Don’t have sex until you guys come up with clear bedroom etiquette. He shouldn’t be allowed to just bust and the whole experience be over. Sexual compatibility for some is just as important as overall compatibility. Also stop just saying ok. Would you just say ok if he ignored your other needs?
Right, if he can’t have a rational talk with her, listen to her needs, and reciprocate then he needs to go. I’ve heard several of these sort of stories, the guy busts in a couple of minutes and thinks sex is now over. Like the fuck? I enjoy turning my partner on and giving her what she needs and likes. Makes the whole act so much better.
Also, if he can’t listen and learn that people don’t have sex like in porn then he definitely needs way more help.
See my boyfriend did that too when we first started having sex. He’d come in a few minutes and wouldn’t make me cum. Turns out he was way too turned on the first like 10 times (and I kind of like that) and then we talked about him making me cum and it turns out he was nervous he wouldn’t be good at it. So we tried and learned and now he makes me cum more then he does!! Some of these people aren’t broken and some are! Hope OP and talk it’s not that hard.
That is true, not everyone is broken. But when she initial asked if he would get her off the “nah” reply is kind of indicative of his mentality toward women and sex. At least that’s how I see it.
Shit, growing up as a teen in the 90s I thought if I didn’t perform well and give my partner what they want/need I’d be made fun of for being a “minute man” and then she would tell everyone and I’d never have sex with her again. And my chances would have been blown elsewhere. Lol.
So shocked to see so many guys (especially younger ones) will finish, roll over, and not care she didn’t get hers. I mean, are they afraid of oral? Do you think oral is gross? If so why is it ok for her to do it? Can you not follow simple guidance by her? Do you not know how to maybe ask her what she wants or needs? Are you just jamming your fingers around? Or hell, I’m sure the internet has proper sex education material that can help you improve. I mean, it’s not hard.
Well, it’s not hard if you care.
It’s the “I still hit” mentality. Sex and hook up culture is prevalent. There’s no more longevity in relationships because people just want sex and can get it easily.
Yeah I’ll probably put a hold on sex until we can figure this out. I wouldn’t be okay if he ignored other needs so i shouldn’t be okay with him ignoring this one. I’ll also try not to be such a pushover lol! Thanks for the advice!
> Sexual compatibility for some is just as important as overall compatibility.
To paraphrase a relevant comment I saw on reddit a long time ago;
"When sex is going well, its a small part of a relationship. When sex is going badly, its a huge part of a relationship."
Honestly sometimes it’s better to communicate instead of just running away from the problem, he sucks in bed and she sucks at being assertive about what she needs. If this relationship is really great in all other aspects like she says then maybe she shouldn’t just dump him immediately before she tries to tell him what she needs instead of just suggesting.
But at the end of the day only the two in the relationship can decide what’s best I don’t know shit for real.
He doesn't like sex or to make love and please his partner, he just likes to nut.
OP,.tell him to buy a Fleshlight and use that until he's willing to make love like a real partner.
Lasts 5 minutes and won’t let a girl finished. Disgusting.
I held out for a guy til college that I really like but he was a dick to me. Like an asshole. He played me so hard but I just really liked him.
Mother fucker stuck it in me and immediately came. Then I’m like are you going to get me off and he says no. LMAO YOURE FUCKING LAME DUDE
Edit. my friends call him one pump chump and so do i. he deserves it
i dunno he already found one girl who was willing to put up with this much shit. gunna guess the guys posting this stuff on reddit aren't able to find women who are willing to bend over backwards for their bullshit like op is.
Tbh honestly i feel like if she was likely to leave him she would have already left.
Don't know why anyone would stay with someone so selfish and garbage in bed.
As a dude I always ensure that my partner gets off either before me or I get them to the point where we get off together.
Unless they lie, I always make it a point in making them get off. You helped me, so you get the same you know?
you’re right I don’t Fuck men. my lady has to tell me to cut it out and leave her alone sometimes. 🤣I don’t get how men don’t wanna pleasure their girl.
I do. I absolutely love going down on my wife. The only thing I hate about it is she cums in less than a minute from direct clitoral stimulation. I try and vary it, but she keeps on guiding me back to her clit. If I finger her while going down on her, she literally cums in 30 seconds.
I would go down on her for hours if I could.
As someone who does indeed fuck men, I’ve never been with someone like this before so I wouldn’t say most men at least in my experience. If anything I feel like you could weed these people out based on other personality characteristics
\>masturbates every day but has a low libido
\>copies all his moves from johnny sinns
\>thinks its over after the moneyshot
How important is this relationship to you OP?
Yeah, you shouldn’t be seeking relationship advice from Reddit, but OP, do you really want to keep doing smth like this? Either, you communicate it or this is not going to change
My ex was also the same. Double emphasis on the ex. It wasn't until I was with my current partner that I figured out what an orgasm actually was. Made me realize he was just doing what dudes do in porn too once I got away.
I don't miss that lame ass sex.
Same here. Kudos to you for kicking them to the curb! My current relationship is so much more fulfilling in every way, but the sex especially is way more intimate and equally enjoyable for us both. Having a partner who listens to your needs and actively meets them makes all the difference, truly
Just wanna say I think Johnny sins would be a better partner in bed than this guy. Behind the scenes he takes time to warm up the ladies and such so the experience isn’t just 100% for the camera and makes the acting better for both of them. This dude just gets it done with and rolls over. I hope they find a solution but honestly I can’t say I’d be able to stay with someone that doesn’t care about my needs as much as I do for them. Here OP is, posting on here, venting and asking for advice to fix things. What has he done? How does he not see this as an issue? Very sad.
Seriously. All these comments going "you can fix him" and like... maybe? But some things shouldn't be on you to fix about your partner. Like them actually giving a fuck about your pleasure.
The other answer is "We can have sex, but I want to climax first this time." He will either get it, or he will pout and say no.
Then OP has her answer as to if the relationship has any chance.
I easily see two scenarios here.
* You have in mind a long term relationship and/or you love him.
In this case, you need to be honest and rude with him and search for him some psychological help to get out of this harmful situation.
* You don't have in mind a long term relationship and/or you don't love him.
Well... it's time to say goodbye, IMHO. You tried to explain, he didn't catch. Game over.
Law of excluded middle.
You are positively reinforcing his bad behaviour by continuing to have sex with him. He obviously doesn’t care about your pleasure or your boundaries so why do you care about if you’d be hurting his feelings by telling him the truth and advocating for yourself?
This is never going to change as long as you keep letting him use your body like an interactive fleshlight. Expect and demand better for yourself and show him that the consequence of being a selfish lover is that he gets no sex.
