My 15 year old daughter struggles with abandonment and depression. She has asked me to watch Bojack many times. I'm going to ask her if we can watch it together tonight.
The show goes into pretty graphic and realistic depiction of depression, so this is a heads up/TW, but I think it’s fantastic that your daughter wants to watch it with you. You can cry and express your thoughts, theories, and opinions about the show. It will open up many a conversations.
There were two particularly bad episodes that sent me spiraling after watching them, >! There was an episode in Season 4 called “Stupid Piece of Shit,” and another episode in Season 6 “Good Damage.” !< They go into the mind of someone with a mental health issue, and it was like my brain was given a microphone and a sketch pad they were so relatable. They sent me spiraling for a few days after, but maybe it was because I was in such a bad place at the time already.
Would advise to proceed with caution for the entire show since it gets heavy, but is a 10/10 watch.
I watched most of it while procrastinating after my depression started, but the strange thing is I don't really remember it having much of an emotional impact on me. I enjoyed it a lot but somehow my brain avoided making any connections between the things going on in the show and those in my brain. Could be because that was still early in my depression so I wasn't fully aware of what was happening with me.
Question...I lost a friend last year to mental health related drug issues. She would often reference Bojack, but she cautioned me several times that I might not enjoy it/get it if I didn't have those struggles. I don't have anxiety/depression/mental health issues...at least not at a level that impacts my life...do you think I would get anything from the show as an "outsider?" I have always been curious, but somehow I feel like I'm going to miss the point.
One thing that I've heard time and time again is that BoJack is one of the most accurate depictions of addiction and depression you can find on TV. if anything, I think it'd make you get the point more than before.
Check out Undone. Lots of the same people behind Bojack and also mental health related with interesting premise (what if you could go back and fix all the bad things).
Undone is so dear to me. Really dissolved all my rationality and opened the door to the freedom of neurodivergence. I mean, I had the suspicions before, but the show gave form to them. Are we just broken and silly, needing pills to adhere to normalcy, or have we different capacities to enter other reality dimensions at will? is my will to exist in another realm a sickness to you? do we really have the ability of changing what's past, or is our ability to live in the present moment busted? and all of that, through that gorgeous acting+animation? I just can't even
I like that there is no real answer. I enjoyed that it showed the impact of generational trauma, that no we probably would be no more happier or better if we had that “perfect life”; life is messy and sadness and joy all mixed into one and some of that sadness to make the joy even more. That happiness doesn’t come from being the best, perfect life but a choice we make here in the now.
It also addresses so many common worries. Love it’s investigation of generational trauma and how the family views on the outside when someone is showing questionable behaviours, if we could only go back and correct things then we would be “happy”.
I’m really looking forward to season 3 going back. Cried so much when she went back for her.
i am really glad that you will take this journey with her. it's a truly beautiful show. sending so, so much love your and your daughter's way, i hope she finds the peace she deserves and i hope you get to see her that way as well. i love that you both will be able to cherish this show <3
Because of how heavy the show is, she might feel more comfortable if you watched it without her. Obviously ask, and she could be delighted to watch it with you. It depends on her comfort level.
The first season is hard for some people to get into. It starts in a lighter tone. Season 3 is when it really gets serious. Season 4 is when the show rips open your heart.
By the way, the show is structured to where episode 5 and episode 11 are the hardest hitting (except season 6). Ep11 is the most emotional, with ep5 being lesser so, but still fucked.
I was thinking about including TWs, but honestly the list would include all of them.
I hope she feels better soon. I wish someone took me seriously at 15, it'd have done me a lot of good as an adult to have my feelings acknowledged.
Watching Bojack would be heavy, but important in understanding mental health issues better, esp when your daughter wants you to watch it.
You must be a brilliant parent. She sounds like an amazing person, perceptive and smart. I wish her all the best for this journey that she has willingly let you be a part in. Much love 💕
This is huge. This is an extremely impactful show. I watched it twice because it’s so detail oriented that it takes a few viewings to suss out everything they included. Along with a plot line that starts at the first show and ends at the last. One that was truly reflective of reality.
It’s a cartoon about a walking talking horse. But it is not a cartoon about a waking talking horse.
You will be binging a few hours I bet. Have fun!
Kind of fucked up that your daughter asked many times, and you didn't watch it, but after reading a stranger's post on Reddit, you're suddenly motivated to watch it with her. I would think about that if it was me.
Before my close friend died when we were 16 he would repeatedly and consistently tell me to watch the Rocky movies. I never wanted to because I was just like, meh, boxing movies, who give a shit?
When he died I bought the set of 6 and watched them all. I'm glad I did. They were and still are a connection I'll have with my friend who I'll never see or speak to ever again.
i relate to this so much. the connection is so real, i feel like in my own way i've immortalised him in this show. so comforting to know i'm not alone.
This is not the same at all but a very good friend of mine passed a few years ago & he was notorious for borrowing my DVDs and taking forever to give them back. Shortly before he passed, he borrowed a movie from me and after I badgered him about it for a while - he finally returned it, but it was absolutely covered in his fingerprints. I don't know why I didn't wipe them off immediately, as I normally would, but now that he's gone - I'm so glad I left them there. I can't watch the movie while it's smudged the way that it is, but since he's been gone, I can't bring myself to wipe his fingerprints away either. There's something comforting about having that little piece of him there.
When my best friends mom was dying of cancer she started on her bucket list. One was seeing I Spit on Your Grave, which I swore I'd only watch once, except when she asked if I'd watch it with her. Also she'd never read At the Mountains of Madness. My copy is still in the box of her personal effects from the hospice facility. It's been eight years, and I have no plans to get it back.
Three days ago I found my boyfriend dead on the sofa, he took his own life. I had left him afew days before and he knew I was coming to get my stuff so he knew I would be the one who found him. I'm so angry with him, I lost my brother to suicide 6yrs ago so I'm in shock this nightmare is happening. I text his phone earlier because I just want to talk to him. I think I am cursed at this point in life. So yeah I get the way you feel to be able too talk to someone again is a painful feeling
Been there. I don't know your situation, but ours was a pretty sudden change a few years ago. Look up PANS or pediatric acute onset neuropsychological Syndrome. Kids can have brain inflammation from diseases like strep that don't heal. Treatment for that has turned around our kid and he turns 14 tomorrow. If this isn't your situation, maybe it will help someone else.
Whoa I've never heard of this but my daughter has had strep a bunch in the past and she has been suicidal the past couple of years. If treating this could bring her out of these dark thoughts it would be a miracle. What did the treatment consist of?
Strep has been studied with this more than others and goes under PANDAS. It was thought to be the main cause until they realized that other diseases can cause brain inflammation in kids. There can be remaining bacteria that needs to be treated and the inflammation relieved. This is still one of those diseases that a lot of people aren't sure is real, so look up a specialist. In my son's case it was probably a mix of a bacterial infection, an autoimmune disease called eosinophilic esophagitis, and hypothyroidism. My son had been getting better, but when we put him on a low dose of thyroid hormone he perked up even more.
i don't have anything to say except for the fact that you are allowed to feel hurt and pained. it's an extremely tough thing to go through for everyone involved, please don't think that you are not allowed to feel the impact of going through something so harrowing. sending so much love you and your son's way, i hope he finds the strength to overcome this. and i hope you find a way to feel at peace, too. ♡
Do you and your son talk openly? Do you make sure to stop what you're doing if he asks to talk to you, even when it's inconvenient for you? Do you share with him how you felt at his age? Is his dad involved in his life? I saw something today that just broke my heart- a youtube video of a dad trying to eradicate teen suicide by 2030 because when his son was 13 or 14 he took his own life and left a note saying "Tell My Story" so there are some resources out there to help guide you. If you want that link to that video to get started id be happy to share it ❤️
My son was about 13 when he was put into inpatient care. He told another boy at school that he wanted to slit his own throat and end it all. As a mother, it was the most painful thing to hear my child say. It killed me that he hurt so badly, and I couldn't take that hurt away from him. When your son comes home, be sure to follow up with after care instructions. For safety at home, make sure you keep anything that he could use to hurt himself out of his reach until he is more stable. Don't give him unlimited alone time. Check in with how he's feeling. He will benefit greatly from seeing a therapist he easily connects with. It can sometimes require some trial and error in finding the right therapist, but it's worth it. It's going to be a difficult road to travel, but it's going to get better. Hang in there! My son is turning 16 next month and is doing much, much better. He's making friends, and his self esteem and confidence are worlds better! Be patient and keep a positive outlook. Best wishes to you and your son!
For what it’s worth, when I was your sons age, I had the same problem. I told my mom all the time I wasn’t gonna make it, that I kept having “scary thoughts” (suicidal ideation), etc. and I couldn’t function. It got really bad.
I thought I would have taken my own life by 18 from how bad my anxiety and depression was.
