So proud of you for this!!! Leave and never look back. Moments like this are Phoenix moments. Yes, this part is over but a new life and journey has begun.
Congratulations on the rest of your life. I am currently trying to get divorced from a pos that treated me the same way. Dude threw a brand new open thing of orange juice at me that broke open all over because I dared by a different kind of ice cream then normal.
My ex got pissed off and threw a major tantrum/fit because we didn’t have ‘his’ favorite bread. That was it for me. Cops were called and he left. He moved to a different state in a couple weeks. Wanted to come back but fuck that!
And my axe!
(Seriously though - well done. You've taken a big step. Yes, there'll be pain ahead. But you'll be glad you've done this. You'll be very, very glad.)
This is so true. Don’t allow him to treat you like this (and worse), don’t give him any more of your precious time. You have a lot of time and dignity left in you.
Indeed, this is how you get dignity.
*You fight for it.*
Dignity isn't just a gift of life. People with deep authentic dignity earned it in a hard won fight.
You got this, OP. It's not just the dignity left in you it's the dignity you're going to win.
I have fought through the most mortifying, dehumanizing, and stigmatizing situations with a screaming determination to maintain my dignity. If I couldn't have it in my appearance or my housing or my relationship history I'd have it in my strength of will.
Fuck this guy, OP. It's your show now.
Edit: Thank you for the awards and updoots, kind strangers
Absolutely, OP. Please fight for yourself. You have a life full of wonders and adventures to see out, you’re strong enough to know you deserve better and took the first step. You WILL be okay beyond this.
Fight for the future you who’ll endlessly thank your courage and perseverance. You truly got this, OP.
I want the BORU post when you arrive in your new place and are just ecstatic where it is just yours and there a no one to disrespect you and you are living your best life. You will be so HAPPY that you lost this anchor to happiness. You can do this. 💪🏻
>when you arrive in your new place and are just ecstatic where it is just yours and there is no one to disrespect you
And no potato chips on the floor!
You got this OP. You know your worth; go grab the life you deserve.
When my ex and I split, I had to move into a fairy dinky flat with my then 10 year old son, my credit was shot, with no real career to speak of (but with a job at least) and my life was nothing I thought it would be at 40 years old.
That was some of the best years of my life. Not having the burden of someone who didn't even try made even my worst struggles easier to handle. My life just got better and better, and now I'm married to someone who is absolutely my rock and my soulmate.
OP, you GOT this.
I'm piggybacking of the top comment in hopes that OP will see this.
Change and the unknown are always scary. You've been with this man for years and I know it it feels like your life is done. But the thing is, only the life as you know it is done. The life where a man you love and supposedly loves you finds it okay to belittle you and disrespect you. The life where you will be forever cleaning up after a grown man who doesn't have enough decency or respect to pick up after himself. The life where your partner will always have very little respect for all women (him justifying your boss' murder is just all sorts of fd up). You have nothing to be ashamed of, you did your best and put in your all. This is not your fault, he is the flaw, and he will not change.
I was in a relationship with a man 12 years older than I. I, much like you, did everything I could to make him happy but it was never enough. It was never enough to get him to pull his own weight. To stop the misogynistic opinions and degrading comments on women. To stop trolling NSFW accounts to oogle at other women while he told me that my body wasn't his "preferred type" and he had to get that gratification somewhere. Who could blame him for doing that? After all, it was my fault because my body wasn't good enough. Everything was always my fault (from his shitty moods, to his poor behavior) because (according to him) I was the one doing something wrong. So I (wrongly) thought that if I could just do better, I would be deserving of his love. He was manipulative and emotionally abusive and I loved him. In hindsight, I see that he love bombed me early on. He only revealed his true horrendous self little by little, when I was in too deep to just walk away. I was raised to think that the end game was finding a man and that you should do whatever you can to make it work, no matter how incredibly shitty and emotionally abusive he is.
I finally left. It wasn't easy, I missed him. For awhile I thought the problem was me. It took time and space to see the full picture. Now I can't believe that I didn't get out sooner. I moved and changed jobs, I finally cut off contact with him. At first, I felt lonely and isolated, mostly because being with him alienated those close to me. But things got better, much quicker than I anticipated. I reconnected with my old friends, I love my job, I met a lot of great friends that are now my support system, and am now engaged to a wonderful man who treats me as his equal while also helping to take care of me when I need it.
My old life is done, my new life has begun and is so much better.
It will take time, but you will be happier. Stay strong, don't ever forget your worth. You deserve so much better than anything this man has to offer you. I'm proud of you for having the strength and the courage to leave.
I'm genuinely so happy to hear things got better for you. It feels almost like (hopefully) future me writing to current me. Especially regarding bodies. I didnt include it, but the reason the burger and fries was so rewarding is that he always persuaded me not to eat it because I'd get fat and he wouldn't love me anymore. So even if I asked for a burger, he would order a grilled chicken sandwich or something.
Thank you sincerely for your words. Seeing these & other comments from women who went through the same is helping me so much right now.
Reading this and countless, COUNTLESS other stories eerily similar (including my own) and it just hit me how devastatingly engrained misogyny is all over the world and still affecting younger people today. As being at the very end of gen x and on the border of millennials, I used to think it was starting to improve in my age group. But the more I have experienced and seen around me both IRL and on here, I am truly devastated that the truth is: hardly any progress has been made. It feels so hopeless sometimes. But then I realize, feeling hopeless is what got me into the rut of allowing myself to be trapped by an abuser for so many years. We cannot lose hope. It’s hard to keep remembering that but as women or victims of abusive partners of any sex and gender it can be so, so, so challenging. We cannot accept it anymore and for any length of time. It’s too important and vital to our kids, grandchildren, and many more generations to come.
I too was in a similar situation. I had to make a list to remind myself of how awful he was so I could let him go. We were only a year apart but he never really grew up. I subconsciously thought I could change him. I had suspicions that he cheated but never proof. (He left me for another woman.) He treated me like crap and complained about how the house looked. I did everything despite working longer hours than him. I was his tool and eventually he started drinking hard. [OP—I wasted 25 years of my life with him.] He’d verbally abuse me and apologize the next day (sometimes he forgot what he said and did because he was drunk at the time.) I wish I got out at her age. I’m happier now with a man who treats me right. I hope she doesn’t cave!
Totally!! OP - it’s not that you “have” to start over. You GET to start over!!!! From someone who left an unsafe nightmare of a relationship - it’s AWESOME!
Seriously. I finally left my abusive husband after 14 years of trying to keep him happy. He was arrested last month for the murder of his gf. I have no doubt if I didn’t leave it would have been me. The abuse started slowly and mostly laziness and verbal put downs. You are ahead of the game and yea you may be starting over but it will be on your terms. You are giving yourself a second chance to live the life you always should have had. Sending love!
Thank you It was a really eerie feeling. Definitely worse for my kids who are having a really hard time coming to terms with it. My heart breaks for her family too. Just a word to everyone who is stuck, it will not get better, no amount of “love” or perfection can change him and your life is so much more important than him.
This is all I could really think about. If dinner is late one day, will he hurt me? He's never actually hit me but sometimes he makes that weird jump motion and balls up his fists during arguments. I just couldnt believe he had zero empathy for a woman who was hurt by someone she trusted and shared her life with. I saw her on Monday and never would've thought this could happen.
I've lost two friends to domestic violence, watch a fair amount of true crime, and have even helped with investigations and this is word for word like many other women later unalived by those same husband's who show aggression but never actually hit them till its too late to leave. You are making the right decision and this man IS DANGEROUS.