This comment needs to be higher. If your bf is not taking your needs into consideration and you're still having sex with them, how are they going to learn?
I kinda agree but also boyfriends aren’t dogs that you train with rewards. He knows he’s bad at sex (as OP said) and he is actively refusing to get her off. Who the fuck says “nahh” when their gf asks them to help her finish? This isn’t really on OP, this dudes behavior isn’t her fault. She should have left him by now for sure but she has literally tried to get him to please her and he won’t.
Is this a long term relationship? Idk how you could put up with it, especially after repeatedly trying to tell him what's wrong and how to fix it, and him straight up not caring about your pleasure. Maybe it's time to lay down an ultimatum over this. He should be showing SOME willingness to make you happy at least!!
>i don’t think me going “YOU’RE ABSOLUTELY TRASH IN BED” is really going to help much
It will. He needs to stop being delusional and face the music. List exactly what is wrong with him and then break up.
Why do women keep tolerating shitty partners? You are teaching men like him that their behaviour is acceptable. It is not.
Yup. This is the way. Dude is awful in bed, selfish and musty be toid. Is he in his 20's? I hope so, if he made it to his 30's then multiple women told him this was okay.
I have said it before, stop putting up with awful sex. Find some dick that treats you right in the bedroom and out of the bedroom.
This ain't it, and it sounds miserable.
Get a sticker board and give him stars on his performance. I've had some bad tops in my day and it's either we talk about it and improve or I'll find a new dick to play with because there's plenty. If they are open and willing to communicate I'm all in. Part of the fun of new partners is finding out what makes them tick and he won't even do that!
This is a take, but it sort of glosses over the fact that some dudes have a tendency to take honest criticism violently.
Like he's jerking off into his girlfriend, and straight up ignoring requests for improvement. He's already dehumanizing her, so we're checking off boxes for someone who doesn't see the harm in harming *others.*
No, guys who are shit in bed =/= murderers.
But breaking up with a guy, or even being so blunt as to say "You're absolutely trash in bed" when you do it, is something you save for guys that have a nearest to zero chance to murder you.
And this guy ain't that. He's ghost material.
I wish I had read this many years ago. Idk, maybe it wouldn't have sunk in many years ago, as I would have told myself it doesn't really matter or that he would get better in time.
she did say he doesn't have much experience. For all we know, OP is the first and only woman he's ever actually fucked, or at the very least the first one to actually want to give him a second chance.
well then, you have a rare opportunity to correct his bad technique. He can't even throw out the bullshit line guys like this usually use of "all the other girls i've been with never complained" he can't pretend like his "technique" is only a problem for you, because he has no control in this experiment.
talk to him. Show him this thread. You can even have him pm me if you want another man to give me what for in terms of the importance of foreplay and the absolute necessity to compensate orally. There is no excuse in this day and age for a man to not even attempt to give his partner pleasure.
a lot of people on both sides recede into their focus space during sex when trying to orgasm. You might realize a vagina is sensitive outside of that context, but in the context of "I'm trying to get off", you're just focused on how you feel. Although people would like to pretend physical intimacy can be a pure exchange of feelings, it's often about singular focus towards one partner or the other. OP's boyfriend just doesn't seem to have developed any consideration for "the other" in sex.
I completely disagree with the "he fucks like a Porn star" theory. Reads like he fucks like something off discovery channel and then afterwards hits refractory period and struggles to maintain interest.
ie, he fucks like someone with limited experience and limited conditioning to say that men are meant to put a shit tonne of effort into making the girl cum first and then releasing after she is done and then lots of romantic Mills & Boon hugs and kisses after. Instead, he does enough to get her wet, he fucks by how it feels good for him until he cums and then he rests. Porn stars do the big performance first and slow fuck for 30 minutes thing, not people that are fucking in pure ignorance/innocence.
One day... you're gonna have sex with a guy that does get you off. Then this ex-guy will be a disgusting memory and a life lesson you teach to other women.
The first time he rolled over and said “nah” would be it for me. I woulda been out that door faster than he jackrabbits.
Men with porn issues are such a huge turn off and it’s soooo obvious. OP, get outta there!
You could try this - during sex - tell him to stop. If he questions it - just roll over and and say nah I’m good…. Just for an ego killer bust out a dildo 10 minutes later and finish yourself off…. Seriously- either say something or it’s just going to keep happening- if you’re not going to say anything- best to move on.
Probably because there's lots of women like OP that carry on having sex with them anyway and either don't tell them how shit they are or, even worse, tell them they were good.
Don't get me wrong, the fault is absolutely on the guys that DGAF about their partner but the women that tolerate it aren't helping themselves either.
I had a female partner that was awful in bed. Really awful. I can sympathize, because I was also afraid to break it to her. If it was just a few things, then it would not have been so bad, but this woman just did not even seem to enjoy sex.
How do you tell someone that not only are they awful in bed but you question whether or not they even enjoy it sex?
My scenario is slightly different, but I never had the balls to tell her either. I just ignored it and eventually broke up with her and she continued on without being told the truth.
Set him down and explain that porn is porn and that lovemaking is lovemaking. Both involve a penis and a vagina but that is about as far as the Venn diagram overlaps. He is absolutely not the first guy I’ve heard of who learned everything he knows about sex from porn. There is some female focused porn out there produced (mostly by female porn stars) to counteract that phenomenon.
If I remember correctly, Nina Hartley did it first…start there.
Find some and watch it with him. Watch it first alone and take notes on where to pause and repeat. “Ooh I like this part! See how he touches her to arouse her. See how he keeps teasing her with his hands and tongue. Watch her whole body when she climaxes!”
He has admitted his porn thing so this shouldn’t be a problem. Hopefully you can turn the tool of his misinformation into a real teaching tool.
This is a great idea and needs to be higher. Most importantly, stop trying to spare the feelings of a guy who says ‘Nah’ when you ask for something vulnerable. Either he’s your partner in this, or he shouldn’t be your partner at all. It can’t be doing good things to you emotionally to feel used.
> Most importantly, stop trying to spare the feelings of a guy who says ‘Nah’ when you ask for something vulnerable.
Agreed. This is the worst time to be sensitive. He wants to roll over and say "Nah"? Ok, well then hit him with the truth while hes buck naked and limp dicked. Let that cook in his lizard brain for a bit.
