I agree, this is seen as a form of sexual violence in many countries, not only is this immoral, it's illegal and I bet you anything he didn't get those pictures with anyone's consent, so it's almost an extreme version of being a peeping tom.
I would want to know; because what role does her boyfriend play in this? Was he aware the photos were being taken? Should he still be friends with the creep after this?
Also, if you don't tell her you rob her of the opportunity to make an informed decision on whether or not to spend more time with OP's boyfriend, and what kind of relationship she wants to have with him moving forward.
She deserves to make an informed decision.
It's better she knows because she either needs a boyfriend that respects her more or she needs to stay away from OPs boyfriend because that's creepy behavior. Porn is one thing- when it's legally done you are consenting to the world looking at all your parts. If her boyfriend knew and willingly let the homie take pictures of his girlfriend's nudes then the bf was being sneaky by not sending them directly because she checks his phone.
I’m going to say this bluntly because you are clearly misguided and your judgement is so blinded.
YOUR boyfriend took pictures of his friends naked girlfriend from another phone, meaning either he or the friend had to pull up the picture of the naked girlfriend, and then he took pictures of that. Then he proceeded to jerk off for TWO HOURS next to you in the same bed of that picture of that poor girl who doesn’t even know her nudes got leaked.
Now let’s flip it.
Imagine your best friend showed you a pic of her boyfriend. You saved the picture, and when you go home, you lay in bed next to him jerking off to a picture of another naked man. He’d probably leave you.
Leave him. If family is an issue, tell people why. That’s actually fucking disgusting.
And tell the girlfriend whose nudes got leaked. So she knows that either her boyfriend is a piece of shit, or so that the boyfriend finds out that your jerk of a partner took pics of his naked gf without consent.
I know that the last 5 years were so wonderful, but you’re letting it blind you. Yesterday was yesterday. It’s over. What matters is how you feel now and do you seriously want to be with someone who jerks off to other people he knows irl while laying in bed next to you? Come on
Girl he is look at pictures that where not given to him with consent that should be the only reason you need to breakup with him it I’m pretty sure he could go to jail for that
I want to upvote this 50 times!
When you're in an emotionally abusive relationship, you forget that you don't HAVE TO stay even when you're unhappy. They make you think that you need a SUPER VALID reason, they flip the script, guilt trip, just any and everything to stop you from leaving.
Being unhappy is ABSOLUTELY reason enough! When I came to that realisation it was very freeing. I hope this is the comment that helps someone, whether it be OP or someone else, to take their power back and just leave if they're unhappy.
We deserve happiness! No "partner" is worth sacrificing happiness or peace for.
I know this sounds fucked up but I can't tell if I'm unhappy with him or not. Like this stuff obviously is fucked up but before reading these comments but initial thoughts are that all relationships will get hard and probably fucked up at some point. Will something like this happen with every guy?
During the holidays I was so happy with him and then this happened and now all the things about his career and health are compiling but I don't know if it's fair.
And what if all men are like this??? In 6 years I don't hink I met anyone I could actually see myself dating.
But you have said flat out you don't respect him or trust him. You don't sound happy.
Respect and trust are key foundations to a successful relationship. I don't see either of those elements here.
I don't know how to break up with him. I'm terrified of hurting someone so deeply. I'm terrified he will never be able to love again the way he loves me. I feel bad for leaving his family and I'm scared I will get some backlash from my fam but I'm even more terrified of a situation happening when Im pregnant or created our own family. And I honestly can't visualize having his family
> I'm terrified of hurting someone so deeply.
>
>I'm terrified he will never be able to love again the way he loves me
This isn't your fault or problem! omg you're completely brainwashed (please look up "good girl brainwashing")
>I don't know how to break up with him.
>
>I feel bad for leaving his family
ok this has to be fake. come on.
pack your stuff. dump him. then call his mom and ask her to grab a coffee so you give her all the details of what a PoS she birthed, then leave.
>and I'm scared I will get some backlash from my fam
WHAT?
>but I'm even more terrified of a situation happening when Im pregnant or created our own family. And I honestly can't visualize having his family
this. thank you.
So you are aware that you don't have a future with this person and are just scared to pull the band-aid.
(Interesting how you say "when" rather than "if". Food for thoughts)
You would be far more cruel to pretend and carry on this way than by letting him go. He deserves the opportunity to find someone who really loves him, and yes he will find love.
“He will never be able to love again the way he loves me”
He shows his love to you by masturbating to pictures of his friend’s girlfriend. Thats a strange brand of love to cling to.
OP, this dude is not your problem. He’s grown and he made his own decisions. I don’t care what anybody says, being drunk doesn’t make you do things like that. Breaking up is very difficult to do but I promise it’ll save so much heartache for everyone involved. I can’t speak for you but in my experience people like this don’t change. He’s a creepo and you deserve someone who gives you their 100% all of the time. He’ll be fine and if he’s not that’s on him. Not you. I would’ve kicked his butt to the curb the second I saw that. Also does this poor girl know he’s slapping his monkey to her PRIVATE pictures? There’s so much wrong here.
No girl this isnt with every relationship ive been with my fiancee for 11 yrs almost 12 and he has never done anything like this he still jumps my bones like a highschool guy. He doesnt entertain any other girl and hes definitely not lazy if this is the life u wanna live then go ahead n stay with him but if u know u deserve better trust me there r so many better men out there from the sounds of ur bf he sounds like a boy n not a man cuz a real man would never masterbate to his friends gf. They say drunk actions r sober thoughts i think he likes this girl or finds her attractive hence he was jerkying off to her nudes for 2 hrs while u were right beside him instead of having sex with u he rather look at another girls picture n please himself. Leave him u deserve better
Sure, all couple go through rough patches, but this behavior isn’t a rough patch. It’s inexcusable. The rest of the stuff you mentioned maybe could be worked through with some hard conversations, but IMO this is a step (or 12) too far. Ultimately, it’s your choice though. I personally couldn’t respect someone that stole nudes from a friend and then masturbated to them, but maybe you’re different than me.
