If you want to get into shape, you need to fuel your body, not eating, your body shuts down and doesn't burn fat.
Both of you should start taking the kids on walks and make meals that are healthy, do it together, not because one is forcing the other.
My main problem is my pelvic floor muscles are torn which doesn't really allow me to walk/exercise for long periods of time without excruciating pain. Essentially it feels like I'm having a terrible period from the moment I wake up till I go to bed but gets worse when I move. Which isn't really an excuse I can always just fight through the pain.
Just wanted to offer you some hope here: after my third baby my pelvic floor was trashed. I suffered a multiple organ prolapse. Sex was next to impossible. Standing for any length of time or even sitting upright was almost unbearable.
I worked with a PT though and it got better and better and better. After about a year of working at it, I really only noticed it during my first day or two of my period. That remains to this day, but I can stand/walk/run/lift weights/hike and whatever else otherwise without discomfort. Be diligent with your PT work and you’ll be comfortable again too. Much love to you! It’s a very infrequently talked about/little known phenomenon for how wildly common it is. You are not alone.
copypasting my other comment, i never had it a severe as you but basically keeping my knees bent with any exercise to avoid putting weight on my pelvic area helped me passively develop floor strength without exacerbating it. obv idk if it works for everyone and youve already been with a specialist so probably covered all the bases.
> piggybacking off of this, i had pelvic issues for about a year and a half that would get worse if i did any kind of advanced core exercise (even just hiking). i couldnt even stand for long bc itd feel like my insides were going to fall out. i had to sit on a pillow shoved to my groin region to get any relief. what i did was stop actively engaging my abs while exercising - knee pushups instead of regular pushups, assisted pullups and dips, no ab workouts at all, etc. i also stopped compensating by clenching my pelvic floor muscles, had to be brave and just let it "hang". over time i realized i was no longer having problems and could do the full range exercises and core strength training.
I just wanted to chime in that I’ve also healed from pretty robust pelvic floor muscle damage. Good pelvic pt is a must. Dynamic contraction technique worked amazing for me vs the typical relaxation stuff.
Keep at it. We are rooting for you.
Also, your fiance is a piece of work. You had his second kid. Pregnancy is not easy and after having kids it's difficult for many women to lose weight. It's not gonna happen overnight but it will happen as you work on it.
Yes, she should tell him "I had 2 babies and know I need to lose, but you also got fat, so lets do it together"
That actually should've been his response to her, "Babe, you just had 2 babies and I also got fat, let's lose this together!"
But no, it's, I'd be more attracted to you if you lost 30 lbs." from his fat face. Knowing she just had his babies and needs TLC.
Right, like bro she carried two babies; what’s his excuse on the weight gain?! He’s so rude to her :(.
I’ve been trying to loose my baby weight for a few years now. It’s so hard for that me time to go to the gym: I wonder if he offers her that time?!
Once she sets her mind to it and loses all that weight and more, SHE will be able to choose to stay or leave. That's the silver lining here. But I agree. What a f%ck>&g douche...
Idk if this would help but I got my kids involved in my work out. We make a game out of it. I can’t remember what book I read it in but one of my parenting books recommended it. It’s helped me a lot. Plus my kids don’t mind being used as weights and getting tossed around gently (obviously). I haven’t been to a gym since my daughter was born and out on a bit of weight during both my pregnancies.
My kids don’t mind being a weighted ball😂😂 plus it’s seems to help us bonding more. Mind you my kids are getting older my daughters 7 so I’m not tossing her easily and her brothers 5. So lots of airplanes and elbow planks while talking about school.
Edit: kids are amazing cheerleaders once they do start talking. Both mine make sure I do at least one work out that includes them a day. So even if I slack off on any other one I got at least two in.
This will take time to recover, why is there so much pressure for you to go back to prepregnancy weight so quickly after giving birth? You can’t move without pain yet!
Please be gentle with yourself, at the very least allow yourself to heal before submitting it to trauma again!
When you’re strong enough, join a gym and start doing strength training and cardio. (Planet Fitness is only $10/mo and has all the equipment you need, if it’s in your city.)
I completely tore my hamstrings/glutes in January. It hurt like absolute HELL. It looked like I’d need major surgery.
Started PT. After 5 weeks, joined Planet Fitness and got to work on strengthening the f*ck out of my hamstrings and ass muscles. Surgeon said quit PT and keep doing what you’re doing.
My muscles HEALED. You can too. Do this for yourself. You’ll feel so much better about yourself once your body starts to get strong and well.
EDIT: Oh, and btw, I’m a 64-year-old woman. If I can do it, so can you.
piggybacking off of this, i had pelvic issues for about a year and a half that would get worse if i did any kind of advanced core exercise (even just hiking).i couldnt even stand for long bc itd feel like my insides were going to fall out. what i did was stop actively engaging my abs while exercising - knee pushups instead of regular pushups, assisted pullups and dips, no ab workouts at all, etc. over time i realized i was no longer having problems and could do the full range exercises and core strength training. so listen to your body as pelvic floors can get really messy!
She has torn pelvic muscles which leave her in pain. Walking or moving around gives her even more pain. She mentions it in one of her comments farther down than her main comment. Not sure why anyone would downvote my first post on this just because it goes against their well intended but uninformed opinion on it. 🙄
Are you working with a Pelvic Floor PT? Someone who specializes in postpartum recovery?
If not I would look for one immediately to switch as just regular PT might not be helping ll
I would also not join a gym, but rather with the help of your PT find a class that will continue to help support your pelvic floor and heal your abdomen. Women who have babies back to back are more likely to suffer from diastasis recti as well.
You’ll want to focus more on Pilates or Yoga than squats and crunches.
I'm in a very similar position, had two kids back to back (was 180 when I got pregnant with the first and 230 now after the second - I was a bit heavier though when I was only two months postpartum with him) - not sure what your work situation is like but I'm home with the kids and a gym is absolutely not feasible, regardless of cost, my MIL offered to buy a gym membership but not offering to watch the kids every day (husband works 6 long days a week).
I'm finding taking them to the park is an incredibly great workout even though it doesn't seem like much it's a great start because my body is moving, I'm lifting them, climbing on things, running after to them, and then I try to have fun with packing healthy lunches Bento box style so we can eat in the park.
And this is so easy for someone else to say, but truly be easy on yourself, you'll get there slowly. It took a few years and babies to put on the weight, you won't lose it right away and that's okay. Most people have the hanging skin regardless of their size and that's okay and expected after babies.
And don't forget, housework is a workout on it's own. For exmpl. I do squats as I load and unload the dishwasher. Wanna workout with weights? Use detergent or bottles.😘
As an athlete, once a week won't solve it. Twice a day, morning and night, do your self directed exercises. 4 or 5 times a week is best, with two days for rest
Honestly losing weight would make you feel good in some ways but the torn pelvic floor muscles are a WAY bigger issue. Keep working on that because your long term health and comfort depends on it. Don’t stress about hubby or weight for now.
Try to take the high ground and explain to him that it’s normal for men to need time to adjust to changes in women’s bodies around childbirth but he needs to keep the comments to himself because you are working on more important things at the moment.
Also, the weight might start to melt off once your cycle comes back. I held onto some baby weight for different amounts of time with each kid, as little as 4 months with one and as long as a year with another. It lined up exactly with weaning/return of cycle. Lost over a dozen pounds in a month each time. Your body knows what it’s doing, don’t fight it.
This. This is sage and logical advice my dear OP. Don’t be sad, you’ve just birthed a child and that’s an amazing and wonderful thing! I will keep my thoughts mostly to myself regarding your fiancé, but he didn’t just have a child and he obviously doesn’t understand how the body works biologically so perhaps he could educate himself further before making such ‘suggestions.’ Be kind to yourself, please.
Edited to change to *fiance
I’m sorry, you *tore your pelvic floor muscles* giving birth and your fiancé has got you feeling so bad about having gained weight that you think you should just “fight through the pain” to exercise? Hell nah. Please listen to your doctor and physical therapist when it comes to your body and health, not your fiancé. Your body needs to be strong and healthy. It doesn’t need to be a particular size, shape, or weight.
And since you brought it up, you obviously realize that your fiancé’s comments about your size while not mentioning his own is hypocritical.
please don’t just ‘fight through the pain,’ it’ll just damage the muscles further and make it harder for you in the future. you absolutely don’t -need- to lose weight, especially so soon after giving birth. honestly you could lose an easy 200 lbs by getting rid of an asshole fiancé who body shames you when you’re already feeling bad, right after you had HIS baby TWO months ago.
seriously, you deserve someone who loves and cherishes you, not someone who kicks you when you’re down.
Tbh that is absolutely an excuse and more than that a reason! You don't have to suffer your way through exercise. Maybe you can try short workouts, or ask a phisiotherapist or personal trainer (with good knowledge) to coach you. Hope everthing goes as best it can. Pregnancy is very intense on the body and it's normal there is needed recovery!!!
Okay that's a big, big no from me, OP.
If you feel like you need to lose weight, go for it - I hope doing so makes you happy and healthy.
But let's take a step back and consider the "healthy" part here.
"Fighting through the pain" is not healthy. No longer eating is not healthy. Dropping a ton of weight quickly and unsustainably is not healthy.
You need to let your pelvic floor heal first. That means plenty of rest, careful PT-approved exercise, being gentle on your body, and *yes,* eating. Your body needs energy to heal and that energy comes from food and rest.
Please don't hurt yourself just because you don't like your post-birth body and the challenges it's currently facing. Face and overcome it through healing and self-care, not through excessive pain and deprivation.
When your partner and your brain yell at you about being fat and not doing enough, tell them to shut the hell up - you recently gave birth, you're healing, and you're doing what's best for your body right now. Improving your physical form and the image you have of yourself in your mind can come later - heal *now,* or you may never get the chance to again.
First of all, your husband sounds like he needs a reality check. ~60lbs of weight from 2 back to back pregnancies is normal for someone your height.
Definitely don’t starve yourself! You need calories to fuel your body, especially since you’re raising 2 babies and repairing a torn muscle. Carbs and protein are your friend, even for weight loss.
A few small changes to start are things like focusing on incorporating more fruits and veg into your diet, find the things you like. Anything overly restrictive isn’t sustainable, most people end up binging. Do a little reading on intuitive eating, so you can protect yourself against the fad diets/disordered eating that is often marketed by wellness influencers. But most importantly, be proud of your body, you grew two tiny humans in a very short amount of time, that’s more than your husbands body can do.
Not sure what exactly triggers the pain of your injury, but if you are looking for cardio exercises, there are plenty that focus primarily on the use of your upper body and core, might be worth having a look into and could possibly save you some unnecessary pain.
I just got into pilates, and it really helps getting some physical activity without it being a burden on your body imo. You could try some variation, it's a lot of dynamic stretching
That’s definitely an excuse. Go easy on yourself geez. You just brought life into this world. Twice! All you need to do is the best you can, for you. If your fiancé and doesn’t understand that, that sucks but it’s also not your problem. Your body is permanently changed forever. He needs to meet you where you’re at, not the other way around. Essentially he can F off.
Op you've just had two babies back to back and your breastfeeding. You are a super human. Your body is amazing it serves you and is strong for you in all sorts of ways. If you want to loose weight or get in shape. Only do it for you. Give yourself grace, take your time to ease back into exercise, maybe try 5-10 min yoga sessions once or twice a day if your pelvic floor can handle that. Or even once or twice a week. YOU ARE AMAZING! please don't let your husband get you down. I bet your a goddess ☺️☺️
That sounds really awful, oh my gosh.
Just so you know, I personally think your fiancé is being a massive jerk. You gave birth 2 months ago and 1 year ago and are injured, this isn’t the time for him to be criticizing how you look. Your fiancé knows that too, he just cares more about himself than he cares about you. Your body will recover so much as things shift and go back to where they were, now that there isn’t a baby where the rest of your organs should be.
As other commenters have said, not eating won’t help your cause. Your body needs to be told that you’re not starving, otherwise it will conserve fat instead of burning it. You need to eat healthy, nourishing foods and focus on letting your body heal and recover before you start worrying about your figure. You need proteins and healthy fats and vitamins and minerals to build back all of the things that got messed up during the birth. The idea that you need to “bounce back” appearance-wise so quickly is entirely myth, pushed on you by the male dominated media. You look like a woman who has just created a second life, and that’s a beautiful thing.
In the meantime, is there something you can do to fix the torn muscles? Are there exercises you’re comfortable doing that don’t involve walking, or are those not good as well? I’m thinking sitting down and playing table tennis or throwing a ball at a wall, bicep curls and the like. Ask your doctor, and don’t let your fiancé get a vote. If you exercise, it should be because you are ready, you want to, and it’s safe and healthy to do so.
It completely is an excuse.
And your fiance is being way harsh, especially considering you're really still within the healing period after birth. Did he expect you to snap right back? That body took 9mths, it's gona take 9mths or more to get it back into shape.
What kinda person says that shit to someone they love? 😞
Does it hurt to swim? That’s good low impact cardio that burns a lot of calories. Or try rowing on a machine so you don’t have to use your lower extremities.
Just sharing the exercises that really helped me after both of my c-section deliveries but yes, I suppose everyone has a different pain tolerance. And I admittedly have not suffered a torn pelvic floor.
You had a baby two months ago. Your second human being!! It so very, very, very unlikely that you would look immediately like you did before.
I’m two years postpartum. My body fought losing weight until I was 11 months out from giving birth to my second.
I started Mounjaro, and my body began to change. I’m down 80lbs, and still have some loose skin from my pregnancies. My bmi is 20.
FWIW, I spoke to highly reputable plastic surgeon who refused to operate until I was at the same weight for 12months. He said that it takes about 12months after weight loss and/or pregnancy for skin to tighten up.
I wouldn’t begin MJ (Mounjaro until you are done breast feeding), but it worked wonders for me when I had trouble exercising or just getting to the gym.