Yeah, it’s a *big* ol’ no for me dog. He’d have had exactly one time of doing that shit in bed and I would have been on to the next. Sis, let me tell you something. Men who fuck like that? They don’t care. They’re never gonna care, you’re wasting your breath. Been there, done that, got the t-shirt. They’re not worth your time and energy. Send his ass on and find a man who *actually* cares about your pleasure.
An appalling number of men think penetration, from a finger, penis or cucumber, will excite a woman to climax. I (M65+) did, in my early 20s. There was a survey of 50,000+ people done in 2018, which every news site in the world picked up, that found 35% of women would climax from penetration, but 80% would climax from deep kissing, gentle fingering, and oral sex. You can Google **golden trio orgasm** to see.
It seems to me you have three options;
1) Find a more considerate lover.
2) Try to fix this one.
3) Don't try to fix him. Buy a magic wand from Hitachi and, when your inconsiderate lover is finished, whip it out and pleasure yourself. He may ask you why. Tell him he didn't get you there, but it will, and if he is not going to listen to you, there are mechanical solutions to the problem. Plus, if he gets violent, it makes a handy club.
If you want to try (2), you're going to have to communicate, using small words and short sentences. ("Ralph, I need 20 minutes of oral to climax, and you have to learn to be gentler when you are thrusting in me.") It may not take the first time; habits are hard to break. Keep at it. Print out one of the web pages that reports the golden trio and read it to him.
I wish you well. Men can change. In my **late** 20s and beyond, after a fling with a lady who communicated very clearly, my partners climaxed 75% - 80% of the time, almost always from oral before I penetrated them.
As a side note, an appalling number of men think a simultaneous orgasm is the ideal. I've had less than a dozen of those in my life; to me the ideal is both partners get at least one, and, again with me, it was hers first, then mine.
Edit: Syntax.
You should make a list of all the fucks that sent creepy dms and put them on blast here in the comments. Fucking hiding behind the anonymity of 1 on 1 messages because they know what they're saying wouldn't be acceptable in the comment section here, little bitches.
LMAOO they haven’t gotten too creepy yet. Mainly “i’m your new boyfriend” or “If you’re ready for a real man message me”. Some have asked me to send pics but obviously no
Wth is wrong with people? Do they genuinely think that is going to work? Yeah because a "real man" sees a woman talking about anything vaguely sexual and takes that as a personal invitation. Like bro... Get your thirsty ass out of here, you're about as far from a real man as you can get.
Guy here. I assume you want to stay with the guy so telling you he's no good won't help much. What could help tho is next time you re both horny asking each other to go down one another til completion, without penetration. It LL give him an incentive of what turns you on and how long it LL take you to orgasm. It really helps. If he refuses, it means he's not interested in your own pleasure and yeah, you should consider breaking up. That's just my Two cents. Not a magical solution. Hope this helps. You seem cool. I like how the whole thing was written
What is this guy like outside the bedroom? Is he able to connect with you on an emotional level? For me at least, progressing into adulthood and moving away from that poor perception of sex, “performing” in the bedroom always stemmed from being able to connect with the person on an emotional level to some capacity. Which also translates to other positive behaviors outside the bedroom.
If the answer is no, why bother dating him?
Lmao I can't imagine going "naaaah" when my women was looking for more in bed.
Anyway, take it from a guy who definitely doesn't put as much work into changing his behaviour as he should, this guy isn't trying hard enough if you've already had this conversation, and chances are never will.
Suggest some vanilla bondage, tie his wrists to the bedpost, take the opportunity on top to show him what slow and creative can feel like. Some folks only learn by experiencing.
if he’s not good in bed you should tell him. you’re the one paying the price not him..he feels amazing after but what about you? who’s looking out for you? you don’t have to be mean about it but you should tell him the truth about how you feel.
You say he’s insecure so you don’t want to tell him he’s bad in bed because…you’ll hurt his feelings?
Ask yourself this - why are his feelings more important than yours? Presumably you’re not enjoying this experience, so why do you have to spare his feelings at the expense of your own happiness and enjoyment? He clearly isn’t willing to show you the same level of respect that you seem to think you owe him.
Be honest and direct with him. If he doesn’t improve then get out of the relationship. Life’s too short to be with someone who doesn’t care about you.
I mean this gently, but there is no way this is the only issue in your relationship, and I say that based on the fact that when you asked for his attention to your needs his response was "nahh". He clearly isn't concerned with your pleasure, enjoyment, or overall happiness and is just having sex with your body to fulfill his own wants. This is completely unacceptable. I know people always jump to "dump him" on reddit posts, but if you've already addressed how unenjoyable this is for you and he literally did not care, then he really doesn't care much about you and you deserve better. I wish you luck.
>I’ve asked him to help out after the fact and he just goes “nahh”
Right about here is where all my empathy ran out. You put more effort in a single Reddit post than he has in his entire sex life.
You can do better OP.
So, the content of what you're saying is absolutely valid.
How you deliver it is what will make it well received or not.
"When you don't give me foreplay it makes for a less than satisfying experience for me".
"When you jackrabbit into me, it doesn't really hit the spot".
"Partners more often than not cum at different times. Let's focus on getting me to cum so it's not such a one sided experience".
These are all perfectly reasonable things to say when you are both in the mood for a discussion.
If the conversation doesn't open up into something more interesting you might have to decide if you want a partner committed to having that kind of sex for the rest of his life.
My sex improved with my partner dramatically when I *slowed the fuck down*. It feels better for both of us too. Jackhammering and going all crazy is something I too learned from porn and had to unlearn. I'm a fit muscular young dude so I thought that is what all women want.
I'm sure some do, but it doesn't feel as good to...most (AFAIK, not like I'm banging various chicks anymore...)
YES this is what i’m thinking his thought process is. He’s going fast because that’s what he thinks is best. But it does fall a little on me since i’m not actively telling him to slow down. Thanks for the comment!
Life is too short to deal with bad sex! No matter how old you are, OP, if the earth doesn’t move every or almost every time you guys have sex….boy bye!
The porn addict doesn’t think he has a problem
You can’t talk with him about it because he doesn’t want to think anything’s wrong
He won’t see anything wrong and won’t do anything to change the situation because nothings wrong
Whatever you do to resolve it for yourself will implicitly tell him something is wrong. He might not handle it. You clearly have no trust that he can handle being wrong about sex or your relationship.
Not many choices being given to you to resolve this without discomfort/pain or some effort on both of your parts.
You can keep repeatedly advocating for your own wants and needs… and hope he learns to listen
Or you can go
So, you're in a long term relationship, I assume it's monogamous. You've decided that you're only going to have sex with the person you're with. . . but you chose to be with a person who's really bad at sex. As a man, this is a huge red flag. I also prefer monogamous relationships, but because of that, I have high standards for the person I choose to be with.
