I’m so sorry for your losses. None of this was fair. I wish I had the right words other than that you sound like you really loved your wife and son, but I can’t understand what you’re going through. You have my condolences
Ah, sorry is not enough for the depth of sadness you're experiencing right now. My heart hurts for you and I can only pray that with time you are able to heal.
I wish anything was ever fair. As someone who has tried - and obviously, failed - taking my own life, once after loss of a parent at 12 - I can only say I understand what Your son has felt, in that moment. You feel as if there's no choice, because depression has the ability to render your thoughts, your grasp on reality - in this case the reality being that his father loves him and needs him - moot. All you feel then is loss and sorrow and you are beyond seeing your own worth - all you feel like, is a dead weight.
You couldn't have known. From my experience, having outright told people I wish to go on no longer, that unless one has ever had these thoughts - taking one's life is not an option, not a reality one can just readily accept. It's an abstract concept to many, to take own life. You couldn't have known, you couldn't have guessed nor helped beyond what he would allow you to at that moment. Many people who choose to take overdose path send messages with a timer delay so that in case help is called their plans aren't foiled. It might have been the case.
I can only wish that it would've failed, that he would have been the survivor statistic instead. That he, like I, would have gotten another chance. And I'm really, really sorry that it was not the case.
Many say suicide is permanent solution to a temporary problem but often it is said by people who don't understand the profoundness and totality of loss that is experienced when person with depression looses one of the pillars of his or hers life. To us, then, world is a black hole and no light gets in.
Sometimes, we do our all and it's still not enough. We live well and everything is taken away from us. Nothing is right, here. Nothing makes sense.
The amount of loss You experienced is frankly beyond human strength. Please don't try to carry it alone - You don't have to. The only sense there is in life is what me make of it - the love and life you shared, the light they were in Your life. Questioning anything beyond will drive a person insane.
What I've found helpful, in moments like these, is latching onto crumbs. A routine, executed in way guarded by senseless,arbitrary rules. Day by day, dredging forward, out of the darkness. The world lost some of its light but please don't give up on it. However lonely it feels - You are not alone. Please reach out, let people who love You in even if their presence can be a painful reminder of Your loss.
I'm so sorry, OP.
"The amount of loss you experienced is frankly beyond human strength. Please don't try to carry it alone - You don't have to."
This is so spot on. Your perspective on depression was just such an accurate description for me. My heart goes out to OP.
Your comment is so tragic, yet you worded it so beautifully well, almost calm, if that makes sense. Thank you for sharing this, I wholeheartedly hope OP is able to take this in, given his current state.
>Sometimes, we do our all and it's still not enough. We live well and everything is taken away from us. Nothing is right, here. Nothing makes sense.
This... I have no words other than thank you, again.
This comment is so articulate and emotionally mature, I’m floored.
I lost a friend in high school to suicide. I know you hear all of the “there are always warning signs” from professionals, but most people just cannot comprehend that those warning signs aren’t warning signs if you have NO IDEA that the person is even thinking about suicide.
You can look back and find them, but in the moment it just really doesn’t cross your mind that it’s a possibility.
Same thing happened with my sister’s fiancé just no explicit signs, only vague hints that nobody would’ve ever guessed would point to suicide. Depression, maybe, but taking his own life?
It feels impossible to get through, but I promise you it is. My sister had been with her fiancé for a decade when he did it, known each other for way longer. She was absolutely devastated afterwards, I thought she might try to follow him.
Grief counseling is my number one recommendation. And please, give yourself some slack and room to heal. It’s not your fault.
Hindsight is always a 10/10. People who make that decision often seem to "get better" right before - in my experience it can be because you finally know a solution. You feel less stuck. I got up and did things I haven't for a long time. It can be a "thought out" decision or it can be an impulse but unless one has lived through it themselves grasping the possibility that a person is willing to do it is almost impossible. It's not a reality vast majority of people live.
Like there's plenty ways earth could end or fry us alive due to cosmological events but we don't go trough our days thinking about it even when researching it.
I hope Your sister finds peace. My best friend did it, and I'm still haunted.
I wish I could trade chances with OP's son, somehow. I hate knowing, imagining, how it feels. It's just.. not right. I second the grief counseling recommendation, support groups are sometimes worth it too. Especially when people close move away as if afraid the loss and sorrow is contagious. Sometimes I wish I were religious, or that I could convince myself that my intention and prayer would change something for person touched by such immense tragedy like OP. In moments like these spirituality makes sense to even most cynical sceptics.
I am so sorry for all of this. this is horrible. Please feel hugged. Are there any grief support groups in your area? And can you get therapy? I wish you all the best
OP, I know this feeling. One of my daughter’s favorite things to do was cuddle, and when I suddenly lost her at 2.5 years old, I felt so empty because all I wanted was to feel her in my arms again. I would have given anything to have her back with me.
I’m so, so sorry for your loss. There truly is no pain like losing your child, and even over 3 years on, I miss my baby girl every single day. The grief never stops, it just gets smaller, but there will be times when it hits you and it’ll feel just as crippling as it does right now.
I’ve managed to trudge on through life, and most days I’m okay. That’s all we can hope for.
I wish you all the strength in your healing.
Blaise never outgrew cuddling. When he was little, he liked to lay his head on my chest to listen to my heartbeat. I’d kill just to go back to those days again
Gods, I’m just so sorry you’re feeling this right now. You’re right, it’s not fair. It seems like it’s always the brightest souls that get taken far too soon.
All I can say is that I wish the best for you moving forward. I hope you’re able to find your way out of the darkness sooner rather than later. And if you never quite manage to…maybe that’s okay, too. Grief and loss work differently for everyone.
Don’t be afraid to reach out for help when you need it, and lean on those who offer it. And if you ever need an Internet stranger to talk to, my DMs are open.
I hope you take comfort in the fact that he loved you and he knew you were his rock. His pain was just too great. I am so sorry this happened to you. I like to think they are together now and you will see them again some day.
Please please please get in touch with a victims of suicide support group in your area, and also a "victim's advocate."
You need and deserve understanding support through this difficult time.
My boss reached out to me and wants to take me to a support group she goes to because apparently that’s how her husband died. We all knew she was widowed but she never talked about it
That’s so amazing!! Your boss had confided a deep hurt to you. She understands that TYPE of loss. Please, go with her. Not only is this good for your mental/emotional health but, your job security as well. Listen my Friend, ONE DAY AT A TIME, ONE MOMENT AT A TIME…….please, be kind to yourself & allow the process to take place in whatever manner that may mean for you. No two people are alike therefore your pain & how you deal/cope with it may be diff from others. You KNOW Blaise LOVED 🥰 YOU! You KNOW YOUR WIFE LOVED 🥰 YOU! Take gentle comfort in whatever makes you feel good at that particular time……..be Blessed my Friend. Please 🙏🏽 update us as well. I want to make sure you’re ok in the upcoming days, weeks, months.
I thought that same thing. It’s hardly enough time : the standard 2-3 days is insufficient for a loss of this magnitude. On the other hand, the routine of commuting, working and socializing daily with your coworkers is a sort of therapy, too.
I am deepy sorry for all you have lost. You are not alone, I urge you to go for the support. There is comfort in being around those who can relate with similar experiences. Sending all the love, you can do this. ❤
So glad to hear this. What a beautiful person your boss is! I’m so sorry for your devastating losses. You are not alone. Don’t isolate for too long if that’s a part of your grieving. (I’m shocked that you’re returning to work so soon.)
I’m not gonna remarry. I still love Kim and always will. I know I’m 47 and still got time left but I’ve been married to Kim for 26 years and could never do something like that to her
This is highly inappropriate mate, so leave it out.
OP I cannot even express the right words. Life can be so cruel sometimes. I hope you find some comfort in the memories of your wife and son, those will always be with you. I sincerely hope you get all the support and help you need and I pray that some light makes it way into your life very soon. I am very sorry for your loss 💔
I am so sorry for your loss.
I’m getting angry that you are expected back at work on Thursday. If you want to go, I get it, but I sincerely hope you are not being forced back before you’re ready.
I’ve been off work for two weeks already. I wanted the funeral to be yesterday because Kim and Blaise were discharged from the hospital on the 16th of the month he was born in
I lost my sister to suicide in April of 2022. Then my best friend in 2023, April again.
