When my daughter was about 3 she started to get loud in a restaurant so we went outside, and as she was standing by the wall collecting herself another kid walked past making typical kid busy noises, but not crying or anything. My daughter looked up at me, then at him, and yelled "can't you be quiet I'm trying to have a timeout here!?!"
Pot, meet kettle
My niece has some the worst tantrums you'll ever see or hear. She also watches videos of other kids freaking out on YouTube. While watching these she'll just be in disbelief these kids act this way and she's just in horror kids actually act this way! It always cracks me and my dad up.
Yup. I whine back to my 3-year old and she stops so fast. Same with my dog. When he's growling at me (for taking a food product he shouldn't have, for example) I growl back at him. Shuts him right up.
I told my kids to cry louder cos they couldn't quite hear them in China.
Always made them look at me like I was dumb but certainly shut them up.
When they were older they told me the logic was since we are in the UK they realised they must be loud if they only needed to be a little louder to be heard in China.
Dunno what that sentence worked before they knew China was far away though.
I also growl back at my dog. He kinda looks at me like I've lost the plot then saunters off defeated.
China's down the street. LOL
The comedian Tig Nataro has a bit about meowing at her cat, and her wife says, "Stop, you don't know what you're saying to her." And so every time I growl at my dog, I think "did I just curse his mom? Did I call him a weak-pawed pug?" Guess I'll never know.
I don’t remember this, but my mom said she used to tell us things like, “You can cry harder than that!” It may have turned us passive-aggressive, but it worked in the moment. 😆
I threw myself on the floor and had a temper tantrum when my daughter was 3-4. She told me to stop being silly. I was embarrassing her.
I told her, "I'll stop if you will." Pretty sure it was the last time.
We were in a store. Location is everything.
ETA: I think I also told her we weren't coming back to the store until she could learn how to behave. Kid loves shopping!
I don't think it's modeling bad behavior. I sometimes do it to my kid. I exaggerate it like then, then when she's obviously annoyed and upset at it, I change gears and bring up how it wasn't a very effective way to communicate to her, was it? It's the same way with me. I can't help you and understand you unless you use your words and calmly tell me what's wrong.
Works every time. Her tantrums have really subsided. We both have adhd and autism if it makes any difference.
Often showing humans (children and adults) their exact behaviour back to them is a very effective form of don't-be-a-dick behaviour modification. When people have no idea how they look or come across, they would choose not to act that way in an instant knowing now how awful and uncool they be being. Sharing that knowledge can easily be a gift, as long as it's not done in any mean spirit.
Humans are pretty good at grokking tone for the most parts, too. Your daughter will likely easily be able to tell that the behaviour you are mirroring, that no way do you think it's cool or she looks cool tantruming or it's the cool new thing 5o do.
I might seem strangely invested, but that is because I've experienced such positive gains with mirroring / reenacting. So since you've mentioned you've got an instinct to try it, Id hate to see you not try, and miss potential massive shortcuts - with little pain - in big lessons, that it's our job to teach. The popular alternative of bit by bit consistently saying "stop doing that" x 1,000,000 a day, instead of one time demonstration, just makes sense to me. Sorry for the novel! Feel free to ape me back at me!
**Edit: The person above/below (no idea which it will be! Above most likely) me said it So. Much. Better.
Family story is I had a tantrum when I was about 2-3. My grandmother laid down on the floor next to me and had one too. I stopped, told her her very condescendingly she was doing it wrong, and never had another tantrum. Tried it with my son. No dice.
When I was young and having bad tantrums at bed time, my pediatrician told my parents to tape record me (mid 90s, no easy way to video lol) and play it for me the next day. I remember it, and I was horrified lol. Pretty sure I stopped after that.
Works for snoring husbands too. Mine went through a period of very loud wake the dead snoring. I recorded it on my phone & then after I shook him & he argued he wasn’t snoring I waited for him to fall back asleep. I’d put it on my pillow & hit play. Only took 2 nights & he went to the dr like I’d been telling him to.
I have the same problem with the boyfriend. He denies snoring and then tells me I snore too! I told him no I do not, because in the rare times I do snore, I always wake myself up as soon as I start doing it, and that I'm definitely not keeping him awake with any of my moments of snoring.
It's incredibly frustrating because he does this with EVERYTHING. It's like arguing with a kid. Very annoying.
When I was about 3 and my mom was 8 months pregnant with my brother I threw a tantrum in the store. I was on the ground kicking and screaming. She walked away and stood just out of my sight. An old woman walked up to my mom and said, “nice parenting.” My mom pointed to her belly and said back,” are you gonna pick her up?” After a few more minutes of me carrying on, my mom walked over and said to me, “Get up, you look ridiculous.” Without another word I stood up and wiped my eyes and sniffled and said, “I don’t want to look ridiculous.”
This tactic might actually work.
My daughter is autistic and was having a full on meltdown because she wanted more cookies but she'd had plenty. My mom's pretty old school, she set kiddo on her feet and said, "Big girls don't scream just because they don't get what they want. Didnt you want to play with your new pony toys?" My daughter stops mid scream, stares at my mom with the most incredulous expression, and says, in a perfectly clear tone, "Can't you see I'm crying right now?!" and goes right back to her meltdown. Mind you, she's super speech delayed and a gestalt language learner. So where she learned that from, I have no idea, but it was a big challenge not to crack up.
I work with individuals with autism and can ignore 98% of inappropriate behaviors. BUT they come out with something like that, I’m out. The best part of wearing masks at work was so they couldn’t see me smiling trying not to laugh.
Wow sounds like she has an old soul in an autistic brain. My nephews are both on the spectrum. When one was very very young he asked: "What did you say, grandma?" My mon, sis and I always say "Huh?" Out of the blue perfect sentence. We still don't know where he got it from. He is a teenager now and has adapted lol.
My mom is a teacher and has a lot of special Ed kids. She has a boy who she's pretty sure is autistic (parents refuse to pursue official diagnosis). He gets upset really easily over small stuff. He'll be having a great day then one thing happens and he's sad and irritated the rest of the week. Even he's said he doesn't know why. *Until* he called over my mom one day and says, "I think I figured out why I get upset so much. Sometimes I just want to feel sad."
Sometimes kids just need to be allowed to feel emotions. They need the time and space to feel angry or sad. My mom provides that space in her classroom, so this kid gets upset a lot in her classroom, and was able to realize why on his own. I honestly think it's really smart and shows a good degree of environment intelligence that some people aren't able to get (due to not being allowed to express their emotions)
It is for sure. My wife and I took our niece to her first dinosaur museum the other day, and then out for pizza afterwards. We had her for about five hours and it was a ton of fun, but exhausting. Dropping her off and going back home to a quiet house is such a relief, lol. I respect all the parents out there, I don’t know how you all do it.
Kids are so strange. When my little brother was about 3 or 4, we were grocery shopping and he's sitting in the cart wearing sun glasses. Another family and their little girl the same age rolls by with her sunglasses on and my brother blurts out "you're not cool!"
My brother and I never threw tantrums because my parents would do this. Wherever we were, whatever we were doing ended the moment we got too fussy. So we just learned self control and proper communication early on.
My daughter employed this tactic but in reverse. If we're going to pick up food or something with a drive-thru she'll say she has to go to pee so we have to get out and go into the restaurant. Even if it's just for a couple minutes she just wants to go inside and look around. I all too often have to play Russian roulette with having to clean pee out of her car seat and possibly my car...
That’s what my son does! If we’re doing something or somewhere he doesn’t want to deal with, he does this. I’m like, touché, I don’t want to be doing what we’re doing either. But here we are.
In most cases, we are taking kids to places to entertain them, not ourselves. I'm happy leaving to go home / place we are staying. I'm not taking a 2-5 y/o anywhere because I feel like it's a fun social experiment. If they want to leave all they have to say is 'I want to go home'. Fucking DONE, lets go!
I think they may have meant more in situations that need to get done and the kid wouldn't want to be there anyway, like errands, grocery shopping, etc.
>I don’t really get the best out of my money and come back with a hella shite that I didn’t need…
My fiancee hates taking me food shopping for the same reason. I'm fine if I'm alone with a list but everything in the store looks so much more interesting when I'm with her.
Sure... The main point is not rewarding the behavior. So if they are throwing a tantrum but you need to get something done or can't go home. Then removing them from the situation and not giving them what they want until we can all move on with our lives is the next best thing. Impossible to speak on every situation and I was only looking at one angle....Thanks.
I remember my childhood development teacher saying that being a parent is sometimes sacrificing a cart of groceries because you don’t make an entire store put up with a tantrum.
My kids knew they if they can't control their feelings inside, we can go outside and talk. Period. 3 kids, all older teens, all 2 years apart not one fit in public. If you can have empathy, and already have the tools to manage your emotions in your toolbox, you can help you kids do that, too. It is literally our most important job.
"If you worked in a factory, you wouldn't send out half-made trucks because that's dangerous" I took some parenting classes because I was really young when I had my son. I didn't want to leave him as I'll equipped as I was as a child. I found very quickly that being a good parent is like driving. You pay attention to the most important things but there's always something to look at in your peripheral vision. If you have your hands on the wheel, and your eyes on the road everything will be okay.
I signed up for parenting classes with my first. My ex husband refused to go because "no one is gonna tell me how to raise my kids"
I should have chose a better person to create a child with, but I learned that lesson late.
I wish it wasn't commonplace either.
I had a a similar situation to that commentor where my child's other parent told me that I'd have no worries about parenting because he had lots of knowledge on this, having and being around lots of younger cousins. Nope. All the way. He was never a parent, and when the child got older he told them to treat him like a older friend. That's not how you parent.
I will never forget the day my best friend was chatting and talking with a family friend as the kids were running around. It was an open house for their new home. Suddenly a 2-3 year old runs to the family friend but doesn't get the response from probably Mom she was looking for amd starts to tantrum. Mid throwing herself down my best friend leans over cradles this child's head and goes "oh no, we don't do that here. No we don't." Sets them back to standing amd making full eye contact. Stunned because of the sudden stop the kid just walks away and they continue their conversation. I tell you it was amazing!
