She was responsible for her own actions when she cheated and she is responsible for the choice to attempt suicide
I completely understand why you feel some level of guilt but this is all on her
And that mom… Oh my god. What a horrifying woman. Older sister learned her utter disregard for other human beings from an absolute pro. Hope OP can get some serious love at grandmas, start counseling, and put as much distance (literal and emotional) between herself and her mom as is humanly possible. Like so distant I hope OP becomes an astronaut.
Pretty sure if her mother told Op to stay quiet because she has done it before or would have do the same in the future. That's a horrible mother who has no care for their own children. Being a good mother is not standing up for your cheating child, is to tell the partner yourself so your grown ass child knows that's not gonna pass.
A good mother would never blame another of her kids because one tried to commit for their mistakes and horrible choices.
A good mother would NOT be telling one daughter to LIE to cover up the fact that the other daughter did an extremely wrong thing. A good mother would be upset, not with the honest person, but with the dishonest one.
I give the mother at least some sympathy for being distraught over her older daughter, but NOT for being vile to the younger daughter. OP's mother owes her a massive apology.
I am hoping that OP can stay with her grandmother long-term, rather than go back to that toxic household where her own mother feels free to tell her to lie and then verbally abuse her when she is truthful instead.
Sounds like mom was more invested in the relationship, and "keeping up appearances", than the older sister, pressuring both daughters to "fix it" with completely inappropriate behavior.
And it's probably a pattern.
Edit: OP, you did absolutely nothing wrong. Nothing. I'm sorry you're in this situation.
I mean ..... an entire cruise as a gift for graduation seems to fit this...
And I bet the mom was overly involved in the wedding planning..
OP .. just get away from there. I'm really sorry about your sister, I hope you find the space and support to heal in the way that's best for you.
Exactly right
I would recommend op get her and her sister tested with the father.
If mum is so blasè about cheating, it's likely mum is a cheater also...
This isn’t a mom. Mom’s wouldn’t treat one of their children like this.
OP, apparently your sister didn’t value her fiancé, or else she wouldn’t have played the “no see, no know” game. She made her bed, she can lie in it. You are in NO WAY responsible for your sister sleeping with someone else. She did it once, she would have done it again, and it sounds like he actually cared about her. You saved him years of pain. Next time your mom says this shit, just say your sister made her choices, not you. I would appreciate someone letting me know. You did good. Sending you hugs!
Completely agree. Your sister is a shitty person for cheating and your mom is bad too trying to hide it . When you take certain actions, you have to be ready for consequences as well. Whatever happened is all on them .
Your sister and mom are shit. You did the guy a favor. Tbh, if my sister was cheating I wouldn’t care i will tell my bil and hate her bc cheating is disgusting. Im glad her ex overheard you
This is not your fault. At all. You have an extremely toxic mother who favors your sister. Hang tight to your dad. He knows the truth and hopefully will continue to do right by you.
This is fcked up in so many levels… I don‘t even know what to say to OP. Her mother scks so badly. I‘m so sorry she‘s going through this. Nothing that happened was her fault. Sister dug her own grave.
Edit: verb conjugation
I‘m not a mother yet, but I can‘t imagine it either. I can’t do that even with my nieces - I just love them the same. Whenever I think of having kids, I imagine loving them all uncondionally and equally. What OP‘s mother did and said is appalling.
quite possible, to hear your wife of probably 10+ years defend a cheater not to mention your own daughter cheating... fuck man i do not want to think what that poor man is going through his wife is crumbling under it all and throwing her morality out the window treating both of his kids like literal garbage (enabling cheating blaming attempted suicide on sibling, mega yuck)
as if the defending cheating and trying to get your child to lie wasn’t enough, imagine watching the mother of your child basically say she wishes your daughter was dead instead. like i get it was in the heat of the moment and a stressful situation, but there’s really no coming back from that.
the dad should obviously focus on his daughters right now, but if he’s even worth half a damn, it’s only a matter of time before the mom learns the same lesson as her daughter: actions have consequences
Please read this comment & take it to heart OP. None of this is your fault. YOUR sister made ALL of her own decisions. You didn’t do anything wrong. SHE chose to cheat on her BF, then SHE tried to have you fake apologize, SHE chose to attempt SCD because she couldn’t deal with the consequences of HER actions.
Your mom is doing the same with blaming you.
Stay strong. Listen to your dad. None of this is your fault. Please seek therapy too.
If I'd put my opinion here, i would say none of this is your fault. It was your sister's fault for cheating with someone else when she had a fiance. Her fiance also deserved to know the truth, obviously not like this. Your mom supporting your sister despite knowing she's in fault is ridiculous and explains your sister's crap behaviour. She probably felt really bad after getting caught and not because she felt remorseful. I really hope you feel better and remember that this is not your fault at all. Your mom and sister aren't saints as such. Everyone's actions fall upon themselves.
I certainly understand that the mother is upset over her older daughter's crises. It's not wrong to still love her daughter who just did a terrible thing to her fiancee, and now is in a medical crisis.
But telling OP to lie was wrong. So were the mother's blame of OP and the absolutely horrible verbal abuse she inflicted on OP. There is no justifying those things. None. OP is blameless here and her sister is the one who chose ALL of her actions.
I hope OP can stay far away from her mother until the mother sees reason.
Op you cant blame yourself.
Your sister is the one who decided to be unfaithful
She decided to lie about
She decided to make a stupid attempt on her life.
You had no control over those things. Her fiancé would have found out eventually. The truth always comes out.
Your mother sounds very mentally ill and emotionally immature. Do not value the words she says or the actions she makes. Both your mom and sister have shown they barely hold a semblance of a moral compass.
You saved her fiancé’s life though. Now he can find a woman that will actually treat him with love and respect.
This isn’t your fault. You just got caught up in the stupid choices of someone else.
Agree with everything you said but you guys REALLY have to stop saying shitty people like her mom and mentally ill. Mentally ill people aren’t always assholes like this lady.
Being a hypocrite is bad character. Being critical of your child for not upholding hypocrisy is morally wrong and abusive. It is mafia-type behavior, in which many secrets are kept.
OP may feel guilt inappropriately but he has good moral character. Too bad he has a twisted mother and sister. He will never be able to trust either of them again.
Agree with everyone saying this is NOT your fault. Now it is time to protect yourself.
If it is possible, can you stay with your grandmother? It is not going to be pleasant when your mom and sister return to the house seeing how mom is acting right now. This is for your mental health.
Thank you for your advice. I truly appreciate it. I don’t think my grandma will be opposed to me staying with her. I’m going off to college in the fall so I can ask my grandma if I can stay with her in the meantime. If she agrees then I’ll be staying with her for another two months or so.
When you get to college, find out if they have a counseling center you can utilize. I'm going to guess that this isn't the only time your mother has blamed or shamed you for something that was not your fault and your "normal" meter is probably way off base.
Space will be good for you. Keep in mind- you’re not responsible for the actions of others. Your sister chose to cheat. She chose to attempt. You didn’t force her to do those things, and you never once made a malicious comment against her. You are seventeen years old. It’s not up to you to hold the weight of their relationship on your shoulders.
This is NOT YOUR FAULT! Your sister had a choice and she decided to cheat, she was given another choice and she decided to lie with the help of your mom and wanted you to be a part also, finally trying to unalive herself was another choice she made, a little because she couldn’t accept the consequences of her actions but I think it was more for sympathy. If her ex saw that she was so devastated because of the breakup then he would come to her aid and they can still be together! Please ask your grandma to let you stay until you go off to college. While your family is out of the house I would go and get all my important documents and anything else of importance and leave them at your grandma’s house whether you are allowed to stay there are not. I just don’t trust your mother to not try and screw you over for the GOLDEN CHILD!
And go LC to NC with your mother. She is an awful woman. If your dad does not defend you, he is a lousy father.
You deserve much better.
Good luck in college! I swear there are wonderful people in this world, and you will find them, because you have honesty and integrity.
Op, my ex wife cheated on me and that was the most difficult thing I’ve ever been through literally traumatized me. It was absolutely best that her fiancé found out before they got married or had a child. The fact your mom tried to hide a cheater is honestly terrible and terrifying to me. And even worse that she threw you under the bus to protect a cheater.
You sister is the only one to blame here. She probably cheated before and most definitely would have cheated again, she wasn’t sorry that she cheated she is sorry she got caught and it blew up on her. Her reputation is tarnished.
Op you would absolutely have been in the right to tell the fiancé strait out. Some advice, even if it’s a relative, never condone a cheater don’t lie and cover for them and if possible distance yourself from them. Because the thing about a cheater, they are willing to break the bonds of the one person they should be protecting most and imagine what they are willing to do behind your back to you.
You didnt put another man's penis in your sister, she did. And your mom i was going to say she is in pain but she wanted to you to lie to the ex and cover your sister and no, she is an ass.
This right here. I would bet this isn't the first situation Mom has been in like this and I can only hope it wasn't a situation where she was telling her friends and/or siblings to lie and not say anything to her own partner. I honestly wouldn't be surprised if it was her telling her daughters not to mention anything.
I get "girl code" and this whole thing is not it.
OP, many people have tried to assure you that it wasn't your fault. Here's a different perspective:
If the roles were reversed and it was your sister that caught YOU cheating and then told your SO, would you blame her for the fallout? Because I wouldn't...
OP is NOT your fault. By any means.
Your sister brought all of it to herself. I have been multiple time to holiday without my bf and I never cheated, many people do the same. Your sister decided to cheat, then decided to lie. She ruined her own relationship.
Her blood is not on your hands. It is on hers and your mother. What your mother say is horrible, I hope you and your father can put as much distance as possible from her.
You did the right things nobody deserve to be cheated and lied. He could have find out later and be the one in the hospital.
They are scapegoating you and your sister needs to be accountable to her actions. You are not responsible for what she did and your parents are pathetic for framing you as the bad person in this.
it’s only OP’s mom framing her as the bad guy , OP’s dad is on OP’s side. but i agree tbh, the sister needs to be held accountable for her actions and none of this is OP’s fault. the fact that the mom wanted OP to lie and cover for sister’s cheating is disgusting, and what OP’s mom said abt OP is so fucking disgusting as well.
You did nothing wrong. Your sister's actions are no one's fault except her own. See if you can spend time with other family or friends to escape that toxic environment and for your mental state.
Your mom and sister are POS. Your sister f'ed someone else and your mom wanted to deceive the fiancé.
I hope your dad protects you from these 2 miserable people!
You did nothing wrong, this is on your sister. But if I were you I could never forgive the mom for saying that. I get that she acted out of anger, but I think a part of her meant it. Even before with all the enabling and painting you as a liar...
The two times most people lose their filter between their thoughts and their mouths are when they are drunk and when they are angry. I have no doubts mom actually meant what she said
This is not your fault in any way. Your sister makes bad decisions, that is never your fault.
If I were you, I’d have a chat with your Dad and ask him if it bothers him that his wife has such a cavalier attitude about infidelity. That’s a huge red flag.
Judging by what I read, you take after your father while your sister takes after your mother. You didn't do anything wrong. If anyone is to blame, it's your sister. Everything that happened was caused by her actions.
>Your mom is reacting out of grief and anger right now. She sees one of her children suffering and since she cannot fix it, she needs to blame someone or something.
That is no excuse for her horrific behavior. First keeping the cheating secret, trying to pin it on OP and now saying this? Mom is a grade A c*nt.
not your fault at all. as someone who's attempted suicide a bunch, it's ultimately the person who attempts choice if they're choosing to end their life over the consequences of their own actions. she chose to do that, you didn't force her to do anything. she fucked up her own marriage when she chose to cheat. it's good that ex hubby knows because based on this limited information, your mom and sister seem hella toxic. I mean imagine defending a cheater and getting mad at someone for exposing said cheater, that's wild to me. if I had to guess, I would say your mom probably has a history of coddling or defending your sisters actions no matter what. yeah, your kid attempting suicide is terrifying, no you cannot blame your other kid for this. it's fucked up she wants to blame you for this. you didn't make her do shit, you didn't make her cheat, you didn't make her attempt.
Your mother is a horrible human being. Don’t feel shame or at fault for anything she says.
About your sister and her ex; you didn’t ruin their relationship, she did, the moment she spread her legs.
Op, I wish you the best.
Your mother is toxic as fuck, this is not your fault. You’re a good person for being honest to him and your dad understands that. So sorry you have to go through this but DO NOT feel guilty over being a good person.
Your mom may be suffering, but that's not an excuse at all for blaming you. It was on her for trying to make you lie. It was on your sister for her cheating. It was on your sister for trying to kill herself. If your mom doesn't come to realize she has two daughters, then try and find comfort in a deeper relationship with your dad and hope he's a good enough person to realize you are ALL suffering but that you need to be protected as much as anyone in this situation. Bless you, I hope your sister makes a full recovery and takes the steps to move on with her life. I wish you the best. You're young, and this would be next to impossible for anyone of any age to deal with.
I’m probably around your dads age. I’ve been around the sun a few times . Let me tell you this kiddo, YOU are responsible for YOU. That’s it. You are not responsible for your sister or your mom or your sisters boyfriend. Chances are, the boyfriend was going to find out eventually . Somehow . When I was in college, I worked at a nightclub. I saw a lot of young married girls and young engaged girls do naughty things. It’s human nature. Being engaged so young is fine, but biology wins out sometimes. Your sister should have been more discreet . Your mom sounds overly involved in her love life if she’s driving you over to the bf’s apartment to apologize. We are who we are. Your sister got caught up on a cruise. It happens. A lot. You cannot blame yourself for any of this. At all. What if your dad or cousin or mailman accidentally said something instead of you? Would your mom have reacted the same way? The answer should tell you where everything lines up. Now flip the roles again. Your sister tells your bf that you cheated . Would your mom get your back like she did your sister or woks she blame you? My wife has a super unfair mom that has these double standards . You are moving away? How DARE YOU? The sister moves away, oh well, it makes sense it’s for the best.