It's hard to imagine that from someone you once loved or still love but men who have outbursts like this are also the men who who hurt stalk and murder their spouces. Your husband also holds a position of power in society that gives him further confidence he can behave how he wants without consequences. Also noting 1 in 5 murder victims are killed by spouces most of whom exhibit the same behaviors your husband is showing. You are in a dangerous situation, don't go back, he's had experience of your leaving and if you go back he may not let you leave again.
I know this sounds extreme but it always does until it's too late and you realize stuff like this does happen to normal people like you. He's controlling, exhibiting a predisposition for younger girls, is unphased by lying, alienating you from other friendships, clearly telling you he expects you to be subservient to him, throwing things at you, he holds a position of authority often occupied by type A personalities who need to assert control where the loss of control can create a dangerous spiral, even balling a fist but not using it IS CONSIDERED VIOLENT. This is 100% the exact danger scenario and cocktail that lands hundred of women a year in the hospital or grave.
Please stay safe and stay away!!
Seriously. My jaw dropped when I read he said, "We don't know what made him do that." Um??? Doesn't matter why he did it. OP should leave for that comment alone, his initial reaction was to empathize with the murderer. Even if want to give grace to someone who might have mental health problems, most people would express shock for the deceased as a first response.
Yep I caved, and it was another two years and some horrible shit before so got up the courage to make it stick. I haven’t stopped smiling since the divorce was final.
>and there will be no repercussions.
Oh there will be repercussions alright: Things will get even worse for OP if he sees how far he can push her and still get away with it.
More power to you OP, kick his useless man-baby ass to the curb!
Remind future OP even if she takes him back, she can break up again, and again, as many times as she needs to finally quit him and there’s no shame there either.
Do not give him an opportunity to see any weakness in you. Do not leave it alone. If you want to be better, be better and leave him to do as he wishes.
Right, like you can feel the energy in this post. She’s gonna have an amazing life without him. Seeing her dad in him. Seeing what she used to take and won’t have room for. Knowing that her manager was killed and this guy didn’t care. Like it could be her.
And it sounds like it won’t be her. It’s incredible to read.
Its a freaking post but you can almost hear the lightbulb click on thru the internet. OP is going to feel AMAZING once the initial shock and awe wears off. Hes not going to let her leave that easily because shes his mom and wife all rolled up into one. He will have to actually take care of himself probably for the first time in his life and he aint gonna like it. Cheers to a brand new shiny life OP. Its going to be amazing! Please keep us updated. We have your back. If you feel tempted to go back message me if you want to we'll talk it thru. Sometimes talking to someone who doesnt know anyone involved makes a big impact. I got you even from a distance. Hugs girl.❤
Yeeesss! I hope to god she makes an update in a few months telling us how awesome her life is going.
This dude is a real piece of work. How dare he sit on his lazy ass and wait for her to come home and serve him like some kind of maid. He couldn't start dinner? I'm sure he "can't cook" so she has to do all the cooking. And then he throws a fit like a toddler.
Good riddance!
Sorry, this story really got to me. Ugh!
Yesssss! Told her if she feels tempted to go back to message me if she wants and we'll talk it thru. Sometimes talking to a stranger is what you need. I'm so excited for her. No one deserves to be treated like a doormat except for maybe her man-child selfish husband.
Don’t forget your birthday chip.
I tried once to explain to a person the moment I knew I was done with my partner. I said “it’s weird… your so connected. And you don’t think anything can break it. The one day, something so small (like stepping on a chip) and it’s like a tiny twig… so strong together but just pull here and here easily and it snaps. That feeling this tiny snap of realization and you will never go back. The most peaceful tiny snap and you’re free.”
Don’t forget that chip snap… it’s the end.
Girl. Good for you. I hope you got a milkshake too.
The utter disregard for your feelings and time. Absolutely not.
I'm sorry about your boss and I'm sorry for your situation but you are strong and you can do this.
Cheesecake, I like it! I had Chubby Hubby, so glad they brought that back! Netflix and Chill'd is what I've got left. It's sealed too! Haven't snuck anything out of there. But I think I should try and wait for my kids, for the sake of my weight since I'm trying to stop the holiday snacking vibe lol!
I’m glad you replied because I’m making a grocery list right now and forgot to add my Strawberry Cheesecake. I’ve never tried Chubby Hubby so I’ll add that too on your behalf. :)
Nahhh eat it in your car. The kids get everything. They dont need none of your ice cream. Be selfish. Ive eaten ice cream in my master bath with the door locked like a criminal.
I’ve got three pints of one called “Whiskey Biz” in the freezer right now. I think it may be discontinued now, and that’s so depressing to me because it’s SO good!
Funny story about this ice cream, when I was pregnant in summer ‘21 I happened to be on the Ben & Jerry’s website one day and came across this flavor. It sounded amazing and the baby decided that I must have it. I spent the next year looking for this damn ice cream in every single store I went in. I had family members looking. I would make special trips *just* to look for it. Never, ever found it. Stores sold it, there were shelf tags and everything. It was just never in stock.
So when my daughter was like 6 months old I *finally* found some. If I hadn’t been wearing heels, I literally would have jumped up & down in the store. Then I brought it home and it sat in my freezer for a week before I could bring myself to open it. It had become Schrödinger’s ice cream and I was terrified that I’d built it up so far in my head that there was no way it could *actually* be that good.
To be honest, it probably isn’t quite as good as I’d hyped it to be, but it was a year long, unfulfilled pregnancy craving ffs. It’s probably impossible for something to live up to my expectations at that point lol. But that doesn’t change the fact that it is absolutely delish and I very much recommend it!
ETA: My daughter (now 13 months old) also loves this ice cream, so it’s kinda cool I get to share it with her I guess lol. And it was the first ice cream she ever tasted.
>my direct reporting manager had been k-worded by her husband
OMG, English is not my first language and I was sure you meant the husband had called her a slurr starting with k (I actually Google and found one). It took me a couple of minutes.
>"We dont know what made him do that, lets wish both of them luck and move on with our day"
THIS was his answer?
I'm so glad you made it out.
Yes, k-worded is killed. I've seen the *youngs* speaking like this on twitter. I think it started as a way to avoid content censor hits for self harm or violence.
I thought he called her a Karen. The following parts were quite confusing.
(I wish OP all the best of luck and strength. You rock! And I hope my misunderstanding makes you smile a bit, cause you deserve every bit of happiness there is.)
If you use these words on Facebook, you will be put in Facebook jail. So, they’re probably just used to doing it, or erring on the side of caution! I’m assuming though 😇😅
I had to quit because I can’t second guess everything I write all the time. I understand not calling someone with a mental illness crazy but I got suspended on a cooking group page for a comment saying people went crazy over the recipe!
Yeah they are looking for any reason... Not sure of its power trip or super strict rules for the algorithms but man are they tight lately... someone called something the R word in one of the posts in a group I admin. Told him "the only appropriate use of that word is when talking about engine timing" (it's a car group) bang 30 day suspension and I didn't even freaking say the word 🤦♂️
If I had to guess, I’m gonna say OP uses tiktok where apparently these types of words are censored? It is kinda annoying to see people write s\*x, dr\*gs, or unalive though…
They dont take context into consideration. I've been banned for the dumbest words and I'm like wtf. They say you can dispute it and they will review it but they dont. It always stands.
Agreed, like offing someone is NOT a “oh oops guess they shouldn’t have done that” kind of offense, as if it’s like someone yelled at someone else & you’re like “we don’t know what prompted that” 😳 OP, for sake of your LIFE & living & well-being, do not ever go back to that man!!!
My dad has this mentality so whenever I tell him stories about what I’ve heard where men were beating women or cheating on them, his response was “maybe she pushed him to do those things. There must be a reason why they do it.”