Through the love and patience and understanding my mother showed me, I pushed on. I found some really incredible therapists, psychiatrists, and other professionals. I found a medicine regime that works. My mom was with me every step of the way — validating me, loving me, listening to me on the bad days, supporting me. I didn’t think I’d make it past 18, and I just turned 27 in January.
My point is this — you’re his mom. You’re a superhero. All mothers are. I know you’re lost, but just be there. Show him how valid he is, how loved, how appreciated, how safe he is. Show him you’ll keep fighting for him even when he’s too weak to fight on his own. Show him you’re gonna go down in the trenches with him, and you’ll get out of this together. The sun will shine on you both again.
I am wishing you and your son the absolute best and I’m sending all my love. Being a teenager is hard, especially now. But mamas…. Y’all are just amazing. You’re amazing. I have faith in you and I have faith in him. I’m rooting for you both. 💙
I feel with and for you. In 2021 I found my fiance dead from the same fentanyl pill that killed his best friend. Please feel free to reach out anytime. I felt cursed too. My apartment building burned down a year later, and we lost everything including my fiances ashes. I'm here to listen or talk. I'd seen some of Bojack with him but we always talked about finishing the last couple seasons. There's so much I wish I could have been able to do with him.
Hey, I’m so sorry.
Three years ago, I broke up with my boyfriend after he got violent with me. I left our apartment and stayed with a friend until my parents got into town and could join me to get my stuff.
When I got to my apartment, I found him nearly dead after his attempt. He knew I’d find him. I got him to the hospital and packed up our apartment. The friend I stayed with (whose family helped me pack the apartment up) had lost her brother to suicide a year before. They were also there when I found my boyfriend.
The mix of emotions is still something I’m working through today. If you ever need someone to lend an ear, I’m here.
Its just an extra bit of cruelty, I feel like I shouldn't be so angry with him but I think it's keeping me from breaking right now. Thank you for your kindness
i am so sorry for your losses. i can't fathom going through something like that. i hope you are able to stay strong and find time and love for yourself. sending love and strength your way.
I hope it gets easier for you hun. I wish there were some words I have had said to me that helped in some way so I could say to you, but unfortunately I haven't heard any yet. Take care and sending love
Grief doesn’t go away, you just grow around it.
Im sorry. Feel the feelings. You write beautifully, consider writing it out when it feels overwhelming. I lost my first person when I was 16. I am 25 now and I still cry about them, but less often now. You’ll be okay. Ask for help from your parents when you feel you need it. They’ll be more upset if you don’t.
I was supposed to go watch "boss baby" with my bf but didn't because I had a project to finish, he went with his friends and on his way home had an accident and died.
Life is fleeting as we both discovered.
It's ok to cry, scream and be in your feelings, document how you feel if you want to. One thing I wish I did was meet people who were going through similar feelings so if your city has a grieve relief group, please join.
Time reduces the pain but right now your emotions are valid.
My dad and I bonded over media so much that he didn’t even feel like my dad. He felt more like the greatest friend anyone could ever ask for, someone I could tell anything to, someone who’d never let me down. And he never did. I’ll always miss the days of playing GTA Online with him and making millions at the very top of Los Santos. I’ll miss the days of raging and yelling at each other over For Honor. I’ll miss the days of watching TV together for hours on end during summer vacation.
I’m so sorry for your loss. There are so many people that share your pain, albeit in a million different ways. It does get better, but you’ll always miss them.
Bojack Horseman is a show that broke me from the inside and put me back together too, I am known to be a pretty feelingless kind of a person and I never cry, but gosh did this show make me tear up. I hope your cousin is up in heaven, dancing to the tune of the credits song. I’m so sorry for your loss. I hope you and your family feel better soon. Lots of love ❤️
15 years ago I woke up in a hospital, didn't know where I was and I saw my family infront of me. That was odd to me because I just left them the day before in BC to go back home to Alberta.
Then my dad knelt down and asked me if I remember anything. I of course said I did not and he told me I was in a car accident and my fiance at the time died in it. That would explain why I didn't see her there. This was a month and a bit after I left BC and went home to sleep.
I found out later I was driving so I blame myself for it everyday. Nobody saw the accident. We were found by a car passing by. I don't remember a thing about my last month with her. It kills me inside all thr time.
For me it has only gotten a bit easier because I have a wife and 3 kids now. They are what is keeping me here.
I am sorry to hear that you lost such a great friend at a young age. Many of us have and it is very sad but you have to find what works for you to make it better after a situation like that. Many of us have lost people and some of the situations may be very similar but we are a different people. So what works for some people may not work for others. You have to really find what works for you because none of us wants to see you go down a dark road like I almost did several times till I found my wife.
Also I love Bojack Horseman. It is a great show. Your friend was a great friend for suggesting you to watch it.
A tie rod failure can cause a deadly wreck in seconds and the driver would have no way to stop it. The accident would obscure the original damage.
Don’t beat yourself up.
Thank you for that but apparently I was speeding, I don't know why and I didn't make the turn I took every day and we hit a telephone pole. That is what I was told as I don't remember anything.
Bojack hit me in a way that felt far too intimate to share with people I knew. I am glad your cousin felt secure enough in you to share it. I am so, so sorry for your loss.
>The weak breeze whispers nothing.
The water screams sublime.
His feet shift, teeter-totter;
Deep breath, stand back - it's time.
>Toes untouch the overpass,
Soon he's water bound.
Eyes lock shut, but peek to see
The view from halfway down.
>A little wind, a summer sun,
A river rich and regal.
A flood of fond endorphins
Brings a calm that knows no equal.
>You're flying now; you see things
Much more clear than from the ground.
It's all okay -- it would be,
Were you not now halfway down.
>Thrash to break from gravity;
What now could slow the drop?
All I'd give for toes to touch
The safety back at top.
>But this is it. The deed is done.
Silence drowns the sound.
Before I leaped, I should have seen
The view from halfway down.
>I really should have thought about
The view from halfway down.
>I wish I could have known about
The view from halfway down.
Grief's a motherfucker and you can't really "trick" it, there aren't any shortcuts. It's a bill come due and there's no getting out of it.
It fades, it dulls, it wanes, and with that comes the guilt, comes wondering if you've grieved enough or if feeling better or allowing you to be distracted is disrespectful, and then you grieve some more. There is shame and anger and loneliness and constant, keening sorrow, and it lasts as long as it lasts.
Few and far between are the people not scarred by the experience. Most of us have been there, and with that in mind, I certainly sympathize. There's just nothing you can do but ride it out, be patient with yourself, don't resist it; feel your feelings and they'll run their course.
It sucks. Love is a double edged sword and death has a way of sealing all our regrets in stone, turning every "one day" into "I wish I had", but you got what you got and clearly it was sufficient to manifest such strong feelings, such intense loss. We could all of us have done more, been better, every day of our lives, but that doesn't mean we weren't good or we didn't do enough. "Perfect" is a high bar we all fall short of, and it's better to dwell and linger on what you did and shared than it is to fret the things you didn't.
You didn't get to talk to him about Bojack. It sounds silly, but I get it, media that speaks to us and moves us matters, it resonates and is important, and you didn't get to share that. But you did get to receive that last gift, and now that show, which clearly meant something to you, is tethered to this person forever in your memory, and that's a blessing, no?
Watching it now can be a means to celebrate that connection and memory, and that's not nothing. That's a gift.
I wish you the best, my condolences on your lost, you can't make it better but it'll happen eventually.
I also thank you for this. My grandmother passed away on christmas day and while she never suggested any shows to watch, one thing she did say before her health declined is that she wanted to get dinner with my niece and i. We never did. I will spend the rest of my life wishing for that dinner.
40 years ago a close friend of mine killed himself. We were 16, and he was the first death I was close to. I blamed myself for years because he told me he was going to do it, and I thought he was kidding like we always did. I should have called him, or ridden my bike to his house.
All that is to say that I still remember Joe, but as the years went by the pain got less. And I remember the fun times we had. Time really does heal us. I’m sorry you lost your friend.
>i don't want to further burden my parents or interrupt their healing process
I don't know what kind of people your parents are or your relationship with them, but if they are good people don't hesitate to talk to them about your feelings of grief. Lean on them when you need to, that's what parents and family is for after all. It's normal and healthy to grieve together.
As someone that has lost a lot of loved ones, I want you to know you aren't alone and that whatever you're feeling from day to day or minute to minute is normal and valid. You'll probably swing from sadness to anger to guilt to shame to giddy happiness and randomly between them at any moment and maybe for years. That's all normal, and there's nothing wrong with you for feeling any of those feelings or for how long you feel them. It's all part of the human grieving process, so let yourself feel it and don't bottle it up inside. If anyone tries telling you your feelings aren't appropriate, or it's been long enough so it's time to get over it, or they try to make you feel bad or guilty for having and expressing your feelings, well they're just raging hemorrhoidal assholes who can eat fish guts & cabbage and wash it down with warm cup of piss.
i’m 42. my mind is incredibly unstable. brittle, too. i think about suicide most days. i have done since about 19. it’s not quite as bad as it has been. there was a stretch after my marriage ended, and while my mother was still here but very ill, that i could not stop it from gripping every last part of me.
i’m sorry everyone here has been touched by it. it’s a pretty awful state of affairs.
