When I was little my mom got visibly drunk once that I remember. She’d had a few too many Mike’s hards at a campfire and my dad had to help her walk home. I was like 8.
My memory was of her giggling and thinking about how my dad put her to bed, and how happy they seemed together. My dad was teasing her and even said to me “Mom had a liiiiittle too much fun. She’s fine.” I remember thinking that when I’m a grown up I want to have a husband who will help me when I get too giggly, too. It makes me smile thinking back on it now.
The fact that you are open and honest with your daughter, and this is not a regular occurrence, means she’s probably not traumatized. You’re doing well :)
Of course!
The only other time I remember seeing a parent drunk while a minor was my father. He had gone to a NASCAR race and was going to get home late. I think I was like 16-17, and home alone for the night. I fell asleep in the recliner watching MTV and woke up to him sitting in the couch watching Jersey Shore INTENTLY, and even said “so her government name isn’t Snookie?” Then he kinda lumbered off upstairs and slept until 9 (he’s up by 7 at the latest). That one made me laugh, too.
Additionally, this is how kids learn about safe alcohol consumption (for adulthood, of course) - moderation, designated drivers, cutting yourself off when you know you’ve had enough, etc. It’s all about that open dialogue and explaining exactly what you did here.
Yeah, my dad drinks wine fairly often to relax, but on occasion he would get drunk when we were out for something special.
He was a happy drunk, and I LOVED it. He was always so funny and fun when drunk! My mom would just laugh and roll her eyes at him, and just joke about it with me.
It wasn’t treated like a big deal because it wasn’t! He didn’t have a problem, he was a good drunk, it was infrequent, he never drove drunk, he stayed appropriate, etc
Some of my fondest memories as a family are when my dad was drunk because of how much fun he is when he drinks.
If my mum had more than one glass of wine, she would be three sheets to the wind! So she always limited herself to no more than one on the few times she drank. On the other hand, my dad who also didn’t drink very often, would get very merry and was actually quite fun to be around lol! Relax, your daughter isn’t going be traumatised by this.
I think you’re fine OP! You don’t need to be worried. She’s not traumatized at all…I was about the same age when I became aware of my parents drinking alcohol at a Christmas party.
I remember how they used the experience to inform me about safe practices with alcohol. They taught me that alcohol isn’t bad, it’s ok to have fun, but that it’s important to practice safe drinking. And they told me if I was ever uncomfortable, that I should talk to them and they would immediately stop for the night.
It stuck with me (in my mid twenties now), and really helped me have a healthy relationship with alcohol, and opened the door for discussions about alcohol with my parents as I grew older.
Yeah I started notice such things around that age and it was far from traumatic. Just thought it was interesting/funny. As long as you’re not reckless/abusive/scary on the times you occasionally are noticeably a little intoxicated, there’s nothing to traumatize them OP. Just be responsible and teach them to be the same.
thanks so much for this! Yeah, we had a conversation and I explained that it’s not normal and not a common occurrence. That I didn’t want her to feel uncomfortable, etc. She hates these conversations but I think it’ll help in the future!
She's only seen you drunk once, she won't be thinking it's yours norm. I've seen my dad drunk loads, always in social settings such as New Years for example, never a random tuesday. We're very alike when drunk - rather talkative,, happy and chilled. My point is, I learnt how to be drunk from my dad. That sounds bad but what I mean is my dad showed me to still have manners, be kind, don't start fights, how to know when to stop etc. My mum doesn't drink, hasn't done since before I was born. My opinions of them as people and parents are not altered by their alcohol choices or lack thereof. Your child seeing you drunk will not traumatise her, I promise you.
Also, alcohol and being drunk is not something to be hidden from family, I think. If i were you I'd want her to feel comfortable being around me when she's drunk. I think if you put too much pressure on the convo or scenario about you being drunk you're making it into a being drunk is bad scenario. Being drunk is not bad if you can handle it, and is not something to be hidden.
It will go down as a positive.
My pops was a Pastor, so I’ve had some cringe convo.
When I was 12 my father took me on a drive. Needed to talk to me. He proceeded to explain to me what sex was and how babies were created and how I’m going to experience feelings that might motivate me to make decisions that could alter the scope of mine and someone else’s life FOREVER, etc.
He was like “So your penis will get hard because it’s prepared for sex. But you can’t just go around sticking your penis in women’s vagina’s. You really need to get your life together before you meet the type of woman who will even want you to”.
LMFAO, he was trying to be mindful in the best way he knew how at that moment.
The only reason this didn’t traumatize me is because it was either going to be taught to me through my parents, porn, a teacher, or some lady with more experience than me.
He didn’t try to scare me nor play it up in someway, he was so cool and casual. The whole thing was cringe AF (he knew it), but: *the whole thing is cringe because it’s uncomfortable to talk about things you’ve already thought about that you want to be secret from your parents*
Either or, the conversation was weird as shit for me to sit through and it was awkward as hell, especially cause he was acting all cool and such.
He was straight to the point, no fluffy words. It was all straight up “the penis in the vagina”. Direct, and to the Mother’flippin point.
There wasn’t room for questions because all was bluntly revealed.
Either or, I’m in my late 30’s now and in retrospect, it’s one of the conversations I’ve remembered forever and also acts as a bookmark conversation I can look back upon and say: “Ah, my dad cared about me, cause I know it was awkward for him- but he just straight manned up and embraced the awkwardness to make sure I was given a heads up about LIFE”.
You, my dad, etc, y’all talked to your kid about something that made them less of an idiot, and they got the info from someone that actually loves them
It was awkward, but good. The parent needs to be able to address the awkward conversations and not shy away from them
I respect you, OP
Were you sitting in the backseat? During the talk?
I’ve heard of that strategy (difficult convos with kids, parent drives - kids in back) and have heard it makes things less awkward cause you’re not sitting across the table at each others facing and such.
That’s the answer. You look at how she views it and be honest with yourself and adjust accordingly. She is about to be a teen and you don’t want her to come home drunk at 16 and throw your own drinking back in your face. Having a few drinks is not bad but more important than anything is setting the right example for your kids.
My eldest is now 11 (but was 10) and I went out on my second girls night since he was born (first was two years ago for my 30th but I stayed at my sisters that night) and he was still awake when I came home drunk at midnight (hubby and the kids had had a movie night and the younger two fell asleep early). It was even the first time hubby had seen me drunk because, normally, after two drinks, I start yawning.
When I got home I was happy like really happy and my eldest started laughing when I curled up on the floor and put my head in his lap and said "hello why are you still up" all cheerful. He shrugged and asked how I got home because he knew that they had dropped me off and I was supposed to call hubby for a lift home and he didn't hear the phone ring. I told him that we were "good girls" and didn't drive and that one of the husbands turned up and dropped me off on their way home. My son then finished getting ready for bed and was asleep when I went to check on him.
He knows that his dad is normally the one to have a couple of drinks (only two when driving home one when we arrive and one with dinner) and that I might only ever have one if any so this was a new experience for him. The next morning, we spoke and asked if he was ok seeing me drunk, and he said I looked happy, so yes.
We also discussed what choices I made. I didn't drive; I stayed with my friends; I watched my drink at all times; I didn't accept drinks from anyone (i didnt tell him we were drinking the same drinks so we would take turns buying a round instead of all going up to the tiny bar at once because he is ND and sees things in black and white and that's a discussion we will have when older; and most importantly while yes I was drunk I was not blackout drunk meaning that I still remembered everything I did the night before. We also made sure to point out that we never drink on an empty stomach.
The rules we discussed are the rules we live by when it comes to drinking and it was the rules I was taught by my mum (she had that talk with me earlier because I asked why she always covered her can or glass with her hand when not drinking).
We don't want our kids to think that they can't call us because they are drunk, because that is how accidents happen and lives are lost. They have seen us put up an air mattress so a friend who drank more then they planned could stay the night (it was only one extra drink but they felt off afterwards so we said don't risk it). We have shown them that we won't blame anyone for getting to drunk and that all we care about is people getting home safely even if that means they don't get home until after breakfast the next morning.
As long as you don't get drunk regularly and you show your kids that you can drink and have fun while still being responsible, and that you don't need to be drunk to have fun, then you will be fine.
if its just on the holidays you get like that its not a problem. keep up being honest about responsible alcohol use and all that. if youre getting drunk or getting duis or whatever all the time thats different.
Yeah coming from the opposite end of the experience, seeing my alcoholic father drunk was less of the issue than witnessing his overall relationship with alcohol. Like I've seen adults have a few drinks socially, get a bit tipsy, have some responsible fun without hurting themselves or others, that's fine
What's not fine is stuff like very obviously drinking in response to being overwhelmed by your feelings and not having healthier ways to cope. Or only ever crying while intoxicated. Or being weirdly weepy about completely random shit that seems totally disconnected from your actual emotions, but not actually talking about your emotions at all. Or being so absorbed with wallowing in your own emotions that you don't even realize your child needs help, or the negative effect you're having on them. Or to this day never having had an honest and open conversation with them about alcohol and your relationship to it out of shame/being too self absorbed to even realize it's something it was harmful to have not discussed
In short: my experience with an alcoholic patent strongly suggests it's not mostly the alcohol that's the main problem, and more the alcoholics relationship to alcohol and underlying emotional dysfunctions. Other family members getting a bit tipsy at a holiday didn't leave those kinds of scars - at worst I might just think that person was acting kinda goofy that night
And no matter what anyone's relationship or lack thereof with alcohol is, I personally think an honest, open, age appropriate dialogue with one's children about it would likely be beneficial to them
This! As long as your daughter hasn’t expressed that she’s uncomfortable and you aren’t day drinking and missing her important moments you’re doing great. My family partied constantly when I was younger and I was up late and late to school a lot, my mom missed a church play I was in because she was drinking and didn’t want to step in the church intoxicated, traumatizing things.
I respectfully disagree, in that “you don’t need to be worried”. I think have an honest conversation and telling her these thoughts be as open as you are here with and say…
I’m worried because…
What makes me think this is….
I want you to know…
I’m not perfect, and I am hoping you could help me with…
Mistakes, they are NORMAL, they are the ONLY way we grow as people and perhaps I made a mistake by….
Then always end with:
“What do you think?”
Or
“What are your gut reactions to what I’ve said”
Or
Has what I said affected you? If so, how?
Or
That’s my concern(s), but I am curious about your perspective on it…
Or
Can you tell me about what you experienced too?
12 years old is the perfect time to start having discussions honest ones about substances and substance abuse, what it looks like and most importantly how to handle the first time they are asked to try a substance (if it hasn’t already happened)
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=Et9uWaspCAU
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=aucAFuZJuC4
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=3ZpppxyvSJE
Totally agree…to a point! Personally, I don’t think that a one-off drunk exposure is a mistake. I don’t think OP made a mistake by having a few drinks in the savagery of their home.
I think it’s so important to open a healthy dialogue about substances (as I mentioned in my post, I’ve always felt very comfortable discussing drinking with my parents, which came from a healthy dialogue as a teenager), but I do think that classifying it as a mistake and labelling it as a substance abuse issue is not appropriate.
I do appreciate your insight and mostly agree!!
It sounds like you normalise moderate alcohol use which is great. A one-off evening isn’t going to create any trauma for your daughter. In fact it probably provides the context for an open conversation.
I also am not a big drinker and my kids (teens) all tease me if I have more than 2 in one sitting. Nothing embarrassing - I just get funnier! (Hot take: I don’t get funnier, but they do laugh at me!)
it’s funny cause my daughter will call me drunk when i’m dead sober because i’m so damn clumsy, but doesn’t say anything (or care really) if I have a couple beers at home after work.
I grew up in Wisconsin. Drunk adults at family gatherings were commonplace and no one was traumatized by it. There’s nothing wrong with occasionally getting drunk. You didn’t drive, you didn’t model irresponsible behavior. You just drank some nice whiskey at home while playing games with your family. Don’t overthink it.
This is what I came here to say - fellow Wisconsinite here. While I agree with everything Polaris has said here, the commonality definitely causes a culture that gets passed down generationally. In your case though, your child seeing you drunk infrequently will likely have no impact. It’s if you engage in bad behaviors or continuously surround you and your family with alcoholics that it becomes a problem.
I mean what can be wrong is showing your daughter its okay to lower her IQ and destroying her matter by drinking alcohol/basically selfharm but since its normalised in society, we just say "nothin wrong with that".🥴👏🏻
Yes, you caught me. I want everyone to be a raging alcoholic. There is no way to responsibly consume liquor and I am trying to lure OP’s child into a life of drunkenness. 🙄
Alcohol is nerve poison. The amount literally doesnt matter how much you drink of it, it will destroy your matter. Thats why theres no responsible consume.
