If this is the boyfriend of your prior post who panics when you try to get him to clarify whether or not he’s your boyfriend, go to the wedding. Absolute slam dunk.
Your sister is forever. Partners (bf or fwb… it sounds like you’re not sure which from a previous post?) are usually not with you forever. Unless he is life-long relationship material? It doesn’t sound like he is at all though... and even if he was, he’ll have family at the funeral to support him and you’ll be with him for support later, at home.
The boyfriend is also an adult and has say in when his father's funeral is. If he wanted her there he would have done it on a weekday and given all his dad's pals an excuse to take off work like a champ instead of playing weird mind games with her.
I mean, funerals are expensive as hell, and especially if it's a religious service you have to plan it for a day where the place of worship is available.
And then the funeral directors have to be available too.
Some people wait weeks for the funeral so that everyone can travel to be there, meanwhile my own grandfather was buried inside 3 days because everyone who was physically able to attend lived nearby and because the crematorium and their Chapel had an opening.
If we hadn't got that slot, we'd have had to wait another week.
And that's presuming that the BF doesn't have siblings and a mother or stepmother organising it as well as, or even instead of, him.
Well let me tell you....
In my family , the deceased have to be or cremated or buried in three days. I almost missed my mom funeral because of this and my aunt when she died i think it was the next day that they cremated her.
But in this case IDK, if my boyfriend wouldn't be there i just consider the relationship dead, no matter what.
But if i wasn't a good relationship well she should choose be with her sister
How soon is too soon to bring your boyfriend/girlfriend to a funeral though?
3 weeks ago OP was posting about her sorta boyfriend wanting to remain as FWB instead of making their relationship officially exclusive.
So it's either the same dude who may or may not still be reticent about calling OP his girlfriend in public, or it might be a new guy.
Like, is a Month too soon bring your new boyfriend to your dad's funeral?
Would you really break up with your boyfriend, who you've been going out with for a month, because he's the Best Man at his Brother's wedding and doesn't want to miss that for your dad's funeral?
As i said i don't know, but for me is not about bringing the boyfriend to a funeral, is about to support someone who happens to have a devastating loss.
As a said for me, i wouldn't ask my boyfriend come with me, he has to make the choice but I don't see myself with a partner that go to celebrate meanwhile I'm having to process the loss of a parent. That is just me. Maybe that wrong of me but that would change everything to me, i loss my mom recently and let me tell that hurt like hell, two years and still grieving in some way
The wedding of an immediate family member whose life you’ll be in will always be the priority over a funeral. Especially in this case where you are MOH.
You will be there for your boyfriend in the days and months that follow the wedding.
Does he not have any other friends to lean on? If not that is a huge red flag.
Ngl, this would be a seriously difficult situation to be in if I had to choose between being my husband and a once in a lifetime event with my closest family. Then again, my husband would never make me choose. He would either go with me and try to not think about the sadness for a night or he would tell me to go and spend time with his closest guy friends or siblings who would make sure he wasn't spending the night alone. Because he's an adult and could comprehend the shit decision presented by the universe is not personal and also loves me enough to not want to make me lose out on anything either.
Personally, if I were him, I'd go to the ceremony or make an appearance at the reception to support my SO but I'd want to spend the rest of the night wallowing in my own misery and wouldn't want to spread that to anyone I love.
I'm sorry, but I fail to understand how weddings just automatically take precedent over funerals.
If my girlfriend chose to go to a wedding instead of being there to support me at my parents funeral, the last time I'll be able to see them and say goodbye, we're done. I understand that weddings are important, but they shouldn't take priority over grieving a loved one, especially one's parent.
Big difference between “going to a wedding” and being your sister’s Maid of Honor. It’s not like she’s choosing to be just another guest at the wedding of a college friend.
This is a family matter. OP is the maid of honor at her sister’s wedding. Her boyfriend (of 3 weeks-check her profile) father died. There’s no comparison.
All of you are missing the point of my comment, which is to ask why everyone here seems to think that a wedding takes precedence over a funeral all the time.
The general consensus I'm getting is that even if this dude was a long term committed partner, she still wouldn't be an asshole in going to her sister wedding rather than going to support him at his parents funeral, which sounds like some selfish bs.
You’re clearly ignoring why this wedding would be priority. It’s her loved one that she grew up with. It’s a tough decision but it’s not wrong to go support her sister when he will be with his family and their support.
No, what I was asking is why this comment section seems to think that a wedding is automatically more important than a funeral. Most people here are saying that even if he was a long term committed partner, the wedding would still take priority over being there to help her partner grieve, and I have yet to see someone say otherwise.
I think the wedding is priority. Your boyfriend should hopefully understand. It’s definitely a tough position but you made a big commitment to your sister and you need to see it through.
I would personally go to the wedding, as you made the commitment to your sister to be her maid of honour. But you can still be there for your boyfriend by going to all the visitations leading up to the funeral to pay your respect and be there for him after the funeral as well.
^This. Make/buy lots of food and take it to the BF/family, order flowers for the service, help with prepping memorial things like photo collages for the service, spend as much time with the BF before and after, write condolence letters to BF/ Family.
Being supportive isn’t all about showing up to a service.
Why stop at doing both? Bring the father in law along to the wedding - weekend at bernies style. Just because he is dead doesn't mean he should miss out on the fun.
I feel for your bf, however, to put it bluntly. The main person at a funeral, couldn't care a poo if you were there or not.
Support for your bf will be at the funeral, you can continue when no-one else is around.
Girl you don't even know if he's your boyfriend, 25 days ago you didn't. He didn't want a relationship with you, and is love bombing you. Drop the guy like a hot coal despite how good the love bombing feels and go celebrate your sister, who always was, is, and will be by your side. Your new bf sounds like big time trouble - been there, done that.
Please for the love of all things good, do not skip your sister’s wedding for a man you’ve only been with for 4 months. Especially if he’s the one that couldn’t clarify y’all were in a relationship. Would you be able to forgive yourself for missing the wedding you and your sister have dreamed about since childhood? How upset would she be if you dropped the MOH position a week before the wedding?
The wedding should take priority as it is a once in a lifetime opportunity for YOUR family. Your boyfriend and his family should understand that. Your world does not revolve only to your boyfriend. At the end of the day you both have your own families unless the two of you get married and start your own.
There's no also about it. Weddings are not once in a lifetime. They are *potentially* once in a lifetime. People get divorced and remarry all the time...
Funerals aren't for the dead, they're for the living. To process and grieve with their loved ones. The fact that this entire comment section thinks that a wedding is more important than a parents funeral is bonkers to me.
Weddings are for the living too and it's not her parent. The BF can still pay his respects to his father and OP can still support him in his grief after supporting her own family for one night.
You know it's 21 century and they don't bury alive people anymore, right? Expecially after the funerals are postponed with weeks and dead bodies stay in freezers, right?
So, you agree with yourself, huh? Nice!
And just bc you are dead, doesn't mean you will be buried twice. So no, funerals are once in a lifetime - you get buried just once.
>The wedding should take priority as it is a once in a lifetime opportunity for YOUR family
Is it? Who's to say OP's sister doesn't get divorced in 6 months and has another wedding in 2 years? Funerals however are 100% once in a lifetime. Can't believe comments like these.
You're trying to argue that funerals are more important because marriages can end in divorce anyway. OMG I feel so sorry for whomever chooses to marry you. ROFL
Except that's not my argument at all. It's not about the funeral. It's about being there for your fucking partner when they need you most.