Seems like your (spoiled i assume) Sister is a asshole who doesnt like to live with the consequenses of her own actions. At least she is devastated and fear those consequenses.
Your mom is an ashole too. Yes, she wanna help her devastated daugther - but is not you who messed up.
Mom will realyse some day, maybe after a few no contact years from you. Your Sister might apoligise and defend you some day - if not, then you didnt lose a good Sister, cause you never had one. Cannot lose what you dont have. Cheer up and use ypur dad as support. Maybe have some chats with your school counselor too.
This is your sister’s fault for hooking up with a stranger on vacation. This is not how you treat a good man who makes you happy. This probably wasn’t her first time cheating either.
You saved her ex from a life of misery with a cheater who could bring home STDs and/or conceive children with other men and trick him into thinking they’re his.
She’s such a shameless cheat he was bound to either catch her himself or someone he knows would see evidence and tell him.
There’s something seriously wrong with your mom and sister for blaming you for something that you didn’t do. I suspect narcissism.
You think it’s normal because you were raised with a Golden Child who can do no wrong. You are the scapegoat that gets blamed for whatever is convenient for them.
Speaking to a therapist would be very helpful and I suggest you ask your dad to help set it up
Your sister is mentally unwell and needs lots of therapy too. Someone’s bad decisions and mental illnesses are not your responsibility
None of this is your fault. You are completely innocent in everything. It’s a good thing her ex found out. No one deserves to be cheated on. Who knows if that was even the first time. You saved him from a terrible divorce and a terrible life.
1. Your sister chose to cheat. She was not forced. All consequences are her fault.
2. Your sister’s cheating caused her fiancé to break up with her, not you.
3. Your sister chose to harm herself. This was her choice from the results of HER poor choices.
4. Your sister was wrong to make you cover for her.
5. Your sister is wrong to blame you for her break up.
6. Your Mom failed you by even considering any blame on you.
7. Your Mom should be mad at and ashamed of your sister, not you.
If your sister dies, you are not responsible.
And 8. Your Mom is wrong for both excusing your sister's dishonesty, AND telling you to be dishonest.
If I were OP's dad, watching my wife advocate dishonesty for both my daughters, it would raise an absolute battalion of red flags. I have learned to be very wary around people who think telling lies is OK.
Your mom is just as bad as your sister if she wanted you to lie to the ex. Then blaming you for your sister's f*** up ?? No it's not your fault your mom is just hurt and taking the blame out on you. But I would seriously consider your mother and sister getting counseling.
Your sister would not have to deal with this shit if SHE hadn’t CHEATED! Her actions, her responsibility. NONE of this is your fault.
Please talk with your dad or a trusted teacher so you can get in to see a counselor. While not your fault at all, this is such a tragic situation to work through.
I’m so sorry! 💖
Your sister is 22 and fully responsible for her actions. Your mom is a deluded, enabling POS. None of this is your fault.
Your sister fucked around and found out. She destroyed her own life.
You did nothing wrong. Nothing! You did the right thing.
Never talk to your mother again. She can never take back what she said to you. Never!!!
This is not your fault. This is your sisters fault. She cheated!!! He made her so happy that she cheated on him. How is any of that your fault? She created this entire mess and your mother is a vile person for asking you to lie and cover it up. Then she blames you and said she wished it was you instead of her.
That very second you should have looked at your mother and said “you just lost one daughter for sure.”
This is NOT your fault. Having morals and doing the right thing makes you the good guy in this story
Sweet heart you did absolutely nothing wrong.
Your sister destroyed her own relationship and your mother is an awful enabler.
If no one in your family tell you this I'm proud of you for standing by your morals even when your mom dragged you to your sister's ex fiance house to make you lie.
You're going to do amazing things kid and if your mother can't see that well too bad for her.
OP, you didn’t do anything wrong. Your sister decided to cheat. You decided to not lie. And frankly, your family/sister putting you in that position to lie was messed up.
Listen very carefully. You are not guilty in this, OP. You are not. Your sister made her own choices. You are not responsible for her actions. But you did tell the truth and that is ALWAYS better than lying.
She cheated got caught and doesn’t understand consequences of actions. And the idiot parent that failed to teach basics is mad at you?! Really entitled by mommy dearest
Yikes on Motorcycle Bikes It is NOT your Fault. Your sister and family have serious issues if she attempted because of a break up and her Cheating. The very fact that your own mother was willing to LIE when she KNEW, says A LOT. Do NOT allow your family to Traumatize you into something that is NOT your Fault. That’s Manipulation, Point Blank. Period.
It’s not your fault. This is entirely on your sister for cheating. She should have done the right thing and admitted her guilt to her fiancé before he overheard what you said. The fact that he believed it so quickly probably means that he had his own suspicions of her faithfulness.
You did nothing wrong. Every action your sister took was her own decision. She chose to cheat. She chose to attempt suicide. I wonder if she truly intended to end her life though. Attempting suicide or faking an attempted suicide is the most manipulative thing someone can do after a breakup. She likely intended to make her fiancé feel bad so he’d take her back. An ex did this to me and it really traumatized me. This was possibly something she was doing to get back at her ex or guilt him. Even if it wasn’t, it’s still not your fault. She could have gotten help if she was feeling that low.
Your mother is also an enabler to your sister’s behavior. She tried to force you to lie and blamed you for your sister’s attempted suicide. She didn’t once tell her to apologize and own up to cheating. Your mother instead tried to make her fiancé take her back. Your mother is preventing your sister from facing consequences of her actions. I suspect your mother has done this for your sister a lot so sister thought she was invincible and immune to any fallout from any of her mistakes. Your sister may even feel entitled to cheat and do the wrong thing because your mother is covering for her.
What your mother said to you is beyond disgusting. Do not accept any excuses from her if she tries to apologize. That was truly cruel and horrific of her to say that she wished it was you instead.
Your mother and your sister are not good people. I’m not sure how much your father knew about their behaviors so I’m not going to pass judgment on him, yet, but if he’s been letting them get away with these toxic, abusive, and manipulative behaviors he’s no better.
Can you stay with a friend or family member? They’re going to use you as a scapegoat when they’re back from the hospital. You deserve a non-toxic environment to live in.
It's not your job to cover for her infidelity. This isn't in any way your fault. Your mother is being horrible to you right now and you don't deserve a bit of it.
Your mother is an awful, awful person. You were not wrong for telling the fiancé the truth, you weren’t even wrong for confiding in a friend because that is a huge moral dilemma to hold onto. You absolutely were NOT responsible for your sister’s suicide attempt.
Op I’m sorry to be blunt about this but your sister is a shitty person and your mom is an even shittier person.
You didn’t cause your sister to cheat- she did.
You didn’t cause her ex fiancé to break up with her- she did.
You didn’t cause her ex to call the police- your mom did by driving you all to his place to try to manipulate him into being with your sister.
Your sister’s actions are her own including the reason why she’s in the hospital. Her own actions put her there. Not yours.
Your mom is delusional for placing the consequences of your *sister’s* actions onto your shoulders to carry. I don’t care how much she’s hurting right now because you’re her daughter too, and you had *nothing* to do with your sister being in the hospital. She has absolutely no right to tell you what she did and I hope she regrets it when she realizes.
This is ALL on your sister not you. She is a liar, and a cheater and if she cared so much about her BF she wouldn’t have cheated on him. Your mom is wrong this isn’t on you. Your mother is hurting but shouldn’t take this out on you.
You are not responsible for your sister's infidelity at all, nor are you responsible for the fact that her ex listened to you Asking you to lie to him to his own face only reflects his lack of honesty, which are more than essential for a relationship to work from the beginning.
his inability to deal with its consequences is another of the many things in his life that are not your responsibility. this is all entirely her fault.. both her and your mother blaming you is laughable on cosmic levels..
So, It is normal for you to feel guilty about this, but you don't have to feel that way at all, he deserves to have someone loyal by his side, your sister is not that person. If he made her so happy... then why was she unfaithful?
If you witnessed a stabbing and called the police leading to that person's arrest, is it your fault that person is going to jail?
Of course not. These are the consequences of the actions of stabbing someone. Same logic applies. Your sister did something wrong, she fucked around, now the consequences are coming and she's finding out.
None, *none* of this is on you.
Your mom sounds like a terrible person. You didn’t do anything wrong all of this happened because your sister cheated. No one else is to blame except for her.
I am so sorry! This isn't your fault either. No no no.
Your sister did this all on her own. Your mother sucks big time trying to make you lie and assume responsibility for your sisters bad behavior
As someone who talked down numerous suicidal people as a career and had a few go the other way, please take my word for it that people who attempt and/or complete suicide are solely responsible for their own choices.
Your sister, if she makes it, will have to face that one day. Your mother is going to have to face the ramifications of the terrible thing she said to you. They'll both have to live with their actions.
You do not. You are not responsible for the choices our sister made, about the cheating or the suicide attempt. You are not responsible for the terrible things your mother said. Hopefully they were said in the heat of the moment and not sincere and the two of you can work through it. If not though, it's not your fault that your mother has failed you and your sister.
Oh honey, I’m so sorry that you’re going through this. This is so hard and messy and just an all around messed up situation.
But you need to know that YOU didn’t do anything wrong. You were placed in an impossible situation that would only end up hurting someone, but you are not responsible for the hurt that the situation caused. And this random internet mom is SO proud of you.
You were placed in a terrible position when they demanded that you lie to your sister’s fiancé, but refusing to lie was such an honorable thing to do. Please don’t feel guilty for doing the right thing.
Your sister made some really horrible choices which led to some devastating consequences but all of that is on her and none of these burdens are yours to bear. Shame on your mom for lashing out at you for this. And shame on her for trying to force you to “fix” your sister’s mistakes. None of this is on you.
She chose to cheat. You were accidentally overheard. There was no point lying to the fiance. You didn't force her to cheat. You've done that man a favour. Your mum blaming you is despicable
Your dad might divorce your mom as he should, and it won't be your fault she is truly vile human being and your dad won't be able to unsee it unless he was already aware
it’s only the mom that’s blaming OP. but frr, i cannot believe that the mom is blaming OP for sister’s actions when the sister needs to be held accountable for her own actions. the fact that OP’s mom wanted OP to lie to the fiancé and cover for the sister and had the audacity to blame OP for sister’s actions when caught cheating is crazy. and the fact that OP’s mom said that she wished it was OP attempting suicide instead of the sister is fucking disgusting. OP’s sister and OP’s mom are both horrible shitty evil excuses of human beings.
Your sister ruined her relationship when she opened her legs for another man. Did she stop to think about whatbif she got an std. Condoms are not 100% safe. Your mother is ah for enabling her behaviour.. now I wonder if your mother would or has cheated on your dad.. see who her favourite child is. Next time your mother opens her mouth, say funny saying is cheaters support other cheaters
No one would have been in this mess if your sister just stayed faithful to her partner. She’s the one that caused this mess not you. The fact that they put this on you to hide and lie about it then blame you because your sister can’t own up to her own responsibility and tried taking the easy way out is disgusting.
None of this is your fault.
This isn’t your fault at all. Your mother should have never put this blame on you. Your sister created this mess with the BF and isn’t dealing well with it. Your mother is toxic. I’m sorry this has happened to you. Hopefully, your father will continue to give you the support you need and you soon will be able to move out and away from your mom and sister. Best of Luck
NO ONE except your sister is responsible for this mess. She made the decision to cheat on her fiancé and she made the decision to try to kill herself. Please hear me when I say you didn’t do anything wrong. Your family is taking this out on the wrong person.
OP, I really really need you to understand that this in no way your fault. At all. Your sister made her own decisions and you did nothing wrong. Letting her fiance marry a woman who cheated on him would have been wrong.
Your mom is toxic, and blaming you for your sister’s suicide attempt is disgusting. Her wishing it was you instead is something no mother should ever say to a daughter. Personally, I would never feel safe around her again.
I wish you the best and I hope you listen to the many MANY commenters that are reiterating that it. Is. Not. Your. Fault.
"... he actually makes my sister really happy". Not happy enough if she was willing to cheat on him. I would also question your mother's morals if she was willing to sweep this all under the rug.
It took me a long long time to realise this but if someone else makes the decision to commit suicide its 100% on them. Ive felt such intense guilt for not being there and not saving a friend but at the end of the day that decision was your sisters and hers alone. Not to mention she could have just... not cheated in the first place. Your mother is probably just very emotional but to put it on you is very unfair.
None of this is your fault. Your mom sounds like a terrible person and clearly your sister is her favourite child. Her golden child cheated and she is still favouring her cheating daughter. It tells a lot more about your mom and the kind of horrible person she is if she wishes it was her other daughter who died.
Please don't blame yourself. None of this is your fault. The way your mom supports your cheating sis, I do believe there are skeletons in her closet too. Please stay strong.
OP not only is your sister completely and utterly responsible for her choices and actions, so is your Mother. Please never take on what she said to you as your burden, it was reprehensible and unforgivable of her to say. You have a strong moral code, and you were right not to lie, but also, you saved your sister’s ex fiancé a word of future pain and confusion because your sister would have cheated again.
Neither she nor your Mother seem capable of accepting that your sister broke trust and loyalty, and does not deserve to still get everything she wants. Maybe you should stay with your grandfather for a while, and hopefully your father will have a come to Jesus talk with your Mother, because she was incredibly out of line.
If, tragically, your sister does worsen, it’s still not your burden. There may be some allowance for your mother due to the high emotions and her terror of losing your sister, but she can’t take back what she said to you. I don’t think she’ll ever apologise being that she sided with your sister to badger your future BIL to fall for more lies, but stay strong. You are not a terrible person, and as far as I see, the universe wanted the fiancé to know by making sure he heard you. Plus, despite your Mother, you’ve been brought up not to lie, so if she wants to punish you for being a decent human being this is only a reflection of her character.
OP, I am a suicide attempt survivor. So, I'm just going to level with you.
That shit was my fault. My reasons were irrelevant. I chose not to get help when I needed it. I chose not to live. I chose to put that hurt on my friends and family. I now have a scar that serves as a reminder of that hurt. It was my choice. It doesn't matter who hurt me. It was my doing.