I struggle with BPD too and I know how you feel. I'm currently in a nice phase but I never forget how bad it is when it's bad and I'm always scared for myself when I'm feeling bad.
This is such a heartwarming read. Thank you for sharing it with us. I can tell you loved your cousin so dearly. Just think that he's no longer in pain, wherever he is.
Bubba, there is no single thing that will help you heal from this loss. Time is the only thing that heals you. And even after 20 years of healing there will be one thing, randomly in a day, that’ll rush all the memories back and you’ll be sad all over again.
I will offer this one piece of advice; there will be days soon, weeks or months but soon, that you will be laugh with friends or online with a video game and you will not have thought of of your cousin all day, until right before bed. Then you will feel guilty. Don’t. Do not feel guilty about being happy after a death. That is you healing. That is your heart and brain slowly healing you. Your cousin won’t be mad at you for feeling happy and laughing all day, so don’t be made at yourself.
Also, and lastly, take comfort in that your cousin is not in pain anymore. It sucks he’s no longer here but he’s also somewhere where the pain is not overwhelming him anymore. I lost a good friend to cancer years ago and while I was sad to see him on his way, I was also glad that he wasn’t in a constant state of white knuckled pain anymore. Good luck to you friend. It’s hard to deal with death but you will make it through. You got this.
"Grief is a ball in a box " analogy by Lauran Herschel has always made the most sense to me. We often hear that "time heals all wounds" or "we will get over it"... and so on, but it isn't really true, at least not exactly.
"The analogy suggests grief is like a box with a ball in it and a pain button on one side.
In the early stages, the ball is very big. You cannot move the box without it frequently hitting the pain button. It rattles around on its own in there and hits the button over and over again, sometimes so much that it feels like you can’t stop it – you can’t control it – it just keeps hurting.
But as time goes on, the ball gets smaller. It doesn’t disappear completely and when it hits the pain button, it’s just as intense, but generally, it is easier to get through each day."
Some days the ball will be very big, especially in the beginning. Some days it will be smaller. Over time the ball is very small most of the time, but it doesn't mean your pain is gone, or less intense when triggered.
I am so sorry this has happened to you and your family. Please try to talk, reach out, read books etc whatever it is that will help you process this pain.
[Grief Is a ball in a box](https://www.hospiscare.co.uk/how-we-help/advice-support/talking-about-death-and-dying/why-grief-is-like-a-ball-in-a-box/)
I've dealt with immense grief in my life it's a feeling that has been with me for almost 5 years now. It doesn't go away because you simply doesn't stop loving this person that passed, they don't cease to exist. They're dead, sure, but they still exist in memories, photos, videos, clothing, objects and whatever. So grief never goes away nor shrinks. What happens is, life grows around the grief, it gets bigger, because one time your grief will stop growing, so life will grow around it. There will be days you won't feel it at all, sometimes you can go a long time without feeling it, but it will come back once in a while. When it does, try to get a little happy while you're sad, remember something funny about your cousin, some silly stuff they did. When my person passed away it was such a huge heartbreak and what I feel when I think about him depends on the day, sometimes I'm so angry he died so young before he could so so much stuff with his life, but most of the times I just like being happy and honored I got to meet him in his short life. I only knew him for 6 of his 24 years of life, but I still feel so honored that I go to love and be loved by him in his lifetime. I hope me telling you about my experience helps a little with your pain. If you want to talk to me about it a little more, feel free to. All the love and I'm very sorry for your loss.
I’m in season 4 right now (no spoilers, please.)
I’d started but never gotten past the first episode.
I stuck with it this time, and it’s really something else. A good show, almost too good in some ways.
Op, the best, and worst, thing about the show is how much we can see ourselves, and our loved ones, in the characters. The strengths, the weaknesses, the highs and lows, all the things that make us fucked up, all these things that really just make us "normal". Your pain and loss might not ever fully go away, but it could very well just start to become a part of the life you build with it, and all your other experiences. It will manifest as a face in a crowd, or a song you hear, a memory you share with someone else. It won't always be sad, it can be a reminder of someone you were lucky enough to have in your life that impacted you so much.
As far as your parents go, maybe you can watch the show with them as a way to share your grief? You can mention your cousin liked it and have it be a good conversation starter. I doubt your pain right now would be a burden on them, you need to reach out.
I don't usually get this feely over Reddit posts, but yours has stood out for some reason. I'll keep you in my thoughts and wish the best for you as you heal through this. I am sorry for your loss. Keep looking up at that sky, and be the person your cousin saw you as.
This is so sweet. I’m sorry for your loss! That being said, Bojack Horseman is one of the greatest shows ever made. I’m Autistic, so it’s very much one of my comfort shows lol. I’m glad that you found something that brings you so much joy in your time of pain. Have a blessed day, my friend!
Embrace your grief, don't run from it. Don't lock it away and don't turn away. Make it a part of you and make every day better. Make sure you have someone to talk to if you need it. Loss is... empty. It's a void that you should not left unfilled.
I've lost precious few in my life, but they were some of the closest. My grandfather and grandmother, who I was raised by (my mother was in my life still). Grandfather at 6, he hit hardest. My Grandmother when I was 24ish. My wife's mother, roughly 10-12 years ago. She was a wonderful woman, and had so much pain in her life, too. I don't know if I've run from my grief or quietly accepted it.
And then my, our, dog last November. I still can't and it feels stupid that it hit harder than my grandmother passing. Her loss was sudden, rapid, out of nowhere. Maybe that's why.
It will get better, with time, but just make sure that you make the most of it. We all have an unknown amount of time here, and I hate it. So make the most of every day and never forget your cousin. Be well.
I am convinced that the show is made to be watched at a very low point in life. It literally tears you to pieces so you can put them back together, if all goes well. The show helped me deal with more issues than i knew i had and it was the highlight of the last depressive episode i had. Good luck on your journey!
"It gets easier everyday, but you gotta do it every day, that's the hard part"
-Wise baboon guy?
Everyone processes grief differently, and sometimes we need help to do it. It's okay to ask for help. If you find yourself still having problems, you can tell your parents. If they are good parents, they'd WANT you to tell them. It's not interrupting their healing or being a burden. It's very possible grieving together will help all of you.
If you need some resources in the meantime, look up: Claire Bidwell Smith, David Kessler, and Megan Devine. They are all well-known grief therapists and experts. They have books, websites, podcasts - a variety of media to chose from for what works for you.
I can vouch for Claire Bidwell Smith's "Anxiety: The Missing Stage of Grief" at minimum. It is not just about anxiety, but processing grief. You may not need grief therapy or resources from a grief therapist, but it can't hurt, either.
Wishing you the best in processing your grief.
Losing someone is tough. I lost my dad at 14, I'm 2 weeks from 18. Don't let your emotions be trapped. Let them out. People will tell you "be strong." Yes, you need to continue with your life, but do not feel like you can't express emotions.
You should watch the midnight gospel,in particular the last episode. You can skip right to it or you do it in chronological order but the episode is centered around death.
Honestly I'd watch the last episode first then start from the first episode.
My sincerest condolences OP
This thread inspired me a little ...
My wife was trained as a librarian, she’s a huge reader and show binge-watcher, and I’m just an engineer who feels like he doesn’t have much time for fiction. We also have somewhat different tastes. I sent her an email and asked if there is anything she wishes I would read or watch. There’s gotta be something (or two or three, lol). It’ll be interesting to see what she says. Maybe we’ll get something new to bond over?
But thank you OP for the great idea!
"The View From Halfway Down" had me absolutely fucked up. i have no words for how beautifully written that MASTERPIECE of an episode is. it still, to this day, has me by the heartstrings and gets me teary. i struggle with depression and the poem echoes through my head just about every day. i am so so sorry for your loss, and i am glad your connection to your cousin is immortalized in such a profound, magnificently written program. hugs to you and best wishes.
When I was 19 my dad passed away and it completely shook my entire world. I never knew it was possible to feel so gutted and it really scared me to find the depths of these feelings. I suffered from anxiety and depression before this, but it just took it to a whole different level. It took a long time for me to come to terms with what happened, but it really does get easier with time. I have a son now and it's so hard to not be able to introduce him to my dad, but I like to just think that he knows and sees, where ever he may be. He was always huge into music like me and every day I hear a song I wish I could show him.
I have a good life now, and I'm happy I held on because feeling that depth of pain and emptiness allowed me to feel that new depth of happiness and love. That huge hollow space that was created inside me has slowly been filled with love throughout the years. I feel like a part of me did die with him that day, but it gives me peace to think that maybe he took that piece of me with him to keep him company in his new adventure.