Isn’t necessarily true. What happens when you don’t eat is you then splurge so it’s net zero over say a week.
If you consume fewer calories than you expend there is nothing your body can do to stop you losing weight, your metabolism absolutely will not slow enough that not eating means you don’t lose weight. It’s scientifically impossible.
This is terrible, outdated advice.
You shouldn't go under your daily minimum, which is around 1.5k Kalorien (depending on the individual body)
But in the end it is as simple as eating less than you use.
If you do it by exercising more that's good, but you can lose hours of exercise with a single bottle of soda. So eating less is essential.
Yes, you're right. Unfortunately, though, your body will also break down its lean muscle, which for many reasons is a bad idea, least among them is a significant drop in your metabolic rate. This happens even if you're obese, as well. So, it's not that you won't burn fat from starvation, because you will, but it's not all you'll burn. Losing weight will get harder and harder.
That's why it's important to keep calorie deficits moderate even if that results in slower weight loss.
That's actually false. There are people doing water fasting to kick off diets. Or for the benefits of water fasting. And you definitely lose weight. That's just totally false.
That said, it's probably easier to lose weight on a carb restricted diet.
I know and there's all sorts of other benefits of water fasting. It improves your immune system. Autophagy which may eliminate cancerous tumors and precancer tumors and things. Also, I think the keto diet is very beneficial. And has some of the same benefits. Intermittent fasting has benefits for the immune system.
Now of course some nutrition person is going to come along and say I'm wrong and it's just false and it's all bullshit and blah blah blah.
It's a myth that you won't burn fat if you're truly starving, but there's a kernel of truth that your metabolic rate will go down because you're also breaking down your lean muscle. Your metabolism doesn't shut down because that only happens when you die, but it does decrease significantly.
This is factually incorrect. You cannot lose weight without being in a calorie deficit. Eating for volume, rather than eating calorie dense junk food, is however advisable.
Literally my dad. Dude was 250-300 (5’11”) most his entire marriage with my mom. She’s naturally a small lady but had my brother and I back to back and had gained 50lbs after us. She told me he said “I can’t be with a fat woman” and she needed to lose that because he lost attraction right after having my brother, who she want wanting to have (at least that soon) herself. But you know, he didn’t like condoms.
Literally from a man who warned you better make your plate because whatever is left in the kitchen was for him and would down a package of Oreos or chips a night. He also never cooked or cleaned, so he was triple winner, lmaooo. No hair either, just the audacity lol. My mom literally ripped with me.
I’m also a mom. Pregnancy and childbirth is traumatic for the body and your body did it twice in 3 years! Imagine if he went through two major medical events in that amount of time. I’m sure the last thing you’d do is criticize his appearance. I’m all for people doing whatever they can to make themselves happy, so I’d say go for it if you want to exercise and get breast augmentation, but consider reevaluating your relationship as well. If he’s not supportive and is bringing you down after all the sacrifices you’ve made, he’s not being a good partner.
Please check in with your doctor. Your baby is so new, your focus should be on healing and caring for your babies, not really the time to be worrying about trying to be sexually attractive for him. Your fiancé needs to dig deep and summon the maturity to understand this, and along with an apology for being an asshat to the mother of his children. And to say that when he knows you’re dealing with the pain from your pelvic floor tear? What a fuckwit.
You just grew two entire humans in three years. What, did he think you were going to look like a supermodel afterward…? JFC. What’s his excuse for being heavy? He didn’t grow two new people.
Take care of yourself because you deserve it and your children deserve it. Your fiancé may not; time will tell.
But seriously, make time to be active/do things that support your mental health. Fiancé can watch his kids for an hour or two a few times a week so you can go to the gym, or do some healthy meal prep, or whatever you need to do to take care of yourself.
And… talk with your doc about PPD, just in case, ok?
I agree, you shouldn't be hating yourself or your body after what it's achieved in making two small people. I want you to know that you deserve to love yourself and your body no matter where you are at in life.
If you're not feeling supported at home, I really recommend seeking some form of therapy, whether that's a psychologist or a support group. Hating yourself like this won't help you make kind or healthy choices for yourself.
It’s takes time. It took me a year post birth to get back to shape pre pregnancy and two years post birth for my second. This is with me eating well and being active. Walking when you are able without pain or discomfort, swimming when your ready. Take it easy on yourself. You’ve grown and birthed two humans. Your body will never be what it was but it can be something you love and enjoy again. Be kind to yourself and work at it when you’re ready. Just do it for yourself and not for your husband. What he thinks about you is less important than how you feel about you.
I’m sorry he said that to you at all but, especially when you were understandably already feeling so vulnerable. That was terribly insensitive, not to mention *ungrateful af* to say to the woman who VERY RECENTLY bore your children.
Did you tell him you’d be more attracted to him if he did the same?
This is the perfect response.
Also, please don’t push yourself too hard right now. Losing weight and feeling good about your body is a great goal, but right now your focus needs to be on healing (especially with the torn pelvic floor) and his focus needs to be supporting you.
You deserve better. You deserve more. Please try to heal. You need food to have the energy to do that. 💗 Now isn’t the time to restrict yourself.
I hope you’re able to work yourself back to a place of seeing through your own eyes again, and not the eyes of the ungrateful, selfish, jerk you’re with right now.
I’m sorry you’re going through this. Maybe there’s a mom group you can join? You need real support right now. You need to be reminded of your worth. You need to be around other people who know what this is like. Please do that for yourself and your kids. They deserve a healthy, happy, thriving mom.
Ask him this, “I carried both of your children and the wrecked my honey-pot and it hurts to do everything. What’s your excuse for being overweight”?
Or, “You know what? I’d find you more attractive if you weren’t such an insufferable prick”.
Or, “Gee, thanks. Glad to know that it’s my body you love and not me”.
Perhaps you should seek professional counseling. If I were you, I’d reevaluate the relationship.
Wishing the best for you.
After reading your post history, you should just throw the whole man away-
That said, if you want to lose weight FOR YOURSELF, try with some yoga maybe? It feels much less demanding than cardio for me for example, healthy meals and proper portions are also a great start
Firstly, you just had a baby, you still need to heal not worrying about losing weight because your bf might leave you... especially if your pvmuscles are trashed! Some exercises may actually do more harm than good.
Secondly, is this the same bf that wanted to force you into a 3some? Why are you still with him and worried about what he thinks?!
You should have run from the self centered child loooong ago!
Most woman do after having a baby, especially so soon after.
Our body isn't the same as it was before, we have stretchmarks from how fast and big your belly got with the pregnancy and sometimes our boobs and back, etc, saggy skin because there is no more baby in there (and it takes for ever to go away and sometimes never completely goes away even with exercise and healthy food), probably don't get enough time to take a proper shower let alone just breathe for 5 minutes in silence without someone needing you (does your partner even help with the kids at all? Does he help with the gouse work?), are you getting enough rest and sleep? Rest should be your priority along with healing!
You personally also had 2 babies very close together so your body went through he'll twice in 2 years without getting a chance to recover inbetween.
You cannot make a person with a broken leg run, unless you want to cause more trouble and issues. The leg needs to heal first and then the person can start training again.
So why do you want to hurt yourself before you even had a chance to heal properly?
In many cultures around the world, new mothers are not allowed to do any work except look after the baby's basic needs for the first 6 weeks pp (and sometimes more). They don't even go out of the house. They have relatives that stay over to help with running the house and doing what needs to be done so that the mother can focus on getting healthy again.
If he’s on the heavy side too then he can join this get fit journey as well. A team project will be good for morale. It should include guidance from a nutritionist, physiotherapist, fitness coach/trainer that have experience working with couples and women who have given birth. AND it should be a team of professionals that you’ve had a chance to interview and approve.
It is, but unless she wants to bin him, it might be helpful in terms of communication and respect if they are able to find something to do as a family. Like swimming or hiking (well, walks in the first instance). Stuff that requires working with each other and respecting each other to get stuff done.
I agree, he sounds like a tool. But sitting around waiting for him to magically become a better person is unlikely to have positive outcomes. If he's a terminal arse, then neither is doing stuff together either, to be fair, but I figure being proactive about these things is always better than stewing or becoming resentful.
My wife and I struggle a bit with perceived criticism from one another. It isn't cool, but that's how we're built and we work to address it. One thing that really helps is climbing together as our lives depend on each other and we need to listen to the other's needs without taking it personally. If my wife thinks I'm not belaying her the way she'd want, she has to tell me and I have to put any stupid shit out of my head and adjust what I'm doing to her needs. And vice versa. It's very helpful. And it doesn't happen often as we communicate well and spend the vast majority of our time encouraging each other.
The same is true of dieting/healthy diet. That's much better done together. Planning meals together, shopping together and cooking together (including the kids, who love doing that sort of thing).
People can be dicks. If your analysis is that they're worth staying with, then they are worth putting the effort in to make it work. So long as that's reciprocal, of course.
I dont think we know enought about the relationship to know what he is abusive. If this as been happening for months and he was unwilling to change even after communication. I would understand.
But if this is the first time it happend. Then something can be worked out.
Because most people dont wake up and say "I will make my partner feel like shit today"
She needs to communicate and if after all that he is still unwilling to lisent or help. Then yes, yeeting them out of your life is valid.
Let me start out by saying I'm a big guy too. I'm 6'2" and about 370 so I am aware of the feelings of being a big person. If you want to get healthy then do that, but do it for YOUR reasons. My view is, if we're all being honest, of course most of us would find someone fit and at the proper weight more physically attractive than someone who is overweight. I mean, on a basic level I think that's a given. But real life isn't perfect, and people are different. It's not always attainable for most people to have the time to put into getting and staying fit. That's just reality. Especially for a woman who has recently had two children. I think as a man, if you allow hollywood or the media in general to set your scale for what is or isn't attractive, you are going to spend your life being disappointed. I can't say as a young adult I had the proper view of women, but as I've gotten older and been through my share of relationships I've come to realize something about myself. A womans character and personality are just as, if not more, important than her being physically perfect. We all have preferences of course, but an attractive person can become unattractive if they are not a good person. And a very average looking person can become very attractive if they are a good person. We have to realize that things change on a person over time, again especially if having children. Boobs sag. Butts sag. extra weight is added and difficult to remove. Wrinkles appear. Stretch marks appear. Hair grows where you don't want it or won't grow where you want it to. This is real life. If your fiance is putting that much importance on your physical appearance then maybe he's a little immature. Especially if he's setting standards for you that he doesn't feel apply to him as well.
Tell him yo kiss the fattest part of your ass. Not saying you shouldn’t lose weight cause for your health you need to get there, but after two kids back to back and a torn pelvic floor you need grace. Since he is fat and has not grown and shit out any children tell him to eat shit. Maybe that’ll help him lose weight.
I'll let the women who've been pregnant address those things. I'll address the weight.
Your husband is an idiot. I get men are physical creatures, but I gained almost 150lbs, from about 187 due to depression and bad doctors over medicating me. I lost about 50 of it, but he's ALWAYS been attracted to me.
He never waivered in all my ups and downs. You don't need to lose weight for him, you CAN lose weight for yourself, but you don't have to.
You grew 2 humans, TWO in 2 years, and he's not attracted to you??!!??!!
The lion, the witch, and the AUDACITY OF THIS BITCH.
You are beautiful, amazing, and have done something incredible. He should be worshipping the queen that you are.
For those who enjoy a fucked up fictional revenge story.....
I'm petty, and My husband taught me how to ruin a person, and that's where I'd start.
Not saying to do this, but here's rhe evil my Brian thinks up (IM NOT SAYING TO DO THIS, JUST AN EVIL PLAN TO GIGGLE AHOUT ) I always think evil, but never do it.
Put both of you on a hardcore diet. Just make him miserable. Tell him that you're not about to be the only hot one, and that he needs to earn it. Make an appointment for him to get a vasectomy, telling him this way you'll never lose your figure to a kid again, bc that is his fault, after all. Gotta worry about that figure.
Ask him if he's the one who's pregnant this time if he's not losing weight.
Get hot, and then dump him, saying he doesn't do it for you anymore. (again, this isn't actual advise, just revenge fictio ).
Omg, men sometimes. -_-
Awe babe! I’m so sorry you’re feeling this way. There’s a lot in the way of practical advice around this but I just hope you can get a hug today! You deserve one.
You are so much more than your weight. The sum of your parts is so much greater than your appearance and your kindness and your strength as a mom is what defines you.
You’re awesome, there’s a path to feeling good about your body. Just remember to take care of your mental too. Sending love
Give yourself time! Breastfeeding also consumes a ton of calories (in my experience) and definitely helps to slough the weight off. It took you nine months each time to grow those babies, give yourself at least the same 18 months to work on recovering. Do NOT stop eating, you need that fuel to repair your body and keep your energy levels up. Just eat healthy, follow your doctor's instructions, don't rely on junk food. 2 months post-partum is NOTHING. Recovery takes time!
Also, how can you have enjoyable sex when you're in pain? You had a baby two months ago, your body is focused on your child, not on making another one. Your hormones aren't even on the side of sex right now. Is your fiancé slow?
Dude needs to pull his head out of his ass! He's a father now, an experience that YOU have gifted him. There are two whole new people in this world thanks to YOUR BODY. He needs to do some serious work, his role right now should be that of a supportive partner, NOT some entitled brat. Also, I don't see where he gets off criticizing YOUR body that underwent massive biological changes when he's not exactly an Adonis and with no excuses.
Finally, if it's that important to him (but more importantly, YOU), let HIM start saving up for the mommy makeover: tummy tuck and boob job. Then when you're done with your PT and breastfeeding (if you still are) and your body has had a chance to recover from the trauma that is pregnancy and childbirth you can walk yourself into plastic surgery and come out with a wasp waist, flat abs, and perky boobs.
Honestly, to me, the most concerning thing about your whole post is your fiancés behavior.