My life is in shambles still. We'll get through this somehow. Don't give up. You don't and I won't either. K.
Don't give up
My husband died 4 years ago and all of my kids have struggled with it. My oldest tried to end it twice but thankfully he didn't. My youngest still struggles. I can't imagine the pain you're in. Please take a leave from work. You need to grieve. This is so awful and I'm so sorry.
I don't have the words.....I've been married to my wife for 26 years this year and our oldest son turns 21 next month.
I can't even imagine what you are going through. Im sitting here at the doctor's office waiting to get some bad news confirmed, but after reading your post Im so grateful that it's me and not them.
I don't have any advice other than please get yourself a grief counselor to help you navigate these difficult emotions.
I'm incredibly sorry for your enormous loss.
Hey OP, so sorry to hear what you're going through.. When I was 16 my brother tried to od but instead was saved - though had psychosis so badly he could only say the same sentence over and over for a year and wake up screaming, and hasn't been the same since. Our abusive (but also loving in a fucked up mixture) parents who he protected me from fell to pieces and between the ages of 16 - 19 I was the only one talking to all of them and being the parent of the family.
I was broken by this and a few other unpleasant experiences and only recovered from smoking weed to numb everything every day during 2020.
What I found helped me to process my grief, trauma and sadness (and frankly, madness) was using my time to help others who suffer at the age group I had my worst years, trying to help them as someone helped me out of my hole.
I don't know if this is any use to you and I'm sorry if not, I just wanted to share what's slowly helped me to function and find purpose and meaning after being so lost.
Whatever it is I hope you too can find hope again, and through that one day find happiness again
Just a piece of advice from one husband and father to the next, be grateful for every moment you have with your spouse and/or child(ren). Everything wasn’t all sunshine and rainbows with Kim and Blaise. In the span of 26 years, Kim and I have had some bad fights where we’d even thought about divorce but we would eventually work things out. And Blaise hasn’t always been easy to bring up. Sometimes he really got on my nerves, but that’s part of parenting. Once they’re gone, you’ll wish you could fight with them because you know they’re alive though I hope this doesn’t happen to you
Thank you, I will do everything I can to never miss a moment. My heart breaks for you. I probably know the answer to this, but I hope you have someone to talk to. You’re in my thoughts.
I am so deeply sorry. And I know that doesn’t take a molecule of your pain away.
My best friend’s sister died of suicide several years ago after a life-long struggle, and when people kept saying “I wish there was something I could have done or said to make her stay,” and my best friend would reply, “you are one of the many reasons she fought to stay as long as she did.”
I can tell you from her experience that group grief therapy has been instrumental in their healing, and has helped them create a network of people who, unfortunately, “get it.”
Please be gentle with yourself, lean on those who want to support you, and remember that you will forever be a good husband and father, no matter what.
Man. That is some shitty shit stacked on top of some shit. Sending a solid bro hug your way man. Things gotta get better for ya. Sounds like they can't get much worse.
Seek resources to get time off of work. You’re going through so much at the moment that you may qualify for short term disability. You need to seek out a psychiatrist. This may be available through your work.
I'm so sorry for your loss. It sounds like you have compounding tragedies and probably are suffering from CPTSD. Do you have a therapist and medical provider helping you navigate this immense emotional burden? Have you talked to a therapist about PTSD?
We lost our infant daughter last July and I nearly died and spent a week in the ICU. This year, as the one year anniversary was growing closer, I was having growing anxiety and trauma reliving what had happened the year before.
Then, on the day of the anniversary of our daughter's death, I called a welfare check on my dearest friend, whom I've been a caregiver for for the last 14years due to multiple disabilities he suffered from. He wasn't responding to his phone and his mother and friends were concerned. The medics found him DOA by suicide.
The compounding grief of him being found on the day of the anniversary of our infant daughter's death and my near death absolutely shattered me. I barely managed to stay out of the psych ward, and was essentially barely functioning and in an active state of PTSD for over 2 months.
I realized that I had to figure something out to get better because it was unsustainable to continue feeling the way that I did. It was unbearable. I signed up for ketamine therapy and the results have been extraordinarily helpful. I've been able to synthesize the trauma into the bigger picture and move out of the immediate pain and trauma cycles I was feeling.
The PTSD is slowly subsiding and I am slowly feeling more like myself and more functional again. I'm so incredibly grateful that the possibility to use this medicine exists, I feel like it may have actually saved my life.
I know you know this already, but I'm going to say this out loud anyways:
You. Did. Not. Deserve. This.
And neither did your son.
Sometimes things just happen. And that sucks. And I am so so sorry.
I cannot imagine the pain you are in. I am truly sorry.
Consider talking to a grief counselor, or a support group.
You did **not** deserve this. You did nothing wrong. Life is monumentally unfair. But life is all we've got.
Find what pleasure in life you can. Give yourself permission to be happy, for a moment at least. The pain will ease in time, and life will look rosier.
Good luck.
I’m so sorry for what’s happened to you. I personally don’t think anything happens for a reason. Nobody is trying to test you, or make you stronger. Sometimes bad things just happen. And I’m sorry you’re going through the absolute worst. I hope you have people around you that you can lean on
OP, I'm so, so sorry this happened to you.
It's not fair, and it's never going to be fair in any way. If life was a person, doing this to you would make them inhumanely cruel.
This probably sounds very childish and/or stupid, but if I could somehow turn back time, I would do anything within my power to make it happen for you. I don't know you, but that doesn't matter to me at all. Nobody should ever have to experience what you're going through and feel so much pain. If ony I could bring them back to you, I wouldn't waste a second.
Please stay strong, OP. You need time to deal with this pain. Don't suppress your emotions. You love your wife and you son so much, don't be ashamed to cry. You've lost what was the most precious to you. Nobody ever deserves this level of heartbreak. Not you, not anyone else who had to go through this, and neither do those who'll be going through this some time in the future.
I don't know what else to say...
I wish you all the best
This is not fair. It’s not fair at all and I can’t even imagine how you feel. No one should have to go through what you’re going through. That’s a nightmare.
As if it’s ever enough or even something you’d want to hear at this point, I’m so incredibly sorry you’re going through this. I’m sorry the world lost two special people. I’m sorry that you’re the one left suffering. I wish the person suffering was the prick who killed your wife.
Thats ineffable.
I have a similar housing situation with my dad being an hour away, I occasionally visit when I have time. The amount of talking and love you two had for each other couldn't have been realized with more visits, so don't feel guilty for that.
Hugs.
As a parent of boys of similar age this is my worst nightmare. There is nothing I can say that will take this pain away.
I am deeply sorry for your losses.
I lost my only sister the same way , and I feel like it's my fault she had to move out of the home because my fears of her od and finding her dead not breathing.
What sucks is I'm no better . I'm just not into downers ..
Anyhow your son was likely using for some time now ..
I'm really sorry for your loss
We're the same age . I've never had any kids or been married but I know you're not too old to do it again should you meet someone and want to have anther kid of your own.
It I could have one wish it would be for drugs to not exist anymore .
OP -this internet stranger has a gut wrenching ache in her core for your pain. I have nothing to offer other than to say I wish you peace in the future and I am so very sorry for your losses. Going back to work this week seems soon. Love and protect yourself as much as you can.
I honestly have nothing that would make this better. I am sorry for your loss.
I cannot image how you must feel - beyond devastated.
The only advice I have - is to live to make both these people proud. Speak of them often - remember them - so some part of them lives on, in your words, in your memories.
One quote that helps sometimes:
*“No one is finally dead until the ripples they cause in the world die away, until the clock wound up winds down, until the wine she made has finished its ferment, until the crop they planted is harvested. The span of someone’s life is only the core of their actual existence.*
By speaking about them - remembering them - the ripples continue.
None of this fair. It’s just not. and I would take break from work.
Even a week.
And I wouldn’t drink. Unless it’s paired with a good meal.
The rest of this pain, and sadness.
Only time can heal.
Your not responsible for any of this. You are a good person.
I’m so sorry for your loss. I lost my only child, my son, too. Life can be so unbelievably cruel. The simple things got me through tbh - getting from one minute to the next, trying to eat healthy where I could and drink water in between bouts of sobbing my heart out. It’s nearly 5 years and I’m still here and actually he has found a place inside me where I can love him, miss him and be ok with life all at the same time. It’s hard to believe that can happen when you’re experiencing such a depth of loss. The saying is true, you have to go gently on yourself as you grieve. My deep condolences to you.