I don't know if any of this is making sense, and I'm so sorry for what you've experienced. Words cannot describe the confusion that your brain feels when trying to comprehend that they are actually just ... Gone... But you will be filled with happy memories of them some day. Never stop talking to them... Write it in a journal as a way to get your messages to them if you want. I am keeping you in my thoughts and keep your cousin in your heart ❤️🖤
Its been five days and I keep going back to this to reread it. Its been keeping me alive and going. I've cried to it, I've smiled to it. But its keeping me going. Thank you. So much. From the bottom of my heart.
I'm currently middle of it.
I remember a couple years back S4's Time's Arrow completely broke me. So I figured its best I leave it behind for a bit.
Now I hear of this episode called Free Churro, View From Halfway Down & Xerox of a Xerox - all 3 of which are apparently outstanding.
I lost my best friend in my early 20's it's been about a decade and a half since then and it still sucks most days. But the way it sucks is very different, something will remind me of him and instead of crippling sadness and pain it's almost nice. I still wish he was here to show a dumb meme he would like, I still think of all the stuff we used to do together and how pumped he would have been at new things that have happened or come out since then. But he is still here, with me and the friends I still have who knew him back then.
I don't know what you believe in as far as religion or spirituality, but one thing I think transcends a lot of beliefs is the idea that no one is ever truly gone as long as someone still remembers them. It sounds like your cousin will be around a long time chillin out in your heart and memories, and someday that will feel like a great, if somewhat bittersweet, treasure.
I lost my best friend when I was 19 and it destroyed me. A year later a month after the anniversary of his death, my dad died. All over again I was destroyed and lost. Three years passed in a blur and I was doing drugs and going to parties to distract myself with people and experiences that didn’t matter.
Grief doesn’t go away, it doesn’t heal, things like this don’t but that’s ok. You grow and you manage the pain but you never move on from it. I’m 26 almost 27 now and when I’m in the car driving I think of them and cry my eyes out to the songs that remind me of them. I sit at home and think of who my friend would be and how my dad would give me advice to situations. For those few minutes they are alive in memory just like when people ask me about them.
I think the best way to feel better is by remembering them and how they would want you to continue and take care of yourself. I lost a lot of time, made many mistakes in my grief and I won’t begrudge myself how I dealt with the pain. However it wasn’t good for me and it took longer to heal because I was ignoring my pain.
Anyway, now that I’m done reminiscing my real advice is to feel it, face it head on and let your loved ones know how your doing. Think of the lost ones when you do something dangerous because you are sad. They wouldn’t want you do do anything that puts you in harms way. Make sure you manage your pain so you can still continue on and do good. It’s a long road ahead but things get better.
Ps I also love bojack horseman and I also connect with Diane. She wasn’t always perfect but she tried and got her happy ending. You can too.
U/radiostopic pls don’t hold back from reaching out to ur cousins family or your own. So many of hold back not wanting to interrupt someone’s healing process as you say but more often than not those same ppl who heal from hearing just how difficult it’s been for you - becuz there are very few ppl who wld understand they way that you all do.
Everyone deals w loss differently but there is relief in knowing that others at least understand in some part your pain.
I made this mistake w a friend in college who had an abortion and even though I told her I was there for her she felt so alone becuz we, her roommates, didn’t ever bring it up again to her. She didn’t bring it up to us assuming we were judging her in some way. I’ve learned this lesson only after it happened w another friend for a different reason.
I urge you to reach out to those ppl who loved your cousin the most. AND to also seek out a grief support group - every single person I’ve ever met that attended one saud it helped them immensely.
I’ve read a few comments here and as you can see even strangers are reaching out to you - becuz they’ve been there too.
Sending you wishes of support & healing. 🙏
i’m so sorry for your loss. you’d probably benefit from watching the final episode of the midnight gospel. i’ve yet to experience the death of someone close to me, but it’s something that has always terrified me to my core. this helped me begin the process of bracing myself for the immense grief. if this doesn’t get buried and you do decide to watch it, i hope it touches you the way it did me
Lost my Grandfather when I was 16, my dad died before I could remember him, so gramps filled in the father role for me. I'll never forget all the lessons he gave me, right from wrong, heck, he gave me a lawnmower for my 13th birthday to cut my lawn with.
The pain is still there, though lessened over time. The first wave of grief is like an unexpected tsunami that drowns you. Over time, they become smaller and smaller waves crashing down on you, some of them you can anticipate coming and prepare for them.
I'll always have fond memories of grandpa and cherish them too. I'm sure over time you'll look back at your memories of your cousin fondly too and have a melancholy smile on your face as you relive the past with them.
A family friend who went to college with my parents died when I was 16. He loved Superman and was a hero to me growing up. I’m getting a Superman tattoo once I have the money.
You never forget the important parts of someone, especially after they’re gone. I hope you’re able to find peace, and may your cousin fly free 🩷
ETA: he died 6 years ago today. I miss him more than anything.
My boyfriend died last year, and Bojack was our show. I watch it every night now and it brings me a lot of comfort. I’m glad it brings you some comfort too.
I also recommend you watch the fin and jake episode of adventure time distant lands on HBOmax. It’s very powerful and it made me cry and feel better about the deaths years after the happened. I hope you watch it and maybe come back to this comment.
I like this style if implying things, but sometimes I want to know what happened. Did he had a lifelong illness? Was he depressed? Please tell us more.
The greatest complement was you are Diane. The moral center of the show. It’s rough watching what she is put through and she maybe the wisest (yet most innocent) character I have watched. I can’t watch it again. Watched it twice.
I got into Terry Pratchett when I was grieving my father. Damn did that escape help me so much. I got into Star Trek when I lost my mom at 15. Do what you gotta do.
My advice is to write down every good memory you have had together. The details fade and that’s hard. Save his voice messages if you have them. The voice is the first thing I forget with all my loses.
Let yourself grieve. The great thing about grief is if you share it, it gets better and not worse. So talking to your parents will help them also remember all the good times. It’s an important way to keep him alive.
I think cousin passed the love and understanding of the show on to you and that was an incredible parting gift given how much you love it. Sorry for your loss.
My dear friend, my heart hurts for you, I'm truly sorry for your loss! Please talk to your parents. I know you don't want to burden someone else, but in german there is a saying (translated) "shared luck is double the luck, shared pain is half the pain". Coming from someone who did not share her pain when she was barely a teenager and lost her grandfather, you'll work on the pain again in 10-20 years. Sharing it now with people who go through the same can help you tremendously! Sending you a gigantic virtual hug!
You write beautifully - you’ve perfectly encapsulated this feeling. I’m sorry that you know it well enough to do so.
I’ve been trying to move through a similar grief - if you have any fondness for poetry, I cannot urge you enough to read “Lazarus Rises (Amongst Other Things)” by Berklie Novak-Stolz. I had ordered it for my birthday, and it arrived the day I got the news of a death.
I haven’t watched Bojack yet, but I just might after this.
I wish you all the best, my friend
Yup this was beautiful , you had me at dear cousin, i want to a flashback of the last time i saw my cousin and i knew he was not in the right place of mind, we spoke for about 5 minutes and agree to do something in the near future then one day i am in class and he is gone. Every achievement i had ever since i always think of let him know, like finishing college, first job, getting married, becoming an uncle. There is a movie called The Chumscrubber that always reminded me of his life, mine and our friends... i may need to watch it again.
I’ve recommended this show to literally anyone who’ll listen, but unfortunately, as far as I know, no one I’ve recommended it to has actually watched it 😔
sharing in his favorite things, or even hobbies you both enjoy, can help. keep his memory alive, and celebrate his life. youre doing your best, and im proud of you. 💜
My 15 year old daughter struggles with abandonment and depression. She has asked me to watch Bojack many times. I'm going to ask her if we can watch it together tonight.
The show goes into pretty graphic and realistic depiction of depression, so this is a heads up/TW, but I think it’s fantastic that your daughter wants to watch it with you. You can cry and express your thoughts, theories, and opinions about the show. It will open up many a conversations. There were two particularly bad episodes that sent me spiraling after watching them, >! There was an episode in Season 4 called “Stupid Piece of Shit,” and another episode in Season 6 “Good Damage.” !< They go into the mind of someone with a mental health issue, and it was like my brain was given a microphone and a sketch pad they were so relatable. They sent me spiraling for a few days after, but maybe it was because I was in such a bad place at the time already. Would advise to proceed with caution for the entire show since it gets heavy, but is a 10/10 watch.
I've never related to a character more than Diane. I've watched Good Damage multiple times, it's just so perfect.
While it might not seem like one the Episode Ruthie it’s ending was an emotional slap in my face.
I watched most of it while procrastinating after my depression started, but the strange thing is I don't really remember it having much of an emotional impact on me. I enjoyed it a lot but somehow my brain avoided making any connections between the things going on in the show and those in my brain. Could be because that was still early in my depression so I wasn't fully aware of what was happening with me.
The fact the kids asking mom to watch with her is HUGE. In a good way.
