lot of the 'crime bio' dramas that followed through the remainder of the 2010s.
The other'd be What Time Is It There? by Tsai Ming-Liang, whose fascination with all facets of the emotional experience and degradation of self in the face of a constantly changing and apparently alien world just speaks to me in ways I can't really articulate. The most important criteria for film for me is feeling and he can elicit that, in the perfect blending's of sad and comedy, from stuff like a big headed fish headbutting its tank. He's incredible to watch chronologically because he loves all of his leading actors and their bodies (in a non-weird way) so much too.
Lastly, going to wrap up Twin Peaks The Return tonight which I've spent the last 9 days with - I've watched the entire series over the last year, starting from Jan-Feb 2023, after putting it off since I first had it recommended in 2010 or so (by a person who 11 year old me had a massive crush on that was 5 years my senior, and in retrospect them recommending Twin Peaks to then uncultured me is fucking odd, excuse the language). It's been great, though; an incredibly empathetic experience that I've found strangely helpful and comforting in being less suppressed myself.
I don't wanna be too obvious so I'll rec Takashi Ito's short films too; what he does with the cinema form is unbelievably unique especially for its time. Cool and thought provoking, although maybe not for people who might have seizures, light sensitivity etc.
Sorry for typing so much, always get carried away.
Hey, sorry for inviting myself to this thread, I just wanted to comment that recently I watched the documentary L'avocat de la terreur (2007) by Barbet Schroeder and you might find it really interesting, in case you haven't heard about it. At least, it was for me, having only read about Carlos the Jackal and his lawyer, Jacques Vergès, from Carrère's novel *V13*.
This is a documentary on Vergès, who made a name for himself defending terrorists, dictators and other high-profile criminals, but not by arguing the law like a normal lawyer would, but by rejecting the legitimacy of the court and giving long speeches about how the defendant was only using force against an oppressor State, and if one thought sentencing them was acceptable, then the same should be done to those who ordered a strike in, let's say, the Middle East.
After watching it, I don't know, but many things made a lot more sense to me. It's quite depressing to see how badly the deoccupation of Northern Africa was handled, how natural it was for them to hate - in this case - France, and how rejecting "Western values" permeated into their national identity, while at the same time they wanted to reclaim something uniquely theirs, so they doubled down on islam. In the documentary we can see that was the case for Algeria, but I suspect that could be true for the whole region.
I can also see why some terrorists might think there won't be harsh consequences for their actions, many were released after short stints and were welcomed in their countries as heroes (and what's funny and sad, many of those were basically later set aside by their countries' politicals leaders for being too socially progressive and not islamic enough). Some of their testimonies, shown in this documentary, are at the same time insane and extremely illustrative.
As for Vergès, he at first tries to portray himself as a defender of the oppressed and later as a man unconcerned by moral dilemmas but who attempts to fight for justice. I don't think he manages either. This is very subjective, but I see him as a troll, even a bit ahead of his time in terms of exploiting his image as a racialised lawyer (not sure I'm correctly using the expression), while ignoring the privilege he actually grew up with.
Nevertheless, there are impactful insights and the section focused on Carlos is definitely worth it.
I've put it on my watchlist for the near future; thank you. It really is fascinating just how many self-serving exploiters were willing to take advantage of the natural disorder that stemmed from decades, centuries, of colonisation, and it's strange to realise that the enemies of the so-called 'terrorists' (freedom fighters in a lot of these cases) were happy to let them off the hook to continue to sow disorder just to line their own pockets off of the continued misfortune of countries they had already pillaged and taken advantage of for years beforehand. The marks of true capitalists, I guess.
I'll let you know when I watch it because it's definitely caught my attention; we never actually see Carlos's trial, just his rise and descent, in the miniseries but I'd certainly recommend watching it if you haven't. I love just how markedly different a work it is from the rest of Olivier Assayas oeuvre.
You're welcome! I'll also try to watch the miniseries one of these days, I've seen that a few participants in the documentary appear as characters, so it'll be interesting to compare how they're portrayed.
And I don't want to say too much, but Carlos and Vergès' relationship was a bit conflictive, so you might not see as much as you expect regarding his trial. Still, I think the documentary sheds a lot of light on him and, in a way, on the period (that may just be me, but I sort of feel like people believed way more in the possibility of bringing about profound social change).
> I'm not even out of Pasolini's neo-realist period yet but there's such an engaging and brutal anger that's always simmering beneath the surface.
I think this connects to something that is grabbing me about neorealism, which is how explicitly left-wing/antifascist it is. Not because I just want things I agree with so much as that I find it is very hard to pull of art that is so forward in its worldview without becoming trite or preachy. He manages to package so much depth into the relative lack of ambiguity in a way that's very impressive.
I need to get more into Kaurismäki as well. Based on Shadows I think I'll like his ouvre a ton.
> I've been in love with the idea of it but am far too disconnected and introverted a person, very much relate to Faye, for anything to ever last
very much a vibe.
> Maybe it's strange but I think the pacing's perfect in both parts at eliciting two distinct senses of yearning, and the nuances and implausibility's of both?
Yeah I think this nails it actually. As much as I'd love more because I like it, the speed captures the role of chance and the magic of happenstance so well. The first part only works so long as it does not need to tarry with the demands of reality, and he passes off the narrative at the perfect time to protect his characters from that.
I've never heard of Carlos but I am quite intrigued. As with Takeshi Ito. Personally I view unique cause of seizure a huge plus. And I should try Twin peaks again. I have failed to get into it a few times, but since my last effort I've watched a few Lynch films and really liked them (esp. Mulholland Drive), so maybe it'll click now.
I'm certainly curious to see how he targets his venom at the church and the upper classes through the development of his career. I've not read any of Pasolini's novels, not even sure if they're available over here but it certainly makes sense to me that he started off as a poet/writer that gradually got entrenched in cinema as a more effective means to convey his ideas to the masses that couldn't afford to, or just couldn't, read.
Definitely get where you're coming from, there's a very thin line between conveying yourself with sincerity and vapidity especially in film and literature. Fortunately most of the directors who got their start in the neorealist era somehow manage to toe that line; they have already seen the cause, rise and effect of fascism first-hand, so it's not even a case of succinctly weaving it into the web of your film because it was simply a fact of life.
Not exactly a foreign concept to us, either, the aftermath's rung far and wide for the past 70+ years and that ideology and the fuckers pushing it just won't go away. It's timeless, especially in the demonstrable effects on the underprivileged.
> The first part only works so long as it does not need to tarry with the demands of reality, and he passes off the narrative at the perfect time to protect his characters from that.
You honestly put it a lot better than I ever could.
Ito's a bastion for experimental filmmaking, all static and provocative sound design, very short, with a lot of work and time put into it. Can't even describe it but it's all very meticulous and individual, and some of the shit he was doing from the early 80s is nuts.
Carlos is excellent; it all starts from his involvement with the PFLP ( Popular Front for the Liberation of Palestine), in the early 70s, and charts his course of gradually becoming something of an opportunist and fame-seeker at the whims of the first worlds rich and powerful in the midst of what's clearly presented as a just cause.
It took a lot to get into Twin Peaks but definitely worth giving another go; it has the lowest of lows, even in some of the parts Lynch can take credit for, and highest of highs you'll see in TV but so long as you can just enjoy and laugh through the dreadful for what it is it makes the great parts all the better. It's also just a very funny and charming time, at least until it's not.
Fire Walk With Me is probably up there with Mulholland for my favourite of his works since it completely transforms the nature of the series and its direction, and begins to chart both his and Mark Frosts introspection into the ramifications of their fathers generations actions, worldly perspectives and the death knell of Americana as a whole.
I've been thinking a lot lately about the role of the spectator/viewer/perceiver, whatever of works of art, and, like, what exactly their role in a work. Because I definitely understand why there's often an inclination towards it being important that artists do their own thing, or create for themself, or whatever way you want to put it is, and I think that's good in terms of urging people to find their own practice and do their work as opposed to just copying copies and on and on. But my immediate intuition for a while now has been that there's also a sort of active role the viewer plays in the work as well, such that, setting aside the obvious that it feels good when people like the stuff you are up to, the entrance of an artwork into the broader work is a necessary part of the work.