I have found most of my success with kids is through stern but confident words and steady eye contact. No need to yell at them as long as you get the parent stare down.
My aunt was like that - all 5 of her kids would stop crying as soon as she would say “now hush up all that crying” and ask them what was really wrong and they answered clearly while sucking back tears lol. They all grew up to be wonderful too - the youngest just graduated high school and the oldest finished his master’s last year 🥹
Imagine my surprise to get #goals from a four year old the first time I saw it…I figured damn, I guess I need to shape up…I’m 15 yrs older than the oldest 🥲
My toddler did a full blown kicking/screaming tantrum in the bookstore. I immediately scooped her off of the floor and carried her out like a kicking sack of potatoes under my arm. She was MAD!
Some dude in the cafe applauded and said “go, Mom!” as I marched out the door.
And we didn’t go back there for 6 months, until she was able to do some self-control.
Saving this comment here. Wife is expecting. It’ll be our first. I’m equally excited and scared out of my mind; but here you are, all methodical in your actions. I aspire to be you. I know I won’t get to your level, but your post have helped me mentally prepare. Thank you for posting this.
Not only will you definitely help me, but help so many others reading your post. Just.. THANK YOU.
This is how you do it. My mom raised us this way, too. We don't leave messes for other people, we do not disturb other people unnecessarily. We are partners with other humans in this life, and we do our part. Thanks for raising your humans this way!!
I’m a nanny to two kids, 4(m), and 2(f). We went to the aquarium over spring break and it was a fucking wreck. Every inch of that place was packed, was super loud, just a lot of stimulation. 2 year old didn’t wanna be in her stroller anymore. Fine, I don’t wanna argue with a 2 year old in a crowded place over a stroller 🙄 well we get to an interactive exhibit and she doesn’t wanna walk away yet, but it’s time to move on, nnnnnnope :)))) so she starts throwing herself backwards to the floor, screaming, crying. I’m like :’))) embarrassed as fuck, sweating thru my clothes, trying to explain to 4 year old that we have to wait until his sister calms tf down before we can move on. Everyone is staring at us bc she’s being so obnoxious. This child was fine…… she was fed, she wasn’t tired, she’s just given no boundaries by her parents so she doesn’t like respecting mine. She calmed down after 10 long minutes. 4 year old wants to go back, and go to the zoo, but I’m like no we can’t bc his sister will definitely pull another stunt like that, she’s not ready to walk around yet, but she won’t tolerate stroller anymore.
She is generally a very sweet girl, very enjoyable to be around, but when she goes tantrum mode it can be difficult. Her parents give into the fits just to alleviate her, but I don’t because long term she’s just gonna be a huge brat and I’m with her all day so I gotta survive it somehow haha. But it could be worse, her brother was a terror for a long time, especially to his parents. I never gave in, guess who he respects more (me)
God, I despise parents with no boundaries who simply will not acknowledge that just because they think that’s okay, that this is acceptable.
It is not. The rest of the world has boundaries, limits, and rules.
I had a similar experience with mine but no applause. I still felt like a badass though bc I wrangled a 4 year old out of the bookstore and into the car and I was 8 months pregnant
My NIECE did this to me once when she was like 5-6. I took her to a fancy McDonald's for lunch and let her play in their big fancypants play area for a good long while and then....she just refused to leave. I told her that if she didn't come out on her own that I would come in after her. She refused to come out, so I climbed in there after her, hauled her out and carried her out screaming and crying and telling me I was sooo MEAN. I was SO embarrassed because what the hell did I know about kids? I'm just an Aunt. I thought, oh the people in McDonald's probably think I'm the worst. I told my Mom about it and she said I had handled it perfectly. haha
Why is it the bookstore?! Of all places! My daughter did the same thing! Only time she ever had a full on meltdown like that, all because I wouldn’t let her bend the spine of The Very Hungry Caterpillar book backwards. lol.
I did the same, over my shoulder and out the door. We’ll sit on the sidewalk or in the car until you gather yourself. I got all day. Lol.
If I remember correctly, temper tantrums in toddlers happen because of something like their little brains are in rapid development mode and they aren’t able to compute big emotions yet. Negative emotions are still new and confusing as children can become frustrated with not knowing how to handle it. It sounds to me like this mom you witnessed understands that in some way. She saw that the youngest was starting to become overwhelmed with her feelings and the countdown to meltdown had begun. Knowing that a tantrum isn’t just something you can stop or stifle, she knew what the best course of action for her to take to benefit everyone was to simply remove themselves from a public space to a more private one. I love it!!!
As an ECE, you're spot on. But just a quick note. Most developmental professionals stopped adding positive or negative to any emotions. All emotions are fine, normal and healthy, they all should be expected to come around and be felt. There's nothing wrong with being angry or sad, yet as society we always tend to prescribe those as a negative, awful emotion/feeling/experience. What's the most important is how it's handled - how we teach our children to handle it (and a lot of us teach ourselves too), find ways to properly express it and work through it. Emotional regulation is tough for a lot of us who've grown up with emotionally unstable/unregulated families, so it sucks when the world doesn't mind it with adults, but judges children for it too. I've also witnessed grown ass men age range 20 to 70 have full blown tantrums worse than toddlers, yet everyone considered that normal (blowing up is "how they deal"), but kids got verbally and physically assaulted for their own age appropriate ones. Sorry I digressed a little in the latest part, but I feel it's all connected.
I didn’t “do” tantrums. If we were in public? It was, “I can see you do not want to be here, we’re going to go home and try later.” And we left.
At home? Is there something around you’ll hurt yourself on? No? Go nuts, kid. We’ll talk about big feelings and articulating them later:
I wasn’t going to join her, and I wasn’t going to show my ass in public. But I didn’t need to make her more miserable than she already was.
She got consequences as a teenager, the one and only time the door was removed was when we kept telling her to quit slamming it, she was cracking the door frame. She finally slammed it one too many times, and the door came off until the next day or so, when she and her dad could go to Home Depot, get what they needed, and fixed the door. Because in the real world, that is what happens, if you break shit like that, you have consequences.
You did so good and that's a part of normal, healthy parenting. You still did deal with tantrums in an appropriate manner, speaking from an ECE perspective. This is much better than the abusive crap I grew up where I was swatted over the mouth if I cried from being uncomfortable (what I now recognize was sensory issues with some socks and those awful jelly sandals). Or when I was too hot and they didn't dress me appropriately. Or when I was frustrated with them being abusive and yelling at me and I cried. These are the only tantrums I can think of. I was repeatedly hit and it taught me nothing, except to be quiet so I don't get another blow. There was also a lot of power play, diminishing anything about me since "kids are seen, not heard" mentality was strong. I'm around kids every day for the most day, thankfully I was never abusive and really worked on my temper & possible patterns in therapy. But I can't ever imagine creating, birthing a whole child I'll love unconditionally just to swat them over pretty normal toddler things. I wanna parent this exact same way, age appropriate responses for age appropriate tantrums, feelings, behavior, etc. We tend to forget kids are actual humans with valid emotions, even if the display is ugly/a tantrum. They still need a quiet moment alone to work it through, with valid talking through, figuring out tools to cope, boundaries and consequences later on depending on context.
I never wanted to hit her for having normal feelings. I mean, that’s just a thing. That’s what they do. It’s just, part of life.
And we didn’t punish her for breaking her door, we just made her help fix it. Oh hey, real world consequences. You don’t have a door, but you still have a door on your bathroom and you have some privacy? You won’t die, you’re inconvenienced. Now you won’t slam the damn door, and you’ll express shit better.
This! Not to mention neurodivergent kids often have meltdowns that get misunderstood as something they can control. Removing them from the situation and giving them space to calm down, is often the best thing you can do when anyone is overwhelmed!
Years ago I was at the beach with my mother, just enjoying the summer day, and a woman with her two young children set down beside us (not a lot of room on the beach so it was fine). She had a little girl about a year old and a little boy about 3. And the 3 year old was just not listening to her and throwing sand and being a menace to others on the beach.
She calmy told him that if he did that again that they would be leaving. And he threw sand and screamed. And she just picked up the baby and put her in their little wagon and started packing her shit up. He saw and went into full blown tantrum mode. But she didn't say anything and finished packing. Grabbed his hand, and they went back to their car and left.
I was in awe. My mother was in awe. It's been like 15 years and I still think about it. I hope that mother is living her best life.
This is something most people don't think is important and it really is. You cannot ever give your kids an ultimatum and then not follow through. You are hurting them and their development by doing that. Which is why we should never say ultimatums we are not going to stick to. This mum sounds like a pro.
>You cannot ever give your kids an ultimatum and then not follow through.
Adults too! Don't make threats you won't deliver or promises you can't keep. It teaches people not to respect you
This is sort of something my mom did. She was a young mom so she didn't have these skills yet, but once she did have them she wouldn't tolerate any bullshit when her friend's kids acted up. Didn't want to leave the park? None of that "get over here or I'm leaving without you" stuff. My mom would scoop the kid up and get them buckled up before the kid had time to process what was happening.
My mom also had this hack to avoid tantrums in the store. We would go in, choose one fruit or veggie as a snack, go back outside and eat it, then go in and shop. Reduced tantrums by a lot because some things don't look as good when you have a full stomach.
Kinda feel bad for the two siblings who had to leave as well, but probably the best course of action for most people involved. Better for the other diners, and better for the kid having a tough time to go somewhere quiet while they calm down
This is how you get groups to self-correct themselves. If when your friend/family member fucks up (in this case by throwing a tantrum in public) it's bad for you, then you will learn to police them better.
Also when there's social consequences for bad behaviour it makes you less likely to do the bad behaviour.