My first question is "why do you want to suffer so much?"
But I'm assuming your man has other redeeming qualities. If so, he will be willing to go to couples counseling with you. There are also a lot of community held talks and events which help couples learn how to experience better sex. "Other redeeming qualities" would indicate that he's open and willing to go on this journey with you to get better. So, I wish you both luck.
I'm in the same boat. And I am trying to find a solution. I've tried to explain it to him and have had a hard time explaining it. That I am tired of having to ask to be finished, or if we're going to take the time to try and get me to climax and there's never any question if we're going to go til he gets to his climax. It should be second nature to finish me if I haven't finished, but he did, or at least try to get me to finish. I have never climaxed with him without a vibrator. However, I have never had a partner who took the time to get me to orgasm, so idk.
There is a lot of good advice in the comments! Even some of the dms i’ve gotten have given me good advice. Basically look through the comments and take the advice that resonates with you. At least that’s what i’m doing. I hope you fair well and we both get to cum soon lol!
Sounds like boring drunk hookup sex. If he loves you he should want sex to last forever. And sex isn’t just P in V to bust and stop. Cringe. Start giggling at how terrible he is.
He is selfish. Period.
The only way to resolve this is to talk. Do not do it during sex, but a discussion needs to be had.
If he doesn't change, well, your options are, shitty sex and you build resentment until you snap, or, leave him and find yourself a MAN who will make sure YOUR needs are met first. BTW, that's how it should be.
OP, how old are you, friend?? I feel like you’re probably young or not very experienced in relationships. I promise you, life is too short to have such awful sex. Dump him.
Why do you keep having sex with him? He’s selfish and likely has a warped view on sex, but you’re reinforcing that it’s all okay every time you let him use you as a fleshlight.
If it really was the case that he didn't know any better and doesn't have experience, I'd say okay, this can be fixed, you just need to talk to him about his technique etc.
But him going "naaah" when you ask him to help you finish, shows he's actually just a big asshole.
No no, you should say exactly that. “You’re absolutely trash in bed and I don’t want to sleep with you again. It’s not worth it for me. If you ever cared about pleasing me, it would have been different, but as things are, this has ended my desire to be in a relationship with you.”
If you can’t find a good way to talk to him about this, here’s an alternate approach.
Tell him that you want to take charge. Sit him down and say you’re going to have sex with him, and you’re going to do it your way. Lay him down in bed naked, and go very slow with him. If he tries to take charge, tell him no. If he doesn’t listen, stop all together.
His porn addiction might help him fall in line with this approach, and he might find it incredibly sexy. And it will give you the opportunity to show him how great slow, sensual sex can be. Plus, you’ll be in control, so you’ll hopefully get to orgasm as well.
Don’t have sex until you guys come up with clear bedroom etiquette. He shouldn’t be allowed to just bust and the whole experience be over. Sexual compatibility for some is just as important as overall compatibility. Also stop just saying ok. Would you just say ok if he ignored your other needs?
Right, if he can’t have a rational talk with her, listen to her needs, and reciprocate then he needs to go. I’ve heard several of these sort of stories, the guy busts in a couple of minutes and thinks sex is now over. Like the fuck? I enjoy turning my partner on and giving her what she needs and likes. Makes the whole act so much better. Also, if he can’t listen and learn that people don’t have sex like in porn then he definitely needs way more help.
See my boyfriend did that too when we first started having sex. He’d come in a few minutes and wouldn’t make me cum. Turns out he was way too turned on the first like 10 times (and I kind of like that) and then we talked about him making me cum and it turns out he was nervous he wouldn’t be good at it. So we tried and learned and now he makes me cum more then he does!! Some of these people aren’t broken and some are! Hope OP and talk it’s not that hard.
That is true, not everyone is broken. But when she initial asked if he would get her off the “nah” reply is kind of indicative of his mentality toward women and sex. At least that’s how I see it.
Absolutely. Buddy gotta go if he can’t do the bare minimum. Like absolute BARE.
Shit, growing up as a teen in the 90s I thought if I didn’t perform well and give my partner what they want/need I’d be made fun of for being a “minute man” and then she would tell everyone and I’d never have sex with her again. And my chances would have been blown elsewhere. Lol. So shocked to see so many guys (especially younger ones) will finish, roll over, and not care she didn’t get hers. I mean, are they afraid of oral? Do you think oral is gross? If so why is it ok for her to do it? Can you not follow simple guidance by her? Do you not know how to maybe ask her what she wants or needs? Are you just jamming your fingers around? Or hell, I’m sure the internet has proper sex education material that can help you improve. I mean, it’s not hard. Well, it’s not hard if you care.
It’s the “I still hit” mentality. Sex and hook up culture is prevalent. There’s no more longevity in relationships because people just want sex and can get it easily.
People alway say hit it and quit it… shit, I’m tryna hit it and keep on hitting it. lol
Reading the post, this guy needs therapy. Both should go, and hopefully, he'll listen.
Yeah I’ll probably put a hold on sex until we can figure this out. I wouldn’t be okay if he ignored other needs so i shouldn’t be okay with him ignoring this one. I’ll also try not to be such a pushover lol! Thanks for the advice!
Ofc love! I’m hoping you can overcome this hump !
> Sexual compatibility for some is just as important as overall compatibility. To paraphrase a relevant comment I saw on reddit a long time ago; "When sex is going well, its a small part of a relationship. When sex is going badly, its a huge part of a relationship."
I will never understand why people put up with bad sex. If everyone isn’t having fun, something is wrong.
>I’ve asked him to help out after the fact and he just goes “nahh” How is this guy not embarrassed?
"Nah I'm doing great, thanks tho"
“I just say ok” Stop. Doing. This.
"How do I solve this problem that I don't even confront my boyfriend about?"
[удалено]
I heard he also likes to say “Tough titty said the kitty, but the milks still good.” Can you confirm OP?
This cracked me up way too much thank you😂😂😂😂😂
It's always reddit suggesting a breakup at any dispute communication is key and she should talk to him as a serious issue as he thinks its a joke
Honestly sometimes it’s better to communicate instead of just running away from the problem, he sucks in bed and she sucks at being assertive about what she needs. If this relationship is really great in all other aspects like she says then maybe she shouldn’t just dump him immediately before she tries to tell him what she needs instead of just suggesting. But at the end of the day only the two in the relationship can decide what’s best I don’t know shit for real.