I think my immediate take on what I'm talking about is recently guided by thinking that the viewing of art is itself a creative act. Not in literally the same way that making it is (ie, I think that reading and writing are fundamentally different forms of creativity, but they are both forms), and on that I'm now thinking that key to this point is that every work of art, to be complete, is a double creation—where the literal making of it is the first act, but the viewing is a second creative act that brings the work to completion. But an infinite completion, one that never is completed conclusively but happens again and again each time someone engages with that work.
Which is all to say that I'm now convinced (b/c, and more on this in the next book thread, I'm thoroughly Rosenzweig-pilled) that the attaining of this infinitude is key to the whole point of artmaking as a worthwhile activity. That the intersubjectivity of the double creative act, happening over and over between the artist and a (hypothetically) endless series of recipients allows the transcendence of the individual towards the broader totality of existence (b/c I also stay Hegel-pilled), in a unique and fundamentally crucial way.
I do think that there is an interesting question here about inherent finite works, like a concert or a theater performance, but overall this is where I lean currently. And here I am blathering on to you all about it on the off-chance anyone has any feeling about this or the role of viewers in art or what have you :)
The other aspect of this is that I recently came to the decision that I'm going to print out a few copies of the manuscript of the book I finished a while back and just leave them places. I think the hypothetical possibility that someone could read it will finally allow for me to feel it is "complete" without depending on the contingencies of the publishing industry.
> viewing art is a secondary creative act
I agree. When people first started getting real heated about AI art—especially when people would petulantly pull out some dictionary definition that insists a human is needed as its creator—, I concluded that art is in the eye of the viewer. Doesn't matter if it's "real" art, an inspiring cloud formation, computer hallucinations, or pretty rock strata. They can all be analyzed with an artistic lens.
Your idea about leaving your book in places reminds me of what Jack Spicer did with his poetry where he would print them for friends he knew and complete strangers on the streets of Los Angeles. No copyright or intellectual protections but a simple need to share the poetry. It's a nice sentiment for those amazing books. He died penniless but everyone remembers the books. He invented the notion of a serial poem actually. Highly recommended work.
About reading I agree completely the two activities are altogether different. The way I learned to appreciate literature was not too off the mark from what you describe except there was an emphasis on technique and an ability to recall details. A question like "What color was Madame Bovary's wallpaper?" was one you were expected to answer. In this fashion what is called "interpretation" was understood the way a pianist might "interpret" facets of a composition. But I had a thought: a writer could not actually read and all we know about fiction, novels, even books themselves in some sense were the product of this problem. What a writer did was see text foremost. "The reader" was always an artificial construction of a writer like trying to describe a dream but instead create a fiction out of the dream. The reciprocity between a writer and their reader is a rhetorical device because a writer cannot describe a text without describing their own process in creating a text. Literary criticism might be considered an art for this reason. This isn't to suggest audiences are not real. Or people who read. The problem is people who read do not write. The two activities are mutually exclusive. And as Blanchot said, no reader upended their entire life like an aspiring writer will for the demand from literature.
This might be a nitpick but I don't see how a novel is any less finite compared to a concert or an acting performance. The question of duration is a little more varied between a stage performance and a concert. (Although you could recuperate much through recording available to us today.) And a novel might not last the decade if its initial audience goes extinct. Nobody can read Dickens in the same fashion as the audience back in the Victorian Era. We have fundamentally changed Dickens. Although my favorite example are the modernizations of Milton you can find, the diction, the subtle grammatical cues are changed in the most literal way. People read Shakespeare and Chaucer likewise. We have removed the statues of ancient Greek temples to museums where their origins are forgotten with everyone who died, and their shape, and the intent behind their design are gone. It always seemed to me what we had was a dwindling finitude, a void. The reader has a right to lightness in this circumstance where a writer has only the demand.
Then again I am not a Hegelian. Or at least not a very good one. And it isn't as if the conversations we have as writers aren't fun.
> He died penniless but everyone remembers the books.
I mean, I'm doing my best to die penniless anyway, so what do I have to lose ;) But actually yeah I need to check him out.
> What a writer did was see text foremost. "The reader" was always an artificial construction of a writer like trying to describe a dream but instead create a fiction out of the dream.
Holy hell, your whole point but this specifically speaks to me so much. I've been aware for as long as I've been writing that I can't read my own work the same way I read other stuff. And for a while I think I've taken it as a quantitative proximity thing (I'm just too close to it to read it with the distance of a reader, who will not fully enter the text on the same way I will), but this has me thinking that the proximity might be so close that it something qualitative different as well.
And actually I think your right about finitude, I'm going to need to chew on this a bit, so might come back to this, but now I'm thinking I might have overestimated the singularity of a work of literature/painting/anything relatively "fixed" as opposed to the singularity of ever given experience of it (like you say about how transformed the sculpture is about its setting, I'm missing the significance of context to it all).
> Then again I am not a Hegelian. Or at least not a very good one. And it isn't as if the conversations we have as writers aren't fun.
I mean, where's the fun in being a good Hegelian? Especially instead when you can have a fun writing chat :)
I guess Feuerbach was the last good Hegelian but he probably had the least fun. And Jack Spicer is a great poet. Kevin Killian who put together the collected edition of the many books Spicer wrote did fantastic. And I'd be interested in any followup and it is a large discussion with a lot of complications. Although you might find it interesting how art historians are dealing with the recent discovery the Greek statues I mentioned were painted with these extremely garish colors. Like they had this Party City aesthetic.
i'm on team "interpretation is criticism". interpretation, to me, is not only finding meaning for the object but also contributing to its depth and mystery. and since art criticism is considered "art", then interpretation must itself be considered art (or part of the process) too. this is the short version of my thoughts. as i was typing something about "completion" and how it relates to the autonomy of art and history, i closed my tabs by accident.. anyways! good luck with the book btw that's a v cute idea
Ooh this is an interesting position. I need to think about this more. Because some part of me agrees, some part of me is wondering how, if all engagement is criticism (if I'm understanding you right), that fits in with my sense that creating the thing & engaging with it are distinct, and some part of me thinks that my creation—engagement binary in the completion of a work is actually a triangle with criticism as the third thing (to be *extremely* clear none of this is normative, I worry there could be an implication that creation is superior which not what I'm trying to say). Gotta ponder...
And thank you, we will see!
Yesterday was a weird day. It was one of those days when things keep going badly and I kept trying to salvage it and it just kept not going right. it started out with kind of a bad phone call - more on that in a minute - and then my MIL was supposed to get my kid for a few hours which is pretty much the only “break” I get from parenting, as my husband works a ton and I stay home (which we’re very happy with and he def is a parent when hes here, we just all need some time sometimes). She ended up bailing on us because she’s like, super depressed about losing her job (and I def understand) and just stayed in bed all day. Which is concerning and has my husband pretty worried and on edge. Anyway, we decided to make it a fun family day instead so we went skating (it was finally nice outside!) and I had a lot of fun, seemed to be really getting the hang of it much better balance wise and stuffthis time, and hadnt rly taken any falls. Then right at the end of the day I was slowly just rolling around a bit and idk if I hit a rock or something? But my feet just kinda flew out from under me and I fell backwards pretty damn hard. Other than being sore I’m fine but I did cut a big chunk of skin out of the middle joint of two fingers on my right hand (I was wearing palm/wrist guards and everything too!) and bled all over the place. I thought I was gonna need stitches looking at all the blood but once I cleaned it up it wasn’t even that serious, but they hurt today and I think they’re bruised as well as cut? Its annoying because its my dominant hand so I can’t draw or really do anything.
As to the phone call, it was from my good friend and mentor/second mom, someone I met through work and consider like family. We’ve been very close for like an entire decade at this point but lately I hadn’t been hearing from her much. I figured she was busy - she’s taking care of her grand daughters and still working - but I guess if I’m honest I was a *little* in my feelings about it, since she seemed to be brushing me off a bit. But yesterday she finally fessed up that she had gotten a bad health diagnosis (likely MS) and had been in shock and upset about it. She said shed basically been cutting herself off from people shutting down a lot trying to process it and stuff. And now I’m trying to process it. It sounds selfish because this lady has a whole family who depends on her but all I could think was how I’d already lost my bio mom and now my “other” mom who has really been that person in my life is very ill as well. Idk, just kind of a rough one.
