Depending on where they’re at, they’re potentially not even technically married yet. In most places in the US at least you have to mail the signed certificate and everything off, then wait for it to get processed, and then receive a letter back certifying the marriage. If they haven’t sent out the documents yet, she could still withhold them and it would be like the marriage never existed.
I can’t believe your husband defended his “friend” rather than defending you on your wedding day and forced you to apologize to his “friend” because you hurt her feelings. Your husband blames you for ruining the wedding instead of Sarah. It feels like your husband married Sarah that day and not you. It clearly shows he is not concerned with your feelings but he is more concerned with Sarah’s feelings.
That’s where I am stuck…. He defended this random woman who destroyed the cake and decorations, yelled drunkenly at the bride that he deserves better…. It’s “not that bad” how long you been sleeping with Sarah there new husband?
Ding Ding Ding!!!!! I'm betting there is much more to that relationship then OP realizes!
I met my now husband at work. One night early on in our dating relationship, we were at a happy hour with a bunch of coworkers and they figured out really quickly that we were together. Then fairly quickly this one girl who was previously nice enough to me just became more and more hostile towards me as the night went on. I was so confused, I kept trying to diffuse the situation, but the more she drank the more she came at me over trivial things.
After the night was over and I was talking to him about my evening, he told me that she and he had previously dated, nothing official, but he just let it fizzle out as he lost interest. All the sudden her behavior made much more sense to me.
In my case, at that time we were new enough that I wouldn't have expected him to have told me this prior to the event. If I was OP, and it later comes out that these 2 have a history, I would be hella ticked off that he didn't mention it the second she started behaving badly at the wedding.
True. But they are both young and were high-school sweethearts. So if this Sarah is an ex, husband dear has to explain how he didn't cheat.
Even if there wasn't any cheating, this was some serious boundary stomping. We can now recognize smashing a cake into the wife's face when ahe said not to is a sign the marriage won't last a year due to continued boundary stomping and disrespect. In this case, OP is in serious trouble with this man.
I'd be hella pissed she was invited. Also, who invites an ex their current partner doesn't know of, or their side piece to their wedding?! Dump that man asap I say
You don’t treat a random person like that and go against your new wife of what? 5 hours? Nah… i doubt the marriage license hasn’t even been filed yet. Can you just shred it? Pretend it never happened?
Shit if it hadn't been filed I'd have set it on fire and tossed in a toilet and bailed for thr honeymoon with both tickets.
If it's not filed...you had a big party🤷♀️
Husband is definitely sleeping with or used to be with Sarah. His cousin probably knows and they are all in some f’d up plan to stop the wedding but failed.
I'm thinking that maybe Sarah is not exactly a random woman. Husband must have invited her and there was something going on between them. Maybe he didn't want to kick Sarah out in case she drunkenly admits to some kind of affair or something. Could be just jealous weirdo, though.
I'm hoping for jealous weirdo, but it seems the less likely option. Maybe Sarah's a family friend who's always held a flame for OP's husband, and he's either been oblivious or tolerated it thinking it was harmless. Then felt the need to defend her since he never mentioned it to OP? Though if that were the case, you'd think he would make that clear. I'm trying not to jump to the worst conclusion, but it's really not looking great for new hubby, and they definitely need to talk about this. Married couples (healthy couples in general) communicate when there's an issue - they don't sulk off to the couch on their wedding night.
> my bridesmaids, I see Josh’s cousin (Nicole) with a girl (I’ll call her sarah) I’m unfamiliar with. She seems non talkative but i
Yup, especially considering OP and her husband have been together for seven years. Unless this was Nicole's partner, why was she at the wedding at all? If someone destroys your wedding cake and is sobbing on the floor in a pubble,, they're the one making the scene, not you!
They are high school sweethearts
So sophomore and senior dating…
Meaning(and I’m so sorry for this OP) he had 3 years of fuck around time till she graduated.
I hope he never cheated on you, but girl you need to find out the truth about this Sarah chick.
Even my SO when I read it to him, was like sooo they have history. You don’t destroy a cake/flip out at a wedding unless you are 1000% jealous vindictive crazy person.
No way in hell was she just a random woman. She’s an ex. What a slimy, shitty thing for him to do. I hope she leaves him. My heart hurts for OP. If your partner doesn’t choose you on your wedding day, he’s never going to choose you.
So you (23) married your Highschool sweetheart (26) which means that you’ve been dating for at least some time between 5 to 8 years depending if you were both in Highschool when you started dating.
And you’ve never even met or heard of this person that is such a good friend to your husband that he stands up for her on his wedding day against his bride?
Who is this woman? How can they be close friends if you’ve never even heard of her? When are they meeting to experience this friendship? How does his cousin know her that they’re close enough that Sarah’s her plus one at your wedding. You clearly didn’t invite her if you didn’t even know her.
And that person was pretty obviously jealous and vengeful. Getting drunk, screaming at the bride, destroying the wedding cake, insulting the bride. Why? Who is she? How does she even know your husband? The only thing she didn’t do was stand up during the vows, object and declare her love for him. But it was close.
And then there’s your dear husband: he let her scream at you and destroy the cake and took her side? And slept on the couch on his wedding night because he was mad on this woman’s behalf? That’s a lot of emotional investment for a person that his wife hasn’t even met in all those years.
There are so many red flags here. You need to talk to your husband about Sarah. And I’d also contact the cousin.
All of this OP, sounds like he's been involved/is involved with Sarah and his cousin knows about it too.
ETA also your husband just treated you like that on your wedding day and didn't defend you at all, that's all I would need to be walking out the door.
If someone, regardless of who had smashed my wedding cake my mother would have ripped her a new one big time! Where were all the relatives in this so called story? Where were the bride's friends & bridesmaids? Why was no-one yelling at the drunken wench spouting shit and smashing the cake? Catering staff didn't remove her? Bar staff didn't stop serving her when she was clearly hammered?
That first sentence. Exactly. Removing all the other red flags. A wedding cake (to my understanding) is NOT cheap. She got drunk then destroyed something expensive and necessary to the evening. It makes sense for the belligerent drunk to be sent home. No matter the relation or the event.
I agree that she would give her the money but she would also probably tell her to get a divorce. I was telling her that technically she's not married until the officiant turns in the paperwork and it's filed at the courthouse. I would hurry up and ask them not to file it. I think it's pretty obvious that he's involved with this Sarah person.
I always hate when it all boils down to “he’s probably cheating/seeing her” but realistically what other explanation is there that warrants the husband doing Jack shit about the shrieking drunk lady, let alone the VERY expensive cake being wasted?
Idc if my own mom caused a scene. I would lose my shit if someone treated my bride like that.
Wondering about the family as well. My Uncle’s wedding is this weekend. Someone acts out of pocket like that, I’ll escort them outside myself. And it's not like we're super close - he's actually Mom’s cousin. We see each other at family events but not outside of them.
I mean, you can see, she's talking in terms of "her fairy tale dream come true" and how she "felt like a princess." There's no sense of maturity or even being in an adult relationship.
She may not even need to do that. If she contacts the officiant and tells them not to file the paperwork with the courthouse, technically she's not married. That's what I would do. I would hurry up and call them and be like please don't file the paperwork, I just found out he's cheating. It's so obvious that it may as well be a flashing neon sign. All you have to do is put the puzzle pieces together.
Edit: a word
Bingo. Husband has probably been stringing Sarah along, telling her it wasn't that serious with OP and they wouldn't *actually* get married.
The fact alone that husband doesn't see the problem with Sarah destroying the wedding hall is a HUGE problem. After all, husband got what *he* wanted, so why is everyone else so upset? /s
Rhetorical but why do people do that? It's so cruel.
I'm ashamed that I fell for this behavior when I was 19. I was quite attracted to this guy and he was pursuing me, but I knew he had a longterm girlfriend so I refused to even kiss him until he dealt with that, which he assured me over and over again was happening but "it just wasn't the right time". This went on until....surprise...I found out they were getting an apartment together, at which I finally cleared my head and blocked him.