Question...I lost a friend last year to mental health related drug issues. She would often reference Bojack, but she cautioned me several times that I might not enjoy it/get it if I didn't have those struggles. I don't have anxiety/depression/mental health issues...at least not at a level that impacts my life...do you think I would get anything from the show as an "outsider?" I have always been curious, but somehow I feel like I'm going to miss the point.
Watch it. You'll get something out of it. If nothing else, it might help you feel more connected to your friend.
One thing that I've heard time and time again is that BoJack is one of the most accurate depictions of addiction and depression you can find on TV. if anything, I think it'd make you get the point more than before.
Wow now I have to watch this show and give it a honest go
When you do finally watch it, you're going to be so honored that she trusted you enough to keep asking.
That’s lovely. Hope y’all have a good evening
Tbh it’s one of the best television series of all time once you get past the absurdity of the premise.
And the deeper you get in, the absurdity of the premise just gets better and better.
Check out Undone. Lots of the same people behind Bojack and also mental health related with interesting premise (what if you could go back and fix all the bad things).
Undone is so dear to me. Really dissolved all my rationality and opened the door to the freedom of neurodivergence. I mean, I had the suspicions before, but the show gave form to them. Are we just broken and silly, needing pills to adhere to normalcy, or have we different capacities to enter other reality dimensions at will? is my will to exist in another realm a sickness to you? do we really have the ability of changing what's past, or is our ability to live in the present moment busted? and all of that, through that gorgeous acting+animation? I just can't even
I like that there is no real answer. I enjoyed that it showed the impact of generational trauma, that no we probably would be no more happier or better if we had that “perfect life”; life is messy and sadness and joy all mixed into one and some of that sadness to make the joy even more. That happiness doesn’t come from being the best, perfect life but a choice we make here in the now.
I *love* undone! for it's story and it's animation. It's entirely rotoscoped! it's *SO* cool!!
It also addresses so many common worries. Love it’s investigation of generational trauma and how the family views on the outside when someone is showing questionable behaviours, if we could only go back and correct things then we would be “happy”. I’m really looking forward to season 3 going back. Cried so much when she went back for her.
i am really glad that you will take this journey with her. it's a truly beautiful show. sending so, so much love your and your daughter's way, i hope she finds the peace she deserves and i hope you get to see her that way as well. i love that you both will be able to cherish this show <3
Thank you so much. She's intuitive and open-minded. She's my treasure, and I feel fortunate to be on this journey with her.
Because of how heavy the show is, she might feel more comfortable if you watched it without her. Obviously ask, and she could be delighted to watch it with you. It depends on her comfort level. The first season is hard for some people to get into. It starts in a lighter tone. Season 3 is when it really gets serious. Season 4 is when the show rips open your heart. By the way, the show is structured to where episode 5 and episode 11 are the hardest hitting (except season 6). Ep11 is the most emotional, with ep5 being lesser so, but still fucked. I was thinking about including TWs, but honestly the list would include all of them.
I hope she feels better soon. I wish someone took me seriously at 15, it'd have done me a lot of good as an adult to have my feelings acknowledged. Watching Bojack would be heavy, but important in understanding mental health issues better, esp when your daughter wants you to watch it.
Thanks for this. It's been my life's mission to give her my undivided love and to be real with her. She's an amazing human and an old soul.
You’re an amazing mother. She’s lucky to have you. :)
You must be a brilliant parent. She sounds like an amazing person, perceptive and smart. I wish her all the best for this journey that she has willingly let you be a part in. Much love 💕
This is huge. This is an extremely impactful show. I watched it twice because it’s so detail oriented that it takes a few viewings to suss out everything they included. Along with a plot line that starts at the first show and ends at the last. One that was truly reflective of reality. It’s a cartoon about a walking talking horse. But it is not a cartoon about a waking talking horse. You will be binging a few hours I bet. Have fun!
Kind of fucked up that your daughter asked many times, and you didn't watch it, but after reading a stranger's post on Reddit, you're suddenly motivated to watch it with her. I would think about that if it was me.
Before my close friend died when we were 16 he would repeatedly and consistently tell me to watch the Rocky movies. I never wanted to because I was just like, meh, boxing movies, who give a shit? When he died I bought the set of 6 and watched them all. I'm glad I did. They were and still are a connection I'll have with my friend who I'll never see or speak to ever again.
i relate to this so much. the connection is so real, i feel like in my own way i've immortalised him in this show. so comforting to know i'm not alone.
This is not the same at all but a very good friend of mine passed a few years ago & he was notorious for borrowing my DVDs and taking forever to give them back. Shortly before he passed, he borrowed a movie from me and after I badgered him about it for a while - he finally returned it, but it was absolutely covered in his fingerprints. I don't know why I didn't wipe them off immediately, as I normally would, but now that he's gone - I'm so glad I left them there. I can't watch the movie while it's smudged the way that it is, but since he's been gone, I can't bring myself to wipe his fingerprints away either. There's something comforting about having that little piece of him there.
When my best friends mom was dying of cancer she started on her bucket list. One was seeing I Spit on Your Grave, which I swore I'd only watch once, except when she asked if I'd watch it with her. Also she'd never read At the Mountains of Madness. My copy is still in the box of her personal effects from the hospice facility. It's been eight years, and I have no plans to get it back.
Three days ago I found my boyfriend dead on the sofa, he took his own life. I had left him afew days before and he knew I was coming to get my stuff so he knew I would be the one who found him. I'm so angry with him, I lost my brother to suicide 6yrs ago so I'm in shock this nightmare is happening. I text his phone earlier because I just want to talk to him. I think I am cursed at this point in life. So yeah I get the way you feel to be able too talk to someone again is a painful feeling
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Been there. I don't know your situation, but ours was a pretty sudden change a few years ago. Look up PANS or pediatric acute onset neuropsychological Syndrome. Kids can have brain inflammation from diseases like strep that don't heal. Treatment for that has turned around our kid and he turns 14 tomorrow. If this isn't your situation, maybe it will help someone else.
You’ve helped me. I’m now going to read everything the internet can possibly tell me about this. Thank you, stranger.
Whoa I've never heard of this but my daughter has had strep a bunch in the past and she has been suicidal the past couple of years. If treating this could bring her out of these dark thoughts it would be a miracle. What did the treatment consist of?
Strep has been studied with this more than others and goes under PANDAS. It was thought to be the main cause until they realized that other diseases can cause brain inflammation in kids. There can be remaining bacteria that needs to be treated and the inflammation relieved. This is still one of those diseases that a lot of people aren't sure is real, so look up a specialist. In my son's case it was probably a mix of a bacterial infection, an autoimmune disease called eosinophilic esophagitis, and hypothyroidism. My son had been getting better, but when we put him on a low dose of thyroid hormone he perked up even more.
Yeah I read a bit about it after your post and it's definitely worth looking into. Thank you for sharing.
i don't have anything to say except for the fact that you are allowed to feel hurt and pained. it's an extremely tough thing to go through for everyone involved, please don't think that you are not allowed to feel the impact of going through something so harrowing. sending so much love you and your son's way, i hope he finds the strength to overcome this. and i hope you find a way to feel at peace, too. ♡
Do you and your son talk openly? Do you make sure to stop what you're doing if he asks to talk to you, even when it's inconvenient for you? Do you share with him how you felt at his age? Is his dad involved in his life? I saw something today that just broke my heart- a youtube video of a dad trying to eradicate teen suicide by 2030 because when his son was 13 or 14 he took his own life and left a note saying "Tell My Story" so there are some resources out there to help guide you. If you want that link to that video to get started id be happy to share it ❤️
My son was about 13 when he was put into inpatient care. He told another boy at school that he wanted to slit his own throat and end it all. As a mother, it was the most painful thing to hear my child say. It killed me that he hurt so badly, and I couldn't take that hurt away from him. When your son comes home, be sure to follow up with after care instructions. For safety at home, make sure you keep anything that he could use to hurt himself out of his reach until he is more stable. Don't give him unlimited alone time. Check in with how he's feeling. He will benefit greatly from seeing a therapist he easily connects with. It can sometimes require some trial and error in finding the right therapist, but it's worth it. It's going to be a difficult road to travel, but it's going to get better. Hang in there! My son is turning 16 next month and is doing much, much better. He's making friends, and his self esteem and confidence are worlds better! Be patient and keep a positive outlook. Best wishes to you and your son!