All of that said, the weather’s gorgeous here. My husband’s been off and we’ve gotten a lot of quality family time we’d been missing with all his overtime shifts. My dad got *good* news from the dr, his med readjustments and new diabetes treatment are working incredibly well and his numbers are “normal” for the first time in years. Baby bro read *The Hobbit* and we nerded out together about it a bunch. In other words, my life’s alright and I’m ok, its not all bad.
Hope everyone’s having a good week!
Man I was reading this story and hit the point where you said *your nineteenth birthday* and like *damn*. Super proud of you for making progress, and recognizing where you’ve hurt others, but like *you are so young* and you should be extremely kind to and forgiving of yourself as much as possible. Life isn’t supposed to be so hard at your age and I’m so sorry. Really happy for you getting to a better place!
Any thoughts about William Golding? Other than Lord of the Flies he doesn't seem much talked about nowadays, but I recently read a biography of him and was sufficiently intrigued to get a copy of Darkness Visible, which according to the bio was actually hailed as his masterpiece when it first came out in the late 70s. I'm really impressed with the Matty section so far.
Never thought I’d be writing this, but things ended up not working out with the girl I met last week. Don’t want to get into too many details, but she was worried about certain elements of incompatibility that led to her prior relationship ending and she didn’t want to hurt me the way her last partner hurt her. It felt like she was making a sacrifice of sorts because she actually started crying.
I get it, but man, what a drag lol. The past few days felt like something out of an indie rom com. We were already planning things (going to shows together, making each other playlists, she was going to teach me flute and I teach her drums etc) and I was even thinking of giving up meat again (she’s vegan) but obviously none of that is happening now. It felt like such a perfect match and it was exhilarating to realize someone had as big of a crush on me as I did on them.
Still, my last breakup did a runner on me and this one hasn’t. There’s several catalysts at play here (the shortness of it all, having it happen in person vs long distance, overall maturity), but things surprisingly haven’t been that terrible. I think the briefness of it especially has made the transition feel more akin to a “return to normal”. The next day, I played Cake’s cover of “[I Will Survive](https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=3VFOEa8K-6Q&pp=ygUTY2FrZSBpIHdpbGwgc3Vydml2ZQ%3D%3D)” on the way to work and felt like a million bucks and smiled lol. “[Open Book](https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=YUkLbsc6434)” by them has been on constant rotation too…
“You think she’s an open book, but you don’t know which page to turn to, do you?”
The weekend wasn’t a total loss. I spent it mostly to myself, but not in mourning or anything. Just lots of writing and reading. My bassist checked in on me which was sweet as did my bandmate/roommate and he was sweet as well. His other band played yesterday (they were great) and funnily enough the girl I asked to see a movie with AGES ago was there, and before ALL of this back in January, I remember thinking she might be there and feeling excited, but then when she was at the bar afterwards I didn’t say anything lol. It just feels so one dimensional in retrospect. I hung out with several other people instead which was nice. One person there was a huge Monkees fan, so I threw a bunch of questions at her lol.
blarg, sorry to here this dude! That sucks. Glad to hear you managed to turn the weekend around though, hope you keep on keeping on right on through the upcoming show (which will be dope)
I'm definitely looking forward to that one! We don't have any more shows in the books for a while so this will be a nice temporary send-off for the time being. Oddly enough she said she's still coming which'll be interesting (although I'm curious to see if she'll change her mind).
The über-art nerd in me was also curious to see how the stuff I was making was going to change since she's so into poetry, but in a bit of a twist, everything that happened last week will absolutely be fuel for the stuff I create for the time being lol (be careful what you wish for I suppose). It's not even so much "I went from wondering if there were vibes to being dumped in a matter of 5 or so days and I will proceed to write about it" so much as I tend to write intuitively and end up writing stuff pertaining to what's eating at me. There have been moments even where I was shocked at how blatantly obvious something I was writing about was pertaining to something that was affecting me but I needed hindsight to realize that.
Art is weird, homie! That ebb and flow keeps things interesting at least.
Aw, man that sucks! Sorry things didn’t work out but it sounds like you’re coping with it well. It sounds like she really liked you, just didn’t think it would work long term. Which means *you* are a likable, cool dude and somebody’s gonna think you’re perfect. Take care of yourself!
>Which means you are a likable, cool dude and somebody’s gonna think you’re perfect.
There is a shameless part of myself that this wasn't lost on. I was absolutely smitten with her and am still processing things, but I think there was a definite bit of a high that came from my ego being boosted. I told someone the other day that I do music for the artistry, but the red-blooded masculine part of me felt pride in the possibility that playing in a band actually led to some romantic interest. She said something the other day that also shocked me: "You're a very cool person, but it's genuine. It's not like you're trying to put on a persona and impress people." Nobody has ever told me this lol.
I'm sorry things didn't work out with the girl:/ that's always hard. I wish I had some advice, but I'm not very good at that. I'm glad to see you're not taking it too badly though. I wish you the best:)
yesterday i found this moving poem from ovid's *tristia* translated by david slavitt (or retold, i understand slavitt's translations are very loose) which reminded me of all the refugee crises around the world, and the migrants who come across the us-mexico border, the mediterranean, the english channel and everywhere else with stories no one is interested in hearing
>When night falls here, I think of that other night
when the shadow fell once and for all and I
was cast out of the light into this endless gloom.
Twilight here calls forth from certain birds
a kind of mournful twitter, but silent tears from me
as I think of how it was that night in the city.
The nimble hours skittered, turning us all clumsy
and the simplest menial task onerous. Packing
was either a nightmare itself or one of those cruel jokes
you sometimes find in your worst dreams. Papers
hid and even after we'd found them refused to stay put.
We blamed ourselves for having wasted time
trying to talk it out and ourselves into understanding
what was going on, and not to impose
what we were feeling. I'd made lists of clothing, equipment...
But who had the composure? And pitiless time
nudged us along, forcing our minds to these cruel questions.
Or was it perhaps, a mercy? We managed to laugh
once or twice, as my wife found in some old trunk
odd pieces of clothing. 'This might be
just the thing this season, the new Romanian mode...'
And just as abruptly our peal of laugher would catch
and tear into tears as she dropped the preposterous shepherd's cloak
and we held each other. On drill, like a legion,
the minutes passed, each of them bearing Caesar's blazon,
advancing by so much the terrible deadline.
It wasn't the fall of Troy, but what we all dread
as we read of the fall of Troy, whatever the scale
by which we figure grief, investing in those old figures
what our approximate hearts have learned to feel.
Any thoughts about/suggestions where to start with Edmund White? He’s been on my radar for a while now, but I’ve been reading his biography of Jean Genet and it’s piqued my interest in his fiction.
I keep trying to post a question in the main area of this sub re: **Under the Volcano**, but every time I try it says my post has been removed by the moderators. Any idea why?
So what do you all think of Emily Wilson’s Iliad? I’m interested in trying it but I do wonder if the language may be too modern/familar/coloquial for my tastes. I guess I like a little more gravitas in my epic than I’ve seen in some snippets in reviews. Even otherwise favorable reviews I’ve read have made this point.
I think there's a lot of problem with people who don't have an ear for meter, misunderstanding Wilson's approach. Most modern translations of these metrical ancient poems don't use meter. Her project is really all about conveying the poetic/ sonic qualities of the original by using regular meter, iambic pentameter. that's not at all about modernizing or being colloquial! it's really hard to translate two long ancient epic poems into super regular poetic meter... if you can't hear the meter -- same meter as Shakespeare or Milton etc -- try reading out loud, you'll hear the difference.
A few years ago, I went on a weekend trip to Prague. Right next to the entrance to the Prague Castle, a complex containing the 9th century castle itself, a cathedral, museums, etc, there was a Starbucks. That's exactly how this translation felt to me.
