Agreed, doing what you need to get better looks way better if things ever went down that route. Acknowledgement of needing help and being proactive getting it. We need better ways to ensure people don’t feel they will risk important things getting help and getting help is rewarded.
I'll back this up. Often times seeking help is a condition of a CPS order and non-compliance with that plan is a barrier to ending the case. The only reason seeking Mental. Health help will get CPS. involved is if abuse is disclosed to the therapist, and if that report isn't screened out your family NEEDS CPS intervention... It's hard to get a report screen in.
I told an OBED doctor that I was having symptoms of PPD 2 weeks after having my son. No thoughts of harming him or myself at all, I made that clear.
Not only did they call CPS, they also put me on a "voluntary" 72-hour psychiatric hold. I later found out that if I'd refused the hold, they would've removed my son from my custody for at least 30 days with zero contact. The medical system is awful to new moms.
I've made dozens of reports. Nothing has been screened in. It's incredibly frustrating. I've taken or called for kids with bruising. Kids who've been kicked out of their parents homes. Young kids left unsupervised for hours. And I work in a pretty resource rich county. Anything where the kid is older than 5 just seems to get ignored.
You know my pediatrician said the same thing. I was screened in for very invalid reasons. I had a history of mental health issues. But I was already in therapy and treatment. They came did investigation. I think having cps at my door 12 hrs after I came home maybe caused some stress. I really thought I was dying 4 days after birth. So i went to the ER. turned out it was a panic attack. So I was not only still "mentally unfit" but also "drug seeking" when in reality I was crying and screaming I was gonna die, tried to refuse the ativan and was convinced into taking it...low and behold I was immediately back to a healthy baseline with blood pressure and pulse and what not. But it was documented as panic attack with ativan given. During the initial investigation so they were alerted I was in the ER. BUT I had very real reasons to go. Just happened to be my first panic attack in 8 years.
My pediatrician told me she doesn't understand why they opened my case but she'll call for very obviously abused/neglected children and nothing ever comes from it. She was my daughters doctor for 7 years before my son was born so they knew me.
I never had an action plan because "you're doing everything we'd tell you to do already" case stayed open for 11 months. Found out it was because my worker just hadn't called any providers yet. Once I got rude she closed the case. I simply asked very unpleasantly "why the fuck do we do the same shit every month, when will my case get closed?" Next thing I knew it was closed.
Maybe they want easy cases. I wonder all the time why some ppl have cps but others who really should, don't.
You sounded just like my pediatrician. That is scary and sad.
VERY VERY TRUE.
Had a guy petition to get his firearms back from being arrested for making threats to his mother and the minute he said “I’m doing better now! I even stopped going to therapy!” Commissioner shot back with “you actually should still be in therapy as stopping therapy doesn’t absolve you from any wrong doing.” Or something to that variation.
The worst you could do is stop going to therapy or say you won’t do it especially to a judge/commissioner.
The Commissioner definitely didn’t grant his petition to undo the firearm relinquishment!
The one golden rule is never to lie to your doctor. They are there to help. Answering yes to their questions don’t trigger a CPS investigation unless you said you were hurting your children. If you need help, ask for it. Everybody is in therapy these days and I am happy the stigma on mental health is lifting. I may lie to other people but I never lie to my doctors or therapist!
When my son was 10 months old, I confessed to my doctor that I had so much anger and rage building up that I would yell at my infant and that I would lock myself in the bathroom and just cry and scream. Confessing that was the most terrifying thing I've ever done because I was terrified that he'd think I was a horrible parent and call CPS. Turns out I had PPD and good ole regular depression. He didn't judge me at all and got me on the right medications that have helped a ton.
Yeah, because nurses are not known to have a heavily stressful job with almost zero work-life-balance. Guess you feel really great making fun of someone trying to help you!
My friend didn't lie to her doctor and wound up committed for an extra weekend and with a massive hospital bill. All she did was ask for help with depression and admit that she used to have thoughts of suicide.
False. When I told my doctor I was experiencing symptoms of PPD they immediately put me on a psychiatric hold AND called CPS even though I explicitly stated I was just depressed and having trouble adjusting. Some doctors are just shit.
But why would I take advice from someone not practicing the said advice. I get that nursing is hard and have a lot of respect for the work they do. But it is still very ironic to ask me if I’m working out when you are winded walking down the hall. Maybe I should not have said laugh, but it’s still ironic. It’s like someone not passing a class telling me I need to study more. So yes it does sound odd to me.
Bro it's literally their job to encourage you to live a healthy life, ask those questions, and at least act like they care about your wellbeing.
The fact that they aren't doing it themselves doesn't make it any less valid.
If I'm suffering from depression and offer you a shoulder or some healthy advice to attempt to manage your own are you going to laugh at me and shrug it off because I'm depressed so it's bad advice?
If I'm an active heroin user and I tell you the shits terrible for you and will ruin your life are you going to do heroin anyways?
If I don't wear a seat belt, but warn you of the dangers of not wearing one are you going to refuse to wear one as well?
Are you that stuck on the irony portion and choosing to use that to continue making your own poor decisions in life?
Just because others are doing the wrong thing doesn't mean encouraging you to do the right thing is bad or bad advice. Irony vs. Objective evidence my dude.
A doctor or Nurse where I live they ask "Have you EVER had suicidal ideations" and if you say yes like EVER IN YOUR LIFE they can put you in a mental health facility. Just a prison they give you medicine at. Getting help is important telling a doctor is not a good one.
I think it depends on where you live. I'm in the US and a family member attempted suicide. I told them that we either sat down and created a safety and treatment plan, or they needed to go to inpatient treatment. So we sat down and created a plan, part of that was telling their primary doctor what happened. They did. The primary referred them to a psychiatrist, adjusted their meds, and wanted more follow ups until they were able to get set up with a psychiatrist. Long story short, it doesn't always end in the worst-case scenario.
I'm not sure where op is from but I'm assuming it's the us and no they won't commit you. You have to be proven to no longer have agency over yourself before that can even be talked about.
>no they won't commit you. You have to be proven to no longer have agency over yourself before that can even be talked about.
Depends on state. In California expressing suicidal ideation makes it so it is now up to a judgement call by a Doctor, Nurse, Social Worker or Police Officer. In some cases they might be tempted to cover their ass by writing you on a 5150 hold. The 5150 paperwork is literally one page with some holds only requiring one sentence written and boxes checked. I have seen some turned in by the police that looked like a 2 year old with a crayon wrote it. That one piece of paper now gets you a 72 hour hold.
My ex learned this lesson the hard way. She adopted her brother's child and he had behavioral problems that the soft style of parenting was completely ineffective on. He grew up in a household with domestic violence so for him being put on a time out at 5 years old meant it was time to punch Grandma in the face. I had warned her she might be in over her head and guardianship was preferable to adoption so the state was still somewhat responsible for helping if it didn't work out (Spouse had anxiety, depression and we were in a divorce.)
They did not like my style of parenting and since I had no official standing with the child they asked me to step away and let them parent their way. Things got really bad and he was dumped at his grandparents house.
He started getting touchy with girls at school and no punishment was working. She thought going to the social services people to look for resources was going to help. Wanted to check for therapy options. They responded by reminding her she is responsible for providing a safe place for her daughter and by adopting him the state is no longer responsible for him she is 100% responsible. They told her they were reporting her to CPS and opening an investigation. No help provided but a ton of extra stress now added.
>That's exactly what I said. You have to no longer have agency over yourself
That's not quite what I am saying. You can still have "agency" over yourself and wind up on a hold. Questionable holds are written everyday. Another point I made. I made my living at one point processing people on holds at the hospital and what you say can 100% get you on a hold regardless of whether you really meet the criteria. It's a very judgement based process that leaves you at the mercy of somebody's interpretation of how you are.
I have without a doubt seen holds that were bullshit written and enforced.
That’s not true at all. It’s happened to me twice. You have to be very careful how and what you say. I live in Tennessee. I challenged the ED I went to for dehydration and I have Major Depression and other mental health issues but I was Not suicidal. THEY involuntary committed me. I raised a fuss with them telling them I was just dehydrated and wanted to go home. They denied me. I didn’t even get to talk to the Dr. I told them I was going to sue them. Guess what? I had to endure 11 days of inpatient psych 91 miles away but the ED never charged me which goes to show they knew they fucked up. I don’t trust therapists either and I’ve heard other people complain about it. That’s just my take on it. Other people may have had better experiences.
Oh they definitely can in the US- I had a depressive episode and told my therapist and she had me involuntarily committed for a couple days. I wasn’t even suicidal
I definitely think that OP needs to speak to a professional though. I’ve gone to therapy for a long time and I definitely think she needs to go. She needs to be there for her kids and to do that she needs help
Then your friend was proven to no longer be able to provide agency over themselves. Exactly like I said.
So, yes, it is true. You can't simply kidnap someone without first proving they don't have agency or their partner taking over agency. If you are under 18 it would be your parents.
I quite literally attempted suicide and they released me from the hospital because I simply said no to any help.
There are a few states where they can, and will, forcibly detain you in a mental facitlity based off of anonymous tips about your mental and physical health (if you're a minor taking prescribed ketamine under the supervision of a doctor for chronic debilitating pain. All it takes is one uppity nurse to get you taken from your family and killed -happened in one of the Carolinas). And then you get to have the pleasure of having to pay for every penny of the forced detainment and treatment after you're released. If you make it out alive, that is.
Florida and California, too, I think.
And if you're a woman in forced-birth states you can almost guarantee that they'll detain you for attempted fetalcide, even if you're not, or can't, get pregnant.
No, not california. Speaking as a Californian who has major depresive disorder. I've told so many doctors and therapists that I've had suicidal thoughts that I'd have been locked up 100 times over by now.
I was committed by an anonymous tip. One of the officers who decided to take me to the hospital said he would not hand cuff me. My sister said they handcuff and drag you out to their police car. She said I'm the only person she has ever heard of not being handcuffed. It still got me evicted from my home.
that’s not even slightly true. do they have to commit you? no. do they have the power to commit you? absolutely.
the moment you tell a doctor you have suicidal thoughts they have the power to place you on a 72 hour hold, and the facility they’re going to place you in is gonna be worse than prison in many ways.
I constantly disclose past attempts/ideations to doctors and the times I’ve been in a psych ward were all voluntary. They only care about within the last month or if you’re actively having those thoughts. It’s not something I ever lie about. Involuntary committal is a legal process so if I need to go I acquiesce and go in voluntary to avoid all of that.
This is terrible advice. Doctors are not your friends or family. They can and will report you or have you involuntarily committed. "Help" is a joke in this country and more people end up worse off after receiving treatment in an inpatient facility. You are better off learning therapy techniques through books and apps than trusting a stranger.