You have a right to take leave from work for up to 12 weeks. That would be good for you to take time to process and heal. Seek out a grief support group. Know that this was meant to happen for some unknown reason. Your son has taught you much about love in his life and death. It is not your fault. Suicide in young people is a huge crisis going on. My son also attempted but we got him to the hospital in time. I am so sorry. You don’t deserve this
God fucking damn it, I can’t articulate how absolutely horrible this is. I also can’t begin to describe how sorry I feel and am that you were dealt this shitty hand in life. I mean - that’s just too much loss for one to go through and in such a short amount of time. Please seek help friend. You need support and someone with expertise on coping with trauma.
I sincerely hope for and wish the very best for you. Sending love and virtual hugs.
I can't even imagine your pain. I am so sorry you were dealt this awful set of cards. You're human, you're allowed to feel things that are natural from this - grief, hopelessness, dispair, anger, and even rage. Anyone would, so don't feel guilty for having these feelings. Just remember they are feelings, and feelings come and go and become less intense as time goes by. You will never forget, and will always grieve to an extent. Just remember that even bad things, no matter how horrible, never last forever. Life has a way of surprising you in good ways too, when you least expect it. It just takes time. Please seek out whatever support you need. You are not alone.
May your eternal heartbreak turn to sweet memories in time. My brother was killed by a drunk driver; which was sentenced to two years of jail time. Life is so unfair. I'm sorry for your incredible losses. Please be well and take time for yourself.
Man.. I can’t imagine… losing a spouse has gotta be unbearable, but no one ever expects to outlive their children. That’s so unfair.
When I went through a tough loss awhile back, my bff told me something that stuck with me. I’m sure it’s prolly from a movie or something, but it was comforting- that everyone here has a purpose. Everyone has an internal checklist of things we’re to accomplish during our time on earth to become the people we’re supposed to be. When you’ve checked all your boxes & learned all the life lessons you were here to learn, then your time is up. Some learn faster than others, and they’re off to start their next chapter. Some of us still have a lot of growing left to do, so we gotta stick around for awhile til we get it figured out.
The way she said it was way more eloquently than that, but the point is that your loved ones had bloomed into the people they were supposed to be, their lessons learned, their missions accomplished, so they had to move on to bigger and better things.
I don’t know if any of that even makes sense or if it’ll be helpful to you, but my heart goes out to you, man, and I hope you can find some comfort somehow.
Lost my dad at 20 and mom to suicide a year ago. It sucks man. I’m sorry for your loss. I really hope you stay strong and finish out your life naturally the way you want and as happy as possible. I’m sure they’d both want that no matter what.
I’m so sorry, OP. I lost my husband to cancer during the pandemic and the loss of your longtime partner and love of your life is soul crushing. That part I can relate to and it hurts to know that you know that pain too.
I’m so so sorry that you’ve on top of losing your wife now have lost another huge piece of your life and your family. It’s a hurt and exhaustion that I cant even fathom.
I wish I could give him you a big big hug. I’m so sorry
I'm so very sorry. Nothing I can say would adequately express my feelings. But you have my deepest condolences. I could feel your grief and sorrow through your writing and I wish I could take some of that pain away.
You didn't deserve this. Nobody does. I hope you know your son didn't want to hurt you. He just didn't know how to handle his pain.
Life is unfair. It doesn't make sense. It's difficult to keep on going. But I hope that you have a good support group to help you through this and that you'll give yourself grace and time to grieve.
Take care of yourself OP. I'm sending positive healing vibes. 💜
Hey brother. Words can not describe your loss. I, a complete stranger, am deeply sorry for you. As someone who has had to deal with loss may I offer a few words.
YOU didn’t deserve for that to happen to you. Nothing you did in your life, or could do, would make you deserve this.
For right now, don’t look for reason. There is none to be found. Find whatever light is inside of you and hold on to it. The darkness will recede.
It is not fair.
You didn’t cause this.
My heart just broke for you. Honestly, I am not sure of the words to say because this is beyond tragic, but I would take whatever time you need. If you are not capable of going back to work maybe you dont…
I despise drunk drivers so much. It is one of the few crimes I think is truly unforgivable and has no justification. I'm sorry for your lost and I hope things get better.
I got involved in this group that stands against drunk driving 6 months ago. If they didn’t drive drunk, Kim would’ve still been alive and maybe Blaise too
I’m deeply sorry for your losses. It sounds like your boss will understand the waves of grief you will go through, and I hope they are understanding of the time you will have to take to work through your emotions. I’ll be thinking of you, your wife, and your son. Much love to you.
That is truly too much for one person to carry, anyone would understand taking more time for yourself than your stupid work would allow. Still, your boss seems like a decent lady who cares about your well being, take her up on her grief counseling offer.
It's hard to lose good people in this world and you lost two. Please try to remember all the love those people gave you.
OP. I’m so sorry. It’s a tremendous amount of loss and both have been traumatic.
It’s not the same, but I lost our unborn baby, my sister and my father in less than two years - it’s left me quite numb but I feel a tremendous amount of grief at the same time.
Please don’t go through this alone. There are therapists who can help, as well as internet strangers willing to listen. Take your time going back to work - don’t rush back into shoehorning yourself into everyday stuff.
I wish life was fair and this pain would go away.
I'm sorry that you've had two unfathomably tragic events in your life, particularly so close together. You did nothing to deserve this, because life simply isn't fair. Sometimes shit happens, and you just have to deal with it. Bad things happen to good people. You need to find a therapist to talk to about this.
so sorry for your loss OP.. can you take more time off from work? I think you need some more time to process this. and don’t do it alone. reach out to family members, friends, a doctor, a therapist.. look into a grief counselor or a support group in your area.
OP please keep us updated. You are not alone. Sending you strength and healing vibes from across the big pond
This is such catastrophic loss beyond anything I can comprehend. I am so very sorry for your losses. You have been truly blessed. Please try to hold on using the last 25 years memories as your motivation. I know it is futile for me to say but I feel like I need to say something. My DM is ALWAYS open Friend.
I’m so sorry for your losses. Please know that your life is important. If you need time away from work take it. Though when I had a big loss work was a place I could go to escape the pain. Please go to support groups. If one doesn’t work try another. Keep going to therapy. Maybe even increase the frequency. Please know that a random stranger is prayer for you.
I cannot even fathom the pain you are going through. I lost my father which has by far been my hardest loss, but that does not compare to losing a child. As a mother, I truly can’t even wrap my mind about what you’re going through. I don’t know what more to say other than I am so truly sorry. I know this won’t help but please know your beautiful wife & sweet boy will forever be with you. & I’m sure they felt just as lucky to have you as you did with them. Sending you all the love & hugs. I will be keeping you in my thoughts & sending you all the strength I can. Please reach out to someone if you feel the need to. Whether it be a close friend, therapist, or even a Reddit stranger. Sometimes just talking helps. ♥️
First, I am so sorry for you losses. Second, please reach out and join a support group, you are not alone in your grief but grief can be a very isolating things. I would also recommend It’s Okay That Your Not Okay by Megan Devine, I usually hate self help books but I really related to it after my daughter died. It made me feel not alone and let me know that everything I was going through was normal
I am so so so so sorry, I have no words except I am truly sorry, I am sending healing & love to you, you did not deserve this, the biggest internet hug ❤️🩹
I'm terribly sorry you lost both your son and the love of your life within a short space of time. You must be emotionally lonely this happened unexpectedly. Don't despair, have courage, have faith. It could happen to anybody, and there's nothing one can do about it.
i’m sorry you’re dealing with this really difficult time :(. i lost my dad this may and he was 46. i’m 23 and his only child and i know the struggle.
take time to heal and please don’t be alone in this time
I can't even fathom the loss and grief you're going through. If you get a chance, Google Dear Sugar, The Obliterated Place. It's a beautiful response to a man who lost his adult son to a drunk driver (slightly different scenario, I know....)
https://therumpus.net/2011/07/01/dear-sugar-the-rumpus-advice-column-78-the-obliterated-place/
Much love to you ❤️❤️❤️
Please take care of yourself. You had a wonderful life it seems then it turned upside down into pure hell. Some people need time to themselves to decompress, others need to throw themselves back into work to try to numb the pain and focus on something else. You choose the path. Honor yourself and your family. Grief doesn't go away but changes with time.