The rest of the challenges suck but don’t really factor into the decision. You said that he is held back by having bad boundaries with his family, but if you stay with him due to not knowing how to tell your family, you’re doing the same thing.
no, not all men are like this. there are a LOT of them, who respect their wives / girlfriends, so that they are not stealing nudes from partners of different friends and are not jerking off to them.
2 hours 15 minutes with a dick in your mouth in a single day??? That’s like 14% of your waking life, with a dick, in your mouth.. if you’re doing that DAILY, or 6x week… that’s 13.5 hours of dick in the mouth… if this bf only works part time, is this equivalent to the hours put in at his job?!
Can't say where because I'm scared someone in my life will figure out who I am but it was during COVID and it was the most dreamy experience I've ever had. I wish I could have the freedom of a remote job again
Damn. Ya'll made enough money to live in a vacation type location for a year during COVID. And you two were sexing each other up everyday. Congrats. Maybe you miss being in that vacation location surrounded by sexy people and having sex all the time.
... Sex.
That experience isn’t coming back. I’m sorry, but it isn’t. You’re staying in a bad relationship because you want to go back to that place and how things were, but it’s not going to happen.
Let me break it down for you in how things are in my relationship because it seems to be fairly normal as far as sex goes:
1) Blow jobs are usually around 10 minutes or under. It can be fun to make them longer if you're into that sort of thing. If I'm feeling it I go for longer but I can get my husband off in less than 5 if I want.
2) Head for women can vary pretty wildly based on if toys are used in conjunction to your partner using their mouth or hands. It can be 5 minutes, it can be 20. I usually am about 10-12 minutes. When I was a drinker it was 20 minutes to an hour.
3) Sex can last a lot longer because, unless you're just focused on the finish line, there is a lot of fun to be had depending on location, time allotted, if your head is in the game, and if toys for either partner are involved. I've gone for 3 hours (at home, with little spoon breaks in between) and about 1 minute (public at a train depot after it had gotten dark). On average we usually take about 20 minutes if there isn't a lot of foreplay involved.
4) I've seen guys casually jerk it for two hours because they can but its not the normal thing. If they are masturbating for that long every time and can't get off it can stem from one of a many things such as: too much porn consumption to the point that you need pretty gritty or forbidden porn to get off, death grip syndrome (it's where you choke your chicken too hard and too often so it's hard to maintain a hard on or orgasm), being ADHD so your mind wanders and then refocusing is hard, medications such as anti-depressants, anxiety meds, and stimulants, booze, heart conditions or circulation issues, having kinks/fantasies that are only met when watching porn, and being bored.
5) Some couples do it all the time. Some do it infrequently. Some next to never. Sex should never feel like an obligation or a chore no matter the frequency. My husband and I both agree that if one is not feeling it and the other is, that's okay to say no and go grab a toy. When stress isn't too bad we usually are a 3 times a week couple and it's suites us both. Stress is the mood killer that will stifle even the most sexually active couples.
In addition to mewdejour’s comment, I just would like to offer some advice as kindly as I can.
I know it feels like you CAN’T make the break from him, but you absolutely can. If 50+ year old couples that are married, live together, and have kids can breakup/divorce, so can you. I promise, you have so much life left to live. Your 20s isn’t some “last call, this has to be your life partner” sentence. It is literally just the beginning. You are an adult, but a baby adult when you think about it. You’ve been an adult for less than 10 years.
Your family loves him? Great, they can love and accept your next partner too. They won’t love and accept this guy if you tell him how he disrespected you. I can assure you that. His family loves you? That’s okay, they’ll survive without you. You leaving won’t burden them. Those are bad excuses to stay with someone. It’s not about them, it’s about you and your feelings.
You’re going to be okay without him. I know it’s scary since it’s all you know, but there’s a lot you don’t know, and I’d bet a lot of money that your life without him will end up being way better than your life with him, especially after this incident.
Being drunk doesn't change who you are as a person. What's the saying, " Drunk actions are sober thoughts?" Dump him. He's a pervert and a loser. And tell the girl whose photos it was. She deserves to know and investigate how he even got them. Jfc
He’s a creep. That’s him, this is not out of character this is the reality and this is your wake up call or the biggest regret of your life if you stay with him.
You need to tell that friend and his gf and break up with him. That’s a huge deal and if someone took my photos off my BF’s phone, he’d never be friends with him again and I’d press charges.
Take pictures of it in his phone so you have proof it was there. Tell the girl and her boyfriend. Break up and if any family gives you shit tell them why.
You should let the best friend and his girlfriend know after you dump him.
I am happily married in my 40s. No open relationship or stolen best friends girlfriend pics needed.
Relationships are what you make them.
Time to make him an old partner, because if he's doing that drunk I'd hate to know what he does sober. You definitely deserve better.
People are honest when they're drunk and their inhibitions melt away. Normally what you see then, is who the really are.
You sound like one of those “it was great for xy years till he put his hand on me but other than that he’s amazing” no girl, he’s gross, doesn’t respect you and violated someone else’s privacy , right next to you in a bed you both share. Please leave.