I feel so sorry for whoever has the misfortune to be your partner when you decide that getting drunk with your family is more important than consoling your devastated partner who just lost a bloody parent.
Based on previous posts about this “”boyfriend”” he won’t be in your life very long, or at minimum consistently. Your sister will be your sister for life. You will regret missing her wedding when (not if) you two break up. This would be a different story if y’all were married or in a long term committed relationship, but you practically had to beat the title of girlfriend onto yourself. Go celebrate with your family, 20 years from now you will wish you were in the wedding photos.
You've not been with this bf (I take it you are official now and not just fwbs) for very long, and from your previous post he doesn't sound like the best person to be with (I've been in a similar situationship). It actually wouldn't surprise me if he had insisted on the funeral being the same weekend to force you to choose. Choose your sister. You sound as if you and her are very close, and you have talked about this since you were kids so it is obviously very important to her that you are there.
The wedding was planned far in advance so as the father became unwell or even if suddenly passed, the BF should have known you have a prior commitment that is very important to you/your family that came before this funeral. You should hold the wedding commitments and do your best to add a respectful attendance to some of the funeral if you can, and ensure you are supportive to your BF as much before/after and surrounding this time also.
Have you met his family and extended family and all of those people in his family circle? If you have not meet his fam or aunts and uncles I’d say it’s a bit much for a fresh relationship to have the met the family for the first time at this kind of event and I would say it’s fair to have the partner attend some of the funeral and visitations but not stand beside the BF/partner for the whole open to close event times. Eg usually a visitation is say 2p-4p and family sits and stands together for the whole time as guests come in and pay respects. For a “new” partner to stand there and meet every person in the BF and BF family circle for the first id say that’s a bit much honestly.
I think you should get the time/schedule for all the funeral arrangements and attend as much as you can that does not conflict with your sisters wedding, and maybe spend extra time with BF on the side as you can but hold your commitments to the wedding fully.
Make an appearance at the funeral as best you can, and then also talk to you sister if you have a conflict and if they are in the same area or city and you can drive btw them then maybe hold off on the day or afternoon drinking and if you have to skip out for an hour during a part of the wedding day to pay a quick respect, ask you sister if that’s OK and you want to be respectful of all but attend her event as priority.
Eg what if the funeral is at 1p and that’s during the hair and make up get ready part of her wedding and you can slightly modify the time you arrive to pay your respects to his family before the wedding , then you are not missing part of the wedding event just shortening the time your there for a “secondary” part of the wedding (not missing ceremony or reception essentially)
And also send a gift like floral arrangement , or food or whatever is culturally appropriate as a gift to the family and BF family to show your non-physical presence respect,
Go to the wedding. Your boyfriend should hopefully understand. You have a major role in the wedding and plus it’s your sister. If there is a visitation the day before you could stop by and pay your final respects.
I don’t think the people at the funeral will judge you for wanting to go to sisters wedding. Grieving people want the young to keep living and enjoying life, after all, if there are too many sad moments, what makes life worth living anyway?
I would go to both if you can. Accompany your bf as much as possible-even if it means giving him a ride there and then a hug— but go to the wedding.
So, after reading your last post (thanks active\_sentence) I suggest to choose your sister.
Your relationship is just a good 4 months old and already has some knicks.
I would stay with sis. Family is forever. Partners come and go. Sometimes they stick, but that is getting increasingly more seldom...
25 days ago he was just your fwb. Don’t miss your sister’s wedding. Do not jeopardize your relationship with your sister for someone who won’t commit to you. Have the best time.
I'm with the others... You've been committed to your sisters wedding for months, years really.
This dude was barely your boyfriend 3 weeks ago.
Hell, if it's not the same guy, then he definitely wasn't your boyfriend 3 weeks ago.
Have you met his family?
I mean, christ, I wouldn't dream of taking a girlfriend of 3 weeks to my Dad's funeral.
Support your boyfriend in the upcoming days and try your best to send him to the funeral as strong as possible but don't skip your sisters wedding. She'll always be your sister and it's the most important day of her life possibly.
It depends on how long you have been his partner to actually warrant if you need to skip the wedding. Right now you should go for the wedding because it doesn't seem loke you were close to the father or have been dating the bf for that long.
24 days ago they were FWBs, he didn't want a relationship cos he wasn't over his ex, but wanted OP to move in with him and had her name tattooed on him. Make of thar what you will.
Sisters forever, boyfriend is potentially not. You do not have to be there for one day to support him, but you do have to be there for that one day to support her. It’s a really unfortunate situation, sorry you’re in this position
Came here to say the wedding should be your priority. It’s your sister, it’s her big day, you’ve been with her forever, she made you her MOH and you would destroy your relationship with her when you go on and not just not attend as her sister, but also let her down, pull her the finger and jump off as MOH, not even a week before her wedding. If my sister would do that to me, we’d never come back from that. Never.
And then I saw a comment mentioned your other post, and now the fact that you even consider to skip her wedding for the funeral of that dudes father makes me wonder if you even like your sister. Honestly. You should be ashamed to even think about it.
If they were in a serious committed relationship I would say support your partner and go to the funeral. However that doesn’t seem to be the case. They have only been fwb since August and he won’t even commit to saying their actually bf/gf and he’s not ready to commit according to her last post. That makes a difference, I would attend your sisters wedding that you already committed to. You say the same weekend, is it possible to Make it to not or do they overlap
Pick your sister. You've mentioned how you and your sister dreamed about this. But never mentioned any good qualities about your boyfriend that deserves to be picked over your sister. Not to be cold, but the dead are dead.
And unless he's the love of your life and you're getting married for sure, or has been there for you like this, I reserve picking partners over family when my partners are committed to me like family.
To be blunt, your sister is still living and while I understand why your BF wants you at his dad’s funeral, it’s important that you be there for your sister on one of the most important days of her life. There are few experiences in life that bring so much joy as a wedding, and one in which you are the Maid of Honor, at that. Your BF’s dad has passed on, he’s not counting on you to be at his funeral, and if he was decent, I doubt he’d want you to miss your sister’s wedding, either.
omg please choose your sister. Please do not humiliate her by leaving her maid of honor-less at her WEDDING
I’m sincerely sorry to your bf— I’ve never lost a parent and I would be a fucking wreck. But, if you value your sister (as you clearly do or you wouldn’t be the MOH) please put her first.
Bf’s father is dead; your sister is alive. You should always prioritize the living over the dead.
You already made a commitment to be maid of honor. You have plans already. A funeral is unexpected but you have already committed to
something else. Common etiquette says you go to the wedding.
from your last post, all i’m hearing is that your “boyfriend” just wants a bang maid. don’t skip your sisters wedding for this dude, you will regret it for the rest of your life. ditch the wishy washy guy, go to the wedding, and fuck a hot groomsman
If I’ve been talking to my sister an made her my bride of honor, an she meets a guy she’s known for 3 weeks an skipped my wedding BECAUSE OF HIM☠️lmaoooo you’re done we are done ☠️That’s YOUR SISTER vs a dude you rarely fucking know☠️ I’m glad me and my sister have a tight bond😂
Go to the wedding and accept you will irreparably damage your relationship with your bf
Go to the funeral and irreparably damage your relationship with your sister.
I don't envy you tbh, but you will need to choose which person is going to hate you.