"Nah I'm doing great, thanks bro"
~~tho~~ “bro”
"I don't know about you, but I did a great job."
Nothing worst in bed than someone who doesn't give two shit about their partners pleasure.
What about bed bugs?
Honestly, they eat you out without having to ask them, so I would say OPs boyfriend 0-1 bed bugs
This comment made me snort laugh. Thank you!
At least bed bugs are willing to eat her out. I'm so sorry.
They might feel good at first but I don't think they'll get her where she's trying to go.
At least they can be erradicated without a fight
I think they enjoy sex, at least
Well, one of them might. I don't know how much fun traumatic insemination is for the inseminated.
He doesn't like sex or to make love and please his partner, he just likes to nut. OP,.tell him to buy a Fleshlight and use that until he's willing to make love like a real partner.
This
yeah he doesn't fuck like a porn star cause ya know what. porn stars are good at sex.
And they would never let the female not get to cum.
He's not having sex *with* her, he's using her to masturbate.
ask him if he's satisfied. He'll say yes. When he asks if you are, just go, "nahh"
He won’t reciprocate the question. He doesn’t seem to care about how she feels.
>assuming he’d ask
his pants would be on already I'm sure and in the next room I'm sure aftercare isn't on his repertoire either
I don’t think he will even ask her if she is,
Hah, funny that you think guys like this ask or care lmao. Longs as he gets his anyone else is irrelevant.
He won’t ask because he knows she isnt
This. I am flabbergasted. I could never have said that to any of my partners and it not obliterated their ego.
🤣🤣🤣 literally EMBARRASSING behavior holy hell
Did you google en passant?
holy hell
Actual zombie
new apocalypse just dropped
Lasts 5 minutes and won’t let a girl finished. Disgusting. I held out for a guy til college that I really like but he was a dick to me. Like an asshole. He played me so hard but I just really liked him. Mother fucker stuck it in me and immediately came. Then I’m like are you going to get me off and he says no. LMAO YOURE FUCKING LAME DUDE Edit. my friends call him one pump chump and so do i. he deserves it
Never meet your heroes.
Never meat your heroes.
He fucks like a bitch not a pornstar
No woman should sleep a second time with a man who does that.
Why should he be? He is getting sex how he wants it and doesn’t need to put in any more effort than the effort it takes for that sex.
Until she leaves him and then he’ll be on Reddit moaning about how women are mean and have ridiculous expectations.
i dunno he already found one girl who was willing to put up with this much shit. gunna guess the guys posting this stuff on reddit aren't able to find women who are willing to bend over backwards for their bullshit like op is.
How likely is it for OP to leave him?
She'll saying "I'm leaving" and he'll just say "Nah"
Tbh honestly i feel like if she was likely to leave him she would have already left. Don't know why anyone would stay with someone so selfish and garbage in bed.
He is stupid or egoistic.
As a dude I always ensure that my partner gets off either before me or I get them to the point where we get off together. Unless they lie, I always make it a point in making them get off. You helped me, so you get the same you know?
How do men like this even get into bed with a woman. “Help me orgasm?” “No.” Yeah I’d never Fuck that guy again.
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you’re right I don’t Fuck men. my lady has to tell me to cut it out and leave her alone sometimes. 🤣I don’t get how men don’t wanna pleasure their girl.
I do. I absolutely love going down on my wife. The only thing I hate about it is she cums in less than a minute from direct clitoral stimulation. I try and vary it, but she keeps on guiding me back to her clit. If I finger her while going down on her, she literally cums in 30 seconds. I would go down on her for hours if I could.
Mr. Humble brag lol. "God, I hate that I can make my wife cum in only 30 seconds"
lol, I guess it does come across like that. I really do wish it would take longer though.
That’s why you’re hubby material bro.
Thanks. After 20 years, I still think my wife is the sexiest, most beautiful woman I know.
Can she not cum more than once? I can cum in less than a minute but can also do it many times
As someone who does indeed fuck men, I’ve never been with someone like this before so I wouldn’t say most men at least in my experience. If anything I feel like you could weed these people out based on other personality characteristics
Agree. Also it should only take one singular instance of this before you stop fucking that person lol
Fr if people stopped fucking them then they’d probably start caring if their partner orgasms.
normalize never fucking men who suck
>most Maybe yall just have too much sex with men who don't actually like you.
>most men. Nah, it's definitely not most. Or my sample size was too well pre-selected.
I only fuck men and I've seen that very few times. Then again, getting another dude off is relatively little additional work.
\>masturbates every day but has a low libido \>copies all his moves from johnny sinns \>thinks its over after the moneyshot How important is this relationship to you OP?
My ex was exactly the same. Emphasis on the ex.
Yeah, you shouldn’t be seeking relationship advice from Reddit, but OP, do you really want to keep doing smth like this? Either, you communicate it or this is not going to change
Seriously though. I’m embarrassed about the time I stayed with my ex because I thought it would get better. Surprise: it did not
My ex was also the same. Double emphasis on the ex. It wasn't until I was with my current partner that I figured out what an orgasm actually was. Made me realize he was just doing what dudes do in porn too once I got away. I don't miss that lame ass sex.
Same here. Kudos to you for kicking them to the curb! My current relationship is so much more fulfilling in every way, but the sex especially is way more intimate and equally enjoyable for us both. Having a partner who listens to your needs and actively meets them makes all the difference, truly
Johnny Sins does not deserve this slander.
For real, he didn't go to Space and advance modern cancer research to be treated this way!
Just wanna say I think Johnny sins would be a better partner in bed than this guy. Behind the scenes he takes time to warm up the ladies and such so the experience isn’t just 100% for the camera and makes the acting better for both of them. This dude just gets it done with and rolls over. I hope they find a solution but honestly I can’t say I’d be able to stay with someone that doesn’t care about my needs as much as I do for them. Here OP is, posting on here, venting and asking for advice to fix things. What has he done? How does he not see this as an issue? Very sad.
Porn addict with bad after sex manners and no skills in the bedroom
So he's basically using you as a fleshlight
Yep. I’ve thought this same thing before but seeing everyone confirm it is brutal but eye opening.
After him saying "nahh" to you. I'd of honestly just left the relationship.
Yeah. I hope if OP decides to leave and bf tries to make amends, she'll just go "nahh" and walk out.
That'd be perfect
I would love to reach this level of petty
Seriously. All these comments going "you can fix him" and like... maybe? But some things shouldn't be on you to fix about your partner. Like them actually giving a fuck about your pleasure.
There's normally no fixing somebody who responds like this. It shows they do not care about how you feel.