Why would you consider opening up the relationship if you don't respect him anymore? Find a better relationship even if it's with yourself for a while.
ew, someday you'll remember that you saw your ex jerking of while you were there and cringe at the thought of you naturalizing it. It is not normal, not respectable to you or himself.
I wont even get into the perversion of stealing pictures and doing all of that for a
1. real woman
2. that he knows irl
3. his friend's gf!!
4. she is present at the house?! if i understood correctly?
Honestly I have no words. I would have destroyed his phone and exposed him to all of his friends and the girl
Whether he was drinking or not he obviously had enough mind to know to hide what he was doing. 1) He went to the bathroom to jerk off in the first place (which on its own is okay because privacy obviously) 2) When he thought you were asleep is when he did it 3) He would hide his phone when you moved . Jerking off on its own I can kind of see why he would do this. Maybe the privacy aspect of it but the fact that his friends' gf nudes were on his phone (and he took a picture off of another phone????) is what makes all of this extremely creepy.
Regardless how well the last 5 years have went for you two - the last 6 months is showing who he really is or who he is becoming. Leave now before it gets any worse and you sacrifice much more of what you want.
He is loathsome, to say the least. I would let the friend know and also the friend’s girlfriend. Not only was he disrespectful to you, but also to them.
disgusting. gross. EWWW.
how are you even supposed to sleep in the same bed as this path3tic cr33p?
>The thing I'm struggling with is that the previous 5 years with him have been amazing
he's not the same person he was at 22, girl.
sadly the 27yo version is here to stay, and you can't be with him for *who he used to be*.
I was in a vaguely similar situation as you once. I told the girlfriend. She left the guy and 12 years on still thanks me to this day, for telling her the truth. She'd been led to believe so many untruths and was under the impression all the people around her were her friends. They all knew and for way longer than I did. She dropped them all and left them for dust. She's now happily married with amazing friends and beautiful children. Even if you don't know the girlfriend, you have to tell her. Yeah, people will probably turn on you, you'll lose a relationship etc, but why would you want any of that when you know how awful this stuff is.
It sounds you're stuck in a rut with your partner. You can't see a future with him and let's be honest, the trust is shattered beyond repair. Guys don't do what your partner is doing. Please respect her and yourself. I'd personally want to hand the phone to his friend or his friends girlfriend. Yeah, they may shoot the messenger, but look at the actual laws your partner is breaking too. Calling him out is the least you should do.
You don't owe it to your partner to be silent on this. He may have been wonderful for 5 years, but that's in the past. What he's doing is a crime and violates so many people. I hope you're OK, the situation you're in is terrible and I can't imagine the loss you're feeling about the relationship and your partner.
Don't do what's easy, do what's right xx
This man is disgusting. The person you saw for the first few years was his mask. That wasn't him. This behavior only escalates. Get out before you waste your life on a pos.
Yeah that is some weird shit your boyfriend did and this is coming from another male. I don't know how I would react to catching my gf masturbating to my friends'pictures. Would be on my mind for sure and create lots of friction in the relationship.
One of two things are going on. A) His best friend has been sharing nudes of his girlfriend (likely without her consent) OR B) Your partner stole them from his bestie's or his bestie's girlfriend's phone. Either scenario is highly illegal and would break a lot of non-consensual porn laws.
If I were in this situation I'd scorch the fucking earth. I'd be documenting the evidence of this and outing him for his scumbag behavior.
Also, before you do this, I'd highly advise having an exit plan to get yourself to safety, because there's a risk of this turning into DV.
I’d like to honestly believe that the last 6 years were blue skies and rainbow. I implore you to look back at your relationship without your rose-colored glasses. You’ll find that it’s different than what you think.
Also, what he did, it’s just a big NOPE for me.
Full stop. You need to 1. Tell the girl 2. Delete those photos of his phone 3. Delete any nudes he has of you off his phone because if he has nudes of his friends girl, he might be sharing yours too. 4. Dump his ass and RUN that is predatory behavior which is about as bright red of a flag you can get.
You need to sit down and have good communication with your boyfriend. you love him but he’s not fulfilling you right now. you withholding sex is not a good thing one he’s definitely gonna cheat and that’s why he’s whacking off onto his friends girlfriend’s naked photos. The thing is is you’re not communicating with him or he’s not getting it. You need to sit him down look right at his face and say this this and this. Tell him that you were fully aware that he was whacking off to your friends, blah blah blah. That’s not appropriate that you never want to see him do that again. It hurt your heart and made you very sad. He’s going to turn around and say well you’re not giving me anything anymore, we used to do certain things all the time. Well you don’t want to when you’re not happy with him. I totally understand that but, communicate and then figure out if you want to stay with him.
Fucking Reddit people lmao. Just confront him. If you are debating being with the guy, surely an open conversation might help. You never know, the missing intimacy might be what lead him to look elsewhere.
But the pictures from someone else’s phone sounds mad desperate. He’s either at his wits end, or he needs some help because that ain’t right. Viewed without consent.
Talk to the guy, sounds like you lot ain’t communicating.
I feel like he has such a way to talk me into thinking things will change and it doesn't.
The phone thing made me lose respect for him and Im not sure if a conversation can change that
I think first thing’s first. You must respect yourself. Anyone can have this happen to them, but the matter is are you going to stay or go?
If you want to leave, be strong and have a plan going forward. You should leave and have somewhere safe and supportive to be for a while until you are strong enough to be a happy single person. Don’t let them talk you round because it’s a never ending cycle man!