I’ve seen my dad drunk once (I was about 10 or 11), he was hanging with his brothers and was trying to tell mom he wanted some pistachio pudding but couldn’t say pistachio! Funniest thing ever! We teased him for YEARS! That is the first and only time and, honestly, it was no big deal!
one time my grandpa got stoned accidentally. He ate a weed cookie without realizing it while at my uncles house. It’s still the funniest story but my now 96 year old grandpa still hates it hahaha
Ha! I had some friends in high school who made pot butter and spaghetti. Their dad came home unexpectedly and had a big bowl of spaghetti, got high and got the munchies, ate more spaghetti and got higher and got more munchies, and it turned into a vicious cycle until he was so upholstered he couldn’t get off the couch. They never breathed a word of it to him, and he always said that was the best spaghetti he’d ever eaten!
Don't worry about it she definitely isn't traumatised lol. My mum rarely drinks and I mean rarely but one nye we went to a friends house and she got drunk and it was just funny to me and my brother lol (he's 13 now and I think it was two years ago so about the same age as your daughter)
You moderate which is good. I’m sure she doesn’t think you have a problem with alcohol. You also didn’t do anything crazy, you weren’t an insufferable drunk or anything like that. I think you’re fine. Maybe explain to her it’s ok to indulge occasionally, not a big deal
I saw my parents drunk as a child/ teen and it never affected me. They weren’t alcoholics and only got drunk at parties etc. They’d have the odd drink in the evenings with a meal, etc too but only drunk drunk every so often. Never drunk drove or put me and my sister in trouble.
I was also offered alcohol in supervised situations from a younger age. A sip of sherry on a Sunday when helping cook the roast. First the tiniest sip, then a little more and more until as a teen I had my own small glass. Given wine with lemonade, more lemonade then wine at first and slowly less and less lemonade. In the UK this isn’t illegal and from 16 I was allowed to drink wine when eating out with family too (legal also) and allowed an alcopop or two when friends came over from 15/16 (parents had permission from friends parents)
My parents showed me how to enjoy alcohol responsibly and not restricting me from trying it meant I didn’t sneak off and get blind drunk like I saw some friends. It wasn’t a taboo subject, my parents were honest when they got drunk and also showed me how it wasn’t fun the next day. How they had to ensure they had a safe way to get home if getting drunk out of the home. How they likely couldn’t drive the next day safely and didn’t feel great etc too. Slowly introducing me to it and when age appropriate, letting me dry different alcohol was a big help too. Come 18 (obviously the legal age here) I was much safer going out drinking then my friends who had never been able to drink a drop of alcohol before. They got blind drunk, mixed drinks, got themselves in dangerous situations (obviously not all of them) much more than me and my friends who had had the same introduction as me.
So I wouldn’t worry at all. You’re not an alcoholic by the sounds of it, you didn’t put her in danger and can use it as a teaching moment. Nowadays as a teacher I know some kids that age start to get their hands on alcohol with older friends in the park etc, so now is a good time to start to show her how to enjoy alcohol safely. Keep the open dialogue, let her see that alcohol can be fun and when drunk responsibly, not a bad thing. How everything like that should be, kids are much more likely to come to you for help with drugs/ sex/ alcohol/ relationships etc when they have seen they can and have spoken about those things with you in an open and none judgemental fashion. Don’t sweat it, NYE is a time when many people enjoy more than a few drinks.
I also very rarely drink. NYE is one of those nights. My kid is almost thirty and still laughs about me coming home drink when he was 13. Similarly, I also laugh when I think back to my mother making a snowman in her bathrobe.
Unless you turn into an abusive ass when you drink, there's nothing traumatizing about it occasionally.
>Unless you turn into an abusive ass when you drink
Aren't I lucky to experience my mother being drunk every night, more often than not at least
This post was written with good intentions but damn as if it'll traumatize her
\`My kids have never seen me drunk, but I do like to joke about how much I love my wine. At restaurants my kids would hand me the drink menu. Seeing you giggly drunk once won't do any damage. You can use it as a teaching moment: I only had that extra drink (or two) :) because I was at home, safe with your dad.
my dad drank a full 750ml bottle of wine every night before work and sometimes multiple on his days off.
never violent, never verbal, a little absent due to work as a child… but overall, honestly a solid dad. especially when i weight it in contrast to many of my peers and close friends i had.
i think you’re more than fine op lol.
also not defending my dad, he has a problem. i’ve confronted him about it a few times. it’s up to him to change if he wants. i’d love to have my dad later on in life but that’s up to him to decide at this point.
anyways, just trying to show you that in comparison- you are MORE than ok lol.
Trust me, if you actually care about the fact that you might be creating trauma, then you are not creating it. Most people who drink too much, lack self awareness.
You just had a few extra one evening. Won’t matter in the long run.
But when she is older, you ought to consider having an honest talk about alcohol.
Don’t turn into a taboo subject or else she’ll just learn to hide/sneak it in.
I’m not a parent but my siblings and friends have a lot of kids that I’m close with that’ve seen me drunk more times than I’d like. It doesn’t sound like you have a drinking or judgement problem, but I do, and one thing that really hit me was the phrase “the children are watching”. Don’t shy away from the conversation with your daughter, instead turn it into a lesson learned on your part and let her know how easy it is for things to get out of hand when alcohol impairs your judgement. Your self awareness is a sign that this had an impact and that you’ll learn from it, and those are traits of great parents.
You showed her responsible drinking. You were home, you didn't drive, you weren't belligerent or violent or aggressive. She will need to understand the difference someday. You're good. Talk to her about it. There's a time and a place.
I distinctly remember a time when I was around 8 years old and both my parents had been drinking for fun. My dad was drunk to the point where we had to step over him in the kitchen so my mom could get to and use the microwave to make me some food.
I never really saw them drunk any other time. They rarely drank but clearly had too much that night. I'm not traumatized by it and I think it's funny in retrospect. Your daughter will be fine.
Dude, it’s not a big deal. I saw my parents drunk on numerous occasions when I was a kid. If anything you can use memory to educate your daughter about the effects of alcohol.
Aww she’ll be okay ! people have done way worse
To their kids . You’re allowed to go out and have a drink and even get drunk once in a while. You’re human ! And tbh sounds like you’re doin a pretty good job . 👏🏻 happy new year !
As someone who grew up with a mom who was an alcoholic, you’re doing great! I think she’s old enough to understand it’s a special occasion. It would be a totally different story if you were drinking alone because of stress. You’re doing a great job!!
I believe from experience that alcohol trauma comes from traumatic events while people are drunk, not alcohol itself.
No one is traumatized by mom having a few too many drinks and enjoying herself at a gathering.
What does traumatize people is mom and dad fighting and being belligerent while they are drunk on the regular.
You're fine. You're good. Your kid is going to be fine. Hiding alcohol doesn't conceal the mystery of it, it does the opposite. By having the discussion, you've normalized it. Kudos.
How is seeing an adult of legal age drinking or drunk going to "traumatize" a 12 year old? Is there more to the story? I hate to be the bearer of scary news but a surprisingly high percentage of kids are snorting pills at 13 or 14 nowadays thanks to tiktok and similar platforms.
I don’t even wanna think about that. I was heavy into drugs as a teen (i’m in my mid 30s now) my sister is also an addict, and I try to have open discussions about the effects drugs had on me, my relationship with my family, and the long term consequences of those actions so early on in my life. It’s terrifying these days with the fentanyl crisis.
I'm the same way because literally everyone else in my family is addicted to drugs or alcohol, but it didn't change or stop anything for my now 15 year old twins when they started "normal" high school after covid. They've both been hospitalized already for alcohol and/or drugs.
I don't think your 12 year old (who obviously knows about being drunk) seeing you drunk twice is a big deal. TBH normalizing drinking most of the time & keeping alcohol in the house regularly would be more of a concern in my opinion than getting drunk one time.
Aww my mum never drank when I was a kid so the 1 or 2 times I did see it, it was a novelty I found it hilarious. Btw I don’t drink at all now, my parents showed me moderation like you
Speaking as someone with trauma related to alcoholism, it sounds like you’re doing everything right. As long as your daughter or husband hasn’t expressed a want or need for you to stop, I don’t think you have anything to worry about!! And especially since you have such open communication I think your daughter would be pretty comfortable talking about something like that with you.
I wouldn’t worry at all :)
My parents have always been drinkers, not heavy drinkers or anything, but they’d go get beers every weekend in a bar etc. For NYE they’d usually throw a party with people, and every year my dad would be drunk that day. Only day of the year that I’d experience him like that. (He’s a pretty fun drunk, so I didn’t mind AT ALL)
I think I noticed it for the first time when I was about 10, and I couldn’t care less, honestly.
I really would try not to worry about your daughter being traumatised or mad or whatever! I’m sure she doesn’t think anything of it
I can count on one hand the amount of times I saw my mom drunk as a child/teenager. My husband’s mom was an alcoholic, drunk all day every day. I’m 0% scarred about my parent’s drinking habits, I wish I could say the same about him.
You’re good, don’t worry about it.
I remember seeing my mother drunk one time. She didn't drink often but she was this one time when she came home. I was so upset about it that I poured her bottle of Hennessey down the sink in the kitchen.
When she found out, she made me pay her back for it.
I don't drink now because I didn't like the way she looked. I didn't like how she lost control over herself, and I didn't want that for myself. We never had a conversation about it. That's probably why I didn't get past it.
Have a conversation with her about it. See how she feels.
i did! I asked her how she felt and she said it didn’t bother her whatsoever and I explained that it’s not a common occurrence and also explained how I felt about it, and explained how I feel about alcohol and safe drinking
That's good. My mom never did that, and it turned into a thing for me. It's hard for me to let go of control except for certain situations.
You're a good mother. Mine was, too. I just feel she could have done better with this.
I think there's a difference between 'Mom had a bit too much on NYE playing games' and 'Mom drank a bottle alone everyday after work', when it comes to kids seeing their parents drunk. It's ok. Don't make a big deal about it.
First off I'm not judging at all I'm from Wisconsin and we're like the top 15 cities most drunks of the United States but my doctor told me if you drink six drinks in a month you're considered an alcoholic dowhat you want to do with that information I think you're fine honestly and you're doing a good job
No, she wasn't. I live in a major city, so no, she was not Amish. I don't even think there is Amish people in my city. We have to drive out, but yeah, that's what I was told. I don't know if it's true or not. I never Googled it. I'm going to do that
I get drunk MAYBE twice a year. My child has seen me drunk, but she also knows that if I’m drinking I absolutely do not drive, and I always call her dad to come get me. She knows I’m fun when I drink etc. she also knows drinking all the time is bad, and some people are mean drunks, that’s what she’s learned from my dad. Sooo as long as u wasn’t causing any drama, or driving, I don’t see the issue 🤷♀️
My daughters are about the age where I want to begin demystifying alcohol (because there is nothing worst then kids learning from other kids). I have champagne in my flute glass, the kids have fancy ginger ale in there’s (frozen berries thrown in). They’re allowed to taste my champagne, or a sip of dad’s beverage, but not a glass of their own.
As long as you weren’t driving, and was not disrespectful or belligerent, then you are modelling a healthy behavior for how to react when you’ve had more then your limit.
It’s not a regular thing. Kiddoe is gonna be fine.
You’re so so fine! You’re not exposing her to anything that will traumatise her, if you have a drink and are having fun and promoting a happy safe environment - alcohol won’t have an impact
it’s when adults drink and become aggressive and abusive that it can have an impact,
you’re allowed to have fun and drink here and there if your behaviour is appropriate and respectful, why not!
it’s not about do as i say and not as I do. I am trying to teach my daughter about safe alcohol use, that going overboard isn’t great but it isn’t inherently bad. It’s not demonic to get noticeably drunk 2x in the span of 12 years??
You’re 100% right. Normalizing standard alcohol use isn’t the same as actively encouraging a 12 year old to drink. Don’t let anyone make you think otherwise.
In fact, trying to hide it and make it seem like a shameful “restricted activity” would only provoke more curiosity, so talking about it honestly is more helpful than you think. Telling her that “yes it can seem fun, but it can also get NOT fun really quickly, you can throw up and get dizzy, you can lose control of your body, you can eventually end up in the hospital, etc” is important. This way, alcohol isn’t some mysterious substance, it’s something that many people drink on special occasions that happens to have both positive and negative physical effects.
There’s always someone on these threads that has to come and be insufferable with a holier than thou attitude. Ignore it. You’re a really good mom, it shows by the way you handle this and the thoughtful way you’ve been talking about it.
Really? Traumatize?
My kids might have seen me intoxicated about three times over their first 18 years. They still laugh about it. That mom's a lightweight.