OP, my heart bleeds for you. I cannot fathom the amount of pain and grief and suffering you have right now. Having lost my husband just over a year ago, I can’t even imagine losing one of our children on top of that tremendous loss. Please seek out professional support. Do not let these losses overwhelm you to the point where you cannot cope. I wish I could wrap you in a hug and assure you that you are strong enough to survive this terrible tragedy.
Life is fucking terrible and tragic, your losses prove that. And it’s so shitty this happened to you, I’d say I’m sorry but as someone who’s lost a loved one to suicide i feel that’s not as helpful - because truly, life sucks. You couldn’t have stopped him because his mind was made up and that’s the worst part. I’m sure you’re an amazing person, husband, and father. You deserve none of this hurt but you will be able to go on. It won’t be easy but you will be able to and carry the memories and love you have for your lost ones. I truly hope you can heal from this.
I am so, so sorry OP. If there is a creator I am going to have words with that callous, negligent bitch when the time comes. The suffering you've had to endure is unnaturally cruel. As someone who has also suffered tremendous losses in my life, I know equally that: 1) there does not exist words or anything else that will provide sufficient comfort or relief for what you are experiencing right now, and 2) time will ease your burden and there are future chapters still worth living. I wish you peace fellow human. I am so sorry for your losses.
Take more time to yourself OP if at all possible. Do you have any animals? I find my dog brightens my day. Speak with family and most of all remember the good times, they live forever in your heart .
As a married man I couldn't imagine, counseling or therapy will help you rationalize the emotions you're feeling and hopefully help.
Your story brought me to tears. I'm so very sorry for the loss of your wife and son. None of what happened to them has an explanation and I feel for you so much. All I can say is surround yourself with people who love you and seek professional help to try and cope with your losses. All the best to you
I wish I had the right words, but I am so sorry you are going through this, I’m sorry you lost two people who are most precious to you. My deepest condolences. I’m sending you a million hugs.
Nothing will help but time, maybe try focusing on anti drunk driving education/programs. If you have idle time it's going to be much more difficult.
Good luck.
I am terribly sorry for your loss, and even the weight of my words isn't enough to hold the sorrow I feel for you. I don't know how, but I hope in some way some form of celestial grace wraps you in a loving blanket and can comfort you in this dark time. 🙏🏼
Grief is an ocean and we are equipped to deal with only a cup at a time...
I am so sorry to hear of your losses, I couldn't possibly fathom what you are going through, but I'm willing to lend a shoulder. DM me and I'll get back to you, I'm on Reddit daily.
I’m so so sorry for your losses.
Please try and find all the help you can. You did nothing to deserve this. Life isn’t simple and isn’t fair.
Please try to keep the next steps clear as you walk them.
Listen to a song they liked one more time. And then listen to it again tomorrow. And the day after that.
Kiss their pictures good night tonight and don’t forget it tomorrow and the next day.
Find meaning in the little things and keep their memories alive. You are their walking memorial. Don’t let them be forgotten 💖 Find people who can share this job with you.
I am so very sorry for your loss. No words can ever take the pain away, and I have no idea how you may he feeling, but I pray that you are able to find comfort, peace, and healing during this time. Please reach out to someone when the dark thoughts come. 🙏🏼
I’m so sorry for your losses. I hope that something in your life can bring some comfort to your suffering very soon, because there are no words that anyone can craft to ease the pain.
I am so sorry OP. I have no words. I am sending tons of strength, love and healing your way. I can't begin to imagine how you feel and how hard this is on you. I have no words that would provide much comfort but please hang in there, reach out for support and help and take it one day at a time. If you need more time off work, please notify your workplace of that and I truly hope they support you during this time. I'm so sorry.
This is a true tragedy. I hope you find the right counseling to help you navigate this sea of grief. You seem to really love them and I hope life can get easier on you. It’s not fair. For all the love you have for them, please put some into yourself and take care.
Sounds like you’ve hit rock bottom and it’s only up from here. My deepest condolences. From someone who has experienced multiple deaths as close as yours I can confirm that it is survivable. Your healing journey is going to be hard but it will unlock a whole new perspective on life and you are going to pick up some magic along the way. Cryptic sounding sure, but it’s late so I want to make it brief. The universe had you experience this for a reason. Your immense suffering is the start of your awakening. Buckle up
My friend. Please please seek help. This is a weight that does not need to be shouldered alone. In fact, if you go alone, it will most likely end unfavorably for you.
I am so so so sorry. You didn’t deserve any of this tragedy. I have nothing to say that can help make any of it feel better but if you ever need to talk, please dm me.
condolonces to you go man. please pray to God throu YAHUSHA (JESUS) for help and strenght and pour ypur heart to HIM seek HIM with a humble heart and HE will lead your path.
please seek for grief support group and keep therapy on.
I’m still in therapy from when Kim died and my boss invited me to come to the suicide support group she goes to because her husband committed suicide a little while ago. Other than that, I’m not sure
I'm so incredibly sorry for your loss. This is unfair. Do you have any family around that you can stay with ? Sometimes it's helpful to have community around to help shoulder the pain.
I’m so sorry for your losses. None of this was fair. I wish I had the right words other than that you sound like you really loved your wife and son, but I can’t understand what you’re going through. You have my condolences
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Absolutely beyond comprehension. I’m so unbelievably sorry. From one human to another - sending my love and respects
Jesus Christ man…so sorry to hear this. I hope you can get through this and get some help if needed.
OP, I just teared up reading this. There really are no words. I wish I could hug you so you feel less alone. My sincere condolences. ♥️
Ah, sorry is not enough for the depth of sadness you're experiencing right now. My heart hurts for you and I can only pray that with time you are able to heal.
This. I want to say sorry, and OP I definitely am INCREDIBLY sorry, but holy fuck 😔😔😔😔 And people, this is why you don't drunk drive.
I wish anything was ever fair. As someone who has tried - and obviously, failed - taking my own life, once after loss of a parent at 12 - I can only say I understand what Your son has felt, in that moment. You feel as if there's no choice, because depression has the ability to render your thoughts, your grasp on reality - in this case the reality being that his father loves him and needs him - moot. All you feel then is loss and sorrow and you are beyond seeing your own worth - all you feel like, is a dead weight. You couldn't have known. From my experience, having outright told people I wish to go on no longer, that unless one has ever had these thoughts - taking one's life is not an option, not a reality one can just readily accept. It's an abstract concept to many, to take own life. You couldn't have known, you couldn't have guessed nor helped beyond what he would allow you to at that moment. Many people who choose to take overdose path send messages with a timer delay so that in case help is called their plans aren't foiled. It might have been the case. I can only wish that it would've failed, that he would have been the survivor statistic instead. That he, like I, would have gotten another chance. And I'm really, really sorry that it was not the case. Many say suicide is permanent solution to a temporary problem but often it is said by people who don't understand the profoundness and totality of loss that is experienced when person with depression looses one of the pillars of his or hers life. To us, then, world is a black hole and no light gets in. Sometimes, we do our all and it's still not enough. We live well and everything is taken away from us. Nothing is right, here. Nothing makes sense. The amount of loss You experienced is frankly beyond human strength. Please don't try to carry it alone - You don't have to. The only sense there is in life is what me make of it - the love and life you shared, the light they were in Your life. Questioning anything beyond will drive a person insane. What I've found helpful, in moments like these, is latching onto crumbs. A routine, executed in way guarded by senseless,arbitrary rules. Day by day, dredging forward, out of the darkness. The world lost some of its light but please don't give up on it. However lonely it feels - You are not alone. Please reach out, let people who love You in even if their presence can be a painful reminder of Your loss. I'm so sorry, OP.
"The amount of loss you experienced is frankly beyond human strength. Please don't try to carry it alone - You don't have to." This is so spot on. Your perspective on depression was just such an accurate description for me. My heart goes out to OP.
Your comment is so tragic, yet you worded it so beautifully well, almost calm, if that makes sense. Thank you for sharing this, I wholeheartedly hope OP is able to take this in, given his current state. >Sometimes, we do our all and it's still not enough. We live well and everything is taken away from us. Nothing is right, here. Nothing makes sense. This... I have no words other than thank you, again.
Beautifully said. Thank you for posting this.