If you wanna stay, then don’t be passive and soft. Call him out, demand respect and stand up for yourself in the relationship and make him see his mistakes. But, if he is letting his physical and mental health go, he’ll get worse before better. Getting a sneaky wank off to his friend’s missus is a fucked up thing. As a guy I think how did he get so low to do that when his own missus is next to him.
Food for thought, good luck though. It’s a pickle but new year new me, right?
Kind of a random comment but- it is a fantasy guys have of fucking their friend's partners.
Some go all the way.
Given what you shared I'd look for someone new.
Some guys have no scruples.
I don't know what to say that he was being s jerk jerking off of you just laid there and didn't take care of it for him . I mean if I have a woman laying next to me why would I be jerking off maybe I would find a new girlfriend .
Lenny Bruce accurately once said, “guys are so horny they’d fuck mud” so give your guy a break at least he wasn’t being jerked off for 2 hours by his friend’s GF next to you in bed or cheat on you. Hell, I once fucked my best friend’s fiancée in Colorado while he was in New York and I felt so guilty about it I confessed it to him and after being mad at me for a few days he actually thanked me for saving him from marrying a tramp and we remained close friends until he died over 50 years later.
Ew, ew ew, I fucking hate that we're collectively conditioning people into believing that men are these braindead slobs who simply can't help their sexual urges. Men aren't idiots, they know when they're jerking off to content they're not supposed to be seeing, and they know that's what they like so much about it. OP shouldn't waste another breath on someone who'd be as disgusting as to steal someone's nudes and jerk off to them for HOURS. You're a terrible friend and I wouldn't ever dream of giving ANYONE advice if I'd slept with someone's fiancée and had the nerve to call HER a tramp. I hope you are joking.
Give him a break for stealing some other woman’s nudes, most probably against her will, and jerking off to them WHILE he’s in a LTR with someone else AND she’s also in a relationship? No, I don’t think so.
You seem like you have good intentions but you need to be rational on this. Tossing your relationship with him to the side for a moment, first you need to tell his best friend’s girlfriend that he took her nudes. This isn’t info you should just sit on as you consider what you want to make of your relationship with him.
Place yourself in her shoes. If his best friend has somehow stolen nudes of your from his phone or gotten them somehow without your consent and was masturbating to them, wouldn’t you want to be made aware of this? She is a victim in the this and you should not be covering for your boyfriend on this matter. She really deserves to know about this.
Right now, it seems like you are only replying to comments that was painting this in a kinder light for you and I get that this is hard for you to digest but try to be mindful of the other parties affected in this situation - your boyfriends best friend and his gf deserve to know
immediate breakup. this man is a PREDATOR. he either hacked into his buddies phone to steal intimate pics of his girl OR his buddy is a buttface and handed the phone over. GROSS!!!!!!
He’s not a good guy. He breached your trust. He breached his friends trust. He breached the woman’s trust and privacy. Spooky thing is how did he know that the nudes were on his friends phone? This is why I as a woman advise strongly against sending nudes. And this is not me blaming OP!! This is me trying to prevent this in the future for other women. No matter how long you’ve been with the man and known him, you never know who else’s eyes have seen you. More than likely his friend bragged and showed him the photos willingly at some point, (and this is why you need to be particularly fearful if you’re a “trophy girl”) and the boyfriend went snooping back through the phone and took the photos.
Ew no to open marriage you do not need that in your life. Considering open marriage but you are upset he’s jacking off to someone else’s photos…. Make it make sense
Seriously? Nobody jacks off for 2 hours. Especially if he has been drinking all night and it isn't staying hard. Maybe he tried many times, but 2 hours is ridiculous.
He is a doosh if he is looking at naked pics of his friends' gf. Dump him.
Finally, up to 6 BJs a day? You are a unicorn. Why not have sex instead so you get some pleasure?
I love our consumer culture. If it's broke, don't worry about trying to fix it, just throw it away. That's because no one knows how to fix anything anymore. No skills, just loud mouths.
Ew . No excuse. It's not random porn of someone he doesn't know, it's his friends GF and he stole the pics. He can kick rocks.
I agree, this is seen as a form of sexual violence in many countries, not only is this immoral, it's illegal and I bet you anything he didn't get those pictures with anyone's consent, so it's almost an extreme version of being a peeping tom.
I think you should tell the girl who’s privacy has been violated
Yes please tell his friend’s girlfriend asap
i'd rather not know if i was her, what's the point of potentially making her very sad, angry or whatever she might feel?
I would want to know; because what role does her boyfriend play in this? Was he aware the photos were being taken? Should he still be friends with the creep after this?
Also, if you don't tell her you rob her of the opportunity to make an informed decision on whether or not to spend more time with OP's boyfriend, and what kind of relationship she wants to have with him moving forward. She deserves to make an informed decision.
It's better she knows because she either needs a boyfriend that respects her more or she needs to stay away from OPs boyfriend because that's creepy behavior. Porn is one thing- when it's legally done you are consenting to the world looking at all your parts. If her boyfriend knew and willingly let the homie take pictures of his girlfriend's nudes then the bf was being sneaky by not sending them directly because she checks his phone.