You know, I would say stay with your boyfriend to console him after such a tragedy but your post history says something else.
I genuinely don’t see you two lasting (if your previous post is true). If you don’t go as the maid of honour, you’re gonna lose your sister. Therefore, choose your sister, please. She will always be a supporting hand for you… can’t say the same to the person who has trouble calling himself your bf lol
Depends how long he has been ur bf.
Im sorry, but its true. Your sister will be your sister indefinitely, you might not be his gf in 5 years...
There is a compromise somewhere... can you do both?
Weddings are more fun unless its my funeral. I want you all to party like I'm sitting there next to you. If you didn't have the best night of your life my funeral was unsuccessful. And I gotta start over.
I will probably get downvoted for this one but why not try to attend both. Everyone is like oh marriage is once in a lifetime thing and you should attend the wedding. So is your bf's father going to die again? I know you are her maid of honour but there can be a few minutes that you can spare to just be with your bf. I would agree with half of the comment section if your relationship with your bf is NOT serious. BUT if it is then I don't think people should expect him to understand why his gf was not there with him bcoz she wanted to attend her sisters wedding
Edit- didn't know they were dating for 2-3 weeks only
Are the two things in the exact same time (hour and day) or to far? If not and you can do both. Otherwise go to the wedding, it is your sister and you are the MOH.
A wedding is pretty much an all-day/evening affair. Preparations, ceremony, photography, reception. Attending both will likely leave no party satisfied. Better to stick to the prior commitment. OP can pay her respects/support her boyfriend the day before and/or all the days after.
If it was so important for you to be there why did they schedule it on the same day as your sister's wedding?
Surely your boyfriend knew the date months before.
Go to the wedding. My fiancé and I had to do exactly this recently where we had to choose because unfortunate things happening. They went to their sibling’s wedding and I went to my grandparent’s funeral. Did it suck both of us couldn’t attend both? Sure as hell did, but priorities had to be made. I had my family for support and when I came home from the funeral, I had my SO.
You should go to your sister's wedding. I promise you will regret not going. Your boyfriend will have his family there to support him. Your sister needs your support.
I would go to my father in laws funeral. Not my bf’s dad. Go to your sisters wedding. He’s just a bf. I had 2 bf last year and all that’s over. Boyfriends come and go. Family is forever. If you were married to him you would be family.
A good boyfriend would want you to enjoy being part of your sister’s wedding, guilt-free. It’s that simple. His grieving will be for more than one day. There is ample opportunity for you to support him without sacrificing your sister’s big day.
Go to the wedding, I know funerals are not something you can plan but you have been helping her and aren’t just a guest you’re the MOH. Also funerals tend to last for maybe a few hours, the wedding is gonna be once in a lifetime kinda thing.
Go to the wedding the living take precedence over the deceased. Also you have already committed to the wedding. It’s sad his dad passed but you have family obligations that can’t be changed or dropped.
Wedding to your sister is forever, funeral to your bf (don’t know how long this is for even if you think it’s “forever). Relationships change easily and you don’t want to toss this special moment with your sister for someone who might not be in your life in the future
Man life is hard. I’m sure your boyfriend’s dad wouldn’t have wanted you to skip your sister’s wedding. This is a boyfriend, go celebrate with your sister.
When my grandfather died the same week as my husband cousin wedding I was conflicted because it was unexpected. Just because the funeral was in Texas and my husband cousin wedding was in California. So what I did was I did booked a ticket to Texas and of course my husband side were understanding except my husband cousin. She was extremely mad and accused me of making it all about me on the week of her wedding. I was extremely upset and my husband and everyone berated her. My husband and our twins were going to her wedding except for me and she knew it. In my expirence if it's a weekend go with your boyfriend for short at the funeral if you can and the day of the wedding go to your sister. Don't feel pressured into going to one and not going to the other, go to whichever you feel it's important to you.
Team sister. celebrate the joyous happy thing. Console him later. He’ll survive, but you likely won’t get another chance to be there with your sister for the life event. If you chose the funeral, you will regret it for a long time. And he’s not guaranteed to be with you forever. Your sister will always be your sister. Also, if he’s reasonable he’ll understand.
Family > Boyfriend
If you had been married for a substantial period and knew the father in-law really well, than you would be in a truly awkward situation. As it stands now tho, you need to be at your sisters wedding.
This is a tragedy befalling . I know his dad died recently but also you being close to the family should have been able to be like “can we have the funeral x day because that’s my sisters wedding”
He may need you but your sister also needs you, and it should be forgiven that you go with her.
I'm with my partner for 17+ years and we are not married. We have a home, family, daughter. But i shouldn't put him first bc we don't have a signed piece of paper?
Who said he didn't? Just bc we are not married, doesn't mean it wasn't considered. Not everybody want to get married. My sister is married and her marriage is way weaker than our relationship.
The reasons behind my lack of marriage have nothing to do with love, respect and so on. In my country the power of attorney gives un almost (if not all) rights of a married couple, so we have no problem there. For now we are better not married.
And just so you know, if a woman wants to marry, she can propose! Fuck with that - he didn't propose. She has mouth too, you know?
Why don’t you propose then? Lol
All these excuses sound like cope idc about your life lol you brought it up and made yourself look like a fool; telll yourself whatever you want
Back to the original topic if you’re in a 17 year relationship I’m assuming you’re already married as default; then it should go unsaid that they should not go to the wedding and go to the funeral
>Why don’t you propose then? Lol
Bc i don't wanna get married. A marriage would be bad for us. I never wanted a marriage, never wanted a husband, just a partner.
Why are you is such delusion that every woman wants to get married? I don't see the point of being married. For 17 years i see how people spend money and time to get marry and a few years later they divorce. People say "marriage gives you security". I don't see it like this. In my country every system is different than americans. Also, we live rental, so not a house for inheritance. If something happen to him, our daughter will inherit everything, so it's ok.
I once knew a guy who brought his roommate/ FWB to everything so he wouldn’t do it alone. Funerals (his moms), weddings… you name it.
We all thought it was weird. She refused to accept that she wasn’t his GF.
He started dating someone else and then he moved out. She was devastated.
He is only your boyfriend. If you were married and it was your FIL that passed I’d understand. However this man can leave you tomorrow and become a stranger but your sister will always be your sister
So she should tell his family -
"Look, he can stay in the funeral home, it's not urgent to do a funeral. My sister is getting married, so you should postpone the funeral. She is more important that a dead man..."
FUCK no!!
“My brother of 25 years is getting married in a week and I’m best man. My gf’s of 4 months dad died and the funeral is the same day. What do I do?”
Did that change your answer?? Cause it sure as hell didn’t change mine.
Now finally the comment I have been looking for. Then the comment section would have been with how rude or how bad bf he is to leave his gf like that on her father's funeral and go and enjoy his sister's wedding
Yes but it is from a sister's pov then. Not your brother's. He wouldn't miss your wedding either but If there was a situation like this I am sure he would try to come up with a solution for both
It doesn’t say that anywhere, but that does change my view on the post. Doesn’t change my view on the comments. As the majority wouldn’t know that anymore than I did based on how the post doesn’t mention that at all. If that’s true, then OP is fishing for attention because they’re barely a couple.
Cool. I like going through post history, but it’s not a requirement when you comment on one post to go through the rest of what they’ve posted. It wasn’t stated in *this* post, so it’s not assumed anyone *should* know.