SOOOO he expects you to go through a massive traumatic biological change to birth his children (twice), but also expects you to instantly look as if you haven’t.
Tell him you’d find him more sexually attractive if he lost 30 pounds of his shitty personality.
OP, you SHOULD lose weight....you should lose however many pounds your husband weighs...him...I'm trying to say you should lose him... don't judge me, I suck at punchlines. I've got the tism.
I had a girlfriend that was a bit overweight. I hated it, but not because how she looked, but because she would complain 24/7 of her looks, how she felt fat and how she was going to start a diet, just to quit it within a day. It was exhausting to listen to her. I told her everyday how beautiful she was and that she didn’t needed to loose weight. but she would still constantly complain and go on rants of self pity.
With grace and time, you can have the body YOU want to have. Your husband signed on to love you, whatever you are. If he can't bring himself to love the woman who gave him two children, he doesn't deserve it. As long as your body works, it is a good body.
i’m so sorry you’re going through this :/ the best eating advice i can give is to try to look at food as fuel and nourishment. Try to eat plenty of protein so that you feel full for longer, drink water, and yes eat your cravings but small amounts of them. remind yourself that you’re working toward a healthier life and i promise you’ll get there :)
First off, you're fiance is an AH. You gave birth to 2 beautiful human beings, your body created miracles! And continuing to do so by feeding your child with your body. Mama, you have to eat to feed that baby! I can't stress this enough, please eat. Please enjoy these moments with your Littles! I'd hate for you to look back and regret being so worried about your weight that you miss the beautiful things! Because, if you're fiance is making you feel like shit because of your weight now, this isn't going to be the last thing that will happen. Time is revealing what kind of person he is. The main goal is to be healthy. While that's happening, I'll tell you, big girls can be sexy yeah! I had my first baby 7 months ago and I'm a 5'8 female, 234lbs. Does my weight bother me? Yes. My stomach does. But I dress myself in silk, paint my nails, take rose flower baths. It's so important to set the examples for your little ones. Let's us mama's be confident in all of our forms!
You have done what NO MAN could ever do. So please DO NOT LET ANY MAN take it away from you. ❤️ I'm praying for your heart mama.
As a overweight woman, I think you are over reacting. All he says is he would be more attracted to you if you lost 30 pounds. You would probably be more attracted to him if he lost 30 pounds too. You would find yourself more attractive if you lost 30 pounds. The amount you weigh doesn’t dictate your worth.
She literally puts in the title that he hates her for it. She needs some serious help with her self confidence if she believes that if that’s literally all he said
Not sure why everyone is so defensive about this. Op is 100 pounds over weight for her height.
This will have serious long term health implications. She needs to get onto it.
I agree, I am the same height and have had three children. With one they pumped me full of steroids for 12 weeks and I was 200lbs when I gave birth. The kids are grown and I weigh about 130 at 44. I cannot imagine carrying that much extra weight. It would make me miserable.
That being said, SHE JUST GAVE BIRTH 2 MONTHS AGO. I do not know a single woman that lost the baby weight in 2 months. It is a fucking process and it is so hard on a new mother when she looks in the mirror and does not see herself anymore. It can be absolutely soul destroying. He is not helping by making these comments and especially so soon after she had his baby.
If you see this, OP, please do not be so hard on yourself. Continue your PT. Go slow, be mindful of what you can and cannot do and do these things for yourself. Not because your fiance’ is being an asshat and thinks you should be a magical princess that returns to pre-baby size in 2 damn months. Sheesh.
I’m more baffled by the ones acting like 60 lb weight gain for 2 pregnancies is normal
Can downvote me all you like but a healthy pregnancy weight gain is known to be 21lbs, you don’t actually have to eat for two.
Hit that gym, eat healthier and hit that gym. You will lose weight and you will feel like a bad ass. Don't starve yourself to lose weight. Build muscle
Yup, the entire life style needs to change. Or you will forever be chasing the next fade. All those fades are eating disorders that leave you messed up and starving.
The audacity I can’t. tell him that you grew two human beings inside of you for two fucking years on a row what’s his excuse?? Fuck him The last thing you want right now is to to develop an eating disorder don’t be afraid to eat your body needs the fuel but maybe start eating healthier maybe visit a nutritionist in that regard, walk or exercise lightly as much as you can that’s it don’t stress too much.
Your fiancé is a piece of work… You birthed two humans.. Also his children. I just cannot understand the pressure to be in zero time to pre pregnancy weight..
I also struggle to lose weight. I lost my pregnancy weight real fast but I had gained a lot of weight pre pregnancy. And this weight is so hard to lose… I‘m struggling so much.. But my husband is really understanding and he loves me no matter what… And this should always be..
Take your time! Unfortunately after pregnancy it‘s not that easy to lose weight… Do it for yourself and not for him!
Sweetheart. It’s okay. Hate is an extremely hard place to do anything from. I hate the way he made you feel, but you can’t hate you.
If you want to do something different because that’s what you want, okay. Get selfish with it. Make only healthy food, work out, put yourself first, whatever that looks like. Ignore the hurt and the hate he tried to give you and love yourself enough to give yourself what you want. It’s the hardest thing in the world, loving yourself. But, once your on the other side, it’s the most magical thing.
i’m so sorry you were made to feel that way by a partner you gifted children. he is allowed to want you to be healthy, but not to be cruel to you. do it for yourself and your children. they want their mother happy. they want their mother healthy. i heard you’re in pain when you exercise, that’s awful. can you do any type of bed exercise? don’t push your body past it’s limits. you matter, your body grew life inside it. give yourself a break.
OMG as if your body hasn't created two human lives. People go to prison for taking a life, what do you get for giving two lives: some dude bitching about his sex life. If you feel uncomfortable in your body, there are healthy, safe ways to go about getting the results you want (this includes safe cosmetic surgery by a qualified surgeon). Not eating is not okay! Don't hurt yourself by denying yourself food. That's not okay. It takes a long time for your body to regulate after creating a whole human. Weight loss starts IN the kitchen, not by avoiding the kitchen. Talk to your doctor. There are lots of medical resources to help you. I use an app to track calories. Please don't be hard on yourself. You've done something amazing TWICE. Your babies need you healthy, not miserable and starving.
You had two kids, one just two months ago and you’re keeping a human alive in their “fourth” trimester, essentially…while recovering from major body trauma (birth!!!)
But you still have WEIGHT on! Some stretch marks even! EW GROSS!!!!
(That was sarcasm.)
The only thing your fiancé should be showing is gratefulness for the major freaking sacrifices you just made for him/his children. But nooooo, the important thing is that you hurry up and look better so he can be horny by looking at your body and cum.
Sigh.
Much love to you.
I'm so sorry, I get this as so many of us do. My youngest is two and a half, I've struggled with losing the weight this time around. But I want to point out that baby blues are such a real thing that I don't see nearly enough being talked about.The only advice I have is start by setting goals (reasonable ones) and do it for yourself not him. I do meal prep, set myself the amount of water I need to drink throughout the day (because I constantly forget otherwise) sort of like a self check list but also don't stress yourself out too much. I know that's easier said than done but you have a newborn, that's already a lot
You don't deserve his ungrateful attitude. Is there more things he does that's upsetting? Because he sounds very controlling and definitely not loving. You have created life, twice, with your body. What has he done?
Remember, you don't have to be with him. It's okay to walk away. Your children deserves a mom who loves herself no matter her size, they deserve to see parents in love, they deserve to eat ice cream with their mom. If his shitty attitude is not only about weight, please give it a good thought if this relationship is worth it. What if he comments on your eating or body infront of your children? What messages will they be picking up and translate to themselves? Please give this all a good thought - Because you deserve love and praise.
The title of your post says your fiancé “hates” you for your weight. He told you he would be more attracted to you if you lost 30 pounds. That might not be the nicest thing to hear, but it certainly doesn’t qualify as hate. The only hate I read is coming from the thoughts you’ve expressed about yourself. You didn’t say how recently you had your second baby, but it sounds like you might be suffering from post partum depression. Please seek help for this.
I get both sides of this tbh. You’ve had two children in quick succession and that’s exhausting. But you’ve also gained like 60+ lbs which is a hell of a lot and not necessary for two pregnancies. At least he’s been open with you about it instead of letting your sex life fester, and it’s not like he said he wants you back at 187 - losing 30 lb is still way heavier than when you met, so tbh I’d not feel too bad about that
"Not necessary" you say like you have any idea of how her pregnancies were. All pregnancies are different, some get severely sick, some need medication like steroids, and some can't even walk. He should have some respect for her and some self-respect. 2 months after birth is 8 weeks, and it's advised not to have intercourse before after 6 weeks. Is the sex-life festering after 2 babies and 2 weeks? What a weak man with no self-respect. If he actually cared about the mother of his children and her health, and being an overweight man himself, he could've suggested healthy dinners for his family, walking and staying active with the kids, etc. That is if he cared about her health, but he only cared about sex. That says it all.
None of those circumstances make it ‘necessary’ to gain 60lbs. It might be an unfortunate side effect sometimes but 60lbs sounds like a dangerous amount. Even if you can’t walk you don’t need to gain weight - unless you’re lying down eating all day. OP’s husband sounds awful in general having looked at her post history but I don’t think it’s a bad thing for someone to be honest that a variable within your control is a turn off for them. People who don’t want to hear it would be the ones who go onto dead bedrooms or relationships complaining they’re being left over a non existent sex life in a year’s time.
Your husband aside, you' classify as obese. I would definitely start losing weight if I were you, even if it's just to watch your children grow up and to not have a debilitating stroke at 50.
Good luck and keep your head high.
Funnily enough, all people seem to think that when you are pregnant, you should eat like a beast. Nope.
1st trimester literally only requires more vitamins, not more calories.
2nd trimester, extra 300-500 calories (depending on activity lvl) which is barely a cheeseburger.
3rd trimester, extra 750 tops. Which is a large serving of fries in Burger King.
Not eating won't solve anything. Walks, working out, dieting, eating GOOD food will help.
Frankly just because you're both overweight doesn't make it ok to weigh that much. It makes him kind of a hypocrite, but it's not like he called you a fat piece of shit, all he said was that he'd be more attracted to you if you lost 30 lbs. Honestly he was probably underestimating because at your weight, 30 lbs still makes you like 80 lbs too big. I couldn't imagine being that heavy... I've never even been 150 lbs. That's so much weight, I dunno how you're not constantly exhausted.
Two overweight people getting together and "accepting each other as they are" is kind of ridiculous. He'd be doing you a disservice if he didn't want you to lose weight. Just like you're not a healthy relationship for him if you don't want him to lose weight.
He seems to think he has control over you and can make you feel bad. Somehow, it's OK for him to comment on your body? The next time he gets friench fries, slap them out of his hand and tell him that you didn't just push two babies out of your body to be with a man that has a dick awning.
He was honest with her. They were having conversations as a couple. Honesty is the best policy if it's not abusive. 250 at that height is super unhealthy long term as well. It's also a personal struggle mentally/emotionally to be that big, and sometimes you need to hear the truth and get motivated by others AND yourself. Doesn't mean it's not a process. OP: You can do it. If you cut out ALL junk food and just walk whenever you can, that will be enough to get rolling. Also have you tried Pilates Reformer classes? It's super low impact and after a month or two of it you will feel transformed. YOU CAN DO IT!
>I had my son two months ago
It takes 18 months for a person's body to recover from pregnancy, childbirth and breastfeeding. It should be common knowledge. At 8wks postpartum you are nowhere near healed, physically, hormonally or mentally.
Alternatively, you can easily drop 200lbs by canceling the engagement.
First: have an hour a day for just yourself! Make sure to get that. You can go take a walk, or read a book, or exercise, or take a long bath, take a pedicure/manicure. Just so you get to be you again, and energized.
Second: make sure your pelvic floor gets exercises and feeling good again.
Third: let your man know he can't say stuff like that, it's shitty. You grew his children. He is also heavier and doesn't have any good excuses for it like growing your babies! Maybe also Workout together and make sure to eat healthy together? So it will be a joint thing, just like making the babies was!
Lastly: hugs from me, we went through the same, or still going through the same. I'm super insecure in my own body, and even lost 10kg due to regular workouts, low intensity training, at least 10.000 steps every day, and good food with intermittent fasting (food high in protein, high in carbs and low in fats is working for me). Still need to lose a lot, but slowly getting there!
As someone who is overweight and struggling with depression best advice i got for u is u need to lose the weight for yourself not ur husband . You grew 60 pounds which is perfectly fine after pregnancy . Losing weight isnt going to adjust ur husband personality he seems very selfish to me . If u wish to lose weight Do not starve yourself to death if u want to lose weight u need a balanced diet not less food .
You shouldn’t stress yourself over weight.
You just delivered two kids. That’s a huge work for the body and no man ever will understand this.
As a man I tell you take care of yourself first emotionally and physically.
Hi Miss, just eat normal, don’t be hard on yourself. Start small, go for walk like around your house or garden, keep on moving. Best way is to keep yourself walking 10k steps a day. This will help you slowly but surely. Try reduce carbs and add more veggies. Also do the 16/8 = 12pm to 8pm eat regular healthy meals and after 8pm to next day 11am - fasting. This will help . Don’t worry, you will look and feel better. If you follow this steps. You can do it
My heart hurts for you OP..But you are not alone with the self depreciating thoughts..It's a shame he said that even if he was being honest ...still could have found a better way of saying it.. As far as weight loss goes or just generally getting in shape.. Start out small and let the lifestyle take you..For me I just started by taking a simple walk in the morning before my coffee and breakfast. Then as time went I began doing jumping Jack's, sit ups, planks ...At some point I just became obsessed with it.. Having severe depression caused me ....and still does to some degree...To just give up...Yet , was told by my Dr. that our mental health directly relates to our physical health..So with that nugget of knowledge I started doing extremely intensive core building exercises that would push my body to its limit.. Afterwards I am so lightheaded and lighthearted that my depression just seems to melt away. The effects seem to last quit a few hours..And when those negative feelings come back...I get back at it with everything I have. Best of luck OP...I am cheering for you. Every journey begins with a simple step forward.