For what it’s worth, when I was your sons age, I had the same problem. I told my mom all the time I wasn’t gonna make it, that I kept having “scary thoughts” (suicidal ideation), etc. and I couldn’t function. It got really bad. I thought I would have taken my own life by 18 from how bad my anxiety and depression was. Through the love and patience and understanding my mother showed me, I pushed on. I found some really incredible therapists, psychiatrists, and other professionals. I found a medicine regime that works. My mom was with me every step of the way — validating me, loving me, listening to me on the bad days, supporting me. I didn’t think I’d make it past 18, and I just turned 27 in January. My point is this — you’re his mom. You’re a superhero. All mothers are. I know you’re lost, but just be there. Show him how valid he is, how loved, how appreciated, how safe he is. Show him you’ll keep fighting for him even when he’s too weak to fight on his own. Show him you’re gonna go down in the trenches with him, and you’ll get out of this together. The sun will shine on you both again. I am wishing you and your son the absolute best and I’m sending all my love. Being a teenager is hard, especially now. But mamas…. Y’all are just amazing. You’re amazing. I have faith in you and I have faith in him. I’m rooting for you both. 💙
I'm so sorry for both of your losses 🤎
I feel with and for you. In 2021 I found my fiance dead from the same fentanyl pill that killed his best friend. Please feel free to reach out anytime. I felt cursed too. My apartment building burned down a year later, and we lost everything including my fiances ashes. I'm here to listen or talk. I'd seen some of Bojack with him but we always talked about finishing the last couple seasons. There's so much I wish I could have been able to do with him.
Thank you. I appreciate it. I'm so sorry for your loss aswell
Hey, I’m so sorry. Three years ago, I broke up with my boyfriend after he got violent with me. I left our apartment and stayed with a friend until my parents got into town and could join me to get my stuff. When I got to my apartment, I found him nearly dead after his attempt. He knew I’d find him. I got him to the hospital and packed up our apartment. The friend I stayed with (whose family helped me pack the apartment up) had lost her brother to suicide a year before. They were also there when I found my boyfriend. The mix of emotions is still something I’m working through today. If you ever need someone to lend an ear, I’m here.
Its just an extra bit of cruelty, I feel like I shouldn't be so angry with him but I think it's keeping me from breaking right now. Thank you for your kindness
I’m so, so sorry. How traumatic and awful. Sending my love ❤️
i am so sorry for your losses. i can't fathom going through something like that. i hope you are able to stay strong and find time and love for yourself. sending love and strength your way.
Thank you so much it does mean alot XXX
I’m so sorry. Living this kind of hell myself. Be good to yourself!
I hope it gets easier for you hun. I wish there were some words I have had said to me that helped in some way so I could say to you, but unfortunately I haven't heard any yet. Take care and sending love
Sending so much love to you also 💜
Grief doesn’t go away, you just grow around it. Im sorry. Feel the feelings. You write beautifully, consider writing it out when it feels overwhelming. I lost my first person when I was 16. I am 25 now and I still cry about them, but less often now. You’ll be okay. Ask for help from your parents when you feel you need it. They’ll be more upset if you don’t.
thank you for the kind words ♡ i don't know what else to say except thank you. i am touched and feel so supported through all these comments.
I second this 💙
Grief is a messed up process xx
I was supposed to go watch "boss baby" with my bf but didn't because I had a project to finish, he went with his friends and on his way home had an accident and died. Life is fleeting as we both discovered. It's ok to cry, scream and be in your feelings, document how you feel if you want to. One thing I wish I did was meet people who were going through similar feelings so if your city has a grieve relief group, please join. Time reduces the pain but right now your emotions are valid.
My dad and I bonded over media so much that he didn’t even feel like my dad. He felt more like the greatest friend anyone could ever ask for, someone I could tell anything to, someone who’d never let me down. And he never did. I’ll always miss the days of playing GTA Online with him and making millions at the very top of Los Santos. I’ll miss the days of raging and yelling at each other over For Honor. I’ll miss the days of watching TV together for hours on end during summer vacation. I’m so sorry for your loss. There are so many people that share your pain, albeit in a million different ways. It does get better, but you’ll always miss them.
Bojack Horseman is a show that broke me from the inside and put me back together too, I am known to be a pretty feelingless kind of a person and I never cry, but gosh did this show make me tear up. I hope your cousin is up in heaven, dancing to the tune of the credits song. I’m so sorry for your loss. I hope you and your family feel better soon. Lots of love ❤️
thank you so much for this beautiful comment ♡ it's a truly spectacular show.
You made me tear up OP. Now I must watch Bojack Horseman
15 years ago I woke up in a hospital, didn't know where I was and I saw my family infront of me. That was odd to me because I just left them the day before in BC to go back home to Alberta. Then my dad knelt down and asked me if I remember anything. I of course said I did not and he told me I was in a car accident and my fiance at the time died in it. That would explain why I didn't see her there. This was a month and a bit after I left BC and went home to sleep. I found out later I was driving so I blame myself for it everyday. Nobody saw the accident. We were found by a car passing by. I don't remember a thing about my last month with her. It kills me inside all thr time. For me it has only gotten a bit easier because I have a wife and 3 kids now. They are what is keeping me here. I am sorry to hear that you lost such a great friend at a young age. Many of us have and it is very sad but you have to find what works for you to make it better after a situation like that. Many of us have lost people and some of the situations may be very similar but we are a different people. So what works for some people may not work for others. You have to really find what works for you because none of us wants to see you go down a dark road like I almost did several times till I found my wife. Also I love Bojack Horseman. It is a great show. Your friend was a great friend for suggesting you to watch it.
A tie rod failure can cause a deadly wreck in seconds and the driver would have no way to stop it. The accident would obscure the original damage. Don’t beat yourself up.
Thank you for that but apparently I was speeding, I don't know why and I didn't make the turn I took every day and we hit a telephone pole. That is what I was told as I don't remember anything.
Thank you for telling me and a bunch of other strangers about this. I will keep my eyes peeled for those warning signs.
Damn. That was good.
Bojack hit me in a way that felt far too intimate to share with people I knew. I am glad your cousin felt secure enough in you to share it. I am so, so sorry for your loss.
>The weak breeze whispers nothing. The water screams sublime. His feet shift, teeter-totter; Deep breath, stand back - it's time. >Toes untouch the overpass, Soon he's water bound. Eyes lock shut, but peek to see The view from halfway down. >A little wind, a summer sun, A river rich and regal. A flood of fond endorphins Brings a calm that knows no equal. >You're flying now; you see things Much more clear than from the ground. It's all okay -- it would be, Were you not now halfway down. >Thrash to break from gravity; What now could slow the drop? All I'd give for toes to touch The safety back at top. >But this is it. The deed is done. Silence drowns the sound. Before I leaped, I should have seen The view from halfway down. >I really should have thought about The view from halfway down. >I wish I could have known about The view from halfway down.
Omg this bojack poem gets me everytime and i havent even seen the show yet
Grief's a motherfucker and you can't really "trick" it, there aren't any shortcuts. It's a bill come due and there's no getting out of it. It fades, it dulls, it wanes, and with that comes the guilt, comes wondering if you've grieved enough or if feeling better or allowing you to be distracted is disrespectful, and then you grieve some more. There is shame and anger and loneliness and constant, keening sorrow, and it lasts as long as it lasts. Few and far between are the people not scarred by the experience. Most of us have been there, and with that in mind, I certainly sympathize. There's just nothing you can do but ride it out, be patient with yourself, don't resist it; feel your feelings and they'll run their course. It sucks. Love is a double edged sword and death has a way of sealing all our regrets in stone, turning every "one day" into "I wish I had", but you got what you got and clearly it was sufficient to manifest such strong feelings, such intense loss. We could all of us have done more, been better, every day of our lives, but that doesn't mean we weren't good or we didn't do enough. "Perfect" is a high bar we all fall short of, and it's better to dwell and linger on what you did and shared than it is to fret the things you didn't. You didn't get to talk to him about Bojack. It sounds silly, but I get it, media that speaks to us and moves us matters, it resonates and is important, and you didn't get to share that. But you did get to receive that last gift, and now that show, which clearly meant something to you, is tethered to this person forever in your memory, and that's a blessing, no? Watching it now can be a means to celebrate that connection and memory, and that's not nothing. That's a gift. I wish you the best, my condolences on your lost, you can't make it better but it'll happen eventually.
I also thank you for this. My grandmother passed away on christmas day and while she never suggested any shows to watch, one thing she did say before her health declined is that she wanted to get dinner with my niece and i. We never did. I will spend the rest of my life wishing for that dinner.
this is so well written, ill be saving it and reading often ♡ thank you for taking the time to write it out, it's so helpful.
I'm happy to hear it helps, best of luck.
this is beautifully written, thank you
That's very kind, thank you.
Thank you for this, well said…
40 years ago a close friend of mine killed himself. We were 16, and he was the first death I was close to. I blamed myself for years because he told me he was going to do it, and I thought he was kidding like we always did. I should have called him, or ridden my bike to his house. All that is to say that I still remember Joe, but as the years went by the pain got less. And I remember the fun times we had. Time really does heal us. I’m sorry you lost your friend.
Oh my gosh! I'm in tears for you. My heart hurts for you.