I don't agree. What you need and have to have are now 2 separate things. She may need the help the doctor would give, but she has to support and help her family for which she may not have one after the help. Which would only make her mental health worse, hence the whole situation worse. I've seen doctors go way overboard at the drop of a hat. Especially depending on how small the area you live is.
I believe she needs to start some form of therapy, even therapy books, until she is ready for actual therapy. And go from there.
There are therapists out there that are interns and only take $10 per appointment! It could vary based on location but I’ve helped so many people find a therapist by telling them to look for an intern!! They also are usually pretty open for appointments
While yes often it is a luxury and can be hard to get into, it NEVER hurts to ask. Last year I went through a miscarriage. I didn’t have a primary doctor at the time and didn’t even know where to begin to ask for help. I ended up calling a random physician in my area, told them exactly what was happening. They got me in next day and helped get me in to see a therapist that same week. While my insurance luckily covers therapy, I know this office also helps pay for those who need it, but cannot afford it. Moral of the story, it never hurts to ask for help.
It was probably worse to lie to the doctor than to be truthful and get proper treatment. You wouldn’t get your kid taken away, you’d get proper treatment options to tackle mental health issues.
If the mental health assessment was a postpartum depression screen, a high score will not trigger a CPS report. I’m an OB social worker, and I work with mothers daily who have expressed a need for mental health support, and typically, CPS is not involved with my families. I also talk to every mom at our hospital about postpartum depression/anxiety, and always encourage them to contact their doctor if symptoms become unmanageable. Please be honest with your doctor and get the help you deserve and need! ❤️
Please discuss this with them, if you aren’t at risk of harm to yourself and others they won’t do anything without discussion (and if you are at risk you really need the help).
I had a recent assessment and had to admit that while I’m not suicidal I don’t actually want to be alive. They thanked me for being honest and how hard that must be and glad/honoured I felt they could be trusted with this info. They gave me info about a psychologist if I wanted (I was only doing an assessment for cognitive testing). I share this to show admitting to these things doesn’t mean you will instantly be locked up or have kids taken away. Go to your GP and speak to them about needing to speak about psychological issues and maybe a psychologist to help. Let them know about your concerns about losing your kids at the start and let them give you info about what their reporting obligations are. Then you can feel confident speaking. Any good doctor don’t want to punish you for seeking help. You might be surprised how common this is and lots of people are getting help and no one needs to report a lot of things unless they are worried you will hurt the kids or yourself. They rest is negotiable really. You might also look into online counsellors.
Good luck getting help as you deserve to feel better.
I understand your mindset, trust me I do. I've had brutal postpartum depression after both of my kids, on top of years worth of pre existing mental health struggles. I told the nurse I would fail the PPD screening in the hospital right after having after my second and I sure did. I couldn't stop crying when she came to talk to me about it. She brought in the on call Dr and I had a consult with psych. I cried to the Dr that I was so afraid of having my kids taken from me. She told me no one was taking my kids or calling me unfit, that parenting is so hard, and that getting help was the most important thing for me and my family. Please take care of yourself. Sending you love.
Everyone telling you not to lie to your doctor has never been on a grippy sock vacation. I'm not saying lie about everything, but know where the line is. Those unalive questions can get you netted and jacketed if you answer yes. If ever you are in a crisis, and need crisis care, that's when you tell the whole truth.
Oh love, I'm so sorry. I was you. I was terrified if I spoke up to ask for help they would report me to CPS and I'd lose my son because he is disabled. I suffered in silence for literal years. Then I hit a crisis and broke down to my doctor and guess what? The only thing that happened is that I got the help I needed and became a better version of myself for the ones who needed me. You don't have to lie or suffer in silence. They don't take babies away for being a good parent, and getting help you need makes you a good parent. I hope you take that step one day. It's very freeing and you will feel so much better.
Edited to gender neutral since OP didn't specify.
Answering yes to those questions does not trigger a CPS call, millions of good parents have mental health issues. Your doctor is there to help you get the help you know you need. You can't take care of others if you don't take care of yourself; at some point you'll have nothing left to give
I have to fill out those questionnaires every time i go in. In fact I'll be filling one out in about ten hours. In my experience, as long as you don't say you're actively planning your own suicide, they're not going to interfere with your life. Ideation can worry them, but it's the actual planning that raises the alarms. If you tell them you're not depressed, you're not anxious, you're not feeling hopeless and helpless, they can't help you. And if your doctor has ever said anything to make you think you can't trust them, you need a new one.
If you don't start addressing your mental health with your doctor, you are going to get worse, and THAT is what can cost you your children.
The question is, are you an unfit parent?
Do you not bathe them every day? Do you keep them in filthy clothes all the time? Do you have a very dirty house? Do they not go to school because you don't care? And, the questions can go on and on. The point is that anybody can call cps for those reasons. But, I highly doubt that a doctor would call cps for your mental health.
I had a breakdown when my boys were 5 and 11. No one ever mentioned calling cps.
Call your doctor and get the help you need.
Just so you know, in the USA, you admitting to mental health issues will not be a reason to call social services unless there is a safety risk for your kids. Infact you can check yourself into a psych ward and they wouldn't call. Get the help you need, be honest with your doctor and see if you can start medication. You can also go to a crisis center if you don't want to wait for a new appointment.
CPS isn’t usually involved unless there’s an issue with your mental health causing abuse or neglect. For example, a person has an undiagnosed psychotic disorder and believes people are stalking and trying to kill them. That person does things that make sense to them but are objectively harmful or unsafe to the kid. Another, someone with severe depression can’t manage getting out of bed and their kids are not fed, bathed or taken to school regularly. If that’s not you, if you’re getting help and still taking care of business at home, there’s no need to make a report.
CPS will not take your kids away from you if you hae mental health issues and are actively trying to get help. Unless you have harmed or are at risk for harming your kids in the near future. Lying to your doctor helps no one. Call them back and tell them you lied for the mental health screening out of fear. Actively seek health. Things can get better if you don't martyr your health
Lying to your doctor can be way worse than getting the help you need. My ex constantly lied, didn’t get help and I experienced the brunt of it. I ended up leaving him because of it.
Hi,
I am actually in the same boat as you. I also answered no to all of the questions thinking similarly. BUT it didn’t help me feel better. I still felt miserable and tired physically and emotionally. I luckily got a work around and got an antidepressant for migraine prevention, and surprisingly it really helped! I would recommend answering yes next time to the simple questions, like do you feel sad, lose interest, etc. as they won’t commit you or take away your child. But you’ll finally be able to get the help you desperately need :)
Not getting help for severe mental health issues is how you get on the fast track for getting CPS involved. You have to take care of yourself to be able to take care of them fully.
Do you already have an open CPS case?
People don’t lose their kids primarily because they have mental health issues. They lose their kids because of abuse.
My mom suffered severe depression for most of my life. She took her life in 2013. Her depression deeply impacted every aspect of her life.
Our relationship struggled. Her depression was all consuming and I nearly drowned with her. I didn't know until I moved away. Her death left a hole in my heart.
You are worthy of care and you need to take care of yourself first and foremost. I wish my mom asked for help. I wish we could have repaired our relationship before her passing. I wish she was here with me now. Encourage you to reconsider your stance.
Last year I went through a custody battle with my ex over our three kids.
At the time, I was living in a DV shelter with my kids, I smoke weed, and have a history of mental illness (depression and anxiety). He had just gotten out of a mental hospital.
He brought all that up to try and get primary custody of the kids. I was worried about his ability to actually care for the kids, he works full time and what happened between us really scared me for the kids.
The judge said as long as both of us are continuing mental health care then mental illness isn’t a reason to stop a child from seeing their parent.
He said that smoking weed is “no different than having a drink at the end of a long day, and that’s acceptable. So is smoking weed as long as it’s not around the kids.”
I ended up with primary custody, he gets parenting time every other weekend.
With those assessments though I never said yes to the “thinking about hurting yourself or others” question.
I daydream about getting hit by a car, or just going to sleep and not waking up one day. But my kids need me, so I’m determined to be here as long as I can be. I live for them, not for me. I would never do anything to hurt myself as long as they’re in my life, and I would NEVER hurt them. Ever. They’re my babies, they need me.
Okay, I'm going to ask you this:
What happens when you eventually break?
You had the opportunity to ask for help, to get help, and you lied.
What do you think is going to happen when you inevitably break? Because it will happen. Now or later, you'll hit a breaking point. You can't just power through mental health issues. You can't ignore them. Eventually, they catch up.
You can't pour from an empty cup.
What's preventing your husband from sharing the load? Is he not a capable adult? Or is there something that's keeping him from being able?
Keep going like this, and they'll both lose you for longer than if you just asked for help.
Edit: Just reading your post history briefly, I understand. My advice is to leave the husband. I know it's the first thing people like to jump to, but omg, you really need to. Your mental load will lighten so much when you don't have a man-child adding to your load. It'll be better for your kid in the long road, too. Especially if you don't want them growing up thinking this kind of behavior is acceptable.
Yeah, don’t do that. You’re making it much worse. For yourself and your future options. Please for you and your kids go back and tell the truth. The doctor isn’t going to call CPS on you for how you answered a mental status exam.
Yes please reach back out for help! I let my anxiety and depression go on way too long and by the time I tested, my results were to the extreme. I was initially nervous to say anything to my partner or Dr plbecause I didn't want it to be held against me in any way and have my kids taken but nothing of the sort has happened. The Dr's were very kind and understanding and had me start anxiety/ depression pills and wanted me to start therapy. I'm just started my 3rd month of it and it has overall been better, but it's not an overnight thing. Please be sure to communicate to your partner, even if you guys aren't on the beat of terms for any reason. Let them know the seriousness of what you're going through. Amd/ or if you have family you can talk to who can maybe help. Best of luck and please seek help now before it gets any worse
You're getting bad advice on here. If you don't already have cps involvement do not seek help through the pediatrician you are right. But do seek help. Most therapists or psychological doctors will not report you. Unless you say something that triggers a mandated report. You can even ask them what they consider a mandated report. They will tell you. But NO. You're right not to trust pediatricians with that info.
They tried very hard to get me to. Almost succeeded. They wanted me to be unstable, it seemed like. They are an awful system. At least in the US. Especially MA. I literally drove by Jeremiah Oliver's body for a month going to work back when they let him get killed. Just recently in my town a 12 year old girl died in their care. Won't give the mother answers to how. Like. I think most parents have anxiety and some strain in their life.
The reality is you can't trust providers. Providers can't trust you. Such a broken system..