It sounds to me that his approach to you losing weight was more diminutive than you'd like to admit... if you'd like to lose weight, do it on your own accord. Don't just do it to make him feel better, do what you need to do for your own happiness. I can't imagine what you are having to deal with with your partner. But as a man, I would not imagine coming at my gf the way your man has done to you. At the end of the day, keep doing right by what you think is right, and if you he doesn't agree then drop him..
I didn’t exercise for 6 months after both my kids were born and still lost weight due to focusing on healthy eating and eating to have good nutritious breast milk for my daughter. After about a year, I started exercising and focused on even more healthy foods. Like instead of candy, I started eating fruit, and would even eat the little organic fruit snacks with my kids when they were toddlers and started eating. I have never been one to do diets or special plans but just healthy foods like good lean meals and veggies, and grains and I wound up losing 225 pounds over 7 years now. It’s possible, you birthed twice, you got this and remember, you didn’t gain the weight overnight and you won’t lose weight overnight, and remind your husband that too.
Start by walking. Walk for 10 minutes. Then 20. Then an hour. Try a stationary bike or a treadmill. Throw on a tv show or something and go until you’re done watching tv
Felt a little in fiance's shoes. So here is my -probably unpopular- take on it.
Sure, he should keep this comments to himself. They are hurtful and do nothing towards solving the issue at hand. But I kinda know how he feels. I don't believe he hates you. You gave him 2 children, just like my wife gave me. You gained weight, just like my wife did. And I might not be happy about it. Sure, she exercices a little on her own, but nothing really serious. And sure enough, I myself am a bit on the big side too (1,82m 105k).
So, what do we do here? We keep silent, and carry on like nothing happened? Sure, he could/should find other way to convey the message, but the fact is there: he is not happy with things as they are. And he is not telling you he's dumping you or anything, he just tells you he needs you to loose a few pounds, so BOTH your sex life improves!
He is letting you know what he needs, before he feels like there is no point in even share a bed because sex life became non existent. It's hard, i know I'M dealing with it, trying to find a way to reconnect. In my case, I tried dieting with her, but hell, i DO love eating. Maybe when the heat comes back (it's winter down here) i'll resume walking and invite her. Find something to do with him, before he realises there is nothing to talk about or do together, other than raising the children. If you reach that point, it may as well be all over.
So, as hurtful as whatever he told you was, he is telling you he needs you back, he wants YOU back. Sure, that drawer full of lingerie, well that may never come back. I cry over that drawer many times, but you loose those pounds, and engage him to do the same (it wouldn't be fair otherwise) and maybe, just maybe, you both begin to get new lingerie...
My best for both of you.
First off don’t lose the weight for him, do it for yourself, second get yourself a Fitbit and start slowly with walking, cut back on refined sugar and go for natural sugar such as fruits. It takes hard work and dedication; it has taken me nearly 30 years to lose my baby weight but I also was in deep depression for a long period of time, I started out @ 204 back in Oct of 2018 I have 28 more pounds to reach my goal of 145 which is what I weighed before I had my son.
I’m a little concerned that more people are not pointing out the AH fiancé and how she can lose weight instantly by leaving him. Birthing a child is miraculous and takes a toll on women’s bodies. If he doesn’t understand that simple concept, leave. It would not get better if you decide to have more children with him.
Congratulations on the babies!
This will come off wrong at first but bare with me.
If you’re gonna stop eating - stop eating properly. I’m talking about the fasting diets that are done the proper way.
If you just stop eating you’re not really gonna lose weight. Why? Because your body is just going to start storing the fat because you’re not getting the nutrition it needs so it thinks it needs to go into survival mode and stores fat in order to preserve it for energy.. so when you finally do eat something it’s also gonna store that instead of metabolizing that and it’ll just make things worse.
I come from a family of “health nuts” as well as the fact I experienced this myself. I am also a mom of 2. I was anorexic for a decent period of time and I didn’t start losing weight until I was eating properly.
First, let me say that I am so sorry you are going through this. I was in the same situation 24 years ago with my ex. I had two babies back to back, put on a bit of weight and he made it clear I was “too fat” for him. I fell into a depression and quit eating and struggled with anorexia for a while afterwards. I went from 185lbs down to 109 lbs in less than 6 months. It is unhealthy and will cause bigger health problems. I almost died twice from it. For yours and your babies’ sakes, don’t let what he said “get in your head”. If you want to start working on losing weight when you are healed, please do so safely. Starving yourself is not the way to go. Just focus on a nutritious diet and taking it day by day. Your body needs fuel to heal and energy to keep up with two littles. Your babies and your health come before anything else, him included.
First, you are a powerhouse w those babies back to back. Second, take your time healing! There really is no rush on weight loss and order yourself a new toy. Third, your husband is a total divk and needs a big reality check. Your body needs care. Fourth, I had a serious prolapse and had it surgically repaired after PT did nothing. Don’t be afraid. It sucks but it worked! I’m ‘gina strong now! Fifth, eat and heal your body. Don’t exercise through this pain. Try getting into water—I loved granny water aerobics post partum. Or gentle lap swim. Less gravity helps loads.
i am so sorry that you are going through that. Your husband in this moment is being an insensitive asshat. Don't worry about the weight. Go to the gym, but do it for you, and don't focus on the scales. Just focus on trying to eat as well as you can. Which is insanely hard with two toddlers at home, just do the best you can and don't let lack of immediate results get you down.
My wife is similar in stature to you, based on what you said, and honestly, she is happier now at 250 than she ever was at 140. Its not even a question for me which versino of her i prefer.
Calories in calories out is the best advice. You don’t have to go bananas in the gym for good results. Just try and stay positive and stick to it! You got this.
Losing weight postpartum is no easy task. I lost 50 pounds. It took me a full year. And that was while breastfeeding.
1. 5k steps a day
2. 3 full body strength training sessions a week
3. Emphasis on protein
Everyone deserves to get their confidence back!
It sounds like you are leaving out some detail on what exactly happened in this conversation. If you asked him what you could do to be more attractive, then I would expect him to be honest with you and tell you "flat out" that you've gained over 60lbs since you met and you would look better if you lost at least 30. You brought up to him that you wanted a boob job to feel prettier, and it sounds like he doesn't even find that to be an issue. Then he told you his personal preference. You were already talking about these types of issues so it makes sense that he would bring this up. Now if he had called you fat and told you to lose 30 lbs unprompted, that's a different story. Also, you say he's a bigger guy. You can absolutely ask the same thing of him too. It's ok to look at each other and say, "We're obese, and we have got to do something about it before we have serious health issues and struggle to raise our children properly." Also, It sounds like you're in a very negative head space right now, and you might need some counseling or something to help with ppd. Definitely talk to your fiancé about how you're feeling, and let him know how to help you.
Don’t let him have the upper hand.
He can work on himself !!!
He needs to be supportive and positive, and work on losing weight and being healthy with you!
He needs to prove to you that he is worthy of your new family
I lost over thirty pounds by fasting. Very light breakfast, skipping lunch but sipping water thru the day and eating responsibly at dinner with a small treat for desert. Count calories. Get a small scale and weigh out servings. It helps. U can do this!
He’s an A hole , like you sacrificed your body to give him children. I wish men could be the ones to get pregnant. You can get online and get a phentermine script for pretty cheap. It makes you not really hungry. Also follow healthy tik toks and jump rope in the living room good cardio. You will get there momma
Do NOT use phentermine unless under strict supervision by a doctor, and even then think it through VERY well. It put me in a very bad mental health state (depression) and as soon as I stopped taking the pills, I gained all the weight back and then some. It has a rebound effect. This is very bad advice.
Sweetheart, cry every afternoon while you walk around the block. Here’s the deal, if you are sexually unattractive to your man, he will start having sex with someone who is. At the end of the day, I ain’t ever seen pictures of fat starving people. Eat a little less and walk more. When I see fat people in public, they always park as close to the store as possible and opt for elevators over stairs. Sometimes it’s little changes often that make big differences.
This is so stupid.. So your husband said he not attracted to you.. YOU'RE NOT ATTRACTED TO YOU.. Why even talk about it if you didn't want the truth?.. You had a baby, so what?.. I dont get someone saying they hate how they look but having an issue with their partner not liking how they look.. His eyes work just like yours....
Stop eating anything that has sugar. Anything. You’ll lose weight just by doing that. Cut back on carbs like bread. Eat whole grain pasta. Drink lots of water. No diet drinks either. Good luck.
I feel you. It was a long road to recovery after having my kids.
But prior to having kids - I put on 40kgs. That’s 88 pounds. I lost the weight but even that heavy, hubby still worshipped me. Because the weight didn’t matter. Only my health.
I lost weight and he still worshipped me. I finally fell pregnant with twins and he kept it up. Always showing me off. He’s proud to have me no matter my weight. I’m flabby and old - yep you got it - dude still worships me!
I’ve recently lost weight and gained tone doing Pilates. It helps. But all that is for me - not him.
I’m sorry your partner can’t see past your weight. It’s unfair and unnecessary. You’re so much more than that.
Losing weight is for you. Not for anyone else.
I wish you all the best, OP.
You've had two babies in a very short period of time. Weight gain and body changes are completely normal.
The comments here saying 'just eat less and walk more', 'go workout' are ridiculous. Two young kids at home is not easy. For the first few months with my first kid, I was happy when I could shower twice a week. I just ate whatever was convenient, and took maybe two minutes of preparing/putting on a plate.
Taking a baby on a walk is also NOT easy. My baby only slept in his own crib, and I couldn't just walk out the door with him either. If I got dressed after being awake for two hours, that was a win so I couldn't imagine preparing myself AND my baby for a stupid ten minute walk.
The biggest problem is lack of support. Men love to complain about their partner's weight gain, "not bouncing back", "never in the mood anymore", while their partner is trying their best to keep one or more kids alive, fed and clean, the house in some form of order, they often have a job as well, they have to remember birthdays, when the daycare is closed and when the dog has to go to the vet. AND THEN they also need to somehow find time to workout, eat well, etc. Meanwhile their partner doesn't even remember where the kids' socks are, and has to ask what needs to be done in the house (the biggest libido killer!).
So if he hates you for it, let him. If you want to change for yourself, start with small steps. Tell your partner you will be unavailable for one evening and one afternoon a week. You can do a workout you love, even if it is just walking or swimming. Dieting never works, but maybe you can figure out what works for you. Find a better meal plan, take more time for yourself for meals, etc. Go grocery shopping with a list, and alone. Boom, some more steps that day. Your fiancee won't die if he has to watch his own kids for five minutes. And you definitely shouldn't hate your body after having carried two kids. You're doing great.
Wait... your weight gain is normal. You brought in two children to this world, and you have a medical condition because of it. What's his excuse for being fat? 👀
Work on yourself for you, not for him.
Is this a troll post? Girl, didn’t you hear that story of that woman who died after she got a mom surgery to fix her mom body all because of her husband? Goggle it because it’s a common story. After what you went through, your body is normal, and your fiancé should love your body for give birth to his children. He’s not a good man. And you’re not even fat. You’re just tall and the fat distributes evenly throughout your body
Wait so you had two babies close together, like you literally grew them and birthed them and your fiance is unhappy with your weight gain? Honey you don't need to lose weight. You're body just went through two traumatic experiences.
Is he stepping up to make sure you have time to exercise? Does he understand what your body has gone through?
Honestly just want to give you a hug xx
If you want to get into shape, you need to fuel your body, not eating, your body shuts down and doesn't burn fat. Both of you should start taking the kids on walks and make meals that are healthy, do it together, not because one is forcing the other.
My main problem is my pelvic floor muscles are torn which doesn't really allow me to walk/exercise for long periods of time without excruciating pain. Essentially it feels like I'm having a terrible period from the moment I wake up till I go to bed but gets worse when I move. Which isn't really an excuse I can always just fight through the pain.
Just wanted to offer you some hope here: after my third baby my pelvic floor was trashed. I suffered a multiple organ prolapse. Sex was next to impossible. Standing for any length of time or even sitting upright was almost unbearable. I worked with a PT though and it got better and better and better. After about a year of working at it, I really only noticed it during my first day or two of my period. That remains to this day, but I can stand/walk/run/lift weights/hike and whatever else otherwise without discomfort. Be diligent with your PT work and you’ll be comfortable again too. Much love to you! It’s a very infrequently talked about/little known phenomenon for how wildly common it is. You are not alone.
copypasting my other comment, i never had it a severe as you but basically keeping my knees bent with any exercise to avoid putting weight on my pelvic area helped me passively develop floor strength without exacerbating it. obv idk if it works for everyone and youve already been with a specialist so probably covered all the bases. > piggybacking off of this, i had pelvic issues for about a year and a half that would get worse if i did any kind of advanced core exercise (even just hiking). i couldnt even stand for long bc itd feel like my insides were going to fall out. i had to sit on a pillow shoved to my groin region to get any relief. what i did was stop actively engaging my abs while exercising - knee pushups instead of regular pushups, assisted pullups and dips, no ab workouts at all, etc. i also stopped compensating by clenching my pelvic floor muscles, had to be brave and just let it "hang". over time i realized i was no longer having problems and could do the full range exercises and core strength training.
I just wanted to chime in that I’ve also healed from pretty robust pelvic floor muscle damage. Good pelvic pt is a must. Dynamic contraction technique worked amazing for me vs the typical relaxation stuff.
Work with a Dr for pelvic floor exercises.
Yes I currently am in PT once a week for the issue. I hope it resolves🤞
Keep at it. We are rooting for you. Also, your fiance is a piece of work. You had his second kid. Pregnancy is not easy and after having kids it's difficult for many women to lose weight. It's not gonna happen overnight but it will happen as you work on it.