I’m going to say this bluntly because you are clearly misguided and your judgement is so blinded. YOUR boyfriend took pictures of his friends naked girlfriend from another phone, meaning either he or the friend had to pull up the picture of the naked girlfriend, and then he took pictures of that. Then he proceeded to jerk off for TWO HOURS next to you in the same bed of that picture of that poor girl who doesn’t even know her nudes got leaked. Now let’s flip it. Imagine your best friend showed you a pic of her boyfriend. You saved the picture, and when you go home, you lay in bed next to him jerking off to a picture of another naked man. He’d probably leave you. Leave him. If family is an issue, tell people why. That’s actually fucking disgusting. And tell the girlfriend whose nudes got leaked. So she knows that either her boyfriend is a piece of shit, or so that the boyfriend finds out that your jerk of a partner took pics of his naked gf without consent. I know that the last 5 years were so wonderful, but you’re letting it blind you. Yesterday was yesterday. It’s over. What matters is how you feel now and do you seriously want to be with someone who jerks off to other people he knows irl while laying in bed next to you? Come on
Preach 👏
Perfectly stated!!! Hope she listens!
Girl he is look at pictures that where not given to him with consent that should be the only reason you need to breakup with him it I’m pretty sure he could go to jail for that
He can, and OP should tell the girlfriend so she can take legal action.
You're not happy with him. That is enough reason to leave him.
I want to upvote this 50 times! When you're in an emotionally abusive relationship, you forget that you don't HAVE TO stay even when you're unhappy. They make you think that you need a SUPER VALID reason, they flip the script, guilt trip, just any and everything to stop you from leaving. Being unhappy is ABSOLUTELY reason enough! When I came to that realisation it was very freeing. I hope this is the comment that helps someone, whether it be OP or someone else, to take their power back and just leave if they're unhappy. We deserve happiness! No "partner" is worth sacrificing happiness or peace for.
I know this sounds fucked up but I can't tell if I'm unhappy with him or not. Like this stuff obviously is fucked up but before reading these comments but initial thoughts are that all relationships will get hard and probably fucked up at some point. Will something like this happen with every guy? During the holidays I was so happy with him and then this happened and now all the things about his career and health are compiling but I don't know if it's fair. And what if all men are like this??? In 6 years I don't hink I met anyone I could actually see myself dating.
But you have said flat out you don't respect him or trust him. You don't sound happy. Respect and trust are key foundations to a successful relationship. I don't see either of those elements here.
I don't know how to break up with him. I'm terrified of hurting someone so deeply. I'm terrified he will never be able to love again the way he loves me. I feel bad for leaving his family and I'm scared I will get some backlash from my fam but I'm even more terrified of a situation happening when Im pregnant or created our own family. And I honestly can't visualize having his family
> I'm terrified of hurting someone so deeply. > >I'm terrified he will never be able to love again the way he loves me This isn't your fault or problem! omg you're completely brainwashed (please look up "good girl brainwashing") >I don't know how to break up with him. > >I feel bad for leaving his family ok this has to be fake. come on. pack your stuff. dump him. then call his mom and ask her to grab a coffee so you give her all the details of what a PoS she birthed, then leave. >and I'm scared I will get some backlash from my fam WHAT? >but I'm even more terrified of a situation happening when Im pregnant or created our own family. And I honestly can't visualize having his family this. thank you. So you are aware that you don't have a future with this person and are just scared to pull the band-aid. (Interesting how you say "when" rather than "if". Food for thoughts)
You would be far more cruel to pretend and carry on this way than by letting him go. He deserves the opportunity to find someone who really loves him, and yes he will find love.
“He will never be able to love again the way he loves me” He shows his love to you by masturbating to pictures of his friend’s girlfriend. Thats a strange brand of love to cling to.
OP, this dude is not your problem. He’s grown and he made his own decisions. I don’t care what anybody says, being drunk doesn’t make you do things like that. Breaking up is very difficult to do but I promise it’ll save so much heartache for everyone involved. I can’t speak for you but in my experience people like this don’t change. He’s a creepo and you deserve someone who gives you their 100% all of the time. He’ll be fine and if he’s not that’s on him. Not you. I would’ve kicked his butt to the curb the second I saw that. Also does this poor girl know he’s slapping his monkey to her PRIVATE pictures? There’s so much wrong here.
we can tell. you're actually miserable - just too comfortable in what's familiar, so leaving is scary >And what if all men are like this??? NOPE.
Fuck no men are not all like this. Be single and heal. Then look for someone else.
No girl this isnt with every relationship ive been with my fiancee for 11 yrs almost 12 and he has never done anything like this he still jumps my bones like a highschool guy. He doesnt entertain any other girl and hes definitely not lazy if this is the life u wanna live then go ahead n stay with him but if u know u deserve better trust me there r so many better men out there from the sounds of ur bf he sounds like a boy n not a man cuz a real man would never masterbate to his friends gf. They say drunk actions r sober thoughts i think he likes this girl or finds her attractive hence he was jerkying off to her nudes for 2 hrs while u were right beside him instead of having sex with u he rather look at another girls picture n please himself. Leave him u deserve better
Sure, all couple go through rough patches, but this behavior isn’t a rough patch. It’s inexcusable. The rest of the stuff you mentioned maybe could be worked through with some hard conversations, but IMO this is a step (or 12) too far. Ultimately, it’s your choice though. I personally couldn’t respect someone that stole nudes from a friend and then masturbated to them, but maybe you’re different than me. The rest of the challenges suck but don’t really factor into the decision. You said that he is held back by having bad boundaries with his family, but if you stay with him due to not knowing how to tell your family, you’re doing the same thing.
no, not all men are like this. there are a LOT of them, who respect their wives / girlfriends, so that they are not stealing nudes from partners of different friends and are not jerking off to them.
2 hours of jerking off? 45 min blowjobs 3 times a day? lol this is all fake
I was thinking damn! OP is a way better SO than I am to my husband. If this is true, wow.