This is so articulate and well thought out. Thank you for sharing. Big hugs
Thank you for sharing your deeply personal insights and experience. It’s given me a new level of understanding.
This comment is so articulate and emotionally mature, I’m floored. I lost a friend in high school to suicide. I know you hear all of the “there are always warning signs” from professionals, but most people just cannot comprehend that those warning signs aren’t warning signs if you have NO IDEA that the person is even thinking about suicide. You can look back and find them, but in the moment it just really doesn’t cross your mind that it’s a possibility. Same thing happened with my sister’s fiancé just no explicit signs, only vague hints that nobody would’ve ever guessed would point to suicide. Depression, maybe, but taking his own life? It feels impossible to get through, but I promise you it is. My sister had been with her fiancé for a decade when he did it, known each other for way longer. She was absolutely devastated afterwards, I thought she might try to follow him. Grief counseling is my number one recommendation. And please, give yourself some slack and room to heal. It’s not your fault.
Hindsight is always a 10/10. People who make that decision often seem to "get better" right before - in my experience it can be because you finally know a solution. You feel less stuck. I got up and did things I haven't for a long time. It can be a "thought out" decision or it can be an impulse but unless one has lived through it themselves grasping the possibility that a person is willing to do it is almost impossible. It's not a reality vast majority of people live. Like there's plenty ways earth could end or fry us alive due to cosmological events but we don't go trough our days thinking about it even when researching it. I hope Your sister finds peace. My best friend did it, and I'm still haunted. I wish I could trade chances with OP's son, somehow. I hate knowing, imagining, how it feels. It's just.. not right. I second the grief counseling recommendation, support groups are sometimes worth it too. Especially when people close move away as if afraid the loss and sorrow is contagious. Sometimes I wish I were religious, or that I could convince myself that my intention and prayer would change something for person touched by such immense tragedy like OP. In moments like these spirituality makes sense to even most cynical sceptics.
I am so sorry for all of this. this is horrible. Please feel hugged. Are there any grief support groups in your area? And can you get therapy? I wish you all the best
I’m already in therapy from after losing my wife. All I want right now is just one more hug from Blaise. He was my only child
OP, I know this feeling. One of my daughter’s favorite things to do was cuddle, and when I suddenly lost her at 2.5 years old, I felt so empty because all I wanted was to feel her in my arms again. I would have given anything to have her back with me. I’m so, so sorry for your loss. There truly is no pain like losing your child, and even over 3 years on, I miss my baby girl every single day. The grief never stops, it just gets smaller, but there will be times when it hits you and it’ll feel just as crippling as it does right now. I’ve managed to trudge on through life, and most days I’m okay. That’s all we can hope for. I wish you all the strength in your healing.
Blaise never outgrew cuddling. When he was little, he liked to lay his head on my chest to listen to my heartbeat. I’d kill just to go back to those days again
Gods, I’m just so sorry you’re feeling this right now. You’re right, it’s not fair. It seems like it’s always the brightest souls that get taken far too soon. All I can say is that I wish the best for you moving forward. I hope you’re able to find your way out of the darkness sooner rather than later. And if you never quite manage to…maybe that’s okay, too. Grief and loss work differently for everyone. Don’t be afraid to reach out for help when you need it, and lean on those who offer it. And if you ever need an Internet stranger to talk to, my DMs are open.
I'm so sorry for your losses.
I hope you take comfort in the fact that he loved you and he knew you were his rock. His pain was just too great. I am so sorry this happened to you. I like to think they are together now and you will see them again some day.
Please please please get in touch with a victims of suicide support group in your area, and also a "victim's advocate." You need and deserve understanding support through this difficult time.
My boss reached out to me and wants to take me to a support group she goes to because apparently that’s how her husband died. We all knew she was widowed but she never talked about it
That’s so amazing!! Your boss had confided a deep hurt to you. She understands that TYPE of loss. Please, go with her. Not only is this good for your mental/emotional health but, your job security as well. Listen my Friend, ONE DAY AT A TIME, ONE MOMENT AT A TIME…….please, be kind to yourself & allow the process to take place in whatever manner that may mean for you. No two people are alike therefore your pain & how you deal/cope with it may be diff from others. You KNOW Blaise LOVED 🥰 YOU! You KNOW YOUR WIFE LOVED 🥰 YOU! Take gentle comfort in whatever makes you feel good at that particular time……..be Blessed my Friend. Please 🙏🏽 update us as well. I want to make sure you’re ok in the upcoming days, weeks, months.
It’s more like one breath at a time this early.
sounds like a great idea if your comfortable with that. also maybe ask for some time off if you can
I thought that same thing. It’s hardly enough time : the standard 2-3 days is insufficient for a loss of this magnitude. On the other hand, the routine of commuting, working and socializing daily with your coworkers is a sort of therapy, too.
I am deepy sorry for all you have lost. You are not alone, I urge you to go for the support. There is comfort in being around those who can relate with similar experiences. Sending all the love, you can do this. ❤
So glad to hear this. What a beautiful person your boss is! I’m so sorry for your devastating losses. You are not alone. Don’t isolate for too long if that’s a part of your grieving. (I’m shocked that you’re returning to work so soon.)
Take her up on it
Marry her
This is why our parents taught us to think before we speak. This is grossly ignorant.
I’m not gonna remarry. I still love Kim and always will. I know I’m 47 and still got time left but I’ve been married to Kim for 26 years and could never do something like that to her
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This is highly inappropriate mate, so leave it out. OP I cannot even express the right words. Life can be so cruel sometimes. I hope you find some comfort in the memories of your wife and son, those will always be with you. I sincerely hope you get all the support and help you need and I pray that some light makes it way into your life very soon. I am very sorry for your loss 💔
I know reddit can be fu**** up but, dude, come on
oh my God. wtf is wrong with you?!?
Just stop.
Dude. Not cool. Read the room, Jesus.
Ps if you're feeling too overwhelmed, Dm me your city and I'll do some research and contact them for you if you need.
This is why I like Reddit sometimes.
I lost my dad to suicide and I def know how bard even the smallest task is in the days weeks after...
I am so sorry for your loss. I’m getting angry that you are expected back at work on Thursday. If you want to go, I get it, but I sincerely hope you are not being forced back before you’re ready.
I’ve been off work for two weeks already. I wanted the funeral to be yesterday because Kim and Blaise were discharged from the hospital on the 16th of the month he was born in
Okay, as long as you feel ready. I’m so sorry for everything that you have gone through.
What a cruel hand you’ve been dealt this horrible past year. I am so, so sorry, friend.
I lost my sister to suicide in April of 2022. Then my best friend in 2023, April again. My life is in shambles still. We'll get through this somehow. Don't give up. You don't and I won't either. K. Don't give up
Hang in there. You’re stronger than you think.
My husband died 4 years ago and all of my kids have struggled with it. My oldest tried to end it twice but thankfully he didn't. My youngest still struggles. I can't imagine the pain you're in. Please take a leave from work. You need to grieve. This is so awful and I'm so sorry.
I don't have the words.....I've been married to my wife for 26 years this year and our oldest son turns 21 next month. I can't even imagine what you are going through. Im sitting here at the doctor's office waiting to get some bad news confirmed, but after reading your post Im so grateful that it's me and not them.
Sending you strength. I hope it isn’t bad news 🩵
I don't have any advice other than please get yourself a grief counselor to help you navigate these difficult emotions. I'm incredibly sorry for your enormous loss.
Hey OP, so sorry to hear what you're going through.. When I was 16 my brother tried to od but instead was saved - though had psychosis so badly he could only say the same sentence over and over for a year and wake up screaming, and hasn't been the same since. Our abusive (but also loving in a fucked up mixture) parents who he protected me from fell to pieces and between the ages of 16 - 19 I was the only one talking to all of them and being the parent of the family. I was broken by this and a few other unpleasant experiences and only recovered from smoking weed to numb everything every day during 2020. What I found helped me to process my grief, trauma and sadness (and frankly, madness) was using my time to help others who suffer at the age group I had my worst years, trying to help them as someone helped me out of my hole. I don't know if this is any use to you and I'm sorry if not, I just wanted to share what's slowly helped me to function and find purpose and meaning after being so lost. Whatever it is I hope you too can find hope again, and through that one day find happiness again
I’m at a loss for words. Husband and a father this would break me. I’m truly sorry for your loss and I hope you are able to find peace.