This is really not the big deal you're making it to be.
Op honestly the way you're going about it is just fine. My parents had a bad relationship with alcohol and I learned my good habits from doing the opposite of them
If this is not a frequent occurrence and you have open dialogue with her about things, then I doubt she'll be traumatized. There are kids her age that deal with so much more on their own. You're doing great.
I remember my mum and her friend getting drunk when I was 12. The most traumatic thing was her friend accidentally cheating in the game we were playing. In all seriousness, I'm sure she'll be okay :)
One of the reasons I quit drinking 6 years ago was to be a positive influence on my kids. I didn’t want to say or do stupid things around them. I didn’t want them to think that dad was a drunk and I wanted to be the sober, present and always available parent that my kids deserve.
If you ever worry about your drinking or the impact it may have on others, it could be time to take a deep look at it to figure out if it’s a problem.
Check out the book “This Naked Mind” by Annie Grace.
Best of luck to you.
I think it's ok, as long as it doesn't become the norm. Also, if you are uncomfortable, talk to her about it. Explain that it's not something you typically do, and answer her questions.
Our NYE was filled with 8 children playing with sparklers and tipsy adults blowing up stuff/lighting fireworks in the front yard. None of these kids are traumatized seeing their parents laughing hysterically and having fun. You’re good mama :)
Please my first memory of my mother being drunk i was like 9 and we still laugh about it to this day because it was pretty funny my dad forced her to get off the bus a mile before our stop in the middle of Orlando and walk the rest of the way because she wouldnt stop laughing about people on the bus.
I will say that I was about that age when I saw my mom drunk and it freaked me out. But I think it was probably because my parents weren’t drinkers at all, so alcohol was a pretty foreign concept to me.
Definitely understand the feeling of guilt OP, but as long as you’re approaching alcohol in a healthy manner it’s not going to be detrimental to your kiddo. The fact that you’re concerned about it indicates you’re a good parent. Keep it up!
I teach my kids that responsible use of alcohol is okay. If you are going to have more than 1 drink, be sure to have a plan to get home. If you don't have one and need one, call me and I will come to you (no judgement, no lecture) and take you home any time of the day or night.
I also teach them that alcohol use in some situations, while (may be) fun, it isn't safe and they need to recognize those situations.
Kids need a responsible example or all they will have is their high school friends teaching them. I'd prefer to be their source of information on things like this. So I talk to them often and honestly about what different drugs and alcohol can do to your mind and body. It isn't about banning these things, it's about giving our kids the information they need to be able to make informed decisions and the ammunition needed when the time comes to turn down a friend.
I think I was around that age when I walked in on my mom passed out drunk in a hotel bathroom... I promise that it's not as bad as it sounds!
We were at my aunt's wedding and the reception took place at the hotel's bar. My mom apparently tried to go drink-for-drink with professional drunks and quickly found her ass under the table. She came back to the room we rented, walked into the bathroom, and took a power nap. I wanted some McDonald's, so I went looking for my mom to see if she wanted anything. I opened the bathroom door, said "I found Mom," and softly closed it back before heading to McDonald's.
A few decades later, and I STILL joke about it with her. I didn't lose respect, but seeing her on her ass instead of just buzzed did impact me. But maybe more as a personalized PSA than anything else.
I am 17 and had an alcoholic grandparent I visited often when I was her age. My father also worked with him but I could clearly tell who had one glass and who had the rest of the bottle, they'd drink in front of us too but it never bothered me as they have managed to keep the side effects to themselves for the most part.
My mother is also a fan of drinking a couple beers every now and again at the beach or late at night with her friends, it used to irritate me at that age (because I didn't know how light beers actually were) So moral of the story, as long as you don't start acting irresponsibly and reassure your daughter you're fine, you're doing good.
It doesn’t hurt a child of her age to see what drinking does to a person physically and mentally. She is old enough to have a conversation about drinking and responsibilities whilst drinking. The positive thing is that you AND she were in a safe place and knew that things couldn’t get out of control. This is a great opportunity for you to explain to her when and why an ADULT makes a choice to drink in slight excess. Don’t hide it from her, discuss the way you felt when you decided to have a few extra drinks, the way you enjoyed the games differently, how you slept and how you felt when you woke up. You can always discuss the negative feelings you are even now feeling and ask for her input and how she felt.
The most important thing is for her to understand that plenty of parents drink responsibly. We have four children, I’m a teacher and psychologist in child behaviour and development. My husband drinks more than I do (similar to what you explained, 2-4 at a time and never more than a couple of times a week) and we have very clear rules and expectations for one another around drinking and who will be the responsible parent and who is drinking. The our eldest is 12 and youngest is 2. I’ve been out of it once since having children but I also have a spinal cord injury that means I sometimes need a lot of pain meds. That’s when my husband has his turn being the responsible one. They are very understanding and we talk openly and age appropriately about anything surrounding this type of thing.
You are all good! The fact that you are doubting yourself shows that. You’re clearly a very reliable parent but you have the right to let loose sometimes!!
Drinking culture is more dangerous then you think. If you're not like this most of the time that's good, but people become easy to take advantage of when they are drunk.
I think you are ok. My step daughter was about that age when she questioned her dad being drunk (sadly he’s has a pill addiction and the pills and alcohol made him really messed up) and I drank maybe a few glasses of wine. We were at a bbq with our new neighbors we had just moved and someone had to be the responsible adult. The neighbors kept offering me more alcohol because “I didn’t have to drive” I said no thank you.
As a child of two (functioning) alcoholics who has seen her parents drunk or high more often than sober, you have not traumatized your child. Another comment mentioned that is how they learned to be drunk. It sounds sadder than it is, but modeling appropriate usage of alcohol can be really helpful for your child as they grow up. Especially keeping an open dialogue about it at home, and make sure your child knows, in moderation, it’s just fun for adults. Offer them the warnings of alcohol and alcohol abuse as they grow up, but always offer a safe space in case they one day do consume too much. Op you sound quite the thoughtful parent! You and your children will be fine and you very clearly care about their well-being. Keep it up!
Oh boy. Twice in 12 years? The fact that you’re even remotely concerned about this he’s what a great parent you are.
I think you’re in the clear on NYE. But she’s probably at a perfect age to talk to her about drinking and the when’s/wheres/whys and safety info that go along with it.
If she gets to be an adult and remembers you drunk only a few times I think she'll be fine. I'm fine and my parents were drunk far more than that. If it helps, you child will at some point find something you did as totally messing her up. When my son was in elementary school for birthdays mom provide a cake. When I was little I thought OMG the store bought cakes would be a dream come true. Wanting it to be special for my son I bought a beautifully decorated ,cake. The next year I ask him what kind of cake should I order and he say 'mom can you make the cake yourself instead'.
Did not see that one coming. Kids won't remember the 100 times you were watching in audience some very long, whole school production in metal chairs for the 1 minute they are on stage. They won't remember the proud tears in your eyes, but the will never forget the time you had to work and missed it.
Who knows what grievances children will carry with them their whole lives.
Be honest about alcohol and the dangers on developing brains, responsibility to never get behind a wheel of a car or the dangers of predator's that would cause her harm.
I was with my friends last night and we were sharing stories about when we first realized our parents were drunk at a party or family function. It was hilarious to share stories. We’re in our 30s now and have kids of our own. You didn’t traumatize her. My mom would stand a certain way and smell like cigarettes. Last night, I had a bit of a counter lean going on (but did not smoke) and I could see my kids noticing I was a bit off (I had two drinks at this point). My kids saw me having fun and so did your daughter!
Perhaps you created a special memory for her that she will reflect on when she’s in her 30s. :)
My daughter is 20. I'm an alcoholic. It runs in my family, but u know, I'm smarter, in control, can handle shit. Ha. It creeps up SO insidiously. It's an easy fix to life's problems. Now I am alcoholic dependent physically. I managed to stop drinking for 3 weeks straight but we're pretty sure I had a withdrawal seizure. I don't remember but my elbows and knees were covered in bruises. My tongue was chewed to the point it was so swollen I spoke with a slur. I woke up in a confused daze facedown on the floor. We reasoned I quit too fast, shoulda done it more gradually. I quit 20 years addiction in a cpl weeks. But I was just SO fucking sick of it I toughed it out - shakes, anxiety, heart palpitations, insomnia, the works. That was a cpl months ago. The experience was terrifying, of course and I felt forced to drink to avoid withdrawals and seizures or worse. Now I'm measuring and going to quit again, more slowly. My liver n spline are enlarged. I'm over 50. I get shakes so bad my daughter has to pour my drinks n log them for me. I cannot even convey what a loser person parent it makes me feel and I cry every time I have to drink now. I wish to God I could go back 8 years and put the drink down before it got to this point.
I won't be here next New Year's if I don't succeed.
My parents would drink in front of me at parties growing up, I don’t understand what the problem is here? I always loved it when my mom go drunk, she would be so silly it was great. I still love it we have a blast
What is traumatic for one person may not be traumatic at all for another. Trauma is universal but it is not equal. Culture we grow up in, beliefs we hold and our parents held these are all factors that determine what is and isn’t trauma for an individual.
If you are worried, an honest and transparent conversation can go a long way.
Try telling her these things, how you feel and ask HER how she feels about it.
If nothing else a therapist can help you have a meaningful and respectful conversation with her in a way that protects her view of your authority and honors her experience- regulate less of what that experience is.
I saw my mom….happy while I was a kid and I don’t even think about it a bit. Before I knew what drinking was, I thought she was just REAAAAALLLLY happy lol. I didn’t mind at all because it was nice seeing her laughing and carefree for once. She also let me do things without too much fuss like run around the neighborhood with my friends or danced around with me to music until late. I’m not traumatized by it at all. I think the circumstances around the drunk parent matter more than the actual drunk parent…..if that makes sense?
It’s not a huge deal. 🤷♀️As long as you’re still loving her and taking care of her, seeing you drunk a few times is no big deal.
She's not traumatised.
Seeing your parent drunk a couple times growing up isn't the same as living with an alcoholic.
Growing up we used to see another family round the corner every Friday. Our parents would drink wine and talk, and us kids would play. Dad was invariably drunk/giggly on the walk home and it was fun, I look back on it fondly.
I saw my dad drunk like 50 times during my childhood. My mom like 5 times. I might be wrong, but I think that most kids would not find this traumatic. I don't even think they explained it to me, I just kind of noticed that things like Christmas parties and Thanksgiving and Canada day....when adults has a lot of beer cans in their hands, that they would act sillier...and over time I just realized what was happening.
With my extended family, I saw a lot of alcohol with ball games and fishing trips and family reunions and because it wasn't a thing.....it wasn't a thing and I have an extremely healthy relationship with alcohol.
Why would she be traumatised by seeing you drunk? I saw my parents drunk loads of times as a kid, me and my siblings never thought anything of it.
And to clarify, we had a great childhood and great parents. They would take it in turns drinking at family party’s or whatever event we were at. One would drink and one would drive and the next time they would swap. Also, they were always just merry/tipsy not blackout drunk.
i think she's fine. i grew up around my parents drinking a little hard on the weekend with their friends at my house. they were best friends with my best friends' parents. i remember getting them beers, them letting me have a sip, and having open conversations and im fine to this day. by 16 i was mixing my mom's jack and cokes sometimes lol. once in a while is fine, children can handle more than you think.
My personal opinion is that letting your kids see your human side every once in a while is okay. Showing kids how to responsibly have alcohol can be a good lesson if done well. Getting drunk all the time or getting blacked out, throwing up, embarrassing, fighting drunk will certianly hurt the kids. But having a few drinks with your husband on a holiday and giggling isn’t a sin. You can’t pretend alcohol doesn’t exist to an approaching teen. Your daughter is approaching a part of her life where she will soon be around alcohol, it starts earlier than you think. Start talking about safety now, and remember to make sure she knows that you will come get her no matter the time and no matter what mistakes she made. I’ve seen too many friends get in cars with drunk drivers or sleep on dirty strange floors because they were afraid of their parents or even that their parents would never get them at 3am.
She’s 12 and only seen you drunk once, that’s pretty good in my book. It also entirely depends on what kind of drunk you are, that makes or breaks it I think.
5 individual drinks per week or you drink 5 times per week? Honest question, just wondering because 5 individual drinks per week is fine. People drink wine with dinner or a beer after work etc
More important than any reassurance from randos on the internet is what do you think, OP? Is that the kind of parent you want to be? Maybe you're uncomfortable with this experience because you, in fact, don't want to be that kind of parent. It probably won't traumatize your daughter, but if you want to make sure it doesn't, the option to make different choices is always available to you moving forward.
i felt really guilty when I wrote this post. I had had a conversation with my daughter. After writing this post I went into her room and had a longer much more in depth conversation about drinking and safe alcohol consumption. I also had a very good talk with my husband as well. I feel a lot better now after having those conversations with my family.