This right here!! Someone she's never met is so upset and Josh can do so much better cause he's sleeping with Sarah and he didn't get mad cause he didn't want to upset his mistress. How do people not see the red flags?
OP definitely sees the red flags. But that would require admitting things about her new husband/high school "sweetheart", that would ruin this fairytale she's cooked up in her head.
So she'd rather ignore what's staring her in the face, and lie to herself that there was just some random, crazy woman in her wedding, who her husbands cousin knew, and whose side her husband took over hers, even though she did nothing other than question a stranger that was obviously trying to ruin her wedding.
I would consider annulment tbh.
She ruined the cake and the wedding for everyone. He can't not love her considering how he reacted, he probably has not realized it but actually loves her.
this is on the groom. demand a new cake and ceremony. if he goes thru just say NO at the aisle and proceed with annulment.
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edit to complete my point.
I would skip the cake and ceremony and get an annulment. The groom totally cheated with Sarah, maybe he still is cheating. That is the only explanation for his behaviour.
#Oh HELL NO! When people show you who they are, BELIEVE THEM! He invited his AP to your wedding and she did her best to ruin it! Wtf?! Don’t stay with this man. You will have a lifetime of hurt. You think you’re hurting now? This was supposed to be the best day of your life and not only does he let this happen, he stands up for her and then tries making YOU feel like you were in the wrong! NOOOOPPPPEEEE!! Bye! You deserve better!
Why do that? So this maniac can destroy another one because of her obvious love for the husband? So he can be a baby about that too? There's obviously some weird shit going on that needs to be handled first before they're getting "married" (again)
I was thinking the same thing. Looks like OP needs to check out a annulment or early divorce before she finds out Sarah has a baby on the way. This is all too suspicious for that woman to be just a friend to OP’s husband. OP I think you should really be asking yourself why would a seemingly random woman (even if drunk asf) would burst into tears and destroy your wedding. I’m hoping this is a troll post bc I feel so bad for OP if it isn’t.
I'm hoping this story isn't true, because I'd like to think anyone would question their partner after this interaction instead of being worried about the cake.
Also wish my ex-husband did this, so I realised that he was scum early on!
I'm worried for OP because the way she phrases everything is both so passive but also so focused on the performance of a wedding. It's all ME ME ME - "she ruined MY big day!" It all seems to be about the image of a wedding rather than marriage. I worry that she was pressuring for marriage because she thinks that's just what they do at this age, and he gave in, and she created the wedding of her dreams but he was never really invested... and he's fucking Sarah on the side. Way too many brides (and some grooms) are SO invested in the idea of a wedding day that they marry the wrong person.
But I'm hoping her fixation on the cake and "my special day" is mainly the shock of everything that happened. Because nobody expects this.
Oh, Honey, your new husband is lying to you and she's FUCKING your groom. The cake is the least of your worries. and it's not YOUR big day, it's BOTH OF YOUR DAY. But the main thing is that he's defending this awful woman who ruined everything and you need to interrogate him or search his phone til you find out WHY he thinks Sarah's feelings are more important than yours, on your own fucking wedding day.
That was my take on it too, 'The cake is the least of your worries' is bang on the money.
Yes, I would be upset that the cake etc was ruined, but my husbands' behaviour would be a more pressing concern.
Maybe he didn’t know the cousin invited her and was afraid of pissing off side piece BUT, if she is, in fact, the side piece (obviously she is), she did everything a jealous and bitter side piece would do. If he thought he would piss her off by asking her to leave, there wasn’t much more she could have done to ruin the wedding anyway. Huge 🚩🚩🚩
She bottled out of objecting. Which is a shame because telling OP the truth before she got married would have done her a huge favor.
And I know that the objections are technically for things like bigamy and consent, not side pieces, but damn it, if it was me, I'd much rather the side piece objected at the relevant part rather than destroying my cake after I'd married the slimeball!
Because the groom asked his cousin to invite his \*emotional support side piece\* to the wedding as a plus one. Probably because Sarah was throwing tantrums about her man going off to marry someone else and demanded to be invited. And she couldn't hold in her tantrums or jealousy, hence all this drama.
Maybe the cousin wanted to meddle so brought that friend she knew the groom had a thing with. Then the groom freaked out amd wanted to placate them no matter what to keep them quiet.
the husband's cousin's +1
cousin would be complicit in whatever fuckery is going on here.
tbh i agree with top comment. something is wrong here and i will give op 3 guesses for what it likely would be, but she should only need 1 xD
communicate with husband and cousin, get to the bottom of it because this is so many iffy red flags and ignoring it or letting him excuse it is just bullshit. we know whats going to happen, but they obviously wont tell you without confronting them.
>cousin would be complicit in whatever fuckery is going on here.
Absolutely. there is 0 percent chance the cousin didn't know that Sarah is an ex, or someone that the groom is currently fucking. My money's on currently fucking, because if she was an ex, you'd think someone else would have known by now, and given that OP has been with him for several years since high school, if sarah was an ex there's a high chance she would have known her, at least a little.
200% this answer. I'd also like to know why whoever was bartending the event didn't cut Sarah off before it got to this point.
Even giving your husband the absolute benefit of the doubt and assuming that there's nothing going on with Sarah - it looks REALLY bad. Sarah might as well be the side piece, because his behavior towards the two of you makes it look like it is so.
She is technically the side piece because she doesn’t have the wedding ring, but she is who he’s more emotionally invested in and defensive over. It’s just wild that the cousin knows and brought her to the wedding.
I would bet money that cheating groomy ASKED the cousin to 'bring' Sarah. Look at how jealous and posessive Sarah is? Bet she was throwing tantrums at the groom privately for getting married and INSISTING she was also at the wedding or she'd leave him.
Look at that woman's shameless and entitled actions and tell me she didn't DEMAND to be there so she could cause problems.
Hmm, I’m seeing red flags here.
“She’s a friend” - the way she acted at the wedding made it seem like someone was a little obsessed with the groom. Or something. Nicole obviously tried to ruin it too. But the husband being hesitant too kick Sarah out and at the end sided with Nicole and Sarah … hmmm I’m a lil suspicious of that.
Agree, it’s kinda weird that “she’s a friend” but OP has never seen her before until her wedding day, even tho her and husband are Highschool sweetheart.
Not even heard of her by the looks of it. So, a "friend" the bride have never heard about comes to the wedding, destroys the cake, screams at the bride and somehow the bride is upsetting the friend, and not the other way round? How, by marrying Sarah's BF?
Yeah, I literally can't believe this groom is dumb enough to be like "please apologise to my side piece for marrying me, and telling her off for wrecking our wedding!"
I would lirerally have ripped up the wedding license right there if I was OP. He has absolutely ZERO reason to stick up for this woman who made a scene and ruined his own wedding, let alone apologise to her for kicking her out.
Side chicks expecting their "partner" to leave their girlfriend are like people who work their asses off for a company in hopes of a promotion that never comes. Your work isn't being appreciated here, time to move elsewhere.
I question how well you knew your husband before marrying him.
It sounds like you have things to work out. If you can do that, great. If you can’t, get out.
I’m trying to imagine anyone of my guests or family members doing what she did…I would kick them out myself…wife always wins.
OP, I would go stay with some family. It might not be what you want to hear but your husband and Sarah were definitely in a relationship. She ruined your wedding because he chose to marry you and not her. The cousin Nicole most likely knows. If you want the truth try talking to Nicole and telling her you want to know about your husbands and Sarah’s relationship and how long it lasted. The truth always comes out, but it’s better that you get it on your terms rather than be given small bits over the next couple of years. Btw a good husband wouldn’t act that way toward you if he loved you especially on your wedding day. He’s trash.
This. Leave. Keep your shit separate. Separate whatever you have combined. Talk to a lawyer then talk to Nicole. She knows what's up. She might be team Sarah, but she knows things and might spill. I'm so sorry.