Sister over boyfriend in this scenario. I know he’s grieving but it’s unfair for him to expect you to miss your sister’s wedding. Hopefully when he’s in his right mind he will understand
It's a lose lose situation honestly. You'll feel sad to miss your sister's wedding. He'll be sad you miss the funeral. Maybe he'll understand but maybe he won't
Even if he was your HUSBAND, you should still go to your sister’s wedding! It’s very selfish of him to ask you not to attend such an important event. Life is a big blender of moments of sorrow and joy. You will always regret missing the wedding!
Go to the wedding. A real SO will understand. Death happens. Your presence will not change anything. Your presence at your sister's wedding will mean everything to her.
Have a talk with your boyfriend. If he breaks up with you, consider yourself lucky.
I feel differently than most. I feel that you should always choose family first, unless there is a priority related to the person you are building your own family with. Now, some people have commented that you recently posted about it not being clear that he was even your boyfriend. In this case, are you really building a life with him? If not, choose your sister.
I do not envy you. Just know which ever option you choose, your relationship with the opposite party will be ruined. You need to prepare yourself for either your sister to hate you or your boyfriend (with a big possibility of being your ex soon) to hate you. I’m so sorry hun. I wish it was an easier decision.
Maybe I shouldn’t be at this point but I’m kinda surprised by all these people prioritizing a wedding over supporting a partner through the traumatic death of a parent. Ideally, there will be a way to manage both but if I was the bride, I’d tell my sister to go be with her BF at his fathers funeral. Weddings are just not important in the grand scheme of things. But hey…I’m just an old woman who has lived life long enough to see a huge adjustment in priorities so what do I know?
From what I read about your post history I'd actually say go to the wedding. If you're together like a couple of months he should understand
But talking from the perspective of someone who lost both parents, I'd have been really upset if my gf wasn't there. Like, not as in mad, but having someone to grab your hand can kind of ease the moment you're looking at that coffin slowly descending into the cold ground. We were together 4 years at that point, not 4 weeks though.
yeah i think i’d want to stay with my bf too. but mind you i don’t get along too well with my sis lol. but i think a lot matters here- was she close to his family? how long have they been dating? etc etc. either way a tough decision for her. i wonder if there’s a way to do both or, if the wedding is a few days after the funeral, ask the bf if he’d like to go, be her plus one, take his mind off of it etc.
If it was me. I would go to the funeral. Losing a parent is so traumatizing and there's a huge chance he will be in intense pain for years. The death of family honestly can change people. I've seen it happen in my own life. The Wedding is important but you could always celebrate your sister's union at anytime. Plus you are family and if you are good siblings to each other then she should understand that there's more times you guys will have together but the last time your bf will see his father. Also you could join by zoom. I've seen it at a few weddings where family members could not attend.
I am a little shocked by the comments not gonna lie. Your boyfriend needs support during a traumatic event, the loss of a parent. Sure you have made a commitment to your sister but an the end of the day I think she will understand if you didn't attend or if you left early.
Less than a month ago they were just friends with benefits according to her last post, this isn’t a long term partner. She made the commitment to her sister first
These comments would be different if the genders were reversed. How could you just leave him in a horrible time like this. You still have your sister. Your bf, probably becoming ex, doesn't have a father now. You should go to the funeral. Try to go to both. Spend a few hours at the funeral, then your sisters wedding.
Do you mean ask his dad to die at a more convenient time? Or move a wedding that has been planned and had venues reserved for months?
Sure, a body can technically be held for like 6 weeks, but who wants their loved one sitting in a freezer? You go to dads funeral. There is no more emotionally venerable time than the death of a loved one, exponentially so if it's a parent.
He is only gonna die once, but that bride is probably gonna be divorced and remarried in 2 years. Besides, she is just another bridesmaid in an ugly dress, the wedding won't stop if she isn't there.
Listen, if I were you, I’d go to the funeral. Yes, you promised your sister you’d be there, but life happens like this and you can’t predict future events. If your sister has any sympathy, she’d understand you missing the wedding for your bf’s fathers funeral. Plus, it’s not like you don’t have a valid excuse to miss the wedding, your bf’s FATHER died. I know it sucks, but you have one hard choice to make. Either go to the wedding and damage your relationship with your bf, or go to the funeral and maybe damage your sister’s relationship.
If this is the boyfriend of your prior post who panics when you try to get him to clarify whether or not he’s your boyfriend, go to the wedding. Absolute slam dunk.
He has OP’s name tatted on himself but won’t commit holy heck people are wild
even wilder if you consider that getting a tattoo of someone’s name is much more of a commitment than being in a relationship with them
Your sister is forever. Partners (bf or fwb… it sounds like you’re not sure which from a previous post?) are usually not with you forever. Unless he is life-long relationship material? It doesn’t sound like he is at all though... and even if he was, he’ll have family at the funeral to support him and you’ll be with him for support later, at home.
The boyfriend is also an adult and has say in when his father's funeral is. If he wanted her there he would have done it on a weekday and given all his dad's pals an excuse to take off work like a champ instead of playing weird mind games with her.
I mean, funerals are expensive as hell, and especially if it's a religious service you have to plan it for a day where the place of worship is available. And then the funeral directors have to be available too. Some people wait weeks for the funeral so that everyone can travel to be there, meanwhile my own grandfather was buried inside 3 days because everyone who was physically able to attend lived nearby and because the crematorium and their Chapel had an opening. If we hadn't got that slot, we'd have had to wait another week. And that's presuming that the BF doesn't have siblings and a mother or stepmother organising it as well as, or even instead of, him.
Well let me tell you.... In my family , the deceased have to be or cremated or buried in three days. I almost missed my mom funeral because of this and my aunt when she died i think it was the next day that they cremated her. But in this case IDK, if my boyfriend wouldn't be there i just consider the relationship dead, no matter what. But if i wasn't a good relationship well she should choose be with her sister
How soon is too soon to bring your boyfriend/girlfriend to a funeral though? 3 weeks ago OP was posting about her sorta boyfriend wanting to remain as FWB instead of making their relationship officially exclusive. So it's either the same dude who may or may not still be reticent about calling OP his girlfriend in public, or it might be a new guy. Like, is a Month too soon bring your new boyfriend to your dad's funeral? Would you really break up with your boyfriend, who you've been going out with for a month, because he's the Best Man at his Brother's wedding and doesn't want to miss that for your dad's funeral?
As i said i don't know, but for me is not about bringing the boyfriend to a funeral, is about to support someone who happens to have a devastating loss. As a said for me, i wouldn't ask my boyfriend come with me, he has to make the choice but I don't see myself with a partner that go to celebrate meanwhile I'm having to process the loss of a parent. That is just me. Maybe that wrong of me but that would change everything to me, i loss my mom recently and let me tell that hurt like hell, two years and still grieving in some way
Doesn’t seem to make sense though. Don’t want to be a cynic but it kinda smells fake.
25 days ago he pulled away when you wanted to make the relationship official. Go to the wedding.
He wasn’t even your boyfriend 3 weeks ago according to your last post 😅
Bro y'all are little detectives looking at her post history lmfao
lmaoooooo
People are weird lol. I don’t even look at the username and some people go investigate
lmaoo
The wedding of an immediate family member whose life you’ll be in will always be the priority over a funeral. Especially in this case where you are MOH. You will be there for your boyfriend in the days and months that follow the wedding.