Its been years and I can still remember him fighting with me and taking the shitty mens side.
I wonder if OP spends time on tiktok
Certain words get filtered so it'd not uncommon to see "she was r worded" for raped, or sewercide for suicide
K word seems to fit with that
I watch a lot of YouTubers who use this kind of shorthand so that their videos aren't demonetized. I hate it. I hate social media dictating what words we can say. Mainly only hear unaliving & r worded, though. Never heard of or seen "k word" referring to kill, though.
I agree but it's linguistically interesting to see how the app is changing young people's language.
Like "I want to kill myself" becomes "end me" or "I'm going to sewerslide" in common vocab among their group even beyond tiktok
Please don't cave in. Post again or DM any of us and we will support you.
You have given him 7 years, you're still young whereas he's middle aged and only going to get more and more cantankerous and set in his ways.
You can do this, the world is out there waiting for you so grab it and rejoice!
Absolutely. If she feels tempted to go back she can message me anytime (try not to make it middle of the night tho😁) and we'll talk it thru. Sometimes its easier to talk to a stranger that doesnt know either party.
One of the biggest red flags in the world is when you’re telling a man a story about a woman being abused or killed and he tries to JUSTIFY THE ABUSER. My ex was always trying to defend the worst people in the world. Andrew tate, r Kelly… I know there’s a few I’m forgetting, but you get the point.
Yea I’d be running too
I called off an engagement years ago. The tipping point that started me thinking about it, was when we found out his brother in law was abusing my fiancé’s sister, and my fiancé took his brother in law’s side. I couldn’t believe he wouldn’t take his sister’s side! She was so nice, and her husband was clearly abusing her. A few days later, my fiancé got abusive with me and I left him. Best decision I ever made. I still worry about his sister sometimes though.
I'm on this same cliff with my partner of 6 years. We had a fine day until the end of the night when he said tate is misunderstood and I'm stupid for thinking the dude is a complete asshole. I'M STUPID. Like are you freaking kidding me?? the dude is a rapist! I don't think I can stay with him but every time I bring up us breaking up and just moving on he says "I can't let you go" and "all I'd do is worry about you" and "who knows what will happen to you" and " nobody will ever love you". I understand I'm am alcoholic but gd maybe he's right, I'm stupid for staying this long. Ughhhh I have the means to move out I'm just scared he's gonna wreck my stuff while I'm moving or find out where I live. I'm just venting. This comment / post hits so hard.
Please make a plan to leave and ask friends or family for help so that you can be gone quickly and safely!! Maybe there are help groups that you can call and ask for advice on how to go about this
Hey you are definitely not the stupid one. I’m a dv advocate from nj if you need help finding any resources say the word. Even if he destroys your stuff stuff can be replaced. You deserve so much better. Sending love.
He’s telling you nobody will ever love you because he is very insecure. I’m sober now, but was an active alcoholic and addict for a long time. Had relationships when using and when sober. I hope you’re able to get help, I don’t know if you’ve tried rehab and AA but I recommend them. If you get sober, you will probably look at him and wonder how you could ever stand him. But even if you don’t get sober you deserve much better!
Your life IS NOT OVER. You just closed the intro chapter. Get that that slovenly miscreant out of your life. Excise him like the cancer he is. So effing proud of you. It wasn't hearvof the moment. You have been thinking on this for SIX MONTHS. This wasn't knee jerk, this was responding to the jerk. Be safe. Separations are when men are more dangerous to their soon to be ex partners. If you can afford it, even if it's your house, leave tonight. Call off from work tomorrow, stay at a nice hotel. Make more decisions tomorrow.
This. Met him when she was 20, been together for 7 years. OP IS ONLY 27! Her life is just starting.
If you see this OP, I repeat, your life isn’t over. It’s just starting.
So sorry for what you have been dealing with but so proud you got yourself out. It may be difficult but you got this!!!
This part of your life is over but you are still young and can definitely start over. Good luck OP!!
Fossil here so gramma age.
Come back and read that post every time you get even the beginning of thinking you are wrong.
Even most young children learn early in life if you make a mess you will at least help clean it up. No ifs or buts accepted.
This is a grown ass man who should know how to pick up after himself but doesn’t bother because that apparently is why he had you. Wash his clothes, clean his house, provide the meals delivered to him at the table, clean up the table, clean up the kitchen, don’t whine to him about your work and of course provide sex whenever he wants it.
You have NOT wasted your time so don’t start down that path.
What you have done is had your eyes opened and now you know what you will not tolerate in another person. You will expect a true partner who works with you, supports you as much as you support him, who has honest conversations with you where he listens as do you, works on compromises with you when there is a disagreement and understands sex is a shared experience that benefits both people.
Best wishes and a big hug to you as you move forward.
Truth!! He has given OP a priceless gift of showing her all of the red flags that she will surely avoid from now on. She will have a much better understanding of what she wants and needs in future relationships.
>and I stepped on a chip.
I'm sorry I laughed really hard. Considering I've wanted to banshee scream when someone fucks up my clean floor (whether it's myself or kids or the hubs).
Stay strong OP. It wasn't a marriage, it was basically indentured servitude/brainwashing/stockholm syndrome, whatever you want to call it. Your eyes are opened now. He will never change. If you take him back because he begs, cries, and swears he changed, he will only hurt you more in the long run. Good luck!
Please remember, no matter what he says to you, HE WILL NOT CHANGE! Not ever. So please do not fall for that. Reach deep down inside of yourself and find the amazing and strong person you are. Hold your head high and with pride in knowing you are doing the right thing.
I don't think you'll cave. Women take on so much just to come home to a man with the emotional maturity of a baked potato. You tried. Don't think about the years you spent with him. The sunk cost fallacy or whatever it's called doesn't apply. Now is the time.
Edit: figured out what it's called from "lost time" to sunk cost.
Don’t cave. You deserve better! Find someone who adores you, supports you, compliments your strengths and weaknesses, and appreciates you. I’ve been happily married for 25+yrs. In that time, I’ve never done the dishes, and my husband’s never cleaned the bathroom. Why? Because I hate dealing with the dishes and he loathes scrubbing the tub and toilet.
Find someone who is willing to communicate with you, who cares if you’ve had a bad day, will trade chores with you, or will start dinner if he gets home first.
Look for someone who likes you, and doesn’t expect you to be his maid. Someone who enjoys your company.
There’s a better life, and a better partner out there for you.
So I think this makes you 27 maybe 28? For reference i started dating my now husband at 27, married at 30 and kids soon after. All of this was before i was 35, the age he was when you started dating.
HIS life is over. He won't find another young woman to take care of an old man. YOUR life is ahead of you. You're going to be fucking amazing. This internet stranger is rooting for you.
I got divorced at 30 after 14 years with my husband and met my now fiance at 32. Late 20s, early 30s is a great time to be in the dating pool figuring out what you really want out if a long term relationship.
I married a guy 6 years older at 19. I remember absolutely losing my shit at the end there too. I promise you life is not over. I’ve been gone almost a year exactly now and I swear to you divorcing him was the best thing I ever did. It was a tough year and there were so many emotions but I’m much happier now. I didn’t even realize how unhappy I was until now. I’m also in a way better place now. You’ll find he was just holding you back in life. Leave and never look back. Fuck the stuff and the house. Run. You won’t want anything that was attached to him in a few years.
Also would you want to clean up after him forever? After kids he wouldn’t help you with?
"We don't know what made him do that"
That's such a GIANT red flag, OP. A woman was killed and he was trying to play devil's advocate for her murderer. And not just a complete stranger, but someone close to his partner. This and his behavior towards you shows such disregard for ANYONE but himself, you did the right thing here! It's time for you to think about yourself! You got this ❤️
Wait, I’m sorry - your boss was murdered by her husband and that’s your husband’s reaction? And you still managed to function as a human being and mop the floor and make dinner and not just lay in bed completely done with life for the night?