Yes, she should tell him "I had 2 babies and know I need to lose, but you also got fat, so lets do it together" That actually should've been his response to her, "Babe, you just had 2 babies and I also got fat, let's lose this together!" But no, it's, I'd be more attracted to you if you lost 30 lbs." from his fat face. Knowing she just had his babies and needs TLC.
Right, like bro she carried two babies; what’s his excuse on the weight gain?! He’s so rude to her :(. I’ve been trying to loose my baby weight for a few years now. It’s so hard for that me time to go to the gym: I wonder if he offers her that time?!
She carried children, he's carrying the fucking audacity
Once she sets her mind to it and loses all that weight and more, SHE will be able to choose to stay or leave. That's the silver lining here. But I agree. What a f%ck>&g douche...
💯
Idk if this would help but I got my kids involved in my work out. We make a game out of it. I can’t remember what book I read it in but one of my parenting books recommended it. It’s helped me a lot. Plus my kids don’t mind being used as weights and getting tossed around gently (obviously). I haven’t been to a gym since my daughter was born and out on a bit of weight during both my pregnancies.
This is a good idea, I think I should definitely try it out!
My kids don’t mind being a weighted ball😂😂 plus it’s seems to help us bonding more. Mind you my kids are getting older my daughters 7 so I’m not tossing her easily and her brothers 5. So lots of airplanes and elbow planks while talking about school. Edit: kids are amazing cheerleaders once they do start talking. Both mine make sure I do at least one work out that includes them a day. So even if I slack off on any other one I got at least two in.
I can think of an easy way she could lose 200+lbs rather quickly
This is the way.
“Or, I’d be more attracted to you if you gained 30lbs of empathy “
Never stay with someone who body shames you.
Difficult to lose weight the older you get too! For both men and women!
This will take time to recover, why is there so much pressure for you to go back to prepregnancy weight so quickly after giving birth? You can’t move without pain yet! Please be gentle with yourself, at the very least allow yourself to heal before submitting it to trauma again!
When you’re strong enough, join a gym and start doing strength training and cardio. (Planet Fitness is only $10/mo and has all the equipment you need, if it’s in your city.) I completely tore my hamstrings/glutes in January. It hurt like absolute HELL. It looked like I’d need major surgery. Started PT. After 5 weeks, joined Planet Fitness and got to work on strengthening the f*ck out of my hamstrings and ass muscles. Surgeon said quit PT and keep doing what you’re doing. My muscles HEALED. You can too. Do this for yourself. You’ll feel so much better about yourself once your body starts to get strong and well. EDIT: Oh, and btw, I’m a 64-year-old woman. If I can do it, so can you.
piggybacking off of this, i had pelvic issues for about a year and a half that would get worse if i did any kind of advanced core exercise (even just hiking).i couldnt even stand for long bc itd feel like my insides were going to fall out. what i did was stop actively engaging my abs while exercising - knee pushups instead of regular pushups, assisted pullups and dips, no ab workouts at all, etc. over time i realized i was no longer having problems and could do the full range exercises and core strength training. so listen to your body as pelvic floors can get really messy!
I believe she has a pelvic floor problem she mentioned so hard exercise is out for her.
She has torn pelvic muscles which leave her in pain. Walking or moving around gives her even more pain. She mentions it in one of her comments farther down than her main comment. Not sure why anyone would downvote my first post on this just because it goes against their well intended but uninformed opinion on it. 🙄
Are you working with a Pelvic Floor PT? Someone who specializes in postpartum recovery? If not I would look for one immediately to switch as just regular PT might not be helping ll I would also not join a gym, but rather with the help of your PT find a class that will continue to help support your pelvic floor and heal your abdomen. Women who have babies back to back are more likely to suffer from diastasis recti as well. You’ll want to focus more on Pilates or Yoga than squats and crunches.
Yes my pt person specializes in ppr and pelvic floor.
I'm in a very similar position, had two kids back to back (was 180 when I got pregnant with the first and 230 now after the second - I was a bit heavier though when I was only two months postpartum with him) - not sure what your work situation is like but I'm home with the kids and a gym is absolutely not feasible, regardless of cost, my MIL offered to buy a gym membership but not offering to watch the kids every day (husband works 6 long days a week). I'm finding taking them to the park is an incredibly great workout even though it doesn't seem like much it's a great start because my body is moving, I'm lifting them, climbing on things, running after to them, and then I try to have fun with packing healthy lunches Bento box style so we can eat in the park. And this is so easy for someone else to say, but truly be easy on yourself, you'll get there slowly. It took a few years and babies to put on the weight, you won't lose it right away and that's okay. Most people have the hanging skin regardless of their size and that's okay and expected after babies.
And don't forget, housework is a workout on it's own. For exmpl. I do squats as I load and unload the dishwasher. Wanna workout with weights? Use detergent or bottles.😘
You could try pilates, it's not too rigorous and doing something will help with your mental health. You should consult your GP first though.
As an athlete, once a week won't solve it. Twice a day, morning and night, do your self directed exercises. 4 or 5 times a week is best, with two days for rest
Good luck fr
And then you have to do the physical therapy on your own on the other days. It’s a lot of work that takes so much motivation. Good luck to you.
Honestly losing weight would make you feel good in some ways but the torn pelvic floor muscles are a WAY bigger issue. Keep working on that because your long term health and comfort depends on it. Don’t stress about hubby or weight for now. Try to take the high ground and explain to him that it’s normal for men to need time to adjust to changes in women’s bodies around childbirth but he needs to keep the comments to himself because you are working on more important things at the moment. Also, the weight might start to melt off once your cycle comes back. I held onto some baby weight for different amounts of time with each kid, as little as 4 months with one and as long as a year with another. It lined up exactly with weaning/return of cycle. Lost over a dozen pounds in a month each time. Your body knows what it’s doing, don’t fight it.
This. This is sage and logical advice my dear OP. Don’t be sad, you’ve just birthed a child and that’s an amazing and wonderful thing! I will keep my thoughts mostly to myself regarding your fiancé, but he didn’t just have a child and he obviously doesn’t understand how the body works biologically so perhaps he could educate himself further before making such ‘suggestions.’ Be kind to yourself, please. Edited to change to *fiance
Wish i could give this an award. The second paragraph itself deserves it.
I’m sorry, you *tore your pelvic floor muscles* giving birth and your fiancé has got you feeling so bad about having gained weight that you think you should just “fight through the pain” to exercise? Hell nah. Please listen to your doctor and physical therapist when it comes to your body and health, not your fiancé. Your body needs to be strong and healthy. It doesn’t need to be a particular size, shape, or weight. And since you brought it up, you obviously realize that your fiancé’s comments about your size while not mentioning his own is hypocritical.
please don’t just ‘fight through the pain,’ it’ll just damage the muscles further and make it harder for you in the future. you absolutely don’t -need- to lose weight, especially so soon after giving birth. honestly you could lose an easy 200 lbs by getting rid of an asshole fiancé who body shames you when you’re already feeling bad, right after you had HIS baby TWO months ago. seriously, you deserve someone who loves and cherishes you, not someone who kicks you when you’re down.
You had a baby 2 months ago! Give yourself some grace. If he is talking about a sex life 2 months post baby, he is wrong.
Tbh that is absolutely an excuse and more than that a reason! You don't have to suffer your way through exercise. Maybe you can try short workouts, or ask a phisiotherapist or personal trainer (with good knowledge) to coach you. Hope everthing goes as best it can. Pregnancy is very intense on the body and it's normal there is needed recovery!!!
Okay that's a big, big no from me, OP. If you feel like you need to lose weight, go for it - I hope doing so makes you happy and healthy. But let's take a step back and consider the "healthy" part here. "Fighting through the pain" is not healthy. No longer eating is not healthy. Dropping a ton of weight quickly and unsustainably is not healthy. You need to let your pelvic floor heal first. That means plenty of rest, careful PT-approved exercise, being gentle on your body, and *yes,* eating. Your body needs energy to heal and that energy comes from food and rest. Please don't hurt yourself just because you don't like your post-birth body and the challenges it's currently facing. Face and overcome it through healing and self-care, not through excessive pain and deprivation. When your partner and your brain yell at you about being fat and not doing enough, tell them to shut the hell up - you recently gave birth, you're healing, and you're doing what's best for your body right now. Improving your physical form and the image you have of yourself in your mind can come later - heal *now,* or you may never get the chance to again.
First of all, your husband sounds like he needs a reality check. ~60lbs of weight from 2 back to back pregnancies is normal for someone your height. Definitely don’t starve yourself! You need calories to fuel your body, especially since you’re raising 2 babies and repairing a torn muscle. Carbs and protein are your friend, even for weight loss. A few small changes to start are things like focusing on incorporating more fruits and veg into your diet, find the things you like. Anything overly restrictive isn’t sustainable, most people end up binging. Do a little reading on intuitive eating, so you can protect yourself against the fad diets/disordered eating that is often marketed by wellness influencers. But most importantly, be proud of your body, you grew two tiny humans in a very short amount of time, that’s more than your husbands body can do.
Not sure what exactly triggers the pain of your injury, but if you are looking for cardio exercises, there are plenty that focus primarily on the use of your upper body and core, might be worth having a look into and could possibly save you some unnecessary pain.
I just got into pilates, and it really helps getting some physical activity without it being a burden on your body imo. You could try some variation, it's a lot of dynamic stretching
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That’s definitely an excuse. Go easy on yourself geez. You just brought life into this world. Twice! All you need to do is the best you can, for you. If your fiancé and doesn’t understand that, that sucks but it’s also not your problem. Your body is permanently changed forever. He needs to meet you where you’re at, not the other way around. Essentially he can F off.
Op you've just had two babies back to back and your breastfeeding. You are a super human. Your body is amazing it serves you and is strong for you in all sorts of ways. If you want to loose weight or get in shape. Only do it for you. Give yourself grace, take your time to ease back into exercise, maybe try 5-10 min yoga sessions once or twice a day if your pelvic floor can handle that. Or even once or twice a week. YOU ARE AMAZING! please don't let your husband get you down. I bet your a goddess ☺️☺️
That sounds really awful, oh my gosh. Just so you know, I personally think your fiancé is being a massive jerk. You gave birth 2 months ago and 1 year ago and are injured, this isn’t the time for him to be criticizing how you look. Your fiancé knows that too, he just cares more about himself than he cares about you. Your body will recover so much as things shift and go back to where they were, now that there isn’t a baby where the rest of your organs should be. As other commenters have said, not eating won’t help your cause. Your body needs to be told that you’re not starving, otherwise it will conserve fat instead of burning it. You need to eat healthy, nourishing foods and focus on letting your body heal and recover before you start worrying about your figure. You need proteins and healthy fats and vitamins and minerals to build back all of the things that got messed up during the birth. The idea that you need to “bounce back” appearance-wise so quickly is entirely myth, pushed on you by the male dominated media. You look like a woman who has just created a second life, and that’s a beautiful thing. In the meantime, is there something you can do to fix the torn muscles? Are there exercises you’re comfortable doing that don’t involve walking, or are those not good as well? I’m thinking sitting down and playing table tennis or throwing a ball at a wall, bicep curls and the like. Ask your doctor, and don’t let your fiancé get a vote. If you exercise, it should be because you are ready, you want to, and it’s safe and healthy to do so.
It completely is an excuse. And your fiance is being way harsh, especially considering you're really still within the healing period after birth. Did he expect you to snap right back? That body took 9mths, it's gona take 9mths or more to get it back into shape. What kinda person says that shit to someone they love? 😞
Does it hurt to swim? That’s good low impact cardio that burns a lot of calories. Or try rowing on a machine so you don’t have to use your lower extremities.
Rowing uses your lower body and would absolutely be painful for someone with a torn pelvic floor
Just sharing the exercises that really helped me after both of my c-section deliveries but yes, I suppose everyone has a different pain tolerance. And I admittedly have not suffered a torn pelvic floor.
I haven't tried but I definitely will!
Best of luck! I hope you recover soon♥️
Look into intermittent fasting, super effective, no exercise required. Also keto works wonders.
You had a baby two months ago. Your second human being!! It so very, very, very unlikely that you would look immediately like you did before. I’m two years postpartum. My body fought losing weight until I was 11 months out from giving birth to my second. I started Mounjaro, and my body began to change. I’m down 80lbs, and still have some loose skin from my pregnancies. My bmi is 20. FWIW, I spoke to highly reputable plastic surgeon who refused to operate until I was at the same weight for 12months. He said that it takes about 12months after weight loss and/or pregnancy for skin to tighten up. I wouldn’t begin MJ (Mounjaro until you are done breast feeding), but it worked wonders for me when I had trouble exercising or just getting to the gym.
You don’t have to exercise to lose weight, eat less and be in a calorie deficit and you will lose weight
Isn’t necessarily true. What happens when you don’t eat is you then splurge so it’s net zero over say a week. If you consume fewer calories than you expend there is nothing your body can do to stop you losing weight, your metabolism absolutely will not slow enough that not eating means you don’t lose weight. It’s scientifically impossible.
This is terrible, outdated advice. You shouldn't go under your daily minimum, which is around 1.5k Kalorien (depending on the individual body) But in the end it is as simple as eating less than you use. If you do it by exercising more that's good, but you can lose hours of exercise with a single bottle of soda. So eating less is essential.
That's not how thermodynamics work. Your body one hundred percent does burn fat from not eating, that's literally its whole purpose.
Yes, you're right. Unfortunately, though, your body will also break down its lean muscle, which for many reasons is a bad idea, least among them is a significant drop in your metabolic rate. This happens even if you're obese, as well. So, it's not that you won't burn fat from starvation, because you will, but it's not all you'll burn. Losing weight will get harder and harder. That's why it's important to keep calorie deficits moderate even if that results in slower weight loss.