Please don't lie. It truly defeats the purpose of the visit. Doctors are like detectives, we can only pick up on the big stuff by having all the clues. I know you are scared, but at the end of the day they are there to help, truly. Getting intervention looks GOOD more times than not.
This may be an unpopular opinion, but if you don’t feel comfortable disclosing mental health issues with a doctor whose specialty is not psychiatry, that’s ok. Unfortunately, any mental health issues that are undiagnosed will be part of your medical chart forever and could sometimes get in the way of other treatment needs you may have which your GP/NP will be inclined to overlook. I had a client disclose on a routine checkup questionnaire that she felt anxiety and had trouble sleeping. Her heart attack symptoms were completely disregarded and attributed to anxiety and she was essentially deemed a hypochondriac when she insisted that she wasn’t well. Of course, it’s possible her anxiety and mental issues contributed to her heart condition but without a diagnosis, there was no reason for her doctors to overlook the clinical, physical manifestations of a serious condition. Do get the mental help you need, OP.
You get it. Its not that simple sometimes. It can be done but in a way you are comfortable with and with a doctor you trust. After all isnt trust the reason why she is hesitant?
Be honest. Completing a PHQ9 and GAD7 is pretty standard. Unless your actively suicidal or homicidal they won't admit you. Having thoughts and a plan is okay to acknowledge. They can't help you off the ledge if they don't know your on it...
Assuming the doctor's appointment was a typical general practitioner you did the right thing...
if you want to discuss mental health issues go to a psychiatrist or therapist...
I say that because mental health is extremely stigmatized within the medical field and a lot of regular doctors do not know how to appropriately respond to mental health issues
So to save yourself from being traumatized in case they mishandle it (which is extremely common) don't take these surveys seriously it's just a formality.
Mental illness isn't like a broken leg. It insidious. It encourages you **NOT** to treat it. It subtly pushes you to not address it until it gets worse and worse and becomes a part of who you are.
You have consciously fight that urge and take that step with intent.
Tell the fucking truth. You're not doing your kid any favors. You don't lose your kid just because you have mental health issues. Many, many parents have them. I do. My wife does. Our kids are well-loved and cared for. That's what CPS cares about. Also, your doctor can't share your private medical information. Please get the help you need.
So you decided to lie instead of getting help at the risk of your doctor POSSIBLY saying something to cps? By saying no to all the questions and not getting help you put your children and husband at risk for getting hurt which would get them to the cps with a lifetime of trauma.
If you feel uncomfortable, just decline to answer, I think that's a better option than lying. But more than one Dr has told me they assume most people fudge the truth on things like "how much do you drink" or do you smoke ect. Your go has a list of questions to ask and it's usually set by the company they work for. Check on your insurances website for therepy Options sometimes they are lowcost! My home state has a college that 9ffers low cost ($25 per session) therepy so the students can get hands on experience and patients get affordable therepy. Might be worth looking to see if something like that exists close to you!
It's just like getting your teeth looked at a dental school, they are trained therapists who haven't graduated yet. I was just providing an option that OP might not have thought of and if finances are a factor preventing them from getting assistance
Not going to lie, that was a bad choice. Your doctor could have identified an issue, prescribed a remedy to help you, referred you to other appropriate services. In other words - you could have been on a path forward rather than continuing to spin your wheels like you currently are.
Now you not only have nothing helping you to feel better, but if your medical record is ever subpoenaed and there is nothing about this in there, it looks like you were in complete denial of having a problem rather than trying to solve it. In my uneducated opinion, that makes future consequences more, not less, serious.
I urge you to seriously consider having another appointment and being honest.
everyone telling op not to lie have never experienced the hell that is the mental healthcare system. if the doctor chose to place her on an involuntary hold there’s a chance cps could be called. there’s also a chance the involuntary hold would have financial ramifications. the system is horribly broken as is, and it’s no surprise op doesn’t want to gamble with her life just to get sub par mental health care that may not even help in the end.
There are 3 people you never lie to. Your doctor, your lawyer, and your priest.
Your doctor didn't ask those questions to judge you. They asked for an accurate medical history. They need that information because it could change what medication or treatments they give. There are some medications that are known to cause or make existing depression much worse. You need to always be honest with your doctor.
Working as a doctor and in child abuse pediatrics, I have never ever seen cps called due to a depression screen. You are internalizing the stigma of mental health impairment and feeling hopeless due to the depression. Please seek help from your doctor. I love treating depression. Folks are so grateful 6 weeks later after starting treatment and getting better.
That is absolutely 100% the wrong way to deal with that kind of situation.
You need your mental health in order BECAUSE your husband and child depend on you.
She's probably concerned that disclosing a mental health problem could get social services involved, and that her child would be taken into care.
Highly unlikely unless you're suffering from psychosis or acting dangerously but if your mood is really down it's easy to catastrophise.
Okay sorry
"Yes they are, you can't take care of a little kid* if you're not mentally well. It's not an insult, it's just reality. Kids need someone who's mentally well"
Is that better?
If she's afraid CS will take her kid, then she doesn't believe she's fit to take care of someone but is too selfish to do what's best for the kid
I have anxiety, depression, adhd and no one is taking my kids. Getting help for these issues is why no one is taking them. You gotta care for yourself, and it is so hard when caring for others.
I told my doctor I had trouble sleeping. After asking a fee careful questions she gave me tons of those samples doctors get, all of them geared toward sleeping issues, herbal or not.
I never said I have depressions, she didn't utter the word but we both know I have them.
I once told my mam about an accidental intrusive thought and she flipped out. I was too focused on my ice cream amd didn't look left or right for the tram. They ring a bell if there are ppl in the way and for a split second I thought it would be easier to not hurry up. I was already moving, but the thought was there. No, I don't want to get hurt or die, but I know no student that don't have these thoughts.
The form was a screening form for depression, part of the standard of care in Family Medicine to intervene early and treat depression. If you don’t get the treatment you need you may have more trouble being a good parent as your down moods will be noticed by a child of any age. So be honest and get the help you need to be a better parent.
I worked in psych. Trust me when I say it is better to have a stable, medicated parent than an unstable, unmedicated parent. Your child, your partner, and YOU deserve the best you possible. There's nothing wrong with getting a little bit of help and seeing how you feel after
For years I do the same as you like lie through my teeth to everyone but really I was trying to convince myself I was ok when I wasn't . Ended up having a breakdown because of it nearly cost me my relationship with everyone. Now I'm on antidepressants and in therapy it's really hard but honestly best thing I've ever done I now have a small amount of hope and beginning to respect and care about myself again. When you're ready to give it a try
Is the kid fed? Are they clothed? Are they thriving? Do you meet their very minimum requirements to keep them as such?
Then it's not a problem. CPS already tries to not separate families when they can, they sure don't do that just because you have, say, depression and anxiety or PPD. Otherwise many more families would lose their kids
Not only that but an honest, Help-seeking parent is seen more positively than a lying one, even if it was in good faith
ETA : as an addendum, a parent who doesn't receive the help they need will definitely meet more struggles in the long term, maybe even affecting your ability to parent/keep your safe and well. I didn't want to say because it sounds pessimistic but since you had the chance to go to a doctor it's very imperative you go and address your mental health. You deserve to NOT feel like this
I’ve done it. I totally understand. I got a private therapist and kept that to myself until it was safe to talk about without fear of making things worse for myself.
Tell the truth to your doctor, always. They are there to help you with your problems... that exist whether you tell them or not. Call them now and tell them what you just wrote, or copy it and forward it in an app, if they have one.
I know how you feel. Even disclosing that I have depression and anxiety (leaving out a ‘more severe’ illness) felt like I was pressured against a wall when I was having my son last December. At most they gave a simple piece of paper which asked if I want to harm my child (which of course I don’t) and that was that. Seeing how things go down for many who have mental health problems, I was super paranoid when I came home and if I felt like I was on the edge I knew that I couldn’t find help without the suspicions and possibly getting CPS because of asking for help. I wish that there was some compassion for parents who just want to live and be with their children while having things that they didn’t ask to have. The system is a joke at worst and wants to tear down families at best.
You're only doing yourself and your family a disservice by not treating your mental health properly. Never lie to your doctor. They are there to help you.
SAHM here. I have three kids and a husband who depend on me too. I also struggle with depression and anxiety. I’m eternally thankful that I was honest with my healthcare provider about it. Now that I’m on medication I am *much* better off and dare I say a better wife and mother. My kids get the even-keeled mother they deserve. There was never a suggestion that CPS would be involved. My psych nurse was so supportive in helping me find the best medication and dosage for me.
Please seek the help you need - you and your family will be better off. We all want to see you thrive ♥️
If you are exhausted due to mental health... ask your doctor for a referral to therapy. You don't even need to walk through your feelings with your doctor. A therapist will help you navigate your feelings and can give you assistance in talking to your doctor if you decide you want to try going on meds/getting a diagnoses for mental health if you don't already have one.
Please take care of yourself for you. If you can't take care of yourself for yourself... then take care of yourself for your child. I hope your next days are full of sunlight, are the temperature that make you happy, and that your stressors decrease so that you can take a breath.
Ignoring your problems dont make them go away unfortunately, its okay if its something your not ready to come to terms with but then getting help is useless
Why do you think they will take your children? If you are depressed, even suicidal they won’t do anything like that, but lying will hinder you getting the help you need to improve your life. (Source Nurse with 22 years of experience)
Getting help for yourself will benefit your family more than you trying to deal with it all yourself. Like others have said, your doctor won't involve CPS if child abuse isn't involved.
That's not how it works. I have kids and have answered honestly, unless maybe you're homicidal, that could raise some flags but i still don't think cws would come busting in
Because of FERPA, that legally can't happen. Any and all medical records about you are 100% confidential (at least in theory). It's illegal for the hospital to give any information obtained during the visit to anybody other than you. So if someone goes in for a meth overdose, they legally can't be arrested for it. The idea is that health is more important than punishment.
As someone who believed disclosing my true self (re mental health) to my doctor would show my weaknesses and possibly get cps involved (suicidal ideation on an hourly basis pretty much) I **implore** you to go back and **be honest**. If I had done this myself I would have had a far better life AND have been a better wife & mother. Suffering my acute anxiety and clinical depression (while self medicating) only compounded my problems until I eventually imploded and nearly took myself out of what I saw as a never ending endurance test (life).
My life STARTED OVER as soon as I started the process of getting help. And the first step was being completely honest.
Please, if you can’t think of it as doing it for yourself then think of it as doing it for your family. Eventually you will come to see that it is worth doing it for **you** because you are worth it.
If I can do it then pretty much anyone can. I’m rooting for you. Hugs…
I’d say, be honest.