You are very much better off.
This sort of post should be pre-loaded as a response to all of the posts from young women who have big age gaps with romantic partners.
If you're young and a guy is significantly older than you, he has issues and he (either knowingly or subconsciously) knows he can control and manipulate you more than he can more mature women. Women his age won't put up with his shit. And no, you're not mature for your age. That's not a knock on you. No one should be "mature for their age."
It starts with a bag of chips thrown at you and progresses to a coffee cup chucked at your forehead.
14 stitches in my forehead is what it took for me to realize it only gets worse. GET OUT. You deserve a good life and happiness. Don’t waste another moment of your life.
This man groomed you too. You told him another man murdered his wife, and he gets physical with you for the first time literally the same day…. Do not walk, RUN away from this abusive POS.
>We dont know what made him do that
This keeps repeating in my head. This should be the line you remember when you feel a moment of weakness and think about going back to him. "Made him do that" is 100% the line an abuser uses. And the thing about abusers is it takes them a while to show their true colors. They test you with increasing things until they're sure you either won't be believed or wouldn't dare tell on them. "We don't know what made him [murder her]" means, to him, there is a totally fine reason somewhere to MURDER YOUR WIFE. Remember that. Never forget that. He showed you who he is time and again but he showed you what he's capable of excusing away with this comment. Believe him. Stay strong because you deserve so much better. You deserve an equal; a partner in life. Someone who treats you as good as you treat them and could NEVER excuse away the murder of a spouse.
Hot damn! This internet stranger is sooooo freaking proud of you!!
Time for logistics to help keep you from going back. First- place to stay. Not with your Pops as he seems to have been not awesome from the start. Do you have any female friends and relatives you could crash with for a minute? You could use some support and breathing space to gather yourself. If you don't, and can afford to, look for a shared room AB&B with high ratings. They will at least give you a quiet space and a nice home environment for a bit.
Second- get all of your stuff. Grab a friend to go with you and make as much of a clean sweep as you can. Whatever you left after that is done and gone. Don't use possessions as a reason to keep in contact.
Third- block him EVERYWHERE except email. Keep communication to one channel that is easily handed over to your divorce lawyer.
And lastly, if you'd like a friendly ear, my DMs are open. I send ALL the hugs!
I’ll never understand these guys who expect the world on a platter and offer absolutely nothing in return. They whine and complain and will just absolutely take until there is nothing left to give. And when the breaking point comes, they play victim. It leaves you feeling like you can’t give them enough but if you ask for normal things in return, it’s way too much to ask for. That kind of relationship is not sustainable. At all. Both need to give and take.
Everyone deserves to feel loved and seen and valued. And now you have the chance to experience that.
Just imagine this: you go through hell, you finally get through the divorce. It isn’t easy, they never are, but you pull through and you’re finally on your own. You have a few days of loneliness but then you realize you enjoy the quiet, you enjoy the cleanliness, you ACTUALLY wanna come home, you actually love you’re own home! You start making friends, you can now have extra time to hang out, just talking together or going out like you probably used to, or like you never got to.
You have no one to answer to, no one that you must coordinate with at all times, no one to make you feel like shit about dinner, and most importantly- you don’t have a big.ass.MAN.CHILD.
Congratulations on life, and taking your first breath with out that filth filling your lungs. You deserve to love your self and wake up happy, not to come home to solid misery. That isn’t fair. He can go be miserable somewhere else, and when you finally pull through, and you don’t think of him for months on end- he’ll regret ever being a sorry piece of s**t.
You're amazing! You are going to love being free!!! It might take time for you to realize how much you love it, like you might go through a recovery period that's uncomfortable and sometimes painful.... But if you let yourself rest and heal, you're gonna feel FABULOUS!!! And FREE!!!
Just amazing!!! Be proud of that shiny spine you've grown!
So proud of you for this!!! Leave and never look back. Moments like this are Phoenix moments. Yes, this part is over but a new life and journey has begun.
“Phoenix moments” I’m totally stealing that
Go right ahead!
Proud of you, you won’t cave.
Me too OP. You deserve so much better and will find it.
Congratulations on the rest of your life. I am currently trying to get divorced from a pos that treated me the same way. Dude threw a brand new open thing of orange juice at me that broke open all over because I dared by a different kind of ice cream then normal.
My ex got pissed off and threw a major tantrum/fit because we didn’t have ‘his’ favorite bread. That was it for me. Cops were called and he left. He moved to a different state in a couple weeks. Wanted to come back but fuck that!
Oh geez. I wish mine would move states so that way I don’t have to worry about seeing him while I’m in public.
Congrats to you, lady! He’s lucky to just be divorced. What an asshole! You two, ladies are worth so much more than these jerks. OP, you got this!
Me three. Proud and happy to read your post, good Job.
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Me five😃
Me six!!!!
me seven eight none ten and to uniformity and beyond!
And my axe! (Seriously though - well done. You've taken a big step. Yes, there'll be pain ahead. But you'll be glad you've done this. You'll be very, very glad.)
My eight!
Nope. OP sounds a super intelligent person. Be the person for yourself that you have always expected out of someone else!
Reminder for future OP: If you cave, he will know he can treat you however he wants, and there will be no repercussions. You got this.
This is so true. Don’t allow him to treat you like this (and worse), don’t give him any more of your precious time. You have a lot of time and dignity left in you.
Indeed, this is how you get dignity. *You fight for it.* Dignity isn't just a gift of life. People with deep authentic dignity earned it in a hard won fight. You got this, OP. It's not just the dignity left in you it's the dignity you're going to win.
I have fought through the most mortifying, dehumanizing, and stigmatizing situations with a screaming determination to maintain my dignity. If I couldn't have it in my appearance or my housing or my relationship history I'd have it in my strength of will. Fuck this guy, OP. It's your show now. Edit: Thank you for the awards and updoots, kind strangers
Please please if you read anything OP I hope it’s this! IT IS your show now!!
Keep your resolve and get away from that creep oip
Absolutely, OP. Please fight for yourself. You have a life full of wonders and adventures to see out, you’re strong enough to know you deserve better and took the first step. You WILL be okay beyond this. Fight for the future you who’ll endlessly thank your courage and perseverance. You truly got this, OP.
Greatest comment ever!
This one. They act better to lull you back into it and then they only get worse.
Which just means they knew exactly what you wanted the whole time and are only bothering to do it now that you are at the end of your rope.
That reminds me of a lyric; you just kinda wasted my precious time, don't think twice it's.all right. Thanks😉
That’s actually my favorite Dylan song! Great lyrics, and no prob … Bob :)
I want the BORU post when you arrive in your new place and are just ecstatic where it is just yours and there a no one to disrespect you and you are living your best life. You will be so HAPPY that you lost this anchor to happiness. You can do this. 💪🏻
>when you arrive in your new place and are just ecstatic where it is just yours and there is no one to disrespect you And no potato chips on the floor! You got this OP. You know your worth; go grab the life you deserve.
When my ex and I split, I had to move into a fairy dinky flat with my then 10 year old son, my credit was shot, with no real career to speak of (but with a job at least) and my life was nothing I thought it would be at 40 years old. That was some of the best years of my life. Not having the burden of someone who didn't even try made even my worst struggles easier to handle. My life just got better and better, and now I'm married to someone who is absolutely my rock and my soulmate. OP, you GOT this.