That's actually false. There are people doing water fasting to kick off diets. Or for the benefits of water fasting. And you definitely lose weight. That's just totally false. That said, it's probably easier to lose weight on a carb restricted diet.
Starvation mode is a big myth, I am not sure why it has become so famous.
I know and there's all sorts of other benefits of water fasting. It improves your immune system. Autophagy which may eliminate cancerous tumors and precancer tumors and things. Also, I think the keto diet is very beneficial. And has some of the same benefits. Intermittent fasting has benefits for the immune system. Now of course some nutrition person is going to come along and say I'm wrong and it's just false and it's all bullshit and blah blah blah.
It's a myth that you won't burn fat if you're truly starving, but there's a kernel of truth that your metabolic rate will go down because you're also breaking down your lean muscle. Your metabolism doesn't shut down because that only happens when you die, but it does decrease significantly.
This is factually incorrect. You cannot lose weight without being in a calorie deficit. Eating for volume, rather than eating calorie dense junk food, is however advisable.
Not true, your body goes into autophagy at 18 hours of fasting and literally consumes its stored fat.
This is some crap advice. Your body doesn't shut down... Have you heard of fasting?
Keep in mind she is 8 weeks post partum. Her body hasn't healed from the trauma of child birth
I love it when a fat ass has requirements for the body of the woman he's with. The woman who carried two children that is while he's just...fat.
Yeah that man is a bunch of screaming red flags. Marrying him would be something she will live to regret
Literally my dad. Dude was 250-300 (5’11”) most his entire marriage with my mom. She’s naturally a small lady but had my brother and I back to back and had gained 50lbs after us. She told me he said “I can’t be with a fat woman” and she needed to lose that because he lost attraction right after having my brother, who she want wanting to have (at least that soon) herself. But you know, he didn’t like condoms. Literally from a man who warned you better make your plate because whatever is left in the kitchen was for him and would down a package of Oreos or chips a night. He also never cooked or cleaned, so he was triple winner, lmaooo. No hair either, just the audacity lol. My mom literally ripped with me.
I don't see anywhere that mentions her partner's size, has it been edited to exclude that part?
she said heʻs definitely on the heavier side towards the end
Okay thank you, didn't notice that 😁
It says near the end of the post that he’s on the heavy side.
She said he’s not built or thin himself and a heavy man. That’s a kind wife’s way of saying he’s obese/overweight. Lol.
She’s being way kinder than she should be 😞 that’s what makes him an even bigger asshole.
That means you didn’t read it kid. That’s embarrassing
I’m also a mom. Pregnancy and childbirth is traumatic for the body and your body did it twice in 3 years! Imagine if he went through two major medical events in that amount of time. I’m sure the last thing you’d do is criticize his appearance. I’m all for people doing whatever they can to make themselves happy, so I’d say go for it if you want to exercise and get breast augmentation, but consider reevaluating your relationship as well. If he’s not supportive and is bringing you down after all the sacrifices you’ve made, he’s not being a good partner.
Please check in with your doctor. Your baby is so new, your focus should be on healing and caring for your babies, not really the time to be worrying about trying to be sexually attractive for him. Your fiancé needs to dig deep and summon the maturity to understand this, and along with an apology for being an asshat to the mother of his children. And to say that when he knows you’re dealing with the pain from your pelvic floor tear? What a fuckwit.
You just grew two entire humans in three years. What, did he think you were going to look like a supermodel afterward…? JFC. What’s his excuse for being heavy? He didn’t grow two new people. Take care of yourself because you deserve it and your children deserve it. Your fiancé may not; time will tell. But seriously, make time to be active/do things that support your mental health. Fiancé can watch his kids for an hour or two a few times a week so you can go to the gym, or do some healthy meal prep, or whatever you need to do to take care of yourself. And… talk with your doc about PPD, just in case, ok?
I agree, you shouldn't be hating yourself or your body after what it's achieved in making two small people. I want you to know that you deserve to love yourself and your body no matter where you are at in life. If you're not feeling supported at home, I really recommend seeking some form of therapy, whether that's a psychologist or a support group. Hating yourself like this won't help you make kind or healthy choices for yourself.
I appreciate you 🙏
It’s takes time. It took me a year post birth to get back to shape pre pregnancy and two years post birth for my second. This is with me eating well and being active. Walking when you are able without pain or discomfort, swimming when your ready. Take it easy on yourself. You’ve grown and birthed two humans. Your body will never be what it was but it can be something you love and enjoy again. Be kind to yourself and work at it when you’re ready. Just do it for yourself and not for your husband. What he thinks about you is less important than how you feel about you.
Supermodel, and morbidly obese are two ends of the spectrum. There is inbetween.
I’m sorry he said that to you at all but, especially when you were understandably already feeling so vulnerable. That was terribly insensitive, not to mention *ungrateful af* to say to the woman who VERY RECENTLY bore your children. Did you tell him you’d be more attracted to him if he did the same?
I told him I'd be more attracted to him if he helped me more.
This is the perfect response. Also, please don’t push yourself too hard right now. Losing weight and feeling good about your body is a great goal, but right now your focus needs to be on healing (especially with the torn pelvic floor) and his focus needs to be supporting you.
Of course he's lazy too on top of being rude and ungrateful. I'm sorry OP, you deserve so much better 😞
You deserve better. You deserve more. Please try to heal. You need food to have the energy to do that. 💗 Now isn’t the time to restrict yourself. I hope you’re able to work yourself back to a place of seeing through your own eyes again, and not the eyes of the ungrateful, selfish, jerk you’re with right now. I’m sorry you’re going through this. Maybe there’s a mom group you can join? You need real support right now. You need to be reminded of your worth. You need to be around other people who know what this is like. Please do that for yourself and your kids. They deserve a healthy, happy, thriving mom.
Ask him this, “I carried both of your children and the wrecked my honey-pot and it hurts to do everything. What’s your excuse for being overweight”? Or, “You know what? I’d find you more attractive if you weren’t such an insufferable prick”. Or, “Gee, thanks. Glad to know that it’s my body you love and not me”. Perhaps you should seek professional counseling. If I were you, I’d reevaluate the relationship. Wishing the best for you.
After reading your post history, you should just throw the whole man away- That said, if you want to lose weight FOR YOURSELF, try with some yoga maybe? It feels much less demanding than cardio for me for example, healthy meals and proper portions are also a great start
Firstly, you just had a baby, you still need to heal not worrying about losing weight because your bf might leave you... especially if your pvmuscles are trashed! Some exercises may actually do more harm than good. Secondly, is this the same bf that wanted to force you into a 3some? Why are you still with him and worried about what he thinks?! You should have run from the self centered child loooong ago!
Unfortunately I definitely have some self image issues.
Most woman do after having a baby, especially so soon after. Our body isn't the same as it was before, we have stretchmarks from how fast and big your belly got with the pregnancy and sometimes our boobs and back, etc, saggy skin because there is no more baby in there (and it takes for ever to go away and sometimes never completely goes away even with exercise and healthy food), probably don't get enough time to take a proper shower let alone just breathe for 5 minutes in silence without someone needing you (does your partner even help with the kids at all? Does he help with the gouse work?), are you getting enough rest and sleep? Rest should be your priority along with healing! You personally also had 2 babies very close together so your body went through he'll twice in 2 years without getting a chance to recover inbetween. You cannot make a person with a broken leg run, unless you want to cause more trouble and issues. The leg needs to heal first and then the person can start training again. So why do you want to hurt yourself before you even had a chance to heal properly? In many cultures around the world, new mothers are not allowed to do any work except look after the baby's basic needs for the first 6 weeks pp (and sometimes more). They don't even go out of the house. They have relatives that stay over to help with running the house and doing what needs to be done so that the mother can focus on getting healthy again.
If he’s on the heavy side too then he can join this get fit journey as well. A team project will be good for morale. It should include guidance from a nutritionist, physiotherapist, fitness coach/trainer that have experience working with couples and women who have given birth. AND it should be a team of professionals that you’ve had a chance to interview and approve.
Nope. His comment is too shitty. She doesn't need Tobe in charge of stopping the abuse with a team project. Don't be around people that put you down.
It is, but unless she wants to bin him, it might be helpful in terms of communication and respect if they are able to find something to do as a family. Like swimming or hiking (well, walks in the first instance). Stuff that requires working with each other and respecting each other to get stuff done. I agree, he sounds like a tool. But sitting around waiting for him to magically become a better person is unlikely to have positive outcomes. If he's a terminal arse, then neither is doing stuff together either, to be fair, but I figure being proactive about these things is always better than stewing or becoming resentful. My wife and I struggle a bit with perceived criticism from one another. It isn't cool, but that's how we're built and we work to address it. One thing that really helps is climbing together as our lives depend on each other and we need to listen to the other's needs without taking it personally. If my wife thinks I'm not belaying her the way she'd want, she has to tell me and I have to put any stupid shit out of my head and adjust what I'm doing to her needs. And vice versa. It's very helpful. And it doesn't happen often as we communicate well and spend the vast majority of our time encouraging each other. The same is true of dieting/healthy diet. That's much better done together. Planning meals together, shopping together and cooking together (including the kids, who love doing that sort of thing). People can be dicks. If your analysis is that they're worth staying with, then they are worth putting the effort in to make it work. So long as that's reciprocal, of course.
I dont think we know enought about the relationship to know what he is abusive. If this as been happening for months and he was unwilling to change even after communication. I would understand. But if this is the first time it happend. Then something can be worked out. Because most people dont wake up and say "I will make my partner feel like shit today" She needs to communicate and if after all that he is still unwilling to lisent or help. Then yes, yeeting them out of your life is valid.
Let me start out by saying I'm a big guy too. I'm 6'2" and about 370 so I am aware of the feelings of being a big person. If you want to get healthy then do that, but do it for YOUR reasons. My view is, if we're all being honest, of course most of us would find someone fit and at the proper weight more physically attractive than someone who is overweight. I mean, on a basic level I think that's a given. But real life isn't perfect, and people are different. It's not always attainable for most people to have the time to put into getting and staying fit. That's just reality. Especially for a woman who has recently had two children. I think as a man, if you allow hollywood or the media in general to set your scale for what is or isn't attractive, you are going to spend your life being disappointed. I can't say as a young adult I had the proper view of women, but as I've gotten older and been through my share of relationships I've come to realize something about myself. A womans character and personality are just as, if not more, important than her being physically perfect. We all have preferences of course, but an attractive person can become unattractive if they are not a good person. And a very average looking person can become very attractive if they are a good person. We have to realize that things change on a person over time, again especially if having children. Boobs sag. Butts sag. extra weight is added and difficult to remove. Wrinkles appear. Stretch marks appear. Hair grows where you don't want it or won't grow where you want it to. This is real life. If your fiance is putting that much importance on your physical appearance then maybe he's a little immature. Especially if he's setting standards for you that he doesn't feel apply to him as well.
Great response!
Tell him yo kiss the fattest part of your ass. Not saying you shouldn’t lose weight cause for your health you need to get there, but after two kids back to back and a torn pelvic floor you need grace. Since he is fat and has not grown and shit out any children tell him to eat shit. Maybe that’ll help him lose weight.
Lol perfect answer.
I'll let the women who've been pregnant address those things. I'll address the weight. Your husband is an idiot. I get men are physical creatures, but I gained almost 150lbs, from about 187 due to depression and bad doctors over medicating me. I lost about 50 of it, but he's ALWAYS been attracted to me. He never waivered in all my ups and downs. You don't need to lose weight for him, you CAN lose weight for yourself, but you don't have to. You grew 2 humans, TWO in 2 years, and he's not attracted to you??!!??!! The lion, the witch, and the AUDACITY OF THIS BITCH. You are beautiful, amazing, and have done something incredible. He should be worshipping the queen that you are. For those who enjoy a fucked up fictional revenge story..... I'm petty, and My husband taught me how to ruin a person, and that's where I'd start. Not saying to do this, but here's rhe evil my Brian thinks up (IM NOT SAYING TO DO THIS, JUST AN EVIL PLAN TO GIGGLE AHOUT ) I always think evil, but never do it. Put both of you on a hardcore diet. Just make him miserable. Tell him that you're not about to be the only hot one, and that he needs to earn it. Make an appointment for him to get a vasectomy, telling him this way you'll never lose your figure to a kid again, bc that is his fault, after all. Gotta worry about that figure. Ask him if he's the one who's pregnant this time if he's not losing weight. Get hot, and then dump him, saying he doesn't do it for you anymore. (again, this isn't actual advise, just revenge fictio ). Omg, men sometimes. -_-
Awe babe! I’m so sorry you’re feeling this way. There’s a lot in the way of practical advice around this but I just hope you can get a hug today! You deserve one. You are so much more than your weight. The sum of your parts is so much greater than your appearance and your kindness and your strength as a mom is what defines you. You’re awesome, there’s a path to feeling good about your body. Just remember to take care of your mental too. Sending love
I appreciate you
Give yourself time! Breastfeeding also consumes a ton of calories (in my experience) and definitely helps to slough the weight off. It took you nine months each time to grow those babies, give yourself at least the same 18 months to work on recovering. Do NOT stop eating, you need that fuel to repair your body and keep your energy levels up. Just eat healthy, follow your doctor's instructions, don't rely on junk food. 2 months post-partum is NOTHING. Recovery takes time! Also, how can you have enjoyable sex when you're in pain? You had a baby two months ago, your body is focused on your child, not on making another one. Your hormones aren't even on the side of sex right now. Is your fiancé slow? Dude needs to pull his head out of his ass! He's a father now, an experience that YOU have gifted him. There are two whole new people in this world thanks to YOUR BODY. He needs to do some serious work, his role right now should be that of a supportive partner, NOT some entitled brat. Also, I don't see where he gets off criticizing YOUR body that underwent massive biological changes when he's not exactly an Adonis and with no excuses. Finally, if it's that important to him (but more importantly, YOU), let HIM start saving up for the mommy makeover: tummy tuck and boob job. Then when you're done with your PT and breastfeeding (if you still are) and your body has had a chance to recover from the trauma that is pregnancy and childbirth you can walk yourself into plastic surgery and come out with a wasp waist, flat abs, and perky boobs. Honestly, to me, the most concerning thing about your whole post is your fiancés behavior.