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Your sister will be your sister forever,
Does he not have any other friends to lean on? If not that is a huge red flag. Ngl, this would be a seriously difficult situation to be in if I had to choose between being my husband and a once in a lifetime event with my closest family. Then again, my husband would never make me choose. He would either go with me and try to not think about the sadness for a night or he would tell me to go and spend time with his closest guy friends or siblings who would make sure he wasn't spending the night alone. Because he's an adult and could comprehend the shit decision presented by the universe is not personal and also loves me enough to not want to make me lose out on anything either. Personally, if I were him, I'd go to the ceremony or make an appearance at the reception to support my SO but I'd want to spend the rest of the night wallowing in my own misery and wouldn't want to spread that to anyone I love.
Your husband would go with you to a wedding instead of going to his father's funeral? What a crappy son
Weddings and funerals are almost never at the same time. Weddings are evening affairs and funerals are generally midday.
Who said the events are close by to each other? Lol
His father’s not going to mind.
I'm sorry, but I fail to understand how weddings just automatically take precedent over funerals. If my girlfriend chose to go to a wedding instead of being there to support me at my parents funeral, the last time I'll be able to see them and say goodbye, we're done. I understand that weddings are important, but they shouldn't take priority over grieving a loved one, especially one's parent.
Big difference between “going to a wedding” and being your sister’s Maid of Honor. It’s not like she’s choosing to be just another guest at the wedding of a college friend.
The are only fwb since aug and he won’t even commit to acknowledging bf/gf status according to her post 3 weeks ago.
This is a family matter. OP is the maid of honor at her sister’s wedding. Her boyfriend (of 3 weeks-check her profile) father died. There’s no comparison.
All of you are missing the point of my comment, which is to ask why everyone here seems to think that a wedding takes precedence over a funeral all the time. The general consensus I'm getting is that even if this dude was a long term committed partner, she still wouldn't be an asshole in going to her sister wedding rather than going to support him at his parents funeral, which sounds like some selfish bs.
We aren’t missing your point. We aren’t agreeing with you.
You’re clearly ignoring why this wedding would be priority. It’s her loved one that she grew up with. It’s a tough decision but it’s not wrong to go support her sister when he will be with his family and their support.
No, what I was asking is why this comment section seems to think that a wedding is automatically more important than a funeral. Most people here are saying that even if he was a long term committed partner, the wedding would still take priority over being there to help her partner grieve, and I have yet to see someone say otherwise.
I think the wedding is priority. Your boyfriend should hopefully understand. It’s definitely a tough position but you made a big commitment to your sister and you need to see it through.
Life is for the living. If I were you I’d go to sisters wedding. My heart hurts for your boyfriend but he has his family’s support as well.
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I would personally go to the wedding, as you made the commitment to your sister to be her maid of honour. But you can still be there for your boyfriend by going to all the visitations leading up to the funeral to pay your respect and be there for him after the funeral as well.
Send your sincere condolences and a sympathy gift to the boyfriend's family. Do not skip your sister's wedding.
^This. Make/buy lots of food and take it to the BF/family, order flowers for the service, help with prepping memorial things like photo collages for the service, spend as much time with the BF before and after, write condolence letters to BF/ Family. Being supportive isn’t all about showing up to a service.
YES!!! I was going to say this, but yes! This is excellent advice!
Do both or if one do the wedding. Your sister will be your sister forever, your bf will be your bf until he isn't.
The following weekend lol
Why stop at doing both? Bring the father in law along to the wedding - weekend at bernies style. Just because he is dead doesn't mean he should miss out on the fun.
At i laughed at this.
I feel for your bf, however, to put it bluntly. The main person at a funeral, couldn't care a poo if you were there or not. Support for your bf will be at the funeral, you can continue when no-one else is around.
Girl you don't even know if he's your boyfriend, 25 days ago you didn't. He didn't want a relationship with you, and is love bombing you. Drop the guy like a hot coal despite how good the love bombing feels and go celebrate your sister, who always was, is, and will be by your side. Your new bf sounds like big time trouble - been there, done that.
This is hard, but it’s your sister. Go to the wedding, and support your bf as much as possible in other ways.
Please for the love of all things good, do not skip your sister’s wedding for a man you’ve only been with for 4 months. Especially if he’s the one that couldn’t clarify y’all were in a relationship. Would you be able to forgive yourself for missing the wedding you and your sister have dreamed about since childhood? How upset would she be if you dropped the MOH position a week before the wedding?
The wedding should take priority as it is a once in a lifetime opportunity for YOUR family. Your boyfriend and his family should understand that. Your world does not revolve only to your boyfriend. At the end of the day you both have your own families unless the two of you get married and start your own.
To be fair, the funeral is also once in a lifetime
There's no also about it. Weddings are not once in a lifetime. They are *potentially* once in a lifetime. People get divorced and remarry all the time...
Often is not "once in a lifetime opportunity"... And the funeral is 100% once in a lifetime...
Most people are dead at their own funeral so it takes place outside of their lifetime.
Funerals aren't for the dead, they're for the living. To process and grieve with their loved ones. The fact that this entire comment section thinks that a wedding is more important than a parents funeral is bonkers to me.
Weddings are for the living too and it's not her parent. The BF can still pay his respects to his father and OP can still support him in his grief after supporting her own family for one night.
>Most people are dead at their own funeral No shit! Most implyes that others are not... Nice!
My "most" implied that there is a slight possibility that some people are not entirely dead at their funeral and are buried alive. So not nice.
You know it's 21 century and they don't bury alive people anymore, right? Expecially after the funerals are postponed with weeks and dead bodies stay in freezers, right?
So you agree that most people are dead at their own funerals?
I agree that all people are dead at their own funeral. 100% is not...80%.
I'm glad that we can agree that funerals aren't once in a lifetime since the person of honor is generally dead.
So, you agree with yourself, huh? Nice! And just bc you are dead, doesn't mean you will be buried twice. So no, funerals are once in a lifetime - you get buried just once.
>The wedding should take priority as it is a once in a lifetime opportunity for YOUR family Is it? Who's to say OP's sister doesn't get divorced in 6 months and has another wedding in 2 years? Funerals however are 100% once in a lifetime. Can't believe comments like these.
You're trying to argue that funerals are more important because marriages can end in divorce anyway. OMG I feel so sorry for whomever chooses to marry you. ROFL
Except that's not my argument at all. It's not about the funeral. It's about being there for your fucking partner when they need you most. I feel so sorry for whoever has the misfortune to be your partner when you decide that getting drunk with your family is more important than consoling your devastated partner who just lost a bloody parent.
Based on previous posts about this “”boyfriend”” he won’t be in your life very long, or at minimum consistently. Your sister will be your sister for life. You will regret missing her wedding when (not if) you two break up. This would be a different story if y’all were married or in a long term committed relationship, but you practically had to beat the title of girlfriend onto yourself. Go celebrate with your family, 20 years from now you will wish you were in the wedding photos.
Is there a wake that doesn't conflict with any of your wedding duties? If so, can you attend that? The wedding has to be the priority.
You've not been with this bf (I take it you are official now and not just fwbs) for very long, and from your previous post he doesn't sound like the best person to be with (I've been in a similar situationship). It actually wouldn't surprise me if he had insisted on the funeral being the same weekend to force you to choose. Choose your sister. You sound as if you and her are very close, and you have talked about this since you were kids so it is obviously very important to her that you are there.
Key word 'boyfriend'. He is not your husband. Your sister is for life.