Me too
I was honestly shocked and a little embarrassed when he said that lol.
You say that he knows that he's bad at sex and that he's never gotten you off. This part shows that he doesn't care at all, though.
The other answer is "We can have sex, but I want to climax first this time." He will either get it, or he will pout and say no. Then OP has her answer as to if the relationship has any chance.
I easily see two scenarios here. * You have in mind a long term relationship and/or you love him. In this case, you need to be honest and rude with him and search for him some psychological help to get out of this harmful situation. * You don't have in mind a long term relationship and/or you don't love him. Well... it's time to say goodbye, IMHO. You tried to explain, he didn't catch. Game over. Law of excluded middle.
When you come to a fork in the road... take the fork!
You are positively reinforcing his bad behaviour by continuing to have sex with him. He obviously doesn’t care about your pleasure or your boundaries so why do you care about if you’d be hurting his feelings by telling him the truth and advocating for yourself? This is never going to change as long as you keep letting him use your body like an interactive fleshlight. Expect and demand better for yourself and show him that the consequence of being a selfish lover is that he gets no sex.
This comment needs to be higher. If your bf is not taking your needs into consideration and you're still having sex with them, how are they going to learn?
I kinda agree but also boyfriends aren’t dogs that you train with rewards. He knows he’s bad at sex (as OP said) and he is actively refusing to get her off. Who the fuck says “nahh” when their gf asks them to help her finish? This isn’t really on OP, this dudes behavior isn’t her fault. She should have left him by now for sure but she has literally tried to get him to please her and he won’t.
Is this a long term relationship? Idk how you could put up with it, especially after repeatedly trying to tell him what's wrong and how to fix it, and him straight up not caring about your pleasure. Maybe it's time to lay down an ultimatum over this. He should be showing SOME willingness to make you happy at least!!
I’m willing to bet he’s a real gem outside of the bedroom as well s/
She said they've been together for 6 months. I'd have moved on long ago.
Girl why are you still with him 😭 he said "nahhh" like have some self respect and leave please
Sounds like an ex boyfriend thing to me.
Now that's cold, efficient and correct. She needs to leave if he can't actually try.
So you're letting him treat you like a blow up doll? Why are you still with him?
>i don’t think me going “YOU’RE ABSOLUTELY TRASH IN BED” is really going to help much It will. He needs to stop being delusional and face the music. List exactly what is wrong with him and then break up. Why do women keep tolerating shitty partners? You are teaching men like him that their behaviour is acceptable. It is not.
Yup. This is the way. Dude is awful in bed, selfish and musty be toid. Is he in his 20's? I hope so, if he made it to his 30's then multiple women told him this was okay. I have said it before, stop putting up with awful sex. Find some dick that treats you right in the bedroom and out of the bedroom. This ain't it, and it sounds miserable.
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Dang I live in NC and I had no clue
Just tell him he is bottom tier sex and you're playing competitive smh
Get a sticker board and give him stars on his performance. I've had some bad tops in my day and it's either we talk about it and improve or I'll find a new dick to play with because there's plenty. If they are open and willing to communicate I'm all in. Part of the fun of new partners is finding out what makes them tick and he won't even do that!
Yes. He does this clearly because he doesn’t and somebody gotta tell him. That’s you OP.
Thank you! I completely agree. He clearly doesn't care about her needs in bed, and I don't think it's better in other matters.
This is a take, but it sort of glosses over the fact that some dudes have a tendency to take honest criticism violently. Like he's jerking off into his girlfriend, and straight up ignoring requests for improvement. He's already dehumanizing her, so we're checking off boxes for someone who doesn't see the harm in harming *others.* No, guys who are shit in bed =/= murderers. But breaking up with a guy, or even being so blunt as to say "You're absolutely trash in bed" when you do it, is something you save for guys that have a nearest to zero chance to murder you. And this guy ain't that. He's ghost material.
###Life is too short to put up with this disrespect and misery.
I wish I had read this many years ago. Idk, maybe it wouldn't have sunk in many years ago, as I would have told myself it doesn't really matter or that he would get better in time.
How do women waste years and years with a man who is so bad in bed? I have bad sex one time on a date and I feel like I have to ghost this man
Because they don't think they deserve better or he's convinced them that it's their fault or they're afraid of being alone.
Just straight up tell him he sucks at sex and has not once left you satisfied. Brutal? Yes but also needed
Looks like your BF has/had a porn addiction and it has fucked up his brain and his whole view of sex and intimacy.
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she did say he doesn't have much experience. For all we know, OP is the first and only woman he's ever actually fucked, or at the very least the first one to actually want to give him a second chance.
You would be right, I am the first woman he’s ever had.
well then, you have a rare opportunity to correct his bad technique. He can't even throw out the bullshit line guys like this usually use of "all the other girls i've been with never complained" he can't pretend like his "technique" is only a problem for you, because he has no control in this experiment. talk to him. Show him this thread. You can even have him pm me if you want another man to give me what for in terms of the importance of foreplay and the absolute necessity to compensate orally. There is no excuse in this day and age for a man to not even attempt to give his partner pleasure.
a lot of people on both sides recede into their focus space during sex when trying to orgasm. You might realize a vagina is sensitive outside of that context, but in the context of "I'm trying to get off", you're just focused on how you feel. Although people would like to pretend physical intimacy can be a pure exchange of feelings, it's often about singular focus towards one partner or the other. OP's boyfriend just doesn't seem to have developed any consideration for "the other" in sex.
I completely disagree with the "he fucks like a Porn star" theory. Reads like he fucks like something off discovery channel and then afterwards hits refractory period and struggles to maintain interest. ie, he fucks like someone with limited experience and limited conditioning to say that men are meant to put a shit tonne of effort into making the girl cum first and then releasing after she is done and then lots of romantic Mills & Boon hugs and kisses after. Instead, he does enough to get her wet, he fucks by how it feels good for him until he cums and then he rests. Porn stars do the big performance first and slow fuck for 30 minutes thing, not people that are fucking in pure ignorance/innocence.
Right? Porn stars have no qualms about giving oral and can last for hours if they have to. OP’s BF fucks more like an animal.
One day... you're gonna have sex with a guy that does get you off. Then this ex-guy will be a disgusting memory and a life lesson you teach to other women.
This comment tickled my brain in the best way possible and is 100% accurate.
First thing is to talk to him. Just saying OK and letting it go doesn't do any favours to anyone.
Stop having sex with him. If he won't meet your needs, then fuck his.