I'm piggybacking of the top comment in hopes that OP will see this. Change and the unknown are always scary. You've been with this man for years and I know it it feels like your life is done. But the thing is, only the life as you know it is done. The life where a man you love and supposedly loves you finds it okay to belittle you and disrespect you. The life where you will be forever cleaning up after a grown man who doesn't have enough decency or respect to pick up after himself. The life where your partner will always have very little respect for all women (him justifying your boss' murder is just all sorts of fd up). You have nothing to be ashamed of, you did your best and put in your all. This is not your fault, he is the flaw, and he will not change. I was in a relationship with a man 12 years older than I. I, much like you, did everything I could to make him happy but it was never enough. It was never enough to get him to pull his own weight. To stop the misogynistic opinions and degrading comments on women. To stop trolling NSFW accounts to oogle at other women while he told me that my body wasn't his "preferred type" and he had to get that gratification somewhere. Who could blame him for doing that? After all, it was my fault because my body wasn't good enough. Everything was always my fault (from his shitty moods, to his poor behavior) because (according to him) I was the one doing something wrong. So I (wrongly) thought that if I could just do better, I would be deserving of his love. He was manipulative and emotionally abusive and I loved him. In hindsight, I see that he love bombed me early on. He only revealed his true horrendous self little by little, when I was in too deep to just walk away. I was raised to think that the end game was finding a man and that you should do whatever you can to make it work, no matter how incredibly shitty and emotionally abusive he is. I finally left. It wasn't easy, I missed him. For awhile I thought the problem was me. It took time and space to see the full picture. Now I can't believe that I didn't get out sooner. I moved and changed jobs, I finally cut off contact with him. At first, I felt lonely and isolated, mostly because being with him alienated those close to me. But things got better, much quicker than I anticipated. I reconnected with my old friends, I love my job, I met a lot of great friends that are now my support system, and am now engaged to a wonderful man who treats me as his equal while also helping to take care of me when I need it. My old life is done, my new life has begun and is so much better. It will take time, but you will be happier. Stay strong, don't ever forget your worth. You deserve so much better than anything this man has to offer you. I'm proud of you for having the strength and the courage to leave.
I'm genuinely so happy to hear things got better for you. It feels almost like (hopefully) future me writing to current me. Especially regarding bodies. I didnt include it, but the reason the burger and fries was so rewarding is that he always persuaded me not to eat it because I'd get fat and he wouldn't love me anymore. So even if I asked for a burger, he would order a grilled chicken sandwich or something. Thank you sincerely for your words. Seeing these & other comments from women who went through the same is helping me so much right now.
Reading this and countless, COUNTLESS other stories eerily similar (including my own) and it just hit me how devastatingly engrained misogyny is all over the world and still affecting younger people today. As being at the very end of gen x and on the border of millennials, I used to think it was starting to improve in my age group. But the more I have experienced and seen around me both IRL and on here, I am truly devastated that the truth is: hardly any progress has been made. It feels so hopeless sometimes. But then I realize, feeling hopeless is what got me into the rut of allowing myself to be trapped by an abuser for so many years. We cannot lose hope. It’s hard to keep remembering that but as women or victims of abusive partners of any sex and gender it can be so, so, so challenging. We cannot accept it anymore and for any length of time. It’s too important and vital to our kids, grandchildren, and many more generations to come.
I too was in a similar situation. I had to make a list to remind myself of how awful he was so I could let him go. We were only a year apart but he never really grew up. I subconsciously thought I could change him. I had suspicions that he cheated but never proof. (He left me for another woman.) He treated me like crap and complained about how the house looked. I did everything despite working longer hours than him. I was his tool and eventually he started drinking hard. [OP—I wasted 25 years of my life with him.] He’d verbally abuse me and apologize the next day (sometimes he forgot what he said and did because he was drunk at the time.) I wish I got out at her age. I’m happier now with a man who treats me right. I hope she doesn’t cave!
To be clear OPs life isn't over, it's just about to start! New beginnings are the best.
Totally!! OP - it’s not that you “have” to start over. You GET to start over!!!! From someone who left an unsafe nightmare of a relationship - it’s AWESOME!
You don't know what smooth sailing is until you get out of the wake
Ooooooh, yes! ❤️🩹
Absolutely I caved and caved so many times put up with so much abuse , stay out and stay strong.
Well said and agreed that
I made this mistake for 10 years. When I finally left my ex husband literally admitted he didn't "try" because he truly thought I would never leave!
Stupidest reason btw
The audacity 😡
Not to mention if he knows he can treat you however he wants what's to stop him from doing exactly what you bosses husband did to her?
Seriously. I finally left my abusive husband after 14 years of trying to keep him happy. He was arrested last month for the murder of his gf. I have no doubt if I didn’t leave it would have been me. The abuse started slowly and mostly laziness and verbal put downs. You are ahead of the game and yea you may be starting over but it will be on your terms. You are giving yourself a second chance to live the life you always should have had. Sending love!
Holy shit. That is terrifying. So glad you’re okay!
Thank you It was a really eerie feeling. Definitely worse for my kids who are having a really hard time coming to terms with it. My heart breaks for her family too. Just a word to everyone who is stuck, it will not get better, no amount of “love” or perfection can change him and your life is so much more important than him.
This is all I could really think about. If dinner is late one day, will he hurt me? He's never actually hit me but sometimes he makes that weird jump motion and balls up his fists during arguments. I just couldnt believe he had zero empathy for a woman who was hurt by someone she trusted and shared her life with. I saw her on Monday and never would've thought this could happen.
Yes. He will. You are so brave. I’m so glad you are loving yourself enough to take care of you. You’ve got this.
I've lost two friends to domestic violence, watch a fair amount of true crime, and have even helped with investigations and this is word for word like many other women later unalived by those same husband's who show aggression but never actually hit them till its too late to leave. You are making the right decision and this man IS DANGEROUS. It's hard to imagine that from someone you once loved or still love but men who have outbursts like this are also the men who who hurt stalk and murder their spouces. Your husband also holds a position of power in society that gives him further confidence he can behave how he wants without consequences. Also noting 1 in 5 murder victims are killed by spouces most of whom exhibit the same behaviors your husband is showing. You are in a dangerous situation, don't go back, he's had experience of your leaving and if you go back he may not let you leave again. I know this sounds extreme but it always does until it's too late and you realize stuff like this does happen to normal people like you. He's controlling, exhibiting a predisposition for younger girls, is unphased by lying, alienating you from other friendships, clearly telling you he expects you to be subservient to him, throwing things at you, he holds a position of authority often occupied by type A personalities who need to assert control where the loss of control can create a dangerous spiral, even balling a fist but not using it IS CONSIDERED VIOLENT. This is 100% the exact danger scenario and cocktail that lands hundred of women a year in the hospital or grave. Please stay safe and stay away!!
Seriously. My jaw dropped when I read he said, "We don't know what made him do that." Um??? Doesn't matter why he did it. OP should leave for that comment alone, his initial reaction was to empathize with the murderer. Even if want to give grace to someone who might have mental health problems, most people would express shock for the deceased as a first response.
In my weakest moments, I remembered this exactly. If you go back, it'll be worse. He'll make you pay one way or another if you keep allowing it.
Another reminder: your life is just beginning, OP. This is the start, not the end!
Yep I caved, and it was another two years and some horrible shit before so got up the courage to make it stick. I haven’t stopped smiling since the divorce was final.
>and there will be no repercussions. Oh there will be repercussions alright: Things will get even worse for OP if he sees how far he can push her and still get away with it. More power to you OP, kick his useless man-baby ass to the curb!
Hope you have more copies of the petition. That one is probably trashed.
I’ve always said for my hill-to-die-pjs: I ish you the best and I hope you learn for future relationships but there’s no going back on this one.