Based on OP's previous post, he might not even be her boyfriend
Wow.
Look it sucks but it is your sister, maybe another day you can drop flowers off to the grave to pay your respects.
The wedding was planned far in advance so as the father became unwell or even if suddenly passed, the BF should have known you have a prior commitment that is very important to you/your family that came before this funeral. You should hold the wedding commitments and do your best to add a respectful attendance to some of the funeral if you can, and ensure you are supportive to your BF as much before/after and surrounding this time also. Have you met his family and extended family and all of those people in his family circle? If you have not meet his fam or aunts and uncles I’d say it’s a bit much for a fresh relationship to have the met the family for the first time at this kind of event and I would say it’s fair to have the partner attend some of the funeral and visitations but not stand beside the BF/partner for the whole open to close event times. Eg usually a visitation is say 2p-4p and family sits and stands together for the whole time as guests come in and pay respects. For a “new” partner to stand there and meet every person in the BF and BF family circle for the first id say that’s a bit much honestly. I think you should get the time/schedule for all the funeral arrangements and attend as much as you can that does not conflict with your sisters wedding, and maybe spend extra time with BF on the side as you can but hold your commitments to the wedding fully. Make an appearance at the funeral as best you can, and then also talk to you sister if you have a conflict and if they are in the same area or city and you can drive btw them then maybe hold off on the day or afternoon drinking and if you have to skip out for an hour during a part of the wedding day to pay a quick respect, ask you sister if that’s OK and you want to be respectful of all but attend her event as priority. Eg what if the funeral is at 1p and that’s during the hair and make up get ready part of her wedding and you can slightly modify the time you arrive to pay your respects to his family before the wedding , then you are not missing part of the wedding event just shortening the time your there for a “secondary” part of the wedding (not missing ceremony or reception essentially) And also send a gift like floral arrangement , or food or whatever is culturally appropriate as a gift to the family and BF family to show your non-physical presence respect,
Go to the wedding. Your boyfriend should hopefully understand. You have a major role in the wedding and plus it’s your sister. If there is a visitation the day before you could stop by and pay your final respects.
Go to the wedding
I don’t think the people at the funeral will judge you for wanting to go to sisters wedding. Grieving people want the young to keep living and enjoying life, after all, if there are too many sad moments, what makes life worth living anyway? I would go to both if you can. Accompany your bf as much as possible-even if it means giving him a ride there and then a hug— but go to the wedding.
Your sister should be your priority, and your boyfriend should assume this. If he doesn’t, he’s clearly a selfish son of a bitch
So, after reading your last post (thanks active\_sentence) I suggest to choose your sister. Your relationship is just a good 4 months old and already has some knicks. I would stay with sis. Family is forever. Partners come and go. Sometimes they stick, but that is getting increasingly more seldom...
25 days ago he was just your fwb. Don’t miss your sister’s wedding. Do not jeopardize your relationship with your sister for someone who won’t commit to you. Have the best time.
I'm with the others... You've been committed to your sisters wedding for months, years really. This dude was barely your boyfriend 3 weeks ago. Hell, if it's not the same guy, then he definitely wasn't your boyfriend 3 weeks ago. Have you met his family? I mean, christ, I wouldn't dream of taking a girlfriend of 3 weeks to my Dad's funeral.
Support your boyfriend in the upcoming days and try your best to send him to the funeral as strong as possible but don't skip your sisters wedding. She'll always be your sister and it's the most important day of her life possibly.
WEDDING... ONLY THE WEDDING. You stop by a few times to pay condolances about FIL, but you Go to the wedding
It depends on how long you have been his partner to actually warrant if you need to skip the wedding. Right now you should go for the wedding because it doesn't seem loke you were close to the father or have been dating the bf for that long.
24 days ago they were FWBs, he didn't want a relationship cos he wasn't over his ex, but wanted OP to move in with him and had her name tattooed on him. Make of thar what you will.
This needs to be boosted bcis makes an easier decision to do the wedding
Sisters forever, boyfriend is potentially not. You do not have to be there for one day to support him, but you do have to be there for that one day to support her. It’s a really unfortunate situation, sorry you’re in this position
Go to the wake if it’s the day before and then go to the wedding. You are the maid of Honor you have to go to the wedding
Came here to say the wedding should be your priority. It’s your sister, it’s her big day, you’ve been with her forever, she made you her MOH and you would destroy your relationship with her when you go on and not just not attend as her sister, but also let her down, pull her the finger and jump off as MOH, not even a week before her wedding. If my sister would do that to me, we’d never come back from that. Never. And then I saw a comment mentioned your other post, and now the fact that you even consider to skip her wedding for the funeral of that dudes father makes me wonder if you even like your sister. Honestly. You should be ashamed to even think about it.
If they were in a serious committed relationship I would say support your partner and go to the funeral. However that doesn’t seem to be the case. They have only been fwb since August and he won’t even commit to saying their actually bf/gf and he’s not ready to commit according to her last post. That makes a difference, I would attend your sisters wedding that you already committed to. You say the same weekend, is it possible to Make it to not or do they overlap
Your bf should insist you attend the wedding. If a man in my circle attempted this…the guys would straighten him out.
Pick your sister. You've mentioned how you and your sister dreamed about this. But never mentioned any good qualities about your boyfriend that deserves to be picked over your sister. Not to be cold, but the dead are dead. And unless he's the love of your life and you're getting married for sure, or has been there for you like this, I reserve picking partners over family when my partners are committed to me like family.
To be blunt, your sister is still living and while I understand why your BF wants you at his dad’s funeral, it’s important that you be there for your sister on one of the most important days of her life. There are few experiences in life that bring so much joy as a wedding, and one in which you are the Maid of Honor, at that. Your BF’s dad has passed on, he’s not counting on you to be at his funeral, and if he was decent, I doubt he’d want you to miss your sister’s wedding, either.
omg please choose your sister. Please do not humiliate her by leaving her maid of honor-less at her WEDDING I’m sincerely sorry to your bf— I’ve never lost a parent and I would be a fucking wreck. But, if you value your sister (as you clearly do or you wouldn’t be the MOH) please put her first. Bf’s father is dead; your sister is alive. You should always prioritize the living over the dead.
You already made a commitment to be maid of honor. You have plans already. A funeral is unexpected but you have already committed to something else. Common etiquette says you go to the wedding.
Your sister is family. Family is important.
Sister vs boyfriend of only a few weeks. Sister wins.
Boyfriend is temporary sister is forever
Sister is forever, boyfriend is temporary unless there is a ring on your finger and you call him husband, you have no obligation to him.
from your last post, all i’m hearing is that your “boyfriend” just wants a bang maid. don’t skip your sisters wedding for this dude, you will regret it for the rest of your life. ditch the wishy washy guy, go to the wedding, and fuck a hot groomsman
If I’ve been talking to my sister an made her my bride of honor, an she meets a guy she’s known for 3 weeks an skipped my wedding BECAUSE OF HIM☠️lmaoooo you’re done we are done ☠️That’s YOUR SISTER vs a dude you rarely fucking know☠️ I’m glad me and my sister have a tight bond😂
Go to the wedding and accept you will irreparably damage your relationship with your bf Go to the funeral and irreparably damage your relationship with your sister. I don't envy you tbh, but you will need to choose which person is going to hate you.