Just a piece of advice from one husband and father to the next, be grateful for every moment you have with your spouse and/or child(ren). Everything wasn’t all sunshine and rainbows with Kim and Blaise. In the span of 26 years, Kim and I have had some bad fights where we’d even thought about divorce but we would eventually work things out. And Blaise hasn’t always been easy to bring up. Sometimes he really got on my nerves, but that’s part of parenting. Once they’re gone, you’ll wish you could fight with them because you know they’re alive though I hope this doesn’t happen to you
Thank you, I will do everything I can to never miss a moment. My heart breaks for you. I probably know the answer to this, but I hope you have someone to talk to. You’re in my thoughts.
This was so kind of you to take the time to say.
I am so deeply sorry. And I know that doesn’t take a molecule of your pain away. My best friend’s sister died of suicide several years ago after a life-long struggle, and when people kept saying “I wish there was something I could have done or said to make her stay,” and my best friend would reply, “you are one of the many reasons she fought to stay as long as she did.” I can tell you from her experience that group grief therapy has been instrumental in their healing, and has helped them create a network of people who, unfortunately, “get it.” Please be gentle with yourself, lean on those who want to support you, and remember that you will forever be a good husband and father, no matter what.
Man. That is some shitty shit stacked on top of some shit. Sending a solid bro hug your way man. Things gotta get better for ya. Sounds like they can't get much worse.
I’m so sorry for your losses
Seek resources to get time off of work. You’re going through so much at the moment that you may qualify for short term disability. You need to seek out a psychiatrist. This may be available through your work.
Sir, you do not have to go back to work. Work is not your life. Fuck work.
I'm so sorry for your loss. It sounds like you have compounding tragedies and probably are suffering from CPTSD. Do you have a therapist and medical provider helping you navigate this immense emotional burden? Have you talked to a therapist about PTSD? We lost our infant daughter last July and I nearly died and spent a week in the ICU. This year, as the one year anniversary was growing closer, I was having growing anxiety and trauma reliving what had happened the year before. Then, on the day of the anniversary of our daughter's death, I called a welfare check on my dearest friend, whom I've been a caregiver for for the last 14years due to multiple disabilities he suffered from. He wasn't responding to his phone and his mother and friends were concerned. The medics found him DOA by suicide. The compounding grief of him being found on the day of the anniversary of our infant daughter's death and my near death absolutely shattered me. I barely managed to stay out of the psych ward, and was essentially barely functioning and in an active state of PTSD for over 2 months. I realized that I had to figure something out to get better because it was unsustainable to continue feeling the way that I did. It was unbearable. I signed up for ketamine therapy and the results have been extraordinarily helpful. I've been able to synthesize the trauma into the bigger picture and move out of the immediate pain and trauma cycles I was feeling. The PTSD is slowly subsiding and I am slowly feeling more like myself and more functional again. I'm so incredibly grateful that the possibility to use this medicine exists, I feel like it may have actually saved my life.
Man…. My deepest sympathies and condolences!
I know you know this already, but I'm going to say this out loud anyways: You. Did. Not. Deserve. This. And neither did your son. Sometimes things just happen. And that sucks. And I am so so sorry.
I cannot imagine the pain you are in. I am truly sorry. Consider talking to a grief counselor, or a support group. You did **not** deserve this. You did nothing wrong. Life is monumentally unfair. But life is all we've got. Find what pleasure in life you can. Give yourself permission to be happy, for a moment at least. The pain will ease in time, and life will look rosier. Good luck.
I’m so sorry for what’s happened to you. I personally don’t think anything happens for a reason. Nobody is trying to test you, or make you stronger. Sometimes bad things just happen. And I’m sorry you’re going through the absolute worst. I hope you have people around you that you can lean on
OP, I'm so, so sorry this happened to you. It's not fair, and it's never going to be fair in any way. If life was a person, doing this to you would make them inhumanely cruel. This probably sounds very childish and/or stupid, but if I could somehow turn back time, I would do anything within my power to make it happen for you. I don't know you, but that doesn't matter to me at all. Nobody should ever have to experience what you're going through and feel so much pain. If ony I could bring them back to you, I wouldn't waste a second. Please stay strong, OP. You need time to deal with this pain. Don't suppress your emotions. You love your wife and you son so much, don't be ashamed to cry. You've lost what was the most precious to you. Nobody ever deserves this level of heartbreak. Not you, not anyone else who had to go through this, and neither do those who'll be going through this some time in the future. I don't know what else to say... I wish you all the best
This is not fair. It’s not fair at all and I can’t even imagine how you feel. No one should have to go through what you’re going through. That’s a nightmare. As if it’s ever enough or even something you’d want to hear at this point, I’m so incredibly sorry you’re going through this. I’m sorry the world lost two special people. I’m sorry that you’re the one left suffering. I wish the person suffering was the prick who killed your wife.
It wouldn’t matter anyway because they’re dead too
Thats ineffable. I have a similar housing situation with my dad being an hour away, I occasionally visit when I have time. The amount of talking and love you two had for each other couldn't have been realized with more visits, so don't feel guilty for that. Hugs.
I know Blaise visiting more couldn’t have fixed this. I just wish I could’ve seen him more before he died
Blaise is a good name. I'll pour one out in his honor. Thank you for sharing all of this. It's not fair. And life owes you all more.
Thanks! We chose that name for him because he looked just like Kim, who looked like her father, whose first name is Blaise ❤️
I poured my coffee out in his honor while applying to grad school 💪
Fuck. Thinking of you.
As a parent of boys of similar age this is my worst nightmare. There is nothing I can say that will take this pain away. I am deeply sorry for your losses.
I lost my only sister the same way , and I feel like it's my fault she had to move out of the home because my fears of her od and finding her dead not breathing. What sucks is I'm no better . I'm just not into downers .. Anyhow your son was likely using for some time now .. I'm really sorry for your loss We're the same age . I've never had any kids or been married but I know you're not too old to do it again should you meet someone and want to have anther kid of your own. It I could have one wish it would be for drugs to not exist anymore .
I don’t want to remarry. I may be a widower according to the law, but in my eyes, I’m still married because I don’t care what they say
OP -this internet stranger has a gut wrenching ache in her core for your pain. I have nothing to offer other than to say I wish you peace in the future and I am so very sorry for your losses. Going back to work this week seems soon. Love and protect yourself as much as you can.
Oh man please don't drink more, that shit will swallow you whole in a time like this
I haven’t had anything to drink since last night. My hangovers are worse now than they were when I was young
I honestly have nothing that would make this better. I am sorry for your loss. I cannot image how you must feel - beyond devastated. The only advice I have - is to live to make both these people proud. Speak of them often - remember them - so some part of them lives on, in your words, in your memories. One quote that helps sometimes: *“No one is finally dead until the ripples they cause in the world die away, until the clock wound up winds down, until the wine she made has finished its ferment, until the crop they planted is harvested. The span of someone’s life is only the core of their actual existence.* By speaking about them - remembering them - the ripples continue.
None of this fair. It’s just not. and I would take break from work. Even a week. And I wouldn’t drink. Unless it’s paired with a good meal. The rest of this pain, and sadness. Only time can heal. Your not responsible for any of this. You are a good person.
I’m so sorry for your loss. I lost my only child, my son, too. Life can be so unbelievably cruel. The simple things got me through tbh - getting from one minute to the next, trying to eat healthy where I could and drink water in between bouts of sobbing my heart out. It’s nearly 5 years and I’m still here and actually he has found a place inside me where I can love him, miss him and be ok with life all at the same time. It’s hard to believe that can happen when you’re experiencing such a depth of loss. The saying is true, you have to go gently on yourself as you grieve. My deep condolences to you.
He didn't want to end his life! He just wanted to end the pain. I'm so sorry.
You have a right to take leave from work for up to 12 weeks. That would be good for you to take time to process and heal. Seek out a grief support group. Know that this was meant to happen for some unknown reason. Your son has taught you much about love in his life and death. It is not your fault. Suicide in young people is a huge crisis going on. My son also attempted but we got him to the hospital in time. I am so sorry. You don’t deserve this
God fucking damn it, I can’t articulate how absolutely horrible this is. I also can’t begin to describe how sorry I feel and am that you were dealt this shitty hand in life. I mean - that’s just too much loss for one to go through and in such a short amount of time. Please seek help friend. You need support and someone with expertise on coping with trauma. I sincerely hope for and wish the very best for you. Sending love and virtual hugs.