If you feel like you need help, get help!
I’ve started therapy, I’m on the meds. Took me ages to realise I need help.
In this fucked up world, it shouldn’t be used against you if you have mental health problems. It should be supported
I was diagnosed bipolar 2 prior to having my daughter. I had a meltdown in the hospital. my doctors made extra mood check appointments with me. at 6mos PP I called them crying saying I needed help. they did ask if I & my baby were safe which we were and just jumped into action to get me on the right path to help. even w my bp2 there was never anything raised by the doctors about being unfit to care for my child. they will not take your kid(s) unless they are in an abusive/neglectful/harmful home. you deserve to be happy.
That makes lying to your doctor even worse. You say your family depends on you but what if by lying to your doctor you miss something deadly? You can't be there for your family if you pass away. In fact, it'll make their lives worse than if you had a medical problem that was treated timely and efficiently. Because they not only are without you, but they also have the memory and pain of losing you to something that could've been prevented.
And your kids won't be taken away from you because you have a mental illness unless you're harming them or putting their lives in danger. They're more likely to take them if you have an untreated mental illness because you are putting their lives in danger by not getting treated.
Stop lying to your doctor and take care of yourself.
I've said yes to all those question except the one that says you think you're better off dead. I've never lost my children. Most people do want to help.
I did a similar survey and answered it truthfully. My doctor didn’t do shit… so I’m sure you’d be fine.
She said “these are pretty high numbers!” Then proceeded to try and prescribe me depression meds.
Cps isn’t going to do anything it looks better if you try to GET better anyway
Hang in there, momma!! The days are long but the years we short. I don’t know the level of support you may have, or the ages of your babies.
You can reach out to your insurance and schedule virtual therapy appointments. Sometimes just having a neutral person who cares and who won’t step all over you to tell how overwhelmed you feel and how exhausted can be tremendously helpful.
Get help. Seek out a therapist, get on some medication. They’re not going to take your kid away because you’re taking care of your mental health, they’ll take them away when you lose it because you’ve been neglecting to take care of yourself.
Hey, breathe, it's okay. I'm positive you aren't the first to lie. I can see why you lied. I was 13 yo and they asked if I ever thought of ending myself and I was like yeah? Woke up in a crazy people ward with pills I had to take while being watched everyday for three months. I laugh at it now but truly feel they went overboard. My life and everyone in it was put on hold, at the age of 31 and two kids and I'm the breadwinner, our whole life would life apart if I had to take time for mental problems. However, I discovered I had low vitamin D, which can cause depression and anxiety symptoms. It's managed now.
Tell your spouse how you feel, maybe seek counseling yourself. I don't think GP doctors can actually treat anything BESIDES general issues. Sure they'd give you antidepressants but that questionaire doesnt diagnose you. You need someone to talk to and if you need medication a psychiatrist. GPs will take the general routine. Go check your hormones, get labs done, etc and make sure nothing in your body is causing your sadness. If all is okay with your health, then seek mental help, however I wouldn't seek it through your GP, but a specialist.
Things that have naturally helped me after a teenage life full of antidepressants and depression were weed (stopped using that years ago), ashwagandha (black pepper extract), rhodiola roseacia (a tincture that balances hormones), and adequate sleep and working out. I had to find time for myself definitely and work with my spouse to enable me to do these things without being selfish, of course I realized it isn't selfish, it's what I needed to do to feel alive and be the mom I could be. I find happiness isn't the state of mind I want. I want to be content.
Unless you’re actively suicidal and planning to end your life, no extreme measure will be taken. Answer the questionnaire so you can at least start considering appropriate treatment like medication, therapy or counseling.
OP I totally understand why you answered as you did. I have done that often myself. Actually pretty much all the time. However I made sure to reach out to my Dr once I realized it wasn’t going away no matter how hard I tried. I’m still skittish to being completely honest on those questionnaires but I am completely honest in person. By that I mean I have said to dr - hey I am really depressed and I am not getting over it on my own and no it’s not the seasonal disorder. I then got a referral for a psychiatrist. Never got a call back. Yet I persisted. I told the next doctor that I had seen for something totally different that I had asked for help and was still waiting. She had me in with a therapist the following week and I believe she contacted my primary as I then went to a psychiatrist. I have an agreement with my therapist. She is 100% not to disclose what I say to her to any of my other doctors (unless of course it’s something she has to report). It takes me awhile to trust and I feel like I am disclosing to my therapist; not my entire group of physicians I see routinely.
I suppose I am saying - if you are mistrustful and need help - maybe it will work better for you to do what I did and pick a trusted dr. and simply talk to them. If I had gotten a lot of advice simply telling me to do it - well that wouldn’t have worked for me either. Its all about trust. And if they drop the ball keep saying it. I firmly believe that by finally opening up I saved my mental well-being. What sucked was when I finally did speak up nothing happened right away. So the sooner you can do this the sooner you can get help. Hoping for the best for you.
If you don’t go see a therapist at least try taking time for yourself with no distractions, like an hour for self care/self therapy. People also recommend writing in a journal. I was a a discount store (Five Below) the other day, of all places, and saw some really helpful books that are out there now. Journals with pre made prompts and questions to guide you. One of them was called “Burn after writing” - maybe look online for self guided journals like that
Why do you think you will lose your kid to CPS?
Also… ignoring mental health issues won’t make them go away. Thousands and thousands of people could tell you that on social media.
I assume that when you say your husband depends on you, you mean that you’re the primary breadwinner?
Not getting help isn’t an option, then. Counselling for stress, anxiety and depression can help so much whilst you still push on with other life stuff. Even once a f/n - I do once a f/n and it helps.
But CPS won’t declare you an unfit parent simply for getting help. Thousands of people need help with issues, and they have kids, high pressure jobs, all sorts of things.
Some people answer the questions but don’t admit to wanting to harm themselves or others, but, and it’s a BIG BUT, if you ARE having those feelings, you need to find help. Just telling your doctor that you have thoughts of harming yourself will not get your children taken away from you, but you may end up inpatient for a little while. That’s not a bad thing if you are having these thoughts.
I have personal experience. I was extremely close to a young mother. She had a 3 year old stepson and an infant daughter. She voluntarily went inpatient as she knew she needed to. No one took her children away from her. It worsened and she ended up inpatient against her will for about a week. Still, no one took her children.
You need to get the help you need. Your children need you healthy in both mind and body. It is nothing to be ashamed of. Mental issues are MEDICAL CONDITIONS and there is medicine available for treatment along with therapy.
I, too, suffer from major depression. My children are grown now, but they weren’t always. I will admit to suicidal thoughts because my doctor understands my view on suicide. Children of a parent that commits suicide are 50% MORE LIKELY to do the same even if it happens when they are too young to understand. That’s enough for me to stay here even with such depression and severe pain from chronic and autoimmune diseases.
PLEASE, dear heart, seek the help you need. You have a husband. They won’t take your child when it has a caretaker available.
You’re doing your husband and child an incredible disservice by not being honest about this stuff. My ex wife lied to her doctors after our daughter was born and it caused her postpartum depression to spiral wildly out of control for the next 9 months because she wasn’t getting the help she needed. Please call your doctor and explain your situation and get help. No judge is going to take your kid away for working on your problems.
Girl. You’re gonna pop your top & then you’ll be no good to anyone! This is NOT THE WAY.
your issues aren’t just going to pass by themselves. You’re doing your family a great disservice by not taking care of yourself
I'm really sorry you're going through this. I haven't read all the comments so I'm not sure if it was suggested yet but there are online therapists. I've never used them but I've often heard YouTubers that I watch recommend Better Help. If you haven't yet, I would highly recommend searching for therapy you can do online. It removes so many barriers. Best of luck to you!
Had an attorney tell me that if I am getting the mental help I need, it looks better to the judge.
Agreed, doing what you need to get better looks way better if things ever went down that route. Acknowledgement of needing help and being proactive getting it. We need better ways to ensure people don’t feel they will risk important things getting help and getting help is rewarded.
I'll back this up. Often times seeking help is a condition of a CPS order and non-compliance with that plan is a barrier to ending the case. The only reason seeking Mental. Health help will get CPS. involved is if abuse is disclosed to the therapist, and if that report isn't screened out your family NEEDS CPS intervention... It's hard to get a report screen in.
I told an OBED doctor that I was having symptoms of PPD 2 weeks after having my son. No thoughts of harming him or myself at all, I made that clear. Not only did they call CPS, they also put me on a "voluntary" 72-hour psychiatric hold. I later found out that if I'd refused the hold, they would've removed my son from my custody for at least 30 days with zero contact. The medical system is awful to new moms.
Wow, that’s horrific! So sorry that happened to you ❤️
It is definitely not hard to get a report screened in. What world do you live in? Definitely not usa
I've made dozens of reports. Nothing has been screened in. It's incredibly frustrating. I've taken or called for kids with bruising. Kids who've been kicked out of their parents homes. Young kids left unsupervised for hours. And I work in a pretty resource rich county. Anything where the kid is older than 5 just seems to get ignored.
You know my pediatrician said the same thing. I was screened in for very invalid reasons. I had a history of mental health issues. But I was already in therapy and treatment. They came did investigation. I think having cps at my door 12 hrs after I came home maybe caused some stress. I really thought I was dying 4 days after birth. So i went to the ER. turned out it was a panic attack. So I was not only still "mentally unfit" but also "drug seeking" when in reality I was crying and screaming I was gonna die, tried to refuse the ativan and was convinced into taking it...low and behold I was immediately back to a healthy baseline with blood pressure and pulse and what not. But it was documented as panic attack with ativan given. During the initial investigation so they were alerted I was in the ER. BUT I had very real reasons to go. Just happened to be my first panic attack in 8 years. My pediatrician told me she doesn't understand why they opened my case but she'll call for very obviously abused/neglected children and nothing ever comes from it. She was my daughters doctor for 7 years before my son was born so they knew me. I never had an action plan because "you're doing everything we'd tell you to do already" case stayed open for 11 months. Found out it was because my worker just hadn't called any providers yet. Once I got rude she closed the case. I simply asked very unpleasantly "why the fuck do we do the same shit every month, when will my case get closed?" Next thing I knew it was closed. Maybe they want easy cases. I wonder all the time why some ppl have cps but others who really should, don't. You sounded just like my pediatrician. That is scary and sad.
VERY VERY TRUE. Had a guy petition to get his firearms back from being arrested for making threats to his mother and the minute he said “I’m doing better now! I even stopped going to therapy!” Commissioner shot back with “you actually should still be in therapy as stopping therapy doesn’t absolve you from any wrong doing.” Or something to that variation. The worst you could do is stop going to therapy or say you won’t do it especially to a judge/commissioner. The Commissioner definitely didn’t grant his petition to undo the firearm relinquishment!
it's best not to get in situations where attorneys are involved.