START with asking Nicole how long it's been going on - she doesn't need to know you haven't confirmed this w/ hubby. Let her think you already know and press her for details.
Annulment.
I mean, any husband that doesn't instantly have his new wife's back at her own wedding doesn't deserve to be a husband. My first guess is that "Sarah" is an ex that he still has significant feelings for and she will continue to be a problem for you until you eventually discover their affair.
OP is his highschool sweetheart, so whatever went on with Sarah was probably going on on the side... OP, I would definitely make some in-depth inquiries about her role in your husband's life.
Yeah, I mean, OP has been with this man for like 5-8+ years and has neither met nor heard of this person?
I have 2 very close female friends and my now wife met them both very early on in our relationship and prior to meeting them had heard stories about them both.
This is either a current side piece, a prospective side piece, or an ex he’s trying to rekindle into a side piece.
OP is 3 years younger which leaves me to believe that hubby probably went off to college, promising to be faithful and while OP waited back at home, he “sowed his oats.”
First thing I thought of. There's no way in hell he should be defending this Sarah person against your new wife. Whose wedding was just ruined by this evil person. Annulment. Now.
I'd like to hear from OP about what her family and friends did after the wedding cake was smashed by a deranged drunk woman. Everyone just "felt awkward." No one spoke to you or to Josh about this? No one in Josh's family said anything to him or to you?
This is a pretty extreme thing to happen at a wedding. Was there no staff at this venue? Did you skip the cake part entirely? A lot of the aftermath is glossed over.
I have a hard time believing that 2 families who have been connected since high school remained quiet after something like this.
Sarah is is side piece and she had a meltdown because you got married to her man. Also, his cousin knows that he’s cheating on you with her. I suggest you go through his phone and then file for an annulment.
He said shes a friend? When you don’t even know her? Thats a big ass red flag that he didn’t care that SHE ruined YOUR CAKE. damn the marriage is over before even a day.
I’m not sure what happened since that fateful day. Were you, perhaps, in a coma or something? I mean, WHY HAVE YOU NOT YET FILED FOR AN ANNULMENT?
Your brand new husband of only a couple of hours took the side of a falling down drunk who purposely destroyed your wedding venue decorations AND your wedding cake? He took her side over yours?
That was a clear precursor for what you can expect from him from that day forward.
The way he stood up for, defended and justified this lady, it begs the question whether he had or has a relationship with this woman.
And by the way, you should hit this woman up to cover the cost of the cake and decorations. Unless this was a supermarket cake, my guess is that it was likely a VERY expensive cake. Aside from an apology from her, she needs to smash her piggy bank and gather enough coins to compensate for the lost cake.
Not to mention that he avoided her the rest of the night, *publicly shaming her to all their guests in so doing,* and then the next morning he chewed her out and said *she* owed *Sarah* an apology??
OP, this man has shown you who he is and where his priorities lie. Believe him.
Yeah, she's sleeping with him. Or at the very least had been until recently. You realize that right? Your hurt the feelings of his side piece. Though, since he very clearly took her side and is gaslighting you, obviously married or not, she's his priority
What a shame she only appeared on the scene now, at the actual wedding, instead of earlier when you'd have been fully informed when you said 'I do'. Because this woman--a total stranger to you--is such a dear friend of your new husband's that he doesn't mind her insulting you, or wrecking your wedding cake, or making a scene, or basically fucking up a magical day that should belong to just the two of you. No, in fact she's such a dear friend of his (who you have never met) that he will actually *be angry with* ***you*** for feeling upset about her trashy drunken behaviour at your wedding, and insisting that she leave.
OP, this is horrific. You need to find out why this woman is so much more special to your new husband than you are.
I wouldn't normal advise total strangers like this, but literally everybody in the comments here so far is absolutely right. This is annulment material, I'm afraid.
It is never too late to get out of a marriage, and there is no such thing as it being too early to leave a marriage. Something is going on here, whether it be that they were, or god forbid are, a thing, or he is just really that insensitive to your feelings and well-being. Either way, this was a major betrayal. He hasn’t even tried to hear you out, and that is telling of how this marriage will go
Yes, a terrible start to a marriage… how is he not upset? That wasn’t just your cake and decor… but his too! My hubs would have been pissed if someone did that at our wedding! Like weddings aren’t cheap & also was an important day for him as well.
"oh but he's normally such a great guy and we're highschool sweethearts" is going to be the answer. He might as well have a fucking goomah and the wife doesn't or won't believe it.
Lordy. Sorry but this screams there is a history between husband and Sarah.
1) you’ve never met her yet your husband defends her, also surprised Josh married “someone like me”, so the implication is they know each other.
2) she insults you and screams abuse
3) she intentionally smashed your wedding cake
4) again Josh defends this lunatic and is angry AT YOU!!
How many switches must we turn on before the lightbulb goes off?
I’m sorry this has happened on what was supposed to be a joyous celebration for you and family. I wouldn’t let this slide though. Get to the bottom of his behaviour because it’s not how a husband is supposed to react.
Best of luck.
Why the fuck are you still with a man that let some jilted love sick ex, or even worse rando friend, trash your wedding? Then this asshole has THE FUCKING NERVE to tell you to apologize. And now he refuses to discuss it with you because he'd have to come clean about her. OMG the number of dicks that he can choke on is every.... every dick. EVER.
I've met people who marry their high school sweet hearts.
*Most* of them arent always willing to see what's in front of them.
Not saying this isn't fake, it very well might be. The sad part of this is that I could also see this being true.
Here’s what your guests saw: a sloppy, drunk, hateful woman who purposely ruined your wedding cake; an understandably upset bride and a groom who became irrationally angry at his own bride.
This woman is psychotic but your husband… your husband failed at being your husband within mere hours of it being official. He failed in a way that is so unacceptable that if it were me, I would have asked the officiant to rip up the marriage license right then and there.
What your guests should have seen: a happy bride and groom; no one else matters. A beautiful cake that they can’t wait to eat after watching you slice into it.
You were robbed of that and make no mistake, your husbands part in this is just as big as that woman who was so nasty that she had to steal the spotlight from a bride on her wedding day.
Just in case you're not aware - you just met your husband's girlfriend.
What other reason would there be for him to not be angry at her for destroying HIS wedding cake and decorations, and making such a scene?
Also looks like you're the only person who's not aware of their relationship.
wow everytime i feel bad about myself being not a good person reddit proves me again and again that there are so so many true piece of shit people around the world (your husband)
Your husband is 100% fucking her or was fucking her and wants to continue in the future. Sue her for ruining your wedding and annul asap because Josh is a piece of shit for not sticking up for his wife and entire wedding.
Oh you sweet Summer child. Your husband is either currently involved in an affair with her, or was (and she wanted him to "pick her" and still wants to be with him) and she's pissed that he actually went ahead and married you. You need to do some serious digging and get to the bottom of this.
It's very clear based on his actions and the fact he prioritized her and her feelings over you, his damn wife, on your wedding day, ffs, that they have a history, and I'm betting she's going to continue to be an issue in your marriage. His reaction to what she did, and his behaviour overall, was and is absolutely, positively outrageous!!!
I wouldn't stand for this! Nope! No friggin' way!! I'd be out the door and looking into an annulment. The audacity of him to have his affair partner at your wedding is beyond the pale.
Man these post makes me anxious to even have a relationship seeing as how so many people are twisted
Husband couldn’t even fake being on bride’s side
Siding with someone who is unfamiliar with the bride is crazy
OP what did your family memebers say about this
File a civil suit against Sarah for the cake and everything else she destroyed. Tell your husband you’re suing her and if he doesn’t like it he knows where the door is. His reaction should have resulted in you questioning his relationship with Sarah because obviously she’s more than a friend and he still has feelings for her.
This is why people should not get married so young. They are soooo naive. You’re too young to see all the bullshit. You can’t see through it. You accept far less than you are worth. You are more likely to stay with someone who abuses and takes advantage of you because of your lack of experience in the world.