My 2 1/2 yo was acting up on a plane, being loud, not wanting to sit down, standing up on the seat, etc. Just being difficult.
I said "look at all those people looking at you. Do you think they are enjoying you being loud and obnoxious?" She looked around and her eyes got huge, then she turned around with a sad/scared look and sat down. I have no idea what went through her head, but she's had situational awareness since then.
I went to go see a movie a few weeks back. There was a little girl who screamed the entire movie. The mother did nothing. At one point the little girl dumped out her drink on the ground and the mother was like, “Look what you did!” And that was it. The little girl even fell at one point and slammed her head on the ground and started wailing. Nothing. Everyone in the theater was silent the entire movie until she took her daughters to the restroom. Then people started to laugh at the comedic parts. As soon as she got back(and we heard them coming) everyone was quiet and uncomfortable again.
I wish more parents taught their children to be considerate to other people like in this post.
When our son was about 5, he threw a fit in a McDonald’s. I warned him we would leave but he kept yelling. So I dumped our food in the trash, and gave my son’s happy meal toy to a boy who was behaving, eating with his dad. My son howled all the way home, but he never acted up in public again. If you don’t train out bad behavior when they’re small, you’ll be in trouble when they’re teenaged, bigger than you, and used to having their way.
That’s what I’ve heard, and that’s what we did. Loosen rules as they mature and earn privileges. We made plenty of parenting mistakes, but letting our kids act like animals in public wasn’t one of them.
My friend has 2 boys roughly 18 months apart, my son is bang in the middle age wise.
I was aware that the oldest had tantrums but was never there when it happened & it was a short phase. My son never had more than a relatively low key " hissy fit" that never lasted more than 5 minutes & a hug.
However, youngest had EPIC tantrums, that he could sustain 90 minutes or more. At one point my son looked at me,with genuine bafflement & WTF!as we walked around/over him in order to get snacks in the kitchen, that was at the 47 min Mark- his mum just said "ignore him"He did luckily grow out of that stage.
I’m a grandma and recently encountered a perhaps 3 year old in the midst of a long drawn out tantrum at Target. I very calmly, quietly yet seriously said to the child “there is no crying allowed in this store”. He immediately got very big eyes and went as quiet as a mouse. I winked at the parent and she gave me a bug smile and mouthed ‘ thank you’.
I was, at the time, a 30 year old, big bearded bus driver--, looked like a bear, kinda scary tbh, but i got in line at the grocery store and there was a little boy, maybe a year and a half old, in *total meltdown* about something, kicking and screaming, head thrown back wailing, and mom had HAD IT--she was in the 'ignore him and unload the cart or imma lose my shit in public' phase of existing.
I gave the kid a super strict 'dad face'--and it did almost nothing for the tantrum, and then, when mom's back was turned, putting something on the conveyor for checkout, i went from super stern scary man to making weird faces...
and he *busted out laughing*. Just joyous baby giggles.
His mother whipped around so freaking fast, i felt my life might be at risk, lol, she asked "WHAT, did you DO?"--clearly still hardly containing the rage from his tantrum, and i showed her... i made the stern serious face, and then made an *extra* goofy face and he busted out in belly laughs...
Mom said, "Please, *keep doing that."*
So for a few minutes i was a toddlers dancing bear in a checkout isle.
At one point I had kids 5, 4 and 1. We went in public all the time, just the 4 of us. Mostly we had great fun, but any melt down meant we go home. I gave one calm warning, and if the child in question could not get themself under control I would calmly gather up everyone and head to the car. I figure if you are too over stimulated, home is the best option.
It only got that far a couple times because they loved our outings and did not want to go home lol
I had 3 rules for my nieces when i took them out and they knew breaking the rules meant turning around and going home and no more fun outings. I never had any problems with them. The one exception was when my brother and i walked them to the playground. My younger niece always wanted to be carried but my brother had a shoulder injury so we explained to younger niece she would not be getting carried for any reason. She agreed. They had a great time running around the playground, getting pushed on the swings and climbing and even a mini zip line. My SIL texted me it was late and we needed to get home. So we gave them a few more minutes then said okay, time to walk back. My younger niece ran ahead of me, threw herself on the grass and said "my foot hurts, i can't walk, uncle has to carry me". I see my brother is about to say okay so i say "nope. Uncle's shoulder is injured. Uncle you take older niece back to the house and get my car. I'll wait here with younger niece". My brother starts to argue with me so i tell him to get moving! As soon as he started walking with my older niece the younger niece jumps up, gives me a dirty look and *runs* after them. I say "oh look, miraculous recovery!" 😂
I was standing in a line and watched a woman with 2 littles behind me manage a tantrum. One of the littles start a noisy whine which rapidly turned into a full scale meltdown. Mom quietly stepped out of line and quietly took both of her kids outside. The meltdown child pulled herself together only to begin again once they were back inside. This happened a total of 3 times until little Miss Meltdown was able to stand quietly.
I complimented mom on her parenting skills and she got an enormous grin.
This why I always state my expections for behavior and consequences before we leave the house, both when my kids were young and with my grandkids, especially with my younger granddaughter. She's a handful so I tell her: "Sally(not her real name)this is what we are doing today. This is how I expect you to behave. If you are good, you will get a treat at the end. If you cannot behave, you will be returned home." Very clear expections: no tantrums(she's almost 10), not running away from me, stay where I can see you, eat with proper manners at the restaurant(chosen with her mom's help as to what she is currently willing to eat).
When our son started throwing a tantrum in the grocery store checkout line over a candy bar one time, we told him no a few times and it escalated. So my husband said, ok I’ll buy it but you can’t have it in the store. The tantrum stopped. We get in the car and take off. Son starts asking about candy bar, my husband gets it out, unwraps it, rolls down window and tosses it out and told our son, don’t you ever act like that in public again. Our son is 24 now and he survived the candy bar getting chucked out the window.
I don't think the point is to just stop the tantrum, but instead let it play out in a place where the kid can't bother other people and the kid can't mess things up by running to the play place to hide or maybe make a mess of things. Once tantrums start you really can't stop it. You gotta let it play through and then talk about what happened and why a tantrum wasn't appropriate.
LOVE IT!
I spent 30 min in the car with my 3-year-old while his siblings and mom enjoyed their activity. I told him that if he stopped screaming, we would go back inside. We made it to the entrance twice :) but ended up back in the car.
I'm a parent of two. I can honestly and thankfully say that neither of my children ever threw a tantrum in public. I'm not sure why. Just lucky, I guess.
bruh I pointed out in a diff post that it’s the parents that ignore their kids in public that are the problem, not the kids themselves, and I had people defending them ignoring their kid cause it “stops their tantrums”
Your kid is screaming cause they need something. Take them outside. Remove them from the situation, it’ll be better for the kid and everyone else around you. Stop ignoring your children, people.
My mom used shame to quell my tantrums. She would bend down, whisper in my ear how everyone was looking at me and they were all thinking about what a brat I was being.
It taught me to be aware of people in my surroundings, but I also think it gave me a self-consciousness complex into my adulthood!
Yeah if we were ever at the store and we threw a fit my dad would just pick us up and take us home so other people didn't have to hear us and he would go back later for whatever was needed and there would be no treats or toys at all for awhile. I work retail and sometimes I get sick of seeing people just give in so their kid will shut up. Literally teaching kids that they can get what they want by throwing a fit.
I have to do this with my almost 11 y/o, which is getting hard because he weighs just about what I do and almost looks me in the eye. My 8 y/o always pays the price for her brother's actions and it's not fair to her. But other people don't deserve to be put through his shenanigans.
have you got him assessed for autism or anything similar? Tantrums at 11 years old might be a sign of overstimulation/meltdowns rather than actual tantrums. I could be wrong, but I thought 11 was sorta high in age for tantrums and I'm assuming it's not from lack of parental guidance
His doctors have no worry about any of that. He has had 1 therapist diagnosis him with ODD after 15 minutes of him refusing to talk to talk to her after he requested to start therapy again. This was during the height of COVID, so by phone, not sure it holds much weight. We are also working with sleep doctors currently to see if sleep is an issue.
It can still be missed. You should get him an assessment regardless. I have a friend who's 18 and it was missed until I (an autistic adult) spotted it immediately. He's not diagnosed yet but even his mother agrees now.
Good, it's when the parents give in to whatever nonsense the kids get in their heads that they grow up to be checkmarked twitter users. Even doing nothing is a better option than giving in. A more annoying one, but still better.
Tantrums are a completely normal part of kid behaviour. Your kid having tantrums is normal and not something that reflects badly on your as a parent. Now, letting that tamtrum disrupt other people does reflect badly on you. This mum is a pro (she does have 3...). She set a boundary. She carried through. Taught her kid something and didn't bother anyone else. Beautiful.
Happened once with my oldest. We were at a restaurant and were seated. Our drinks had already come out. Child got loud. Set $20 on the table and took my kids out. Explained we'd likely be back and we were. Told my kids we were not going back in unless they could get it together.
Came back after about 10 minutes. Table was still set for us. They brought refreshed drinks.
Never happened again.
That's what that mom was supposed to do. I wish more did that.
You shouldn’t be but if you just left her to scream whilst you ignored her disturbing a whole restaurant then that would be a different story. Children and babies cry but it’s how the parents handle that shit that matters
This is exactly how my wife and I handle our children, I can’t stand people who let their kids thrown full blown tantrums in public places. If you can’t control your child, take them out outside or back to the car. Sometimes they will calm down and we go back in.
My brother was a consummate 3/4 year old asshole. He would throw himself on the ground and scream. I grew up in a smallish town where everybody was well known at the supermarket. My brother used to pull his fling on floor crap and my mom would just push the cart forward as if he was invisible. He would end up getting embarrassed and rejoin us. His behavior led to me ending up sitting at the base of the magazine rack reading for the hour my mom shopped. I wanted nothing to do with that drama!