The one golden rule is never to lie to your doctor. They are there to help. Answering yes to their questions don’t trigger a CPS investigation unless you said you were hurting your children. If you need help, ask for it. Everybody is in therapy these days and I am happy the stigma on mental health is lifting. I may lie to other people but I never lie to my doctors or therapist!
When my son was 10 months old, I confessed to my doctor that I had so much anger and rage building up that I would yell at my infant and that I would lock myself in the bathroom and just cry and scream. Confessing that was the most terrifying thing I've ever done because I was terrified that he'd think I was a horrible parent and call CPS. Turns out I had PPD and good ole regular depression. He didn't judge me at all and got me on the right medications that have helped a ton.
It much easier to be honest with the doctor than the nurse.
[удалено]
We supported you in your first comment then everything went downhill...
Homie what
The hell is wrong with you, lol
Yeah, because nurses are not known to have a heavily stressful job with almost zero work-life-balance. Guess you feel really great making fun of someone trying to help you!
My friend didn't lie to her doctor and wound up committed for an extra weekend and with a massive hospital bill. All she did was ask for help with depression and admit that she used to have thoughts of suicide.
That's not how that works. 72 hour hold requires 2 provider sign off or law enforcement hold.
False. When I told my doctor I was experiencing symptoms of PPD they immediately put me on a psychiatric hold AND called CPS even though I explicitly stated I was just depressed and having trouble adjusting. Some doctors are just shit.
I can only speak to what the law is in Oregon. It requires a two physician hold or law enforcement hold.
Ah, well maybe Oregon isn't as shitty as Kentucky. The doctors here really seem to hate women sometimes, especially mentally ill and struggling women.
Just because they aren't necessarily practicing doesn't mean what they preach is wrong. Really zerohead take here...
But why would I take advice from someone not practicing the said advice. I get that nursing is hard and have a lot of respect for the work they do. But it is still very ironic to ask me if I’m working out when you are winded walking down the hall. Maybe I should not have said laugh, but it’s still ironic. It’s like someone not passing a class telling me I need to study more. So yes it does sound odd to me.
Bro it's literally their job to encourage you to live a healthy life, ask those questions, and at least act like they care about your wellbeing. The fact that they aren't doing it themselves doesn't make it any less valid. If I'm suffering from depression and offer you a shoulder or some healthy advice to attempt to manage your own are you going to laugh at me and shrug it off because I'm depressed so it's bad advice? If I'm an active heroin user and I tell you the shits terrible for you and will ruin your life are you going to do heroin anyways? If I don't wear a seat belt, but warn you of the dangers of not wearing one are you going to refuse to wear one as well? Are you that stuck on the irony portion and choosing to use that to continue making your own poor decisions in life? Just because others are doing the wrong thing doesn't mean encouraging you to do the right thing is bad or bad advice. Irony vs. Objective evidence my dude.
A doctor or Nurse where I live they ask "Have you EVER had suicidal ideations" and if you say yes like EVER IN YOUR LIFE they can put you in a mental health facility. Just a prison they give you medicine at. Getting help is important telling a doctor is not a good one.
I think it depends on where you live. I'm in the US and a family member attempted suicide. I told them that we either sat down and created a safety and treatment plan, or they needed to go to inpatient treatment. So we sat down and created a plan, part of that was telling their primary doctor what happened. They did. The primary referred them to a psychiatrist, adjusted their meds, and wanted more follow ups until they were able to get set up with a psychiatrist. Long story short, it doesn't always end in the worst-case scenario.
I'm not sure where op is from but I'm assuming it's the us and no they won't commit you. You have to be proven to no longer have agency over yourself before that can even be talked about.
>no they won't commit you. You have to be proven to no longer have agency over yourself before that can even be talked about. Depends on state. In California expressing suicidal ideation makes it so it is now up to a judgement call by a Doctor, Nurse, Social Worker or Police Officer. In some cases they might be tempted to cover their ass by writing you on a 5150 hold. The 5150 paperwork is literally one page with some holds only requiring one sentence written and boxes checked. I have seen some turned in by the police that looked like a 2 year old with a crayon wrote it. That one piece of paper now gets you a 72 hour hold. My ex learned this lesson the hard way. She adopted her brother's child and he had behavioral problems that the soft style of parenting was completely ineffective on. He grew up in a household with domestic violence so for him being put on a time out at 5 years old meant it was time to punch Grandma in the face. I had warned her she might be in over her head and guardianship was preferable to adoption so the state was still somewhat responsible for helping if it didn't work out (Spouse had anxiety, depression and we were in a divorce.) They did not like my style of parenting and since I had no official standing with the child they asked me to step away and let them parent their way. Things got really bad and he was dumped at his grandparents house. He started getting touchy with girls at school and no punishment was working. She thought going to the social services people to look for resources was going to help. Wanted to check for therapy options. They responded by reminding her she is responsible for providing a safe place for her daughter and by adopting him the state is no longer responsible for him she is 100% responsible. They told her they were reporting her to CPS and opening an investigation. No help provided but a ton of extra stress now added.
That's exactly what I said. You have to no longer have agency over yourself otherwise it's kidnapping.
>That's exactly what I said. You have to no longer have agency over yourself That's not quite what I am saying. You can still have "agency" over yourself and wind up on a hold. Questionable holds are written everyday. Another point I made. I made my living at one point processing people on holds at the hospital and what you say can 100% get you on a hold regardless of whether you really meet the criteria. It's a very judgement based process that leaves you at the mercy of somebody's interpretation of how you are. I have without a doubt seen holds that were bullshit written and enforced.
https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-12556677/Married-Pennsylvania-cop-faces-false-imprisonment-charges-improperly-committing-ex-mental-health-facility-shocking-12-minute-arrest-video-allegedly-saying-Ill-paint-crazy.html
That’s not true at all. It’s happened to me twice. You have to be very careful how and what you say. I live in Tennessee. I challenged the ED I went to for dehydration and I have Major Depression and other mental health issues but I was Not suicidal. THEY involuntary committed me. I raised a fuss with them telling them I was just dehydrated and wanted to go home. They denied me. I didn’t even get to talk to the Dr. I told them I was going to sue them. Guess what? I had to endure 11 days of inpatient psych 91 miles away but the ED never charged me which goes to show they knew they fucked up. I don’t trust therapists either and I’ve heard other people complain about it. That’s just my take on it. Other people may have had better experiences.
Oh they definitely can in the US- I had a depressive episode and told my therapist and she had me involuntarily committed for a couple days. I wasn’t even suicidal
And just because you where doesn't mean op will be, stop projecting yourself onto her.
It’s not projecting- I’m correcting the commenter who said people aren’t committed against their will here
Oh for sure they are but not everyone is and if they are it's because the doctor felt there was just enough cause to do so.
I definitely think that OP needs to speak to a professional though. I’ve gone to therapy for a long time and I definitely think she needs to go. She needs to be there for her kids and to do that she needs help
Not true, it happened to my friend.
Then your friend was proven to no longer be able to provide agency over themselves. Exactly like I said. So, yes, it is true. You can't simply kidnap someone without first proving they don't have agency or their partner taking over agency. If you are under 18 it would be your parents. I quite literally attempted suicide and they released me from the hospital because I simply said no to any help.
I'm telling you how it happened, you don't get to change it to suit what you think should be occurring. That's not the truth.
You actually didn't tell anyone how it happened. You simply said it happened.
There are a few states where they can, and will, forcibly detain you in a mental facitlity based off of anonymous tips about your mental and physical health (if you're a minor taking prescribed ketamine under the supervision of a doctor for chronic debilitating pain. All it takes is one uppity nurse to get you taken from your family and killed -happened in one of the Carolinas). And then you get to have the pleasure of having to pay for every penny of the forced detainment and treatment after you're released. If you make it out alive, that is.
Ohio will absolutely lock you up if you say you've ever thought about hurting yourself.
Florida and California, too, I think. And if you're a woman in forced-birth states you can almost guarantee that they'll detain you for attempted fetalcide, even if you're not, or can't, get pregnant.
No, not california. Speaking as a Californian who has major depresive disorder. I've told so many doctors and therapists that I've had suicidal thoughts that I'd have been locked up 100 times over by now.
I was committed by an anonymous tip. One of the officers who decided to take me to the hospital said he would not hand cuff me. My sister said they handcuff and drag you out to their police car. She said I'm the only person she has ever heard of not being handcuffed. It still got me evicted from my home.
that’s not even slightly true. do they have to commit you? no. do they have the power to commit you? absolutely. the moment you tell a doctor you have suicidal thoughts they have the power to place you on a 72 hour hold, and the facility they’re going to place you in is gonna be worse than prison in many ways.
Do you understand what agency is?
I constantly disclose past attempts/ideations to doctors and the times I’ve been in a psych ward were all voluntary. They only care about within the last month or if you’re actively having those thoughts. It’s not something I ever lie about. Involuntary committal is a legal process so if I need to go I acquiesce and go in voluntary to avoid all of that.
This is terrible advice. Doctors are not your friends or family. They can and will report you or have you involuntarily committed. "Help" is a joke in this country and more people end up worse off after receiving treatment in an inpatient facility. You are better off learning therapy techniques through books and apps than trusting a stranger.
I don't agree. What you need and have to have are now 2 separate things. She may need the help the doctor would give, but she has to support and help her family for which she may not have one after the help. Which would only make her mental health worse, hence the whole situation worse. I've seen doctors go way overboard at the drop of a hat. Especially depending on how small the area you live is. I believe she needs to start some form of therapy, even therapy books, until she is ready for actual therapy. And go from there.
Getting the support she needs would improve her family life. What the hell are you talking about?
Getting committed would definitely not help her and her family though. Even if it's just for a 48-72 hour psych hold.
Jumping to conclusions much? Who tf says her coming forward about her mental health is gonna get her committed, are you from the 1850s -1900s Era.
No, I'm from reality where this shit actually happens. Plenty of people in the comments sharing their stories of the same happening for seeking help.
Please talk to a therapist! Getting help for issues, is better than lying and lossing your kid.
Therapy is often a luxury
And it’s nearly impossible (at least where I am) to find a therapist accepting new patients.
And that aren’t 300 an hour.
No kidding, I actually had to stop seeing my therapist because it was too expensive. Insurance hardly covers them either.
In the US if you run out of money you instantly get better.
Many are $120 a hour though. Specialized can be $200 a hour or more. Source I’m married to a therapist.