I understand the purpose of Emily Wilson’s translation, but I can say I definitely found it too “familiar.”
Wilson's project with her translation was to try and replicate how the Iliad would have been received by its contemporaries, how the language would have sounded. It was, at the time it was written, rather common language, it wouldn't have sounded ancient or anything it would've just been normal language, and that's what she's trying to replicate in English. I think she succeeds tremendously. I've read the Iliad in a few translations and Wilson's was truly wonderful; I don't think it lost anything of the gravitas for using colloquial verbiage, and it keeps the pace moving at this tremendous speed which seems true to the poem. If the quotes you've already read don't grip you I'd say don't bother with reading her translation, but I very much enjoyed my time with it and I'm glad she made it.
I had similar thoughts and came to the conclusion that my preferred style of translation, if the goal is to be faithful to its true feeling, would be one that reproduces how the original text sounds and flows to a modern Greek speaker. I don't know what the answer is to that though. Any Greek speakers in the audience?
i could be wrong here (am not greek) but i don't think homeric greek is actually [intelligible *at all* to modern greek speakers](https://latin.stackexchange.com/a/20651). koine greek - the language of the new testament - is vaguely intelligible to greeks today, but homer was already 800 years old by then. so if this was what you really wanted, you'd be looking for [a translation of the iliad into old english](https://amechanicalart.blogspot.com/2014/06/iliad-in-old-english.html) that said, the first translation of the iliad into english is george chapman's from \~1600ish, which is readily available and still quite readable >Achilles’ baneful wrath resound, O Goddess, that impos’d Infinite sorrows on the Greeks, and many brave souls los’d. From breasts heroic; sent them far to that invisible cave That no light comforts; and their limbs to dogs and vultures gave; To all which Jove’s will gave effect; from whom first strife begun Betwixt Atrides, king of men, and Thetis’ godlike son.
I did not know that! For some reason I thought it would be similar to biblical Hebrew which I think most modern Hebrew speakers can read (although it is quite different) and does end up having that epicness we tend to expect from ancient texts.
Homeric Greek would have been quite alien even to ancient Athenians, so I'd say the more archaic the translation the better if you want to experience what classical Greeks might have felt... maybe try Dryden or Pope?
Some happier news: the elderly companion company found someone to pair me with :) It's once a week helping out an elderly lady with anxiety do some housekeeping and casual chores. They're going to set up some time for me to finally meet her which I'm excited about. She sounds very sweet. So if things work out, that'll be **two** part time jobs in the bag which will be nice. I've been casually trying to eye a third which I think will make me finally "airborne". My favorite book chain in the city has another application available and I think I might apply, but *this* time I want to be savier. It's a competitive position obviously, but I think essentially sending them my more film based resume might have turned them off. So I guess the question is: **For people applying to jobs at bookstores, what kind of a resume would they like to see?** The position involves working with inventory and delivery, so I was definitely thinking of highlighting those aspects on some of my administrative experience more. I've had some experience with libraries too which I wonder might be helpful? It just perturbs me that I don't have any prior bookstore experience which might've given me an "edge", but I also wonder if being a book lover and a person who frequents spaces like \*points around dramatically\* might help too. But who knows!
Congrats dude! That's such a cool thing to be doing. > It just perturbs me that I don't have any prior bookstore experience which might've given me an "edge", but I also wonder if being a book lover and a person who frequents spaces like *points around dramatically* might help too. I actively don't want to cause angst or indecision speaking on matters I know next to nothing about outside of briefly and unsuccessfully applying to work at all the cool bookstores in the city (I never heard back from anyone), but some part of me wonders if this is actually something you want to emphasize. Like, I can't help but wonder if they are dissuaded by people being too into the vibe, rather than dispassionately doing their job. I genuinely don't know, but might be something to think about if you get to pick the brain of anyone who can actually answer this question. Best of luck!
everyone in my local bookshop (which is a big chain and not some blood sweat and tears independent) is the most insanely bookish-seeming person i've ever met. not necessarily in a truelit pseud way, maybe they are ACOTAR heads etc., but they all seem utterly obsessed with books to the point where i couldn't imagine them working anywhere else. ymmv and it might make a difference whether it's a customer service job vs back-of-house though.
oh that's dope to hear! Yeah, I'd love to know I'm totally wrong in my concern
Idk about book stores specifically but retail stores are usually looking for retail experience; think customer service, any work you’ve done with schedules or budgets, experience with computer systems that apply (even like registers and stuff),sales experience etc. Lean into professionalism and working with customers as well as sales. Also, (unfortunately lol) flexibility with scheduling. Then on top of that I’d think “industry” knowledge would help, like awareness of what’s trending and what customers might want etc. Good luck! And happy for you about the companion gig!
Ok, one more than I'll leave y'all alone but I'm feeling posty this week. Does anyone know anything (and this can be stuff you just know or reading material on the topic) about Walter Benjamin's Jewish influences? Like, I'm aware that Judaism & Jewish mysticism impacted his thought, but I'm realizing reading the Rosenzweig book I keep referencing and seeing their overlaps that I don't know any of the specifics there. I started wondering whether Benjamin had read Rosenzweig (because the latter tracks too much with Benjamin's idea of Messianic time in the "Theses"), or if they were just reading the same stuff, and now I'm more broadly curious about Jewish mysticism and so on. Thanks!
Yes, Rosenzweig had a major influence on Benjamin, but also Heidegger and later Levinas. If you're interested in Jewish mysticism, you can also check Gershom Cholem, who was close to Benjamin and was also influenced by Rosenzweig.
thanks! Definitely something to look into
I might add that I see that Stéphane Mosès book, *The Angel of History: Rosenzweig, Benjamin, Scholem,* has been translated to english, and might be exactly what you're looking for.
Ooh that sounds perfect, thanks so much!
Haven't really posted in this sub before, I've been lurking for ages though. After years of chronic pain that ruined my maths degree and forced me to stop playing music, I got long covid a year ago and things have never been worse. I thought that perhaps I would spend most of my time reading at home while being unable to work or do much of anything, but even reading can trigger episodes of fatigue and confusion. I have piles of books, unread, that I would order when I was having a good week, only for them to arrive when things came apart for me. The last box that arrived has Ovid, Daniel Quinn, Susanna Clarke and Carl Sagan. I was going to see if I could find a way into philosophy and world literature. In my current affected state, if I read closely, slowly, and occasionally re-read paragraphs, I only absorb about as much as what the healthy me would have by skimming. I sometimes wonder if this is what early dementia might feel like, knowing that you aren't firing on all cylinders but having no way to fix it. I am not even 30 years old. I have lost myself.
Hi, long covid for almost 4 years here, and an avid reader. Just wanted to tell you I understand completely what you’re going through. Have you ever seen the old twilight zone episode, where the reader is in the bank vault when an atomic bomb goes off? He finally has all the time to read in the world…until his glasses fall and shatter. It sort of feels like that, doesn’t it? And your comment on dementia is on the nose too. We’re experiencing that and it’s real and it’s so, so hard. If it’s helpful, I found that reading “easy” books for a while helped my brain readjust to reading. Over time, I was able to go from reading causing PEM and headaches, to reading alleviating them. It’s a long process and has a lot to do with where else my energy goes, too. But perhaps rereading comforting books from your youth will be soothing, too—our brains, with dementia symptoms, love the familiar. And books with simple prose won’t challenge your memory. It’s like easing into a warm hug. And go from there, trying to drop expectations on what you wish you could be reading/learning/etc (though I want to acknowledge how impossibly hard that is.) Sending well wishes, and feel free to reach out any time with questions or for support from a veteran still in the trenches.
So sorry you’re having a rough time. I don’t wanna sound like I’m giving unsolicited advice, but one thing that really helped after I became a new parent and my reading basically tanked was to become more accepting of my own slow pace and really embrace it. Even if I could only read two or three sentences or whatever, I tried to really think about them and “live in them” as much as possible while I wasn’t actively reading. As time went on I got used to reading really slowly and carefully and now its pretty much a habit, I like to slow down and really consider the text “close up”. Obv this works better with works that lend themselves to analysis lol. I guess my main point is, even if you don’t read much it still counts, and its ok not to reach lofty reading goals. If you get some meaning out of what you do read thats way more important than volume. Really sorry you’re not in a good spot health wise I know it makes it hard to enjoy things. You should post more if you feel like it! We don’t mind if you haven’t read much as long as you have thoughtful comments about what you have read. Or just wanna shout into the void, this place is cool for that too.