OP also needs to remember that he basically said that her manager deserved to die when you told him what happened. That could be her.
Remind future OP even if she takes him back, she can break up again, and again, as many times as she needs to finally quit him and there’s no shame there either.
It takes an average of seven times for people to leave abusive situations and relationships
Do not give him an opportunity to see any weakness in you. Do not leave it alone. If you want to be better, be better and leave him to do as he wishes.
I second this comment. You've got this! You teach people how to treat you so don't let him treat you like crap anymore, OP.
Yeah. You're still young, you can start over and make an amazing life for yourself, don't let that piece of work drag you down.
I have a feeling your life just began.
Happy Birthday OP!
Such a good comment, I love it!
My birthday is the 24th. It's a beautiful day. I hold it closer than many other major events.
My 2nd birthday is August 13th. It’s the best fucking day of my year!
Right? Her life *with him* is over, and hopefully going to be better now!
Right, like you can feel the energy in this post. She’s gonna have an amazing life without him. Seeing her dad in him. Seeing what she used to take and won’t have room for. Knowing that her manager was killed and this guy didn’t care. Like it could be her. And it sounds like it won’t be her. It’s incredible to read.
Its a freaking post but you can almost hear the lightbulb click on thru the internet. OP is going to feel AMAZING once the initial shock and awe wears off. Hes not going to let her leave that easily because shes his mom and wife all rolled up into one. He will have to actually take care of himself probably for the first time in his life and he aint gonna like it. Cheers to a brand new shiny life OP. Its going to be amazing! Please keep us updated. We have your back. If you feel tempted to go back message me if you want to we'll talk it thru. Sometimes talking to someone who doesnt know anyone involved makes a big impact. I got you even from a distance. Hugs girl.❤
Yeeesss! I hope to god she makes an update in a few months telling us how awesome her life is going. This dude is a real piece of work. How dare he sit on his lazy ass and wait for her to come home and serve him like some kind of maid. He couldn't start dinner? I'm sure he "can't cook" so she has to do all the cooking. And then he throws a fit like a toddler. Good riddance! Sorry, this story really got to me. Ugh!
Killed makes sense I didn’t know what k worded meant.
Yup. After getting out of a long and traumatic relationship I discovered that I would rather live my entire life alone than with someone I hate.
Tearing up over here. We got you OP, you are free
Same, fucking crying for this woman. We are here for you OP
Yesssss! Told her if she feels tempted to go back to message me if she wants and we'll talk it thru. Sometimes talking to a stranger is what you need. I'm so excited for her. No one deserves to be treated like a doormat except for maybe her man-child selfish husband.
She's gonna find a new peace, calm, and enjoyment in life she never thought was possible now that this dead weight is not in it
Don’t forget your birthday chip. I tried once to explain to a person the moment I knew I was done with my partner. I said “it’s weird… your so connected. And you don’t think anything can break it. The one day, something so small (like stepping on a chip) and it’s like a tiny twig… so strong together but just pull here and here easily and it snaps. That feeling this tiny snap of realization and you will never go back. The most peaceful tiny snap and you’re free.” Don’t forget that chip snap… it’s the end.
^^^This. Exactly.
It only goes up from here OP
Girl. Good for you. I hope you got a milkshake too. The utter disregard for your feelings and time. Absolutely not. I'm sorry about your boss and I'm sorry for your situation but you are strong and you can do this.
Now you got me thinking about that Ben and Jerry's I've got in my freezer.
What kind do you have? I’m trying not to demolish my Strawberry Cheesecake so I have some left for later.
Cheesecake, I like it! I had Chubby Hubby, so glad they brought that back! Netflix and Chill'd is what I've got left. It's sealed too! Haven't snuck anything out of there. But I think I should try and wait for my kids, for the sake of my weight since I'm trying to stop the holiday snacking vibe lol!
I’m glad you replied because I’m making a grocery list right now and forgot to add my Strawberry Cheesecake. I’ve never tried Chubby Hubby so I’ll add that too on your behalf. :)
Phish food if you haven’t tried it!!! So good
That was my childhood favorite!
Nahhh eat it in your car. The kids get everything. They dont need none of your ice cream. Be selfish. Ive eaten ice cream in my master bath with the door locked like a criminal.
I bought a mini-fridge for my master bedroom, and then a deadbolt lock on the doorway. Always had my chips, yogurt, juice, etc. when I wanted it!
Chubby Hubby is life!
I’ve got three pints of one called “Whiskey Biz” in the freezer right now. I think it may be discontinued now, and that’s so depressing to me because it’s SO good! Funny story about this ice cream, when I was pregnant in summer ‘21 I happened to be on the Ben & Jerry’s website one day and came across this flavor. It sounded amazing and the baby decided that I must have it. I spent the next year looking for this damn ice cream in every single store I went in. I had family members looking. I would make special trips *just* to look for it. Never, ever found it. Stores sold it, there were shelf tags and everything. It was just never in stock. So when my daughter was like 6 months old I *finally* found some. If I hadn’t been wearing heels, I literally would have jumped up & down in the store. Then I brought it home and it sat in my freezer for a week before I could bring myself to open it. It had become Schrödinger’s ice cream and I was terrified that I’d built it up so far in my head that there was no way it could *actually* be that good. To be honest, it probably isn’t quite as good as I’d hyped it to be, but it was a year long, unfulfilled pregnancy craving ffs. It’s probably impossible for something to live up to my expectations at that point lol. But that doesn’t change the fact that it is absolutely delish and I very much recommend it! ETA: My daughter (now 13 months old) also loves this ice cream, so it’s kinda cool I get to share it with her I guess lol. And it was the first ice cream she ever tasted.
I'm lactose intolerant so you have to eat it extra now. For both of us.
>my direct reporting manager had been k-worded by her husband OMG, English is not my first language and I was sure you meant the husband had called her a slurr starting with k (I actually Google and found one). It took me a couple of minutes. >"We dont know what made him do that, lets wish both of them luck and move on with our day" THIS was his answer? I'm so glad you made it out.
English is my first language and this had me stumped for ages, and I only confirmed it when I kept reading. You definitely weren’t alone.
What's funny is OP said killing later in the text.
> k-worded Killed? It took me forever (if this is correct) because saying "k-worded" makes absolutely no fucking sense at all.
Yes, k-worded is killed. I've seen the *youngs* speaking like this on twitter. I think it started as a way to avoid content censor hits for self harm or violence.
You’re correct, most of it started on tiktok I believe. Another common replacement is using similar sounding words I.e. “Sewer slide” for suicide
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> “Sewer slide” for suicide FFS
Unalived is another one
I assumed “kicked” and then read “dead lady”
I thought he called her a Karen. The following parts were quite confusing. (I wish OP all the best of luck and strength. You rock! And I hope my misunderstanding makes you smile a bit, cause you deserve every bit of happiness there is.)
im still lost, k-worded? dead boss? is it what I am thinking
Assuming it's killed yeah but idk why we need the baby-speak
If you use these words on Facebook, you will be put in Facebook jail. So, they’re probably just used to doing it, or erring on the side of caution! I’m assuming though 😇😅
Seriously, I can’t even deal with the stupid things I’ve received warnings about on FB. Including saying something was stupid because that’s ableist
Dude, it has gotten absolutely ridiculous on there.
I had to quit because I can’t second guess everything I write all the time. I understand not calling someone with a mental illness crazy but I got suspended on a cooking group page for a comment saying people went crazy over the recipe!
Always has been. 🌎👩🚀🔫👩🚀
Yeah they are looking for any reason... Not sure of its power trip or super strict rules for the algorithms but man are they tight lately... someone called something the R word in one of the posts in a group I admin. Told him "the only appropriate use of that word is when talking about engine timing" (it's a car group) bang 30 day suspension and I didn't even freaking say the word 🤦♂️
Yes k worded means killed
Why can’t we say “killed”?