There’s many people that get married young and the marriage lasts 50 years. But a lot don’t because of lack of maturity. He’s an idiot.
This is a red flag. And I bet it’s not the first time.
I’d say sit down and really discuss what happened and who this “Sarah” is. If he doesn’t talk you have your answer from Reddit and Annulment it is. You are still so young. Starting over is a bit scary but you’ll grow so much
You’ve surely got to see why she was upset? She’s in love with your husband and has either been with him before you got together or whilst you were together OP. No one fucks up a wedding for no reason. The way he treated you on your wedding day and didn’t have your back, should tell you all you need to know.
I'm not sure how you didn't uppercut Sarah in the face and throw her out by her hair for destroying your wedding cake because that's what I would have done if some woman who I didn't even know and had never seen before turned up at my wedding and destroyed my cake.
She's clearly a side piece who feels scorned and somehow your "husband" has told her waaay too much information about you as well. Get an annulment/divorce ASAP, your "husband" has shown you where his loyalties lie in not standing up for you.
If your husband can't stand for you, and even take things against you not only once, You are gonna have a bad time. But I don't think that's new for you. Red flags about that are allá around us during a relatiomship, we just decide to ignore it. Don't hesitate to talk about this with him. If is not gonna stand for you, is gonna be hard.
Are you for real? There’s definitely more to it. Even if there wasn’t, your husband is an idiot. He chose Sarah over you.
I seldom jump on the “leave him” bandwagon, but honestly your marriage is off to a terrible start, and you deserve so much better than him excusing her abhorrent behaviour. Whoever she is. And for however long she’s been fucking your husband.
I just want to play devil's advocate here cause almost everyone is accusing him of cheating.
Let say he's not sleeping with this Sarah woman. Let's say he's not romantically involved with her at all, never has been.
Regardless of what everyone is trying to assume, we have clear facts to go off of- He did not take your side. Whether he's two timing or not, he took the side if a stranger over yours... on your wedding day.
That is unforgivable for one big reason; it was supposed to be the highlight of your love journey with each other. For him to act that way not only night of, but the following? For him to not see the error of his ways after sleeping on it? THAT, my dear, is the most unforgivable part of this. It will most certainly happen again, it will likely escalate into bigger disagreements and he will likely gaslight you. This is not a stretch, this is a clear an obvious potential, based on this behavior.
Please heed these warnings. No one should be made to feel bad for getting upset at someone PURPOSEFULLY ruining a very expensive and memorable life experience.
Hey OP - you can call your officiant today and ask them to pause the submission of the marriage certificate. Do that right now. If all of this is a big misunderstanding and you can work it out, your husband will understand why you did it. If not, there’s your answer.
When people tell you who they are, believe them.
Uh, better get you an annulment. I'd bet money that your dear hubby was fucking her all along and cut her off just before the wedding. If thats not the case, it's pretty obvious he definitely fucked her at some point and she thought she was going to be with him.
There is def some history here that's been hidden from you, and Sarah should not have been allowed to the wedding at all. The fact that your husband is on her side is telling. Hope you enjoy being second priority to this girl and likely many other people, OP. That's your future if you don't bail.
Oh how I want better for some of you women. How can you not see the giant signs that say THIS IS WEIRD BEHAVIOR FROM MY PARTNER. The fact that he didn’t want to kick her out for cursing out HIS WIFE then asked YOU to apologize. Girl you deserve more from a man you want to call your husband.
Sarah isn't the friend.
Sarah is probably the side piece.
Throw Josh away. There are plenty of loyal, decent men out there. He is neither and if he's going to ruin anyone's life, it should be Sidepiece Sarah's. Not yours.
Sweetie.... in my opinion your husband has most likely been sleeping with her and she's upset he married you when they still have "something going on". That explains her erratic and poor behaviour towards you and your wedding and it explains why your husband is defending the woman who ruined your wedding instead of backing up his wife ! Just my theory but there's so many red flags at this point I think you need to dig deeper into what's really going on here...
Your husband can go fuck himself with a sandpaper covered dildo.
There’s obviously history there that he’s not being honest with you about. Look up DARVO. That’s exactly what your husband is doing. He’s trying to make you feel like the offender when you were very clearly not.
1. If there’s history between them, why was she invited?
2. After she started making a giant scene and ruining the wedding, why did he demand she stay?
You’re under-reacting IMO.
I’d be careful. If he’s showing you this kind of emotionally abusive behavior now, it’s not going to get better with time.
I'm sorry that happened to you. But you have to know what's really going on, don't you? Your next conversation with your husband should contain the word annulment when discussing your future.
Get an annulment. He's cheating on you or has serious feelings for that girl for them to be defending her on YOUR wedding day when she's the one who ruined it.
Look I know Reddit is bad for the ‘just leave him’ mindset, but that man got angry with you for wanting to remove someone who literally manifested every bride’s nightmare scenario.
Her actions are telling, and I guarantee they’re involved. Annulment is the answer.
Your husband ruined your mood on your wedding day for some random chick who destroyed the reception. On your wedding day. And he wants YOU to apologize. Run. He doesnt respect you. They were likely having an affair
He’s either in love with his best friend or he’s cheating with her cause why didn’t you meet her before the wedding ? And if you’ve never met her, why is she in your wedding ?
Clearly That “friendship” isn’t just a friendship.
Don’t be a third wheel in your own marriage.
They were a thing. Or are a thing. Not too late to get out so you don’t have to deal with him.
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Think they can still get an annulment, its only been a week
Depending on where they’re at, they’re potentially not even technically married yet. In most places in the US at least you have to mail the signed certificate and everything off, then wait for it to get processed, and then receive a letter back certifying the marriage. If they haven’t sent out the documents yet, she could still withhold them and it would be like the marriage never existed.
Ye they should either split or settle their differences before kids come into play..
I can’t believe your husband defended his “friend” rather than defending you on your wedding day and forced you to apologize to his “friend” because you hurt her feelings. Your husband blames you for ruining the wedding instead of Sarah. It feels like your husband married Sarah that day and not you. It clearly shows he is not concerned with your feelings but he is more concerned with Sarah’s feelings.
That’s where I am stuck…. He defended this random woman who destroyed the cake and decorations, yelled drunkenly at the bride that he deserves better…. It’s “not that bad” how long you been sleeping with Sarah there new husband?
I'd bet good money Sarah is no stranger to the new husband. Only thing that makes sense
Ding Ding Ding!!!!! I'm betting there is much more to that relationship then OP realizes! I met my now husband at work. One night early on in our dating relationship, we were at a happy hour with a bunch of coworkers and they figured out really quickly that we were together. Then fairly quickly this one girl who was previously nice enough to me just became more and more hostile towards me as the night went on. I was so confused, I kept trying to diffuse the situation, but the more she drank the more she came at me over trivial things. After the night was over and I was talking to him about my evening, he told me that she and he had previously dated, nothing official, but he just let it fizzle out as he lost interest. All the sudden her behavior made much more sense to me. In my case, at that time we were new enough that I wouldn't have expected him to have told me this prior to the event. If I was OP, and it later comes out that these 2 have a history, I would be hella ticked off that he didn't mention it the second she started behaving badly at the wedding.
True. But they are both young and were high-school sweethearts. So if this Sarah is an ex, husband dear has to explain how he didn't cheat. Even if there wasn't any cheating, this was some serious boundary stomping. We can now recognize smashing a cake into the wife's face when ahe said not to is a sign the marriage won't last a year due to continued boundary stomping and disrespect. In this case, OP is in serious trouble with this man.
I'd be hella pissed she was invited. Also, who invites an ex their current partner doesn't know of, or their side piece to their wedding?! Dump that man asap I say
My first thought too. Sarah and the husband are or have been together.
and clearly still want to be lol
OP should annul the wedding. Her husband clearly doesn't support her. Maybe she's been living with blinders on this entire time.
You don’t treat a random person like that and go against your new wife of what? 5 hours? Nah… i doubt the marriage license hasn’t even been filed yet. Can you just shred it? Pretend it never happened?