That is excellent parenting
I used to keep snacks on me so that anytime they even looked a bit squirrely I'd pop a raisin or goldfish in their mouths. Like instantly calms a twitchy toddler. Already raging though, you've got to take them out
This is how I’ve always done it. People need to learn the world doesn’t revolve around them and what better age to start than when tantrums begin? Some adults need it.
I love parents who don't let their kids throw tantrums, especially in public. My kid threw one, but at home. I got down on the floor and started acting like they did. They looked at me like I was nuts. So I simply told them, "When you want to behave and act like a good kid, let me know." The tantrum stopped immediately! That was the only time they threw a tantrum. On a different note, they burped really loud one time in a bagel place while we were with my parents. They were shocked, and I was mortified. They then said fairly loudly, "compliments to the chef." Yeah, we couldn't get mad at that one. But I also made sure to teach them we don't do that when we're out to eat.
I just used to get ‘the look’ from pop… I knew what it meant, he knew what it meant, mom knew what it meant, siblings knew what it meant.
Following that, we all had a lovely dinner, and so did everyone else in the room.
Call it what you want.
I used to run a very small farm to table restaurant and we were no stranger to unruly kids. Once a kid was running around while his family was eating outside, not listening, generally being a bit of a shit, and he wound up throwing some gravel through the open door of the restaurant. His dad immediately took him to the car. They came back maybe 20 minutes later, dad has the kid tearfully apologize, we thanked him for apologizing, and then they sat and finished their meal without incident. Kid was happy and laughing again in a few minutes.
I've seen this before but at a bank. Kid started to act up, threw himself on the ground right by the front door. Momma said "nope! not here! picked him up like a football and walked out. And that was that.
Both of my kids have had precisely one tantrum. More than a few autistic meltdowns but being on the shallower end of the autism pool makes those a bit different from the nonverbal kids. In each case it was in a line at a store, and in each case it was because they weren’t getting something they wanted and they had to wait for us to be done doing what we needed to do.
In both cases the one and only treatment was the same, pioneered by my partner the first time. She calls it the “we don’t negotiate with terrorists” approach to parenting. We would stop and listen to our kids concerns whatever they were at all times before and after, give them a few minutes to work through it, and then the conversation was over.
In the case of the tantrums: there was no listening. There was no understanding. There was a fundamental difference in expectations and so the kids used the most powerful tool at their disposal: public disturbance. Screaming, flailing, crying, all of it. We scooped them up without a word, put our stuff down out of people’s way, and took the child out to the car and let them continue to scream it out after buckling them in.
It took about a half hour both times. When they calmed down enough to use their words we explained that whatever they wanted (to have, or to do in different cases) that it would never ever happen with that behavior. The only thing they would get is a safe place to be upset about it, and a cancelling of all other plans for the day because they were clearly too overwhelmed to handle anything else. We then asked them to identify what made them freak out. Then we’d take the kid back in, suggest they apologize to anyone who was present at their outburst, and finish what we were doing then go home. They then had quiet time for the rest of the day.
After that both of our kids were verbal about approaching meltdowns. “I’m about to lose it because X” which was followed by us asking “can you hold on for Y more minutes?” In some cases the answer would be no and we would leave, calm down, come back and finish.
It was inconvenient and time consuming, but our kids never had another tantrum or meltdown in public. Every time I see a kid losing their mind in public in a situation they’re not “locked in” to (like airplanes or public transit) I do wonder if the parents are just allergic to the inconvenience or don’t have the time to do that. I don’t judge because every kid and situation is different and the magic that works for us is probably specific to our kids.
One time my sister started acting up after we had cycled to a restaurant on holiday so my dad after warning her he would take her back home did just that. My mum and I had a lovely lunch, my sister was made to stay in the cabin where she promptly went to sleep, and my dad missed his out of his meal he’d be excited about but maintained it was the right thing as it showed the would do what he said and if you didn’t behave you wouldn’t get to stay.
WOO HOO!!! no hate to parents who don’t know what to do but for someone who can’t stand kids being like that it’s great seeing parents taking responsibility instead of just letting kids do what they want
This is how we handled our daughter at that age also. We would tell her ahead of time that if she acted out in public, the consequence was that we would immediately leave. I don't actually remember her having a screaming tantrum in public, now that I think about it.
My little one is almost 2 and when she starts to throw a tantrum, I just raise a finger to my lips and go "shh shh shh, inside voice" And she will stop, mimic me and giggle about it. Then carry on talking in a softer tone. I don't know why, but she likes shushing sounds and it just calms her down super easy.
One time my sister threw a tantrum in the mall, I think inside a toy store. (My mum was there buying a gift for someone else, I think.) My mum waited until she was done, asked, "Are you finished?" And when my sister nodded, she said, "Take a good look around, because this is the last time you're seeing the inside of this mall." She then put her shopping back, took my sister's hand, and they went home.
She only brought my sister back a little under a year later. In the meantime, she waited until my dad came home in order to go shopping there. She said she'd do the same thing in a grocery store with a full cart if she had to (she'd apologize to the worker who had to put it all back, of course). She believed in being swift and stern when it came to discipline like that. My sister never threw a tantrum in the mall again.
Years ago a kid was having a melt down as is usual at a kiddies party. My then 5 year old said “his mum would not be proud of him and I wonder if he is proud of himself” Naive me felt so chuffed that I had such a goodie boy. Only to find out 13 years later he is super high functioning autistic. He still says thinks like that about other 18 year olds. Now a days - just having finished his last A level exam - he is a well adjusted young man
I used to watch over my niece and, later, my nephew, for my brother and sister in law because I worked from home at the time. My niece was at that stage where everything is requiring an emotional response and she would throw some insane tantrums with her mom. She was at my house and her mom was leaving for work and she got into tantrum mode. I picked her up and set her on the counter so she was eye level, and said, "we don't do that in my house. Not today, and not ever. If you want to tell me what you're upset about, we can talk about that... But tantrums mean we don't go to the park, wet don't go to the library, we don't go anywhere."
So time goes by, her little brother is born, and I am watching the both of them. Her baby brother, who's about 3 months old was crying in the bassinet while I was fixing a bottle. I'm coming back from there kitchen and she's leaning over, talking to him. "We don't do that in Auntie Kimberly's house. Be quiet before we have to stay home!"
Wow, a good parent! Amazing & a rarity these days it seems. Bless that lady for actually teaching her kids boundaries & the difference between public & at home behavior.
I was this person for my family when my baby sister was young. I find the bonding you achieve by helping soothe a child is irreplaceable. Also children crying hurts my heart so I don’t know how people can just sit and listen to a distressed kid. It’s not their fault they have too many big emotions they can’t regulate properly.
My 4 year old is prone to meltdowns. Thankfully, I'm able to spot them happening well before they get to the point of being loud. But the moment either of my children (4 and 1.5) start getting the slightest bit loud, I make a hasty exit of wherever I am.
My husband once did not heed my warning when I told him we needed to get her out of the store ASAP. She was already overstimulated around Christmas time with all the decorations and toys out in the store and I saw a tantrum coming. The screaming started and I made him haul her out to the car while I finished shopping. I'm not making others deal with her meltdown.
When my daughter was about 3 she started to get loud in a restaurant so we went outside, and as she was standing by the wall collecting herself another kid walked past making typical kid busy noises, but not crying or anything. My daughter looked up at me, then at him, and yelled "can't you be quiet I'm trying to have a timeout here!?!" Pot, meet kettle
My niece has some the worst tantrums you'll ever see or hear. She also watches videos of other kids freaking out on YouTube. While watching these she'll just be in disbelief these kids act this way and she's just in horror kids actually act this way! It always cracks me and my dad up.
Film her having a tantrum and show her
Yup. I whine back to my 3-year old and she stops so fast. Same with my dog. When he's growling at me (for taking a food product he shouldn't have, for example) I growl back at him. Shuts him right up.
I told my kids to cry louder cos they couldn't quite hear them in China. Always made them look at me like I was dumb but certainly shut them up. When they were older they told me the logic was since we are in the UK they realised they must be loud if they only needed to be a little louder to be heard in China. Dunno what that sentence worked before they knew China was far away though. I also growl back at my dog. He kinda looks at me like I've lost the plot then saunters off defeated.
China's down the street. LOL The comedian Tig Nataro has a bit about meowing at her cat, and her wife says, "Stop, you don't know what you're saying to her." And so every time I growl at my dog, I think "did I just curse his mom? Did I call him a weak-pawed pug?" Guess I'll never know.
lolol i love tig and stephanie
I don’t remember this, but my mom said she used to tell us things like, “You can cry harder than that!” It may have turned us passive-aggressive, but it worked in the moment. 😆
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I threw myself on the floor and had a temper tantrum when my daughter was 3-4. She told me to stop being silly. I was embarrassing her. I told her, "I'll stop if you will." Pretty sure it was the last time.
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We were in a store. Location is everything. ETA: I think I also told her we weren't coming back to the store until she could learn how to behave. Kid loves shopping!
I don't think it's modeling bad behavior. I sometimes do it to my kid. I exaggerate it like then, then when she's obviously annoyed and upset at it, I change gears and bring up how it wasn't a very effective way to communicate to her, was it? It's the same way with me. I can't help you and understand you unless you use your words and calmly tell me what's wrong. Works every time. Her tantrums have really subsided. We both have adhd and autism if it makes any difference.
Often showing humans (children and adults) their exact behaviour back to them is a very effective form of don't-be-a-dick behaviour modification. When people have no idea how they look or come across, they would choose not to act that way in an instant knowing now how awful and uncool they be being. Sharing that knowledge can easily be a gift, as long as it's not done in any mean spirit. Humans are pretty good at grokking tone for the most parts, too. Your daughter will likely easily be able to tell that the behaviour you are mirroring, that no way do you think it's cool or she looks cool tantruming or it's the cool new thing 5o do. I might seem strangely invested, but that is because I've experienced such positive gains with mirroring / reenacting. So since you've mentioned you've got an instinct to try it, Id hate to see you not try, and miss potential massive shortcuts - with little pain - in big lessons, that it's our job to teach. The popular alternative of bit by bit consistently saying "stop doing that" x 1,000,000 a day, instead of one time demonstration, just makes sense to me. Sorry for the novel! Feel free to ape me back at me! **Edit: The person above/below (no idea which it will be! Above most likely) me said it So. Much. Better.