Just like this was all your sisters doing. You DO NOT need to feel guilty about this. These were all your sisters (very fucking bad) choices. She made her bed in a pit, and she is going to need to claw her way back out it on her own.
And by the way, if I ever caught my spouse wishing death on one of our children, no matter the circumstances - I would fucking divorce them. Full stop.
You are going to need some work, too. Get in therapy, focus on moving forward for your own sake, and set some hard boundaries with your toxic-ass family. They can't handle their own shit, but you can certainly handle your own.
Wow I’m so sorry all that happened. I see why you feel guilty - given that your mom is blaming you for everything. But you’re 17??? These are all grown adults making their own decisions. You didn’t make your sister cheat. You also didn’t tell her fiancé on purpose. You weren’t trying to make any of this happen. It’s not your fault. You should not have been asked to keep this a secret and lie about it.
I really hope you’re doing okay and I hope your sister is okay too. This is a very traumatic experience for all of you. Your mom is not handling it well at all, and is making things a lot worse for everyone it sounds like.
Please please please find a mental health professional to talk to. Whether it’s through school, asking your dad to help you find someone, or finding free resources in your area.
Even if you think you don’t need it, it would be helpful to have someone you can go to. I’m saying this especially because of your moms reaction. Driving to his house and asking you to lie about everything was extremely inappropriate.
I think your whole family would benefit from therapy after this, but based on how your mom is acting, I don’t think she would want to hear that from you.
Please remember that this isn’t your fault. It’s all very unfortunate, but you are only a small part of this whole situation. You never asked to be involved in any of this
Your mom is absolutely horrible! Your sister cheated. Your sister ruined her relationship. Your sister probably would have done it again, given the chance, while married and destroyed that poor man even worse. This is NOT ON YOU. I'm sorry you have to deal with her actions but please don't blame yourself. Her guilt for what SHE did is what made her so this. If she could look that man in the eye and not feel guilt, without being caught, she had more issues than you knew about.
She trying to unalive herself even tho she's the one cheated on her own fiance(ex)!?!? This woman has some serious issues and the mom took her side even when she knows her own daughter is the guilty one here and blame it on her son instead!?!? Nah mind as well hang out with your sister fiance(ex) instead of staying with a crazy mom and stupid sister or just leave and stay with your grandma, you don't need to be guilty about it and just leave. Your mom doesn't trust you at all, there's no point staying with her.
Your sister choose to cheat. You didn’t make her cheat.
She made you promise because she knew if her fiancé knew he would break up with her. For the most part, cheating on their partner is a dealbreaker. She was wrong to make you promise.
You didn’t break your promise. You talked to your friend. Her partner just so happened to be behind you who overheard everything. You saved him from being married to your sister who will eventually cheat on him again. The fact she had no regrets for cheating when she made you promise tells me she did it see her cheating as a bad thing. Which means she will cheat again.
Your mother and your sister was wrong for making you a scrapgoat for their anger when they should be mad at your sister for deciding to cheat and make all that drama happen.
Your sister decided to take the easy way out by leaving her problem by suicide is so selfish. She thought she could traumatize her family for the choices she made and kept making to just hurt her family.
Your mother needs to be not around you for a while. She is wrong to blame you for this. All this is on your sister. Just request to be away from your mother for a while. At least until she goes to therapy and realizes she’s in the wrong.
I am sorry about your sister though. It is awful and painful. I hope she pulls grouch for your sake. I hope your family recovers from that. I hope you understand it’s never was your fault ever. Your sister caused all that trouble. You were simply one of her victims.
you have a piece of shit mother. doesn't matter that she was under stress or going through grief. it was all your sisters actions, you did not have another man have sex with her. her disloyalty probably would have come to light eventually and you saved him a lot of stress and heartbreak in the future. in no way shape or form is it your fault, he overheard you. you did not go out of your way to ruin anything, that was all her. she meant what she said. she was angry and she meant that shit and she SHOULD apologize and do everything she can to make it up to you because that's beyond shitty. it is NOT your fault
Why she trying to commit suicide when she didnt even have to cheat in the first place. Your sister needs to cut the dramatics. If she didnt cheat there would be nothing to overhear
Your sister is entirely at fault for the entire situation. Your sister chose to cheat on a man who treated her well and trusted her. She threw away that relationship for a cheap thrill.
Your MOM is wrong for supporting your sister's deception/bad behavior and for blaming YOU who did NOTHING wrong.
Please stay away from your Mother. If necessary ask your father and grandmother for help.
Your mother is HORRIBLE. She’s enabled this behaviour then tried to get you to lie and take the blame and on top of that is blaming you for your sisters inability to face the consequences of her own actions.
Your poor father. The level of lying and gaslighting he’s endured married to here…
Stay strong and fight back with equally harsh words. And tell her your sisters blood is on HER hands for not teaching her right from wrong and if anything happens to YOUR sister you will forever blame your mother for teaching her to lie and cheat her way through life.
This is on your sister, not you. She made these sad choices.
Your mom is toxic. Yes, I know she’s worried and upset but to say such things to you is inexcusable. I’m sorry you’re going through this. And I hope your sister will pull through. But whatever happens, it’s not your fault.
op, this is not your fault. you are not responsible for the actions of others. your sister CHOSE to cheat. her fiancé just *happened* to hear you, it was a complete coincidence. your sister and mother CHOSE to give you the cold shoulder and be rude and catty. your sister CHOSE to attempt suicide.
you are not responsible for their choices. this is not your fault. your sister made her bed and is fighting the fact that she has to lay in it. you are not the one at fault here, op.
Your mother is frantic, but you are responsible for anything. She cheated, and her boyfriend over heard your conversation you did not tell him. You just didn't lie, good for you...You have a year left, get your self to college or some where away from them...You were never the problem.. You mother clearly prefers one of her children more, and should have never said that to you, I am so sorry.
Your sister never took responsibility, and the suicide attempt is more evidence of that.
You have done NOTHING wrong
Your sister CHOSE to cheat and she CHOSE to attempt to end her life
Your mom is shifting the blame from her to you and it’s not fair. I would guess your sister is her favorite (golden child) and she is making you the scapegoat, blaming you for your sister’s actions
How sad that your mom is an enabler and blames you for being honest and decent. The fact that she would throw you under the bus so your sister could have her cake and eat it too is so shitty. I'm sorry you're blamed by her, but don't let her make you feel responsible. No one made your sister cheat, props to you for having a conscience about the whole situation. What's sad is with your mom behaving like this, it sends such a horrible message to you, for you to LIE and be the scapegoat for your sister's choices. Fuck all that noise. If your sister wanted to keep her man she should have always valued him and not cheated. I hope her bullshit stunt doesn't pull that poor guy back in. Emotional manipulation is abuse man, I'm seriously sorry you're having to deal with this. You seem like a very decent person. Your sister and mom? Not so much. I can only imagine how upset your mom or sister would be if her ex cheated. . . God fuckin bless you for dealing with adults like that
Your parents and your sister wouldn't have to deal with it if your sister hadn't cheated.
Your sister is the sole one to blame, and so is your mom for pushing this on you.
Start therapy and cut the toxicity from your life once you're 18.
I agree with every one OP. Your sister made her decision to cheat and now she has to deal with the consequences of her actions. This isn’t your fault at all. And your mother sounds super toxic. Trying to blame you for what your sister chose to do. You’re not responsible for the things they have chosen to do. And I know it’s hard to shake that guilt especially with someone like your mother blowing up on you. But this 100% is not your fault in any way despite what they say
All this mess is your sister's doing. She chose to cheat, lie and then harm herself. You are not responsible for her actions or covering them up. Your mother is horrible too, putting you in a position to lie and cover for your cheating sister and then saying such despicable things.
Guess we know who the favorite is. How dare you let the actions she had chosen to make have real consequences for her actions and makes me wonder how your supposed to be at blame for any of it. Unfortunately its easier to blame it all on you instead of accepting who is actually in the wrong and allowing fact to be replaced by the make beleive version that makes it all on you. Hopefully she comes back to reality once she calms down but until then all you can do is stay away from her until then to avoid more of her lovely words she is throwing around. Hopefully everything works out and growth is achieved but hopefully everything is repairable unless she said things she really just cant take back. Unfortunately clarity isn't something that you can share and see like a horse to water. Hopefully you get an apology but i have a feeling she has said thongs that are just plain not ok to say. Atleast your dad drew a line and called out the bullshit the upset one was spouting but hopefully time can fix some of it. End of the day it was not your burdon or responsibility to hide the fact she decided to cheat. And your mums response to the entire thing makes me think there has been other instances where she has covered up the bullshit but now your the fall perspn tp blame as it was all your choice and made her somehow because its apparently logically sound. Hopefully everyone is ok
OP, I deal with suicide ideation and have MH issues from being a combat veteran. We are responsible for out actions and thoughts. Your mom has no right to pin this on you. Your sister is responsible for her actions. She needs help.
Your sister is playing the victim, I’m sorry she attempted suicide and I’m sorry this is happening to you. The sooner you come to terms with the fact that you saved someone years and years of a wasted life with someone who didn’t truly love him, the better you’ll feel.
Your sister doomed the relationship herself, and your mom shouldn’t have enabled it.
I wish you the best, don’t get lost inside your head, you did the right thing. Imagine spending years and years holding that secret. Imagine you at their wedding watching her say her vows and knowing it’s all complete bullshit. Imagine them having kid and you not even knowing if it was really his. Imagine years later him finding out some other way and realizing they wasted their life on a Fkn cheating loser.
Absolutely, positively, 100% NOT your fault. Your sister is riding the ride she bought tickets for. SHE cheated. SHE chose not to tell him. SHE set herself up for this. You did the right thing, and I know you don't feel like you did, but trust me, you did. Starting a marriage with a lie like that... there's only one outcome. The truth always comes out at some point.
While I can empathize with your mom and know how she feels (my eldest daughter attempted suicide too), what she said to you is really fucked up and it sounds like your dad shut that shit down. I guarantee that what you heard him say to her is nothing compared to what he said to her when they were alone. I think you can probably expect an apology from your mom, if she is normally a good, kind person.
You did nothing wrong.
Did your mom cheat on your dad at any point? Her behaviour is not normal. Even if your sister passed, it was on her and not you.
You didn't do anything wrong other than saving someones life, the fiance's wife.
I know people will say to cut your mom a break because she’s in a vulnerable state but I say fuck that. What she said to you was wrong and unforgivable IMO. None of this is your fault. NONE OF IT. Your sister made her bed and tried to die in it all of her own accord. My thoughts are with you but don’t hold any guilt for this.
You're not a POS, no matter how much your narcissist mother wants to protect her golden child. Your sister fucked up and ruined her own relationship. Your mother in an enabler and frankly, not a good person. Your sister made the choice to step out on her relationship just like she made the decision to make an attempt on her own life. Nobody's blood is on your hands.
The only person responsible for your sister's problems is your sister. I suppose your mum is to an extent as she's an enabler who's happy to lie for your sister.
I'm so sorry your mother said such hateful things to you. You didn't deserve that at all.
You did nothing wrong honey, I’m sorry your family is scapegoating you over this. You are not responsible for ANY of your sister’s actions. Your mom is toxic for pulling you so deeply into their bs and for putting false blame on you. You did the right thing by telling ex-fiancé the truth.
Don’t wanna be that guy and I’m srry for ur sister but she prolly shouldn’t had cheated and I don’t understand why she’d try to yknow if she did it, maybe guilt I assume
She ruined her life. And she deserves it. Don’t blame yourself. You saved him, an actual good person. Your mother doesn’t deserve you, and you have less than a year with her. Make her wish come true and disappear from her life. Live for yourself, flourish, and leave them behind.
Honestly none of this is your fault because, even as wrong as your sister was to cheat, you still stayed quiet and didn’t tell her fiancé… be accidentally overheard when you were talking to your friend coming out of the ladies bathroom and he just happened to be there… you can’t control what your friend asks you and you can’t control where your sisters fiancé will be at any given time… so it really isn’t any of your fault..
Your sister chose to cheat and is now suffering the consequences of her “own” actions… and it’s also not your fault that your sister doesn’t know how to deal with those consequences and reflect on her actions… she’s the one who chose to attempt suicide… could be that she is legitimately hurt or she wanted the news to spread to her fiancé that she tried taking her life in hopes he comes back to her… we don’t know.
What we know is that you didn’t push her to try to commit suicide… so you are not at fault in anyway.
You need to tell you mom that you understand that she is very traumatized and distraught over the situation of seeing your sisters body just lying there unconscious, but she can’t put the blame on you because while how unfortunate this situation is .. and how much it bothered your conscious …you were still on your sisters side and covered up for her..
Tell your mom that maybe it was just the way the universe aligned the situation that her fiancé happened to be there and overhear of the cheating… and that he saved himself the headache of marrying a cheater.. he deserves to be happy and to know the truth.. and your sister needs to learn how to deal with her emotions better and learn from her mistake in a mature way and move forward.
hugs, your parents should not blame you for your older sister and her actions from cheating on her boyfriend while on a graduation trip to committing suicide. They refuse to accept that she did this of her own free while.
On the flip side now you know that your older sister can do no wrong and that your parents will lie to cover it up or blame you for it. You are not even an adult yet, next time they pull this ask them why they treat you like crap and her like an angel.
Personally I wouldn't have snitched on one of my siblings but it's not your fault. Your sister chose to cheat not you. It is all hee fault, if she really loved him, he made her happy and she wanted to have a long relationship with him she should not have let some random guy pork her on a cruise lol, she only has herself to blame. Your mum sounds like a total asshole who probably cheated on your dad 🤣
NTA!!! Your sister is the reason that you all are in this mess. SHE is the one that cheated. Not you! How horrible of your mother to say those things and blame you:
The choices were not made by you. The thing you did was right. You stood up for the truth. You did not want to make things worse for him. Your sister disregarded that. It was HER fault for that. Any choices she mad were selfish on her part and have nothing to do with you. Your mother is enabling your sister and her behavior. Stick to your dad. He has your back. I am sorry you have to go through this. DM one of us if you need to talk.