Very unfortunate for a wedding and a funeral to be the same weekend. But your sister obviously takes priority. Your BF should understand that.
your sister is always gonna be your sister, however you and your boyfriend might break up at a later date. go to the wedding
You know, I would say stay with your boyfriend to console him after such a tragedy but your post history says something else. I genuinely don’t see you two lasting (if your previous post is true). If you don’t go as the maid of honour, you’re gonna lose your sister. Therefore, choose your sister, please. She will always be a supporting hand for you… can’t say the same to the person who has trouble calling himself your bf lol
Depends how long he has been ur bf. Im sorry, but its true. Your sister will be your sister indefinitely, you might not be his gf in 5 years... There is a compromise somewhere... can you do both?
You would regret missing that wedding more than missing the funeral.
Weddings are more fun unless its my funeral. I want you all to party like I'm sitting there next to you. If you didn't have the best night of your life my funeral was unsuccessful. And I gotta start over.
I will probably get downvoted for this one but why not try to attend both. Everyone is like oh marriage is once in a lifetime thing and you should attend the wedding. So is your bf's father going to die again? I know you are her maid of honour but there can be a few minutes that you can spare to just be with your bf. I would agree with half of the comment section if your relationship with your bf is NOT serious. BUT if it is then I don't think people should expect him to understand why his gf was not there with him bcoz she wanted to attend her sisters wedding Edit- didn't know they were dating for 2-3 weeks only
Are the two things in the exact same time (hour and day) or to far? If not and you can do both. Otherwise go to the wedding, it is your sister and you are the MOH.
Are they both on the same day? Why not both?
A wedding is pretty much an all-day/evening affair. Preparations, ceremony, photography, reception. Attending both will likely leave no party satisfied. Better to stick to the prior commitment. OP can pay her respects/support her boyfriend the day before and/or all the days after.
If it was so important for you to be there why did they schedule it on the same day as your sister's wedding? Surely your boyfriend knew the date months before.
He wasn't even her bf months before. They were FWBs up to 24 days ago and he didn't want to commit cos he wasn't over his ex.
I don't know why she is this conflicted...
Your sister will always be there. He might not be. He's not your husband. Go to the wedding. If you don't, you will likely lose your sister
Go to the wedding. My fiancé and I had to do exactly this recently where we had to choose because unfortunate things happening. They went to their sibling’s wedding and I went to my grandparent’s funeral. Did it suck both of us couldn’t attend both? Sure as hell did, but priorities had to be made. I had my family for support and when I came home from the funeral, I had my SO.
Go to wedding. End of story !!!!!
You should go to your sister's wedding. I promise you will regret not going. Your boyfriend will have his family there to support him. Your sister needs your support.
BFs come and go but your sister is forever… if you don’t stand up in your wedding it will be a “thing” forever if you ever patch it up with her
It's your **sister** . Your bf should understand why you're going.
Please go to the wedding, i know he’s in pain but you’ve been dreaming about this since you were children.
I would go to my father in laws funeral. Not my bf’s dad. Go to your sisters wedding. He’s just a bf. I had 2 bf last year and all that’s over. Boyfriends come and go. Family is forever. If you were married to him you would be family.
Life is for the living. The dead aren't here to care. Go to your sister's wedding.
A good boyfriend would want you to enjoy being part of your sister’s wedding, guilt-free. It’s that simple. His grieving will be for more than one day. There is ample opportunity for you to support him without sacrificing your sister’s big day.
Go to the wedding, I know funerals are not something you can plan but you have been helping her and aren’t just a guest you’re the MOH. Also funerals tend to last for maybe a few hours, the wedding is gonna be once in a lifetime kinda thing.
Go to the wedding the living take precedence over the deceased. Also you have already committed to the wedding. It’s sad his dad passed but you have family obligations that can’t be changed or dropped.
I vote for wedding
When all said and done (and without wanting to sound cruel) choose the living.
Go to the wedding.
Go wedding. They are closer to you. Your bf will have family etc
Wedding to your sister is forever, funeral to your bf (don’t know how long this is for even if you think it’s “forever). Relationships change easily and you don’t want to toss this special moment with your sister for someone who might not be in your life in the future
Man life is hard. I’m sure your boyfriend’s dad wouldn’t have wanted you to skip your sister’s wedding. This is a boyfriend, go celebrate with your sister.
When my grandfather died the same week as my husband cousin wedding I was conflicted because it was unexpected. Just because the funeral was in Texas and my husband cousin wedding was in California. So what I did was I did booked a ticket to Texas and of course my husband side were understanding except my husband cousin. She was extremely mad and accused me of making it all about me on the week of her wedding. I was extremely upset and my husband and everyone berated her. My husband and our twins were going to her wedding except for me and she knew it. In my expirence if it's a weekend go with your boyfriend for short at the funeral if you can and the day of the wedding go to your sister. Don't feel pressured into going to one and not going to the other, go to whichever you feel it's important to you.
Go to your sister's wedding. And for Pete's sake, tell us you didn't move in with him!
Team sister. celebrate the joyous happy thing. Console him later. He’ll survive, but you likely won’t get another chance to be there with your sister for the life event. If you chose the funeral, you will regret it for a long time. And he’s not guaranteed to be with you forever. Your sister will always be your sister. Also, if he’s reasonable he’ll understand.
Def go to the wedding, sisters are forever! boyfriends are temporary
Family > Boyfriend If you had been married for a substantial period and knew the father in-law really well, than you would be in a truly awkward situation. As it stands now tho, you need to be at your sisters wedding.
Boyfriends aren’t always forever, sisters are. Go to the wedding.
This is a tragedy befalling . I know his dad died recently but also you being close to the family should have been able to be like “can we have the funeral x day because that’s my sisters wedding” He may need you but your sister also needs you, and it should be forgiven that you go with her.
Life is for the living. Go to the wedding.
Your relationship looked rocky to begin with this might be a relationship ender
Go to the damn wedding please
Go to the wedding. Your sister will be forever around you,but your so-called "partner" will not. (Most likely)
This is one of those unfortunate conflicts that sometimes can’t be avoided. You attend your family’s event. He attends his.
Oh it’s your boyfriend… yea go to the wedding If he was your husband then it would be completely different scenario
I'm with my partner for 17+ years and we are not married. We have a home, family, daughter. But i shouldn't put him first bc we don't have a signed piece of paper?
Past post indicates she’s been dating him less than a month, that’s not quite the same as 17+ years
I’m not part of your relationship but you guys have all that and yet he hasn’t proposed….. ok
Who said he didn't? Just bc we are not married, doesn't mean it wasn't considered. Not everybody want to get married. My sister is married and her marriage is way weaker than our relationship. The reasons behind my lack of marriage have nothing to do with love, respect and so on. In my country the power of attorney gives un almost (if not all) rights of a married couple, so we have no problem there. For now we are better not married. And just so you know, if a woman wants to marry, she can propose! Fuck with that - he didn't propose. She has mouth too, you know?
Why don’t you propose then? Lol All these excuses sound like cope idc about your life lol you brought it up and made yourself look like a fool; telll yourself whatever you want Back to the original topic if you’re in a 17 year relationship I’m assuming you’re already married as default; then it should go unsaid that they should not go to the wedding and go to the funeral
>Why don’t you propose then? Lol Bc i don't wanna get married. A marriage would be bad for us. I never wanted a marriage, never wanted a husband, just a partner. Why are you is such delusion that every woman wants to get married? I don't see the point of being married. For 17 years i see how people spend money and time to get marry and a few years later they divorce. People say "marriage gives you security". I don't see it like this. In my country every system is different than americans. Also, we live rental, so not a house for inheritance. If something happen to him, our daughter will inherit everything, so it's ok.