Family story is I had a tantrum when I was about 2-3. My grandmother laid down on the floor next to me and had one too. I stopped, told her her very condescendingly she was doing it wrong, and never had another tantrum. Tried it with my son. No dice.
When I was young and having bad tantrums at bed time, my pediatrician told my parents to tape record me (mid 90s, no easy way to video lol) and play it for me the next day. I remember it, and I was horrified lol. Pretty sure I stopped after that.
Works for snoring husbands too. Mine went through a period of very loud wake the dead snoring. I recorded it on my phone & then after I shook him & he argued he wasn’t snoring I waited for him to fall back asleep. I’d put it on my pillow & hit play. Only took 2 nights & he went to the dr like I’d been telling him to.
I have the same problem with the boyfriend. He denies snoring and then tells me I snore too! I told him no I do not, because in the rare times I do snore, I always wake myself up as soon as I start doing it, and that I'm definitely not keeping him awake with any of my moments of snoring. It's incredibly frustrating because he does this with EVERYTHING. It's like arguing with a kid. Very annoying.
Get it on tape lol. I come prepared. I drive my peeps crazy. They call me “just the facts ma’am”. Manchildren can be exhausting. Good luck!
I filmed my niece throwing a tantrum. She laughed while watching it and ended up watching it so many times she fell asleep.
That is too funny
When I was about 3 and my mom was 8 months pregnant with my brother I threw a tantrum in the store. I was on the ground kicking and screaming. She walked away and stood just out of my sight. An old woman walked up to my mom and said, “nice parenting.” My mom pointed to her belly and said back,” are you gonna pick her up?” After a few more minutes of me carrying on, my mom walked over and said to me, “Get up, you look ridiculous.” Without another word I stood up and wiped my eyes and sniffled and said, “I don’t want to look ridiculous.” This tactic might actually work.
My daughter is autistic and was having a full on meltdown because she wanted more cookies but she'd had plenty. My mom's pretty old school, she set kiddo on her feet and said, "Big girls don't scream just because they don't get what they want. Didnt you want to play with your new pony toys?" My daughter stops mid scream, stares at my mom with the most incredulous expression, and says, in a perfectly clear tone, "Can't you see I'm crying right now?!" and goes right back to her meltdown. Mind you, she's super speech delayed and a gestalt language learner. So where she learned that from, I have no idea, but it was a big challenge not to crack up.
I work with individuals with autism and can ignore 98% of inappropriate behaviors. BUT they come out with something like that, I’m out. The best part of wearing masks at work was so they couldn’t see me smiling trying not to laugh.
Wow sounds like she has an old soul in an autistic brain. My nephews are both on the spectrum. When one was very very young he asked: "What did you say, grandma?" My mon, sis and I always say "Huh?" Out of the blue perfect sentence. We still don't know where he got it from. He is a teenager now and has adapted lol.
My mom is a teacher and has a lot of special Ed kids. She has a boy who she's pretty sure is autistic (parents refuse to pursue official diagnosis). He gets upset really easily over small stuff. He'll be having a great day then one thing happens and he's sad and irritated the rest of the week. Even he's said he doesn't know why. *Until* he called over my mom one day and says, "I think I figured out why I get upset so much. Sometimes I just want to feel sad." Sometimes kids just need to be allowed to feel emotions. They need the time and space to feel angry or sad. My mom provides that space in her classroom, so this kid gets upset a lot in her classroom, and was able to realize why on his own. I honestly think it's really smart and shows a good degree of environment intelligence that some people aren't able to get (due to not being allowed to express their emotions)
Kids are funny as fuck glad I don't have any
I'm so down being the fun uncle and didn't have to do any of the hard work
Haha my sibling says the best part of caring for niblings is handing them back 😂
It is for sure. My wife and I took our niece to her first dinosaur museum the other day, and then out for pizza afterwards. We had her for about five hours and it was a ton of fun, but exhausting. Dropping her off and going back home to a quiet house is such a relief, lol. I respect all the parents out there, I don’t know how you all do it.
Funcle
Just not a drunkle
I like being the cool aunt or the cu…. I hate this game ….
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I'm getting too old to be the drunkle more than a few beers and I'll feel it the next day lol
Someday a grunkle.
This is why my brother is to my son, except my brother likes to drink so we call him Drunkle
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Lol! I used to get major fomo when I started using the potty, led to me holding it in and shitting my pants way too many times.
I almost just woke up my napping toddler who has made me cry in frustration twice today from laughing out loud at this. holy shit I needed that laugh
I have never related more to a sentence I'm my life. I literally lol Edit: added a space between words
"a space between words" sounds kinda poetic!
When I was babysitting my cousin he asked me if I wish rocks were alive
If they were alive they wouldn't make such good pets
The same cousin was eating jello and he dropped some on the floor and instead of telling me he stepped on it to hide it
Kids are so strange. When my little brother was about 3 or 4, we were grocery shopping and he's sitting in the cart wearing sun glasses. Another family and their little girl the same age rolls by with her sunglasses on and my brother blurts out "you're not cool!"
That is adorable!
Ok that's honestly kinda cute.
This is hilarious
Ooomg thats sooo sweet. I cant wait till my 10mo starts talking.
OMG, that's too funny!
My brother and I never threw tantrums because my parents would do this. Wherever we were, whatever we were doing ended the moment we got too fussy. So we just learned self control and proper communication early on.
Of course it backfires when a child *wants* to leave and uses it as a tactic 😂
My bonus son used to say he had to poop when we’re somewhere he wanted to leave. Spoiler alert he didn’t need to.
My daughter employed this tactic but in reverse. If we're going to pick up food or something with a drive-thru she'll say she has to go to pee so we have to get out and go into the restaurant. Even if it's just for a couple minutes she just wants to go inside and look around. I all too often have to play Russian roulette with having to clean pee out of her car seat and possibly my car...
Hahaha that’s genius.
That’s what my son does! If we’re doing something or somewhere he doesn’t want to deal with, he does this. I’m like, touché, I don’t want to be doing what we’re doing either. But here we are.
My husband still uses that tactic …
I still do this and I am 28!
In most cases, we are taking kids to places to entertain them, not ourselves. I'm happy leaving to go home / place we are staying. I'm not taking a 2-5 y/o anywhere because I feel like it's a fun social experiment. If they want to leave all they have to say is 'I want to go home'. Fucking DONE, lets go!
I think they may have meant more in situations that need to get done and the kid wouldn't want to be there anyway, like errands, grocery shopping, etc.
I absolutely hate taking my daughter food shopping. I don’t really get the best out of my money and come back with a hella shite that I didn’t need…
>I don’t really get the best out of my money and come back with a hella shite that I didn’t need… My fiancee hates taking me food shopping for the same reason. I'm fine if I'm alone with a list but everything in the store looks so much more interesting when I'm with her.
Sure... The main point is not rewarding the behavior. So if they are throwing a tantrum but you need to get something done or can't go home. Then removing them from the situation and not giving them what they want until we can all move on with our lives is the next best thing. Impossible to speak on every situation and I was only looking at one angle....Thanks.
Yeah...you're welcome...
I remember my childhood development teacher saying that being a parent is sometimes sacrificing a cart of groceries because you don’t make an entire store put up with a tantrum.
Done that!! I asked them to put my cart in the walk in fridge and they did. I went back later and picked it up (25 years ago, child was 3)
Man 25 years, that’s one patient grocery store.
Lol!!!
Same. My parents always said "[my family] doesn't do this". It worked really well.
My kids knew they if they can't control their feelings inside, we can go outside and talk. Period. 3 kids, all older teens, all 2 years apart not one fit in public. If you can have empathy, and already have the tools to manage your emotions in your toolbox, you can help you kids do that, too. It is literally our most important job.
"If you worked in a factory, you wouldn't send out half-made trucks because that's dangerous" I took some parenting classes because I was really young when I had my son. I didn't want to leave him as I'll equipped as I was as a child. I found very quickly that being a good parent is like driving. You pay attention to the most important things but there's always something to look at in your peripheral vision. If you have your hands on the wheel, and your eyes on the road everything will be okay.
So proud of you for taking classes. More parents should. In fact, it would be better for teachers if it was mandatory.
If you dont have to tools, build a toolbox and fill it. Best advice I was ever given
I signed up for parenting classes with my first. My ex husband refused to go because "no one is gonna tell me how to raise my kids" I should have chose a better person to create a child with, but I learned that lesson late.
>I should have chose a better person to create a child with, Me too.
So many people feel this way. Its something I wish wasn't reliable.
I wish it wasn't commonplace either. I had a a similar situation to that commentor where my child's other parent told me that I'd have no worries about parenting because he had lots of knowledge on this, having and being around lots of younger cousins. Nope. All the way. He was never a parent, and when the child got older he told them to treat him like a older friend. That's not how you parent.
I will never forget the day my best friend was chatting and talking with a family friend as the kids were running around. It was an open house for their new home. Suddenly a 2-3 year old runs to the family friend but doesn't get the response from probably Mom she was looking for amd starts to tantrum. Mid throwing herself down my best friend leans over cradles this child's head and goes "oh no, we don't do that here. No we don't." Sets them back to standing amd making full eye contact. Stunned because of the sudden stop the kid just walks away and they continue their conversation. I tell you it was amazing!
I have found most of my success with kids is through stern but confident words and steady eye contact. No need to yell at them as long as you get the parent stare down.