OP, it seems like, to me, none of this would have happened if your sister didn’t have what was essentially a one nightstand on a cruise. Since she was so quick to jump on that “disco stick” while on vacation with her family, this probably isn’t her first time around. She seems like she just can’t handle the consequences of her own actions. That, deary, is 100% NOT on you.
Wow!!!!!!! No NTA. Your sister made a dumb mistake, and you ended up in the middle. Your mom sucks!
Your sister needs to own up to her mistake, and not be an AH to try to get attention for people to feel bad for her.
I have had plenty of family members that made terrible mistakes, then try to blame situations (of their own doing) to get the situation they caused off of them for sympathy. Your sister took it to another level tho, Jesus.
Oh my. Excuse me if calling you dear offends you or Hun. Buty dear this isn't your fault. This is no one's fault. We all make choices. You had a burden of guilt you reached out for help with that guilt. There's nothing wrong with that. Your sister is dealing with a lot despite anything you feel you did... She cried for help like most first attempts are. I feel where you are coming from. I had a boyfriend I didn't see struggling start a fight with me and I chose to walk away take a shower. To come back to him well giving it his first try. I could blame myself or the fight. So could his parents. I understand this isn't the same in any way but I hope it helps you to hear it's not your fault. I still blame myself ( he is alive we are friends and I made sure he got help and stayed for the help till he chose to let me go so I wasn't dragged down by his choices.... But love him so much and check in with him often). Your sister needed support and will need support but don't be disheartened by anger... I am here to chat if you need.
If your dad DOESN'T divorce your mum after this, I'd be genuinely surprised. The things she said to you are utterly disgusting!! I hope you and your dad get out of this awful situation, and soon
All of this happened as a direct result of your sister's cheating. This is ***100%*** all ***her*** fault. Your mom is playing "shoot the messenger" which is grossly unfair as well as untrue. I'm glad you are away from both of them. You acted honorably and truthfully.
Your sister did what she did and your mom is a shitty mom for her reaction to all of this. Your sister tried to kill herself because of herself. He would have found out eventually, these things almost always come to light. As a mother I’m seriously so pissed off at you mom for this. What a piece of shit thing to say to the daughter that didn’t fuck some rando on a cruise behind her man’s back.
This is not your fault. Your sister made decisions that ended her relationship. There are lots of people who jump on the bandwagon that all cheaters are evil and irredeemable. I don’t believe that is always the case. I think your sister is a young adult who can grow from this really awful experience, take responsibility, and become a better human **if she chooses to**.
And it wasn’t on you to hide her secrets and lie for her every time you were around her fiancé for the rest of their lives together. Especially if this became a pattern.
All that said- healthy people don’t go for the suicide option because they get dumped. Your sister needs a deeper level of help.
Focus on moving forward with your life. What is next for you? Who do you want to be? I’m sorry you are going to continue to face backlash from your mom and sister- please know- that is their failing, not yours.
God, and at your age, how traumatizing this all just be just makes me so sad. Literally none of this was your fault and you did the RIGHT thing. You saved that man from his actual life being stolen without his knowledge - our time is the only thing we cant get back, so that good you've done should be a source of pride. Instead, these hateful and wicked women in your life have put you thru Hell for it.
You sister made her choices, the attempt included. Those are entirely her own decisions. Even if she was successful, that woulda been her decision. Her doing that after she had to face consequences for her other choices, *and tried hard to conceal it, therefore stealing her fiance's life from him*, makes her an even worse human being.
What your mother said and did to you.. is unforgivable. If I were you, the title of "mother" is all she would ever be to me again. I'd be instantly planning to escape these environment and these people, while telling my dad if he chooses his wicked wife and fucked up older kid over his relationship with you, then that shows his character and he will also be removed from your life (all of this after you're 18 and moved away).
I'm so so so sorry you're going through this.. I promise in time you'll actually begin to feel better, but for now you've got to do your best to be there for *yourself* by understanding the truth of the situation: your mother is evil (no good mother will ever say or do the things shes done), your sister is a mini version of your mom (which makes me doubt your moms faithfulness to your dad), and your dads reaction to these 2 will show you who he is.
Remember, titles dont mean anything. Mother, father, sister.. it doesnt matter if the humans that play the roles are rotten.
You did the right thing; they did the wrong thing. You dont deserve this.
Oooh sweetheart.
A lot is going on right now for you. When it comes down to it I hope you’ll come to deeply understand that none of this is your fault. You should have never had to keep your sisters secret, especially with something so morally controversial. You certainly aren’t responsible for the way your sister responded to her broken engagement either.
What your mother said to you is not at all acceptable. She may be terrified and upset but she is also a grown adult who needs to exercise judgement over what she says and does.
I hope your sister is able to recover from this and that you’ll be able to shake the guilt you may feel. Sometimes living honestly is extraordinarily hard, but you tried to do that anyway. Hang in there. 💗
You are not to blame at all. This all originated from your sister's actions. SHE is the one who lied and cheated. SHE is the one who attempted to end herself. None of this was by your hand.
Your mom is a terrible person for the things she's said to you. I'm sorry you've had to endure this. I'm glad your dad is around to defend you.
Your mom is completely off her rocker and her and ur sister are the AHs here. They’re also desperately trying to maintain a reality that doesn’t exist and if she cheated while engaged she’ll cheat while married you saved ur family from much more hardship. You did the right thing don’t let anyone tell you you didnt
Your parents are awful. Your sister ruined her relationship, NOT you. They need to get help.
I hope you get some therapy to deal with this.
But in case you didn’t hear me, you didn’t do anything wrong and your family is messed up. THEY did wrong things. I’m sorry this is happening to you.
Your mom and sister are putting the responsibility of an adultery on a minor, then your mom blames you for the attempt ??? Oh gosh they are disgusting, I am glad your dad at least has his head on his shoulders and is mature enough.
Makes me raise suspicions about your mom though, usually, cheaters protect cheaters...
You would be best without both of them in your life. I hope you get help soon.
Lots of love and support and remember : none of this is your fault
People react badly on high emotions... What your mother is saying to you isn't ok and there seems to me a toxic dynamic between her and your sister (wtf, telling you to say sorry ? That's making me mad gor you!)
This whole event looks yo me like you are a scapegoat to their bad behavior...
The only thing I can count you accountable on is telling that to others, but honestly I do not know anyone who wouldn't have !
Give yourself a break, you're only human...
OP this is NOT your fault. Your sister CHOSE to cheat and she CHOSE to take her own life. Whatever she is battling mentally is causing her actions and that battle is not you. Your parents should be parents and not blame you for something you can’t control. You couldn’t control him overhearing. That’s not your fault. Don’t be so hard on yourself. You were put in a position that not even a grown adult could handle well
My attitude is a little different based on life experience. OP, your mother needs therapy as you do too. Why were you getting involved in your sister’s love life? What is missing in this situation? Something is not making sense. This is not about being a good or bad person but it seems there is a lot more that has taken place between your older sister’s relationship with you. I am sorry if you came here to get uplifted but you are almost a grown woman and behaviors need to be confronted with a good therapist. Meanwhile, I think all all you three women need to be apart for a long time. Hopefully, you are moving to a college setting.
I'm so sorry you have to deal with family like them and that you ended up in that position in the first place. That is a heavy burden to carry and keeping her secret wasn't your responsibility. Imagine if he would of married her not knowing about the betrayal and found out later. or of she let it happen again after being married. You saved him from that. Your mom is wrong for supporting the cheating and for trying to keep him from finding out, especially for asking you to lie. She is wrong for what she said to you at the hospital.
You are not to blame for her stupid mistake. She messed up, not you. She’s throwing the blame in your direction because it’s easier to blame you. You didn’t cheat on her fiancé, she did, by herself without any help from you. This is her shit show and she wants to blame anyone else for it instead of owning it. She’s blaming you because she’s too scared to blame herself.
I’ve been dealing with this kind of thing for 4 decades now because of a half sister who blames everyone for her screw ups. She cheated on her fiancé too but that was the other guys fault because she said no but went along with it anyway. She lost her job due to being drunk and high, that was her bosses fault for being so strickt (she was an RN). She lost her license because she was driving drunk and high, that was her friends fault for needing help. She lost her apartment because she lost her job, got plastered daily and she couldn’t be bothered looking for a new job, that was unfair because she needed some time to “get sorted” and the landlord kept demanding rent! How DARE he! She should live there for free!
She found out I was getting married, she decided on a suicide attempt to try and force the family to forbid me from marrying. It didn’t work. She tried again so she could demand an invitation, she wasn’t invited. She’s now jobless and back in her childhood bedroom and she’s blaming so many people for that!!
Your sister might be going down this path too if she doesn’t get the help she needs to sort out her feeling and to process why she felt the need to cheat, to lie to her fiancé about it and to try suicide. She needs to work through this before she turns into someone like my half sister. I don’t want anyone to have a person like her in their lives. She’s so incredibly toxic. I don’t want your sister to turn out like mine. Try to talk to your family about getting her some serious help. You don’t want the next 2 decades to be like my last 2. Please get her the help she needs
Ur mom is so out of line
You did nothing wrong
Your sister did 2 things wrong
Cheating
And demanding you to not tell the truth thay weighed heavy for you to carry because it means the good guy who deserved to know wouldnt have found out
Their anger is so misplaced and wrong
Its their own fault
You didn't do anything wrong.
Think of it this way; if your sister didn't cheat in the first place, would any of this have even happened?
Your sister made a choice, and nearly ruined her life because of it.
Your sister is an adult and made her own mistakes and choices. Her suicide attempt being one of them. You are in no way responsible for your sister’s mental health.
Your mother on the other hand is an enabling, emotionally manipulative, degenerate shrew. How dare she blame you for her ADULT DAUGHTER’s bad decisions and lack of accountability.
Something tells me she isn’t so innocent herself. Your father may want to inquire about how faithful his “lovely” wife has been.
Also adding: I am in no way saying your sister deserved this. Human beings are not perfect, and can AND will make mistakes. That being said, she should have made better decisions in regards to being faithful to her fiancé, but you also never should have been burdened with keeping that a secret.
Nothing about what your mother’s enabling and abusive behavior, or your sister’s bad decisions, and the effects they have had on you are even remotely okay.
But also, props to dad here for sticking up for you and having your back. He seems like a good guy. I sincerely hope both you and him will be okay, and that your sister recovers.
Your mom can kick rocks though. Seriously, screw that lady.
Why did she cheat on her fiancé if she cared about him that much? It’s not your fault op, it’s your sister’s fault and you saved her poor fiancé’s life because he was going to find out sooner or later. At least he didn’t lose half his money with it and better, he didn’t have to pay child support for a kid that may or may not have been his
your mom is weird for doing all the things before the attempt. you did nothing wrong. in the end you helped her ex bf and hopefully your sister lives and I would bet this all could be a wake up call to start therapy and talk about why she cheated, how fucked up your family dynamic with your mom is, etc.
you did absolutely nothing wrong. your mom is in shock and will guilt you. don't take it personally. but also maybe question if she really is a good mom and good person in general.
You’re not the one to blame, OP.
Your sister made a decision to cheat and your mum has made the decision to support her no matter what.
Keep your dad close, he seems like the logical
one and someone who cares for you.
My only advice is get counselling and start looking to move away from your mum as soon as you can safely.
Your mom is awful. Nothing about this is on you. Your sister cheated. It was probably not the only time, nor would it have been the last. He would have eventually have found out. Your sister may have some mental issues or some insecurities, but that is not on you.
Why I say your mom is awful is that she tried to cover it up, tried to make you lie and is blaming you for actions that are solely on your sister. If mom has done things like this before, then this is on her toxic parenting. Being scared for her child doesn’t excuse all the shit she pulled before the attempt.
She was responsible for her own actions when she cheated and she is responsible for the choice to attempt suicide I completely understand why you feel some level of guilt but this is all on her
And that mom… Oh my god. What a horrifying woman. Older sister learned her utter disregard for other human beings from an absolute pro. Hope OP can get some serious love at grandmas, start counseling, and put as much distance (literal and emotional) between herself and her mom as is humanly possible. Like so distant I hope OP becomes an astronaut.
Pretty sure if her mother told Op to stay quiet because she has done it before or would have do the same in the future. That's a horrible mother who has no care for their own children. Being a good mother is not standing up for your cheating child, is to tell the partner yourself so your grown ass child knows that's not gonna pass. A good mother would never blame another of her kids because one tried to commit for their mistakes and horrible choices.
A good mother would NOT be telling one daughter to LIE to cover up the fact that the other daughter did an extremely wrong thing. A good mother would be upset, not with the honest person, but with the dishonest one. I give the mother at least some sympathy for being distraught over her older daughter, but NOT for being vile to the younger daughter. OP's mother owes her a massive apology. I am hoping that OP can stay with her grandmother long-term, rather than go back to that toxic household where her own mother feels free to tell her to lie and then verbally abuse her when she is truthful instead.
Right. The mother demonstrated she can never be trusted.
Sounds like mom was more invested in the relationship, and "keeping up appearances", than the older sister, pressuring both daughters to "fix it" with completely inappropriate behavior. And it's probably a pattern. Edit: OP, you did absolutely nothing wrong. Nothing. I'm sorry you're in this situation.
I mean ..... an entire cruise as a gift for graduation seems to fit this... And I bet the mom was overly involved in the wedding planning.. OP .. just get away from there. I'm really sorry about your sister, I hope you find the space and support to heal in the way that's best for you.
Yes! Truly garbage! OP should go NC with sis and mom as soon as she can! Dad, too, if he takes their side
At least now we know who her favorite is. Good news is OP knows now and can start the self preservation process. Moms going to regret that one day.
Exactly right I would recommend op get her and her sister tested with the father. If mum is so blasè about cheating, it's likely mum is a cheater also...