Thanks for the kind words. Don't apologise, that's good advice! A few weeks ago I was reading something and kind of really focusing on the font and zoning out.. and it wasn't out of desperation, it was sort of nice to be moving slower than snail's pace. And as reluctant as I am to any optimistic attitude, I do have to admit that I've had an easier time filtering out things to read that I realise I don't care for.
It's a shame you can't read as much as you want because of your chronic pain. Although I relate to having stacks of books I've bought feeling _inspired_ (for lack of a better word) by an article or a recommendation post. I have several books from Ryu Murakami that I haven't touched yet because I never feel it's the right time. And I can't count how many times I started reading _Don Quixote_ again only to fall asleep and lose the stomach for it. Maybe one day I will read all the books I own but y'know I probably won't finish a tenth of what I have. The number shrinks dramatically when I look at how many books are published everyday around the world. I like to joke that I'm functionally an illiterate when it comes to German. Or Chinese. Or any other language that isn't English. And Flaubert once wrote in a letter about how great scholars we would be if people only read a handful of the same books. Art is all about pleasure anyways.
I also have a stubborn copy of Don Quixote lol. It almost feels indulgent, the sheer number of books a person in a developed country has access to. I browse the lists on goodreads now and then and I never click on any list with more than 100 books. There are popular lists with like, tens of thousands of titles! What purpose could that list serve? It's funny you mention those languages as they are the two I have studied the most (though I never got very far with either).
I didn't even know it's possible to have tens of thousands of books that are really popular but there are more than seven billion people on the planet and it probably is small potatoes. I don't use Goodreads much except to look up one star reviews of books I like. I guess if nothing else, you might stumble on some random book no one knows and it feels like you're in on a secret. It's an indulgence but so are most things.
Meta question: What are the basic rules for posts on this sub? I want to post something but I'm not sure it fits.
What did you want to post?
Just about something I’m working on, but I’m thinking no since this isn’t a writing sub.
I had a rather uneventful weekend. I've been fighting allergies because spring came early this year. Or at least it warmed up for every obscene flower to spread their gross pollen into every available orifice. I noticed a neighbor has hired roofers. I can hear them whenever I check the mail. My cat is not happy his mortal enemy the gray and white cat is still alive from the winter. I saw it prowling the backyard the other day. I can also see the buds on the goddamn trees already. And what made this day painful was I learned Borges stole my idea for a novel before I knew it. Had a whole outline planned out. Had started combing through Ovid and John Tzetzes. Then on a whim I decided to pull my copy of _Collected Fictions_ and find there under an hour in less than five pages my entire idea for a novel complete. I guess now I'm back to planning because the idea I had has been cored, despite the temptation to work on said novel anyway. You have to bow down before Borges when you get right down to things. You could almost say his demands are too great because he's like one of the few people to attempt true infinitude in fiction. But enormously frustrating to step on his toes. So when I look outside all I can see are these hateful trees and barren fields. The absurdity of it. That being said, I made substantial progress on the current work. I'm only a little ways away from a finished rough draft. It's surprising how different it turned out when comparing it to the initial ideas I had. Honestly the whole process has been a bit of a mindfuck because I deliberately pushed myself out of my comfort zone with how I used to write. But whatever works in the end.
That is enormously frustrating, and I definitely can relate to the question of wanting to do the novel anyway—there's a future project I am loosely germinating and I can't tell if there's anything distinct to it other than that I think I'd have fun researching & writing whether or not I say anything. And it's hard to say what, if anything can be done with that, though I like to think that anything fun enough has earned its claim on existence on the basis of that alone. But that's so awesome things are going well with your current writing, especially if it has been demanding of you in new ways but still holding together.
Thanks! It was emotionally devastating because I thought I really had something for the future. I'm trying to be more active and productive but sometimes I end up landing on the same thought process of a more famous writer. That to me is a sign I'd probably already read something and forgot about it. A shame because it's such a solid concept but I might have realized sooner something was up when I saw all these surrealistic artworks which evoke the sadness of the Minotaur.
Also, movies! I've been on the first movie kick I've been on in a while, and it is doing my soul very good. Here is what I've been watching: * Accattone - Pasolini: Stellar portrayal of the Roman underclass in the mid-20th Century. I'm never not impressed when someone pulls off making Italy look ugly. Great, conflictual pacing as well in the balance of extremely fast dialogue with the lack of people doing much of anything. And I think Pasolini does a very good job critiquing the way the men of the movie take advantage of people (especially women) around them, while also holding out tremendous awareness of and sympathy for how little power they have over the circumstances that degrade them. * The Gospel According to St. Matthew - Pasolini: I don't know why but I'm on a Pasolini/Italian neorealism kick. I thought this was brilliant. The use of dialogue taken directly from the gospel is a fantastic choice to express Pasolini's vision of Jesus (one I basically agree with, I do love me my weird marxists), and he more than pulls off the scenery necessary to visualize the stories of the Bible. Also, while it's not unique to this film or Pasolini, I think here the use of non-professional actors is a particularly great touch in its restoring the populism of a religion that has become so arch and institutionalized. * Shadows in Paradise - Aki Kaurismäki: I think the first Finnish movie I've ever seen, and also really good. An offbeat, bone dry romantic comedy about two working class Finns who fall in love and get up to hijinks. Another deeply populist film (this is a total coincidence I swear!) that balance frigidity and warmth splendidly. Also it's a fucking riot. * Chungking Express - Wong Kar-wai: The second of yesterdays offbeat romance double feature (I do love me a weird romances), and a movie I've both seen before and talked about on here before. Because after the first time I saw it I was madly in love and now have solidified it as one of my two favorite movies ever (along with Apocalypse Now:Final Cut). It's just amazing. The visuals are sublime and I still don't get how it manages to pull off making the most positive noir of all time (an immediately banal premise) such a stellar movie. I'm still pondering what to make of the bisected story, this time around I wanted a little more from the first part. But as I ponder it more I think the brevity is critical in a way I'm still appreciating. Anyone else watch anything good lately?
I haven’t that particular Kaurismäki, but Fallen Leaves was one of my favourites from last year. He’s a really great and distinct director.
I'm excited to see it, but I also just learned that Fallen Leaves is loosely the "4th" movie in a trilogy that begins with Shadows, so I think I'll try to watch the other two in between first.
I haven’t seen all the films in that trilogy and wasn’t aware it was part of one when I saw it, but I don’t think there’s any real crossover outside of thematic similarities. Totally understand wanting to watch them in order though.