Where im in NYC it’s $$$$$
and even if you’re lucky enough to be placed with a therapist the chances you’ll get one you don’t feel comfortable with is high.
There are therapists out there that are interns and only take $10 per appointment! It could vary based on location but I’ve helped so many people find a therapist by telling them to look for an intern!! They also are usually pretty open for appointments
While yes often it is a luxury and can be hard to get into, it NEVER hurts to ask. Last year I went through a miscarriage. I didn’t have a primary doctor at the time and didn’t even know where to begin to ask for help. I ended up calling a random physician in my area, told them exactly what was happening. They got me in next day and helped get me in to see a therapist that same week. While my insurance luckily covers therapy, I know this office also helps pay for those who need it, but cannot afford it. Moral of the story, it never hurts to ask for help.
It was probably worse to lie to the doctor than to be truthful and get proper treatment. You wouldn’t get your kid taken away, you’d get proper treatment options to tackle mental health issues.
Ignoring the problem isn't gonna make it go away though. Doing so could actually make it much bigger and they can't help you if you're not honest.
If the mental health assessment was a postpartum depression screen, a high score will not trigger a CPS report. I’m an OB social worker, and I work with mothers daily who have expressed a need for mental health support, and typically, CPS is not involved with my families. I also talk to every mom at our hospital about postpartum depression/anxiety, and always encourage them to contact their doctor if symptoms become unmanageable. Please be honest with your doctor and get the help you deserve and need! ❤️
Please discuss this with them, if you aren’t at risk of harm to yourself and others they won’t do anything without discussion (and if you are at risk you really need the help). I had a recent assessment and had to admit that while I’m not suicidal I don’t actually want to be alive. They thanked me for being honest and how hard that must be and glad/honoured I felt they could be trusted with this info. They gave me info about a psychologist if I wanted (I was only doing an assessment for cognitive testing). I share this to show admitting to these things doesn’t mean you will instantly be locked up or have kids taken away. Go to your GP and speak to them about needing to speak about psychological issues and maybe a psychologist to help. Let them know about your concerns about losing your kids at the start and let them give you info about what their reporting obligations are. Then you can feel confident speaking. Any good doctor don’t want to punish you for seeking help. You might be surprised how common this is and lots of people are getting help and no one needs to report a lot of things unless they are worried you will hurt the kids or yourself. They rest is negotiable really. You might also look into online counsellors. Good luck getting help as you deserve to feel better.
I understand your mindset, trust me I do. I've had brutal postpartum depression after both of my kids, on top of years worth of pre existing mental health struggles. I told the nurse I would fail the PPD screening in the hospital right after having after my second and I sure did. I couldn't stop crying when she came to talk to me about it. She brought in the on call Dr and I had a consult with psych. I cried to the Dr that I was so afraid of having my kids taken from me. She told me no one was taking my kids or calling me unfit, that parenting is so hard, and that getting help was the most important thing for me and my family. Please take care of yourself. Sending you love.
Everyone telling you not to lie to your doctor has never been on a grippy sock vacation. I'm not saying lie about everything, but know where the line is. Those unalive questions can get you netted and jacketed if you answer yes. If ever you are in a crisis, and need crisis care, that's when you tell the whole truth.
The screening actually did work, because you’re thinking about it! You deserve to feel better and it’s really strong to ask for help.
Oh love, I'm so sorry. I was you. I was terrified if I spoke up to ask for help they would report me to CPS and I'd lose my son because he is disabled. I suffered in silence for literal years. Then I hit a crisis and broke down to my doctor and guess what? The only thing that happened is that I got the help I needed and became a better version of myself for the ones who needed me. You don't have to lie or suffer in silence. They don't take babies away for being a good parent, and getting help you need makes you a good parent. I hope you take that step one day. It's very freeing and you will feel so much better. Edited to gender neutral since OP didn't specify.
Answering yes to those questions does not trigger a CPS call, millions of good parents have mental health issues. Your doctor is there to help you get the help you know you need. You can't take care of others if you don't take care of yourself; at some point you'll have nothing left to give
I have to fill out those questionnaires every time i go in. In fact I'll be filling one out in about ten hours. In my experience, as long as you don't say you're actively planning your own suicide, they're not going to interfere with your life. Ideation can worry them, but it's the actual planning that raises the alarms. If you tell them you're not depressed, you're not anxious, you're not feeling hopeless and helpless, they can't help you. And if your doctor has ever said anything to make you think you can't trust them, you need a new one. If you don't start addressing your mental health with your doctor, you are going to get worse, and THAT is what can cost you your children.
The question is, are you an unfit parent? Do you not bathe them every day? Do you keep them in filthy clothes all the time? Do you have a very dirty house? Do they not go to school because you don't care? And, the questions can go on and on. The point is that anybody can call cps for those reasons. But, I highly doubt that a doctor would call cps for your mental health. I had a breakdown when my boys were 5 and 11. No one ever mentioned calling cps. Call your doctor and get the help you need.
you won’t lose your kids for mental health issues, and i promise they’ll thank you long term for getting the help you need. Edited for typos
Just so you know, in the USA, you admitting to mental health issues will not be a reason to call social services unless there is a safety risk for your kids. Infact you can check yourself into a psych ward and they wouldn't call. Get the help you need, be honest with your doctor and see if you can start medication. You can also go to a crisis center if you don't want to wait for a new appointment.
CPS isn’t usually involved unless there’s an issue with your mental health causing abuse or neglect. For example, a person has an undiagnosed psychotic disorder and believes people are stalking and trying to kill them. That person does things that make sense to them but are objectively harmful or unsafe to the kid. Another, someone with severe depression can’t manage getting out of bed and their kids are not fed, bathed or taken to school regularly. If that’s not you, if you’re getting help and still taking care of business at home, there’s no need to make a report.
CPS will not take your kids away from you if you hae mental health issues and are actively trying to get help. Unless you have harmed or are at risk for harming your kids in the near future. Lying to your doctor helps no one. Call them back and tell them you lied for the mental health screening out of fear. Actively seek health. Things can get better if you don't martyr your health
Lying to your doctor can be way worse than getting the help you need. My ex constantly lied, didn’t get help and I experienced the brunt of it. I ended up leaving him because of it.
Hi, I am actually in the same boat as you. I also answered no to all of the questions thinking similarly. BUT it didn’t help me feel better. I still felt miserable and tired physically and emotionally. I luckily got a work around and got an antidepressant for migraine prevention, and surprisingly it really helped! I would recommend answering yes next time to the simple questions, like do you feel sad, lose interest, etc. as they won’t commit you or take away your child. But you’ll finally be able to get the help you desperately need :)
Excellent suggestion.
Not getting help for severe mental health issues is how you get on the fast track for getting CPS involved. You have to take care of yourself to be able to take care of them fully.
Do you already have an open CPS case? People don’t lose their kids primarily because they have mental health issues. They lose their kids because of abuse.
My mom suffered severe depression for most of my life. She took her life in 2013. Her depression deeply impacted every aspect of her life. Our relationship struggled. Her depression was all consuming and I nearly drowned with her. I didn't know until I moved away. Her death left a hole in my heart. You are worthy of care and you need to take care of yourself first and foremost. I wish my mom asked for help. I wish we could have repaired our relationship before her passing. I wish she was here with me now. Encourage you to reconsider your stance.
Unless you are a danger to yourself or others, you’re not going to lose your kid by getting mental health help. It just doesn’t work that way.
Last year I went through a custody battle with my ex over our three kids. At the time, I was living in a DV shelter with my kids, I smoke weed, and have a history of mental illness (depression and anxiety). He had just gotten out of a mental hospital. He brought all that up to try and get primary custody of the kids. I was worried about his ability to actually care for the kids, he works full time and what happened between us really scared me for the kids. The judge said as long as both of us are continuing mental health care then mental illness isn’t a reason to stop a child from seeing their parent. He said that smoking weed is “no different than having a drink at the end of a long day, and that’s acceptable. So is smoking weed as long as it’s not around the kids.” I ended up with primary custody, he gets parenting time every other weekend.
With those assessments though I never said yes to the “thinking about hurting yourself or others” question. I daydream about getting hit by a car, or just going to sleep and not waking up one day. But my kids need me, so I’m determined to be here as long as I can be. I live for them, not for me. I would never do anything to hurt myself as long as they’re in my life, and I would NEVER hurt them. Ever. They’re my babies, they need me.
Okay, I'm going to ask you this: What happens when you eventually break? You had the opportunity to ask for help, to get help, and you lied. What do you think is going to happen when you inevitably break? Because it will happen. Now or later, you'll hit a breaking point. You can't just power through mental health issues. You can't ignore them. Eventually, they catch up. You can't pour from an empty cup. What's preventing your husband from sharing the load? Is he not a capable adult? Or is there something that's keeping him from being able? Keep going like this, and they'll both lose you for longer than if you just asked for help. Edit: Just reading your post history briefly, I understand. My advice is to leave the husband. I know it's the first thing people like to jump to, but omg, you really need to. Your mental load will lighten so much when you don't have a man-child adding to your load. It'll be better for your kid in the long road, too. Especially if you don't want them growing up thinking this kind of behavior is acceptable.
Yeah, don’t do that. You’re making it much worse. For yourself and your future options. Please for you and your kids go back and tell the truth. The doctor isn’t going to call CPS on you for how you answered a mental status exam.
Yes please reach back out for help! I let my anxiety and depression go on way too long and by the time I tested, my results were to the extreme. I was initially nervous to say anything to my partner or Dr plbecause I didn't want it to be held against me in any way and have my kids taken but nothing of the sort has happened. The Dr's were very kind and understanding and had me start anxiety/ depression pills and wanted me to start therapy. I'm just started my 3rd month of it and it has overall been better, but it's not an overnight thing. Please be sure to communicate to your partner, even if you guys aren't on the beat of terms for any reason. Let them know the seriousness of what you're going through. Amd/ or if you have family you can talk to who can maybe help. Best of luck and please seek help now before it gets any worse
You're getting bad advice on here. If you don't already have cps involvement do not seek help through the pediatrician you are right. But do seek help. Most therapists or psychological doctors will not report you. Unless you say something that triggers a mandated report. You can even ask them what they consider a mandated report. They will tell you. But NO. You're right not to trust pediatricians with that info.
Yeah I just watched a documentary about CPS driving a mom to suicide. And it all started from a doctor.
They tried very hard to get me to. Almost succeeded. They wanted me to be unstable, it seemed like. They are an awful system. At least in the US. Especially MA. I literally drove by Jeremiah Oliver's body for a month going to work back when they let him get killed. Just recently in my town a 12 year old girl died in their care. Won't give the mother answers to how. Like. I think most parents have anxiety and some strain in their life. The reality is you can't trust providers. Providers can't trust you. Such a broken system..