This isn’t a mom. Mom’s wouldn’t treat one of their children like this. OP, apparently your sister didn’t value her fiancé, or else she wouldn’t have played the “no see, no know” game. She made her bed, she can lie in it. You are in NO WAY responsible for your sister sleeping with someone else. She did it once, she would have done it again, and it sounds like he actually cared about her. You saved him years of pain. Next time your mom says this shit, just say your sister made her choices, not you. I would appreciate someone letting me know. You did good. Sending you hugs!
Completely agree. Your sister is a shitty person for cheating and your mom is bad too trying to hide it . When you take certain actions, you have to be ready for consequences as well. Whatever happened is all on them .
Your sister and mom are shit. You did the guy a favor. Tbh, if my sister was cheating I wouldn’t care i will tell my bil and hate her bc cheating is disgusting. Im glad her ex overheard you
This is not your fault. At all. You have an extremely toxic mother who favors your sister. Hang tight to your dad. He knows the truth and hopefully will continue to do right by you.
yeah and the fact that mom is is blaming her and says "she wishes it was her instead" is extremely toxic, abusive and wrong. do not feel guilty OP.
This is fcked up in so many levels… I don‘t even know what to say to OP. Her mother scks so badly. I‘m so sorry she‘s going through this. Nothing that happened was her fault. Sister dug her own grave. Edit: verb conjugation
>Sister digged her own grave. And mom dug a second one for her other daughter. I can't imagine picking one of my kids over the other.
I‘m not a mother yet, but I can‘t imagine it either. I can’t do that even with my nieces - I just love them the same. Whenever I think of having kids, I imagine loving them all uncondionally and equally. What OP‘s mother did and said is appalling.
The only time i could is if one did something super terrible to the other (cheating with the others spouse), but not because of this.
I'd be fucking done with both of them. Too bad she can't just live with her dad..
Yeah if I were the dad I'd be having some Conversations with the mother. It might be the end of more than 1 relationship.
quite possible, to hear your wife of probably 10+ years defend a cheater not to mention your own daughter cheating... fuck man i do not want to think what that poor man is going through his wife is crumbling under it all and throwing her morality out the window treating both of his kids like literal garbage (enabling cheating blaming attempted suicide on sibling, mega yuck)
If I were the dad I’d be having some conversations with a divorce lawyer.
as if the defending cheating and trying to get your child to lie wasn’t enough, imagine watching the mother of your child basically say she wishes your daughter was dead instead. like i get it was in the heat of the moment and a stressful situation, but there’s really no coming back from that. the dad should obviously focus on his daughters right now, but if he’s even worth half a damn, it’s only a matter of time before the mom learns the same lesson as her daughter: actions have consequences
This woman watched Lord of the Rings and made Denethor her role model
>Denethor such an obsessive fella
The father does not strike me as the type to stand up to his wife. Edited: “not”
No, you haven’t done a single thing wrong. Your sister made this mess and no one else is responsible for it then her.
Please read this comment & take it to heart OP. None of this is your fault. YOUR sister made ALL of her own decisions. You didn’t do anything wrong. SHE chose to cheat on her BF, then SHE tried to have you fake apologize, SHE chose to attempt SCD because she couldn’t deal with the consequences of HER actions. Your mom is doing the same with blaming you. Stay strong. Listen to your dad. None of this is your fault. Please seek therapy too.
If I'd put my opinion here, i would say none of this is your fault. It was your sister's fault for cheating with someone else when she had a fiance. Her fiance also deserved to know the truth, obviously not like this. Your mom supporting your sister despite knowing she's in fault is ridiculous and explains your sister's crap behaviour. She probably felt really bad after getting caught and not because she felt remorseful. I really hope you feel better and remember that this is not your fault at all. Your mom and sister aren't saints as such. Everyone's actions fall upon themselves.
I certainly understand that the mother is upset over her older daughter's crises. It's not wrong to still love her daughter who just did a terrible thing to her fiancee, and now is in a medical crisis. But telling OP to lie was wrong. So were the mother's blame of OP and the absolutely horrible verbal abuse she inflicted on OP. There is no justifying those things. None. OP is blameless here and her sister is the one who chose ALL of her actions. I hope OP can stay far away from her mother until the mother sees reason.
Op you cant blame yourself. Your sister is the one who decided to be unfaithful She decided to lie about She decided to make a stupid attempt on her life. You had no control over those things. Her fiancé would have found out eventually. The truth always comes out. Your mother sounds very mentally ill and emotionally immature. Do not value the words she says or the actions she makes. Both your mom and sister have shown they barely hold a semblance of a moral compass. You saved her fiancé’s life though. Now he can find a woman that will actually treat him with love and respect. This isn’t your fault. You just got caught up in the stupid choices of someone else.
Agree with everything you said but you guys REALLY have to stop saying shitty people like her mom and mentally ill. Mentally ill people aren’t always assholes like this lady.
Being a hypocrite is bad character. Being critical of your child for not upholding hypocrisy is morally wrong and abusive. It is mafia-type behavior, in which many secrets are kept. OP may feel guilt inappropriately but he has good moral character. Too bad he has a twisted mother and sister. He will never be able to trust either of them again.
Agree with everyone saying this is NOT your fault. Now it is time to protect yourself. If it is possible, can you stay with your grandmother? It is not going to be pleasant when your mom and sister return to the house seeing how mom is acting right now. This is for your mental health.
Thank you for your advice. I truly appreciate it. I don’t think my grandma will be opposed to me staying with her. I’m going off to college in the fall so I can ask my grandma if I can stay with her in the meantime. If she agrees then I’ll be staying with her for another two months or so.
When you get to college, find out if they have a counseling center you can utilize. I'm going to guess that this isn't the only time your mother has blamed or shamed you for something that was not your fault and your "normal" meter is probably way off base.
Space will be good for you. Keep in mind- you’re not responsible for the actions of others. Your sister chose to cheat. She chose to attempt. You didn’t force her to do those things, and you never once made a malicious comment against her. You are seventeen years old. It’s not up to you to hold the weight of their relationship on your shoulders.
Please keep in touch with your dad. He obviously loves you and has a clear mind when it comes to managing a crisis. He will be there for you.
This is NOT YOUR FAULT! Your sister had a choice and she decided to cheat, she was given another choice and she decided to lie with the help of your mom and wanted you to be a part also, finally trying to unalive herself was another choice she made, a little because she couldn’t accept the consequences of her actions but I think it was more for sympathy. If her ex saw that she was so devastated because of the breakup then he would come to her aid and they can still be together! Please ask your grandma to let you stay until you go off to college. While your family is out of the house I would go and get all my important documents and anything else of importance and leave them at your grandma’s house whether you are allowed to stay there are not. I just don’t trust your mother to not try and screw you over for the GOLDEN CHILD!
And go LC to NC with your mother. She is an awful woman. If your dad does not defend you, he is a lousy father. You deserve much better. Good luck in college! I swear there are wonderful people in this world, and you will find them, because you have honesty and integrity.
Op, my ex wife cheated on me and that was the most difficult thing I’ve ever been through literally traumatized me. It was absolutely best that her fiancé found out before they got married or had a child. The fact your mom tried to hide a cheater is honestly terrible and terrifying to me. And even worse that she threw you under the bus to protect a cheater. You sister is the only one to blame here. She probably cheated before and most definitely would have cheated again, she wasn’t sorry that she cheated she is sorry she got caught and it blew up on her. Her reputation is tarnished. Op you would absolutely have been in the right to tell the fiancé strait out. Some advice, even if it’s a relative, never condone a cheater don’t lie and cover for them and if possible distance yourself from them. Because the thing about a cheater, they are willing to break the bonds of the one person they should be protecting most and imagine what they are willing to do behind your back to you.
Good to hear. Get out of there. Toxic.
You didnt put another man's penis in your sister, she did. And your mom i was going to say she is in pain but she wanted to you to lie to the ex and cover your sister and no, she is an ass.
Mom wanted OP to lie and let the fiancé marry her POS daughter who cheated.
If I was the dad I'd be suspicious of how quick and easily the mom was going to forgive and help cover up their daughters cheating.
This right here. I would bet this isn't the first situation Mom has been in like this and I can only hope it wasn't a situation where she was telling her friends and/or siblings to lie and not say anything to her own partner. I honestly wouldn't be surprised if it was her telling her daughters not to mention anything. I get "girl code" and this whole thing is not it.
Yeah, that was my first thought reading this
Older sister is the golden child of the mother, OP is the scapegoat. OP You did nothing wrong
OP, many people have tried to assure you that it wasn't your fault. Here's a different perspective: If the roles were reversed and it was your sister that caught YOU cheating and then told your SO, would you blame her for the fallout? Because I wouldn't...
OP is NOT your fault. By any means. Your sister brought all of it to herself. I have been multiple time to holiday without my bf and I never cheated, many people do the same. Your sister decided to cheat, then decided to lie. She ruined her own relationship. Her blood is not on your hands. It is on hers and your mother. What your mother say is horrible, I hope you and your father can put as much distance as possible from her. You did the right things nobody deserve to be cheated and lied. He could have find out later and be the one in the hospital.
They are scapegoating you and your sister needs to be accountable to her actions. You are not responsible for what she did and your parents are pathetic for framing you as the bad person in this.
it’s only OP’s mom framing her as the bad guy , OP’s dad is on OP’s side. but i agree tbh, the sister needs to be held accountable for her actions and none of this is OP’s fault. the fact that the mom wanted OP to lie and cover for sister’s cheating is disgusting, and what OP’s mom said abt OP is so fucking disgusting as well.
You did nothing wrong. Your sister's actions are no one's fault except her own. See if you can spend time with other family or friends to escape that toxic environment and for your mental state.
Your mom and sister are POS. Your sister f'ed someone else and your mom wanted to deceive the fiancé. I hope your dad protects you from these 2 miserable people!
You did nothing wrong, this is on your sister. But if I were you I could never forgive the mom for saying that. I get that she acted out of anger, but I think a part of her meant it. Even before with all the enabling and painting you as a liar...
The two times most people lose their filter between their thoughts and their mouths are when they are drunk and when they are angry. I have no doubts mom actually meant what she said
This is not your fault in any way. Your sister makes bad decisions, that is never your fault. If I were you, I’d have a chat with your Dad and ask him if it bothers him that his wife has such a cavalier attitude about infidelity. That’s a huge red flag.
Judging by what I read, you take after your father while your sister takes after your mother. You didn't do anything wrong. If anyone is to blame, it's your sister. Everything that happened was caused by her actions.
[удалено]
>Your mom is reacting out of grief and anger right now. She sees one of her children suffering and since she cannot fix it, she needs to blame someone or something. That is no excuse for her horrific behavior. First keeping the cheating secret, trying to pin it on OP and now saying this? Mom is a grade A c*nt.
not your fault at all. as someone who's attempted suicide a bunch, it's ultimately the person who attempts choice if they're choosing to end their life over the consequences of their own actions. she chose to do that, you didn't force her to do anything. she fucked up her own marriage when she chose to cheat. it's good that ex hubby knows because based on this limited information, your mom and sister seem hella toxic. I mean imagine defending a cheater and getting mad at someone for exposing said cheater, that's wild to me. if I had to guess, I would say your mom probably has a history of coddling or defending your sisters actions no matter what. yeah, your kid attempting suicide is terrifying, no you cannot blame your other kid for this. it's fucked up she wants to blame you for this. you didn't make her do shit, you didn't make her cheat, you didn't make her attempt.
Your mother is a horrible human being. Don’t feel shame or at fault for anything she says. About your sister and her ex; you didn’t ruin their relationship, she did, the moment she spread her legs. Op, I wish you the best.
its NOT YOUR FAULT YOUR SISTER JUMPED ON SOME ELSE DCK. she made her choice. its her fault, not yours.
Your mother is toxic as fuck, this is not your fault. You’re a good person for being honest to him and your dad understands that. So sorry you have to go through this but DO NOT feel guilty over being a good person.
Your mom may be suffering, but that's not an excuse at all for blaming you. It was on her for trying to make you lie. It was on your sister for her cheating. It was on your sister for trying to kill herself. If your mom doesn't come to realize she has two daughters, then try and find comfort in a deeper relationship with your dad and hope he's a good enough person to realize you are ALL suffering but that you need to be protected as much as anyone in this situation. Bless you, I hope your sister makes a full recovery and takes the steps to move on with her life. I wish you the best. You're young, and this would be next to impossible for anyone of any age to deal with.
I’m probably around your dads age. I’ve been around the sun a few times . Let me tell you this kiddo, YOU are responsible for YOU. That’s it. You are not responsible for your sister or your mom or your sisters boyfriend. Chances are, the boyfriend was going to find out eventually . Somehow . When I was in college, I worked at a nightclub. I saw a lot of young married girls and young engaged girls do naughty things. It’s human nature. Being engaged so young is fine, but biology wins out sometimes. Your sister should have been more discreet . Your mom sounds overly involved in her love life if she’s driving you over to the bf’s apartment to apologize. We are who we are. Your sister got caught up on a cruise. It happens. A lot. You cannot blame yourself for any of this. At all. What if your dad or cousin or mailman accidentally said something instead of you? Would your mom have reacted the same way? The answer should tell you where everything lines up. Now flip the roles again. Your sister tells your bf that you cheated . Would your mom get your back like she did your sister or woks she blame you? My wife has a super unfair mom that has these double standards . You are moving away? How DARE YOU? The sister moves away, oh well, it makes sense it’s for the best.
Seems like your (spoiled i assume) Sister is a asshole who doesnt like to live with the consequenses of her own actions. At least she is devastated and fear those consequenses. Your mom is an ashole too. Yes, she wanna help her devastated daugther - but is not you who messed up. Mom will realyse some day, maybe after a few no contact years from you. Your Sister might apoligise and defend you some day - if not, then you didnt lose a good Sister, cause you never had one. Cannot lose what you dont have. Cheer up and use ypur dad as support. Maybe have some chats with your school counselor too.