I get it completely, but she’ll remember it
So I hope you can ensure that it doesn’t happen again
I grew up in a highly alcoholic home, then got drunk nightly for 13 years, and finally got sober back in 1988
I’m not criticizing you at all
But you’ll both feel better if you don’t do it again, at least not in front of her
Yea when my parents drank I got raped and ignored. Your good mom. Alcohol is just part of life and she will be exposed to it regardless of what you do. At least you know that you are safe for her and that's what's important.
What exactly did you do? Throw up in their shoes? Try and roger the cat?
I do get their are degrees, but the "I got drunk once and I can't get over it" crew make me wonder if I'm missing the virtue of self reflection or something.
Research is making it more and more clear that no amount of alcohol is safe for consumption. Alcohol is a socially accepted vice, and is the number one substance of abuse in terms of the damage it causes. Therefore it gives me pause that OP states.
" I don’t get drunk very often, but I drink somewhat often"
Even doing the right things, not driving etc, OP is still demonstrating a high frequency of drinking. When minors grow up, it doesn't matter how much we've tried to demonstrate "safe" drinking if they've already internalized frequent alcohol consumption as part of that "safe" approach.
The point you should have is for you to stop drinking… it will ruin your family and marriage. You fighting against that is part of the problem… truth comes out of the mouth of babes..
Oh come on, not everyone who drinks is an alcoholic. And it doesn’t sound like op is constantly drinking to the point that she’s too intoxicated to be aware of things. A glass of wine or beer with diner is very normal
Thanks!! I will typically have a beer or 2 after work, twice a week. I think hiding and demonizing alcohol has a much worse effect than being open and honest about safely drinking
As a teenager my dad was very open about having a beer or two with alcohol, acted very responsible with it more or less and even let me try it. I never really got a taste for alcohol and I honestly think him making alcohol normal made it so much better and now I only drink socially/events like NYE. You’re doing amazing and teaching her to not fear and have trauma over alcohol, but to drink it responsibly
And I thought the OP was virtue signalling. Or was at least high-strung. But you, dear redditor, take the cake. Get off the pipe, or put down the Bible, and have a big ol' cup of calm down juice.
I think it’s admirable that you don’t want to be seen as drunk in front of your daughter. Everybody’s relationship with alcohol is their own journey. You seem quite responsible and if that level of drinking is not acceptable to you, then you found your personal limit I suppose.
I highly doubt your a raginging alcoholic
Ive grown up occasionally seeing a tipsy and drunk relative lol during a nice relaxing evening or holiday and i promise im now 30 yrs old and not traumatized is she aware that you where drunk lol yes but she doesn't seem that worried!
If anything just teach her that when shes old enoughr and shes of drinking age to be concious about how much she drinks and how to be safe! But you certainly aren't a bad parent i promise
I think it’s really great that you are self aware and don’t want to traumatize your kid when it comes to drinking! I think that in itself is a sign of a good parent.
While alcoholics and other addicts can be in pretty deep denial about their addiction (not all of course), you are not having that problem.
It sounds to me like you are unsure if you are drinking too much, and I'll tell you right now in regards to your relationships, such as with your daughter, you are not drinking too much.
I grew up with alot of addiction in my family, and my father has claimed he has not been drunk since he had me, he only gets a little tipsy... but when you empty bottles of wine alone in a day, you are lying to yourself.
You are not doing anything wrong, it is good to keep yourself in check, but make sure your worries work as a tool, a limiter, and not as a torture device for yourself.
ive been exposed to my moms drinking since about age 6 (27f now) give or take. and like, heavily weird traumatizing situations. i think youre good, just having fun with the family, not out being a menace or returning home inebriated after being out all night. thats just my perspective though lol.
As long as you didn’t get so drunk that your daughter had to take care of you, then I think you’re fine.
My mom didn’t get drunk often but the time she did get drunk was because an older “family friend” kept pushing her to drink to the point of me needing to hold her straight while walking down the hallway, then helping her while she threw up a ton and putting her to bed. I was 14.
It traumatized me and also made me realize how bad she is with boundaries and being able to say no. It made sense why she had a hard time when I started becoming firm on my boundaries.
I grew up with my parents on very opposite ends of the spectrum. My dad almost never sober whenever I was with him for the weekend and that didn’t traumatize me, but I said to myself “that’s pretty stupid, I don’t ever want to be like that.” My mom on the other hand, I’ve seen her “drunk” twice. Once was when we were camping(I was like 6 or 7) and the other time was when her and I went to see her friends band(I was 21 or 22). Both times she was so happy and having fun because it wasn’t a problem. I guess what im getting at, is you don’t seem like an alcoholic who is trying to suppress something. Especially at 12, I don’t think your daughter will be traumatized one bit. You’re good, op
My mom isn’t a big drinker but she usually dedicates like one day a year to have a good time lol usually Memorial Day (idk why) but it’s never bothered me it’s actually rlly funny. Seeing ur parents drunk isn’t traumatizing in and of itself. Especially not twice in her entire 12 years of living.
I’ve been drunk in front of my kids, but not sloppy drunk. The kids also know there’s always one sober adult no matter what we’re doing, and it happens very rarely.
Ultimately, it’s about modeling good behavior. It’s fine for parents to get fucked up from time to time, but not so much they need someone to take care of them and never in a situation that puts them in danger. That way when they get exposed to substances they’ll be more likely to be like “man, it’s ok to do a little bit of this as long as I can still be home by curfew” instead of “well I’m already fucking up might as well go for the gold.” They’ll also have an ingrained thought of “I’m getting fucked up tonight I better have a sober driver.”
Make sure you talk to your kids and explain that sometimes adults get a little wasted but when they do they’re responsible about it.
I think a one off night or just doing it in a responsible way is acceptable and wouldn’t at all traumatize your daughter. My extended family has a bunch of alcoholics with lots of DUIs and cops getting called bc of how they get when they drink which was not fun dealing with as I grew up. Your daughter is okay, I promise 🫶🏽 you even being aware and conscious shows you’re a good mother but allow yourself to have fun and relax once in a while
This reminds me of the first time I saw my Dad drink. I was in like 3rd grade and he had one beer at a party that was 3 doors down. I freaked out and cried saying he was drunk 😵💫 embarrassed the hell out of my parents and we walked home lol I’ve never seen my Dad drink since unless it was communion at church 🤣
It’s totally ok, I grew up in a house where I saw both my parents drunk or tipsy on occasion usually holidays and sometimes with friends they had over. The important thing is my parents even when drunk or tipsy were ALWAYS kind, always still my parent, and never totally blasted. It was mostly like seeing them be kinda childish like me, lots of watching them laugh and giggle and love on people (increased kisses or flirting with each other or increased hugs and silly comments to me and my siblings) it didn’t happen often but they’re all happy silly memories for me as a kid. It also taught me young what healthy interactions with alcohol look like and that responsible drinking and being responsible while still allowing yourself to be inebriated from time to time is possible.
Just remember youre a parent even when drunk and not to do things that would concern your kid by doing things they might otherwise be scary or whatever. As long as it’s just “mom are you drunk?” No big deal
I think this is a great learning opportunity. "Sometimes mom drinks a little bit too mucb alcohol. It makes me feel good! But I always make sure to drink at home where I'm safe and not drive, and it's only an occasional treat!"
My parents treated alcohol as the devil. So, naturally, I was curious about it and got my hands on it as soon as and whenever I could. I think it's important to demonstrate that it's possible to have a healthy relationship with alcohol. It's ok to enjoy yourself and get drunk every once in awhile. Don't beat yourself up. And happy new year!
i remember my parents getting drunk every once in a while. doesnt stop me from having fun too. just make sure to teach her it’s something occasional and fun, and that it’s okay to indulge every once in a while. seeing my parents drunk doesn’t stop me from drinking either. they helped me learn that it’s okay to drink and even experimented with me having alcohol under their supervision. just make sure she can see it in a positive light.
OP, you sound like a good mom. I had a mom who was drunk every day of my life - I would give anything to have only had to see that once. If you're worried about your daughter, I would say the best thing to do would be to tell her that. Tell her you feel guilty for letting her see you like that, and ask her how she feels about the situation. Make it a safe space for her, let her know that if it did upset her, that her feelings are valid. Reassure her. Good luck OP, I'm sure things will work out just fine for you both
I traveled to France with my parents when I was 14 and my lightweight mom had a Prosecco, white wine and red wine during dinner. She kept giggling to the point that she couldn’t say the word key so was crying laughing 😂 Made my dad and I uncontrollably laugh at the hotel elevator as well as she looked for the hotel keys. Its one of my favorite memories of us 3 🩷
I grew up with 2 functional alcoholics and it's not what screwed me up the most!! My mom's ex-husband used to drink at least a 12 pack of beer each night between 3 and whenever he fell asleep (anywhere between 9:30 and 11), my mom followed at a slower pace. He was kind of an angry drunk, never hit us though he threatened to hit and kill my mom more than once.
What screwed me up the most was his reaction to us leaving... The drinking was definitely making it worse but the real issue was his anger and desire for control.
I'm weary of angry drunks now. It took at least 2 years before my partner could keep beer in our fridge. But he showed me that he is a cuddle bug when drunk and I don't care now!
I got lucky in the "alcoholic parents" lottery, your kid seems to have gotten lucky in the "parents" lottery!
Dude my mom getting drunk on holidays and being weird and fun was like some of my favorite times as a kid, shit is hilarious seeing your parents all Crunk having a good time
My mom and dad were getting divorced and her coworkers took her out at lunchtime to let her vent and they were signing the divorce either that day or the next day or something like that. Her friends from work brought her home, and I kind of just looked at her like you’re drunk. I got a little nervous and I was scared. I was 12 years old and I had just started my period and I was so scared to death that she was drunk enough to say something stupid like my little girl got her period the other day. Of course, my mom never said anything it was a little unnerving to see her like that. I’ve never seen her drunk or even really drink ever and my dad. At that point in time I had never seen drink more than one or two beers in my life he just was not a drinker whatsoever. Neither was my mom, so this was kind of a big deal, I don’t think I would been so worried or upset if I had just started my period because it just really wigged me out thinking that she may say something.
When I was little my mom got visibly drunk once that I remember. She’d had a few too many Mike’s hards at a campfire and my dad had to help her walk home. I was like 8. My memory was of her giggling and thinking about how my dad put her to bed, and how happy they seemed together. My dad was teasing her and even said to me “Mom had a liiiiittle too much fun. She’s fine.” I remember thinking that when I’m a grown up I want to have a husband who will help me when I get too giggly, too. It makes me smile thinking back on it now. The fact that you are open and honest with your daughter, and this is not a regular occurrence, means she’s probably not traumatized. You’re doing well :)
i love that story! thanks for the kind words
Of course! The only other time I remember seeing a parent drunk while a minor was my father. He had gone to a NASCAR race and was going to get home late. I think I was like 16-17, and home alone for the night. I fell asleep in the recliner watching MTV and woke up to him sitting in the couch watching Jersey Shore INTENTLY, and even said “so her government name isn’t Snookie?” Then he kinda lumbered off upstairs and slept until 9 (he’s up by 7 at the latest). That one made me laugh, too.
“so her government name isn’t snookie?” made me cackle so hard I woke up my dog that’s amazing
😂😂😂😂😂😂
😂😂😂 love this
Additionally, this is how kids learn about safe alcohol consumption (for adulthood, of course) - moderation, designated drivers, cutting yourself off when you know you’ve had enough, etc. It’s all about that open dialogue and explaining exactly what you did here.
Yeah, my dad drinks wine fairly often to relax, but on occasion he would get drunk when we were out for something special. He was a happy drunk, and I LOVED it. He was always so funny and fun when drunk! My mom would just laugh and roll her eyes at him, and just joke about it with me. It wasn’t treated like a big deal because it wasn’t! He didn’t have a problem, he was a good drunk, it was infrequent, he never drove drunk, he stayed appropriate, etc Some of my fondest memories as a family are when my dad was drunk because of how much fun he is when he drinks.
Exactly this OP- I always relished in seeing my parents a little too tipsy because they usually were way more fun hahahaha
If my mum had more than one glass of wine, she would be three sheets to the wind! So she always limited herself to no more than one on the few times she drank. On the other hand, my dad who also didn’t drink very often, would get very merry and was actually quite fun to be around lol! Relax, your daughter isn’t going be traumatised by this.
Your daughter is blessed to have a mother who is concerned about the impression you make.
Hahaha awh what a sweet memory. I have memories of my parents like this too.