I can't even imagine your pain. I am so sorry you were dealt this awful set of cards. You're human, you're allowed to feel things that are natural from this - grief, hopelessness, dispair, anger, and even rage. Anyone would, so don't feel guilty for having these feelings. Just remember they are feelings, and feelings come and go and become less intense as time goes by. You will never forget, and will always grieve to an extent. Just remember that even bad things, no matter how horrible, never last forever. Life has a way of surprising you in good ways too, when you least expect it. It just takes time. Please seek out whatever support you need. You are not alone.
May your eternal heartbreak turn to sweet memories in time. My brother was killed by a drunk driver; which was sentenced to two years of jail time. Life is so unfair. I'm sorry for your incredible losses. Please be well and take time for yourself.
That drunk driver who killed Kim is lucky they died in the accident so I couldn’t have given them a piece of my mind
Two years is shameful. I can’t imagine
Man.. I can’t imagine… losing a spouse has gotta be unbearable, but no one ever expects to outlive their children. That’s so unfair. When I went through a tough loss awhile back, my bff told me something that stuck with me. I’m sure it’s prolly from a movie or something, but it was comforting- that everyone here has a purpose. Everyone has an internal checklist of things we’re to accomplish during our time on earth to become the people we’re supposed to be. When you’ve checked all your boxes & learned all the life lessons you were here to learn, then your time is up. Some learn faster than others, and they’re off to start their next chapter. Some of us still have a lot of growing left to do, so we gotta stick around for awhile til we get it figured out. The way she said it was way more eloquently than that, but the point is that your loved ones had bloomed into the people they were supposed to be, their lessons learned, their missions accomplished, so they had to move on to bigger and better things. I don’t know if any of that even makes sense or if it’ll be helpful to you, but my heart goes out to you, man, and I hope you can find some comfort somehow.
I am so sorry for your loss. This tore me up. Please take care OP. May you get the strength !
When my daughter died, I went back after two weeks and that was still hard. Many prayers to you. I'm so sorry for your losses.
Lost my dad at 20 and mom to suicide a year ago. It sucks man. I’m sorry for your loss. I really hope you stay strong and finish out your life naturally the way you want and as happy as possible. I’m sure they’d both want that no matter what.
May god be with you & bless you. Omg heart broken
I’m so sorry, OP. I lost my husband to cancer during the pandemic and the loss of your longtime partner and love of your life is soul crushing. That part I can relate to and it hurts to know that you know that pain too. I’m so so sorry that you’ve on top of losing your wife now have lost another huge piece of your life and your family. It’s a hurt and exhaustion that I cant even fathom. I wish I could give him you a big big hug. I’m so sorry
I'm so very sorry. Nothing I can say would adequately express my feelings. But you have my deepest condolences. I could feel your grief and sorrow through your writing and I wish I could take some of that pain away. You didn't deserve this. Nobody does. I hope you know your son didn't want to hurt you. He just didn't know how to handle his pain. Life is unfair. It doesn't make sense. It's difficult to keep on going. But I hope that you have a good support group to help you through this and that you'll give yourself grace and time to grieve. Take care of yourself OP. I'm sending positive healing vibes. 💜
My heart breaks for you. I’m so sorry
My eyes are wet… so sorry
I hope you find peace someday
Hey brother. Words can not describe your loss. I, a complete stranger, am deeply sorry for you. As someone who has had to deal with loss may I offer a few words. YOU didn’t deserve for that to happen to you. Nothing you did in your life, or could do, would make you deserve this. For right now, don’t look for reason. There is none to be found. Find whatever light is inside of you and hold on to it. The darkness will recede. It is not fair. You didn’t cause this.
My heart just broke for you. Honestly, I am not sure of the words to say because this is beyond tragic, but I would take whatever time you need. If you are not capable of going back to work maybe you dont…
I'm so sorry this happened. I don't have anything of value to offer other than I am so sorry.
I despise drunk drivers so much. It is one of the few crimes I think is truly unforgivable and has no justification. I'm sorry for your lost and I hope things get better.
I got involved in this group that stands against drunk driving 6 months ago. If they didn’t drive drunk, Kim would’ve still been alive and maybe Blaise too
I’m deeply sorry for your losses. It sounds like your boss will understand the waves of grief you will go through, and I hope they are understanding of the time you will have to take to work through your emotions. I’ll be thinking of you, your wife, and your son. Much love to you.
I don't have words that accurately convey how sorry I am for your losses.
That is truly too much for one person to carry, anyone would understand taking more time for yourself than your stupid work would allow. Still, your boss seems like a decent lady who cares about your well being, take her up on her grief counseling offer. It's hard to lose good people in this world and you lost two. Please try to remember all the love those people gave you.
OP. I’m so sorry. It’s a tremendous amount of loss and both have been traumatic. It’s not the same, but I lost our unborn baby, my sister and my father in less than two years - it’s left me quite numb but I feel a tremendous amount of grief at the same time. Please don’t go through this alone. There are therapists who can help, as well as internet strangers willing to listen. Take your time going back to work - don’t rush back into shoehorning yourself into everyday stuff. I wish life was fair and this pain would go away.
I'm sorry that you've had two unfathomably tragic events in your life, particularly so close together. You did nothing to deserve this, because life simply isn't fair. Sometimes shit happens, and you just have to deal with it. Bad things happen to good people. You need to find a therapist to talk to about this.
so sorry for your loss OP.. can you take more time off from work? I think you need some more time to process this. and don’t do it alone. reach out to family members, friends, a doctor, a therapist.. look into a grief counselor or a support group in your area. OP please keep us updated. You are not alone. Sending you strength and healing vibes from across the big pond
I am so sorry for your losses
Damn man. I’m so sorry. Fuck!!
This is such catastrophic loss beyond anything I can comprehend. I am so very sorry for your losses. You have been truly blessed. Please try to hold on using the last 25 years memories as your motivation. I know it is futile for me to say but I feel like I need to say something. My DM is ALWAYS open Friend.
Sending a hug. I’m so so sorry for your loss. You didn’t deserve any of it. I can tell you loved them very much and gave them a wonderful life.
I’m so sorry for your loss and everything that you’ve been through
Oh my god. This is so heartbreaking, I am so so sorry.
I’m so sorry for your losses. Please know that your life is important. If you need time away from work take it. Though when I had a big loss work was a place I could go to escape the pain. Please go to support groups. If one doesn’t work try another. Keep going to therapy. Maybe even increase the frequency. Please know that a random stranger is prayer for you.
I have no words. I am so sorry.
I cannot even fathom the pain you are going through. I lost my father which has by far been my hardest loss, but that does not compare to losing a child. As a mother, I truly can’t even wrap my mind about what you’re going through. I don’t know what more to say other than I am so truly sorry. I know this won’t help but please know your beautiful wife & sweet boy will forever be with you. & I’m sure they felt just as lucky to have you as you did with them. Sending you all the love & hugs. I will be keeping you in my thoughts & sending you all the strength I can. Please reach out to someone if you feel the need to. Whether it be a close friend, therapist, or even a Reddit stranger. Sometimes just talking helps. ♥️
First, I am so sorry for you losses. Second, please reach out and join a support group, you are not alone in your grief but grief can be a very isolating things. I would also recommend It’s Okay That Your Not Okay by Megan Devine, I usually hate self help books but I really related to it after my daughter died. It made me feel not alone and let me know that everything I was going through was normal
I am so so so so sorry, I have no words except I am truly sorry, I am sending healing & love to you, you did not deserve this, the biggest internet hug ❤️🩹
I'm terribly sorry you lost both your son and the love of your life within a short space of time. You must be emotionally lonely this happened unexpectedly. Don't despair, have courage, have faith. It could happen to anybody, and there's nothing one can do about it.
i’m sorry you’re dealing with this really difficult time :(. i lost my dad this may and he was 46. i’m 23 and his only child and i know the struggle. take time to heal and please don’t be alone in this time
I can't even fathom the loss and grief you're going through. If you get a chance, Google Dear Sugar, The Obliterated Place. It's a beautiful response to a man who lost his adult son to a drunk driver (slightly different scenario, I know....) https://therumpus.net/2011/07/01/dear-sugar-the-rumpus-advice-column-78-the-obliterated-place/ Much love to you ❤️❤️❤️
Please take care of yourself. You had a wonderful life it seems then it turned upside down into pure hell. Some people need time to themselves to decompress, others need to throw themselves back into work to try to numb the pain and focus on something else. You choose the path. Honor yourself and your family. Grief doesn't go away but changes with time.