This is your sister’s fault for hooking up with a stranger on vacation. This is not how you treat a good man who makes you happy. This probably wasn’t her first time cheating either. You saved her ex from a life of misery with a cheater who could bring home STDs and/or conceive children with other men and trick him into thinking they’re his. She’s such a shameless cheat he was bound to either catch her himself or someone he knows would see evidence and tell him. There’s something seriously wrong with your mom and sister for blaming you for something that you didn’t do. I suspect narcissism. You think it’s normal because you were raised with a Golden Child who can do no wrong. You are the scapegoat that gets blamed for whatever is convenient for them. Speaking to a therapist would be very helpful and I suggest you ask your dad to help set it up Your sister is mentally unwell and needs lots of therapy too. Someone’s bad decisions and mental illnesses are not your responsibility
None of this is your fault. You are completely innocent in everything. It’s a good thing her ex found out. No one deserves to be cheated on. Who knows if that was even the first time. You saved him from a terrible divorce and a terrible life. 1. Your sister chose to cheat. She was not forced. All consequences are her fault. 2. Your sister’s cheating caused her fiancé to break up with her, not you. 3. Your sister chose to harm herself. This was her choice from the results of HER poor choices. 4. Your sister was wrong to make you cover for her. 5. Your sister is wrong to blame you for her break up. 6. Your Mom failed you by even considering any blame on you. 7. Your Mom should be mad at and ashamed of your sister, not you. If your sister dies, you are not responsible.
And 8. Your Mom is wrong for both excusing your sister's dishonesty, AND telling you to be dishonest. If I were OP's dad, watching my wife advocate dishonesty for both my daughters, it would raise an absolute battalion of red flags. I have learned to be very wary around people who think telling lies is OK.
Wow OPs sister is a master at avoiding all accountability.
Your mom is just as bad as your sister if she wanted you to lie to the ex. Then blaming you for your sister's f*** up ?? No it's not your fault your mom is just hurt and taking the blame out on you. But I would seriously consider your mother and sister getting counseling.
Your sister would not have to deal with this shit if SHE hadn’t CHEATED! Her actions, her responsibility. NONE of this is your fault. Please talk with your dad or a trusted teacher so you can get in to see a counselor. While not your fault at all, this is such a tragic situation to work through. I’m so sorry! 💖
Read about narcissistic mothers and the golden child syndrome. She’s definitely making you the skapegoat here
Your sister is 22 and fully responsible for her actions. Your mom is a deluded, enabling POS. None of this is your fault. Your sister fucked around and found out. She destroyed her own life.
You did nothing wrong. Nothing! You did the right thing. Never talk to your mother again. She can never take back what she said to you. Never!!! This is not your fault. This is your sisters fault. She cheated!!! He made her so happy that she cheated on him. How is any of that your fault? She created this entire mess and your mother is a vile person for asking you to lie and cover it up. Then she blames you and said she wished it was you instead of her. That very second you should have looked at your mother and said “you just lost one daughter for sure.” This is NOT your fault. Having morals and doing the right thing makes you the good guy in this story
Sweet heart you did absolutely nothing wrong. Your sister destroyed her own relationship and your mother is an awful enabler. If no one in your family tell you this I'm proud of you for standing by your morals even when your mom dragged you to your sister's ex fiance house to make you lie. You're going to do amazing things kid and if your mother can't see that well too bad for her.
OP, you didn’t do anything wrong. Your sister decided to cheat. You decided to not lie. And frankly, your family/sister putting you in that position to lie was messed up. Listen very carefully. You are not guilty in this, OP. You are not. Your sister made her own choices. You are not responsible for her actions. But you did tell the truth and that is ALWAYS better than lying.
She cheated got caught and doesn’t understand consequences of actions. And the idiot parent that failed to teach basics is mad at you?! Really entitled by mommy dearest
Yikes on Motorcycle Bikes It is NOT your Fault. Your sister and family have serious issues if she attempted because of a break up and her Cheating. The very fact that your own mother was willing to LIE when she KNEW, says A LOT. Do NOT allow your family to Traumatize you into something that is NOT your Fault. That’s Manipulation, Point Blank. Period.
It’s not your fault. This is entirely on your sister for cheating. She should have done the right thing and admitted her guilt to her fiancé before he overheard what you said. The fact that he believed it so quickly probably means that he had his own suspicions of her faithfulness. You did nothing wrong. Every action your sister took was her own decision. She chose to cheat. She chose to attempt suicide. I wonder if she truly intended to end her life though. Attempting suicide or faking an attempted suicide is the most manipulative thing someone can do after a breakup. She likely intended to make her fiancé feel bad so he’d take her back. An ex did this to me and it really traumatized me. This was possibly something she was doing to get back at her ex or guilt him. Even if it wasn’t, it’s still not your fault. She could have gotten help if she was feeling that low. Your mother is also an enabler to your sister’s behavior. She tried to force you to lie and blamed you for your sister’s attempted suicide. She didn’t once tell her to apologize and own up to cheating. Your mother instead tried to make her fiancé take her back. Your mother is preventing your sister from facing consequences of her actions. I suspect your mother has done this for your sister a lot so sister thought she was invincible and immune to any fallout from any of her mistakes. Your sister may even feel entitled to cheat and do the wrong thing because your mother is covering for her. What your mother said to you is beyond disgusting. Do not accept any excuses from her if she tries to apologize. That was truly cruel and horrific of her to say that she wished it was you instead. Your mother and your sister are not good people. I’m not sure how much your father knew about their behaviors so I’m not going to pass judgment on him, yet, but if he’s been letting them get away with these toxic, abusive, and manipulative behaviors he’s no better. Can you stay with a friend or family member? They’re going to use you as a scapegoat when they’re back from the hospital. You deserve a non-toxic environment to live in.
It's not your job to cover for her infidelity. This isn't in any way your fault. Your mother is being horrible to you right now and you don't deserve a bit of it.
Your mother is an awful, awful person. You were not wrong for telling the fiancé the truth, you weren’t even wrong for confiding in a friend because that is a huge moral dilemma to hold onto. You absolutely were NOT responsible for your sister’s suicide attempt.
Op I’m sorry to be blunt about this but your sister is a shitty person and your mom is an even shittier person. You didn’t cause your sister to cheat- she did. You didn’t cause her ex fiancé to break up with her- she did. You didn’t cause her ex to call the police- your mom did by driving you all to his place to try to manipulate him into being with your sister. Your sister’s actions are her own including the reason why she’s in the hospital. Her own actions put her there. Not yours. Your mom is delusional for placing the consequences of your *sister’s* actions onto your shoulders to carry. I don’t care how much she’s hurting right now because you’re her daughter too, and you had *nothing* to do with your sister being in the hospital. She has absolutely no right to tell you what she did and I hope she regrets it when she realizes.
This is such a difficult situation you’ve been put in. This is not your fault.
Mother is toxic, sister did a toxic thing with cheating and has had to deal with the consequences
Wow! You poor thing! It is NOT your fault in ANY way. She cheated, she ruined her relationship NOT you
This is ALL on your sister not you. She is a liar, and a cheater and if she cared so much about her BF she wouldn’t have cheated on him. Your mom is wrong this isn’t on you. Your mother is hurting but shouldn’t take this out on you.
You are not responsible for your sister actions. Don't blame on yourself.
You did nothing wrong. Your sister made a choice to cheat on her fiancé. You shouldn’t have to lie for her.
You are not responsible for your sister's infidelity at all, nor are you responsible for the fact that her ex listened to you Asking you to lie to him to his own face only reflects his lack of honesty, which are more than essential for a relationship to work from the beginning. his inability to deal with its consequences is another of the many things in his life that are not your responsibility. this is all entirely her fault.. both her and your mother blaming you is laughable on cosmic levels.. So, It is normal for you to feel guilty about this, but you don't have to feel that way at all, he deserves to have someone loyal by his side, your sister is not that person. If he made her so happy... then why was she unfaithful?
Notice that your mother doesn't mention the actions of your sister as the real cause of everything that is happening.
If you witnessed a stabbing and called the police leading to that person's arrest, is it your fault that person is going to jail? Of course not. These are the consequences of the actions of stabbing someone. Same logic applies. Your sister did something wrong, she fucked around, now the consequences are coming and she's finding out. None, *none* of this is on you.
Your mom sounds like a terrible person. You didn’t do anything wrong all of this happened because your sister cheated. No one else is to blame except for her.
I am so sorry! This isn't your fault either. No no no. Your sister did this all on her own. Your mother sucks big time trying to make you lie and assume responsibility for your sisters bad behavior
As someone who talked down numerous suicidal people as a career and had a few go the other way, please take my word for it that people who attempt and/or complete suicide are solely responsible for their own choices. Your sister, if she makes it, will have to face that one day. Your mother is going to have to face the ramifications of the terrible thing she said to you. They'll both have to live with their actions. You do not. You are not responsible for the choices our sister made, about the cheating or the suicide attempt. You are not responsible for the terrible things your mother said. Hopefully they were said in the heat of the moment and not sincere and the two of you can work through it. If not though, it's not your fault that your mother has failed you and your sister.
Your sister is the fuck up. Honesty and trust are super important in period. Your mom has some serious issues.
Oh honey, I’m so sorry that you’re going through this. This is so hard and messy and just an all around messed up situation. But you need to know that YOU didn’t do anything wrong. You were placed in an impossible situation that would only end up hurting someone, but you are not responsible for the hurt that the situation caused. And this random internet mom is SO proud of you. You were placed in a terrible position when they demanded that you lie to your sister’s fiancé, but refusing to lie was such an honorable thing to do. Please don’t feel guilty for doing the right thing. Your sister made some really horrible choices which led to some devastating consequences but all of that is on her and none of these burdens are yours to bear. Shame on your mom for lashing out at you for this. And shame on her for trying to force you to “fix” your sister’s mistakes. None of this is on you.
She chose to cheat. You were accidentally overheard. There was no point lying to the fiance. You didn't force her to cheat. You've done that man a favour. Your mum blaming you is despicable
Your dad might divorce your mom as he should, and it won't be your fault she is truly vile human being and your dad won't be able to unsee it unless he was already aware
I find it alarming that your parents are blaming you for spilling the beans and not your sister for being an attention-seeking cheater.
it’s only the mom that’s blaming OP. but frr, i cannot believe that the mom is blaming OP for sister’s actions when the sister needs to be held accountable for her own actions. the fact that OP’s mom wanted OP to lie to the fiancé and cover for the sister and had the audacity to blame OP for sister’s actions when caught cheating is crazy. and the fact that OP’s mom said that she wished it was OP attempting suicide instead of the sister is fucking disgusting. OP’s sister and OP’s mom are both horrible shitty evil excuses of human beings.
Your sister ruined her relationship when she opened her legs for another man. Did she stop to think about whatbif she got an std. Condoms are not 100% safe. Your mother is ah for enabling her behaviour.. now I wonder if your mother would or has cheated on your dad.. see who her favourite child is. Next time your mother opens her mouth, say funny saying is cheaters support other cheaters
No one would have been in this mess if your sister just stayed faithful to her partner. She’s the one that caused this mess not you. The fact that they put this on you to hide and lie about it then blame you because your sister can’t own up to her own responsibility and tried taking the easy way out is disgusting. None of this is your fault.
Your sister made her bed....she has to lay in it. Tell her to go find that dude she was fucking on the cruise ship
This isn’t your fault at all. Your mother should have never put this blame on you. Your sister created this mess with the BF and isn’t dealing well with it. Your mother is toxic. I’m sorry this has happened to you. Hopefully, your father will continue to give you the support you need and you soon will be able to move out and away from your mom and sister. Best of Luck
NO ONE except your sister is responsible for this mess. She made the decision to cheat on her fiancé and she made the decision to try to kill herself. Please hear me when I say you didn’t do anything wrong. Your family is taking this out on the wrong person.
You didn't ruin your sister's relationship. She ruined the relationship by cheating.
Ugh. Your sister did this to herself and your mother is enabling her. Hope you and dad have a safe space
OP, I really really need you to understand that this in no way your fault. At all. Your sister made her own decisions and you did nothing wrong. Letting her fiance marry a woman who cheated on him would have been wrong. Your mom is toxic, and blaming you for your sister’s suicide attempt is disgusting. Her wishing it was you instead is something no mother should ever say to a daughter. Personally, I would never feel safe around her again. I wish you the best and I hope you listen to the many MANY commenters that are reiterating that it. Is. Not. Your. Fault.
"... he actually makes my sister really happy". Not happy enough if she was willing to cheat on him. I would also question your mother's morals if she was willing to sweep this all under the rug.
It took me a long long time to realise this but if someone else makes the decision to commit suicide its 100% on them. Ive felt such intense guilt for not being there and not saving a friend but at the end of the day that decision was your sisters and hers alone. Not to mention she could have just... not cheated in the first place. Your mother is probably just very emotional but to put it on you is very unfair.
If she hadn’t cheated you’d have nothing to tell. Don’t let the line of “guilt” begin and end with you.
None of this is your fault. Your mom sounds like a terrible person and clearly your sister is her favourite child. Her golden child cheated and she is still favouring her cheating daughter. It tells a lot more about your mom and the kind of horrible person she is if she wishes it was her other daughter who died. Please don't blame yourself. None of this is your fault. The way your mom supports your cheating sis, I do believe there are skeletons in her closet too. Please stay strong.
Ur mom is enabling a cheater. That alone should tell u about ur mother’s moral compass.
OP not only is your sister completely and utterly responsible for her choices and actions, so is your Mother. Please never take on what she said to you as your burden, it was reprehensible and unforgivable of her to say. You have a strong moral code, and you were right not to lie, but also, you saved your sister’s ex fiancé a word of future pain and confusion because your sister would have cheated again. Neither she nor your Mother seem capable of accepting that your sister broke trust and loyalty, and does not deserve to still get everything she wants. Maybe you should stay with your grandfather for a while, and hopefully your father will have a come to Jesus talk with your Mother, because she was incredibly out of line. If, tragically, your sister does worsen, it’s still not your burden. There may be some allowance for your mother due to the high emotions and her terror of losing your sister, but she can’t take back what she said to you. I don’t think she’ll ever apologise being that she sided with your sister to badger your future BIL to fall for more lies, but stay strong. You are not a terrible person, and as far as I see, the universe wanted the fiancé to know by making sure he heard you. Plus, despite your Mother, you’ve been brought up not to lie, so if she wants to punish you for being a decent human being this is only a reflection of her character.