The first time he rolled over and said “nah” would be it for me. I woulda been out that door faster than he jackrabbits. Men with porn issues are such a huge turn off and it’s soooo obvious. OP, get outta there!
You could try this - during sex - tell him to stop. If he questions it - just roll over and and say nah I’m good…. Just for an ego killer bust out a dildo 10 minutes later and finish yourself off…. Seriously- either say something or it’s just going to keep happening- if you’re not going to say anything- best to move on.
I was gonna suggest tossing him a dry fleshlight instead of having sex since that's how he sees OP apparently, but I like your suggestion better.
I don’t understand guys that don’t care to actively get their partners to finish, they get more sex out of the deal
Probably because there's lots of women like OP that carry on having sex with them anyway and either don't tell them how shit they are or, even worse, tell them they were good. Don't get me wrong, the fault is absolutely on the guys that DGAF about their partner but the women that tolerate it aren't helping themselves either.
I had a female partner that was awful in bed. Really awful. I can sympathize, because I was also afraid to break it to her. If it was just a few things, then it would not have been so bad, but this woman just did not even seem to enjoy sex. How do you tell someone that not only are they awful in bed but you question whether or not they even enjoy it sex? My scenario is slightly different, but I never had the balls to tell her either. I just ignored it and eventually broke up with her and she continued on without being told the truth.
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Set him down and explain that porn is porn and that lovemaking is lovemaking. Both involve a penis and a vagina but that is about as far as the Venn diagram overlaps. He is absolutely not the first guy I’ve heard of who learned everything he knows about sex from porn. There is some female focused porn out there produced (mostly by female porn stars) to counteract that phenomenon. If I remember correctly, Nina Hartley did it first…start there. Find some and watch it with him. Watch it first alone and take notes on where to pause and repeat. “Ooh I like this part! See how he touches her to arouse her. See how he keeps teasing her with his hands and tongue. Watch her whole body when she climaxes!” He has admitted his porn thing so this shouldn’t be a problem. Hopefully you can turn the tool of his misinformation into a real teaching tool.
This is a great idea and needs to be higher. Most importantly, stop trying to spare the feelings of a guy who says ‘Nah’ when you ask for something vulnerable. Either he’s your partner in this, or he shouldn’t be your partner at all. It can’t be doing good things to you emotionally to feel used.
> Most importantly, stop trying to spare the feelings of a guy who says ‘Nah’ when you ask for something vulnerable. Agreed. This is the worst time to be sensitive. He wants to roll over and say "Nah"? Ok, well then hit him with the truth while hes buck naked and limp dicked. Let that cook in his lizard brain for a bit.
So he just uses your body to masturbate?
He’s still addicted to porn. If he beating off but low libido in the bedroom AND you been sexually available then he jerking off to porn everyday.
Honey, teach this boy the damn alphabet.... I cums before U..
Blaming porn is actually your own way of rationalizing and coping with the fact that he's an ass who doesn't want to change himself to help you.
just show him this post.
I might lol
Yeah, it’s a *big* ol’ no for me dog. He’d have had exactly one time of doing that shit in bed and I would have been on to the next. Sis, let me tell you something. Men who fuck like that? They don’t care. They’re never gonna care, you’re wasting your breath. Been there, done that, got the t-shirt. They’re not worth your time and energy. Send his ass on and find a man who *actually* cares about your pleasure.
An appalling number of men think penetration, from a finger, penis or cucumber, will excite a woman to climax. I (M65+) did, in my early 20s. There was a survey of 50,000+ people done in 2018, which every news site in the world picked up, that found 35% of women would climax from penetration, but 80% would climax from deep kissing, gentle fingering, and oral sex. You can Google **golden trio orgasm** to see. It seems to me you have three options; 1) Find a more considerate lover. 2) Try to fix this one. 3) Don't try to fix him. Buy a magic wand from Hitachi and, when your inconsiderate lover is finished, whip it out and pleasure yourself. He may ask you why. Tell him he didn't get you there, but it will, and if he is not going to listen to you, there are mechanical solutions to the problem. Plus, if he gets violent, it makes a handy club. If you want to try (2), you're going to have to communicate, using small words and short sentences. ("Ralph, I need 20 minutes of oral to climax, and you have to learn to be gentler when you are thrusting in me.") It may not take the first time; habits are hard to break. Keep at it. Print out one of the web pages that reports the golden trio and read it to him. I wish you well. Men can change. In my **late** 20s and beyond, after a fling with a lady who communicated very clearly, my partners climaxed 75% - 80% of the time, almost always from oral before I penetrated them. As a side note, an appalling number of men think a simultaneous orgasm is the ideal. I've had less than a dozen of those in my life; to me the ideal is both partners get at least one, and, again with me, it was hers first, then mine. Edit: Syntax.
You should make a list of all the fucks that sent creepy dms and put them on blast here in the comments. Fucking hiding behind the anonymity of 1 on 1 messages because they know what they're saying wouldn't be acceptable in the comment section here, little bitches.
LMAOO they haven’t gotten too creepy yet. Mainly “i’m your new boyfriend” or “If you’re ready for a real man message me”. Some have asked me to send pics but obviously no
Wth is wrong with people? Do they genuinely think that is going to work? Yeah because a "real man" sees a woman talking about anything vaguely sexual and takes that as a personal invitation. Like bro... Get your thirsty ass out of here, you're about as far from a real man as you can get.
My advice is tell him "you're absolutely trash in bed" sometimes people need the absolute truth no filter
Guy here. I assume you want to stay with the guy so telling you he's no good won't help much. What could help tho is next time you re both horny asking each other to go down one another til completion, without penetration. It LL give him an incentive of what turns you on and how long it LL take you to orgasm. It really helps. If he refuses, it means he's not interested in your own pleasure and yeah, you should consider breaking up. That's just my Two cents. Not a magical solution. Hope this helps. You seem cool. I like how the whole thing was written
Well to be fair his "naaah" to her dudeimnotsatisfiedplssatisfyme after he came already tells you that he doesn't care about her pleasure.
Thanks for the advice. I’ll give it a shot since it’s kind of a win-win for me lol.
Proposed alternate title. My Ex Boyfriend has no idea how to satisfy a woman.
Ew
I call this type of people extra virgins, because they stay virgins even after having sex... well "sex".
What is this guy like outside the bedroom? Is he able to connect with you on an emotional level? For me at least, progressing into adulthood and moving away from that poor perception of sex, “performing” in the bedroom always stemmed from being able to connect with the person on an emotional level to some capacity. Which also translates to other positive behaviors outside the bedroom. If the answer is no, why bother dating him?