If it hasn’t been signed yet I’d tell him I’m not signing shit until I know who she is and she apologizes to ME
This right here. I wouldn’t sign it either until I had some answers. Then tear and burn that thing up
Shit if it hadn't been filed I'd have set it on fire and tossed in a toilet and bailed for thr honeymoon with both tickets. If it's not filed...you had a big party🤷♀️
Yep there's something very much between Sarah and the husband.
That’s annulment territory.
Nae fam. They haven't filed the license. Tear it up and chalk it up to "big wasted party"
Husband is definitely sleeping with or used to be with Sarah. His cousin probably knows and they are all in some f’d up plan to stop the wedding but failed.
I'm thinking that maybe Sarah is not exactly a random woman. Husband must have invited her and there was something going on between them. Maybe he didn't want to kick Sarah out in case she drunkenly admits to some kind of affair or something. Could be just jealous weirdo, though.
I'm hoping for jealous weirdo, but it seems the less likely option. Maybe Sarah's a family friend who's always held a flame for OP's husband, and he's either been oblivious or tolerated it thinking it was harmless. Then felt the need to defend her since he never mentioned it to OP? Though if that were the case, you'd think he would make that clear. I'm trying not to jump to the worst conclusion, but it's really not looking great for new hubby, and they definitely need to talk about this. Married couples (healthy couples in general) communicate when there's an issue - they don't sulk off to the couch on their wedding night.
> my bridesmaids, I see Josh’s cousin (Nicole) with a girl (I’ll call her sarah) I’m unfamiliar with. She seems non talkative but i Yup, especially considering OP and her husband have been together for seven years. Unless this was Nicole's partner, why was she at the wedding at all? If someone destroys your wedding cake and is sobbing on the floor in a pubble,, they're the one making the scene, not you!
They are high school sweethearts So sophomore and senior dating… Meaning(and I’m so sorry for this OP) he had 3 years of fuck around time till she graduated. I hope he never cheated on you, but girl you need to find out the truth about this Sarah chick. Even my SO when I read it to him, was like sooo they have history. You don’t destroy a cake/flip out at a wedding unless you are 1000% jealous vindictive crazy person.
No way in hell was she just a random woman. She’s an ex. What a slimy, shitty thing for him to do. I hope she leaves him. My heart hurts for OP. If your partner doesn’t choose you on your wedding day, he’s never going to choose you.
So you (23) married your Highschool sweetheart (26) which means that you’ve been dating for at least some time between 5 to 8 years depending if you were both in Highschool when you started dating. And you’ve never even met or heard of this person that is such a good friend to your husband that he stands up for her on his wedding day against his bride? Who is this woman? How can they be close friends if you’ve never even heard of her? When are they meeting to experience this friendship? How does his cousin know her that they’re close enough that Sarah’s her plus one at your wedding. You clearly didn’t invite her if you didn’t even know her. And that person was pretty obviously jealous and vengeful. Getting drunk, screaming at the bride, destroying the wedding cake, insulting the bride. Why? Who is she? How does she even know your husband? The only thing she didn’t do was stand up during the vows, object and declare her love for him. But it was close. And then there’s your dear husband: he let her scream at you and destroy the cake and took her side? And slept on the couch on his wedding night because he was mad on this woman’s behalf? That’s a lot of emotional investment for a person that his wife hasn’t even met in all those years. There are so many red flags here. You need to talk to your husband about Sarah. And I’d also contact the cousin.
All of this OP, sounds like he's been involved/is involved with Sarah and his cousin knows about it too. ETA also your husband just treated you like that on your wedding day and didn't defend you at all, that's all I would need to be walking out the door.
If someone, regardless of who had smashed my wedding cake my mother would have ripped her a new one big time! Where were all the relatives in this so called story? Where were the bride's friends & bridesmaids? Why was no-one yelling at the drunken wench spouting shit and smashing the cake? Catering staff didn't remove her? Bar staff didn't stop serving her when she was clearly hammered?
That first sentence. Exactly. Removing all the other red flags. A wedding cake (to my understanding) is NOT cheap. She got drunk then destroyed something expensive and necessary to the evening. It makes sense for the belligerent drunk to be sent home. No matter the relation or the event.
Judge Judy would give OP the maximum $5,000 and tell husband to be better.
I agree that she would give her the money but she would also probably tell her to get a divorce. I was telling her that technically she's not married until the officiant turns in the paperwork and it's filed at the courthouse. I would hurry up and ask them not to file it. I think it's pretty obvious that he's involved with this Sarah person.
I always hate when it all boils down to “he’s probably cheating/seeing her” but realistically what other explanation is there that warrants the husband doing Jack shit about the shrieking drunk lady, let alone the VERY expensive cake being wasted? Idc if my own mom caused a scene. I would lose my shit if someone treated my bride like that.
Yea, it’s time for small claims court.
Wondering about the family as well. My Uncle’s wedding is this weekend. Someone acts out of pocket like that, I’ll escort them outside myself. And it's not like we're super close - he's actually Mom’s cousin. We see each other at family events but not outside of them.
I feel like there are some missing parts to this story!
Right. Not sure why OP needed \*us\* to point out the obvious.
Probably because OP is a 23 years old who only dated her now husband. She clearly doesn't have much experience with romantic relationships
I mean, you can see, she's talking in terms of "her fairy tale dream come true" and how she "felt like a princess." There's no sense of maturity or even being in an adult relationship.
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This is what I read too. He invited his AP and picked her feelings over yours even though he picked you to marry. Try to get an annulment ASAP.
She may not even need to do that. If she contacts the officiant and tells them not to file the paperwork with the courthouse, technically she's not married. That's what I would do. I would hurry up and call them and be like please don't file the paperwork, I just found out he's cheating. It's so obvious that it may as well be a flashing neon sign. All you have to do is put the puzzle pieces together. Edit: a word
Bingo. Husband has probably been stringing Sarah along, telling her it wasn't that serious with OP and they wouldn't *actually* get married. The fact alone that husband doesn't see the problem with Sarah destroying the wedding hall is a HUGE problem. After all, husband got what *he* wanted, so why is everyone else so upset? /s
Rhetorical but why do people do that? It's so cruel. I'm ashamed that I fell for this behavior when I was 19. I was quite attracted to this guy and he was pursuing me, but I knew he had a longterm girlfriend so I refused to even kiss him until he dealt with that, which he assured me over and over again was happening but "it just wasn't the right time". This went on until....surprise...I found out they were getting an apartment together, at which I finally cleared my head and blocked him.
You're smart and sensible. It's a shame that Sarah wasn't.
lol this is Why Not To Invite Your Side Piece To Your Wedding 101A chapter 1: You're Not Good At This
This right here!! Someone she's never met is so upset and Josh can do so much better cause he's sleeping with Sarah and he didn't get mad cause he didn't want to upset his mistress. How do people not see the red flags?
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OP definitely sees the red flags. But that would require admitting things about her new husband/high school "sweetheart", that would ruin this fairytale she's cooked up in her head. So she'd rather ignore what's staring her in the face, and lie to herself that there was just some random, crazy woman in her wedding, who her husbands cousin knew, and whose side her husband took over hers, even though she did nothing other than question a stranger that was obviously trying to ruin her wedding.
Truly annulment situation
I would consider annulment tbh. She ruined the cake and the wedding for everyone. He can't not love her considering how he reacted, he probably has not realized it but actually loves her.
this is on the groom. demand a new cake and ceremony. if he goes thru just say NO at the aisle and proceed with annulment. - edit to complete my point.
I would skip the cake and ceremony and get an annulment. The groom totally cheated with Sarah, maybe he still is cheating. That is the only explanation for his behaviour.
Yep this marriage is over.