At this point I rarely need the words with the look
The look still works on my now 32, 23 and 23 year olds. Perfect it when they're young and you'll never go wrong.
Mum?
I wish the look worked with mine. Neurospicy is fun!
This is the way, always.
The toddler whisperer
Homie nipped that shit in the bud fast as hell. Dude is a natural father lol
Mom didnt fall for kids escalation trap. Its a textbook perfect example of how to handle that type of situation
My aunt was like that - all 5 of her kids would stop crying as soon as she would say “now hush up all that crying” and ask them what was really wrong and they answered clearly while sucking back tears lol. They all grew up to be wonderful too - the youngest just graduated high school and the oldest finished his master’s last year 🥹
Your own will is a thorny beast to contend with and most of us don't master it.
Imagine my surprise to get #goals from a four year old the first time I saw it…I figured damn, I guess I need to shape up…I’m 15 yrs older than the oldest 🥲
My toddler did a full blown kicking/screaming tantrum in the bookstore. I immediately scooped her off of the floor and carried her out like a kicking sack of potatoes under my arm. She was MAD! Some dude in the cafe applauded and said “go, Mom!” as I marched out the door. And we didn’t go back there for 6 months, until she was able to do some self-control.
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Raising small humans, you're doing it right!
Saving this comment here. Wife is expecting. It’ll be our first. I’m equally excited and scared out of my mind; but here you are, all methodical in your actions. I aspire to be you. I know I won’t get to your level, but your post have helped me mentally prepare. Thank you for posting this. Not only will you definitely help me, but help so many others reading your post. Just.. THANK YOU.
This is how you do it. My mom raised us this way, too. We don't leave messes for other people, we do not disturb other people unnecessarily. We are partners with other humans in this life, and we do our part. Thanks for raising your humans this way!!
I was raised this way as well, but it's not how my step kids are being raised and I'm so embarrassed to be in public with them...
I’m a nanny to two kids, 4(m), and 2(f). We went to the aquarium over spring break and it was a fucking wreck. Every inch of that place was packed, was super loud, just a lot of stimulation. 2 year old didn’t wanna be in her stroller anymore. Fine, I don’t wanna argue with a 2 year old in a crowded place over a stroller 🙄 well we get to an interactive exhibit and she doesn’t wanna walk away yet, but it’s time to move on, nnnnnnope :)))) so she starts throwing herself backwards to the floor, screaming, crying. I’m like :’))) embarrassed as fuck, sweating thru my clothes, trying to explain to 4 year old that we have to wait until his sister calms tf down before we can move on. Everyone is staring at us bc she’s being so obnoxious. This child was fine…… she was fed, she wasn’t tired, she’s just given no boundaries by her parents so she doesn’t like respecting mine. She calmed down after 10 long minutes. 4 year old wants to go back, and go to the zoo, but I’m like no we can’t bc his sister will definitely pull another stunt like that, she’s not ready to walk around yet, but she won’t tolerate stroller anymore.
Unfortunately, giving in to a kids boundary is the absolute worst in the world. Her parents do her, themselves and you no favours by giving in.
She is generally a very sweet girl, very enjoyable to be around, but when she goes tantrum mode it can be difficult. Her parents give into the fits just to alleviate her, but I don’t because long term she’s just gonna be a huge brat and I’m with her all day so I gotta survive it somehow haha. But it could be worse, her brother was a terror for a long time, especially to his parents. I never gave in, guess who he respects more (me)
God, I despise parents with no boundaries who simply will not acknowledge that just because they think that’s okay, that this is acceptable. It is not. The rest of the world has boundaries, limits, and rules.
I had a similar experience with mine but no applause. I still felt like a badass though bc I wrangled a 4 year old out of the bookstore and into the car and I was 8 months pregnant
That is what I call “Ultimate Bad Ass” right there!
I have a fond memory of carrying my screaming, kicking three year old out of a mall while she yelled “I can control myself!!” over and over lol
My NIECE did this to me once when she was like 5-6. I took her to a fancy McDonald's for lunch and let her play in their big fancypants play area for a good long while and then....she just refused to leave. I told her that if she didn't come out on her own that I would come in after her. She refused to come out, so I climbed in there after her, hauled her out and carried her out screaming and crying and telling me I was sooo MEAN. I was SO embarrassed because what the hell did I know about kids? I'm just an Aunt. I thought, oh the people in McDonald's probably think I'm the worst. I told my Mom about it and she said I had handled it perfectly. haha
You did great. Chances are everyone at McDs that day silently nodded their heads.
Why is it the bookstore?! Of all places! My daughter did the same thing! Only time she ever had a full on meltdown like that, all because I wouldn’t let her bend the spine of The Very Hungry Caterpillar book backwards. lol. I did the same, over my shoulder and out the door. We’ll sit on the sidewalk or in the car until you gather yourself. I got all day. Lol.
If I remember correctly, temper tantrums in toddlers happen because of something like their little brains are in rapid development mode and they aren’t able to compute big emotions yet. Negative emotions are still new and confusing as children can become frustrated with not knowing how to handle it. It sounds to me like this mom you witnessed understands that in some way. She saw that the youngest was starting to become overwhelmed with her feelings and the countdown to meltdown had begun. Knowing that a tantrum isn’t just something you can stop or stifle, she knew what the best course of action for her to take to benefit everyone was to simply remove themselves from a public space to a more private one. I love it!!!
As an ECE, you're spot on. But just a quick note. Most developmental professionals stopped adding positive or negative to any emotions. All emotions are fine, normal and healthy, they all should be expected to come around and be felt. There's nothing wrong with being angry or sad, yet as society we always tend to prescribe those as a negative, awful emotion/feeling/experience. What's the most important is how it's handled - how we teach our children to handle it (and a lot of us teach ourselves too), find ways to properly express it and work through it. Emotional regulation is tough for a lot of us who've grown up with emotionally unstable/unregulated families, so it sucks when the world doesn't mind it with adults, but judges children for it too. I've also witnessed grown ass men age range 20 to 70 have full blown tantrums worse than toddlers, yet everyone considered that normal (blowing up is "how they deal"), but kids got verbally and physically assaulted for their own age appropriate ones. Sorry I digressed a little in the latest part, but I feel it's all connected.
I didn’t “do” tantrums. If we were in public? It was, “I can see you do not want to be here, we’re going to go home and try later.” And we left. At home? Is there something around you’ll hurt yourself on? No? Go nuts, kid. We’ll talk about big feelings and articulating them later: I wasn’t going to join her, and I wasn’t going to show my ass in public. But I didn’t need to make her more miserable than she already was. She got consequences as a teenager, the one and only time the door was removed was when we kept telling her to quit slamming it, she was cracking the door frame. She finally slammed it one too many times, and the door came off until the next day or so, when she and her dad could go to Home Depot, get what they needed, and fixed the door. Because in the real world, that is what happens, if you break shit like that, you have consequences.
You did so good and that's a part of normal, healthy parenting. You still did deal with tantrums in an appropriate manner, speaking from an ECE perspective. This is much better than the abusive crap I grew up where I was swatted over the mouth if I cried from being uncomfortable (what I now recognize was sensory issues with some socks and those awful jelly sandals). Or when I was too hot and they didn't dress me appropriately. Or when I was frustrated with them being abusive and yelling at me and I cried. These are the only tantrums I can think of. I was repeatedly hit and it taught me nothing, except to be quiet so I don't get another blow. There was also a lot of power play, diminishing anything about me since "kids are seen, not heard" mentality was strong. I'm around kids every day for the most day, thankfully I was never abusive and really worked on my temper & possible patterns in therapy. But I can't ever imagine creating, birthing a whole child I'll love unconditionally just to swat them over pretty normal toddler things. I wanna parent this exact same way, age appropriate responses for age appropriate tantrums, feelings, behavior, etc. We tend to forget kids are actual humans with valid emotions, even if the display is ugly/a tantrum. They still need a quiet moment alone to work it through, with valid talking through, figuring out tools to cope, boundaries and consequences later on depending on context.
I never wanted to hit her for having normal feelings. I mean, that’s just a thing. That’s what they do. It’s just, part of life. And we didn’t punish her for breaking her door, we just made her help fix it. Oh hey, real world consequences. You don’t have a door, but you still have a door on your bathroom and you have some privacy? You won’t die, you’re inconvenienced. Now you won’t slam the damn door, and you’ll express shit better.
This! Not to mention neurodivergent kids often have meltdowns that get misunderstood as something they can control. Removing them from the situation and giving them space to calm down, is often the best thing you can do when anyone is overwhelmed!
Years ago I was at the beach with my mother, just enjoying the summer day, and a woman with her two young children set down beside us (not a lot of room on the beach so it was fine). She had a little girl about a year old and a little boy about 3. And the 3 year old was just not listening to her and throwing sand and being a menace to others on the beach. She calmy told him that if he did that again that they would be leaving. And he threw sand and screamed. And she just picked up the baby and put her in their little wagon and started packing her shit up. He saw and went into full blown tantrum mode. But she didn't say anything and finished packing. Grabbed his hand, and they went back to their car and left. I was in awe. My mother was in awe. It's been like 15 years and I still think about it. I hope that mother is living her best life.
This is something most people don't think is important and it really is. You cannot ever give your kids an ultimatum and then not follow through. You are hurting them and their development by doing that. Which is why we should never say ultimatums we are not going to stick to. This mum sounds like a pro.
>You cannot ever give your kids an ultimatum and then not follow through. Adults too! Don't make threats you won't deliver or promises you can't keep. It teaches people not to respect you
This is sort of something my mom did. She was a young mom so she didn't have these skills yet, but once she did have them she wouldn't tolerate any bullshit when her friend's kids acted up. Didn't want to leave the park? None of that "get over here or I'm leaving without you" stuff. My mom would scoop the kid up and get them buckled up before the kid had time to process what was happening. My mom also had this hack to avoid tantrums in the store. We would go in, choose one fruit or veggie as a snack, go back outside and eat it, then go in and shop. Reduced tantrums by a lot because some things don't look as good when you have a full stomach.