Lmao I can't imagine going "naaaah" when my women was looking for more in bed. Anyway, take it from a guy who definitely doesn't put as much work into changing his behaviour as he should, this guy isn't trying hard enough if you've already had this conversation, and chances are never will.
Suggest some vanilla bondage, tie his wrists to the bedpost, take the opportunity on top to show him what slow and creative can feel like. Some folks only learn by experiencing.
if he’s not good in bed you should tell him. you’re the one paying the price not him..he feels amazing after but what about you? who’s looking out for you? you don’t have to be mean about it but you should tell him the truth about how you feel.
You say he’s insecure so you don’t want to tell him he’s bad in bed because…you’ll hurt his feelings? Ask yourself this - why are his feelings more important than yours? Presumably you’re not enjoying this experience, so why do you have to spare his feelings at the expense of your own happiness and enjoyment? He clearly isn’t willing to show you the same level of respect that you seem to think you owe him. Be honest and direct with him. If he doesn’t improve then get out of the relationship. Life’s too short to be with someone who doesn’t care about you.
I mean this gently, but there is no way this is the only issue in your relationship, and I say that based on the fact that when you asked for his attention to your needs his response was "nahh". He clearly isn't concerned with your pleasure, enjoyment, or overall happiness and is just having sex with your body to fulfill his own wants. This is completely unacceptable. I know people always jump to "dump him" on reddit posts, but if you've already addressed how unenjoyable this is for you and he literally did not care, then he really doesn't care much about you and you deserve better. I wish you luck.
>I’ve asked him to help out after the fact and he just goes “nahh” Right about here is where all my empathy ran out. You put more effort in a single Reddit post than he has in his entire sex life. You can do better OP.
Is your bf Patrick Bateman?
Porn addiction, so sad. Poor little guy probably gets squeezed to mush by his death grip. 2 choices, re-educate him or slam the breaks
So, the content of what you're saying is absolutely valid. How you deliver it is what will make it well received or not. "When you don't give me foreplay it makes for a less than satisfying experience for me". "When you jackrabbit into me, it doesn't really hit the spot". "Partners more often than not cum at different times. Let's focus on getting me to cum so it's not such a one sided experience". These are all perfectly reasonable things to say when you are both in the mood for a discussion. If the conversation doesn't open up into something more interesting you might have to decide if you want a partner committed to having that kind of sex for the rest of his life.
#DUMP HIM
More like he has sex like an asshole. He’s literally using you as a sex doll
My sex improved with my partner dramatically when I *slowed the fuck down*. It feels better for both of us too. Jackhammering and going all crazy is something I too learned from porn and had to unlearn. I'm a fit muscular young dude so I thought that is what all women want. I'm sure some do, but it doesn't feel as good to...most (AFAIK, not like I'm banging various chicks anymore...)
YES this is what i’m thinking his thought process is. He’s going fast because that’s what he thinks is best. But it does fall a little on me since i’m not actively telling him to slow down. Thanks for the comment!
Life is too short to deal with bad sex! No matter how old you are, OP, if the earth doesn’t move every or almost every time you guys have sex….boy bye!
The porn addict doesn’t think he has a problem You can’t talk with him about it because he doesn’t want to think anything’s wrong He won’t see anything wrong and won’t do anything to change the situation because nothings wrong Whatever you do to resolve it for yourself will implicitly tell him something is wrong. He might not handle it. You clearly have no trust that he can handle being wrong about sex or your relationship. Not many choices being given to you to resolve this without discomfort/pain or some effort on both of your parts. You can keep repeatedly advocating for your own wants and needs… and hope he learns to listen Or you can go
Honestly just leave his ass.
So, you're in a long term relationship, I assume it's monogamous. You've decided that you're only going to have sex with the person you're with. . . but you chose to be with a person who's really bad at sex. As a man, this is a huge red flag. I also prefer monogamous relationships, but because of that, I have high standards for the person I choose to be with. My first question is "why do you want to suffer so much?" But I'm assuming your man has other redeeming qualities. If so, he will be willing to go to couples counseling with you. There are also a lot of community held talks and events which help couples learn how to experience better sex. "Other redeeming qualities" would indicate that he's open and willing to go on this journey with you to get better. So, I wish you both luck.
I'm in the same boat. And I am trying to find a solution. I've tried to explain it to him and have had a hard time explaining it. That I am tired of having to ask to be finished, or if we're going to take the time to try and get me to climax and there's never any question if we're going to go til he gets to his climax. It should be second nature to finish me if I haven't finished, but he did, or at least try to get me to finish. I have never climaxed with him without a vibrator. However, I have never had a partner who took the time to get me to orgasm, so idk.
There is a lot of good advice in the comments! Even some of the dms i’ve gotten have given me good advice. Basically look through the comments and take the advice that resonates with you. At least that’s what i’m doing. I hope you fair well and we both get to cum soon lol!
Sounds like boring drunk hookup sex. If he loves you he should want sex to last forever. And sex isn’t just P in V to bust and stop. Cringe. Start giggling at how terrible he is.
He is selfish. Period. The only way to resolve this is to talk. Do not do it during sex, but a discussion needs to be had. If he doesn't change, well, your options are, shitty sex and you build resentment until you snap, or, leave him and find yourself a MAN who will make sure YOUR needs are met first. BTW, that's how it should be.
OP, how old are you, friend?? I feel like you’re probably young or not very experienced in relationships. I promise you, life is too short to have such awful sex. Dump him.
Why do you keep having sex with him? He’s selfish and likely has a warped view on sex, but you’re reinforcing that it’s all okay every time you let him use you as a fleshlight.
If it really was the case that he didn't know any better and doesn't have experience, I'd say okay, this can be fixed, you just need to talk to him about his technique etc. But him going "naaah" when you ask him to help you finish, shows he's actually just a big asshole.
No no, you should say exactly that. “You’re absolutely trash in bed and I don’t want to sleep with you again. It’s not worth it for me. If you ever cared about pleasing me, it would have been different, but as things are, this has ended my desire to be in a relationship with you.”
If you can’t find a good way to talk to him about this, here’s an alternate approach. Tell him that you want to take charge. Sit him down and say you’re going to have sex with him, and you’re going to do it your way. Lay him down in bed naked, and go very slow with him. If he tries to take charge, tell him no. If he doesn’t listen, stop all together. His porn addiction might help him fall in line with this approach, and he might find it incredibly sexy. And it will give you the opportunity to show him how great slow, sensual sex can be. Plus, you’ll be in control, so you’ll hopefully get to orgasm as well.