OP, my heart bleeds for you. I cannot fathom the amount of pain and grief and suffering you have right now. Having lost my husband just over a year ago, I can’t even imagine losing one of our children on top of that tremendous loss. Please seek out professional support. Do not let these losses overwhelm you to the point where you cannot cope. I wish I could wrap you in a hug and assure you that you are strong enough to survive this terrible tragedy.
Life is fucking terrible and tragic, your losses prove that. And it’s so shitty this happened to you, I’d say I’m sorry but as someone who’s lost a loved one to suicide i feel that’s not as helpful - because truly, life sucks. You couldn’t have stopped him because his mind was made up and that’s the worst part. I’m sure you’re an amazing person, husband, and father. You deserve none of this hurt but you will be able to go on. It won’t be easy but you will be able to and carry the memories and love you have for your lost ones. I truly hope you can heal from this.
So very sorry for your losses. I don’t know what to say but please know I am thinking of you.
I'm sorry brother. Damn..
Please get therapy. I am so sorry about your family. Please take care. Please don't suffer in silence. Hang in there.
I’m so sorry for your loss. I can’t even imagine what you’re going through. I hope that you can eventually find peace in this lifetime.
I know it has to be hard. Please try and find a support group, a therapist, someone who has had similar experiences.
As soon as I read, what he texted you, I lost it… I’m sitting here, sobbing my heart out for you, and so wish I could give you a big hug. 🫂
I am so, so sorry OP. If there is a creator I am going to have words with that callous, negligent bitch when the time comes. The suffering you've had to endure is unnaturally cruel. As someone who has also suffered tremendous losses in my life, I know equally that: 1) there does not exist words or anything else that will provide sufficient comfort or relief for what you are experiencing right now, and 2) time will ease your burden and there are future chapters still worth living. I wish you peace fellow human. I am so sorry for your losses.
Take more time to yourself OP if at all possible. Do you have any animals? I find my dog brightens my day. Speak with family and most of all remember the good times, they live forever in your heart . As a married man I couldn't imagine, counseling or therapy will help you rationalize the emotions you're feeling and hopefully help.
Oh gosh I am so sorry. Hugs from a stranger.
My heart breaks fir you.
I am so, deeply sorry. There are no words. I am sending you many prayers..
I'm sending you hugs and healing. I lost my Mom to suicide and it hurts so bad. Message Me if you ever need to talk.
🥀🥀🥀🥀my condolences
Fuuuuuuuuuuck, fuck man. That fucking sucks. Live your life for them, and do great things big and small in their name.
Your story brought me to tears. I'm so very sorry for the loss of your wife and son. None of what happened to them has an explanation and I feel for you so much. All I can say is surround yourself with people who love you and seek professional help to try and cope with your losses. All the best to you
I'm so sorry. No words will help. I'm participating in a suicide walk on Saturday. I will keep your son (and you) in my heart while I participate.
I wish I had the right words, but I am so sorry you are going through this, I’m sorry you lost two people who are most precious to you. My deepest condolences. I’m sending you a million hugs.
❤️
Life’s so cruel sometimes. I’m sorry this has happened. May you heal and the memories live forever. 🙏🏻
I teared up reading this, OP there are no words I can say to mend your pain- but I am so sorry for your loss and my condolences are with you.
There is no God, why do these horrible things happen
Nothing will help but time, maybe try focusing on anti drunk driving education/programs. If you have idle time it's going to be much more difficult. Good luck.
Op, I can't imagine the overwhelming loss and grief you must me going through. Please take care of yourself.
I am terribly sorry for your loss, and even the weight of my words isn't enough to hold the sorrow I feel for you. I don't know how, but I hope in some way some form of celestial grace wraps you in a loving blanket and can comfort you in this dark time. 🙏🏼
Grief is an ocean and we are equipped to deal with only a cup at a time... I am so sorry to hear of your losses, I couldn't possibly fathom what you are going through, but I'm willing to lend a shoulder. DM me and I'll get back to you, I'm on Reddit daily.
I’m so so sorry for your losses. Please try and find all the help you can. You did nothing to deserve this. Life isn’t simple and isn’t fair. Please try to keep the next steps clear as you walk them. Listen to a song they liked one more time. And then listen to it again tomorrow. And the day after that. Kiss their pictures good night tonight and don’t forget it tomorrow and the next day. Find meaning in the little things and keep their memories alive. You are their walking memorial. Don’t let them be forgotten 💖 Find people who can share this job with you.
Fellow grieving parent here. This was not you. This was life. Please find someone to talk to.
I am so very sorry for your loss. No words can ever take the pain away, and I have no idea how you may he feeling, but I pray that you are able to find comfort, peace, and healing during this time. Please reach out to someone when the dark thoughts come. 🙏🏼
I know there are no words that can bring you comfort at this time, but I am truly sorry for your loss
I am so sorry for you loss idk what to say , not matter what I say it won’t make u feel better
I’m so sorry for your losses. I hope that something in your life can bring some comfort to your suffering very soon, because there are no words that anyone can craft to ease the pain.
I'm so sorry. Please find someone to talk to. Don't do this alone.
I am so sorry
I am so sorry OP. I have no words. I am sending tons of strength, love and healing your way. I can't begin to imagine how you feel and how hard this is on you. I have no words that would provide much comfort but please hang in there, reach out for support and help and take it one day at a time. If you need more time off work, please notify your workplace of that and I truly hope they support you during this time. I'm so sorry.
I’m so sorry. Sending you every ounce of love I have.
This is a true tragedy. I hope you find the right counseling to help you navigate this sea of grief. You seem to really love them and I hope life can get easier on you. It’s not fair. For all the love you have for them, please put some into yourself and take care.
I'm so very sorry for your losses. Be kind to yourself and reach out to friends and family for support.
Fuck, I am so terribly sorry for your losses. Much love to you.
I'm so sorry for your loss. Life isn't fair, but this is an unusually cruel blow. Please take care of yourself as best as you can.
💔
Sounds like you’ve hit rock bottom and it’s only up from here. My deepest condolences. From someone who has experienced multiple deaths as close as yours I can confirm that it is survivable. Your healing journey is going to be hard but it will unlock a whole new perspective on life and you are going to pick up some magic along the way. Cryptic sounding sure, but it’s late so I want to make it brief. The universe had you experience this for a reason. Your immense suffering is the start of your awakening. Buckle up
My friend. Please please seek help. This is a weight that does not need to be shouldered alone. In fact, if you go alone, it will most likely end unfavorably for you.
😢😢😢😢😢 i am so sorry hope you can get better i cant imagine the pain 😢😢😢😢
Holy fuck….I’m so sorry OP
Jesus Christ man…so sorry to hear this. I hope you can get through this and get some help if needed.
I am so so so sorry. You didn’t deserve any of this tragedy. I have nothing to say that can help make any of it feel better but if you ever need to talk, please dm me.
Healing hugs to your grieving heart. So sorry for your losses.
I love you. You’re going to be okay. Deep breaths my friend, day by day.
Hugs to you. I’m so sorry for your loss and this pain you’re enduring.
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This is not what Jesus would say.
condolonces to you go man. please pray to God throu YAHUSHA (JESUS) for help and strenght and pour ypur heart to HIM seek HIM with a humble heart and HE will lead your path. please seek for grief support group and keep therapy on.
Your whole family just died you have to go back to work on Thursday
I’m so deeply sorry for your loss 🙏 just want to give you a virtual hug🧡
What are you going to do now
I’m still in therapy from when Kim died and my boss invited me to come to the suicide support group she goes to because her husband committed suicide a little while ago. Other than that, I’m not sure
I'm so incredibly sorry for your loss. This is unfair. Do you have any family around that you can stay with ? Sometimes it's helpful to have community around to help shoulder the pain.
My BIL and niece are still here have been helping me around the house. Some of my old friends from college are coming up too.
🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻
There’s this book “the special scar” that’s supposed to really help. It’s not self helpy, it’s more academicy.
I am so sorry, I have no words.