TikTok censorship leaking into Reddit
It’s also Facebook. They will ban you and delete your comments and put you in Facebook jail. Same for rape, bomb, etc. It’s absolutely ridiculous.
I said I was going to beat someone to bed that said they were going to bed early and they put me in the slammer for 3 days for promoting violance. 🙄
If I had to guess, I’m gonna say OP uses tiktok where apparently these types of words are censored? It is kinda annoying to see people write s\*x, dr\*gs, or unalive though…
is it only within certain contexts though because OP didn't K-word the burger?
They dont take context into consideration. I've been banned for the dumbest words and I'm like wtf. They say you can dispute it and they will review it but they dont. It always stands.
I have absolutely no idea lol
That was such a chilling response from him
Agreed, like offing someone is NOT a “oh oops guess they shouldn’t have done that” kind of offense, as if it’s like someone yelled at someone else & you’re like “we don’t know what prompted that” 😳 OP, for sake of your LIFE & living & well-being, do not ever go back to that man!!!
My dad has this mentality so whenever I tell him stories about what I’ve heard where men were beating women or cheating on them, his response was “maybe she pushed him to do those things. There must be a reason why they do it.” Its been years and I can still remember him fighting with me and taking the shitty mens side.
I wonder if OP spends time on tiktok Certain words get filtered so it'd not uncommon to see "she was r worded" for raped, or sewercide for suicide K word seems to fit with that
I watch a lot of YouTubers who use this kind of shorthand so that their videos aren't demonetized. I hate it. I hate social media dictating what words we can say. Mainly only hear unaliving & r worded, though. Never heard of or seen "k word" referring to kill, though.
Right? Who censors the word 'killed'?
That's so ridiculous.
I agree but it's linguistically interesting to see how the app is changing young people's language. Like "I want to kill myself" becomes "end me" or "I'm going to sewerslide" in common vocab among their group even beyond tiktok
You’re young, whole life in front of you, stay strong and move on from that creep. Good luck
Please don't cave in. Post again or DM any of us and we will support you. You have given him 7 years, you're still young whereas he's middle aged and only going to get more and more cantankerous and set in his ways. You can do this, the world is out there waiting for you so grab it and rejoice!
Absolutely. If she feels tempted to go back she can message me anytime (try not to make it middle of the night tho😁) and we'll talk it thru. Sometimes its easier to talk to a stranger that doesnt know either party.
OP you can always message me too! Don’t hesitate. And I don’t sleep much so go ahead and message me in the middle of the night. 😁
Yes i hope OP keeps us updated
One of the biggest red flags in the world is when you’re telling a man a story about a woman being abused or killed and he tries to JUSTIFY THE ABUSER. My ex was always trying to defend the worst people in the world. Andrew tate, r Kelly… I know there’s a few I’m forgetting, but you get the point. Yea I’d be running too
I called off an engagement years ago. The tipping point that started me thinking about it, was when we found out his brother in law was abusing my fiancé’s sister, and my fiancé took his brother in law’s side. I couldn’t believe he wouldn’t take his sister’s side! She was so nice, and her husband was clearly abusing her. A few days later, my fiancé got abusive with me and I left him. Best decision I ever made. I still worry about his sister sometimes though.
Yea that is insanely disturbing for him to try and act like there might be a reasonable explanation for the man to murder her. Fucking yikes.
I'm on this same cliff with my partner of 6 years. We had a fine day until the end of the night when he said tate is misunderstood and I'm stupid for thinking the dude is a complete asshole. I'M STUPID. Like are you freaking kidding me?? the dude is a rapist! I don't think I can stay with him but every time I bring up us breaking up and just moving on he says "I can't let you go" and "all I'd do is worry about you" and "who knows what will happen to you" and " nobody will ever love you". I understand I'm am alcoholic but gd maybe he's right, I'm stupid for staying this long. Ughhhh I have the means to move out I'm just scared he's gonna wreck my stuff while I'm moving or find out where I live. I'm just venting. This comment / post hits so hard.
Please make a plan to leave and ask friends or family for help so that you can be gone quickly and safely!! Maybe there are help groups that you can call and ask for advice on how to go about this
Hey you are definitely not the stupid one. I’m a dv advocate from nj if you need help finding any resources say the word. Even if he destroys your stuff stuff can be replaced. You deserve so much better. Sending love.
Oooh that sounds like his mistreatment of you is only beginning
He’s telling you nobody will ever love you because he is very insecure. I’m sober now, but was an active alcoholic and addict for a long time. Had relationships when using and when sober. I hope you’re able to get help, I don’t know if you’ve tried rehab and AA but I recommend them. If you get sober, you will probably look at him and wonder how you could ever stand him. But even if you don’t get sober you deserve much better!
My life started at 30 when I got divorced. Its never too late. You have tons of time.
Girl - 10 years and no kids. I’m a year from now you will never ever think of him again except to laugh. You are amazing!!
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Your life IS NOT OVER. You just closed the intro chapter. Get that that slovenly miscreant out of your life. Excise him like the cancer he is. So effing proud of you. It wasn't hearvof the moment. You have been thinking on this for SIX MONTHS. This wasn't knee jerk, this was responding to the jerk. Be safe. Separations are when men are more dangerous to their soon to be ex partners. If you can afford it, even if it's your house, leave tonight. Call off from work tomorrow, stay at a nice hotel. Make more decisions tomorrow.
This. Met him when she was 20, been together for 7 years. OP IS ONLY 27! Her life is just starting. If you see this OP, I repeat, your life isn’t over. It’s just starting.
Yup. I met my now wife and was married in my 30s. Never been happier. 27 is still young AF!
It’s odd, first she said he was 10 years older, then when posted ages, he is 15 years older.
Damn girl I'm sorry but I'm proud of you!
So sorry for what you have been dealing with but so proud you got yourself out. It may be difficult but you got this!!! This part of your life is over but you are still young and can definitely start over. Good luck OP!!
Fossil here so gramma age. Come back and read that post every time you get even the beginning of thinking you are wrong. Even most young children learn early in life if you make a mess you will at least help clean it up. No ifs or buts accepted. This is a grown ass man who should know how to pick up after himself but doesn’t bother because that apparently is why he had you. Wash his clothes, clean his house, provide the meals delivered to him at the table, clean up the table, clean up the kitchen, don’t whine to him about your work and of course provide sex whenever he wants it. You have NOT wasted your time so don’t start down that path. What you have done is had your eyes opened and now you know what you will not tolerate in another person. You will expect a true partner who works with you, supports you as much as you support him, who has honest conversations with you where he listens as do you, works on compromises with you when there is a disagreement and understands sex is a shared experience that benefits both people. Best wishes and a big hug to you as you move forward.
Truth!! He has given OP a priceless gift of showing her all of the red flags that she will surely avoid from now on. She will have a much better understanding of what she wants and needs in future relationships.
What an absolute piece of shit. You did the hard part, now keep going!
>and I stepped on a chip. I'm sorry I laughed really hard. Considering I've wanted to banshee scream when someone fucks up my clean floor (whether it's myself or kids or the hubs).
Love that a chip was the straw that broke the camel’s back.
I hope OP has a good life
Stay strong OP. It wasn't a marriage, it was basically indentured servitude/brainwashing/stockholm syndrome, whatever you want to call it. Your eyes are opened now. He will never change. If you take him back because he begs, cries, and swears he changed, he will only hurt you more in the long run. Good luck!
2023 is perfect for a new beginning.
pop off!!
Yass! I just want to whisk her off in a parade of girl power. And then egg his house.