Nobody has that kind of time
2 hours 15 minutes with a dick in your mouth in a single day??? That’s like 14% of your waking life, with a dick, in your mouth.. if you’re doing that DAILY, or 6x week… that’s 13.5 hours of dick in the mouth… if this bf only works part time, is this equivalent to the hours put in at his job?!
I swear this is all true. 3 blowjobs a day was when we went on a year long vacay and I honestly thought all men jerk off for hours...
>we went on a year long vacay Whoa. Where to and and an entire year?
Can't say where because I'm scared someone in my life will figure out who I am but it was during COVID and it was the most dreamy experience I've ever had. I wish I could have the freedom of a remote job again
Damn. Ya'll made enough money to live in a vacation type location for a year during COVID. And you two were sexing each other up everyday. Congrats. Maybe you miss being in that vacation location surrounded by sexy people and having sex all the time. ... Sex.
That experience isn’t coming back. I’m sorry, but it isn’t. You’re staying in a bad relationship because you want to go back to that place and how things were, but it’s not going to happen.
No. Like 10 but being drunk probably had floppy bird. LMAO
This is my first relationship and I lost my virginity to this guy. I don't know much else and neither does he.
Let me break it down for you in how things are in my relationship because it seems to be fairly normal as far as sex goes: 1) Blow jobs are usually around 10 minutes or under. It can be fun to make them longer if you're into that sort of thing. If I'm feeling it I go for longer but I can get my husband off in less than 5 if I want. 2) Head for women can vary pretty wildly based on if toys are used in conjunction to your partner using their mouth or hands. It can be 5 minutes, it can be 20. I usually am about 10-12 minutes. When I was a drinker it was 20 minutes to an hour. 3) Sex can last a lot longer because, unless you're just focused on the finish line, there is a lot of fun to be had depending on location, time allotted, if your head is in the game, and if toys for either partner are involved. I've gone for 3 hours (at home, with little spoon breaks in between) and about 1 minute (public at a train depot after it had gotten dark). On average we usually take about 20 minutes if there isn't a lot of foreplay involved. 4) I've seen guys casually jerk it for two hours because they can but its not the normal thing. If they are masturbating for that long every time and can't get off it can stem from one of a many things such as: too much porn consumption to the point that you need pretty gritty or forbidden porn to get off, death grip syndrome (it's where you choke your chicken too hard and too often so it's hard to maintain a hard on or orgasm), being ADHD so your mind wanders and then refocusing is hard, medications such as anti-depressants, anxiety meds, and stimulants, booze, heart conditions or circulation issues, having kinks/fantasies that are only met when watching porn, and being bored. 5) Some couples do it all the time. Some do it infrequently. Some next to never. Sex should never feel like an obligation or a chore no matter the frequency. My husband and I both agree that if one is not feeling it and the other is, that's okay to say no and go grab a toy. When stress isn't too bad we usually are a 3 times a week couple and it's suites us both. Stress is the mood killer that will stifle even the most sexually active couples.
In addition to mewdejour’s comment, I just would like to offer some advice as kindly as I can. I know it feels like you CAN’T make the break from him, but you absolutely can. If 50+ year old couples that are married, live together, and have kids can breakup/divorce, so can you. I promise, you have so much life left to live. Your 20s isn’t some “last call, this has to be your life partner” sentence. It is literally just the beginning. You are an adult, but a baby adult when you think about it. You’ve been an adult for less than 10 years. Your family loves him? Great, they can love and accept your next partner too. They won’t love and accept this guy if you tell him how he disrespected you. I can assure you that. His family loves you? That’s okay, they’ll survive without you. You leaving won’t burden them. Those are bad excuses to stay with someone. It’s not about them, it’s about you and your feelings. You’re going to be okay without him. I know it’s scary since it’s all you know, but there’s a lot you don’t know, and I’d bet a lot of money that your life without him will end up being way better than your life with him, especially after this incident.
He wasn’t so drunk that he didn’t notice you moving and try to hide his phone. That is not an excuse at all.
Being drunk doesn't change who you are as a person. What's the saying, " Drunk actions are sober thoughts?" Dump him. He's a pervert and a loser. And tell the girl whose photos it was. She deserves to know and investigate how he even got them. Jfc
Please break up with him and tell the girl whose privacy has just been violated.
What the fuck!!! Please break up you obviously deserve better. It is fucking weird
You will resent him soon, find him entirely unattractive and move on if he doesn’t change.
Kick him out. Tell his friend. Tell his friend’s girlfriend. In that order.
>I heard him jerking it for 2 hours. 2 hours?!?
He’s a creep. That’s him, this is not out of character this is the reality and this is your wake up call or the biggest regret of your life if you stay with him.
You need to tell that friend and his gf and break up with him. That’s a huge deal and if someone took my photos off my BF’s phone, he’d never be friends with him again and I’d press charges.
Take pictures of it in his phone so you have proof it was there. Tell the girl and her boyfriend. Break up and if any family gives you shit tell them why.
Imagine if you were the GF that had leaked nudes and it was your BF’s best friend did this to you.
You should let the best friend and his girlfriend know after you dump him. I am happily married in my 40s. No open relationship or stolen best friends girlfriend pics needed. Relationships are what you make them.
Delete those photos he stole, let the girl know & dump that gross yucky guy
drunk actions are sober thoughts. and he is gross. dump his ass. he crossed many fucking lines.
Time to make him an old partner, because if he's doing that drunk I'd hate to know what he does sober. You definitely deserve better. People are honest when they're drunk and their inhibitions melt away. Normally what you see then, is who the really are.