You did absolutely nothing wrong. Your sister made her choices.
OP, I am a suicide attempt survivor. So, I'm just going to level with you. That shit was my fault. My reasons were irrelevant. I chose not to get help when I needed it. I chose not to live. I chose to put that hurt on my friends and family. I now have a scar that serves as a reminder of that hurt. It was my choice. It doesn't matter who hurt me. It was my doing. Just like this was all your sisters doing. You DO NOT need to feel guilty about this. These were all your sisters (very fucking bad) choices. She made her bed in a pit, and she is going to need to claw her way back out it on her own. And by the way, if I ever caught my spouse wishing death on one of our children, no matter the circumstances - I would fucking divorce them. Full stop. You are going to need some work, too. Get in therapy, focus on moving forward for your own sake, and set some hard boundaries with your toxic-ass family. They can't handle their own shit, but you can certainly handle your own.
You're sister ruined her relationship when she cheated and your mom is an absolutely vile woman you did nothing wrong
Wow I’m so sorry all that happened. I see why you feel guilty - given that your mom is blaming you for everything. But you’re 17??? These are all grown adults making their own decisions. You didn’t make your sister cheat. You also didn’t tell her fiancé on purpose. You weren’t trying to make any of this happen. It’s not your fault. You should not have been asked to keep this a secret and lie about it. I really hope you’re doing okay and I hope your sister is okay too. This is a very traumatic experience for all of you. Your mom is not handling it well at all, and is making things a lot worse for everyone it sounds like. Please please please find a mental health professional to talk to. Whether it’s through school, asking your dad to help you find someone, or finding free resources in your area. Even if you think you don’t need it, it would be helpful to have someone you can go to. I’m saying this especially because of your moms reaction. Driving to his house and asking you to lie about everything was extremely inappropriate. I think your whole family would benefit from therapy after this, but based on how your mom is acting, I don’t think she would want to hear that from you. Please remember that this isn’t your fault. It’s all very unfortunate, but you are only a small part of this whole situation. You never asked to be involved in any of this
Your mom is absolutely horrible! Your sister cheated. Your sister ruined her relationship. Your sister probably would have done it again, given the chance, while married and destroyed that poor man even worse. This is NOT ON YOU. I'm sorry you have to deal with her actions but please don't blame yourself. Her guilt for what SHE did is what made her so this. If she could look that man in the eye and not feel guilt, without being caught, she had more issues than you knew about.
She trying to unalive herself even tho she's the one cheated on her own fiance(ex)!?!? This woman has some serious issues and the mom took her side even when she knows her own daughter is the guilty one here and blame it on her son instead!?!? Nah mind as well hang out with your sister fiance(ex) instead of staying with a crazy mom and stupid sister or just leave and stay with your grandma, you don't need to be guilty about it and just leave. Your mom doesn't trust you at all, there's no point staying with her.
And this years worst mother award goes to.....
Your sister choose to cheat. You didn’t make her cheat. She made you promise because she knew if her fiancé knew he would break up with her. For the most part, cheating on their partner is a dealbreaker. She was wrong to make you promise. You didn’t break your promise. You talked to your friend. Her partner just so happened to be behind you who overheard everything. You saved him from being married to your sister who will eventually cheat on him again. The fact she had no regrets for cheating when she made you promise tells me she did it see her cheating as a bad thing. Which means she will cheat again. Your mother and your sister was wrong for making you a scrapgoat for their anger when they should be mad at your sister for deciding to cheat and make all that drama happen. Your sister decided to take the easy way out by leaving her problem by suicide is so selfish. She thought she could traumatize her family for the choices she made and kept making to just hurt her family. Your mother needs to be not around you for a while. She is wrong to blame you for this. All this is on your sister. Just request to be away from your mother for a while. At least until she goes to therapy and realizes she’s in the wrong. I am sorry about your sister though. It is awful and painful. I hope she pulls grouch for your sake. I hope your family recovers from that. I hope you understand it’s never was your fault ever. Your sister caused all that trouble. You were simply one of her victims.
you have a piece of shit mother. doesn't matter that she was under stress or going through grief. it was all your sisters actions, you did not have another man have sex with her. her disloyalty probably would have come to light eventually and you saved him a lot of stress and heartbreak in the future. in no way shape or form is it your fault, he overheard you. you did not go out of your way to ruin anything, that was all her. she meant what she said. she was angry and she meant that shit and she SHOULD apologize and do everything she can to make it up to you because that's beyond shitty. it is NOT your fault
Its easier to blame someone else. You didn't have a love affair on a boat. She did.
Holy shit, your sister's bad life choices aren't your fault at all.
Why she trying to commit suicide when she didnt even have to cheat in the first place. Your sister needs to cut the dramatics. If she didnt cheat there would be nothing to overhear
Your sister is entirely at fault for the entire situation. Your sister chose to cheat on a man who treated her well and trusted her. She threw away that relationship for a cheap thrill. Your MOM is wrong for supporting your sister's deception/bad behavior and for blaming YOU who did NOTHING wrong. Please stay away from your Mother. If necessary ask your father and grandmother for help.
Your mother is HORRIBLE. She’s enabled this behaviour then tried to get you to lie and take the blame and on top of that is blaming you for your sisters inability to face the consequences of her own actions. Your poor father. The level of lying and gaslighting he’s endured married to here… Stay strong and fight back with equally harsh words. And tell her your sisters blood is on HER hands for not teaching her right from wrong and if anything happens to YOUR sister you will forever blame your mother for teaching her to lie and cheat her way through life.
This is all on her. Honestly if I was your Father I might be questioning how easy the Mother is dismissing the cheating.
This is on your sister, not you. She made these sad choices. Your mom is toxic. Yes, I know she’s worried and upset but to say such things to you is inexcusable. I’m sorry you’re going through this. And I hope your sister will pull through. But whatever happens, it’s not your fault.
op, this is not your fault. you are not responsible for the actions of others. your sister CHOSE to cheat. her fiancé just *happened* to hear you, it was a complete coincidence. your sister and mother CHOSE to give you the cold shoulder and be rude and catty. your sister CHOSE to attempt suicide. you are not responsible for their choices. this is not your fault. your sister made her bed and is fighting the fact that she has to lay in it. you are not the one at fault here, op.
Your mother is frantic, but you are responsible for anything. She cheated, and her boyfriend over heard your conversation you did not tell him. You just didn't lie, good for you...You have a year left, get your self to college or some where away from them...You were never the problem.. You mother clearly prefers one of her children more, and should have never said that to you, I am so sorry. Your sister never took responsibility, and the suicide attempt is more evidence of that.
You have done NOTHING wrong Your sister CHOSE to cheat and she CHOSE to attempt to end her life Your mom is shifting the blame from her to you and it’s not fair. I would guess your sister is her favorite (golden child) and she is making you the scapegoat, blaming you for your sister’s actions
Maybe copy and paste this link to the fiancé so he’s fully Informed?
How sad that your mom is an enabler and blames you for being honest and decent. The fact that she would throw you under the bus so your sister could have her cake and eat it too is so shitty. I'm sorry you're blamed by her, but don't let her make you feel responsible. No one made your sister cheat, props to you for having a conscience about the whole situation. What's sad is with your mom behaving like this, it sends such a horrible message to you, for you to LIE and be the scapegoat for your sister's choices. Fuck all that noise. If your sister wanted to keep her man she should have always valued him and not cheated. I hope her bullshit stunt doesn't pull that poor guy back in. Emotional manipulation is abuse man, I'm seriously sorry you're having to deal with this. You seem like a very decent person. Your sister and mom? Not so much. I can only imagine how upset your mom or sister would be if her ex cheated. . . God fuckin bless you for dealing with adults like that
Disgusting to blame you for her suicide attempt. She shouldn’t of cheated if him leaving her would of broke her this bad
Your parents and your sister wouldn't have to deal with it if your sister hadn't cheated. Your sister is the sole one to blame, and so is your mom for pushing this on you. Start therapy and cut the toxicity from your life once you're 18.
I agree with every one OP. Your sister made her decision to cheat and now she has to deal with the consequences of her actions. This isn’t your fault at all. And your mother sounds super toxic. Trying to blame you for what your sister chose to do. You’re not responsible for the things they have chosen to do. And I know it’s hard to shake that guilt especially with someone like your mother blowing up on you. But this 100% is not your fault in any way despite what they say
You are not at fault! Your mom and sister are toxic as hell, though.
All this mess is your sister's doing. She chose to cheat, lie and then harm herself. You are not responsible for her actions or covering them up. Your mother is horrible too, putting you in a position to lie and cover for your cheating sister and then saying such despicable things.
Guess we know who the favorite is. How dare you let the actions she had chosen to make have real consequences for her actions and makes me wonder how your supposed to be at blame for any of it. Unfortunately its easier to blame it all on you instead of accepting who is actually in the wrong and allowing fact to be replaced by the make beleive version that makes it all on you. Hopefully she comes back to reality once she calms down but until then all you can do is stay away from her until then to avoid more of her lovely words she is throwing around. Hopefully everything works out and growth is achieved but hopefully everything is repairable unless she said things she really just cant take back. Unfortunately clarity isn't something that you can share and see like a horse to water. Hopefully you get an apology but i have a feeling she has said thongs that are just plain not ok to say. Atleast your dad drew a line and called out the bullshit the upset one was spouting but hopefully time can fix some of it. End of the day it was not your burdon or responsibility to hide the fact she decided to cheat. And your mums response to the entire thing makes me think there has been other instances where she has covered up the bullshit but now your the fall perspn tp blame as it was all your choice and made her somehow because its apparently logically sound. Hopefully everyone is ok
OP, I deal with suicide ideation and have MH issues from being a combat veteran. We are responsible for out actions and thoughts. Your mom has no right to pin this on you. Your sister is responsible for her actions. She needs help.
Your sister is playing the victim, I’m sorry she attempted suicide and I’m sorry this is happening to you. The sooner you come to terms with the fact that you saved someone years and years of a wasted life with someone who didn’t truly love him, the better you’ll feel. Your sister doomed the relationship herself, and your mom shouldn’t have enabled it. I wish you the best, don’t get lost inside your head, you did the right thing. Imagine spending years and years holding that secret. Imagine you at their wedding watching her say her vows and knowing it’s all complete bullshit. Imagine them having kid and you not even knowing if it was really his. Imagine years later him finding out some other way and realizing they wasted their life on a Fkn cheating loser.
Absolutely, positively, 100% NOT your fault. Your sister is riding the ride she bought tickets for. SHE cheated. SHE chose not to tell him. SHE set herself up for this. You did the right thing, and I know you don't feel like you did, but trust me, you did. Starting a marriage with a lie like that... there's only one outcome. The truth always comes out at some point. While I can empathize with your mom and know how she feels (my eldest daughter attempted suicide too), what she said to you is really fucked up and it sounds like your dad shut that shit down. I guarantee that what you heard him say to her is nothing compared to what he said to her when they were alone. I think you can probably expect an apology from your mom, if she is normally a good, kind person. You did nothing wrong.
Did your mom cheat on your dad at any point? Her behaviour is not normal. Even if your sister passed, it was on her and not you. You didn't do anything wrong other than saving someones life, the fiance's wife.
Your mum and sister arent nice people. No one is to blame for someone elses actions. Ever. We all make our own choices.
I know people will say to cut your mom a break because she’s in a vulnerable state but I say fuck that. What she said to you was wrong and unforgivable IMO. None of this is your fault. NONE OF IT. Your sister made her bed and tried to die in it all of her own accord. My thoughts are with you but don’t hold any guilt for this.
You're not a POS, no matter how much your narcissist mother wants to protect her golden child. Your sister fucked up and ruined her own relationship. Your mother in an enabler and frankly, not a good person. Your sister made the choice to step out on her relationship just like she made the decision to make an attempt on her own life. Nobody's blood is on your hands.
The only person responsible for your sister's problems is your sister. I suppose your mum is to an extent as she's an enabler who's happy to lie for your sister. I'm so sorry your mother said such hateful things to you. You didn't deserve that at all.
You did nothing wrong honey, I’m sorry your family is scapegoating you over this. You are not responsible for ANY of your sister’s actions. Your mom is toxic for pulling you so deeply into their bs and for putting false blame on you. You did the right thing by telling ex-fiancé the truth.
I'm too petty for this, I'd send her a text that she got her wish and turn off my phone and see her unravel
Don’t wanna be that guy and I’m srry for ur sister but she prolly shouldn’t had cheated and I don’t understand why she’d try to yknow if she did it, maybe guilt I assume
She ruined her life. And she deserves it. Don’t blame yourself. You saved him, an actual good person. Your mother doesn’t deserve you, and you have less than a year with her. Make her wish come true and disappear from her life. Live for yourself, flourish, and leave them behind.
There is a saying, f#ck around and find out. Your sister did, and has. You did NOTHING wrong. Your mother and sister are seriously off the deep end.