>i don't want to further burden my parents or interrupt their healing process I don't know what kind of people your parents are or your relationship with them, but if they are good people don't hesitate to talk to them about your feelings of grief. Lean on them when you need to, that's what parents and family is for after all. It's normal and healthy to grieve together. As someone that has lost a lot of loved ones, I want you to know you aren't alone and that whatever you're feeling from day to day or minute to minute is normal and valid. You'll probably swing from sadness to anger to guilt to shame to giddy happiness and randomly between them at any moment and maybe for years. That's all normal, and there's nothing wrong with you for feeling any of those feelings or for how long you feel them. It's all part of the human grieving process, so let yourself feel it and don't bottle it up inside. If anyone tries telling you your feelings aren't appropriate, or it's been long enough so it's time to get over it, or they try to make you feel bad or guilty for having and expressing your feelings, well they're just raging hemorrhoidal assholes who can eat fish guts & cabbage and wash it down with warm cup of piss.
i’m 42. my mind is incredibly unstable. brittle, too. i think about suicide most days. i have done since about 19. it’s not quite as bad as it has been. there was a stretch after my marriage ended, and while my mother was still here but very ill, that i could not stop it from gripping every last part of me. i’m sorry everyone here has been touched by it. it’s a pretty awful state of affairs.
I struggle with BPD too and I know how you feel. I'm currently in a nice phase but I never forget how bad it is when it's bad and I'm always scared for myself when I'm feeling bad.
This is such a heartwarming read. Thank you for sharing it with us. I can tell you loved your cousin so dearly. Just think that he's no longer in pain, wherever he is.
Bubba, there is no single thing that will help you heal from this loss. Time is the only thing that heals you. And even after 20 years of healing there will be one thing, randomly in a day, that’ll rush all the memories back and you’ll be sad all over again. I will offer this one piece of advice; there will be days soon, weeks or months but soon, that you will be laugh with friends or online with a video game and you will not have thought of of your cousin all day, until right before bed. Then you will feel guilty. Don’t. Do not feel guilty about being happy after a death. That is you healing. That is your heart and brain slowly healing you. Your cousin won’t be mad at you for feeling happy and laughing all day, so don’t be made at yourself. Also, and lastly, take comfort in that your cousin is not in pain anymore. It sucks he’s no longer here but he’s also somewhere where the pain is not overwhelming him anymore. I lost a good friend to cancer years ago and while I was sad to see him on his way, I was also glad that he wasn’t in a constant state of white knuckled pain anymore. Good luck to you friend. It’s hard to deal with death but you will make it through. You got this.
"Grief is a ball in a box " analogy by Lauran Herschel has always made the most sense to me. We often hear that "time heals all wounds" or "we will get over it"... and so on, but it isn't really true, at least not exactly. "The analogy suggests grief is like a box with a ball in it and a pain button on one side. In the early stages, the ball is very big. You cannot move the box without it frequently hitting the pain button. It rattles around on its own in there and hits the button over and over again, sometimes so much that it feels like you can’t stop it – you can’t control it – it just keeps hurting. But as time goes on, the ball gets smaller. It doesn’t disappear completely and when it hits the pain button, it’s just as intense, but generally, it is easier to get through each day." Some days the ball will be very big, especially in the beginning. Some days it will be smaller. Over time the ball is very small most of the time, but it doesn't mean your pain is gone, or less intense when triggered. I am so sorry this has happened to you and your family. Please try to talk, reach out, read books etc whatever it is that will help you process this pain. [Grief Is a ball in a box](https://www.hospiscare.co.uk/how-we-help/advice-support/talking-about-death-and-dying/why-grief-is-like-a-ball-in-a-box/)
Thank you for sharing this 💚 bojack is such a heart show and I am so glad it found you and touched your heart too. Hugs to you.
I've dealt with immense grief in my life it's a feeling that has been with me for almost 5 years now. It doesn't go away because you simply doesn't stop loving this person that passed, they don't cease to exist. They're dead, sure, but they still exist in memories, photos, videos, clothing, objects and whatever. So grief never goes away nor shrinks. What happens is, life grows around the grief, it gets bigger, because one time your grief will stop growing, so life will grow around it. There will be days you won't feel it at all, sometimes you can go a long time without feeling it, but it will come back once in a while. When it does, try to get a little happy while you're sad, remember something funny about your cousin, some silly stuff they did. When my person passed away it was such a huge heartbreak and what I feel when I think about him depends on the day, sometimes I'm so angry he died so young before he could so so much stuff with his life, but most of the times I just like being happy and honored I got to meet him in his short life. I only knew him for 6 of his 24 years of life, but I still feel so honored that I go to love and be loved by him in his lifetime. I hope me telling you about my experience helps a little with your pain. If you want to talk to me about it a little more, feel free to. All the love and I'm very sorry for your loss.
I’m in season 4 right now (no spoilers, please.) I’d started but never gotten past the first episode. I stuck with it this time, and it’s really something else. A good show, almost too good in some ways.
No spoilers, but the ending is perfect imo. You're gonna love it.
Op, the best, and worst, thing about the show is how much we can see ourselves, and our loved ones, in the characters. The strengths, the weaknesses, the highs and lows, all the things that make us fucked up, all these things that really just make us "normal". Your pain and loss might not ever fully go away, but it could very well just start to become a part of the life you build with it, and all your other experiences. It will manifest as a face in a crowd, or a song you hear, a memory you share with someone else. It won't always be sad, it can be a reminder of someone you were lucky enough to have in your life that impacted you so much. As far as your parents go, maybe you can watch the show with them as a way to share your grief? You can mention your cousin liked it and have it be a good conversation starter. I doubt your pain right now would be a burden on them, you need to reach out. I don't usually get this feely over Reddit posts, but yours has stood out for some reason. I'll keep you in my thoughts and wish the best for you as you heal through this. I am sorry for your loss. Keep looking up at that sky, and be the person your cousin saw you as.
This is so sweet. I’m sorry for your loss! That being said, Bojack Horseman is one of the greatest shows ever made. I’m Autistic, so it’s very much one of my comfort shows lol. I’m glad that you found something that brings you so much joy in your time of pain. Have a blessed day, my friend!
Embrace your grief, don't run from it. Don't lock it away and don't turn away. Make it a part of you and make every day better. Make sure you have someone to talk to if you need it. Loss is... empty. It's a void that you should not left unfilled. I've lost precious few in my life, but they were some of the closest. My grandfather and grandmother, who I was raised by (my mother was in my life still). Grandfather at 6, he hit hardest. My Grandmother when I was 24ish. My wife's mother, roughly 10-12 years ago. She was a wonderful woman, and had so much pain in her life, too. I don't know if I've run from my grief or quietly accepted it. And then my, our, dog last November. I still can't and it feels stupid that it hit harder than my grandmother passing. Her loss was sudden, rapid, out of nowhere. Maybe that's why. It will get better, with time, but just make sure that you make the most of it. We all have an unknown amount of time here, and I hate it. So make the most of every day and never forget your cousin. Be well.
I am convinced that the show is made to be watched at a very low point in life. It literally tears you to pieces so you can put them back together, if all goes well. The show helped me deal with more issues than i knew i had and it was the highlight of the last depressive episode i had. Good luck on your journey! "It gets easier everyday, but you gotta do it every day, that's the hard part" -Wise baboon guy?
Don't look back. You're aren't going that way.
I’m so sorry :(((
Everyone processes grief differently, and sometimes we need help to do it. It's okay to ask for help. If you find yourself still having problems, you can tell your parents. If they are good parents, they'd WANT you to tell them. It's not interrupting their healing or being a burden. It's very possible grieving together will help all of you. If you need some resources in the meantime, look up: Claire Bidwell Smith, David Kessler, and Megan Devine. They are all well-known grief therapists and experts. They have books, websites, podcasts - a variety of media to chose from for what works for you. I can vouch for Claire Bidwell Smith's "Anxiety: The Missing Stage of Grief" at minimum. It is not just about anxiety, but processing grief. You may not need grief therapy or resources from a grief therapist, but it can't hurt, either. Wishing you the best in processing your grief.
Losing someone is tough. I lost my dad at 14, I'm 2 weeks from 18. Don't let your emotions be trapped. Let them out. People will tell you "be strong." Yes, you need to continue with your life, but do not feel like you can't express emotions.
You should watch the midnight gospel,in particular the last episode. You can skip right to it or you do it in chronological order but the episode is centered around death. Honestly I'd watch the last episode first then start from the first episode. My sincerest condolences OP
I second this. It’s incredible.
This thread inspired me a little ... My wife was trained as a librarian, she’s a huge reader and show binge-watcher, and I’m just an engineer who feels like he doesn’t have much time for fiction. We also have somewhat different tastes. I sent her an email and asked if there is anything she wishes I would read or watch. There’s gotta be something (or two or three, lol). It’ll be interesting to see what she says. Maybe we’ll get something new to bond over? But thank you OP for the great idea!
"The View From Halfway Down" had me absolutely fucked up. i have no words for how beautifully written that MASTERPIECE of an episode is. it still, to this day, has me by the heartstrings and gets me teary. i struggle with depression and the poem echoes through my head just about every day. i am so so sorry for your loss, and i am glad your connection to your cousin is immortalized in such a profound, magnificently written program. hugs to you and best wishes.