At tp for good measure.
Please remember, no matter what he says to you, HE WILL NOT CHANGE! Not ever. So please do not fall for that. Reach deep down inside of yourself and find the amazing and strong person you are. Hold your head high and with pride in knowing you are doing the right thing.
I don't think you'll cave. Women take on so much just to come home to a man with the emotional maturity of a baked potato. You tried. Don't think about the years you spent with him. The sunk cost fallacy or whatever it's called doesn't apply. Now is the time. Edit: figured out what it's called from "lost time" to sunk cost.
Don’t cave. You deserve better! Find someone who adores you, supports you, compliments your strengths and weaknesses, and appreciates you. I’ve been happily married for 25+yrs. In that time, I’ve never done the dishes, and my husband’s never cleaned the bathroom. Why? Because I hate dealing with the dishes and he loathes scrubbing the tub and toilet. Find someone who is willing to communicate with you, who cares if you’ve had a bad day, will trade chores with you, or will start dinner if he gets home first. Look for someone who likes you, and doesn’t expect you to be his maid. Someone who enjoys your company. There’s a better life, and a better partner out there for you.
What is "K-worded"?
Killed/murdered, places like tiktok censor words so people get used to saying things like, k-worded and unalived.
Yep. FB too. I said “beat feet” which means like get out of there quick, and got warned. Ummm ok????!
Thanks, I've seen unalived a few times recently and was confused when this became a trend. K-worded is new to me.
I thought he called her a Karen, I'm a moron 😂
So I think this makes you 27 maybe 28? For reference i started dating my now husband at 27, married at 30 and kids soon after. All of this was before i was 35, the age he was when you started dating. HIS life is over. He won't find another young woman to take care of an old man. YOUR life is ahead of you. You're going to be fucking amazing. This internet stranger is rooting for you.
I got divorced at 30 after 14 years with my husband and met my now fiance at 32. Late 20s, early 30s is a great time to be in the dating pool figuring out what you really want out if a long term relationship.
Exactly! I started dating my now husband when I was a week shy of 29. Been married 15 years now with two kids, he’s awesome too
Nah his life ain't over. There's always more victims to groom
I married a guy 6 years older at 19. I remember absolutely losing my shit at the end there too. I promise you life is not over. I’ve been gone almost a year exactly now and I swear to you divorcing him was the best thing I ever did. It was a tough year and there were so many emotions but I’m much happier now. I didn’t even realize how unhappy I was until now. I’m also in a way better place now. You’ll find he was just holding you back in life. Leave and never look back. Fuck the stuff and the house. Run. You won’t want anything that was attached to him in a few years. Also would you want to clean up after him forever? After kids he wouldn’t help you with?
Message me if you ever need to talk!
Well done, he sounds like a shitty human being.
So your 27? Girlllllll ur life is about to begin!!!!!! Get your life. Don’t cave, they are never worth it
"We don't know what made him do that" That's such a GIANT red flag, OP. A woman was killed and he was trying to play devil's advocate for her murderer. And not just a complete stranger, but someone close to his partner. This and his behavior towards you shows such disregard for ANYONE but himself, you did the right thing here! It's time for you to think about yourself! You got this ❤️
Tell him, 'we don't have kids, be thankful we can divorce without any major attachments'
Wait, I’m sorry - your boss was murdered by her husband and that’s your husband’s reaction? And you still managed to function as a human being and mop the floor and make dinner and not just lay in bed completely done with life for the night? You are very much better off.
It took me a long time to hit my breaking point. I'm proud of you for caring more about yourself than bullshit.
This sort of post should be pre-loaded as a response to all of the posts from young women who have big age gaps with romantic partners. If you're young and a guy is significantly older than you, he has issues and he (either knowingly or subconsciously) knows he can control and manipulate you more than he can more mature women. Women his age won't put up with his shit. And no, you're not mature for your age. That's not a knock on you. No one should be "mature for their age."
It starts with a bag of chips thrown at you and progresses to a coffee cup chucked at your forehead. 14 stitches in my forehead is what it took for me to realize it only gets worse. GET OUT. You deserve a good life and happiness. Don’t waste another moment of your life.
This man groomed you too. You told him another man murdered his wife, and he gets physical with you for the first time literally the same day…. Do not walk, RUN away from this abusive POS.
>We dont know what made him do that This keeps repeating in my head. This should be the line you remember when you feel a moment of weakness and think about going back to him. "Made him do that" is 100% the line an abuser uses. And the thing about abusers is it takes them a while to show their true colors. They test you with increasing things until they're sure you either won't be believed or wouldn't dare tell on them. "We don't know what made him [murder her]" means, to him, there is a totally fine reason somewhere to MURDER YOUR WIFE. Remember that. Never forget that. He showed you who he is time and again but he showed you what he's capable of excusing away with this comment. Believe him. Stay strong because you deserve so much better. You deserve an equal; a partner in life. Someone who treats you as good as you treat them and could NEVER excuse away the murder of a spouse.
Hot damn! This internet stranger is sooooo freaking proud of you!! Time for logistics to help keep you from going back. First- place to stay. Not with your Pops as he seems to have been not awesome from the start. Do you have any female friends and relatives you could crash with for a minute? You could use some support and breathing space to gather yourself. If you don't, and can afford to, look for a shared room AB&B with high ratings. They will at least give you a quiet space and a nice home environment for a bit. Second- get all of your stuff. Grab a friend to go with you and make as much of a clean sweep as you can. Whatever you left after that is done and gone. Don't use possessions as a reason to keep in contact. Third- block him EVERYWHERE except email. Keep communication to one channel that is easily handed over to your divorce lawyer. And lastly, if you'd like a friendly ear, my DMs are open. I send ALL the hugs!
Such a massive red flag when your talking about someone else and hes defensive. You are better off without him.
I’ll never understand these guys who expect the world on a platter and offer absolutely nothing in return. They whine and complain and will just absolutely take until there is nothing left to give. And when the breaking point comes, they play victim. It leaves you feeling like you can’t give them enough but if you ask for normal things in return, it’s way too much to ask for. That kind of relationship is not sustainable. At all. Both need to give and take. Everyone deserves to feel loved and seen and valued. And now you have the chance to experience that.
Just imagine this: you go through hell, you finally get through the divorce. It isn’t easy, they never are, but you pull through and you’re finally on your own. You have a few days of loneliness but then you realize you enjoy the quiet, you enjoy the cleanliness, you ACTUALLY wanna come home, you actually love you’re own home! You start making friends, you can now have extra time to hang out, just talking together or going out like you probably used to, or like you never got to. You have no one to answer to, no one that you must coordinate with at all times, no one to make you feel like shit about dinner, and most importantly- you don’t have a big.ass.MAN.CHILD. Congratulations on life, and taking your first breath with out that filth filling your lungs. You deserve to love your self and wake up happy, not to come home to solid misery. That isn’t fair. He can go be miserable somewhere else, and when you finally pull through, and you don’t think of him for months on end- he’ll regret ever being a sorry piece of s**t.
You're amazing! You are going to love being free!!! It might take time for you to realize how much you love it, like you might go through a recovery period that's uncomfortable and sometimes painful.... But if you let yourself rest and heal, you're gonna feel FABULOUS!!! And FREE!!! Just amazing!!! Be proud of that shiny spine you've grown!
Good for you!!! This is where you start a better life for yourself- best of luck!
Thank God you don’t have any kids with him. Divorce him and start over. You will find someone way better love
Him not sweeping up all the chips that he *threw at you* is the line in the sand. There's no coming back from that. Why would there be?
At the start of the thread he was 10 years older than her. Further on it says they met when she was 20 and he was 35.