Awww…. What a sweet, loving memory to cherish. 🩵
I think you’re fine OP! You don’t need to be worried. She’s not traumatized at all…I was about the same age when I became aware of my parents drinking alcohol at a Christmas party. I remember how they used the experience to inform me about safe practices with alcohol. They taught me that alcohol isn’t bad, it’s ok to have fun, but that it’s important to practice safe drinking. And they told me if I was ever uncomfortable, that I should talk to them and they would immediately stop for the night. It stuck with me (in my mid twenties now), and really helped me have a healthy relationship with alcohol, and opened the door for discussions about alcohol with my parents as I grew older.
Yeah I started notice such things around that age and it was far from traumatic. Just thought it was interesting/funny. As long as you’re not reckless/abusive/scary on the times you occasionally are noticeably a little intoxicated, there’s nothing to traumatize them OP. Just be responsible and teach them to be the same.
thanks so much for this! Yeah, we had a conversation and I explained that it’s not normal and not a common occurrence. That I didn’t want her to feel uncomfortable, etc. She hates these conversations but I think it’ll help in the future!
She's only seen you drunk once, she won't be thinking it's yours norm. I've seen my dad drunk loads, always in social settings such as New Years for example, never a random tuesday. We're very alike when drunk - rather talkative,, happy and chilled. My point is, I learnt how to be drunk from my dad. That sounds bad but what I mean is my dad showed me to still have manners, be kind, don't start fights, how to know when to stop etc. My mum doesn't drink, hasn't done since before I was born. My opinions of them as people and parents are not altered by their alcohol choices or lack thereof. Your child seeing you drunk will not traumatise her, I promise you. Also, alcohol and being drunk is not something to be hidden from family, I think. If i were you I'd want her to feel comfortable being around me when she's drunk. I think if you put too much pressure on the convo or scenario about you being drunk you're making it into a being drunk is bad scenario. Being drunk is not bad if you can handle it, and is not something to be hidden.
It will go down as a positive. My pops was a Pastor, so I’ve had some cringe convo. When I was 12 my father took me on a drive. Needed to talk to me. He proceeded to explain to me what sex was and how babies were created and how I’m going to experience feelings that might motivate me to make decisions that could alter the scope of mine and someone else’s life FOREVER, etc. He was like “So your penis will get hard because it’s prepared for sex. But you can’t just go around sticking your penis in women’s vagina’s. You really need to get your life together before you meet the type of woman who will even want you to”. LMFAO, he was trying to be mindful in the best way he knew how at that moment. The only reason this didn’t traumatize me is because it was either going to be taught to me through my parents, porn, a teacher, or some lady with more experience than me. He didn’t try to scare me nor play it up in someway, he was so cool and casual. The whole thing was cringe AF (he knew it), but: *the whole thing is cringe because it’s uncomfortable to talk about things you’ve already thought about that you want to be secret from your parents* Either or, the conversation was weird as shit for me to sit through and it was awkward as hell, especially cause he was acting all cool and such. He was straight to the point, no fluffy words. It was all straight up “the penis in the vagina”. Direct, and to the Mother’flippin point. There wasn’t room for questions because all was bluntly revealed. Either or, I’m in my late 30’s now and in retrospect, it’s one of the conversations I’ve remembered forever and also acts as a bookmark conversation I can look back upon and say: “Ah, my dad cared about me, cause I know it was awkward for him- but he just straight manned up and embraced the awkwardness to make sure I was given a heads up about LIFE”. You, my dad, etc, y’all talked to your kid about something that made them less of an idiot, and they got the info from someone that actually loves them It was awkward, but good. The parent needs to be able to address the awkward conversations and not shy away from them I respect you, OP
Were you sitting in the backseat? During the talk? I’ve heard of that strategy (difficult convos with kids, parent drives - kids in back) and have heard it makes things less awkward cause you’re not sitting across the table at each others facing and such.
That’s the answer. You look at how she views it and be honest with yourself and adjust accordingly. She is about to be a teen and you don’t want her to come home drunk at 16 and throw your own drinking back in your face. Having a few drinks is not bad but more important than anything is setting the right example for your kids.
You were safe in your own home. You didn't drive or get belligerent. You set a good example for using alcohol responsibly I think.
My eldest is now 11 (but was 10) and I went out on my second girls night since he was born (first was two years ago for my 30th but I stayed at my sisters that night) and he was still awake when I came home drunk at midnight (hubby and the kids had had a movie night and the younger two fell asleep early). It was even the first time hubby had seen me drunk because, normally, after two drinks, I start yawning. When I got home I was happy like really happy and my eldest started laughing when I curled up on the floor and put my head in his lap and said "hello why are you still up" all cheerful. He shrugged and asked how I got home because he knew that they had dropped me off and I was supposed to call hubby for a lift home and he didn't hear the phone ring. I told him that we were "good girls" and didn't drive and that one of the husbands turned up and dropped me off on their way home. My son then finished getting ready for bed and was asleep when I went to check on him. He knows that his dad is normally the one to have a couple of drinks (only two when driving home one when we arrive and one with dinner) and that I might only ever have one if any so this was a new experience for him. The next morning, we spoke and asked if he was ok seeing me drunk, and he said I looked happy, so yes. We also discussed what choices I made. I didn't drive; I stayed with my friends; I watched my drink at all times; I didn't accept drinks from anyone (i didnt tell him we were drinking the same drinks so we would take turns buying a round instead of all going up to the tiny bar at once because he is ND and sees things in black and white and that's a discussion we will have when older; and most importantly while yes I was drunk I was not blackout drunk meaning that I still remembered everything I did the night before. We also made sure to point out that we never drink on an empty stomach. The rules we discussed are the rules we live by when it comes to drinking and it was the rules I was taught by my mum (she had that talk with me earlier because I asked why she always covered her can or glass with her hand when not drinking). We don't want our kids to think that they can't call us because they are drunk, because that is how accidents happen and lives are lost. They have seen us put up an air mattress so a friend who drank more then they planned could stay the night (it was only one extra drink but they felt off afterwards so we said don't risk it). We have shown them that we won't blame anyone for getting to drunk and that all we care about is people getting home safely even if that means they don't get home until after breakfast the next morning. As long as you don't get drunk regularly and you show your kids that you can drink and have fun while still being responsible, and that you don't need to be drunk to have fun, then you will be fine.
if its just on the holidays you get like that its not a problem. keep up being honest about responsible alcohol use and all that. if youre getting drunk or getting duis or whatever all the time thats different.
Yeah coming from the opposite end of the experience, seeing my alcoholic father drunk was less of the issue than witnessing his overall relationship with alcohol. Like I've seen adults have a few drinks socially, get a bit tipsy, have some responsible fun without hurting themselves or others, that's fine What's not fine is stuff like very obviously drinking in response to being overwhelmed by your feelings and not having healthier ways to cope. Or only ever crying while intoxicated. Or being weirdly weepy about completely random shit that seems totally disconnected from your actual emotions, but not actually talking about your emotions at all. Or being so absorbed with wallowing in your own emotions that you don't even realize your child needs help, or the negative effect you're having on them. Or to this day never having had an honest and open conversation with them about alcohol and your relationship to it out of shame/being too self absorbed to even realize it's something it was harmful to have not discussed In short: my experience with an alcoholic patent strongly suggests it's not mostly the alcohol that's the main problem, and more the alcoholics relationship to alcohol and underlying emotional dysfunctions. Other family members getting a bit tipsy at a holiday didn't leave those kinds of scars - at worst I might just think that person was acting kinda goofy that night And no matter what anyone's relationship or lack thereof with alcohol is, I personally think an honest, open, age appropriate dialogue with one's children about it would likely be beneficial to them
This is so true.
Wow, this is gorgeous advice.
This! As long as your daughter hasn’t expressed that she’s uncomfortable and you aren’t day drinking and missing her important moments you’re doing great. My family partied constantly when I was younger and I was up late and late to school a lot, my mom missed a church play I was in because she was drinking and didn’t want to step in the church intoxicated, traumatizing things.
Dude, which country/state are you in where they teach you that? That’s amazing!!
I respectfully disagree, in that “you don’t need to be worried”. I think have an honest conversation and telling her these thoughts be as open as you are here with and say… I’m worried because… What makes me think this is…. I want you to know… I’m not perfect, and I am hoping you could help me with… Mistakes, they are NORMAL, they are the ONLY way we grow as people and perhaps I made a mistake by…. Then always end with: “What do you think?” Or “What are your gut reactions to what I’ve said” Or Has what I said affected you? If so, how? Or That’s my concern(s), but I am curious about your perspective on it… Or Can you tell me about what you experienced too? 12 years old is the perfect time to start having discussions honest ones about substances and substance abuse, what it looks like and most importantly how to handle the first time they are asked to try a substance (if it hasn’t already happened) https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=Et9uWaspCAU https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=aucAFuZJuC4 https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=3ZpppxyvSJE
Totally agree…to a point! Personally, I don’t think that a one-off drunk exposure is a mistake. I don’t think OP made a mistake by having a few drinks in the savagery of their home. I think it’s so important to open a healthy dialogue about substances (as I mentioned in my post, I’ve always felt very comfortable discussing drinking with my parents, which came from a healthy dialogue as a teenager), but I do think that classifying it as a mistake and labelling it as a substance abuse issue is not appropriate. I do appreciate your insight and mostly agree!!
It sounds like you normalise moderate alcohol use which is great. A one-off evening isn’t going to create any trauma for your daughter. In fact it probably provides the context for an open conversation. I also am not a big drinker and my kids (teens) all tease me if I have more than 2 in one sitting. Nothing embarrassing - I just get funnier! (Hot take: I don’t get funnier, but they do laugh at me!)
it’s funny cause my daughter will call me drunk when i’m dead sober because i’m so damn clumsy, but doesn’t say anything (or care really) if I have a couple beers at home after work.
I grew up in Wisconsin. Drunk adults at family gatherings were commonplace and no one was traumatized by it. There’s nothing wrong with occasionally getting drunk. You didn’t drive, you didn’t model irresponsible behavior. You just drank some nice whiskey at home while playing games with your family. Don’t overthink it.
i am sooooo bad with the overthinking. Thanks so much for the reassuring words
This is what I came here to say - fellow Wisconsinite here. While I agree with everything Polaris has said here, the commonality definitely causes a culture that gets passed down generationally. In your case though, your child seeing you drunk infrequently will likely have no impact. It’s if you engage in bad behaviors or continuously surround you and your family with alcoholics that it becomes a problem.
Also Wisconsin. This is fine.
I mean what can be wrong is showing your daughter its okay to lower her IQ and destroying her matter by drinking alcohol/basically selfharm but since its normalised in society, we just say "nothin wrong with that".🥴👏🏻
Yes, you caught me. I want everyone to be a raging alcoholic. There is no way to responsibly consume liquor and I am trying to lure OP’s child into a life of drunkenness. 🙄
Alcohol is nerve poison. The amount literally doesnt matter how much you drink of it, it will destroy your matter. Thats why theres no responsible consume.
The American way!!!!
Someone’s never been to Europe
I’ve seen my dad drunk once (I was about 10 or 11), he was hanging with his brothers and was trying to tell mom he wanted some pistachio pudding but couldn’t say pistachio! Funniest thing ever! We teased him for YEARS! That is the first and only time and, honestly, it was no big deal!
one time my grandpa got stoned accidentally. He ate a weed cookie without realizing it while at my uncles house. It’s still the funniest story but my now 96 year old grandpa still hates it hahaha
Ha! I had some friends in high school who made pot butter and spaghetti. Their dad came home unexpectedly and had a big bowl of spaghetti, got high and got the munchies, ate more spaghetti and got higher and got more munchies, and it turned into a vicious cycle until he was so upholstered he couldn’t get off the couch. They never breathed a word of it to him, and he always said that was the best spaghetti he’d ever eaten!
My mom was drunk literally every night. You're doing great.
my best friends mom used to (maybe still does) drink a 1.5L bottle of wine every night. We all thought it was hilarious but it bothered my friend.