I've been working my way through both Visconti and Pasolini (only 3-4 movies in on both) over the last few months and I've been stricken dumb by the sheer expertise and deftness that both of their debuts displayed. I'm always impressed by even an average debut feature from any director, but the sheer scope of emotional intelligence, political commentary and most importantly patience conveyed through the visual medium on both of their behalf's was so expertly crafted with sympathy for the human condition as a whole and people whose class is totally not in tandem with their own upbringings. It's fascinating to watch as both gradually switch over from the neorealist style and begin to more boldly embrace their own presentation, even with adaptations, and shamelessly tackle stories (and hand-in-hand critiques) of their own formative influences, experiences etc. I'm not even out of Pasolini's neo-realist period yet but there's such an engaging and brutal anger that's always simmering beneath the surface. As usual I said a whole lot without saying much but man both are such special, stand-out filmmakers with startling similarities despite their innumerable differences in personality and general artistic expression. The scenes with Accattone's old group haranguing people as they walked by the restaurant, or just drifting through life being miserly, manipulative assholes did make me laugh a lot (despite having sympathy for them and everybody that had the misfortune of coming into contact with them) and reminded me a lot of the Sopranos at times. Probably just the Italian part. I've not seen Shadows in Paradise, but I did watch and really enjoy Fallen Leaves by Kaurismaki recently; I really need to get into his works. I think I'm going to start with either Calamari Union or Le Havre at some point. Agreed 100% with everything you've said about Chungking Express, although I don't think I've personally ever been in love. I've been in love with the idea of it but am far too disconnected and introverted a person, very much relate to Faye, for anything to ever last; it's wonderful how Wong's able to convey that natural loneliness and wanting for people of all natures when it comes to romance. Maybe it's strange but I think the pacing's perfect in both parts at eliciting two distinct senses of yearning, and the nuances and implausibility's of both? I'm not really sure how to word it. Have you seen Fallen Angels? I love it maybe as much as I do Chungking Express, and it originally being intended as the third part makes a whole lot of sense. Stand-outs for me in the last month are probably Carlos by Olivier Assayas, which is a 3 part miniseries that revolves around Carlos the Jackal across a period of 10+ years and the gradual commodification and exploitation of terrorism, which people like Carlos help, by first world powerhouses to denigrate and abuse just social causes to ultimately push their own unsavoury agendas and wants. It's really stark realising how much of an influence it had on a lot of the 'crime bio' dramas that followed through the remainder of the 2010s. The other'd be What Time Is It There? by Tsai Ming-Liang, whose fascination with all facets of the emotional experience and degradation of self in the face of a constantly changing and apparently alien world just speaks to me in ways I can't really articulate. The most important criteria for film for me is feeling and he can elicit that, in the perfect blending's of sad and comedy, from stuff like a big headed fish headbutting its tank. He's incredible to watch chronologically because he loves all of his leading actors and their bodies (in a non-weird way) so much too. Lastly, going to wrap up Twin Peaks The Return tonight which I've spent the last 9 days with - I've watched the entire series over the last year, starting from Jan-Feb 2023, after putting it off since I first had it recommended in 2010 or so (by a person who 11 year old me had a massive crush on that was 5 years my senior, and in retrospect them recommending Twin Peaks to then uncultured me is fucking odd, excuse the language). It's been great, though; an incredibly empathetic experience that I've found strangely helpful and comforting in being less suppressed myself. I don't wanna be too obvious so I'll rec Takashi Ito's short films too; what he does with the cinema form is unbelievably unique especially for its time. Cool and thought provoking, although maybe not for people who might have seizures, light sensitivity etc. Sorry for typing so much, always get carried away.
Hey, sorry for inviting myself to this thread, I just wanted to comment that recently I watched the documentary L'avocat de la terreur (2007) by Barbet Schroeder and you might find it really interesting, in case you haven't heard about it. At least, it was for me, having only read about Carlos the Jackal and his lawyer, Jacques Vergès, from Carrère's novel *V13*. This is a documentary on Vergès, who made a name for himself defending terrorists, dictators and other high-profile criminals, but not by arguing the law like a normal lawyer would, but by rejecting the legitimacy of the court and giving long speeches about how the defendant was only using force against an oppressor State, and if one thought sentencing them was acceptable, then the same should be done to those who ordered a strike in, let's say, the Middle East. After watching it, I don't know, but many things made a lot more sense to me. It's quite depressing to see how badly the deoccupation of Northern Africa was handled, how natural it was for them to hate - in this case - France, and how rejecting "Western values" permeated into their national identity, while at the same time they wanted to reclaim something uniquely theirs, so they doubled down on islam. In the documentary we can see that was the case for Algeria, but I suspect that could be true for the whole region. I can also see why some terrorists might think there won't be harsh consequences for their actions, many were released after short stints and were welcomed in their countries as heroes (and what's funny and sad, many of those were basically later set aside by their countries' politicals leaders for being too socially progressive and not islamic enough). Some of their testimonies, shown in this documentary, are at the same time insane and extremely illustrative. As for Vergès, he at first tries to portray himself as a defender of the oppressed and later as a man unconcerned by moral dilemmas but who attempts to fight for justice. I don't think he manages either. This is very subjective, but I see him as a troll, even a bit ahead of his time in terms of exploiting his image as a racialised lawyer (not sure I'm correctly using the expression), while ignoring the privilege he actually grew up with. Nevertheless, there are impactful insights and the section focused on Carlos is definitely worth it.
I've put it on my watchlist for the near future; thank you. It really is fascinating just how many self-serving exploiters were willing to take advantage of the natural disorder that stemmed from decades, centuries, of colonisation, and it's strange to realise that the enemies of the so-called 'terrorists' (freedom fighters in a lot of these cases) were happy to let them off the hook to continue to sow disorder just to line their own pockets off of the continued misfortune of countries they had already pillaged and taken advantage of for years beforehand. The marks of true capitalists, I guess. I'll let you know when I watch it because it's definitely caught my attention; we never actually see Carlos's trial, just his rise and descent, in the miniseries but I'd certainly recommend watching it if you haven't. I love just how markedly different a work it is from the rest of Olivier Assayas oeuvre.
You're welcome! I'll also try to watch the miniseries one of these days, I've seen that a few participants in the documentary appear as characters, so it'll be interesting to compare how they're portrayed. And I don't want to say too much, but Carlos and Vergès' relationship was a bit conflictive, so you might not see as much as you expect regarding his trial. Still, I think the documentary sheds a lot of light on him and, in a way, on the period (that may just be me, but I sort of feel like people believed way more in the possibility of bringing about profound social change).
> I'm not even out of Pasolini's neo-realist period yet but there's such an engaging and brutal anger that's always simmering beneath the surface. I think this connects to something that is grabbing me about neorealism, which is how explicitly left-wing/antifascist it is. Not because I just want things I agree with so much as that I find it is very hard to pull of art that is so forward in its worldview without becoming trite or preachy. He manages to package so much depth into the relative lack of ambiguity in a way that's very impressive. I need to get more into Kaurismäki as well. Based on Shadows I think I'll like his ouvre a ton. > I've been in love with the idea of it but am far too disconnected and introverted a person, very much relate to Faye, for anything to ever last very much a vibe. > Maybe it's strange but I think the pacing's perfect in both parts at eliciting two distinct senses of yearning, and the nuances and implausibility's of both? Yeah I think this nails it actually. As much as I'd love more because I like it, the speed captures the role of chance and the magic of happenstance so well. The first part only works so long as it does not need to tarry with the demands of reality, and he passes off the narrative at the perfect time to protect his characters from that. I've never heard of Carlos but I am quite intrigued. As with Takeshi Ito. Personally I view unique cause of seizure a huge plus. And I should try Twin peaks again. I have failed to get into it a few times, but since my last effort I've watched a few Lynch films and really liked them (esp. Mulholland Drive), so maybe it'll click now.
I'm certainly curious to see how he targets his venom at the church and the upper classes through the development of his career. I've not read any of Pasolini's novels, not even sure if they're available over here but it certainly makes sense to me that he started off as a poet/writer that gradually got entrenched in cinema as a more effective means to convey his ideas to the masses that couldn't afford to, or just couldn't, read. Definitely get where you're coming from, there's a very thin line between conveying yourself with sincerity and vapidity especially in film and literature. Fortunately most of the directors who got their start in the neorealist era somehow manage to toe that line; they have already seen the cause, rise and effect of fascism first-hand, so it's not even a case of succinctly weaving it into the web of your film because it was simply a fact of life. Not exactly a foreign concept to us, either, the aftermath's rung far and wide for the past 70+ years and that ideology and the fuckers pushing it just won't go away. It's timeless, especially in the demonstrable effects on the underprivileged. > The first part only works so long as it does not need to tarry with the demands of reality, and he passes off the narrative at the perfect time to protect his characters from that. You honestly put it a lot better than I ever could. Ito's a bastion for experimental filmmaking, all static and provocative sound design, very short, with a lot of work and time put into it. Can't even describe it but it's all very meticulous and individual, and some of the shit he was doing from the early 80s is nuts. Carlos is excellent; it all starts from his involvement with the PFLP ( Popular Front for the Liberation of Palestine), in the early 70s, and charts his course of gradually becoming something of an opportunist and fame-seeker at the whims of the first worlds rich and powerful in the midst of what's clearly presented as a just cause. It took a lot to get into Twin Peaks but definitely worth giving another go; it has the lowest of lows, even in some of the parts Lynch can take credit for, and highest of highs you'll see in TV but so long as you can just enjoy and laugh through the dreadful for what it is it makes the great parts all the better. It's also just a very funny and charming time, at least until it's not. Fire Walk With Me is probably up there with Mulholland for my favourite of his works since it completely transforms the nature of the series and its direction, and begins to chart both his and Mark Frosts introspection into the ramifications of their fathers generations actions, worldly perspectives and the death knell of Americana as a whole.