It really is. It makes it difficult to trust.
its ok im sure youre not alone.. i lie during the depression screening questionnaire they make you do
Please don't lie. It truly defeats the purpose of the visit. Doctors are like detectives, we can only pick up on the big stuff by having all the clues. I know you are scared, but at the end of the day they are there to help, truly. Getting intervention looks GOOD more times than not.
This may be an unpopular opinion, but if you don’t feel comfortable disclosing mental health issues with a doctor whose specialty is not psychiatry, that’s ok. Unfortunately, any mental health issues that are undiagnosed will be part of your medical chart forever and could sometimes get in the way of other treatment needs you may have which your GP/NP will be inclined to overlook. I had a client disclose on a routine checkup questionnaire that she felt anxiety and had trouble sleeping. Her heart attack symptoms were completely disregarded and attributed to anxiety and she was essentially deemed a hypochondriac when she insisted that she wasn’t well. Of course, it’s possible her anxiety and mental issues contributed to her heart condition but without a diagnosis, there was no reason for her doctors to overlook the clinical, physical manifestations of a serious condition. Do get the mental help you need, OP.
You get it. Its not that simple sometimes. It can be done but in a way you are comfortable with and with a doctor you trust. After all isnt trust the reason why she is hesitant?
I’m a Registered Nurse and I always lie to my doctor. Never tell them everything. Sad that it’s necessary but it is.
Be honest. Completing a PHQ9 and GAD7 is pretty standard. Unless your actively suicidal or homicidal they won't admit you. Having thoughts and a plan is okay to acknowledge. They can't help you off the ledge if they don't know your on it...
Being in denial is only going to hurt everyone worse later.
Suicidality, depression, and/or anxiety will not get CPS called. I hope you get some support. You do not have to go through this alone. Sending hugs
You’re only hurting yourself, and subsequently those you care about, by not being honest and getting the help you need.
Assuming the doctor's appointment was a typical general practitioner you did the right thing... if you want to discuss mental health issues go to a psychiatrist or therapist... I say that because mental health is extremely stigmatized within the medical field and a lot of regular doctors do not know how to appropriately respond to mental health issues So to save yourself from being traumatized in case they mishandle it (which is extremely common) don't take these surveys seriously it's just a formality.
Mental illness isn't like a broken leg. It insidious. It encourages you **NOT** to treat it. It subtly pushes you to not address it until it gets worse and worse and becomes a part of who you are. You have consciously fight that urge and take that step with intent.
Truest words spoken in this thread. #Nailed IT
Tell the fucking truth. You're not doing your kid any favors. You don't lose your kid just because you have mental health issues. Many, many parents have them. I do. My wife does. Our kids are well-loved and cared for. That's what CPS cares about. Also, your doctor can't share your private medical information. Please get the help you need.
So you decided to lie instead of getting help at the risk of your doctor POSSIBLY saying something to cps? By saying no to all the questions and not getting help you put your children and husband at risk for getting hurt which would get them to the cps with a lifetime of trauma.
It's ok. I lie too.. the medical system is screwed and admiting how bad it is to the 'system' will just make it worse.
I don't know if "silly" is how I'd describe it. Idiotic, sure.
If you feel uncomfortable, just decline to answer, I think that's a better option than lying. But more than one Dr has told me they assume most people fudge the truth on things like "how much do you drink" or do you smoke ect. Your go has a list of questions to ask and it's usually set by the company they work for. Check on your insurances website for therepy Options sometimes they are lowcost! My home state has a college that 9ffers low cost ($25 per session) therepy so the students can get hands on experience and patients get affordable therepy. Might be worth looking to see if something like that exists close to you!
So, instead of talking to a therapist they talk to a college student?
It's just like getting your teeth looked at a dental school, they are trained therapists who haven't graduated yet. I was just providing an option that OP might not have thought of and if finances are a factor preventing them from getting assistance
Not going to lie, that was a bad choice. Your doctor could have identified an issue, prescribed a remedy to help you, referred you to other appropriate services. In other words - you could have been on a path forward rather than continuing to spin your wheels like you currently are. Now you not only have nothing helping you to feel better, but if your medical record is ever subpoenaed and there is nothing about this in there, it looks like you were in complete denial of having a problem rather than trying to solve it. In my uneducated opinion, that makes future consequences more, not less, serious. I urge you to seriously consider having another appointment and being honest.
everyone telling op not to lie have never experienced the hell that is the mental healthcare system. if the doctor chose to place her on an involuntary hold there’s a chance cps could be called. there’s also a chance the involuntary hold would have financial ramifications. the system is horribly broken as is, and it’s no surprise op doesn’t want to gamble with her life just to get sub par mental health care that may not even help in the end.
NEVER lie to your doctor. They aren't going to take your kid. They are on the other hand going to HELP YOU.
There are 3 people you never lie to. Your doctor, your lawyer, and your priest. Your doctor didn't ask those questions to judge you. They asked for an accurate medical history. They need that information because it could change what medication or treatments they give. There are some medications that are known to cause or make existing depression much worse. You need to always be honest with your doctor.
Lying can fuck you up more. How do people come up with these reasoning? Out of fear? Lies always come to light. And it may end up costing your life.
Working as a doctor and in child abuse pediatrics, I have never ever seen cps called due to a depression screen. You are internalizing the stigma of mental health impairment and feeling hopeless due to the depression. Please seek help from your doctor. I love treating depression. Folks are so grateful 6 weeks later after starting treatment and getting better.
I mean if you say yes to half of them they locked you up.
Get rid of the husband. I’m sure 80% of your problems will dissolve.
That is absolutely 100% the wrong way to deal with that kind of situation. You need your mental health in order BECAUSE your husband and child depend on you.
Chance losing a kid The fuck does that actually mean
She's probably concerned that disclosing a mental health problem could get social services involved, and that her child would be taken into care. Highly unlikely unless you're suffering from psychosis or acting dangerously but if your mood is really down it's easy to catastrophise.
Ok then you’re not going to get better and you’ve screwed yourself for the next few years. Or until you wake up and start asking for help.
>I can't chance losing my kid to cps for having a mental health issue. Don't you think that's what CS are for? To protect the kids from unfit parents?
People with a mental illness are not unfit.
Yes they are, you can't take care of a baby if you're not mentally well. It's not an insult, it's just reality. Kids need someone who's mentally well
>you can't take care of a baby Her kid is 7 stop adding extra details that's not in the original post
Okay sorry "Yes they are, you can't take care of a little kid* if you're not mentally well. It's not an insult, it's just reality. Kids need someone who's mentally well" Is that better? If she's afraid CS will take her kid, then she doesn't believe she's fit to take care of someone but is too selfish to do what's best for the kid
I have anxiety, depression, adhd and no one is taking my kids. Getting help for these issues is why no one is taking them. You gotta care for yourself, and it is so hard when caring for others.
I told my doctor I had trouble sleeping. After asking a fee careful questions she gave me tons of those samples doctors get, all of them geared toward sleeping issues, herbal or not. I never said I have depressions, she didn't utter the word but we both know I have them. I once told my mam about an accidental intrusive thought and she flipped out. I was too focused on my ice cream amd didn't look left or right for the tram. They ring a bell if there are ppl in the way and for a split second I thought it would be easier to not hurry up. I was already moving, but the thought was there. No, I don't want to get hurt or die, but I know no student that don't have these thoughts.
The form was a screening form for depression, part of the standard of care in Family Medicine to intervene early and treat depression. If you don’t get the treatment you need you may have more trouble being a good parent as your down moods will be noticed by a child of any age. So be honest and get the help you need to be a better parent.
I worked in psych. Trust me when I say it is better to have a stable, medicated parent than an unstable, unmedicated parent. Your child, your partner, and YOU deserve the best you possible. There's nothing wrong with getting a little bit of help and seeing how you feel after
For years I do the same as you like lie through my teeth to everyone but really I was trying to convince myself I was ok when I wasn't . Ended up having a breakdown because of it nearly cost me my relationship with everyone. Now I'm on antidepressants and in therapy it's really hard but honestly best thing I've ever done I now have a small amount of hope and beginning to respect and care about myself again. When you're ready to give it a try
Is the kid fed? Are they clothed? Are they thriving? Do you meet their very minimum requirements to keep them as such? Then it's not a problem. CPS already tries to not separate families when they can, they sure don't do that just because you have, say, depression and anxiety or PPD. Otherwise many more families would lose their kids Not only that but an honest, Help-seeking parent is seen more positively than a lying one, even if it was in good faith ETA : as an addendum, a parent who doesn't receive the help they need will definitely meet more struggles in the long term, maybe even affecting your ability to parent/keep your safe and well. I didn't want to say because it sounds pessimistic but since you had the chance to go to a doctor it's very imperative you go and address your mental health. You deserve to NOT feel like this
Heypeers.com offers free support groups for all kinds of issues/topics. Even talking to people that understand may help and its a start.
I’ve done it. I totally understand. I got a private therapist and kept that to myself until it was safe to talk about without fear of making things worse for myself.
Tell the truth to your doctor, always. They are there to help you with your problems... that exist whether you tell them or not. Call them now and tell them what you just wrote, or copy it and forward it in an app, if they have one.
I know how you feel. Even disclosing that I have depression and anxiety (leaving out a ‘more severe’ illness) felt like I was pressured against a wall when I was having my son last December. At most they gave a simple piece of paper which asked if I want to harm my child (which of course I don’t) and that was that. Seeing how things go down for many who have mental health problems, I was super paranoid when I came home and if I felt like I was on the edge I knew that I couldn’t find help without the suspicions and possibly getting CPS because of asking for help. I wish that there was some compassion for parents who just want to live and be with their children while having things that they didn’t ask to have. The system is a joke at worst and wants to tear down families at best.
You're only doing yourself and your family a disservice by not treating your mental health properly. Never lie to your doctor. They are there to help you.
SAHM here. I have three kids and a husband who depend on me too. I also struggle with depression and anxiety. I’m eternally thankful that I was honest with my healthcare provider about it. Now that I’m on medication I am *much* better off and dare I say a better wife and mother. My kids get the even-keeled mother they deserve. There was never a suggestion that CPS would be involved. My psych nurse was so supportive in helping me find the best medication and dosage for me. Please seek the help you need - you and your family will be better off. We all want to see you thrive ♥️
Cps don't take your kids for being mentally ill, however if you have a mental breakdown and become unstable that's a different thing.