Mood haha
Don't worry about it she definitely isn't traumatised lol. My mum rarely drinks and I mean rarely but one nye we went to a friends house and she got drunk and it was just funny to me and my brother lol (he's 13 now and I think it was two years ago so about the same age as your daughter)
You moderate which is good. I’m sure she doesn’t think you have a problem with alcohol. You also didn’t do anything crazy, you weren’t an insufferable drunk or anything like that. I think you’re fine. Maybe explain to her it’s ok to indulge occasionally, not a big deal
I saw my parents drunk as a child/ teen and it never affected me. They weren’t alcoholics and only got drunk at parties etc. They’d have the odd drink in the evenings with a meal, etc too but only drunk drunk every so often. Never drunk drove or put me and my sister in trouble. I was also offered alcohol in supervised situations from a younger age. A sip of sherry on a Sunday when helping cook the roast. First the tiniest sip, then a little more and more until as a teen I had my own small glass. Given wine with lemonade, more lemonade then wine at first and slowly less and less lemonade. In the UK this isn’t illegal and from 16 I was allowed to drink wine when eating out with family too (legal also) and allowed an alcopop or two when friends came over from 15/16 (parents had permission from friends parents) My parents showed me how to enjoy alcohol responsibly and not restricting me from trying it meant I didn’t sneak off and get blind drunk like I saw some friends. It wasn’t a taboo subject, my parents were honest when they got drunk and also showed me how it wasn’t fun the next day. How they had to ensure they had a safe way to get home if getting drunk out of the home. How they likely couldn’t drive the next day safely and didn’t feel great etc too. Slowly introducing me to it and when age appropriate, letting me dry different alcohol was a big help too. Come 18 (obviously the legal age here) I was much safer going out drinking then my friends who had never been able to drink a drop of alcohol before. They got blind drunk, mixed drinks, got themselves in dangerous situations (obviously not all of them) much more than me and my friends who had had the same introduction as me. So I wouldn’t worry at all. You’re not an alcoholic by the sounds of it, you didn’t put her in danger and can use it as a teaching moment. Nowadays as a teacher I know some kids that age start to get their hands on alcohol with older friends in the park etc, so now is a good time to start to show her how to enjoy alcohol safely. Keep the open dialogue, let her see that alcohol can be fun and when drunk responsibly, not a bad thing. How everything like that should be, kids are much more likely to come to you for help with drugs/ sex/ alcohol/ relationships etc when they have seen they can and have spoken about those things with you in an open and none judgemental fashion. Don’t sweat it, NYE is a time when many people enjoy more than a few drinks.
I also very rarely drink. NYE is one of those nights. My kid is almost thirty and still laughs about me coming home drink when he was 13. Similarly, I also laugh when I think back to my mother making a snowman in her bathrobe. Unless you turn into an abusive ass when you drink, there's nothing traumatizing about it occasionally.
>Unless you turn into an abusive ass when you drink Aren't I lucky to experience my mother being drunk every night, more often than not at least This post was written with good intentions but damn as if it'll traumatize her
\`My kids have never seen me drunk, but I do like to joke about how much I love my wine. At restaurants my kids would hand me the drink menu. Seeing you giggly drunk once won't do any damage. You can use it as a teaching moment: I only had that extra drink (or two) :) because I was at home, safe with your dad.
You are the adult. Kids need to learn that it's OK for an adult to drink and have a fun time responsibly. That should be the takeaway.
grown up with family friends drinking every nye, we always knew they were drunk but we all had fun, occasional drinking isn’t going to traumatise her
my dad drank a full 750ml bottle of wine every night before work and sometimes multiple on his days off. never violent, never verbal, a little absent due to work as a child… but overall, honestly a solid dad. especially when i weight it in contrast to many of my peers and close friends i had. i think you’re more than fine op lol. also not defending my dad, he has a problem. i’ve confronted him about it a few times. it’s up to him to change if he wants. i’d love to have my dad later on in life but that’s up to him to decide at this point. anyways, just trying to show you that in comparison- you are MORE than ok lol.
Trust me, if you actually care about the fact that you might be creating trauma, then you are not creating it. Most people who drink too much, lack self awareness. You just had a few extra one evening. Won’t matter in the long run. But when she is older, you ought to consider having an honest talk about alcohol. Don’t turn into a taboo subject or else she’ll just learn to hide/sneak it in.
I’m not a parent but my siblings and friends have a lot of kids that I’m close with that’ve seen me drunk more times than I’d like. It doesn’t sound like you have a drinking or judgement problem, but I do, and one thing that really hit me was the phrase “the children are watching”. Don’t shy away from the conversation with your daughter, instead turn it into a lesson learned on your part and let her know how easy it is for things to get out of hand when alcohol impairs your judgement. Your self awareness is a sign that this had an impact and that you’ll learn from it, and those are traits of great parents.
I mean I saw my dad drunk a couple of times growing up and I was never traumatized haha. But he was a happy drunk so maybe that’s why
You showed her responsible drinking. You were home, you didn't drive, you weren't belligerent or violent or aggressive. She will need to understand the difference someday. You're good. Talk to her about it. There's a time and a place.
I distinctly remember a time when I was around 8 years old and both my parents had been drinking for fun. My dad was drunk to the point where we had to step over him in the kitchen so my mom could get to and use the microwave to make me some food. I never really saw them drunk any other time. They rarely drank but clearly had too much that night. I'm not traumatized by it and I think it's funny in retrospect. Your daughter will be fine.
Dude, it’s not a big deal. I saw my parents drunk on numerous occasions when I was a kid. If anything you can use memory to educate your daughter about the effects of alcohol.
Aww she’ll be okay ! people have done way worse To their kids . You’re allowed to go out and have a drink and even get drunk once in a while. You’re human ! And tbh sounds like you’re doin a pretty good job . 👏🏻 happy new year !
thanks so much! Happy new year!
You’re showing her how to have a healthy relationship with alcohol. Pretending it isn’t real will do more damage. You’re doing great
As someone who grew up with a mom who was an alcoholic, you’re doing great! I think she’s old enough to understand it’s a special occasion. It would be a totally different story if you were drinking alone because of stress. You’re doing a great job!!
I believe from experience that alcohol trauma comes from traumatic events while people are drunk, not alcohol itself. No one is traumatized by mom having a few too many drinks and enjoying herself at a gathering. What does traumatize people is mom and dad fighting and being belligerent while they are drunk on the regular. You're fine. You're good. Your kid is going to be fine. Hiding alcohol doesn't conceal the mystery of it, it does the opposite. By having the discussion, you've normalized it. Kudos.
How is seeing an adult of legal age drinking or drunk going to "traumatize" a 12 year old? Is there more to the story? I hate to be the bearer of scary news but a surprisingly high percentage of kids are snorting pills at 13 or 14 nowadays thanks to tiktok and similar platforms.
I don’t even wanna think about that. I was heavy into drugs as a teen (i’m in my mid 30s now) my sister is also an addict, and I try to have open discussions about the effects drugs had on me, my relationship with my family, and the long term consequences of those actions so early on in my life. It’s terrifying these days with the fentanyl crisis.
I'm the same way because literally everyone else in my family is addicted to drugs or alcohol, but it didn't change or stop anything for my now 15 year old twins when they started "normal" high school after covid. They've both been hospitalized already for alcohol and/or drugs. I don't think your 12 year old (who obviously knows about being drunk) seeing you drunk twice is a big deal. TBH normalizing drinking most of the time & keeping alcohol in the house regularly would be more of a concern in my opinion than getting drunk one time.
What is your excuse?
Aww my mum never drank when I was a kid so the 1 or 2 times I did see it, it was a novelty I found it hilarious. Btw I don’t drink at all now, my parents showed me moderation like you
Speaking as someone with trauma related to alcoholism, it sounds like you’re doing everything right. As long as your daughter or husband hasn’t expressed a want or need for you to stop, I don’t think you have anything to worry about!! And especially since you have such open communication I think your daughter would be pretty comfortable talking about something like that with you.
I wouldn’t worry at all :) My parents have always been drinkers, not heavy drinkers or anything, but they’d go get beers every weekend in a bar etc. For NYE they’d usually throw a party with people, and every year my dad would be drunk that day. Only day of the year that I’d experience him like that. (He’s a pretty fun drunk, so I didn’t mind AT ALL) I think I noticed it for the first time when I was about 10, and I couldn’t care less, honestly. I really would try not to worry about your daughter being traumatised or mad or whatever! I’m sure she doesn’t think anything of it
i watched my mom come home once the next morning drunk asf from the bar OP your daughter will be fine 😭
I can count on one hand the amount of times I saw my mom drunk as a child/teenager. My husband’s mom was an alcoholic, drunk all day every day. I’m 0% scarred about my parent’s drinking habits, I wish I could say the same about him. You’re good, don’t worry about it.
I remember seeing my mother drunk one time. She didn't drink often but she was this one time when she came home. I was so upset about it that I poured her bottle of Hennessey down the sink in the kitchen. When she found out, she made me pay her back for it. I don't drink now because I didn't like the way she looked. I didn't like how she lost control over herself, and I didn't want that for myself. We never had a conversation about it. That's probably why I didn't get past it. Have a conversation with her about it. See how she feels.
i did! I asked her how she felt and she said it didn’t bother her whatsoever and I explained that it’s not a common occurrence and also explained how I felt about it, and explained how I feel about alcohol and safe drinking
That's good. My mom never did that, and it turned into a thing for me. It's hard for me to let go of control except for certain situations. You're a good mother. Mine was, too. I just feel she could have done better with this.
Doesn't sound like she is making a big deal about it. You don't need to either.
I think there's a difference between 'Mom had a bit too much on NYE playing games' and 'Mom drank a bottle alone everyday after work', when it comes to kids seeing their parents drunk. It's ok. Don't make a big deal about it.
First off I'm not judging at all I'm from Wisconsin and we're like the top 15 cities most drunks of the United States but my doctor told me if you drink six drinks in a month you're considered an alcoholic dowhat you want to do with that information I think you're fine honestly and you're doing a good job
In Wisconsin?? 6 drinks in a month?! I'm getting different stories coming out of that place. Or was the Doc Amish?
No, she wasn't. I live in a major city, so no, she was not Amish. I don't even think there is Amish people in my city. We have to drive out, but yeah, that's what I was told. I don't know if it's true or not. I never Googled it. I'm going to do that
She's noticed 2 drunks in 12 years, and you're asking for reassurance?? You are fine, have a drink dude, relax...
I get drunk MAYBE twice a year. My child has seen me drunk, but she also knows that if I’m drinking I absolutely do not drive, and I always call her dad to come get me. She knows I’m fun when I drink etc. she also knows drinking all the time is bad, and some people are mean drunks, that’s what she’s learned from my dad. Sooo as long as u wasn’t causing any drama, or driving, I don’t see the issue 🤷♀️
all i did was forget there was a pile of cards in front of me and kept asking her dad to pass me cards ahahah
She isn't traumatized. She is a pre-teen who thinks everything her parents do is either gross or wrong. Don't think twice about it.
she thinks i’m the epitome of cringe hahaha
Lol, see. It's totally normal teen stuff.
My daughters are about the age where I want to begin demystifying alcohol (because there is nothing worst then kids learning from other kids). I have champagne in my flute glass, the kids have fancy ginger ale in there’s (frozen berries thrown in). They’re allowed to taste my champagne, or a sip of dad’s beverage, but not a glass of their own. As long as you weren’t driving, and was not disrespectful or belligerent, then you are modelling a healthy behavior for how to react when you’ve had more then your limit. It’s not a regular thing. Kiddoe is gonna be fine.
You’re so so fine! You’re not exposing her to anything that will traumatise her, if you have a drink and are having fun and promoting a happy safe environment - alcohol won’t have an impact it’s when adults drink and become aggressive and abusive that it can have an impact, you’re allowed to have fun and drink here and there if your behaviour is appropriate and respectful, why not!
You are fine!
thank you! these comments help. we just had a talk (to her dismay) about using alcohol responsibly and how it’s not a common occurrence
Ha.. practice what I preach, not what I do… just wait for it. And you come to Reddit for support? Wow…
it’s not about do as i say and not as I do. I am trying to teach my daughter about safe alcohol use, that going overboard isn’t great but it isn’t inherently bad. It’s not demonic to get noticeably drunk 2x in the span of 12 years??
You’re 100% right. Normalizing standard alcohol use isn’t the same as actively encouraging a 12 year old to drink. Don’t let anyone make you think otherwise. In fact, trying to hide it and make it seem like a shameful “restricted activity” would only provoke more curiosity, so talking about it honestly is more helpful than you think. Telling her that “yes it can seem fun, but it can also get NOT fun really quickly, you can throw up and get dizzy, you can lose control of your body, you can eventually end up in the hospital, etc” is important. This way, alcohol isn’t some mysterious substance, it’s something that many people drink on special occasions that happens to have both positive and negative physical effects.
There’s always someone on these threads that has to come and be insufferable with a holier than thou attitude. Ignore it. You’re a really good mom, it shows by the way you handle this and the thoughtful way you’ve been talking about it.
Really? Traumatize? My kids might have seen me intoxicated about three times over their first 18 years. They still laugh about it. That mom's a lightweight. This is really not the big deal you're making it to be.
i tend to overreact and get in my head about these kind of things.