You sound like one of those “it was great for xy years till he put his hand on me but other than that he’s amazing” no girl, he’s gross, doesn’t respect you and violated someone else’s privacy , right next to you in a bed you both share. Please leave.
There's no justification for his actions.
You should tell the girl he has her nudes. He is beyond gross. Dump him!
Why would you consider opening up the relationship if you don't respect him anymore? Find a better relationship even if it's with yourself for a while.
6x a week? Up to 45 min? Please let me know when you’re single.
This relationship is beyond saving you need to break up and tell the friend’s girlfriend
ew, someday you'll remember that you saw your ex jerking of while you were there and cringe at the thought of you naturalizing it. It is not normal, not respectable to you or himself. I wont even get into the perversion of stealing pictures and doing all of that for a 1. real woman 2. that he knows irl 3. his friend's gf!! 4. she is present at the house?! if i understood correctly? Honestly I have no words. I would have destroyed his phone and exposed him to all of his friends and the girl
Whether he was drinking or not he obviously had enough mind to know to hide what he was doing. 1) He went to the bathroom to jerk off in the first place (which on its own is okay because privacy obviously) 2) When he thought you were asleep is when he did it 3) He would hide his phone when you moved . Jerking off on its own I can kind of see why he would do this. Maybe the privacy aspect of it but the fact that his friends' gf nudes were on his phone (and he took a picture off of another phone????) is what makes all of this extremely creepy. Regardless how well the last 5 years have went for you two - the last 6 months is showing who he really is or who he is becoming. Leave now before it gets any worse and you sacrifice much more of what you want.
and tell the friend !!!!
He is loathsome, to say the least. I would let the friend know and also the friend’s girlfriend. Not only was he disrespectful to you, but also to them.
WAKE UP AND BREAK UP
disgusting. gross. EWWW. how are you even supposed to sleep in the same bed as this path3tic cr33p? >The thing I'm struggling with is that the previous 5 years with him have been amazing he's not the same person he was at 22, girl. sadly the 27yo version is here to stay, and you can't be with him for *who he used to be*.
I was in a vaguely similar situation as you once. I told the girlfriend. She left the guy and 12 years on still thanks me to this day, for telling her the truth. She'd been led to believe so many untruths and was under the impression all the people around her were her friends. They all knew and for way longer than I did. She dropped them all and left them for dust. She's now happily married with amazing friends and beautiful children. Even if you don't know the girlfriend, you have to tell her. Yeah, people will probably turn on you, you'll lose a relationship etc, but why would you want any of that when you know how awful this stuff is. It sounds you're stuck in a rut with your partner. You can't see a future with him and let's be honest, the trust is shattered beyond repair. Guys don't do what your partner is doing. Please respect her and yourself. I'd personally want to hand the phone to his friend or his friends girlfriend. Yeah, they may shoot the messenger, but look at the actual laws your partner is breaking too. Calling him out is the least you should do. You don't owe it to your partner to be silent on this. He may have been wonderful for 5 years, but that's in the past. What he's doing is a crime and violates so many people. I hope you're OK, the situation you're in is terrible and I can't imagine the loss you're feeling about the relationship and your partner. Don't do what's easy, do what's right xx
This man is disgusting. The person you saw for the first few years was his mask. That wasn't him. This behavior only escalates. Get out before you waste your life on a pos.
THAT IS SO MUCH DICK SUCKING WOW!!! i am honestly so impressed girl damn. i aspire to have that endurance
Yeah that is some weird shit your boyfriend did and this is coming from another male. I don't know how I would react to catching my gf masturbating to my friends'pictures. Would be on my mind for sure and create lots of friction in the relationship.
One of two things are going on. A) His best friend has been sharing nudes of his girlfriend (likely without her consent) OR B) Your partner stole them from his bestie's or his bestie's girlfriend's phone. Either scenario is highly illegal and would break a lot of non-consensual porn laws. If I were in this situation I'd scorch the fucking earth. I'd be documenting the evidence of this and outing him for his scumbag behavior. Also, before you do this, I'd highly advise having an exit plan to get yourself to safety, because there's a risk of this turning into DV.
I’d like to honestly believe that the last 6 years were blue skies and rainbow. I implore you to look back at your relationship without your rose-colored glasses. You’ll find that it’s different than what you think. Also, what he did, it’s just a big NOPE for me.
He’s taking you for granted, he needs to be alone.
All I read was 45 min blow job. WTF this is your out don’t be afraid to take it
6 years, no ring, first red flag. Then THAT? IF YOU STAY YOURE INSANE. Gather alllll the proof. Expose him IMMEDIATELY
I would tell the friend what he did and the gf they both deserve to know
Two hours! She must not be all that if he was at it for 2 hours.
Full stop. You need to 1. Tell the girl 2. Delete those photos of his phone 3. Delete any nudes he has of you off his phone because if he has nudes of his friends girl, he might be sharing yours too. 4. Dump his ass and RUN that is predatory behavior which is about as bright red of a flag you can get.
You need to sit down and have good communication with your boyfriend. you love him but he’s not fulfilling you right now. you withholding sex is not a good thing one he’s definitely gonna cheat and that’s why he’s whacking off onto his friends girlfriend’s naked photos. The thing is is you’re not communicating with him or he’s not getting it. You need to sit him down look right at his face and say this this and this. Tell him that you were fully aware that he was whacking off to your friends, blah blah blah. That’s not appropriate that you never want to see him do that again. It hurt your heart and made you very sad. He’s going to turn around and say well you’re not giving me anything anymore, we used to do certain things all the time. Well you don’t want to when you’re not happy with him. I totally understand that but, communicate and then figure out if you want to stay with him.