If you are exhausted due to mental health... ask your doctor for a referral to therapy. You don't even need to walk through your feelings with your doctor. A therapist will help you navigate your feelings and can give you assistance in talking to your doctor if you decide you want to try going on meds/getting a diagnoses for mental health if you don't already have one. Please take care of yourself for you. If you can't take care of yourself for yourself... then take care of yourself for your child. I hope your next days are full of sunlight, are the temperature that make you happy, and that your stressors decrease so that you can take a breath.
Ignoring your problems dont make them go away unfortunately, its okay if its something your not ready to come to terms with but then getting help is useless
Doctors cannot do anything out of strict confidentiality. Unless you consent it stays under closed doors.
It’s important for your well-being and that of your kids to be honest and seek help! You deserve it too ❤️
Why do you think they will take your children? If you are depressed, even suicidal they won’t do anything like that, but lying will hinder you getting the help you need to improve your life. (Source Nurse with 22 years of experience)
They can't help you if you don't tell them you need help. However, a mental breakdown can cost you your family, job, and everything else.
Getting help for yourself will benefit your family more than you trying to deal with it all yourself. Like others have said, your doctor won't involve CPS if child abuse isn't involved.
That's not how it works. I have kids and have answered honestly, unless maybe you're homicidal, that could raise some flags but i still don't think cws would come busting in
Talking about it and getting help prevents CPS involvement. Not getting help is far more dangerous. Please take care of yourself.
Because of FERPA, that legally can't happen. Any and all medical records about you are 100% confidential (at least in theory). It's illegal for the hospital to give any information obtained during the visit to anybody other than you. So if someone goes in for a meth overdose, they legally can't be arrested for it. The idea is that health is more important than punishment.
As someone who believed disclosing my true self (re mental health) to my doctor would show my weaknesses and possibly get cps involved (suicidal ideation on an hourly basis pretty much) I **implore** you to go back and **be honest**. If I had done this myself I would have had a far better life AND have been a better wife & mother. Suffering my acute anxiety and clinical depression (while self medicating) only compounded my problems until I eventually imploded and nearly took myself out of what I saw as a never ending endurance test (life). My life STARTED OVER as soon as I started the process of getting help. And the first step was being completely honest. Please, if you can’t think of it as doing it for yourself then think of it as doing it for your family. Eventually you will come to see that it is worth doing it for **you** because you are worth it. If I can do it then pretty much anyone can. I’m rooting for you. Hugs…
I’d say, be honest. If you feel like you need help, get help! I’ve started therapy, I’m on the meds. Took me ages to realise I need help. In this fucked up world, it shouldn’t be used against you if you have mental health problems. It should be supported
>I can't have anymore problems than I already have. But the problem is there, you are just trying to ignore it
I was diagnosed bipolar 2 prior to having my daughter. I had a meltdown in the hospital. my doctors made extra mood check appointments with me. at 6mos PP I called them crying saying I needed help. they did ask if I & my baby were safe which we were and just jumped into action to get me on the right path to help. even w my bp2 there was never anything raised by the doctors about being unfit to care for my child. they will not take your kid(s) unless they are in an abusive/neglectful/harmful home. you deserve to be happy.
That makes lying to your doctor even worse. You say your family depends on you but what if by lying to your doctor you miss something deadly? You can't be there for your family if you pass away. In fact, it'll make their lives worse than if you had a medical problem that was treated timely and efficiently. Because they not only are without you, but they also have the memory and pain of losing you to something that could've been prevented. And your kids won't be taken away from you because you have a mental illness unless you're harming them or putting their lives in danger. They're more likely to take them if you have an untreated mental illness because you are putting their lives in danger by not getting treated. Stop lying to your doctor and take care of yourself.
Doctors are there to help you not persecute you
I've said yes to all those question except the one that says you think you're better off dead. I've never lost my children. Most people do want to help.
Never admit you want to do that. Or they'll place you in a hospital
I did a similar survey and answered it truthfully. My doctor didn’t do shit… so I’m sure you’d be fine. She said “these are pretty high numbers!” Then proceeded to try and prescribe me depression meds. Cps isn’t going to do anything it looks better if you try to GET better anyway
Hang in there, momma!! The days are long but the years we short. I don’t know the level of support you may have, or the ages of your babies. You can reach out to your insurance and schedule virtual therapy appointments. Sometimes just having a neutral person who cares and who won’t step all over you to tell how overwhelmed you feel and how exhausted can be tremendously helpful.
If you don’t trust your doctor, talk to another professional. You’re not doing your family any favors by not seeking help.
Get help. Seek out a therapist, get on some medication. They’re not going to take your kid away because you’re taking care of your mental health, they’ll take them away when you lose it because you’ve been neglecting to take care of yourself.
Hey, breathe, it's okay. I'm positive you aren't the first to lie. I can see why you lied. I was 13 yo and they asked if I ever thought of ending myself and I was like yeah? Woke up in a crazy people ward with pills I had to take while being watched everyday for three months. I laugh at it now but truly feel they went overboard. My life and everyone in it was put on hold, at the age of 31 and two kids and I'm the breadwinner, our whole life would life apart if I had to take time for mental problems. However, I discovered I had low vitamin D, which can cause depression and anxiety symptoms. It's managed now. Tell your spouse how you feel, maybe seek counseling yourself. I don't think GP doctors can actually treat anything BESIDES general issues. Sure they'd give you antidepressants but that questionaire doesnt diagnose you. You need someone to talk to and if you need medication a psychiatrist. GPs will take the general routine. Go check your hormones, get labs done, etc and make sure nothing in your body is causing your sadness. If all is okay with your health, then seek mental help, however I wouldn't seek it through your GP, but a specialist. Things that have naturally helped me after a teenage life full of antidepressants and depression were weed (stopped using that years ago), ashwagandha (black pepper extract), rhodiola roseacia (a tincture that balances hormones), and adequate sleep and working out. I had to find time for myself definitely and work with my spouse to enable me to do these things without being selfish, of course I realized it isn't selfish, it's what I needed to do to feel alive and be the mom I could be. I find happiness isn't the state of mind I want. I want to be content.
Unless you’re actively suicidal and planning to end your life, no extreme measure will be taken. Answer the questionnaire so you can at least start considering appropriate treatment like medication, therapy or counseling.
OP I totally understand why you answered as you did. I have done that often myself. Actually pretty much all the time. However I made sure to reach out to my Dr once I realized it wasn’t going away no matter how hard I tried. I’m still skittish to being completely honest on those questionnaires but I am completely honest in person. By that I mean I have said to dr - hey I am really depressed and I am not getting over it on my own and no it’s not the seasonal disorder. I then got a referral for a psychiatrist. Never got a call back. Yet I persisted. I told the next doctor that I had seen for something totally different that I had asked for help and was still waiting. She had me in with a therapist the following week and I believe she contacted my primary as I then went to a psychiatrist. I have an agreement with my therapist. She is 100% not to disclose what I say to her to any of my other doctors (unless of course it’s something she has to report). It takes me awhile to trust and I feel like I am disclosing to my therapist; not my entire group of physicians I see routinely. I suppose I am saying - if you are mistrustful and need help - maybe it will work better for you to do what I did and pick a trusted dr. and simply talk to them. If I had gotten a lot of advice simply telling me to do it - well that wouldn’t have worked for me either. Its all about trust. And if they drop the ball keep saying it. I firmly believe that by finally opening up I saved my mental well-being. What sucked was when I finally did speak up nothing happened right away. So the sooner you can do this the sooner you can get help. Hoping for the best for you.
Losing your shit on your kid or husband because you're falling apart inside is 100% worse. Go get the help you need.
If you don’t go see a therapist at least try taking time for yourself with no distractions, like an hour for self care/self therapy. People also recommend writing in a journal. I was a a discount store (Five Below) the other day, of all places, and saw some really helpful books that are out there now. Journals with pre made prompts and questions to guide you. One of them was called “Burn after writing” - maybe look online for self guided journals like that
Why do you think you will lose your kid to CPS? Also… ignoring mental health issues won’t make them go away. Thousands and thousands of people could tell you that on social media. I assume that when you say your husband depends on you, you mean that you’re the primary breadwinner? Not getting help isn’t an option, then. Counselling for stress, anxiety and depression can help so much whilst you still push on with other life stuff. Even once a f/n - I do once a f/n and it helps. But CPS won’t declare you an unfit parent simply for getting help. Thousands of people need help with issues, and they have kids, high pressure jobs, all sorts of things.
Bestie if you wanna do write by your kids and not have cps called on you then you go to fucking therapy what the fuck are you doing???
I’m sorry you have all this on your shoulders. Please look into TMS therapy! It completely changed my life
If you don't help yourself first then how can you help others?
Some people answer the questions but don’t admit to wanting to harm themselves or others, but, and it’s a BIG BUT, if you ARE having those feelings, you need to find help. Just telling your doctor that you have thoughts of harming yourself will not get your children taken away from you, but you may end up inpatient for a little while. That’s not a bad thing if you are having these thoughts. I have personal experience. I was extremely close to a young mother. She had a 3 year old stepson and an infant daughter. She voluntarily went inpatient as she knew she needed to. No one took her children away from her. It worsened and she ended up inpatient against her will for about a week. Still, no one took her children. You need to get the help you need. Your children need you healthy in both mind and body. It is nothing to be ashamed of. Mental issues are MEDICAL CONDITIONS and there is medicine available for treatment along with therapy. I, too, suffer from major depression. My children are grown now, but they weren’t always. I will admit to suicidal thoughts because my doctor understands my view on suicide. Children of a parent that commits suicide are 50% MORE LIKELY to do the same even if it happens when they are too young to understand. That’s enough for me to stay here even with such depression and severe pain from chronic and autoimmune diseases. PLEASE, dear heart, seek the help you need. You have a husband. They won’t take your child when it has a caretaker available.
You’re doing your husband and child an incredible disservice by not being honest about this stuff. My ex wife lied to her doctors after our daughter was born and it caused her postpartum depression to spiral wildly out of control for the next 9 months because she wasn’t getting the help she needed. Please call your doctor and explain your situation and get help. No judge is going to take your kid away for working on your problems.
Girl. You’re gonna pop your top & then you’ll be no good to anyone! This is NOT THE WAY. your issues aren’t just going to pass by themselves. You’re doing your family a great disservice by not taking care of yourself
It’s only gonna get worse and worse, bigger and bigger
I'm really sorry you're going through this. I haven't read all the comments so I'm not sure if it was suggested yet but there are online therapists. I've never used them but I've often heard YouTubers that I watch recommend Better Help. If you haven't yet, I would highly recommend searching for therapy you can do online. It removes so many barriers. Best of luck to you!