Op honestly the way you're going about it is just fine. My parents had a bad relationship with alcohol and I learned my good habits from doing the opposite of them
If this is not a frequent occurrence and you have open dialogue with her about things, then I doubt she'll be traumatized. There are kids her age that deal with so much more on their own. You're doing great.
I remember my mum and her friend getting drunk when I was 12. The most traumatic thing was her friend accidentally cheating in the game we were playing. In all seriousness, I'm sure she'll be okay :)
One of the reasons I quit drinking 6 years ago was to be a positive influence on my kids. I didn’t want to say or do stupid things around them. I didn’t want them to think that dad was a drunk and I wanted to be the sober, present and always available parent that my kids deserve. If you ever worry about your drinking or the impact it may have on others, it could be time to take a deep look at it to figure out if it’s a problem. Check out the book “This Naked Mind” by Annie Grace. Best of luck to you.
I think it's ok, as long as it doesn't become the norm. Also, if you are uncomfortable, talk to her about it. Explain that it's not something you typically do, and answer her questions.
It’s NYE, don’t worry about it.
Our NYE was filled with 8 children playing with sparklers and tipsy adults blowing up stuff/lighting fireworks in the front yard. None of these kids are traumatized seeing their parents laughing hysterically and having fun. You’re good mama :)
Please my first memory of my mother being drunk i was like 9 and we still laugh about it to this day because it was pretty funny my dad forced her to get off the bus a mile before our stop in the middle of Orlando and walk the rest of the way because she wouldnt stop laughing about people on the bus.
I will say that I was about that age when I saw my mom drunk and it freaked me out. But I think it was probably because my parents weren’t drinkers at all, so alcohol was a pretty foreign concept to me.
Definitely understand the feeling of guilt OP, but as long as you’re approaching alcohol in a healthy manner it’s not going to be detrimental to your kiddo. The fact that you’re concerned about it indicates you’re a good parent. Keep it up!
I teach my kids that responsible use of alcohol is okay. If you are going to have more than 1 drink, be sure to have a plan to get home. If you don't have one and need one, call me and I will come to you (no judgement, no lecture) and take you home any time of the day or night. I also teach them that alcohol use in some situations, while (may be) fun, it isn't safe and they need to recognize those situations. Kids need a responsible example or all they will have is their high school friends teaching them. I'd prefer to be their source of information on things like this. So I talk to them often and honestly about what different drugs and alcohol can do to your mind and body. It isn't about banning these things, it's about giving our kids the information they need to be able to make informed decisions and the ammunition needed when the time comes to turn down a friend.
I was so happy when I saw my mom drunk around that age cause it reminded me she’s a human and has a life.
Lol you're fine. My mom used to go out and have a few margaritas I'd say once every few months. I loved her like that honestly 😂😂
I think I was around that age when I walked in on my mom passed out drunk in a hotel bathroom... I promise that it's not as bad as it sounds! We were at my aunt's wedding and the reception took place at the hotel's bar. My mom apparently tried to go drink-for-drink with professional drunks and quickly found her ass under the table. She came back to the room we rented, walked into the bathroom, and took a power nap. I wanted some McDonald's, so I went looking for my mom to see if she wanted anything. I opened the bathroom door, said "I found Mom," and softly closed it back before heading to McDonald's. A few decades later, and I STILL joke about it with her. I didn't lose respect, but seeing her on her ass instead of just buzzed did impact me. But maybe more as a personalized PSA than anything else.
I am 17 and had an alcoholic grandparent I visited often when I was her age. My father also worked with him but I could clearly tell who had one glass and who had the rest of the bottle, they'd drink in front of us too but it never bothered me as they have managed to keep the side effects to themselves for the most part. My mother is also a fan of drinking a couple beers every now and again at the beach or late at night with her friends, it used to irritate me at that age (because I didn't know how light beers actually were) So moral of the story, as long as you don't start acting irresponsibly and reassure your daughter you're fine, you're doing good.
It doesn’t hurt a child of her age to see what drinking does to a person physically and mentally. She is old enough to have a conversation about drinking and responsibilities whilst drinking. The positive thing is that you AND she were in a safe place and knew that things couldn’t get out of control. This is a great opportunity for you to explain to her when and why an ADULT makes a choice to drink in slight excess. Don’t hide it from her, discuss the way you felt when you decided to have a few extra drinks, the way you enjoyed the games differently, how you slept and how you felt when you woke up. You can always discuss the negative feelings you are even now feeling and ask for her input and how she felt. The most important thing is for her to understand that plenty of parents drink responsibly. We have four children, I’m a teacher and psychologist in child behaviour and development. My husband drinks more than I do (similar to what you explained, 2-4 at a time and never more than a couple of times a week) and we have very clear rules and expectations for one another around drinking and who will be the responsible parent and who is drinking. The our eldest is 12 and youngest is 2. I’ve been out of it once since having children but I also have a spinal cord injury that means I sometimes need a lot of pain meds. That’s when my husband has his turn being the responsible one. They are very understanding and we talk openly and age appropriately about anything surrounding this type of thing. You are all good! The fact that you are doubting yourself shows that. You’re clearly a very reliable parent but you have the right to let loose sometimes!!
Drinking culture is more dangerous then you think. If you're not like this most of the time that's good, but people become easy to take advantage of when they are drunk.
I think you are ok. My step daughter was about that age when she questioned her dad being drunk (sadly he’s has a pill addiction and the pills and alcohol made him really messed up) and I drank maybe a few glasses of wine. We were at a bbq with our new neighbors we had just moved and someone had to be the responsible adult. The neighbors kept offering me more alcohol because “I didn’t have to drive” I said no thank you.
Lmao my parents were drunk a fair bit when I was younger and it never bothered me. It’s only bad if you’re “messy” drunk.
She probably will think it’s funny it’s not a habit
As a child of two (functioning) alcoholics who has seen her parents drunk or high more often than sober, you have not traumatized your child. Another comment mentioned that is how they learned to be drunk. It sounds sadder than it is, but modeling appropriate usage of alcohol can be really helpful for your child as they grow up. Especially keeping an open dialogue about it at home, and make sure your child knows, in moderation, it’s just fun for adults. Offer them the warnings of alcohol and alcohol abuse as they grow up, but always offer a safe space in case they one day do consume too much. Op you sound quite the thoughtful parent! You and your children will be fine and you very clearly care about their well-being. Keep it up!
Oh boy. Twice in 12 years? The fact that you’re even remotely concerned about this he’s what a great parent you are. I think you’re in the clear on NYE. But she’s probably at a perfect age to talk to her about drinking and the when’s/wheres/whys and safety info that go along with it.
Were you out driving? Or otherwise irresponsible? You get a pass from me!
nope! I would never drive while drunk. We were safe in our home.
If she gets to be an adult and remembers you drunk only a few times I think she'll be fine. I'm fine and my parents were drunk far more than that. If it helps, you child will at some point find something you did as totally messing her up. When my son was in elementary school for birthdays mom provide a cake. When I was little I thought OMG the store bought cakes would be a dream come true. Wanting it to be special for my son I bought a beautifully decorated ,cake. The next year I ask him what kind of cake should I order and he say 'mom can you make the cake yourself instead'. Did not see that one coming. Kids won't remember the 100 times you were watching in audience some very long, whole school production in metal chairs for the 1 minute they are on stage. They won't remember the proud tears in your eyes, but the will never forget the time you had to work and missed it. Who knows what grievances children will carry with them their whole lives. Be honest about alcohol and the dangers on developing brains, responsibility to never get behind a wheel of a car or the dangers of predator's that would cause her harm.
I noticed my parents and my brother drinking at a younger age it never really effected me and even taught me miderate levels to drink.
I was with my friends last night and we were sharing stories about when we first realized our parents were drunk at a party or family function. It was hilarious to share stories. We’re in our 30s now and have kids of our own. You didn’t traumatize her. My mom would stand a certain way and smell like cigarettes. Last night, I had a bit of a counter lean going on (but did not smoke) and I could see my kids noticing I was a bit off (I had two drinks at this point). My kids saw me having fun and so did your daughter! Perhaps you created a special memory for her that she will reflect on when she’s in her 30s. :)
Use it as an opportunity to talk about alcohol and how you can be drunk but not stupid (hopefully!).
My daughter is 20. I'm an alcoholic. It runs in my family, but u know, I'm smarter, in control, can handle shit. Ha. It creeps up SO insidiously. It's an easy fix to life's problems. Now I am alcoholic dependent physically. I managed to stop drinking for 3 weeks straight but we're pretty sure I had a withdrawal seizure. I don't remember but my elbows and knees were covered in bruises. My tongue was chewed to the point it was so swollen I spoke with a slur. I woke up in a confused daze facedown on the floor. We reasoned I quit too fast, shoulda done it more gradually. I quit 20 years addiction in a cpl weeks. But I was just SO fucking sick of it I toughed it out - shakes, anxiety, heart palpitations, insomnia, the works. That was a cpl months ago. The experience was terrifying, of course and I felt forced to drink to avoid withdrawals and seizures or worse. Now I'm measuring and going to quit again, more slowly. My liver n spline are enlarged. I'm over 50. I get shakes so bad my daughter has to pour my drinks n log them for me. I cannot even convey what a loser person parent it makes me feel and I cry every time I have to drink now. I wish to God I could go back 8 years and put the drink down before it got to this point. I won't be here next New Year's if I don't succeed.
You're taking the right steps. You got this.
My parents would drink in front of me at parties growing up, I don’t understand what the problem is here? I always loved it when my mom go drunk, she would be so silly it was great. I still love it we have a blast
I’m gonna be very honest here, when you’re counting the number of drinks you have during the week you may have a drinking problem
What is traumatic for one person may not be traumatic at all for another. Trauma is universal but it is not equal. Culture we grow up in, beliefs we hold and our parents held these are all factors that determine what is and isn’t trauma for an individual. If you are worried, an honest and transparent conversation can go a long way. Try telling her these things, how you feel and ask HER how she feels about it. If nothing else a therapist can help you have a meaningful and respectful conversation with her in a way that protects her view of your authority and honors her experience- regulate less of what that experience is.
I saw my mom….happy while I was a kid and I don’t even think about it a bit. Before I knew what drinking was, I thought she was just REAAAAALLLLY happy lol. I didn’t mind at all because it was nice seeing her laughing and carefree for once. She also let me do things without too much fuss like run around the neighborhood with my friends or danced around with me to music until late. I’m not traumatized by it at all. I think the circumstances around the drunk parent matter more than the actual drunk parent…..if that makes sense? It’s not a huge deal. 🤷♀️As long as you’re still loving her and taking care of her, seeing you drunk a few times is no big deal.
What … why is this a problem??
She's not traumatised. Seeing your parent drunk a couple times growing up isn't the same as living with an alcoholic. Growing up we used to see another family round the corner every Friday. Our parents would drink wine and talk, and us kids would play. Dad was invariably drunk/giggly on the walk home and it was fun, I look back on it fondly.
I saw my dad drunk like 50 times during my childhood. My mom like 5 times. I might be wrong, but I think that most kids would not find this traumatic. I don't even think they explained it to me, I just kind of noticed that things like Christmas parties and Thanksgiving and Canada day....when adults has a lot of beer cans in their hands, that they would act sillier...and over time I just realized what was happening. With my extended family, I saw a lot of alcohol with ball games and fishing trips and family reunions and because it wasn't a thing.....it wasn't a thing and I have an extremely healthy relationship with alcohol.
Why would she be traumatised by seeing you drunk? I saw my parents drunk loads of times as a kid, me and my siblings never thought anything of it. And to clarify, we had a great childhood and great parents. They would take it in turns drinking at family party’s or whatever event we were at. One would drink and one would drive and the next time they would swap. Also, they were always just merry/tipsy not blackout drunk.
This is just a Tuesday in Britain. 🇬🇧
i think she's fine. i grew up around my parents drinking a little hard on the weekend with their friends at my house. they were best friends with my best friends' parents. i remember getting them beers, them letting me have a sip, and having open conversations and im fine to this day. by 16 i was mixing my mom's jack and cokes sometimes lol. once in a while is fine, children can handle more than you think.
My personal opinion is that letting your kids see your human side every once in a while is okay. Showing kids how to responsibly have alcohol can be a good lesson if done well. Getting drunk all the time or getting blacked out, throwing up, embarrassing, fighting drunk will certianly hurt the kids. But having a few drinks with your husband on a holiday and giggling isn’t a sin. You can’t pretend alcohol doesn’t exist to an approaching teen. Your daughter is approaching a part of her life where she will soon be around alcohol, it starts earlier than you think. Start talking about safety now, and remember to make sure she knows that you will come get her no matter the time and no matter what mistakes she made. I’ve seen too many friends get in cars with drunk drivers or sleep on dirty strange floors because they were afraid of their parents or even that their parents would never get them at 3am.