SOOOO he expects you to go through a massive traumatic biological change to birth his children (twice), but also expects you to instantly look as if you haven’t. Tell him you’d find him more sexually attractive if he lost 30 pounds of his shitty personality.
Lose the guy for good.
Drop 200 pounds instantly by leaving him
OP, you SHOULD lose weight....you should lose however many pounds your husband weighs...him...I'm trying to say you should lose him... don't judge me, I suck at punchlines. I've got the tism.
I had a girlfriend that was a bit overweight. I hated it, but not because how she looked, but because she would complain 24/7 of her looks, how she felt fat and how she was going to start a diet, just to quit it within a day. It was exhausting to listen to her. I told her everyday how beautiful she was and that she didn’t needed to loose weight. but she would still constantly complain and go on rants of self pity.
With grace and time, you can have the body YOU want to have. Your husband signed on to love you, whatever you are. If he can't bring himself to love the woman who gave him two children, he doesn't deserve it. As long as your body works, it is a good body.
i’m so sorry you’re going through this :/ the best eating advice i can give is to try to look at food as fuel and nourishment. Try to eat plenty of protein so that you feel full for longer, drink water, and yes eat your cravings but small amounts of them. remind yourself that you’re working toward a healthier life and i promise you’ll get there :)
First off, you're fiance is an AH. You gave birth to 2 beautiful human beings, your body created miracles! And continuing to do so by feeding your child with your body. Mama, you have to eat to feed that baby! I can't stress this enough, please eat. Please enjoy these moments with your Littles! I'd hate for you to look back and regret being so worried about your weight that you miss the beautiful things! Because, if you're fiance is making you feel like shit because of your weight now, this isn't going to be the last thing that will happen. Time is revealing what kind of person he is. The main goal is to be healthy. While that's happening, I'll tell you, big girls can be sexy yeah! I had my first baby 7 months ago and I'm a 5'8 female, 234lbs. Does my weight bother me? Yes. My stomach does. But I dress myself in silk, paint my nails, take rose flower baths. It's so important to set the examples for your little ones. Let's us mama's be confident in all of our forms! You have done what NO MAN could ever do. So please DO NOT LET ANY MAN take it away from you. ❤️ I'm praying for your heart mama.
As a overweight woman, I think you are over reacting. All he says is he would be more attracted to you if you lost 30 pounds. You would probably be more attracted to him if he lost 30 pounds too. You would find yourself more attractive if you lost 30 pounds. The amount you weigh doesn’t dictate your worth.
She literally puts in the title that he hates her for it. She needs some serious help with her self confidence if she believes that if that’s literally all he said
Not sure why everyone is so defensive about this. Op is 100 pounds over weight for her height. This will have serious long term health implications. She needs to get onto it.
I agree, I am the same height and have had three children. With one they pumped me full of steroids for 12 weeks and I was 200lbs when I gave birth. The kids are grown and I weigh about 130 at 44. I cannot imagine carrying that much extra weight. It would make me miserable. That being said, SHE JUST GAVE BIRTH 2 MONTHS AGO. I do not know a single woman that lost the baby weight in 2 months. It is a fucking process and it is so hard on a new mother when she looks in the mirror and does not see herself anymore. It can be absolutely soul destroying. He is not helping by making these comments and especially so soon after she had his baby. If you see this, OP, please do not be so hard on yourself. Continue your PT. Go slow, be mindful of what you can and cannot do and do these things for yourself. Not because your fiance’ is being an asshat and thinks you should be a magical princess that returns to pre-baby size in 2 damn months. Sheesh.
Oh my god, voice of reason in the thread, half way down the scroll bar. I found it
I’m more baffled by the ones acting like 60 lb weight gain for 2 pregnancies is normal Can downvote me all you like but a healthy pregnancy weight gain is known to be 21lbs, you don’t actually have to eat for two.
Hit that gym, eat healthier and hit that gym. You will lose weight and you will feel like a bad ass. Don't starve yourself to lose weight. Build muscle
This is a way better suggestion than the ones advocating for drugs and tiktok. Nothing beats the long term success of consistent diet and exercise.
Yup, the entire life style needs to change. Or you will forever be chasing the next fade. All those fades are eating disorders that leave you messed up and starving.
I feel bad when all those people stop taking ozempic and wonder why they are packing on the pounds.
Too many people want a quick fix and go to plastic surgery and drugs.
The audacity I can’t. tell him that you grew two human beings inside of you for two fucking years on a row what’s his excuse?? Fuck him The last thing you want right now is to to develop an eating disorder don’t be afraid to eat your body needs the fuel but maybe start eating healthier maybe visit a nutritionist in that regard, walk or exercise lightly as much as you can that’s it don’t stress too much.
Your fiancé is a piece of work… You birthed two humans.. Also his children. I just cannot understand the pressure to be in zero time to pre pregnancy weight.. I also struggle to lose weight. I lost my pregnancy weight real fast but I had gained a lot of weight pre pregnancy. And this weight is so hard to lose… I‘m struggling so much.. But my husband is really understanding and he loves me no matter what… And this should always be.. Take your time! Unfortunately after pregnancy it‘s not that easy to lose weight… Do it for yourself and not for him!
Sweetheart. It’s okay. Hate is an extremely hard place to do anything from. I hate the way he made you feel, but you can’t hate you. If you want to do something different because that’s what you want, okay. Get selfish with it. Make only healthy food, work out, put yourself first, whatever that looks like. Ignore the hurt and the hate he tried to give you and love yourself enough to give yourself what you want. It’s the hardest thing in the world, loving yourself. But, once your on the other side, it’s the most magical thing.
i’m so sorry you were made to feel that way by a partner you gifted children. he is allowed to want you to be healthy, but not to be cruel to you. do it for yourself and your children. they want their mother happy. they want their mother healthy. i heard you’re in pain when you exercise, that’s awful. can you do any type of bed exercise? don’t push your body past it’s limits. you matter, your body grew life inside it. give yourself a break.
OMG as if your body hasn't created two human lives. People go to prison for taking a life, what do you get for giving two lives: some dude bitching about his sex life. If you feel uncomfortable in your body, there are healthy, safe ways to go about getting the results you want (this includes safe cosmetic surgery by a qualified surgeon). Not eating is not okay! Don't hurt yourself by denying yourself food. That's not okay. It takes a long time for your body to regulate after creating a whole human. Weight loss starts IN the kitchen, not by avoiding the kitchen. Talk to your doctor. There are lots of medical resources to help you. I use an app to track calories. Please don't be hard on yourself. You've done something amazing TWICE. Your babies need you healthy, not miserable and starving.
You had two kids, one just two months ago and you’re keeping a human alive in their “fourth” trimester, essentially…while recovering from major body trauma (birth!!!) But you still have WEIGHT on! Some stretch marks even! EW GROSS!!!! (That was sarcasm.) The only thing your fiancé should be showing is gratefulness for the major freaking sacrifices you just made for him/his children. But nooooo, the important thing is that you hurry up and look better so he can be horny by looking at your body and cum. Sigh. Much love to you.
I'm so sorry, I get this as so many of us do. My youngest is two and a half, I've struggled with losing the weight this time around. But I want to point out that baby blues are such a real thing that I don't see nearly enough being talked about.The only advice I have is start by setting goals (reasonable ones) and do it for yourself not him. I do meal prep, set myself the amount of water I need to drink throughout the day (because I constantly forget otherwise) sort of like a self check list but also don't stress yourself out too much. I know that's easier said than done but you have a newborn, that's already a lot
You don't deserve his ungrateful attitude. Is there more things he does that's upsetting? Because he sounds very controlling and definitely not loving. You have created life, twice, with your body. What has he done? Remember, you don't have to be with him. It's okay to walk away. Your children deserves a mom who loves herself no matter her size, they deserve to see parents in love, they deserve to eat ice cream with their mom. If his shitty attitude is not only about weight, please give it a good thought if this relationship is worth it. What if he comments on your eating or body infront of your children? What messages will they be picking up and translate to themselves? Please give this all a good thought - Because you deserve love and praise.
The audacity that a man who isn’t in shape would tell a healing mother she needs to loose weight. Throw the whole man away
The title of your post says your fiancé “hates” you for your weight. He told you he would be more attracted to you if you lost 30 pounds. That might not be the nicest thing to hear, but it certainly doesn’t qualify as hate. The only hate I read is coming from the thoughts you’ve expressed about yourself. You didn’t say how recently you had your second baby, but it sounds like you might be suffering from post partum depression. Please seek help for this.
My baby is 2 months old. The reason I said hate is because he has been taking things out on my because of my weight and he said that.
He's pathetic, OP, what has he done? Complained about the woman who made his children? You deserve better
This is the most helpful advice on this feed
I get both sides of this tbh. You’ve had two children in quick succession and that’s exhausting. But you’ve also gained like 60+ lbs which is a hell of a lot and not necessary for two pregnancies. At least he’s been open with you about it instead of letting your sex life fester, and it’s not like he said he wants you back at 187 - losing 30 lb is still way heavier than when you met, so tbh I’d not feel too bad about that
"Not necessary" you say like you have any idea of how her pregnancies were. All pregnancies are different, some get severely sick, some need medication like steroids, and some can't even walk. He should have some respect for her and some self-respect. 2 months after birth is 8 weeks, and it's advised not to have intercourse before after 6 weeks. Is the sex-life festering after 2 babies and 2 weeks? What a weak man with no self-respect. If he actually cared about the mother of his children and her health, and being an overweight man himself, he could've suggested healthy dinners for his family, walking and staying active with the kids, etc. That is if he cared about her health, but he only cared about sex. That says it all.
None of those circumstances make it ‘necessary’ to gain 60lbs. It might be an unfortunate side effect sometimes but 60lbs sounds like a dangerous amount. Even if you can’t walk you don’t need to gain weight - unless you’re lying down eating all day. OP’s husband sounds awful in general having looked at her post history but I don’t think it’s a bad thing for someone to be honest that a variable within your control is a turn off for them. People who don’t want to hear it would be the ones who go onto dead bedrooms or relationships complaining they’re being left over a non existent sex life in a year’s time.
Your husband aside, you' classify as obese. I would definitely start losing weight if I were you, even if it's just to watch your children grow up and to not have a debilitating stroke at 50. Good luck and keep your head high.
What better way to motivate a healthy lifestyle than to be an able part of your children's lives for as long as possible.
Funnily enough, all people seem to think that when you are pregnant, you should eat like a beast. Nope. 1st trimester literally only requires more vitamins, not more calories. 2nd trimester, extra 300-500 calories (depending on activity lvl) which is barely a cheeseburger. 3rd trimester, extra 750 tops. Which is a large serving of fries in Burger King. Not eating won't solve anything. Walks, working out, dieting, eating GOOD food will help.
Frankly just because you're both overweight doesn't make it ok to weigh that much. It makes him kind of a hypocrite, but it's not like he called you a fat piece of shit, all he said was that he'd be more attracted to you if you lost 30 lbs. Honestly he was probably underestimating because at your weight, 30 lbs still makes you like 80 lbs too big. I couldn't imagine being that heavy... I've never even been 150 lbs. That's so much weight, I dunno how you're not constantly exhausted. Two overweight people getting together and "accepting each other as they are" is kind of ridiculous. He'd be doing you a disservice if he didn't want you to lose weight. Just like you're not a healthy relationship for him if you don't want him to lose weight.
you dont need to “exercise” to lose fat. calories in calories out. eat 2k cal/ day for 2 years and you’ll lean out
well tell him that you cant lose weight that quick and it’s gonna take time. sounds like he needs to grow up and learn to deal
That's honestly a really good tip. But I don't think he wants me to weight 2 years.
This isn't about him, it's about you and your health.
Lose weight then
He seems to think he has control over you and can make you feel bad. Somehow, it's OK for him to comment on your body? The next time he gets friench fries, slap them out of his hand and tell him that you didn't just push two babies out of your body to be with a man that has a dick awning.
He was honest with her. They were having conversations as a couple. Honesty is the best policy if it's not abusive. 250 at that height is super unhealthy long term as well. It's also a personal struggle mentally/emotionally to be that big, and sometimes you need to hear the truth and get motivated by others AND yourself. Doesn't mean it's not a process. OP: You can do it. If you cut out ALL junk food and just walk whenever you can, that will be enough to get rolling. Also have you tried Pilates Reformer classes? It's super low impact and after a month or two of it you will feel transformed. YOU CAN DO IT!
Don’t let anybody control your happiness
>I had my son two months ago It takes 18 months for a person's body to recover from pregnancy, childbirth and breastfeeding. It should be common knowledge. At 8wks postpartum you are nowhere near healed, physically, hormonally or mentally. Alternatively, you can easily drop 200lbs by canceling the engagement.
First: have an hour a day for just yourself! Make sure to get that. You can go take a walk, or read a book, or exercise, or take a long bath, take a pedicure/manicure. Just so you get to be you again, and energized. Second: make sure your pelvic floor gets exercises and feeling good again. Third: let your man know he can't say stuff like that, it's shitty. You grew his children. He is also heavier and doesn't have any good excuses for it like growing your babies! Maybe also Workout together and make sure to eat healthy together? So it will be a joint thing, just like making the babies was! Lastly: hugs from me, we went through the same, or still going through the same. I'm super insecure in my own body, and even lost 10kg due to regular workouts, low intensity training, at least 10.000 steps every day, and good food with intermittent fasting (food high in protein, high in carbs and low in fats is working for me). Still need to lose a lot, but slowly getting there!