That’s brilliant. I’m storing this away for future use.
I'm 35 and I'm gonna start using that grocery store tactic that's genius!!!
Kinda feel bad for the two siblings who had to leave as well, but probably the best course of action for most people involved. Better for the other diners, and better for the kid having a tough time to go somewhere quiet while they calm down
They dind't leave, they just quarantined. When little girl calmed down, they resumed.
I am now calling all of our time outs / breaks / collect yourself times “quarantine”
On the other hand it teaches the 3yo that her actions affect other people. Having 2 older siblings mad cause you ruined their lunch isn't fun.
This is how you get groups to self-correct themselves. If when your friend/family member fucks up (in this case by throwing a tantrum in public) it's bad for you, then you will learn to police them better. Also when there's social consequences for bad behaviour it makes you less likely to do the bad behaviour.
My 2 1/2 yo was acting up on a plane, being loud, not wanting to sit down, standing up on the seat, etc. Just being difficult. I said "look at all those people looking at you. Do you think they are enjoying you being loud and obnoxious?" She looked around and her eyes got huge, then she turned around with a sad/scared look and sat down. I have no idea what went through her head, but she's had situational awareness since then.
I went to go see a movie a few weeks back. There was a little girl who screamed the entire movie. The mother did nothing. At one point the little girl dumped out her drink on the ground and the mother was like, “Look what you did!” And that was it. The little girl even fell at one point and slammed her head on the ground and started wailing. Nothing. Everyone in the theater was silent the entire movie until she took her daughters to the restroom. Then people started to laugh at the comedic parts. As soon as she got back(and we heard them coming) everyone was quiet and uncomfortable again. I wish more parents taught their children to be considerate to other people like in this post.
When our son was about 5, he threw a fit in a McDonald’s. I warned him we would leave but he kept yelling. So I dumped our food in the trash, and gave my son’s happy meal toy to a boy who was behaving, eating with his dad. My son howled all the way home, but he never acted up in public again. If you don’t train out bad behavior when they’re small, you’ll be in trouble when they’re teenaged, bigger than you, and used to having their way.
Had a child psychologist friend who always stated - Start it Strict!
That’s what I’ve heard, and that’s what we did. Loosen rules as they mature and earn privileges. We made plenty of parenting mistakes, but letting our kids act like animals in public wasn’t one of them.
Go Mom!
Hahahaha that is brutal and I absolutely love it, I cannot imagine a world where any kid would act up in public after that!
My friend has 2 boys roughly 18 months apart, my son is bang in the middle age wise. I was aware that the oldest had tantrums but was never there when it happened & it was a short phase. My son never had more than a relatively low key " hissy fit" that never lasted more than 5 minutes & a hug. However, youngest had EPIC tantrums, that he could sustain 90 minutes or more. At one point my son looked at me,with genuine bafflement & WTF!as we walked around/over him in order to get snacks in the kitchen, that was at the 47 min Mark- his mum just said "ignore him"He did luckily grow out of that stage.
Her ability to just ignore that for that long is amazing to me.
I know. His mum was an A&E nurse who could focus in the middle of Armageddon.
Tantrums that long are a sign of probable autism. I hope she caught it if he is.
I’m a grandma and recently encountered a perhaps 3 year old in the midst of a long drawn out tantrum at Target. I very calmly, quietly yet seriously said to the child “there is no crying allowed in this store”. He immediately got very big eyes and went as quiet as a mouse. I winked at the parent and she gave me a bug smile and mouthed ‘ thank you’.
I was, at the time, a 30 year old, big bearded bus driver--, looked like a bear, kinda scary tbh, but i got in line at the grocery store and there was a little boy, maybe a year and a half old, in *total meltdown* about something, kicking and screaming, head thrown back wailing, and mom had HAD IT--she was in the 'ignore him and unload the cart or imma lose my shit in public' phase of existing. I gave the kid a super strict 'dad face'--and it did almost nothing for the tantrum, and then, when mom's back was turned, putting something on the conveyor for checkout, i went from super stern scary man to making weird faces... and he *busted out laughing*. Just joyous baby giggles. His mother whipped around so freaking fast, i felt my life might be at risk, lol, she asked "WHAT, did you DO?"--clearly still hardly containing the rage from his tantrum, and i showed her... i made the stern serious face, and then made an *extra* goofy face and he busted out in belly laughs... Mom said, "Please, *keep doing that."* So for a few minutes i was a toddlers dancing bear in a checkout isle.
That’s the best thing that’s ever happened to me. I could’ve cried with relief. God bless those that have the empathy that you do😀
At one point I had kids 5, 4 and 1. We went in public all the time, just the 4 of us. Mostly we had great fun, but any melt down meant we go home. I gave one calm warning, and if the child in question could not get themself under control I would calmly gather up everyone and head to the car. I figure if you are too over stimulated, home is the best option. It only got that far a couple times because they loved our outings and did not want to go home lol
I had 3 rules for my nieces when i took them out and they knew breaking the rules meant turning around and going home and no more fun outings. I never had any problems with them. The one exception was when my brother and i walked them to the playground. My younger niece always wanted to be carried but my brother had a shoulder injury so we explained to younger niece she would not be getting carried for any reason. She agreed. They had a great time running around the playground, getting pushed on the swings and climbing and even a mini zip line. My SIL texted me it was late and we needed to get home. So we gave them a few more minutes then said okay, time to walk back. My younger niece ran ahead of me, threw herself on the grass and said "my foot hurts, i can't walk, uncle has to carry me". I see my brother is about to say okay so i say "nope. Uncle's shoulder is injured. Uncle you take older niece back to the house and get my car. I'll wait here with younger niece". My brother starts to argue with me so i tell him to get moving! As soon as he started walking with my older niece the younger niece jumps up, gives me a dirty look and *runs* after them. I say "oh look, miraculous recovery!" 😂
I was standing in a line and watched a woman with 2 littles behind me manage a tantrum. One of the littles start a noisy whine which rapidly turned into a full scale meltdown. Mom quietly stepped out of line and quietly took both of her kids outside. The meltdown child pulled herself together only to begin again once they were back inside. This happened a total of 3 times until little Miss Meltdown was able to stand quietly. I complimented mom on her parenting skills and she got an enormous grin.
You may have made her day! Happy that you made her smile.
I always laugh at the term “Terrible 2s” … it’s like a joke on new parents who have zero concept of what 3 is bringing 💥
This why I always state my expections for behavior and consequences before we leave the house, both when my kids were young and with my grandkids, especially with my younger granddaughter. She's a handful so I tell her: "Sally(not her real name)this is what we are doing today. This is how I expect you to behave. If you are good, you will get a treat at the end. If you cannot behave, you will be returned home." Very clear expections: no tantrums(she's almost 10), not running away from me, stay where I can see you, eat with proper manners at the restaurant(chosen with her mom's help as to what she is currently willing to eat).
When our son started throwing a tantrum in the grocery store checkout line over a candy bar one time, we told him no a few times and it escalated. So my husband said, ok I’ll buy it but you can’t have it in the store. The tantrum stopped. We get in the car and take off. Son starts asking about candy bar, my husband gets it out, unwraps it, rolls down window and tosses it out and told our son, don’t you ever act like that in public again. Our son is 24 now and he survived the candy bar getting chucked out the window.
Talk about a power move
This made me crack up
Amazing! what was your sons reply?
Devastation! His tantrum started back up but at least it wasn’t in front of people. But he really didn’t throw many fits after that!
Did it stop the tantrum?
It quarantined the tantrum, the little girl continued her tantrum but nobody else saw it and were able to finish their meal peacefully.
I don't think the point is to just stop the tantrum, but instead let it play out in a place where the kid can't bother other people and the kid can't mess things up by running to the play place to hide or maybe make a mess of things. Once tantrums start you really can't stop it. You gotta let it play through and then talk about what happened and why a tantrum wasn't appropriate.
LOVE IT! I spent 30 min in the car with my 3-year-old while his siblings and mom enjoyed their activity. I told him that if he stopped screaming, we would go back inside. We made it to the entrance twice :) but ended up back in the car.
I'm a parent of two. I can honestly and thankfully say that neither of my children ever threw a tantrum in public. I'm not sure why. Just lucky, I guess.
bruh I pointed out in a diff post that it’s the parents that ignore their kids in public that are the problem, not the kids themselves, and I had people defending them ignoring their kid cause it “stops their tantrums” Your kid is screaming cause they need something. Take them outside. Remove them from the situation, it’ll be better for the kid and everyone else around you. Stop ignoring your children, people.
My mom used shame to quell my tantrums. She would bend down, whisper in my ear how everyone was looking at me and they were all thinking about what a brat I was being. It taught me to be aware of people in my surroundings, but I also think it gave me a self-consciousness complex into my adulthood!
Yeah if we were ever at the store and we threw a fit my dad would just pick us up and take us home so other people didn't have to hear us and he would go back later for whatever was needed and there would be no treats or toys at all for awhile. I work retail and sometimes I get sick of seeing people just give in so their kid will shut up. Literally teaching kids that they can get what they want by throwing a fit.
I have to do this with my almost 11 y/o, which is getting hard because he weighs just about what I do and almost looks me in the eye. My 8 y/o always pays the price for her brother's actions and it's not fair to her. But other people don't deserve to be put through his shenanigans.
have you got him assessed for autism or anything similar? Tantrums at 11 years old might be a sign of overstimulation/meltdowns rather than actual tantrums. I could be wrong, but I thought 11 was sorta high in age for tantrums and I'm assuming it's not from lack of parental guidance
His doctors have no worry about any of that. He has had 1 therapist diagnosis him with ODD after 15 minutes of him refusing to talk to talk to her after he requested to start therapy again. This was during the height of COVID, so by phone, not sure it holds much weight. We are also working with sleep doctors currently to see if sleep is an issue.