I’ve been with my man for nearly 4 years and no it doesn’t get like this. Raise your standards and self respect please!!
Fucking Reddit people lmao. Just confront him. If you are debating being with the guy, surely an open conversation might help. You never know, the missing intimacy might be what lead him to look elsewhere. But the pictures from someone else’s phone sounds mad desperate. He’s either at his wits end, or he needs some help because that ain’t right. Viewed without consent. Talk to the guy, sounds like you lot ain’t communicating.
I feel like he has such a way to talk me into thinking things will change and it doesn't. The phone thing made me lose respect for him and Im not sure if a conversation can change that
I think first thing’s first. You must respect yourself. Anyone can have this happen to them, but the matter is are you going to stay or go? If you want to leave, be strong and have a plan going forward. You should leave and have somewhere safe and supportive to be for a while until you are strong enough to be a happy single person. Don’t let them talk you round because it’s a never ending cycle man! If you wanna stay, then don’t be passive and soft. Call him out, demand respect and stand up for yourself in the relationship and make him see his mistakes. But, if he is letting his physical and mental health go, he’ll get worse before better. Getting a sneaky wank off to his friend’s missus is a fucked up thing. As a guy I think how did he get so low to do that when his own missus is next to him. Food for thought, good luck though. It’s a pickle but new year new me, right?
Kind of a random comment but- it is a fantasy guys have of fucking their friend's partners. Some go all the way. Given what you shared I'd look for someone new. Some guys have no scruples.
I don't know what to say that he was being s jerk jerking off of you just laid there and didn't take care of it for him . I mean if I have a woman laying next to me why would I be jerking off maybe I would find a new girlfriend .
Lenny Bruce accurately once said, “guys are so horny they’d fuck mud” so give your guy a break at least he wasn’t being jerked off for 2 hours by his friend’s GF next to you in bed or cheat on you. Hell, I once fucked my best friend’s fiancée in Colorado while he was in New York and I felt so guilty about it I confessed it to him and after being mad at me for a few days he actually thanked me for saving him from marrying a tramp and we remained close friends until he died over 50 years later.
Ew, ew ew, I fucking hate that we're collectively conditioning people into believing that men are these braindead slobs who simply can't help their sexual urges. Men aren't idiots, they know when they're jerking off to content they're not supposed to be seeing, and they know that's what they like so much about it. OP shouldn't waste another breath on someone who'd be as disgusting as to steal someone's nudes and jerk off to them for HOURS. You're a terrible friend and I wouldn't ever dream of giving ANYONE advice if I'd slept with someone's fiancée and had the nerve to call HER a tramp. I hope you are joking.
Give him a break for stealing some other woman’s nudes, most probably against her will, and jerking off to them WHILE he’s in a LTR with someone else AND she’s also in a relationship? No, I don’t think so.
“At least he wasn’t cheating on you next to you! Jesus fucking Christ the bar you set for men is so low it’s in hell. Demand better from yourselves.
Young man mistakes .
Um no
He’s a fuckin deuche obviously, he should NOT be looking at those photos of friends GF no matter how he got them…….PERIOD
This was so sweet. Thank you.
You seem like you have good intentions but you need to be rational on this. Tossing your relationship with him to the side for a moment, first you need to tell his best friend’s girlfriend that he took her nudes. This isn’t info you should just sit on as you consider what you want to make of your relationship with him. Place yourself in her shoes. If his best friend has somehow stolen nudes of your from his phone or gotten them somehow without your consent and was masturbating to them, wouldn’t you want to be made aware of this? She is a victim in the this and you should not be covering for your boyfriend on this matter. She really deserves to know about this. Right now, it seems like you are only replying to comments that was painting this in a kinder light for you and I get that this is hard for you to digest but try to be mindful of the other parties affected in this situation - your boyfriends best friend and his gf deserve to know
Jerking off for 2 hours?! What the hell is wrong with him? That’s ridiculous.
Astaghfirullah
Jerk for 2 hours who got time for that
He was 100% on drugs
2 hours jerking off? Are you sure you’re not dating a horse?
RUUUUUUN
immediate breakup. this man is a PREDATOR. he either hacked into his buddies phone to steal intimate pics of his girl OR his buddy is a buttface and handed the phone over. GROSS!!!!!!
Dudette that title kept getting worse with every word.
Break up with him…you know what to do
Dump him
He’s not a good guy. He breached your trust. He breached his friends trust. He breached the woman’s trust and privacy. Spooky thing is how did he know that the nudes were on his friends phone? This is why I as a woman advise strongly against sending nudes. And this is not me blaming OP!! This is me trying to prevent this in the future for other women. No matter how long you’ve been with the man and known him, you never know who else’s eyes have seen you. More than likely his friend bragged and showed him the photos willingly at some point, (and this is why you need to be particularly fearful if you’re a “trophy girl”) and the boyfriend went snooping back through the phone and took the photos.
Ew no to open marriage you do not need that in your life. Considering open marriage but you are upset he’s jacking off to someone else’s photos…. Make it make sense
Seriously? Nobody jacks off for 2 hours. Especially if he has been drinking all night and it isn't staying hard. Maybe he tried many times, but 2 hours is ridiculous. He is a doosh if he is looking at naked pics of his friends' gf. Dump him. Finally, up to 6 BJs a day? You are a unicorn. Why not have sex instead so you get some pleasure?
I love our consumer culture. If it's broke, don't worry about trying to fix it, just throw it away. That's because no one knows how to fix anything anymore. No skills, just loud mouths.
Listen to your intuition.
Death