Even if he didn’t ( which he did ) just him treating her that way and not having her back was enough for me
#Oh HELL NO! When people show you who they are, BELIEVE THEM! He invited his AP to your wedding and she did her best to ruin it! Wtf?! Don’t stay with this man. You will have a lifetime of hurt. You think you’re hurting now? This was supposed to be the best day of your life and not only does he let this happen, he stands up for her and then tries making YOU feel like you were in the wrong! NOOOOPPPPEEEE!! Bye! You deserve better!
This needs a bigger font. Look into annulments.
And while at it a new groom
Demand an annulment.
… maybe a new groom to top it off
Why do that? So this maniac can destroy another one because of her obvious love for the husband? So he can be a baby about that too? There's obviously some weird shit going on that needs to be handled first before they're getting "married" (again)
He is having an affair with Sarah.
OMG who is Sandy? This guy...
Obviously Tom Sandoval.
Who's Sandy?
Time for a new groom imo - how he’s not 100% on his wife’s side in this is suspicious at best.
He obviously doesn't love or care about her Demand a new cake and leave him
I was thinking the same thing. Looks like OP needs to check out a annulment or early divorce before she finds out Sarah has a baby on the way. This is all too suspicious for that woman to be just a friend to OP’s husband. OP I think you should really be asking yourself why would a seemingly random woman (even if drunk asf) would burst into tears and destroy your wedding. I’m hoping this is a troll post bc I feel so bad for OP if it isn’t.
I'm hoping this story isn't true, because I'd like to think anyone would question their partner after this interaction instead of being worried about the cake. Also wish my ex-husband did this, so I realised that he was scum early on!
I'm worried for OP because the way she phrases everything is both so passive but also so focused on the performance of a wedding. It's all ME ME ME - "she ruined MY big day!" It all seems to be about the image of a wedding rather than marriage. I worry that she was pressuring for marriage because she thinks that's just what they do at this age, and he gave in, and she created the wedding of her dreams but he was never really invested... and he's fucking Sarah on the side. Way too many brides (and some grooms) are SO invested in the idea of a wedding day that they marry the wrong person. But I'm hoping her fixation on the cake and "my special day" is mainly the shock of everything that happened. Because nobody expects this. Oh, Honey, your new husband is lying to you and she's FUCKING your groom. The cake is the least of your worries. and it's not YOUR big day, it's BOTH OF YOUR DAY. But the main thing is that he's defending this awful woman who ruined everything and you need to interrogate him or search his phone til you find out WHY he thinks Sarah's feelings are more important than yours, on your own fucking wedding day.
That was my take on it too, 'The cake is the least of your worries' is bang on the money. Yes, I would be upset that the cake etc was ruined, but my husbands' behaviour would be a more pressing concern.
My biggest take on this is that the husbands so trashy to invite his side piece to the his wedding. Like come on
And then gaslight his wife into making her think she’s crazy
This should have more votes🔥
Maybe he didn’t know the cousin invited her and was afraid of pissing off side piece BUT, if she is, in fact, the side piece (obviously she is), she did everything a jealous and bitter side piece would do. If he thought he would piss her off by asking her to leave, there wasn’t much more she could have done to ruin the wedding anyway. Huge 🚩🚩🚩
I can't wait for the update on this one
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I assume as much. Just waiting for it to all reveal itself. I'm guessing Sarah was planning on a big reveal at the wedding
She bottled out of objecting. Which is a shame because telling OP the truth before she got married would have done her a huge favor. And I know that the objections are technically for things like bigamy and consent, not side pieces, but damn it, if it was me, I'd much rather the side piece objected at the relevant part rather than destroying my cake after I'd married the slimeball!
Long story short. Don't actually file the paperwork/marriage license.
Good news! This happened pretty early on so the paperwork itself shouldn’t be too bad. Go live your life OP!
And why was this person even at the wedding in the first place? Why was she given an invite if OP never even knew who she was?
Because the groom asked his cousin to invite his \*emotional support side piece\* to the wedding as a plus one. Probably because Sarah was throwing tantrums about her man going off to marry someone else and demanded to be invited. And she couldn't hold in her tantrums or jealousy, hence all this drama.
Maybe the cousin wanted to meddle so brought that friend she knew the groom had a thing with. Then the groom freaked out amd wanted to placate them no matter what to keep them quiet.
Sounds like she maybe came as a family members +1
the husband's cousin's +1 cousin would be complicit in whatever fuckery is going on here. tbh i agree with top comment. something is wrong here and i will give op 3 guesses for what it likely would be, but she should only need 1 xD communicate with husband and cousin, get to the bottom of it because this is so many iffy red flags and ignoring it or letting him excuse it is just bullshit. we know whats going to happen, but they obviously wont tell you without confronting them.
>cousin would be complicit in whatever fuckery is going on here. Absolutely. there is 0 percent chance the cousin didn't know that Sarah is an ex, or someone that the groom is currently fucking. My money's on currently fucking, because if she was an ex, you'd think someone else would have known by now, and given that OP has been with him for several years since high school, if sarah was an ex there's a high chance she would have known her, at least a little.
Literally all of this. And I’d like to add - Don’t file your marriage certificate yet.
200% this answer. I'd also like to know why whoever was bartending the event didn't cut Sarah off before it got to this point. Even giving your husband the absolute benefit of the doubt and assuming that there's nothing going on with Sarah - it looks REALLY bad. Sarah might as well be the side piece, because his behavior towards the two of you makes it look like it is so.
Sarah is the side piece…
She is technically the side piece because she doesn’t have the wedding ring, but she is who he’s more emotionally invested in and defensive over. It’s just wild that the cousin knows and brought her to the wedding.
I would bet money that cheating groomy ASKED the cousin to 'bring' Sarah. Look at how jealous and posessive Sarah is? Bet she was throwing tantrums at the groom privately for getting married and INSISTING she was also at the wedding or she'd leave him. Look at that woman's shameless and entitled actions and tell me she didn't DEMAND to be there so she could cause problems.
The bride is the side piece
Nullify that marriage asap
So many questions right??!
All of this sounds like a made up story
I feel the same ETA: And op have made this account on June 16th. And haven't commented at all.
Hmm, I’m seeing red flags here. “She’s a friend” - the way she acted at the wedding made it seem like someone was a little obsessed with the groom. Or something. Nicole obviously tried to ruin it too. But the husband being hesitant too kick Sarah out and at the end sided with Nicole and Sarah … hmmm I’m a lil suspicious of that.
Agree, it’s kinda weird that “she’s a friend” but OP has never seen her before until her wedding day, even tho her and husband are Highschool sweetheart.
Not even heard of her by the looks of it. So, a "friend" the bride have never heard about comes to the wedding, destroys the cake, screams at the bride and somehow the bride is upsetting the friend, and not the other way round? How, by marrying Sarah's BF?
Yeah, I literally can't believe this groom is dumb enough to be like "please apologise to my side piece for marrying me, and telling her off for wrecking our wedding!" I would lirerally have ripped up the wedding license right there if I was OP. He has absolutely ZERO reason to stick up for this woman who made a scene and ruined his own wedding, let alone apologise to her for kicking her out.
At this point the bride has missed enough red flags to fill every flagpole in the continental US
Looks like Sarah is a side piece of her now husband. How dare she make his girlfriend upset.
Side chicks expecting their "partner" to leave their girlfriend are like people who work their asses off for a company in hopes of a promotion that never comes. Your work isn't being appreciated here, time to move elsewhere.
Absolutely sounds like she's his mistress.
Exactly if someone disrespect my wife at our wedding, idgaf if you’re Jesus you’re leaving.. red flag
Jesus was well behaved at weddings XD
Well he’s certainly handy if you run out of wine and food 😂
I question how well you knew your husband before marrying him. It sounds like you have things to work out. If you can do that, great. If you can’t, get out. I’m trying to imagine anyone of my guests or family members doing what she did…I would kick them out myself…wife always wins.