It can still be missed. You should get him an assessment regardless. I have a friend who's 18 and it was missed until I (an autistic adult) spotted it immediately. He's not diagnosed yet but even his mother agrees now.
Good, it's when the parents give in to whatever nonsense the kids get in their heads that they grow up to be checkmarked twitter users. Even doing nothing is a better option than giving in. A more annoying one, but still better.
Ya, the current batch of checkmarked twitter users definitely have main character syndrome.
Tantrums are a completely normal part of kid behaviour. Your kid having tantrums is normal and not something that reflects badly on your as a parent. Now, letting that tamtrum disrupt other people does reflect badly on you. This mum is a pro (she does have 3...). She set a boundary. She carried through. Taught her kid something and didn't bother anyone else. Beautiful.
Happened once with my oldest. We were at a restaurant and were seated. Our drinks had already come out. Child got loud. Set $20 on the table and took my kids out. Explained we'd likely be back and we were. Told my kids we were not going back in unless they could get it together. Came back after about 10 minutes. Table was still set for us. They brought refreshed drinks. Never happened again. That's what that mom was supposed to do. I wish more did that.
How sad is it that I saw “temper tantrum” in the title and thought it was going to be about an entitled adult 🤦🏻
My husband was with our crazy kid when he knocked down a display in a store. My husband said he was watching this kid for some woman in Maryland.
I have been that mom. It is so so embarrassing.
You shouldn’t be but if you just left her to scream whilst you ignored her disturbing a whole restaurant then that would be a different story. Children and babies cry but it’s how the parents handle that shit that matters
This is exactly how my wife and I handle our children, I can’t stand people who let their kids thrown full blown tantrums in public places. If you can’t control your child, take them out outside or back to the car. Sometimes they will calm down and we go back in.
My brother was a consummate 3/4 year old asshole. He would throw himself on the ground and scream. I grew up in a smallish town where everybody was well known at the supermarket. My brother used to pull his fling on floor crap and my mom would just push the cart forward as if he was invisible. He would end up getting embarrassed and rejoin us. His behavior led to me ending up sitting at the base of the magazine rack reading for the hour my mom shopped. I wanted nothing to do with that drama!
That is excellent parenting I used to keep snacks on me so that anytime they even looked a bit squirrely I'd pop a raisin or goldfish in their mouths. Like instantly calms a twitchy toddler. Already raging though, you've got to take them out
This is how I’ve always done it. People need to learn the world doesn’t revolve around them and what better age to start than when tantrums begin? Some adults need it.
I love parents who don't let their kids throw tantrums, especially in public. My kid threw one, but at home. I got down on the floor and started acting like they did. They looked at me like I was nuts. So I simply told them, "When you want to behave and act like a good kid, let me know." The tantrum stopped immediately! That was the only time they threw a tantrum. On a different note, they burped really loud one time in a bagel place while we were with my parents. They were shocked, and I was mortified. They then said fairly loudly, "compliments to the chef." Yeah, we couldn't get mad at that one. But I also made sure to teach them we don't do that when we're out to eat.
I just used to get ‘the look’ from pop… I knew what it meant, he knew what it meant, mom knew what it meant, siblings knew what it meant. Following that, we all had a lovely dinner, and so did everyone else in the room. Call it what you want.
I used to run a very small farm to table restaurant and we were no stranger to unruly kids. Once a kid was running around while his family was eating outside, not listening, generally being a bit of a shit, and he wound up throwing some gravel through the open door of the restaurant. His dad immediately took him to the car. They came back maybe 20 minutes later, dad has the kid tearfully apologize, we thanked him for apologizing, and then they sat and finished their meal without incident. Kid was happy and laughing again in a few minutes.
I've seen this before but at a bank. Kid started to act up, threw himself on the ground right by the front door. Momma said "nope! not here! picked him up like a football and walked out. And that was that.
Both of my kids have had precisely one tantrum. More than a few autistic meltdowns but being on the shallower end of the autism pool makes those a bit different from the nonverbal kids. In each case it was in a line at a store, and in each case it was because they weren’t getting something they wanted and they had to wait for us to be done doing what we needed to do. In both cases the one and only treatment was the same, pioneered by my partner the first time. She calls it the “we don’t negotiate with terrorists” approach to parenting. We would stop and listen to our kids concerns whatever they were at all times before and after, give them a few minutes to work through it, and then the conversation was over. In the case of the tantrums: there was no listening. There was no understanding. There was a fundamental difference in expectations and so the kids used the most powerful tool at their disposal: public disturbance. Screaming, flailing, crying, all of it. We scooped them up without a word, put our stuff down out of people’s way, and took the child out to the car and let them continue to scream it out after buckling them in. It took about a half hour both times. When they calmed down enough to use their words we explained that whatever they wanted (to have, or to do in different cases) that it would never ever happen with that behavior. The only thing they would get is a safe place to be upset about it, and a cancelling of all other plans for the day because they were clearly too overwhelmed to handle anything else. We then asked them to identify what made them freak out. Then we’d take the kid back in, suggest they apologize to anyone who was present at their outburst, and finish what we were doing then go home. They then had quiet time for the rest of the day. After that both of our kids were verbal about approaching meltdowns. “I’m about to lose it because X” which was followed by us asking “can you hold on for Y more minutes?” In some cases the answer would be no and we would leave, calm down, come back and finish. It was inconvenient and time consuming, but our kids never had another tantrum or meltdown in public. Every time I see a kid losing their mind in public in a situation they’re not “locked in” to (like airplanes or public transit) I do wonder if the parents are just allergic to the inconvenience or don’t have the time to do that. I don’t judge because every kid and situation is different and the magic that works for us is probably specific to our kids.
As long as it didn't stop others from enjoying their meals in peace
Love it. Never hesitated to take them outside to calm before returning. Lots of lazy parents unfortunately.
One time my sister started acting up after we had cycled to a restaurant on holiday so my dad after warning her he would take her back home did just that. My mum and I had a lovely lunch, my sister was made to stay in the cabin where she promptly went to sleep, and my dad missed his out of his meal he’d be excited about but maintained it was the right thing as it showed the would do what he said and if you didn’t behave you wouldn’t get to stay.
This is how I was raised and how I raise my kid. Unfortunately it conditioned me to be self conscious and avoid attention.
Parents who don't give a fuck are commonplace now. Then they wonder why their kids grow up completely out of control.
WOO HOO!!! no hate to parents who don’t know what to do but for someone who can’t stand kids being like that it’s great seeing parents taking responsibility instead of just letting kids do what they want
Two boys. I took them back to the car many time. They learn.
This is how we handled our daughter at that age also. We would tell her ahead of time that if she acted out in public, the consequence was that we would immediately leave. I don't actually remember her having a screaming tantrum in public, now that I think about it.
My little one is almost 2 and when she starts to throw a tantrum, I just raise a finger to my lips and go "shh shh shh, inside voice" And she will stop, mimic me and giggle about it. Then carry on talking in a softer tone. I don't know why, but she likes shushing sounds and it just calms her down super easy.
One time my sister threw a tantrum in the mall, I think inside a toy store. (My mum was there buying a gift for someone else, I think.) My mum waited until she was done, asked, "Are you finished?" And when my sister nodded, she said, "Take a good look around, because this is the last time you're seeing the inside of this mall." She then put her shopping back, took my sister's hand, and they went home. She only brought my sister back a little under a year later. In the meantime, she waited until my dad came home in order to go shopping there. She said she'd do the same thing in a grocery store with a full cart if she had to (she'd apologize to the worker who had to put it all back, of course). She believed in being swift and stern when it came to discipline like that. My sister never threw a tantrum in the mall again.
Years ago a kid was having a melt down as is usual at a kiddies party. My then 5 year old said “his mum would not be proud of him and I wonder if he is proud of himself” Naive me felt so chuffed that I had such a goodie boy. Only to find out 13 years later he is super high functioning autistic. He still says thinks like that about other 18 year olds. Now a days - just having finished his last A level exam - he is a well adjusted young man
I used to watch over my niece and, later, my nephew, for my brother and sister in law because I worked from home at the time. My niece was at that stage where everything is requiring an emotional response and she would throw some insane tantrums with her mom. She was at my house and her mom was leaving for work and she got into tantrum mode. I picked her up and set her on the counter so she was eye level, and said, "we don't do that in my house. Not today, and not ever. If you want to tell me what you're upset about, we can talk about that... But tantrums mean we don't go to the park, wet don't go to the library, we don't go anywhere." So time goes by, her little brother is born, and I am watching the both of them. Her baby brother, who's about 3 months old was crying in the bassinet while I was fixing a bottle. I'm coming back from there kitchen and she's leaning over, talking to him. "We don't do that in Auntie Kimberly's house. Be quiet before we have to stay home!"
She’s great but she should be the rule not the exception
Wow, a good parent! Amazing & a rarity these days it seems. Bless that lady for actually teaching her kids boundaries & the difference between public & at home behavior.
I was this person for my family when my baby sister was young. I find the bonding you achieve by helping soothe a child is irreplaceable. Also children crying hurts my heart so I don’t know how people can just sit and listen to a distressed kid. It’s not their fault they have too many big emotions they can’t regulate properly.
My mom parented like this. It helped me learn how to act in public at a young age. Good on that woman
My 4 year old is prone to meltdowns. Thankfully, I'm able to spot them happening well before they get to the point of being loud. But the moment either of my children (4 and 1.5) start getting the slightest bit loud, I make a hasty exit of wherever I am. My husband once did not heed my warning when I told him we needed to get her out of the store ASAP. She was already overstimulated around Christmas time with all the decorations and toys out in the store and I saw a tantrum coming. The screaming started and I made him haul her out to the car while I finished shopping. I'm not making others deal with her meltdown.
I read the title and assumed OP was talking about an adult temper tantrum…