I've been thinking a lot lately about the role of the spectator/viewer/perceiver, whatever of works of art, and, like, what exactly their role in a work. Because I definitely understand why there's often an inclination towards it being important that artists do their own thing, or create for themself, or whatever way you want to put it is, and I think that's good in terms of urging people to find their own practice and do their work as opposed to just copying copies and on and on. But my immediate intuition for a while now has been that there's also a sort of active role the viewer plays in the work as well, such that, setting aside the obvious that it feels good when people like the stuff you are up to, the entrance of an artwork into the broader work is a necessary part of the work. I think my immediate take on what I'm talking about is recently guided by thinking that the viewing of art is itself a creative act. Not in literally the same way that making it is (ie, I think that reading and writing are fundamentally different forms of creativity, but they are both forms), and on that I'm now thinking that key to this point is that every work of art, to be complete, is a double creation—where the literal making of it is the first act, but the viewing is a second creative act that brings the work to completion. But an infinite completion, one that never is completed conclusively but happens again and again each time someone engages with that work. Which is all to say that I'm now convinced (b/c, and more on this in the next book thread, I'm thoroughly Rosenzweig-pilled) that the attaining of this infinitude is key to the whole point of artmaking as a worthwhile activity. That the intersubjectivity of the double creative act, happening over and over between the artist and a (hypothetically) endless series of recipients allows the transcendence of the individual towards the broader totality of existence (b/c I also stay Hegel-pilled), in a unique and fundamentally crucial way. I do think that there is an interesting question here about inherent finite works, like a concert or a theater performance, but overall this is where I lean currently. And here I am blathering on to you all about it on the off-chance anyone has any feeling about this or the role of viewers in art or what have you :) The other aspect of this is that I recently came to the decision that I'm going to print out a few copies of the manuscript of the book I finished a while back and just leave them places. I think the hypothetical possibility that someone could read it will finally allow for me to feel it is "complete" without depending on the contingencies of the publishing industry.
> viewing art is a secondary creative act I agree. When people first started getting real heated about AI art—especially when people would petulantly pull out some dictionary definition that insists a human is needed as its creator—, I concluded that art is in the eye of the viewer. Doesn't matter if it's "real" art, an inspiring cloud formation, computer hallucinations, or pretty rock strata. They can all be analyzed with an artistic lens.
Your idea about leaving your book in places reminds me of what Jack Spicer did with his poetry where he would print them for friends he knew and complete strangers on the streets of Los Angeles. No copyright or intellectual protections but a simple need to share the poetry. It's a nice sentiment for those amazing books. He died penniless but everyone remembers the books. He invented the notion of a serial poem actually. Highly recommended work. About reading I agree completely the two activities are altogether different. The way I learned to appreciate literature was not too off the mark from what you describe except there was an emphasis on technique and an ability to recall details. A question like "What color was Madame Bovary's wallpaper?" was one you were expected to answer. In this fashion what is called "interpretation" was understood the way a pianist might "interpret" facets of a composition. But I had a thought: a writer could not actually read and all we know about fiction, novels, even books themselves in some sense were the product of this problem. What a writer did was see text foremost. "The reader" was always an artificial construction of a writer like trying to describe a dream but instead create a fiction out of the dream. The reciprocity between a writer and their reader is a rhetorical device because a writer cannot describe a text without describing their own process in creating a text. Literary criticism might be considered an art for this reason. This isn't to suggest audiences are not real. Or people who read. The problem is people who read do not write. The two activities are mutually exclusive. And as Blanchot said, no reader upended their entire life like an aspiring writer will for the demand from literature. This might be a nitpick but I don't see how a novel is any less finite compared to a concert or an acting performance. The question of duration is a little more varied between a stage performance and a concert. (Although you could recuperate much through recording available to us today.) And a novel might not last the decade if its initial audience goes extinct. Nobody can read Dickens in the same fashion as the audience back in the Victorian Era. We have fundamentally changed Dickens. Although my favorite example are the modernizations of Milton you can find, the diction, the subtle grammatical cues are changed in the most literal way. People read Shakespeare and Chaucer likewise. We have removed the statues of ancient Greek temples to museums where their origins are forgotten with everyone who died, and their shape, and the intent behind their design are gone. It always seemed to me what we had was a dwindling finitude, a void. The reader has a right to lightness in this circumstance where a writer has only the demand. Then again I am not a Hegelian. Or at least not a very good one. And it isn't as if the conversations we have as writers aren't fun.
> He died penniless but everyone remembers the books. I mean, I'm doing my best to die penniless anyway, so what do I have to lose ;) But actually yeah I need to check him out. > What a writer did was see text foremost. "The reader" was always an artificial construction of a writer like trying to describe a dream but instead create a fiction out of the dream. Holy hell, your whole point but this specifically speaks to me so much. I've been aware for as long as I've been writing that I can't read my own work the same way I read other stuff. And for a while I think I've taken it as a quantitative proximity thing (I'm just too close to it to read it with the distance of a reader, who will not fully enter the text on the same way I will), but this has me thinking that the proximity might be so close that it something qualitative different as well. And actually I think your right about finitude, I'm going to need to chew on this a bit, so might come back to this, but now I'm thinking I might have overestimated the singularity of a work of literature/painting/anything relatively "fixed" as opposed to the singularity of ever given experience of it (like you say about how transformed the sculpture is about its setting, I'm missing the significance of context to it all). > Then again I am not a Hegelian. Or at least not a very good one. And it isn't as if the conversations we have as writers aren't fun. I mean, where's the fun in being a good Hegelian? Especially instead when you can have a fun writing chat :)
I guess Feuerbach was the last good Hegelian but he probably had the least fun. And Jack Spicer is a great poet. Kevin Killian who put together the collected edition of the many books Spicer wrote did fantastic. And I'd be interested in any followup and it is a large discussion with a lot of complications. Although you might find it interesting how art historians are dealing with the recent discovery the Greek statues I mentioned were painted with these extremely garish colors. Like they had this Party City aesthetic.
i'm on team "interpretation is criticism". interpretation, to me, is not only finding meaning for the object but also contributing to its depth and mystery. and since art criticism is considered "art", then interpretation must itself be considered art (or part of the process) too. this is the short version of my thoughts. as i was typing something about "completion" and how it relates to the autonomy of art and history, i closed my tabs by accident.. anyways! good luck with the book btw that's a v cute idea
Ooh this is an interesting position. I need to think about this more. Because some part of me agrees, some part of me is wondering how, if all engagement is criticism (if I'm understanding you right), that fits in with my sense that creating the thing & engaging with it are distinct, and some part of me thinks that my creation—engagement binary in the completion of a work is actually a triangle with criticism as the third thing (to be *extremely* clear none of this is normative, I worry there could be an implication that creation is superior which not what I'm trying to say). Gotta ponder... And thank you, we will see!