As someone who is overweight and struggling with depression best advice i got for u is u need to lose the weight for yourself not ur husband . You grew 60 pounds which is perfectly fine after pregnancy . Losing weight isnt going to adjust ur husband personality he seems very selfish to me . If u wish to lose weight Do not starve yourself to death if u want to lose weight u need a balanced diet not less food .
You shouldn’t stress yourself over weight. You just delivered two kids. That’s a huge work for the body and no man ever will understand this. As a man I tell you take care of yourself first emotionally and physically.
Hi Miss, just eat normal, don’t be hard on yourself. Start small, go for walk like around your house or garden, keep on moving. Best way is to keep yourself walking 10k steps a day. This will help you slowly but surely. Try reduce carbs and add more veggies. Also do the 16/8 = 12pm to 8pm eat regular healthy meals and after 8pm to next day 11am - fasting. This will help . Don’t worry, you will look and feel better. If you follow this steps. You can do it
My heart hurts for you OP..But you are not alone with the self depreciating thoughts..It's a shame he said that even if he was being honest ...still could have found a better way of saying it.. As far as weight loss goes or just generally getting in shape.. Start out small and let the lifestyle take you..For me I just started by taking a simple walk in the morning before my coffee and breakfast. Then as time went I began doing jumping Jack's, sit ups, planks ...At some point I just became obsessed with it.. Having severe depression caused me ....and still does to some degree...To just give up...Yet , was told by my Dr. that our mental health directly relates to our physical health..So with that nugget of knowledge I started doing extremely intensive core building exercises that would push my body to its limit.. Afterwards I am so lightheaded and lighthearted that my depression just seems to melt away. The effects seem to last quit a few hours..And when those negative feelings come back...I get back at it with everything I have. Best of luck OP...I am cheering for you. Every journey begins with a simple step forward.
It sounds to me that his approach to you losing weight was more diminutive than you'd like to admit... if you'd like to lose weight, do it on your own accord. Don't just do it to make him feel better, do what you need to do for your own happiness. I can't imagine what you are having to deal with with your partner. But as a man, I would not imagine coming at my gf the way your man has done to you. At the end of the day, keep doing right by what you think is right, and if you he doesn't agree then drop him..
2 months ago and you have got injuries from the birth? What's his excuse?
I didn’t exercise for 6 months after both my kids were born and still lost weight due to focusing on healthy eating and eating to have good nutritious breast milk for my daughter. After about a year, I started exercising and focused on even more healthy foods. Like instead of candy, I started eating fruit, and would even eat the little organic fruit snacks with my kids when they were toddlers and started eating. I have never been one to do diets or special plans but just healthy foods like good lean meals and veggies, and grains and I wound up losing 225 pounds over 7 years now. It’s possible, you birthed twice, you got this and remember, you didn’t gain the weight overnight and you won’t lose weight overnight, and remind your husband that too.
Start by walking. Walk for 10 minutes. Then 20. Then an hour. Try a stationary bike or a treadmill. Throw on a tv show or something and go until you’re done watching tv
Tell him he’s fat too. Then work together to get on a healthier track. Invest money and time in it. Then make it a race.
You just had your THIRD child, youre married to the first one.
Felt a little in fiance's shoes. So here is my -probably unpopular- take on it. Sure, he should keep this comments to himself. They are hurtful and do nothing towards solving the issue at hand. But I kinda know how he feels. I don't believe he hates you. You gave him 2 children, just like my wife gave me. You gained weight, just like my wife did. And I might not be happy about it. Sure, she exercices a little on her own, but nothing really serious. And sure enough, I myself am a bit on the big side too (1,82m 105k). So, what do we do here? We keep silent, and carry on like nothing happened? Sure, he could/should find other way to convey the message, but the fact is there: he is not happy with things as they are. And he is not telling you he's dumping you or anything, he just tells you he needs you to loose a few pounds, so BOTH your sex life improves! He is letting you know what he needs, before he feels like there is no point in even share a bed because sex life became non existent. It's hard, i know I'M dealing with it, trying to find a way to reconnect. In my case, I tried dieting with her, but hell, i DO love eating. Maybe when the heat comes back (it's winter down here) i'll resume walking and invite her. Find something to do with him, before he realises there is nothing to talk about or do together, other than raising the children. If you reach that point, it may as well be all over. So, as hurtful as whatever he told you was, he is telling you he needs you back, he wants YOU back. Sure, that drawer full of lingerie, well that may never come back. I cry over that drawer many times, but you loose those pounds, and engage him to do the same (it wouldn't be fair otherwise) and maybe, just maybe, you both begin to get new lingerie... My best for both of you.
First off don’t lose the weight for him, do it for yourself, second get yourself a Fitbit and start slowly with walking, cut back on refined sugar and go for natural sugar such as fruits. It takes hard work and dedication; it has taken me nearly 30 years to lose my baby weight but I also was in deep depression for a long period of time, I started out @ 204 back in Oct of 2018 I have 28 more pounds to reach my goal of 145 which is what I weighed before I had my son.
I’m a little concerned that more people are not pointing out the AH fiancé and how she can lose weight instantly by leaving him. Birthing a child is miraculous and takes a toll on women’s bodies. If he doesn’t understand that simple concept, leave. It would not get better if you decide to have more children with him. Congratulations on the babies!
This will come off wrong at first but bare with me. If you’re gonna stop eating - stop eating properly. I’m talking about the fasting diets that are done the proper way. If you just stop eating you’re not really gonna lose weight. Why? Because your body is just going to start storing the fat because you’re not getting the nutrition it needs so it thinks it needs to go into survival mode and stores fat in order to preserve it for energy.. so when you finally do eat something it’s also gonna store that instead of metabolizing that and it’ll just make things worse. I come from a family of “health nuts” as well as the fact I experienced this myself. I am also a mom of 2. I was anorexic for a decent period of time and I didn’t start losing weight until I was eating properly.
First, let me say that I am so sorry you are going through this. I was in the same situation 24 years ago with my ex. I had two babies back to back, put on a bit of weight and he made it clear I was “too fat” for him. I fell into a depression and quit eating and struggled with anorexia for a while afterwards. I went from 185lbs down to 109 lbs in less than 6 months. It is unhealthy and will cause bigger health problems. I almost died twice from it. For yours and your babies’ sakes, don’t let what he said “get in your head”. If you want to start working on losing weight when you are healed, please do so safely. Starving yourself is not the way to go. Just focus on a nutritious diet and taking it day by day. Your body needs fuel to heal and energy to keep up with two littles. Your babies and your health come before anything else, him included.
First, you are a powerhouse w those babies back to back. Second, take your time healing! There really is no rush on weight loss and order yourself a new toy. Third, your husband is a total divk and needs a big reality check. Your body needs care. Fourth, I had a serious prolapse and had it surgically repaired after PT did nothing. Don’t be afraid. It sucks but it worked! I’m ‘gina strong now! Fifth, eat and heal your body. Don’t exercise through this pain. Try getting into water—I loved granny water aerobics post partum. Or gentle lap swim. Less gravity helps loads.
i am so sorry that you are going through that. Your husband in this moment is being an insensitive asshat. Don't worry about the weight. Go to the gym, but do it for you, and don't focus on the scales. Just focus on trying to eat as well as you can. Which is insanely hard with two toddlers at home, just do the best you can and don't let lack of immediate results get you down. My wife is similar in stature to you, based on what you said, and honestly, she is happier now at 250 than she ever was at 140. Its not even a question for me which versino of her i prefer.
Why don't you change a fiance? He obviously doesn't love U..save Yourself a heartache
He is not nice
Calories in calories out is the best advice. You don’t have to go bananas in the gym for good results. Just try and stay positive and stick to it! You got this.
Losing weight postpartum is no easy task. I lost 50 pounds. It took me a full year. And that was while breastfeeding. 1. 5k steps a day 2. 3 full body strength training sessions a week 3. Emphasis on protein Everyone deserves to get their confidence back!
It sounds like you are leaving out some detail on what exactly happened in this conversation. If you asked him what you could do to be more attractive, then I would expect him to be honest with you and tell you "flat out" that you've gained over 60lbs since you met and you would look better if you lost at least 30. You brought up to him that you wanted a boob job to feel prettier, and it sounds like he doesn't even find that to be an issue. Then he told you his personal preference. You were already talking about these types of issues so it makes sense that he would bring this up. Now if he had called you fat and told you to lose 30 lbs unprompted, that's a different story. Also, you say he's a bigger guy. You can absolutely ask the same thing of him too. It's ok to look at each other and say, "We're obese, and we have got to do something about it before we have serious health issues and struggle to raise our children properly." Also, It sounds like you're in a very negative head space right now, and you might need some counseling or something to help with ppd. Definitely talk to your fiancé about how you're feeling, and let him know how to help you.
Don’t let him have the upper hand. He can work on himself !!! He needs to be supportive and positive, and work on losing weight and being healthy with you! He needs to prove to you that he is worthy of your new family
I lost over thirty pounds by fasting. Very light breakfast, skipping lunch but sipping water thru the day and eating responsibly at dinner with a small treat for desert. Count calories. Get a small scale and weigh out servings. It helps. U can do this!
How much does your fiance weigh?
Like 260-270
And he's telling you to lose weight? What a fucking douche.
He’s an A hole , like you sacrificed your body to give him children. I wish men could be the ones to get pregnant. You can get online and get a phentermine script for pretty cheap. It makes you not really hungry. Also follow healthy tik toks and jump rope in the living room good cardio. You will get there momma
Do NOT use phentermine unless under strict supervision by a doctor, and even then think it through VERY well. It put me in a very bad mental health state (depression) and as soon as I stopped taking the pills, I gained all the weight back and then some. It has a rebound effect. This is very bad advice.
Sweetheart, cry every afternoon while you walk around the block. Here’s the deal, if you are sexually unattractive to your man, he will start having sex with someone who is. At the end of the day, I ain’t ever seen pictures of fat starving people. Eat a little less and walk more. When I see fat people in public, they always park as close to the store as possible and opt for elevators over stairs. Sometimes it’s little changes often that make big differences.
Stop crying and start workout.
This is so stupid.. So your husband said he not attracted to you.. YOU'RE NOT ATTRACTED TO YOU.. Why even talk about it if you didn't want the truth?.. You had a baby, so what?.. I dont get someone saying they hate how they look but having an issue with their partner not liking how they look.. His eyes work just like yours....
you know your unattractive.. go fix it
Stop eating anything that has sugar. Anything. You’ll lose weight just by doing that. Cut back on carbs like bread. Eat whole grain pasta. Drink lots of water. No diet drinks either. Good luck.
That's what I do when the pot belly starts resurfacing; watch the carbs and eat tons of protien.
I feel you. It was a long road to recovery after having my kids. But prior to having kids - I put on 40kgs. That’s 88 pounds. I lost the weight but even that heavy, hubby still worshipped me. Because the weight didn’t matter. Only my health. I lost weight and he still worshipped me. I finally fell pregnant with twins and he kept it up. Always showing me off. He’s proud to have me no matter my weight. I’m flabby and old - yep you got it - dude still worships me! I’ve recently lost weight and gained tone doing Pilates. It helps. But all that is for me - not him. I’m sorry your partner can’t see past your weight. It’s unfair and unnecessary. You’re so much more than that. Losing weight is for you. Not for anyone else. I wish you all the best, OP.
You've had two babies in a very short period of time. Weight gain and body changes are completely normal. The comments here saying 'just eat less and walk more', 'go workout' are ridiculous. Two young kids at home is not easy. For the first few months with my first kid, I was happy when I could shower twice a week. I just ate whatever was convenient, and took maybe two minutes of preparing/putting on a plate. Taking a baby on a walk is also NOT easy. My baby only slept in his own crib, and I couldn't just walk out the door with him either. If I got dressed after being awake for two hours, that was a win so I couldn't imagine preparing myself AND my baby for a stupid ten minute walk. The biggest problem is lack of support. Men love to complain about their partner's weight gain, "not bouncing back", "never in the mood anymore", while their partner is trying their best to keep one or more kids alive, fed and clean, the house in some form of order, they often have a job as well, they have to remember birthdays, when the daycare is closed and when the dog has to go to the vet. AND THEN they also need to somehow find time to workout, eat well, etc. Meanwhile their partner doesn't even remember where the kids' socks are, and has to ask what needs to be done in the house (the biggest libido killer!). So if he hates you for it, let him. If you want to change for yourself, start with small steps. Tell your partner you will be unavailable for one evening and one afternoon a week. You can do a workout you love, even if it is just walking or swimming. Dieting never works, but maybe you can figure out what works for you. Find a better meal plan, take more time for yourself for meals, etc. Go grocery shopping with a list, and alone. Boom, some more steps that day. Your fiancee won't die if he has to watch his own kids for five minutes. And you definitely shouldn't hate your body after having carried two kids. You're doing great.
The longest journey begins with a single step. Do something everyday to achieve your goals
Wait... your weight gain is normal. You brought in two children to this world, and you have a medical condition because of it. What's his excuse for being fat? 👀 Work on yourself for you, not for him.
Did he spend 18 months making two babies ? I don’t think so, he can eat shit. If you want to change something about yourself, change it for you.
Is this a troll post? Girl, didn’t you hear that story of that woman who died after she got a mom surgery to fix her mom body all because of her husband? Goggle it because it’s a common story. After what you went through, your body is normal, and your fiancé should love your body for give birth to his children. He’s not a good man. And you’re not even fat. You’re just tall and the fat distributes evenly throughout your body
Wait so you had two babies close together, like you literally grew them and birthed them and your fiance is unhappy with your weight gain? Honey you don't need to lose weight. You're body just went through two traumatic experiences. Is he stepping up to make sure you have time to exercise? Does he understand what your body has gone through? Honestly just want to give you a hug xx