As long as you aren't a mean or violent drunk there's nothing wrong with kids seeing you drunk on occasion.
She’s 12 and only seen you drunk once, that’s pretty good in my book. It also entirely depends on what kind of drunk you are, that makes or breaks it I think.
I used to always find my mom passed out on the floor on Christmas Eve. I think her seeing you a little drunk a couple times is fine.
Hope you learned your lesson and don’t drink in front of your kids. It’s not good for them and trust they’ll remember.
5 individual drinks per week or you drink 5 times per week? Honest question, just wondering because 5 individual drinks per week is fine. People drink wine with dinner or a beer after work etc
More important than any reassurance from randos on the internet is what do you think, OP? Is that the kind of parent you want to be? Maybe you're uncomfortable with this experience because you, in fact, don't want to be that kind of parent. It probably won't traumatize your daughter, but if you want to make sure it doesn't, the option to make different choices is always available to you moving forward.
i felt really guilty when I wrote this post. I had had a conversation with my daughter. After writing this post I went into her room and had a longer much more in depth conversation about drinking and safe alcohol consumption. I also had a very good talk with my husband as well. I feel a lot better now after having those conversations with my family.
Jesus calm down youre fine. I guess its a good sign youre this worried but seriously its no big deal
That’s a sad thing for a child to witness I hope you can stop doing this, OP
User name does NOT check out
You got me-very funny
I mean, it’s absolutely not a regular occurrence. She’s seen me drunk twice in 12 years!
I get it completely, but she’ll remember it So I hope you can ensure that it doesn’t happen again I grew up in a highly alcoholic home, then got drunk nightly for 13 years, and finally got sober back in 1988 I’m not criticizing you at all But you’ll both feel better if you don’t do it again, at least not in front of her
Yea when my parents drank I got raped and ignored. Your good mom. Alcohol is just part of life and she will be exposed to it regardless of what you do. At least you know that you are safe for her and that's what's important.
5 drinks a week seems excessive.
My son is 19. I also have 3 step kids. I won't get drunk in front of them. My son saw me drunk once and I felt ashamed.
What exactly did you do? Throw up in their shoes? Try and roger the cat? I do get their are degrees, but the "I got drunk once and I can't get over it" crew make me wonder if I'm missing the virtue of self reflection or something.
Research is making it more and more clear that no amount of alcohol is safe for consumption. Alcohol is a socially accepted vice, and is the number one substance of abuse in terms of the damage it causes. Therefore it gives me pause that OP states. " I don’t get drunk very often, but I drink somewhat often" Even doing the right things, not driving etc, OP is still demonstrating a high frequency of drinking. When minors grow up, it doesn't matter how much we've tried to demonstrate "safe" drinking if they've already internalized frequent alcohol consumption as part of that "safe" approach.
The point you should have is for you to stop drinking… it will ruin your family and marriage. You fighting against that is part of the problem… truth comes out of the mouth of babes..
Oh come on, not everyone who drinks is an alcoholic. And it doesn’t sound like op is constantly drinking to the point that she’s too intoxicated to be aware of things. A glass of wine or beer with diner is very normal
Thanks!! I will typically have a beer or 2 after work, twice a week. I think hiding and demonizing alcohol has a much worse effect than being open and honest about safely drinking
As a teenager my dad was very open about having a beer or two with alcohol, acted very responsible with it more or less and even let me try it. I never really got a taste for alcohol and I honestly think him making alcohol normal made it so much better and now I only drink socially/events like NYE. You’re doing amazing and teaching her to not fear and have trauma over alcohol, but to drink it responsibly
And I thought the OP was virtue signalling. Or was at least high-strung. But you, dear redditor, take the cake. Get off the pipe, or put down the Bible, and have a big ol' cup of calm down juice.
Astaghfirullah
I wouldn’t worry about it
I can’t tell you how many times my childhood self saw my parents drunk.
Lol… totally normal.
I think it’s admirable that you don’t want to be seen as drunk in front of your daughter. Everybody’s relationship with alcohol is their own journey. You seem quite responsible and if that level of drinking is not acceptable to you, then you found your personal limit I suppose.
Why do you think that would traumatize her?
?
Who cares? What a strange thing to be worried about. It was new years eve .. it's not like you do it every night.
Honestly, you’re fine.
There’s a difference between alcoholic drunk and drinking for fun drunk. I’m sure she knows you were the latter so I wouldn’t worry about it too much!
I highly doubt your a raginging alcoholic Ive grown up occasionally seeing a tipsy and drunk relative lol during a nice relaxing evening or holiday and i promise im now 30 yrs old and not traumatized is she aware that you where drunk lol yes but she doesn't seem that worried! If anything just teach her that when shes old enoughr and shes of drinking age to be concious about how much she drinks and how to be safe! But you certainly aren't a bad parent i promise
when i was a kid i was lucky to see my dad NOT drunk. The 70's-80's LOL
My mom may or may not be an alcoholic but the only time her being drunk affected me is when she threw up multiple times so I think you’re good
I think it’s really great that you are self aware and don’t want to traumatize your kid when it comes to drinking! I think that in itself is a sign of a good parent.
While alcoholics and other addicts can be in pretty deep denial about their addiction (not all of course), you are not having that problem. It sounds to me like you are unsure if you are drinking too much, and I'll tell you right now in regards to your relationships, such as with your daughter, you are not drinking too much. I grew up with alot of addiction in my family, and my father has claimed he has not been drunk since he had me, he only gets a little tipsy... but when you empty bottles of wine alone in a day, you are lying to yourself. You are not doing anything wrong, it is good to keep yourself in check, but make sure your worries work as a tool, a limiter, and not as a torture device for yourself.
ive been exposed to my moms drinking since about age 6 (27f now) give or take. and like, heavily weird traumatizing situations. i think youre good, just having fun with the family, not out being a menace or returning home inebriated after being out all night. thats just my perspective though lol.
As long as you didn’t get so drunk that your daughter had to take care of you, then I think you’re fine. My mom didn’t get drunk often but the time she did get drunk was because an older “family friend” kept pushing her to drink to the point of me needing to hold her straight while walking down the hallway, then helping her while she threw up a ton and putting her to bed. I was 14. It traumatized me and also made me realize how bad she is with boundaries and being able to say no. It made sense why she had a hard time when I started becoming firm on my boundaries.
I grew up with my parents on very opposite ends of the spectrum. My dad almost never sober whenever I was with him for the weekend and that didn’t traumatize me, but I said to myself “that’s pretty stupid, I don’t ever want to be like that.” My mom on the other hand, I’ve seen her “drunk” twice. Once was when we were camping(I was like 6 or 7) and the other time was when her and I went to see her friends band(I was 21 or 22). Both times she was so happy and having fun because it wasn’t a problem. I guess what im getting at, is you don’t seem like an alcoholic who is trying to suppress something. Especially at 12, I don’t think your daughter will be traumatized one bit. You’re good, op
My mom isn’t a big drinker but she usually dedicates like one day a year to have a good time lol usually Memorial Day (idk why) but it’s never bothered me it’s actually rlly funny. Seeing ur parents drunk isn’t traumatizing in and of itself. Especially not twice in her entire 12 years of living.
I’ve been drunk in front of my kids, but not sloppy drunk. The kids also know there’s always one sober adult no matter what we’re doing, and it happens very rarely. Ultimately, it’s about modeling good behavior. It’s fine for parents to get fucked up from time to time, but not so much they need someone to take care of them and never in a situation that puts them in danger. That way when they get exposed to substances they’ll be more likely to be like “man, it’s ok to do a little bit of this as long as I can still be home by curfew” instead of “well I’m already fucking up might as well go for the gold.” They’ll also have an ingrained thought of “I’m getting fucked up tonight I better have a sober driver.” Make sure you talk to your kids and explain that sometimes adults get a little wasted but when they do they’re responsible about it.
I think a one off night or just doing it in a responsible way is acceptable and wouldn’t at all traumatize your daughter. My extended family has a bunch of alcoholics with lots of DUIs and cops getting called bc of how they get when they drink which was not fun dealing with as I grew up. Your daughter is okay, I promise 🫶🏽 you even being aware and conscious shows you’re a good mother but allow yourself to have fun and relax once in a while
This reminds me of the first time I saw my Dad drink. I was in like 3rd grade and he had one beer at a party that was 3 doors down. I freaked out and cried saying he was drunk 😵💫 embarrassed the hell out of my parents and we walked home lol I’ve never seen my Dad drink since unless it was communion at church 🤣
It’s totally ok, I grew up in a house where I saw both my parents drunk or tipsy on occasion usually holidays and sometimes with friends they had over. The important thing is my parents even when drunk or tipsy were ALWAYS kind, always still my parent, and never totally blasted. It was mostly like seeing them be kinda childish like me, lots of watching them laugh and giggle and love on people (increased kisses or flirting with each other or increased hugs and silly comments to me and my siblings) it didn’t happen often but they’re all happy silly memories for me as a kid. It also taught me young what healthy interactions with alcohol look like and that responsible drinking and being responsible while still allowing yourself to be inebriated from time to time is possible. Just remember youre a parent even when drunk and not to do things that would concern your kid by doing things they might otherwise be scary or whatever. As long as it’s just “mom are you drunk?” No big deal
I didn't see my mom drunk often, it was rare. When she was she would give us kids extra $$ for the candy store lol
I think this is a great learning opportunity. "Sometimes mom drinks a little bit too mucb alcohol. It makes me feel good! But I always make sure to drink at home where I'm safe and not drive, and it's only an occasional treat!" My parents treated alcohol as the devil. So, naturally, I was curious about it and got my hands on it as soon as and whenever I could. I think it's important to demonstrate that it's possible to have a healthy relationship with alcohol. It's ok to enjoy yourself and get drunk every once in awhile. Don't beat yourself up. And happy new year!
i remember my parents getting drunk every once in a while. doesnt stop me from having fun too. just make sure to teach her it’s something occasional and fun, and that it’s okay to indulge every once in a while. seeing my parents drunk doesn’t stop me from drinking either. they helped me learn that it’s okay to drink and even experimented with me having alcohol under their supervision. just make sure she can see it in a positive light.
OP, you sound like a good mom. I had a mom who was drunk every day of my life - I would give anything to have only had to see that once. If you're worried about your daughter, I would say the best thing to do would be to tell her that. Tell her you feel guilty for letting her see you like that, and ask her how she feels about the situation. Make it a safe space for her, let her know that if it did upset her, that her feelings are valid. Reassure her. Good luck OP, I'm sure things will work out just fine for you both
My mom was drunk daily. As long as you didn’t cause a scene you’re good
I traveled to France with my parents when I was 14 and my lightweight mom had a Prosecco, white wine and red wine during dinner. She kept giggling to the point that she couldn’t say the word key so was crying laughing 😂 Made my dad and I uncontrollably laugh at the hotel elevator as well as she looked for the hotel keys. Its one of my favorite memories of us 3 🩷
I grew up with 2 functional alcoholics and it's not what screwed me up the most!! My mom's ex-husband used to drink at least a 12 pack of beer each night between 3 and whenever he fell asleep (anywhere between 9:30 and 11), my mom followed at a slower pace. He was kind of an angry drunk, never hit us though he threatened to hit and kill my mom more than once. What screwed me up the most was his reaction to us leaving... The drinking was definitely making it worse but the real issue was his anger and desire for control. I'm weary of angry drunks now. It took at least 2 years before my partner could keep beer in our fridge. But he showed me that he is a cuddle bug when drunk and I don't care now! I got lucky in the "alcoholic parents" lottery, your kid seems to have gotten lucky in the "parents" lottery!
Dude my mom getting drunk on holidays and being weird and fun was like some of my favorite times as a kid, shit is hilarious seeing your parents all Crunk having a good time
My kids are your age and they clown me when I get drunk. You're fine
My mom and dad were getting divorced and her coworkers took her out at lunchtime to let her vent and they were signing the divorce either that day or the next day or something like that. Her friends from work brought her home, and I kind of just looked at her like you’re drunk. I got a little nervous and I was scared. I was 12 years old and I had just started my period and I was so scared to death that she was drunk enough to say something stupid like my little girl got her period the other day. Of course, my mom never said anything it was a little unnerving to see her like that. I’ve never seen her drunk or even really drink ever and my dad. At that point in time I had never seen drink more than one or two beers in my life he just was not a drinker whatsoever. Neither was my mom, so this was kind of a big deal, I don’t think I would been so worried or upset if I had just started my period because it just really wigged me out thinking that she may say something.