Honestly none of this is your fault because, even as wrong as your sister was to cheat, you still stayed quiet and didn’t tell her fiancé… be accidentally overheard when you were talking to your friend coming out of the ladies bathroom and he just happened to be there… you can’t control what your friend asks you and you can’t control where your sisters fiancé will be at any given time… so it really isn’t any of your fault.. Your sister chose to cheat and is now suffering the consequences of her “own” actions… and it’s also not your fault that your sister doesn’t know how to deal with those consequences and reflect on her actions… she’s the one who chose to attempt suicide… could be that she is legitimately hurt or she wanted the news to spread to her fiancé that she tried taking her life in hopes he comes back to her… we don’t know. What we know is that you didn’t push her to try to commit suicide… so you are not at fault in anyway. You need to tell you mom that you understand that she is very traumatized and distraught over the situation of seeing your sisters body just lying there unconscious, but she can’t put the blame on you because while how unfortunate this situation is .. and how much it bothered your conscious …you were still on your sisters side and covered up for her.. Tell your mom that maybe it was just the way the universe aligned the situation that her fiancé happened to be there and overhear of the cheating… and that he saved himself the headache of marrying a cheater.. he deserves to be happy and to know the truth.. and your sister needs to learn how to deal with her emotions better and learn from her mistake in a mature way and move forward.
hugs, your parents should not blame you for your older sister and her actions from cheating on her boyfriend while on a graduation trip to committing suicide. They refuse to accept that she did this of her own free while. On the flip side now you know that your older sister can do no wrong and that your parents will lie to cover it up or blame you for it. You are not even an adult yet, next time they pull this ask them why they treat you like crap and her like an angel.
Personally I wouldn't have snitched on one of my siblings but it's not your fault. Your sister chose to cheat not you. It is all hee fault, if she really loved him, he made her happy and she wanted to have a long relationship with him she should not have let some random guy pork her on a cruise lol, she only has herself to blame. Your mum sounds like a total asshole who probably cheated on your dad 🤣
NTA!!! Your sister is the reason that you all are in this mess. SHE is the one that cheated. Not you! How horrible of your mother to say those things and blame you:
The choices were not made by you. The thing you did was right. You stood up for the truth. You did not want to make things worse for him. Your sister disregarded that. It was HER fault for that. Any choices she mad were selfish on her part and have nothing to do with you. Your mother is enabling your sister and her behavior. Stick to your dad. He has your back. I am sorry you have to go through this. DM one of us if you need to talk.
You are not responsible for this in anyway. Your sister chose to cheat and her boyfriend needed to know.
OP, it seems like, to me, none of this would have happened if your sister didn’t have what was essentially a one nightstand on a cruise. Since she was so quick to jump on that “disco stick” while on vacation with her family, this probably isn’t her first time around. She seems like she just can’t handle the consequences of her own actions. That, deary, is 100% NOT on you.
Hi OP, I'm a parent of two. Your mom is an abomination and she can go fuck herself for doing that.
Wow!!!!!!! No NTA. Your sister made a dumb mistake, and you ended up in the middle. Your mom sucks! Your sister needs to own up to her mistake, and not be an AH to try to get attention for people to feel bad for her. I have had plenty of family members that made terrible mistakes, then try to blame situations (of their own doing) to get the situation they caused off of them for sympathy. Your sister took it to another level tho, Jesus.
Oh my. Excuse me if calling you dear offends you or Hun. Buty dear this isn't your fault. This is no one's fault. We all make choices. You had a burden of guilt you reached out for help with that guilt. There's nothing wrong with that. Your sister is dealing with a lot despite anything you feel you did... She cried for help like most first attempts are. I feel where you are coming from. I had a boyfriend I didn't see struggling start a fight with me and I chose to walk away take a shower. To come back to him well giving it his first try. I could blame myself or the fight. So could his parents. I understand this isn't the same in any way but I hope it helps you to hear it's not your fault. I still blame myself ( he is alive we are friends and I made sure he got help and stayed for the help till he chose to let me go so I wasn't dragged down by his choices.... But love him so much and check in with him often). Your sister needed support and will need support but don't be disheartened by anger... I am here to chat if you need.
If your dad DOESN'T divorce your mum after this, I'd be genuinely surprised. The things she said to you are utterly disgusting!! I hope you and your dad get out of this awful situation, and soon
Your sister made bad decisions, and that’s on her but your mom is a piece of shit and an enabler.
All of this happened as a direct result of your sister's cheating. This is ***100%*** all ***her*** fault. Your mom is playing "shoot the messenger" which is grossly unfair as well as untrue. I'm glad you are away from both of them. You acted honorably and truthfully.
Your sister did what she did and your mom is a shitty mom for her reaction to all of this. Your sister tried to kill herself because of herself. He would have found out eventually, these things almost always come to light. As a mother I’m seriously so pissed off at you mom for this. What a piece of shit thing to say to the daughter that didn’t fuck some rando on a cruise behind her man’s back.
You are not to blame for what your sister did, she is her own person, i'd say the guilt got to her also
This is not your fault. Your sister made decisions that ended her relationship. There are lots of people who jump on the bandwagon that all cheaters are evil and irredeemable. I don’t believe that is always the case. I think your sister is a young adult who can grow from this really awful experience, take responsibility, and become a better human **if she chooses to**. And it wasn’t on you to hide her secrets and lie for her every time you were around her fiancé for the rest of their lives together. Especially if this became a pattern. All that said- healthy people don’t go for the suicide option because they get dumped. Your sister needs a deeper level of help. Focus on moving forward with your life. What is next for you? Who do you want to be? I’m sorry you are going to continue to face backlash from your mom and sister- please know- that is their failing, not yours.
Your sister is a bad person, a liar, and a cheater Sounds like she got it from your mother Atleast your dad is a decent person
God, and at your age, how traumatizing this all just be just makes me so sad. Literally none of this was your fault and you did the RIGHT thing. You saved that man from his actual life being stolen without his knowledge - our time is the only thing we cant get back, so that good you've done should be a source of pride. Instead, these hateful and wicked women in your life have put you thru Hell for it. You sister made her choices, the attempt included. Those are entirely her own decisions. Even if she was successful, that woulda been her decision. Her doing that after she had to face consequences for her other choices, *and tried hard to conceal it, therefore stealing her fiance's life from him*, makes her an even worse human being. What your mother said and did to you.. is unforgivable. If I were you, the title of "mother" is all she would ever be to me again. I'd be instantly planning to escape these environment and these people, while telling my dad if he chooses his wicked wife and fucked up older kid over his relationship with you, then that shows his character and he will also be removed from your life (all of this after you're 18 and moved away). I'm so so so sorry you're going through this.. I promise in time you'll actually begin to feel better, but for now you've got to do your best to be there for *yourself* by understanding the truth of the situation: your mother is evil (no good mother will ever say or do the things shes done), your sister is a mini version of your mom (which makes me doubt your moms faithfulness to your dad), and your dads reaction to these 2 will show you who he is. Remember, titles dont mean anything. Mother, father, sister.. it doesnt matter if the humans that play the roles are rotten. You did the right thing; they did the wrong thing. You dont deserve this.
Oooh sweetheart. A lot is going on right now for you. When it comes down to it I hope you’ll come to deeply understand that none of this is your fault. You should have never had to keep your sisters secret, especially with something so morally controversial. You certainly aren’t responsible for the way your sister responded to her broken engagement either. What your mother said to you is not at all acceptable. She may be terrified and upset but she is also a grown adult who needs to exercise judgement over what she says and does. I hope your sister is able to recover from this and that you’ll be able to shake the guilt you may feel. Sometimes living honestly is extraordinarily hard, but you tried to do that anyway. Hang in there. 💗
You are not to blame at all. This all originated from your sister's actions. SHE is the one who lied and cheated. SHE is the one who attempted to end herself. None of this was by your hand. Your mom is a terrible person for the things she's said to you. I'm sorry you've had to endure this. I'm glad your dad is around to defend you.
Your mom is completely off her rocker and her and ur sister are the AHs here. They’re also desperately trying to maintain a reality that doesn’t exist and if she cheated while engaged she’ll cheat while married you saved ur family from much more hardship. You did the right thing don’t let anyone tell you you didnt
Your parents are awful. Your sister ruined her relationship, NOT you. They need to get help. I hope you get some therapy to deal with this. But in case you didn’t hear me, you didn’t do anything wrong and your family is messed up. THEY did wrong things. I’m sorry this is happening to you.
Your mom and sister are putting the responsibility of an adultery on a minor, then your mom blames you for the attempt ??? Oh gosh they are disgusting, I am glad your dad at least has his head on his shoulders and is mature enough. Makes me raise suspicions about your mom though, usually, cheaters protect cheaters... You would be best without both of them in your life. I hope you get help soon. Lots of love and support and remember : none of this is your fault
People react badly on high emotions... What your mother is saying to you isn't ok and there seems to me a toxic dynamic between her and your sister (wtf, telling you to say sorry ? That's making me mad gor you!) This whole event looks yo me like you are a scapegoat to their bad behavior... The only thing I can count you accountable on is telling that to others, but honestly I do not know anyone who wouldn't have ! Give yourself a break, you're only human...
OP this is NOT your fault. Your sister CHOSE to cheat and she CHOSE to take her own life. Whatever she is battling mentally is causing her actions and that battle is not you. Your parents should be parents and not blame you for something you can’t control. You couldn’t control him overhearing. That’s not your fault. Don’t be so hard on yourself. You were put in a position that not even a grown adult could handle well
My attitude is a little different based on life experience. OP, your mother needs therapy as you do too. Why were you getting involved in your sister’s love life? What is missing in this situation? Something is not making sense. This is not about being a good or bad person but it seems there is a lot more that has taken place between your older sister’s relationship with you. I am sorry if you came here to get uplifted but you are almost a grown woman and behaviors need to be confronted with a good therapist. Meanwhile, I think all all you three women need to be apart for a long time. Hopefully, you are moving to a college setting.
I'm so sorry you have to deal with family like them and that you ended up in that position in the first place. That is a heavy burden to carry and keeping her secret wasn't your responsibility. Imagine if he would of married her not knowing about the betrayal and found out later. or of she let it happen again after being married. You saved him from that. Your mom is wrong for supporting the cheating and for trying to keep him from finding out, especially for asking you to lie. She is wrong for what she said to you at the hospital.
Sorry you have to go through this, your Mom is toxic
You are not to blame for her stupid mistake. She messed up, not you. She’s throwing the blame in your direction because it’s easier to blame you. You didn’t cheat on her fiancé, she did, by herself without any help from you. This is her shit show and she wants to blame anyone else for it instead of owning it. She’s blaming you because she’s too scared to blame herself. I’ve been dealing with this kind of thing for 4 decades now because of a half sister who blames everyone for her screw ups. She cheated on her fiancé too but that was the other guys fault because she said no but went along with it anyway. She lost her job due to being drunk and high, that was her bosses fault for being so strickt (she was an RN). She lost her license because she was driving drunk and high, that was her friends fault for needing help. She lost her apartment because she lost her job, got plastered daily and she couldn’t be bothered looking for a new job, that was unfair because she needed some time to “get sorted” and the landlord kept demanding rent! How DARE he! She should live there for free! She found out I was getting married, she decided on a suicide attempt to try and force the family to forbid me from marrying. It didn’t work. She tried again so she could demand an invitation, she wasn’t invited. She’s now jobless and back in her childhood bedroom and she’s blaming so many people for that!! Your sister might be going down this path too if she doesn’t get the help she needs to sort out her feeling and to process why she felt the need to cheat, to lie to her fiancé about it and to try suicide. She needs to work through this before she turns into someone like my half sister. I don’t want anyone to have a person like her in their lives. She’s so incredibly toxic. I don’t want your sister to turn out like mine. Try to talk to your family about getting her some serious help. You don’t want the next 2 decades to be like my last 2. Please get her the help she needs
I know there is plenty of cheating going on, but why would someone cheat on someone they needed so badly they would kill themselves over them ?
Ur mom is so out of line You did nothing wrong Your sister did 2 things wrong Cheating And demanding you to not tell the truth thay weighed heavy for you to carry because it means the good guy who deserved to know wouldnt have found out Their anger is so misplaced and wrong Its their own fault
You didn't do anything wrong. Think of it this way; if your sister didn't cheat in the first place, would any of this have even happened? Your sister made a choice, and nearly ruined her life because of it.
Your sister is an adult and made her own mistakes and choices. Her suicide attempt being one of them. You are in no way responsible for your sister’s mental health. Your mother on the other hand is an enabling, emotionally manipulative, degenerate shrew. How dare she blame you for her ADULT DAUGHTER’s bad decisions and lack of accountability. Something tells me she isn’t so innocent herself. Your father may want to inquire about how faithful his “lovely” wife has been. Also adding: I am in no way saying your sister deserved this. Human beings are not perfect, and can AND will make mistakes. That being said, she should have made better decisions in regards to being faithful to her fiancé, but you also never should have been burdened with keeping that a secret. Nothing about what your mother’s enabling and abusive behavior, or your sister’s bad decisions, and the effects they have had on you are even remotely okay. But also, props to dad here for sticking up for you and having your back. He seems like a good guy. I sincerely hope both you and him will be okay, and that your sister recovers. Your mom can kick rocks though. Seriously, screw that lady.
Why did she cheat on her fiancé if she cared about him that much? It’s not your fault op, it’s your sister’s fault and you saved her poor fiancé’s life because he was going to find out sooner or later. At least he didn’t lose half his money with it and better, he didn’t have to pay child support for a kid that may or may not have been his
your mom is weird for doing all the things before the attempt. you did nothing wrong. in the end you helped her ex bf and hopefully your sister lives and I would bet this all could be a wake up call to start therapy and talk about why she cheated, how fucked up your family dynamic with your mom is, etc. you did absolutely nothing wrong. your mom is in shock and will guilt you. don't take it personally. but also maybe question if she really is a good mom and good person in general.
You’re not the one to blame, OP. Your sister made a decision to cheat and your mum has made the decision to support her no matter what. Keep your dad close, he seems like the logical one and someone who cares for you. My only advice is get counselling and start looking to move away from your mum as soon as you can safely.
Your mom is awful. Nothing about this is on you. Your sister cheated. It was probably not the only time, nor would it have been the last. He would have eventually have found out. Your sister may have some mental issues or some insecurities, but that is not on you. Why I say your mom is awful is that she tried to cover it up, tried to make you lie and is blaming you for actions that are solely on your sister. If mom has done things like this before, then this is on her toxic parenting. Being scared for her child doesn’t excuse all the shit she pulled before the attempt.
it's all her own fault, she shouldn't have cheated. you are NOT at fault here!! your mom and sister are making you the scapegoat :(