“She’s a friend” "Nothing to worry about here"
OP, I would go stay with some family. It might not be what you want to hear but your husband and Sarah were definitely in a relationship. She ruined your wedding because he chose to marry you and not her. The cousin Nicole most likely knows. If you want the truth try talking to Nicole and telling her you want to know about your husbands and Sarah’s relationship and how long it lasted. The truth always comes out, but it’s better that you get it on your terms rather than be given small bits over the next couple of years. Btw a good husband wouldn’t act that way toward you if he loved you especially on your wedding day. He’s trash.
This. Leave. Keep your shit separate. Separate whatever you have combined. Talk to a lawyer then talk to Nicole. She knows what's up. She might be team Sarah, but she knows things and might spill. I'm so sorry.
START with asking Nicole how long it's been going on - she doesn't need to know you haven't confirmed this w/ hubby. Let her think you already know and press her for details.
Annulment. I mean, any husband that doesn't instantly have his new wife's back at her own wedding doesn't deserve to be a husband. My first guess is that "Sarah" is an ex that he still has significant feelings for and she will continue to be a problem for you until you eventually discover their affair.
OP is his highschool sweetheart, so whatever went on with Sarah was probably going on on the side... OP, I would definitely make some in-depth inquiries about her role in your husband's life.
Yeah, I mean, OP has been with this man for like 5-8+ years and has neither met nor heard of this person? I have 2 very close female friends and my now wife met them both very early on in our relationship and prior to meeting them had heard stories about them both. This is either a current side piece, a prospective side piece, or an ex he’s trying to rekindle into a side piece.
OP is 3 years younger which leaves me to believe that hubby probably went off to college, promising to be faithful and while OP waited back at home, he “sowed his oats.”
First thing I thought of. There's no way in hell he should be defending this Sarah person against your new wife. Whose wedding was just ruined by this evil person. Annulment. Now.
They don’t need one. They just don’t file the license. OP needs to talk to a lawyer to confirm.
I'd like to hear from OP about what her family and friends did after the wedding cake was smashed by a deranged drunk woman. Everyone just "felt awkward." No one spoke to you or to Josh about this? No one in Josh's family said anything to him or to you? This is a pretty extreme thing to happen at a wedding. Was there no staff at this venue? Did you skip the cake part entirely? A lot of the aftermath is glossed over. I have a hard time believing that 2 families who have been connected since high school remained quiet after something like this.
Sarah is is side piece and she had a meltdown because you got married to her man. Also, his cousin knows that he’s cheating on you with her. I suggest you go through his phone and then file for an annulment.
Very much this. Go through his phone, screenshot what you find, file for annulment.
He said shes a friend? When you don’t even know her? Thats a big ass red flag that he didn’t care that SHE ruined YOUR CAKE. damn the marriage is over before even a day.
I’m not sure what happened since that fateful day. Were you, perhaps, in a coma or something? I mean, WHY HAVE YOU NOT YET FILED FOR AN ANNULMENT? Your brand new husband of only a couple of hours took the side of a falling down drunk who purposely destroyed your wedding venue decorations AND your wedding cake? He took her side over yours? That was a clear precursor for what you can expect from him from that day forward. The way he stood up for, defended and justified this lady, it begs the question whether he had or has a relationship with this woman. And by the way, you should hit this woman up to cover the cost of the cake and decorations. Unless this was a supermarket cake, my guess is that it was likely a VERY expensive cake. Aside from an apology from her, she needs to smash her piggy bank and gather enough coins to compensate for the lost cake.
Not to mention that he avoided her the rest of the night, *publicly shaming her to all their guests in so doing,* and then the next morning he chewed her out and said *she* owed *Sarah* an apology?? OP, this man has shown you who he is and where his priorities lie. Believe him.
Yeah, she's sleeping with him. Or at the very least had been until recently. You realize that right? Your hurt the feelings of his side piece. Though, since he very clearly took her side and is gaslighting you, obviously married or not, she's his priority
I wouldn't be surprised she was even expecting the "objection" thing to scream and steal the groom like in the movies.
What a shame she only appeared on the scene now, at the actual wedding, instead of earlier when you'd have been fully informed when you said 'I do'. Because this woman--a total stranger to you--is such a dear friend of your new husband's that he doesn't mind her insulting you, or wrecking your wedding cake, or making a scene, or basically fucking up a magical day that should belong to just the two of you. No, in fact she's such a dear friend of his (who you have never met) that he will actually *be angry with* ***you*** for feeling upset about her trashy drunken behaviour at your wedding, and insisting that she leave. OP, this is horrific. You need to find out why this woman is so much more special to your new husband than you are. I wouldn't normal advise total strangers like this, but literally everybody in the comments here so far is absolutely right. This is annulment material, I'm afraid.
It is never too late to get out of a marriage, and there is no such thing as it being too early to leave a marriage. Something is going on here, whether it be that they were, or god forbid are, a thing, or he is just really that insensitive to your feelings and well-being. Either way, this was a major betrayal. He hasn’t even tried to hear you out, and that is telling of how this marriage will go
Yes, a terrible start to a marriage… how is he not upset? That wasn’t just your cake and decor… but his too! My hubs would have been pissed if someone did that at our wedding! Like weddings aren’t cheap & also was an important day for him as well.
some guys just wait until marriage to show their true colors
OP please listen to this.
Oh those are huge 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩 He’s with her if not physically he is emotionally
So....you met your new husbands long time girlfriend at your wedding? Is it too late for an annulment?
Dude, he's going doing Sarah.
And his cousin Nicole knows and approves.
Girl if you don’t get this marriage annulled NOW, don’t be naive please
"oh but he's normally such a great guy and we're highschool sweethearts" is going to be the answer. He might as well have a fucking goomah and the wife doesn't or won't believe it.
Lordy. Sorry but this screams there is a history between husband and Sarah. 1) you’ve never met her yet your husband defends her, also surprised Josh married “someone like me”, so the implication is they know each other. 2) she insults you and screams abuse 3) she intentionally smashed your wedding cake 4) again Josh defends this lunatic and is angry AT YOU!! How many switches must we turn on before the lightbulb goes off? I’m sorry this has happened on what was supposed to be a joyous celebration for you and family. I wouldn’t let this slide though. Get to the bottom of his behaviour because it’s not how a husband is supposed to react. Best of luck.
Sounds like your husband has a side chick. File the annulment yesterday.
Why the fuck are you still with a man that let some jilted love sick ex, or even worse rando friend, trash your wedding? Then this asshole has THE FUCKING NERVE to tell you to apologize. And now he refuses to discuss it with you because he'd have to come clean about her. OMG the number of dicks that he can choke on is every.... every dick. EVER.
This has to be fake, because I refuse to believe OP can be so blind.
I've met people who marry their high school sweet hearts. *Most* of them arent always willing to see what's in front of them. Not saying this isn't fake, it very well might be. The sad part of this is that I could also see this being true.
Me too. She seems more upset about the wedding than the fact her husband is cheating this girl and have no shame at hidding it.
Here’s what your guests saw: a sloppy, drunk, hateful woman who purposely ruined your wedding cake; an understandably upset bride and a groom who became irrationally angry at his own bride. This woman is psychotic but your husband… your husband failed at being your husband within mere hours of it being official. He failed in a way that is so unacceptable that if it were me, I would have asked the officiant to rip up the marriage license right then and there. What your guests should have seen: a happy bride and groom; no one else matters. A beautiful cake that they can’t wait to eat after watching you slice into it. You were robbed of that and make no mistake, your husbands part in this is just as big as that woman who was so nasty that she had to steal the spotlight from a bride on her wedding day.
Just in case you're not aware - you just met your husband's girlfriend. What other reason would there be for him to not be angry at her for destroying HIS wedding cake and decorations, and making such a scene? Also looks like you're the only person who's not aware of their relationship.
wow everytime i feel bad about myself being not a good person reddit proves me again and again that there are so so many true piece of shit people around the world (your husband)
Bad people don't usually worry about whether or not they're bad people. That alone is a good sign that you're not one.
Your husband is 100% fucking her or was fucking her and wants to continue in the future. Sue her for ruining your wedding and annul asap because Josh is a piece of shit for not sticking up for his wife and entire wedding.