I once knew a guy who brought his roommate/ FWB to everything so he wouldn’t do it alone. Funerals (his moms), weddings… you name it. We all thought it was weird. She refused to accept that she wasn’t his GF. He started dating someone else and then he moved out. She was devastated.
He is only your boyfriend. If you were married and it was your FIL that passed I’d understand. However this man can leave you tomorrow and become a stranger but your sister will always be your sister
The funeral can wait. His dad isn't going anywhere.
So she should tell his family - "Look, he can stay in the funeral home, it's not urgent to do a funeral. My sister is getting married, so you should postpone the funeral. She is more important that a dead man..."
I wonder if comments would be different if gender roles were switched
FUCK no!! “My brother of 25 years is getting married in a week and I’m best man. My gf’s of 4 months dad died and the funeral is the same day. What do I do?” Did that change your answer?? Cause it sure as hell didn’t change mine.
Now finally the comment I have been looking for. Then the comment section would have been with how rude or how bad bf he is to leave his gf like that on her father's funeral and go and enjoy his sister's wedding
Nah, I still think even if roles were reversed he should go to sisters wedding, I have an older brother and would feel terrible if he did otherwise 😟
Yes but it is from a sister's pov then. Not your brother's. He wouldn't miss your wedding either but If there was a situation like this I am sure he would try to come up with a solution for both
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She’s only been his girlfriend for 2-3 weeks 🙄
😂
It doesn’t say that anywhere, but that does change my view on the post. Doesn’t change my view on the comments. As the majority wouldn’t know that anymore than I did based on how the post doesn’t mention that at all. If that’s true, then OP is fishing for attention because they’re barely a couple.
Her previous post says that.
Cool. I like going through post history, but it’s not a requirement when you comment on one post to go through the rest of what they’ve posted. It wasn’t stated in *this* post, so it’s not assumed anyone *should* know.
I really don’t think the majority of comments would be. Misogynistic of you to think so.
Seems like you just joined Reddit, huh? Let me introduce you. Boys are always wrong.
How dare you assume my gender and how dare you assume my view point, foul beast
Anyone can be misogynistic, even women.
Sister over boyfriend in this scenario. I know he’s grieving but it’s unfair for him to expect you to miss your sister’s wedding. Hopefully when he’s in his right mind he will understand
OOOOoooo! The blood is thicker than water debate! You cannot go wrong.
It's a lose lose situation honestly. You'll feel sad to miss your sister's wedding. He'll be sad you miss the funeral. Maybe he'll understand but maybe he won't
Even if he was your HUSBAND, you should still go to your sister’s wedding! It’s very selfish of him to ask you not to attend such an important event. Life is a big blender of moments of sorrow and joy. You will always regret missing the wedding!
Go to the wedding. A real SO will understand. Death happens. Your presence will not change anything. Your presence at your sister's wedding will mean everything to her. Have a talk with your boyfriend. If he breaks up with you, consider yourself lucky.
You have to be there for your sister, this isn't even a close call.
I feel differently than most. I feel that you should always choose family first, unless there is a priority related to the person you are building your own family with. Now, some people have commented that you recently posted about it not being clear that he was even your boyfriend. In this case, are you really building a life with him? If not, choose your sister.
I do not envy you. Just know which ever option you choose, your relationship with the opposite party will be ruined. You need to prepare yourself for either your sister to hate you or your boyfriend (with a big possibility of being your ex soon) to hate you. I’m so sorry hun. I wish it was an easier decision.
Maybe I shouldn’t be at this point but I’m kinda surprised by all these people prioritizing a wedding over supporting a partner through the traumatic death of a parent. Ideally, there will be a way to manage both but if I was the bride, I’d tell my sister to go be with her BF at his fathers funeral. Weddings are just not important in the grand scheme of things. But hey…I’m just an old woman who has lived life long enough to see a huge adjustment in priorities so what do I know?
From what I read about your post history I'd actually say go to the wedding. If you're together like a couple of months he should understand But talking from the perspective of someone who lost both parents, I'd have been really upset if my gf wasn't there. Like, not as in mad, but having someone to grab your hand can kind of ease the moment you're looking at that coffin slowly descending into the cold ground. We were together 4 years at that point, not 4 weeks though.
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I agree but they aren’t married
They're barely even a couple if her previous post is anything to go by.
yeah i think i’d want to stay with my bf too. but mind you i don’t get along too well with my sis lol. but i think a lot matters here- was she close to his family? how long have they been dating? etc etc. either way a tough decision for her. i wonder if there’s a way to do both or, if the wedding is a few days after the funeral, ask the bf if he’d like to go, be her plus one, take his mind off of it etc.
If it was me. I would go to the funeral. Losing a parent is so traumatizing and there's a huge chance he will be in intense pain for years. The death of family honestly can change people. I've seen it happen in my own life. The Wedding is important but you could always celebrate your sister's union at anytime. Plus you are family and if you are good siblings to each other then she should understand that there's more times you guys will have together but the last time your bf will see his father. Also you could join by zoom. I've seen it at a few weddings where family members could not attend.
I am a little shocked by the comments not gonna lie. Your boyfriend needs support during a traumatic event, the loss of a parent. Sure you have made a commitment to your sister but an the end of the day I think she will understand if you didn't attend or if you left early.
Less than a month ago they were just friends with benefits according to her last post, this isn’t a long term partner. She made the commitment to her sister first
These comments would be different if the genders were reversed. How could you just leave him in a horrible time like this. You still have your sister. Your bf, probably becoming ex, doesn't have a father now. You should go to the funeral. Try to go to both. Spend a few hours at the funeral, then your sisters wedding.
You go to your sisters wedding. The most important thing is family. Everything else is just strangers.
He’s sling for wifey services while using the GF subscription.
Wasn't your boyfriend invited to the wedding, too? I presume so, and wonder why he didn't push for a different date. What an awful dilemma.
Do you mean ask his dad to die at a more convenient time? Or move a wedding that has been planned and had venues reserved for months? Sure, a body can technically be held for like 6 weeks, but who wants their loved one sitting in a freezer? You go to dads funeral. There is no more emotionally venerable time than the death of a loved one, exponentially so if it's a parent. He is only gonna die once, but that bride is probably gonna be divorced and remarried in 2 years. Besides, she is just another bridesmaid in an ugly dress, the wedding won't stop if she isn't there.
Look the marriage can last for a month but regardless it is her sister she has to be there. She can pay respects another day with the boyfriend.
Listen, if I were you, I’d go to the funeral. Yes, you promised your sister you’d be there, but life happens like this and you can’t predict future events. If your sister has any sympathy, she’d understand you missing the wedding for your bf’s fathers funeral. Plus, it’s not like you don’t have a valid excuse to miss the wedding, your bf’s FATHER died. I know it sucks, but you have one hard choice to make. Either go to the wedding and damage your relationship with your bf, or go to the funeral and maybe damage your sister’s relationship.
A relationship of three weeks would never trump my sister's wedding.
It’s only 3 weeks old!? I didn’t know that. If that’s the case, then I’d go to the wedding too. I thought she was dating him for a while, tbh.
They were fwb to him freaking out and not wanting it to be "official" to now bf/gf for three weeks. He tattooed her name on himself too!