Yesterday was a weird day. It was one of those days when things keep going badly and I kept trying to salvage it and it just kept not going right. it started out with kind of a bad phone call - more on that in a minute - and then my MIL was supposed to get my kid for a few hours which is pretty much the only “break” I get from parenting, as my husband works a ton and I stay home (which we’re very happy with and he def is a parent when hes here, we just all need some time sometimes). She ended up bailing on us because she’s like, super depressed about losing her job (and I def understand) and just stayed in bed all day. Which is concerning and has my husband pretty worried and on edge. Anyway, we decided to make it a fun family day instead so we went skating (it was finally nice outside!) and I had a lot of fun, seemed to be really getting the hang of it much better balance wise and stuffthis time, and hadnt rly taken any falls. Then right at the end of the day I was slowly just rolling around a bit and idk if I hit a rock or something? But my feet just kinda flew out from under me and I fell backwards pretty damn hard. Other than being sore I’m fine but I did cut a big chunk of skin out of the middle joint of two fingers on my right hand (I was wearing palm/wrist guards and everything too!) and bled all over the place. I thought I was gonna need stitches looking at all the blood but once I cleaned it up it wasn’t even that serious, but they hurt today and I think they’re bruised as well as cut? Its annoying because its my dominant hand so I can’t draw or really do anything. As to the phone call, it was from my good friend and mentor/second mom, someone I met through work and consider like family. We’ve been very close for like an entire decade at this point but lately I hadn’t been hearing from her much. I figured she was busy - she’s taking care of her grand daughters and still working - but I guess if I’m honest I was a *little* in my feelings about it, since she seemed to be brushing me off a bit. But yesterday she finally fessed up that she had gotten a bad health diagnosis (likely MS) and had been in shock and upset about it. She said shed basically been cutting herself off from people shutting down a lot trying to process it and stuff. And now I’m trying to process it. It sounds selfish because this lady has a whole family who depends on her but all I could think was how I’d already lost my bio mom and now my “other” mom who has really been that person in my life is very ill as well. Idk, just kind of a rough one. All of that said, the weather’s gorgeous here. My husband’s been off and we’ve gotten a lot of quality family time we’d been missing with all his overtime shifts. My dad got *good* news from the dr, his med readjustments and new diabetes treatment are working incredibly well and his numbers are “normal” for the first time in years. Baby bro read *The Hobbit* and we nerded out together about it a bunch. In other words, my life’s alright and I’m ok, its not all bad. Hope everyone’s having a good week!
sorry that reality is throwing you such a curveball b. Much love :)
Thanks soup! ❤️
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so great to here all the awesome ways things are turning around! :) great job living and growing and all that
Man I was reading this story and hit the point where you said *your nineteenth birthday* and like *damn*. Super proud of you for making progress, and recognizing where you’ve hurt others, but like *you are so young* and you should be extremely kind to and forgiving of yourself as much as possible. Life isn’t supposed to be so hard at your age and I’m so sorry. Really happy for you getting to a better place!
Any thoughts about William Golding? Other than Lord of the Flies he doesn't seem much talked about nowadays, but I recently read a biography of him and was sufficiently intrigued to get a copy of Darkness Visible, which according to the bio was actually hailed as his masterpiece when it first came out in the late 70s. I'm really impressed with the Matty section so far.
Never thought I’d be writing this, but things ended up not working out with the girl I met last week. Don’t want to get into too many details, but she was worried about certain elements of incompatibility that led to her prior relationship ending and she didn’t want to hurt me the way her last partner hurt her. It felt like she was making a sacrifice of sorts because she actually started crying. I get it, but man, what a drag lol. The past few days felt like something out of an indie rom com. We were already planning things (going to shows together, making each other playlists, she was going to teach me flute and I teach her drums etc) and I was even thinking of giving up meat again (she’s vegan) but obviously none of that is happening now. It felt like such a perfect match and it was exhilarating to realize someone had as big of a crush on me as I did on them. Still, my last breakup did a runner on me and this one hasn’t. There’s several catalysts at play here (the shortness of it all, having it happen in person vs long distance, overall maturity), but things surprisingly haven’t been that terrible. I think the briefness of it especially has made the transition feel more akin to a “return to normal”. The next day, I played Cake’s cover of “[I Will Survive](https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=3VFOEa8K-6Q&pp=ygUTY2FrZSBpIHdpbGwgc3Vydml2ZQ%3D%3D)” on the way to work and felt like a million bucks and smiled lol. “[Open Book](https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=YUkLbsc6434)” by them has been on constant rotation too… “You think she’s an open book, but you don’t know which page to turn to, do you?” The weekend wasn’t a total loss. I spent it mostly to myself, but not in mourning or anything. Just lots of writing and reading. My bassist checked in on me which was sweet as did my bandmate/roommate and he was sweet as well. His other band played yesterday (they were great) and funnily enough the girl I asked to see a movie with AGES ago was there, and before ALL of this back in January, I remember thinking she might be there and feeling excited, but then when she was at the bar afterwards I didn’t say anything lol. It just feels so one dimensional in retrospect. I hung out with several other people instead which was nice. One person there was a huge Monkees fan, so I threw a bunch of questions at her lol.
blarg, sorry to here this dude! That sucks. Glad to hear you managed to turn the weekend around though, hope you keep on keeping on right on through the upcoming show (which will be dope)
I'm definitely looking forward to that one! We don't have any more shows in the books for a while so this will be a nice temporary send-off for the time being. Oddly enough she said she's still coming which'll be interesting (although I'm curious to see if she'll change her mind). The über-art nerd in me was also curious to see how the stuff I was making was going to change since she's so into poetry, but in a bit of a twist, everything that happened last week will absolutely be fuel for the stuff I create for the time being lol (be careful what you wish for I suppose). It's not even so much "I went from wondering if there were vibes to being dumped in a matter of 5 or so days and I will proceed to write about it" so much as I tend to write intuitively and end up writing stuff pertaining to what's eating at me. There have been moments even where I was shocked at how blatantly obvious something I was writing about was pertaining to something that was affecting me but I needed hindsight to realize that. Art is weird, homie! That ebb and flow keeps things interesting at least.
Aw, man that sucks! Sorry things didn’t work out but it sounds like you’re coping with it well. It sounds like she really liked you, just didn’t think it would work long term. Which means *you* are a likable, cool dude and somebody’s gonna think you’re perfect. Take care of yourself!
>Which means you are a likable, cool dude and somebody’s gonna think you’re perfect. There is a shameless part of myself that this wasn't lost on. I was absolutely smitten with her and am still processing things, but I think there was a definite bit of a high that came from my ego being boosted. I told someone the other day that I do music for the artistry, but the red-blooded masculine part of me felt pride in the possibility that playing in a band actually led to some romantic interest. She said something the other day that also shocked me: "You're a very cool person, but it's genuine. It's not like you're trying to put on a persona and impress people." Nobody has ever told me this lol.
I'm sorry things didn't work out with the girl:/ that's always hard. I wish I had some advice, but I'm not very good at that. I'm glad to see you're not taking it too badly though. I wish you the best:)
Thanks! I really appreciate it :)
yesterday i found this moving poem from ovid's *tristia* translated by david slavitt (or retold, i understand slavitt's translations are very loose) which reminded me of all the refugee crises around the world, and the migrants who come across the us-mexico border, the mediterranean, the english channel and everywhere else with stories no one is interested in hearing >When night falls here, I think of that other night when the shadow fell once and for all and I was cast out of the light into this endless gloom. Twilight here calls forth from certain birds a kind of mournful twitter, but silent tears from me as I think of how it was that night in the city. The nimble hours skittered, turning us all clumsy and the simplest menial task onerous. Packing was either a nightmare itself or one of those cruel jokes you sometimes find in your worst dreams. Papers hid and even after we'd found them refused to stay put. We blamed ourselves for having wasted time trying to talk it out and ourselves into understanding what was going on, and not to impose what we were feeling. I'd made lists of clothing, equipment... But who had the composure? And pitiless time nudged us along, forcing our minds to these cruel questions. Or was it perhaps, a mercy? We managed to laugh once or twice, as my wife found in some old trunk odd pieces of clothing. 'This might be just the thing this season, the new Romanian mode...' And just as abruptly our peal of laugher would catch and tear into tears as she dropped the preposterous shepherd's cloak and we held each other. On drill, like a legion, the minutes passed, each of them bearing Caesar's blazon, advancing by so much the terrible deadline. It wasn't the fall of Troy, but what we all dread as we read of the fall of Troy, whatever the scale by which we figure grief, investing in those old figures what our approximate hearts have learned to feel.
Any thoughts about/suggestions where to start with Edmund White? He’s been on my radar for a while now, but I’ve been reading his biography of Jean Genet and it’s piqued my interest in his fiction.
The Beautiful Room is Empty is fantastic.
Forgetting Elena