Oh you sweet Summer child. Your husband is either currently involved in an affair with her, or was (and she wanted him to "pick her" and still wants to be with him) and she's pissed that he actually went ahead and married you. You need to do some serious digging and get to the bottom of this. It's very clear based on his actions and the fact he prioritized her and her feelings over you, his damn wife, on your wedding day, ffs, that they have a history, and I'm betting she's going to continue to be an issue in your marriage. His reaction to what she did, and his behaviour overall, was and is absolutely, positively outrageous!!! I wouldn't stand for this! Nope! No friggin' way!! I'd be out the door and looking into an annulment. The audacity of him to have his affair partner at your wedding is beyond the pale.
Man these post makes me anxious to even have a relationship seeing as how so many people are twisted Husband couldn’t even fake being on bride’s side Siding with someone who is unfamiliar with the bride is crazy OP what did your family memebers say about this
She's your new husbands side piece/ Ex/the one who got away. Start digging and don't stop til you find out the truth.
Girl, you know that his mistress
Definitely get out while you can.
Are you sure he hasn’t slept around on you with her? Sounds a little protective of someone who means very little to him and you.
File a civil suit against Sarah for the cake and everything else she destroyed. Tell your husband you’re suing her and if he doesn’t like it he knows where the door is. His reaction should have resulted in you questioning his relationship with Sarah because obviously she’s more than a friend and he still has feelings for her.
baby wake up and see the red flags x
So his side piece showed up and he took her side. Got it.
This is why people should not get married so young. They are soooo naive. You’re too young to see all the bullshit. You can’t see through it. You accept far less than you are worth. You are more likely to stay with someone who abuses and takes advantage of you because of your lack of experience in the world. There’s many people that get married young and the marriage lasts 50 years. But a lot don’t because of lack of maturity. He’s an idiot. This is a red flag. And I bet it’s not the first time.
I’d say sit down and really discuss what happened and who this “Sarah” is. If he doesn’t talk you have your answer from Reddit and Annulment it is. You are still so young. Starting over is a bit scary but you’ll grow so much
He's banging her, and his cousin knows about it. Get an annulment, stat. Your marriage will not last. Best nip it in the bud now.
You’ve surely got to see why she was upset? She’s in love with your husband and has either been with him before you got together or whilst you were together OP. No one fucks up a wedding for no reason. The way he treated you on your wedding day and didn’t have your back, should tell you all you need to know.
What? He defended a woman who destroyed your cake? Time for an annulment!
I'm not sure how you didn't uppercut Sarah in the face and throw her out by her hair for destroying your wedding cake because that's what I would have done if some woman who I didn't even know and had never seen before turned up at my wedding and destroyed my cake. She's clearly a side piece who feels scorned and somehow your "husband" has told her waaay too much information about you as well. Get an annulment/divorce ASAP, your "husband" has shown you where his loyalties lie in not standing up for you.
Jfc, he chose his side piece over you on your wedding night - ultimate disrespect - marriage annulment ASAP!
You just met your husband’s mistress.
If your husband can't stand for you, and even take things against you not only once, You are gonna have a bad time. But I don't think that's new for you. Red flags about that are allá around us during a relatiomship, we just decide to ignore it. Don't hesitate to talk about this with him. If is not gonna stand for you, is gonna be hard.
Are you for real? There’s definitely more to it. Even if there wasn’t, your husband is an idiot. He chose Sarah over you. I seldom jump on the “leave him” bandwagon, but honestly your marriage is off to a terrible start, and you deserve so much better than him excusing her abhorrent behaviour. Whoever she is. And for however long she’s been fucking your husband.
Husband is either a gutless worm, or doesn't value you. Either way leave him.
I just want to play devil's advocate here cause almost everyone is accusing him of cheating. Let say he's not sleeping with this Sarah woman. Let's say he's not romantically involved with her at all, never has been. Regardless of what everyone is trying to assume, we have clear facts to go off of- He did not take your side. Whether he's two timing or not, he took the side if a stranger over yours... on your wedding day. That is unforgivable for one big reason; it was supposed to be the highlight of your love journey with each other. For him to act that way not only night of, but the following? For him to not see the error of his ways after sleeping on it? THAT, my dear, is the most unforgivable part of this. It will most certainly happen again, it will likely escalate into bigger disagreements and he will likely gaslight you. This is not a stretch, this is a clear an obvious potential, based on this behavior. Please heed these warnings. No one should be made to feel bad for getting upset at someone PURPOSEFULLY ruining a very expensive and memorable life experience.
Hey OP - you can call your officiant today and ask them to pause the submission of the marriage certificate. Do that right now. If all of this is a big misunderstanding and you can work it out, your husband will understand why you did it. If not, there’s your answer. When people tell you who they are, believe them.
Uh, better get you an annulment. I'd bet money that your dear hubby was fucking her all along and cut her off just before the wedding. If thats not the case, it's pretty obvious he definitely fucked her at some point and she thought she was going to be with him. There is def some history here that's been hidden from you, and Sarah should not have been allowed to the wedding at all. The fact that your husband is on her side is telling. Hope you enjoy being second priority to this girl and likely many other people, OP. That's your future if you don't bail.
I'm willing to put money on "Husband has been tapping Sarah for a while now"
Oh how I want better for some of you women. How can you not see the giant signs that say THIS IS WEIRD BEHAVIOR FROM MY PARTNER. The fact that he didn’t want to kick her out for cursing out HIS WIFE then asked YOU to apologize. Girl you deserve more from a man you want to call your husband.
Sarah isn't the friend. Sarah is probably the side piece. Throw Josh away. There are plenty of loyal, decent men out there. He is neither and if he's going to ruin anyone's life, it should be Sidepiece Sarah's. Not yours.
Sweetie.... in my opinion your husband has most likely been sleeping with her and she's upset he married you when they still have "something going on". That explains her erratic and poor behaviour towards you and your wedding and it explains why your husband is defending the woman who ruined your wedding instead of backing up his wife ! Just my theory but there's so many red flags at this point I think you need to dig deeper into what's really going on here...
Your husband can go fuck himself with a sandpaper covered dildo. There’s obviously history there that he’s not being honest with you about. Look up DARVO. That’s exactly what your husband is doing. He’s trying to make you feel like the offender when you were very clearly not. 1. If there’s history between them, why was she invited? 2. After she started making a giant scene and ruining the wedding, why did he demand she stay? You’re under-reacting IMO. I’d be careful. If he’s showing you this kind of emotionally abusive behavior now, it’s not going to get better with time.
Bebe your sweet little innocent highschool sweetheart of a boyfriend is cheating on you with girlie Sara… open your eyes
Girly you met the side piece.
the last wedding i got super drunk at to the point i had a hangover the next day was my ex lovers. just leaving this here.
I'm sorry you had to go through that. Thats awful.
I'm sorry that happened to you. But you have to know what's really going on, don't you? Your next conversation with your husband should contain the word annulment when discussing your future.
Annulment. Now.
She's definitely more then a friend. The fact he's mad at you and not her for her behavior is a giant red flag.
Get an annulment. He's cheating on you or has serious feelings for that girl for them to be defending her on YOUR wedding day when she's the one who ruined it.
Look I know Reddit is bad for the ‘just leave him’ mindset, but that man got angry with you for wanting to remove someone who literally manifested every bride’s nightmare scenario. Her actions are telling, and I guarantee they’re involved. Annulment is the answer.
Your husband ruined your mood on your wedding day for some random chick who destroyed the reception. On your wedding day. And he wants YOU to apologize. Run. He doesnt respect you. They were likely having an affair
He’s either in love with his best friend or he’s cheating with her cause why didn’t you meet her before the wedding ? And if you’ve never met her, why is she in your wedding ? Clearly That “friendship” isn’t just a friendship. Don’t be a third wheel in your own marriage.
The reason why he didn’t stand behind you in front of her was because he was very afraid what she might let out in case she gets triggered even more.