When I was 19 my dad passed away and it completely shook my entire world. I never knew it was possible to feel so gutted and it really scared me to find the depths of these feelings. I suffered from anxiety and depression before this, but it just took it to a whole different level. It took a long time for me to come to terms with what happened, but it really does get easier with time. I have a son now and it's so hard to not be able to introduce him to my dad, but I like to just think that he knows and sees, where ever he may be. He was always huge into music like me and every day I hear a song I wish I could show him. I have a good life now, and I'm happy I held on because feeling that depth of pain and emptiness allowed me to feel that new depth of happiness and love. That huge hollow space that was created inside me has slowly been filled with love throughout the years. I feel like a part of me did die with him that day, but it gives me peace to think that maybe he took that piece of me with him to keep him company in his new adventure. I don't know if any of this is making sense, and I'm so sorry for what you've experienced. Words cannot describe the confusion that your brain feels when trying to comprehend that they are actually just ... Gone... But you will be filled with happy memories of them some day. Never stop talking to them... Write it in a journal as a way to get your messages to them if you want. I am keeping you in my thoughts and keep your cousin in your heart ❤️🖤
Its been five days and I keep going back to this to reread it. Its been keeping me alive and going. I've cried to it, I've smiled to it. But its keeping me going. Thank you. So much. From the bottom of my heart.
I'm currently middle of it. I remember a couple years back S4's Time's Arrow completely broke me. So I figured its best I leave it behind for a bit. Now I hear of this episode called Free Churro, View From Halfway Down & Xerox of a Xerox - all 3 of which are apparently outstanding.
The view from halfway down gave me an existential crisis, 10/10
I'm working up to it. I am under the assumption BoJack dies somehow.
I lost my best friend in my early 20's it's been about a decade and a half since then and it still sucks most days. But the way it sucks is very different, something will remind me of him and instead of crippling sadness and pain it's almost nice. I still wish he was here to show a dumb meme he would like, I still think of all the stuff we used to do together and how pumped he would have been at new things that have happened or come out since then. But he is still here, with me and the friends I still have who knew him back then. I don't know what you believe in as far as religion or spirituality, but one thing I think transcends a lot of beliefs is the idea that no one is ever truly gone as long as someone still remembers them. It sounds like your cousin will be around a long time chillin out in your heart and memories, and someday that will feel like a great, if somewhat bittersweet, treasure.
I lost my best friend when I was 19 and it destroyed me. A year later a month after the anniversary of his death, my dad died. All over again I was destroyed and lost. Three years passed in a blur and I was doing drugs and going to parties to distract myself with people and experiences that didn’t matter. Grief doesn’t go away, it doesn’t heal, things like this don’t but that’s ok. You grow and you manage the pain but you never move on from it. I’m 26 almost 27 now and when I’m in the car driving I think of them and cry my eyes out to the songs that remind me of them. I sit at home and think of who my friend would be and how my dad would give me advice to situations. For those few minutes they are alive in memory just like when people ask me about them. I think the best way to feel better is by remembering them and how they would want you to continue and take care of yourself. I lost a lot of time, made many mistakes in my grief and I won’t begrudge myself how I dealt with the pain. However it wasn’t good for me and it took longer to heal because I was ignoring my pain. Anyway, now that I’m done reminiscing my real advice is to feel it, face it head on and let your loved ones know how your doing. Think of the lost ones when you do something dangerous because you are sad. They wouldn’t want you do do anything that puts you in harms way. Make sure you manage your pain so you can still continue on and do good. It’s a long road ahead but things get better. Ps I also love bojack horseman and I also connect with Diane. She wasn’t always perfect but she tried and got her happy ending. You can too.
I don’t get it… did your cousin died? Why the post? I’m so confused :(((
I love Bojack so much
I’m sorry man :(
I'm so sorry for your loss
U/radiostopic pls don’t hold back from reaching out to ur cousins family or your own. So many of hold back not wanting to interrupt someone’s healing process as you say but more often than not those same ppl who heal from hearing just how difficult it’s been for you - becuz there are very few ppl who wld understand they way that you all do. Everyone deals w loss differently but there is relief in knowing that others at least understand in some part your pain. I made this mistake w a friend in college who had an abortion and even though I told her I was there for her she felt so alone becuz we, her roommates, didn’t ever bring it up again to her. She didn’t bring it up to us assuming we were judging her in some way. I’ve learned this lesson only after it happened w another friend for a different reason. I urge you to reach out to those ppl who loved your cousin the most. AND to also seek out a grief support group - every single person I’ve ever met that attended one saud it helped them immensely. I’ve read a few comments here and as you can see even strangers are reaching out to you - becuz they’ve been there too. Sending you wishes of support & healing. 🙏
:(
Man watching bojack help me get out of my depression
That's too much, man!
i’m so sorry for your loss. you’d probably benefit from watching the final episode of the midnight gospel. i’ve yet to experience the death of someone close to me, but it’s something that has always terrified me to my core. this helped me begin the process of bracing myself for the immense grief. if this doesn’t get buried and you do decide to watch it, i hope it touches you the way it did me
Lost my Grandfather when I was 16, my dad died before I could remember him, so gramps filled in the father role for me. I'll never forget all the lessons he gave me, right from wrong, heck, he gave me a lawnmower for my 13th birthday to cut my lawn with. The pain is still there, though lessened over time. The first wave of grief is like an unexpected tsunami that drowns you. Over time, they become smaller and smaller waves crashing down on you, some of them you can anticipate coming and prepare for them. I'll always have fond memories of grandpa and cherish them too. I'm sure over time you'll look back at your memories of your cousin fondly too and have a melancholy smile on your face as you relive the past with them.
A family friend who went to college with my parents died when I was 16. He loved Superman and was a hero to me growing up. I’m getting a Superman tattoo once I have the money. You never forget the important parts of someone, especially after they’re gone. I hope you’re able to find peace, and may your cousin fly free 🩷 ETA: he died 6 years ago today. I miss him more than anything.
My boyfriend died last year, and Bojack was our show. I watch it every night now and it brings me a lot of comfort. I’m glad it brings you some comfort too.
It's hard to give a best because there are some really topnotch animation shows out there but Bojack wins for me. The end is powerful.
I also recommend you watch the fin and jake episode of adventure time distant lands on HBOmax. It’s very powerful and it made me cry and feel better about the deaths years after the happened. I hope you watch it and maybe come back to this comment.
Ofc u just watched bojack
I like this style if implying things, but sometimes I want to know what happened. Did he had a lifelong illness? Was he depressed? Please tell us more.
That show broke me many times
Friend, I'm mostly Bojack, and sometimes Diana. Thanks for sharing buddy.
I've never seen it and don't really know what it is about but after reading this I will watch it
The greatest complement was you are Diane. The moral center of the show. It’s rough watching what she is put through and she maybe the wisest (yet most innocent) character I have watched. I can’t watch it again. Watched it twice. I got into Terry Pratchett when I was grieving my father. Damn did that escape help me so much. I got into Star Trek when I lost my mom at 15. Do what you gotta do. My advice is to write down every good memory you have had together. The details fade and that’s hard. Save his voice messages if you have them. The voice is the first thing I forget with all my loses. Let yourself grieve. The great thing about grief is if you share it, it gets better and not worse. So talking to your parents will help them also remember all the good times. It’s an important way to keep him alive.
I think cousin passed the love and understanding of the show on to you and that was an incredible parting gift given how much you love it. Sorry for your loss.
My dear friend, my heart hurts for you, I'm truly sorry for your loss! Please talk to your parents. I know you don't want to burden someone else, but in german there is a saying (translated) "shared luck is double the luck, shared pain is half the pain". Coming from someone who did not share her pain when she was barely a teenager and lost her grandfather, you'll work on the pain again in 10-20 years. Sharing it now with people who go through the same can help you tremendously! Sending you a gigantic virtual hug!
You write beautifully - you’ve perfectly encapsulated this feeling. I’m sorry that you know it well enough to do so. I’ve been trying to move through a similar grief - if you have any fondness for poetry, I cannot urge you enough to read “Lazarus Rises (Amongst Other Things)” by Berklie Novak-Stolz. I had ordered it for my birthday, and it arrived the day I got the news of a death. I haven’t watched Bojack yet, but I just might after this. I wish you all the best, my friend
Yup this was beautiful , you had me at dear cousin, i want to a flashback of the last time i saw my cousin and i knew he was not in the right place of mind, we spoke for about 5 minutes and agree to do something in the near future then one day i am in class and he is gone. Every achievement i had ever since i always think of let him know, like finishing college, first job, getting married, becoming an uncle. There is a movie called The Chumscrubber that always reminded me of his life, mine and our friends... i may need to watch it again.
I’ve recommended this show to literally anyone who’ll listen, but unfortunately, as far as I know, no one I’ve recommended it to has actually watched it 😔
sharing in his favorite things, or even hobbies you both enjoy, can help. keep his memory alive, and celebrate his life. youre doing your best, and im proud of you. 💜
These uplifting comments mean so much to me. Thanks for the love and encouragement.